Feels

feels

I belong to Earth, the Universe, the Cosmos, myself, and you, and no one. I am a tree and a wolf, and I am stardust. The moon sparks my soul and branches melt my heart. A universe conspired for us to be here, and its quite wonderful that we get to visit, and that I get to see you and feel you and love you. We are here for so little, and I wish I’d remembered our spirits most of the time.

When I do, the sad days don’t drag for as long.

But sadness has shaken me up, and I don’t know if I would love this much if I hadn’t felt as broken and devastated as I have. When I decided to stay, I knew I wanted to enjoy this one short life, and I knew that I wanted to make my soul happy. I have questions, and sometimes I get all these sad feels, and when I don’t detach it can hurt, and I am very much growing, and it does not stop (and sometimes I just want to chill) but it is what it is, and I am happy that I have grown, and I’m glad that I have stayed. I had a moment where my life seemed to flash before my eyes and a great nostalgia sat inside of me. I felt sadness and I felt joy, and I was glad for the people and the places and the moments and the feelings. It is baffling how all can be reduced to facts, things that happened to me. Even if they are things with depth and layers, even if they stir my soul.

I want to come together with people and books and trees and the little things, and I want to engage with this lovely world, and if we ever come together, I want to enjoy that connection and I want to be present, and I want to love you. I really just want to love you.

My heart really goes out to people with depression.

There was a time not too long ago that I felt the shittiest I ever had in my life. My heart felt pressed down, like there was a string pulling it in and down. I’d look around me, and everything seemed bleak. The brightness was dimmed, and I was seeing the world through an awkward filter where the colors were off. I preferred rainy days; the sun and blue skies weren’t right when they were toned down and faded. I didn’t like sleeping because I didn’t want the stillness or the dreams, and I didn’t want to be awake because I didn’t want the anxiety. I’d look for distraction in books and movies and things, but I’d be afraid of finding reminders of that feeling on my chest.

One of the things I resented the most was having to get up and proceed with life. I hated having to do things when all I wanted was the freedom to do nothing. I was also angry that I had to stay, and not because I wanted to, but because leaving would hurt people, and I’d never want to cause them pain. I wondered how many people were staying alive for each other. And that saddened and humbled me.

Thankfully (and I am so grateful), I’ve been out of that dark place for some time now. I still struggle with some things, but my soul and heart and spirit feel bigger than they ever have. But I remember how I felt and how it was, and there’s much love for people dealing with the sad feels. I love you and I love you, and I wish your heart peace.

thank you

It is terrifying that we have cruel and disconnected people holding positions of power, and that they have means to hurt others, and to hurt our planet.

The fact that titles, uniforms, and influence, allows some people to get away with things, and even receive support, is terrifying. Why we are keeping this outdated system that is absolutely too intent on the distribution of power ?

it is all connected

Oh dear Love, I will always love you, but I'll let you be for now.

You have too many requests and they all want you so bad and you've already given me so much.

I cannot bear to pull at your strings anymore.

Come when you are ready.

I'll greet you with a kiss and this soft crazy heart.

It will be wonderful to feel you, your loveliness and your essence in other places in friends, books, songs, and trees, and myself.

Come when you can, whenever you want.

Do you ever keep things inside so that they don’t lose their magic?

The universe grazes you, and kisses your soul.

If quieting your mind seems too hard at times, let your heart become louder. Find the love that is in you, the love you are made for, and the love you love, and turn it up and up, until you are so full with it that there is nothing else in you but love. Feel it, and then be it. And then be.

I love you I love you I love you

A SWISS ALPS FILM

Mahg & Christoph were here!

twenty-eight hours featuring TREES

BEER

TALKS

WALKS

FINITENESS

I'm sending you so much love. I love you so much. You look like you might be a milk and cookies kind of person. Hmm, I might have liked to be a milk and cookies person. Something about them is warm and homey. What are your favorite bands? You must stay and tell me!

It is beautiful here. If you truly don't belong here, I'm sure you will eventually go, dear. If home is elsewhere, home will have you back. In due time, your soul will know its enough, and earth will know its enough, and the cosmos will know its enough, and they will take you back. But baby, don't let it be your doing.

Remember it is all temporary anyway. Remember that, and then play. Learn, and feel, and do, and love, and say, and see, and be. Don't take it all so seriously, and make your heart happy! You are here for those insides; do them justice.

Follow that spirit, and your instinct, and the wits, and engage with life. Do your part, love, love, be, be. Stay here so we can play. Stay and let me kiss your face.

Give me just a little time, tell me what makes you sad, what breaks you so, and let me love you the whole time. Stay and come sit with me when it gets really bad. From time to time I'll tell you to be alone. I know that you have an amazing light and strength inside of you, and that you will get yourself out. It needs to be you, because its the only way you'll know and be free. Realizing that a universe lives in you will make it so beautiful. And when it gets hard, you will have actually have life in you that can alleviate some of the darkness around you.

I don't want you to miss out. I think you might come back to do it all over again, and it might hurt more then. I might be selfish too, and want you around so that I can love you in certain ways. Stay and make things with me. Or by yourself. Just stay and make things. Stay and do it all, or do nothing at all, but let that heart beat and and let yourself breathe. I love you.

There are brilliant songs you must listen to! And there are some books that have broken my heart and please let me tell you about them. Sweetheart, have you taken a closer look at trees? There is math in them. Can you believe that? Look at the way it branches off. When I noticed, I fell in love. I appreciate heart and soul and spirit, but I'm a sucker for brain, and realizing that the Universe is this heart genius just really did me in.

I’d like it if you showed me what you see. Tell me what you notice, and make me look again. Show me your lovely side of things, and show me the sad, and maybe sad at least won't be lonely. Though if you feel that lonely helps, I'll leave and you can write to me and tell me the rest.

I love you. Stay.

At times you will need to learn from yourself, and not anyone else. Other people have lessons for you, but there are things for you to learn in silence, through your senses, insight, and awareness. There are messages and love notes for you, that show up in dreams, in your instincts, in some thoughts, in the places and things you are pulled to. There are endless amount of books, films, songs, and trees that want your company, that are dying to give you things, and show you possibilities. You are not here solely for other people, and your soul and spirit want some time with you too. They want to do some of the living, and they want you to give them the love and commitment you give everyone else. They want you to remember that you can hold your own hand.

There is something about your vulnerabilities, the ones that feel close to mine, that makes it easy to love you.

I know, you feel afraid. I understand it. I'm not asking you to stop feeling it. I'm not asking you to let it go. In time, you will be free from it. But it is okay to take things at a time.

Start by disassociating from it. Fear is an emotion, and it is not you. You feel it, but you are beyond any and all feelings.

Take it as part of you, and not all of you. At times, let yourself face it. Ask why in the world you are feeling so much bs, and see if its worth it. If you don't feel safe, you will either have to stop caring, find ways to feel comfort, or you will have to embrace courage. And when you are brave, you will do it anyway. You might feel all sorts of ugliness, but you will see some light peeking through. Just don't let fear decide your life for you. Feel what you feel, but remember it is truly only a portion of your existence. Let yourself enjoy the other things, and do what you want to do.

Shit will happen, and that is how it goes. But however it goes, you will recover. You will change and you will grow more into yourself. Do your thing and remember that you will always have your own back. And remember: who you are now will change. Don't be so hard on yourself, when you are forever transforming. Let yourself make mistakes.

Pursue the things you want to try, but aren't sure about. If it flops, you will recover. But you need to take chances. You will die, and what is the point of being here if you don’t live authentically?

I am part of a universe in which trees, galaxies, and black holes exist. I am part of a heart genius carrying out the ultimate interconnected web.