Luther College Family Friendship Program—Families

Family Friendship Program

Welcome, Families

Family Friendship Program mission

The goal of the program is to promote international understanding and friendship, develop an appreciation of how others live and view the world, and assist new students in the process of adjustment to Luther College and the United States. Students and their Friendship Families gather in informal settings and learn about life in the U.S. and Iowa, and about the home culture of the student. The friendship that grows between a student and his or her Friendship Family can promote diversity and cultural awareness that will last a lifetime.

Welcome

to the Luther College Diversity Center Friendship Family Program!

Congratulations on your generous decision to become a part of this program—a great opportunity to start what could be a lifelong friendship with your student. This is a relationship in which you will learn and grow together and will share and gain new understandings of different cultures, and in which your horizons will be expanded without you having to leave Decorah. Bravo to you!

This handbook provides general information about the program and a brief outline of culture shock theory. For more information, please go to our website, www.luther.edu/ diversity, or feel free to contact the program coordinator, Kathy Ferrie.

The Luther College Diversity Center (LDC) is constantly trying to enhance the program for you. We welcome feedback and ideas to help us achieve this.

Who Are We?

Luther College Diversity Center is a place of welcome that embraces people from all walks of life. We work to equip a diverse student body for global citizenship. We seek to build an inclusive community where all feel valued, respected, and safe.

Kathy Ferrie leads the program, and she welcomes your input and inquiries.

Kathy Ferrie

Amy Webber

Admin. Assistant, Diversity Center/Center for Global Studies

International Student Coordinator

Dahl Centennial Union 113 (563) 387-1014 ferrka01@luther.edu

Michelle Boike ’13

Wintlett Taylor-Browne

Assistant Director, Diversity Center

Interim Executive Director, Diversity Center

History of the project

The Luther Friendship Family program is over 30 years old, and the number of international students studying at Luther has nearly tripled in that time.

We usually welcome about 40 international students from over 30 countries, giving us a total of 143 international students from 69 countries studying at Luther in 2016.

Recently, the program was renamed, and the application and evaluation processes were enhanced to benefit both students and families.

Expectations of a Friendship Family Below are some expectations for families to be aware of:

• This program is a one-year commitment, although a lot of host families and students stay in involved long afterward.

• Families should try their best to attend the Luther Diversity Center connect events.

We currently have three pre-arranged events to help strengthen the Friendship Family community.

• We ask you to commit to meeting with your student at least once a month. We understand schedules do not always line up, but meeting at least once a month is a good goal. Please reach out to your student. Though we encourage students to call you, they are often shy about this, so please make it your responsibility to initiate connections.

• We ask that you complete the program evaluations. We are trying to enhance this program for you and the students and your feedback is very important.

Important information about the program

While participating in the program, please be your charming pleasant selves and do everything you can to help your student feel welcome. Feel free to welcome your student however you feel best fits the dynamics of your ongoing relationship. Please consider the information for families and students, below.

• You are not required to give students gifts. Although it is a wonderful gesture and students will almost always appreciate it, gifts are not expected. Remembering birthdays is a nice touch.

• Building a trusting and safe environment between you and your student is important, however we ask that you do not invite your student to live with you, lend money, or allow the use your car. This can put a strain on the relationship and create false expectations for the future.

• You are not expected to treat your international student to everything. If you arrange with your student to go shopping, for example, clearly communicate what you will be financing beforehand. In this example, you could provide transportation and treat the student to lunch and he or she would pay for any clothes, games, accessories, etc., desired.

• International students are not allowed, by law, to work off campus without a specific application process. This means that house-sitting, babysitting, odd jobs, music lessons, etc., for pay are not options for most international students, so please do not offer them work. Contact the Diversity Center for more information.

• You are a family, not a taxi service. Luther provides shuttles to major cities and free trips to stores for food. If a student contacts you only for rides or you feel they are taking advantage of you to drive them around, let us know.

• Please do not advise your student on immigration issues or visa regulations.

• Other parts of the world have different views of the use of alcohol, and in some places, there are no regulations. Please remind your student about Iowa laws regarding underage consumption if you find yourselves in a situation that involves alcohol.

What makes a successful Friendship Family?

Open minds

We ask that you embrace differences between you and your student and learn about your student’s beliefs as you share as your own. We encourage you to have friendly debates or healthy conversations, but please be respectful of your student’s ideas and do not impose your opinions. Do not get defensive if a question seems odd; embrace his or her curiosity and desire to learn.

Flexibility

Not every culture places punctuality high on its list of priorities, so make sure you communicate and be honest with each other about meeting times. Both you and your student may have a busy schedule, and in order to meet you must both be as flexible as you can. Also be prepared for last-minute changes in plans or forgotten previous engagements.

Communication

This is the one of the most important factors in creating and maintaining a good relationship. Communicate everything, no matter how small a detail you think it might be.

If something upsets you, do not get frustrated or pretend it doesn’t bother you. Take that opportunity to discuss how the behavior has potential to upset people. We cannot stress the enough the importance of being open and honest.

Fun!

This should be easy—just have good wholesome fun with your student. Go for walks, out for coffee, anything fun that you would do as a family. Simple!

Culture shock theory

Contrary to popular belief, students will not be hit by culture shock the moment they step off the plane.

However, many students will go through cultural shock at some point while living in Decorah. Making the transition and adjusting to life in a new place is not easy, and it may take weeks, months, or even years for the student to feel adjusted. During this period, you as a Friendship Family will play a critical part in the student’s development.

Some of you may have lived in a different country, or even a bigger city, and will understand that students will have to relearn how to do tasks that are second nature to you, such as measurements, doing laundry, buying food, etc. Adjusting can quickly become overwhelming.

Signs and symptoms of culture shock

• Having an intense feeling of loyalty to his or her home country • Having little motivation, feelings of depression, and boredom • Becoming withdrawn and quick to be irritated • Overreacting to small issues that can have simple solutions • Increased headaches or changes in appetite

• Loss of sense of humor, or feeling a loss of control in life • Hostility toward the host country and longing to be around “people that make sense” • Letting class grades slip or finding it hard to concentrate on school work No two students will experience culture shock in the exact same way. It may be brief or it could be a prolonged experience. If you have any concerns about your student’s behavior, please call the LDC office.

At left is a visual aid of the stages of adjustment that a student will go through. The months along the bottom may indicate that over the winter is a good time to check in and meet up with your student. Also, culture shock can reoccur, and students may be surprised by this.

Figure 3: The U-Curve of Cross-Cultural Adjustment (Mendenhall et al., Global Management, p. 411)

Stages of culture shock

• Honeymoon: This is the stage of excitement; new people, new location, new classes.

Students will be eager to find out everything about their new home. This typically is a short stage.

• Culture shock: As the reality of life in a new country sets in, the thrill and novelty begin to wear off. The student may then begin to feel resentful, detached, or depressed.

• Adjustment: At this stage your student will start to become more familiar with the United States, Decorah, and Luther. The more familiar the student becomes, the more comfortable he or she will be.

• Mastery: Congratulations to your student, this is the final stage. With the help of you and other support groups, your student can now comfortably live in the U.S. He or she can integrate his or her beliefs and lifestyle choices, leading to better self and environmental acceptance.

“Getting to know Clara and Karl, my host mom and dad, is one of the best experiences I have had so far at Luther. They are really busy but still find time to invite me and my friends to dinners at their house once in a while. My host mom can cook awesome Vietnamese food. She is a great host mom to whom I can talk comfortably. I am very grateful to have them as my host family.”

—Uyen (Ivy) Truong, Vietnam

Tips for Families

If you would like more than one student, that is wonderful—we will try to accommodate you. Having more than one student can sometimes help you all feel more comfortable.

If we have too many families for students we will put you on the spring waiting list.

Please do not take this personally.

• As mentioned in the Expectations section, try to meet once a month. If you are having difficulty reaching your student, please do not hesitate to call the LDC to see if he or she is okay.

• It is usually better not to give open-ended invitations—the more specific the better.

Chances are that if you leave students saying “call me if you need anything,” you will not hear from them again.

• Invite your student to activities that you already do or feel comfortable with. Simple everyday activities can sometimes be the best.

• During meals, please be aware of different cultural customs and communicate so that you can share traditions throughout the meal. For instance, in many cultures the mother serves everyone, rather than passing the dishes around the table.

• At the end of the year you are more than welcome to continue the program with a new incoming student. You may want to invite your previous hosted students to assist with greeting the new student.

• If all your invitations are being turned down, it may be because the student is just too busy and cannot find the time. You should not take it personally. Some students feel they do not need this program to help with their transition to Luther and Decorah. Feel free to ask your student if he or she wants or has the time for this program and let us know if you and your student decide to withdraw. We will keep you on the list for the next students arriving.

“My friendship family is great. My transition to the U.S. couldn’t have been easier, and I have them to thank for that.

A friendship family is a great thing to have as an international student. I highly recommend it.”

—Sylvester Mhlanga, Swaziland

Decorah

One of the benefits of this program is that it gives students a chance to escape from the Luther bubble and gain an understanding of what is available beyond campus. Decorah has a welcoming community with many helpful businesses.

Please feel free to look through the Decorah Area Chamber of Commerce directory, decorahareachamber.com/directory, to find businesses that you may want to include in the student’s exploration of Decorah.

Connect at events

The Luther College Diversity Center will organize a variety of events to help you connect with your student!

Welcome Potluck • Great food, new faces

This is our welcome event, where you will be introduced to your student and get to know him or her over homecooked meals.

Pumpkin Carving • Get creative, celebrate fall

This is our midsemester event. Hopefully, you will have bonded with your student and this is a chance to get together as a family, join in the fun, carve pumpkins, and enjoy treats. Most of the students will never before have carved a pumpkin.

Game Night

This is a winter warmer event with hot chocolate and hot apple cider along with a selection of snacks and treats. Families can come together to teach and play their favorite games with other families and friends. This is also a chance to meet our new international students and other friendship families.

“The friendship family program is a great introduction to U.S. American culture. Before coming to Luther the only perception I had of the U.S. was through action movies or television programs. My family helped make me more aware of U.S. culture and smooth the transition part of my journey of personal development.”

—Nato Francisco, East Timor