Caclin February 2016

Lincoln University Students' Magazine

O'WEEK THE ROUGH GUIDE MEET THE LOCALS SNAPCHAT PICS

Issue 1 Feb 2016

Contents FEATURES

4 | Meet the Team LUSA Staff & Board say "Hello!"

8 | University Bucket List...

Certain things that Every First Year Must Do!

12 | We asked you...

What was your Worst Date Ever & Why? 14 | LU Sport What Sporting Events are on this Month 16 | Orientation Week 2016 BOOM!

18 | Letter from Serg.

Tips for Keeping Yourself & Your Belongings

Safe this Year

StudentsAtLincoln LUSA.org.nz lusa.nz

EDITOR & DESIGN

20 | Outward Bound Win a Scholarship to Reach Your Full Potential 22 | The Rough Guide Advice from Those Who Went Before

40 | Food for Flatties Your Stories of Cooking Disasters

45 | The Student Experience Dream Lincoln: What's your Ultimate Uni Experience?

Julia Wills

CACLIN@lusa.org.nz CONTRIBUTORS Sam Budd | Vanessa Rhodes Kate Ward-Smith | Aimee Kingsbury ADVERTISING Kate Ward-Smith

SALES@lusa.org.nz Contributions can be sent to:

REGULARS 4 | President’s Column 5 | Editor's Column 10 | Stuff Worth Doing Around Town 13 | Facts & Figures 43 | Flat of the Month

CACLIN@lusa.org.nz PRINTER Caclin is printed

by Wickliffe

FUN STUFF 37 | Snapchat Photoboard 41 | Horoscopes

Caclin is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

42 | Random Laughs 43 | Tongue in Cheek Quiz

Meet

the Team!

Welcome to Lincoln!

My name is Aimee Kingsbury and I'm your Lincoln University

Join a club! Get along to our Clubs and Markets Day and

Student's Association President. I have just finished my

see if there's something there for you. We have 36 clubs

Bachelor of Commerce (Agriculture) Degree, so I've

affiliated to LUSA ranging from Young Farmers to Ultimate

been around here a while. As your President, I am here to

Frisbee! For more information about our clubs check out

represent you guys and have a little fun!

the LUSA website!

LUSA has an action packed year ahead for you bunch,

Put your hand up and become a Student Rep, its simple.

kicking off with Orientation Week! Make sure you get

All it involves is some basic training and collecting

involved in our events, by showing your face for a beer

feedback from you peers and letting Vanessa, our Student

and a burger at the new 'Workshop', pulling out your old

Advice and Support Manager know. Do it-you'll score a

sheets and joining us for Toga Party, scrawling your name

free lunch out of it! Vanessa is also pretty awesome at

down on a clubs sign up sheet at the Clubs and Market

helping students out if they're battling a bit, so pop in and

Day or having a giggle at our Hypnotist Night. Check out

see her for some friendly advice and support.

the LUSA Orientation Week gig guide for all of the details!

That’s it from me, have a wicked time at O'Week and

Keep an eye out for our monthly student magazine, the

make the most of your year. Be sure to pop into LUSA

'Caclin' which keeps you up to date with what's happening

anytime, for O'Week Super Passes, information about clubs

at Lincoln as well as providing some entertainment in our

and events or advice and support. We are here to help

'Flat of the Month' article and student Snapchats! You can

make your time at Uni truly the best it can be!

get the Caclin all over campus, or pick it up when you grab a cheeky sausage at one of our BBQ's. You can get involved in the Caclin by submitting your own writing too.

Come and talk to Julia, our Media Manager who will suss you out with all of the details!

Aimee Kingsbury PRESIDENT@lusa.org.nz LUSA President

Caclin Issue 1 | 3

Hi everyone!

I'm the new Media Manager and Caclin Editor here at LUSA and so far I'm loving it, and I haven't even really got to meet many of you yet! The vibe here is great, the staff love their jobs and we are all very passionate about making your time here as wicked as possible.

O'Week is going to go off with a bang and I hope you like the marketing. This year I am looking forward to hearing all of your crazy ideas and brilliant feedback, to not only put in the Caclin but to make come to life around campus as well. If you've traveled, volunteered, achieved something epic over the holidays or previously - I want to hear all about it and publish your achievements.

Let's make a deal - if you study hard, I'll try and make your downtime (like reading the Caclin) as much fun as possible...So, drop me a line, or email or simply pop in for a yarn.

Julia Wills

Believe it or not, I

CACLIN@lusa.org.nz

for 24 years even, but

Media Manager/Caclin Editor

decided to take a

used to be blonde...

risk last year and go dark – I also started working at LUSA in a job I absolutely love, adopted a dog, bought a house, then adopted another dog – and yet am still completely

Hey!

about myself! So here goes;

With every good

My name is Sam (Samantha only when someone

student association

is grumpy with me) and I am the Clubs & Events

you need

Manager at LUSA – I’m in charge of organising

someone who

all the awesome student events that LUSA put on

is an all-rounder

throughout the year, while also co-ordinating all the

and can help with

amazing Clubs here at Lincoln Uni. I absolutely love

anything….. that’s

my job and being able to work with a wide range of

me!!!

students, while being able to add to, and enhance

Hey I'm Kate, you'll find me at the LUSA reception. Come in and say 'gidday!'.

We have couple of computers down here that you can use, a stack of second hand books for sale (see our Facebook page) and if you ride the looser cruiser I can help you with that too (metrocards). I am always happy to help or to just have a yarn!

Kate Ward-Smith SALES@lusa.org.nz Sales Co-ordinator

hopeless at writing

the student’s experiences here at Lincoln Uni and lay the foundation for many great (and sometimes cringe worthy) memories!

I also enjoy running and cycling, going for long walks and having lengthy discussions with my two dogs.

Also, DIY-ing my new house or just working on my tan with my friends at a beach!

If you have any questions about clubs or events, or have an idea for a new cub, I am the person to talk to!

Sam Budd EVENTS@lusa.org.nz Clubs & Events Manager

Caclin Issue 1 | 4

Pop in!

Problems with a course, your flat mate, the cat across the street or just having a bad day? Who you gonna call….? SAS. Student Advice and Support Manager Vanessa, is available to help and support any concerns you may have during your time at Lincoln University.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be in regards to your studies but something outside of Uni time as well. No problem is too small, because sometimes all it takes, is someone to listen. From financial hardship, problems with a lecturer or a 'What do I do now?’ situation, LUSA wants to make sure you have the best experience possible and feel supported.

Pop in for a visit… she might even make you a coffee and talk about her experiences studying at Uni, travels or just life in general.

Vanessa Rhodes STUDENT.SUPPORT@lusa.org.nz Student Advice & Support Manager

Gidday!

Welcome to the first years and welcome back to second, third, fourth and PHD students!

I’m Sam Moscrip the Vice President for LUSA 2016. I am a born and breed Northlander and am in my final year of B Comm AG. I ran for VP of LUSA to give back and help to continue the direction of where Lincoln is heading at all levels of University life.

A key focus for me this year is to provide a voice for the majority and the minority. To do this we need your feedback on everything from LUSA events, to courses, practical work and everything to do with life at Lincoln.

From what is working well, to what could be improved.

I bring to the LUSA practical governance experience, and take a KISS method approach to most things I do! At the end of the day, without students learning and enjoying our experience at University, there would be no University.

The LUSA Board is committed to voicing the student view on all aspects of your time here at Lincoln.

Don’t be shy, call into LUSA and say 'hi' throughout the Semester and I hope you have an awesome first term of 2016!!!

Sam Moscrip VICE.PRESIDENT@lusa.org.nz

Vice President

Caclin Issue 1 | 5

Hey Everyone!

I’m your LUSA Postgraduate Rep for 2016! I'm super stoked to have been elected into this position and I will try my best to do a fab job.

I am Christchurch born and bred and am starting the first year of my Masters of Science in Plant Breeding. In my spare time I like to drink wine and have a boogie once the wine has been consumed. Feel free to pop in and say "Hi" or wave at me on campus!

Lucy Egan LUCY.EGAN@lincoln.ac.nz Postgraduate Rep.

Kia ora everyone!

My name’s Melissa and I’m a 3rd Year Lincoln Student studying a Bachelor of Land and Property Management, majoring in Urban Valuation.

I’m the elected Tumuaki (President) of Te Awhioraki Māori Students' Association, and along with that role I am also part of the LUSA Board for 2016 and a few other committees around campus. So no doubt you’ll see me around at some stage this year!

Whether this is your first year, or you’re a returning student, I just want to welcome you all to Lincoln for the 2016 year. I hope your summer has been a good one, and that you make your time at uni one worth remembering! Enjoy yourselves and good luck in your studies!

Ngā mihi,

Melissa Noanoa MELISSA.NOANOA@lincolnuni.ac.nz Tumuaki ō Te Awhioraki

Hey Guys!

My name is Matty Risi, and I am your AGLS REP. I'm from a wee farm in the Waikato and will be

Commerce Faculty Rep on the board of LUSA for 2016.

I come from the Wairarapa and am in my third year of BComag. Welcome back if

and have a yarn with me as I'm

you are returning to Lincoln,

always keen for a beverage

and welcome to all the new

and some chit chat!

AGLS Rep.

I am the Agriculture and

Uni this year. I love life at Lincoln it for 2016! Feel free to come

MATTY.RISI@lincolnuni.ac.nz

My name is Josh McKay and

heading into my fourth year of and am keen to get amongst

Matty Risi

Hi there!

students. Good luck for the year ahead!

Josh McKay JOSH.MCKAY2@lincolnuni.ac.nz AGCM Rep.

Caclin Issue 1 | 6

University Your first year of University will fly by. Apologies for being all “we’ve been there and done that”, but it will! And there are certain things that every first year must, and most probably will, go through as a right of passage, before it’s too late! So, we’ve compiled our ultimate First Years’ Bucket List to help you along your way. So enjoy your freedom, and get ticking off these activities which are sure to help you form some fond memories from year one of your university experience.

Disclaimer: This list is to be used as a piece of comedy. We do not recommend you take part in any activity that is against the law or rules of your university, or that will endanger the health and safety of you or of those around you.

'No one wants to look back at their University years and think, “I wish I’d done that!”, and you certainly don’t want to catch a bad case of FOMO!'

Binge on Trashy TV! This one totally depends on how much time you had in lectures, and/or how well you manage your workload.

Couch potatoes everywhere, know that warm fuzzy feeling when you start a new television series. For a while, life is all about delving into that new series of pure entertainment. Like a cold beer on a hot summer day, your latest and greatest episode is a haven of consumption! But...it’s absolutely not an option to ditch the books in favour of Game of Thrones (or Prez recommends Grey's Anatomy)….absolutely not.

Caclin Issue 1 | 7

Do an all-nighter!

Whoever decided to put lectures at 9am clearly doesn’t like people very much. For some reason your body clock changes as soon as you leave high school, where you were up every day at around 7am without fail and when you get to University, your body breaks down meaning that your day tends to start at about lunchtime - minimum.

If you go out the night before and still make a 9am lecture, you are literally a bloody legend!

Travel...

This is the last time in your life when you’re going to have lengthy holidays, unless you’re a teacher and they just throw them at you for babysitting everyone’s children for a few months of the year.

Take advantage of that and go and travel the world and learn how other cultures function.

You’ll meet some amazing people and take some super selfies!

Set up a Club

Setting up a new sports team or a club can be a lot of hard work because it takes organisation, determination and planning that most of you just can’t be bothered to do.

Think about the fun you’ll have and the satisfaction you’ll get when your club takes off and everyone loves it. They’re also good for the social nights too.

Actually prepare yourself for a lecture!

Just by reading the whole text at least once is a bonus. If you feel adventurous then start making notes, prepare questions for your lecturer and the rest of the class. At first it will seem like a ridiculous concept and an impossible task, but you’ll learn to love it and you’ll feel invincible. Trust me.

Caclin Issue 1 | 8

Here's a few more of the ultimate list to crush before you graduate!

1. Acquire a souvenir from a night out 2. Prank your roommate by covering every object in their room with post-its 3. Buy a morph suit and wear it out for a night 4. Call a sex line on speaker and ask for weird things 5. Call your flatmate’s mum and talk dirty 6. Cling film your roommate’s car 7. Collect 1000 bottle caps 8. Do 110kg bench press 9. Do the walk of shame/stride of pride 10. Don’t spend any money for a week 11. Eat 5 of the hottest chillies you can get your hands on 12. Get 50 photos with randoms in one night 13. Get a shout out for your gay anniversary 14. Get naked in a taxi 15. Get tied to an office chair in your underwear and left somewhere 16. Go busking for a day 17. Go food shopping in a ball dress

22. Dress Up! O'week is a ripe time to bust out the face paint every night of the week.

23. If you can fit, get in the washing machine and scare a random 24. Land a back or front flip snowboarding/ skiing 25. Learn to play an instrument 26. Let off a fire extinguisher whilst sitting on an office chair 27. Make friends with the bouncer 28. Mine sweep all of your drinks for a night 29. Set up a roommate or friend on a blind date 30. Spend a night in your car 31. Steal a flatmate’s piece of clothing and wear it out without them noticing 32. Streak the courtyard 33. Make yourself a weekly budget & try your very best to stick to it!

34. Use a glow in the dark condom and make light-saber noises

18. Go skinny dipping

35. Wax one whole leg and don't touch the other

19. Go to a lecture in your pyjamas

36. Win a dance off with a random

20. Have a pet!

37. Win a pub quiz & take home the meat raffle

21. Have a shower in someone else's bathroom during a party

Stuff Worth Doing Around Town!

Spectrum Street Art Festival Dec 12 – April 17 With the help of 17 amazing artists from home and abroad, Spectrum serves up 7 amazing exhibition spaces as well as transforming 10 blank city center walls into amazing works of art. |YMCA 12 Hereford St & |FREE |9.30am - 5pm |streetart.co.nz

Chinese Lantern Festival Friday Night Food Trucks Every Friday till March 25 For a fun family event, come down to Cathedral Square each Friday night, grab some street food and relax in a fair-like atmosphere. A variety of food trucks will be there each week. |Cathedral Square |4pm - 9pm |nostalgiafestival.co.nz

Feb 27 - 28 Bring along your family and friends and experience Chinese culture amidst hundreds of vibrantly coloured lanterns.

Delicious Asian food stalls, fireworks and non-stop entertainment. An event for everyone in the city and not to be missed! |North Hagley Park |FREE |5pm - 10.30pm |Facebook

The Sumner Market Summer Times

Every Sunday

|Various Ch-Ch Locations

Great food, produce, craft, coffee and international stalls.

This is a place where you can come and start your day before heading to the beach. There will be awesome musicians from all over Christchurch playing each week and kids entertainers including circus, face painting, balloon making and all sorts of other cool surprises.

|FREE

|Mariner St

|summertimes.co.nz

|10am - 2pm

Jan 10 – March 31 All your favourite events are back including Anthony Harper Summer Theatre, Ingham Lazy Sundays, The Good Night Film Festival, Sparks, Kite Day and many more. Plus the Christchurch Lantern Festival returns to celebrate the Chinese New Year!

|Facebook

Holi Festival - Indian Festival of Colours March 5 Holi is a day to forget your worries and connect with family and friends. Throw colours and dance to music from DJs Tronic Insurgence and DJ AJ. Enjoy traditional Indian games, cultural performances and festive Holi delicacies. |Gap Filler |$10 |11am - 3pm

Caclin Issue 1 | 9

'THE WORKSHOP' New Student Space- 'The Workshop' 'The Workshop' is a new LU dedicated student space, which has been created on campus just for you!

It has been kitted out with a kitchen, heaps of loos, lunchroom area, chill zones, work stations, booths, bean bags, foosball & table tennis tables, air hockey & of course 2 pool tables!

LUSA will host many cool events here like BBQ's, Beers & Beats for one.

Check out the video tour at

LUSA.ORG.NZ

Here's the stuff you need to know...

•

Alcohol Free

•

Open the same hours as the Library

•

Video cameras will be operating 24/7

•

Book Meeting Rooms through LUSA at reception@lusa.org.nz

Caclin Issue 1 | 10

We asked you:

What's was Your Worst Date Ever?

And Why? Here are some of your best answers!

It felt like I was in an interview!

I had been on a few tinder dates that day & never stored any of the phone numbers against names in my phone.

He was 45mins late, made me pay for all of our drinks and kept hinting that his place was just down the road! Ah, no thanks mate!

So when one date was becoming quite boring, I called

I have my belly button pierced and he told me, 'Those are

it a night & went & met up with another guy. I was asking

only for strippers."

him all the usual questions, like "What do you do for a job?" etc. Then he said... that I had 'already asked him all of these questions earlier on that day'! I totally didn't realise, that I had already been on a date with this guy just a few hours earlier that same day!

Out on a first date, we were talking about mutual friends, neighbours, family, etc., and LOTS of the names were familiar...Long story short, I discovered that she was my second cousin. Yay for good ole small New Zealand

My date told me her plan to poison her boss. I heard her

stay. She was so persistent that in the end I lied that I was

out part-expecting a “just joking” at the end of her twisted

a Christian and basically said that I thought that it’d be

story… There was no “just joking”!

inappropriate to go back to hers.

One girl broke down and started crying in the restaurant

I went on a date once with a guy who intended to study

because the abortion she secretly got when she was

mortuary science. He asked me how I’d feel about

younger was something she always regretted. All I asked

taking a cold bath before sex, and then staying very still

her was how her day was going!

throughout. I couldn’t get out of that car fast enough!

My worst date was with a girl who thought that Islam was

Online dating has had some horrors….One guy failed to

a country that she wanted to go to. Her head was so full

mention he DIDN’T HAVE TEETH. And after he revealed this

of air that when we left the restaurant and she invited

(in person) proceeded to invite me to get food.

me back to hers I started to make excuses why I couldn’t

I once went on a date with a guy, and while we were

She was NOT that ugly when I was drunk. I still went

driving to dinner we got a speeding ticket. He asked me to

through on the date and was all gentlemanly, but…damn.

pay for the ticket, because I was distracting him, and then

Never called that one back.

took me to dinner where he made me get the bill. After that he took me to a club, where he told me about other girls he brought there. I then made him take me home,

I went on a movie date with this girl, and she asked if she could bring friends. I figured she meant a double date,

and told him to forget my number.

so I said yes. She brought 6 OF HER FRIENDS to the date.

I agreed to go on a date with a woman I had drunkenly

much as a phone call. When I ran into her later, she said

hooked up with, I walk into the restaurant and I’m turning

that the reason she didn’t call me was because I didn’t

my head looking for her and from my right I hear “Oh hey

talk enough.

6. We didn’t even sit in the same row, and I never got so

Dave!!”

My sister’s story: Met a guy online, seemed normal (don’t

covered with rose petals as well. I sat there in shock, as the

they all?). He requested she pick him up, which she

waiter assumed we were celebrating a special occasion,

thought was kind of odd, but she obliged. Goes to his

like an anniversary or that he was proposing…not a first

house, apparently he’s been day drinking (it’s a Tuesday)

date. I was speechless, then the guy says he wrote me a

and she has to drive. But they need to wait so he can grab

song. He getsup, walks over to the corner where his guitar

some cash from his mum first!!!

was sitting, and starts playing it and singing a song so loud

I set up a date with an Internet guy who told me he played bass guitar in a band. When I showed up to the

that everyone in the restaurant looked at us. I got up, kicked the rose petals out of the way, and ran to my car.

restaurant, the waiter was walking me to my table and I noticed a whole corner was cleared out just for me and my date. Apparently he had spread rose petals all over the floor, all the way up to my chair. The table was

Just Clueless

So Offensive

Run for the Hills

Totally Deranged

If you have a hilarious story, why not share it?! - caclin@lusa.org.nz

Caclin Issue 1 | 11

FACTS & FIGURES

"Gidday Mate" - If you lift a kangaroo’s tail off the ground it can’t

Buffet Anyone? - Polar bears can eat as many as 86 penguins in

Red - Is the colour of hippos sweat. Which is what they do what they

"Excuse Me" - The top 6 foods that make your fart are beans,

Hyphephilia- are people who get aroused by touching fabrics.

Gross! - An average person’s yearly fast food intake will contain 12

Urine - Billy goats urinate on their own heads to smell more

Monday-itis - Heart attacks are more likely to happen on a

Frisbee - The person who invented the Frisbee was cremated and

Wo-man! - Bikinis and tampons invented by men.

BOOM! - If you consistently fart for 6 years & 9 months, enough gas

hop.

are upset. WTF! OK...

attractive to females. Sexy!

made into Frisbees after he died! Seriously?

Saliva - During your lifetime, you will produce enough saliva to fill two swimming pools. Thirsty?

Eagles - An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it. Wholly Molly!

Caclin Issue 1 | 12

a single sitting.

corn, bell peppers, cauliflower, cabbage and milk! pubic hairs.

Monday.

is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb!

Buzz Kill - Cherophobia is the fear of fun.

FACTS & Caclin Issue 1 | 13

Caclin Issue 1 | 14

Tips and Tricks for Orientation FROM THOSE WHO HAVE LEARNT FROM THEIR MISTAKES!

GET IN SOME ZZZ

LOOK OUT FOR OTHER'S

For most of you this may be your first year out of home

There’s usually at least one that overdoes it. So, if this is

and in the halls, so you're going to be fizzing at the bung!

the case, look after them and make sure they keep out of

This will be the most exciting time of your Uni year, so try

trouble. You don’t have to be their mum, just be a good

and pace yourself and don't go too hard as there is a lot

mate - limit their alcohol, provide them with plenty of

of partying lined up over the week. Make sure you get

water and make sure they get home safety.

solid eight hours kip each night and take your vitamins.

PRE-LOADING

GET TO EVENTS EARLY Especially if you are buying door sales. Most events

Chances are you will smash back in a few brewskies

will run a 9pm entry cut-off, so arrive early to avoid

before the gigs, but there’s a difference between

disappointment. Also, the bands start early so, don’t miss

enjoying a few quiets, and sculling a beer bong. It would

the action!

suck not to get into an event with all your mates because you went too hard too early! LUSA does not tolerate

GET TO CLASS

intoxication. (full stop)

Don’t use party fatigue or a hangover as an excuse to skip

GET A FEED

class or be late. Your first week will be the most important, as that’s when lecturers will provide vital information about

LUSA will be putting on free BBQ's & Breakfast, so take

your course, required textbooks and important dates. So

advantage of these. Nothing like some salt & grease to

put on your big girl panties and get there on time!

soak up the night-before's over indulgence! Drink heaps of water and don’t be afraid to alternate alcohol for

HAVE A WICKED TIME!

water as the night goes on. Keep up the energy and stay

O’Week is a must-do experience for all students! Go, get

rehydrated (with the right kind of fluids!)

involved, come to as many events as you can and have a

GET HOME SAFELY Spend a few minutes arranging a way to get home before you arrive at the gigs. LUSA will be putting on buses from the ToGlow Toga Party to Riccarton and to and from 'Sign Off with Soulsystem' at Addington Raceway. Most events will finish between 10pm and 12am. So, have a sober driver ready, or catch the bus! If you live on campus – lucky you...enjoy the very short walk back to your hall.

STICK WITH YOUR MATES Whether it’s with old buddies or new friends you’ve made since arriving at Lincoln, there is safety in numbers. So hang together and don’t go wandering into the night alone!

great time!

Free buses will run from Lincoln to Riccarton after 'ToGlow Toga Party' on Wed 24th and to and from LU to Addington for 'Sign Off with Soulsystem' on Fri 27th.

R18

NO ID. NO ENTRY ACCEPTED FORMS OF I.D ARE: Valid Driver's License, Valid Passport, HAANZ 18+ Card.

(Student I.D will not be accepted as a valid form of I.D)

Get your tickets from www.dashtickets.co.nz or at LUSA Reception Caclin Issue 1 | 15

Gigs Not to Miss!

GUY CATER See him at his Hypnotist Night - Feb 23 Talented hypnotist, Guy Cater will be showing off his incredible talents as he enters the realm of your mind. Hilarity will ensue as he showcases the variety of sometimes bizarre, the always funny and the occasionally spooky hijinks and shenanigans that people can get up to while under his spell.

Think you can resist being hypnotised?

ASSEMBLY REQUIRED See them at the 'ToGlow' Toga Party Feb 24 Assembly Required' are a high energy, highly entertaining, in your face duo who never fail to deliver crowd cheering, toe tapping, foot stomping performances. With a blend of everything from Folk/Blues to Rock/Pop, combined with a dash of comedy and plenty of on stage antics it's no wonder many people describe 'Assembly Required' as one of the most entertaining acts around.

SOULSYSTEM See them at 'Sign Off with Soulsystem' - Feb 26 Christchurch based power group Soulsystem have been captivating audiences around the country over the last several years with their highenergy live show and distinctive blend of soul, dub and rock. Now, well established on the festival circuit, Soulsystem have shared the stage with a host of New Zealand’s top artists including Ahoribuzz, The Black Seeds and Fat Freddy's Drop!

Caclin Issue 1 | 16

Letter from Serg..

Hi, and welcome to the start of your uni year! On behalf of the police I would like to pass onto you some information & tips that I hope will help you avoid being the victim of crime or having problems that cost you any money! I also want to help you have a successful & enjoyable year!

YOUR PROPERTY IS YOURS, SO KEEP IT SECURE! One of the biggest problems uni students face, is the loss & theft of their property.

Unfortunately burglars & thieves target uni students because you have nice, new gear & often poor security, (lets be honest!)

Here are some things you can do, to avoid being a victim & how to save time & the hassle if your stuff does get stolen or lost: •

Take the time to record the serial numbers of your electronic gear, bicycles & cell phones. (While you are at it, find the IMEI number of your cell phone - you'll find it in settings, or by dialling *#06#.)

Having your serial numbers recorded is the best way that Police can return property, if it is found after being lost or stolen.

And it helps catch the offender! You can create a secure record of your serial numbers at SNAP (www.snap.org.nz), or store them in your icloud storage, so you always have access to them. (Don't be that person who stored their serial numbers on their laptop - which then got stolen). Remember to back up your important documents so you don't lose them if your laptop is stolen. Bicycles are often stolen, so store them out of sight, & locked up.

•

Use a UV pen (Invisible Ink pen) to mark your electronics with your Drivers Licence number & cell phone number in couple of places. Police officers carry a UV light, so they can check items that they find, with people that probably shouldn't have them. We might even find your property before you know it has been stolen! The LUSA Staff & Hall Managers have been given UV pens that you can borrow, & there will be police at Orientation Events, Clubs & Markets Day & many other events, who will have UV pens you can use. The LUSA President & Board Members will also be provided with UV pens.

•

Cars are at high risk of getting broken into, so don't leave any valuables in your car when it's parked up. There will be "All Valuables Removed" signs available at the LUSA reception, that you can display in your car. This will help save you the cost of a broken window too! If possible, park you car off the street, & preferably in a locked garage. Lock your car, its a simple move that is too often, not done. If property can be seen in cars it can be stolen, so do these simple things to prevent problems.

•

Do you have contents insurance? If you don't, get some! If you think you are covered by the insurance your family has, it would pay to check, because, in some cases you will not be covered at your flat. And don't make your insurance invalid by leaving the house, car, or bicycle unlocked, or not using the burglar alarm if installed.

•

Burglaries of flats is higher at the start of the year, because more than often, flatmates don't lock the house! So, make sure everyone has a key & that doors & windows are locked when there is no one at home. Even when at home make sure people cannot just walk in off the street. I have been to too many flats were someone is home upstairs, but the front door to the living-room is open and I can see over $5000 worth of gear lying around in open sight.

YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD & YOUR MATES •

Neighbours, make them your friends: The best burglary prevention is your neighbhours. Often they are home when you are not. But this only works if you have taken the time to visit your neighbours & say 'Hello'. That way they know who you are & are more likely to call police when a suspicious person goes to your flat when you have all left for uni. Ask the neighbours to help look after your property. See what you can do to help them. Build a positive relationship with them. This also helps you avoid other problems with neighbours, like if you are socialising at your flat. Be respectful of them & they are more likely to be understanding of the things you want to do.

•

Get involved in your local neighbourhood, its your home for the year, be a part of it by attending local activities, & respect it by keeping the streets clean from bottles & rubbish. (We have proved that cleaner streets mean less likelihood of Caclin Issue 1 | 17 burglaries & cars being broken into.)

•

Keep yourself safe and look after your mates: Yep go out, have fun, but please do it safely. Don't get so drunk that you wake up in the morning not knowing what you got up to or who with. Don't walk home alone after a night out. Watch your drinks at pubs & parties, so your drink is not spiked. Drink driving & drugs are a big NO! Both can have long term effects that you will regret & may destroy your career & travel options. Each year, I unfortunately see uni students who have ended up in a really bad situation because they took substances that they did not know what it really was or the effects it could have on them.

•

Look after your mates. If you see them doing any of the things I have mentioned, or are getting into trouble, or making poor decisions - stand up and do the right thing, they will thank you in the morning.

•

When relationships go bad, get help: No doubt a lot of you will develop intimate relationships during the year, some long term, some short term, & some one nighters. (make good choices & keep yourself safe) No doubt some of those relationships will end, & not always as "friends". Get help if you are having problems in a relationship, if there is violence, sexual abuse, or someone just won't leave you alone or take "No" as an answer. Talk to a friend, or talk to Vanessa, the LUSA, the Student Advice & Support Manager or call police. We can help you out of what is often a difficult situation.

PARTIES WITHOUT PROBLEMS •

Flat parties are the other things that seems to cause Uni students the most problems. Too often I end up visiting uni students who have been victims, when their party has turned bad - Their flat is damaged, their property stolen, they have been assaulted, they have neighbours & landlords upset with them, they have to pay for the damage, & they are held to account by the university for the problems in the neighbourhood! Most of the time, the problems could have been avoided with some better preparation. So, if you don't want to be that person this year, who is paying $5000 for damage & was kicked out of their flat, here are some things you can do to help yourself & your friends socialise without problems.

•

Visit the Good One Party Register at www.goodone.org.nz LUSA has been a part of the group since setting up its website.

Its designed to give party organisers information & tips to help them socialise in a way that avoids problems for them, their mates, & neighbours. The main things that we have found to help are; register your party on the Good One website, tell neighbours, put on food, don't advertise your party on open social media, control who is at your party & don't let in gatecrashers, keep people off the streets, be respectful of neighbours by keeping music levels down, & call police early if there are problems starting to happen - we are happy to come & help sort a problem before it turns into a major problem.

•

Know the Alcohol Ban Area & Save Money: Beware of the Alcohol Liquor Ban areas, particularly in the Riccarton/Ilam area, where you cannot not drink or carry open alcohol containers in public places, including streets, parks, & car-parks. There is information about the Alcohol Ban Areas available from LUSA. Police will be actively enforcing the Alcohol Ban & anyone breaching the Alcohol Ban can be fined $250 or arrested. Save your money, don't let it be you or your mates.

•

Police, we are here to help: Police want to help you have a good, safe, & fun year. If you have problems, give us a call, & if it is happening at the time call us on 111. If you have a problem & want some support, go have a talk to the LUSA staff or Students Support Services. Police need your help to prevent or solve crime. Report all crime to police as soon as possible, that way we know where the crime is happening and can try to do something to catch the offenders and stop it happening again to others. To help stop crime before it happens, please call police when ever you see a person acting suspiciously in the neighbourhood. We find that by the time good people like you think that something wrong, you are most likely right and you should be calling police immediately. We have actually caught burglars because uni students have reported things to police.

Have an enjoyable Orientation, keep yourself, your property, & your mates safe. If you see me or other police staff around at Orientation, or other events, come & say 'Hi'. If you have any questions give me a call, or I can be contacted through LUSA. Have a Good One!

Sergeant Steve Jones Riccarton Neighbourhood Policing Team / Hornby Police Station P. 3538722 I E: riccartonwestnpt@police.govt.nz Caclin 1 | 18 to report a crime I Call 111 if you need immediate help CallIssue 3637400

Caclin Issue 1 | 19

Contribute to Caclin Articles. Rants.

Jokes. Photos.

Drawings.

Doodles...

Whatever.

CACLIN@lusa.org.nz Caclin Issue 1 | 20

n

The

ROUGH GUIDE ·SEMESTER 1 2016·

"What do you think would be helpful for students new to this course to know about the class?"

This is the question that LUSA asks at the end of most of the classes at Lincoln. We take the answers, edit and squeeze them into shape.

Check the spelling, remove the icky bits and then forge them in to the Rough Guide: A compilation of advice from the students who have gone before you.

BUT before you immediately start searching for the courses that are relevant to you, there are a few things we should tell you:

1

2 3 4 5

Not all the first semester courses are present.

Some just didn't provide any advice, others renew. Not all classes get questionaires every year. We didn't bother with the post-grad courses at all (you should know what you're doing by now anyway). Also,

you should note that the examiners/lecturers listed are for this year and may not have had anything to do with last year's classes. Courses also change. Thus some of the advice will be out of date.

We asked the lecturers to give their advice too. A wise player would pay particular attention to what the person who marks your

There were some comments that were SO common that we didn’t bother to repeat them in the following list (except for when we did). These are:

• Go to classes.

• Go to labs & tutorials.

• Take notes.

• Do all the assessments.

• Work hard.

Now, we realise these sound a little obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people ignore this advice.

work has to say.

We warmly suggest that you read the helpful guides to studying provided by Library, Teaching and Learning. You can find these on their homepage, ask for help at their service desk and even book yourself in for one of their highly informative courses.

It's important to remember, we didn't write this advice so don't shoot the messenger!

Caclin Issue 1 | 21

ACCT211 Financial Accounting

ANSC312 Dairy Production Science

Examiner – Jamal Roudaki

Examiner – Grant Edwards

• Work through the textbook and Power Point slides, it’s a

• Read the textbook before you attend.

good use of your time. Make sure you complete all tutorials and revise them well before tests.

• Read the lecture notes and do a lot of exercises.

• Make an attempt to do all the tutorials and hand them in.

• Buy the textbook.

• Start memorising numbers from the start. It’s expected in the exam.

• This course gives you a good understanding about the science of dairying in New Zealand. Lacks a practical angle as you wouldn't be able to manage a farm based on this.

• Make sure you have a basic understanding of dairy production systems.

ACCT302 Auditing Examiner – Azedah Nilipour • Participate in discussions and exercises.

• Be prepared to participate in class and answer questions -

• It’s a good interesting course that gives you heaps of knowledge that you can apply not only to the dairy industry but to beef and even sheep in some aspects.

• Having some background knowledge on dairy industry would be an advantage.

even if you are not sure.

ACCT308 Advanced Management Examiner – Rebecca Kennedy • Go talk with Jack to get an understanding of what he requires for the case studies.

• It is a discussion based class - not much hard and fast material, must have a very big picture mind and broad thinking to survive!

ANSC213 Livestock Production Science

• There is a lot of content.

Examiner – Racheal Bryant

• There are lots of calculations!!

• I wouldn't recommend the course to a student unless they

• Print out the notes on line before the class and then you can

were interested in the research side of Agricultural Science.

• Attend all lectures, field trips and labs!

• Labs are really useful and a good way to really understand what is being taught in class.

• Brush up on your excel skills as it is a very useful tool for completing course assignments. Buy or rent the textbook, even if it's not required.

• There is not as much genetics involved as is implied by the course outline.

• If you’re not sure about what is required for an assignment or what something means in one of the lectures make sure to ask as all the lecturers are happy to help.

• Read the textbook before you start studying this course.

• The two hour sessions are very helpful.

Caclin Issue 1 | 22

add other notes that you catch on the paper so you aren’t hurrying to try and write all the notes instead of listening to the lecturer. Make sure you attend the lectures as the content is quite hard to understand if you are just trying to read the slides.

• Make sure you are familiar with the material from ANSC105 course.

• Learn how to use excel really well, buy the recommended text and do the assignments before the due date!

BMGT314 Quality Systems Examiner – Jeff Heyl • Read the lecture notes and do the exercises.

BICH209 Principles of Malting & Brewing Examiner – Charles Brennen • Extremely interesting class if you love beer (get to make your own). However assignments are very difficult with a lack of knowledge in the area. Need to be self-motivated

• Turn up to lectures, take notes, ask questions. It’s a small class so if you don't understand something ask. There are lots of different graphs to get your head round so the more you put in the more you get out.

• It is not all maths based like you might think, so don't let that scare you off.

and have a passion for the topic.

• It is difficult if you don’t have any previous understanding of brewing, and is not really relevant to food science or animal science at all, most relevant to BV&O students or

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

"Read the book. As with many courses, there is quite bit of material in the book that is not presented in lectures."

beer enthusiasts.

• Doing a lot of self-research would be helpful.

• Know your beers! The different styles of beer! And know your biochemistry as well, because it gets quite detailed!

BMGT315 Project Planning and Management Examiner – Gary Bridgman • Go over recordings to help you make extra notes.

BIOS110 Biological Sciences Examiner – Eirian Jones • Pay really good attention to what the lecturer is talking about; make sure you write down the little things that he says because you can always go back to the lecture notes.

• As with all other classes, keep up with the content, if you don’t understand something ask as soon as you realise it, new content often relies on knowledge of the previous concepts so know them inside out.

• If you are interested in Biology take this course.

• Go to all the lectures, as missing one you might miss key concepts to the course.

• Look at the learning objectives!

• Keep up with the lecture material.

• Keep up with notes as much as possible.

• Use the lecture videos as a resource to revise lectures after you've been to them, don't even bother trying to take notes during the lecture - you'll end up missing more than you manage to record.

• Go to PASS. (Peer Assisted Study Sessions).

• I didn’t find the class very stimulating.

• You don't need to buy the notes to get a reasonable grade. Material is somewhat repetitive.

• Field trip to Pegasus is worthwhile attending, although it is quite long.

• Start the Project Review early. You do not have to start writing it but make sure you read the PMBOK for each knowledge area then do some online research about your project. Then you can put together some well thought out questions to get the information you need. Getting the information is the hardest part so get on to it early!!

• Choose a project which you have ample access to relevant information - Often a personal connection is helpful.

• Choose your project early and complete each section once covered in class.

• Lecture notes are really helpful.

• This is hands down one of the most practical electives I have chosen throughout my studies at Lincoln. The course gives a pretty in-depth insight as to what happens in project management and both assessments encourage us students to apply project management techniques to real life projects. The lecturer is really interesting, clear and lectures are really interesting.

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

"Although no formal tutorials are given, there are excellent

• Get a project earlier on, as very hard to get something that will work and can get all information on.

tutors for each of the subject material who are also available to provide additional help if required."

Caclin Issue 1 | 23

• I have found the Library Courses and workshops really helpful • Provides a good overview of project management. Spend a decent amount of time on the second assignment and pick a project with lots of information available.

• The tests are laid out really well with two on the first term's work and two on the second term's work (including the final exam). This reduces our stress around exam time because we only need to revise one term's worth of work in depth.

• Tutorials are really helpful. Even if you think you have a grasp on things, it's still helpful to attend.

• Print out notes before the lecture so that you can actually listen to the examples of the concepts rather than worrying about jotting notes down.

COMM110 The Global Business Environment Examiner – Anthony Brien • Do the related readings.

• Keep on top of your work. Once it builds up, there is no escape.

• There is a large amount of research that is required for assignments.

• You need to have good team work. You should not work by yourselves. Work with as many people as you can find. If you do so you will not have a problem with your assignment.

• Understand the idea of a global business environment.

• There are no tests so pay close attention to the 20/20 and objectives.

• Pay close attention and attend every lecture even if it’s online because there is a lot of content to be covered and it’s hard to catch up once you get behind.

• If you put a lot of work into assignments, it will pay off.

• Do online quizzes and read chapters.

• It is well structured through the lecture power points; easier than you think to take notes in this subject.

• Read the text book before attending the lecture. The lecturer is quiet relaxed and flexible.

• This course requires strong report/essay writing skills and standard material research skills.

• Don't leave formal quizzes till the last minute! Ask as many questions as you can as he is very helpful. Do all the assignments, and don't start a week before its due, start earlier as they can be difficult and time consuming.

• Try keep up to date with news and the lectures.

• It is very important to revise their notes, do tutorial exercises and read the text book as it will help you do well.

• Use all of the resources that are available to you. They are all there, you just need to use them.

• Be prepared to just get through the first term, then the second term is better.

• This course is relative to the 'real world'. Having a basic understanding of economics will be beneficial to you in everyday life.

• There is a lot of content to learn and all lectures should be attended.

• Do background info on economics and know basic ideas.

• It is good to have taken similar subjects in the past.

• Do the quizzes and tests.

• The text book is unnecessary, just use the lecture notes, they are very good!

• Do the readings weekly! Don’t leave it all to do in the week before exams.

• Watch the recorded classes online after class. They are helpful. If you don't understand a concept in class the book helps put it into context.

• Very enjoyable class.

• Having a basic understanding of economics prior to studying the course would help.

• Give your all, the semester goes super-fast!

• Always do the quizzes, always go to tutorials, these 50 minutes once a week are imperative!

• It’s not too hard, just stay up to date with the content because it all interrelates.

• It is based on common sense, so if you can engage thoughtfully with the world around you and apply it in economic terms, you'll be alright.

COMM113 Economies and Markets Examiner – Ian MacDonald • Make sure you complete the multi choice quizzes.

• It would be very wise to get the text book and keep up on readings and lectures notes.

Caclin Issue 1 | 24

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

"It would be a good idea to read the Business section of the newspaper"

COMP021 Computing and Communication Examiner – Pam Benbow

ECOL302 Applied Ecology & Conservation

• The computing part of it was very helpful in preparing for

Examiner – James Ross

the assignments and reports.

• A basis of computing knowledge is more or less essential.

• Talk to James Ross, he is an excellent lecturer.

• Start the assignments when you get them,

• It’s full on.

they take some time, and also get some

• Expect to learn some useful computing skills.

good practice in for the presentation.

• Ask questions.

• Talk to the lectures even if it's just to say hello.

• Turn up to lectures and ask questions if you are confused with concepts.

• Put in the effort at the start, you don't have enough time later to catch up.

• Learn the formulas way before the exams and attend all lectures and labs.

ECON204 Resource Economics Examiner – Kathryn Bicknell • Make sure to start tutorial exercises when received.

• I understood more when doing the tutorial questions.

ECON211 Land Economics Examiner – TBA • Attending the lectures is helpful because the lecturer really adds to the lecture slides.

COMP111 Computing Fundamentals

• Always read the lectures before class.

Examiner – Shirley Gibbs

• If you need help, ask the lecturer, he is always willing to

• Download the Visual Studio software and make yourself familiar with this as soon as possible, then go to every lecture and ask for help whenever you get stuck.

go out of his way to help.

• Very humorous teacher and the course is interesting.

Make sure you understand it from the beginning or get help early.

• It is difficult to catch up on - especially if you miss the programming aspects and miss the labs. Do the lab work!!!

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

"Do as those before have advised and to keep up with the work as it is given and also seek help as soon as you need to. We are really happy to help and would rather do this than to have you get so far behind it is difficult to catch up."

Caclin Issue 1 | 25

ECON307 Econometrics Examiner – Baiding Hu • This is a course with a lot of gaps, so purchase the textbook at the start of the course and read it.

• If you don't understand, ask questions and take the time to review the material out of class, as it's easy to miss one thing which can trip you up/confuse you later on.

ERST202 Enviro Analysis with Geographic Information Systems Examiner – Crile Doscher • Start assignments early and attend the labs they are really helpful.

• Go to labs. Without lab attendance you'll have no idea what’s happening.

• It is practical and you need to think beyond what you are shown.

• It’s mainly computing and data entry. Difficult if not proficient with computers.

• This is a great course, if you are prepared to live outside your comfort zone you will learn heaps.

• Don't hold any questions back and make sure you understand some of the more difficult stuff. Also start projects ASAP. • Keep going over the things you learnt at the start of the semester as you will need to know it all for the last project.

• The better way to learn is follow the video and do the project step by step.

• Spend the time to understand what everything is.

• As we were taught, make sure to set the default geo database, and to save things with proper names so the layers can be identified later.

ENTO304 Insect Ecology and Diversity Examiner – Robert Cruickshank • Learn the entomological language.

• Start your bug collection as soon as possible, go to all the classes but especially those on morphology etc.

ERST203 Environmental Monitoring and Resource Assessment Examiner – Ronlyn Duncan • Try and stick out the lectures until the end to make it easier for yourself.

• Guest lecturers are really good to listen to, to get an idea of environmental management jobs in the real world.

• Complements ECOL 202, is useful for monitoring awareness.

• Go to workshops. Grading is probably harsher than other subjects, but fair. The lecturer has high expectations (which

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

is good).

"I agree entirely with the students’ comments. It is important to start your insect collection early as the weather will deteriorate as the semester goes on and it will become increasingly difficult to find insects to collect. It is important that you are able to come on the field tour."

Caclin Issue 1 | 26

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

"ERS203 introduces students to a range of environmental monitoring and management data collection and analysis tools. You get to apply your skills in the development of a monitoring report that is applicable to ‘real world’ issues."

FINC204 Financial Management

FOOD101 Food Quality and Consumer Acce

Examiner – TBC

Examiner – Geoffrey Savage

• Get a financial calculator as soon as you can.

• Always read notes after lecture or before test.

• As long you study previous tests and do tutorials it’s easy.

• Buy and use the book. (Contains all you need to know).

Keep on top of that and lectures are unnecessary.

• Could be an online course with some tutorials.

• You have to work really hard to get good marks.

• This course is more difficult than you think.

• Buy the handbook at the shop and bring this with you to lectures and write all your notes in this. If you sit too close to the front he'll put you on the spot and ask you questions that chances are you won't know the answer to. Attend all the tutorials as these are very helpful. The textbook is not 100% necessary although it will help when it comes to answering short answer questions in tests and exams.

• Don’t worry too much, 70% of the tests and exams are maths!

• It is a lot more number based than the course description suggests.

• Interactive communication with tutor is important.

• Do the tutorials, they are very very important. Also go to lectures. Of my friends there was a direct relationship in the numbers of lectures attended and the marks in the tests.

FOOD202 Food Safety & Microbiology FINC305 Investment Management Examiner – Cuong Cao Nguyen • Purchase a calculator and don't be afraid to ask for help where required.

• Study hard.

• Do more practice about the tutorial.

Examiner – Malik A Hussain • Very interesting class, practical and relates to many worldwide cases. Relevant to any food science or viticulture degree.

• Prepare before the lecture, and listen carefully during the lecture.

• Focus on reading notes and lab practice.

• Keep up with tutorials and attend all lectures; this will help you immensely when studying for the final exam which is worth 70% of your overall mark.

FOOD301 Food Product Innovation & Quality Examiner – Charles Brennan

FINC310 Int Financial Markets, Institutions and Policy Examiner – Zhaohua Li • Follow the course notes, purchase or have a copy of the

• It would be useful to do as much individual research as you can.

• Read more materials about food innovation.

• Do a lot of your own work outside of class.

text as it's pretty crucial to learning. The chapter questions and multi choice are very helpful for preparing for exams.

• Find the text book answers and do it.

FOOD304 Microbial Biotechnology Examiner – TBC The reading material helps you learn more.

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

"Attend class!"

Caclin Issue 1 | 27

FORS310 Forest Management

LASC318 Landscape Assessment and Planning

Examiner – M Bloombergerson

Examiner – Simon Swaffield

• Make sure you understand the economics section.

• Work hard.

• Attend lectures, they are well worth it and you will get almost all the information you need out of them.

• Have a good understanding of RMA framework and other legislation under this.

LASC211 Planting Design and Management

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

Examiner – Mike Barthelmah

"The course will be more enjoyable and rewarding if you do

• Learn a lot of trees.

the readings and participate in discussion"

• It is better to know some plants on the campus.

And read some books in the library about how to design by plants.

• Learn plants and plant names as soon as you start the course. Attend all lectures, they are fun!

• This class is very interesting but the botanic names of plants are really hard to remember!

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

"Attend lectures, learn plants, read books!

For any students who do want to prepare for the class, then gaining some familiarity with the botanical names of common plants will be very helpful. Listening to music will also help, since I have the relationship between music and

LINC101 Land, People and Economies Examiners – Shannon Page; Sue Trafford • The content is pretty broad, but mainly well-presented and interesting. If you stick out the lectures and tutorials, the course gives a great overview of relevant, foundational topics, which will be helpful in any degree.

• Lots of content to learn but it's all very interesting. Make sure to think about the bigger picture and link ideas together.

• It is a course that gives understanding at a global

planting design as a theme running through the course.

perspective. For my case I understood the impacts of land

Figure out what one of your favourite pieces of music is and

use change on the environment.

why, and send me the MP3!"

• Show up to all lectures, there is a lot of broad content which covers a lot of information and it’s kind of hard to follow so it should be made sure that it is clearly understood.

• This course gives an overview of what the big challenges of the world today are about. It gives a fresh approach into various ways of seeing the bigger picture.

• It is relevant to us and applies to our area. Brings lots of ideas together. Worth going to.

• Talk with the tutors. They are lovely.

• It’s really broad, don’t expect to exactly know your topic until later on in the semester, it comes together, keep up with lectures, don’t miss any as there is a lot of information.

• This should not be approached as course that is just done for the credits, it should be viewed as a valuable asset to anyone's career.

• It does get better! Everything may seem crazy, unrelated and pointless for a while but towards the end the topics

Caclin Issue 1 | 28

link together and it becomes interesting and relevant.

Assignments aren’t all that hard, and require a bit of work, but not too much as it’s all there in your lecture notes. The staff, lectures and tutors are helpful and there to help you anytime.

• If you don’t know something ask Angela, or don’t worry she will email it to you before you have a chance to ask. She is very good at reminding you what’s happening • Gives a good overview of land based industries with the addition of economics and people.

• Start the assignments early, especially the Maori Land Report one, they take way longer than you'd think. Best to know about the background of NZ • Students that come from an agricultural background have

MAST104 Te Tiriti o Waitangi Examiner – Lloyd Carpenter • Treaty of Waitangi is not as bad as it sounds, it is actually really interesting!

• AMAZING CLASS! • Do it, be prepared to change your view of our history.

• Use your initiative and read the course book. It is very comprehensive and interesting!!

• It is thought provoking and we all need to understand the context of the times that this founding document was created in, and the subsequent changes by the colonial government, and how that historically effected the NZ populations, both Pakeha and Maori alike.

more of an advantage at this course.

• You will have to get over it if you don't care about the Treaty of Waitangi and the general wellbeing of the world's overall health and some of the negatives associated with the land people and economics. The world would be a better place if more people cared!

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

"I love teaching this course. The 2014 students spotted that!

In the course we’ll cover a lot of NZ’s history and look at the good, the bad and the ugly of our past. Come along with an open mind and a preparedness to work and in return, I’ll try and keep it interesting!"

LINC102C Research and Analytical Skills Examiner – Suzanne Trafford • This is a base course to help you learn the study skills.

• Group work and cooperation in a group is very important.

• Be happy, it's very useful course, enjoy it • The course is a little confusing at first but attend all lectures and tutorials and it will be made clearer what is to be

MAST106 Nga Tikanga Maori

learnt. Most learning is done at tutorials.

Examiner – Lloyd Carpenter

• Have some common sense.

• This course will help to learn about Maori culture.

• Lots of statistics and English, so if you did not do maths or

• Read more beyond the course materials if you want to know

English in school, better be ready!!

• Enjoyable.

and are interested in Maori culture.

• Learn more about Maori culture. Do lots of readings. Keep up to date with your notes. Define or write down Maori words with their definitions during lecture periods.

• Make sure you attend lectures. Apart from free chocolate fish, the lecturer gave very helpful hints as to what might be in the

MGMT026 Horticultural Management Systems A Examiner – David Lewis Shillito • Great subject.

• Ask questions.

• Don't be afraid of the lecturers.

• Put the time and effort into your assignments.

• Don't give up; keep on trying.

exam.

• It makes a big difference going to lectures. Don't just turn up for assessments, turn up and be part of the class. It's fun, engaging and you'll get more practice with the Maori language if you do turn up.

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

"Who said studying indigenous peoples had to be overlycomplex or boring? Not me… We’ll study different aspects of Māori culture, learn some te reo Māori, and we’ll keep it relevant and challenging. See you in class (I’ll bring the chocolate fish!)."

Caclin Issue 1 | 29

MGMT103 Primary Industry Systems

MGMT201 Principles of Farm Management

Examiner – Tony Bywater

Examiner – Victoria Westbrooke

• It’s more about farm management than about farming

• Assessments take much more time than expected so you

industries.

• Go over notes and revise.

• It is good to enhance farm management skills.

• Has some interesting information.

• Go to guest lectures, they have good presentations.

• Start report assignments and all projects early, they can sometimes be more work than you expect • Attend field trips and always try to ask questions if you do not understand anything.

• If you have previously studied agriculture at school you will find this course easy to understand and get your mind around, heavy content based course.

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

"Overheads for the course are on the learn site; print them off before the class and use them to take additional notes. Don’t expect to remember everything without taking any notes, because you won’t. If you can’t get to one of the lectures, arrange beforehand to get a photocopy of someone else’s notes on the overhead printout.

should start early. You need to work hard to get good grades.

• Get the dates of NI tour as early as you can to book cheaper flights etc • Keep on top of the work and do your own notes that are relevant.

• Don't get upset or deterred by obtaining grades that are significantly lower than what you achieve in other classes.

• The field trips are helpful so make sure you take notes on them even if you can’t be bothered because it will help you when you are trying to revise or remember for the exam! Go to the lectures and take thorough notes at them as it will also help you in lectures. When doing assignments it is very beneficial to go and see the lecturer about what you could improve or include as it helps you to get a better grade.

• Start the financial budget early and spend a lot of time researching and preparing for it.

• Ask for help if you need it.

• Structure your notes from the learning objectives provided, makes it easier when final exams approach.

Most students get more out of the farm visits than they realise.

Go on the visits even if you are not intending to write a report on the visit (you have to do a minimum of three reports from five visits); make sure you get/bring the hand out and make notes (easier if you have a small hard bound notebook or clip board); make sure you are close enough that you can hear what is being said."

MGMT214 Horticultural Systems Examiner – David Lewis Shillito • Take notes and listen in the field trips.

• Do some extra readings.

• There are a few field trips and they are very interesting.

Lots of "real world" information/scenarios.

• Plenty of field trips. You will learn lots of practical real life information in regards to horticulture (and viticulture) e.g. budgets, law and legislation, land rights, quality assurance etc.

• Do the assignments properly, there’s a lot of marks there.

• Self-study is important.

• Go to David’s lectures because he puts things very concisely. Often allowing you to not even need to read the resource book.

Caclin Issue 1 | 30

MGMT316 Farm Management Analysis and Planning

• Make sure you ace internal assessments and turn up to

Examiner – Bruce Greig

• Start the 50% assignment early. Learning your way around

• Time management is critical.

• Start on the reports early as they take a bit of time.

• Make sure you listen and take notes regarding budgets in MGMT 201 & 202.

• Be aware that the assessments require a lot of time.

• Do a lot of reading and research in your own time.

• Look at the previous exams on day one so that you can learn the required content on your own.

• Ring your Personal Farm Study (PFS) farmer as soon as you can and meet with them straight away. On your first visit go for a drive with your farmer and ask questions to get a feel for the farm and the farmer and then schedule another visit to get the answers to your questions (for the assessment) OR

lectures. Know how to use excel beforehand.

excel early on would be very helpful.

• Go to the lecturer if you need help even if you think it is a silly question as she is awesome at explaining complex 'things' in a simple way.

• Having a good relationship with the lecturer really helps!

• Print out the Power Point slides before the lecture as the information given to you in class that is not on the Powerpoint slides is really beneficial and the lectures are quick so there is often not enough time to write the Power Point slide down as well as the information that is getting talked about.

• Attend the lectures and tutorials !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get the material resource book. Better to follow than the lecture notes.

• Figure out what your major project is going to be before you start the minor ones.

do both of these visits together if the farmer has time.

• Go to lectures as there is often hints for the exam.

• ATTEND THE LECTURES!!!!! It is interesting if you listen.

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

"Come to the lectures and tutorials, and start working on your Major Project EARLY."

• A lot of similarities with MGMT201.

• Start the PFS early- it creeps up real quick.

PHSC101 Chemistry IA Examiner – Nik Lehto • The lecturers are there to help, if you’re unsure on a something, ask.

• High school chemistry is definitely needed for understanding of the course.

• Do lots of practice on the questions.

• Take all the support classes as they are really helpful • Use online resources to teach you the topics that aren't covered well in the course. Be prepared to put in the hours of study to ensure that you get a good mark. C's get degrees but not jobs.

MGMT318 New Venture Planning in Primary Production

• You have to put the work in!!

Examiner – Guy Trafford

• Good how there is chemistry support. I never attended the

• Attend as many of the tutorials as possible. They are a huge help with your Major Project.

• Keep on top of the work from the beginning and definitely complete your model BEFORE the test and you will ace it!

• Start the major project early.

• Buy resource booklet/print off notes, so you’re able to highlight and write extra notes, often goes too quick to write

sessions but often used the material on Learn for practice questions and to clarify stuff.

• If you have good background knowledge prior to starting this course you will understand it a lot better.

• Study for it and go to tutorials if you don’t understand.

• Study up for the lab quizzes.

• Talk to the lecturers when you need help.

all notes down.

• Helpful to be proficient in Microsoft excel.

Caclin Issue 1 | 31

FROM THE EXAMINER

"PHSC101 is one of the first courses that the students encounter when coming to University. In the first lecture the students will find themselves sat amongst 200-odd other students,

• Go to the labs, the geology ones are really hard but the lab tutors are gods and you should ask them so many questions.

• A background of biology and geology is useful to know the

most of whom are bemused - some slightly intimidated - by

basics, but you get to know a lot more from the lectures

this change to the classroom to which they had become

the tutors give.

accustomed. When the lecturer says: “does anybody have any questions”, rarely does anyone put their hand up. And this is of course understandable – the risk of looking silly (in front of 200 other students!) is not the worth the benefit of knowing the

• You will go back over a lot of the geology aspects as they are all linked together so as to not get overwhelmed by how much info it being given to you.

answer to something that might be totally elementary.

Chemistry, however, can be challenging – for many people

FROM THE EXAMINER

it is like learning a completely different language about

"Talk to the lecturers and tutors; they are there to help you

neutrons, equilibria, aldehydes and tertiary structures. Even the

and want to do so. They are nice people! Really! So there's

word “base”, isn’t basic anymore! If you don’t keep up with

no need to be scared of them. If you are having problems

the lectures, it can be very difficult to catch up on your own,

understanding course material then sort them out quickly,

and before you know it, you’re dozing off in lectures because

as material presented later in the course builds on learning

you can’t follow what’s going on and from there the road to

from earlier on. Discuss ideas and concepts with your fellow

failing the course paves itself. Revisit the lecture content in

students, as well as staff; form study groups with your peers,

your own time and test yourself with example questions, and if

which can help to improve your social life as well as your

you find that you don’t quite understand something, ask your

learning. Try to cultivate good time management skills. If

friends. If they don’t know either, then all of you need help!

you struggle with this then seek help. If you work consistently

The PHSC101 lecturers are here to assist you. In addition, we have a highly capable, friendly and approachable tutor in Dr Janet Bertram (who was once a PHSC101 student herself!)

throughout the semester, seek help early on, and don't leave everything until the last minute, then you should find that this is not a difficult course.

Seek us out if you’re feeling lost! It is our job to help you to

We teach this in an integrated way – don’t expect a block of

come to grips with this subject, but this is much more difficult

ecology then a block of earth science lectures! The nature

for us if we don’t know what you don’t know! More than often,

of the course is how earth science and ecology are linked

it will be a five minute chat to get you on the right path and

together, so the teaching staff will use a “road-map” to

suddenly everything makes sense again. Better still, often after

show how the different lectures fit together. This course might

you’ve asked a lecturer a question, you will find that they

seem daunting at first, especially if you have not done much

revisit the topic in a later lecture – now they do know what

science at high school. We understand this, so if you attend

you don’t and many other students will be quietly grateful to

lectures and labs, do the reading and ask questions, this will

you.

really help your learning."

The two most important pieces of advice: (1) don’t let yourself fall behind and (2) speak to your friends, lecturers and tutor if you do. If you don’t want to do it in front of 200 other students, that’s fine! Catch us before or after the lecture, or Email us to arrange a meeting some other time! Don’t leave it until the day before the exam, by then it’s too late."

PLSC024 Plant Husbandry Examiner – Alan Gash • Start to learn things early.

PHSC107 Intro to Earth & Ecol Sciences Examiner – Robert Cruickshank • Make the most of the field trip. All the lectures start to make sense when they are pointed out in the landscape.

• Prepare before class.

• It’s not physics! YAY!

Caclin Issue 1 | 32

• Study hard.

• Study at the start and throughout the whole time of the course and to try memorise everything.

PLSC204 Plant Production Systems Examiner – Derrick Moot • Attend all lectures and labs and study lots for the first test as it is very hard to pass.

• Ensure you read all the readings provided as they will make a lot of difference to your grade. Go out of your way to see the lecturers and talk to them to ask questions - be proactive otherwise you will not do well.

• Read the extra material on Moodle and recommended pages in the text book!

• It is extremely relevant to any degree involved with Agriculture and I would highly recommend it.

• Go on the field trip, even if it is optional go to the lectures as Derrick Moot doesn’t put the lectures online!

• Take note of references, tables and graphs, and be prepared to use them to quantify examples.

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS "The first test has about 30% pass rate because students don’t

attend class and do the required reading."

PSYC101 Introduction to Psychology Examiner – Kevin Moore • Print notes for the next day's lecture.

• Keep iPhone or other devices in pockets .... They might disturb others.

• Always ask questions if you have them.

• Have no worries on studying this paper, because it is basic, well instructed and questions are reasonable.

• Refer to the lecture notes more than the textbook, because the lecture notes have emphasis on what will be covered in the exam/assignment.

• The textbook is unnecessary as the lecture notes are more than enough.

• It is at a pretty basic level, I thought it would be much more complicated than it was. Very interesting paper though, researching the essay was very enjoyable.

PLSC320 Crop Science Examiner – Mitchell Andrews • Learn how to write fast and still be able to listen at the same time.

• Take thorough notes and look at the past exams (they're pretty similar each year).

• Try get notes from previous years and learn off that.

• It’s good, nobody fails, turn up to class.

QMET306 Experimentation Examiner – Miriam Hodge • Learn previous years material in QMET. • Take PLSC320 at the same time.

• Look at exam questions early but more importantly

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS

GO TO EVERY LAB.

"This year, the main points of the lectures will be available

online and as hand-outs at the relevant lectures, thus, Writing during lectures will be greatly reduced compared with previous years, however, The statistics analyses required for Assignment 2 will be taught in computer rooms. I will cover the statistical analyses twice for the whole class and will run extra tutorials if required.

The course has a very strong recent/ current research base.

The pass rate and average grade for the course are high."

Caclin Issue 1 | 33

RECN344 Event Management Examiner – Joanna Fountain • Get involved in order to get the best learning possible.

• This course has a strong focus on tourism and festivals.

• Largely theory based.

• Choose an event that interests you and one where you have easy access to information.

RECN110 Concepts in Sport & Recreation Examiner – Roslyn Kerr • Read the resources that the lecturer provides.

• If you are a tourism student you will enjoy the content of the class, if you are a third year BSRM student heading towards a minor in event management the class is not as challenging.

• Do the online quiz and read the resources.

• Attend the tutorials as they are often short but are useful.

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS "The course is set up to allow students to get different

things out of the course, depending on their interests and background in event management and/or tourism studies.

The project assignment in the course allows students to explore an event of their choosing (sporting, artistic, heritage, music) to extend their knowledge in this area."

RECN213 Event Planning Examiner – Catherine Elliot • It is a course with a heaps of interaction with class members - the Gala day and practical activities (which

SOCI116 Society, Culture & Economy

were every Tuesday afternoon). This is great for hands on

Examiner – Koji Kobayashi

learning and creating networks. You don’t need the course book to get a B. • There is a large part that is group work. The time to prepare for this is limited.

• It's an extremely interesting class that definitely is a handson practical class that requires involvement beyond book work.

• Get on to the Gala Day prep super early.

• Anything that is in a group you should at least get together earlier rather than later to brainstorm and organise.

• Students have a lot of control in the direction of the class.

Go in with a positive attitude to make it fun.

• Learn how to work in a group effectively.

• Work hard in the early weeks of preparation and planning for your Gala Day, it'll be of massive importance. You should be prepared to take a leadership role if available on the day.

• Have a creative mind when planning and be well organised. Participate in group activities and help out with the gala day plan.

• Time management is key.

• It is of relevance to the course you are doing. The course outline does have a good description of the topics.

• It's not a class where you can sit back and just absorb the content. It's a class that you need to think about the concepts deeply and apply them to life to take full advantage of what is learnt.

• Go to tutorials and Pass sessions to keep up and learn material.

• Read the chapters.

• The textbook is very helpful on filling in what is missed in lectures.

• Do the readings before class to familiarise yourself with new theories so you can follow the lectures.

• Write down notes for which people have which theories.

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS "It is recommended to purchase a textbook as many

parts of the course involve its content. It is expected that students read a weekly assigned chapter before each lecture and supplement learning from lectures.

Generally, lectures do not review or repeat what is written in the textbook but build on and expand the understanding of theories and concepts used in the textbook.

Caclin Issue 1 | 34

SOCI116 cont.

The course tests and trains a range of your academic

SOSC021 Soils and Soil Management

skills including reading, test/exam preparation, critical

Examiner – Roger McLenaghen

thinking, application of theoretical perspectives and oral presentation - these are necessary to be successful at a

• Excellent course, fantastic and inspirational lecturers.

tertiary institution. In order to pass the course, it is essential

• Always ask questions if you’re unsure.

for students to fulfill all the requirements and make their deadlines.

• Get involved and have a good time.

Please remember that the examiner, teaching assistant and

• .Enjoy it. It was a course I was unsure about prior to starting

PASS leader are there to help you and support your learning

but the course delivery far exceeded my expectations.

throughout the semester. So, don't hesitate to ask for a help,

• Will encourage my friends to take this course. It is all about

especially if you feel you are a bit lost!"

knowing the natural environment and how go about with it.

• Don't be afraid give it a try and ask questions.

SOCI204 Research Methods Examiner – TBC

• Have a go at saying hello and having a talk to the lecturers, they can be very interesting to talk to.

• A good and very useful class for many aspects of your future working life.

• It is all group work and can be very time consuming.

• Even if you don’t attend lectures, read the lecture notes, they will tell you almost all you need to know.

• Make sure you know the people you're going to do the group work with. Be prepared to "question" everything you do in terms of thinking, why did we do this? Did this help?

Could we have done this differently?

• Choose the right research group and make sure you research something you're interested in.

• Go to all the important lectures. Get your posters done well before the due date. Choose a good group (like I did) to do your research with. Research a topic that you actually find interesting.

• It may seem boring at first, but pick the right topic to

SOSC340 Advanced Soil Management Examiner – Jim Moir • Go to all labs and don't leave overseer until the last minute • Lectures are interesting and great • Not only get started early on the Overseer project but form a group, and remember you can always go to Roger with questions. It really is achievable, some people finished it weeks before it was due.

• Be papered to write some notes!!! And that there will be a lot of lecturers.

• Study the past tests and exams.

research and it can very fun and quite rewarding.

• If you work well as a group the assignments are easily completed.

• It's very hard to catch up if you're behind. Read the text book, it’s very handy and eases confusion of the whole research process with better understanding of the process.

SOSC342 Soil Resources Examiner – Peter Almond • Revise notes after lectures to keep up with the material.

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS "This is a course that deals with the application of soil information

to tackling questions of sustainable land management. It involves a large practical component supported by a field trip and associated group work. Be prepared to get fully engaged in the field work and to contribute to a team working environment and you will do well. Attend lectures and the field trips.."

Caclin Issue 1 | 35

VAPM201 Principles of Urban Property Management

"Clean, clean, clean, it's just like the real world, no one will

Examiner – John McDonagh

• Ask when you don't understand certain points.

• Definitely start the property management plan early. He will

• ALWAYS read PowerPoints before and after class. Read

tell you to and you won’t and you should!

• Definitely not what I would consider to be an easy 'elective' option.

clean up after you!"

Rankine - Very useful for understanding concepts.

• Do some wine tasting.

• It is an intensive course that should only be considered if

• A challenging but very interesting course. Right from the first

you have a strong desire for wine-making/ already have

day you need to work hard as all assessment items have

some background information about this topic/ or are a

a threshold and if you don't pass then you fail the whole

really dedicated student.

course. However, if you do small amounts of work for the whole semester then you should be fine. Don't leave things until the last minute; time is of the essence.

• Make sure you have knowledge about how leases work before looking at the leases test.

• Get onto the property management plan early. With leases test, also get onto it early, and also make a quick sheet with the important stuff at the top.

• The course outline explains the content very well.

• You must spend lots of your own time in the winery.

• Don't be afraid to ask questions! And write some of your final report early in the term.

EXAMINER’S COMMENTS "As in any subject that seeks to give students a robust

practical and theoretical experience, wise time management in Wine 202 will allow a student to focus their thoughts and energy in the right place at the right time and helps avoid stresses created by too much to do all at once.

The Microvin Report seeks to draw together the student’s own experience in the University Vineyard and Winery along with relevant lecture content, field trips and their own

VAPM207 Principles of Valuation Examiner – TBA • Be prepared to work hard to get top marks.

• Challenging course, read and stay ahead. High volume of work to be done, start early. Read case law - it is examinable. Work hard and you should do well!

• Bind your assignments properly as per course outline.

• Get onto the valuation reports early, and go to all lectures.

research. Yes it is a big project and is best completed in stages that match the actual work students are doing at the time. Pairs of students are allocated a full row of vines from which they make wine – the basis of the Microvin Report.

Rows and row partners are allocated and monitored by staff.

Wine 202 students are given full and unrestricted access to the University Winery and Winery Laboratory. Safe practices in this facility are mandatory. For this reason it is essential that students arrive on time and complete all laboratory practical sessions. Obviously arriving late to a lab would compromise this safe practice philosophy. A late arriving student is given an alternative time to complete the lab in full.

The Winery and Winery Lab has its own manager and

WINE202 Principles of Wine Science Examiner – Bin Tian • Start assignments with reading some extra papers; would help with time management.

• Start your microvin project as soon as you can, don't leave it until the last week as you won't finish on time. It's a way bigger project than you think it is.

• Choose your row partner wisely. Make sure they have the same goals as you and are willing to work in the vineyard and winery on weekends and in the mid-semester break.

• Arrive early to labs as they start on time and you will be locked out if you arrive late.

• Respect your peers, clean up after yourself and leave the winery and lab as you found them.

Caclin Issue 1 | 36

is maintained, stocked and cleaned as required.

Students using this facility can expect a safe, clean and tidy workplace and are also expected to tidy up after themselves too."

SNAPCHAT WINNER IS... 'Seen worse sites' - TIMMY

(come into LUSA to collect your prize)

Caclin Issue 1 | 37

ADD US ON SNAPCHAT & YOU COULD WIN A $30 GOOGLE PLAY VOUCHER!

Caclin Issue 1 | 38

lusa.nz

Food [FOR]

FLATTERS Despite all the great advice about cooking we've shared over the years (and no matter how experienced you may be in the kitchen), every one of us has cooked a lousy meal at some point in our lives.

We'd like to hear about yours. Send in your awful meal story to caclin@lusa.org.nz

2016 Diary What do you think of the new 2016 LUSA Diary? We'd love to hear your feedback!

Send us a pic or post one on our Facebook page - of you and your diary or O'Week pack & you could be in to win some great prizes! design@lusa.org.nz StudentsAtLincoln

"At Uni, you sometimes runs out of funds. In my pantry I had a cheese pasta snack, and a large thing of olive oil. No milk. You get where this is going. Even with the milk it would have been messed up, but with just olive oil and cheese powder, that was by far the worst meal I have ever made.

But I was drunk at the time so meh, food is food!"

"I purchased a ice cream maker and decided to make frozen berry yoghurt...

I had the bright purple mix all chilled and ready to pour into the machine when I tripped on the kitchen rug and 3/4 of the mix went flying all over my kitchen. Like, all.over. my.kitchen.I.cannot.tell.you.how.far.it.flew!

It's been about six weeks since this happened and I am still finding yoghurt mix in weird places!"

"Drunk risotto (as in, I was drunk, and the "risotto" ended up being poured down the incinerator, looking like vomit)!

It started out as a rice dish. Then I added soy sauce, vinegar, oil, milk, a baby.. God knows what!

"Well, I'll put it simply. Don't try to fry eggs and in the end add chocolate into the pan"

"I can remember when I was doubling (in my head) a recipe for bran muffins, so when I got to the bran part, I doubled it again. Although they tasted good, they were so dense they bounced off the walls like a brick! We still ate them though...but with a shit load of butter!"

"The tofu pumpkin stir fry... 'nuff said."

"Mine was salad dressing. I didn't know the lid wasn't on tight and when I went to shake it, basically the whole jar emptied itself. There is a reason why they call it a splash back!"

Then I decided to throw in every left-over thing I had in my fridge, including bread.

Nasty. Made sense after all those wines... My boyfriend took a bite, because tipsy me kept insisting he did. He told me it was bloddy nasty and not even the dog would eat it."

"I was making stuffed mushrooms in high school and while reading the recipe, I thought a clove of garlic meant a head of garlic. The house reeked all night."

Caclin Issue 1 | 39

BRUTALLY HONEST ARIES MARCH 21 – APRIL 20 Romance is in the air this week, just over the north of France. If you don't happen to be near the north of France then chances are you're going to strike out again throughout this week. However, wind directions can vary as much as the accuracy of these horoscopes, so don't panic yet!

SCARILY ACCURATE [KIND OF]

Horoscopes

MAY 22 – JUNE 21 All the things you're unsure of will almost certainly remain enigmatic by the end of the month. Blue moon caught you standing alone, but ensure you're not also caught short this weekend.

TAURUS APRIL 21 – MAY 21 You set your sights too high, it's time to lower them in order to find true love. Be aware that marrying your own pets is not allowed in most countries.

VIRGO AUG 24 – SEP 23

CANCER JUNE 22 – JULY 23 Gambling is something that may get the better of you this month.

Remember, gambling doesn't always mean forfeiting money but can also take the form of running an orange light, crossing the road when it appears to be safe, and not having health insurance.

These 3 "gambles" may occur to you, and others around you, simultaneously.

GEMINI

LEO JULY 24 – AUG 23 Spitting is a filthy habit and may put someone off you today. Instead of spitting you should attempt to siphon it out of your nose which is still a filthy habit, will definitely put someone off you, but at least you have an interesting story to tell for once.

Your favourite place may change today as you have new reason for utter joy. The legend of the baked bean may trouble you today as last night's meal tries to catch up with last week's.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23 – DEC 22

LIBRA SEPT 24 – OCT 23 A horoscope will affect your decisions today as love will strike on your heart and make you ask someone out, someone you would never previously have had the heart do ask out. They'll still deny you your wishes but they may have an ugly step-brother or sister who they reckon needs a "good seeing to".

SCORPIO OCT 24 – NOV 22 News will come from a former colleague that for years you have both been in love with each other. This will be a surprise for you because you've always thought your colleague was a smelly baboon.

CAPRICORN DEC 23 – JAN 20 It is an interesting fact that Capricorns have an 80% higher risk of dying of heart disease, but absolutely no chance of being hit by a car while cycling.

Capricorns do not ride bicycles but this month you should.

Caclin Issue 1 | 40

Love comes in all shapes and sizes. By the time you came to yours, all the good shapes and sizes will have gone.

Hat buying could serve you well today as a potential relationship sparks up in a hat shop. Specifically, you'll be looking at hats. Your potential partner may be looking at gloves. You may discuss why a hat shop sells gloves.

PISCES AQUARIUS JAN 21 – FEB 19 Spreading lies about colleagues or friends may see dwindling relationships with those around you. And, yes, of course I know that's obvious - but you're the one who's going to do it!

FEB 20 – MARCH 20 Waiting for your loved one to come to you could be a big mistake. This is especially true for at least one person today, whose loved one happens to drive a very large bus and will suddenly lose the ability to brake whilst driving straight towards your house.

Random Laughs Caclin Issue 1 | 41

A very tongue in cheek Quiz!

Some utterly pointless crap that you may like to learn...

1.

What continent has the fewest flowering plants?

2.

Which element begins with the letter 'K'?

3.

How many days does a cat usually stay in heat?

4.

Which country has more tractors per capita? Canada, New Zealand, Iceland or Japan?

5.

Psychologists say that men who do what during sex are insecure?

6.

7.

In California it is illegal to do what in a hotel room?

8.

What were Chihuahua dogs originally bred for?

9.

Hugh Hefner's Jet Plane was called what?

10. Roman men had to swear on what to testify?

By law in Russia, where must the Homeless be by 10pm?

YOU ASKED FOR IT Don't you worry your precious little heads - 'Flat of the Month' will be continuing throughout 2016!

How it works: You sign up, we draw a winner, we come round and shower you with gifts and love.

You'll then have an article written about your flat, based on the ridiculous conversations we have during our visit, and you'll be featured in the next Caclin.

Sound good? Good!

Sign up now at LUSA HQ, or visit LUSA.org.nz.

Quiz Answers 1. Antarctica 2. Krypton 3. Five 4. Iceland 5. Keep their socks on 6. At Home 7. Peel an Onion 8.Tasy Meat 9. Big Bunny 10. Their testicles

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