Localanswer_issue3

ocal L Issue 3 December 2010

Answer

Tel 01642 483304

www.local-answer.co.uk

Distributed Monthly to over 12,500 Homes

Billingham, Norton, Wolviston & Wynyard Edition

•Fresh Cut Christmas Trees •Christmas Wreaths •Winter Pansies •Hardy Cyclamen •Primroses & Poinsettias •Gift Ideas •Winter Hanging Baskets •Containers ready or made to order Make Christmas extra special this year...

Capture the very essence of the season with the fresh scent of a perfect real Christmas tree or with an individually designed hand made wreaths - that guarantee to turn heads!

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PRIVILEGE CARD

Membership card for the organiser of the party. Enjoy the offers in any of out restaurants below • Table for eight or above • Booking only • Present voucher on arrival (terms & conditions apply)

Banglore 01642 788877

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December 2010

Locks Door Handles Hinges Letterbox’s Replacement Gaskets

Misted or Cracked Double Glazed Units

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Page 2 The Local Answer

CONSTRUCTION

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BULK STORAGE Palletised goods and excess stock stored.

Opening Times: Mon-Sat 8.00am - 6.00pm For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

December 2010

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Page 4 The Local Answer

December 2010

A History of Christmas An examination of Christmas delights like decorated trees, carol singers, rich food, Santa Claus and presents show them to be a combination of social and religious traditions, folklore and magic that have been passed down to us through the centuries. Feasts held in deep midwinter to celebrate the winter solstice – or shortest day – were common long before Christianity and have been traced across Europe to places like ancient Babylon and Egypt. One of the most notable was the Roman Saturnalia, held from the 17th to 24th December. The Christian church chose various dates on which to celebrate Christ’s birthday before finally settling on December 25th- a deliberate substitution for the pagan festival celebrating the rebirth of light in the winter gloom. Some of the rituals and customs used in those pagan celebrations – like the ‘greening’ of public buildings and houses with branches - were also rapidly absorbed by the Christian church.

Tree worship, in fact, dates back to prehistoric times but the idea of the Christmas tree was first introduced into this country by German immigrants who decorated fir trees with apples, paper flowers and candles.

Prince Albert, Queen Victoria’s German-born husband, popularised the idea by also introducing decorations made from spun glass, miniature wooden toys and paper ornaments. Other popular Christmas greenery like holly and mistletoe also had early recognition. Mistletoe was particularly prized by the Celtic Druids who believed it warded off evil and promoted fertility. But while the church happily adopted holly with its red berries symbolizing Christ’s blood the powerful symbolism of mistletoe was banned. Despite that it is still an absolute ‘must’ for most home decorations.

The exchanging of gifts – a tradition

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usually attributed to the three wise men – actually began with the ancient Romans giving lavish gifts to each other during the feast days of Saturnalia, though it took many centuries to be completely adopted.

Not until the late 19th century and the beginnings of consumerism did it become a widespread practice to give and receive gifts.

Cards were yet another Victorian addition to the Christmas Festival.

In 1843 Henry Cole, the director of the Victoria and Albert Museum, produced the first commercial cards and the introduction of the ‘penny post’ in Britain meant that card sending gained momentum.

Santa Claus, Father Christmas, St Nicholas and Sinterklaas – all basically the same person – are also thought to be descended from the Roman King of Saturnalia, though the original St Nicholas was actually a fourth century saint. His cult became popular in the middle ages and in Switzerland, Germany and The Netherlands he was linked with gift giving on his feast-day. The image of a white-bearded man in a red suit is very recent. A century ago he was usually depicted in a long brown robe or furs carrying a cross and wine flask with

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continued on page 6

The Local Answer

December 2010

Page 5

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Page 6 The Local Answer

December 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

A History of Christmas continued a holly crown on his head. It wasn’t until 1885 that a Boston printer, Louis Prang, first devised the red-suited Santa and his theme was further developed in the 1930s by Coca Cola ad artist Haddon Sundblom who produced the modern image of a jolly fat man in a red suit trimmed with white fur.

The reindeer that carry Santa Claus through the frosty night probably came from stories of the Norse God Woden who rode through the sky with reindeer and 42 ghostly huntsmen.

Clement Moore’s famous poem ‘A Visit from St Nicholas’ (‘Twas the night before Christmas’...) sealed the image of Santa Claus, his reindeer and the magical flying sleigh loaded with sacks of presents.

the fresh food were brought out for a festive feast, while hardship was forgotten for a brief time of rest, celebration and merry making. Some modern traditional foods hark back to those times when nuts and dried fruit were luxuries saved for feasting.

Spices and flavourings important in many of the recipes are reminiscent of a time when precious ingredients were gathered from all over the world which meant that different countries had – and still have - their own speciality foods. Heavy fruit cakes and round Christmas puddings in Britain; roast goose stuffed with apples and nuts in Germany and spiced cakes, biscuits and breads in Central Europe are all excellent examples.

Finally, the concentration on food and feasting at Christmas is hardly surprising, for centuries ago, before the days of canning and freezing, it was difficult to survive the winter without stores of preserved food.

Summer preserves and the last of

Whatever is put on plates at Christmas, however, the main tradition that is completely universal is the strong feeling of love, goodwill and generosity that prevails throughout the nicest season of the year. Have a great time!

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Find the Boardwalk on the web and on Facebook to enter their competition to win a Free upper lip course of treatment (Not Transferable to any other treatment) The winner will be notified by the end of December, and the patch test must be booked by the 15th of January 2011 For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

December 2010

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Page 7

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Page 8 The Local Answer

December 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

is a rich biomass that can be used as mulch or soil improver. Alternatively, you might want to buy a living tree that can be planted in the garden when you’ve finished with it.

Every year the UK throws out an estimated 4,500 tonnes of tin foil over the Christmas period. This is enough to cover around 1500 square miles - roughly the size of Suffolk!

An estimated 500 tonnes of Christmas tree lights are discarded in the UK over the Christmas period. If they are in good

working order, you could think about donating them to charity. Even lights that are beyond repair can be recycled!

Waste Festive Facts The amount of wrapping paper estimated to be thrown away in the UK at Christmas could stretch around the equator nine times or to the moon if each sheet was laid end to end.

In the UK approximately 250 tonnes of Christmas trees that could have been recycled are simply thrown out after Christmas. Increasing numbers of local authorities provide either a doorstep collection service or set up local drop-off points where trees are gathered and sent for chipping and composting. The product

13,350 tonnes of glass is thrown out in the UK during the festive season – from champagne and sherry bottles to mincemeat and cranberry sauce jars. Recycling all of them could save 4,200 tonnes of CO2 equivalent being produced, which is equivalent to taking around 1300 cars off the road for one year or to not taking around 630 around the world flights.

Christmas cracker humour What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?

Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !

What did the big candle say to the little candle ?

I’m going out tonight !

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ?

They both drop their needles !

Whats happens to you at Christmas ?

Yule be happy !

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?

Thanks, I’ll never part with it !

How long does it take to burn a candle down ?

About a wick !

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ?

Because a little water ends both of them !

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy ?

She gave him the cold shoulder !

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ?

A pineapple !

What do you give a train driver for Christmas ?

Platform shoes !

What do snowmen wear on their heads ? Ice caps !

What do snowmen eat for lunch ?

Icebergers !

Where do snowmen go to dance?

Snowballs !

For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

December 2010

Page 9

evolution

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Page 10 The Local Answer

December 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

The origins of the great hit singles.

The best Christmas single of all time?

Of the many Christmas hits that have subsequently taken their place in the musical ‘Hall of Fame’ there is only one that would be part of my own personal all time top ten. ‘Fairytale of New York’ by The Pogues and featuring the late and hugely lamented Kirsty MacColl was anything but a fairytale. One of the most unusual, not to mention one of the best, festive hits in the history of the British singles chart, it arrived in the middle of an unexpected period of commercial success for this controversial Irish band whose success stemmed from an ability to mix punk and traditional folk to great effect.

Much of their work featured a female counterpoint to the gin-soaked front man Shane McGowan so while this single was far removed from their usual style it was still no exception. Originally the female lead was Cate‘O Riordan, but after she left in 1986 to marry Elvis Costello following his production of the Pogues’ ‘Rum, Sodomy and The Lash’ album, the band found it difficult to find a suitable replacement. ‘Fairytale’ had been conceived for a number of years before it was finally produced but the perfect female singing voice simply couldn’t be found. Amazingly, one of the Band linked up with Kirsty and introduced her as his girlfriend ‘who could sing a bit.’ She eventually auditioned for ‘Fairytale’ and Shane was immediately blown away by her performance. ‘She,’ he said, ‘is perfect.’

Beginning as a wistful, piano-led ballad before launching into a celebratory jig that belies the dark undertones of the lyrics, the song peaks when McGowan and MacColl trade apparently playful insults that have a surprisingly contradictory message. As Kirsty sings ‘Happy Christmas your arse, I pray God it’s our last’ Shane is announcing ‘Can’t make it all alone I’ve built my dreams around you.’

She is obviously dying as a result of the drugs she has taken and he is –in her words – just a bum and a punk. And throughout the whole proceedings ‘The Boys in the NYPD choir’ were apparently singing ‘Galway Bay.’ And it is that statement which brings us to the most ironic aspect of the whole piece. The New York Police Department doesn’t actually have a choir.

If they did, and if they could sing as well as this lot, I for one would be a huge fan!

Sudoku There is really only one rule to Sudoku: Fill in the game board so that the numbers 1 through 9 occur exactly once in each row, column, and 3x3 box. The numbers can appear in any order and diagonals are not considered. Your initial game board will consist of several numbers that are already placed. Those numbers cannot be changed.

Your goal is to fill in the empty squares following the simple rule above.

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The Local Answer

December 2010

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Page 11

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Page 12 The Local Answer

December 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

A Christmas Present from the Kids

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower and said, ‘Mummy, you are getting fat!’

I replied, ‘Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her An exasperated mother, whose son was tummy.’

‘I know,’ she replied, but what’s always getting into mischief, finally growing in your bum?’ asked him ‘How do you expect to get into Heaven?’ The boy thought it over and said, ‘Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, William, come in or stay out!’’

The fact that kids say the funniest things has long been indisputable but these are some of the latest stories to emerge from that concept. We loved them. Hope you do too!

A nursery school pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.’ How do you know that the cat was dead?’ she asked. ’Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,’ answered the child, innocently. ’You did WHAT?’ the teacher exclaimed in surprise. ‘You know,’ explained the boy, ‘I leaned over and went ‘Pssst’ and it didn’t move’

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of ChickenLittle to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ‘.... and so Chicken Littlewent up to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’ The teacher paused then asked the class, ‘And what do you think that farmer said?’One little girl raised her hand and said, ‘I think he said: ‘Holy S#@%! A talking chicken!’’

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, ‘Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?’

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.’I can’t dear,’ she said. ‘I A certain little girl, when asked have to sleep in Daddy’s room.’

A long silence was broken at last by his her name, would reply, I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.’ Her mother shaky little voice: ‘The big sissy.’ told her this was wrong and she must say, ‘I’m Jane Sugarbrown.’ The Vicar It was that time, during the Sunday spoke to her in Sunday School, and morning service, for the children’s said, ‘Aren’t you Mr. sermon.

Sugarbrown’s daughter?’

All the children were invited to come She replied, ‘I always thought I was, forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat but my mother just told me I’m not.’ down, the minister leaned over and A little girl asked her mother, ‘Can I said, ‘That is a very pretty dress. Is it go outside and play with the boys?’ Her your Christmas Dress?’

The little girl replied, directly into the mother replied, ‘No, you can’t play with minister’s clip-on microphone, ‘Yes, and the boys, they’re too rough.’The little girl thought about it for a few moments my Mum says it’s a pain to iron.’ and asked, If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?’

For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

ADCOL_27 Wynyard 95x135:ADCOL_27 Wynyard 95x135 19/11/2010 09:42 Page 1

The Local Answer

December 2010

Crackers,

Page 13

but most insurers don’t offer unlimited cover on the food in your freezer, should it break down.

We do.

When we insure your home contents, it seems right to consider the food in your freezer, especially at Christmas. That’s why we have no limit on what you can claim, most insurers don’t think it’s important, which we find crackers.

Call 01740 661415 for a quote or pop into the office to talk to Martin Brazier, Jacqueline Kennedy or Sarah Neal at NFU Mutual Office, 6 Chappell Lane (South), Wynyard Business Park, Wynyard TS22 5FG

We do right by you

NFU Mutual is The National Farmers Union Mutual Insurance Society Limited (No. 111982). Registered in England. Registered Office: Tiddington Road, Stratford upon Avon, Warwickshire CV37 7BJ. Authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority. A member of the Association of British Insurers.

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Page 14 The Local Answer

December 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

Reader competition - word search

•Guttering •Bolts •Hammer •Plugs •Decking •Concrete •Brush •Double Glazing •Sanitary •Pink Grip •Nails •Screws •Washers Sealant •Wall Cladding •Fascia •Nuts •Hinges •Radiators Send your solutions to: Screws 'N' Things, 1 Portrack Court, Portrack Lane, Stockton, TS18 2HP. First correct entry pulled out of the hat on 15th December will receive a £10 voucher to spend at one of our shops. Don’t forget your telephone number.

Christmas brain teaser

We usually give you ten general knowledge brain teasers to test how much you know but at this festive time we feel it’s more appropriate to make them Christmas based.

1. Which Christian feast day celebrates 5. One of the most popular Christmas the arrival of the Three Wise Men to films of all time ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ the stable in Bethlehem. was set in which fictional village?

2. Which country annually donates the 6. Who was the first British monarch Trafalgar Square Christmas Tree to to broadcast a Christmas message to the people of London? the nation?

3. How many birds in total did ‘my 7. Who are the four ghosts in Charles true love send to me’ in the Twelve Dickens' A Christmas Carol? days of Christmas?

8. Name the popular red leaved 4.a. What was the title of the American Christmas plant equivalent of ‘Do they know it’s 9. What Christmas song includes ‘the Christmas’ which made number 1 in stars are brightly shining, It is the 1986 and included artists like Michael night of the dear Savior's birth?’

Jackson, Diana Ross, Stevie Wonder and Lionel Richie and 10. From which country does the carol ‘Silent Night’ originate? b. under which name did the artists perform?

For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

December 2010

The Small

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Page 15

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Page 16 The Local Answer

No Excuse

December 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

Talking to a local police officer he spoke of some of the excuses he has heard over his time in the police force.

1. I was going downhill. -Strangely, the highway people don't increase the speed limit on downhill sections of road.

2. I have oversized tires. -- These guys usually say they were going downhill.

3. I was passing a truck. -- I must have missed that exception in the Vehicle & Traffic Law. 4. I was late and my wife was waiting for me. -- I could see some officers buying this one, but not at 107 mph. One guy who told me this was a heart surgeon.

5. It was a rental car (or someone else's car) and I wasn't familiar with it. -- Are you telling me the car didn't have a speedometer?

6. I was only going 78. Or another variation: No way I was going any faster than 80. -- I hear this one a lot.

Still illegal folks.

7. I wasn’t familiar with the road.

-- So you were driving faster??

8. I was just keeping up with traffic. -- Again, I hear this a lot. I could almost buy it at 70 in a 60, but not at 90 in a 50.

9. My car can’t go that fast. -- One guy who told me this, he was driving a BMW 540, which has a top speed somewhere over 130 mph. He was charged with going 90. Almost every car on the road will go 90. Actually, the surgeon from #4 said this and I checked it out. According to the manufacturer the top speed was only 105, so maybe he was right, but 105 is still a bit illegal.

10. I didn't realize I was going that fast. This may make a little sense at 70 mph in a 60 zone, but it sounds idiotic at 125 mph. When you're going that fast, you should be paying attention.

Merry Christmas

2010

We Would Like To Take This Opportunity To Wish All Our Readers A Merry Christmas And A Happy New Year

ocal L

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Answer

December 2010

S

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Page 18 The Local Answer

December 2010

Driving at speed. Humour

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

A senior citizen drove his brand new Sports convertible out of the car dealership...

Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through his grey hair 'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the A19, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly gentleman as he floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph.

Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

officer walked up to the driver's side of the Sports car, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes.

Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.'

'Have a nice day, Sir,' said the policeman and left.....

Pulling in behind him, the police

OFFROADNORTHEAST Deadline For The Next Edition is:

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The Local Answer

December 2010

Page 19

HAIR & BEA

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Page 20 The Local Answer

December 2010

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DISTRIBUTORS

WANTED We are looking for reliable, honest distributors in your area who can work part time (hours at your convenience) with our existing team.

Good exercise and a friendly atmosphere make this a perfect job for someone looking to work around an existing job & earn extra cash.

Duties and Responsibilities The successful candidate will distribute the Local Answer, leaflets and other media honestly and in a timely manner.

You will be given a work load and a deadline. The time of the day you would like to spend on doing it is entirely up to you!

If you are interested please contact Wendy on 01642 498675 or email: jobs@local-answer.co.uk Over 18’s only.

Solutions Brain Teasers Answers

1. Epiphany 2. Norway 3. 23 (1 partridge in a pear tree; 2 Turtle Doves; 3 French Hens; 4 Calling Birds; 6 Geese a Laying; 7 swans a swimming : ) 4. A. We are the World. B. USA for Africa 5. Bedford Falls 6. George V 7. Jacob Marley and the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Christmas Yet to Come. 8.

Poinsettia 9. Oh Holy Night. 10. Austria

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The Local Answer

December 2010

Page 21

Wishes do come true...

Give the perfect gift this christmas

Yarm 51-53 High Street Yarm Yorkshire TS15 9BH 01642 788088

STOKESLEY 24 High Street Stokesley Yorkshire TS9 5AB 01642 713730

LEEDS White Rose Shopping Centre Leeds Yorkshire LS11 8LL 01132 702272 WWW.PANDORA.NET

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Page 22 The Local Answer

December 2010

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Roast Goose with apple and nut stuffing.

In our piece on the origins of Christmas, we mention that Goose stuffed with apple and nuts is the traditional Christmas Day bird in Germany. While that fact alone might put some people off it is nevertheless a truly delicious way to serve this particular bird and so we thought you might like to try the recipe this Christmas. Incidentally, while the usual accompaniments are red cabbage and potato dumplings it is obviously much nearer the British form of Christmas lunch to serve with a variety of seasonal vegetables, delicious roast potatoes and thick, tasty gravy! Enjoy!

Ingredients: 4-5kg (8 – 10lb) oven ready goose with giblets. Salt and black pepper. Goose or bacon fat. 3 red dessert apples and 3 green dessert apples, peeled and cored. Juice of one lemon. 2 tablespoons of clear honey. 125g (4oz) toasted almonds to garnish. Fresh rosemary sprigs to garnish.

Stuffing: 60g (2oz) butter. 175g (2oz) raisins. 4 onions – chopped. 3 cooking apples, peeled, cored and coarsely chopped. 124g (4oz) blanched almonds, chopped. 250g (8oz) fresh white breadcrumbs. 1 tablespoon each chopped fresh parsley, sage and thyme. 1 teaspoon ground cloves.

1. Preheat the oven to 200 degrees C / 400F / gas 6. Wipe the goose and remove any excess fat from inside.

Place the giblets in a pan with water to cover and simmer for 45 minutes.

Reserve the stock for gravy. Chop the liver for stuffing.

oven for 30 minutes then reduce the heat to 180 degrees C / 350F / gas 4.

5. Remove the goose from the oven and prick the skin around the neck, wings, thighs, back and lower breast.

Return to the oven for another 3 – 31/2 hours removing excess fat and basting 2. To make the stuffing, melt the butter regularly. Add stuffing balls 30 minutes and cook the raisins, onion and apple from the end of cooking time. for 2-3 minutes, stirring. Remove from the heat and add the almonds, 6. Test the goose by piercing the thigh breadcrumbs, herbs, cloves and with a sharp knife – the juices should chopped liver. run pale yellow, not pink. Leave the goose to rest fifteen minutes before 3. Stuff the neck end of the goose, carving. securing the skin flaps underneath the wing tips and place the remainder in 7. Meanwhile, slice the apple Halves the body cavity of the goose or make thinly, but not all the way through. stuffing balls. Secure the tail end with Place each half on a square of foil, skewers and truss the goose neatly drizzle with lemon juice and honey, with string to hold the wings and legs and add a sprig of rosemary. Seal the in position close to the body. parcels and bake in the oven for 10-15 minutes, then unwrap carefully.

4. Cover the breast with goose or bacon fat and tie on securely with string.

8. Place the goose on a warm serving Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Place dish and garnish with the apples, a rack in a large roasting tin and lay stuffing balls, toasted almonds and the goose breast side down. Cook in the sprigs of rosemary.

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The Local Answer

December 2010

Page 23

WWW.THOMASSABO.COM

51-53 High Street, Yarm, TS15 9BH. Tel. 01642 788088 24 High street, Stokesley, TS9 5AB. Tel. 01642 713730 White Rose Shopping Centre, Leeds, LS11 8LL. Tel. 0113 2702272

All purchase receipts, from October through to December, will be entered into a

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I A I e

Y d t a

Page 24 The Local Answer

December 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

Alternative approach to sickness & illness - coughs and colds These ailments are the bane of the British people. When we catch a cough or cold, we may be the type who just let the body fight its own way out of the infection, or we may be one of those who lace themselves with all sorts of self-help remedies, either chemical or natural, or we may be the type who goes running to the Doc for them to sort us.

A cough is the body’s attempt to defend the lungs or to clear the lungs from the effects of an infection.

Bearing in mind that health is not the absence of disease, but rather the ability to deal with it. When we get infection, the body’s defences come into play and that is producing antibody-rich mucus to protect the inner lining of the lungs. Without that increase of mucus there would be no barrier, which would allow the infection deeper into our system. The same applies for the cough which is continually clearing the mucky mucus (phlegm) to make way for the fresh.

A cold infection usually starts at the lining of the nasal passages where we then find ourselves sneezing and being inconvenienced by a running nose. Again the increase of antibody-rich mucus, in this case called catarrh, is there by design to try to wash out the infection. Coupled with the sneezing we have an effective inbuilt pressure washer.

With both the cough and the cold we may well feel under the weather, lethargic and tired. This is our body’s attempt to make us rest and take it easy, however at this point the martyr in us comes to the fore and we force ourselves to carry on. Our hormones will also determine how we cope with the infection. The female by nature has to keep going to keep the family together, so it tends to draw out, whereas in the male it tends to fight it out quicker and more aggressively. This gives rise to the term ‘Man flu’. Both genders can play on it to gain more attention – notice how we don’t get colds anymore, it is always flu!

Colds and many coughs are the result of viral attacks for which there is no conventional medicine. Taking antibiotics or powders, therefore can tend to make things worse in the long run. To antibiotics, our antibodies are bacteria so by taking them we are not only undermining their purpose but are killing them, causing confusion to our defence mechanism. This can result in repeated or more serious infections.

We must learn to allow our body to defend itself in the way that nature very carefully designed it, and not interfere with that process. This would clear the Doc to deal with more deserving ailments.

By Prof. Steve Russell for The Restoratory

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The Local Answer

December 2010

Page 25

51-53 High Street, Yarm, TS15 9BH. Tel. 01642 788088 24 High street, Stokesley, TS9 5AB. Tel. 01642 713730 White Rose Shopping Centre, Leeds, LS11 8LL. Tel. 0113 2702272

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Page 26 The Local Answer

December 2010

Classic sporting quotes.

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

I’ve often thought that if some of our favourite sports stars couldn’t kick a ball or run faster than the majority they’d be hard pushed to find worthwhile employment anywhere else? Well now we’ve managed to track down some more quotations loosely based around sport that suggest the same also applies to some of the commentators!

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

‘I’m not gonna try to predict what I’m gonna do, Harry, but I’m gonna come out the winner’ – Frank Bruno ‘England might now be favourites to draw this match’ – Vic Marks, Test Match Special ‘Man, I used to be so bad at sports that they picked me after the white kids’ – Chris Rock ‘Street hockey is great for kids. It’s energetic, competitive and skilful. And best of all it keeps them off the streets’ – Chris Hollins, Breakfast BBC1.

‘I was watching what I thought was Sumo wrestling on TV for two hours before I realised it was darts.’ – Hattie Hayridge ‘You must have trained very hard to swim the Atlantic because not many people have done it.’ ‘It was the channel, Richard, the bloody channel.’ – Richard Madely and David Walliams on Richard & Judy.

7.

‘I can’t see who’s in the lead but it’s either Oxford or Cambridge.’ – John Snaggs, commenting on the Boat Race.

8.

‘Kris, do you have to plan your tactics before the race or do you just try to run faster than the other blokes?’ – Mrs Merton to Kris Akabusi.

9.

‘There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class’ – Ron Pickering commentating on an athletics meeting.

10. ‘No one hands you the F A Cup on a plate’ – Terry

McDermott ‘I know what a goal is, which is surely the main thing even if I don’t know the offside rule or free kicks – or side kicks or whatever they’re called’ – Victoria Beckham.

‘I’d compare him to the incomparable George Best’ – David Pleat on Ronaldo.

‘That was a tremendous free kick. It would probably have gone in if he had put it where he intended to put it’ – Stan Collymore ‘The referee said Warhurst had been sent off for foul and abusive language but the lad swears blind he never said a word!’ – Joy Royle ‘The best thing for them to do is keep it at nil-nil until they score a goal’ – Martin O Neill ‘I never comment on referees and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat!’ – Ron Atkinson

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The Local Answer

December 2010

Page 27

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Page 28 The Local Answer

December 2010

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It’s still looking pretty glum!

Up until the dreadful performance against Millwall there had been an obvious lift in spirits around the Riverside with Tony Mowbray’s arrival raising morale and giving the crowd something to cheer about after a dismal 12 months of Scottish rule.

The comeback against Palace was tremendous and had the crowd on their feet for the first time for ages. For whatever reason, however, everything went flat again in the Millwall performance and while it’s always been a ‘chicken and egg’ argument about whether the crowd lifts the players or the players lift the crowd, the whole thing from players to crowd was – well, flat!

Almost half way through the fixtures and wallowing in the bottom three was obviously not written into the script in August so where do we go from here?

The defence is playing pretty well but continues to leak the odd goal. And the big problem with that is generally a loss of all three points because we seem incapable – Crystal Palace aside – of coming back from a goal down.

And after Hull at home two of our next three away fixtures are at Cardiff and Nottingham Forest – neither particularly happy hunting grounds over the years and with both currently in the top six it doesn’t auger too well.

But it’s nearly Christmas and we shouldn’t dwell too much on the negative side. Let’s just cross our fingers and begin to believe that we can turn things round very quickly. We also have to hope that Tony Mowbray can get us a welcome if belated Christmas present of a bit of creativity in the January transfer window. Oh for someone who can actually pass a ball forward without giving it to the opposition!

Let’s just hope for a Happy Christmas and an improved New year!

Christmas cracker humour What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?

Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !

Why are Christmas trees bad knitters ?

Because they drop their needles !

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?

Thanks, I'll never part with it !

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ?

A pineapple !

What do you give a train driver for Christmas ?

Platform shoes !

Adult Advent Calender

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The Local Answer

December 2010

Page 29

THE BEST WAY TO ATTRACT LOCAL CUSTOMERS The Local Answer publication is the most effective way to attract local customers. Its convenient A5 size and monthly format makes it easy to keep handy in a drawer or by the telephone. An alphabetical index of services, at the back, is always at hand and easy to use.

With a combined free distribution of over 64,900 copies delivered monthly The Local Answer offers readers a true snapshot of local businesses.

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For More Information Call 01642 483304 www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer is published by Media Solutions NE Ltd. 48 Cranbourne Drive, Redcar, TS10 2SP

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INDEX OF ADVERTISERS

Accountants Johnson & Co . . . . . . . . Page 15 SV Bye . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 9 Animal Hutches/Kennels Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Automotive Services Redline Racing . . . . . . . Page 11 Beauty Absolute Beauty . . . . . . Page 11 Boardwalk . . . . . . . . . . . Page 3 Evolution . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 9 Gravity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 15 Bedrooms Ace Wardrobes . . . . . . . Page 5 Blinds Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Builders AJ Designs . . . . . . . . . . .Page 2 Unique Builders . . . . . . . Page 31 Car Body Repairs Sprayworx . . . . . . . . . . . Page 17 Caravans Teesside Caravans . . . . Page 15 Carpet Cleaning Heavens Best . . . . . . . . Page 9 Cladding MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 5 MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 7 Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Clothing Gee Gee . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 5 Conservatories Marton Windows . . . . . . Page 13 D.I.Y Stores MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 5 MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 7 Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Dog Grooming Dial A Dog Wash . . . . . . Page 3 Double Glazing Andy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 2 Marton Windows . . . . . . Page 13 NU Visions . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7 Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Window Wizard . . . . . . . Page 17

Driveways K Hansen Paving . . . . . Page 9 NU Pave . . . . . . . . . . . . .Page 11 Unique Builders . . . . . . . Page 31 Electrical Services Apec Electrical . . . . . . . . Page 3 Fascias & Soffits MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 5 MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 7 Fencing CS Joinery . . . . . . . . . . . Page 9 Unique Landscapes . . . Page 31 Fitted Wardrobes Ace Wardrobes . . . . . . . Page 5 Garden Nurseries Sir Plants Alot . . . . . . . . Page 1 Guttering MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 5 MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 7 Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Hair & Beauty Supplies HairOrder . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 19 Hair Dressing Evolution . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 9 Gravity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 15 Heating Combi UK . . . . . . . . . . . Page 19 Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . Page 27 Insurance Brokers NFU . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 13 Ironing Service ABC Ironing . . . . . . . . . . Page 3 Jewelers Whittakers . . . . . . . . . . . Page 21 Whittakers . . . . . . . . . . . Page 23 Whittakers . . . . . . . . . . . Page 25 Joinery CS Joinery . . . . . . . . . . . Page 9 Kitchens AJ Designs . . . . . . . . . . .Page 2 Landscaping AJ Designs . . . . . . . . . . .Page 2 Unique Landscapes . . . Page 31 Laundry Service ABC Ironing . . . . . . . . . . Page 3

Mobile Car Body Repairs Sprayworx . . . . . . . . . . . Page 17 Mobility Aids MV Mobility . . . . . . . . . . Page 11 Oven Cleaning Hobsnobs . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7 Paving K Hansen Paving . . . . . Page 9 NU Pave . . . . . . . . . . . . .Page 11 Petcare Pet Pals . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 2 Restaurants Raj Bari . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 1 Roofing Services AM Roofing . . . . . . . . . . Page 9 NW Roffing . . . . . . . . . . Page 17 Sheds Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Sportsware Gee Gee . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 5 Storage Store It 4 U . . . . . . . . . . . Page 2 Teesside Caravans . . . . Page 15 Wardrobes Ace Wardrobes . . . . . . . Page 5 Window Repairs Andy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 2 Marton Windows . . . . . . Page 13 NU Visions . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7 Window Wizard . . . . . . . Page 17

Please note: The deadline for the January 2011 Edition of the Local Answer is the 9th December 2010 To Advertise please call 01642 483304 www.local-answer.co.uk

Friendly note to our customers: The index is a free service and the publishers cannot accept responsibility or liability for any errors or omissions. Multiple insertions depend on available space.

The Local Answer

December 2010

Page 31

UNIQUE

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www.screwsnthings.co.uk YOU CAN ORDER ONLINE AND COLLECT SAVING MORE MONEY Friendly note to our customers: The index is a free service and the publishers cannot accept responsibility or liability for any errors The Local Answer is produced by Solutions NE insertions Ltd (01642) 483304 Printedspace.

by Acorn Web Offset (01924) 220633 orMedia omissions.

Multiple depend onand available