A Question for Us All: What Do You Want?

By Helane Fronek, MD, FACP, FASVLM, FAMWA

intelligent course toward it. On beginning a career in medicine, many choose a specialty based on someone we admired, because the physiology was intriguing, or we enjoyed the available treatments. Unfortunately, the reality of practice often conflicts with other things in life we want, and we become disillusioned.

We often look at retirement the same way: We believe a life of golf, travel, volunteer work, or reading will provide a sustainably enjoyable experience, but many physicians “fail” at retirement because they fail to understand what they actually want.

experiences make you feel good about others? What subjects hold the greatest interest for you and what activities involve them?

What aspects of your life, education, or career brought you a sense of achievement or a sense of triumph over challenge?

In what situations do you feel a sense of belonging? Where or with whom do you feel most authentic? These are situations that you will want to include in your ideal life.

A HIGHLIGHT OF NEW YEAR’S EVE WAS THE opportunity to speak with the young adult children of dear friends, and to experience what kind, thoughtful, and engaged people they have become. In discussing the circuitous route one had taken to finally reach her enjoyable career, I recalled what Arthur C. Brooks, professor of leadership and management practice and author of Love Your Enemies, mentioned during an interview. Too often, he said, young people are asked what they want to do in their life. A better question, he offered, would be to ask what they want.

At some point in nearly every coaching session, I end up asking my clients, “What do you want?” And nearly every time I ask, I’m met with silence. They eventually respond by saying, “That’s a great question.” In my mind, it’s the question.

Until we know what we want, we cannot begin to plot an

What if we began by asking ourselves what we want, then created a life based on that? Here are some prompts that will assist you with this inquiry.

In your life, what experiences brought you your greatest moments of joy? What was present in those experiences that created that sense of delight? What experiences make you feel good about yourself? What

Then, consider your core values and your personality characteristics. If family is an important value, being away from the people you love will cause significant stress. If adventure is important to you, staying home too much will deprive you of this essential aspect of life. If you’re an extrovert, you’ll need to include lots of group activities. Introverts will require quiet or alone time to make their life work.

As we kick off the new year, let’s take some time to discover what we want. (This makes a great family, couple, or friend activity.) Then, we can intelligently construct a year filled with activities, interactions, and experiences that will guarantee that 2023 will feel enjoyable, stimulating, and fulfilling.

Dr. Fronek is an assistant professor of clinical medicine at UC San Diego School of Medicine and a Certified Physician Development Coach, CPCC, PCC.