Building a Productive Relationship with your Mentor

Mentoring success is built on a shared accountability between mentor and mentee. A productive mentoring relationship is supported by the four pillars: Trust

•Be timely with thoughts and opinions

•Honor commitments

•Listen and show respect

•Show empathy

Communication

•Be present and attentive to your mentor

•Listen and understand versus protecting your opinon

•Express appreciation to your mentor

Typical Mentor Roles

•Set clear boundaries

•Set agreement between parties and ensure all are aligned

•Express concerns

Confidentiality Courage

•Provide specific, actionable feedback to your mentor

•Share your thoughts and opinions

•Voice your concerns

•Don’t be afraid to voice disagreement

Mentees must decide which of these roles they want their mentor to serve. This will help clarify for mentors the actions they take and the type of support they provide.

• Sponsor: Someone in a position of authority who can help the mentee gain visibility and exposure and even perhaps recommend her for another position. Sponsors are often in decision-making capacities.

• Teacher: Someone who can help mentees learn new skills or provide them with new technical or organizational knowledge.

• Informer: Someone who can share information about the organization and/or the industry.

• Supporter: Someone who is willing to listen to the mentee’s frustrations, ideas, issues, etc. They can support mentees as they make decisions and serve as a sounding board.

• Advisor: Someone who knows the mentee’s work. They may have had experiences similar to those of the mentee and can share lessons learned and useful advice.

• Connector: Someone who can introduce mentees to others and open new channels that they did not expect.

Common Mentorship Challenges

Some of the most common challenges include...

• Having unrealistic expectations

• Allowing personal distractions

• Expecting a mentor to provide all the answers

• Being too nice or too patient

• Moving too quickly through trust building

• Becoming frustrated with slow progress

• Overinvesting in friendship with your mentor/mentee

Having Unrealistic Expectations

It is important to understand the role you are playing in the mentoring relationship. What do you expect to learn or gain from your mentor? Consider the amount of time you have: what can you achieve during that time span? Be practical, and think not only of your goals, but also of the steps that will get you there. Having clear and realistic expectations is critical to your success in the program.

Be careful overcommitting or making promises you can’t fulfill. Be honest, take a careful look at the commitments in your life and make a plan based on that awareness. Write down your plan and discuss each step honestly with your mentor/mentee.

Allowing Personal Distractions

Your top focus during your mentorship should be developing yourself as a professional. You can still discuss personal information with your mentor or mentee but keep respectful boundaries in mind. Talking about a favorite show or vacation spot can help you bond and find common ground, especially during the beginning stages. You will find the right balance in both professional and personal topics of conversation that will help the relationship grow.

Expecting a Mentor to Provide All the Answers

Providing answers - or having them handed to you - does not lead to growth and learning. Rather, a good mentor will ask guiding questions that let their mentees discover their own solutions and the pathways that work for them. Expecting answers prevents the mentee from discovering his or her own leadership style. Other things to consider include:

• A mentee may rely on the mentor’s approval and not gain confidence and independence

• A mentee should not fear criticism or mistakes

• The mentor should be consulted or provide support and feedback, not solutions.

Being Too Nice or Too Patient

Being too nice, or too patient can lead to dissapointment.

If expectations or obligations are not being met, don’t silently wait for the problem to correct itself.

Be open and honest with each other.

Moving Too Quickly through Trust Building

Many of you were paired with your mentor or mentee because of common industries, interests or personal and professional goals. It might feel effortless to share personal and professional obstacles you’ve faced.

While we encourage you to be open, real and vulnerable, we also suggest you take time to share along the way.

We have a full year together to build strong relationships!

Becoming Frustrated with Slow Progress

As we start this program, you might already have experience and ideas about sharing what Valleywise Health does in our community. You might be ready to network and make as many connections as you can. Some might be looking to quickly advance and become leaders in their organization. All of these goals take time, strategy and planning.

It’s easy to become frustrated when these things don’t happen as fast as we want them to. If this happens, lean on your mentors and fellow mentees for guidance and patience as you steadily and strategically work toward your goals.

Workshop: What is Your Definition of a Mentor?

Instructions: Describe what characteristics you hope for in a mentor. What do you aspire to learn from them?

Workshop: What challenges can you see yourself encountering?

Instructions: Of the challenges mentioned above, which one might you find yourself encountering?