Local Answer Stockton issue 1

ocal L Issue 1 April 2010

Answer

Tel 01642 483304

www.local-answer.co.uk

Distributed Monthly to over 20,000 Homes

Ingleby Barwick, Eaglescliffe & Stockton Edition

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Page 2 The Local Answer

April 2010

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The Local Answer

April 2010

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Page 4 The Local Answer

April 2010

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The Local Answer

April 2010

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Page 6 The Local Answer

April 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

Welcome To The Local Answer elcome to the first Ingleby Barwick, W Eaglescliffe, Stockton & surrounding villages edition of ‘The Local Answer’.

This publication is designed to provide you with a host of interesting information, services and goods available in your immediate locality.

We know it is always difficult with a new product to estimate the effect it may have or the potential success it might bring, but with eight years regular distribution across Redcar & East Cleveland already under our belts we know that ‘The Local Answer’ represents a winning formula.

Many, many advertisers have already enjoyed excellent results for what can only be termed a modest outlay. For different reasons they have used ‘Local Answer’ to spread their message to the people of Redcar & East Cleveland and they frequently tell us that results show what a good decision that was!

The reasons, we feel, are simple. ‘The Local Answer’ is convenient, easy to keep and sits unobtrusively in a handy drawer or even next to the telephone without being the eyesore that a crumpled free sheet quickly becomes. It also has a long shelf life and one of the most rewarding feedbacks we have enjoyed to date is that advertisers claim they still get response weeks after their adverts initially appear. And that is the whole point. Not everyone is in a position to respond to an advert the second they see it but because ‘The Local Answer’ is so easy to keep they are still able to refer to it when the appropriate time arrives.

The advertisers within these pages have confidence in the quality of their goods and services. That is why we have begun a partnership with them that we hope will last a long time. So please use ‘The Local Answer’ to its full advantage and let advertisers know this is where you saw them. That way we will be able to maintain a regular and important service to you all.

Happy Reading!

For more information on ‘The Local Answer’ and our other services please visit at www.local-answer.co.uk where you can read all our other publications online for FREE. Or to place an advert call us on

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Whereas all care is taken to ensure that advertisers adhere to advertising codes of practice and are of good standing, the publisher accepts no responsibility for any statement, error or omission in any advisement or editorial matter. Advertisements have been accepted in good faith but this does not imply that the advertisers have The Local Answers endorsement and no guarantee can be given by The Local Answer. No part of this publication may be reproduced without the prior written permission of the publisher © The Local Answer. The content and opinions expressed in articles published in The Local Answer are those of the contributor and are not necessarily the view of the publisher.

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The Local Answer

April 2010

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Page 8 The Local Answer

April 2010

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A few things for us sad oldies to ponder on Have you noticed how every time you pick up a paper or switch on the news there’s some scientist, doctor or bureaucrat telling us that everything we do is wrong and that basically we’re all doomed if we keep on behaving in the same way that many of us have for years with very little detrimental effect. To listen to them it seems that most of us who were kids in the fifties and sixties should never have survived because: • Our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured, lead-based paint • We would leave home in the morning which was frequently licked, even and could play all day, as long as we chewed. were back before it got • We had no childproof dark. No one was able lids on medicine to reach us and no one bottles, or latches on minded. doors or cabinets and it • We did not have Play was fine to make toast stations or X-Boxes, on the open coal fire. no video games at all.

• When we rode our No 99 channels on TV, bikes, we wore no no video tape movies, helmets, just flip no surround sound, flops and fluorescent no mobile phones, no ‘clackers’ on our wheels. personal computers, no (Those of us without Internet chat rooms. the money to buy clackers used bits of We had friends - we went outside cardboard and it sounded the same) and found them. We played elastics, • As children we rode in cars with no football, cricket and street rounders, seat belts or airbags. Riding in the and sometimes that ball really hurt. passenger seat was a treat.

• We fell out of trees, got cut and broke • We drank water from the garden bones but there were no lawsuits. hose and not from a bottle and it tasted • We had full on fist fights but no the same. prosecution followed from other • We ate chips, bread and butter parents. pudding and drank fizzy pop with • We walked to friend’s homes. We sugar in it, but we were never also, believe it or not, WALKED to overweight because we were always school; we didn’t rely on mummy or outside playing. daddy to drive us to school, which was • We shared one drink with four just round the corner. friends, from one bottle or can and no• We made up games with sticks and one actually died from this. balls.

• We would spend hours building go• We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore carts out of scraps and then went top our coats by only the hood. speed down the hill, only to find out • The idea of parents bailing us out we forgot the brakes. After running if we broke a law was not on. They into stinging nettles a few times, we actually sided with the law. learned to solve the problem.

This is the generation that has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

If you’re one of us, congratulations!

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The Local Answer

April 2010

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Page 10 The Local Answer

April 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

Absolutely Not Fabulous!

There was a time when the initials BBC could justifiably stand for Best of British Comedy, but in recent years the real classics seem to have disappeared to be replaced by what is laughingly called ‘alternative’ comedy. In my opinion that’s an alternative to being funny!

Fortunately, the true classics are still available and are shown on a regular basis on the many Sky Channels looking to cash in on other people’s former success, but it’s sad that the BBC has found it difficult over the last few years to rescale the heights they once enjoyed. Shows like ‘Only Fools and Horses,’ ‘One foot in the grave,’ ‘Steptoe & Son,’ Absolutely Fabulous,’ Porridge,’ ’The Vicar of Dibley’ and ‘The Good Life’ seem to have gone forever to be replaced by the modern comedian who doesn’t think it’s funny unless it offends the majority. Perhaps the best they’ve come up with in recent years is ‘Green, green grass,’ but even that’s a spin-off from ‘Only Fools.’

That is not to say that there aren’t a number of quite humorous programmes currently being shown on the BEEB, for as a long term fan of ‘Have I got News’ I also find ‘Mock the Week’ quite entertaining. It is, however, a more spontaneous kind of humour and is still very dependent on jibes and insults rather than the more purist form of comedy writing that situation comedy requires.

It seems to me that the common denominator in all the really successful series was that the central characters were invariably just caricatures

of someone we all knew and could associate with. They were people in every day life who wanted something better and made ordinary situations comical as they tried to find it. Quite often they were as sad as they were funny, mingling pathos and humour superbly so the audience could laugh and cry at the same time. Lines like Rodney Trotter’s gem ‘If there’s such a thing as reincarnation, with my bloody luck I’ll come back as myself,’ could have been uttered by most of us at one time or another.

Perhaps the problem with writing new comedies is that most of the situations have already been catered for. We’ve had schools, hospitals, prisons and pubs. We’ve had upper class, working class, and even rag and bone class!

And we’ve had the army, parliament, the doctor’s surgery and a solicitor’s office. Not much left then, because if they ever tried to do a Premier league football club, even the truth would seem too far fetched!

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The Local Answer

April 2010

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Page 12 The Local Answer

April 2010

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Men’s Rules for Women

Is it just me or do we all now live in an environment where most of the rules have been created by women and surprisingly therefore seem to favour the supposedly fairer sex? Well, I’ve decided to fight back and have created a whole new set of rules on behalf of men and designed for you girls. These are our rules, and please note they are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday is for sport. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. If you want something, ask for it!

Let’s be clear on this one: Subtle hints don’t work! Strong hints don’t work!

Obvious hints don’t work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you look fat in that, you probably do. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we

meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.

Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t like.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

My wife’s been reading this as I write it and yes, I know I’ll now have to sleep on the couch tonight. But you see, girls men don’t really mind……. it’s like camping!

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The Local Answer

April 2010

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Page 14 The Local Answer

April 2010

Murphy’s Law

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Have you ever wondered about the whole concept of ‘Murphy’s Law’ and how it came into being? A bit of research produced the following. It was apparently named after Capt. Edward A.Murphy, an engineer working on an Air Force project designed to see how much sudden deceleration a person can stand in a crash. One day, after finding that a transducer was wired wrongly, he cursed the technician responsible and said, “If there is any way to do it wrong, he’ll find it.”

The contractor’s project manager kept a list of this type of “law” and added this to it, naming it ‘Murphy’s Law.’ Actually, what he did was take an old law that had been around for years in a more basic form and give it a name. Although he never published his full list of laws, we believe it would have read something like this:1. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that does will be the one that will cause most damage.

2. The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

3. Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

4. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.

5. The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

6. Whenever you set out to do a job, there’s always something else that has to be done first.

7. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

8. When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.

9. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you.

Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.

10. Smile... tomorrow could be worse!

11. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

12. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

13. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

14. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

15. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

16. A camel is a horse that was designed by a committee.

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The Local Answer

April 2010

Page 15

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Page 16 The Local Answer

April 2010

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What gender are computers?

Language is a truly fascinating subject with variations in every different tongue, but the most unusual aspect is in designating the gender of a noun. Spanish, for instance, unlike English, designates its nouns as either masculine or feminine. German, meanwhile, goes one better and inanimate objects in that language can be classified as masculine, feminine or neuter.

In Spanish, for instance, ‘House’ is feminine: ‘la casa.’ ‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

That fascinating fact led to a discussion on what gender various objects should be and why. Here is some of the reasoning and it’s easy to see which gender came up with each answer.

1. Transparent Zip Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2. Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3. Tyres -- Male, because they go bald and are often over-inflated.

4. Sponges -- Female, because they’re soft, squeezable and retain water.

5. Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there’s the hot air component.

6. Web Page -- Female, because it’s always getting hit on.

7. Railway train -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8. Sand filled egg timer -- Female, because in time all the weight shifts to the bottom.

9. Hammer -- Male, because it hasn’t changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.

Finally, someone asked, ‘What gender is a ‘computer’?’

We all split into two groups, male and female, and held separate discussions on whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation and the best reasons won the day.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender because: 1. They can be the most frustrating things on earth because no one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval And finally......

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and finally...

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got yourself a better model.

The women won!

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The Local Answer

April 2010

Page 17

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Page 18 The Local Answer

April 2010

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How would the modern family cope with given 16 points a month, later raised to twenty, to spend as wished at any rationing? shop that had the items wanted. It’s As we approach the time of year when memorials and tributes are paid to the gallant people who lost their lives in the great wars it is also pertinent that we remember the people who didn’t actually go to war themselves but stayed back in Britain to also endure a great deal of hardship. One of the German strategies was to restrict the entry of food and luxuries into Britain and because of that the Second World War saw the disappearance from the shops of all but the basic necessities.

Rationing of food and clothing was extensive. Issued in October 1939, the Ration Book became familiar to every citizen during the war. The start of rationing was postponed - owing it was said to a Stop Rationing campaign by the The Daily Express - from November 1939 until 8th January 1940 when rationing began in earnest.

Rationing decreed that each person was allowed a specific amount of basic foods.

Typical examples of the amounts allowed to each person a week were: Meat - between 1s. (5p) and 2s. (10p) Bacon - 4 oz. (113 gm) to 8 oz. (227 gm) Tea - 2 oz. (57 gm) to 4 oz. (113 gm) Cheese - 1 oz. (28 gm) to 8 oz. (227 gm) Sugar - 8 oz. (227 gm) a week.

In July 1940 a complete ban was put on the making or selling of iced cakes, and in September the manufacture of ‘candied peel’ or ‘crystallised cherries’ meant the death knell for the traditional wedding cake.

On 1st December 1941 the Ministry of Food introduced the points rationing scheme for items such as canned meat, fish and vegetables, and later items such as rice, canned fruit, condensed milk, breakfast cereals, biscuits and cornflakes were added. Everyone was

interesting to note that while at that time all these items became considered to be a luxury rather than a necessity, very few of today’s children would thank you for any of it!

A 12-oz. (340 gm) packet of soap powder was half a month’s ration; you could get one egg every two months and powdered egg could be bought on points. Fruit like bananas vanished altogether.

Clothes rationing on points began in June 1941 and a new kind of clothing— utility clothing—was introduced, using cheap materials and the minimum amount of cloth.

There were even points for furniture, although you were given these only if you were newly married, or had been bombed out, or were having a baby.

Petrol was rationed so people stopped buying cars.

The things still rationed in 1948, three years after the war, were: Bacon and Ham, butter/margarine; cooking fat; meat; sugar; tea; chocolates & sweets; eggs; liquid milk; preserves Bread, soap, bananas, and potatoes were also rationed during this period.

In 1951 people could still buy only 10d.

(4p) worth of meat each week.

Two new commodities were rationed after the war. Bread was rationed from 1946 to 1948 and potatoes for a year from 1947. The points system ended in 1950.

Rationing continued in this country for 14 years until 1954, when meat was finally de-rationed. It really does make you wonder how the modern family would cope!

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The Local Answer

April 2010

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Page 20 The Local Answer

April 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

A few things the movies have taught us.

As an avid cinema-goer, my friend was discussing some of the more important lessons he had learned from watching films all his life. As we talked it became apparent that they were lessons we had all subconsciously learned and that perhaps we should list them. See how many you agree with.

In the movies.....

1. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off.

2. Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do.

3. All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower.

4. Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security system or the communication system of an invading alien civilisation.

5. Every single person in a martial arts film has a black belt in karate.

6. When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

7. 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at 1 man if he is the hero.

9. Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by single people with a low wage.

10. The entire British population lives in London.

11. It doesn’t matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight; your enemies will attack you one at a time while the others dance around you menacingly.

12. In musicals’ everyone you meet in the street will know all the words to the songs and the steps to the dances.

13. When captured by an evil international terrorist, guns are not necessary to defeat them, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.

14. The best way to get shooting practice in a western is to circle your wagons, hide behind them and then shoot at the Indians who will ride round and round without actually attacking you.

8. During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.

For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2010

Page 21

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•A Family Run Business For Over 17 Years •Gas & Electric Fires • Fire Surrounds •Cast Iron Inserts • Multi Fuel & Gas Stoves •Marble & Slate • Complete Fitting Service •Service & Repair of Gas Fires

FIRES & fireplaces

The Old Co-op Building, 7/8 Holmbeck Road, North Skelton

KINDER

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Open: Mon- Sat 10am - 5pm Closed: Wed & Sun www.myfiresnfireplaces.co.uk

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Page 22 The Local Answer

April 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

ADVERTISERS ANNOUNCEMENT

Fitness for everyone at Oxygym Health and Fitness Club.

Based on Billingham’s Cowpen Lane Oxygym is the largest independent club in the north east and includes some of the latest resistance equipment with some great cardio kit designed to get you into the shape of your life.

We listen to our members because we believe that exercise can improve your fitness for life. We will put together a Personalised Fitness Plan.

Personalised Fitness Plan designed around you this can include: · · · · ·

Cardiovascular and aerobic training.

Strength training using our resistance equipment.

Core strength work on your stomach and lower back.

Exercises designed to get you fit and feel great.

Improve your health following illness or surgery.

This is our mission, and also our promise to you.

“At Oxygym we make our mission to help you fit exercise and nutrition into your lifestyle in an easy and realistic way”.

Getting fit shouldn’t have to dominate your life. Regular exercise has been proven time after time to improve and extend life. That’s why we offer all our members a detailed personal exercise plan that is tailored specifically to your exact requirements.

When you start to see the results yourself and others comment about how great you look, that’s when you are much more likely to stick to a routine, ensuring your membership is great value for money.

Our Exercise Plans mean that fitness, weight loss and success are achievable for everyone, irrespective of your level of fitness, age, shape or size. We can all reach our goals with a little determination from you and the professional and dedicated support from Oxygym.

For More Information Call 01642 560555 or visit www.oxygym.co.uk See our advertisement on Page 2 For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2010

Page 23

COMBI-UK Fires-Fireplaces-Heating

5 Year

Warranty On All Worcester Boilers

Visit Our Showroom: 1-5 Hartington Road, Middlesbrough, TS1 5ED Tel: 01642 865 865 www.combi-uk.com

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Page 24 The Local Answer

April 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

ADVERTISERS ANNOUNCEMENT Over the years Mark has trained in many other martial arts, such as Aikido, Hapkido, Taekwondo, Brazilian Ju-Jitsu, Batto-Jutsu (samurai sword fighting), Dim-mak (pressure point fighting) and Judo. He is also skilled in the use of and defence against many weapons, i.e. Knives, sticks of all kinds, firearms etc and in the use of improvised weapons such as mag-lites, belts, items of clothing, keys, magazines, mobile phone etc.

Mark Paterson the founder and chief instructor of Zanshin Martial Arts and Self-Defence, was born with an eye condition called Muscular Dystrophy which has left him with around 5% of normal vision and extreme light sensitivity and so is registered blind.

When Mark was 16 he went to live in the Far East with his parents as his father worked for the UN in Malaysia. While out there Mark began training in Aikido and Aiki-Ju-Jutsu (the unarmed combat art of the samurai). This began a love affair with the martial arts that has lasted for 25 years. Then in 2005, Mark was awarded the grade of 8th Dan Master AJJ and Shihan (Master Instructor) by Master Shaun Osborne of the I.F.A.F.

Mark is currently holding classes in Aiki-JiyuJutsu (which is his own form of Aiki-Ju-Jutsu, but utilising various techniques from other fighting systems he has trained in) at Skelton Civic Hall on Wednesday evenings. He also takes private students.

A growing part of Marks business is self-defence, as many people feel the need for some self-defence these days, but don’t wish to learn a martial art.

Mark holds private self-defence tuition at his dojo (training hall) in Skelton and goes out to businesses and schools in the area to teach. Mark thinks that having basic self-defence skills like awareness, conflict de-escalation techniques along with some easy to use (no high kicks or complicated throws) combat skills could save your life if you come under attack. But according to Mark, knowing how to deal with a knife attack is the most important aspect of self-defence these days, with 22,000 knife attacks in the UK last year alone.

Mark was one of three finalists in the Sunday Sun Champions of the North, Best Teacher Award 2008.

You can contact Mark on:

01287 280860 or 07795 460889

For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2010

Page 25

SELF-DEFENCE PRIVATE SELF-DEFENCE TUITION Mark Paterson has 30 years experience in self-defence and martial arts, is an 8th dan Master Instructor and is fully CRB checked. Over the years Mark has learned what will and won’t work in the heat of a real attack and has developed a system which does NOT require a high level of fitness and so can be used by anyone regardless of age, gender or physical ability.

As ed featur V CT on BB io 4 & Rad

Sessions can be held in our fully equipped training facility, or in your home, or venue of your choice.

Training can be tailored to meet the needs of the individual student and group sessions are also available.

Your first 1hour session is free!

For more details contact Mark Paterson on:

01287 280860 or 07795 460889 Email: mark.paterson900@ntlworld.com

www.zanshinmartialarts.co.uk

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Page 26 The Local Answer

April 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

Yes, there is a North – South divide...

Venture a couple of miles outside that cocoon, however, and thank goodness! £1.30). you immediately begin to yearn for We ‘Boro fans have suffered for many years at the hands of the Southern press and the pleasure they seem to take from denigrating our area and team at every possible opportunity. No doubt most of them will be thrilled that – at least for the time being - they will now only have to make the trip to the cold, dark north east once a year. Now call me cynical if you like but I would suggest that the only experience most of them have of the Middlesbrough area is the half mile or so (and that would be by taxi!) between the railway station and the stadium. Ask them about High Force, Stokesley, Great Ayton, Saltburn, Nunthorpe, Ingleby Barwick, Yarm or Wynyard and they’ll look at you with a blank expression.

Over the years I also have taken trips between here and the capital to see ‘Boro perform at places like Tottenham, Arsenal, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Charlton and West Ham, normally parking at Stanmore and taking the tube the rest of the way.

I also spend a long London weekend with a bunch of friends every year when we stay at the same hotel in Paddington and spend most of the weekend walking and taking the tube around London. Unlike the press boys I therefore have plenty of opportunity to see many more aspects of their area than they do of ours.

It would be churlish – and indeed untrue – if I was to say anything detrimental about the ‘square mile’ itself. Of course it’s fantastic. The architecture, the museums and galleries, the nightlife and the shops are everything the country’s capital should be, even if the beer at £3 a pint isn’t. (in my local I can get great conversation and a pint of Samuel Smith’s superb Sovereign Bitter for

the cold, wide open spaces of the North East because London becomes a conglomerate of unpleasant, overcrowded, badly maintained areas where a one bedroom flat would cost the same as a virtual mansion in somewhere like Billingham. Even worse is that aspect of ‘the South’ that tends to puzzle us northerners.

Nobody speaks to anyone else. I defy you to stand on a crowded bus stand anywhere north of Doncaster without becoming embroiled in a conversation. Try speaking to a stranger in London and they look at you as if you were about to mug them. And there are other things. For instance, I’ve lived up here all my life and I can’t remember the last time I saw a whippet, a ferret or a cloth cap.

Additionally, I work some twelve miles from my home and I drive there every day in around fifteen minutes and park immediately outside for FREE. How many of London’s six million inhabitants could make that boast?

And then there’s the weather. OK, it might be a bit cooler up here but we’re used to it. Cold winters mean less bugs in summer and cold summers mean we appreciate the odd hot day much more than they do in the south. Let’s be fair, it doesn’t matter how hot the day is the North Sea is always bloody cold anyway. But on the positive side you can drive for half an hour or so and be in the middle of the North Yorkshire Moors. A Southerner in the same time span would be lucky to have reached the end of his road.

And the final nail in the southern coffin comes from a friend of mine’s frequently held assertion that ‘southerners generalise too much.’ In that respect, If you can’t beat them, join them!

For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2010

Page 27

A1 COACHES XIS TA

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Complete Design & Installation Service The Very Best PVCu Conservatories & Windows

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Tel 01642 466694 Mob: 07967 590572 Unit 2, Stapylton Court, Bolckow Ind. Est. Grangetown Please mention ‘The Local Answer ’ when calling advertisers.

Page 28 The Local Answer

April 2010

Website www.local-answer.co.uk

THE BEST WAY TO ATTRACT LOCAL CUSTOMERS The Local Answer publication is the most effective way to attract local customers. Its convenient A5 size and monthly format makes it easy to keep handy in a drawer or by the telephone. An alphabetical index of services, at the back, is always at hand and easy to use.

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With a combined free distribution of over 52,400 copies delivered monthly to households in Redcar, Marske, Guisborough, East Cleveland, Loftus, Stockton, Ingleby Barwick & Surrounding Areas.

The Local Answer offers readers a true snapshot of local businesses.

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For More Information Call 01642 483304 www.local-answer.co.uk The Local Answer is published by Media Solutions NE Ltd. 48 Cranbourne Drive, Redcar, TS10 2SP

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For information about the Local Answer visit www.local-answer.co.uk

The Local Answer

April 2010

Page 29

The MagnaClean TwinTech offers a daul action filtration system, both magnetic and non-magnetic, meaning that this central heating filter can remove virtucally 100% of black iron oxide and non-magnetic particals and debris from your central heating system making it an extremely efficient central heating filter.

MagnaClean TwinTech is a proven technology and with its powerful magnetic and nonmagnetic filtration characteristics, the benefits for new and existing central heating systems are immediate.

OVER 40% OFF RRP

22mm TwinTech only £105.99 RRP £178.99 Price include vat

Available online only from:

www.rubberduckbathrooms.co.uk 60% off refers to the Mangaclean 22mm

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INDEX OF ADVERTISERS

Aerials (TV) MWC Services . . . . . . . Page 11 Animal Hutches/Kennels Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Bath Coatings Aqua Bath Coating . . . . Page 7 Bathrooms Welhams . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 31 Bedrooms Combi-uk . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 15 Welhams . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 31 Blinds AFW . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 3 Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Building Services A & B Cook . . . . . . . . . . Page 9 Business Opportunity Local Answer . . . . . . . . . Page 27 Car Body Repairs Revive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 13 Childcare Services Stockton Borough Cou . Page 4 Stockton Borough Cou . Page 5 Cladding MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 7 Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Coach Hire A1 Coaches . . . . . . . . . . Page 27 Conservatories A & B Cook . . . . . . . . . . Page 9 Discount Windows . . . . Page 27 Marton Windows . . . . . . Page 13 Curtain Making AFW . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 3 Decorating Service Rievaulx Decor . . . . . . . Page 21 D.I.Y Stores MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 7 Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Double Glazing A & B Cook . . . . . . . . . . Page 9 Discount Windows . . . . Page 27 Marton Windows . . . . . . Page 13 Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Window Wizard . . . . . . . Page 9

Driveways/Patios Creative Landscapes . . Page 1 Design a Drive . . . . . . . . Page 15 Designer Driveways . . . Page 3 Electrical Services Apec Electrical . . . . . . . . Page 7 C Websters . . . . . . . . . . Page 21 Fascias & Soffits MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 7 New Plas Roofline . . . . Page 1 Fencing Creative Landscapes . . Page 1 Fires & Fireplaces Combi-uk . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 23 Fires & Fireplaces . . . . . Page 21 Fish & Chip Shops Norton Fisheries . . . . . . Page 9 Fitness Oxygym . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 2 Garage Construction Lidget Concrete Ltd . . . Page 11 Garage Doors 1st Kings Doors . . . . . . . Page 17 Garden Nurseries Sir Plants Alot . . . . . . . . Page 3 Garden Services Creative Landscapes . . Page 1 Guttering MB Distribution . . . . . . . Page 7 New Plas Roofline . . . . Page 1 Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Gymnasiums Oxygym . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 2 Hair Dressing Supplies HairOrder . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7 Health & Fitness Oxygym . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 2 Heating Combi-uk . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 23 Fires & Fireplaces . . . . . Page 21 Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . Page 19 Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . Page 29 Home Furnishings AFW . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 3

Home Maintenance Rievaulx Decor . . . . . . . Page 21 Walker Roofing . . . . . . . Page 3 Window Wizard . . . . . . . Page 9 Information Services Stockton Borough Cou . Page 4 Stockton Borough Cou . Page 5 Kitchens Welhams . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 31 Landscaping Creative Landscapes . . Page 1 Limousine Hire Lakes Limos . . . . . . . . . Page 11 Martial Arts Zanshin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 25 Minibus Hire A1 Coaches . . . . . . . . . . Page 27 Mobile Car Body Repairs Revive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 13 Mobility Aids MV Mobility . . . . . . . . . . Page 11 Oven Cleaning Hobsnobs . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 13 Premier Cleaning . . . . . Page 9 Painting & Decor Rievaulx Decor . . . . . . . Page 21 Roofing Services A & B Cook . . . . . . . . . . Page 9 New Plas Roofline . . . . Page 1 Walker Roofing . . . . . . . Page 3 Satellite TV Installation MWC Services . . . . . . . Page 11 Self Defence Zanshin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 25 Sheds Screws’n’Things . . . . . . Page 32 Takeaway Norton Fisheries . . . . . . Page 9 TV Aerials MWC Services . . . . . . . Page 11 Web Design Media Solutions . . . . . . . Page 23 Window Repairs A & B Cook . . . . . . . . . . Page 9 Discount Windows . . . . Page 27 Marton Windows . . . . . . Page 13 Window Wizard . . . . . . . Page 9

This Local Answer Index Is Sponsored By:

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Friendly note to our customers: The index is a free service and the publishers cannot accept responsibility or liability for any errors or omissions. Multiple insertions depend on available space.

The Local Answer

April 2010

E V! T EN

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Page 31

Welham Kitchens • Bedrooms • Bathrooms

Y PL

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Exclusive Designs And Custom Built Units, Project Management Service, Tiling, Karndean Flooring, Plastering, all carried out by experienced professional fitters.

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We are located just off the A174 between Redcar & Marske.

Look for the Welhams’ roundabout

Visit our Showroom: Zetland Buildings, LongbeckTrading Estate, Marske by the sea. TS11 6HB

Please mention ‘The Local Answer ’ when calling advertisers.

WOOD SCREW BARGAINS 4 x 1/2” = £0.89 4 x 5/8” = £0.92 4 x 3/4” = £1.13 4 x 1” = £ 1.23 6 x 1/2” = £0.82 6 x 5/8” = £1.06 6 x 3/4” = £1.08 6 x 1” = £1.14 6 x 1 1/4” = £1.18 6 x 1 1/2” = £1.23 6 x 1 3/4” = £2.05 6 x 2” = £1.98 7 x 3/4” = £1.40 7 x 1” = £1.45 7 x 1 1/4” = £1.69

7 x 1 1/2” = £2.20 8 x 1/2” = £0.92 8 x 5/8” = £1.02 8 x 3/4” = £1.08 8 x 1” = £1.08 8 x 1 1/4” = £1.12 8 x 1 1/2” = £1.48 8 x 1 3/4” = £1.85 8 x 2” = £2.05 8 x 2 1/4” = £2.12 8 x 2 1/2” = £2.70 8 x 3” = £2.20 10 x 3/4” = £1.58 10 x 1” = £1.50 10 x 1 1/4” = £1.90

DOUBLE GLAZING FIT OR SUPPLY USING OUR OWN EXPERIENCED FITTERS

10 x 1 1/2” = £2.00 10 x 1 3/4” = £2.30 10 x 2” = £2.70 10 x 2 1/4” = £3.58 10 x 2 1/2” = £1.75 10 x 3” = £2.40 10 x 3 1/2” = £4.19 10 x 4” = £4.10 12 x 1 1/2” = £3.40 12 x 2” = £4.45 12 x 2 1/2” = £2.70 12 x 3” = £3.20 12 x 3 1/2” = £4.10 12 x 4” = £4.20

GUTTERING

Practical and simple to install Compatible with most other plastic systems Ideal Replacement for cast iron Integral lubricated seals Telephone Your Order and have it dropped off FREE

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DOUBLE GLAZING REPAIRS OUR FITTERS WILL BE HAPPY TO HELP GIVE US A CALL

VERTICAL/HORIZONAL BLINDS AT TRADE PRICES UNBEATABLE PRICES FOR D.I.Y CUSTOMERS

SEE OUR SHEDS AT OUR REDCAR BRANCH

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ALL OUR SHEDS ARE COMPLETE WITH GLASS, HARDWARE AND MADE FROM WOOD “NOT” CHIPBOARD. EVERYTHING IS MADE TO MEASURE TO YOUR DESIGN AND SPECIFICATION.

STOCKTON BRANCH

01642 677778

Tel: 1 Portrack Court, Portrack Lane, Stockton, TS18 2HP OPEN: MON-FRI 7:30 - 5:30 • SAT 7:30 - 2pm • SUN 9:30 - 1pm

CRACKING DEALS ON FASCIAS/ SOFFITS & TRIMS. YOU ORDER WE DELIVER. FREE DELIVER FREE PARKING

www.screwsnthings.co.uk YOU CAN ORDER ONLINE AND COLLECT SAVING MORE MONEY Friendly note to our customers: The index is a free service and the publishers cannot accept responsibility or liability for any errors The Local Answer is produced by Solutions NE insertions Ltd (01642) 483304 Printedspace.

by Acorn Web Offset (01924) 220633 orMedia omissions.

Multiple depend onand available