Going on Retreat: A Beginner's Guide to the Christian Retreat Experience

contents Introduction‑

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C hap te r O ne

Why Should I Make a Retreat?‑ 1 C h a p t e r Tw o

What Is a Residential Retreat?‑ 25 C h a p t e r Th r e e

Can I Still Make a Retreat if I Can’t Get Away?‑ 57 C hap te r Four

Retreat Companions, Prayer Guides, and Soul Friends‑ 79 C hap te r F ive

How Should I Prepare for My Retreat Experience?‑ 113 C hap te r S i x

I’m Here! Now What?‑ 135 C hap te r S eve n

Keeping the Retreat Experience Alive‑ 161 C hap te r E i g h t

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola‑ 173 Appe ndix One

Retreat Centers in the United States‑ 191 A p p e n d i x Tw o

Suggested Reading‑ 198

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why should i make a retreat?

Th e r e ’s s o m e t h i n g ab o u t the word retreat that can either set our hearts leaping at the prospect of making one or make us run a mile from the very idea. For some people, the word resonates with memories of school retreats that they either loved or hated. For others, it sounds like something exclusively for “holy people,� however we understand that term. And yet, for each of us this simple word can touch upon deep longings for space, time, and solitude.

Most of us make some kind of retreat nearly every day of our lives. A harassed mother slips off to the bathroom in order to sit in uninterrupted peace for five minutes behind a locked door. An exhausted bus driver takes the dog for an evening walk in the park. A child hides away

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in a secret den in the loft, where her siblings can’t find her, while she mulls over her feelings about a problem at school. All of these are little retreats, and from this deep instinctive need for space and peace we can begin to notice what actually makes a retreat and what we are looking for when we make one.

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The first (and for some, the only) retreat experiences some people have are the annual retreats that are part of the curricula of many parochial schools. On the whole, these are “preached retreats.” People assemble in large groups to hear a speaker—usually a priest—discuss a particular subject and then disperse to think over what they have heard. And even these kinds of retreats are not a memory shared by the large majority, most of whom attended public schools.

Thirty years ago, it would not have occurred to most laypeople to make a retreat. Retreats were for nuns and priests, and even then, “preached retreats” were the norm.

They were times set aside for special instructions, as it were, to focus their minds in particular ways.

Then a sea change occurred. Beginning in North America, but rapidly spreading to the United Kingdom, enthusiasm began to gather for what has become known as the individually given retreat (or IGR). At first, these too were offered mainly by priests and mainly for the benefit of clergy and those in religious orders. However,

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in a relatively short time the possibility of making such a retreat was opened up to all Christians, and indeed to those of other faiths and of none.

This vision has led to the emergence of a large number of retreat houses, some with just a couple of rooms and some with over a hundred, where retreatants can spend time in reflective stillness, with a trained companion available to them if they so desire.

Now, therefore, it is very common for those making retreats to be laypeople, and even people who are not attached to any institutional church. There is a radical equality at the “oasis” of retreat space. The bishop might be in the room next to a clerk or coal miner. The retreat guide may also be a layperson, from any walk of life, of either gender. In a retreat in daily life, it is even more likely that the majority of retreatants and most of the prayer companions/prayer guides will be laity.

You will probably not know anything about the church background or status of your fellow retreatants, especially now when priests or those in religious orders rarely wear distinctive dress, at least not during their time in retreat. These superficial distinctions truly become irrelevant where all are making a journey, in their own way, to the very core of their being.

“What are the essential elements of a retreat?”

How can we turn ordinary time into graced time that can renew, challenge, and redirect us? Some suggestions might be:

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• A change of place. For a short period, we withdraw from our routine activities. We may do this by physically going to a different place or by creating an oasis wherever we happen to be. One way to do this is to make a change in the environment where we usually spend our time, such as dedicating one corner of a room as a special place for prayer.

• A change of pace. Our “oasis time” is time spent apart from the normal noise of our daily activities. We may begin by switching off the external sounds of radio or TV. With practice, we can also learn the art of switching off the constant noise in our own heads in order to enjoy a bit of stillness. We become physically still, and we also cease our constant inner busyness for a while. In this deeper stillness, we begin to glimpse what is happening at the deepest levels of our being, at the heart of ourselves where our deepest feelings and highest visions begin to show themselves.

• A change of focus. As we relax our bodies, we also begin gradually to relax our hold on the personal anxieties of the day, making room for the wider world. Perspective lengthens as we come to stillness. We begin to see ourselves as parts of a greater whole, and we draw strength and peace in that reassurance. This larger perspective leads us back to the demands of everyday life with a more balanced view. We have dipped into a deeper layer of our own psyches, and sometimes we will find solutions and

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new directions that escape us while we are living in the cut and thrust of the daily struggle to survive.

A retreat is always a spiritual experience, whether or not we consider ourselves “spiritual.” A retreat takes us closer to the core of our beings and to a space in which we also touch the reality of God. Kerry, a widow who spends much time alone, was delighted to discover this fact after being invited to go on a silent weekend retreat: Before I went, I had been really fearful of the expected silence from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon, but I found it calming, peaceful, and friendly and not at all oppressive. Before I booked I had wondered to myself: “What do you take into a retreat? What do you take away from it?” Now I know the answers. I took into that retreat someone who was tired, tense, and nervous.When I left (reluctantly) two days later, I was calmer, happier, refreshed, and surer of my faith.What I had feared was going to be difficult turned out to be gold—God’s gold! I would recommend it to anyone.

^ F i r s t T h i n g s F i r s t : C o mm o n Q u e s t i o n s ab o u t t h e R e t r e at P ro c e s s Almost everyone finds it daunting to think of making a formal retreat for the first time. The possibility raises a whole range of questions, from “What will it be like?”

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making time for god ^

Christians need space, time, and solitude for reflecting on God’s activity in their lives. Just as Jesus retreated to the hills to reflect and be alone with his Father, his followers can seek out a place and time to draw closer to God, be it at home, in the midst of daily activities, or at a retreat center.

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Why do people make retreats?

What types of retreats are available?

What role do retreat companions play?

How should I prepare for my retreat?

How can I sustain the retreat experience?

Where can I find a retreat center near me?

A very practical, down-to-earth manual for those who want to find out what a retreat is. Highly recommended.

—William A. Barry, S.J., author of Letting God Come Close

Margaret Silf has been trained by the Jesuits to accompany and guide others in prayer. Her many books include Inner Compass and Close to the Heart. Silf lives with her husband and their daughter in the West Midlands of England.

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margaret silf

Silf provides us with a clearly written, well-organized, informative overview of the Christian retreat. This handy reference will answer the questions of the most curious of minds and calm the jitters of the most fearful of hearts.

—J. Michael Sparough, S.J., retreat master and spiritual director

going on retreat

In Going on Retreat, author and prayer guide Margaret Silf offers practical advice and time-tested wisdom for turning ordinary time into graced time. She answers such questions as…

a beginner’s guide to the christian retreat experience

Spirituality/Religion

going on retreat

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a beginner’s guide to the christian retreat experience

margaret silf