Hemodialysis

now. There are some benefits. Actually, there are a lot of benefits, but there are a lot of losses too. ❧ ❧ ❧

I can’t really move very much — I think this is because I am weak since I don't see any straps, but I am not sure. I try to look at the whirring machines around me, but they are mostly behind my head. And there is something attached to my neck that feels strange when I turn my head. But I can turn enough to look out the window.

The day seems beautiful, but that is common in the South Bay of San Francisco. The Santa Cruz mountains prevent fog from rolling onto us, and the Pacific peacefully sends a few pleasant clouds over our heads. The 70s is a common temperature this time of year. Wait… what time of year is this? It seems like it is near ‘the birthdays’: my wife and I have birthdays in April. So is today April something?

Hah! Maybe it is April first!

This is a very elaborate prank on me.

- 5 -

- 6 -

TRANSPLANT LISTS

When I finish my breakfast — I head north to Paradise and Oroville.

I visit Paradise for the reminder. My friends and family did not lose anything to the Camp Fire, but a friend in Napa lost everything but her husband and two cats to the Glass Fire. The fire burned through the area so fast that it simply 'trimmed the flora' and the hills are nicer than before the fire. More sunlight. More rattlesnakes. Very pleasant if you have the money and insurance to build back your home. But those less well-off became homeless.

Next I venture over to Oroville and a tavern up by the dam. The parking lot is full of high-torque pickup trucks… and a camouflaged, all-terrain, golf cart.

This is a different type of town from where I had coffee this morning, but there are similarities in religiosity, isolation, and xenophobia. The believers and beliefs have just diverged.

I sit in the back corner booth viewing the whole restaurant and making sure I am visible. “A few months” meanders through my mind.

“What would you like today?" the server asks me.

“The Usual" I say with a smile.

“Sorry, I don't know what that is" she says looking slightly annoyed.

“I am hoping you will in time” I return with a bigger smile. “I would like an avocado and bacon hamburger. Medium rare” .

An eyebrow is raised, but they simply continue: “What would you like to drink?”

- 7 -

“A ginger ale would be great… if you have it. Otherwise maybe a Coke or Pepsi”

“Coke it is”

I don't normally eat anything medium rare. But I am out of town and can take off a little bit of my mask if I am careful. Buying a round of beers would probably help to ingratiate me with the town, but that is a bit too conspicuous. It is very unlikely anyone will oversee the way my meat is cooked… although I should change it before it does become "the usual". ❧ ❧ ❧

“Do you know who you are?" — “I am Mark Fussell”

“What day is it?”

“I don't know… I think it is in April”

“Who is the president?”

“Me! No… just kidding. I believe Biden is president, although I may have missed something interesting while I was ‘ away’ ”

“Where are you?”

“I believe I am in Stanford Hospital. Apparently in an ICU”

“And why are you here?”

“I think I was going to die. I was getting weaker and weaker for weeks, and finally my family drove me here. I thought I had a room in 'M5' but I don't seem to be there anymore. ”

“Very good. You seem to be mentally recovering well”

“So I am not going to die?”

- 8 -