Tearaway Term 3 2014

www.tearaway.co.nz TERM THREE | 2014

Who is

NATION? A New Sound from the Deep South

Vance Joy Benny Tipene Kiwi Artists Abroad Pull out poster: Ace Your Exams Che Fu The General Election Korfball... What The? How To Be Awkward Happy Camper's Guide to Gaming

Plus

Win!

New albums, Rainbow's End passes

and more!

Spirit of Adventure FP

CONTENTS Sounds Epic HEAD OFFICE

PO Box 1879 Christchurch

MANAGING DIRECTOR Gary Collins

ADMINISTRATION MANAGER

Kylie Palermo admin@academy.net.nz SUBSCRIPTIONS

Jade Haylett subs@academy.net.nz

SALES & ADVERTISING Di Barclay Phone: 03 961 5087 di@academy.net.nz

NEWSROOM EDITOR

Rain Francis rain@tearaway.co.nz Phone: +61 420 666 708

PRODUCTION PRODUCTION MANAGER

Caroline Duke PRODUCTION CO-ORDINATOR

Luke Wattchow

Dear You Guys,

The No Problemos

9

Guess what we’re excited about right now? The fact that summer is fast approaching? Nah... that’s still months off! The fact that humans are going to build a colony on Mars?

Nah... Pffftt – Mars! The impending arrival of TEARAWAY TV? Ahh... yep!

Cover Story: Who is Nation?

10

Benny Tipene

12

Vance Joy

13

Kickin’ it Offshore

14

OK, we are actually excited about those first two things as well, but TEARAWAY TV is definitely top of our list. You may have checked out the TEARAWAY Magazine YouTube channel, which features mini docos made entirely by our talented Mavericks. If you haven’t, go do it now. I’ll wait.

Well, things on YouTube are about to get a whole lot more awesome.

Stay tuned as the Mavericks bring you interviews, documentaries and creative short films. What would you like to see on TEARAWAY TV? Who do you want to see interviewed?

Drop me a line to let me know!

TEARAWAY TV will be launching soon. Watch this space....

LEAD GRAPHIC DESIGNER

Sarah Betman ONLINE

Jarred Shakespeare

www. tearaway .co.nz

Disclaimer: This publication is provided on the basis that A-Mark Publishing is not responsible for the results of any actions taken on the basis of information in these articles, nor for any error or omission from these articles and that the firm is not hereby engaged in rendering advice or services. A-Mark Publishing expressly disclaim all and any liability and responsibility to any person in respect of anything and of the consequences of anything done, or omitted to be done, by any such a person in reliance, whether wholly or partially upon the whole or any part of the contents of this publication. Advertising feature articles are classified as advertising content and as such, information contained in them is subject to the Advertising Standards Authority Codes of Practice. Contents Copyright 2014

by A-Mark Publishing (NZ) Ltd. All rights reserved. No article or advertisement may be reproduced without written permission.

4 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

RAIN FRANCIS

Your World The Outlook for Someday

18

The Road to Safer Driving

20

Livin’ the Dream Ace Your NCEA Exams

26

Sports Korfball... What the?

22

Cirque du Soleil

23

For a Laugh Happy Camper’s Guide to Gaming

28

How To Be Awkward

30

Regulars Meet the Mavericks

5

Coming Up

8

Editor

Don’t Be An Egg! (The General Election) 16

rain@tearaway.co.nz

Zeal News

24

Freebies

☞ SCORE!

Loot 31

Plus

Pull out poster:

Che Fu

Follow @TearawayMag on Twitter, #TearawayMag on Instagram, watch our You Tube channel TearawayMag, find us on Tumblr and don’t forget to ‘Like’ us on Facebook

THE MAVERICKS

Meet the Mavericks

TEARAWAY is proud of the fact that almost all of our content is created by young Kiwis. We are the TEARAWAY Mavericks.

Below are the cats who have work featured in this issue; there are loads more who have been toiling away like total legends, creating content for our website and keeping our social media pages pumping.

You can meet the whole gang by going to the About page of www.tearaway.co.nz and clicking on Who Are the Mavericks?

Want more? You too could be a part of the gang! If you have a flair for writing, photography, film-making or illustration, we want to hear from you.

Email rain@tearaway.co.nz

Dylan “D-Dog” Gowan: A 20-year-old Communications student at Massey. Has an unhealthy obsession with Napoleon Dynamite; he can quote it word for word, but is still working on those dance moves.

Rebekah Brennan: 19 years old and fascinated by all things music. Currently studying Audio Production in the Deep South; shooting, interviewing, recording bands. > Nation, page 10; I Am Giant, page 15

> How to Be Awkward, page 30

Grace King: An 18-year-old Auckland Uni student with a passion for writing about real people living their lives. Also enjoys intense procrastination, sleeping until lunchtime and writing lists.

Stephen Gallagher: 22-year-old Creative Writer and Production Engineer for Mediaworks, enjoys having a beard.

Has dreams of being the first astronaut to walk on the surface of the sun. > Benny Tipene, page 12

> Zeal News, page 24

Jack Leonard: Canterbury Uni Media student who’s into music and rugby, but not as much as he’s into the idea of becoming Nicholas Cage’s protégé and slowly assuming his identity.

Jerome Sears: Jerome loves music, a good festie and virtually everything pop culture. Guilty pleasures include reality TV and spending hours on YouTube. > The Road to Safer Driving, page 20

> The No Problemos, page 9

Jason Kim: A self-described ‘enigma’ whose grandiose sense of self-worth often leads to strange behaviour, such as writing a bio in the third person. Also likes sea otters and scrambled eggs. > Don’t Be An Egg!, page 16

Jessie Chiang: Fits the vertical Asian stereotype. If you’re wondering no, she doesn’t take calculus or science. She’s the kind of person who takes ages to decide what to eat. “On behalf of all the people who do this, we’re sorry.” > Nikita the High Flyer, page 23

Kate McIlhone: A 17-year-old aspiring writer living in the shaky city of Christchurch. Loves travel, reading, writing, music, zombies, and fan-girling over her two obsessions: Doctor Who and Harry Potter.

Sharon McCoskrie: A Communications student at AUT. Loves life in general, but particularly sport, talk and having fun. > Korfball: Quidditch on Unicycles?, page 22

Tierney Reardon: Despite having never been to school, Tierney can read, decipher algebra, open jam jars, navigate Facebook and avoid chocolate with nuts in; so she is prepared for anything. > The Happy Camper’s Guide to Gaming, page 28

Erica McQueen: Lover of a good handshake, novel reader, music listener, photographer, AUT student, crime show watcher and compulsive napper, Erica is your go-to for some good NZ music banter. > The Wyld, page 11

> Ace Those Exams, page 26

Patrick Campbell: A student of Communications at AUT, Patrick is a passionate music journalist who spends too much time taking buzzfeed quizzes.

Thomas Stevenson: A geology undergrad from Dunedin, Thomas strives for knowledge. He is drafting his first novel and writes a wide variety of stories in both English and French. His goals are to earn a PhD and build a ferret sanctuary overseas.

> Nation, page 10; Janine and the Mixtape, page 14

> The Outlook for Someday, page 18

www.tearaway.co.nz | 5

COMING UP Coming Up

rr

Things are happening. For real...

Let’s Dance

Write a Winning Song

For the first time ever, Kiwi dancers have a shot at making it to the prestigious International All Star Federation (IASF) Dance Worlds Championship. With participants from over 40 different countries, success at the Champs could turn your ultimate dreams into reality.

Now is your chance to enter what the New York Times calls “the songwriting competition to take note of.” You could be sharing in over $150,000 in cash and prizes as a winner of the International Songwriter Competition (ISC). The Grand Prize itself includes $25,000 cash and over $25,000 in prizes.

This amazing opportunity is being made possible by DanceBrandz, who will be hosting their own competition on September 14 this year. The comp aims to sort out the talent and decide who will attend the 2015 IASF World Championship.

Renowned for having the most prestigious judges of any music competition in the world, ISC’s judging panel is comprised of high-profile recording artists and influential music industry professionals. Judges for this year include Sarah McLachlan, Tom Waits, American Authors, Pat Metheny, Sara Evans, Bastille, Avicii, Wayne Shorter – and many other successful artists – along with Presidents and CEOs from Republic, Atlantic, Warner Bros., Elektra, Columbia, Virgin, Sony Music Latin, Mercury, Wind-Up, Tommy Boy, Alligator, S-Curve, Blind Pig Concord Music Group and many more.

The DanceBrandz national competitions, launching this Spring at the Bruce Mason Centre in Auckland cater to all ages and levels. Find out more and sign up at www.dancebrandz.com.

Dancer Leah Winter

www.tearaway.co.nz

Music, news, reviews, advice, careers, creative writing, fashion, sport!

James Blunt

Ellie Goulding

>

Photo galleries from all the latest gigs

Broods

The ISC is an annual song contest which provides the opportunity for both aspiring and established songwriters to have their songs heard in a professional, international arena. It aims to nurture the musical talent of songwriters on all levels and promote excellence in the art of songwriting. Amateur and professional songwriters and musicians are invited to participate.

There is even a teen category!

For information or to enter the competition, head to www. songwritingcompetition.com.

Come and join the party,

yah?!

Freebies!

Lots of them! More than you'll find in the mag! < Illustration by Elliot Gonzales

Illustration galleries from the country’s top young artists Photos taken by Jessica Suo

8 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

SOUNDS EPIC

Making Somethin’ Real Happen Image by Bradley Garner

TEARAWAY Maverick JACK LEONARD recently caught up with Ants Ransley, one of the many members of up-and-coming-yet-threealbums-deep-with-a-musicvideo hip hop collective, The No Problemos. They talked about the current musical landscape in New Zealand, and how the No Problemos have managed to find success in it.

The internet has made a bit of a habit out of changing the way everything works. The music industry in particular has had a tough time adapting to the new climate. In a market so saturated, in which the horizons stretch forever outwards, containing more content than you’ll likely ever come across in your entire lifetime, how does one (or a group of ones) manage to build a fan base from scratch and experience some success within the music industry?

The No Problemos is a group that cares about and involves the community in their musical project. Their ties with other New Zealand artists are very strong; they’ve been known to collaborate and play gigs with other rising Kiwi stars.

They label themselves an ‘open collective’, meaning that their line-up isn’t exclusive at all.

Ants tells me that the open collective concept is similar to the

collaborative idea. “We have mates who are rappers, singers, painters, cartoonists, designers, photographers and god knows what. It basically means we can keep doing what we love with the people we love while we promote local talent.

“The bro Marcus Ebbett has painted all of our last three album covers, and he knows us better than most people. So whatever he ends up putting out really captures what we’re about perfectly.

Safe to say he’s a No Prob, even if he isn’t on stage with us at the gigs.

“Our goal isn’t only to push our music out there, but also to help put Kapiti on the map as a place of creativity.

We appreciate all forms of art and we’re all really proud to live out here on the coast, so to be able to incorporate that into what we do is pretty choice for us.”

Asides from being a brilliant, selfless idea that brings together like-minded people to create and share art, this approach to making music is integral to the success of The No Problemos.

“In today’s music industry, I think one of the most important things for us is to make friends,” says Ants. “Over the last few years, we’ve gotten to know a lot of the other New Zealand artists on a similar wavelength to us musically.

On our last album we were lucky enough to have collabs with Raiza Biza, Blaze the Emperor and KVKA; all relatively well-established musicians.

So when that happens, we virtually get exposure to each other’s fan bases too – and everyone benefits.

“It’s the same with gigs too; bringing artists from YGB and Ammonation down to our Kapiti and Wellington shows has been one of the most enjoyable things for me to date as a musician. It has a similar effect, as far as sharing the fan base goes, and just makes for a… sweet night that everyone can enjoy.”

The technical side of the band is also a key component of the success they have had. “Facebook is really the backbone of the operation… It’s the first place we go to let our fans know about any new music or gigs, so I’d assume nearly everyone who visits our Bandcamp, Soundcloud or YouTube channel pretty much came over from Facebook. Without it, we’d just lose the majority of the internet traffic we get on these sites and things would start to grind to a halt pretty quickly.”

With nearly 3,000 likes, The No Problemos’ Facebook page provides them with an easy hub on which they can directly link and share their progress with their fans. And share they do; the No Problemos attitude towards digital distribution is typically laid-back.

“Digital distribution pretty much accounts for all distribution of our records, so yeah, it’s essential for us,” says Ants. “I’m not even sure we’ve ever produced physical copies. It’s just not an ideal option for us, as an underground band working on a limited budget and a relatively small fan base.

You can download Somethin’ Real for whatever price you like, from: www.thenoproblemos. bandcamp.com

“People just sort of expect to get music for free these days, as with just about any form of digital media.

Bandcamp’s great for us, because we can give people the option to put a price on our album when they download it, whether it’s $0 or $20.

It’s cool to turn up to the studio, and Mickey (DJ Pleez) will tell us some cat’s just sent a cool $20 our way for the album. We feel really chuffed someone rates us that much when they don’t have to pay a cent for it in the first place. I think Bandcamp’s just the go-to if you want to get a hold of a full album quickly and legitimately.”

Having a strong internet presence is a massive part of gaining success in the music industry of today.

The No Problemos latest music video, for their single Move On – from the album Somethin’ Real – is proof of this fact; it was funded due to the collective’s win in www.theaudience.co.nz’s Wildcard competition.

Check the video out for yourself: Search for ‘The No Problemos – Move On’ on YouTube.

‘Tube user Dminion Rulez reckons that: “...dare [he] say it, [it’s] even better than Drake.” Just try to resist watching it after reading that. www.tearaway.co.nz | 9

SOUNDS EPIC

Who is

NATION?

Down in the deep South, we caught up with the boys of Nation. Maybe you haven’t heard of them yet, but keep your ears peeled for this electronic rock four-piece.

They have a distinct new sound and we like it a lot.

By TEARAWAY Mavericks REBEKAH BRENNAN and PATRICK CAMPBELL.

Jo: It was funny, because the first thing [Miharo] said to me was: ‘Hi, I’m Miharo,’ and I was, like: ‘Crap! I have no idea what he just said to me’.

You study, live and play together; do you ever get sick of each other?

asleep for about an hour and a half.

I woke up and they were, like: ‘Our name’s gonna be Nation.’ And I was, like: ‘Sweet’. And that’s how it came to be.

M: To me, it means new beginnings.

Miharo Gregory, Jo Hutchison, Hertzog Burger and Andrew Cornford have known each other for just over two years, beginning to jam in 2013. The four guys, who play, study and live together in Southland, are now preparing to take their music to the masses.

Miharo: Yes.

Who are your musical influences?

Hertzog: Yes. We get over it by fighting daily.

M: Shapeshifter, Muse.

Jo: And we have an annual physical fight.

A: Coldplay.

How did you guys meet?

M: It has a very deep meaning to it.

Andrew: It was 2012 that we met; the start of the Bachelor of Audio Production [at Southern Institute of Technology].

Where did the name Nation come from; what does it mean?

A: It’s very philosophical.

H: Mutemath.

What is the writing process like?

J: We all write songs collectively.

M: We put an idea on the table and we…

H: No, it’s not!

A: Eat the table.

J: It was really late and we started talking about names, then I fell

M: We metaphorically eat the idea.

A: Together.

Nation’s first single Push and Pull was released in June and it’s free to download; check out www.facebook. com/nationbandnz for the link.

Miharo Gregory

Introducing...

Jo Hutchison (Drums) AKA: Gooter Favourite tunes: Coldplay, Dave Weckl, Dirty Loops, Mike Johnston Biggest fear: Heights Dream sandwich: Chicken teriyaki Pet peeve: People touching my drum kit

10 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

(Vocals, keys, guitar)

AKA: Cuddles, Meatz Favourite tunes: Rage Against The Machine, Muse, Dirty Loops, Cory Henry Biggest fear: Andrew C’s freakishly large neck Dream sandwich: Lots of steak Pet peeve: People Facebooking on their phones while I’m trying to hang out with them

Andrew Cornford (Bass, backing vocals)

Hertzog Burger (Vocals, keys) AKA: Hertz, Hertz Dog, Mega Hertz Biggest fear: Deep waters, spiders Dream sandwich: Bacon on top of bacon... and cheese Comedy or horror: Comedy First concert: Aerosmith

AKA: Fabio, Andy C Favourite tunes: Bon Iver, Childish Gambino, The Doors, School Boy Q Biggest fear: Miharo’s long, slender piano fingers Dream sandwich: All of the meat First concert: Bananas In Pyjamas & Barney

SOUNDS EPIC How would you describe your music?

H: Electronic rock.

A: Bad-ass heavy riffs. We have riffs that are heavier than lead.

You released your first single Push and Pull recently. What does the rest of 2014 have in store for you?

Nation’s first single Push and Pull was released in June and it’s free to download; check out www.facebook.com/ nationbandnz for the link.

M: We’ve been recording and we hope to release that soon. We’re also heading to Australia to record.

What are your dreams for the future?

A: Byron Bay in August.

H: Hopefully we’ll have an EP out soon.

H: I want to be playing at birthday parties!

J: More gigs, too.

M: We want to be in the charts.

Do you think it will be difficult to make a living as a musician in New Zealand?

H: With our kind of music, maybe.

J: I want to be playing in stadiums.

A: Hopefully in the global charts and playing in stadiums.

M: We’re ready and we’re sticking it out as a band.

If you weren’t pursuing music, what do you think you’d be doing?

A: Jo would be a boiler man.

J: I don’t know…

A: Actually, Jo would be a full-time house husband.

You all have glorious hair; what kind of shampoo/conditioner do you use?

J: I use Herbal Essences of some sort.

M: Interpretive dancer…

H: I use Sunsilk too.

Jokes aside, the four members of Nation are sure that they are at the beginning of a big career – and it’s easy to see why. Aside from their loveable, quirky personalities and casual banter, the boys are super talented musicians. They really seem to ‘get’ each other, and the result is amazing, original music, with a kind of Pendulum-crossed-withShapeshifter vibe.

M: Colgate. I actually use Sunsilk.

Which one of you is most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse?

Say you were to add a fifth member to the band – anyone at all – who would it be?

If you could permanently base yourselves somewhere else, where would you be?

H: Casper.

J: Europe somewhere.

H: Emma Watson.

J: I think I’ll go with Andy.

M: I’d say Europe or Australia.

M: Yeah, Emma Watson on the second bass.

A: Just because of my stellar good looks.

A: Europaussie… Euralia.

A: Archeologist. Anthropologist.

Audiologist.

A: I’m quite an advocate of Tresemmé, but at the moment I’m using Sunsilk Longer and Stronger.

A: I don’t think so; not any more, with the technology we have.

J: Oooh, Rhiannon Fish From Home and Away.

J: Yeah, probably! I have no idea.

Probably a civil engineer, I looked into that.

A: Me. J: Definitely not me.

H: Yeah, probably Andy.

M: I’ll be the zombie king.

H: An artist.

Combine this all with their glorious hair, and you’ve got the recipe for a killer band. Watch this space...

Photos by Rebekah Brennan

www.tearaway.co.nz | 11

SOUNDS EPIC “It’s just kinda upped the game for me,” he says.

“Songwriting has become more serious for me, in terms of pop songs and what I enjoy, so I’m always trying to get a balance between the two.

My attitude towards music hasn’t changed at all.

If anything, I enjoy it so much more now, as it’s an even bigger part of my life now.”

The Charming Mr. Tipene Benjaman Tipene – or “Benny” as we affectionately know him – is quickly becoming the biggest and brightest heart-throb in New Zealand’s mainstream music scene. TEARAWAY Maverick STEPHEN GALLAGHER met up with the 24-year-old star to see how things have changed since he first exploded onto the scene.

From the Top We asked Benny for some advice for budding musos. Here’s what he said:

“Just be honest in your writing. It’s easier for people to connect to you and your songs. Just keep writing and writing!”

12 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

Our love affair with Benny began over a year ago now, after he first graced our television screens in TV3’s hit show The X Factor NZ. When we first saw him, we saw a skinny guy with long black hair, blasting out an incredible rendition of Outcast’s Hey Ya! That performance would catapult Benny through the audition stages.

Currently on radio and music television channels is his hit single Lonely, a beautiful song of love and heartache. The video clip portrays Benny lying in a bed of water. Since his first single was called Walking On Water, I wonder if he maybe has some sort of obsession with H2O. “Ha, good point,” he says. “I guess I do. I like swimming and drinking water, so I guess that makes me a fan!”

Sony and Sleeves After doing so well in X Factor, Benny signed with big music label Sony, which internationally has signed artists such as Taylor Swift, Rihanna and Johnny Cash. I ask what is the best part of being signed to such a highly regarded record label.

“Sony is great. They look after me really well. The best thing about having them is that they have so much support for me and back me 100%.”

As we all know, the young singer went on to place third on The X Factor. Sweetheart Jackie Thomas won, with Whenua Patuwai coming in second.

Benny Tipene’s debut EP Toulouse came with some of our favourite songs: Walking On Water, which was the debut single he performed on X Factor (and also the song used by Coca Cola here in New Zealand over summer); Make You Mine; and his latest release, Lonely. Now, Benny fans have an album to look forward to as well.

“I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing now if I hadn’t done the show,” says Benny. “It provided a platform for me to be able to write songs and have them recorded and sent to the hands of people that want to listen to them.”

“All I’ve been doing lately is writing for it,” he says.

“I have a lot of songs up my sleeve now and it’s all about picking the right ones." Keep an eye out for the new album, which will be released on October 17.

Before X Factor, Benny and some high school friends had taken on the indie scene in and around Palmerston North, in a band called The Nerines. So, what kind of artist was Benny then, as opposed to now?

And speaking of sleeves, I have to ask about his half-sleeve tattoo. “Well, most of my tattoos are of birds,” he explains. “When I was younger, I wanted to be a bird watcher. I’m very fascinated by them.

One arm has a waitai (silver eye) because my mum saves them. I have two huia; I got them because they are extinct and it’s one bird I would’ve have loved to have seen. I have a kingfisher, because at my old house in Grey Lynn I used to play guitar outside and one would land on a branch near me and just watch and listen, so I wrote a song about him. I guess he just reminds me of that period of songwriting, which was a nice period.”

SOUNDS EPIC

oƒ Joy

Tidal Wave

Ahead of the September release of his debut album Dream Your Life Away, James Keogh, AKA Vance Joy, took some time to chat with TEARAWAY Maverick PATRICK CAMPBELL about travelling, growing up in Melbourne, and inspiration.

☞ SCORE! It’s been a whirlwind two years for James Keogh. His hit single Riptide topped the Triple J Hottest 100 in 2013 and made waves in New Zealand as well as the US and UK. Following this, he toured Australasia with Laneway Festival and has recently performed at the world famous Glastonbury Festival, amid a run of international shows.

James spent his childhood in Melbourne, widely regarded as the cultural hub of Australia. “I grew up in the suburbs,” he says. “It was just my friends and I rollerblading to McDonald’s down the road...

It wasn’t until I went to university that I started to experience all the amazing culture that there is in Melbourne.”

A self-described “singer-songwriter-pop” artist, his influences and inspirations are many and varied. “I’ve been listening to Drake quite a lot recently. He’s one of those artists that really tell stories with his songs,” says James, who likes “any artist that can hit a nerve really... I love John Lennon and George Harrison.”

It seems that the music of Vance Joy has a similar effect on listeners to that of Lennon and Harrison – just watch the crowd at any gig when he plays Riptide. Laneway in Auckland this January was no exception; the song gets everyone emotional – there were more than a few tears in the audience.

James recalls one of his first American shows, where there was a similar reaction: “We played in a small room, and this small crowd was screaming the words so loudly. That sort of thing gives you a real lift.”

We have 3 copies of Dream Your Life Away up for grabs.

Check page 31 for entry details.

Getting to the point where he can play his music around the world hasn’t been easy, however. “The biggest challenge is establishing a band, rehearsing and then getting used to being on the road.” Now, as his album release draws near, James seems like he is comfortable with the long process of touring and ready for whatever is in store next.

Take 5 with Vance

Dreaming Big

Yeah, I think so. Oh, and Michelle Williams. She’s an amazing actress.

Making Dream Your Life Away, James was determined to keep the number of people he was working with down. Primarily, two major names were involved; producer Ryan Hadlock and drummer Ed White. “Too many cooks spoil the broth,” the artist explains.

On current jams...

What is one of your favourite songs at the moment?

One of the necessary challenges of making the album, he says, was the act of letting go, of letting others work on personal songs. “It’s like watching your little baby change. It can be difficult to let go, but it can be extremely rewarding and special when you have a breakthrough and you hear a change in the song that is just what you wanted.”

A career in music wasn’t even something James Keogh dreamed about until 2010, but just four years later he is taking the world by storm, and will continue his takeover with more touring right after his album release.

New Zealand can expect to see Vance Joy back on our shores next year. His debut album Dream Your Life Away is released September 5.

On celebrity crushes...

In Riptide you make a mention of Michelle Pfeiffer; is she your celebrity crush?

I love the new Grimes track.

On the secret to success...

Aside from talent, what would you say is the next necessary attribute someone needs to find success in the music industry?

A strong will.

On conquering the world...

Where do you most want to tour?

I always love Europe, and it would be cool to do South America.

On touring essentials...

When touring what are your three musthave items?

Comfy shoes, deodorant and a comb.

www.tearaway.co.nz | 13

SOUNDS EPIC

Kickin’ it

Offshore These three Kiwi acts are doing massive things abroad...

Janine and The Mixtape Following her first show in New York a few years ago, Janine Foster recalls being “mobbed by people feeling what I do”. From that moment, it was clear that the international music industry was ready and excited for Janine and The Mixtape. Inspired by the likes of Frank Ocean, Missy Elliot and Aaradhna, Janine describes her style as “indie meets R'n'B at night and dances under lamplight.”

TEARAWAY Maverick PATRICK CAMPBELL caught up with the selfsufficient artist, from her home in NYC. Fast forward to 2014 and Janine now has an EP to her name, and some singles picking up traction in New Zealand and abroad. Whilst she returned home briefly last year for a few shows – including a performance in competition for the Critic’s Choice Award at the Vodafone NZ Music Awards – Janine is now based in New York full-time.

Now she is working on all aspects of her music, “from booking shows to writing, producing, filming, labels, starting my own label...” The list continues, even including mention of accounting and running a business.

Making the move overseas may have been difficult, but the challenge doesn’t stop there.

14 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

Janine Foster is constantly working to improve and build on her international brand.

Moving On Up

Keeping her feet on the ground, and knowing who to keep close was a challenge when she first moved to New York. “We are very grounded in NZ and without keeping good people and family close we can lose ourselves overseas,” says Janine.

Janine and The Mixtape is much more than just the name for Janine’s solo music project. It incorporates a record company, production for other artists and much more. Janine wants to continue building all the different aspects of her business, but most of all she’d like to get to a place where she can “help leave the world a better place” than she entered it in.

Still, she is confident that moving to New York was the right decision for her. “We are where we are meant to be. I did a lot of growing up and have made a lot of musical breakthroughs on my journeys.”

When asked about the American music industry overseas as compared to New Zealand, she’s quick to explain: “It’s a completely different style. I like both for different reasons.”

Throughout these journeys, Janine has remained true to herself. “I definitely think being from NZ is an asset as a point of difference overseas. I can’t ever see myself trying to conform to fit anything. I’m very grateful that my realness is what people connect with.” It’s clear that with the music of Janine and The Mixtape, as with all other aspects of her business, what you see is what you get.

Keeping a strong, true image and sound has played a key part in pushing Janine’s music to places she never would have expected. “The Bahamas are always up on my music,” says the artist, who hopes to be able to play some shows there one day. This is just one of the many goals – in different parts of the music industry – that she has for her future.

Aside from the massive amounts of seriously famous people you may bump into overseas, Janine has noticed that overseas there is far more energy from those in the industry. “NZ is just way more chill,” she says, assuring me this is in no way a negative thing. She has come to see that the different approaches to making music over the world all have their own merits and downfalls.

Janine Foster has managed to achieve the dreams of most Kiwi musicians. Based in New York, with a successful EP under her belt and a record company to her name, she is starting to realise international success on a global scale. Still only at the beginning of her career, she is sure to continue moving forward; it is very likely that Janine and The Mixtape will become a household name in the near future.

SOUNDS EPIC

I Am Giant Now based in the London, Kiwi rockers I Am Giant have been busy creating a worldwide following. Having already completed a tour of Germany and the UK this year, at the time of this interview, they were on their way to Berlin and Warsaw to play some festivals.

They’re now promoting their brand new album, Science and Survival. TEARAWAY Maverick REBEKAH BRENNAN chatted to bassist Paul Matthews.

Though you’re based out of London now, do you consider yourselves a Kiwi band?

Absolutely.

Are there any places in particular you haven’t travelled to but would like to visit soon?

Japan. It looks amazing and we haven’t been there yet. Maybe I can learn how to sumo wrestle.

What has been the biggest challenge in working on your music outside of NZ? Going through security at airports!

Getting exposure to the people that like our kind of sound. For example, getting on the right shows, in the right magazines, on the right radio stations. That’ll probably always be the biggest challenge when you’re looking to establish your band in any [new] territory.

Your second album Science and Survival has recently been released.

Did the writing and recording process differ from that of your first album?

Not so much. It was quite similar, albeit we recorded half of it in France at the Quiksilver/DC Studios (amazing studios) and it took twice as long. We got a bit fussy.

SCORE!

☞

We have 6 copies of Science and Survival to give away.

Head to the Loot on page 31.

Have you ever had any terrible tour experiences?

We’ve had plenty of terrible experiences, like front wheels of the van over the edge of the cliff at the top of French Alps.

What do you get up to when you’re not touring? Do you hang out together much outside of the band?

When we’re not touring we are writing and recording and doing other band-related things. There’s always something going on, so we hang out a lot. Also I have a fiancée, so I hang out with her if I’m given the choice.

Do you prefer playing packed out shows, or smaller, intimate ones?

Packed out, to be sure. It means things are going well and people want to see you.

Are the fish ’n’ chips better in England or New Zealand?

New Zealand, hands down, all day long.

If you came with a warning label, what would it say?

Ginger.

Who in the band do you think would make the best female?

If I say Ed or Shelton they’ll probably pack a sad, so I’ll say me. I’d make the best female. Me. Paul Matthews.

Female. I could probably pull off wearing a bra these days anyway.

What are your goals for the future?

My biggest goal is to keep writing songs that make people feel something of value.

The Wyld When their track Odyssey got picked up for a US McDonald’s ad campaign in this year’s Olympic Games, The Wyld knew it was time to make the move to northern soil. Following on from their 2012 debut album Preface, they are now working on their follow-up, in New York. ERICA McQUEEN quizzed Mo Kheir, Brandon Black and Joe Pascoe from the alternative hip hop trio.

What have you been up to since leaving NZ? We’ve done shows in LA, NY and Chicago. We stayed in Phoenix, Arizona, and we’ve now moved back to New York to work on our next album.

What are the differences between the industries in the US and NZ? There’s a lot more money in the USA and that shows. People are willing to take more risks. The actual community of musicians is great in both countries. Everyone works together; collaborations are a constant.

We heard from some friends in Qatar that we’ve been getting played on the radio there, which was cool.

What are your dreams for the future of your music?

Perform our songs to large audiences, travel the world, work with other well-known artists. Create music that really resonates with people. We’d all love to have long careers as musicians/ producers/songwriters.

What is your favourite food that you can’t get in New Zealand?

Joe: It’s difficult to get good Mexican food in NZ.

What was the big pull factor to take you overseas?

Brandon: There’s so much to choose from in NY and you can get it all delivered straight to your house.

There are only four million people in NZ. We also started to see pretty quickly that our music had a much stronger reception in countries like the USA than in NZ.

Mo: If there’s one thing that Americans have a lot of, it’s food choices.

Favourite food is Artichokes Pizza in Manhattan – probably the best pizza I’ve ever had.

What do you miss most about New Zealand?

What is your proudest moment as a band so far?

Joe: I miss my family, but they’re all super supportive and it’s pretty easy now we have Skype.

Signing with Columbia Records.

They’re a great team with an amazing legacy, and we’re super proud to now be part of that.

Brandon: I miss all my friends, my family and my girlfriend. New Zealand is such a laid back country compared to the States.

Mo: Family and friends for sure. I really miss the green hills, fresh air and happy people.

What country have you been most surprised to find out was into your music?

We’ll be releasing our next album through Columbia, and touring in the US, UK and Europe. Dates to come!

Any final words of wisdom?

“Draw the art you want to see, play the music you want to hear, write the books you want to read; do the work you want to see done” – AUSTIN KLEON www.tearaway.co.nz | 15

DON’T BE AN EGG! Don’t Be An Egg!

Things You’ll Wish You Knew, Later ‘Oh, I’m not really interested in politics,’ you say. But is that really true?

Answer us a few questions. Do you intend to go to university?

Do you have a part-time job? Do you buy snacks or drinks? Oh, you do?

In the lead up to the 2014 General Election, Don’t Be An Egg! columnist JASON KIM explains how that whole voting thing really works.

Essentially, every aspect of your life is guided by a political decision made by someone in Wellington. That includes everything from the prices we pay at the shops, to the career choices available to us once we graduate from high school, to the amount of tax we pay out of our weekly wages.

In the last General Election, New Zealand as a whole had one of the higher voter turnout figures in the world. However, declining youth turnout has been a growing concern lately, with around 19% of eligible youths not even bothering to enrol – let alone vote – in the last election.

Let’s try and reverse that trend.

So... How Does it Work Again?

Prior to a major electoral reform in the mid-1990s, New Zealand employed one of the most simple electoral systems in the world (which we inherited from the UK, who still use it today). First Past the Post (FPP) it was called. Essentially, parties ran candidates in the various electorates across the country. Add up however many electorates a party won, and whoever had the most electorates formed the government.

Back in those days, politics really was a two horse race between National and Labour. Although some minor parties came and went, it was difficult for them to persuade voters that their vote wouldn’t be wasted. This was because, under FPP, if your candidate doesn’t win the electorate outright, your vote doesn’t count at all.

People ended up resenting the system. The high likelihood of a 16 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

wasted vote really restricted the choices that voters had. As a result, the Electoral Commission studied the various electoral systems used in other countries, and we put it to a vote in a referendum.

New Zealanders overwhelmingly voted against FPP, and soon we implemented the system that we have now: Mixed Member Proportional (MMP).

Hmm... Party Vote or Electorate Vote?

of candidates, ranked in order of priority. So if a party wins 30% of the vote and 36 seats, then the first 36 candidates listed will be entitled to a seat.

There are a few rules of course. A party must get at least 5% of the vote in order to make it into Parliament (unless they win an electorate seat, but we’ll get to that later). So there is still a small element of a wasted vote – for example, people who voted for the Conservative Party last year, who only won 2.6% of the vote.

The basic idea is really simple. You have a fixed number of seats in Parliament (usually around 120). These seats are divided in percentage terms according to that party’s share of the party vote.

The reason we have this rule is so that Parliament isn’t split up into lots and lots of small parties who may all have rather extreme and opposing views.

This would, in theory, lead to more unstable governments, as no one would be able to agree on anything!

So, say National wins 45%, Labour wins 30% and the Greens win 10%.

The seats will roughly be divided up as 54 for the Nats, 36 for Labour, and 12 for the Greens. This reduces the number of wasted votes a minor party would get.

While the general distribution of votes in Parliament is now divided according to the party vote, we still have electorates as well. So that’s why you have two votes under MMP; one party vote and one electorate vote.

For example under FPP, the Greens might have won about 10% of the vote nationwide. But if none of their candidates won an electoral seat, then all 10% of those votes would be wasted. Under MMP, all 10% counts and the Greens are represented according to the total proportion of New Zealanders voting for them.

Once the votes are in and the number of seats that parties are entitled to become settled, the seats are filled according to party lists. Before the election, every party will release a list

However, the electorate vote will almost always be irrelevant to which party forms the government. There are 70 electorates in this election; 63 general and 7 Māori electorates).

Basically, the electorate MP (Member of Parliament) is the guy or gal who is tasked with representing your local area’s views and issues.

But even after sorting out who has won which electorate, only 70 of the 120 seats in Parliament will have been filled. The remainder of seats will be filled according to the party vote, so who actually wins the electorate vote

The 2014 New Zealand General Election takes place on September 20. For more general info, go to www.elections.org.nz. For more info on WHY to vote, check out our article at www.tearaway.co.nz/use-yourvoice/ or head to the TEARAWAY Magazine YouTube channel.

isn’t decisive in who forms a majority.

A party can, in theory, win as many as 50 of the 70 electorates (71%) but still not form a government, unless they have 50% of the total nationwide party vote.

A Coat-Tail, You Say? I mentioned earlier that sometimes a party doesn’t need 5% to make it into Parliament. This is because of the so-called ‘coat-tail rule’ which will be referred to on the news repeatedly over the next few months.

Basically, the big parties will sometimes send a ‘wink-wink’ message to voters in a certain electorate, saying that it’s OK to select the candidate from a minor party instead of their own. This is what has been going on in Epsom for a number of years now between National and ACT, and which Labour will (or should, if they have any tactical nous at all) be hoping to do in Te Tai Tokerau with the Internet-Mana Party.

So here’s how it works. While a party needs 5% of the total vote to be in Parliament under normal circumstances, if they end up winning an electorate seat they can take in however much their party vote adds up to, even if it falls below 5%.

DON’T BE AN EGG! That’s why National are so keen for ACT to win an electorate and get their party vote back up to somewhere between 2-4%. By winning Epsom, ACT will not only win one electorate seat, but also two or three more seats via the coat-tail rule. They wouldn’t otherwise have been entitled to these extra seats if they didn’t get the go-ahead from National.

And Coalitions Are...?

So why are Labour and National so keen to like, straight-up give away certain seats? The answer is that under MMP, it’s basically impossible for one party to govern alone.

In the years that we’ve had MMP, not once has a party earned more than 50% of the total party vote (although according to the current polls, National might make history this election with as much as 50-55% of the total vote).

What this means is that the major parties need support partners, and together they form what is called a coalition. Say National wins 45% of the total party vote. They have won the most votes out of anyone in New Zealand. But they need to make sure they have a majority of the 120-seat Parliament support them as well.

If Labour is on something like 30% of the total party vote, but can cobble together the remaining 20% from a combination of the Greens, New Zealand First, and Internet-Mana, then it’s game-on as to who can be the next government.

So National wants to make sure that it can fill in the remaining 5% or so that they will need to govern with some combination of United Future, ACT and the Māori Party.

Unfortunately for them, all three of those parties are essentially on life support right now. United Future is a one-man-band led by Peter Dunne.

ACT has failed to even register on many polls throughout the year (although they’ll be hoping new leadership will give them the boost they need).

The Māori Party might be wiped out altogether by a combination of Labour and Mana candidates in the seven Māori seats.

Fortunately for National, they have probably one our most popular Prime Ministers ever. The polls have been so consistent over the past few months that they may have the level of support across New Zealand to form the first ever one-party government in MMP history.

And Now, a Disclaimer The writer of this article has made some assumptions about the likely success or otherwise of certain political parties in the September election, that you may or may not agree with. That’s OK. Are you old enough to vote? Then get out there on election day and make your own point, with your own vote!

OK I’ll Vote Then. So, Who’s Who? This is not an exhaustive list. For a list of all registered parties, go to www.elections.org.nz

What Do They Stand For? Freedom of choice If They Were a Car, They Would Be... A BMW M5: Modern, sexy, but you need to be rich to have a ride

What Do They Stand For? Equality of opportunity If They Were a Car, They Would Be... A Ford GT: A once-mighty brand which is falling apart in the modern age

What Do They Stand For? Save the environment If They Were a Car, They Would Be... A Toyota Prius (c’mon, too easy)

What Do They Stand For? NZ was awesome back in the ‘70s!

If They Were a Car, They Would Be... A vintage hot rod: Powerfully nostalgic, but not very practical in the modern age

What Do They Stand For? “Common sense” If They Were a Car, They Would Be... A Suzuki Swift: Practical and flexible. Can weave in and out of multi-lane traffic (i.e. in multi-party coalition government)

What Do They Stand For? Improving Māori quality of life If They Were a Car, They Would Be... A specialised vehicle like a fire truck or an ambulance van

What Do They Stand For? I do what I want, when I want, how I want!

If They Were a Car, They Would Be... A Hummer SUV: The exhilarating rush of freedom and power at your fingertips, as you rip that massive engine into gear and tear down those inviting country roads. Never mind the fuel efficiency though

What Do They Stand For? We (the leaders of the once separate Internet and Mana parties) both hate John Key (for different reasons) If They Were a Car, They Would Be... Some weird combination between Che Guevara’s Harley Davidson and Kim Dotcom’s Lamborghini Diablo

What Do They Stand For? Old-fashioned Christian values If They Were a Car, They Would Be... A Honda Odyssey: A practical people-mover, perfect for loading up the kids for Sunday School

www.tearaway.co.nz | 17

YOUR WORLD Today Is The Day

Many teenagers go through a phase where all they want to do is make a movie. You might be hit by a brilliant idea and wish to broadcast it, or maybe you just fancy seeing yourself on a big screen. Why not? What’s to stop you grabbing whatever camera is available, gathering some friends and becoming Sir Peter Jackson for a day?

By THOMAS STEVENSON. Sometimes a lack of motivation is the problem. There’s always that nagging feeling that if you finish a short film, it won’t get the appreciation it deserves.

(You may also be afraid that your film will be too much like the undisputed masterpiece known as Sharknado.)

Who, you may ask, is ever going to watch this thing? This is why it’s so great that we have The Outlook for Someday film challenge!

The Outlook for Someday has been running since 2007 and its basic principle hasn’t changed in that time.

Challenge entrants are tasked with filming, editing and submitting a movie of up to five minutes’ length.

It can be of any genre, from a musical piece to a documentary to animation.

The big, overlying idea is sustainability.

Every film must interpret sustainability in some way that fits the chosen genre.

For instance, Today Is The Day combines catchy rhymes with an unbreakable eco-warrior spirit.

It was made by Better Than Mike Productions, a group based in Hamilton and all 14 to 18 years old at the time of filming.

“Making the musical was such a fun and creative experience for all of us,” says co-director and actress Nowshin Humayun. “We were able to make something of our own and portray a really important message at the same time.”

Overall, the quality of their musical of tree-planting antics was 18 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

outstanding. In fact, Today Is The Day was announced as The Body Shop Standout Winner for 2013 at The Someday Awards ceremony at the Aotea Centre in Auckland last December. Barrie Thomas, director of The Body Shop, has this to say about it:

the clarity and passion with which they delivered the facts,” says TEARAWAY editor Rain Francis. “It was great to see the film-makers using humour as well. The film was wonderfully entertaining, thoughtprovoking and beautifully made.”

“The team behind Today Is The Day has made a memorable film that deservedly wins this award. It is an exuberant look at how we can all do something in our own backyard, and it combines a serious call to action with a verve and vitality that reflects the talent of these young film-makers. It is a film that demands to be enjoyed.”

For some past winners, success is ongoing and is taking them way beyond our shores. This year no less than eight films entered in The Outlook for Someday have been nominated for awards overseas. A total of twelve nominations span three festivals in Asia and Europe. Today Is The Day has been announced as an entry in the Seoul International Youth Film Festival (13+ category) and the Green Screen International Wildlife Film Festival in Germany.

Another of the 20 awards is the TEARAWAY Secondary School Performance Award, for a film made by young people of secondary school age with strong on-screen performance.

In 2013 it was won by Liam van Eeden and Jean-Martin Fabre for their documentary Nearly Lost, a look at the endangered New Zealand sea lion. While these mammals may look dangerous, they’re really more like puppies than man-eating monsters.

The myths surrounding them have left them neglected by us humanoids, myths which the film does a good job of dispelling.

“We loved Nearly Lost for the research the creators put into their subject and

Arboraceous, made in 2012 by Natasha Bishop (with sound effects from Tye Bishop), has already gained international recognition and is in the running for more awards. It’s an animated drama with no dialogue, just four guys, some apples and a profound message about how we should care for our planet. As well as winning two The Outlook for Someday awards, including The Body Shop Standout Winner, it also set a record at the Japan Wildlife Film Festival.

Natasha was the youngest ever Nearly Lost

nominee and award winner.

This year it’s also a selected film at Green Screen and at the Wildscreen Panda Awards in the UK. These are a small handful of the marvellous examples that have arisen from The Outlook for Someday challenge. Project director David Jacobs says, “We’re over the moon about how these young film-makers are cutting it on the world stage.

Their success in being nominated at these festivals establishes them as powerful voices for the future. They are impressive in the way they apply their creative juices and technical skills to important social, cultural and environmental issues. They are telling their own stories in their own ways.”

As with any competition, there are some rules. Entrants for 2014 must be 24 years old or less and each film can be up to five minutes in length.

The deadline for entries is 12th September and the award ceremony will again be held in Auckland’s Aotea Centre. Remember that the theme is sustainability, or if you prefer, saving the world!

For more info, head to

www.theoutlookforsomeday.net Awards ceremony Mexican wave

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YOUR WORLD The Road to

Safer Driving

Driving is one of the most complex things we will do in our daily lives. It’s also one of the most dangerous. The ability to stay safe on our roads is something that isn’t always thought about, however it should be our number one concern.

So how do you become a safer driver?

By JEROME SEARS.

Having that freedom to go where you want to go, not having to depend on your parents anymore... Earning your drivers license is a rite of passage; it’s the ultimate freedom. But with our eagerness to get behind the wheel, the risks associated with driving are often forgotten.

Driving is an amazingly complex task that takes years of practice to master.

Getting your license is just the first step. Having the skills to drive a motor vehicle doesn’t necessarily mean you have the skills to be competent while behind the wheel. It’s the way you develop skills and experience that makes all the difference. Once you successfully pass your license, it’s really only just the beginning of the learning process.

As young drivers between the ages of 15 and 24, we make up approximately 16% of the licensed population.

However, we are involved in over a third of all fatal car crashes each year.

The death and injury rates for young drivers have dropped over the years, yet driving is still the number one killer of young people in this country.

Motor racing driver and road safety advocate Greg “Murph” Murphy explains that most young people have a lack of awareness when it comes to safety behind the wheel. “Most of the time, young people are unaware of the realities of dangerous driving, 20 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

“

As young drivers, we tend to take risks and overestimate our driving ability, which can get us into serious trouble oblivious to how significant a problem it really is,” he says. “It’s only when they experience a road crash situation in reality [that] they start to develop an understanding of the real risks.”

A Lethal Combo Crash rates on the learner’s license are actually quite low. But when it comes to driving solo on a restricted license, rates start to skyrocket. The most at-risk group is young drivers aged 15 to 19, in the first 12 months of driving solo.

Once we get our restricted license, we have a tendency to start feeling invincible. As young drivers, we tend to take risks and overestimate our driving ability, which can get us into serious trouble. The combination of driver inexperience and immaturity is a lethal one, leading to a much higher crash risk for new, young drivers.

The most common rule that young people break on a restricted license

”

is driving with passengers. On your restricted, you’re not even allowed passengers in the car, unless you’re driving with a supervisor.

Having fun with your mates while driving can go bad very quickly. The risk of being in an accident can be 10 times greater if there are passengers in the car.

“Accepting and understanding the need to focus on the job is a real problem for young drivers,” explains Murph. “More young people than not actually break that rule, and a lot have accidents with passengers that shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

Whether you’re on your restricted or your full license, passengers can be distracting and this can ultimately affect your driving.

Practice, Practice, Practice Some of the factors that have played a part in the drop of death and injury

rates include road improvements, the development of safer cars, a zero tolerance to alcohol policy and raising the driving age to 16.

However, there are still a lot of accidents involving young drivers.

Murph believes that it comes down to the importance of really focusing on the task at hand. “When you are in control, it’s your responsibility.

You need to put 110% concentration into being safe behind the wheel, but unfortunately this isn’t always the case.”

The road safety campaigner wants to see some form of professional driver training introduced to the graduation licensing system. “There’s a lack of training and education for drivers in New Zealand, and that plays a big part in our road toll – the fact that there’s no compulsory education.”

The solution is to become better, smarter drivers. Part of that comes down to experience; the more experience we have behind the wheel practicing our skills in varying conditions, the better we will be at driving.

There’s plenty we can do to become safer young drivers. How we drive can change our lives – and the lives of those around us. We owe it to ourselves, our loved ones and the wider community to drive carefully and stay safe on the road.

YOUR WORLD Is Your Driving Due For a Check-Up? 5 Pointers for Safer Driving

1. Check your ride Making sure your ride is safe and roadworthy is crucial to the safety of you and everyone else on the road. Having a current Warrant of Fitness is essential, but when it comes to making sure your ride is safe, it’s up to you to check it out. Checking your vehicle needs to become part of your regular routine, from the tyres to the headlights. The condition of your ride is critical to your safety out on the road.

2. It’s all about respect You’re not the only one on the road, so be considerate to other road users. Keep an eye out for surprises. Treating everyone with respect, care and consideration will help keep everyone safer.

☞ SCORE!

The good peeps at MTA have given us a bunch of $50 MTA gift cards to give away.

You can use these to get a safety check or Warrant of Fitness, help buy a new set of tyres, fill your ride up with petrol, or buy anything else service stations sell. Thanks MTA! To enter, head to page 31.

Greg "Murph" Murphy

A Dangerously Close Call

4. Drive to the conditions Speed mixed with inexperience will kill.

Conditions on our roads can change in an instant. Whether it’s rain, frost, fog, or simply driving at night, always drive to the conditions. If they change, you need to change your driving accordingly.

www.practice.co.nz

Info?

A program designed to guide you through the process of gaining your restricted license. www.mta.org.nz/murphinschools (or check out Murph in Schools on Facebook): Murph’s young driver safety roadshow, touring high schools across the country.

“

3. Stay one step ahead Keep looking beyond the car in front. Think about the bigger picture and be constantly aware of what’s going on around you.

Assume that the traffic around you doesn’t know what it’s doing. It’s all about the constant process of looking, thinking and practicing – building up your experience behind the wheel.

Want More

It was a very narrow escape four years ago for TEARAWAY Maverick STEPHEN GALLAGHER. Here’s his story.

I was on the way home from a mate’s place one night. As I approached a roundabout, I was texting and driving, yeah – dumb as, I know.

5. Distraction can kill

I slowed at the roundabout, looked up to see it was clear, then continued to text as I drove on. The thing was though, the roundabout wasn’t clear; my glance had deceived me. I crashed into a car that had two young kids in it. Thankfully nobody was hurt, but I could have easily injured someone severely – or worse – and caused all sorts of serious problems.

No cell phones, fiddling with the stereo, messing around with food. You need to be fully focused when you get behind the wheel and not have any distractions. It only takes a split second of distraction to cause a serious accident. And definitely no alcohol.

That’s just plain stupid.

I was stupid. Texting while driving is probably the dumbest thing you can do. Ever since then I have never used my phone while driving. That feeling of being scared, upset and disappointed with myself was enough to change me and to ensure that I don’t make the same mistake twice.

Texting while driving is probably the dumbest thing you can do

”

www.tearaway.co.nz | 21

SPORT

Korfball:

Quidditch on Unicycles?

Alice Cheersmith is what you might call next level awesome. At only 16 – the youngest player by 6 years – she is part of our national korfball team.

The team will be heading to Hong Kong this year in an attempt to qualify for the 10th Korfball World Championship in 2015. Never heard of korfball? Read on... By SHARON McCOSKRIE.

Introducing...

Name: Alice Cheersmith Age: 16 Hometown: Christchurch Been in the national squad since: November 2013 Began playing: As soon as she could hold the ball Other interests: Painting, Hunger Games, Harry Potter and Downton Abbey

Korfball in New Zealand isn’t quite at rugby status and Alice often gets a lot of blank faces when she mentions it. To make everyone’s life more interesting, her and her team often try to trick people into believing all sorts of crazy definitions.

Become a Korfball Expert in 30 Seconds

“One guy in our team said he managed to convince someone that it was Quidditch played on unicycles,” says Alice. “He had a ten-minute conversation about the different kinds of unicycle tires!”

Interestingly: The sides switch ends every two goals

With a korfball-mad Dad, Alice has grown up learning and loving the game. Though sometimes she gets sick of her Dad constantly talking about it, ultimately, he’s her biggest fan.

“If he hadn’t put so much effort into teaching me korfball as soon as I could hold a ball, I wouldn’t have the opportunity now to play at an international level. It’s not something many 16-year-olds get the chance to do.”

Alice has had to step up her game since being selected for the national team, but she says it’s been a great experience and she won’t be over it any time soon.

“My favourite part about playing is being on attack. I love putting up a shot and just knowing that it’s going in, even before it does, because it felt so right leaving my hands.”

Life on the Team Being so young, Alice knew it was a bit of a long shot that she’d be selected to play for New Zealand. So when her coach told her she’d made the team, it’s fair to say she was pretty 22 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

One team: 4 males and 4 females Played on: A court split in two Goals: Throwing the ball into a 3.5metre korf (post/basket)

excited. She says she doesn’t want to be labeled as the baby of the team – and for the most part, she is treated as an equal.

However, Alice says sometimes her own mind games can be a barrier.

“I feel like, being so young, there’s a lot of pressure on me to match up to everyone else... and sometimes I’m not sure that I can.”

We think Alice is great and her achievements are inspirational, so in an attempt to find the source of her awesomeness, we ask her if she has a favourite quote.

“I do. I am a big fan of Helena Bonham Carter and there’s this quote of hers that I really like,” she says. “‘Turn right at the second star and head straight on ‘til morning, then keep going ‘til you reach Platform Nine and Three Quarters.’

I really like it, not only because it references Harry Potter, but because of the strong message that perseverance and never giving up can lead to somewhere amazing.”

Want to know more about korfball?

Head to www.korfball.org.nz/

NZ’s chances at glory: NZ is currently ranked 5th in the world. We need to finish in the top five in Hong Kong – so we’re in with a chance!

One for the history books: If successful in Hong Kong, it will be the first time NZ has made it through

LIVIN’ THE DREAM

Nikita the High Flyer Not many teenagers can say they’ve travelled the world, but at 18 years old, Nikita Moiseev has been everywhere from America to Europe to Asia. Now, he’s making his way to Auckland. The reason?

He is a full-time performer with Cirque Du Soleil. This month, along with his fellow company members, Nikita will be gracing the stage to bring the show Totem to New Zealand.

By TEARAWAY Maverick JESSIE CHIANG. Nikita’s journey as an acrobatic entertainer started before he was even born. His parents were on tour with Cirque du Soleil’s show Alegria at the time of his birth; a circus life, it seems, was inevitable.

“I can’t compare it to growing up in a ‘normal’ setting, as I do not know a different reality,” says Nikita. "For sure, growing up at Cirque du Soleil brought more maturity than other kids would have, as I was surrounded by adults. It also made me see the world and learn about it. I would say I felt lonelier than other kids, as there are not many children on tour, but I have learned how to adapt to different situations and know myself better.”

Since his first performance at just eight years old, Nikita has come a long way to where he is now. That is, jumping nearly eight metres high off horizontal poles held up by two porters.

A Day in My Circus Life “I usually get to the Big Top around 3:00pm for staging, rehearsals or a strength and conditioning workout.

I also prepare mentally, eat and get ready for the show with a make-up session and warm-up. My schedule is always different depending on which parts of the show we are currently working on.”

This role is known as a ‘flyer’ in the Russian Bars act, quite an appropriate name for the dizzying heights that Nikita achieves.

Part of his job description is to push his limits and try to fly higher every day, performing flips and spins while he’s at it. It’s an act that’s designed to amaze, and Nikita says that’s just what he wants to do; bring wonder to the audience.

Totem plays from August 22 to September 28 at Alexandra Park, Epsom, Auckland. For more info, head to www.cirquedusoleil.com/en/shows/totem

Nikita (front left) with his fellow Totem performers

Cirque du Soleil performer Nikita Moiseev before and after getting into costume

“The best part about being a circus performer is the impact we have on people. I love being part of a show that somehow changes the lives of people.

My job is awesome; I get to make people forget about the outside world and have them step into a fascinating universe for a few hours. I like the fact that each audience is different, which changes the atmosphere every night.

Basically, I like being able to make people happy.”

No doubt it also helps that he gets to travel the globe; with Cirque du Soleil, he has toured to North America, Asia, Europe and South America.

While Japan is his favourite country so far – “because of its extensive and lavish culture, the politeness of the people and the history” – Nikita is really looking forward to his trip down under. A big fan of The Lord of the Rings, he can’t wait to explore the different locations where the trilogy was filmed. “I am looking forward to exploring the various sceneries and landscapes and discovering why New Zealand is considered an amazingly beautiful country.”

Apart from Nikita’s desire to do some sightseeing in our country, he is simply excited to bring Totem to Auckland.

Even though he and his fellow acrobats have performed the show close to 1,500 times (that’s a ridiculous number of costume changes!) Nikita promises that they try their best to keep it fresh every night.

“

The best part about being a circus performer is the impact we have on people.

I love being part of a show that somehow changes the lives of people.

My job is awesome

”

So what can we expect from Cirque du Soleil’s latest offering? Totem showcases the evolution of mankind.

The focus is on the acrobats and how they push the limits with their bodies.

It portrays the drive and curiosity that is uniquely human; a journey of discovery and wonder.

Cirque Du Soleil have always delivered stunning performances and Totem is sure to be no exception.

My Favourite Part of Totem “Besides Russian Bars, I like the traditional Native American Hoop Dancers because of the uniqueness of their skills and the symbolism of their routines. I also like the Duo Fixed Trapeze act, as it is simply beautiful. The two artists perform an innocent game of seduction, perched high on a trapeze while performing high-level acrobatic tricks.”

www.tearaway.co.nz | 23

ZEAL NEWS Living Your Passion Here in New Zealand, we pride ourselves on our entrepreneurship. Our takea-chance attitude combined with our sense of innovation has led to a range of amazing products – and young people are leading the charge. By GRACE KING.

WHEN AND

Where?

The next Zeal Markets happens on Sunday August 31, 2:00pm to 5:00pm at 20 Alderman Drive, Henderson, Auckland.

An acoustic set from The Rubics | www.facebook.com/therubics

5 Top Tips to

Becoming an Entrepreneur

In the spirit of that Kiwi ingenuity, Zeal West has opened up the Zeal Markets. This monthly event encourages local youth to display and sell their handmade or personally curated products.

Organiser Angel Guan says the idea came from a young man disillusioned with his continued unemployment, despite all efforts. “The markets are important because [youth] unemployment is high, and we need to start looking at other ways to help young people… tap into their skills and talents to make a living.”

Stallholder Shelley Te Haara is the artist behind ‘The Art of Shelley Sketch’. The talented art student is working towards turning her passion into a

1. Follow your passion Look at the activities you enjoy doing, and the opportunities you can create from there. If you love fishing for example, you could offer lessons teaching people how to set hooks, put together a fishing guide, or offer local fishing tours.

2. Surround yourself with good people Beautiful one-off original watercolours and prints and crochet cacti

by Axes and Arrows

living. “It wasn’t until university that I found I could try to make a living from my art, and the Markets have given me a great platform to start doing that,” she says.

Another stallholder is the Henderson High Young Enterprise* group, creating and selling paleo chocolate. The group found a gap in the market; those choosing to follow a paleo diet were missing out on sweet treats. So, they created their own product and are using the Zeal Markets to give their product a wider audience.

Artwork by The Art of Shelley Sketch

Events like the Markets have a positive impact on youth. They demonstrate what you can do with the talents and skills you have, no matter how old you are. They also show how the entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well in young Kiwis.

Zeal has held similar events in Hamilton, and CEO Brook Turner says that if the demand and resources are there, then Zeal will look into running more.

Hand-made goodies from Geek Boutique! Jewellery

So if you have a hobby or talent that you’re passionate about, think seriously about making it into a business for yourself. Become an entrepreneur and use your passion to make some money, whether it’s just some extra pocket money or some big bucks. You could be your own boss – and do what you love – in true Kiwi spirit.

It takes a lot of work to get a business idea up and running. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Friends and family can be a great support, as can fellow students and your teachers.

3. Find a mentor It’s always helpful to have advice – and that’s exactly what a mentor can offer you. Look for someone in your community who has run their own business and is willing to meet with you once a month to bounce ideas around.

4. Start shaking hands You’ll be amazed at how supportive your local business community can be. Get to know some of the business owners and they may be able to help you, or introduce you to other great contacts.

5. Take part in YES The Lion Foundation Young Enterprise Scheme (YES) is a national programme that supports students as they create a business and run it for a year. Check out www.youngenterprise.org.nz for details, or follow our ongoing story, So You Want to be an Entrepreneur? on www. tearaway.co.nz/ category/features/careers/.

Zeal is a youth organisation passionate about young people creating great stuff. If you’re based in West Auckland, Wellington or Hamilton, pop into one of our youth facilities and say hi. Visit us online at www.zeal.org.nz Awesome hand-made cards from Emma AKA Huia Art

24 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

Vintage goodies from Tiffany Morgan

Love New Zealand

For a fairer society

PARTY VOTE Authorised by Jon Field, Field 17 Level Garrett 2, 17St, Garrett Level St, 2 Wellington Wellington

LIVIN’ THE DREAM

You Can ACE Those Exams

Term three is here already, and NCEA exams are fast approaching. If you haven’t started preparing yet, don’t panic. Whether this is your first year of exams or your last, these top tips will make passing NCEA a breeze.

By TEARAWAY Maverick KATIE McILHONE.

rr

3 Months Before the Exam

☞

2 Months Before the Exam

☞

Find out if your school will be holding practice exams, and when they will be.

Make a study schedule for the next couple of months.

These exams are often held in September, so you need to start thinking about them soon. These exams are important, as if you are unable to sit the end of year exams, your grades may be derived from these. Prepare for your practice exams as best as you can and take them seriously. Your grades will be helpful in letting you know what you need to focus your study on.

Don’t plan in too much detail, as situations can change. Just use it to keep track of what you need to study and when by.

Assess your goals.

You may be aiming for a merit or excellence endorsement, or university entrance. Talk to your form teacher or an academic counsellor about how many credits you will need to reach these goals. Keep a tally of how many achieved, merit, and excellence credits you have in each subject, so you can keep in mind how much time you need to dedicate to each subject.

We’ve Been There...

We asked the TEARAWAY Mavericks for their best study tips. Here’s what they said.

“You can download past papers from the NCEA website, and some schools sell parallel papers.

It’s definitely worth doing these, especially in maths; these questions are often the same, just with different numbers” – Erica McQueen “I memorised long quotes for English by writing them out, then read over them whilst walking.

I found movement helped me remember. The ones I struggled with, I highlighted and repeated.

You can also turn quotes into acronyms, with all the main words being the letters” – Bri Lee

26 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

“

Feel like you are unprepared? Don’t panic.

There comes a point where your brain cannot take in any more information.

You are better to get a good night’s sleep

Start getting your notes in order.

There is no use in trying to study from a big pile of messy and disorganised notes. Clear out what you won’t need for your exams and start compiling your notes into a more concise format. You might want to write them out or type them up. Don’t spend too much time trying to make them pretty; it is the content that is important.

Make flash cards with definitions, quotes, dates, and concepts.

Carry these around with you and study them when you have a free moment. Check out www. quizlet.com, which allows you to make free flashcards that you can share with your friends.

“Never give up. If a question looks too hard, it just means you need to look back at your notes.

Never be afraid to ask your teachers for help” – Thomas Stevenson “I never meet with friends before the exam, or even after. I purposefully don’t get there too early, so I don’t freak myself out, and I don’t stay afterwards because I find the debrief so awful.

Also, make a calm playlist to listen to before going in. Bon Iver, Xavier Rudd and The Paper Kites are my pre-exam rituals” – Anna Henvest “Whether you take notes in class on a laptop or in a book, study notes should be written by hand.

Most people learn more when writing by hand because it involves more focus” – Patrick Campbell

1 Month Before the Exam

”

☞

Ask your teacher if there will be any revision sessions or tutorials.

These sessions are a good time to bring up any concepts you don’t understand and have them explained to you in more detail. If a particular teacher’s style is confusing you, try going to another teacher’s session and see if he or she can explain it to you in a different way.

If your teachers aren’t holding revision sessions, you could email them your questions, or make an appointment after class. Your teachers are there to help you and they want you to pass.

As you approach exam time, it is important to keep healthy.

Try to get eight hours of sleep a night, drink plenty of water, up your fruit and veggie intake, and get 30 minutes of exercise a day. These small steps will reduce your stress levels and increase your focus.

Organise a small study group to go over notes with.

You could use your flashcards to test each other, or try teaching a concept to the group. If you can teach an idea to another person, you will be able to remember it in the exam.

Record yourself saying your notes and transfer the file to your mp3 player or phone. That way, you can study while you are on the bus or walking to school.

LIVIN’ THE DREAM

“

Last minute cramming does more harm than good – it may cause you to forget the information you do know. Your body needs sleep to commit information to memory

Exam Checklist: • Exam slip

Get ready the night before.

• A highlighter • A clear water bottle • Your phone (switched off of course), money, and house key in a clear zip lock bag, to put under your seat • Calculator, coloured pencils, a ruler or any other equipment relevant to the subject

1 Week Before the Exam

”

The night before the exam ☞

• At least three pens

☞

This is the time to buckle down.

When your exams are finished, you will have all summer to relax, so keep focused on your goals and put in all your effort.

By this point you will hopefully know all the information you need, so take this week to practice applying your knowledge with past exams.

Sit down for an hour, in test conditions; that means no phone, no music, and no television.

Try to complete the practice questions with just your knowledge. You could do this with a friend and mark each other’s answers.

The last thing you want is to be running around in a panic the morning of your exam.

Lay out your clothes and pack your bag, so in the morning all you will need to do is eat and go.

Have one last read of your notes before you go to bed.

Feel like you are unprepared? Don’t panic.

There comes a point where your brain cannot take in any more information. You are better to get a good night’s sleep. Besides, you are probably way more prepared than you think.

Go to bed early.

Last minute cramming does more harm than good – it may cause you to forget the information you do know. Your body needs sleep to commit information to memory. If you stay up all night studying before your exam, it is unlikely that you will remember anything and you will be too tired to do well.

Try to get at least eight hours of sleep.

The Morning of the Exam ✍ Have a good breakfast.

Your brain is like a car: It needs fuel, or it won’t go. Fuel up with a healthy brekkie of eggs, toast and fruit. Don’t have a huge meal, or you will feel sluggish. Skip the caffeine; it will just spark your nerves.

Double check the time and location of the exam for last minute changes.

Arrive at least 20 minutes early. If the exam says it starts at 8:30, you are expected to be there by at least 8:10 for roll call and exam instructions. If you are late, you may not be allowed into the exam.

For more information about NCEA and tips for how to make the most of your study, check out:

If you take any notes along for last minute study, remember to leave them outside or hand them into a supervisor.

www.nzqa.govt.nz/audience-pages/students/

You could get into a lot of trouble if you are found with them in the exam.

www.studyit.org.nz/studyandexam/

Next time in Summer Fun Guide

Broods

Look out for Term 4

, hitting the streets on

24.10.14

Harness Your Creativity www.tearaway.co.nz | 27

FOR A LAUGH THE HAPPY CAMPER’S GUIDE TO

GAMING

A life lesson for blue hedgehogs

Teenagers are infamous for being glued to the computer screen or Xbox controls, but this stereotype doesn’t apply to us all. There are some who are completely technologically challenged. I know this because I am one. However, anyone can be a video gamer; just follow this guide and get on the road from rookie to expert. By TIERNEY REARDON.

Select a gaming platform Choose wisely. Will it be Xbox? Playstation?

Nintendo DS? Most games are generally available on most of these, but the style can be different.

With a Wii, you have the unusual remotes that make the experience interactive (and by interactive, I mean that you play with the fear that the wrist-straps will fail you and you will hurl the remote at the television screen).

While at home I have a Wii, my family also owns a (practically ancient and extinct to most gamers) Playstation 1. It’s roughly the size of a typewriter.

Last time I used it, it made sounds like an asthmatic lawnmower, and Spyro kept freezing mid flamerage. However, 'vintage' games can be great fun to play.

Buy some games Now comes the fun part: Choosing what you’re going to play first. There are literally thousands of games to choose from. Asking your friends may or may not be of help to you. Chances are you will be bombarded with recommendations: “Mario Kart! You HAVE to try Mario Kart.”

“Final Fantasy IV!” “The Sims will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.” "Try LEGO Batman...or else.”

“Play Sonic – or give me your first-born child!”

There are heaps of different gaming styles; fitness, action/adventure, roleplay, battles, racing, you’veseen-the-movie-now-play-the-crappy-game.... name it, and it’s probably been adapted to be played on the Playstation. I would suggest trying a few classics like Mario and Sonic first, as these are fun for everyone and generally easy to play.

28 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

Obtain a gaming buddy

Avoid cheats

Because it’s never as much fun when there’s noone to battle/beat/lose to/show off to. Last week I thoroughly enjoyed teaching my Nana how to play Angry Birds.

No matter which game you’re playing, there is a website somewhere in the dark depths of the internet that provides cheats for it. Sure, if you change the date on your tablet you will earn thousands of coins on Virtual Families, but doing so completely defeats the purpose of playing the game at all. Games are about success! Hard work!

Getting unreasonably frustrated by the Wall of Doom in Sonic 4!

There is a chance your friend might be able to teach you some tricks and skills, and you might be able to share some gaming wisdom with them, too.

Remember not to take games too seriously, though; no rage-quitting!

Try to avoid total obsession You may already be familiar with the dangers of becoming completely infatuated with something brilliant. While book and movie fans are more famous for their occasional insanity, gaming fans are most definitely out there too. You will find them collecting trading cards and arranging figurines on their windowsill, spending hours gaming and tweeting about their progress.

Games are a great way to unwind, and some games can stimulate parts of your brain (although good luck trying to convince your mum that Xbox makes you smarter). If you begin to obsess over games, they start to lose their charm. Once you’ve typed up a walkthrough for Mario Brothers, the fun and mystery starts to fade. You need to remember which universe you live in... and it’s not the Mushroom Kingdom.

Set the mood Curtains drawn? Sunlight streaming through windows? The setting of your gaming den can affect your experience. Get comfortable with beanbags, blankets – and make sure you have fuel. Chips and drinks are the ultimate gaming snack – go for things that are easy to consume with one hand. There’s nothing like spending Sunday afternoon cleaning scrambled egg out of your Playstation controls.

What would you rather have: Infinite coins you’ve cheated to receive, or coins you’ve earned through honest gaming? I’m going to hope that you said ‘honest gaming’. That infinite coin thing sounds pretty sweet, though, actually...

Gaming teaches you important life lessons Bear with me here. Gaming reminds you how important it is to persevere and try again. They teach you that anyone can be a winner, even if you’re a blue hedgehog. Games can teach you about teamwork, problem-solving... and taking care of children (what? Tamagotchis are close enough).

You can’t use this ‘teaches you life lessons’ argument for all games, however. Grand Theft Auto is going to need a lot of defending. A LOT.

Take a break Make sure you take breaks and stretch, go outside, get a drink of water. While your eyes probably won’t literally go square, it’s unhealthy to sit in the same position, staring at a bright screen for long periods of time. Let’s face it: Gaming is never as much fun when you’ve just blinded yourself. Remember this when your muscles start to freeze after a two-hour session of Mario Kart and your eyes begin to water.

Good luck!

FOR A LAUGH How to Master the Awkwardnessness In 10 Easy Steps 7. Make unusual compliments ‘You have a very symmetrical face,’ ‘You sound like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo!’ and ‘That’s a pretty cool-looking birthmark’ are just some of the many awkward and unusual compliments that you can make that are guaranteed to make you seem like the most awkward person in all the land.

The word is out: Being awkward is in. DYLAN GOWAN walks you through how to obtain that elusive awkwardity.

Gone are the days when people were, like: ‘Hey! You’re cool because you are suave and sophisticated!’ Now they are, like: ‘Hey! You’re cool because you are awkward and uncomfortable!’

You might be thinking: ‘That’s great, but I have no idea how to be awkward.’ Well, worry no longer. I have had many, many, many, many… many people come up to me and go: ‘You’re so awkward!’ So, I have decided to impart my wisdom to the world, and explain just how I achieved this state of true awkwardity.

Brace yourselves; you’re about to be enlightened on the path to awkwardnessdom.

1. Raid a hipster’s wardrobe Before you can even begin to think about how to act awkwardly, you’ve got to look awkward. Load up on the tortoiseshell glasses, woollen jerseys with pictures of cats on them, hammer pants and moon boots. Top it all off with a CD Walkman. Now you are ready.

2. Talk to yourself You know that slightly off librarian who sits at his desk and seems to veer on the edge of sanity? Make like him and don’t be afraid to talk to yourself. About to sit a test and feeling a bit nervous? Don’t just keep those reassuring thoughts to yourself, let them out for everyone to hear! Walking down the street, thinking about what you’ve got to do tomorrow? Set that inner monologue free!

30 | Tearaway TERM THREE 2014

8. Make every handshake complicated

Illustration by Elliot Gonzales

3. Make completely random observations One sure-fire way to make people think you’re awkward is to make random observations that come from nowhere. Maybe you’re having lunch, talking about what happened on Hart of Dixie last night, when you notice that the rubbish bin over in the corner is a nice shade of navy blue. Someone else might keep that kind of thought to themselves, but not you – you’re awkward.

4. Try and start group sing-alongs Most people do not enjoy singing in public. You can use this to your advantage. Start singing the hits of yesteryear like Sk8ter Boi and Stacy’s Mom and watch as your friends quietly move away and pretend they don’t know you.

Awkwardness achieved.

5. Enter conversations; say nothing Mastering this takes time and patience, but once you’ve got it, you’re set. Walk into a room, find some friends talking, rock on up and just stand there, saying nothing. Your friends will stare and you will feel uncomfortable, but you must persevere. Thrive on that feeling of discomfort – it is the fuel of my people.

Why settle for a boring old runof-the-mill handshake when you can develop your own, patented super-cool one? Whenever you meet people, use this handshake.

They will quickly become confused and probably try to stop you – but keep going. Before you know it you will be the most awkward person they have ever met.

9. Get lost in your thoughts Don’t be afraid to daydream. You might be sitting there talking to your friends when all of a sudden, mid-sentence, an amazing thought enters your mind. Normally, you might ignore it and keep going, but from now on, stop talking and get lost in your thoughts. Things will quickly get awkward indeed.

6. Load up on the dad jokes

10. Cheesy pick-up lines

Nothing makes people feel awkward like a good dad joke.

‘What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff’ and ‘How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram’ are just some of the many jokes dads around the world use on a daily basis. Build up a good repertoire of these gems and you’ll be set to make any situation immediately uncomfortable.

Cheesy pick-up lines have got to be the most awkward things known to mankind. Cringe-worthy lines, like: ‘Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot?’ and ‘No wonder the sky is grey today; all the blue is in your eyes,’ are sure-fire ways to be the most awkward person in the room.

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