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Sean of the South: Traveling with Your Wife

By Sean Dietrich Sean of the South Commentary

Here’s what I want you to do. Go outside and open your car doors. Now gather all your earthly possessions and shove them into your backseat. After that, strap the rest of your belongings to the roof, including your dishwasher, LaZ-Boy, lawn tractor, and all three of your children.

Now you know how my wife travels.

The only major difference is that we don’t have children, so our lawn tractor usually rides shotgun.

Packing the car is always a major challenge for us inasmuch as my wife does not travel lightly. My wife’s idea of travel is to bring everything but our window treatments.

Thus, whenever I prepare our vehicle for vacation mode, I painstakingly pack our car so that no space is wasted. When I’m finished packing, our automobile interior usually resembles the jigsaw puzzle from hell.

Even so, it never fails to amaze me, once our trip is finished we can never manage to fit everything back inside the car.

This often means that before we travel back home, my wife has to make the difficult decision of leaving certain things behind, such as, for example, me.

This morning we awoke early to leave Birmingham after vacation. We have been staying in Alabama for a few weeks in a small rental cottage. We had a long drive ahead of us. But before we could hit the highway we had to pack our car. (Cue Hitchcock music.)

As it turned out, the biggest challenge wasn’t physically loading the car. The worst issue was The Hill.

Birmingham is a hilly city in north-central Alabama, nestled beneath the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. Most residents have to use rappelling equipment to check the mailbox.

Our rental house was located on the summit of a steep hill which the locals loosely refer to as Mount Concussion. There were approximately 43,118 concrete steps leading from the curb to our porch. You could actually feel your ears popping when you reached the front door.

When we first arrived at this house a few weeks ago, I unpacked our car until three in the morning, endlessly schlepping suitcases up the steps until my meniscus went to be with Jesus.

But that was a cakewalk compared to this morning. Because this morning, I had to schlep all that stuff back down the steps.

Also, it was raining today. And when I say “raining,” I mean that Jim Cantore was interviewing our neighbors.

So packing the car was not an easy task. In fact, I wasn’t sure whether I would survive the process inasmuch as I had to contend with slippage on the steps from the rain.

Here’s a tip to anyone carrying luggage up and down slippery steps: Get the platinum burial package. Because when you’re climbing wet steps, you’re greatly endangering yourself. One wrong move and you’ll end up in an urn.

At one point I was carrying four suitcases, hobbling down the steps in a downpour, unable to see. Things got worse when my wife’s bottle of skin moisturizer fell from a bag and wedged itself under my foot.

I wasn’t aware of this happening, of course, I was too busy bear-hugging a Steinway-sized suitcase with my wife’s initials monogrammed on the front.

Sean Dietrich (Photo courtesy of seandietrich.com)

See TRAVELING, Page 6

Phil Williams: It really matters

By Phil Williams 1819 News Commentary

I don’t know about ya’ll but we had an amazing time with family during the Christmas season! Charlene and I had kids and grandkids at the house all of last week. We gathered with about 25 family members in Huntsville one night, and this past Saturday got together with my Mom and brother and family members … so good! On one of those evenings, my adult kids stood around in the kitchen with Charlene and me laughing and telling stories and it just blessed me. I thought to myself at one point, “this is what really matters.”

There’s a reason why solitary confinement is considered harsh punishment. There’s a reason why social distancing is considered abnormal. We are social creatures by nature. As a general rule, we Americans believe in the value of family and relationships, and typically we don’t cotton to being told that those we love are not supposed to be around us or us around them.

Out of all the frustrations of the past two years, I think the culminating events have been the deprivations of our freedoms of assembly, the right to gather. I don’t think that any of us ever questioned the need to require a permit for a parade or a protest. No one minds having to pay for a ticket to a concert or a sporting event. But stipulations on assembly in the past two years got weird. They came for our churches. They came for our businesses, and our ability to travel. Most egregiously they came for our families.

Think about it: they may not have come into your home per se and said you can’t gather for Christmas, but you have definitely been told where your family cannot gather. In some places in our nation, we are still seeing families unable to dine out together in their favorite restaurant. Families that live remote from each other have been unable to get their flights because of canceled airlines, and when they do, it’s mask up or else. Even here in Alabama, we’ve experienced the inability to attend church services together or, sadly enough, to visit a loved one in the hospital or nursing home. I know people who never got to say their goodbyes as loved ones passed away alone among strangers in a medical facility where the fear of covid liability surmounted compassion for the mental and emotional well-being of their physically challenged patient.

I’m just going to throw this out there: if Charlene was (God forbid) in a hospital and they said I couldn’t come and see the love of my life, I would find a pair of scrubs and a lab coat, pick up a clipboard, don a mask and waltz in the employees-only entrance like I owned the place and scour the floors like a bloodhound until I found her room … because it matters! It really matters.

That said, on a recent morning as I was preparing for Rightside Radio, I came across an op-ed on The Hill magazine’s site. Written by a professor at the Catholic University of America the piece was titled “The Constitution isn’t working.” My first thought was “for who?” The article went on to describe with great presumed authority that the vast majority of Americans would be better off if we just did away with that archaic document that does nothing for we contemporary citizens of an enlightened world. That same document that enshrines our freedoms of assembly, among others, matters. The author expressed such views as one would expect from an ivory tower elitist and even invoked the January 6th protests at the US Capitol as grounds for

Phil Williams is Policy Director for the Alabama Policy Institute.

See WILLIAMS, Page 6

Lass But Not Least: Buildings Have Feelings Too

By Ken Lass

In the movie The Sixth Sense, young actor Haley Joel Osment utters the iconic line “I see dead people.” Well, I think I may have a sixth sense.

I hear buildings talking to me.

Okay, I see you edging a little further away from me on the sofa. I know it’s all in my imagination. But I can’t help feeling there’s something sad about a huge, ornate building that formerly housed a popular, thriving business, now standing empty and abandoned. The Trussville area has its fair share of these.

Take, for example, the edifice on Trussville Crossings Boulevard. The one next to Zaxby’s. It used to be a Costa’s restaurant. We ate there several times. But it has stood empty now for several years, falling apart and getting overgrown with weeds. Every time I drive past it, a melancholy feeling comes over me. I feel like I can hear it calling out to anyone who will listen, saying “Hey, I used to be pretty and popular. I used to be loved. Now I’m forgotten and alone. Nobody cares. Won’t somebody please buy me and fix me up? I want another chance!”

I get the same vibe from the former Moe’s Southwest building across the street. Or the former Wendy’s/gas station structure on Highway Eleven. Or the store that housed The Straw Hat at the corner of Main and Chalkville Road, which has also been a pizza shop and a soda fountain/pharmacy.

Others just seem injured and in waiting for medical care, like the fire-damaged Kemp’s restaurant by the railroad tracks. And don’t kid yourself. They are very jealous of the shiny new structures going up all around them, like the new school administration building, the Rodney Scott barbecue place, and the Hero donut shop. “Sure,” I hear them saying. “It’s easy to attract attention when your paint is fresh and your landscaping is manicured when you’re the hot, new business in town. But will they still love you when you’re old and your novelty has worn off?”

The emanations I get are not always downers. Take the former K-Mart building off Chalkville Road. I clearly remember the early nineties when Trussville was considerably under-retailed. K-Mart was really the first major chain of its kind to come to town. We were all so happy that our sleepy little burg was getting some shopping! But as the flood of other stores poured into the city, K-Mart began to fade, and when it finally shut the doors for good, the huge, vacated building seemed to heave out a sigh that I felt with every passing journey.

Small wonder then that when these buildings do get a second life, they are overjoyed. That Former K-Mart is being revived with not one, but three different tenants. Ollie’s, Tractor Supply, and a pet store are bringing life back to the old brick and mortar, and it gives me a good feeling. I can almost see the smile on the walls when I pull up into the parking lot. I can hear the Chinese buffet and Mexican restaurants next door shouting “Welcome to the neighborhood. Thanks for the new foot traffic!”

I felt like I was picking up on joyful sounds from the old Food World, when Fresh Market moved in, and eventually got an exciting new neighbor as Ace Hardware took up residence to rescue the Tuesday Morning space. I swear I hear giggling when I pass the old Zoe’s restaurant, as Five Guys prepare to take over.

Sometimes I think I feel impatience, almost like a foot-tapping or fingers twiddling. When Edgar’s Bakery opened, that stately white companion building next door was all dressed up, but with no one to embrace. “C’mon,” it would call to me. “Look how pretty I am. Surely someone wants to dance with me.” And finally, it was “spotted” by Eyes On Main (pun intended).

So the next time you are driving through town, and you pass a building that is empty, or newly occupied, or brand new, don’t be surprised if feelings come over you. Feelings that seem to talk to you. It doesn’t make you weird. It just makes you like me.

Well, I guess that does make you a little weird. (Ken Lass is a former Birmingham TV news and sports anchor, and Trussville resident since 1989.)

Ken Lass, Tribune columnist

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Opinion: 2021 a difficult year for Alabama, hope for 2022

Editor’s Note:

This is an opinion column.

By Paul DeMarco

When we look back at this past year, there will be a lot of headlines that we will remember about this year in Alabama.

Obviously, the pandemic and its effect on the state’s citizens is what we will remember most about 2021. The virus took its toll on Alabama, with over 16,000 Alabamians who passed away and many more who suffered from infection with the virus. And state leaders debated on how best to move the state forward while the virus was spreading.

It had a significant impact on the state’s economy. Workers dealt with the crushing blows of rising inflation and a higher cost of living, while businesses struggled to keep or hire new employees after months of government benefits disincentivized some people from returning to work.

In addition to the pandemic, we also had soaring numbers of drug overdoses and a sharp spike in crime around the country and our state.

Mother nature struck the state earlier this year in June when Tropical Storm Claudette hit Alabama hard, spinning off tornadoes and resulting in flooding that led to deaths, injuries, and property damages.

Paul Demarco

Yet, despite the difficulties we have faced this past year, Alabama is still attracting new companies to open their doors in the state. And touristS are returning in record numbers to enjoy our natural attractions from the beaches to the Mountains.

Today, more treatments are available to fight COVID-19 and its variants, so hopefully, we will see a return to pre-pandemic life in the new year. And those that have advocated to defund the police and weaken the criminal justice system are seeing strong push back now from citizens that will carry over into the next year.

Yes, 2021 has been a difficult one in our state, but there are reasons to be hopeful for 2022 as the new year approaches.

Paul DeMarco is a native of Alabama and is a former member of the Alabama House of Representatives.

Williams

From page 5

scratching out the veracity of the most important and foundational document written since the dark ages. He ended in fine fashion by stating that “the Constitution isn’t working. It’s time for a little rebellion.” (I want to know if the January 6th commission and the Biden DOJ will be investigating the author for inciting insurrection. I’m not holding my breath.)

That same morning, I also watched in disbelief as a video made the rounds on social media of no less than half a dozen NYPD Officers surrounding the table of a mother and what appeared to be her 5-year-old son, letting them know (as the child started to cry in fear) that they could either show proof of vaccination or they would have to leave the restaurant. The family was told on camera that anything less would be subject to arrest and penalties under color of law – right here in our country during the Christmas week of 2021!

I say all of these things because we have to be reminded, in the midst of the liberal chaotic browbeating that the media and some in government have elected to promote, that there is more to the story. We have rights. We have a voice, and we have a right to assembly, to freely associate with our families and friends, with fellow worshippers, and with those with whom we work together to earn a living. The liberal professor who wrote the piece about the Constitution made the mistake of thinking that the rebellion he is calling for would draw support, first of all (so out of touch). But he really mistook the enlightened notion of doing away with our Constitution as something that would go unanswered, or for that matter that his side would win. Liberals don’t really get it. They don’t know why it matters to us so much. You see, this is not a society that has been generationally subjected to the whims of the “Dear Leader” without whom we cannot function. America is known, not just for its economic and military might, but also for the absolute free-spirited, entrepreneurial, loyal-to-a-fault, sometimes reckless, open range pioneering get-the-jobdone attitude that winners carry with them across the finish line. As a people, we don’t sit idly by and we don’t long suffer fools. We will liberate the oppressed, speak for the downtrodden, and punch tyrants right in the mouth – and we’ll do all that before breakfast. I had a sign on my wall in Baghdad that said, “Win Friends, Kill Enemies.” and that about sums it up.

As we enter into 2022, I have been once again deeply reminded – right down to my core – that all of this “freedom stuff” matters. So, if you haven’t “assembled” with friends and loved ones yet there is still time. It is your right.

It really matters.

Phil Williams is a former State Senator, retired Army Colonel and combat veteran, and a practicing Attorney. He has served with the leadership of the Alabama Policy Institute and currently hosts Rightside Radio M-F 2-5 p.m. on WVNN.

Traveling

From page 5

But when I took my next step I knew something was wrong. My foot landed on the moisturizer, the bottle burst, lotion squirted everywhere, and I slipped.

I lost my balance and fell face-forward as our suitcases tumbled down the remaining 11,028 steps like a Samsonite avalanche.

Amazingly, I caught myself and was mostly unharmed except for a bloody shin. I stood there in shock for several minutes, trying to get my heart to start beating again.

In a few moments, my wife came rushing to me, and I could see genuine worry all over her face. “Oh my God!” she said with tears in her eyes, “Was that my expensive moisturizer?”

So I spent the rest of the morning cramming stuff into a tiny car during a frog-choking rainstorm. Piece by piece. Bit by bit. Bag by bag. At times I had to use my feet to get a stubborn item of luggage to fit.

The suspension of our vehicle sank a good eight inches by the time I finally managed to squeeze everything inside, and there was barely enough room for my wife behind the steering wheel.

Still, all in all, we had a wonderful trip. The city of Birmingham is a magnificent place, and I will miss it dearly.

Once someone gives me a ride back home.

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