ARTICLES How to Navigate lville love life

ARTICLES

A Guide to Love l at Lawrencevil e Maddy Laws ‘23

Are you back on campus for the first valentine’s day in two years? Looking to spice up your romantic relationship by keeping it nice and covid safe? Well, look no further than here, your ultimate guide to romance: covid safe edition! Through this series of tips, learn how to take your romance from feral to sterile!

Gloves: Now I know you all might be reluctant, but wearing gloves is the surest way to spice up your covid safe romance, with a few added benefits. Not only will gloves make you less prone to accidentally incriminating your valentine if you commit a crime, they’re also great for sweaty palms. Plus, you can show off your expert gloving techniques to your valentine; If it’s a satisfactory technique, they might even ask you to be their lab partner in chemistry (something you could discover you both have…)

Sharing masks: While we might not be able to exchange kisses in the name of a covid safe romance, touching your lips to the mask of the mask that would have touched the lips of your valentine had they not given it to you is just as romantic, right? Instead of adding that third mask for your own protection, try giving it to your valentine instead. Maybe even put it on for them. The night is bound to end in socially distant intense eye

contact if you play this one right.

Individually wrapped gifts: Chocolates? Candies? Tide pods? The possibilities are endless. Individually wrapped, pre-packaged, completely covid safe. Imagine the delight of your valentine to carefully unfold a completely germ free little sweet yummy delight.

Digital Cards: Whoa whoa whoa. No need to risk transmission of germs with a hand-made card. Send a text instead fellas. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, with romance in the air, it’s better to keep the airborne viruses out.

Hand sanitizer: The one thing you can share with your valentine. Share the antiviral magic. Who needs jewelry when you could catch covid the next day? It would mean nothing. Now hand sanitizer, that’s a gift you can’t replace. It could be the difference between life and covid. You think you would be willing to die for your valentine? Well then sharing your hand sanitizer with them is the first step.

I hope you take these tactics to heart and utilize them this valentine’s day. I’ve been looking for more test subjects, since I’ve been using them lately and they’ve proven unsuccessful for some strange reason, which means I’m technically at a 100% fail rate, which is kind of awkward. But PROVE THE STATS WRONG! Isn’t that what romance is about? Mathematically improbable miracles? Anyways, stay covid-safe, be happy, and enjoy a socially distant valentines day.

What Your favorite Valentines Chocolate Says Abouit you?

Vivian Teeley ‘24

Chocolate often ranks as a classic valentine’s day gift. A large chocolate box, wrapped in red cellophane, and filled with chocolates in different shapes and fillings. A 14 piece Godiva chocolate box will contain several gourmet options which all seemingly incorporate the word “bliss” into the name. However, I personally prefer the CVS mini hearts with five heart-stoppingly sweet pieces. If I want chocolate, I want the sweet stuff that is going to give me four cavities and a headache all in one bite. For this reason, my favorite chocolate is the milk chocolate buttercream truffle, which is really just a fancy way of saying “buttercream frosting rolled into a ball and dipped in chocolate.” Behold, America’s number one public health enemy.

Even after assessing these health “risks,” I am forced to reach for this chocolate first every time I open the box, and let me tell you why. The buttercream center creates a perfect texture that coats your mouth with sugar, providing a slightly salty aftertaste, and leaves you craving a visit to the dentist. But what is love without pain? What is success without failure, a degree without crying from stress at night, chocolate without headaches and doctor’s bills?

Despite the disgusting amount of sugar in this chocolate, there is nothing to get you in the Valentine’s day mood quite like an insane amount of sugar contained in a one inch piece of chocolate.

That said, here’s my analysis of every chocolate inside those giant chocolate hearts you’ve probably cried in front of at CVS (what? Definitely not me!!! Totally!!! *i’m so single*) and what you should do for your Valentine’s based on your picking of each:

Chocolate caramel– you’re classic. Basic, almost. You know it’s always going to be good, but it isn’t exactly exciting. You’re content with your life where it is right now and not looking for anything new. I recommend ordering a pizza, cheese of course, and curling up with a good movie. Preferably a rom com.

Vanilla cream- This ranks pretty similar to buttercream in terms of flavor, but the smoother texture hints at some level of sophistication. You enjoy a good conversation and cup of tea but despise Starbucks. For this reason, I would recommend spending Valentine’s day at home polishing your tea kettle and scrolling through TikTok.

Pecan cluster- Classy. Crunchy. Like this chocolate drying out my mouth, your conversations are probably dry, or at least overly-academic(please don’t come at me with that hardcover copy of Pride and Prejudice. Please, I don’t want to die without having dated anyone, I’m begging y–).

Peanut cluster- To be quite honest, my great-grandmother offers me these every time I visit her nursing home, so that may have affected my opinion a bit. I would say you also enjoy Reese’s cups, which are basically the blended version of this chocolate, but if you can appreciate the consistency of this candy, you have a sophisticated palette and would probably enjoy taking

a cooking class.

Peanut caramel- Excellent combination, reminiscent of over-chewed bubble gum in terms of texture, but quite nice once you get past that. You’re a very considerate person, your friends come to you for advice, but you hide your more wild side. I can see you enjoying a classic theme park date, or if you’re single, hit the solo rider line and let the adventure begin.

Strawberry cream- you don’t exist. This is no one’s favorite.

Toffee- probably born in the 70s. I’m thinking coast-side, by a lake. Dog person. This is actually my second-favorite, and I appreciate anyone who loves the satisfying crunch as much as I do. I imagine you enjoying a second-hand book store or thrifting.

Buttercream- age 7. See above.

Coconut- Spicy. Tropical. I’m envisioning you on a beach with a piña colada in hand, but on the other hand, you might be completely unhinged for enjoying the texture of shredded wheat cereal in a slightly soggier form and dipped in chocolate.