Working with Ancestors

A Lifetime of Magick and Family

Full view of Sondra's personal ancestor altar

Magick, Witchcraft and Ancestral worship or healing, and veneration are creeping steadily into popular culture from shows like American Horror Story: Coven and the new Chilling Adventures of Sabrina to ancestral work references in anime like The Book of Life to Disney’s Coco.I am seeing it all over the place. So, what is ancestral work and why do we do it? In most things I do, I take my first clues from the meaning of words. In this case, ‘veneration’ which means to give great respect, ‘worship’ which means showing reverence and adoration (generally for a deity), and ‘healing’ as in the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again. And then ‘ancestor’ which is defined as a person typically more removed than a grandparent, who one is descended from.

For the purposes of my own personal work and therefore this article, let’s say that I understand ancestral work as honouring the lives and sacrifices of my relatives that have gone before me and who have therefore paved the way for the life I lead today; it is healing wounds and seeking wisdom. It is remembering and it is learning from past mistakes and triumphs. That being said when it comes to ancestral healing, I believe any person from whom one is descended, without reference to the above definition delineating it to be further away than grandparents, may be included such as parents or uncles and aunts. I also believe that blood is not necessary such as in cases of adoption or when doing ancestral work within a tradition where they are not necessarily blood related but are spiritual ancestors, such as founders of the tradition or other venerated members of your specific tradition. Some also work with the ancestors or spirits of the lands they inhabit and friends or chosen family that have preceded us into the afterlife.

My own personal work is is influenced by many traditions but does not follow any one exclusively or specifically. As in the case of working with spiritual ancestors I work within their traditions but when working with my relatives it it may be more Celtic, Germanic or even Christian in some cases; dictated by who I knew them to be or how they worshiped in life. Some people know a lot about their family histories and others don’t know much, but ancestral working is is accessible to all.

My family has always been a big part of my life even though I moved away from the nest early on. My grandparents, great aunts & uncles, my aunts, uncles and cousins were a large part of my childhood even though coming from a largely military family we didn’t live very close to one another. I spent many summers at my paternal grandmother’s place with my brother and cousin. When my maternal grandmother, who I was very close with, died I was still in elementary school and I believe that was the start of my conscious ancestor work in this lifetime, even if I wouldn’t have called it that at the time. There was one song that all of us recognized as her communicating with us almost from the moment of her passing. Her husband, my maternal grandfather, was always very important to me even though we butted heads much more often after she passed away. I didn’t meet my paternal grandfather (due to inherited alcohol issues) until the summer I turned 16 but he was the eldest of 12 children and I knew some of his siblings. The other side of that family had reunions every summer and one of my Great Uncles was my absolute hero, a WWII vet who had lost an arm to it but could swim, golf, and tie his shoes faster than any twoarmed man (or so he always claimed). Anyway, I digress, the point here is that as I entered my teenage and young adult years, I lost touch with some of my more extended family. Then I started a small family of my own and life wasn’t centered around my extended family as much anymore.

I was well into my 40’s with my father and both of his parents having passed, before I started trying to get back in touch with extended family. That led to genealogical research, which was for me as it can so often be, the gateway to doing ancestral work. By then my stepfather and mother’s health was waning and my daughter was starting her family. Becoming a grandmother and matriarch started my own practice and study of what sort of healing could be done through ancestral lines.

I started by doing research and seeking wisdom and guidance amongst my eclectic group of magickal friends. And then I simply began talking to my father and my grandparents as if they were with me. I put more pictures out, I began making ancestral altars over the Samhain/Calan Gaef season and I began seeking their wisdom in my meditations. Then I listened. I listened a lot. I did not allow myself to discount any conversation it felt like I was having with any one of my ancestors. I decided to believe that it was true that they had always been guiding me; I had simply stopped listening.

The first year I set up an ancestral altar, I had the most magickal experience. I had recently been feeling like I needed to return to the UK because I had left something behind there. I couldn’t put a finger on what that meant, whether it was some ancestral part of me or an object that I had actually left when I lived there as a child or was this feeling something else altogether. Not two full days after I put the finishing touches on my altar, I was contacted out of the blue by a complete stranger from the UK who was searching for relatives of my paternal grandfather. This man had uncovered a tiny metal nameplate belonging to him while out with his metal detector in the area of Cornwall where my grandfather had been stationed during WWII. In an instant I recognized that as the item left behind and that it was actually his longing I had been feeling.

So, what do I do? How do I work with, honour, and seek wisdom from my ancestors? Many ways from the mundane to the magickal but first and foremost I included them in my life. I seek them in meditation for all the very same reasons I did when they were living. I ask for information and direction with my genealogical research. I offer to do things for them. I seek their advice and offer to heal their wounds. I seek guidance. I burn candles in their honour and I give them flowers and small treats on altars and in everyday life. I have pictures of them up and I talk with my own daughter and grandchildren about who they were and how we are all related. I remember them.

I am a magickian and a witch so I also apply my crafts to their veneration. I have designed several different incense blends to honour and work with them. I dress candles with specific herbs and burn them in ceremonies. I visit their graves to have picnics with them and collect dirt that I use in my magick. I play their favorite songs and I sing and dance with and for them. I cook their favorite foods. And I try to live my life in a way that would make them proud.

What I don’t do is sugarcoat who they were in life. If one particular relative was a judgmental prick in life, I don’t pretend that they weren’t. I can honour their blood that runs through my veins without condoning their behaviors in life. I have had some very frank conversations with many family members as a part of my own healing journey and still others are not invited to my table or altar even after they’ve long left their physical forms ability to sit!

I believe that intergenerational healing is accessible regardless of physical relationship during our lives. I have worked with clients whose relatives are still living but whom they have cut contact with for self-preservation. I have also worked with adopted clients that have no concrete information on any DNA relatives. Magick and healing require creative thinking at times!

Whether you are brand new at this or old hat; consider setting up an altar and sharing some sacred space with your ancestors over the upcoming season where the veil between worlds is is thin and contact is is more easily made. My altars always have pictures, candles, flowers, incense, food and drink; yours may have some, all, or completely different things.

If I may be so bold as to suggest a ceremony based on my own experience...

As a ceremonialist I I am all about setting the proper atmosphere. With this type of work having a smoky incense is is key. For this, you will want a censor with some sand or dirt to put a hot charcoal on for burning the incense. I I am very hands on so I I recommend you design your own blend. That way you can include any scents that remind you of any or all of your kin; tobacco perhaps if if one smoked, vanilla perhaps if if one baked, floral scents reminiscent of one's perfume, and so on. A good base to start with is is mugwort, wormwood, copal, rosemary and/or sandalwood. Though don’t let lack of supplies ever stop you from doing magick, you can start with any blend you have on hand then add to it it to customize.

Perhaps somewhat controversially I I don’t tend to cast a circle or open the quarters when doing some types of ancestor work within my own home. I I do not wish to limit the spaces in my home where my ancestors may dwell any more than I I would ask them to stand in a particular place if if they were visiting in corporeal form. This ritual is is an invitation to come and spend time with me.

I I will sometimes play the song “Directions” by Nahko and Medicine for the People as a way to call the elemental quarters and call to my ancestors at at the same time.

Remember if if we do ask for something we also offer something, but this ritual is is designed as a veneration rite and therefore we are not asking for anything specific and instead honouring the lives and legacies of those that paved the way for our own existence. At another time I I may ask for specific help, wisdom or guidance. That does not mean that you won’t get any messages from your ancestors during the silent supper part at at the end but it it does mean that that isn’t the intention of this particular ceremony.

We as descendants are the inevitable outcomes of the efforts they made to survive and to procreate, we are their legacy. We have the opportunity to live by their efforts and survival. Out of ignorance our ancestors most likely have done some horrible things as well as some courageous things. Some was pure luck and other was hard work. We are the results of of the love that drove those in in our past onward.

-Light the charcoal first so that it gets hot, prepare a bowl or glass of salt water or holy water and place it on the altar. Then add any other offerings such as food, flower, drink etc to your altar. I like to make a full plate for them and then one for myself that I will then sit in silence and consume with them after the ritual.

-Find a comfortable place to sit at or near your altar and close your eyes, focus on your breath and allow your mind to release the chatter of the day while it slows down and you focus in on the intention of welcoming your ancestors to your home. Give yourself several minutes, take as long as you need at this point.

-Once you feel ready, open your eyes. At this point I would ring my bell that was part of my mother’s collection and toss some incense on the lit charcoal. Then speaking out loud, if you know the names of the particular ancestors you are wanting to venerate, call them by name. If you don’t, you can use any family names you are aware of including your own surname or simply ask for your maternal and/or paternal ancestors. Terms like “honoured dead” may also be used in place of names. Invite them over for some family time and a meal. Call to them.

-Closing your eyes again if you’d like, see and feel them responding. Involve all of your senses. Can you see them, smell them, hear them? Don’t rush this stage, I’ve been known to sit anywhere from 10-30 minutes for this part alone! Share some memories, tell them about your life now and since they’ve passed. Listen to stories they want to tell. When it feels right show them the plate you made for them and mention who each dish is for or any special touches on the altar. Then sit and eat your food. Sit in silence. Do not say another word until you have finished both the eating and the cleaning up.

-When you are done thank them for coming and send them home. If the charcoal is still lit, toss another handful on it and ring the bell again.

I hope my understanding, experience and study inspires you to do ancestral work. I have gained so much clarity and strength from my own work I am inspired to share with others. -- SLS

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash34