Menlo Park (2) » Susan

Apparently most patients will have to find a different doctor when they leave the hospital, but I am pretty sure I want to keep her if I must have a psychiatrist at all. For one, she is nice enough to read my book. Given it was a memoir, that saved me a lot of time explaining certain things about my past. Ultimately that past did not matter, but a veneer of a person in physical recovery needed to be developed.

We spend a number of hours talking about liver and kidney failure, addictive personalities, suicide, side effects of post-transplant drugs, restrictions post-transplant, and the physical & mental impacts of having liver and kidney transplant surgery. The core questions that matter to her and the Committee of Gods are: (a) will I obey the presurgery & post-surgery behavioral rules; and (b) will I make sure others know if anything is amiss with me mentally or physically. If I do those things, I will get on the transplant list.

A month or so later, I am on the transplant list. And find out that list is irrelevant to me.

MENLO PARK (2) » SUSAN

May

“Hi! It’s Mark right?” — I say after he is wired in to the chair next to me. We aren’t intimately close to each other, but we can talk if we make eye contact. Dialysis restricts your body if you have a chest catheter, and locks down one of your arms if you have a fistula (or graft), but you can definitely rotate your torso and head if you are careful. My fistula is on my right arm so I have a machine to my right — that isn’t required or guaranteed, but it is preferred by everyone so it is common. The tube runs are shorter, so they are less likely to get pinched or pulled.