Vampires and Slaves

soft-boiled eggs, and grapefruits (“apparently ‘not check’ but we will get back to that”).

Next, I agreed to do addiction-recovery meetings almost every day: it started out as more than one a day and then tapered down. I also have to talk with a psychiatrist as often as they want. I must tell someone if I “feel strange”. And the contractual list goes on and on.

I signed it in exchange for ‘my life’, and so I view it as an unbreakable vow. Or at least breakable in only one way.

The addiction-recovery meetings are both the least necessary and the most enjoyable item of this contract. They are especially pleasant when I am driving: they help fill in the otherwise idle time. A twohour commute passes more quickly for me within a meeting or two than even with a book on tape.

Doctors visit me sporadically — but it is hard to predict when they will visit and how many of them will be in the pack. Sometimes it is just a single grey-haired man. Sometimes it is almost a dozen people of various ages, many of which may be residents. They rarely introduce themselves and commonly don’t talk to me at all. Or maybe they do, and I just keep forgetting their names?

The doctors study me and my medical records. They don’t use their stethoscopes, which seems out of character for a doctor. Maybe some covid quarantine rule? The machines do not interest them either: I guess they are just supposed to do their duties. It is a big duty keeping me alive.

The only doctor that does actively interact with me and I am sure is ‘mine’ is Dr. A. She is a psychiatrist. My psychiatrist. She always notably arrives in beautiful outfits vs. boring, identical, medical coats. It is easy to recognize and remember her. Why I need a psychiatrist,

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I don’t know. But at least for the moment, she is mine.

Apparently most patients will have to find a different doctor when they leave the hospital, but I am pretty sure I want to keep her if I must have a psychiatrist at all. For one, she is nice enough to read my book. Given it was a memoir, that saved me a lot of time explaining certain things about my past. Ultimately that past did not matter, but a veneer of a person in physical recovery needed to be developed.

We spend a number of hours talking about liver and kidney failure, addictive personalities, suicide, side effects of post-transplant drugs, restrictions post-transplant, and the physical & mental impacts of having liver and kidney transplant surgery. The core questions that matter to her and the Committee of Gods are: (a) will I obey the pre-surgery & post-surgery behavioral rules; and (b) will I make sure others know if anything is amiss with me mentally or physically. If I do those things, I will get on the transplant list.

A month or so later, I am on the transplant list. And find out that list is irrelevant to me.

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MENLO PARK (2) » SUSAN

“Hi! It’s Mark right?” — I say after he is wired in to the chair next to me. We aren’t intimately close to each other, but we can talk if we make eye contact. Dialysis restricts your body if you have a chest catheter, and locks down one of your arms if you have a fistula (or graft), but you can definitely rotate your torso and head if you are careful. My fistula is on my right arm so I have a machine to my right — that isn’t required or guaranteed, but it is preferred by everyone so it is common. The tube runs are shorter, so they are less likely to get pinched or pulled.

Mark has a chest catheter, so he can actually move more easily than I can. His machine happens to be to his left, so there is nothing between us. I turn slightly towards him with my body and head.

“Yes, and you are?”

“I am Susan. I believe Dr. A may have mentioned me.”

“Yes, you have been here for a while? A few months?”

“I have been here for more than a year. I am originally from Bishop, but went to Stanford when I started retaining a lot of water: more than 14 liters.”

“That is a lot of weight.”

“Yes, I could barely move… anyway… I went to Stanford and after the transition they wanted me to help grow the clinics in the Bay Area… so here I am. We moved the family from Bishop to Oakland, but my husband is working like a dog. The housing costs are insane, even in Oakland, and we have two girls in school.”

“Yes, the housing prices are insane. The weather and opportunities are too good. Would be nice if Google and Meta

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expanded significantly somewhere else”

“Meta owns all the land around this clinic. I don’t think they are moving anywhere else. Not sure if any patients are from Meta: I have not met any yet.”

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THE RECRUIT » DR. A.

“I believe he would be a good candidate — for the advanced program.”

“I thought he had psychotic breaks?” Dr. B., the chair of the committee, started with. Always very to the point.

“No… no psychotic breaks that we know of. He has had at least one severe manic episode, caused by extreme stress.”

“But he is a good candidate in spite of that?”

“His mania under stress appears to manifest as becoming extremely energized & focused on solving the problems that caused the stress: he considers all possible actions — even extra-legal or self-transformational — that will help provide a positive resolution in his calculation. In essence, he has an on-demand bipolar condition. He crashed a bit after the problems were solved, but was not debilitated by the crash.”

“And this does not cause permanent damage to him?”

“Not damage per se, but it can transform him. Previous to the known manic episode, he was quite solitary beyond work and family, and would appear to be a very quiet introvert to most people. During the episode, one of his solutions was to become hyper-social, interacting with almost anyone who could provide an alternative perspective. After the problems were resolved he stopped being hyper-social, but continued to be very social without needing to be. He is social purely by choice, and is equally comfortable being completely isolated. So he effectively improved himself for our purposes”

“How is that an improvement, in your opinion?”

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“The members of the advanced program need to be very independent, and tend to be isolated for long stretches. But they must also influence others, which requires social skills. He appears to be far more socially skilled than an introvert would normally be. He may have been quite charming actually.”

“He is no longer charming?”

“No, now he is very charming, but it is unclear whether the transformation is the major cause of that. Something about the transformation tends to produce that skill: innate charisma you might call it.”

“We are hoping it produces a number of skills, please be on the lookout for them. Your recommendation was already approved unanimously by the whole committee: this was all just a formality.”

“Thank you”

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