Grant Wagner

“When all th shamelessly b plumb Homeric clichés are hundred cl affecting — become obscu that the c talking to and hol get-together. height of suf sensuality, height of verges on energy, the banality lets a hint of the - Umberto Eco

he archetypes burst in, we c depths. Two laughable. A lichés are because we urely aware clichés are one another lding a .

As the ffering meets and the depravity mystical height of s us glimpse e sublime.” o

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PROLOGUE INT. CULT GATHERING - NIGHT We see a feast table from above. It is packed to the brim with cheap, unhealthy food -- cheeseburgers, pizzas, french fries, burritos, ice cream, etc. Their arrangement forms an unnerving geometric pattern.

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From out of frame, a figure approaches. Their careful approach and strange attire lends a strange veneration to the affair.

PROLOGUE

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The figure outstretches their arms, prostrates before the smorgasbord -it’s clear by now this is an altar -and, after a moment of consideration, wraps their hands around one particularly greasy burger.

Hushed tones are heard in the vicinity.

Raising their arms, this PRIEST brings the burger not to their mouth, but high above their head. Music cues us in to the tension. After a beat, and with one swift motion, the burger is hurled off camera.

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ACT I EXT. NARTHEX FADE IN Several strange figures appear to be queueing in front of a building. Each carries a full paper sack or plastic bag.

Someone appears in a window before them. They are wearing the same attire as the PRIEST we saw in the last scene.

The CULTIST inside the building returns with a smock, plastic suit, or other total covering for each of the new arrivals.

EXIT stage left.

ACT I EXT. NARTHEX FADE IN Several strange figures appear to be queueing in front of a building. Each carries a full paper sack or plastic bag.

Someone appears in a window before them. They are wearing the same attire as the PRIEST we saw in the last scene.

The CULTIST inside the building returns with a smock, plastic suit, or other total covering for each of the new arrivals.

EXIT stage left.

ACT I EXT. NARTHEX CUT TO -The new CULTISTS zip up their uniforms as they walk. We never see their faces, as their backs are always to the camera.

One of them nearly gets caught in the frame of the shot, but quickly ducks behind a portico before we catch a full glimpse.

Moments later, they reemerge totally transformed.

ACT II EXT. PROSCENIUM WIPE LEFT -Still with their backs to us, the CULTISTS approach a new location. They are still carrying packages, boxes, and bags.

PRIEST #2 Offerings stage left, victuals stage right, please.

A few cultists fumble understanding stage directions, but most figure it out eventually.

ACT II EXT. PROSCENIUM WIPE LEFT -Still with their backs to us, the CULTISTS approach a new location. They are still carrying packages, boxes, and bags.

PRIEST #2 Offerings stage left, victuals stage right, please.

A few cultists fumble understanding stage directions, but most figure it out eventually.

ACT II EXT. PROSCENIUM CUT TO -- MCU We now see that the CULTISTS were carrying takeout food with them -- the very same that will be seen on the altar later.

PRIEST #2 Don’t forget the mask!

They stuff their now empty takeout containers on their heads.

Now fully adorned, the CULTISTS pass by the PRIEST and on to the next scene.

ACT III EXT. PLINTH FADE IN -CULTISTS wait expectantly in front of a strange tower. The tables in front of them are empty. They grow restless.

Their murmuring is at once quieted by a loud mechanical whirring, but its source is obscured to them. Suddenly, the whirring stops.

A PRIEST emerges from around the corner.

ACT III EXT. PLINTH FADE IN -CULTISTS wait expectantly in front of a strange tower. The tables in front of them are empty. They grow restless.

Their murmuring is at once quieted by a loud mechanical whirring, but its source is obscured to them. Suddenly, the whirring stops.

A PRIEST emerges from around the corner.

ACT III CAMERA BEGINS TO DOLLY RIGHT More and more PRIESTS are revealed coming around the corner. Each of them is carrying a wide tray, laden with some of the food from before.

The gathered CULTISTS are practically frothing at the mouth. They swarm the PRIESTS. PRIEST #3 Wait yer turn! We must save some for the ritual!

This quiets the throng somewhat.

Still, they tuck into their feast at breakneck speed, eager for what comes next.

ACT IV EXT. DIAS SMASH CUT TO --- where we left off at the prologue.

A head PRIEST hurls a cheeseburger into the crowd.

It lands on someone with a sickening SPLAT.

ACT IV EXT. DIAS SMASH CUT TO --- where we left off at the prologue.

A head PRIEST hurls a cheeseburger into the crowd.

It lands on someone with a sickening SPLAT.

ACT IV INT. DIAS All hell breaks loose.

CUT TO BLACK

ACT V EXT. VOMITORIUM FADE IN -Now that it’s over, the CULTISTS move to exit the site of the ritual. One by one, they head towards the last set, through which they will return to the “real” world.

ACT V EXT. VOMITORIUM FADE IN -Now that it’s over, the CULTISTS move to exit the site of the ritual. One by one, they head towards the last set, through which they will return to the “real” world.

ACT V INT. VOMITORIUM HANDHELD TRACKING SHOT The CULTISTS move behind the set, exposing the fake-ness of its construction.

They strip themselves of their now-soiled protective clothing, placing them in receptacles along the path.

We end looking out upon the cultists milling about the film studio lot, in the darkness beyond the set.

EPILOGUE INT. RESTAURANT Several cultists are seen sitting around a restaurant table. They are decked out in full cult regalia, but outside the world of the cult.

EPILOGUE INT. RESTAURANT They are planning their next ritual.

CULTIST So, what will it be next time? The circus?

We feel like we have intruded upon something.

CUT TO BLACK. MUSICAL FLOURISH. ROLL CREDITS.