Localanswer_issue7

ocal L Issue 7 April 2011

Answer

Tel 01642 483304

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Page 2 The Local Answer

April 2011

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Page 4 The Local Answer

April 2011

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The Royal Wedding – A truly global event!

For those among us who still believe the Royal Family are a real British treasure, this month’s Royal Wedding between Prince William and the lovely Kate Middleton (full name Catherine Elizabeth) is something to really look forward to. For those who don’t it still means a day off work because the wedding will be marked by a Royal Bank Holiday in the UK. The extra public holiday, in fact, will fall in the same week as Easter, giving millions of workers a three day week.

The highly anticipated event will take place on Friday 29th April at Westminster Abbey, a perfect location because of its Royal history. The Abbey is a gothic monastery church and a traditional place of coronation and burial for English monarchs with the oldest parts of the building dating back to 1050. And just to confirm that the Royal Family is still held in high esteem throughout the world it’s destined to be a global media event.

The Royal Couple became ’secretly engaged’ whilst on holiday in Kenya in October 2010 when Prince William gave Kate the engagement ring that belonged to his mother, Princess Diana. And despite her youthful looks, when Kate walks down the aisle she will be the oldest Royal bride to be married in recent history.

Prince William, meanwhile, would have required the consent of his grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II had he chosen to marry before his 25th birthday.

Some 1,900 guests will be at the wedding including UK and foreign dignitaries, senior politicians, charity workers and individuals who have come into contact with Prince William including people who have been homeless and soldiers injured in Afghanistan and Iraq. There will also be a smattering of celebrities like

David and Victoria Beckham. Will and Becks built a good friendship while working together on England’s unsuccessful World Cup bid.

The service will be conducted by the Dean of Westminster, but the Archbishop of Canterbury will be the person who actually marries the prince and his bride.

Seated in the front pews will be the Queen, the Duke of Edinburgh, the Prince of Wales, Duchess of Cornwall and best man, Prince Harry. Alongside them will be Kate's parents, Michael and Carole Middleton, Kate's sister and maid of honour Pippa, and her brother James.

About 600 relatives, friends and dignitaries are invited to the lunchtime reception hosted by the Queen at Buckingham Palace to toast the couple, and just 300 will stay on at the palace for a more intimate evening dinner, which will be followed by dancing.

It promises to be a really wonderful occasion that will demonstrate to the rest of the world that the British are still way out in front when it comes to organization on such a grand scale.

May we therefore take this opportunity to wish the couple every success and continued happiness despite having to spend the rest of their life together in the Royal goldfish bowl. Let’s hope they are strong enough to handle it.

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The Local Answer

April 2011

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Page 6 The Local Answer

April 2011

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New Season At Norton Bowling Club Norton Bowling Club starts its 2011 season on Saturday 16th April and is looking forward to a new season.

Recently the club has been re-equipped and it is now hoping to attract new members of all standards and ages.

The Club offers superb facilities for local residents and provides the opportunity to enjoy fresh air, gentle exercise and companionship.

We can offer new members a very warm welcome and instruction but remember “bowls takes seconds to learn but a lifetime to master!”. Our members can play at whatever level suits them: social and fun games; serious league competition; or just a social cup of tea whilst watching others play.

Thanks to a grant from Stockton Borough Council and North Tees Teaching Primary Care Trust, we can offer free taster sessions. Please contact the club to arrange a session, either individually or as a group.

This grant recognises the health benefits of playing bowls by providing an opportunity to engage in gentle out door exercise in very pleasant surroundings. In a typical afternoon’s bowling a bowler walks 800m, does 100 full knee flexes and 100 weighted arm/wrist flexes. Physical fitness is improved in a gentle social manner.

Bowling is open to all and current members come from a very wide social background. The nature of the sport encourages people to work in teams and enjoy the companionship of others.

It provides a platform and a focus to engage in exercise and allows people to meet and enjoy the company of their peers.

top international players are young and we encourage anyone to play.

The club is in a secluded part of the Norton Cricket Club Trust Complex at the end of Station Road, Norton. It is a delightful place to enjoy playing at a social or competitive level. Members play there most afternoons and evenings. Over the years the Club has produced players of County, National and International standard.

Why do you play bowls?

When some club members were asked why they took up bowls they replied: “I find it very relaxing - a lot of the pressures of the day just melt away” “I wanted to take part in an activity with my husband.”

“I wanted to continue a sport when I gave up cricket.”

“I was advised to take gentle outdoor exercise after a heart bypass.”

“I had taken early retirement and missed the companionship and exercise.”

And, then there was Norma who discovered Norton Bowling Club whilst out walking with her husband having just moved to Norton. They were invited to “have a go”. Norma was good, enjoyed the game and became double World Champion!

Anyone who is interested should contact the Club’s Recruitment Team: Bowls has been recognised as beneficial Ian & Sue on 01642 559394 or Jack on to stress and high blood pressure. It is 01642 550291. Come and join us – you an ideal activity no matter how fit you will be most welcome. are and a great sport for all ages. Many For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2011

Page 7

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Page 8 The Local Answer

April 2011

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The hazards of car parking We recently became acquainted with a delightful little book called ‘The Grumpy Drivers ’ Handbook’ by someone with the appropriate pseudonym ‘Ivor Grump.’ One of the chapters deals with parking the car and since it covers most of everyone’s pet hates we thought we would share some of them with you.

Parking Charges It’s easy to see why internet sales are growing when the cost of 3 hour parking in the city centre could feed a family of four for a week. For while prices elsewhere have nose-dived car parks don’t have sales and you still have to pay the full amount at all times. If you want to shop for an hour and ten minutes you have to pay for two hours because unscrupulous operators have arranged time increments so you always have to pay for more than you need.

Fussy Parkers There are a small number of motorists who believe that parking the car is a dressage event. Their main objective is to get the car perfectly positioned between the two white parking lines with equal space each side and perfectly parallel. They believe in the power of feng shui and all the chi energy that flows from flawless alignment.

They will therefore manoeuvre backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards until that is accomplished – even if it’s just for two minutes while they nip for a newspaper.

Approximate Parkers They are even worse as they don’t care where they park the car as long as it’s stopped and the handbrake is on. Reversing into a space between two vehicles is a pain so as long as it’s three quarters of the way in that’ll do. They’ll be gone in an hour so what does it matter? They are also afraid of the kerb and anything to their left so you could probably have a decent game of football in the gap they leave between car and pavement.

Drive Encroachers An Englishman’s home is his castle and I’m not a curtain twitcher who looks outside every time someone parks near the house but it’s the selfishness of those people who don’t look for a proper sized space that annoys me. When some unthinking bxxxxxd parks close enough to the line of exit from your own drive to make it hazardous they are asking for their bumper of front wing to be hacked off by the driveway vigilantes.

‘I’m just picking something up mate, I’ll only be two minutes.’ Yeah, right!

Sundry Parkers There are those who park so close to you that you can’t stand between your boot and their bonnet without losing the blood supply to your legs. There are also the ones who block small roads because a car parked innocently in a narrow lane attracts other cars like a wasp to a jam pot. It’s sadly always the innocent one who gets his wing mirror ripped off. The biggest culprits however are the space stealers. You go past a space with the intention of reversing into it – the proper method! And while people can see that you’ve stopped and are indicating there will still be some clever dick who nicks in behind. If someone does this to you I recommend you use their front bumper as a kind of step, really testing it out to make sure it’s solid. Go on, really test it!

Multi Story Car Parks Your heart never lifts when you’re entering a multi story, does it? They are apparently popular spots for suicides and can you wonder for being in one doesn’t make you want to cling on to this world for much longer. Unless you’re a big fan of Tate Modern, in which case you might be enthralled by the formal and monolithic brutalism of the concrete structure. Why a multi story hasn’t won the Turner Prize is beyond me. They also have a danger about them because the second the hero of any film is striding towards his car in a dimly lit multi story you know something dreadful is about to happen!

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April 2011

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Page 10 The Local Answer

April 2011

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Great definitions The dictionary is a wonderful way to discover the meaning of obscure words that journalists sometimes drag out to appear more educated than the rest of us, but the definitions it comes up with tend to be a little on the boring side. Here are some that we’ve heard over the years that are not only much more entertaining, but on occasions much more accurate as well!

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

CAMEL: A horse that was designed by a committee.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A system designed to make the simple truth a lot more interesting.

KLEENEX: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes flies seem almost acceptable.

RAISIN: A Grape with sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to everyone, but only one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: Today’s greatest labour saving device.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something only other people have. Yours are character lines.

ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds SWISS ARMY KNIFE: An item that appears useful for a wide variety of work, but spends most of its time just opening bottles.

TOP BUNK: A place where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

And finally, a few words that don’t actually exist – but should because we’ve all done it!

21.

22.

23.

24.

AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bath taps on and off with your toes.

CARPERPETUATION (kar’pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away from it.

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April 2011

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Page 12 The Local Answer

April 2011

The trouble with men…

What is it about men that makes them so desirable for a woman to have and yet so easy to criticize. A recent discussion between several ladies seemed to emphasize this point because each had a different slant on their respective partner.

The conversation went something like this: “I never quite know whether it’s a benefit or a disadvantage,” said one, “but my husband is a bit like a laxative. He irritate the c**p out of me.

In fact I often liken husbands to blenders. We all need one but we’re not quite sure why!’ ”I know what you mean,” said another, but I think they’re a bit like food.

Bananas, for instance - the older they get the less firm they become, and, just like popcorn, they can satisfy you but only for a little while. The worst part is that, like chocolate, they can be smooth and silky but they always head straight for your hips.’

‘The saddest part,’ said the third ‘is that they’re very much like the weather. Sometimes they’re great and sometimes they’re dreadful, but

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it doesn’t matter anyway because whatever you do you can never change them. And - just like snowstorms - you never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. ’ ‘Mine,’ said the fourth, ‘is like that lava lamp we bought last Christmas. He’s quite good fun to look at but he’s not very bright.’

‘Well I think they resemble both commercials and mascara,’ said number five. You can't believe a word they say, and they usually run at the first sign of emotion.’

Well as the last married woman here,’ said number seven, ‘I think they can be summed up easily. They are all like government saving bonds.

They take absolutely ages to mature!’

The final word went to the only unwed lady in the group. ‘I,’ she said, ‘think you should all consider yourselves quite lucky. In my experience as a single person I think men are like parking spots. All the good ones are usually taken and the only ones left are handicapped.’

Your stories matter.

We would love to hear about your local stories. We can’t promise that we will be able to publish them all but we will try our best. Please send your stories and thoughts about our magazine to contact@local-answer.co.uk For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2011

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Page 14 The Local Answer

April 2011

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The Origins of the Great Hit Singles.

‘Move it’ – Cliff Richard - the original British Rock ‘n’ Roll hit single.

One of the most surprising – yet unsurprising – things about Cliff Richard is the fact that he recently became a spritely seventy year old.

Surprising because he doesn’t look a day over fifty, yet unsurprising because it would appear he’s been around forever! It’s an amazing 52 years since his first single – ‘Move it’ – rocketed this unknown 18 year old with the brylcreemed quiff to number 2 in the charts, yet he is still performing to packed houses and recently released his umpteenth album. In all that time his only acknowledgement of a growing seniority is the fact that his latest album ‘Bold as Brass’ is a collection of standards. Appropriate really, because Cliff is himself a true a standard of all that is right about the music industry.

It was Cliff, after all, who brought Rock ‘n Roll – until his arrival an exclusively American phenomenon - to the British record buying public. A former member of the Dick Teague Skiffle Group, Cliff had switched to Rock ‘n’ Roll after hearing Elvis Presley and by the middle of 1958 he and his group ‘The Drifters’ (later to be re-named the Shadows) were playing regularly at London’s hip ‘21s’ coffee bar. They were snapped up by EMI Records as part of the company’s policy of recruiting home-grown British talent, and their first single was a track called ‘Schoolboy Crush.’ The problem at the time was that they had no ‘B’ side, but that was solved when Cliff’s guitarist Ian Samwell, annoyed at a feature in ‘Melody Maker’ announcing the imminent demise of Rock ‘n’ Roll, poured out his anger by writing ‘Move it.’

He made it as American sounding as possible, introducing expressions like ‘Baby’ and ‘a move it and a groove it’ to the British music fan. Despite its obvious potential it was still only released as the B side of ‘Schoolboy Crush,’ but when Cliff appeared on the popular TV programme ‘Oh Boy,’ producer Jack Good insisted he could only perform if he used ‘Move it.’ The record buying public obviously agreed because the song immediately shot to number two in the charts.

It was the start of something big and by the early nineteen sixties British Rock ‘n’ Roll ruled the world’s record charts.

Fifty odd years later Cliff is still as popular as ever and has enjoyed number ones in no fewer than five consecutive decades, a record even his long time idol Elvis was unable to match! Long may he continue.

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April 2011

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Page 16 The Local Answer

April 2011

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Don’t you just love a happy ending.

He had just three days left before his wife and her new boyfriend moved into his home following a bitter court case in which her lawyer had proved much better than his own. He spent the first day packing his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When he had finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rails. He then cleaned up the kitchen and left...

When the wife returned with her new boyfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!!

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinking house. Word got out and eventually even the local estate agents refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

It was at this point that the ex-husband called and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for getting his house back. Knowing her ex-husband had no idea how bad the smell was, she agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if he were to sign the papers that very day. He agreed and within the hour her lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later she and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home..... and just to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rails!

I love a happy ending, don't you?

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April 2011

Page 17

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April 2011

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Alternative approach to health – Health management For optimum health it is vital that the following steps are taken: 1. The need – The rut that we get into in ill health is, in effect, an addictive state whereby the key word is need. To combat this therefore, we must have a corresponding need. Want to. or aught to, are not strong enough drives.

Clarity is now needed in determining 2. Identify your type – What suits one exactly how the vision is to be achieved, does not suit another, so it is important helped by working out a detailed plan of action, including a management to establish the type of person we are to find the appropriate tools needed for table. us to get better.

7. Stimulate self-directed actions – This is where new-found motivation is 3. Vision – Any form of management requires a clear vision to make it clear required for each of the factors involved in getting better. just what it is that we are going to strive for.

8. Action – As with any journey, it starts with the first step. Get the new 4. Taking ownership – This is simply mind-set. Get into gear, and enjoy the acknowledging that the problem we have is our responsibility, otherwise we new journey. just sit and expect others to make us 9. Duck and dive – One of the better. guarantees of life is change, so different obstacles will present 5. Remove obstacles – As humans we are very good at finding all the reasons themselves. Enjoy working out how we can deal with each one by changing the under the sun for not making any of way that we see them. Bad days are the changes that are needed to put us allowed if circumstantial. They are not into healing mode. a failure! We just have to get back on target.

6. Determine focus and direction –

By Prof. Steve Russell for The Restoratory

Test your TV knowledge

1. Which televised sport is introduced to the tune of ‘Soul Limbo’ by Booker T & the MGs? 2. Which 1960s TV series featured Ricky, his alsation dog and his horse?

3. Who played the part of Neville in Auf Wiedersehen Pet?’ 4. For which programme are John Torrode and Greg Wallace famous 5. What was the name of the holiday camp in Hi De Hi? 6. Who was the actor famous for portraying Jack Duckworth?

7. What was the name of the spin-off series from ‘Porridge?’

8. Name one of the two Johnny Logan songs that won Eurovision for Ireland.

9. Who was the ventriloquist whose famous puppet was Lenny the Lion?

10. Who introduced the sports quiz ‘They think it’s all over?’

For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2011

Page 19

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Page 20 The Local Answer

April 2011

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

How disorder in the American courts can be genuinely funny!

As a young reporter I used to have to sit in a variety of magistrate’s courts for days on end waiting for something interesting to appear. That it rarely did probably accounted for my total disillusionment with the profession but having discovered the following word for word accounts of things that have genuinely taken place in American Court Rooms I think my time would have been much better spent in the States.

These are from a book called ‘Disorder in the American Courts,’ and are statements people actually made in court, word for word. How the American court reporters remained calm while these exchanges were taking place is beyond me. I hope you appreciate them as much as I did!

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________ ATTORNEY AT A CAR ACCIDENT HEARING: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

FEMALE WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes . ; ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ. ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you ****ting me? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2011

Page 21

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Page 22 The Local Answer

April 2011

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How disorder in the American courts can be genuinely funny! (Part 2) ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male. ___________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I always dress. ___________________________________

___________________________________ And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood autopsies have you performed on dead pressure? people?

WITNESS: No. WITNESS: All of them. The live ones ATTORNEY: Did you check for put up too much of a fight. breathing? ___________________________________ WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that ATTORNEY: ALL your answers MUST the patient was alive when you began be oral, OK? What school did you go to? the autopsy?

WITNESS: Oral.

WITNESS: No. __________________________________ ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time WITNESS: Because his brain was that you examined the body? sitting on my desk in a jar.

WITNESS : The autopsy started ATTORNEY: I see, but could around 8:30 p.m. the patient have still been alive, ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was nevertheless? dead at the time?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I could have been alive and practicing finished. law

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The Local Answer

April 2011

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Page 24 The Local Answer

April 2011

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A taste of Easter – the Simnel Cake The end of Lent traditionally culminates in a feast of seasonal and symbolic foods and the ‘Simnel Cake’ is an integral part of those celebrations. It is created from a recipe that is rich with the fruits, spices and marzipan that were originally forbidden during the period of Lent. So to enjoy a truly traditional Easter feast why not try it yourself with this easy recipe?

Prep Time: 30 minutes Cooking Time: 4 hours Ingredients: 1 ¼ lbs/ 560g ready-made marzipan : 1 lb/ 450g dried mixed fruits (currants, raisins, sultanas, glace cherries) : 3 oz/80g candied chopped peel : 8 oz/ 225g plain flour : Pinch salt : 1 tsp ground cinnamon : 1 tsp freshly grated nutmeg : 6 oz/ 175g butter : 6 oz /175g fine/caster sugar : 3 large eggs, beaten : Milk to mix : 2 tbsp apricot jam Preparation: 1. Heat the oven to 325°F/170°C/Gas 3 2. Line a 7 inch cake tin with greaseproof paper.

3. Divide the almond paste into 3 and take one portion and roll it to a round the size of the cake tin.

4. In a large roomy baking bowl mix the dried fruits & peel with the flour, salt and spices.

5. In another large bowl cream the butter with the sugar until light and fluffy, add the beaten egg a little bit at a time, beating well after each addition - do not try to rush this process as the mixture could curdle. If it does simply add a tbsp of the flour and mix again, this should bring the mixture back together.

6. Carefully fold in half the flour and half the fruit into the egg and butter mixture and once incorporated repeat with the remaining flour and fruit.

7. Put half of the cake mixture into the tin, smooth and cover with the round of almond paste. Put the remaining cake mixture into the tin and smooth the surface carefully. Bake in the centre of the oven for 1 hour.

8. Lower the heat to 300°F/150°C/Gas 2 and bake for 3 hours until the cake is golden brown. Remove from the oven and leave to cool in the tin.

9. Roll another third of almond paste, again to the size of the tin. Make the remaining almond paste equally into 11 tiny balls.

10. Once the cake is completely cool, remove from the tin and brush the top of the cake with apricot jam and cover with the disc of almond paste. Place the 11 tiny balls of paste evenly around the edge. Brush the paste all over with a little apricot jam and place under a hot grill until lightly browned.

11. The cake can then be decorated as you wish with tiny Easter eggs or any other Easter theme.

12. Enjoy For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2011

GELL

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Page 26 The Local Answer

April 2011

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

Saltburn hosts unique exhibition

SALTBURN Pier, the North East’s sole-surviving pleasure pier, is being turned into an open-air art gallery for a unique photographic exhibition this summer. Photographic artist Lawrence George Giles is exhibiting 54 large-scale photographic panoramas depicting all of the country’s remaining seaside pleasure piers along the railings of Saltburn pier for a period of six weeks.

photographs they are akin to the snapshot, as a collective and combined panoramic whole they become a series of publicly share private moments, more akin with a family album”.

Time & Tide explores the place seaside pleasure piers hold in childhood and in collective memories. As a comprehensive study, Time & Tide highlights the cultural importance Redcar and Cleveland Council, working of these sites, but as individual in partnership with the Friends of artworks, the photographs defy time Saltburn Pier, has commissioned – on occasions figures re-appear in the exhibition by the Liverpool-born a different part of the image, and photographer to coincide with the the changing of the light, building of launch of National Piers Week, a sandcastles, a stroll along the beach or national celebration of Britain’s piers a football game are part of the recorded and their heritage, and the biggest experience. nationwide event on Britain’s piers since the Year of the Pier in 1996.

At the turn of the last century, almost a hundred piers existed; now, only half Try and ignore the statistics, even remain and several face an uncertain though they're staggering: tens future. Although the architectural of thousands of photographs, and significance of these sites is well thousands of hours of editing and documented through the photographic stitching, to make 54 panoramas, one medium, little available visual work has based around each of the remaining focused upon their importance as sites seaside piers in Britain; quite possibly of popular culture, leisure and social the world's longest photography interaction. Indeed the significance exhibition. of these sites lies not merely in their structural or historic importance but These seemingly disparate photographic also in their ability to function as a moments of time are then finally catalyst for the creation and sharing knitted together by hand to produce the of early and formative memory. Giles series of beautiful and seamless largeintends that his panoramas will help to scale photographic time-scapes that draw out these memories. make up the final exhibition.

This series of 54 large-scale As Giles states: “The work not only photographic panoramas will be captures the entire environment, they displayed as public artworks along on extend this. They also extend time and Saltburn Pleasure Pier for a period of allow a greater sense of naturalism 6 weeks Friday 11th March – Tuesday to filter through. As individual 25th April 2011.

For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2011

Page 27

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Page 28 The Local Answer

April 2011

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

Safety pretty much assured!

While March has been similar in many ways to the rest of the season – two wins, two draws and one defeat highlighting the inconsistency of the play – it has at least ensured that there will be no last minute jitters as the season comes to its climax. Regardless of the mathematical possibility of ‘Boro being overtaken by all but two of the teams below them, those six points have made it highly unlikely and I think we can safely accept that relegation is now not going to happen.

In my usual search for optimistic aspects of those performances, however, I can honestly say that for the first time for as long as I can remember I can see progress being made. The last three games – good wins against Derby and Watford after going behind and a very creditable draw at Portsmouth – have highlighted how important it is to have an experienced head in goal when the five players in front of him are still very much learning their game. And while this is no criticism of Jason Steele who has performed superbly on occasions, the recruitment of Paul Smith has given the team a bit more solidity. The other major factor is the return of Rhys Williams who has already proved what a tremendous player he is going to be. And with Joe Bennett improving with every game and Tony McMahon becoming a bit of a free kick specialist there is now a suggestion that the current line-up has true potential.

The big problem is still up front and it was interesting against Watford to be able to compare the pacey and athletic Danny Graham with the sometimes overweight and ponderous youngster that scored on his Riverside debut but was held back after that by a bad injury. Twenty five goals this season – his last inevitably at the Riverside – have proved him to be a real talent and the way he took his goal against us merely underlined the fact. It’s no good bemoaning the fact that he was let go too early though because every club has a story of such a player slipping through the net and maturing afterwards into a real talent. Let’s be honest, it happened when Tottenham let the somewhat brash and aggressive Graham Souness join ‘Boro for peanuts only to realise afterwards that he was actually a superstar!

Finance is going to be the big stumbling block in the close season, of course, and with no parachute payment this year there will obviously be a need to balance the books. It would be great if that could be done through increased gates but it is much more likely that one or two of the Academy’s prolific production line will need to be sold. Let’s hope not and that next year we can once again see a push for the top being created by a bunch of ‘Boro lads who care as much about the club as we do.

For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2011

Page 29

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Animal Hutches/Kennels

Domestic Cleaning

Landscaping

Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32

Gel Cleaning . . . . . . . . . Page 25

First Class Landscapes Page 1

Auto Detailing

Double Glazing

Unique Landscapes . . . Page 31

Perfection Auto . . . . . . . Page 7

Andy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7

Mobility Aids

Bathrooms

Marton Windows . . . . . . Page 19

Stockton Mobility . . . . . . Page 3

Gordon Seymour . . . . . Page 11

NU Vision . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 9

Outdoor Clothing

Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . Page 2

Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32

Geegee . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 3

Welhams . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 27

Window Wizard . . . . . . . Page 5

Oven Cleaning

Beauty

Driveways

Hobsnobs . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 13

Gravity Hair & Beauty . . Page 11

Unique Builders . . . . . . . Page 31

Plumbers

Beauty Supplies

Estate Agent

Gas Appliance Service . Page 5

Hair Order . . . . . . . . . . . Page 13

Property Angel . . . . . . . . Page 3

GTS Plumbing . . . . . . . . Page 3

Bedrooms

Fascias & Soffits

Renewable Energy

Space Master . . . . . . . . Page 15

MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 11

USC Renewable . . . . . . Page 7

Welhams . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 27

MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 15

Roofing Services

Blinds

Fencing

New Plas . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 17

AWE Blinds . . . . . . . . . . Page 17

Unique Landscapes . . . Page 31

NW Roofing . . . . . . . . . . Page 13

Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32

Fitted Wardrobes

SG Roofing . . . . . . . . . . Page 15

Builders

Space Master . . . . . . . . Page 15

Sheds

Gel Property . . . . . . . . . .Page 25

Welhams . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 27

Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32

Unique Builders . . . . . . . Page 31

Flooring

Solar Power

Cafe

DM Flooring . . . . . . . . . . Page 25

USC Renewable . . . . . . Page 7

Kings Coffee . . . . . . . . . Page 5

Garden Maintenance

Stair Lifts

Car Body Repairs

First Class Landscapes Page 1

Stockton Mobility . . . . . . Page 3

Car Spa . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 9

Garden Nurseries

Essential Stairlifts . . . . . Page 25

Car Repairs and Servicing

Sir Plants Alot . . . . . . . . Page 1

Window Repairs

Redline Racing . . . . . . . Page 5

Guttering

Andy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7

Car Valeting

MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 11

Marton Windows . . . . . . Page 19

Perfection Auto . . . . . . . Page 7

MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 15

NU Vision . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 9

Carpet Fitting

Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32

Window Wizard . . . . . . . Page 5

DM Flooring . . . . . . . . . . Page 25

Hair & Beauty Supplies

Cladding

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MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 11

Hair Dressing

MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 15

Gravity Hair & Beauty . . Page 11

Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32

Health & Safety

Classified Adverts

Norton Safety . . . . . . . . .Page 19

Jaguar XF . . . . . . . . . . . Page 19

Heating

Cleaning (Ovens)

Fires N Fireplaces . . . . . Page 25

Hobsnobs . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 13

Gas Appliance Service . Page 5

Conservatories

GTS Plumbing . . . . . . . . Page 3

Marton Windows . . . . . . Page 19

Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . Page 21

D.I.Y Stores

Kitchens

MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 11

Gordon Seymour . . . . . Page 11

MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 15

Welhams . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 27

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Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Friendly note to our customers: The index is a free service and the publishers cannot accept responsibility or liability for any errors or omissions. Multiple insertions depend on available space.

The Local Answer

April 2011

Page 31

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www.screwsnthings.co.uk YOU CAN ORDER ONLINE AND COLLECT SAVING MORE MONEY Friendly note to our customers: The index is a free service and the publishers cannot accept responsibility or liability for any errors The Local Answer is produced by Solutions NE insertions Ltd (01642) 483304 Printedspace.

by Acorn Web Offset (01924) 220633 orMedia omissions.

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