ACT I
The face of our young hero, ASK, eyes serious and concentrated, drips with sweat and teems with focus.
ASK
All knights chase fame and glory by bullying monsters. And they never have to worry about being hurt because healers tend to their wounds. But who tends to the monsters? Me! Ask, the great healer! And I'm the best at it!--
A high pitched cry of pain interrupts.
HENRY(O.S)
Yoww!!!
Ask looks down and grimaces.
ASK -- So stop moving!
We are in:
EXT. WOODS -- NIGHT
Ask, stands on the shoulder of a battered and exhausted cow-minotaur, HENRY, pulling on an arrow stuck in his sholder.
REMI, a white snake with a gold tail and Ask's assistant, consoles the giant by gently patting his shoulder with her tail.
Ask wears a red cloak and carries a wand strapped to their back.
REMI
There, there, calm down.
HENRY
Do not tell me what to do, tiny one! I am a great minotaur, feared by kings and heroes ali--
Ask pulls on the arrow again.
HENRY
Ooowww!
ASK
Everyone feels pain, even big muscley guys like you.
REMI
It's okay to show that you're hurting, we're your friends!
ASK
Yeah, Henry.
HENRY
Sorry. It's hard to turn off the act, ya know? Being a monster is all about the SPECTACLE!
Jazz hands and sparkles.
HENRY(CONT'D)
We gotta keep up appearances. It's what the world expects of us, yanno?
ASK
Yeah, I get it, but don't be rude to Remi! And try to keep it down, we don't wanna attract attention! Hmmph!
Ask pulls one more time.
HENRY
Arrgh!
Still stuck. Ask groans in frustration, wiping sweat off of their forehead.
HENRY(CONT'D)
Then be gentle! Maybe small talk will distract me. Did you have that talk with your sister?
ASK Well--
FLASHBACK:
INT. CASTLE -- NIGHT
A dimly lit room where the walls are filled with books. Sitting at a desk too tall for Ask and Remi to see over sits an older, burly woman ARTEMISIA, writing with a quill pen. She wears plate armor without sleeves to show off her arms.
ASK
Hey, Art? I was thinking... Maybe I'm not cut out to be a knight aftera--
ARTEMISIA
Nonsense, you're the younger sibling of the greatest knight in the realm. Me, Artemisia!
REMI
Y-yeah, but even some of their teachers have suggested they consider transferring--
ARTEMISIA
They said what?! I will teach them the consequences of crushing my dear sibling's dreams! They won't be speaking such drivel when I punch them into another dimension!--
Artemisia clenches her fist, breaking the quill pen.
ASK
No, I'm trying to say that I don--
ARTEMISIA
--A dimension where everything is kale.
REMI
But what if they like kale?
ARTEMISIA
No one likes kale, Remi.
ASK
I... I kinda like kale.
Artemisia sniffles.
ARTEMISIA
One of my own family members... A fan of vegetables?! How could I let this happen? We are a meat family!
Artemisia stands up.
ARTEMISIA(CONT'D) Do not fret.
Artemisia picks up Ask and Remi.
ARTEMISIA(CONT'D) I will show you the wonders of meat!
PRESENT DAY:
Ask sits in silence for a moment, a look of horror on their face.
ASK
She made me eat a whole goat that night
REMI
She made me watch.
Henry shudders. Ask shakes their head, then tugs at the arrow once more.
ASK
This thing is really in there. Remi, could you lend me a hand?
Remi wraps herself around Ask's arms and waist and helps them pull. Bushes rumble in the distance.
ASK
Okay. One. Two. Three!
BLOOP!
ASK(CONT'D)
Haha!... Woah!
Ask holds the arrow above their head in celebration before falling on their back. Ask protects Remi from the fall.
HENRY
Aaahh! At last, I can return to crushing tiny heroes into du-- ah, ow ow okay, ow!
Henry flexes in excitement before feeling the still-open wound.
ASK
Alright, Henry--
Ask gets up and pats dirt off themselves.
ASK(CONT'D)
--lay on your back for this next part. I'm not climbing back up on your shoulder.
Henry lays on his stomach. Ask pulls their staff from their back and points it at the wound. WOOSH, the staff glows brightly.
Ask winces, and the wound closes, leaving a distinct texture.
ASK
There ya go, buddy. Good as new!
Henry stands up and stretches his shoulder before fist bumping Ask and petting Remi's chin with his giant finger.
HENRY
Thank you, tiny ones! And now I return to my domain to crush puny heroes with my mighty fists!
Henry trots off into the woods, flexing his huge muscles. Ask and Remi wave him off.
REMI
Good luck!
Ask sighs and puts up their hood.
ASK
Can you believe he's a gardner? Okay Remi, let's--
From the bushes behind Ask and Remi bursts a KNIGHT in armor that sparkles in the moonlight.
He doesn't wear a helmet to let his hair flow in the wind. The sword he carries is too big for fighting but matches his armor perfectly.
KNIGHT Stop!
END ACT I
ACT II
Ask freezes, keeping their back turned to him. Remi slithers underneath Ask's cloak.
The knight speaks in a haughty, surfer voice, making exaggerated gestures as he speaks. He points his sword at Ask, trying to hide the fact that it's too heavy for him.
KNIGHT
Like, I knew I heard girly screams coming from this direction!
ASK
(mumbles) Gr, Henry...
REMI
Ask, what do we do?
Ask curses the minotaur under their breath. They reach into their cloak, take out a mask, and put it on. The mask magically wraps around Ask's face.
KNIGHT
You there! What did you do with the fair maiden, short one? Answer, or face my blade!
ASK
(muttering to themselves) Okay, here we go, think monster, think monster...
Ask turns around.
The knight perks up.
KNIGHT Wait...
He digs into his pocket and pulls out a wanted sign with a crudely drawn picture of Ask's disguise. He holds it up to compare.
KNIGHT(CONT'D)
Yeah, you're--!
Ask clears their voice, and begins speaking in a voice too deep for such a tiny body. Ask tries to look menacing as they speak.
ASK(CONT'D)
Ahem. Puny mortal! Make your peace, for this night is your last! Face my dark magic.
Ask takes out their staff and holds it dramatically.
ASK(CONT'D)
Medulla oblongata medulla oblongata medulla oblongata!
The words are only for show as Ask waves their staff in the air. Dark clouds converge on top of them. Lightning crackles.
The clouds engulf Ask and Remi, spinning around them. Two red glowing eyes pierce through. A monstrous roar bursts the clouds outward.
The knight shields his eyes with his arm. He's paralyzed with fear. The dust begins to settle and from it, the knight's demise is revealed...
GOOSE Meep. A goose.
KNIGHT
Wh- like, what is this, man? Haha, some sort of mere duck?
The knight approaches the goose.
KNIGHT
Hey there little guy, you're just a dumb duck, aren't yo-
GOOSE Hiss!
The goose puffs up its feathers and leaps at the knight with murderuous intent.
KNIGHT Aahh!!
EXT. WOODS -- NIGHT -- A MOMENT LATER
Ask runs away with Remi around their shoulders. Ask takes off their mask. They and Remi laugh.
ASK
We really showed him, huh Remi? Now let's get back home before--
Remi shivers.
Ask.
REMI
Something's coming.
Ask stops. A wind blows. Ask shivers. Their breath is visible. Remi slithers under Ask's cloak.
The stars in the sky go out. The woods around them disappear. Under Ask, a system of roots that resemble nerves begin to glow. A voice speaks. It's unclear where it's coming from.
VOICE(O.S)
Child, the knight was not alone. Ask looks around.
ASK
So? Let him and his friends get lost here. All knights do is cause trouble for monsters.
VOICE(O.S)
She is with them.
ASK
Who?
The lights under Ask fade. The stars and woods return. In the distance:
ARTEMISIA(O.S)
Tell me what you know!
ASK
Art?
HENRY(O.S)
Ow, let me go!
Remi slithers out of Ask's cloak.
REMI
Ask, that's Henry.
Ask nods.
EXT. WOODS -- CLEARING -- NIGHT -- A SECOND LATER
Ask hides in some bushes. They and Remi peer through to see: Henry, back against a tree, tied up. Artemisia stands above him.
ASK (whispers)
We might have to fight Art to save Henry.
Artemisia reaches for a nearby tree with her mighty hand and snaps it at the base. BOOSH! The tree falls and crashes.
ARTEMISIA
Do not make me repeat myself.
Ask and Remi look terrified.
ASK
Uh, okay. New plan: distract Art so we don't die.
Remi nods.
REMI
Yeah, I like that plan better!
Ask starts to stand up but hesitates. They look down. Their hands are shaking. Remi notices.
REMI(CONT'D)
Hey. I'm with you.
Ask nods. They put on their mask. It wraps itself around their face. Remi slithers into Ask's cloak. Ask steps out of the bushes.
ASK (shouts)
Hey!
Henry looks surprised.
Let him go!
ASK(CONT'D)
Artemisia notices the staff on Ask's back.
ARTEMISIA
That staff. That cloak.
Artemisia takes a step towards Ask. Ask takes a step back.
ARTEMISIA(CONT'D)
You know, when I was told there was something out here healing these things--
She gestures to Henry.
ARTEMISIA(CONT'D)
I thought, "That's impossible. There hasn't been a creature with that ability for years." But then, I saw this thing's shoulder--
Artemisia leans Henry forward. CLOSE-UP: the distinct texture from Ask's healing magic on Henry's shoulder. Artemisia lets go of Henry.
ARTEMISIA(CONT'D)
-- and I recognized it. I have a mark just like it.
Artemisia takes off her helmet. She stretches tilts her head, exposing her neck. A big scar sits on Artemisia's neck with that same distinct texture.
ARTEMISIA(CONT'D)
You did this, didn't you?
Ask takes a big, nervous gulp, and nods.
Artemisia smiles and puts her helmet back on.
ARTEMISIA(CONT'D)
So you are the one we're looking for.
Artemisia clenches her fist. A dark, intimidating aura emits from her.
ARTEMISIA(CONT'D)
Then come, fight me before I drag you back to face the royal court. Let us see if you can take life as well as you can mend it.
Ask, eyes wide, blinks.
ASK
(nervous and squeaky) No thank you!
Ask takes out their staff and raises it. The staff glows. Storm clouds coalesce above the clearing. Ask is engulfed by a sphere of dust and clouds.
Artemisia charges and grabs at the sphere, but Ask is gone.
Artemisia looks around, confused and enraged.
On the other side of the clearing, Ask unties Henry and helps him up.
ASK
Are you okay?
HENRY
I think so. Thank you, little ones.
Artemisia looks back and sees them.
Ask makes eye contact with Artemisia.
ASK
Eep. Run, Henry!!
Henry runs off into the trees. Art charges again at Ask. Ask narrowly dodges. Art runs into a tree and fells it.
ARTEMISIA
Fight me!
ASK
I don't do that!
Ask runs and raises their staff again. It glows. Angry geese begin to rain down from the clouds above.
From some bushes, the knight from earlier emerges. He's beat up.
KNIGHT (pants)
Artemisia, my captain! I'm here, I--
He looks up at the swarm of geese raining down from the heavens. He closes his eyes, sheds a tear, opens his arms, and accepts his fate.
The knight is swarmed by geese.
GEESE
Hiss!
Artemisia swats geese out of her way. She looks around desperately for Ask.
ARTEMISIA
Where are you? Show yourself!
END ACT II
ACT III
Just outside the clearing, Ask and Henry have their backs against a big tree and breathe heavy. Remi slithers out of Ask's cloak.
REMI (whispers)
So, Henry, what did you think of Ask's sister?
Henry turns to Ask and Remi in disbelief.
HENRY
That's your sister?!
ASK (whispers)
Henry shush! And yes, that's Art.
Ask peeks from behind the tree.
In the clearing, Art swats at geese and punches trees down in a fit of rage. BOOSH! BOOSH! Trees fall.
ARTEMISIA
Arrgh! They got away!
Ask peers into the clearing looking at their sister, their face a little concerned and a little sad.
ASK
(to themselves)
I really need to talk to her.
BOOSH! Another tree falls. Ask winces.
ARTEMISIA(O.S) Arrrgh!!!
FADE OUT