Ram September 2016

Notices Exam Timetable is on LEARN Keep up to date your exam timetable on LEARN as the timetable is subject to change so we highly recommend that

LUSA’s Fortnightly Newsletter Keep up to date with what’s going on in and around campus, with our fortnightly newsletter. This is sent out to all students every 2nd Tuesday around 10.30am. If you are a new student would like to subscribe then contact design@lusa.org.nz. The next newsletter hitting your inbox will be on 13th September.

you regularly check it leading up to the start of each semester.

get them to email sales@lusa.org.nz and we’ll send them one

Disclaimer

of our snazzy advertising guides. The wallplanner has been

RAM is published by the Lincoln University Students’ Association

one of the most successful tools in terms of advertising, as it is

(LUSA) for the students of Lincoln University. RAM is funded by

so useful for students with term dates, etc.

Lincoln University students through the Student Services Fee. Any

Advertise for 2017 Do you know of anyone who would benefit from advertising in next year’s LUSA 2017 Wallplanner and Diaries? If so, then

opinions expressed in this magazine are those of the authors, and

Lincoln’s Best Awards They’re back, and will culminate in one massive awards night

do not necessarily reflect the beliefs and values held by LUSA, or the University.

on Friday 23 Sept in the Dining Hall.

If you are easily offended, read on and be sure to send a strongly

These awards celebrate and acknowledge not only winners

worded email to the Editor –she’s always up for a laugh!

from a number of categories (which range from Clubs, Staff

design@lusa.org.nz

and Students), but as well.

RAM Issue 7 | nominees 2

Contents StudentsAtLincoln LUSA.org.nz lusa.nz lusa.nz

FEATURES

REGULARS

8 | Tips and Tricks for GP2016 Everything you need to survive Lincoln’s biggest event of the year!

14 | International Night Food, Fun & Entertainment

16 | LUSA Board Elections Have your say on who represents you on

making a change

18 | Gumboots have been Banned from LU A satirical look at banning gumboots on campus

COVER DESIGNED BY MEALZ WOULFE

4 | Letters from LUSA 7 | Sweet As/Stink One 22 | Aunty Flat-tac 26 | Live Well Week

FUN STUFF 6 | Stuff worth doing

19 | Pot Sticker Dumpling 20 | Rio Olympics Re-Cap Review No sport, all scandal

32 | Flat of the Month 23 | Refreshing Lincoln: What it means for students

34 | Where were you when?

24 | LU Sport Lincoln cleaning up in the rugby

40 | Gloriavale

30 | LUSA Clubs What some of the Clubs have been up to

45 | Procrastination Station

EDITOR Julia Wills design@lusa.org.nz

ADVERTISING Kate Ward-Smith sales@lusa.org.nz

CONTRIBUTORS Sam Budd Vanessa Rhodes Danyon Thomas Matt Risi Mealz Woulfe

42 | Snapchat

Aileen Taylor Kate Maxwell Graeme Campbell

PRINTER RAM is printed

by Wickliffe RAM is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Contributions can be sent to: design@lusa.org.nz

www.lusa.org.nz RAM Issue 7 | 3

Letters from LUSa

Words from the Pres.

Words from the Ed.

We’re almost there - only four weeks till the end of semester, so

I’m loving the Snapchat filters these days. What about the Arnie

not long till you’ll be having a ripper at Garden Party, checking

one?! I wonder how many people said “Get to tha choppa!” that

out what promises to be a pretty sweet line up. We think we’ve

night..?. Anyways, you can see I’ve been busy. Well, actually

got all the planning pretty much sussed, but now it’s up to you

I have been getting ready for 2017! A crazy head-space to be

guys to bring your A-game and show us you know how to have

in, but I have already started getting ideas together for your

a good time. Check out some of the tips in this issue that’ll see

awesome wallplanner and diaries for next year. You all love

you through the day. Most importantly look out for yourself

pink a? he he.

and your mates.

I’ve also been advertising for 2017 student board nominations In the last issue I told you about the soul searching LUSA’s been

and elections, so this week we should have a few campaigners

doing, to understand why we exist - to make sure you have

out there! Go hard guys - LUSA is such a great place to work

a great time at Uni. Since then we’ve been working on our

and we get stuff done!

strategic plan, and setting our goals for the next few years to

Old Bill Ivey turns something like 178 years old this year (if

make sure we know where we are heading, so we can do the

he was still alive) so LUSA and LU are throwing him a party

best by you, our students.

next Tuesday, so come along for bubble soccer, candy floss and

The bottom line is we want to be working with the Uni to

hotdogs! All for FREE. Then Lincoln’s Best Awards are on next

ensure the best outcomes possible for everyone. Lincoln is going

Frid-yay - have you put foward your nomination for best staff

to see some change but regardless LUSA will always be doing

or student? How about your favourite editor? wink wink.

what we can to make sure the student’s interests are protected.

Then it’s Garden Party! This will be my first Garden Party, ever.

As you’ve hopefully heard we’re in the full swing of elections.

I had fun designing the posters (hope you liked them) and I’m

Now it’s your turn to make a pick about who you think should

sure I’ll have fun roaming around taking photos of you guys in

be running LUSA. Head along to the Meet the Candidates on the

your wicked costumes. So, if you see me ask me for a photo, give

19th to see what everyone’s plans are for 2017 so you can make

me a swig of your beer (jokes) and I’ll try and make you look as

some good calls.

sober as possible on Facebook the next day! (maybe) Can. Not. Wait.!

Have a great last few weeks of semester, smash those last few assignments out. The late nights (studying, not at the Yaldie) will be worth it when you’re out there enjoying summer, not stuck at Uni trying to pass COMM113 for the third time…

Danyon Thomas president@lusa.org.nz RAM Issue 7 | 4

Julia Wills design@lusa.org.nz

Letters from the Board Risi’s Responsible Advice...

This Month in History: 1987

Your Liver is not what it once was. Some of you made it back from the

to death by a Malaysian judge for heroin trafficking. On appeal her sentence was commuted to life imprisonment. The trial of Lorraine and her son Aaron, who was arrested at the same time, gained

GP16: For the Veterans Here is something for all of us fourth years, still trying to get a degree.

NZer, Lorraine Cohen was sentenced

worldwide attention.

1948

New Zealand citizenship was established. Until this Act came

‘Fresher 5’, while the rest of us are still working on it, and Garden Party

into force, people born in New

is a day that just does not make sense…but still works.

Zealand were British subjects but

A few quick tips on how to survive the day as an old fart: 1.

not New Zealand citizens.

1958

5am will do – Just because some of you have stayed in the halls

heart-lung bypass machine. The

be fine.

Start with a coffee – Lets be honest, this shit is a non-negotiable.

3.

Gin, Juice & Raspberry – Yeah, good.

4.

Kegs – Although fun to stand on and just another way of

Barratt-Boyes performed the first open heart-surgery in NZ, using a

this year does not make you a first year. 3am is bonkers. 5am will

2.

Pioneering heart surgeon Brian

procedure, at Green Lane Hospital in Auckland, was performed on an 11-year-old girl with a hole in her

destroying your liver, best not to admit to it when they ask “How

heart.

1960

much have you had?” – the answer to which is always ‘two Steinys

Peter Snell won gold in the 800m, at the Rome Olympic Games and then within half an hour Murray

after footy.’

Halberg won the 5000m!

5.

50:50’s – 50:50 calls, 50:50 costumes, 50:50 pours. Its what the day is all about. Get amongst it.

6.

2010

Take a nap – Ain’t no shame in a 7am nap. You’re old and drunk.

Canterbury. The earthquake struck at 4.35a.m. on Saturday

Have a nap and get over it.

7.

Magnitude 7.1 earthquake rocks

4th September and was felt by

Watch the darts – there’s a big difference between a quick durry

many people in the South Island

and ‘oh shit, who’s buying the next pack?’

and the southern North Island.

There was considerable damage in

8.

Bacon – Master Bradley Martin once blind drunk told me that

central Canterbury, especially in

“many things can change in your life, bacon will always be the

Christchurch, but thanks goodness,

constant”. It will get you through the day.

9.

Phones – Unless you’re calling Mum at 7am to tell her you love her, no need for phones. I don’t want to see that video of me struggling to string a sentence together at 8am on a Thursday.

no loss of life.

2010

Also on the 4th September 2010, a plane crashed soon after taking off from Fox Glacier airstrip,

10. Garden Party – Yeah, remember that thing you started drinking for at 5am? Actually go. This is the last one so you might as well go big and go home in a paddy wagon/bus. Whatever comes first?

killing all nine people on board.

The Walter Fletcher FU-24 was carrying four skydiving instructors

So, to all my fellow Fourth Year Elders, old farts and general good

and four skydivers, who had been

buggers - may the beer be cold, music loud, chat shit, and the drunk

touring the West Coast on a Kiwi

stumble, play to your strong leg. I’ll see you at Barton fields for a debrief!

Experience bus trip.

RAM Issue 7 | 5

STUFF WORTH DOING

Lincoln Primary School Fair Sept 18, 10am

Dux Central’s 1st Birthday Sept 17 – Sept 18 One day just isn’t enough so we have a whole weekend of awesome events planned... | Poplar Lane

A fun family day out featuring rides, food, entertainment, games, raffles, baking, white elephant, art display and auction plus much, much more! | North Belt, Christchurch | FREE | Facebook

Black Sun Empire & State of Mind Sept 17, 10pm An extended back to back set, sharing the new and drawing from a massive back catalogue of years of working together. The dark and twisty drum and bass we love from the boys - and features an appearance from another Kiwi legend, Tiki, on Skin Crawler.

| FREE

| The Bedford, 126 Madras St

| duxcentral.co.nz

| $29 + BF | cosmicticketing.co.nz

Women’s Lifestyle Expo Sept 24 - Sept 25, 10am

Live in Lincoln A line up of New Zealand best comedians will be heading to Lincoln for one night only.

Jeremy Corbet, Ben Hurley, Tom Furniss and Justine Smith.

Christchurch’s largest expo’s with more than 200 companies featuring everything from jewellery and health products to business products and information, crafts, fitness and beauty, food and wine sampling, home wares, education providers and much more!

| Lincoln Event Centre

Phew.

| $45 R18

| Horncastle Arena

| ticketek.co.nz

| $10 Door Sales Only

Oct 8, 7pm

Ladi6 The Alpha Sessions Sept 2, 8pm Ladi6 will deconstruct, recreate, create from scratch and air out reworked versions of some of their Ladi6 favourites as well as introduce their new material to the stage.

They bring with them, their studio set-up, vintage keyboards and drum machines, all on stage. | Blue Smoke, 3 Garlands Rd | $35 | ladi6.co.nz

Spring Fling 2016

Ellie Goulding

Oct 9, 11am

Sept 29, 7pm

A country fete held in 10 acres of award winning gardens - Broadfield Garden. Featuring: Specialist artisan stalls, plants, music, great food and beverages, garden tours and more.

Bringing you the Delirium World Tour, for her biggest shows to date!

Joined by very special guests Years & Years, Ellie is set to electrify the arena!

| 250 Selwyn Rd, Rolleston

| Horncastle Arena

| $15 Early Bird | $20 General

| $89

| eventfinder.co.nz RAM Issue 7 | 6

| vbase.co.nz

All Blacks vs South Africa Sept 17, 7.35pm Two of the heavy weights of the rugby world will meet in Christchurch for the first time since 2007! Make sure you are part of the action in Christchurch! | AMI Stadium | Starting from $60 | ticketdirect.co.nz

SWEET AS RHYTHM & GLORIAVALE A five day bender at Gloriavale because you need alcohol to have fun. Check out their Facebook page.

Letter to

the Editor Hey,

DAYLIGHT SAVING STARTS Besides throwing you off your morning schedule, as of 25th Sept, you’ll have one more hour of light in the evenings. Hello Happy Hour!

Please can you find a way to let the people who play the piano in Stewart after hours know, that people think they are amazing! We think there are a few people who play, but they make late nights in the landscape building less tedious (especially to the pirates of the Caribbean theme) Thanks,

DONATING BLOOD Save lives, get a tough sticker aka band aid, and get FREE biscuits.

A few bored landscape students.

How awesome is this?!

OUR AWESOME KIWI OLYMPIC TEAM Home sweet home and now able to soak it all up. So much hard work went in to getting those medals around those necks and we are super proud of them all.

Keep up the good work you talented piano moonlighters!

Kind regards, Ed

STINK ONE SPRING HAYFEVER Hayfever season is on its way, and those who suffer all know that the ‘recommended’ dose of anti-histamines is what you call ‘guidelines’ not actual rules.

The Bio-Protection Research Centre at Lincoln is currently advertising summer research scholarships, which are available to students who are enrolled in a Bachelor’s degree at Lincoln (or any other NZ University). Students can earn up to $6000 for work over the summer.

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF AUCKLAND Way too much botox and hairspray, these drunk old gold-diggers need to get their hands dirty and stop plastering fake smiles all over their ugly mugs.

ALL BLACKS BUG A listening device was discovered in the All Blacks’ team room in the foam of a seat during a routine security check ahead of the Bledisloe Cup opener.

The scholarships are a great opportunity for students to get some hands-on lab or field experience and work with some of the Centre’s senior researchers.

‘THE BLOCK’ BEING OVER It was pressure-cooker stuff on The Block NZ and now that it’s over, I find myself saying ‘What would Peter Wolfkamp say?’ Withdrawals much!

For more info go to: bioprotection.org.nz/vacancies/summerresearch-scholarships Applications close on 16 September.

Photo courtesy of: www.123rf.com/profile_stillfx

TIPS AND TRICKS

FOR GARDEN PARTY From those who have learnt from their mistakes!

It’s almost the end of the year, and exams are looming, so there’s nothing like dressing up like some inanimate object and letting loose! But first, here’s a few tips on how to survive Garden Party 2016.

LET OTHERS KNOW YOU’RE OK

DON’T COME IN TOO HOT!

GET THERE EARLY

It’s gonna be a long day. You’ll probably start at 5am, so pace yourself and make sure you actually make it! It would suck to be put straight into detox or be sent back to your hall because

Put a call through to Mum or Dad at 9am. They’ll love it, especially when they are at work! Also, look after your mates.

There will be medics and support staff there incase of any serious issues.

Make the most of your ticket! Also, the warm up DJ is epic and before you know it the bands are kicking off and you don’t want to miss the action! Gates open at 9.30am and be there by 11am.

you peaked too soon!

COMING ONLY WEAR SUNSCREEN There will be no coming and going from Garden Party. Once you You’ll get burnt as hell, even if there’s cloud and you won’t realise till you sober up and take a hot shower, and it stings like a mo fo! There will be sunblock dotted around the place and

leave you can’t come back in. So make sure those costumes are secure, bring a few safety pins if need be, make sure you don’t forget your money, ID & tampons!

try and incorporate a hat into your costume or use sunblock spray in your hairline part, otherwise a week later it will look

EATS

like you have dandruff! Minging.

There is a FREE cooked breakfast in the Dining Hall from 7am

RAIN, HAIL OR SHINE Nothing stops Garden Party, so check the weather forecast before you come and be prepared. Organise your costume with the forecast in mind too. Feel free to take a breather in one of our tents if the sun gets too much.

BE NICE Be nice to staff, police, volunteers etc. They are such a good bunch of people and if you’re nice to them they’ll be nice to you. Plus it may be for your own good even if you don’t realise it at the time.

– 11am. All are welcome! There will also be a FREE BBQ’s run

by LUSA at the event and from the good sorts from Christian Fellowship.

Get out of the sun, under the tent and have a feed. Want to splash out, then there will also be Pita Pit, mini donuts and hot chips, burgers, hot dogs and much more for purchase.

DRINKS Stay hydrated too - helps with the hangover and acting like a tool on the day. Stay looking sexy and you may even hold a conversations long enough to pick up!

Alcoholic drinks can be purchased from the drink ticketing tent until 3pm. $5 per ticket. You can refund any unused tickets at the end of the day between 3pm and 4pm.

RAM Issue 7 | 8

COSTUME TIPS BE PROACTIVE The bigger the costume, the more likely you’ll be tackled.

You’re starting early, so prepare for a 10pm hangover. Stock up

Make sure your costume is porta-loo friendly. Nothing worse

the day before with Powerade, hang over snacks, even order

than pissing yourself because it took too long to undo or you

yourself a pizza to be delivered at lunchtime the next day (as

got stuck trying to get in or out of the loo, or it drags all over

you’ll probably still be too pissed from the day before to drive).

the brown, slimy wet floor in there.

You’ll love yaself when you get home to a feed waiting for you.

Arseless chaps probably aren’t a good idea unless you’re into getting your butt smacked all day! No nudity...please! Don’t

PRE & AFTER PARTIES

be offensive to any religion or race. Wear sensible shoes. The

Register any parties with Good One - goodone.org.nz

grass gets sloppier as the day goes one. Jandal jam is enevitable

Good One is all about helping you have agreat party without

but better than a stiletto heel getting stuck in the grass.

things getting crazy. Make sure you know who’s all coming over and remember to think of your neighbours. Go let them

COSTUME NO NO’S

know what’s going down and take them a box of chocolates or

You won’t be admitted into Garden Party if your costume

something.

involves: weapons, ammunition, dead or alive animals. Get creative. Garden Party has a wicked history of epic costumes,

LOST SOMETHING?

so do a bit of research and lets see what you come up with.

Come into LUSA reception on Monday and we may have it

NO smuggling in any booze, weed, party pills, e, p, mdma,

waiting for you, if not, register it with us and we’ll let you know

weapons whatever - even if it’s part of your Walter White or

if it gets handed in.

Game of Thrones costume.

HAVE FUN! BYO? HELL NO!

Garden Party is a must-do experience for all students and the

No bottles of any kind (even if they are sealed) or food can be

biggest Lincoln Uni party of the year! So, go in with a wicked

brought into Garden Party. No need! We have it all in there for

attitude, meet as many new people as you can, dance your ass off,

you. There will be bag checks on entry.

take heaps of photos of those wicked costumes and have a great time!

DOOR SALES Door sales will only be available if we have not sold out but there is no guarantee! Plus they will to be more expensive than buying them prior to event day.

R18

Remember your valid Drivers Licience, Passport, HANZ 18+ Card.

NO ID, NO ENTRY. Get your tickets from www.dashtickets.co.nz at LUSA Reception 07.10.16 - LU Sports Field 9.30am - 4.30pm

Free buses will run from Lincoln to Riccarton from 1.30pm RAM Issue 7 | 9

Artist Bios Diaz Grimm Diaz’s music is a combination of electronica, dance and hip-hop which blend fluently, with the NZ Herald referring to him as ‘NZ’s new DJ/ Hip-Hop superstar.’ The only thing that tops Diaz’s ambitions are his live performances.

Hailing from Cambridge NZ, Diaz Grimm (aka Cameron Clarke), has taken the NZ DJ/ hip-hop and rap industry by storm.

Diaz made the move to Auckland in 2014 chasing his dreams in the music industry, flipping burgers by day and writing and recording music at night for nine months before releasing his first album, Osiris, in 2015 after a ten day stint in the Red Bull Studios. Now that’s dedication.

Since its release, Diaz has received a variety of nominations and accolades for Osiris which included being nominated for Hip-Hop Album of the Year at the 2015 Vodafone NZ Music Awards. It also went straight to number one on the iTunes NZ hip-hop charts, reached the Official Top 20 NZ album chart and is now the most upvoted selfposted music on Reddit/HipHopHeads in the world.

After playing a variety of NZ Festivals including Homegrown and Rhythm and Vines, Summer 2016 will see him touring with Six60 as well as performing at prominent NZ New Years’ Festival’s Rhythm and Vines and Northern Bass.

With his second album currently under way, and a slew of upcoming shows, tours and festivals, you can catch Diaz Grimm as he takes the stage to open for Garden Party 2016!

RAM Issue 7 | 10

Weird Together Helmed by Tokyo based New Zealand DJ and Radio /TV host Nick Dwyer and legendary Auckland based English music producer and DJ Dick “Magik J” Johnson, Weird Together is one of the most globally minded dance music projects to emerge from the South Pacific in recent times.

What started as a studio project, has now fully formed a 12 piece band with members hailing from all corners of the globe. With Karima Madut representing South Sudan, percussionist Mavs Adegbite representing Nigeria, Alesano on steel pan being a super rare mix of Trini - Samoan, and Jinitero MC being far far away from his homeland of Cuba.

They are joined together by the mysterious Gaza Tripp on Guitar, Izak Chads also on pan and the mighty horns of Tekapo bringing the Brass blast.

Together they have been storming the stage at some of the biggest festivals around New Zealand and Australia and now have their eyes firmly set on bringing this unique mix of global sounds to the world stage.

With their debut EP dropped at the beginning of 2015, ‘Weird Together’ offer an eclectic dance/ house/electronica set which they will be bringing to the stage for Garden Party 2016.

Be prepared as shits gonna get Weird!

Having just released their highly anticipated single, ‘Help Me’, on 19 August, which has already received rave reviews, along with their upcoming New Zealand tour kicking off on the 10th Sept, these boys are showing no signs of slowing down!

LUSA is excited to announce that Clap Clap Riot will be taking the stage as part fo the line-up for Garden Party 2016!

Consisting of members Stephen Heard, Dave Rowlands, Tristan Colenso, Jonathan Pearce and Alexander Freer, Clap Clap Riot - known for their raw and energetic song writing and magnetic live shows - are a fivepiece rock’n’ roll band based in Auckland.

Clap Clap Riot released their first EP in 2009, and, following on from its immense success, unveiled their debut album ‘Counting Spins’ through Universal Music NZ in 2012. Upon release, the album debuted at #1 on the Official NZ Album Chart, received a nomination at the 2012 Vodafone New Zealand Music Awards for Best Rock Album, was named the NZ Rock Album of 2012 by iTunes and saw the band shortlisted for NZ’s most prestigious song writing award, the APRA Silver Scrolls. In tandem, their single, ‘So You Say’, hit #1 on the NZ iTunes Rock Charts.

RAM Issue 7 | 11

Following on from their myriad of successes, Clap Cap Riot released their second album in 2014, ‘Nobody / Everybody’, which saw them team up with esteemed producer Kody Neilson (The Mint Chicks, Opossom) and engineer Olly Harmer (The Naked & Famous).

Described as ‘youthful, ambitious and without pretension’ as well as ‘the new generation of NZ rock,’ Clap Clap Riot have been regarded as the ‘new generation of NZ rock’, embracing their influences with gusto as well as an original take on anthemic, tight rock tunes, piled high with attitude, confidence and spirit.

The Viper Creek Band Formed in early 2011, Aussie country rock sensations, The Viper Creek Band, have taken the Australian country music scene by storm.

Consisting of four members; (Damien Baguley on vocals, Reuben Andrew on bass, Jeremy Minnett on guitar and Brad Rheinberger on drums), The Viper Creek Band believed country music in Australia was ready for an exciting new sound- and so began the song writing, rehearsals, live shows and seducing a loyal fan base featuring not only Australians, but fans from around the world including USA and Canada (and of course New Zealand).

The band, hailing from Newcastle, released their highly anticipated album, ‘Kickin’ up Dust’, in 2014 which debuted at number 2 on the ARIA Australian Country albums charts. Adding to their successes the band also hit the road with Australian country’s male super duo McAlistair Kemp and have performed at iconic Australian music festivals including CMC Rocks as well as the Tamworth Country Music Festival.

Along with various award nominations including ‘Best Group or Duo’ at the CMC Awards 2015 and 2016 and Oz Artist of the Year 2016, The Viper Creek Band were invited to the USA to perform alongside internationally renowned Country music artists including Joe Nichols, Trace Adkins and Neal McCoy. From recent shows in Canada and the USA, a number of hit singles, award nominations, sold out shows and rave reviews- as well as currently in the midst of a highly successful tour of Australia launching their second highly anticipated album, ‘Just Press Play’ (released on 26th August 2016) - LUSA are stoked to bring these boys across the ditch for their first ever NZ performance as the pre-headline act for Garden Party 2016!

RAM Issue 7 | 12

Avalanche City After leaving his job in 2009 Dave began recording bands in his own studio as well as writing songs and creating his own melodies; and thus Avalanche City was born!

NZ pop-come-folk band, Avalanche City, is the brain child of Dave Baxter. A frequent on the live music scene during his teenage years (performing in bands ‘One Must Fall’ and ‘The Chase’), Baxter graduated in 2005 with a Bachelor of Media Arts.

With a bunch of tours alongside other NZ bands, Avalanche City’s first album, ‘Our New Life Above the Ground’ was recorded and released.

Initial response to the album was extremely positive and saw their hit single, ‘Love, Love, Love’, picked up by TV2 for a number of their station promos.

The band extended their popularity and reach overseas with a number of tours spanning the USA, UK and Australia whilst performing alongside renowned international acts such as FUN, Vampire Weekend, the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s and playing at iconic music festivals such as the Big Day Out Australia.

Avalanche City’s highly anticipated second album, ‘We are for the Wild Places’ was finally released in July 2015 and climbed the NZ charts, while ‘Inside Out’, the first single off the album, proved very popular, quickly reaching #1 on the Official New Zealand Music Chart. Carrying on from the success of the album, singles ‘Keep Finding a Way’, ‘Fault Lines’, and ‘Little Fire’ were released.

With a number of successful singles, tours and popularity spanning a number of countries as well as performances alongside renowned international acts, LUSA is amped to bring Avalanche City to Christchurch to headline Garden Party 2016!

RAM Issue 7 | 13

The ever popular annual LUSA

featuring, International Students and

International Night was held from

staff from Lincoln University which

5pm Saturday 3rd September and

included a variety of instrumental,

was a sell-out! Attracting a vast range

song and dance performances, with

of attendees, from not only Lincoln

each group dressing in traditional dress

University but the wider Lincoln and

attire.

Selwyn Communities and as far afield as Kaiapoi and Rangiora!

LUSA would like to take an opportunity to thank all the incredible

International Night kicked off with

International Students and groups

a banquet of delicious cultural and

who were involved in International

traditional dishes from all around the

Night 2016, as well as Heather Watson

world including, Vietnam, Thailand,

from LHL who, not only sourced all

China, Czechoslovakia, Pakistan,

the ingredients the groups required

Canada, Africa and Papua Nui Guinea,

for their dishes, but also allowed

just to name a few! 25 groups of

them to use the Dining Hall kitchen

International Students studying at

to prepare and cook them as well as

Lincoln University, worked tirelessly

allowing us to use both Mrs O’s and the

over Friday and Saturday in the LU

Dining Hall to host International Night.

Dining Hall kitchen, to prepare and cook 35 different dishes, each catering for 200 people to produce the incredible

Last of all, we would like to thank everyone who came along.

We hope you enjoyed

feast.

the yummy food and Not only did this provide a chance

performances International

for attendees to experience a range of

Night had to offer. We want

different foods, but also learn a bit more

to make International Night

about the cultures and countries behind

even bigger and better in 2017

them.

so if you have any feedback on the night or suggestions for

At 6.30pm, with full bellies, the 550 strong crowd were treated to 2 hours of a vast range of cultural performances RAM Issue 7 | 14

improvement, please email them through to events@lusa.org.nz

p a c e R

RAM Issue 7 | 15

RAM Issue 7 | 16

6

THERE ARE

POSITIONS UP FOR ELECTION FOR 2017

PRESIDENT VICE-PRESIDENT AGLS REP COMMERCE REP ESD REP POSTGRAD REP

Elections are how you decide who is going to represent you and make things happen for you, from academic issues through to making sure you’re having a good time!

QUERIES? Contact the Returning Officer elections@lusa.org.nz for more information.

KEY DATES: CAMPAIGNING SEPTEMBER 12–19

They then campaign to be elected by persuading the wider student body to vote for them.

VOTING SEPTEMBER 20–21

The wider student body vote online for the person they would like to be elected. It’s a simple survey format, that is emailed to every student on their Lincoln email address.

RAM Issue 7 | 17

Gumboots Banned from Lincoln A SATIRICAL LOOK AT BANNING LINCOLN UNI’S FAMOUS REDBAND

In an effort to make Lincoln University a more attractive study option, it has been revealed that gumboots will be banned from Te Waihora campus in 2017.

The University has been haemorrhaging money for a number of years, reporting a loss last year of $6million.

It is one of the many measures decided upon after a workshop was held between Lincoln University Council and Senior Management in early August.

The brash move has been labelled as ridiculous by many, but has a mixed response over all. At this stage both Senior management and Council stand by their decision.

When questioned immediately after the workshop, a member of Council remarked “We’ve made stupider decisions, I mean, the LINC papers. Need I say more? I can’t see what all the fuss is about” A spokesperson later justified the decision as an attempt to simultaneously increase numbers at Telford, all the while rebranding Te Waihora. “Lincoln University’s Telford Campus has seen a steady drop in numbers in recent years, and by taking small measures such as a blanket ban on gumboots on LU’s Te Waihora campus, we hope that Telford becomes more attractive to those who believe gumboots are acceptable off farm, and in turn, Te Waihora becomes more attractive to those who don’t.”

Others believe it’s just another attempt by Senior Management to get rid of the agriculturally focused programmes to make space for more ‘trendy’ environmentally friendly programmes that tend to attract the ‘townies’ to Lincoln.

A member of the AGCM faculty who only agreed to comment if they remained anonymous, felt this was clearly the case. “They’ll never admit it, but they’ve been trying to get rid of the ‘hillbilly’ programmes since the minute caring about the environment became fashionable. They killed the horticulture programme here because they needed to cut papers, then hello!

Sustainable-environmental-you-name-it papers popped up out of nowhere! […] by the looks of things it’s quite simply rid the red bands, rid the Rednecks with them.”

TEU organisers said that a protest has been organised in response to the proposed changes. “Everybody is more than welcome to join us in over reacting about these changes, just be sure to wear your Redbands!”

RAM Issue 7 | 18

Although an email was circulated, many students remain oblivious to these measures. When asked how this would affect their studies, the majority of females weren’t overly impressed, but said they would return to study next year.

“It just makes it harder to hunt hectares really.”

The male students however were far more hostile towards the move, with one Christ’s College old boy especially upset “…4 generations of my family have worn gumboots around this campus, good luck to them when we stop our Alumni donations” and another stating “we don’t actually need to go to Uni, we end up with the farm anyway. Like fuck I’m going to Telford” Of course this is a matter that will affect many, so a website has been created for those who wish to express their opinions on the future of Lincoln University. http://www.lincoln.ac.nz/refreshing

A friend once asked me, what makes a dumpling great? I was

menu. The music

stumped. All I could come up with was “I don’t know; I just know

was perfect for

when they’re shit.” According to Postgrad (2016) “dumpling magic”

the vibe they

is what makes a dumpling great, and according to anyone who isn’t

had created

fucked in the head, Pot Sticker Dumpling Bar is where the magic

with the fit-out.

happens.

But I could just be saying that

So, when I was asked if I wanted to go out to PSDB for dinner, the

because it’s

obvious answer was yes, because of said dumpling magic. However,

the same tunes

I will admit I was a little apprehensive about returning, as there

EVERY. SINGLE.

was a point in my life not so long ago where I charged too hard and

TIME. Those

got sick of dumplings. Kind of like how just a whiff of Scrumpy can

poor staff.

bring on flashbacks from a Garden Party bender that you’ll never truly recover from.

We ordered the Pork & Ginger, Chicken & Coriander and Beef & Beetroot dumplings as well as the Steamed Greens. Everything was

According to anyone who isn’t fucked in the head, Pot Sticker Dumpling Bar is where the magic happens.

The menu is relatively

pretty good. I rated it, but I always do. The true mark of success was

small, but still caters

the nod of approval from the dumpling rookie no more.

to most. Even “those vegan types.” If

Over all, PSDB is pretty good value for money. It fits into the student

dumplings aren’t really

budget quite nicely, as long as you don’t order booze (standard yarn

your thing, but you’re

really). So when your parents are down visiting next, and refuse

difficult enough to go

to eat at the flat after seeing the state of the kitchen, Pot Sticker

to a dumpling bar for

Dumpling Bar is the place to go!

dinner, the Bao Burgers are always on point. They give PostGrad, (2016) life (she clearly hasn’t found Jesus, pray for her). You can’t really go past the Steamed Greens and the Cucumber Salad either, they’re far more nutritious than the usual green of a student diet. Dim Sums are on offer too, as well as Xiao Long Bao (soup dumplings).

Pot Sticker Pro Tips: • Chopsticks. Learn how to use them. Their slogan is “forks are for losers.” So there’s that.

As we were a mighty party of 2, we ended up with the table hidden in a dark,

• Pay attention to what you order. The larger the group, the more likely they’ll fuck up an order. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because you always end up with what you ordered plus some if you’re lucky.

dark corner.

• Book a table. This goes for any restaurant really. We’re supposed

Perfect for a

to be adults(ish).

tinder date that looks nothing

Pot Sticker Dumpling Bar, the only dumplings in Christchurch with

like their photos,

Presidential approval. Obama? Maybe.

but that wasn’t the situation at hand at all. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I don’t appreciate the absence of flickering fluorescent lights found in most dumpling establishments, I’m just saying I would like to be able to read my

RAM Issue 7 | 19

RIO 2016 | AUG 5 - 21 With the Olympics done and dusted for another four years, we won 18 medals - 4 gold, 9 silver and 5 bronze medals. However, this is not an article on sporting achievements and national pride, it’s about athlete village sex scandals, drug use, outstanding sportsmenship, all of which will remain etched in time. From admitting they have their period infront of the world to having a sexathon the night before their event, we have it all here. topic which has been seen as taboo. It also sparked a debate about tampons in China, where only 2 percent of women use them.

NORTH KOREA Being dubbed “the saddest gold medallist”, North Korean gymnast Ri Se-Gwang looked like he’d rather be doing anything but standing atop the podium receiving his medal.

CHINA Fu Yuanhui. Everyone loves her. Breaking boundaries and melting hearts all over the world. This goofy, open, 20 year old is now China’s sweetheart.

“Whoooaah! I was so fast!,” explained Fu after she clocked 58.95 seconds, coming in third in the women’s 100m backstroke semifinal. “I didn’t hold back…I used all of my mystic energy!”

In fact, Fu ended up tying for third in the final of the 100 meter backstroke, but she didn’t even realize she had won a medal: “What?!” Fu asked. “I came in third? I didn’t know!”

Fu conducted an hourlong livestream on Weibo, the Chinese equivalent of Twitter, which drew 10 million viewers and earned her 100,000 yuan – about $15,000 – in fan gifts.

But Fu really broke boundaries when she talked openly about her period after China placed fourth in the 4x100 medley relay.

“I feel like I didn’t swim very well today, and I want to apologize to my teammates for that,” Fu said to Chinese media while doubled over in pain. “My period started last night, so I’m feeling pretty weak and really tired.”

Fu’s frank discussion of her menstrual cycle broke the silence about RAM Issue 7 | 20 periods in sports, a

Ri Se-Gwang stone-like face has sparked speculation over why he looked so glum.

He has just become the third North Korean gymnast in history to win an Olympic gold medal!

Ri Se-Gwang said he’s “filled with joy” at winning a gold medal for gymnastics, but his face says another thing.

28-year-old Ogita was making his first attempt at 5.3m when the incident occurred. He cleared the bar on the way over, but got into trouble as he started his descent to the mat. First his shin grazed the bar and then his thigh, but it appeared the wobbling bar would stay up.

However, there was still more of him to clear the bar. He ended up missing the pole vault finals, setting a best of 5.45m to leave him 21st overall.

BRAZIL JAPAN Pole vaulter Hiroki Ogita was left wishing his meat and veg were a little smaller, or perhaps the weather slightly colder after it knocked off the bar during the pole vaulting qualifiers.

With the fate of the world watching,

Two Brazilian divers will no longer compete together after one of them engaged in a ‘marathon sex session’ in the athletes’ village. Giovanna Pedroso, 17, said she was booted from her room so that her diving partner, 20-year-old Ingrid Oliveira, could have a late-night romp with another athlete, canoeist Pedro Goncalves.

Pedroso reportedly wasn’t allowed back in

OLYMPIC SCANDALS!!! her room all night as Oliveira and Pedro got busy.

The pair finished last in the women’s 10m synchronised diving event, after the massive rift. Pedroso was furious about being kicked out of her own dorm and blasted Oliveira for losing focus so close to competition time. She ranted: “I have been waiting for four years to be present at the Olympics and for her it was better to have fun and therefore threw me out of the room.”

BRAZIL Bia and Branca Feres, aged 28, are identical twins, but if that wasn’t already a big enough advantage in the synchronised swimming, these two have also had matching boob jobs.

his nickname but bravely picked himself up and acknowledged the crowd – albeit with a tell-tale red mark on his forehead.

NEW ZEALAND Nikki Hamblin’s show of Olympic spirit with American Abbey D’Agnostino in the 5000m has earned them the prestigious Pierre de Coubertin medal in recognition

NEW ZEALAND McDonald’s in the athletes’ village had to place a limit on food after a surge of supersized orders from athletes.

The stunning pair have presenting jobs lined up for after the Games.

Stars have been queuing ‘for hours’ and in huge lines even at 5am, to get their hands on their massive McDonald’s orders. But now they can only get a maximum of 20 free items at once! Coxless pair Eric Murray and Hamish Bond sit with their massive McDonald’s order above. Doesn’t seem all doom and gloom to me!

NETHERLANDS Flying Dutchman, Epke Zonderland, suffered an epic fail on the high bar routine, when he missed his grip half way through his routine and failed to grab the bar. Fans

The ripped stars have been seen binging on Big Macs and fries, after months of eating clean in preparation for the Games. But it turns out that binge-eating athletes have another reason for going there.

It has been said that the village cafe food it pretty rank and that they eat at the world’s biggest fast food chain for something better.

Usain Bolt famously ate 100 chicken nuggets a day in the Beijing Games in 2008.

were treated to an impromptu floor routine from the 30-year-old when he then face planted the mat! Known as the flying Dutchman, Zonderland made a mockery of

of their good sportsmanship in the heats of the 5000m at the Rio Olympics. Midway through the heat, the pack bunched up and Abbey D’Agostino clipped her legs and they both stumbled. D’Agostino was quicker to her feet, yet Hamblin was stuck on the track, “When I went down it was like, ‘what’s happening? Why am I on the ground?’ “ she said. “And suddenly there’s this hand on my shoulder, like ‘get up, get up, we have to finish this!’

But once both were upright, it was apparent that D’Agostino was the worse off of the pair. She urged Hamblin to go on, but the Kiwi waited for the American before setting off again. Clearly pained D’Agostino shuffle-limped on, drawing applause from those watching. “She ran four-and-a-half laps barely being able to run,” Hamblin said in awe of the woman with whom she will be forever tied.

Both of them knew their chances in the race were shot but ran on to finish.

They embraced at the finish line and a wheelchair was brought out for D’Agostino who could not run a step more. The medal, only awarded 17 times in Olympic history, is reserved for athletes, volunteers or officials who are deemed to have demonstrated the Olympic spirit.

RAM Issue 7 | 21

When sh*t gets UGLY… Ask Aunty Flat-tac!

Times can be tough for students, money is tight, flatting conditions probably not the most hygienic and no matter how hard you try, you can’t seems to keep your whites white, like your mum.

Well, that’s all about to change with some handy tips and tricks using two main household items - Vinegar and Baking Soda.

Not all tips have been tried and tested therefore, test at your own risk.

BAKING SODA •

Shoe Deodorizer – got some stinky ass feet.

Boys and smelly feet, of course girls never have smelly feet, especially when they wear those ballet shoes with not socks.

Sprinkle baking soda inside of your shoes.

•

Bad Smells – Mixture of vomit, dirt, food and in some cases, urine…. nasty. Sprinkle baking soda on your carpet, leave for a day and then vacuum that shit up.

•

Goo Gone!!! – Help take off those sticky cellotape marks, label marks or any sticky residue.

One part vegetable oil/two parts baking soda.

Stir together until paste is form. Then, use a paper towel or your fingers to apply. Work the Goo into the residue until it releases from the surface. Wash off with soap and warm water.

•

Drain Cleaner – Let’s be honest, you’re not living at the Ritz and your house is probably 50+ years old, so the drains aren’t the most efficient, clogging is a daily struggle.

Never fear, the answer is mixing baking soda with apple cider vinegar. And for all the greenies, this is a safer option than harmful chemicals.

•

Natural Kitchen Scrub – No excuses. Sprinkle baking soda on the surfaces in your kitchen and use a sponge or rag to scrub. You can even add lemon, lavender or peppermint essential oil to add a natural and healing fragrance to this DIY cleaning product.

VINEGAR •

•

Nothing worse than a dribble for a shower (…think what you want). Remove built up residue from your shower head. Tie a bag of vinegar around the shower head. Leave overnight. Clean up is a breeze.

Remove Carpet Stains – no one needs to know how the stain got there, just get rid of it before your landlord finds out.

Rub light carpet stains with a mixture of 2 tablespoons salt dissolved in 1/2 cup white vinegar. Let the solution dry, then vacuum.

For tough, ground-in dirt and other stains, make a paste of 1 tablespoon vinegar with 1 tablespoon cornstarch, and rub it into the stain using a dry cloth. Let it set for two days, then vacuum •

Shine your silver – Ha. I won’t bother!

•

Remove Candle Wax – Don’t want to know and don’t need to know! To remove it, first soften the wax using a blow-dryer and blot up as much as you can with paper towels. Then remove what’s left by rubbing with a cloth soaked in a solution made of equal parts white vinegar and water. Wipe clean with a soft, absorbent cloth.

•

Get rid of Smoke odor – I’m guessing your parents don’t know you smoke? And your landlord would kick your arse if they found out you had been smoking inside. Trick of the trade to get rid of that smell. Place a shallow bowl about three-quarters full of white or cider vinegar in the room. If the smell is really bad place several bowls around the room.

RAM Issue 7 | 22

Refreshing Lincoln University: What it means for students In the mid-semester break our Vice-Chancellor, Professor Robin Pollard announced that “the University has initiated a transformation process to strengthen its foundations for the immediate future and for future organisational options” but what does this actually mean for you, as your average student?

To put it pretty simply, not too much at the moment. You’re still going to have to go to class, do your assignments, go to Garden Party, pass your exams, and have a good time at Uni. What it does mean is that LU is looking at what can be done to make itself better, and get better outcomes for everyone: students, staff, the government and New Zealand Inc. It’s been said before but Lincoln needs to get back on track, and stop losing money – as you probably know there’s only so long Mum and Dad will let you get away with spending their money.

We know the University is going to increase programme attractiveness and flexibility which makes your qualifications worth something, and making Lincoln a better place to study for everyone.

Everything, the good and the bad, will all be available at www.lincoln.ac.nz/refreshing. So when somethings going on, or been proposed all the information will be out there for everyone to see. You can even have your say on what’s going on, which is even better!

The bottom-line is nothing has been decided yet, but whatever gets proposed LUSA will make sure it’s in the best interests of you, LU Students.

What’s The Hub? Part of it is that sweet new set of buildings that’ll be up on that Lake Lincoln (aka the Hilgendorf demo site).

But it’s bigger than that. It’s about collaboration between education, research and industry. AgResearch, Landcare Research, Plant & Food Research (all Crown Research Institutes), DairyNZ, and Lincoln University are all involved.

Options at the moment include working together with other institutions and organisations in some of the stuff we do. We know we’re doing great things and The Hub will only make that better, so it’s about time we let some other people share in the glory of having something to do with Lincoln. Everyone seems to reckon that will help us out in the long run too!

RAM Issue 7 | 23

The side won the Hawkins Senior Division One Trophy for the second year in row when they convincingly bet New Brighton 49 – 12. The team had to work extremely hard throughout the season having had two losses and a draw in the round robin and then losing their first two matches of the top six competition before narrowly edging past Sydenham in the final play of the semi-finals 36 – 34. The team played 18, won 13, lost 4 and drew 1, scoring 628 for and 341 against.

The Senior Division Two side had another good year for such a young team. They were able to pick up numerous wins by the skin of their teeth throughout the season to make it through to the Championship Semi-Finals where they were beaten by an experience New Brighton side 32 – 21. The team played 17 matches winning 11 and losing 6. They scored 382 points for and 370 against.

Lincoln University Premier Colts reached the final of the Hawkins Colts Premier Championship and came up against an inform Christchurch side who were in top form having two prior wins against Lincoln this season. Brutal defence from both sides made for a great spectacle of Colts rugby. In the end the discipline of Christchurch cost them as Lincoln University backed up their 2015 Championship with a gutsy and mature performance 29 – 21 for the 2016 Championship. The side played 17 matches winning 12, losing 4, and drawing 1 scoring 527 points for and 168 against.

Our Lincoln Women’s team, in their first season, were suitably proud of their efforts for 2016. The primary goal was to reach the top six with the secondary goal of making the semi-finals. Unfortunately they missed out on the championship semi-finals and were looking to make the finals of the Plate competition on Saturday when they came up against Kaiapoi. The teams swapped the lead throughout the match with Lincoln being eventually pipped at the death 28 – 22. Their results were played 16, won 7 and lost 9 scoring 456 for and 611 against. Roll on 2017 In the Colts grade Lincoln University missed out on the top 6 but continued to play some exciting rugby in the plate section where they won most of their matches to take out the plate. They ended up playing 17, winning 11 and losing 6 with 372 for and 173 against.

RAM Issue 7 | 24

2016 was another amazing season for the Lincoln University Senior Division One One Rugby Team and the Club overall.

Lincoln University Sports

RAM Issue 7 | 25 Photos courtesy of Ken Baker

Wellbeing and Balance Challenge The ‘14 Days of

Balance and Treats’ is about focusing on your own wellbeing. People tend to forget life is about balance, rather than a restrictive one. Throughout the month of September this challenge will be promoted in line with Live Well Week.

The challenge consists of doing any of the 20 activities, on any day an individual prefers. For example, Day 1: ‘Treat yourself to a piece of cake!’

Day 7: ‘Make sure you eat 2 fruit and 3 veggies.’

Day 11: ‘Go grab a coffee with a friend.’ There is no order but, you may only complete one thing per day and only once throughout the challenge. If you complete a certain amount of days, your name is put in the draw to win a prize. For more information or to sign up, pop on in to reception at the Rec Centre.

Gold coin donation to register which will be given to the Mental Health Foundation.

Mental Health Awareness Week: October 10-16th ‘Mental Health Awareness Week’ is endorsed by the World Federation for Mental Health and marked in over 150 countries. Mental Health Awareness Week (MHAW) falls during the week of October that encompasses World Mental Health Day, on the 10th October. The Mental Health Foundation has organised MHAW in New Zealand since 1993.

This year, the well-supported, nationwide event will run from 10th –16th October.

The 2016 theme is about how connecting with nature benefits your health and wellbeing.

During this week on campus, people will have the opportunity to get involved and learn about mental health.

Every day has a different topic and includes the ‘5 ways of wellbeing’ – connect, get active, keep learning, give, and take notice. It also includes an activity each day in which anyone can take part in.

Live Well is morphing and becoming Ways of Wellness WOW The new ‘WOW’ logo you will see on the wellbeing activities around campus will be this!

Some of you will not have noticed that we used to use the green heart corporate logo, but now we have our very own internal logo on white and black!

Nothing has changed though. Everything is as before we will still give away free food and provide you with opportunities to try different things to work out what is best for your wellbeing.

See you around campus!

RAM Issue 7 | 26

Live Well Week: Monday 12th - Friday 16th September 65ks in 20 Days - Rowing Challenge The rowing challenge covers the length of Lake Te Anau, which is approximately 65 kms! You will have 20 days beginning September 5th to complete the distance. There is no limit to the distance that can be completed each day, just as long as it is fully completed by September 24th. There are prizes to be won throughout the length of the challenge, so make sure you get involved. It’s a great way to add in some extra cardio to your workouts either as a warm up or cool down exercise, or just as its own session by itself.

Entry is $2 coin that will be donated to the filltheirlunchbox

foundation helping to

alleviate New Zealand child poverty by providing lunches to children who would otherwise go without.

Thrill the World Come and join us every Friday at 10:30am in the group exercise studio as we practice Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” dance in preparation for ‘Thrill the World’ on the 30th of October! Help Lincoln University be part of this exciting global event as we rise from the rubble and perform the most memorable zombie dance ever!

For more information on how to be involved, please contact: Kate.Maxwell@lincoln.ac.nz or check out www.thrilltheworld.com/online

Thursday’s in Black Don’t forget to come and check out the Thursday’s in Black stall every Thursday in the Library Foyer with Vanessa and Kate. We’re always up for a chat plus there’s always free food! We will also be screening the ‘Hunting Ground’ movie on Friday 16th September at 11am with a shared lunch and discussion afterwards.

Check over the page for more info!

RAM Issue 7 | 27

RAM Issue 7 | 28

Masterchef 2016 Masterchef has become an annual event for the Halls of Residence students.

The first rounds ingredients were, pumpkin, mushrooms, fish and chicken mince. One ingredient per team.

The last three to four years we have had approximately ten to fifteen teams, with five students per team. All competing for the trophy each year.

This year we had ten teams and four teams reached the final which was held on the 25th July.

The finals were slightly different. Each team received the same ingredients and the teams had to prepare an entrĂŠe, main and a dessert, within a certain amount of time. The ingredients were, chicken mince, leg of lamb, jar of raspberry jam, pineapple lumps, tomato relish and filo pastry.

During the heats each team received a different ingredient that had to be used in all three dishes. The teams also got full use of the fridge and pantry.

The teams were also judged on table setting and their invited guests judged their presentation and of course, taste.

There was a very high standard of work put in this year and the three judges had a very difficult job selecting a winner. It was exceptionally close.

Huge thanks must go to Heather Watson, Chrissy, Rebecca and Marion.

They were exceptionally patient having an extra 25 cooks in their kitchen and so incredibly helpful.

by Aileen Taylor

RAM Issue 7 | 29

LU

Dance Club: Welcome to the Lincoln University Dance Club!

We are bunch of local and international students, who come from different cultures, whose love for dance had united us all and created new friendships.

My name is Supriya John, and I am the President of the LU Dance Club and also the head dance instructor and choreographer. I have been dancing since the age of five and started my dance career learning Indian classical and Bollywood dance. My most favorite styles include, hip hop, Jazz and belly dancing.

In the LU Dance Club we focus on fusing various dance forms from all around globe and putting them into beautiful acts.

We perform on and off campus, which gives students an opportunity to showcase their talent. Dancers of all level of experience are welcome, so don’t worry if you’re a beginner, we are here to help you develop and improve your skills.

Other than performances, rehersals and weekly meetings, we also hang out together, host parties and just get to know one another better. The LU Dance Club is just not a club, its a ‘Big Dance Family’ which is growing everyday.

We recently performed at Aurora Center - Performing Arts Threatre, at Burnside on 13th of August and received huge compliments.

What’s Next?

Lincoln University Dance Club warmly invites you to join us for our next exciting show, not only to watch but also perform!

Diwali - Festival of Lights Horncastle Arena 3pm, Sunday 23rd October Tickets $10 For more info, visit diwalifestival.co.nz We have been practicing hard since the end of August, almost every night for 2 hours. We’ like to thank the Recreation Centre for letting us use the great space that is the group excercise room. We hope to see you all there!

‘Like’ our Facebook page: Lincoln University Dance Club or email: ludc.lincolnuni@gmail.com

RAM Issue 7 | 30

RAM Issue 7 | 31

THE ICE BOX CHAMBO, ZACH, DANYA, SARAH, MITCH, SUPER SAM & JESS

1.

What are you all studying?

6.

How do you get home from town back to the flat when

Chambo - Ag Sci

you’re on the lash?

Zach - LAD (One of those useless environmental Degrees!)

Mitch and Dayne tend to borrow bikes from randoms and forget

Dayna - Physio

to return them. The rest have partners that flat in town so they’re

Sarah - Ag Sci

sorted.

Mitch - B. Com, Ag Sci Super Sam - B. Com, Ag Sci

7.

What’s the flats prize possession?

Jess - Dippie

We’ve got a blue couch that was there when we arrived. It’s fucken scummy (according to someone who doesn’t flat with us).

2.

If you could each name a special talent that you have, what

We were gonna biff it but ended up keeping it! It’s become our

is it?

favourite couch and has been slept on a lot!

Sam spends a lot of time in hospital or at the doctors.

The toastie maker is a close second, and our Dixie Chick’s CD

Zach hangs out with UC mates.

follows that.

Chambo, Jess and Sarah all go hectare hunting.

Mitch somehow manages to balance being an alcoholic and a

8.

What’s the longest anyone’s gone without washing their

songbird of our generation,

sheets?

Dayne has big calves, so he can slay physio students!

Sam hasn’t washed his yet. He reckons it’s easier to just throw them out!

3.

Did you guys all know each other before flatting together?

Yeah, we were all in the same hall except Chambo, but we still

9.

don’t really know her!

One flatmate (who wishes to not be named) came back from

Has anyone ever pissed themselves after a big night out?

Madi Gras last year after their first night in the flat, and slept 4.

I take it, it’s bloody cold hence the flat name ‘Icebox’ or

are there always plenty of cold bevies stashed at the flat? Yeah,

in someone else’s bed ‘cos they didn’t have one yet, and pissed themselves and the bed that night!

there’s too much to fit in the fridge but that’s OK ‘cause it stays 10. Any flat pets?

colder out the fridge anyway!

Jess has had 2 rabbits. The first was an awesome flat pet but her 5.

What’s with Daynes’ big calves?!

dog ate it in the holidays. The second pissed everywhere and dug

No one knows! He never gyms or anything, but his calves are

holes in the lawn so it got shot. We also have a neighbours cat that

massive! There’s a rumour, that once everyone goes to sleep he

sometimes sleeps on Daynes bed and is on rodent control.

does calf raises for an hour each night, but really no one knows.

RAM Issue 7 | 32

11. Who’s the best cook. What and why?

Jess is the best, then Dayne, but he can also be the worst.

12. What’s the flat’s favourite thing to do when you are hungover?

Sleep in and then get takeaways. Anything other than travel home for holidays! Mitch almost missed his check in once and Dayne tends to miss turn offs while driving and stops to sleep half way, adding a couple of hours to his trips.

13. Why do you love Lincoln?

It was because of the Springer but now it’s cause we’re all on track to graduate and we really shouldn’t be!

How it works: You sign up, we draw a winner, and we’ll shower you with pizza, groceries etc.

Then you'll be featured in the next RAM. #fame

Sound good? Good!

Sign up now at LUSA HQ, or visit LUSA.org.nz

RAM Issue 7 | 33

Where were you when?

Where were you when...Becky Davidson, Laura Buckingham and Alannah Bremner, were breaking records and no doubt the hearts of numerous onlookers in Dunedin a couple of weeks ago?

480 other competitors. These were the Open World Championships, so I was competing against males and females, with the ages ranging from 15 to 85 years old.

I was nervous to begin with after having not trained for six weeks due to having pneumonia, but found my groove after the practise day and was excited to get underway in the real deal.

These three, along with Chelsea Bremner (yes, they’re sisters) and Jacqui Chamberlain, make up the Lincoln contingent in the Canterbury Women’s Rugby squad this year.

After three weeks of training and a win against Bay of Plenty, the trio traveled down south to take on Otago, and take them on they did. According to ex-Lincoln University student, Kendra Cocksedge, who was asked post match in the changing sheds whilst listening to her favourite tune “R Kelly World’s Greatest”, the three current Lincoln girls “played outstandingly”.

Clocking up 29 points, Kendra made a huge contribution to Canterbury’s record breaking win of 69 to 24, the biggest win margin ever between the two sides, but even Kendra’s tries didn’t come close to the magic displayed

by Davidson when she scored the first try of the game. The agility and footwork from Becky as she fended off 3 defenders and dove across the line to score was reminiscent of Nehe Milner Skudder’s and Shaun Johnson’s brilliance.

Although Alannah and Laura didn’t cross the line their efforts were equally impressive.

Alannah’s aerial performance, at lock, had the Otago forwards dumbstruck, winning not only all her own ball but a large majority of theirs, and Laura “Bucky” Buckingham came off the bench like Ardie Savea, bumping off everything in her way on attack and on defence, a brick wall, for anyone trying to go anywhere, despite the unfortunate incident she encountered in Round One, were her ponytail was stuck underneath a rather large BOP Player.

All in all a great representation of Lincoln University Rugby.

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Where were you when...Kristy Havill was consuming numerous pints of Guinness in Dublin to celebrate her position in the New Zealand Ladies clay-target shooting team?

Alright, so some of you were at the Yaldy, but take a look at what our girl was up to!

‘The start of Semester two saw me in Ireland for the ICTSF ‘Down The Line’ World Championships and European Championships for clay-target shooting. As a member of the New Zealand ladies team, we shot for 6 days at the Esker Shooting Grounds in Banagher, Ireland with approximately

I shot 585/600 at the European Championships, placing me 7th equal in the individual Ladies category, while our New Zealand Ladies team placed 4th. After those encouraging results, I was looking forward to the pinnacle event. Unfortunately the six weeks of missed practise caught up with me and I was unable to continue shooting consistent scores, shooting 709/750 to miss the Ladies final and finish further down the scoreboard than I had aimed to. It’s a fickle game. Shooting well one day, to not so great the next, but if it was easy then everyone would do it – and that’s why we love it.

Our New Zealand Ladies team finished 5th.

The New Zealand team as a whole walked away with three bronze medals.

The magnitude of the experience, witnessing what it takes to win and the knowledge I gained, I can now put towards my shooting going forward, with an eye towards the next World Championships in Australia, in 2018.

Cheers to everyone for your interest in the shooting and your questions, and for your support – especially those who sent me snapchats from the Yaldy telling me I was missing out on a great night. That made me laugh, especially while I was having a Guinness in Dublin.’

Where were you when... the king of stamina and strength (Nick ‘Big Dick’ Wilson) qualified and drew battle at the New Zealand mens open national squash tournament the weekend of 20 August in Jaffa land, Auckland?

After a week of steezing around the Waikato and jiving in The ‘Tron, Nick was set for a weekend of pure skill and dexterity. Old mate Waller had primed this athlete two days prior with some good northern tucker and a spot of bambi shooting. So Nick’s froth level was 250%.

Nick is like Gilette, the best a man can get.

When provoked for an after match report on the big weekend in the big smoke, Nick Wilson replied: “Haha, a mile down that list, aye son?!, but probably finished up overall, at nationals, at 42 haha. I was in the second draw with a 32 man draw above me. No pics but there may be some recordings floating around...need to see if there are any.”

Make of that as you wish, but from my dyslexic understanding, Nick Big Dick Wilson is one of the top 50 squash players in the country.

Ladies, form a line in a single file please...

All jokes aside, this man has the dedication, skill and abs to outperform on and off the squash court.

Where were you when... Molly McLeod was surviving on a diet of creamed rice on a Red Bull fuelled scramble around Australia?

The ‘Red Bull Can You Make It Challenge’ is an event where 24 student teams from across Australia and New Zealand have have seven days to travel across Australia using only cans of Red Bull as currency. It’s a journey of adventure, charm and strategy that leaves one question: Can You Make It? No money, no phones and seven days to get from Melbourne to Cairns with only red bull cans to trade for travel, accommodation and food. Needless to say we doubted that was even possible, but we had been flown over from New Zealand for this event and we were determined to make our friends and family back home proud.

Three country kids from the mighty South Canterbury made up ‘The B Team’. Otago University’s finest, Meg Laurenson (the vegan) and Billy Morgan (the gluten free), and the token Lincoln University student, myself. We quickly realized we were at a disadvantage being from the middle of nowhere and having no geographical knowledge of Australia, let alone how to navigate our way around the cities or use public transport. Having a vegan and a gluten free made trading red bull cans for food just that much more difficult.

The ‘Can You Make It Challenge’ was not a race, but it was about who received the most points along the way through checkpoint challenges, adventure points and social points. We did extremely well in the social points with over 32,000 likes on facebook! (Sorry to everyone for the facebook spam) so, thank you all for liking and sharing our endless posts.

Our adventure points were pretty good, especially because we managed to crack a few of the top, hardest challenges including trading red bull for a night in a 5 star hotel (thank you Pullman Reef Hotel Casino), trading red bull for a flight (thanks STA) and getting a tv interview about the challenge.

Our checkpoints we made it to included, bungy jumping, indoor skydiving and high ropes. We loved completing these checkpoints and it definitely bought out our team spirit and determination.

Overall we couldn’t have had a better time in Aussie. We (somehow) made it to Cairns by the finish time and came 8th overall.

This was slightly disappointing as we were coming 1st for a good period through the middle of the challenge but it really was surprising we even made it at all while a few teams didn’t. Through our journey we experienced many new things including sleeping on the street, sleeping in a carpark and sleeping in some bushes in a park, we experienced living purely on creamy rice for a week (would not recommend this), we traveled on a train for 28 hours from Brisbane to Cairns, we got to be on stage at a rock concert, we had a jet boat thrill ride around the Sydney Harbour, we got thrown off a train in the middle of nowhere, and meet some absolutely incredible and generous people who we will never forget.

After all the hard work there was a great shin dig provide by Red Bull in the tropical paradise of Cairns, complete with vodka red bulls galore, which wrapped up the whole week well and allowed us to swap stories with the other teams and get to know them better.

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If anyone is considering entering the ‘Red Bull Can You Make It Challenge’ next year please do it!

It is an absolutely incredible experience and a true mental test. I couldn’t have asked for a better team, we got on like a house on fire and all had strengths in different areas, (thank goodness for Billy and Meg’s sense of direction because mine is pretty nonexistent).

Feel free to ask me any questions about it I am happy to give you tips on how to win (basically just do the opposite of what The B Team did)! www.redbullcanyoumakeit.com Written by Molly McLeod

Know of someone that has done something cool recently?

Have you done something awesome?

Be sure to email us at wherewereyouwhen@gmail.com and tell us all about it.

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LINCOLN YOUNG FARMERS CLUB

by Sam Moscrip

Just a quick run down on what the Lincoln Young Farmers Club have been up to!

Semester two kicked off with a busy start. The Young Farmer Contest Grand Final grand final took place in Timaru, from the 8th till 10th July. We had 30 club members attend the grand final and the Lincoln team won the National Debate! It was great to see an exLincoln lad, Athol New take out the title of Young Farmer of the Year 2016.

The annual Young Farmers Hunting Competition took place over the weekend of the 22nd-24th of July.

With a record number of entries. There were over $12,000 worth of prizes to be won and we had a great turn out of animals and spectators at the weigh in, held on the Sunday afternoon at the Lincoln Rugby Club rooms. 2016 was our 3rd year running the Hunting Competition and momentum for the event is rapidly growing.

Forty Young Farmer members headed off to Otago for the weekend of the 29th-31st July. We stopped off at the only Bently workshop and salesroom in the South Island, visited the South Island’s biggest chicken farm and also Mount Watkins Station inland from Palmerston. Saturday night landed us in Dunedin with a rather long drive home Sunday!

Following our August meeting, we had a line dancing class with Tom Clayton, impressing the females in the

COMING UP: 16th - 18th September Massey Exchange in Palmerston North

1st October Young Farmers District Final

17th - 18th September Tasman Regional Skills Weekend

3rd October AGM

23rd September ANZCO Five Star Beef Tour

5th October Taege Factory Tour 15th October Ellesmere Show RAM Issue 7 | 37

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Gloriavale Every two years, the Gloriavale Christian Community welcomes 6000 people to watch a four-hour concert extravaganza. Two friends went there to check out the show in the community’s own dining hall.

Written by Hannah Greaves & Marin Macnamara.

Gloriavale. Words cannot do justice to the flood of emotions that overcame us as we drove up the long laneway to the heart of the compound. With a mix of intrigue and a little bit of fear we entered into the Main Hall greeted by a friendly welcoming committee and scorched almonds. It had yet to sink in where we were - perhaps the most famed religious community in New Zealand. That was of course until Dove Love (yes the real Dove Love off the TV!) came into view. Like a fat kid after chocolate cake, I could barely contain my excitement and almost lost all composure when she came bounding up to us touting her very large 6-month old son, Thoughtful (apparently as she told us her milk is “really good”). Like any fan of a renowned celebrity, I was dying for a selfie, but the fear of being rejected by one of Gloriavale’s most famous community members was too strong and we couldn’t muster the confidence to ask.

The night began with a symphony performance by men in their best dress and women in their well-known long blue dresses. The show continued on with small plays with somewhat disjointed themes all underpinned by messages about their faith with much singing, dancing and even more humour than one would expect from a place such as Gloriavale - this was all paired with delicious food. The costumes, props and use of graphics could rival any national theatre company and it was evident a lot of time and effort had been put into preparing the show. The show carries

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on for 6 weeks every 2 years with 4-5 shows a week; the kitchen produced a scrumptious three-course meal for 150-200 guests per show, on top of feeding the 500-600 residents. After the show, every guest was gifted with a beautifully soft and superb loaf of homemade bread.

After the concert, we had the opportunity to take a tour around their industrial size kitchen and storage facility - lucky for us, our tour guide was a dairy farmer completing his Level 4 Primary ITO. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it came to a total shock to him that all 4 of us (all women) were studying agriculture. At the tender age of 20, he was married with a 1-year-old daughter and another on the way with his 23-year-old wife who works in the laundry and kitchen with the other women. The night is one I won’t soon forget and despite the many media scandals that have plagued the community, if you ever get the opportunity to go I would highly recommend it - the next show will take place in 2018. Of course the night would not have been complete without a significant amount of preaching from their dear, aging (and sometimes dithering) leader Neville Cooper, or as he prefers to go by his ‘street name’, Hopeful Christian - but that is a story for another time.

Unfortunately we are not able to share any pictures from the evening without consent.

a set of pint sized twins

season, so give our Facebook page a like

simultaneously hitting the

‘Lincoln Snow Dept’ to keep up with the

wooden boundary fence,

going ons. We are also looking for some

to seasoned shredders and

young’uns to take over from the current

even a cheeky White Fern

committee as we embark on our next

tagged along. A lot of fun

adventure. If this interests you then flick us

was had and Porters Ski

a message on Facebook or get in touch with

Area set us up with some

Eva Brakenrig or Olivia Abernethy. We will

sweet deals that lessened

be heading up to Craigie at some point for an

the blow on the dwindling

end of season blow out and this will be an

student bank account.

event you won’t want to miss!

A great group of people to

From the LSD Crew.

take up and we did stop for a So the season started off with a rocky start

drink at the pub on the way

(pun fully intended), but the weather gods

home and met an interesting bar man who, I

pulled through and gave us a huge dumping

think we woke up from a nap!

of our favorite white stuff across New Zealand leaving the ski fields looking mighty

There was one casualty that has to be

fine.

mentioned; R.I.P to the sunglasses that were demolished when the $20 skis couldn’t hack

LSD took a group up to Porters for our

the pace of one of the tracks. Gone but not

annual LSD - Porters learner’s day. The

forgotten.

group ranged from total beginners who hit the deck pretty hard at times, including

LSD will be planning more events this

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WINNER ‘YOU JELLY OF THAT HAIR?’ COME ON IN TO LUSA TO COLLECT YOUR VOUCHER TODAY!

LUSA.NZ ADD US TODAY!

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‘PROCRASTINATION’

A similar experie nce to masturbat ion, it fe els good while you’re do ing it, but it sucks afterwar ds when you realize that you just fu*#ed yourself.

Station

SUPERHERO WORDFIND IRON MAN WONDER WOMAN JUSTICE LEAGUE CAPTAIN AMERICA X MEN BATMAN HULK GREEN LANTERN SUPERMAN ELASTIGIRL STORM THOR ROBIN AQUAMAN

DRINKING JOKES Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?

Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!

You lost me at “non-alcoholic”.

What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Gordon’s?

A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Gordon’s

Alcohol doesn’t make you fat... it makes you lean...... on tables, chairs & random people.

Whats the difference between a dog and a fox?

2 drinks.

Why did Mexicans create tequila?

So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

I plan to donate my liver to an alcoholic, so I know it’s a match.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Transitional age is when during a hot day you don’t know what you want – ice cream or beer.

Chemically speaking, alcohol is a solution.

I’ve been told I’ve got A.D.H.D (Alcohol Drinking and Hangover Disorder) .

My body is not a temple.....it’s a distillery with legs.

Some things are better left unsaid, but I’ll probably get drunk and say them anyways.

Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.

Life and beer are very similar .....chill for best results.

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SUDOKU

simple

reasonably doable

pretty tricky

perfectly evil

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A VAGUE AND NONSPECIFIC PREDICTION OF THE FUTURE

March 21 – April 20

HOROSCOPES

This week will be dreary, dank, depressing and every other negative word word beginning with ‘d’ except ‘dissolute’ because that might suggest some form of carnal action and honey you ain’t getting none until you get that little problem downstairs sorted out.

April 21 – May 21

Aries

Gemini May 22 – June 21 Sundays in September will be the astrological equivalent of the spiteful gingernut that dissolves on dunk and floats on the surface awaiting only a desperate teaspoon to dissolve it into a cloud of beige despair.

Taurus The Moon is flirting with Neptune which always lends a dreamy quality to your undertakings, but this week will be stuffed chocka-block with nightmare scenarios, apparently involving a Brian.

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

Cancer June 22 – July 23 The Sun is trailing Saturn, giving you the energy and enthusiasm to set yourself some ambitious goals over the coming weeks, but you’ll fail miserably to meet any of them.

Leo July 24 – Aug 23

You are pretty much semi-everything this month. Semi-conscious, semiprofessional, semi-detached from what you’re supposed to be doing.

Given the lack of interest you provoke in the opposite sex it’s a wonder it’s not dropped off altogether, so be grateful.

Pretty far-out happenings in the inner galaxy this week, which is great news for you on what is supposedly ‘Blue Monday’, the most depressing date of the year. Because, your shifting blue magnitude offsets the blueness of the Monday, making it blue.

Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22

Libra Sept 24 – Oct 23 With Uranus heading off in September away from Pisces, 23 degrees towards Taurus, Librans may find this month in general, quite boring, and October exceedingly dull, apart from the penguins.

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 22 A tricky one, this. The Earth’s rotation having lurched every now and then means that the stars are in a different position now days so...basicially, your fucked.

Interacting galaxies in Andromedae are impacting upon one another in a bad way, so maybe you should just embrace your inner tosspot and throw restraint to the solar winds.

Go on, wear that stupid shirt and those pretentious glasses that make you look like a fat John Lennon.

Pisces Feb 20 – March 20

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20 Expect frustrated desires, and compulsions so overpowering that the thought of the deed makes you sweat and gasp in public places (and get itchy in private ones). The yearning for the unattainable and the untouchable are unavailable until Wednesday.

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19 The stars are dooming you to a month of disrespute, so you might as well go down in a blaze of inglory and enjoy it. So, tell your girlfriends mother what you really think about her purple lycra hotpants, in fact borrow her hotpants and wear them yourself.

Uranus is moving through space, and Neptune is moving into Pisces, so from this angle everything is sliding by hunky dory. You’re goddamn gorgeous at the moment - your twisted little mind is a perverted genius and your body as good as it’s ever going to get, and even the occasional smile is looking good.

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