Issue 1,001 - Friday 20th August 2021

INSIDE THIS ISSUE: St John - AEDs

2

Paint The Town Yellow

2

Chairman Steps Down

2

Enough Is Enough

3

The Friends Of Darfield Hospital

4

DRFC Quiz Night Well Supported

4

Spiderban - Fly & Spider Time

5

U3A Malvern Update

6

PB - Fantastic Opportunity

6

Public Consult On Three Waters

7

Mortgage & Insurance Advice

7

GARDENING AND LANDSCAPING FEATURE Pages 8-9 Sheffield VFB Awards Night cont. 10 Serbian Cuisine to try during Lockdown

11

Annual Ski Race

11

Letters To The Editor

12

Golf Results

12

Public Notices

12-13

Save The Date

12

Classifieds

13-15

Trades

15-16

Email Column

Weekly Newspaper

♦

Business Cards Photocopying

♦

LaminaƟng

♦

Binding

♦

Typeseƫng

The Sheffield Hall was full last Saturday night, to celebrate three Fire Fighters from Sheffield Volunteer Fire Brigade who were receiving special awards.

The organising group wanted to turn back the clock and enjoy music and dancing from the 1960s and 70s, which Chris Singh provided for them.

Canterbury Area Commander Dave Berry presented Qualified Fire Fighter Grant Hunter, with his Long Service and Good Conduct Medal, in recognition of sixteen years of service.

Sheffield Chief Fire Officer Nev Croy then presented Senior Fire Fighter Callum Duncan, with his Life Honorary Membership Medal

EDUCARE Opening Hours 7:30am - 5pm

• • •

ISSUE 1,001 Friday 20th August 2021

to the Sheffield Volunteer Fire Brigade. Callum has decided to retire after twenty years of service.

Dancing got off to a slow start, but there were two couples from the Kaiapoi Rock and Roll Club that gave a demonstration, they then got people up and showed them some basic steps.

The next part of the evening was dedicated to the fifty year Gold Star Medal presentation to Nev Croy.

Jason Prendergast, President of the United Fire Brigades Association (UFBA) presented Nev with his double Gold Star, for fifty years of service.

Continued on page 10….

ANNABEL’S EDUCARE & 3 YR & 4 YR OLD KINDERGARTENS 12-16 South Tce, Darfield

16

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Phone: 03 318 7450 Email: info@malvernnews.co.nz Website: www.malvernnews.co.nz

Educare Ph 318 7943 3 Year Ph 318 7948 4 Year Ph 318 8843

Nev Croy has completed fifty years of service.

Last Tickets On Sale Now!

Friday 20th August 2021

Page 2

PAINT THE TOWN YELLOW

Sudden Cardiac Arrest and AEDs An AED measures the unresponsive person's heart rhythm.

It is time to get an AED if a person: • • • • •

Becomes unresponsive suddenly.

Stops breathing.

Does not respond when you tap on the shoulders firmly.

Does not respond when you ask, “Are you OK?” Does not take a breath when you tilt the head up, or shows no signs of life.

Chain of Survival: When someone suffers a sudden cardiac arrest (SCA) outside of hospital, there’s a chain of events, known as the ‘Chain of Survival’, which can increase their chance of survival. Made up of six links the Chain of Survival when implemented early in a cardiac event can improve chances of survival dramatically.

1. Early recognition – that a cardiac arrest has occurred – awareness and understanding the signs.

2. Access to emergency services – dial 111.

3. Early access to CPR – be ready to act.

4. Early access to defibrillation – knowing the location and use of nearest AED. 5. Advanced care – Ambulance services.

6. Post Resuscitation treatment – in the hospital.

About Sudden Cardiac Arrest (SCA): • • • • • •

SCA occurs when the electrical system of the heart becomes chaotic, causing it to stop beating effectively.

Each year more than 2,000 New Zealanders are treated for SCA away from a hospital.

Fewer than 15% of people survive a SCA. Early defibrillation, along with CPR, is the only way to restore the victim’s heart rhythm.

Without CPR or defibrillation, for every minute that passes the chance of survival decreases by 10%.

SCA is not the same as a heart attack. SCA is an electrical problem.

A heart attack is a blood circulation problem.

Last year, the Cancer Society Selwyn Centre ran a ‘Paint Selwyn Yellow’ campaign in conjunction with Daffodil Day. Our local businesses really got behind this fabulous initiative, so the Malvern Cancer Society are running it again in the Darfield area only. The Cancer Society have provided a small start-up pack of Daffodil Day themed items (you guessed it yellow) to encourage each business or organisation to add their flair, decorate their workplaces, dress their staff, colour their windows, all to celebrate and raise awareness of the 31st Anniversary of Daffodil Day. There is no need to register your business just get on board and go yellow crazy for a worthy cause! A trophy is up for grabs for the winning entrant and this has definitely got to get the inspiration and competitiveness

going. Judging could take place anytime from Monday, August 23rd to Friday, August 27th.

Another way people can support the Society is by buying wee bags of jelly beans from the Darfield Post Shop, which is an initiative organised by Darfield Post Shop and Remax Eclipse Rolleston. Let’s get behind this idea while supporting a great cause!

Right now, Cancer Society staff and volunteers are preparing for New Zealand’s largest fundraising street appeal, ‘Daffodil Day 2021’ on Friday, August 27th. Every dollar raised goes into delivering services in the Canterbury-West Coast areas, such as supporting people and their families with cancer, providing accommodation for people while they attend cancer treatment, health promotion activities to reduce the risk of

To get hold of a start-up pack pop into the Malvern News Office.

CHAIRMAN STEPS DOWN The leading light in establishing the Malvern Community Patrol eight years ago was Errol Ashby, who has now stepped down as Chairman of the organisation, at the recent AGM. Errol and wife Leonore have been a driving force in the success of the local branch, where the membership of some three dozen men and women undertake regular patrols of the Malvern area, including Darfield, Kirwee, Greendale, Hororata, Glentunnel, Sheffield and

Springfield.

They work closely with the local Police and have assisted recently with flood monitoring, searching for a missing girl in West Melton, a missing woman locally and minding a four year old and his eighteen month old sister, found roaming the streets of Darfield.

This resulted in a spot on the television programme Police 10/7.

In conjunction with the Police, the Patrol is organising the installation of security cameras

All AED devices have voice prompts, enabling untrained bystanders to easily administer therapy with an AED. If defibrillation is delayed by more than ten minutes, the survival rate is less than 5%.

Both CPR and AEDs are safe, and because CPR is so critical in the first minutes someone experiences cardiac arrest, you should administer this lifesaving action even if you are not absolutely sure whether the victim is breathing, or has a heartbeat. Even if you cannot locate an AED straight away.

If a person does not need an AED shock, the AED will not deliver.

Ross Meder, St John.

To find out more about becoming a volunteer visit: join.stjohn.org.nz

cancer and cancer research.

Currently, one in three New Zealanders are affected by cancer and within the next thirty years, that is estimated to rise by two in three. The Cancer Society know their services will continue to increase in demand, as the number of people with cancer has tripled since 1990. In 1990 there were just under 12,000 New Zealanders diagnosed with cancer. By the end of 2021, the number of people diagnosed with cancer is estimated to exceed 26,000.

Leonore and Errol Ashby.

for Darfield township, which will be commissioned shortly.

Malvern Lions have assisted the Patrol by raising a significant amount of money at a charity golf tournament, which will go towards a new Patrol vehicle.

The work by Errol has had a positive effect on making this a safer community and appreciation was shown by all at the AGM. He will continue as a patroller, with Harvey Polglase now being elected as the new Chairman.

Friday 20th August 2021

Page 3

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH Groundswell NZ Announces More Campaign Actions!

Following the hugely successful ‘Howl of a Protest’ and lack of response from the Government, Groundswell NZ announced, at the start of the week that a major nationwide protest event will take place later in the year. While a date in November is yet to be set, Groundswell NZ's expectation is the next major protest action will be of a scale and impact that will be significant in New Zealand’s history.

In the lead up to Novembers nationwide protest a number of campaign actions will be undertaken.

The first event is on this Friday 20th August 2021 under the banner of

"CAN YOU HEAR US".

At 12:30pm all around New Zealand, Groundswell NZ are calling for 2 minutes of show of support by every car, bike, truck, train - anything with a horn, tooting in support of our campaign.

Then this will be repeated every Friday for the following 3 weeks.

The second action is, Groundswell NZ are writing to all councils calling for a halt to all Resource Management Act (RMA) planning processes. This is mainly because of the significant negative impact zonings like Significant Natural Area (SNAs), wetlands and landscapes are having

on people and their property values.

In tandem with writing to councils, Groundswell NZ is calling for all landowners to decline access for councils or their agents wanting to undertake mapping, or information gathering on private land. Groundswell NZ has identified serious implications with this information gathering that landowners are largely unaware of.

"We are not against the need for regulation or the need to care for the environment", commented Groundswell NZ spokesman Bryce McKenzie.

"Nor are we calling for a halt to addressing environmental issues. We are saying there are much better, proven solutions to addressing environmental issues than the one size fits all approach being legislated by the Government.

Groundswell NZ has recently added the Three Waters reform and the Water Services Bill to its growing list of unworkable regulations.

Such is the magnitude of change being taken with the Three Waters reform, Groundswell NZ believe the people of New Zealand should have a say through referendums in each district and city.

Groundswell NZ has put a stake in the ground and is committed to following through with its campaign, until the Government addresses the legislative failings being raised by grassroots New Zealanders.

Enough is enough!

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THE FRIENDS OF DARFIELD HOSPITAL The Friends of Darfield Hospital is a registered Charitable Trust, that was formed thirty seven years ago by an enthusiastic group of local people. The key objective was to provide extra support to the hospital and in particular, to source items which enhance the comfort, care and treatment of the patients.

Having good reliable equipment, nice, attractive furnishings and comfortable furniture, not only benefits the patients and their visitors, but also the staff as they carry out their dedicated, valuable daily work.

Recently ‘Room One’ at the hospital was officially named the ‘Mollie Townshend QSM Suite’, in recognition of our founding member and first Chairperson.

Mollie provided inspirational and dedicated leadership to The Friends over many years. Several other members have given distinguished long time service also, including Elza Stuart who retired recently and was also a member of staff for many years.

For several weeks last year, the hospital was off-limits to all but essential personnel, hence The

Friends held their monthly meetings at the Catholic Parish Centre for some time. We are most grateful to the Church for their support during that period.

It was with great sadness that we learned recently of the most unfortunate passing of former Chairperson, Patricia Henderson. She was an extraordinary woman who possessed an array of outstanding qualities, including wisdom, dedication and great determination. She was an outstanding contributor to The Friends and her presence at meetings will be missed greatly.

Unfortunately, a key event that had to be cancelled during the Covid period, was the very valuable Indoor Bowls Tournament fundraiser, which had been run for many consecutive years, in partnership with the Darfield Indoor Bowls Club. The Friends are indebted to the Club and their many members and supporters, for their very generous and reliable support over almost thirty years.

The excellent news is that the

Club will once again team up with The Friends, to hold another event this year on Thursday, September 2nd, at the Darfield Recreation Centre.

Those interested are urged to get their entries in quickly.

Further details will be published in the Malvern News at a later date.

Please also note that the Annual General Meeting of The Friends of the Hospital will be held on Wednesday, August 25th, at the Catholic Parish Centre. This year our guest speaker will be local Pharmacist Aaron Orangi. At the end of the meeting, there will be an opportunity to have a chat whilst enjoying afternoon tea.

To remain a vibrant and useful support group for our local hospital, we always welcome anyone to come along and find out more about how we assist this very valuable local facility.

See advertisement in this issue for more details.

Brian Davidson, on behalf of The Friends of Darfield Hospital.

WELL SUPPORTED EVENT Darfield Rugby Football Club held their Quiz Night fundraiser last Friday night, which was well supported with thirty teams attending. The funds raised from this successful event will go towards the Clubs new kitchen upgrade!

The Quiz Master was the one and only talented and humorous Tim Draper, with the questions masterfully created by Chris Brankin. There were a variety of questions, ranging from sport, general and local knowledge, history and entertainment.

There was also a ‘Who Am I’ question, which some teams managed to get on the first, very vague clue!

The Club wishes to thank Tim and Chris again for their hard work and time they volunteered.

The winning team consisted of Harry Pankhurst, Vicky Pankhurst, Joe Adams, Michael Brankin and Will Wright, who took away a prize box of meat packs and a bottle of wine each.

Raffles were also sold on the night, with approximately 350 tickets sold. The prizes were lovely hampers, which were all kindly donated and made up by the Club teams.

Supper was absolutely delicious and there was plenty of it!

Thanks to Lorraine Strowger and her crew for providing such an outstanding spread.

The Club will be sending a survey out to all teams to get

some feedback on how the night went and any suggestions to help this become a successful annual event, so watch this space!

“On behalf of the committee, I would like to thank everyone for coming along and supporting the night, also a huge thank you to Club members who helped make this night a great success,” commented Darfield Rugby Club Secretary, Sarah Blackburn.

Winning team, Harry Pankhurst, Joe Adams, Michael Brankin, Will Wright and Lucy Pankhurst.

Friday 20th August 2021

Page 5

FLY AND SPIDER TIME The time for fly and spider control is coming close again. For flies it seems to start when you hear the lawn mowers out on a Saturday morning, piles of warm rotting grass clippings are the ideal place for maggots to become established early. Then of course the fly numbers increase, which increases the activity of spiders.

The warmer northwesterly winds will bring shiny new webs from the forests north of Christchurch, each one with a spider-ling attached, drifting in the wind, looking for a place to make home. The winds slow down, or are interrupted by the Port Hills, dropping them down and onto our homes.

There are quite a few people who are reluctant to

have spider and fly proofing done on their property from bad experiences in the past; runny brown streaks on walls and a terrible smell. But I can assure you with the modern products used by Spiderban, along with modern methods of application, there is seldom a problem. We do get product on your windows, as we need to coat the frames. However our modern products are water based and they don't damage glass or leave stains, but still give you twelve months or more, protection. So give us a call and we can make an appointment.

See advertisement alongside for contact details.

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Friday 20th August 2021

Page 6

U3A MALVERN UPDATE Understanding the influence of religion in the United States of America, was the topic of the August U3A meeting. Dr Peter Field, Head of the School of Humanities and Creative Art at the University of Canterbury, an American who has lived in Canterbury for twenty year’s, gave a provocative talk. Peter, in a written brief before speaking to the group described his speech, commenting, “America and religion is a complex issue, yet its Founding was decidedly secular. Today there is a great divide between religious (right) and agnostic (left). Yet

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paradoxically, the right seems to so fanatical about politics. be devotees of the Founding and Ruth Warren, the left seem to manifest traits on behalf of Malvern U3A. some have compared to religious enthusiasm.”

U3A aims to encourage active retirement providing for their cultural, social and intellectual interests with lifelong learning opportunities.

Dr Field's presentation certainly filled this brief, with challenging all about their beliefs and it certainly was the motivation for further discussion after the meeting, about trying to Dr Peter Field addressing understand America's right and U3A Malvern. left and their motives for being

FANTASTIC OPPORTUNITY Mason’s Drapery has been trading since 2009, when Rosalie Mason recognised a need to reinstate the Drapery in Darfield, after Darfield Drapery closed its doors in 2009. The original Drapery was opened in 1963, by Maurie and Margaret Lee in a little building on Mathias Street, just over the railway line. In later years the Drapery moved to the building where Property Brokers is currently and in 2009 Maurie and Margaret retired, closing the shop’s doors.

Rosalie previously worked for the Lee’s and knew there was a real need for a Drapery store in the area, so she opened Mason’s Drapery in the same premises the Darfield Drapery was previously in. In 2017 the business shifted premises, as the building they were in was required by the owners, so the Drapery moved across to Horndon Mews (in the same block as Johnny Fresh).

Mason’s Drapery is a fantastic store that stocks a great range of items, including an amazing range of New Zealand knitting wools, haberdashery items (including buttons and ribbons), a lovely range of ladies fashion, a small range of men’s and baby wear, merino and cotton socks for all ages, Rawleigh and Colloidal Silver products. Mason’s Drapery is also the agent for Maxwell Drycleaners, which is a valuable service to the local community.

Sadly, dear Rosalie passed away last November and the store is up for sale. The family are looking for someone that would love to purchase and put their own stamp on this well-established local business.

The opportunities are endless!

‘Property Brokers are proud to be selling this fantastic opportunity to continue the legacy’.

Tony Quayle, Property Brokers, Branch Manager.

Friday 20th August 2021

Page 7

PUBLIC CONSULT ON THREE WATERS The Selwyn District Council has formally committed to consulting with residents before taking decisions on the Government’s ‘Three Waters’ reform proposals.

At a meeting on Wednesday, August 11th, the Council unanimously passed a motion confirming that it will not agree to transfer any water, wastewater, or stormwater assets to any proposed new entity, without undertaking a full engagement and feedback process with the Selwyn community.

Wednesday’s motion was in response to the Government’s proposal to transfer the ownership and management of water services, from local councils into the hands of larger public water services entities, in a bid to improve water services nationally.

Selwyn would become part of an entity that covers most of the South Island.

Under the reform proposals, a regional representative group of twelve people (made up of six local authority and six mana whenua appointees), would appoint an independent

selection panel that, in turn, appoints board members for each entity.

Selwyn Mayor Sam Broughton said, “The motion formalises the Council’s intention that the community must be a key part of the process over such a major decision and that its views will be taken into account.”

“This is a big decision that will affect everyone in Selwyn. We all agree that we need to ensure good quality, safe services and environment outcomes, but the question is how that is done and will these reforms be better for Selwyn residents.

“Everyone needs to have an opportunity to have their say over the future of their drinking water, stormwater and wastewater.

“Selwyn has put significant funding into developing excellent water infrastructure for our residents and they have paid for those systems. Putting this on the record gives people extra confidence, that the community’s voice will be heard in the decision over their most precious resource.

The Council is continuing to review information from the

Maintaining That Asset So, you would have noticed travelling overseas is not quite so easy right now. You may have explored New Zealand, got a new car or toys, with the money you might have otherwise spent on an overseas holiday.

Maybe it is time to focus on your main asset, the roof over your head and look at spending your next holiday money on those maintenance issues that may have been swept under, the not so lovely anymore, carpet.

Keeping your home regularly maintained is one thing, but keeping it updated is another level we sometimes don’t have the money for and it is just as important. Remember how your home looked newly painted after the earthquake repairs were finally done? Does the roof need a bit of care? Windows?

These expenditures can all be worthwhile investments in your asset and maybe could take priority over a new toy. Just saying!

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Department of Internal Affairs, seeking further information and working with other councils and local Government to understand whether the proposal is in the best interests of Selwyn residents.

The timing of any engagement will depend on cabinet confirming its timeline for the water reforms process and that it will remain optional for communities to opt-out of the reforms.

“The Council will continue to ensure that Selwyn residents are kept well informed and that the nature of the reforms and their potential effects are explained.

“We are now analysing the information and data provided, so that we can understand the benefits and disadvantages, before putting this to our communities,” Sam concluded.

For further information on the reforms and the proposed changes for Selwyn visit: www.selwyn.govt.nz/ threewaters

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Friday 20th August 2021

Page 8

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Friday 20th August 2021

Page 9

Free Seed and Seedling Swap Springtime heralds the beginning of the planting season in the vegetable garden. If you are planning on growing your own food this season, why not come along to a free seed and seedling swap - to be implemented in two stages across the first few weeks of Spring, both in Darfield and Springfield.

On Saturday, August 28th, free seed, seed raising mix and growing containers will be distributed from the Darfield Library and from 14 Regent Street, Springfield (while supplies last). Along with seeds and growing medium, instructions and top growing tips for raising successful seedlings will be shared.

Participants will then be encouraged to return on October 9th, to either Darfield or Springfield, bearing their pots of excess seedlings, to become a part of a giant seedling swap.

This will be a fun way to meet other gardeners of all abilities and not only swap seedlings, but also swap gardening knowledge and enthusiasm as well.

The Darfield Community Garden and Community Pantry is located at Almond Park, Russell Street, Darfield. A group of gardeners meet on Mondays at 10am to work in the garden and everyone is welcome to join in. Take what you need, give what you can.

Garden Focus for September • •

•

•

Direct sow carrots, parsnip, silver beet and beetroot.

Sow cabbages, lettuce, cauliflower, for planting out in 4 - 6 weeks.

Sow chillies, tomatoes, peppers, eggplants indoors in pots for transplanting out later.

Come along to the Seed Swap and get many more.

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Friday 20th August 2021

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SHEFFIELD VFB AWARDS NIGHT - 24 & 32 Metre Boom Widths Mike Wilson - Owner Operator Ph: 027 2929 460 E: centralcanterburyspraying@gmail.com

Blower Truck Available for bulk deliveries

Website: www.gregmitchellcartage.co.nz

UFBA President Jason Prendergast presenting Nev Croy with his Gol Star medal.

Email: greg@gregmitchellcartage.co.nz 021 248 8227 or

A/H

03 318 8227

...continued from front page.

The criteria for Gold Star eligibility, is that a member must be present for at least sixty seven percent of the Fire Brigade musters. A muster is defined as

CENTRAL CANTERBURY Donald Cooke Anthony Cox Mick Withers Richard Leech Gary Batchelor Bob Davidson Will Hurst Aaron Leckie Matt Colee

(Livestock Manager) 0274 730 854 (Genetics Specialist) 0272 083 071 (Dairy) 0274 730 817 (Dairy) 0276 918 442 0274 893 265 0274 730 806 0274 730 858 0274 730 808 0272 733 974

Contact one of our team for on farm advice and solu ons. Experts in all classes of livestock for private sales, auc ons, valua ons, and prime stock dra ing.

each time a brigade assembles for training and/or a meeting.

Nev joined the Sheffield Volunteer Fire Brigade on July 14th, 1971 and has been the Chief Fire Officer for the past thirty nine years. Nev's attendance rate was eighty five percent, which equates to around half a million volunteer hours, not including all the fire call outs he has attended.

The Gold Star Association also presented Heather, Nev’s partner, with a miniature Gold Star and the UFBA presented her with a certificate for the support she has given him over the years.

Other dignitaries who were in attendance and spoke were, Fire and Emergency New Zealand (FENZ) Regional Commander Paul Henderson, National MP

for Selwyn Nicola Grigg, Canterbury Provincial Fire Brigade Association Vice President Cath Sharp, Canterbury Gold Star Association President Kim Stewart, Mid Canterbury Sub Association Immediate Past President Phil Newbigging, Selwyn District Council Councillor Bob Mugford and Deputy Chief Fire Officer Keith Ross who spoke on some of Nev’s brigade history. Finally, Michelle Croy and Amy Jones (Nev’s daughters), spoke a little about what it was like growing up with a Volunteer Fireman Dad. The Brigade and their partners would like to thank the team for their support and a special thanks from Nev to everyone who did so much work to make it a truly special night!

ANNUAL

Baling, Harvesting & Contracting Feature!

The much anticipated Annual Baling, Harvesting & Contracting Feature will be published near the end of September.

Get in touch to secure your space, they always fill fast!

Contact us to save a space: info@malvernnews.co.nz

Friday 20th August 2021

Page 11

SERBIAN CUISINE By: Ana Savanovic. styles around Europe, as well as some parts of the middle east. It Serbia is a country located at the has a lot of similarities to crossroads of Central and neighbouring Balkan countries, Southeast Europe. including Bosnia and Food is a big part of Serbian Herzegovina, Croatia, Macedonia, culture and being located Montenegro and Slovenia. The between east and west, Serbian food consists of an intricate cuisine has gathered elements balance of rich meats, from lots of different cooking vegetables, breads, cheese, fresh

pastries and desserts. The most common seasonings are salt, black pepper, vegeta and paprika, giving fresh, mild and natural flavours.

These are some of the most popular traditional dishes and also a very tasty, quick and easy Serbian salad recipe, that you can try out at home!

4. Cvarci Like pork fat crackling, they taste way better than they sound!

5. Burek A rather controversial dish amongst the Serbs, because we can’t seem to decide whether the only true burek is one with cheese, or with meat. Loud debates are held when tipsy Serbs go home after a night out, because they rarely do go straight home, mostly they visit some Burekdžinica, a Burek shop

for a quick bite of this freshly baked meal.

6. Cevapi Grilled meat.

7. Karadjordjeva Snicla A rolled veal or pork steak, stuffed with kajmak (cream).

8. Srpska Salata A salad variation of the famous Bulgarian Shopska salad.

Follow on from Part 1

1. Sarma A mix of ground pork or beef, mixed with rice, rolled in leaves of sauerkraut (fermented cabbage. An alternative is Punjena paprika, which is the same dish but with bell pepper instead of cabbage.

2. Gibanica An egg and cheese pie, made with filo dough.

3. Pljeskavica A ground beef or pork patty.

ANNUAL SKI RACE The annual Canterbury Primary and Intermediate Schools Ski Race Championships, were held at Mount Cheeseman on Sunday, August 15th.

It was a fantastic day of racing for Year 1 to 8 children, with students representing their schools and participating as individuals and teams.

There were medals up for grabs for individual age group winners, while teams were competing for the much coveted overall team trophy, for both Primary and Intermediate school teams.

The ski and snowboard race event consisted of a dual slalom course, for boys and girls of all age groups. The emphasis was on fun while introducing students to the excitement of ski -racing.

Local Schools Attending: SPR: Springfield School W/M: West Melton Primary DHS: Darfield High School.

RESULTS Year 1 and 2: • 1st Overall/1st Female: Anna Wakefield - SPR.

Year 3 and 4: • 7th Overall/2nd Female: Nina Wakefield - SPR • 11th Overall/6th Female: Paige Churton - W/M • 18th Overall/8th Female: Lily Adams - W/M. Year 5 and 6: • 2nd Overall/1st Female: Izzy James - SPR • 6th Overall/4th Male: Harry Helps - W/M • 34th Overall/19th Male: Luke Churton - W/M • 47th Overall/25th Male: Aleksander Bryant - W/M. Year 7 and 8: • 19th Overall/13th Male: Jack Molloy - DHS • 22nd Overall/8th Female: Imogen Smith - DHS. Primary Snowboard Placings: • 3rd Overall/2nd Male: Nate Birse - W/M • 6th Overall/5th Male: Aleksander Bryant - W/M. Primary Team Results: 2nd=: Springfield School.

For full results visit: www.mtcheeseman.co.nz

Friedman Spraying Ltd • 24m boom GPS • Auto Steer

Contact Hamish for further Information!

Phone:

021 0297 3664

KIMBER RURAL FENCING CONTINUING THE TRADITION OF QUALITY FENCING SINCE 1995!

For all types of fencing!

Glenn Kimber - Phone: 027 222 9899 Email: kimber.fence@gmail.com

Our Services:

• PLOUGHING • CULTIVATION • DISCING • DRILLING Ph 027 319 9929

Recipe for Srpska Salata.

• 4 medium tomatoes (chopped) • 1 large cucumber (unpeeled and chopped) • 4 green or red peppers (roasted, raw or chopped) • 1 large yellow or purple onion (chopped, or 6 green onions, sliced) • 1/2 cup olive oil • 1/4 cup red wine vinegar • Salt (to taste) • Black pepper (freshly ground, to taste) Method: 1. Place chopped tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, and peppers in a large serving bowl.

2. Add salt, oil, black pepper and vinegar to the tomato mixture; toss and mix until well blended. Taste for seasoning and adjust accordingly.

3. Refrigerate for about 20 minutes, or until ready to use.

4. Serve.

Optional: Top with crumbled

feta cheese and sprinkle with fresh chopped parsley.

This is a healthy and refreshing salad perfect for lunch or dinner!

Rural Fields Your agricultural contracƟng partner Ploughing

Cultivation

Drilling

Mowing

David: 027 659 6596 Sean: 027 466 7739 E: ruralfields@xtra.co.nz

www.ruralfields.co.nz

Friday 20th August 2021

Page 12 GOLF RESULTS The informaƟon and opinions published are not necessarily those of the Malvern News proprietor. The final approval of leƩers for print, rests with the editor. LeƩers to the Editor should be no more than 200 words in length.

LeƩers to the Editor won’t be considered for publicaƟon without the writer’s name (given and surname) and area of residence (not address) also being printed. LeƩers wriƩen using a pseudonym, are unable to be published.

To the Editor, Last month, I spent several hours picking up rubbish on a 4km stretch of road, on the outskirts of Darfield.

I gathered up nine large bags of rubbish, of which about 50% was recyclables. Clearly, there are a lot of drink drivers, smokers and junk food eaters (all the types you would expect) in our community.

Well, more fool me, the rubbish was back the very next day. The words I want to use to describe the wilful polluters in our midst are not publishable, so I’ll just call them slobs on wheels. I know it’s a waste of time appealing to them in writing, as they probably don’t read and certainly don’t care, so I’ll appeal to property owners everywhere, please, pick up the rubbish strewn along your roadsides.

Yes, I know, we shouldn’t have to pick up after these lowlifes, but what else can we do? If we keep our roadsides looking clean, maybe some of them will feel a twinge of guilt at spoiling our environment and desist. Maybe!

Results 12th August 2021 ROSEBOWL STABLEFORD 18 HOLES: 1st: J Pottinger 39 2nd: M Robertson 36 3rd: L Patton 36 4th: L Anderson 35 5th: L Smith 24 6th: M Te Awa 32 7th: L Scott 31 8th: N Weavers 31 9th: S Mardon 30 10th: J Blatch 30 9 HOLES: 1st: S McDonald 16 2nd: S Farrar 15

Ian Lees, Darfield.

To the Editor, In response to the letter submitted by Trevor Taege recently.

The Waddington Cemetery fence has served a great job over the past 50 years and we are certainly grateful to those who built it and their commitment to the community.

However, after 50 years of wear and tear the fence was slumping and in need of being refreshed. So, when it came up for renewal the Council took the opportunity to set up the cemetery for the next 50 years. Care was taken to retain all the elements we could, in particular the gates and surrounding brickwork. The Council is grateful to our local Springfield contractors that have done an excellent work on installing the new fence and pleased to be supporting Malvern businesses and the Malvern community in this work.

If people do have concerns about work like this, we are happy to speak with anyone directly if they give us a call on 0800 SELWYN (735 996).

Douglas Marshall, Council Group Manager Property.

PUBLIC NOTICES

FATHER’S DAY! Don’t forget to spoil Dad this Father’s Day! You still have time to advertise in our feature!

FRIDAY 27TH AUGUST ISSUE Results 14th August 2021 MEN’S CLUB CHAMPIONSHIPS Best Gross: M Weatherly 74 Closest to the Pins: #2in2: J Perkins #6: M Johnston #11: A Inch #14: G Thomas #17: C Negas Senior: 1st: M Weatherly 75 2nd: R Stieller 77 Intermediate: 1st: S Stewart 80 2nd: J Perkins 85 Junior A: 1st: D McCaughan83 2nd: D Mansbridge 94

Junior B: 1st: A Van Hoof 100 2nd: I Palmer 105

DEADLINE: 10am, Tuesday 24th August!

ANNUAL BALING, HARVESTING & CONTRACTING FEATURE The much an cipated Annual Baling, Harves ng & Contrac ng Feature will be published near the end of September.

Get in touch now to secure your space, they always fill fast!

Contact us to save a space: info@malvernnews.co.nz The Friends of Darfield Hospital Charitable Trust

ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING

Jane Duncan, Darfield.

To the Editor, Thanks to Councillor Grant Miller for his considered opinion piece on the proposed water reforms. He will be advocating for ratepayer consultation on this issue and it appears he has swayed Council thinking to consultation with ratepayers.

The Mayor has indicated we will get $22.5 million for our $600milion worth of assets. Sounds like a bad deal. We are told it will be cheaper for ratepayers to join the club. Hard to believe when there will be up to five entities and 9,300 employees. Government says by 2051 the cost of water for us will be about a third less than had we not joined. No hard facts around this so not credible.

In a recent opinion piece, the Mayor has said he will ask the Government if Council should consult with ratepayers. Why, as the elected members of Council are there to represent us, not to be the implementers of Government ideology, or is our Democratic process broken completely.

Ratepayers wake up. Once the fixed assets are gone, the water goes with it and is owned by an overarching entity controlled directly by the Minister. More like nationalisation than any democratic process.

Take the opportunity to have your say.

PUBLIC NOTICES

NEXT ISSUE: Friday 27th August 2021 ADVERTISING DEADLINE:

10am, Tuesday 24th August!

Wednesday 25th August, 2pm At the Catholic Parish Centre, Telegraph Road, Darfield Guest Speaker: Aaron Orangi (Local Pharmacist)

All members of the community are cordially invited to attend, and to hear about how The Friends support our valuable local hospital.

Contacts: Brian Davidson 318 8382, Heather Mitchell 318 8458

JULY: • 30Jul-27Aug

Art Exhibition - Crowd Pleasers

AUG: • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

9Aug –Dec 20th Aug 20th Aug 20th Aug 20th Aug 21st Aug 22nd Aug 22nd Aug 23rd Aug 24th Aug 24th Aug 25th Aug 25th Aug 27th Aug 27th Aug 28th Aug 31st Aug

• • • • • • • •

2nd Sept 3rd Sept 3rd Sept 6th Sept 11th Sept 18th Sept 24th Sept 24th Sept

SEPT:

1pm 7pm 7:30pm 9am 11am 1:30pm 4pm 10am 2pm 2pm 12pm 1pm 8pm 6:30pm 12pm 8pm 6pm 8pm

OCT:

• 28th Oct

JAN 2022:

9:30am

Temporary Road Closure (Aylesbury Road, between Wards & Two Chain Roads) FATHER’S DAY FEATURE - Deadline for booking advert space (27th Aug Issue) MCAC Start-up Allowance applications close today Karaoke Night Darfield Hotel Kirwee Bowling Club Euchre Evening (LAST ONE) Kirwee Bowling Club Darfield Toy Library Session Darfield Plunket Rooms Texas Holdem Poker (supporting Kirwee Golf) Darfield Hotel Bruce Leeming’s 80th Birthday, with an array of Live Music! Coalgate Tavern Malvern Community Board monthly meeting Darfield Library Opportunities in Agritourism Webinar Malvern Tennis Sub-ASSN AGM - Jun: 7pm, Sen: 8pm Kirwee Pavilion Peter Kumar - Preaching, Teaching & Prophetic Healing Darfield Baptist Church Friends Of Darfield Hospital AGM Catholic Parish Centre Applications for DHS Elizabeth Richards Scholarship close today Rural Support Pie Day Friday - Lunch Shout The Famous Sheffield Pie Shop Nourish Seed & Seedling Swap Part 1 Darf Library/14 Regent St Sprgf.

Malvern Collie Club AGM Sheffield Hotel Darfield Indoor Bowling Club Hospital Tournament Rural Support Pie Day Friday - Lunch Shout Malvern A&P ASSN AGM Selwyn Environmental Film Competition Entry Deadline Darfield Rugby Club Senior Prizegiving Las Vegas Night - Darfield Sports Fundraiser Entries for 2021 Darfield Artweek close today!

Selwyn Environmental Film Competition Awards Night New Zealand Shake Out - National Earthquake Drill

• 5th-10th Jan

Methven Summer School 2022

• 4th-6th Feb

Springfield School 150th Jubilee

FEB 2022:

Te Huanui Gallery, Darfield

Darfield Recreation Centre Darfield Bakery Sheffield Pavilion Larcomb Vineyard Darfield Recreation Centre

New Zealand wide

Springfield School

Friday 20th August 2021 PUBLIC NOTICES

Page 13

PUBLIC NOTICES

5TH - 10TH JANUARY 2022

Enrolments Open Now!

Enrol online now at: www.methvensummerschool.co.nz Courses include watercolour art, basket weaving, print making, glass fusing, cheese making and many more!

Malvern Collie Club

DRIVEWAYS

CARPENTER

FIREWOOD & COAL

CARPENTER available for next LIFESTYLE, farm tracks, project. Quality tradesman yards and dairy lanes workmanship. Specialising in our speciality. Screened character homes. For all rotten-rock, it’s local and your building, releveling and gib-stopping needs. Please lasts better. Contact the phone Grant anytime on Springfield Quarry today!

Phone 318 4132.

021 167 1718.

FARRIER

R K FIREWOOD Supplying wood for this Winter!

Old Man Pine, Bluegum, Macrocarpa, Oregon.

TRY THE HOT MIX! E pos available.

All top quality, clean wood.

Ph Rini 027 451 7300

CARPET

CARPET

CHURCH NOTICES

CHURCH NOTICES

ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING Tuesday 31st August 8pm, at the Sheffield Hotel.

FARRIER

AVAILABLE THE MALVERN A & P ASSN. advise members that the

Annual General Meeting will be held at the Sheffield Pavilion on Friday 3rd September 2021 at 8pm.

All existing and prospective members welcome.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Westaway Dianne Lindsay and family wish to sincerely thank all those that offered their love and support by way of cards, flowers, baking, visits and phone calls.

It was very much appreciated following the sudden passing of a much loved Wife, Mother and Granny.

ACCOUNTANTS

CLEANING

Please phone Shawn Valpy 027 717 6130 FOR SALE

500 sliding mitre saw. A fully automatic gas water heater, pump surge chamber (caravan type). Leg & hip exercise unit. Gas hand operated burner & bottle pig dehairer.

Phone 318 8688.

CONVENTIONAL bales of peastraw $5 each. Good clean straw, great for the garden.

Pick up Greendale. Phone 318 8072.

HAY for sale. Enquiries please phone 021 150 5717.

POINT of lay hyline/shavers pullets for sale. Please phone 021 863 158.

WOOD shavings - untreated, clean shavings suitable for horse stables, calving sheds, chicken houses and rabbit hutches. Available in 70L bags, 1m 3 bales (compressed) and bulk delivery. Phone 03 344 1676 for more details.

ARE you wasting your valuable CARPET/Window Cleaning. time trying to keep up Thorough job, good price, with your accounts? Call q u i c k d r y i n g . H i g h l y us now for hassle-free r e c o m m e n d e d . P h o n e / accounting, tax and business text Robert anytime on advice - all right on your 027 299 9599. doorstep. Sterling Accountants @ Malvern Business Hub, CHIMNEY CLEANING GARDENING Ann-Maree 021 215 0981.

CARRS Chimney Cleaning. GENERAL garden maintenance Servicing the Selwyn district. in Darfield area. Domestic AUTOMOTIVE $60 per chimney. Phone hedge trimming, pruning & DARFIELD Automotive, service & Rodney on 03 324 2999 and edging. Please phone Kane warrant centre. 3D wheel leave a message.

027 467 6613. aligner. 7:30am - 5:30pm, CHIM Chim. We'll sweep your Monday - Friday. Your one- log-burners flue, check the stop auto shop! Please phone firebricks, baffles, air-tubes 03 318 8113. and controls. We're experts on coal-ranges, also sweeping Medium Square Bales any sized open fire. We quote - $70 delivered. and undertake repairs, flue Small Bales - $7 extensions and install bird (min delivery 21 bales) —————————————————netting. 0800 224 464 Phone Members NZHHA. 021 077 3692

SUNDAY 22ND AUGUST 2021

Darfield Life Church

At 10:30am

Steve & Patience Pona Ph: 022 642 5805 17 North Terrace, Darfield EXCAVATION

EXCAVATION

REGISTERED DRAINLAYERS • • • •

027 317 8128

canterbury.excavation@gmail.com

HEDGE TRIMMING

• •

Drainage & Trenching Section Clearing Stump Removal Supply & Install Water Tanks & Septic Systems Supply of Hard Fill & Top Soil Digger & Truck Hire

HEDGE TRIMMING

Phone Craig for a booking...

0800 SNIP IT  027 222 1632

PEA STRAW

• Hedge & Shelter Belt Cutting • Under Pivot & Gorse Hedge Cutting • • • •

Specialised over-grown hedge cutting Tree Topping Clean Ups Mulching / Verge Mowing.

Friday 20th August 2021

Page 14 GARAGE SALE

PAINTING & DECORATING

PAINTING & DECORATING

SATURDAY 21st August.

From 8am - 11am. At 13 Thornton Street, Darfield.

Udi Painting & Decorating

HEDGE TRIMMING

Interior & Exterior Painting & Plastering

For all Painting and Decorating services!

Fully Qualified  Wallpapering Roof Painting  Quality Services Free Quotes.

HEDGEHOG

Contact Udi Aale 021 074 2075

Hedge & Shelterbelt Trimming

General Painting & Property Repairs

Roof Painting  Gib Stopping  Wallpapering

40 years experience!

Hedge Trimming in Canterbury

Contact Dave on 021 142 0567 or email: pearsondavid106@gmail.com PAINTING & DECORATING

Call Don today on 021 066 3011 or 03 318 2983 • Half size tractor for easier access

• Up to 6m height topped

at 5m or less • Branch size up to 50mm • Cutter drops material to side of hedge.

‘For

all your decorating needs’

Micky Conway Painter & Decorator Darfield Based Will cover all areas Contact Micky on

021 125 1613

conwaydecor@hotmail.com

FULLY INSURED

HOUSE SITTER

ROOF MAINTENANCE WE wonder if there is an animal ROOF & house maintenance. friendly person who would All aspects covered including stay over and look after our animals, from 16th - 20th spouting, mortar, tiles, September. Please phone Paul re-roofing, roof painting, moss, mould & silicone 318 7353. sealing. General repairs.

LIFESTYLE BLOCK Please phone us today on LIFESTYLE block maintenance. 03 347 6702.

Weed spraying, mowing, hedge trimming. General farm/ garden maintenance. Riparian planting and maintenance.

Phone 027 262 9200.

LOCKSMITH LOCKSMITH Selwyn based 24hr mobile service, keys cut and general lock and safe maintenance. EFTPOS available. Call Locktight Security 021 171 8060.

PROPERTIES FOR SALE

PRIVATE Sale - Whitecliffs Road, Whitecliffs, South Malvern, Selwyn district. 1 x 2 bedroom bach, rear property. $240,000 Freehold. 1 x railway engine shed, front property. $150,000 Freehold.

Machinery at shed will be removed. Both for sale 'as is where is'. Ph 03 318 2776.

WANTED TO LEASE

CLOTH nappies with red line wanted for window cleaning.

Need to be used. Happy to pay if required. Please drop at Malvern News office.

DEAD, damaged or unwanted cars, including trucks & quad bikes, to buy. Please phone 03 318 0650.

WANTED TO LEASE

Wanted!

Owner Operated Geoff 021 549 499 A/h 03 324 3482

WANTED

SITUATION VACANT

Used, unwanted, artificial Christmas Trees for recycling.

Any colour.

Will pick up.

Ground for cropping, with Irrigation.

References available!

Phone James Everest

021 280 9247 WINDOW CLEANING

Please leave your name and number for Shirley, with the Malvern News.

ROOM TO RENT

Phone 03 318 7450

SINGLE lockable rooms in Darfield Hostel. Internet, sky TV. $170pw. Phone 027 479 1431 or 318 3660.

WANTED TO LEASE

Contact me today for a no frills quote!

Wanted to Rent

COUNTRY TOUCH

SCRAP METAL WANTED! Best prices!

Amalgamated Scrap Ltd. Buying cars & farm machinery. Specialising in farm clean-ups. Rod McQuoid buyer. Please phone either 027 695 0480 or alternatively 0800 030 712.

Single Grandmother returned from overseas. 1-2 bedroom farm co age or similar in the Darfield, West Melton, Hororata, Glentunnel or Coalgate area, (would consider further out for the right property and price).

Phone Katie 022 492 6549

For sparkling windows I’m the Veteran for the Job...

Phone Kevin 021 0232 6502

‘Friendly & experienced professional service!’

Darfield, Burnham, Greendale, Hororata, Sheffield, Springfield, Coalgate & Kirwee areas, phone or text

Darryl on 027 316 9968 All other areas, including West Melton & Rolleston, phone or text

STUMP GRINDING

Wilf on 022 044 0654

WINDOW REPAIRS

PHONE:

027 222 1632

WINDOW REPAIRS

 Retrofit Double glazing  Frameless showers  Repairs  Mirrors  Splashbacks  Pet doors and more

SITUATION VACANT

RELIEF MILKER / MILK HARVESTER REQUIRED Flexible roster and good remuneration.

Preferably with experience but full training available.

The farm is located 10 mins from Rakaia.

Locally owned and operated

03 318 3003 TARP HIRE

www.hunterglass.co.nz TARP HIRE

Contact G. Carlos - 027 368 4084

CASUAL  PART TIME  FULL TIME Day shifts, night shifts & weekend work available to suit your needs. agstaff.co.nz

Forklift Operators & Manufacturing Positions Available

0800 AGSTAFF jobs@agstaff.co.nz

6x6 metre Tarpaulins  Awnings  Boat Covers Canvas Supplies  Tent Repairs  Leather Work SADDLERY WINDSOCKS & FRAMES

PHONE: 03 323 6536  MOBILE: 027 323 6536

515 Finlays Road, West Melton, Christchurch, 7675

Friday 20th August 2021

Page 15

WINDOW TINTING

TRADES

TINT-A-WINDOW Solar Protective films. Fade UV block.

Heat Glare control. Privacy.

Safety/Security. Frosted films.

Free online quotes. Please phone 0800 368 468.

TRADES

TRADES

TRADES

• 25 years experience Phone David Barnhill • Local qualified builder 027 618 2345 • All types of work undertaken including or a/h 317 9144 additions, alterations, new houses,

info@tintawindow.co.nz

www.tintawindow.co.nz

WORK WANTED

EXPERIENCED EARTH MOVING OPERATOR SEEKS CASUAL WORK Grader Operator to Sealing Standard.

Dozers 12T to 60T. Excava on 1½T to 60T. Quarry Manager Cer ficate, Risk Assessment, Road Pilot ‘B’ full licences.

Can provide numerous references from ECan, private operators & J/V Partners.

Able to project manage.

Can organise machinery hire for client at advantageous rates!

Phone 027 446 6269 TRADES

■ ■ ■ ■

New Builds Extensions Renovations Kitchen & Bathrooms

House & Roof Pre-Paint Wash Hydro Drain Cleaning Cleans most surfaces: fences, paths, brick, block, wood, concrete & machinery.

Moss Treating:

roofs, footpaths & driveways.

Free Quotes. Ph Mike Richards 03 318 8380 or 021 179 0584

All aspects of concreting & all types of finishing  DECORATIVE  STAMPED  COLOURED  EXPOSED

Heat pump supply, installation, servicing & maintenance

Dale Mayberry Ph: 021 222 2833 Give Nigel a call now for your no obligation free quote

Ph: 021 387 750

General household & business electrical work.

DAIKIN • MITSUBISHI • HITACHI

Your LOCAL & reliable tradesman

Friday 20th August 2021

Page 16

Daily On Site Sales & Servicing

Authorised Service Agent for Most Brands since 1996!

• Ovens Machines • Cooktops • Dryers • Washing Machine • Dishwashers Hire from $8 p.w.

Darfield based with over 38 years of local knowledge and experience

• Washing

Reg. Service Technician

Septic Tank Cleaning Jetting Unit for blocked drains Camera Investigations | Port-a-loo hire Office 318 8609 | 0274 338 693 | admin@leechdrainage.co.nz TRADES

Qualified Certifying Plumber & Gasfitter

NEW kitchens, wardrobes, laundries or what ever you need! Remodelled or just new doors. Good advice, good price. Ring Lex 03 349 0150 or 027 439 3926.

UPHOLSTERER - Recover lounge suites, dining chairs, squabs etc. Free quotes.

Based in Weedons. Please phone 03 980 4979.

david wilkinson registered electrician phone 03 318 1231 fax email

03 318 1235 sales@electricalcontractors.co.nz

PO Box 26 kirwee

we’ll be there when you need us. guaranteed.

on time guaranteed or your first hour is free! conditions apply.

• • • •

New Computers • Virus Removal Laptops • Problem Upgrades Solving Software

Closed Saturdays

Jon Lawrence

ACER 515 • 15.6" FHD Display • Core i7-1165G7,

8GB DDR4 RAM

$1,655 Incl GST

• 512GB M.2 PCIe NVMe SSD • Nvidia GeForce MX350 • 1xUSB2.0, 2xUSB3.2,

1xUSB3.2 (Gen 1) Type C, 1xHDMI, 1xRJ45 • 802.11ax Wifi malcomputers02@gmail.com • Windows 10 Home 64-bit

Ph: 03 318 3699 Mob: 027 688 9103

• Certifying Gasfitters • Certifying Plumbers • Heat Pumps • Log Burners • Solar • Electrical Service Technician New Builds • System Design • Vehicles

Visit: www.selwyngasfitters.co.nz for a full list of services

Phone 03 420 1020 • 021 732 331

RURAL PLUMBING SERVICES LTD Simon O’Connell • Certifying Plumber M: 021 048 4799 • H: 03 317 9174 E: simon@rpsltd.co.nz Darfield based, working Canterbury wide.

All Maintenance, Hot Water Cylinders, Log burners, Spouting, Rainwater Harvest, Wetbacks, Pumps, Alterations (new and existing)

Maintenance Renovations & new builds Pump servicing and installation Water filter installation Water pump hire Supply and installation of septic tank systems • Gas and wood fire installation • IQP in backflow prevention • Teatsprayer servicing • • • • • •

0800 752 400

plainspgd@gmail.com

DARFIELD BASED

NEXT ISSUE: Friday 27th August 2021 ADVERTISING DEADLINE: 10am, Tuesday 24th August 2021

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap.

He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet.

“What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair colour have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology.

“You just keep out of this!” she yells.

“I’m talking to the little jerk on your knee!”