How to protect your marriage from Covid-19

Words by Jamie Orchard,

Do you remember a time when you had no idea what “social distancing” or “lockdown” meant? They were simpler, less stressful times. As it comes to nearly a year since Covid-19 was first given its name, we take stock and consider the social impact of the virus in terms of family life.

In China, there was alleged to have been a spike in divorces shortly after the initial lockdown period and some other countries have reported similar trends. But has there been a mass exodus out of homes into the divorce courts? What actions could be taken to soften the blow of a potential retightening of restrictions as we enter the unknowns of the winter months?

First of all, has Jersey seen a spike in divorce rates since lockdown? We have to bear in mind that any increase in divorce cases, (if any) may be due to couples being unable/ unwilling to issue divorce proceedings until after lockdown which meant there was a delay in divorce cases which would otherwise have been filed earlier in the year. In Jersey there are six sittings of the divorce court each year to hear new divorce cases. They sit roughly every two months. Typically, there are between 30 and 40 divorces every two months. However, in the June 2020 sitting, in the middle of lockdown, there were only four divorces that were heard, meaning that there were, potentially between 26 and 36 cases waiting in the wings to be filed. In the August sitting there were 37 which is within the norm. Similarly, there were only 34 divorce cases in the October sitting, therefore it appears that “dormant” divorces have not emerged yet. They may not. Generally, it will likely take some people time to process and come to terms with the fact that they want to take the step of divorce so it may be that the divorces which are resultant from lockdown stresses may not be felt until early next year. However, so far, it doesn’t appear to have had the same impact in Jersey as it has in other places in the world.

From my own, (personal as opposed to professional) experience of families in lockdown in Jersey, I have noticed a real sense of togetherness. I have lost count of the number of people that I speak to who would usually be working long hours during the week, or flying around the world on business who have been able to spend quality time with their families.

There have been some very positive impacts of everyone taking time to slow down. This does not mean, however, that we can all give ourselves a big pat on the back and complacently sleepwalk into the winter months.

If restrictions are resurrected in the winter, then with it will come that layer of stress. If lockdown is reintroduced, then this may lead to financial problems for some people as employers cut salaries or potentially impose redundancies under a second wave of financial strain and uncertainty. The weather won’t be as enticing, meaning that it will be less appealing to do your exercise outside of the house. Children will become frustrated and restless leading to added stress in the home. General stress will inevitably play its Machiavellian part in trying to disrupt relationships.

We are, therefore, living in a difficult and stressful time and it is important to bear in mind that at some point this will settle down and normality, (by and large) will return to our homes. Given that we see what happens when relationships do, unfortunately, breakdown we thought that it would be helpful to give some guidance as to how you might be able to work through the stresses of the current climate:

1. Try to work out what is really bothering you. Is it your relationship or is it another external stressor?

2. Be specific about what you need and what you expect from your other half.

3. Devote time to your relationship and try to work through what you are experiencing.

4. Try and set specific “goals” for what a better relationship will look like and plan (together) about how you can achieve that.

5. Talk to a professional.

If you have difficulties in formulating a plan for how to get your relationship back on track, there are agreements called “Reconciliation Contracts” which can assist you in focusing your minds to trying to make your relationship work. They will also allow the two of you to look at what will happen if you were to divorce but this can be done at a time when you are both trying to make things work which can often lead to a “fairer” outcome. 

If you would like to discuss your individual situation, please contact the team at Viberts on +44 (0) 1534 888666