Lifestyle

Sean of the South: The Helpers

By Sean Dietrich Sean of the South Commentary

The hotel parking lot. Early afternoon. He was packing his truck. Slamming toolbox lids. Reorganizing luggage in the rear cab. Iowa plates.

I’ve never met anyone from Iowa before. Or if I have, chances are they were so timid I don’t remember them.

Midwesterners, in my experience, are quieter than your average folks. They don’t enter a room like my people. Yelling, laughing, clapping everyone’s backs like a politician or a manure salesman.

They are humble people. Reserved. Kindhearted, but very hesitant to give away a free hug. In other words: they are Lutheran.

This man was late forties. Wearing denim and boots. Quiet disposition. He talked a little like Jimmy Stewart.

His wife was with him. Reddish hair. Pretty. They looked like they just stepped off the alfalfa farm. Good people.

I noticed the gas cans and chainsaws in the back of his truck. The entire bed of his Ford was weighted in heavy equipment.

The truck was towing an enclosed trailer with even more gear loaded inside. Lawn mowers, Weed Eaters, hedge trimmers, chains, axes, you name it.

There were garbage bags full of secondhand clothes, boxes of diapers, and baby formula.

“I’m on my way to Fort Myers, Florida,” he said.

I asked what a mild mannered Iowan was doing traveling to Florida after a Category 4 hurricane had just struck.

He shrugged. “Way I figure, what Florida people need is help. I got the tools, I got the time, so I thought, why not?”

His wife added, “It’s what we’d want people to do for us.”

I can’t help but feel like heel. I am a Floridian. And yet I have never—not once in my life—traveled to Iowa after a tornado to help tornado victims. I’ve never asked myself what I can do to help blizzard victims.

For shame.

“You must have family in Florida,” I said.

That must be why he was going.

He shook his head. “Nope.”

“Friends?” I asked.

Another head shake.

“We just wanted to come,” said his wife. “We just really wanted to help.”

He is a farmer. He raises wheat. He comes from a long line of farmers. A long, long line.

“In Iowa,” says the man, “growing up, when something goes wrong, everyone helps each other.”

He tells a story. His grandfather’s barn burned to the ground in the 1930s, the height of the Depression. The fire spread to his grandfather’s home. The farmhouse burned down, too.

His grandfather had nothing left but a charred lawn and the family dog.

“He lost nearly ever’thin’” said the man, as he covered his truck in a tarp. “Grandpa was destitute overnight.”

But that’s where his story gets good.

Because the next morning, a cavalcade of wagons and buckboards came loping up the long Iowan highway.

Local men drove horsedrawn carts, weighted with fresh lumber. Women sat on tailgates of Model A trucks, carrying picnic baskets, casseroles, and wrapped cakes.

The wagons circled. The local men unloaded pinewood by the metric ton. The sounds of hammers filled the air. The rhythmic sounds of handsaws, razing across long spears of lumber.

The community rebuilt a brand new home in only four days. Then they built a new barn. A new fence. And they replanted crops, too.

“People loaned my grandfather everything he needed,” the man said. “They rebuilt his life, nobody charged him a dime. It’s just what we do.”

Every woman in the community gave the needy family single dish. The family had an entire collection of mismatched china, which the young man still owns today.

“It wasn’t about what they did,” said the man, “it was about who they were. That’s the kind of man I want to be. I don’t want to be a taker, I want to be a giver.”

But this all happened a long time ago, I reminded him. America isn’t like that anymore. People don’t give to each other without sticking their hands out in return.

These days people aren’t selfless and self-sacrificial. They are self-promoting and self-important. For cripes sake, doesn’t this man watch the news?

But the man just looked at me and smiled. He clapped my shoulder. “Man, you really need to come to Iowa sometime.”

I take back everything I said about Lutherans.

Lass But Not Least: Covering the Stars

By Ken Lass

I noticed where the Trussville Entertainment District recently featured a band called the “Music City Stones,” a tribute band for the Rolling Stones. Among the other attractions on the schedule for October is a group named “End of the Line.” It is being promoted as a tribute to the Allman Brothers.

Tribute bands (they used to be called cover bands) are all the rage now. You can find multiple versions of these impersonators touring stages throughout the country. There are tribute bands for Journey, Abba, the Bee Gees, the Grateful Dead, Elton John, Rod Stewart, Neil Diamond, Roy Orbison, Cher, and Tom Jones. There’s even a tribute band for Engelbert Humperdinck, which must be a very short show because, for the life of me, I can’t think of more than one or two Engelbert Humperdinck songs. In addition, the boy band One Direction has a tribute band called “Only One Direction.”

This does not even take into account the two acts that are, by far, the most imitated, those being Elvis and the Beatles. There is a website that actually ranks the top fifteen Beatles tribute bands. I’ve seen two of them. The band ranked number one was Rain. I saw them last year at the Birmingham Concert Hall. They sounded very much like the real deal, and their concert is intermixed with videos from the careers of John, Paul, George, and Ringo.

The other one was called Liverpool Legends. I saw them at the Lyric Theater in Birmingham. Of course, they dress in the iconic outfits of the Fab Four, and when they talk to the audience, they speak in British accents, even though they are from places like Los Angeles or The Bronx. There are certain mandatory requirements for every Beatles tribute band. The bass guitarist must play left-handed like Paul; the rhythm guitarist must wear the Ben Franklin glasses like John; the drummer must have the long nose, a la Ringo.

It’s certainly understandable why tribute bands are so popular. Their fans love the music, especially when it is performed live, but the real artists have either grown too old to tour or have passed away. So a cover band is the next best thing. I get that. But sometimes, the perspective seems to get a bit out of whack. I remember when the Liverpool Legends had finished their performance, they announced that they would be available in the lobby for autographs afterward. I actually thought they were joking. Sort of poking fun at themselves so that the audience would know they weren’t taking themselves too seriously.

They weren’t joking. There were tables set up across the lobby, and the impersonators were parked behind them, Sharpies and a stack of photos in hand. Even more startling to me, a large crowd was lined up in a zig-zagging queue, eagerly awaiting their chance to meet the “celebrities.” This both surprised and puzzled me. I can appreciate why anyone with a taste for Beatles mu-

Ken Lass, Tribune columnist

sic would thoroughly enjoy a tribute band concert, but why would you want their autograph? What would be the value? Do you show it to your friends and say, “Look! I have an autograph from somebody pretending to be Paul McCartney”?

My puzzlement got even more pronounced as I walked past the tables and got a better look at these guys. At close range, they don’t look as much like their celebrities as you thought. No doubt, they are best observed from a distance.

I do enjoy some of the names these tribute bands come up with. One of the Beatles cover bands calls itself “The Fab Faux.” I’d pay to see them just for that.

Anyway, the next time a tribute band comes to Trussville, by all means, go see them and enjoy the music and the memories they retrieve. But I don’t recommend standing in line for autographs after the show. Try to keep telling yourself it’s not really Elton John or Mick Jagger signing those pictures. It’s probably some guy named Ralph from Jersey City.

Ken Lass is a retired Birmingham TV news and sports anchor and Trussville resident.

Savvy Senior: Free online hearing tests you can take at home

By Jim Miller

Dear Savvy Senior, Can you recommend any good online hearing tests? My husband has hearing loss, but I can’t get him to go in and get his hearing checked, so I thought a simple online test could help him recognize he has a problem. What can you tell me? Loud Talking Linda

Dear Linda,

There’s actually a growing number of very good online and app-based hearing tests available that will let your husband check his hearing on his own. These tests are a quick and convenient option for the millions of Americans that have mild to moderate hearing loss but often ignore it, or don’t want to go through the hassle or expense of visiting an audiologist for a hearing exam.

Who Should Test?

Hearing loss for most people develops gradually over many years of wear and tear, which is the reason many people don’t realize they actually have a hearing problem.

Anyone who has difficulty hearing or understanding what people say, especially in noisier environments or over the phone. Or, if you need a higher volume of music or TV than other people, should take a few minutes to test their hearing.

Self-Hearing Tests

Online and app-based hearing tests can serve as a great screening tool. They are not meant to be a diagnosis, but rather to give you an idea of how bad your hearing loss is and what can be done about it.

For most do-it-yourself hearing tests, you’ll be advised to wear ear headphones or earbuds and sit in a quiet spot.

You also need to know that there are two different type of tests available. One type is known as pure-tone testing, where tones are played in decreasing volumes to determine your specific level of hearing loss. And the other type is known as speech-in-noise or digits-in-noise (DIN) where you’ll be asked to identify words, numbers, or phrases amid background noise.

Where to Test

If your husband uses a smartphone or tablet, two of my favorite app-based hearing tests are the hearWHO app created by the World Health Organization, and the Mimi Hearing Test app. Both apps are free to use and are available through the App Store and Google Play.

HearWHO allows users to check their hearing status and monitor it over time using a DIN test, while Mimi uses pure-tone and masked threshold tests to give you a detailed picture of your hearing abilities.

There are also a wide variety of online hearing tests your husband can take on a computer.

Some top online tests – all offered by hearing aid manufacturers – for speech-in-noise or DIN tests can be accessed at ReSound (resound.com/ en-us/online-hearing-test) and Mircle Ear (miracle-ear.com/ online-hearing-test).

And some good online hearing tests for pure-tone testing are available by Signia (signia.net/en/service/ hearing-test); Ergo (eargo. com/hearing-health/hearing-check); and MD Hearing Aid (mdhearingaid.com/hearing-test).

All of these hearing tests are completely free to use and take less than five minutes to complete.

What to do with Results

If the tests indicate your husband has hearing loss, it’s best to think of that as a starting point. He should take results to his doctor or an audiologist for further evaluation.

Many insurance providers and Medicare Advantage plans cover routine hearing exams, however original Medicare does not.

If his hearing loss is mild to moderate, he should look into the new over-the-counter (OTC) hearing aids, which are available this fall online and at retailers like Best Buy, Walgreens and CVS.

OTC hearing aids don’t require a prescription or medical examination for purchase and they’re much more affordable than traditional hearing aids you buy through an audiologist or a licensed hearing instrument specialist.

Send your senior questions to: Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or visit SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to the NBC Today show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book.