Local Answer Ingleby 123

Answer

Local Ingleby Barwick Edition Issue 123 | August 2020

MAKING EXCELLENCE A HABIT

ROOFING & BUILDING

COMPLETE ROOFING AND BUILDING SPECIALISTS Family Run Business - Since 1976

FREE Estimates - All Work Guaranteed Insurance Backed Guarantees

ROOFING and BUILDING STORE NOW OPEN

01642 473676 / 01287 623048

Email: info.aaaroofing@gmail.com Web: www.aaaroofing.co.uk

VEHICLE RECOVERY 24 HOURS - 7 DAYS A WEEK

SEE M&M RECOVERY ON PAGE 3

Tel 01642 296513 local-answer.co.uk Carefully distributed by Famous Flyers

Supporting local businesses for over 15 years

33

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M&M

RECOVERY

24 HOURS - 7 DAYS A WEEK

• MOT Failures bought for cash • Light Haulage • We will beat any genuine quotes

Tel:

07703 526466

Plumbing, Heating Bathrooms Kitchens Joinery, Fires & Log Burners

All your household maintenance under one roof Gas Safe Registered Gary 07413 John 07778

761298 021325

25% DISCOUNT

ON ALL HIGH SECURITY INTERNALLY GLAZED WINDOWS With Argon Filled Energy Efficient Units NO JOB TOO SMALL Choice of 20 Designs

UPVC DOORS fitted from

£475

COMPOSITE DOORS

fitted from

Choice of 20 Designs Choice of Colours

£695

BOWS fitted from

£595

FRENCH DOORS fitted from

£695

All doors come fully reinforced with anti-drill and anti-snap security locks

ALL SEASONS WINDOWS Local Family Business - Established 1993

FOR A FREE NO OBLIGATION VISIT CALL 01642 613600 OR FREEPHONE 0800 1699276 Visit our website at: aswindows.co.uk Visit: local-answer.co.uk for LOCAL NEWS & SPORT | Local Answer - Tel: 01642 296513 - August 2020 | PAGE 3

Supporting local businesses for over 15 years

POLARIS B L I N D S E V A S s £££'

Buy direct from the manufacturer

CONSERVATORY ROOF BLINDS All Blinds are manufactured in-house, including Perfect Fit International (no screws), ensuring the highest possible quality. All our blinds and workmanship are fully guaranteed for your peace of mind.

PREMIUM BLINDS

We can satisfy customer needs whatever your requirements. We have a superb choice of "high end" (but not overpriced) premium blinds and shutters. We pride ourselves on providing quality and value for money.

YOU’LL LOVE • FREE Home Visits OUR SHUTTERS • FREE Measuring You’ll love how • FREE No Obligation Quotes easy and affordable choosing from our • FREE Fitting • FREE Child Safety Features range is.

SHUTTERS • VERTICALS • VENETIAN • ROLLER • PLEATED

VISIT OUR SHOWROOM...

Polaris Blinds welcome you to visit our Liverton Mines factory to discuss and view our extensive selection of blinds and shutters, budget or premium.

Call us today for an appointment.

ALL AREAS COVERED - PLEASE CALL KEVIN WHEATLEY ON:

01287 641729 / 07715 138140 Unit 11, North Liverton Industrial Estate, Lantsbery Drive, Liverton Mines TS13 4QZ

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DAMP CONDENSATION AND TIMBER SPECIALIST • Rising Damp • Penetrating Damp • Condensation • Wet/Dry Rot ALL WORK FULLY GUARANTEED

Call now to book your FREE no-obligation survey and quote

01642 475798 www.dampcured.co.uk

Visit: local-answer.co.uk for LOCAL NEWS & SPORT | Local Answer - Tel: 01642 296513 - August 2020 | PAGE 5

Supporting local businesses for over 15 years THE EYE MAGAZINE

SC Henderson & Son Ltd Plumbing, Central Heating Servicing, Joinery, Tiling, Kitchens and Building Maintenance

Specialists in Bathrooms, Kitchens, Cloakrooms Disabled Walk-In Showers and Wet Rooms

Boiler & Heating Installation, Renewals & Repairs

Landlord safety checks Up to 12 years manufacturer’s warranty included

• • • • • • • • •

Full Building Maintenance Plumbing Heating Installation & Repairs Servicing & Landlord Gas Safety Reports / Certification Tiling Joinery Electrical Works Gas Works

21a Howe Street, Middlesbrough TS1 4LD

Tel: 01642 210781 Mob: 07850 824466 Web: schendersonandson-middlesbrough.co.uk Email: schenderson_son@hotmail.com

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North East Specialists In High Quality Bespoke Wardrobe, Kitchens & Bathrooms From design to installation, Spacemaster offers you a high standard of customer service. Planning designed to suite your lifestyle, budget and space requirements

T: 01642 486024 | M: 07850 861297 www.spacemaster-ne.com

e-mail:windowwizard.ne@btinternet.com www.windowwizard-ne.co.uk

Tel: 01642 450397 Mob: 07796 200130

Regain your independence with a Stairlift from the experts at ‘The Lift Guys’

For all your mobility needs, give us a call on

.E N d r iza W 01642 040608 w o d n i W or email: service@theliftguys.co.uk

Unit 13, Metcalfe Road Skippers Lane Industrial Estate Middlesbrough TS6 6PT

s staller ers & In PLACED r u t c a nuf ITS RE ZED UN ies Ma rvator H DOUBLE GLA I-FOLD DOORS e s n o G HB C ors & ITS & GUTTERIN PVC REPAIRS EE QUOTES -OUT ws, Do FF H FR ALL H ALL U Windo H FASCIAS, SO H FREE C

Welham Bedrooms Also Bathrooms, Kitchens and Studies

From contemporary to the classical, our Bedroom furniture can fit the style of any room Maximise your wardrobe space with our built in furniture, and because all our units are bespoke, we can build them to fit into the most awkward of spaces. We can create ideal storage solutions with internal shelving and hanging rails fitted to suit your requirements.

With matching accessories, bedside units, Headboards and Mirrors, we have everything you need to create your dream room.

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Call in to our showroom (by appointment only) or visit our website for further details

VISIT OUR SHOWROOM: Just off the A174 between Redcar & Marske, Longbeck Trading Estate, Marske TS11 6HB By appointment only: Monday-Thursday 8-5, Friday 8-4, Saturday 10-2

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OFFERS AVAILABLE ON BEDROOMS, KITCHENS & BATHROOMS

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01642 491257

Visit: local-answer.co.uk for LOCAL NEWS & SPORT | Local Answer - Tel: 01642 296513 - August 2020 | PAGE 7

Supporting local businesses for over 15 years

Celebratin g

41 Years of AEP

LPG Gas & Oil

AEP - YOUR ELECTRICAL EXPERTS Our Experienced and NICEIC Accredited Electricians will ensure you are fully compliant with current standards & regulations VISIT OUR RETAIL SHOP at Kirkleatham Business Park for all your Electrical, Lighting, Plumbing & Drainage needs

Call us today to book a FREE technical survey

01642 485040

aep@aep-ne.com | www.aep-ne.com 8b Arlon Court, Kirkleatham Business Park, Redcar TS10 5RS PAGE 8 | Please mention ‘The Local Answer Ingleby Barwick’ when calling advertisers

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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years

10% OFF

for SENIOR CITIZENS

S&S

Windows and Doors A Family Run Local Business

PROFESSIONAL SERVICE AT LOW PRICES

• Composite doors • A rated windows • •

and doors Full double glazing repair service Misted glass units replaced

• Locks, handles, • • •

hinges Conservatory roofs repaired Facias, soffits and guttering Roofing repairs

IS YOUR CONSERVATORY LEAKING? CALL US FOR A QUOTE TO REPAIR ALWAYS USE A LOCAL COMPANY CONTACT US TO GET A NON OBLIGATION QUOTE

Tel: 0800 0935389 / 01642 880413 www.sandswindowsanddoors.co.uk

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BRUSH STROKES

1st

CLASS DECORATING at Affordable Prices

Interior, Exterior, Commercial & Domestic FREE Estimates OAP Discounts Available

Time Served Decorator with 40 YEARS Experience Call STEVE on:

01642 281547 or 07811 321520

SLINGSBY INTERIORS Bathroom Studio & Heating Specialists

EX-DISPLAY OFFERS Many ex-display offers available in our showroom

No reasonable offer refused WE OFFER FREE, NO OBLIGATION QUOTATIONS PEIRSON STREET, REDCAR TS10 1SW

Showroom (by appointment only): Mon-Fri 9am-5pm, Sat 10am-1pm AMPLE FREE PARKING

Tel: 01642 488818 www.slingsbyinteriors.co.uk

Visit: local-answer.co.uk for LOCAL NEWS & SPORT | Local Answer - Tel: 01642 296513 - August 2020 | PAGE 11

Supporting local businesses for over 15 years

Sudoku

Test Your Knowledge LOCAL ANSWER GENERAL KNOWLEDGE QUIZ Seven or more correct answers is great and means you know your stuff! Good luck!

1. How many squares are there on a chess board?

2. What is the currency used in Japan?

3. What year did Elvis Presley die?

4. What did the Montgolfier brothers invent?

5. Which elephant has the biggest ears?

6. Who invented the electric light bulb?

7. Who wrote “The Ugly Duckling”?

8. Which colours make purple when mixed together?

9. When was President Kennedy Assassinated?

10. How many spots are there on 2 dice? (answers on page 29) PAGE 12 | Please mention ‘The Local Answer Ingleby Barwick’ when calling advertisers

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R O * O F R E P A I R S

R QUALITY OOFING

R * O O F

Ridge Tiles • Chimney Stacks Gable Ends • Slating • Tiling • Gutters Fascias • Soffits • Garage Roofs • Bay Tops ‘LOCAL FAMILY RUN BUSINESS’ Over 35 Years Experience FREE ESTIMATES PROMPT ATTENTION

RING JOHN

01642 603160 / 07710 318954 “Trust Assured”

www.roofersinteesside.com

R E P A I R S

Cleveland Up & Over Door Co. Ltd

EST. 1973

Family Run Business with over 35 years experience.

SAME DAY REPAIR SERVICE WHEN AVAILABLE

FULL RANGE OF SPARE PARTS FOR MOST MAKES OF GARAGE DOORS

Customer Satisfaction Is Our Recommendation Electrically Operated Roller Doors & Up & Over Doors

RESIDENTIAL ROLLER DOORS AND WINDOW SHUTTERS

Manufacturers of

HUGE savings on all garage doors Before you buy give us a try!

We won’t be beaten on price! Huge Stocks With Many Styles To Choose From!

For a FREE SURVEY and no-obligation quote call us on

AA ASSOCIATES

M’bro 01642 440920 Redcar 01642 487699 Freephone 0808 108 5218 website: www.clevelandupover.co.uk

Visit our showroom at 7 Metcalfe Road, Skippers Lane Ind. Est. Middlesbrough.

Visit: local-answer.co.uk for LOCAL NEWS & SPORT | Local Answer - Tel: 01642 296513 - August 2020 | PAGE 13

Supporting local businesses for over 15 years

In The Garden

S

weep your patio areas regularly and treat any small weeds with a systemic weed killer as they germinate.

Hoe weeds from gravel areas and treat with a residual weed killer to prevent more weed seeds from germinating.

Damp down the floor of your greenhouse after you have watered in the morning. This keeps the humidity high but also lowers the temperature during hot weather.

Clean out your water butts if they have been emptied, to remove sludge and algae in the bottom.

Patio and Container Gardening Keep an eye out for ants setting up home in the base of planted containers and treat accordingly to stop them undermining roots so that the plants dry out from the base.

Treat all of your permanent container plantings with a biological control for

Vine Weevil larvae. They can devastate plants in pots if not kept in check.

Round up any empty containers and give them a scrub out in preparation for autumn and winter bedding plants.

Bulbs and Perennials Remove side buds from Dahlias as they develop to get a single, larger flower for cutting.

Continue to cut down stems on perennials as they finish flowering.

Chop these up and add to your compost heaps.

Divide summer flowering perennials as they finish flowering. Dig up the clumps and replant some of the younger, more vigorous growth.

Cut Oriental Poppies and Border Geraniums to the ground, leaves and all, after they have flowered. Mulch around the crowns and water well.

Many of the Geraniums will flower again in autumn.

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Trees and Shrubs Summer prune shrubs by removing two thirds of the long, upright growths that have developed since the spring.

Feed Rhododendrons, Azaleas, Pieris and Camellias with a suitable granular fertilizer such as Vitax Conifer and Shrub. Water this in well and make sure that these plants do not go short of water now, whilst they are forming next year’s flower buds.

Trim Lavender bushes after flowering to remove the dead flower spikes.

Summer prune Wisteria by taking any long, unwanted growths back to five or six leaf buds. Trim hedges that are becoming untidy – the final cut can be done in early autumn.

S O B N I G

LANDSCAPES DRIVEWAY & PATIO SPECIALIST

Sowing and Planting Sow seeds of perennials that need a frost to germinate. Leave them outside in a cold frame or in a cold green house until they begin to germinate next spring.

Take tip cuttings of woody herbs such as Rosemary and Sage to replace any old plants next spring.

Peg down runners on Strawberry plants into pots of compost or soil. These can be severed from the parent plant once they have rooted.

Lawns Continue to cut your lawn as required.

Leave the grass clippings on the lawn to help retain moisture if the weather is very dry.

Spot treat weeds as they appear with Verdone or another ready to use lawn weed killer. Dig out the roots and fill the hole with gritty compost to encourage the grass to re-grow.

 Driveways FROM DESIGN TO  Patios REALITY  Decking  Turfing  Specialist in Artificial Turf  Full Garden Landscapes  General Maintenance

“WE WON’T BE BEATEN ON QUALITY!”

“GIBSON LANDSCAPES ARE A MARSHALLS APPROVED LANDSCAPE CONTRACTOR AND DRIVEWAY INSTALLER”

For FREE Advice, Quotation and Professional Service call

Ingleby Barwick:

01642 659945

Mobile: 07756 670212

www.gibsonlandscapes.co.uk

Visit: local-answer.co.uk for LOCAL NEWS & SPORT | Local Answer - Tel: 01642 296513 - August 2020 | PAGE 15

Supporting local businesses for over 15 years

Welha

Also Bedrooms, Ba Our Bespoke Kitchens are

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Birkbecks Electrical your local Kitchen Appliance Store

we deliver we install we care WE ARE NOW OPEN AGAIN and adhering to all Government guidelines

BEKO

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• A+++ rated • 30 minute quick wash

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Under Counter Freezer

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* Prices must be quoted at time of sale

17 WEST DYKE ROAD, REDCAR Tel: 01642 484103 www.birkbeckselectrical.co.uk • birkbecks@hotmail.co.uk FREE Delivery within a 10 mile radius - Sunday delivery available

• BOSCH • ZANUSSI • HOOVER • CANDY • HOTPOINT • INDESIT • BLOMBERG • LEC • BELLING • AMICA • BEKO • PANASONIC • TOSHIBA • SEBA • STOVES • NEWWORLD • BAUMATIC • LG • LINSAR • ELECTROLUX • IBERNA

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am Kitchens

athrooms and Studies e created especially for you

nvestment of your bespoke Kitchen is to your home and that chens are created especially for you, whether it’s Traditional designs and colours to suit all tastes and budgets. We listen o the final design. Our friendly staff will help to take the stress elpful advice on colour schemes, styles and finishing touches.

DISHWASHER on kitchen orders placed over £5,000

ly while stocks last. See our website for further details

ween Redcar & Marske, Longbeck Trading Estate, Marske TS11 6HB -Thursday 8-5, Friday 8-4, Saturday 10-2

hens.co.uk 01642 491257

RESIN BOUND DRIVEWAYS WHAT IS RESIN BOUND?

Resin bound is a natural stone resin bound surface that can be laid over tarmac or concrete. It does not involve any long convoluted digging out of foundations and the majority of jobs undertaken are completed in just one day.

The finished surface is a beautiful resin set gravel which removes the annoyance of loose chippings and stones Imprint • Ultimate Strength & Durability • Puddle Free & Weed Resistant • Multiple Colour Choices • Fully Project Managed • Instant Kerb Appeal • Fully Guaranteed • Low Maintenance

PATHS

DRIVEWAYS

Concrete Service Available

PATIOS

ProLine-Eco Drives 01642 459521 / 07876 07876 597573

www.proli www.prol ine-ecod ne-ecodrives.co.uk rives.co.uk Visit: local-answer.co.uk for LOCAL NEWS & SPORT | Local Answer - Tel: 01642 296513 - August 2020 | PAGE 17

Supporting local businesses for over 15 years

Healthy Eating

SPICY GRILLED CHICKEN (OR QUORN FILLET) WRAPS

O

n days where you don’t feel like cooking or just fancy something easy and healthy, try these spicy wraps.

You need to make the marinade 2 hours ahead or you can even make it the night before and leave it in the fridge until you’re ready to make the recipe. When you’re ready to make it, the recipe only takes around 20 minutes.

Chicken is low fat and a good source of protein, if you’re vegetarian, quorn is also good for protein, low fat and a source of fibre.

The spices used in the recipe can be found in your local Indian grocery store: fenugreek, cumin and fennel are all good for your digestive system.

RECIPE 2 tsp fenugreek seeds, 2 tsp fennel seeds, 2 tsp cumin seeds, 2 garlic cloves finely chopped, 1 tsp cayenne pepper or paprika, grated zest and juice of 1 lemon, tsp salt, 2 tablespoon greek style natural yogurt (optional), 4 skinless boneless chicken

fillets (about 6oz each) or 6 quorn fillets, 2 tablespoons olive oil, black pepper Heat a frying pan over low heat until hot.

Add the fenugreek, fennel and cumin seeds and toast for 2-3 minutes (don’t burn) until they give off an aroma. Cool then crush in a pestle and mortar or grind in a coffee grinder.

Tip into a bowl and add garlic, cayenne/ paprika, lemon zest, 2 tablespoons lemon juice, teaspoon of salt and yogurt if using.

Slash the chicken or quorn all over using a sharp knife and put into a dish. Rub this marinade all over, cover and leave in the fridge for 2 hours or overnight.

When ready to eat, heat the grill and put foil on baking tray. Drizzle the marinated chicken or quorn with olive oil. Grill till cooked (20 minutes for chicken, less for quorn), turning halfway through.

When cool, tear into shreds and serve in wraps drizzled with yogurt (or tahini sauce if using quorn and vegetarian), with slices of tomato and lettuce.

WEB WATCH

Check out these websites to help you find a local business to suit your needs... www.lakes-service-centre.co.uk (Car Servicing, MOT’s & Repairs) www.roofixltd.co.uk (Industrial & Domestic Roofing Contractors) www.teessidephysio.co.uk (Clinical Pilates & Specialist Massage) www.slingsbyinteriors.co.uk (Bathroom & Heating Specialists) www.caketoppersredcar.co.uk (Celebration & Wedding Cakes) www.acookroofing.co.uk (Roofing & Building)

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Welham Bathrooms Also Kitchens, Bedrooms and Studies

Your Bathroom is a place to unwind, relax and have a bit of me time

Here at Welham’s we can create the perfect space to help you do just that. Is it traditional style or the super sleek glam look you are interested in? Whatever your taste, we can create that ideal room.

We manufacture all units in our factory in Marske, to your specifications. All bathroom suites and showers come from well established suppliers such as Kudos, Mira, Vitra, Bristan and many more. We also add those finishing touches such as Karndean flooring, tiling, multi panel, laminate ceiling and, not forgetting, lighting.

OFFERS AVAILABLE ON BATHROOMS, BEDROOMS & KITCHENS Redc

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01642 491257

ONLINE...

LOCAL NEWS and SPORT

LOCAL BUSINESS DIRECTORY

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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years

www.localgasman.co.uk Free Estimates No Call-Out Charge All Plumbing New Boilers New Central Heating Gas Safety Reports Power Flushing Gas Cookers Gas Fires Boilers/Fires Serviced & Repaired H Senior Citizens 10% Discount H H H H H H H H H H

LATEST CONDENSING BOILERS (with up to 12 YEAR GUARANTEE WITH MAGNETIC FILTER)

All editions of the

are available to view online at:

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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years

Est 1985

MICRO CLEAN

Fo r

CLEANER CARPETS

• Outstanding First Time Results • Fully Trained Operators • Professional, Reliable Service • Free Quotes • No Hidden Charges • Latest Technology

We use the latest Powerflite deep cleaning equipment, ensuring outstanding results first time... every time. The amazing performance of this machine enables us to remove even the most stubborn of stains and leave you with the fresh new look that you want, extending the life of your carpet into the bargain.

We are happy to move & replace furniture as required so that you can enjoy a totally stress free experience.

Our business has grown on the strength of our reliable, professional and cost effective service.

HOSPITAL GRADE STEAM CLEANER available

JET PRESSURE WASHING & POND

VACUUMING SERVICE

(clear debris & blanket weed)

Tel: 01287 644111 Mobile: 07715 138140 www.micro-clean.co.uk

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See Page 30 for our Index of Advertisers www.wsplastics.com

Family Run Business

W.S. Plastics Ltd

Bathroom/Kitchen design & installation

FREE CEILING PANELLING when booking a full bathroom refurbishment this month (t’s & c’s)* • Full bathroom refurbishment service from start to finish, including any plumbing, plastering and building work • All work organised for you with a large selection of fittings to choose from EST. • Highly skilled team of dedicated fitters 16 • Friendly and helpful showroom staff YEARS

*offer applies only to full bathrooms of the value £4000+, up to 2sq.m.

Redcar Beacon

Showroom: 01642 271541

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High Street (Pedestrian Zone)

ONLINE...

LOCAL NEWS and SPORT

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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years LOCAL ANSWER

Recipe

CORNFLAKE JAM TART INGREDIENTS Pastry: 175g plain flour 85g butter (cold and cubed) 1 tbsp caster sugar 2 medium egg yolks 2 tbsp water (room temperature) Filling: 150g raspberry jam 75g butter 25g golden caster sugar 2 tbsp golden syrup 125g cornflakes METHOD Start with the pastry – place the flour

and butter in a bowl, and use your (clean) fingers to rub together until the mixture resemble bread crumbs.

Mix in the sugar with a spoon. Add 1 egg yolk and a tablespoon of water, and mix it in using a knife in a chopping motion. Add the other yolk and tablespoon of water and mix it in with a knife again. Once it starts to come together, use your hands to bring the dough into a ball.

Wrap in cling-film and place in the fridge for an hour. Preheat the oven to 200c and generously grease a tart tin (A removable base is recommended, as you will see in a minute).

Take the dough from the fridge and place in the middle of the tart base. Roll outwards with a floured rolling-pin so

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that it is large enough to line your tart tin (but not too thick).

Try not to over work the pastry too much as it will affect the bake. Once it is rolled out, fold the edges inwards, and carefully place the base into the outer part of the tin (see below).

Unfold the edges and gently push into the sides of the tin. Leave any excess pastry on for now.

Line the pastry case with some greaseproof paper, fill with baking beans (or rice if you do not have any) and bake for 10 minutes.

Take out from the oven and remove the greaseproof paper and baking beans.

Gently ‘scrape’ off the excess edge with a sharp knife, and prick the base of the tart all over with a fork.

Place back in the oven and cook for 12 to 15 minutes, or until it is a nice pale brown colour and no longer moist.

Lower the oven to 180c and start on the filling. Heat the jam lightly in a saucepan until it is runny, and spread over the base of the tart.

Melt the butter, golden syrup and sugar in a saucepan over a medium heat; once melted, remove from the heat and stir in the cornflakes.

Spread evenly over the jam, then place in the oven for 10 – 15 minutes, or until the cornflakes turn golden brown.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool for about 20 minutes before tucking in, as this will allow the cornflake topping to firm up slightly.

This is great served hot with custard, cold with cream, or completely on its own. Enjoy!

Specialists in: Gas - Oil - LPG - Warm Air - Under Floor

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Experienced, Reliable Trustworthy Heating Engineers Providing a Professional, Quality Service

Call now for a FREE no obligation quotation

01642 487309

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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years

Humour

A FEW FUNNY TALES FROM THE ANNUAL TRIPS

W

e all love our summer holidays in the sun when we get the chance, but there’s always a funny story or two that emanate from the trips to Butlin’s, Magaluf, Benidorm or wherever your holiday takes you. We’ve managed to collate a few for your amusement.

We still hope, however, that you will be able to enjoy a holiday this year, even if none of these apply to you!

When Bill arrived back from his holiday his work colleague Jim was keen to know how he had enjoyed it. ‘How did you find the weather?’ he asked. ‘Well,’ said Bill, ‘I just went outside and there it was!’

A lady was taking her first ever flight to go on holiday and the air hostess was giving the usual safety demonstration. It being a long distance flight emergency parachutes were provided and after explaining how to put them on and use them she was asked by the first time flyer “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?” The hostess looked at her and with a perfectly deadpan expression answered, “The rest of your life.”

The youth of today will never know what it felt like to have to pay a

fortune then wait for about three days to eventually find out that all the photographs you took on your holidays really sucked!

Friends of ours went on holiday recently and returned to the hotel where they’d spent their wedding night. ‘Did you enjoy it?’ I asked. ‘Not really, said the husband, ‘this time it was me who stayed in the bathroom and cried.’

We went to Blackpool this year and a van on the promenade had ‘Hot Dogs at Popular Prices’ emblazoned across the front. I was quite hungry so I bought one and was asked for five pounds. ‘What?’ I shouted at the stall holder, ‘your sign says ‘popular prices.’

‘Well,’ he said, ‘I like them’ ....

It was his first night on holiday and after drinking heavily at the local bar the drunken man headed off to his hotel and went up to his suite.

Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed.

“But sir,” said the clerk, “you have the best room in the hotel.” “I insist on another room!!!” said the drunk.

“Very good, sir. I’ll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don’t like 502?” asked the clerk. “Well, for one thing,” said the drunk, “it’s on fire.”

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A man arrived at a seaside hotel where he had made a reservation rather late at night. All the lights were out, so he knocked on the door. After a long time a light appeared in an upstairs window and a woman called out, “Who are you? What do you want?” “I’m staying here!” said the man. “Please yourself,” she retorted, and slammed the window shut!

A Scotsman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin. “Do you always carry such heavy luggage?” she sighed.

“Never again,” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my wife can buy the ticket!”

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. “Is it true,” he asked, “that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?” “That depends,” replied the guide, “on how fast you carry the flashlight.”

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?” The girl leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.”

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Football - The ‘Boro

MUCH TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT

F

ortunately, deadlines have been kind to me this month and with the coronavirus restrictions preventing a visit to Hillsborough I’m able to write this just an hour after ‘Boro clinched the win against Sheffield Wednesday that confirmed Championship football will once again be on the agenda for next season.

But hell, they left it close! If, like me, you spent most of that particular Wednesday thinking that it would be typical if Luton won and we lost, then you obviously didn’t consider the rest of the many possible scenarios and so would be ultimately grateful for Leeds’ excellent win against Charlton that – regardless of every other result – would have kept us up anyway. And that’s completely disregarding what might happen at Wigan.

I have to admit, however, that my own feelings during that long and arduous day were concentrated more on a particular moment in the season that put us in this fragile position in the first place. Think back to the first Friday night of the season when, still pumped up by Jonathan Woodgate’s plans for a more resolute, more attacking and more adventurous style, we kicked off at newly promoted Luton.

To be fair, Jonathan’s forecast looked to be going to plan and even after going behind an adventurous and attacking style saw us fight back to a 2-1 advantage. And with just seven minutes to go we were awarded a penalty that would most certainly have seen us take

three points back to the Riverside. Sadly, Britt Assombalonga blasted the ball into the top of the stand behind the goal and – almost inevitably – Luton came back within a couple of minutes to equalise. I remember thinking on the way back home that I hoped losing the two extra points we should certainly have had wouldn’t come back to haunt us later in the season. Strangely enough, I thought at the time that if such a thing happened it would have been at the other end of the table because –like many of us – I thought we would have been more likely to be fighting for a return to the Premiership than trying to avoid joining Sunderland in Division 1.

But all that is fortunately now in the past and we can start looking forward to how next season is going to develop. It’s just a relief to know we’ll still be in the Championship, but the rest is – at the time of writing anybody’s guess. Like all football clubs we face something of an uncertain future, but with a squad that seems to be getting smaller every day, and a financial situation that has been desperately hit with the coronavirus outbreak, there is going to have to be some very clever recruitment during the next few months. That the squad was patently not good enough anyway has been obvious all season and while the fault for that cannot be laid at Jonathan Woodgate’s door with little or no money to spend, a dramatic change of the playing style and personnel is going to be required.

PAGE 28 | Please mention ‘The Local Answer Ingleby Barwick’ when calling advertisers

See Page 30 for our Index of Advertisers banging in the goals but he’s never looked like doing that with us. It’s ironic that Neil Warnock’s main criticism of the squad has tended to concentrate on a lack of ‘proper’ defenders when our attack has been easily the most inept in the division with a paltry 47 goals from 46 games.

Perhaps the only good thing to come out of the season has been the emergence of very good young players like Aynsley Pears, Marcus Tavernier, Djed Spence, Hayden Coulson and – more recently – Anfernee Dijksteel. They could all be an integral part of a new-look squad next term. It would also be nice to think we could manage another loan deal for Patrick Roberts but his showing in short bursts with us has probably already attracted the attention of other clubs so that might be difficult.

It’s an unenviable task for Warnock or whoever may take his place but that’s what makes football so exciting. You simply never know what’s around the corner!

But now we’re safe, enjoy what’s left of the summer!

Sudoku

Since the ‘great escape’ took place under Neil Warnock’s management, I’m pretty certain he’ll be given the opportunity to undertake that massive task and to be fair it’s hard to think of a Manager who would be more suitable for the job. A truly fantastic record at this level indicates how well he knows the league and a recent history of managing teams to promotion from it suggests he also knows many ideal footballers who might just come because of him. There obviously won’t be much of a budget for him to work with, but the overall situation suggests there will be quite a number of out of contract players looking for a club. Whatever’s happened this season, let’s hope Middlesbrough will still be a big enough name to hopefully attract the right ones.

Any possible purchasing power is going to have to come from sales and if the clubs reportedly looking at Britt Assombalonga come up with a decent offer then he must surely be one of the first out of the door. His goal scoring record at Middlesbrough hasn’t seemed to have put other clubs off, and he is just the type to go somewhere else and start

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Test Your Knowledge Answers 1. 64

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Anderson

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5. African

10. 42

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INDEX OF ADVERTISERS Appliance Repairs Birkbecks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Bathrooms PPS Plumbing . . . . . . . . . . .

Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . . . .

SC Henderson . . . . . . . . . .

Slingsby Interiors . . . . . . . . .

Space Master . . . . . . . . . . .

Welham Bathrooms . . . . . .

WS Plastics . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Bedrooms Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Welham Bedrooms . . . . . .

Blinds Polaris Blinds . . . . . . . . . . . .

Building Services AAA Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . .

Amco Construction . . . . . . .

Car Sales & Valeting Casling’s Cars. . . . . . . . . . .

Cleaning Micro Clean. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Conservatories AAA Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . .

Cleaner Cons. . . . . . . . . . . .

S&S Windows . . . . . . . . . . .

Conservatory Cleaning Cleaner Cons. . . . . . . . . . . .

Damp Proofing AAA Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . .

Amco Construction . . . . . . .

Decorating Services Brush Strokes . . . . . . . . . . .

Disability Aids Aiding You . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Door Repairs S&S Windows . . . . . . . . . . .

Double Glazing All Seasons Windows . . . .

Marton Windows . . . . . . . . .

S&S Windows . . . . . . . . . . .

Window Wizard . . . . . . . . . .

Driveways ProLine Eco Drives . . . . . . .

Electrical Appliances Birkbecks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Whilst every effort is made to ensure the accuracy of claims made by advertisers in the Local Answer, the management can accept no responsibility for any problems which may arise.

Electrical Services AEP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 8 Amco Construction . . . . . . . Page 5 Page 3 Fascias & Soffits Page 21 AAA Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . . Front Pg Page 6 Callaghan’s Rooflines . . . . . Back Pg Page 11 Garage Doors Page 7 Cleveland Up & Over . . . . . Page 13 Page 19 Garolla . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 5 Page 23 Garden Services Gibson Landscapes . . . . . . Page 15 Page 21 Heating Page 7 AEP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 8 Aquaflow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 20 Page 4 Dinsdale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Back Pg PPS Plumbing . . . . . . . . . . . Page 3 Front Pg SC Henderson . . . . . . . . . . Page 6 Page 5 Slingsby Interiors . . . . . . . . . Page 27 Wilsons Plumbing . . . . . . . . Page 25 Page 31 Home Improvements Amco Construction . . . . . . . Page 5 Page 22 Kitchens Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 21 Front Pg Space Master . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7 Page 11 Welham Kitchens . . . . . . . . Page 16 Page 10 WS Plastics . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 23 Landscaping Page 11 Gibson Landscapes . . . . . . Page 15 Light Haulage Front Pg M&M Recovery . . . . . . . . . . Page 3 Page 5 Loft Ladders & Loft Space Page 11 Yorkshire Loft Ladders . . . . Page 9 Mobility Aids Page 25 Aiding You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 25 The Lift Guys . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7 Page 10 Painting & Decorating Brush Strokes . . . . . . . . . . . Page 11 Patios / Paving Page 3 ProLine Eco Drives . . . . . . . Page 17 Page 2 Page 10 Plumbers AEP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 8 Page 7 Amco Construction . . . . . . . Page 5 Page 17 Aquaflow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 20 Dinsdale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Back Pg Page 16 PPS Plumbing . . . . . . . . . . . Page 3 Page 16

Plumbers (cont’d) SC Henderson . . . . . . . . . . Page 6 Wilsons Plumbing . . . . . . . . Page 25 Property Renovation Amco Construction . . . . . . . Page 5 Roller Shutters Garolla . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 5 Roofing Services AAA Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . . Front Pg Amco Construction . . . . . . . Page 5 Callaghan’s Rooflines . . . . . Back Pg Quality Roofing . . . . . . . . . . Page 13 S&S Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 10 Scrap Cars M&M Recovery . . . . . . . . . . Page 3 Showrooms Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 21 Welhams . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 16 Shutters Polaris Blinds . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 4 Stairlifts Aiding You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 25 The Lift Guys . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7 Tiling SC Henderson . . . . . . . . . . Page 6 Vehicle Recovery M&M Recovery . . . . . . . . . . Page 3 Washing Machines Birkbecks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 16 Washing Machine Repairs Birkbecks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 16 Wardrobes Space Master . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7 Window Blinds Polaris Blinds . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 4 Windows & Doors All Seasons Windows . . . . Page 3 Marton Windows . . . . . . . . . Page 2 S&S Windows . . . . . . . . . . . Page 10 Window Wizard . . . . . . . . . . Page 7 Deadline for the next edition is

Tuesday, 18th August, 2020, 4pm

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