Lakeside Lutheran High School
Warrior Times Monthly
04.01.15
Yeah, we’re changing to a monthly now, btw... student dewpoint
Iggy Azalea deported
volume 57
April Fool’s edition
In local Yearbook officially cancled rowing news: G with God Dinosaur re- due to insanity of editors Just pray mains found in Oconomowoc staff reporter
Alex Pillard
In Recent years the field of science has made great strides with dinosaurs. They have recovered a great number of fossils and we are learning so much about the world before human history. Recently a team of scientists found something shooking. In Lac La Belle in Oconomowoc Wisconsin, a dinosaurs skeleton was found but it was no ordinary fossil. It had flesh on it. It was taken back to a lab in Milwaukee, and was tested for any signs of life. After they put the fossil in water it moved. The researchers were forced to put the fossil into solitary confinement for future analysis. Later, the President of Mexico found out about this event and traveled to Milwaukee to view the fossil in action. He saw what he needed, and was hooked. He fell in love with the fossil, and had to take it home. The researchers told him that he could not have it. They still had more tests to run on it. The President was set on taking the fossil home. After making a call to Adam Sandler, he received an Adam Sandler signed football jersey and traded with the head researcher. The President took the fossil and the head researcher got his jersey. He named the fossil, Jose, and now Jose lives happily with the President of Mexico. Still, to this day, no researchers have discovered what Jose actually was. He will always remain a mystery to the world.
yearbook editor-in-chief
Nora Raube
The yearbook staff has announced that due to recent events, there will be no yearbook released at the end of this school year. This was decided under careful yearbook staff and Lakeside administration consideration in regards to the health and well being of the editors. In these discussions it was determined that the editors of the yearbook were put under too much stress and anxiety thus throwing them into severe depression, PTSD, alcoholism, and prescription drug abuse and addiction. The girls suffer severe panic and anxiety attacks, occasionally fall into dissociative states, and have been hospitalized for prescription drug overdoses.
The editors currently reside at the Mendota Mental Health Institute and visitation is not allowed. The issue started around November and December when the seniors were complaining about their inability to find senior pictures that fit the guidelines that have been in place for years about picture submissions for the yearbook. The editors listened to continuous complaining about how the sheet did not say “neutral background” and, “Who doesn’t tilt their head in pictures?” Advisor, Mrs. Schommer, started worrying about her editors after this and it hit a peak when the senior personalities forms came out. The editors listened to constant remarks of, “This is dumb,” “Can
you rig it so I get one?” “You’re so stupid, why would you put that,” and, “I want to stab you with a fork because ‘Most Attractive’ isn’t on the list.” The amount of stress the girls underwent caused the unfortunate and sudden incarceration at the psychiatric ward in Madison. A quote from one of the editors describes her stay, “I would compare this place and the experience as being straight out of American Horror Story: Asylum.” All angry remarks, death threats, and stupid comments can be texted to (866) 740-4531. Please keep the editors and Mrs. Schommer in your prayers and any condolence letters, sympathy gifts, or significant monetary contributions can be sent to the Pub Room.
for rain
“Be glad, people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains because he is faithful. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.” Joel 2:23 staff reporter
Colton Hatcher
In the times of ancient Israel, spring and fall rains, known as the yoreh and the malkosh, showed the start and end of the growing season. It was believed that seven rains total were needed in a year to have a successful harvest of good crops. So when God sent rain to Israel, it showed that he was there for the Israelites, and supported them in growing their crops. Nowadays, rain and food are not a worry for most people, if something is needed, it can be bought at the nearest grocery store. But this picture still stands true for people today. The rain of Israel can symbolize for us that Christ is showering upon us his blessings and is always there to help us do his mission. So the next time someone is in need of strengthening or help, just pray to God for some rain. this devotion is the only thing to be taken seriously
photo courtesy of nimh.nih.gov
Yearbook editor, Nora Raube, was held at UW Hospital for MRI testings to determine if her brain is internally bleeding due to severe stress and frustration.
CNN
Headlines • Wisconsin to be overthrown by Michigan • High school students paid to go to school • What happened to Obama? not from cnn.com
us w o l l fo twitter es m i t n r o rrio a w l @l
photo courtesy of glogster.com
This unique fossil was found in Oconomowoc recently. There is no conclusion as to what it is.
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