January Saying No

Beach Scene

I Don’t Want To Be Demure or Respectable

Hilaire-Germain-Edgar Degas

Mary Oliver

Psyche’s Tasks version by Jean Shinoda Bolen

Extract from:

The Deep Blue Sea

Terrence Rattigan

Life is busy, children calling for me which keeps me busy, no calls for dad to make him busy as mum does things the right way.

Busy from morning to night, busy making the children happy, busy cleaning, busy doing jobs, busy helping people.

Keeping busy makes me feel normal, but too busy makes me realise I need to rest more, even when resting my brain is busy.

What will happen when I’m gone? Will the business stop? or will someone fill my busy gap? Will death be busy? We won’t know what death is like and for those who have gone they can’t tell us how busy death is.

Busy is good for now as it keeps me living.

Pace of Life (Rachel)

Mary Oliver writes about nature, the rhythms of our world.

‘How the river can’t wait to meet the ocean’ she may be bringing to our attention the pace we lead in our modern lives.

Oak Tree

The rush, rush, gush of the stream, racing along to become river, rolling and rallying to be sea, thunderous surf of the oceans!

The cyclical non stop rush, gush, gurgle, gargle, chitter, chatter of our lives…..does any of it really matter?

What matters to me these days?? These days of new words, new terms, medical diagnoses, blue tunics, green tunics, purple tunics, white tunics….I have no idea what this medical colour scheme means

What matters to me these days?? Of Hospital appointments, treatment, scans, needles and more needles, contrast dye, my inadequate failing veins, What matters to me these days?? Of lying in my bed, of sympathetic head tilts, of death thoughts whirring about my mind, who walks their dog and thinks of their funeral plans, of the day when they are dead,

Sssssshhhhhhh, it’s a whisper on the old oak tree, told to leaves she shed, let go of on the breeze, as I knelt on my bended knees, silently screaming whilst praying to her bark, my ancient old Oak tree.

I sometimes let my mind wander to how and who I would be in twenty years, if I didn’t have this disease.

I sometimes let my mind wander to where I am free… I find myself in the present moment its where I need to be.

What have I said ‘no’ to?

I wish I had said no to a trip to the beach, this was during the time I was suffering from a pancreas flare up!! All I did was sit on the rocks but I did get enjoyment out of seeing my children and dog paddling in the sea.

I have started saying ‘no’ based on how I’m feeling, for example my husband organised a dog walk with a friend I wanted to go to see how the dogs play, leading back to me not wanting to miss a thing as potentially I may miss out on a lot! I wasn’t feeling great so eventually said no. My husband revealed that he needed the male company and time out and I got lots of photos of the dogs, so we can make adjustments in order to not miss out esp. with todays technology of face time etc.

Bud, Thorn and Blossom (Seren)

I’m in deep sleep sleep, sleep, sleep now, I cannot get up up, up. Up. Now.

I am enough enough, enough. Enough now

Suicide (Lorraine)

‘Most suicides die to escape, You’re dying because you feel unworthy to live, isn’t that true.’

Suicide, hopelessness, unable to go on! No hope in the world! Alone, problems.

Death by suicide for why? People have taken their lives, which I cannot understand. I hate being given this life sentence, I would not choose this life for me. I would choose life and to be able to live long. Suicidal people must feel so low.

Attitude to disease I believe is important. A positive outlook is needed not a negative outlook. Positivity will help me live longer, I hope! Negativity may mean you live shorter with disease but how can this theory be explored? Does a positive attitude effect life expectancy?

Suicidal thoughts, I’ve not had any, but I would like to think that if time is up I could choose not to suffer.

Living with disease is a suicide which has not been chosen. How can people be brave enough to take their own lives when their health is good, I guess poor mental health who knows?

Advice from an expert - who is the expert?

I’m always tired - then rest.

I’m still always tired - then plan your day.

Too much to do, too little time- learn to say no. the advice I am giving you is good advice, its what is advised by experts.

Who is the expert - I think that may be me - my life, my body, walk in my shoes for a while….

Writing Prompts: Hold Out Your Arms

Let’s Go Crazy