Hemodialysis

MENLO PARK — SUSAN

They are going to send me to Trinity — “Please train the new guy…” and then we will send you to Trinity. Dr. A didn’t say ‘Trinity’ when she spoke to me, but they send me wherever they need more dialysis. And I bet it is up in Trinity or somewhere in ‘True Northern’ California. I don’t want to go to Trinity. This gig is good: Menlo Park is pretty easy to get to, and I can live in Oakland and commute over the bridge. I like Oakland. Actually, I love Oakland. Maybe they will send me to Oakland?

No, they will send me back to Bishop. Or to Oroville so I can play with the dam. Or to Palm Desert so I can play with the tortoises. Or to Trinity so I can play with the trees. That will be the pitch “Trinity is so beautiful with all the trees”. A thousand trees are beautiful… nothing but trees is Hansel-and-Gretel not beautiful. “But the committee would really appreciate it”. I am nothing but an enslaved employee… I am not even an employee given I can’t change employers. So just a slave? I definitely did not think of this when they explained the transition to me.

‘Mark’ should show up any minute now — It is almost 2:00, so he needs to learn to get here earlier. But we have plenty of time: four hours a day, three days a week, until he can do it alone. And let me go to Trinity. Maybe I should make this training take a really long time?

“Hi! It’s Mark right?” — I say after he is wired in to the chair next to me. We aren’t intimately close to each other, but we can talk if we make eye contact. Dialysis restricts your body if you have a chest catheter, and locks down one of your arms if you have a fistula

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(or graft), but you can definitely rotate your torso and head if you are careful. My fistula is on my right arm so I have a machine to my right — that isn ’t required or guaranteed, but it is preferred by everyone so it is common. The tube runs are shorter, so they are less likely to get pinched or pulled.

Mark has a chest catheter, so he can actually move more easily than I can. His machine happens to be to his left, so there is nothing between us.

[[TODO]]

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TRANSPLANT LISTS

When I finish my breakfast — I head north to Paradise and Oroville.

I visit Paradise for the reminder. My friends and family did not lose anything to the Camp Fire, but a friend in Napa lost everything but her husband and two cats to the Glass Fire. The fire burned through the area so fast that it simply ‘trimmed the flora’ and the hills are nicer than before the fire. More sunlight. More rattlesnakes. Very pleasant if you have the money and insurance to build back your home. But those less well-off became homeless.

Next I venture over to Oroville and a tavern up by the dam. The parking lot is full of high-torque pickup trucks… and a camouflaged, all-terrain, golf cart.

This is a different type of town from where I had coffee this morning, but there are similarities in religiosity, isolation, and xenophobia. The believers and beliefs have just diverged.

I sit in the back corner booth viewing the whole restaurant and making sure I am visible. “A few months” meanders through my mind.

“What would you like today?” the server asks me.

“The Usual” I say with a smile.

“Sorry, I don’t know what that is” she says looking slightly annoyed.

“I am hoping you will in time” I return with a bigger smile. “I would like an avocado and bacon hamburger. Medium rare” .

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An eyebrow is raised, but they simply continue: “What would you like to drink?”

“A ginger ale would be great… if you have it. Otherwise maybe a Coke or Pepsi”

“Coke it is”

I don’t normally eat anything medium rare. But I am out of town and can take off a little bit of my mask if I am careful. Buying a round of beers would probably help to ingratiate me with the town, but that is a bit too conspicuous. It is very unlikely anyone will oversee the way my meat is cooked… although I should change it before it does become “the usual” .

“Do you know who you are?” — “I am Mark Fussell”

“What day is it?”

“I don’t know… I think it is in April”

“Who is the president?”

“Me! No… just kidding. I believe Biden is president, although I may have missed something interesting while I was ‘ away ’ “

“Where are you?”

“I believe I am in Stanford Hospital. Apparently in an ICU”

“And why are you here?”

“I think I was going to die. I was getting weaker and weaker for weeks, and finally my family drove me here. I thought I had a room

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