Culture, Race and Diversity… Have the Conversation!

February is the month of love. This is actually one of my favorite months of the year as it celebrates love in all forms. I am a hopeless romantic and a person who just loves…love. My husband teases me all the time. He says that I am a walking advertisement for Valentine’s Day with all of my pink. My kids love it! All month we celebrate with various activities and make cards for my mom who lives in Texas. Anytime I have the opportunity to spread love or think of humanity through the eyes of love, I take it! Love breeds unity, understanding, trust, honesty and peace.

February also marks the celebration of Black History Month. When I was a young girl in school, I didn’t understand the significance of highlighting achievements in the African American community. My father who is Dominican and my mother who is African American always taught me that people were people and that that we all made the world go round. Growing up, I was surrounded by many different races and cultures, it never dawned on me that I was different. I was never treated differently.

It was not until I went to school in New York City at an Ivy League university where I experienced my first encounter of racism; where I realized that my personality was an afterthought and that the color of my skin would be problematic for some. It was here that I learned I was disliked and even hated because I looked different from the majority.

I will never understand the hatred that ensues from that type of thinking. Yet, that hatred has regulated different aspects of my life from how I respond to others as well as how I raise my children. I have three beautiful little boys and my worry for them increases each year that they become older. My husband and I provide a good life and teach our children to be kind compassionate little boys. The thought of the day when I have to have te very uncomfortable, heartbreaking conversation with them surrounding race, brings fear and high anxiety. Racism and hatred are very real!

However, last year, my view on race, culture and diversity shifted. My brother asked his girlfriend, who is Caucasian, for her hand in marriage. With her yes came the reality that two families of different lifestyles, backgrounds and races had to merge. My brother’s fiancé, was no stranger to other cultures, however, her family had never been around people of color, intimately, at all. Talk about culture shock!

As the planning began, the two families spent more time together. Uncomfortable at times with superficial conversations, because what do you say when you don’t know what to say? The families were forced with the reality that a marriage was going to happen and we were all going to be a family.

Five months of intense conversations surrounding bias, race, stereotypes, culture, prejudice, privilege along with many tears took place. It was rough. Tempers flared as fingers were pointed and phases such as , “I’m not racist” or “We are human beings” could be heard shouted across the rooms. The real talk of how people of color are portrayed and displayed along with views of how white people feel superior and entitled were all discussed. It was brutal. It hurt. Many, many, many tears! I remember my mom calling me, just feeling depleted from trying to understand why race is an issue in 2022. I was just so angry because my heart, my eyes see people first and color, really not at all, to be quite honest.

However, through the tears, the screams and misunderstandings, something beautiful, actually miraculous came through. Understanding, listening, apologies and the willingness to learn on both sides began to take precedence over the anger and fear. These talks occurred into the night of the rehearsal dinner. We wanted to do the work to get this right, to not be a blended family of pain but one of love, respect, honesty and unity. The day that my brother and sister-in-love married is the day that two families celebrated the love of this beautiful couple but also the true love of becoming…one family. I could cry right now thinking about the day. We are family. We still have the talks as things in the news come up or just general questions, but they are welcomed without defense.

The discussion of race can be difficult, but it is so needed. You cannot understand what you don’t seek to know.

As Leisure World continues to diversify in our community, we must make room for patience, understanding and the willingness to have tough conversations. Conversations surrounding race and diversity are not bad. It may be uncomfortable but the beauty that comes from the ashes of preconceived ideas and false perceptions are worth it all!

Diversity is wonderful! It enhances our understanding of the world and broadens our scope of how we view not only people around us but ourselves. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to co-exist with one another where differences are embraced and not vilified? Leisure World can be that example. We can set that standard of love and unity. We can be a premiere community in not only lifestyle and amenities but also in creating an inclusive environment for all to enjoy.

This month, I am challenging myself to correct my own bias, to open myself to understanding perspectives that I may have been defensive of in the past. I really want to be a better human being. A person who loves beyond what I see or feel and love because unconditional love is just that…love with no boundaries.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Remember to live life on purpose with purpose.

-Diana