RAM March 2017

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8 @lusa lusa.org.nz lusa.nz lusa.nz

EDITOR & DESIGN Julia Wills

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media@lusa.org.nz CONTRIBUTORS Danyon Thomas | Julia Wills Tessa Williams | James Ranstead Kate Maxwell

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sales@lusa.org.nz Contributions can be sent to:

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RAM@lusa.org.nz PRINTER RAM is printed

by Wickliffe

RAM is published by the Lincoln University Students’ Association (LUSA) for the students of Lincoln University. RAM is funded by Lincoln University students through the Student Services Fee. Any opinions expressed in this magazine are those of the authors, and do not necessarily reflect the beliefs and values held by LUSA, or the University. If you are easily offended, read on and be sure to send a strongly worded email to the Editor.

RAM is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Associaiton (ASPA).

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Contents FEATURES

8 | O’Week Re-cap The Good, the Bad and the Cringe-Worthy 14 | WOW Ways of Wellness - Going Green on Campus 17 | How to be a Good C*#@ No more Neighbours at War

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20 | A Brief History of LUSA 137 Years of Students at Lincoln

29 | Review: Afternoon Tea at the Yaldy 32 | Top 9 Cheating Professions

REGULARS 4 | From the Prez 5 | From the Ed 6 | Notices 17 | This Month in History

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35 | Sooo Accurate Horoscopes

FUN STUFF 10 | Flat of the Month 18 | Sweet As Stink One 26 | Random Shit You Didn’t Need to Know 28 | Easter Games 33 | Bad Jokes 34 | Sodu-kool

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Letters from LUSa

From the Prez

| Semester 1 is flying by with the holidays just around the corner. For you this means you have settled in to Uni life, and have made it to all of your classes, at least a few times. For me it’s been a little bit of chaos, between Orientation Week, recovering from Orientation Week, and (stupidly) enrolling in a paper too!

Once Orientation was over, you probably had your first

Prez’ top tips to keep you wining at life:

assignment due. When it was returned, it might have been a bit of a shock, and not of the ‘Uni is really easy’ variety. If

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Make time for fun stuff – you really aren’t that busy.

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Join the gym, exercise can make you feel good, and

that’s the case, then make sure you have a chat to the team at Library, Teaching and Learning. They’re there to help

help beat the fresher five.

you out and make sure you stay on track.

A few other things have been going on at LUSA HQ too.

•

Have a chat to the team at Student Health if things

We’re hiring a new Association Manager, and a Student

aren’t going so flash, they know what student life is

Engagement & Representation Coordinator (SERC), to help

like, and will be able to help you out.

things run a bit smoother, and make sure we can do more for you! Keep an eye out for them early next term. We’re

•

Socialise – be it at the pub, on the sports field, or over a

also on the move in the mid-semester break, so we’re saying

cuppa, nothing beats a good yarn and hanging out with

goodbye to the LUSA Blue Building, and we’ll be in the

your mates.

Ground Floor of Forbes.

•

Talk to your folks; keep them in the loop with what’s

Your Student Board have also been having some important

you’re up to – who knows you could be rewarded with a

discussions with the University about the future of the

care package.

LINC courses; how the campus should be redeveloped; some quick wins to make Lincoln a better place for us now. We’re also pushing for students opinion to become a key part of everything that happens at LU, because after all it is our education experience (and our money), that decisions are being made about.

Make sure you lock the place up safely before you head off on your break. It would suck coming home to a trashed and empty flat. Most importantly have a ripper of a time, but make sure you do that assignment that is due the first day back too…

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Danyon Thomas president@lusa.org.nz

From the Board A mighty welcome to LUSA’s latest edition of the RAM, great to see most of you are still alive and kicking after O’Week, and what a week it was.

Highlights for us included: - Having to put up with a chicken and vege pie, and the comment “Where’s the steak and cheese at?” was the comment of the day. However finishing off with a lamington and stunning weather out on Forbes lawn wasn’t too shabby.

From the Ed Wow, where has the time gone?! It's almost Easter which means chocolate and hot cross buns and holidays! What’s everyone up to? Heading home for some sleep in your

- The gumboot throw attracted a number of tossers, though unfortunately some would say there were more media present than students.

- Guy Cater taking the piss out of a number of clueless volunteers (as removing piss from at least one of them probably would’ve done them well).

old bed, a bit of mums home cooking and washing? I hope

- Those students who reckoned they had “just two”

you’re making the most of the last hints of summer and

standards on Tu Meke Toga night provided some good

getting some 'activities' in. I'm heading up to our Bach in

comedy for us. We’ve love yarning to you at these events,

the Abel Tasman with Oscar (he fricken loves it up there!

cause you’re nothing, if not brutally honest.

I hope you’ve joined a Club

That’s one thing we LUSA Board Members want from

and may have

ya is your brutal honesty. We need to know it so we can

already been

make things change, and make your time here that much

to a wicked

better. You know that whole students doing it for students

event, camp,

thing we harp on about.

day/night out this half of the

The team here at LUSA have been busy sussing club

Semester. Did

grants of late, and the number of active clubs this year is

you get amongst

strong. It’s by no means too late to get involved in clubs,

O'Week? Let us

as if you have a certain tendency for a particular activity,

know how we could have made it better, like the Prez said

we probably have a club for that, and if not, why not get a

and we also want to hear what bands you want for Garden

bunch of mates together and make a club?

Party too! Check our Facebook page daily for updates, chances to win stuff and events happening. There's a

The Board have also been working on some project ideas

BINGO NIGHT this Thursday. Should be a laugh, so come

to make LUSA great again. Danyon reckons lets just build

along, plus its free as you probably spent all your coin at

a wall. We’re not all that keen. All of our ideas are around

the Yaldy Wednesday night.

making his great place we’re at all that much better. So watch this space, and if you see something new going on,

Drop me an email if you have something to put in here,

jump on board cause we really can’t do it with out ya! So

especially if you’re a Club President, Captain of a LU

keep on getting those valuable opinions flowing.

sports Team or just awesome at being a human being, as everyone wants to know what you've has been up to.

Until next time, keep on doing what you do best Lincoln.

Nosey buggers!

Julia Wills

James and the LUSA team

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Notices FREE Flu vaccines Its Flu Vaccine time again! Woo hoo Come on down to the Conference Room at the back of the Dining Hall for your FREE jab!

March

29th 5pm – 7pm

April

4th 8.30am – 12.30pm

May

Informal get togethers & workshops Informal Get Togethers (for families, students, children, anyone!) are being held fortnightly on Thursdays, 4pm - 5pm at The Workshop starting this Thursday

24th 12.30pm – 4.30pm

30th March.

2nd 8.30am – 4.30pm

Here you can gain more information about other great

These drop in clinics and are open to

classes they can offer your from:

ALL STUDENTS, no appointments necessary!

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Conversational English

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Learning to sew

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Learning to knit

Hot new Japanese lunches

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Learning to Garden

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Learning to Bake

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Mums Together - every Thursday, 10.30am at The

Mrs O’s is proud to bring you hot new Japanese lunches.

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Workshop. Expectant and all mothers)

the Recreation Centre

You can order and prepay at Mrs O’s on the day before 10am, or in advance. They will be available for collection after 12pm. A different dish each day!

Walking group – every Wednesday, 1pm outside

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Driver Confidence – receiving referrals. One on one.

There is a waiting list.

Warm clothing drive for International Students Autumn is in the air and that means ‘Winter is Coming’.

Those of our International Students arriving from warm countries are not familiar with our Canterbury weather and get caught out unprepared when temperatures drop.

So, the chaplaincy team and NZAid are organising a warm clothes and blankets giveaway! We would appreciate any donations of tops, coats, beanies and the like for women and men.

Please bring donations to the Chaplaincy Office (Hudson 101/102)

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2017 O’WEEK RE-CAP! The weather was a scorcher and so were

Around 450 of you rocked out to Wagon

conveniently themed

the pies to kick off Orientation week in

Wheel at the Tu Meke Toga Party. We

under some of New

classic Kiwi fashion. Yes, they were late,

still don’t know how or why it was

Zealand’s best brews.

and we’re sorry for that, but the ‘80’s

played twice within 15 minutes, but

Yes, Lion Brown and

in NZ were a pretty chilled, so we were

who cares?! It wouldn’t be Lincoln

Double Brown did

trying to replicate that…

without Wagon Wheel! The rest of

feature.

We

hope you enjoyed your free O’Week bag

you it seems where too busy watching

and lamington plus some Kiwiana tunes

the Cricket, rather than listening to

Capping off the start to

thanks to Tess “updating” the absolute

the beats put down by Eazy or maybe

the year, was the Post

classic that was the playlist, made it a

loading up your ute with some new hay

Grad Wine and Cheese

pretty sweet lunchtime break.

bale inspired furniture for the flat, but

event, giving all our Postgrads a chance

fortunately most of you were up and

to chill out, meet a few new folk and

The Gumboot Toss attracted some

into Cropduster’s classic mix and looked

de-stress after having throngs of people

pretty good arms, but unfortunately

bloody awesome in your mums sheets!

back on campus for the first time in a

there were probably more expectant

while.

media present than students. But it

Thursday saw the Clubs Gala Day with

was good to see a few Lincoln students

over 50 stalls and a bunch of different

We’re always interested in your

head through to the National Gumboot

activities going on. If you missed out

feedback, and what to know the good,

Throwing Champs, and the free saussies

signing up for a club head to www.lusa.

the bad, and the ugly about Orientation

from Hauraki were a crowd pleaser!

org.nz/clubs-info. If there didn’t seem

Week. So flick us an email at

to be a club for you, check out some of

events@lusa.org.nz, or have a yarn

Guy Cater took charge of a few

the ones we are trying to get started this

to one of us, so we can make our next

Freshers minds on the Tuesday night,

year, or if you’ve got an idea for a club,

events that much better.

which made for a night of laughs and

come and chat to us at LUSA HQ.

snapchats that are forever saved in cyber-space. The chicken dance, shoe

Rounding off Thursday was the Bottle

phone, lotto win, then loss brought out

Top Quiz night, where we tested the

some emotional characters.

crowds’ Kiwi trivia. Each round was

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WAIRARAPA WASTERS MEET THE TEAM

Andrew Hull Hully is a third year B. Com Ag with a

Dougal Ross Dougz is a third year B. Ag Sci with as much interest in sustainability

knack for leadership. Andy, a diligent studier, loves a solo viewing of Chasing Great and reading Thinking Rugby

as he has stomach lining. Dougal’s

(“bloody great book that, lads”). He

interests include the gym, footy,

prefers a cold shower over going to

and Exotic Fruits. Dougz is single

the beach, and lives life to the motto:

and has hectares. Much like his

“Forget girls, get educated!”

prided Ford Focus, Dougal is reliable, driven and white. If

Stefan-Ross Kruszona

you’re keen, he’s keen, so apply

Stiffy Diffy is a scaffolder by day,

within. He may look like a

and Cassanova by night. Stefan-

hedgehog, but he’s no prick.

Ross never sleeps because he’s too busy running. He hates drugs, and

Joel Hintz

has never been in trouble with the

Hintzie is a third year B. Ag and is

law. Stefan-Ross is a good boy, but

known as the mahi-hoiho for his

can sometimes be lead astray by his

great workhorse-like mindset.

friend Joel. Stiffy hopes to take a girl

His calves are as big as his ego

on a date this year, and is well-worthy

after a bottle of vodka. Joel too

of a swipe right.

has hectares and big muscles, so he pulls a lot. He’s out for a

Guy Elworthy

final tupping and graze before

Moa is a third year Dip. Ag,

settling down next year.

who is currently unenrolled and unemployed. He is

Dustin

waiting for Semester 2, and

Coveney

drinks two boxes a night

Guttermouse is a third year B. Ag

to pass the time. After a

Sci who would die for the boys.

couple of Cruisers, Moa is

Dusty is the runt of the pack

the friendliness kid at the

with a big ticker. Dusty’s hobbies

pub, and can make friends

including eating lots, cleaning lots,

with anyone. He aspires to be the next

and missing having his Mrs next

Bachelor, in the hopes of finding a girl with a nice pair of

door. He’s had his day as a single

personality.

man, and is now happy to leave those shinanigans behind him.

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Taine Hintz Hintzie #2 is an engineering apprentice, but most commonly recognized as the stalwart of the Christ’s College Kapa Haka Group. He is the cub of the flat, commonly seen cuddled up on the couch with Stiffy like a baby nestled into its mother’s bosom. Taine loves Stiffy, manus and acting tough.

Where do you live?

The hood of Brynwr, just past the tree and one door down from the Russian Mafia (if you’re keen for an easy slay), however known as Wairarapa Terrace.

Favourite flat meal?

Wild Pork Sausages and $10 chips. Or SpagBol on the BBQ. Andy cooks a mean LaterBol on his nights too.

Flat parties?

Nah, we don’t need more females trying to stay over…

Hangover feed?

Two $5 pizza’s and a garlic bread, each.

Has anyone screwed the crew?

No one has screwed the crew… yet… but Stiffy has spent the

Feed before payday?

night with a VP… And threesomes don’t count, aye? Our

As great farmers and A-class hunters the freezer is always

dicks didn’t touch so #nohomo

full. Meat on the BBQ, everyday. If we’re running short, Dusty will shout the lads.

Best thing about Lincoln?

Fresher first years and Wednesday nights.

Flat pets?

Two Hereford heifers that the boys are finishing, a pet

Favourite part of the RAM?

kunekune called Stiffy, plus Dougal and Joel’s three pig dogs.

We play rugby and so the pictures are our favourite part. We

(“They took out the Wairarapa Bark Up over the summer

all LOVE the articles from Tessa Williams!

break.”)

By Tessa Williams

Flat traditions?

We all like to get arrested after parties; at least it seems that way. Don’t be like us.

Who cleans?

Guy Elworthy, He’s an A-class cleaner that keeps the place looking a pearler. Don’t know how he finds the time!

Flat damage We like to look after our own. The only damage we cause is to people who try and help Guy at the Yaldy.

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Thursdays in Black is back again for 2017, bigger and better than ever! We’re moving past just messaging, and gaining understanding into topics like consent and bystander intervention.

Looking towards a better world without rape and violence.

We’ve started a society on campus – so keep an eye out for the #TIB Team outside the Library every Thursday for the weeks question and your chance to WIN great prizes from 11:15am – 12:15pm.

Don’t forget to wear black on Thursday’s to show your support!

Congratulations Leo on winning the #TIB weekly question; “Russia has just made a law change to?” – With the answer being: “Partially decriminalize domestic violence.”

Also Samantha, who won the second #TIB weekly question; “Approximately what ratio of women experience physical and/ or sexual violence from a partner in their lifetime in New Zealand?” – The answer was: “1 in 3 women.”

And the two final prize winners for the month were The two prize winners were Madison Chamberlain and Jemma Ramsey, whose question from the Clubs Gala Day stall was “During sexual activity, an individual has given ‘consent’ if:” – With the answer being, “They have said yes.”

Live Brighter - Share The Love Focus this week on feeling connected and strengthening your relationships with the people who are important to you.

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Visit a loved one or relative

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Connect with your family - “Its movie night!”

•

Catch up with a friend

•

Spend one on one time with your partner. Go on a date

•

Tell someone why you love them

•

Share a random act of kindness with someone

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Thanks to all of those who attended the Rec Centre’s Day Out on Tuesday 7th March. The wet weather couldn’t stop us, and the saussies were gone as quick as they were cooked! If you missed coming over for a chat, or are yet to join the Rec Centre – then pop on over anytime and come and see our friendly staff! We’re always here for a yarn, or to give you a few tips and technique tricks!

Keep an eye out for our next big ‘Day Out’ coming Semester 2!”

During the week March 20th - 24th you would have noticed information around the campus about ‘Reduce, Reuse, Recycle’, and how we, as individuals can do this better!

Keep using your reusable bottle, your reusable travel mug, your reusable bags and start carpooling, or using multi modal transport; drive, park, and then get your bike out and ride. Or ride your bike to catch the bus!

By each of us doing our little bit to change our behaviour slightly, will save space in our landfills, and make a huge difference to the future environment!

HANDCUFFED FOR HAGAR The WOW team had a great day out as we walked the City 2 Surf 6km event on March 19th.

As we walked we were helping to raise awareness against human trafficking and slavery. We did this by joining together and handcuffing ourselves to each other under the banner of Hagar and Thursdays in Black to work towards a better world! For more info on Hagar head to hagar.org.nz

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How to |

Being a GC in your Hood

You’re bound to have heard the yarn that ‘students are the worst neighbours, partying all night, littering and cussing like there’s no tomorrow.’ We know this mostly isn’t true, but sometimes it is the case, and you don’t want your flat to fit that mould.

Fortunately, there’s a few simple things to do to be a good neighbour.

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Introduce yourself- It’s a lot easier to be hated on by your neighbours if they don’t know you, they’re probably gonna think you’re just another one of those mongrel students.

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Keep your property tidy – A messy flat with uncut lawns and rubbish everywhere, makes your neighbours go ‘they’re just lazy students’. The moment something not so good happens, they’ll be up in arms.

This Month in History 1842

New Zealand’s first execution after Maketu Wharetotara killed five people at Motuarohia in the Bay of Islands. He was 17.

1956

Opo was a young female bottlenose dolphin who warmed the hearts of thousands of people at Opononi in Hokianga Harbour. Opo regularly approached the beach near Opononi wharf to play with locals. Her antics included juggling beach balls and beer bottles on her snout. She attracted thousands of holidaymakers untill her passing in 1956.

•

Communicate – If you’re planning on having a party, show up and let you neighbours know in the early stages of planning.

Check that the date is okay with them, or if there is a date that’ll suit better – you might be able to swing it that you have a party when they’ve gone out for the night, so you don’t disturb them. If they know it’s happening they’ll be more likely to help you out.

•

Have a Good One – The GoodOne party register is all about making sure you know how to handle your party, and that the Police know who’s in charge if things get out of control. They don’t want to stop you having a party, it’s all about making sure it’s a Good One. www.goodone.org.nz

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Keep your landlord on side - A happy landlord, might placate the neighbour if there’s an issue. At least they won’t be hatin’ too, or evict ya!

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Bake and apologise – If something’s gone a bit funny, and your neighbours aren’t too happy, bake a cake or some brownies, show your face and say sorry for it, all the while explaining how you see it impacted them, and why it won’t happen again.

•

Get involved – If something is happening in your neighbourhood or street, show your face (see tip 1)

•

Keep it clean – Remember there might be kids living next door, they don’t need to hear how you ‘fucked that surfer dude from ECOL103’ or how you’re mates a ‘fucking dumb see you next Tuesday”.

The bottom line is be considerate of your neighbours, which means that if you’re being a bit noisy or partying every once-in-a-while, hopefully they’ll be tolerant and just let it happen, which is better for you. It gets a little tedious for them if there’s a party week after week.

1980

Kiwi group, Split Enz hit, ‘I Got You’, from their album True Colours, reached no. 1 in NZ and also topped the charts in Australia and Canada.

It reached no. 12 in Britain and no.

53 in the United States.

1994

11 year-old Anna Paquin became the first New Zealander to win an Academy Award for acting when she picked up the best supporting actress award for her role in The Piano. She was the second youngest recipient of this award in Oscar history.

1995

New Zealand’s first fully professional rugby league team, the Auckland Warriors played their first match to 30,000 fans at Mt Smart stadium. The Warriors led 22–10 against the Brisbane Broncos, before the Broncos came back to win 25–22.

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SWEET AS A BURGER IS BETTER FOR YOU THAN A SALAD! According to nutritionists, a healthy burger could contain less calories than a salad containing superfoods like kale, halloumi, nuts or seeds and a dressing!

WE’RE HAVING LESS SEX Studies show people are having sex nine times fewer a year now than 20 years ago!

MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT This trashy Aussie reality show has been brain washing us with its curveball episodes and dinner party antics.

Gotta love Cheryl’s coke Insta scandal & Anthony’s beadie little eyes! Screw you Jonsey.

CASH ME OUSSIDE CHICK What we’ve got here is one Internet-famous-professional- nobody that has gone viral.

YOU SHOULD SNUGGLE UP TO YOUR POOCH AT NIGHT Petting a dog raises your oxytocin levels, which is a feel good hormone that increases relaxation, trust and well-being, which will help you to sleep better at night.

POOR NAUGHTY DAN All Blacks great Dan Carter was booed off the field as he suffered a joyless return to action with French champions Racing 92. Passed ‘use by’?

EASTER Easter is just over 2 weeks away and we’re always looking for an excuse to eat chocolate. Are you a soft fluffy marshmellow kinda guy or a hollow egg kinda gal, or it just doesn’t matter as long as it gets in your gob?!

CAGED EGGS SOLD AS FREE RANGE Palace Poultry eggs were stocked in about 70 Countdown stores in the upper North Island. But it appears many of their eggs labelled as free range have in fact been cage-laid eggs. Countdown has since pulled them off the shelf.

Gross.

BEERCYCLE PUB CRAWL A rowdy bike pumping music, carrying a load of smiling drunks and pedalling hard - Beercycle, a party bike pub crawl, is a hit in the Christchurch CBD.

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STINK ONE

OSCARS BLOW IT Moonlight won the Best Picture Oscar after an epic mix-up on the stage in which the presenter read what turned out to be the wrong winner, announcing that La La Land won!

HAPI POPS Handcrafted in Heathcote, Hapi Pops are healthy treats made from seasonal fruits and vegetables and organically sourced where possible. Flavours include banana, strawberry and coconut cream; beetroot and berry; cucumber, apple and lime; avocado, organic iced tea and basil; carrot and orange; and organic iced coffee!

PEOPLE BEING DOUCHE-BAGS IN THE YALDY LINE Chill out people, the Yaldy shut because you were being dick heads in the line. Plus people hadn’t finished pulling yet!

DAYLIGHT SAVING ENDS Yes, we get an extra hours sleep in!

Saturday night, wind your clocks back 1 hour (at 2am precisely, if you’re still up partying)

UNPROTECTED SEX DURING O’WEEK Nobody wants to be a baby daddy or have something weird growing in places that things shouldn’t.

So wrap, then slip, slop and slap people.

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ABRIEF HISTORY OFLUSA 137 years of Students at Lincoln

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The earliest recorded official student representation at

Hudson Hall was opened, which could accommodate 184

Lincoln was a ‘Students Council’ formed in 1880 with five

students. Daily farm work was dropped from the farm course,

elected students who met monthly to discuss matters arising

as increased farm mechanisation has made the practice

from a Suggestion Book.

redundant.

1880s all students were fed, slept and lectured in the main

1922 the Students Association opened a canteen later to

building on campus called the “homestead building”, in

become the shop, selling sweets, toiletries and stationary

between practical farm work. A bell was rung to rise, eat,

among other things. Early profits from the canteen were used

sleep and attend evening prayers. There were iron bars on the

to purchase billiard tables and other recreational equipment

windows and sport was the main social focus. Half a day was

for the benefit of students.

spent at lectures, and the other half at practical farm work on College farms, for which students were paid 2d per hour. Life was strictly regimented, with the bell in the main building

1930’s was a time of stability at Lincoln. the student roll was

ringing out the times to rise, eat, sleep and attend evening

between 50 and 60 students, all living in the main building.

prayers. A rumour has it that a beer was once served with the

There was a handful of International students, even with no

midday meal!

overseas advertising. Fashion among students consisted of old rugby jerseys and ragged clothes. However, everybody was expected to dress for dinner. Regular trains ran to Lincoln, as

1881 the Lincoln Rugby side had its first game against a

did a bus service. (20 motorcycles were recorded among the

Southbridge side.

50 resident students in 1924). Students who missed the train to Lincoln, sometimes walked most of the night to get back to the College.

1892 after repeated requests by students the Board provided a Smoking Room (Common Room).

1936 saw the birth of the Alpine Club, with its emphasis on skiing.

1896 the Students Council controlled the needs of rugby, cricket and soccer clubs. It had a first year turnover of 13 pounds.

1898 the first dance was permitted with alcohol strictly forbidden.

The Students’ Association itself was established in 1919 and in 1938 the Lincoln College Students’ Association joined NZUSA.

1950s nurses were bussed from Christchurch to Lincoln for social events, and Lincoln students were prevalent at the ‘tea dances’ put on at the nurses home.

1954 Lincoln students played a prank on the Prime Minister ‘Sid’ Holland, decanting him from his car, tying him up and escorting him onto campus by pitchfork wielding students in an open cart.

1945 the first edition of the Caclin was produced. which consisted of two pages of duplicated type! Over the years it had its highs and lows but grew in sophistication. It educated and reflected student opinion, through the letters page, or President’s column.

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1955 the canteen was used as the RAM office before being exchanged for office space in the Union Building by the Association.

1956 capping (graduation) stunts included carrying a bottle of whiskey from Dunedin, setting a 56 hour record for playing table tennis, and painting a house in record time (although not very professionally).

1958 85% of the College roll voted in the student elections.

1960’s saw the student magazine Caclin began to explore 1948-49 saw the student board largely concerned with

the issues of sexual activity, drugs and violence - with the

organising social events, and with internal issues which were

emphasis on nuclear welfare and Vietnam.

largely food (terrible), accommodation (spartan), and the question of liberty. Lincoln was evolving, although Hudson (who lived in a flat at the north east corner of Ivey Hall) would roam around at night looking for action, especially liquor. Students continued to drink, with post finals or 21st celebrations usually held in the neighbourhood shingle pits,

1961 the Graduation Ball was stopped to give the students warning that they had half an hour to clear their rooms of ‘booze and women’ before they were inspected.

where there were few interruptions.

Friday night was town night, with students travelling by bus, a few by motorbike and even fewer by car, due to petrol rationings. Each group had a favourite bar and when the pubs closed at 6pm there was nowhere else to go but North Hagley Park to consume beer. Such was the social life at Lincoln in those days. There were good relations with the Nurses Homes, and most female company came from there when partners were required for events. 1957 Lincoln had two female students, which dropped from 4 the year before.

1950’s the first students were allowed to find board in the neighbourhood of the college, as long as the Warden gave his permission. A flatting tradition which revolved around places with exotic names like “The White House” and “The Brown House” began.

1960s the College grew its own vegetables on site and it had an ‘experimental orchard’ (now

Clubs generally ran dances, and they would bring nurses in

the main car park).

from town because of the dire shortage of female partners

The community atmosphere that had so far prevailed at

within the college. As a result of these exchanges a few

Lincoln gradually declined as student numbers continued to

relationships and even marriages were formed.

increase faster than Lincoln could provide accommodation and internal assessment reduced student free time.

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1965 the Students Association decided to seek a liquor license for its own bar, to be sited in Hudson Hall. this was to be named “The Twenty-One Club”, and was only allowed to server over twenty one year olds. Over that vacation period, students stole 12 dozen cups, 2 teapots, 1 milk jug and various sugar bowls and plates from the cafeteria.

1970 the first woman was elected into an executive position.

1972 the Ram magazine consisted mainly of jokes and cartoons culled from Playboy, local content in the form of political

2000 saw an image revamp with new logo, offices and a paint

satire and cartooning. The 1972 issue of Ram mad a profit of

job, and focus on day time activities and a big LUSA presence

$14,000 of which $3,000 was donated to the Commonwealth

on campus with the advent of the ‘LUSA LOVES YOU’

Games, held in Christchurch that year. From 1972 to 1976 Ram

campaign.

continued to generate a profit of around $10,000 per issue when it hit the streets for sale, for the Association.

2011 the Christchurch earthquakes had us move to where we are now, ane we faced struggles of Voluntary SSN

1974 the Association installed a condom vending machine in

membership.

Colombo Hall.

2012 the sandpit was built, and we students lost the use of 1977 residential students were allowed alcohol in their rooms.

their student space.

1979 sales of the Ram began to decline. The Principal of

2013 saw the rebrand of LUSA, witha new logos and bright

the College complained that it was too crude and lacked

colour scheme. LUSA also signed a three year SLA agreement.

originality, although it had not reached the depths that it would sink to in later years! Ram was once again taken to the Indecent Publications Tribunal, which found it still “decent”, but in the hands of adults only.

1985 the Association set up sexual and racial harassment procedures and Audrey McQuillan was employed as the first full-time staff member. Students who had worked Orientation were treated to dinner at Beachcomber restaurant in Sumner,

2014 the focus was on improving student communications.

It was a slow process but we finally starting making some headway on the soical media scene.

2015 saw an increase in the visibility of the Student Advice and Support service. Student Rep numbers went from 89 in Semester 1 to 209 in Semester 2.

which resulted in around 50 naked people running around the beach at night!

2016 a five year service level agreement was signed, the amount of Clubs affiliated with LUSA went from 36 to 42.

1993 over 200 students occupied the registry building in a protest at $1.2m being spent on a new Council Room while fees continued to rise.

There was higher engagement with students shown through increased Facebook use, events selling out of tickets and much faster than before, plus we also saw a high student turn out during the student board elections.

Caclin changed back to RAM, with more of a student voice.

1999 LUSA retained compulsory membership in a government initiated nation-wide referendum. LUSA established an Education Coordinator position and a formal class reps system.

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LUSA.NZ

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RANDOMSHITYOUDIDN’TNEEDTOKNOW! Cat returns after missingfor3years!

“I guess the frustrating thing is that he could’ve been found sooner. Before you start feeding a stray cat, take it to the vet to check for a microchip. To make sure there’s not a family looking for the cat,” she said.

More than three years ago, Max a beloved cat went missing in Canterbury while his owner was away and she gave up hope of ever finding him again.

SPCA Canterbury spokeswoman Anna King said “This is the longest timeframe that our staff can remember being able to reunite a missing cat with its owner and we are very pleased that we were able to help Max be found by his loving owner, Kelly.

Word has it, Max followed his owners flatmate down the driveway as she put wheelie bins out, and never came back!

Max was adopted when he was a kitten and he’d moved homes before but wasn’t one to usually roam the hood, so his disappearance was a shock for Kelly, his owner.

She delivered flyers and put out desperate pleas for sightings of her beloved Max on Facebook.

Months dragged on and Kelly gave up hope of ever finding her speical black and white cat.

Drinkingamochaa daykeepsthedoctor NO, IT WASN’T A away BLOODYHOLEPUNCH! A study in New York has found it reduces the anxiety-producing effects of caffeine.

Then, only a month ago, Kelly received a surprising call from SPCA Canterbury!

He was simply handed into the SPCA, and she had him back that afternoon!

Max was a little more reserved, but was still a very “smoochy” cat, she said.

He was only about 1 kilometre from his

Did you give up and never actually find out what ZM’s stupid Secret Sound was? Well, after six weeks and hundreds of frustrated guesses later, ZM’s $50,000 Secret Sound competition was won by a new mum with an 8-week-old baby.

Aimee Balle was the station’s last caller for the day and had nearly given up trying to get through after calling over 350 times, when she correctly guessed the secret sound was a car ashtray opening.

“The first day he got back he was pretty stressed out. But the following day he perked up whenever he saw me.”

The SPCA said a woman brought Max in with a “nasty looking” eye infection. The cat had reportedly been hanging around her house in Rolleston for about four months wanting food. The woman and her family had tried to catch him without success but finally got to grab him.

She recently looked relaxed and in good health as she rode her pony alongside Head Groom, Terry Pendry, just before her 91st birthday!

“Cocoa increases cerebral blood flow, which increases cognition and attention. Caffeine alone can increase anxiety. This particular project found that cocoa lessens caffeine’s anxiety-producing effects - a good reason to drink mocha lattes.”

“I thought I’d give up and not call. But I thought I’d press the call button one more time,” Balle said after winning.

The findings show mochas are a good choice for students “and anyone else who needs to improve sustained attention”

THEQUEENISBADASS home. SPCA staff believed he had been roaming Rolleston, possibly being looked after by someone in the area, over the last three-and-a-half years.

The SPCA scanned Max for a microchip, without it, she would have never been reunited with him.

Photo courtesy of Stuff

RAM Issue 2 | 26

Horse-riding has been a lifelong passion for the Queen. She once said that it allows her to be “just another human being”. She has always declined to wear a “hard hat” to ensure her hair stays in place for any royal appointments.

Surrounded by the animals from early childhood, she is said to have taken her first lesson when she was only three years old.

Balle was overwhelmed after being told by the Secret Sound keeper Gary Pointon she’d won the massive prize.

“I had a baby eight weeks ago so I don’t work and this is actually awesome,” she said, starting to cry.

“I’m really, really happy right now.”

The secret sound had been puzzling and pissing off Kiwis for weeks, with clues dropped at regular intervals to help listeners guess what could be the source of the noise.

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Tea Review | Afternoon at the Yaldy

Here’s to the patrons who grew a pair, and had some positive reviews and good chat: “Great time. In early and got pissed as f.... If they let everyone in you’d be complaining, it would be too crowded. Shame about early finish though, hadn’t quite finished my graft.”

“Thanks for a lit night, fam. Bit premature, but being the first time in a while, that’s almost to be expected lads. Mixed a hell of a Smirnoff Double Black as usual Candice, you’re the real MVP. Thank you for your hospitality, stay beautiful, stay you. Onwards and upwards.”

“Thanks to the bouncers for supplying the eye candy.”

“Hell of a night. Healthy win, slots are always hot at the Yaldy.”

“That line was the best mosh I’ve been in since Black Sabbath. Rose bushes were an added bonus. Would recommend to a friend.”

Wednesday 8th March will go down in history as the most memorable, hard and fast action since losing my virginity for the first time. From the early hours of lunchtime, the campus was a-buzz with excitement for the night(s) that lay ahead. The RM’s had been polished by both the boys and girls, outfits with the perfect balance of sex-kitten and effortless beauty had been rented from money-hungry mates with walk in wardrobes, and shaving cream cans were as empty as the 7pm yoga class at the gym. Hype Queen, Molly McLeod had rallied the troops, degree students and all, and it was shaping up to be a bloody rip-snorter of a night.

Leaving home at 8.15pm, cooked as a honey-roasted chook from New World, I drew judgmental gazes from the family next door and their chubby cheeked offspring, but needless to say, I’d do it again. As the proverb goes, “the early bird gets the sports scholar.” My hip motion began as we zoomed around the Yaldhurst roundabout, and failed to cease to the next 90 minutes. The line was moderate; just enough to start a party. Conditions were looking optimum. Fifteen wobbly wankers stood reciting “about 3 or 4” in the rain, getting moister than a Lincoln Ladies AGM. In less time than the average Wednesday night slay, I too was in the line of wobbly wankers and through the doors to heaven.

For her 85 minutes of glory, the Yaldy failed to disappoint. The Smirnoff flowed faster than the line to the toilets, double parking was an accepted practice, and past lovers became friends once more. You can really judge a doo by the state of the Smokers’ Zone.

As I darted out among the ‘Ciggy Butt Brains’ to sit in the bush for a bit of

fresh air and a moi, I was taken aback by it being smokier than an ACDC concert. If that’s not an indication of the ship being at capacity, I don’t know what is. Unfortunately, if this ship had a name, it would be the titanic because she went down faster than an eager-toplease 17-year-old boy.

Whilst I was putting in some serious groundwork with first year spunks, the mosh of the decade was going on in the rose bushes outside. I would definitely recommend that our fear of coming premature, be overcome, because it’s better to come early than not at all.

Due to such a huge number of people wanting to come and chat me up, quite a commotion took place outside. There were tumbles, grazes and quite possibly a lost bond or two on those “Ruby Playsuits to rent $70 ONO.” This led to the pub being closed at a ripe old time of 2145 hours, and a whole lot of undercooked hook ups and confused students wandering aimlessly outside.

As would be expected, such events caused emotional scars, disgruntled patrons, and an influx of hilariously passionate Facebook reviews of the establishment. A special kudos must go to the people who picked themselves up, pulled amongst the adversity, had the positivity to leave nice reviews, sober drove, didn’t get pushy in line, and who looked after their mates.

Though Wednesday 8th March may not have been predicted, some things remain certain: There is always next Wednesday. You can always spade in the Library whether there’s a social zone or not, and it’s never a good idea to bite the hand that feeds you a pie at the pub.

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ADD US ON SNAPCHAT & YOU COULD WIN A $20 NEW WORLD VOUCHER!

RAM Issue 2 | 30

lusa.nz

AND THE WINNER IS - ‘DOING THINGS THE RIGHT WAY’ Come into LUSA & claim your prize today!

RAM Issue 2 | 31

Top 9 Cheating Professions Do you recall the night that everyone

As for the man involved he was

was talking about, last year in February

not single. In fact he was married.

where a well-lit office (rookie mistake)

The man’s wife found out about her

exposed a couple having an sex in their

partner’s affair from Facebook and had

workplace office, in full view of everyone

been crying “non-stop”.

These are the top 9 cheating professional circles: 1.

Financial (Bankers, brokers, analysts, etc.)

at the Carlton bar opposite who, as you do, photographed and filmed it and then

The woman, in her 20s, deleted her

posted it to social media?!

Facebook page.

A Marsh insider said

2.

Aviation (Pilots, flight attendants, flight pursers, etc.)

3.

Healthcare (Doctors, nurses, nursing assistants, etc.)

the lovers may not be fired, but they could not continue working

4.

secretaries, etc.)

together.

This made me think

5.

professional circles that “The band that was playing at the time stopped because everyone else was more interested in watching them... We all had a good laugh. It was the highlight of the night.”

This steamy encounter was at an insurance company, Marsh Ltd. The lovers apparently thought the tinted windows would give them privacy. It would have been a bit of a laugh if they were single...but one of them was not. The ex-fiancé of the woman caught up having sex with her co-worker that Christchurch night, says their engagement was already over before the romp went worldwide. He knew the man involved but hadn’t met him. It was “a shame” what happened.

“She a really nice person, she never made any mistakes, but unfortunately she made this one and it’s gone worldwide.” “You don’t want to see your ex on the telly doing that [but] it’s got nothing to do with me.”

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6.

7.

website that investigates cheating

8.

women who have or are currently cheating on their partner.

The findings delved into the reasons why people like having affairs with colleagues, and it was because it makes work exciting, fun - and easier.

Cheaters also said the workplace is the easiest place to find someone that you connect with.

Communication (Journalists, public relations, communicators,

among people in relationships.

Her team surveyed more than 5,000

Nightlife Industry (DJs, dancers, waiters, etc.)

I found a new study conducted by Victoria Milan who runs a dating

Arts (Musicians, models, actors, photographers, etc.)

have more workplace affairs than usual.

Sports (Athletes, instructors, representatives, etc.)

of workplace affairs, and if there were any

Business (CEOs, managers,

etc.)

9.

Legal (Lawyers, secretaries, prosecutors, judges, etc.)

Well, there you go. I hope you attend our next Protect Your Future - Get a Job Careers Fair to make sure you’re on the right track!

PROCRASTINATION Station

Definit I’ll wr ite a ion... n an nex t RAMswer .

BADJOKES What’s the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

What’s the best part about gardening?

Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

What did Barack say to Michelle when he got down on one knee?

I don’t wanna be Obama-self!

What kind of pictures do turtles take?

Shellfies!

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroking off!

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What did the wall say to the ceiling?

I’ll meet you at the corner.

What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

When do you kick a dwarf in the balls?

When he is standing next to your Mrs saying her hair smells nice.

What did Dr. Dre say when 50 cent gave him a sweater?

“Gee, you knit?”

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant.

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

What does an elephant use for a tampon?

A sheep!

What’s the difference between a Southern Zoo and a Northern Zoo? A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

What do you call two jalapeños getting it on?

Fucking hot!

How do they say “fuck you” in Los Angeles?

Trust me.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile!

How do you get a dumb-ass down from a tree?

Wave to them!

Two bananas are lying on a riverbank when a turd goes floating by.

The turd yells to the bananas, “hey guys, come on in, the water feels great!”

One banana looks at the other banana and says, “do you believe that shit?”

My Mexican friend wrote a song about a tortilla.

Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

RAM Issue 2 | 33

simple as, simple does

reasonably doable

moderate

getting hard...mind/gutter

pretty tricky

perfectly evil...mwah ha ha

RAM Issue 2 | 34

BRUTALLY HONEST & INCREDIBLY INACCURATE

ARIES MARCH 21 – APRIL 20 You will be provoked by a school kid. Don't rise to him.

Hit it all you want, but the lift will take as long as it will take no matter how forcefully you press the button.

Horoscopes

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23 – DEC 22 Your ability to speak may be impaired today as you attempt to swallow half a live hedgehog.

LEO JULY 24 – AUG 23 Be warned about your general demeanour today as others will not take kindly to happy-clappy fools.

TAURUS APRIL 21 – MAY 21 Always meet people you met on the internet in a dark place, preferably a graveyard or a disco.

Weird is not a word you'd normally associate with your behaviour. That's because you're completely normal and sane.

Opening the window in your bedroom will be like opening your bowel, today.

VIRGO

CAPRICORN DEC 23 – JAN 20 Your daily rituals are what keep you going. Avoid the temptation to change your ways. All the advice I could share with you would blow your mind and leave nothing to the imagination, so I'm not going to give you any more.

AUG 24 – SEP 23 Test yourself today by attempting to abstain from sex or violence. Beware of people offering free screensavers.

GEMINI

Liven up your day by putting party balloons all around your desk.

MAY 22 – JUNE 21

AQUARIUS

A masterplan is forming inside your head and you'll be ready to put it into action any day now.

JAN 21 – FEB 19

The media will try to control your life today. Many congratulations!

LIBRA SEPT 24 – OCT 23 When trying to pop paracetamol into your mouth after a big night, you may find yourself contemplating destroying the universe.

CANCER

One of the things you've always liked about life is how seemingly lucky you are. Expect big changes this week.

Much of your body weight tends to be distributed in a specific place but that may start shifting today.

Shouting "30 milligrams, STAT!" in a crowded place is probably not going to win you any friends today.

JUNE 22 – JULY 23 Your lack of modesty will cause you problems today. No one wants to see that mate.

PISCES

Just because people laugh at you doesn't make you a comedian. Hope will always get you through your problems. Yes, hope your doctor is mistaken or misinformed about your unforunate predicament.

Always make time to shop around for car insurance. It will make your day more fulfilling.

FEB 20 – MARCH 20

SCORPIO OCT 24 – NOV 22 If you're ignorant are you blessed?

Only with ignorance, my stupid friend. With all you've been through you should be glad that this week will actually come to a close.

You are more alert during your waking hours and this means that you can see exactly how you are managing to throttle your fish to death.

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