Quit acting like the town drunk, already

Well, in honor of it being National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week, I've decided to tell you a fictitious story about an average college student. Don't worry it's BEN LUNN not depressing. Any------------way, let's call this guy "Joe."

Thursday comes around, and Joe decides that he, like any good college student, is gonna go drink with his friends. He starts making plans with his friends for the evening. "Beer, no way, let's get something harder. I want to be smashed."

They get an over 21 friend to go on a "beer run"(although they aren't drinking beer, this is the common term). By nine, they all have their alcohol, and just rip into it. The clock hits 10 and Joe already has a couple of glasses of some colored concoction in him; he is a happy man. After a few more, Joe's speech is a little slurred, but no one really notices. No one apparently notices that he is having a little trouble walking in a straight line. After a few more and an hour and a half later, Joe just realizes how funny everything around him is, and he gets a little philosophical. Although Joe thinks he is making great strides in philosophy in the name of humanity, everyone else hears, "Heeeyyy youse guys, didcha evem wonder why Smurfs are blue?" Now everyone else thinks Joe is a little drunk, but it's pretty funny. They all just point and laugh. Joe, thinking he is being truly witty is quite pleased that everyone is laughing with him. But no, they are laughing at him.

A couple more friends arrive, and Joe starts hitting on some girls that showed up. Of course, he can barely walk over there so when he trips and spills his drink all over her, she isn't exactly receptive to his charms.

The clock hits midnight and Joe can barely stand, but no one's helping him because he's just yelling at everyone. He's angry and screaming, but no one really knows why. They are all telling him to calm down, but it doesn't do them any good.

"Bob," who's apartment they're in, really doesn't want

Joe there. Joe drank way too much, and he's really making a lot of noise. Any minute the RA could show up and get them all written up. "You have to get him out of here." Of course, during this time, Joe was throwing up in the bathroom, and no one wanted to go near him.

Eventually after the smell was gone, a couple of the sober friends decided to walk him back to his dorm from the apartments. This walk which should take five minutes tops, takes almost an hour because of Joe. He practically has to be carried along because he can barely walk. During the walk however, he finds the energy to hop into a dumpster behind house two. Coaxing him out takes at least a half hour. Once they finally get him out they continued the trek - until house 1 where he leaps the railing to go chase something into the woods, although what, no one has any idea.

Finally they get him back to his dorm and get him ready for bed. During a brief silence, they throw his disgusting clothes into the washer. When they go walking back to the room, what do they see, but Joe in his underwear, running down the hall shutting out every light he can find and yelling at the top of his lungs. His sober (and irritated) keep an eye on him and drag him back to the room.

Things went on like that for a while, but eventually he calmed down. That's not exactly true he passed out on the bed. The next day Joe woke up with a hangover from hell and everyone took that opportunity to loudly explain what he did last night. By the end of breakfast the entire