The End (Rachel)

From the moment of diagnosis, I dance with my disease, the ends begin, over years, mine is not a sprint to the deathly finish line, I’m fortunate with that, mine is a leisurely saunter on a warm summer’s day, a long-distance demise, a marathon of sort’s, my end of life.

I’m glad for this, my protracted last bit of my life, my many varied goodbyes, of job, of social life, of parts of me, some friendships I watch them slip away, boats unmoored on stormy seas, I mourn their loss, them leaving me, I learn to sing a different song, I rediscover a new me, There’s a freedom to terminal disease, it holds a secret, sweet key!

Sadness surrounds a finale of any sorts, endings give way to nostalgic thoughts, the last page of a fantastic book, the last day of a holiday, the last five minutes of a brilliant film, the last climatic lines of a play, And then the bigger thoughts; the last canter on my horse, the last walk with my dog, as my cancer strips me bare, endings are rarely fair.

How obscene, how bloody rude to go on without me! I am being glib, so, at my end let me have hugged all those good friends before I need to rest, let me tell them how they decorated my life, showered me in love, laughed until we cried, memories to be carried for years to come, call my name and I will come, and if this is the end, let my mother’s hand be in mine, let my brother and sister, with Andrew be nearby, let me hear river, smell freshly mown grass, let birdsong fill my ears, Macey’s weight upon my leg, as I lay wearily against my husband’s chest, let this be my very last breath.

The End

How I want to be remembered:

Dedicated, proud, supportive, kind, caring and loving.

(Lorraine)

A dedicated mum, A proud mum, A supportive mum A kind mum, A caring mum, A mum who loved and was loved by her children.

A dedicated wife, A proud wife, A supportive wife, A kind wife, A caring wife, A wife who loved and was loved by her husband, A partner in crime, figuring out parenting together.

A dedicated daughter, A proud daughter, A supportive daughter, A kind daughter, A caring daughter, A daughter who loved and was loved by her parents. A dedicated sister, A proud sister, A supportive sister, A kind sister

A caring sister

A sister who loved and was loved by her sisters.

A dedicated friend, A proud friend, A supportive friend, A Kind friend, A caring friend, A helpful friend, A friend who loved and was loved by her friends.

I will be remembered as many things but would like to be remembered as me.

Underneath (Jill)

Under my skin, In my body, The rotten core, It lies underneath, not seen or heard but suppressed until it finds the fuel to grow, I don’t want this, its not in my control, The rotten core.

When I am gone (Jill)

When I am gone, I won’t be gone, I will be in your heart, In your memories, Look for me crashing through the waves, Up a mountain, breathe in the air, In a coffee shop, eating cake By the campfire, relaxing by the flames. I am in every grain of sand, every shining star, every smiling sunflower, Laughing with you, crying with you, sharing those moments. When I am gone, I’m not really gone….