Clara by Lucy Chen

吳芹芳

(吳芹芳)

My mother was my role model and instilled in me through her example many of the important traits that formed my character. She is why I’m a very practical person and have and value true grit. We were not close until I was a teenager. She left Shanghai six months after I was born to visit her cousin in the U.S., who she called second sister. She expected to return to China in a month or so, but due to the invasion of China by the Communists, I did not see her for another year and a half during which time she managed to obtain immigration papers for my father, my sister, me and an amah, Ah-Ling. I adored my father, but he died when I was five. I was loved and cared for by Ah-Ling, who left our family when I was four and a half. After my father died, I was left to my own devises for much of the time, which I credit with my sense of independence. My mother was overwhelmed by being alone in a new country, speaking a new language, raising two daughters by herself and supporting six half-siblings in China. But she went to work every weekday, did chores on weekends, cooked every day and kept life intact for our little family and for her much larger family in China. When I was 13 years old, I needed braces and the only dentist she could find who would give her a discount and let her pay in installments was a Chinese dentist in Maryland, an hour away. She would drive me every Saturday for several years and it was during this time, we began talking to each other on a deeper level. That was the beginning of a very close relationship that we both cherished until she died when she was 100 years and eight months old.

After my mother and her third husband, Charles Wilkenloh, divorced she continued to take care of his finances because he was not good at it and he trusted her. A few years later, their arguments became so stressful for her that I volunteered to take over. One day I received a phone call from a Salt Lake City nursing home saying that Charlie had become violent, was diagnosed with dementia and was placed in their facility. My mother and I went there immediately and in one week, closed up his apartment, settled his affairs and kept him company. After that we would make yearly trips to see him and it was on these trips that we started recording our conversations about her earlier life in China. After Charlie died about seven years later, we continued taking an annual trip together, usually to Honolulu where we continued spending the evenings talking about different periods in her life and making recordings. This took place over a span of about 20 years. Each time she would reminisce about her experiences and memories, new details and new conversations would emerge. I had this small mountain of tapes transcribed and found that I had many of the same stories with different little details. In editing together a sequential timeline, I tried to go back and dip into these many slightly different versions to make sure that I had included all the interesting little details embedded in different tapes. It was a painstaking process, but so worth it to me when I read over the chapters I’ve edited. I can hear her voice and her laughter, sometimes her tears, and I can hear both our voices in conversation over the subject of her life. It was a gift we gave to each other.

I was born in the era of the warlords. The warlords were very rampant in China, especially in my little town of Yichang. Yichang is right near the border of the beautiful three gorges of the Yangtze River, and next to Sichuan province. Yichang is in Hubei Province. In our town we had maybe four or five very famous and rich families, and we were one of them, and on my mother’s side was another rich family. While my great-grandfather was helping the Chin Dynasty fight the Taiping rebellion, he was brave and won many battles. He was then promoted to a very high military rank. Later he was appointed to the Governor of Hubei and we settled in Yichang City. We had the biggest house in Yichang. It had been built for my great grandfather, who had been Yichang’s governor. Everybody knew the

location of the mansion, Wu Dau-Tai on

Ink Pond Alley. Dau-Tai is a Chinese title equivalent to a Governor. I remember that at the entrance to the property there was a big, heavy gate which opened in the middle. The outside was covered with copper and there was a big ring on each side. When the gate was closed, outsiders who wanted to come in had to knock. They would hit a ring with a metal bar and it would make a tremendous sound that we could hear way back inside of the big house. But that door was very seldom closed. It was opened in the morning by the servants and then closed around midnight. And on each side of the mansion there were two stone lions. They had a fierce look and when we were young children, we usually were kind of scared of those lions. But lions are supposed to guard the residence and prevent the evil spirit or danger from ¡¡ coming into the house. This was also kind of a symbolism of a high official’s residence at that period.

When you passed through the gates, there was a big courtyard. We called it Tian-gin [天井]. That means “sky well” in English. The courtyard was like a big well with the sky at the top. The front part of the house had quarters for male ¡天井¢ visitors with a large guest hall. Friends of

my father’s or my grandfather’s would

come to visit and would stay in the hua- tin which was the big front guest chamber, separated from the back part of the

house. The rear section formed the main living quarters for the family, for the children and women and servants. In all, the £ house had three stories with a fourth story for hanging clothes to dry. We did not have electricity or running water. The water was carried from the river by the servants who had to climb many steps to bring it in through the back door. There were more than 60 people living in our compound, including my father, mother, brother, sister, aunts, uncles, assorted nephews and nieces, grandmothers and servants. Family members occupied certain rooms according to their position. And it was very important to establish what rooms were more important than others. For instance, the concubines could not occupy a main room because their positions were less important. Children usually stayed in the same bedrooms with their parents. The bedrooms were huge. In addition to our beds, which had big curtains, we also had a small kitchen and a dining table in the

My mother put two big cookies and two copper coins in my apron pocket. She told me to remember my father’s name, and where I lived, the Wu Dau-Tai mansion.

room. The tables and chairs were beautiful with mother-of-pearl inlays. My youngest aunt, who never married, had her own quarters. People whispered about her; it seemed something was wrong with her, but nobody would tell us what it was. She stayed in her room and ate by herself and had her own maid. As children we sometimes wandered into her quarters to see her. She talked to herself and would pretend when she was eating that she was with her admirer and would make conversation with him. We thought this was terribly funny. My earliest real memory was when I was about three years old. One evening we heard machine guns outside our house from a distance. And then all the adults in the house immediately jumped up and put out our kerosene lamps so no light would show. My mother put two big cookies and two copper coins in my apron pocket. She told me to remember my father’s name, and where I lived, the Wu Dau-Tai mansion. She told me that in case we were separated through the confusion caused by the soldiers of the warlords, if somebody found me, I should tell them if they sent me home to my father they would get a big reward. But I was so scared, I just could not conceive of the idea of being separated from my family. I was just crying. I had tears running down my cheeks. I couldn’t remember a thing that she told me. This happened several times.

£ ¤¤ ¤

But, most of the time, I remember feeling secure and warm with many people around me. I could always find someone to play with. I was never alone. I was also very close to my mother. I often just followed her around while she was attending to the management of the household. No matter what she was doing, I just felt good being with her. Apart from my own memories, most of my knowledge of my family history comes from her recollections which I learned during the many hours we spent together when she would talk to me. A child was always allowed to be part of the adults’ activities as long as he or she behaved. If I was supposed to be quiet, I daydreamed. There was no set schedule. We were never expected to take a nap at a regular time; we took one whenever we got tired. Bedtime was flexible, and usually I fell asleep right in the middle of things, in somebody’s arms. I assume my nursemaid changed me into a sleeping garment as I slumbered. I had one brother, Yi-fang, who was one year older, and one sister, Liu Mao, who was a couple of years younger. Being the middle child, I was not the most favored. In addition, boys were traditionally more important than girls. Liu Mao was very cute and everyone liked her. So I was not very important, but I felt very secure. In China in those days, as a sign of love to your family members, it was common to share your children with relatives who were childless or who had no sons. When I was four or five, I was sent to stay for a few months with my mother’s younger sister who had married a very rich landowner in the countryside. They were childless and my mother sent me so they could enjoy having a child for a little while. I was also the perfect person to go because I was not the son (an only son was never sent away) and my sister was too young. It took a day’s journey by sedan chair to go visit her. I remembered that I was very homesick even though they paid a lot of attention to me. They put new clothes on me. They took me outside to walk around the fields and they had a lot of animals: ducks, chickens, pigs, horses—all kinds of animals all of which are very interesting to children, but somehow I just felt homesick. I did not feel very close with my aunt and especially her husband. He didn’t seem friendly, and I was scared of him.

His brother probably saved my life. While I was there, warlords invaded the farm. Everyone ran to escape and I remember his brother carried me on his back to the home of one of the outlying peasant farmers to hide in the rice fields. ¡军阀¢

When we got there, he put me down on the ground and held my hand as I walked

along beside him. Suddenly, I slipped and one foot became submerged in the rice paddy. The rice paddy was covered by “night soil” or human manure which was used for fertilizer. I felt so dirty and embarrassed! After that, everyone would tease me and hold their nose when I came around. Oh, I was very unhappy. But every

¤ time my aunt asked me, “Do you want to go home?” I never said anything. I was afraid that if I said, yes, they might think I did not like them. So whenever they asked me, I never said, yes; I never said no. I only stayed a few months, but it felt like an eternity.

Finally, I went back to my mother, but when I opened my mouth everybody

laughed at me because I had acquired the £ ¡国民党¢ accent of that little village. In China we have so many dialects that even a village only 40 miles away had a different accent. And when the accent came from a little

girl, everyone burst into laughter. This was the only thing I remember about my homecoming. In 1921, when I was about five or six years old, the warlord’s soldiers invaded our home in Yichang and the whole family rushed to hide in a storage room in the back of the kitchen. I didn’t even know this back room existed until then. It was used to store wood and charcoal. Now, there were about 25 of us crammed together in it. At first I could only see black, but there was a skylight in the ceiling and gradually my eyes adjusted. I could see some grown-ups sitting on the dirty wood and big pieces of charcoal while others stood. They told us children to hush and to not make any noise. Some of the parents held their hands over the mouths of their children, but my mother did not do that to me. Two mothers with infants nursed their

babies so they wouldn’t cry. I could see #3 Uncle with his hand over his own mouth and I knew he was trying not to cough which must have been very hard for him because he always coughed a lot. I had never seen grown-ups so afraid before. They controlled their panic, but their pinched faces showed how they felt. This made the children very afraid too. We were all very quiet and we stayed like that for hours. We took turns sitting and standing. Every once in a while we heard gunshots outside. At one point, through the skylight, we could see flames shooting up and the sky was just so red. Then we heard the soldiers come in. Their footsteps and voices were loud. They sounded like they were in the same room with us. They were discussing whether or not they should set fire to our house. I could feel the sudden panic shoot through all the adults and I was very afraid. I heard my mother and father whispering trying to decide whether we should just go out before they set the fire or whether we should stay hidden and avoid the soldiers. We stayed put, terrified. Fortunately, before they started a fire, the day dawned and the soldiers retreated as they usually did at daybreak. After this, the entire Wu family was so scared that no one wanted to stay in Yichang anymore. My grandmother moved to Beijing to stay with her oldest son, #1 Uncle. My mother, brother, sister and I moved to Shanghai along with my father’s younger brother, #9 Uncle, his wife, who was my mother’s sister, and their baby boy, my cousin Chi-Fang. We also

took servants and slave girls with us. Along with my mother’s family, the Huang’s, we rented a very big house in Shanghai in the British concession. In those days if you did not have anyone to guard your property, it would all be destroyed. Among all his brothers, my father volunteered to stay behind in Yichang to guard the mansion and our land. What happened to those warlords then? The warlord from one province came into the other province because they wanted to have more territory, and also they liked to take the cities which were pretty wealthy so they could just take the money and take whatever they could and run. But this time the warlords from the neighboring province came in to occupy our city. Our city was always the target of the warlords. They see-sawed, they would come in and go, come in and go. But each time the retreating party of the military just looted the city. The soldiers had guns. They were just like bandits. They would shoot people, they raped, they took money, and they took whatever they could. But when it was daybreak the retreating party would just take a boat and leave the city and other warlords come in to occupy the city. And then we would have peace for a little while, and then another one would come.

I had never seen grown-ups so afraid before. They controlled their panic, but their pinched faces showed how they felt.

婚姻 £

And now before I go into my life in Shanghai I think I should go back to talk about my parent’s marriage and my uncles’ marriages. As a young man, my father supported Sun Yatsen’s revolution against the Ching dynasty. During the 47 year rule of the Empress Dowager Cixi, from 1861 to 1908, the Ching dynasty was especially weak and corrupt. The Empress was vain, stupid and arrogant. She allowed China to be carved up by foreign powers after the Boxer Rebellion. The people of China did not want the dynasty anymore and many local groups sprang up in secret and met to spread the revolutionary ideas of Sun Yat-sen. My father was one of the hot-blooded young Chinese patriots who joined the tzung chien wei, the local revolutionary group. The revolutionaries had no guns or weapons. They simply believed in overthrowing the Ching dynasty. Sun Yat-sen was not a military man; he was a philosopher and a scholar. He did not even have an army. And he did not want to have bloodshed to take over the country so he negotiated with the top military man, Yuan Shikai. Yuan was so powerful that his head was imprinted on the Chinese silver dollar. In exchange for becoming President of China, he agreed that he would change the government of China from a feudal system to a republic. After he took the power of the presidency, however, he changed his mind and betrayed Sun Yat-sen. He made himself Emperor, but fortunately occupied this position for only three or four years before he died. On October 10, 1910, now known as 10/10 in Chinese history, Sun Yat-sen

succeeded in taking over Wuzhan, one of the three cities in the Wuhan province. On December 29, 1911, he became president of the Republic of China. Two months later, on February 12, 1912, the Ching dynasty submitted its power to his rule. It was during these years of political turmoil that my parents were married. Of course, I was not yet born, but the story of their wedding was told to me again and again by my mother who delighted in recounting old family stories. As was the custom, the marriage was arranged by their parents. In those days not only did the boy and girl not know each other, but often the families didn’t know each other either. What they knew was who was socially prominent and whether or not there were boys or girls of a certain age in certain families. The parents of a son of marrying age would send the boy’s eight words to a matchmaker. Everyone has eight words; there are two each for the hour, day, month and year of birth. A person’s eight words then translate into one of the five elements, water, wood, fire, earth or metal. Your element reveals your nature. The matchmaker would take the boy’s eight words to the home of a girl who she thought was suitable. The girl’s parents would then take the boy’s eight words and their own daughter’s eight words to a fortune teller. It was the fortune teller’s job to translate the prospective couple’s eight words into elements to see if their corresponding natures were compatible. It is a complicated and technical process requiring great skill and experience. My father’s element was wood; my mother’s water.

¡孫中山¢ ¥ ¦

§ £ ¦ ¨

¡袁世凱¢ ¥

¥ £

In those days not only did the boy and girl not know each other, but often the families didn’t know each other either.

These are two of the most compatible elements, since water nurtures wood and wood soaks up water. Their wedding was on even though they had never met. All the marriages of my grandparents’ children were arranged except for the youngest daughter who never married. My uncles and aunt all married people from prominent families in Yichang. As Governor of Hubei, the province which contained Yichang, my great grandfather thought that marrying local people would be a good way to establish relationships with the townsfolk. My father’s older brother’s marriage was most tragic. My aunt was nice looking, a very pretty girl, but she had something wrong with her nose so she snored very loudly whenever she went to sleep. Of course, nobody knew about this until she came to marry my uncle. My uncle was very disappointed and very angry and very depressed because he was the most handsome, most capable, and very outstanding among all the brothers, and got married with someXINRAN WITHin China HAN there ANHONG body like that. And, you know, was no divorce. Once you got married you got stuck for the 1950 rest of your life. My father was the fourth son. At that point my father was next in order to get married and, of course, my father had never seen my mother in person. He only had one picture of my mother but that picture was very poorly taken. At that time photography in China was very poor and also my mother was very shy and she was very nearsighted. Her eyes were not even opened very wide when her picture was taken

so my father was anticipating the same fate as my uncle. So these two brothers talked between themselves and my uncle was trying to help my father to escape right after the marriage. You would think, why not escape before the marriage? But that would really cause loss of face for the family and also would be a sign of rebellion to your parents. But you could just go away, leave the wife at home after the marriage. That would be acceptable in the society. So that’s what my father was going to do. The day of their marriage was a big celebration because my mother’s family was the richest in the town. She had a tremendous dowry. The dowry was displayed in many open trays, carried with a bamboo pole by two men. It formed a procession several blocks long. It even included a personal maid. The maid, who came with the bride was a slave. My mother’s slave was named Su Mei. She helped my mother take care of me when I was born. They were those from poor families. Sometimes after a famine they would sell the girls, but they never sold boys. As was customary, my father had ridden in a sedan chair carried by two men, front and back to the home of his betrothed. He brought with him another sedan chair for the bride, carried by eight men, four in front, four in back. Called a flower sedan, the bride’s sedan chair was elaborately decorated. My mother was dressed in a beautifully embroidered two-piece wedding gown. The top had the classic high Chinese collar with frog closures; the skirt, in the same material trimmed

THE PROMISE: LOVE AND LOSS IN MODERN CHINA

My given name is Anhong, but my nickname is Yaohong. Yao means rock, as in to rock the boat; hong means red, as in the color. Most people just call me Red. When I was only nine years old, my father arranged for me to marry his friend’s son, who was thirteen at the time. His name was Fang Baogang. People would say he was something of a child prodigy, able to recite the classics, write beautiful calligraphy and create rhyming couplets on cue.

In those days not only did the boy and girl not know each other, When the PLA (People’s Liberation Army) formally entered Beiping on 31 January, Baogang but often the families didn’t took the opportunity to take leave and visit each other either. his family.know The Fangs sent for my father straight away. It was agreed that the two of us, whose lives had been suspended in time for so many years, would finally be wed. I was already twenty-eight years old. According to the old customs my family still adhered to, engaged women were seen as having already ‘bound their hair’, meaning they could never be betrothed to another man.

We had not yet recovered from the war by then, and our families didn’t go to any great lengths for our wedding. They didn’t even follow the old series of rituals known as the ‘Three Letters and Six Rites’. That’s not to say there weren’t any traditional elements to the ceremony; we did follow some of the rules

so my father was anticipating the same fate as my These are two of thedown most to compatible elements, since These passed us by our ancestors. water nurtures wood and wood water.toTheir included: using a soaks sedanup chair carry uncle. the So these two brothers talked between themselves and my uncle was trying to help my father to wedding was on even they had never met. a ceremony bride to though the groom’s house; holding escape right after the marriage. All thetomarriages of my grandparents’ children greet the bride at the gateway of the You would think, why not escape before the were arranged excepthouse; for the youngest groom’s kowtowingdaughter at the who graves of our marriage? But that would really cause loss of face for never married. My uncles and aunt marriedto peoancestors; paying due all respects the elders the family and also would be a sign of rebellion to ple from prominent in Yichang. AsaGovernor of both families families; drinking toast to the yourinparents. But you could just go away, leave the of Hubei, the province contained visiting Yichang, my health of which both families; the new wife at home after the marriage. That would be great grandfather thought marrying peo- peanuts, laws after the that marriage; andlocal placing acceptable in the society. So that’s what my father ple would be a good to establish relationships dates andway other food considered auspicious was going to do. with the townsfolk. under the mattress of the bridal bed—these The day of their marriage was a big celebration My father’s oldergood brother’s symbolize luck marriage and the was hopemost that the bride tragic. My aunt looking, very pretty willwas givenice birth to a aboy soon (zaogirl, shengbecause guizi). my mother’s family was the richest in the but she had something wrong with her nose so she town. She had a tremendous dowry. The dowry was snored very loudly whenever she went to sleep. Of displayed in many open trays, carried with a bamboo course, nobody knew about this until she came to pole by two men. It formed a procession several blocks marry my uncle. My uncle was very disappointed and long. It even included a personal maid. The maid, who very angry and very depressed because he was the came with the bride was a slave. My mother’s slave most handsome, most capable, and very outstanding was named Su Mei. She helped my mother take care among all the brothers, and got married with some- of me when I was born. They were those from poor body like that. And, you know, in China there was no families. Sometimes after a famine they would sell divorce. Once you got married you got stuck for the the girls, but they never sold boys. As was customary, my father had ridden in a sedan chair carried by two rest of your life. My father was the fourth son. At that point my men, front and back to the home of his betrothed. He father was next in order to get married and, of course, brought with him another sedan chair for the bride, my father had never seen my mother in person. He carried by eight men, four in front, four in back. only had one picture of my mother but that picture Called a flower sedan, the bride’s sedan chair was was very poorly taken. At that time photography in elaborately decorated. My mother was dressed in a China was very poor and also my mother was very beautifully embroidered two-piece wedding gown. shy and she was very nearsighted. Her eyes were not The top had the classic high Chinese collar with frog even opened very wide when her picture was taken closures; the skirt, in the same material trimmed

We didn’t have any friends to speak of, and nearly everyone in our families had already emigrated. Those left behind were mostly domestic servants who wouldn’t dare cause us any offence. I suppose that’s how we managed to avoid the infamous nao dong fang – that series of pranks that newlyweds fear most. Baogang never came into the bridal chamber on the night of our wedding. He excused himself by saying he had drunk too much wine and had a lot of work. The next day, we had to move into the marital home assigned to us by the army, located outside the from gate of the barracks.

In those days not only did the boy and girl not know each other, but often the families didn’t know each other either.

Red’s story came to an abrupt halt. She paused, composed herself, and spoke again in a gentle whisper: ‘My marriage sentence began that day.” On the second day of our marriage, when we moved into the barracks, Baogang arranged for two orderlies to help me settle in. At that time I had no knowledge of China’s political parties, his army’s background or what was really going on. For me, the army base was so fresh it was like another world. Everyone was so kind to us; they had even decorated our new apartment with all kinds of festive touches. Inside, the place was very simple—a bed with some bedding, a kind of clothes rack and a

so my father was anticipating the same fate as my These are two of the most compatible sincechairs—but small wooden table withelements, two wooden So these two brothers talked between themwater nurtures wood andwas wood soaks up water. Their everything brand new. Baogang said uncle. that we selves wedding was on even though had never met. it was didn’t need muchthey furniture because theand my uncle was trying to help my father to escape right after the marriage. All thelife marriages of my grandparents’ children of a soldier to always be on the move, You would think, why not escape before the were arranged youngest who andexcept that for we the h ad no needdaughter for a kitchen because marriage? But that would really cause loss of face for never married. uncles married peothe My mess halland wasaunt justallaround the corner. I the family and also would be a sign of rebellion to ple from prominent Yichang. As Governor rememberfamilies being in very curious about my new your parents. But you could just go away, leave the of Hubei, the province which contained felt Yichang, surroundings. Everything so my different. I wife at home after the marriage. That would be great grandfather thought that marrying surrounded local peo- by had grown up in a compound high acceptable in the society. So that’s what my father ple would be a goodwhere way to establish relationships walls, the stark realities of the was the going to do. with the townsfolk. outside world had seemed like nothing but My father’s older brother’s marriage wasinmost fantasy stories I came across my books. IThe day of their marriage was a big celebration tragic. My aunt wasgiven nice looking, a very hadn’t any though to pretty how I girl, would because build a my mother’s family was the richest in the town. She had a tremendous dowry. The dowry was but she hadhome something wrong with her nose so she with this man. Times of war are like displayed snored verygreat loudlymazes whenever she went sleep. – impossible totofind a Of path on which in many open trays, carried with a bamboo pole by two men. It formed a procession several blocks course, nobody about this until she came to destiny. you knew feel in complete control of your marry my uncle. My uncle was very disappointed and long. It even included a personal maid. The maid, who Baogang the day working in the the office came with the bride was a slave. My mother’s slave very angry and veryspent depressed because he was next door. Later, he took me to eat in was named Su Mei. She helped my mother take care most handsome, most capable, and very outstanding supper the mess hall. The taste didn’t compare to among all the brothers, and got married with some- of me when I was born. They were those from poor home cooking, butinsitting there among families. Sometimes after a famine they would sell body like that. And, you know, China there was no that group of bright-eyed young soldiers, the girls, but they never sold boys. As was customary, divorce. Once you got married you got stuck for the bursting myit father had ridden in a sedan chair carried by two rest of your with life. energy and optimism for the future… was so uplifting! It’s just a shame none offront and back to the home of his betrothed. He My father was the fourth son. At that point my men, themincame spoke to me. father was next orderand to get married and, of course, brought with him another sedan chair for the bride, my father had never seen my mother in person. He carried by eight men, four in front, four in back. After supper Baogang went straight back to his only had one picture of my mother but that picture Called a flower sedan, the bride’s sedan chair was office, which I took as a sign that he was givwas very poorly taken. At that time photography in elaborately decorated. My mother was dressed in a ing me some space to wash and get ready for bed. China was very poor and also my mother was very beautifully embroidered two-piece wedding gown. shy and she was very nearsighted. Her eyes were not The top had the classic high Chinese collar with frog even opened very wide when her picture was taken closures; the skirt, in the same material trimmed

As I lay there in bed that night, it was as if my mind was working like a projector, flashing these poems one by one across the blank sheet of my mind. You may laugh, but it really felt as if I were floating on air. I couldn’t tell where the earth ended and heaven began. Suddenly, a soft thud brought be back to reality, In the cold and lonely moonlight, I saw a figure kneeling beside the bed – the outline of the man I had just married.

In those days not only did the boy and girl not know each other, ‘Baogang? Is that you? the What’sfamilies going on?’ I didn’t had but often no idea what was happening – I had never heard of a man kneeling a woman. knowbefore each other either. ‘Miss Anhong… No wait…You want me to call you Red. Red, I…there’s something I need to tell you. There are two engagements in my life.’ As I raised my body to face him, my tongue, lips and fingers went numb. ‘The first is the one my parent’s arranged for me when I was only a child—you. The second is with the woman I fell in love with, the woman of my heart. I can’t give up wither of them. I can’t disobey the will of my parents, nor can I turn my back on the woman I love. I…’

so my These are two of the most elements, Baogang couldcompatible barely speak. His since body was bentfather was anticipating the same fate as my uncle. So these two brothers talked between themwater nurtures and that woodhis soaks up water. Their touching overwood so far head was nearly selves and my uncle was trying to help my father to wedding was on ground, even though never met. the his they face had hidden. All the marriages of my grandparents’ children escape right after the marriage. It except was like being stuck daughter by a boltwho of lightning You would think, why not escape before the were arranged for the youngest and smashed into a thousand tiny pieces: never married. My uncles and aunt all married peo- marriage? But that would really cause loss of face for two engagements? ‘The woman you fell inthe love family and also would be a sign of rebellion to ple from prominent families in Yichang. As Governor with, the woman of your heart? You mean that’s parents. But you could just go away, leave the of Hubei, the province which contained Yichang, my your not me?’ great grandfather thought that marrying local peo- wife at home after the marriage. That would be ple would be a good way to establish relationships acceptable in the society. So that’s what my father Oh, I was so confused! My whole body went was going to do. with the townsfolk. cold, a feeling I can still remember to this The day of their marriage was a big celebration My father’s older brother’s marriage was most day – blood frozen, stricken breath, and the tragic. My aunt was nice looking, a very pretty girl, because my mother’s family was the richest in the sense that I was falling into a bottomless pit. but she had something wrong with her nose so she town. She had a tremendous dowry. The dowry was in many open trays, carried with a bamboo snored veryIloudly whenever she went to overwhelmed sleep. Of displayed lay there in silence, too to pole by two men. It formed a procession several blocks course, nobody knew about this until she came to react as Baogang knelt motionless beside me. marry my uncle. My uncle was very disappointed and long. It even included a personal maid. The maid, who came with the bride was a slave. My mother’s slave very angry and because For very threedepressed nights in a row he it was wentthe on like was named Su Mei. She helped my mother take care most handsome, most capable, outstanding this—three nights!and Hevery would go to work as of me when I was born. They were those from poor among all the brothers, andthe got day, married with somenormal during then come home and families. Sometimes after a famine they would sell body like that. And,by you in China there was no Neither kneel myknow, bedside in the darkness. divorce. Once you got It stuck forlike the I the ofyou us got knewmarried what to say. felt hadgirls, but they never sold boys. As was customary, my father had ridden in a sedan chair carried by two rest of your nothing life. left to live for. My father was the fourth son. At that point my men, front and back to the home of his betrothed. He In the moonlight I could and, see of himcourse, kneelingbrought there, with him another sedan chair for the bride, father was next in order to get married bent double, sometimes to the point where he by eight men, four in front, four in back. my father had never seen my mother in person. He carried was virtually lying on the ground. All the only had one picture of my mother but that picture Called a flower sedan, the bride’s sedan chair was whiletaken. I could feeltime thephotography strength ofinhis elaborately will, decorated. My mother was dressed in a was very poorly At that and knew that he was waiting for my forgiveness. China was very poor and also my mother was very beautifully embroidered two-piece wedding gown. shy and she was very nearsighted. Her eyes were not The top had the classic high Chinese collar with frog even opened very wide when her picture was taken closures; the skirt, in the same material trimmed

But how could I forgive him? This marriage had been arranged for us by our parents, and we couldn’t disobey chem, especially while they were still alive. Besides, the whole country was in turmoil, turned completely on its head, and breaking any of the new laws was a matter of life and death. I was completely lost. Red stopped. Her eyes scanned the ceiling as if searching for something.

In those days not only did the boy and girl not know each other, The helplessness I saw in those eyes was all too familiar me. In the more than thirty years but tooften families didn’t of interviews, I had seen it in the eyes of many Chinese women. each Divorce as we understand know other either. it today is a product of modern Chinese society. Up until the overthrow of the feudal imperial system in 1911, a man could disown his wife, but a woman had absolutely no right to end her marriage. Then, with the violent upheavals and political turmoil of the twentieth century, divorce (and remarriage) came to be regarded as a way of climbing the political ladder to a better life. No one would admit chat the reason for their divorce was to escape from a loveless and unnatural marriage.

my father was anticipating the same fate as my These are two thenot mostuntil compatible elements, Itofwas the 1980s that since Chinesesopeople water nurtures andable wood up water. werewood truly tosoaks decide freelyTheir about uncle. mar- So these two brothers talked between themand my uncle was trying to help my father to wedding was on even they had minds never met. riage, tothough make up their and look selves for the All thekind marriages of mythat grandparents’ children of family they really wanted.escape From right after the marriage. were arranged except foron, the youngest who that point the word daughter ‘divorce’ finally You would think, why not escape before the marriage? But that would really cause loss of face for never married. My uncles and auntpeople all married peo-about became a topic which talked the family and also would be a sign of rebellion to ple from prominent in Yichang. Asare Governor openly. families Some young Chinese even trying to your parents. But you could just go away, leave the of Hubei, the provinceparents which contained Yichang, persuade who married for my political wifethat at home after the marriage. That would be great grandfather that marrying reasonsthought to divorce and find local the peotrue love acceptable ple would be a good way to establish was denied them in theirrelationships youth. But what these in the society. So that’s what my father with the townsfolk. children can’t understand is that it iswas coogoing to do. The day of their marriage was a big celebration My father’s older brother’s marriage lace for many of these tiredwas andmost weathertragic. My aunt wassouls. nice looking, very pretty girl, of because beaten Red, I abelieve, is one them. my mother’s family was the richest in the but she had something wrong with her nose so she town. She had a tremendous dowry. The dowry was on the fourthto night I made displayed in many open trays, carried with a bamboo snored veryAfter loudlysupper whenever she went sleep. Of Baogang a cup of black tea. I composed myself, by two men. It formed a procession several blocks course, nobody knew about this until she came to pole looked him directly in the eye and said, marry my uncle. My uncle was very disappointed and long. It even included a personal maid. The maid, who ‘Since have such a stubborn such with the bride was a slave. My mother’s slave very angry and veryyou depressed because he was will, the came undying loyalty to your beloved, and seeing as Su Mei. She helped my mother take care most handsome, most capable, and very outstanding was named how we can’t split up...well, I think we among all the brothers, and got married with some- of me when I was born. They were those from poor should and see if she comes If she Sometimes after a famine they would sell body like that. And, wait you know, in China there wasback. no families. does, then I can just make up some excuse to but they never sold boys. As was customary, divorce. Once you got married you got stuck for the the girls, leave and you two can be together. For now, we had ridden in a sedan chair carried by two my father rest of your life. can share a bed the way brothers and sister My father was the fourth son. At that point my men, front and back to the home of his betrothed. He do. in You sleep onmarried the left; sleep on the with him another sedan chair for the bride, brought father was next order to get and,I’ll of course, right. OK? my father had never seen my mother in person. He carried by eight men, four in front, four in back. only had one picture of my mother but that picture Called a flower sedan, the bride’s sedan chair was Baogang’s eyes lit up at this unexpected was very poorly taken. At that time photography in elaborately decorated. My mother was dressed in a surprise as he stuttered, ‘Thank you! I won’t China was very poor and also my mother was very beautifully embroidered two-piece wedding gown. take advantage of you, I promise.’ shy and she was very nearsighted. Her eyes were not The top had the classic high Chinese collar with frog even opened very wide when her picture was taken closures; the skirt, in the same material trimmed

In those days not only did the boy and girl not know each other, but often the families didn’t know each other either.

These are two of the most compatible elements, since water nurtures wood and wood soaks up water. Their wedding was on even though they had never met. All the marriages of my grandparents’ children were arranged except for the youngest daughter who never married. My uncles and aunt all married people from prominent families in Yichang. As Governor of Hubei, the province which contained Yichang, my great grandfather thought that marrying local people would be a good way to establish relationships with the townsfolk. My father’s older brother’s marriage was most tragic. My aunt was nice looking, a very pretty girl, but she had something wrong with her nose so she snored very loudly whenever she went to sleep. Of course, nobody knew about this until she came to marry my uncle. My uncle was very disappointed and very angry and very depressed because he was the most handsome, most capable, and very outstanding among all the brothers, and got married with somebody like that. And, you know, in China there was no divorce. Once you got married you got stuck for the rest of your life. My father was the fourth son. At that point my father was next in order to get married and, of course, my father had never seen my mother in person. He only had one picture of my mother but that picture was very poorly taken. At that time photography in China was very poor and also my mother was very shy and she was very nearsighted. Her eyes were not even opened very wide when her picture was taken

She was bold enough to speak so she I said, “You look like you are very unhappy.”

with jewels, flowed to the floor. On her head sat an elaborate headdress, tall and studded with jewels; a red scarf was draped from the headdress over her face. The sedan chairs carrying the bride and groom were then carried to the groom’s home. On the wedding day, after all the ceremonies and activities, after all the guests departed, the bride and bridegroom were supposed to just settle in their own bedchamber. The bride has a red scarf on her head which covered her face, and the bridegroom is supposed to lift the scarf and look at the bride for the first time. But my father was anticipating a very ugly girl and he was not interested at all so he was just sitting there and didn’t do anything. My mother was the first one who spoke and that was very, very unorthodox. She was bold enough to speak so she I said, “You look like you are very unhappy.” And my father was really surprised because you never, never heard a bride speak first in that situation. He lifted her red scarf and looked at her for the first time. My mother was not a beauty but she had very fine skin and she looked, very intelligent. Then he started to ask her questions and she with no hesitancy answered him and they started to talk, and then he found out she knew much more than he did about the modern issues. He got so interested, so curious, they continued their conversation until dawn. Of course, they had a very happy marriage ever after. Years later my mother told me he said, “Your face is like a lovely peach and your eyes are like autumn water.” This was a very high compliment as peaches

are a symbol of youth and beauty and when Chinese say your eyes are like autumn water, it means they are extremely clear and intelligent. My mother’s name was Kua Gren Che. Gren means you are right or have authority. Actually, my mother’s life had bridged the old China and the new China. When she was a little girl, her feet had been bound. But her parents died when she was very young, and she was adopted by her uncle. He was a professor in Beijing University, and was very keen on educating children, including girls. His own daughter, my cousin, was one of the first girls from China who went to America for schooling. When my mother was 13, he sent her to Shanghai to enter a girl’s school where she studied for three years until she graduated. While there, she began soaking her feet every night with warm water and putting cotton between her toes to make her feet come back to normal. But they never did entirely. She was educated in the modern subjects like mathematics, science and geography. My father, on the other hand, was educated under the traditional method. When he was growing up, a scholar came to the home and tutored the children in the Chinese classics which included Chinese arts, literature and history. My father and mother loved each other very much and were the most admired couple in town. They were never separated except during the period when we went to Shanghai to escape the civil unrest. My mother died in the arms of my father. He wrote many beautiful poems in her memory. I had them

with me in Hong Kong, but lost all of them during the war. Of my grandparent’s six sons, my father was the only one who had a happy marriage. Luckily for me I had a very happy life with my parents because they really loved each other, and they never were separated from each other except during the period we went to Shanghai to escape the warlords. My mother took the responsibility to take three of us children, with her sister who had also married into the Wu family. She married the younger brother of my father. So these two families went to Shanghai, except my father who stayed in Yichang to watch the property and the house by himself. We rented a big house in Shanghai with the Huang family. My mother had three brothers and two sisters. With one sister and her husband, all the brothers and their wives and children and servants, we all stayed together in a big house. This is what I could remember. We stayed in Shanghai about two years, and in the beginning, it was a happy time for me. Including our other relatives, there were five or six children and we played together all day. The rooms in this house were huge and, as was customary, each family unit slept together in one room. There were two big beds in our room. I shared one with my sister, LiuMao. My brother shared a bed with my mother. I felt safe and cozy. But one day, my cousin, Chi-Fang, fell ill while his father was away visiting his mother in Beijing. He had a fever, his head ached, and he coughed. A Chinese doctor was called in, administered some herbal medicine and Chi-Fang seemed to recover. But then his skin began to flake all over. I remember we were sitting together one day and when he stood up, white flakes fell from his pants like snowflakes on the floor around his feet. Through it all, we still played together and had our meals together. He was like this for one month. Suddenly, one afternoon, my sister, Liu Mao, got a very sore throat and was vomiting. My mother thought she had gotten the flu or a bad cold and gave her warm lotus seed broth and put her to bed. Later that day, my brother, Yi-Fang, also became ill. I remember he wobbled out of our room to the outer corridor and said, “Ma, my head hurts and my throat hurts” and he threw up right then and there. My mother caught him and felt his forehead. It was

burning hot. She put him to bed and gave him broth. She had nursed us through many childhood colds and illnesses and knew what to do. She and I also had some minor cold symptoms. We all went to sleep as usual that night. I heard my sister fussing a few times, but it never lasted long and she would go back to sleep. The next morning, I got up and was dressed by a servant as usual, but my sister and brother were still sleeping. Even though the light of dawn was just creeping into our room, my mother looked like she had been up much earlier as she was already dressed and was bustling around the small stove in our bedroom warming up broth and soupy rice for our breakfast. These were the common cure-alls for childhood ailments. My mother went to my sister’s side of the bed first to wake her. She softly called her name, “Liu Mao, Liu Mao.” There was no response. My mother gently shook her. Still, there was no response. Suddenly my mother swooped down over her until their faces were almost touching. I heard a sharp intake of breath. She put her hand on Liu Mao’s face. It was stone cold. She shook her hard, but Liu Mao just flopped around like a rag doll. Now my mother was crying and screaming, “Wake up! Wake up!” She turned to my brother’s bed. She shook him hard right away. She felt his face. It was also stiff and cold. My mother became hysterical. Boys in a family are much more important than girls, plus he was an only son. After we were back in Yichang I can remember two aunts saying to each other, “Ai-yah! What a shame the boy had to die. It would have been much better if his other sister (meaning me) had died instead.” They didn’t know I was in the next room and could hear them. I was frightened. I had never seen my mother like this. She was normally calm, efficient and serene. Now she cried and screamed and hit her fist on my brother’s bed, crying, “This cannot be true. This cannot be happening! What can I do?” Her cries brought the relatives and servants running. I stood in the midst of sharp cries of anguish and confusion. Suddenly my mother spotted me. She screamed, “Go! Go! Go! Go! Get out of here! Don’t come back! You will be dead too!” I ran out of our room. I felt she had disowned me. I started crying and just stood in the corridor outside our bedroom. I could still hear her wailing, “Why is this happening? There is no one to

She screamed, “Go! Go! Go! Go! Get out of here! Don’t come back! You will be dead too!”

She shook her hard, but Liu Mao just flopped around like a rag doll.

§ ¦ £

help me! All the men are gone!” In those days, women had very little to do with the outside world. The men took care of all affairs outside the household. And now everything had happened so fast that neither my sister nor my brother had had a chance to see a doctor. None of us understood that we had a dangerous illness and might all die. One of the relatives ran to get the British police to help us. The next thing I remember, a foreigner came to our house and looked at us. He told us he was an official from the British Health Department. He said that all of us showing symptoms had to go to the hospital in the British concession. We were told we had scarlet fever. It was highly contagious. The house was quarantined. My mother cried when she heard this. She didn’t want to leave the house, and the dead bodies of her children, but she had no choice and finally, we all went. We were brought to the British hospital. My father came to Shanghai to the hospital to see us, but he was not allowed to touch us because they were afraid of contagion. I remember watching him sitting on a bench looking dignified, but very sad, maybe about 10 feet away from us. My mother looked at him and could not speak. She just sobbed. I felt so sad when I saw that. Later I was told that my father blamed his brother for going to Beijing and leaving the women and children alone without anyone to protect them. The concessions in Shanghai came around after the Boxer Rebellion in 1900. The stupid Empress

Dowager allowed the Boxers to kill foreigners indiscriminately. The Boxer Rebellion resulted in the slaughter of hundreds of missionaries, officials and citizens from eight foreign countries. The countries, France, England, Germany, Italy, the U.S., Austria-Hungary, Japan and Russia formed the Eight Nation Alliance and with combined forces, invaded China, occupied Beijing and the Forbidden City, and crushed the Boxers. Terrified by this turn of events, the Empress Dowager was prepared to give the Alliance anything it wanted in order to seek appeasement. Thus Shanghai, the most important coastal city, was carved into pieces, each piece being occupied by one of the eight, except for the U.S. which refused to take a piece of China. In addition to giving them ownership of a part of China, the Dowager was also required to pay reparations. The U.S. was the only country to use its indemnity money to open schools in China, like the highly respected Nan Kai High School, and fund universities, like the Yenjing University, and hospitals, such as the Peking University Medical Center (PUMC). The U.S. also created scholarships for Chinese students to study abroad in America. This created very warm feelings from the Chinese towards Americans. But still I did not understand what had happened. It was only when my mother recovered and was about to be discharged a week later that she told me that my brother and sister were dead and that they were not coming back. She cried piteously when she told me. I only understood that I would never see them again.

£ £

¨ ¦ ¤¤ £

My father came to Shanghai to the hospital to see us, but he was not allowed to touch us because they were afraid of contagion.

§ © ª

¡義和拳¢ © ª

At the time, I was so afraid that my mother was leaving me that I felt sorrier for myself than I did for them. My brother had been one year older and boys did not have much to do with girls. My sister was three years younger so we were not that close. But I could not imagine anything worse than losing my parents. Once my mother was discharged, I felt lost and scared. Members of the Huang family, on my mother’s side, were also there in the hospital. Along with their daughter, only one couple on the Huang side of family did not catch scarlet fever. Later on, it was said it was because they smoked opium, and their daughter was also immune because she had slept in the same room as her parents, and they were all protected by the opium smoke. The Huang’s had brought a maid to take care of them. I didn’t know if she had scarlet fever too, but of course, she had no say in the matter and had to do whatever they wanted. I wasn’t close to any of them and didn’t feel protected. I was so very lonely and wanted to be with my parents and asked every day when I could go home. It seemed to me that I recovered quickly after that and was soon released. By then my father had already returned to Yichang, so I only saw my mother at first. She came to the hospital to get me. As soon as I saw her, I ran to her as fast as I could. She took me in her arms and we embraced for such a long time.

After my brother and sister died, my mother was heartbroken and hated Shanghai. At that time, Yichang seemed more politically stable. A strong warlord with a large army had occupied Yichang, so for a while no other warlords could overtake the city. So we returned. That’s when my mother discovered that my father had started to smoke opium.

£ ¦

ª¥

¦ ¥ ¥ ¦ ¦

§ §

¦ £ §

¥ ¥ £

® £ £

¡¦ª ¤ª

¦« ¦¤¤

¤¤¤ ª «¤¤ ¦¤¤ ¡¦

¡ª¦

¡ª§

ª«¤ ¡¡¤

¡¡¤

ª «¤¤

¡ §

««¦ ¦ ¤ «¤

§«

¤¤

¦ §

ª«¤

§§«

¡¤¤

¡¦«

¡¦

¡ª¦

¡ª§

¡¡¤

After the opium war with the British, 1839-42, China was forced to legalize opium. At first, the opium was imported to China from India by the British. Later, opium was so widespread that the Chinese planted their own opium poppies, especially in Sichuan and Yunan. Wealthy people preferred Yunan opium because it was a higher quality. It was so much more profitable to plant opium than to plant rice. That was one of the causes of the famine. China just didn’t produce enough rice for everybody. In the meantime, opium smoking was widespread. No one felt guilty or ashamed of smoking opium. In fact, they called opium fu sow ointment, fu [福] meaning prosperity and sow [寿] meaning longevity. When you went to visit a wealthy friend or relative they would offer you a smoke of opium in place of a cocktail. It was, however, bad manners as a guest to accept the opium right away—as though you were desperate for a smoke. Instead, the polite thing to say would be, “No thank you, I just had some at home before coming out.” The only time it was acceptable to smoke as soon as you arrived at a party was if you had been out all afternoon and hadn’t had a chance to go home. Then it was understood that it wasn’t impolite to have a puff right away. Normally, however, guests would come and play mahjong, have a meal, and then smoke afterwards. I remember that when a new supply of opium arrived, it would take my mother a whole day to prepare it for smoking. The wealthy had very elaborate equipment with which to serve the opium. The setup was always there ready and waiting. There was a special opium bed because opium is smoked while you’re lying down with your head resting on a lot of puffed up high pillows. It was like a king-sized bed and on it was a beautiful large opium tray holding the opium equipment. The pipes were decorated with ivory and jewels. While it was possible for one person to smoke opium by himself, the ideal way was to have someone serve you. Often two people would lie down facing each other, one would smoke and the other would serve. Sometimes the server would have a puff too. Wealthy people usually had a special servant do it. And some men had a concubine to do it. People smoked opium because it made them feel happy and content. All their troubles would vanish. This was fine for the wealthy who smoked high

grades of opium and had servants and didn’t work, but poor people suffered a great deal. They smoked bad grades of opium, got hooked, had very chaotic lives and spent whatever money they had on more opium and neglected their nutrition and health. And sometimes even the wealthy would have problems with opium. Three children of my mother’s youngest brother were born addicted and they all died before they were two years old. I would say that about half the people in Yichang smoked opium when I was growing up. When I was very young, I noticed most of my relatives did, but never my father. My grandfather had had a very strict moral standard for his family, and two absolute prohibitions were opium smoking and concubines. Furthermore my father was a very advanced, forward-thinking person and it seemed unthinkable to my mother that my father would do a thing like that because he was a revolutionary, thought opium was very bad for China and hated the British for bringing it to China. But then later, when he had been alone in Yichang defending our property, he had been so lonely and under such stress dealing with the warlords that he sought the relief that opium gave him. My mother was the kind of person that no matter what my father did, she did not change her attitude towards him. She always felt that this is my husband and I will always stand by him whether he’s successful or whether he’s a failure. She just did not change. In fact, she prepared his opium and served it to him in a very gracious way. She also had one puff herself. You see, opium is a stimulant and when you serve someone opium, you had to stay up very late. I found the opium aroma quite pleasant. It was a miracle that I did not get addicted.

I would say that about half the people in Yichang smoked opium when I was growing up.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MY FATHER ¦

A SHORT STORY BY CLARA WU WRITTEN 1994

£ ¨

After the opium war with the British, 1839-42, grades of opium and had servants and didn’t work, China was forced to legalize opium. At first, the but poor people suffered a great deal. They smoked opium was imported to China from India by the Brit- bad grades of opium, got hooked, had very chaotic ish. Later, opium was so widespread that the Chinese lives and spent whatever money they had on more planted their own opium poppies, especially in Sich- opium and neglected their nutrition and health. And uan and Yunan. Wealthy people preferred Yunan sometimes even the wealthy would have problems opium because it was a higher quality. It was so much with opium. Three children of my mother’s youngest more profitable to plant opium than to plant rice. brother were born addicted and they all died before That was one of the causes of the famine. China just they were two years old. I would say that about half the people in didn’t produce enough rice for everybody. In the Yichang smoked opium when I was growing up. meantime, opium smoking was widespread. No one felt guilty or ashamed of smoking When I was very young, I noticed most of my relaopium. In fact, they called opium fu sow ointment, fu tives did, but never my father. My grandfather had [福] meaning prosperity and sow [寿] meaning longev- had a very strict moral standard for his family, and ity. When you went to visit a wealthy friend or rela- two absolute prohibitions were opium smoking and tive they would offer you a smoke of opium in place concubines. Furthermore my father was a very Mya father’s day went forward-thinking like this: He gotperson up and it seemed of a cocktail. It was, however, bad manners as guest advanced, about one o’clock in the afternoon. His my eyes unthinkable to my mother that father would do to accept the opium right away—as though you were were and like his that nose because was running as aifrevolutionary, he was desperate for a smoke. Instead, the polite thing to watering say a thing had a cold. Immediately, mother thought opium wasmy very bad forwould China and hated the would be, “No thank you, I just had somehe at home serve him his opium. After aitfew smokes, British for bringing to China. Butall then later, when before coming out.” The only time it was acceptable theifcold werealone gone, and he became he had been in Yichang defending our property, to smoke as soon as you arrived at a party was you symptoms spirited and been started reviewing my homehe had so lonely and under such stress dealing had been out all afternoon and hadn’t had high a chance of Chinese. Then he would be he served a the relief that with the warlords that sought to go home. Then it was understood that work it wasn’t delicious consisting opium gave him. of three or four impolite to have a puff right away. Normally, how- meal dishes. inmother small was quantities but the kind of person that no matever, guests would come and play mahjong, have aThey wereMy highly nutritious Thenshe hedid would put ter whatand my tasty. father did, not change her attimeal, and then smoke afterwards. I remember that on nice He always neat and tude towards him.looked She always felt that this is my when a new supply of opium arrived, it would takeclothes. handsome. He then would takealways our private husband and I will stand by him whether he’s my mother a whole day to prepare it for smoking. rickshaw tosuccessful his social engagement. he just did not or whether he’s aUsually failure. She The wealthy had very elaborate equipment played mahjong in In a friend’s house orhis somechange. fact, she prepared opium and served it with which to serve the opium. The setup was always times was invited a friend to his to him inbya very gracious way.long-term She also had one puff there ready and waiting. There was a special opium geisha girl’s home. This herself. You see, would opiumbe is aconsidered stimulant and when you bed because opium is smoked while you’re lying as a favor to his friend opium, because the winner someone you had to stayof up very late. I down with your head resting on a lot of puffed up serve eachon hand a small percentage to theIt was a mirfoundgive the opium aroma quite pleasant. high pillows. It was like a king-sized bed and it would potopium (they call it flower head). This money acle that I did not get addicted. was a beautiful large opium tray holding the will and go to the house. When I was very small, I equipment. The pipes were decorated with ivory my mother telling people, “My husband jewels. While it was possible for one person heard to smoke to make flower head.” I could not underopium by himself, the ideal way was to have went someone stand it. Why would my father do a thing like serve you. Often two people would lie down facing that? But I never asked my mother to explain. each other, one would smoke and the other would serve. Sometimes the server would have a puff too. Wealthy people usually had a special servant do it. And some men had a concubine to do it. People smoked opium because it made them feel happy and content. All their troubles would vanish. This was fine for the wealthy who smoked high

I would say that about half the people in Yichang smoked opium when I was growing up.

When my father came back after dinner, that’s when he taught me Chinese classics. He would not stay out late like some other people did because he wanted to teach me. He was always in a good mood and we talked and laughed and once in a while he would lie down and have an opium smoke. Later on I learned how to serve and I served him while my mother was cooking.

It seems our happiness was around the opium tray. The opium aroma was quite pleasant to me. It was a miracle that I did not get addicted to opium. There were many young people among my friends and relatives who did and their lives were ruined. I knew three children of my mother’s youngest brother who were born with addiction and they all died before they reached two years old. Some soldiers of the warlords were also addicted and they had to rob to buy opium. I should say the whole country was poisoned.

£ ¨

I would say that about half the people in Yichang smoked opium when I was growing up.

£ ¨

鸦片

片

¡ª§

The really big thing for me was looking forward to New Year’s and big birthdays. Weddings and funerals were big events too. When those things happened, I would get together to play with other families’ children and have a grand time. New Year’s was the most exciting festival of all. The Chinese year is according to the lunar calendar and the new year begins in late January or early February and lasts for 15 days. Preparations would begin two months before the new year with the servants busily obtaining and preparing all the special foods for the feasts that were supposed to bring good luck. Everyone got new clothes and the whole household was brightened up with beautifully embroidered red covers on the chairs, tables and the walls of the main chamber. On New Year’s Eve, it was traditional for the wealthy to make their annual payment to businesses and restaurants for their bills. Sometimes there were no receipts. The merchants would tell a person what he owed and, he would honor his debts and pay them off. Beautiful fireworks and firecrackers were set off on New Year’s Eve. Gifts were exchanged between families—usually food. Typical gifts would be two bottles of wine, a whole ham, two boxes of sweets and two jars of preserves. Things were given in groups of four—that was a lucky number. There was never anything personal about the gifts. In fact, it was acceptable to give away any gifts not needed or liked. My mother would sometimes use these gifts in an emergency such as unexpected company or when she was pressed for time and it was too late to send a servant to buy something. Children usually received money in ¡红包¢ a red envelope from adult relatives. We didn’t have dolls or other toys because

China did not have a toy industry. We were encouraged to save the money we received,

The really big thing for me was looking forward to New Year’s and big birthdays.

to put it in a little piggy bank. Instead of dolls, we played with real babies and instead of toys, we played games with each other like chess, and Chinese dominoes, sometimes even cards. We were allowed to play with a little money that we got from the older generation. But I was only able to do these things with other children during big family events.

Usually we were allowed to stay up on New Year’s Eve until midnight. After midnight everybody was served sweet, little round balls made with sweet rice, like tiny little dumplings in a little rice wine sauce. It was just delicious. And after that we would go to bed. Next morning, the New Year’s Day everybody wishes everybody “Happy New Year” and good luck. We were served eggs boiled in soy sauce and tea leaves. Its golden color resembles gold ingot. It would bring prosperity in the coming year. As the festival activities and feasts went on, I remember always feeling sad when the last days approached and I knew that the good time was ending and life would go back to normal. Besides New Year, we had all kinds of feasts to celebrate birthdays and other occasions. We had a big kitchen and had special helpers from outside to come in to prepare the feasts. One was called the Running Water Feast because the feast was continuous. It didn’t matter what time of day it was. As soon as enough guests arrived, say about 10 people, a feast would begin. A standard feast would usually consist of 16 courses while more formal ones would have at least 20. To begin, one large decorated cold platter with thinly sliced meats and other delicacies would be served to the accompaniment of the first round of toasts, “chin, chin.” Then, four stir-fried dishes would be served. After that came the big first course. The first course would indicate the quality of the whole feast and how expensive it was. The most expensive first course was shark’s fin and the quality of that

dish, such as whether the fin was whole or shredded or combined with other delicacies also signified the quality of the feast to come. A large, whole fish was often the second large course, followed by a delicacy such as fish maw (stomach). Then there would be four to seven other important courses. Sweet dishes were served in the middle of the feast. At that point the honorary guest will stand up and leave the table. Then a few other guests would leave too. Then the rest of the family, women and children, and close friends of the family would come and fill in the empty seats and eat the rest of the feast. The second half of the feast would usually feature heartier dishes. We looked forward to birthday celebrations too. Children’s birthdays were not celebrated because they were too young and not considered important. But the older you became, the greater the festivity. When I was a child, it was rare for anyone to reach 60 years of age. When my grandmother reached 60, there was a grand celebration for her. First carpenters came to build a stage. It took many craftsmen an entire month to carve the figures around the edge of the stage. Then a huge kitchen was specially set up for the feasts. The evening before the birthday, all of us in the family dressed in our best clothes and lined up quietly for our turn to kowtow to her. Then we were served delicious noodles in chicken broth which signified a long life, and a full table of delicacies to go with them.

£ «¤

The next day, the main celebration began. The “house theater” staged a musical program, with different groups of opera singers who came to perform their best acts. Guests poured in and out, and two or three feasts went on simultaneously all day long. There was no scheduled dinner hour. As soon as enough guests came to make a table, the feast started. Afterwards the guests went to the theater or played a game of Chinese cards or mahjong. This went on for an entire week. Children had a wonderful time amid all the hustle and bustle and the feeling that it was a special time with extra good food and the atmosphere of good will. We had a big funeral when my granduncle died. My granduncle did not have a son, and they adopted my third uncle as their son (so all of their property and money was inherited by this one son) and he was a big spender. He wanted to have the biggest funeral in the whole town to display the wealth and importance of the family. When people heard the funeral music from a distance they would rush out to stand at their doors to watch the funeral procession parade through the town. It was the biggest funeral that ever happened in Yichang. It was early morning and I was still sleepy and I was grabbed from my bed and put in a sedan chair to become part of the procession. I had to hold a plaque with both hands. The plaque had my granduncle’s name on it and was supported by a piece of wood across the sedan chair in front of me. The only thing I remember clearly was I had to go to the bathroom when I was in the procession but I could not leave and I could not communicate with anybody. I could not say, “Please stop this procession.” That would have been impossible. It was just torture. I felt like I was going to wet my pants and embarrass the whole family. I remember the ordeal lasted for four hours. Finally in the afternoon, I got home and just ran to the toilet and urinated. What a relief! And now, every time before I go out, I go to the bathroom first. I am always afraid that I might not find a bathroom. I don’t remember anything about the funeral procession; I just remember that one thing.

When people heard the funeral music from a distance they would rush out to stand at their doors to watch the funeral procession parade through the town.

Our city, Yichang, was in an area of very fertile land. We and all our relatives were landowners.

£ £ £

Why were we not bothered by the warlords at that time? It was because while we were away in Shanghai, my father, who stayed in Yichang in the huge mansion all by himself, negotiated with one of the warlords to let them occupy the front courtyard and part of the second floor of our mansion. In addition to the warlord, some of his officers and a number of armed soldiers moved in. Although it was inconvenient for us to get in and out, they provided protection for us. Of course we never collected rent from them. The official’s families hired maids and wet nurses to take care of their babies, and sometimes, the wives beat the maids for any little thing they did wrong. We could hear their screaming but we dared not interfere nor do anything to stop it. One of the things my mother did which I did not like, but at the same time made me feel very important was whenever there was some kind of ceremony to which she was invited, if she didn’t want to go, she would send me as her representative. Even though I was only about seven or eight years old, it was acceptable in our custom. I got dressed up and my maid, as chaperon, would take me there to join all the adults at the feast. At that time lady guests and the gentlemen guests did not sit together. I represented my mother by sitting with all the older women and what they talked about was mostly the horrible experiences of childbirth. I heard it over and over again. At that time, the death rate for women was high and most died from childbirth. They did not have prenatal care and they did not go to the hospital to have their babies delivered. They had only midwives who did not have any medical training. When a midwife was hired, she would just stay with the pregnant woman and use all kinds of unsanitary methods to deliver the baby. So the death rate was very high and there were a lot of difficult births and it was just a horrible thing to hear about. I was told children were not supposed to open their mouths unless they were spoken to so I always kept quiet and observed. I was bored to death sitting through the whole feast which would last for a couple of hours. The only thing I could do to save myself from going crazy was that I developed a habit of daydreaming so I just sat there and had my little daydreams. At that time, I had started reading Chinese novels. Even though my vocabulary was not very

large, I enjoyed all the stories and my mind just ran through them and I dreamed that I was one of the characters in the story. This daydreaming habit that I developed in my early childhood still lasts. Unfortunately whenever I am the slightest bit bored, my mind wanders off, which is not a very good thing today. Our city, Yichang, was in an area of very fertile land. We and all our relatives were landowners. Our income came from rice growing, but I never saw any fields of rice and my father never went to the countryside. About 100 tenant farmer families worked our land. A manager handled our business with them and would decide each year how much the tenant farmers had to pay us for the use of the land. There was no irrigation system. We depended entirely on the rain and whenever there was a drought, most of our rice crop was ruined. The farmers just cried and prayed and did everything to get rain. When this happened, our manager would go to the farmers, make an inspection of conditions, and bargain with all the tenants about how much we would get from whatever rice was produced. Farmers who had better land and richer soil had to pay a higher percentage than the ones with barren soil. They argued back and forth, and finally agreed on the percentages. Once a year after the harvest, all these farmers would come to our house to clear their accounts. That was the only contact we had with them. They came by foot. It took them all day to walk from the countryside to our place. It was always in the early fall when the days were still pretty long, and it was late afternoon when the farmers would arrive one by one. You could see that the years of hard work under the sun had made their faces very dark and leathery and wrinkled. They might not have been old, but they all looked as though they were. I loved to watch them come. Each carried gifts for my father, the owner.

稻农稻农稻农

The most typical things were maybe a couple of chickens and a bag full of sweet rice. The sweet rice had to be of very high quality. Throughout the year my mother saved all kinds of empty cans and metal boxes with tight lids for them. They loved these gifts as they had nothing like them at home. On the third floor of our house, was a storage place. When the farmers came we had that whole floor cleaned up and rented some quilts as bedding for them to stay overnight. They were so tired when they arrived, they just went to bed. The next day my father had a huge feast prepared for them. We children loved to watch them eat because they could eat three times as much as we could in a single meal and we were just amazed at how much they could consume. The food served during this feast was always of the highest quality. Normally, these farmers ate only secondary brown rice, giving their white polished rice to the landlord. But once a year, during this feast, they could come to the landlord’s house and eat the white polished rice that they cultivated at home, but could never have themselves. I would count how many bowls of rice each of them could eat. Often there were so many I lost count. They would fill their bowls from the rice pot and then walk to their tables filled with food. Often the bowl of rice was finished before they got to their table and they would turn around and go back to get another bowl. They hardly ate any meat during the year so we gave them a lot of meat. Since they ate vegetables at home, they didn’t care about vegetables. Our servants would never

go through the trouble of preparing vegetables for them. They liked fat pork the best. We also served them rice wine, and they would just drink wine and eat fat pork and all kinds of other rich food. They scooped bowlful after bowlful of food in their mouths and the fat from the pork would run down their chins. I was fascinated. When finally, they could eat no more, each one of them took turns to see my father in his big office to clear their accounts. They all had a sad story to tell. But the manager knew how much was harvested that year and he decided how much each farmer had to pay. In good years, the landlord would typically receive 70% of a farmer’s income, but in bad years, the landlord would sometimes receive only about 30%. If a farmer could not pay the full amount, a note would be written and if he had a better crop the next year, he would pay his debt then. I remember during some of the hardest years, my father was very kind. He would just wipe out their debts, give them a fresh start and tell them that they didn’t have to pay. He never threw anyone off the land. In return, they always supplied us with ample food. I heard of other landlords who were mean. Some years the farmers did not have rice to eat for themselves. All the rice they produced had to go to the landlord. I knew of one case. My second granduncle’s daughter married into a rich family and they had a large amount of farmland. I remember my mother told me about how heartless she was. One time she initiated a so-called “drive the tenant away” because

When finally, they could eat no more, each one of them took turns to see my father in his big office to clear their accounts.

they owed too much money and could not pay. It was like an eviction. Those farmers’ lives depended on the land and if you evicted them they would just become beggars. Their whole family would lose their livelihood. They wouldn’t know where to go. There was no government-organized welfare. One of the farmers hanged himself. I still remember that to this day and I felt it was terrible at the time to do things like that. After Sun Yat-sen died in 1925, Chiang Kai-shek [蔣中正] organized and trained the army, and conducted a big, so-called northern expedition. He was trying to unite China, and rid the country of the warlords, one by one. One of the ¡蔣中正¢ most powerful warlords along with his ¦ ¥ senior officers and their families had taken up residence in the front part of our mansion. Paying rent was, of course, unthinkable. They provided us with security from other invading forces, but we were always a bit afraid of them. I was

about 10 years old. We had heard that Chang Kai-shek’s £ army was approaching Yichang, but we £ didn’t know whether the warlord and his officers would stay and fight or whether they would retreat. After several years of

encampment in our home, they were well entrenched and were known to have one

of the strongest armies. When my father went to talk to the warlord, he said, “You

don’t have to worry about a thing. I have 10,000 soldiers in the camp. We have mac-

hine guns on both ends of our street so ¬ when they come they are going to face a

big fight. Your house is secure. We will be here to protect you.” Even though we heard that Chiang Kai-shek’s army was well- trained, it was not as big as the warlord’s.

One day about noontime, I heard people running into the house from our back door. You may recall, I said that our front door was on one street and the back door was on another. A group of people poured through our back door, running wildly, trying to reach our front door, and shouting, “Hurry, let’s go, run! The soldiers are behind us and they’re going to kill us, they’re going to kill us!” I was in my parent’s bedroom, but infected with panic, I jumped

蔣中正蔣中正蔣中正

out and ran with them until we reached the front entrance. Suddenly I heard one loud shot that seemed to shake the whole house. The soldiers opened the heavy front door and then I heard the officers in the front part tell them, “Close the door. Who opened the door? Calm down. Nothing happened.” But, the soldiers ran out to the street and disappeared. Meanwhile, one of the officers shouted after them trying to order them back and asked, “Who fired that shot?” thinking it was one of his own men. My father told me to go back to the bedroom. I obeyed running ahead of him, opening door after door to get back, but before I reached it, we encountered the officer-incharge. He was calm and assured my father that it couldn’t be Chiang’s army. He stepped out and loudly shouted for everyone to get in and shut the doors. Several big explosions and more loud shots rang out and I ran back to my parents’ bedchamber. I saw my mother trying to pile up the quilts and pillows. When she saw me, she told me to lie down flat on the bed and hide to avoid the bullets. In the meantime, my father ran to the quarters of the warlord which were upstairs. We didn’t know who was shooting and he was trying to find out if it was the warlord’s soldiers or Chiang Kai-shek’s. Just as he reached the top of the stairs, he saw Chiang Kai-shek’s soldiers down below. They were few in number, but they were in uniform and carried rifles. They occupied the courtyard, pointed upstairs and started shooting. The warlord and his men were totally unprepared. They surrendered immediately. My father, who was still upstairs with the warlord, jumped out and started waving as he shouted, “Don’t shoot, don’t shoot! I’m a civilian! I’m not in the army!” Chiang’s solders saw he was wearing civilian clothing and stopped shooting, but my father was trapped as the stairs were blocked. Luckily, he had martial arts training and was able to slide down one of the big courtyard pillars. The pillar had nails which tore his clothes, but he was able to escape. In the meantime, my mother put me and my younger cousin on her big bed and covered us with quilts to protect us from bullets. Suddenly, two of the officers from the warlord came into our room. They were shivering, clad only in their underwear, and crawled under our bed to hide. My mother got us up right away because she did not want us to be accused

of hiding those people. She hurried us toward the back entrance because the front was blocked by the soldiers. We could hear gunfire. We didn’t know if anyone had been killed. Just then, we saw my father coming in and we felt such a relief that he was still alive. It was fortunate she had taken us out of the bedroom because the entire house was searched by Chiang’s soldiers. They ran through the rooms jabbing knives under the beds in case anyone was hiding. But the warlord’s soldiers had run out at the same time as we did, so they were not found and we were not accused. Chiang Kai-Shek’s soldiers disarmed the whole group of warlords in our house. We had heard that they numbered only one-tenth of the warlord’s, but they captured Yichang in a few hours, disarming all the warlords’ soldiers, and putting them in prison. Before they were captured, however, the warlord’s soldiers threw their rifles, handguns and ammunition into the crawl spaces under the floor of our bedrooms. My parents didn’t want to stay in our house anymore because they were afraid that even if they tried to remove the weapons and ammunition, they might miss something which could be discovered by Chiang Kai-shek’s soldiers. We could be accused of aiding the warlords.

My father, who was still upstairs with the warlord, jumped out and started waving as he shouted, “Don’t shoot, don’t shoot! I’m a civilian! I’m not in the army!”

My parents took me and one maid on a steamboat to Shanghai where we rented a small house. It was an unhappy time. I didn’t go to school because I was not prepared to go to a girl’s school in Shanghai at the higher level. I had no one to play with, didn’t know anyone and spent most of my time at home, bored and lonely. I was kept indoors because Shanghai was a big city with all kinds of criminal activity. There were organized gangs. Kidnappings happened every day. Since the outcome of the Boxer Rebellion, many foreign concessions had been established in Shanghai. There was a different set of laws in each concession since each was ruled by a different nation. Therefore, if a murder were committed in full view of witnesses in the Chinese territory and the murderer was pursued by police, as soon as he fled into a foreign concession, he could not be touched by the Chinese police who had no jurisdiction in that area. So crime flourished. Inside the concessions, however, Chinese were treated as second-class citizens. In the British concession, for example, there were signs in the parks that read, “Dogs and Chinese: Not Allowed.” My father was withdrawing from his opium habit. I wasn’t sure if he did this because of our financial situation or because it was not convenient for him to get opium in Shanghai. In any case, I remember he slept a lot and was not his usual spirited self. Occasionally, I went to a show with my mother, but not often. It was during this time that I rediscovered the joy found in reading. While it wasn’t a classic, I particularly enjoyed a captivating historical fiction set in the Tang Dynasty. I suddenly became an avid reader and spent many hours lost in reading when I was lonely. At that time my mother was about 40 and was not able to have any more children. In those days if you could not have children, the woman was always blamed. People were not even aware that a man could be the cause of infertility. Thus, it was the customary for a man, especially when he had no son, that he would take a concubine. After my brother and sister died from scarlet fever, my mother suggested my father get a concubine because it was very important to have a son. But he didn’t want that. He loved my mother very much and didn’t want to have complications. He was very wise. He said, “Why can’t

I just educate my daughter as a son. I don’t have to have a son to do that.” After that I was raised as a boy. One time when he found me sitting with some classmates and #2 Sister sewing an embroidered purse, he took it from me, cut it up with a pair of scissors and threw the bits away. He told me “I don’t want you to do things like this and be like everyone else.” My father enrolled me in the Yichang Girls’ Middle School which was the only one in Yichang at that time. It was the highest schooling a girl could get. The campus was just outside the town on a very big piece of land. It provided living quarters and dormitories for the staff and students. Originated by the missionaries, it was a private school not registered with the government. That would have required a lot of red tape and the inclusion of certain kinds of political courses in the curriculum. Not many girls went to school in China in 1928. It was thought that they should learn the domestic arts like sewing and caring for a household. But my father was a modern thinker and far ahead of his time. “The world is changing,” he said. “If you have an education, you will always be able to take care of yourself.” I entered at the junior high level which offered three main courses, Chinese, math and English. We all wore the same uniforms. I cut my pigtails off. A lot of the girls still had pigtails, but those who cut theirs off were thought of as very modern and more advanced. Actually I cut my pigtails because I had very thin, fine hair that I inherited from my mother and it was difficult to make decent pigtails.

On the first day of class, the teacher told us we had to select English names. She wrote many girls’ names like Mary, Virginia, Evelyn, and Clara on separate pieces of paper and put them in a bag. I put my hand in the bag, felt around and pulled out one piece that read “Clara.” We only used our English names in class. English was a new subject for the school, but it was really a joke because the teacher was Chinese and her pronunciation was awful. Of course, we didn’t know any better then, but later when I came to the U.S., I had to correct many of my pronunciations in order to be understood. All we did in that class was read very basic Chinese-English books which we would then translate into Chinese to see if we had understood the meaning. I always felt it was a waste of time. Another thing I felt unhappy about was that my schoolmates teased me about the boy that I was engaged to by my mother. I was engaged to that boy when I was five years old. In China at that time, the parents still made arrangements for children’s marriages. For a girl to get married, the mother-in-law is more important than the husband. My mother had a real good friend who was also her distant relative and she was the nicest person of all the relatives. She had a lot of boys and number three boy happened to be the same age as I was, so these two women got together and engaged us to be married when we grew up. But this little boy happened to be very fat so he got a nickname, “Fat Kid Wang.” And so my schoolmates teased me about that Fat Kid

Wang when they saw me. I was so furious and angry because I really did not like that kind of engagement and thought my fate was going to be like all the older generation marriages. That was just unthinkable. So I was very unhappy about that but I could not do anything about it at the time. I was just too young to do anything. It was after my father came home in the evening that my real education began. Oh, he was in high spirits and full of humor. I was just so happy to see him. To be with him was like being bathed in the spring breeze. It seemed that I had been waiting the whole day just for this time. We talked and laughed and my mother would serve him opium. I just loved him so much. He had a very deep knowledge of Chinese literature, history and philosophy. He was not wordy; he was gifted in language and spoke in a clear, soft voice. Wherever he traveled in China, he learned the dialect very quickly. He knew many of them. I think I inherited a little of that from him as I always learned dialects very fast too and eventually learned five of them. My father had taught me to read the Chinese classics which only boys were taught. He was surprised how quickly I took to it. I loved learning from him. He and I got along so well that we established a very close relationship and talked about everything. This started when I was about seven or eight. By the age of 10, I had started reading the classic novels. I really loved them. By the age of 12, I had finished reading most of them.

He had read and studied all the famous novels and good writers. The Chinese have the so-called Shi Chai Tze, which are ten volumes written by men who were considered geniuses. Some are books of poetry and some are novels. My father memorized all ten books and could recite them, even the poetry. He also composed his own poetry. When he taught me the Chinese literary classics, he never used textbooks. I just don’t know how he could remember it all. I learned the richness of the Chinese language from him. He did not seem to use any extra words when telling me stories. But every word he used was so descriptive and would make me cry or laugh, and I would be totally immersed. When he taught me the Chinese literary classics, not only did he teach me the stories, but also about the ethics and the reasons why one character would do this while another character would do that. Sometimes he would let me speculate what would happen in certain situations. For instance in a situation, he would hold back the ending, and ask me, “If you were that person, what would you have done?” And I would come up with an answer and maybe that’s exactly what happened in history; maybe it wasn’t. And then we would discuss it. I remember one story he told me involved a woman’s husband who was in a plot to kill her father because her father tried to take over the kingdom, the dynasty. Somehow the daughter found out. She didn’t know which of the men she should be loyal to—whether she should tell her father or whether she should withhold the secret and be loyal to her

husband. My father asked me what I would have done if I were the daughter. What happened in history was the daughter went to ask her mother, “Which man is more dear to me and to which one should I be more loyal to?” The mother’s answer was: “Anybody can be your husband but you only have one father.” So she told her father about the plot and, of course, you know what happened, the father killed the son-in-law. That completely changed the course of Chinese history. And even now we still quote that saying, “Well, anybody can be your husband but you cannot have another father.” I enjoyed stories like that so much. It was great fun. My father also passed along to me his great love of Chinese opera. Chinese operas are much like Shakespeare. The stories and lyrics were usually written by scholars of that time. I loved them because they were so beautifully written. My father could also sing several kinds of operas. Of course the Peking opera was the most famous one in China. It was performed in the royal court, especially during the reign of the Empress Dowager. My father could sing not only the Peking operas, he also sang the Sichuan and the Hubei operas and the Han and Wei opera parts. He could even imitate voices and throw his voice. If he spoke from another room, he could make you think that person was talking right next to you. He always made people laugh and was often just hilarious.

爸爸

京剧

£ ¦

学校

I had a schoolmate, two years younger than me, who was very beautiful. Her hair was thick and shiny which she wore in two fat pigtails tied with ribbons. Although we wore uniforms at school, on the weekends we wore our own clothes and hers were exquisite. She was also a talented piano player and often played for school events. I admired her so much and was a little envious too. I still remember, her name was Kau Yu-Yin. But what happened to her was one day I was summoned to the principal’s office. We always were scared of the principal. She was very stern and she was never married. So she called several older students to her office and when I went in there I saw Yu-Yin was crying and buried her head, covering her face, sobbing. So I thought, oh, my gosh, she may have broken some rules of the school and was scolded by the principal or something. But then the principal told us she actually was not from the military family. We still had a local military man stationed at our place who was a former warlord. What happened to Chiang Kai-shek’s army was they did not have enough trained army to take over all the places and also if they disarmed the former warlords, where would all the soldiers go? They would all probably become bandits. So what happened was Chiang Kaishek said, if you surrender to me and listen to my orders you can still keep your army and have my system. So this is the group of reformed warlords and one of them was stationed in Yichang. This Yu-Yin came from that family and we thought she belonged

to that family as a daughter but actually she was an adopted daughter. When her adopted mother went to Sichuan to visit some relatives, the father raped her and not only raped her but wanted to take her as a concubine and wanted to withdraw her from school. But she loved the school so much and she did not want that to happen to her, and she came to tell the principal what happened. The principal didn’t know what to do because the local law did not prevent people from taking a concubine. It was still legal to do that. And also nobody dared, to offend the local military. He could do anything he wanted so the principal couldn’t do anything to help her, so she got us students to try to help her. So what we did was try to keep her in school. A few days later, Yu-Yin’s mother returned and came to the school to get her. Yu-Yin’s mother was upset at her husband, but also blamed Yu-Yin and told the principal that Yu-Yin should not always make herself so pretty, should have been more careful to avoid the warlord, and when confronted should have put up a bigger struggle. In any case, she took Yu-Yin home saying, “Everything will be fine” and told us she would send Yu-Yin to school the next day. The next day Yu-Ying did not come to school. The principal told us, “I cannot go to her home, but a few of you, go to her home and try to get her back to school.” Five of us went and when we got there, Yu-Yin was still asleep and looking very poor and disheveled. We brought her back to the school with us, gave her some clothes and told her she could stay in the dormitory.

Three days later, she suddenly disappeared. Her clothes were left behind, but we could not find her anywhere. We thought she must have been kidnapped by the warlord’s soldiers when she was walking on campus. We went to her home again, but the family said, “No, we have not seen her. You students took her to school. You should be responsible.” The warlord then accused our principal of kidnapping the girl and selling her off. The principal was in big trouble and faced a trial in the local court. She and a group of teachers went from door to door to four of the homes of the students who had participated in taking Yu-Yin from her family to ask them to defend her in court and be her witnesses, but none of the students’ families would allow it. For one thing, no one dared offend the warlord. Additionally, since the case was considered a big scandal, they did not want their own daughter’s reputation ruined, as it was considered shameful for a young girl to have to appear in court. Mine was to be the last home they went to. I had heard that they had been refused at the other homes and I felt sad and angry for Yu-Yin and for the principal who had only tried to help her. But I didn’t think my father would agree either for fear of damaging my reputation. When they came to talk to my father, my father said, “Of course, she can be a witness. She can go to court. She should stick to her own principles.” The principal and teachers were so happy that they cried. And you cannot imagine how happy I was and how much I loved him. In China you never show any affection in the family. For instance I never saw my father and mother kiss each other or hug each other. And even though I loved my father very much, I never hugged him. We never showed any physical affection, but I was really in tears when he said, yes, to me and the principal. I was so proud of him and felt that he was indeed a man of principles. Finally, at age 14, I went to court, the only student to do so. I was scared, but the judge treated me nicely. I told him exactly what happened. The case was dismissed. Sadly, we never saw Yu-Yin again or discovered what had happened to her. Looking back these many years, my strongest impression is not of Yu-Yin nor of the principal, but of my father. He was a very modern thinker. He knew all the Chinese traditions, but didn’t agree with all of

them. He was very much ahead of his time. I think the most valuable thing he taught me was to think for myself. He told me not make decisions based on tradition or what other people thought, but on what I figured out for myself. This kind of thinking was completely opposite to the teaching of that time. Most children were taught Chinese traditions and rules and had to abide by them. After this episode the family of Fat Kid Wang to whom I was engaged was very disturbed because they felt I would be their future daughter-in-law and they did not want to have that kind of scandal, especially after I appeared in court. They really felt that my father shouldn’t have let me do that. That made him angry. After all, he had not broken the engagement only because he did not want to hurt their feelings. Now he thought this would be a good excuse, so he broke the engagement. The next year I graduated from the girl’s school at age 15, and then there was no more school for me to go to. In Yichang, a girl’s education stopped right there. They felt that if a girl graduated from junior high you got enough education for the rest of your life because no woman worked in those times. But I didn’t want to stop at that level and my father didn’t want me to stop either. My father realized my potential for learning and he enjoyed teaching me so much.

Sadly, we never saw Yu-Yin again or discovered what had happened to her.

° ¤±

So then we had to make a decision. The most logical thing to do was for me to go to Beijing [北京] to stay with the other part of the family. At that time a girl just didn’t go to school to another province by herself. She always stayed with some family. Since my grandmother and her youngest daughter and three sons and their families all lived in Beijing we made a decision that my father was going to take me to Beijing to go to school for higher education. It was a big sacrifice for him because of the long journey. Actually it’s only three hours by airplane nowadays but it was about 10 days of travel at that time. First you have to take a steamboat from Yichang to Hangkow, and then take the railroad from Hangkow to Beijing, and in between we had to stay in a hotel to wait because you cannot book your passage until you get to the place. And when you get to the place you probably have to wait a few days before you can get the passage and that means that my father has to be away from home for a long time and he had to withdraw from opium again. And in Beijing in our family nobody smoked opium so he had to do without it which was quite hard for him. But anyway, he loved me so much and he wanted me to have a higher education so he decided that we should go and that’s how I went to Beijing to study. I think I was about 16 years old, which is late for today’s standards but it was pretty good then for a girl. When I arrived in Beijing my uncles thought my father was pretty strange. Why make such a big deal about educating a girl? I had a cousin three months older than me, the daughter of my number one uncle. She was right there in Beijing but she was not in school at all. Why, they thought, did we make such a long journey? After all, I had gotten my education up to junior high. Why did I want to go on to higher education? My father was very happy to see his family members for what was the first time in many, many years and they had a very happy reunion. As he and his brothers were talking about their childhood, I remember they started talking about martial arts. His older brother, the one who was the trouble maker, was also in Beijing at that time and said, “How about doing something for old times’ sake?” They were in the courtyard. My number #1 Uncle’s house was a typical Beijing house with four sides and an

open courtyard in the center. There were four pots in my oldest uncle’s tianjin. My father was demonstrating a sow twei [扫腿] which means sweeping leg. You use it when your opponent is trying to hit you and you continually duck and avoid his blows and circle backwards. As you do that you do a sow twei and your opponent will go down. Of course, when my father was demonstrating, there was no opponent but he did the sow twei with a pot and accidentally broke it. That big pot probably weighed a couple hundred pounds filled with heavy dirt and a tree. It was the first time I witnessed that he could do something like that. In fact, he was quite weak at the time, but could still do it. It was all due to his early training. When I was growing up he used to teach me some simple martial arts exercises, but my mother said, “Well you don’t want to make her develop into a tomboy with wide shoulders. A girl should be like a girl.” So he stopped. Although I was ahead in school, compared to the typical Beijing resident, I was unsophisticated in practical affairs. For one thing, my father always told me that money and material objects were the least important things in life. Once he told me the story of a man in ancient times who hated money so much that he would not even say the word “money.” His wife got very aggravated with him and one day, she put a huge amount of money outside his door so that he couldn’t get out of his room. She wanted to see if he would yell, “Someone came and take this money away!” But, instead, when he saw it, he yelled, “Someone come and take away the obstacle!” From then on, money became known as “the obstacle.” Of course, since my mother managed the money in our household, she did not feel this way at all. She would tell me not to believe what my father had said. She would say, “You can’t walk a step without money.” But I was inclined to believe my father because money just did not seem important in those days. I never had to use any. If I ate out, I was always with my family and the only reason we ate out was if we wanted some European or American food. I never saw the money paid for these meals—everything was handled by my parents. I also never had to buy clothes because I wore a uniform to school. If I needed other clothes, a tailor would come to the mansion and measure me and make whatever I needed.

紫禁城紫禁城紫禁城

For special occasions, my dresses were made of very elaborate material. But I never came into contact with money. I never felt the need for it and therefore did not cherish it. And I lacked sophistication in many other areas. I never knew how much to tip a waiter or when I should bring a gift and what I should bring. But in the eyes of my classmates, letting them copy my homework, compensated for my lack of polish and modern dress. My best friend in school was Lin Lee Goh or Lily, in English. She lived about a block away, and she came from a cultured, wealthy family. Her father had business both in Beijing and Tianjin. She and I were very close. Usually after school I would go to her place and we would do our homework together. Her mother usually fixed some snacks for us. She depended on me to get her homework done. Tianjin was about three hours’ train ride from Beijing, but #1 Uncle came home to Beijing every month and spent three or four days. Then all the uncles and friends would get together and we had a wonderful time. He mourned his first wife and his son, who both died from a lung disease, but he kept it in his heart and was very good humored with all of us. He and I enjoyed each other’s company so much because I was educated by my father in Chinese history and literature, and could appreciate his tremendous literary abilities. We understood each other. I remember, during the first Chinese New Year after I went to Beijing, he played a game with us called

“poem guessing.” It went like this: He took a sentence from a classic poem and picked out one word which could be substituted with four other words individually and have the same meaning. We had to guess which word was the correct one. And if we won we got four times the money we bet. I won every time because my father had taught me all the classics. Not only did I know the poem, I could tell him who was the author and when it was written. After that, he took me along everywhere he went. All the other uncles called me a lucky girl because we were inseparable. In a way, I became his substitute daughter. Although her father loved his own daughter, they were not very close. For one thing, she did not have his literary appreciation. And she lacked his fun-loving nature. When he came home, I would accompany him from dawn to dusk, visiting the Eastern Peace Market, Old Palace, Bei Hai, and Chun Nan Hai. We dined at many good restaurants. In addition to the two of us, our group consisted of #3 Uncle, #8 Uncle and their good friend, Mr. Wong Hsiao Ching. One thing #1 Uncle especially liked to do when he came back to Beijing was to take us to the Eastern Peace Market. This market was very famous and still exists. Once you entered the gate, there were hundreds of small stores, one by one, connected to each other. They all had their little specialties. Some of them served food. Others sold little items. He would love to window shop and say to me, “Hey, let’s get this.” And I would say, “Oh yes!” But actually we had

伯伯

² £

£ £

§ ¦

no use for those things, and never bought them. But if he said the same thing to his daughter, she would say “Oh, no, you know you will have no use for that. You shouldn’t waste your money.” It spoiled his fun. She was often left at home. She’s kind of sickish anyway. And then we went to eat those little special foods in that market. Sometimes we had crabs, sometimes we had one thing called Peking Dust. Peking Dust was made from very good chestnuts which were grown in Beijing. They were cooked, made into a powder and then served topped with cream. It would melt in your mouth. It was just so delicious! Nothing has ever tasted anything like that. My uncle was a wonderful poet. I remember one time he was traveling from Tianjin to Beijing. He was sitting in the train in a booth kitty-corner to a young woman dressed in a purple dress. She had her fingernails painted and her hands were so beautiful. And when he was sitting there all by himself he wrote a poem to describe that pair of hands. He came home and shared that poem with me. The poem was so good and touched me deeply. To this day I still remember exactly each word of that poem. It was just so beautiful. Roughly translated into English, it said:

No need for names in such a chance encounter The fullest passion rises from loneliness Hands like precious jade emerge from your sleeve Brilliant red fingertips like blossoms in the spring This old leaf is vigorous no more Glorious memories have turned to dust For ten years my passion has had no place to rest On a gentle breeze, I send it to you in the purple dress.

I always thought if that woman dressed in purple could have read the poem, she probably would have fallen in love with him. But anyways I just loved Beijing, because Beijing to me was like a different world compared to Yichang. In Yichang I was close to my parents and my world was inside that compound, just my relationship with my parents. Outside there wasn’t anything interesting and in a way it was kind of depressing because most of the people I knew smoked opium and they didn’t get up early and their activities were very limited. A lot of them smoked opium, played mahjong and would get together to gossip and eat. That’s all they were doing and I just could not feel stimulated. My only stimulation was my father, and he was the one who developed my mind. He was not just teaching me some facts in history, some things I had to know, he was teaching me how to use my own mind, taught me how to think, and I benefited from that for the rest of my life. In Beijing there was a tremendous culture left over from the Imperial system, the dynasties. The whole city was in squares, an inner square and an outer square and then another outer square. The squares directly faced East, West, North and South. The Imperial Palace was in the inner square. We called it the Forbidden City because in the dynasty days, if an ordinary citizen entered the Forbidden City, his head would be cut off. But after China changed to a republic, the Forbidden City was opened to tourists. At the time I was there, the treasures were still inside, but later on they were moved to Nanjing (the South Capital) because Beijing was threatened by the Japanese. But I still had the chance to go through the Forbidden City and see those old treasures. It was huge. They opened one section at a time on different days because the whole place was too big for anyone to see in one day. It was divided into the center part, east part and west part. If you went through one of the parts and you didn’t look at anything, it would take you four hours just to walk through. And the things inside! You cannot imagine the richness, the beauty and the delicate things. They were all guarded by uniformed soldiers or police and you were not allowed to touch them. You could only look at them from a distance. The tours were not organized. There was no tour guide. What a shame!

But I was fortunate to see the Forbidden City with my uncles because they explained everything to me. This was a great privilege. It wasn’t customary for even their own wives to accompany them outside. Oh, I was just so fascinated and energetic and interested. They loved to take me around with them. I also enjoyed Peking Opera very much. This opera was also left over from the royals. The Empress Dowager loved the Peking Opera and she had the stages built inside the palaces and had the best performers perform there. Of all the opera forms, the Peking Opera is the most formal and cultured. They were written by scholars so only the upper class and educated people could really appreciate them. You needed a background in Chinese history in order to understand the story. In those days, women were not allowed to perform, so all the female roles in the Peking Opera were performed by men. They were just terrific. There were four famous male opera singers singing the women’s role. They were all still performing in Beijing when I was there in 1982. They had § ¬ their own theaters to perform in. I was ¡生¢ influenced by the opera early in my life ® because my father and all my uncles, except #1 Uncle and #9 Uncle, could sing entire Peking operas, each one singing a ¡旦¢ different role. My father took the young man’s role, his older brother (#3 Uncle) ¯ was the best and could sing any tenor ¡净¢ role. #4 Uncle sang the part of an old

woman and #8 Uncle could sing as a

young girl. So whenever they all got together, they could perform a Peking opera very, very easily. In Beijing most of the students could sing the operas and it was very much in the culture. Although I ¡丑¢ knew opera very well, I had never seen

£ the great professional performances until I went to Beijing and I was just enjoying it tremendously. The politeness of the serving people was also remarkable. It was said that this developed because during the Ching dynasty, some of the royals liked to dress up almost like beggars. Many were lazy and unkempt, but they had big pensions and were true royals, so merchants treated everyone well since they

° ¤ ±

could not risk offending any royalty. When we went to a restaurant or to a shop, there were always a lot of people waiting on us. Often three or four clerks waited at the door to greet us. When we came into a store, the serving people would all stand up, give us a slight bow and welcome us into their store. If we went to a material shop to buy fabric (in those days we did not have ready made clothes) we could turn the store upside down, and if we didn’t buy anything, we didn’t have to feel bad. When we walked out, they would apologize, saying “We are sorry we didn’t have anything to suit you. Please come again.” At restaurants, as soon as you were seated at a table, you would be given a hot towel for your hands and servers would bustle around to make you comfortable. But the restaurants had one custom which was covered in a show of politeness that was actually self-serving. When you left, there would be a group of people at the door to thank you, while the servers inside would go to your table to clean up and look at the tip you left. They would then announce in a very loud voice, the amount of your tip. Then the door people would say, real loud in unison, “Thank you!” no matter how small a tip you gave. Of course, no one wanted to have a loud announcement that you gave a 10-cent tip. Japan and China were on the brink of war. My grandmother wanted to go to Tianjin to stay in the home of a friend of #1 Uncle. Although my cousin (#3 Sister) was very sick, Grandmother took her, #3 Uncle, and me on a train to Tianjin that was so

Japan and China were on the brink of war.

crowded that I had to stand up all the way for three were all different colors, different patterns and differhours. My cousin was near death, #3 Uncle had had a ent styles. #1 Uncle noticed whenever I put on a new nervous breakdown and my grandmother suffered dress and when he saw me, he would give me a title from old age. I was the only one well enough to take taken from Chinese historical beauties. If the dress made me look fuller, he called me “Yang yu huan,” one care of all three of them. When we stayed in the friend’s house, my of the beautiful wives of the emperor of the Tang cousin and I shared one room. I took good care of her. dynasty who was known to be plump. If I looked She did not see a doctor and was not given a special thinner, he would call me “Chao fei yen” a beautiful diet. She ate the same rich food as we did, but her sys- wife of the emperor of the Song dynasty known to be tem could not take it. One morning she could not very slim. Sometimes he would give me suggestions make it to the toilet and made a big mess on the floor. on what to wear for different occasions. Our glances She felt so embarrassed and apologized a lot. I would frequently meet throughout the evening and cleaned it up and told her not to worry. I felt very we felt we were exchanging our thoughts. I truly sorry for her. After that, she felt very close to me. She admired him so much. I loved Beijing. It was completely different told me that when she got well, we should do a lot of from the world I had known. In Yichang, my life was things together. I agreed. We stayed in Tianjin for three weeks. During centered inside our compound with my parents. Outthat time, the situation with Japan calmed down and side there wasn’t anything interesting. Most of the we returned to Beijing. My cousin became weaker people I knew smoked opium. They slept late and and weaker. I was always coming and going around would while away the time playing mahjong and eather, and she told me, “You know, you are just like an ing and gossiping. My only stimulation came from electric light and will burn forever.” She said, “I’m just my father, who in the midst of what could have been like a little light in that oil lamp. When the oil is a very boring time in my life, gave me the greatest burned up, I will be gone.” It was very sad. She died gift, by teaching me to think for myself. three months later in April shortly before she was to turn 18 years old. She died of tuberculosis; it was a miracle that I did not get her TB. After my first year of school, when summer came, my parents sent me travel

ing money to return home for a visit, but I decided to stay with my uncle instead. He was very sad about his daughter. I

moved into her bedroom and slept in her bed and tried my best to bring some comfort to him. He took me to Tianjin where

we stayed in a friend’s home for the summer. His friend was an attorney and although he wasn’t married, his sister lived with him so it was acceptable for me to stay too. The house was large and comfortable. After we settled in, my life became quite glamorous because my uncle would take me to all his social engagements. He was invited to parties every night where sometimes we would play mahjong or go out to restaurants. His friends knew I was with him and always invited me too. I spent some of my traveling money for a few beautiful dresses for myself. They

I loved Beijing. It was completely different from the world I had known.

TWO YEARS AT THE FORBIDDEN CITY BY THE “PRINCESS” DER LING, FIRST LADY IN WAITING TO THE DOWAGER EMPRESS 1911

crowded that I had to stand up all the way for three were all different colors, different patterns and differhours. My cousin was near death, #3 Uncle had had a ent styles. #1 Uncle noticed whenever I put on a new nervous breakdown and my grandmother suffered dress and when he saw me, he would give me a title from old age. I was the only one well enough to take taken from Chinese historical beauties. If the dress made me look fuller, he called me “Yang yu huan,” one care of all three of them. When we stayed in the friend’s house, my of the beautiful wives of the emperor of the Tang cousin and I shared one room. I took good care of her. dynasty who was known to be plump. If I looked She did not see a doctor and was not given a special thinner, he would call me “Chao fei yen” a beautiful diet. She ate the same rich food as we did, but her sys- wife of the emperor of the Song dynasty known to be tem could not take it. One morning she could not very slim. Sometimes he would give me suggestions make it to the toilet and made a big mess on the floor. on what to wear for different occasions. Our glances She felt so embarrassed and apologized a lot. I would frequently meet throughout the evening and cleaned it up and told her not to worry. I felt very we felt we were exchanging our thoughts. I truly sorry for her. After that, she felt very close to me. She admired him so much. I loved Beijing. It was completely different told me that when she got well, we should do a lot of from the world I had known. In Yichang, my life was things together. I agreed. our compound with my parents. OutWe stayed in Tianjin for three weeks. During This day tocentered me was inside a medley of brilliant interesting. that time, the situation with Japan calmed down and side impressions. I there was a wasn’t great anything novelty among these Most of the peopleladies, I knew brought smoked up opium. They slept late and we returned to Beijing. My cousin becameexclusive weaker Court rigidly while away time playing and eatand weaker. I was always coming and going around apart from would foreign life andthe customs, and Imahjong was inga and gossiping. only stimulation her, and she told me, “You know, you are just like an to subjected rapid fire of My questions. I soon came from father, who in the midst what could have been electric light and will burn forever.” She said,found “I’m just that my these women were the sameofas others a very in my life,and gave me the greatest like a little light in that oil lamp. When the is over the oil world inboring point time of curiosity love teaching me to think for myself. burned up, I will be gone.” It was very sad. of Shegossip. died gift, The by fourth daughter of Prince Ching three months later in April shortly before she wasGurgur), to (Sze a young widow and a strikingly turn 18 years old. She died of tuberculosis;handsome it was a woman, spoke to me. “Were you brought miracle that I did not get her TB. up in Europe and educated?” she asked. “I am After my first year of school, when told that when people go to that country and summer came, my parents sent me travel- drink the water there, they quickly forget

ing money to return home for a visit, but their own country. Did you really study to I decided to stay with my uncle instead. acquire all those languages or was it drinking He was very sad about his daughter. I the water that gave them to you?” I mentioned

moved into her bedroom and slept in her that I met her brother, Prince Tsai Chen, in bed and tried my best to bring some com- Paris on his way to London for the coronation fort to him. He took me to Tianjin where of King Edward, and that we should have liked

we stayed in a friend’s home for the sum- to have gone also, as my father had a special mer. His friend was an attorney and invitation, but were prevented from doing so although he wasn’t married, his sister by his urgent duties in Paris in settling the lived with him so it was acceptable for me Yunnan question, to which the Princess to stay too. The house was large and comfortable. replied: “Is there a king in England? I had After we settled in, my life became quite glamorous thought that our Empress Dowager was Queen of because my uncle would take me to all his thesocial world.” Her sister, wife of the brother of engagements. He was invited to parties every the night Young Empress, a most intelligent, quiet where sometimes we would play mahjong or out andgodignified lady, stood by smiling and to restaurants. His friends knew I was withlistening him and to the eager questions. After numeralways invited me too. I spent some of my ous traveling questions had been asked the Young Empress money for a few beautiful dresses for myself. Theysaid: “How ignorant you are. I know finally

I loved Beijing. It was completely different from the world I had known.

that each country has its ruler and that some countries are republics. The United States is a republic and very friendly toward us, but I am sorry that such a common class of people go there, as they will think we are all the same. What I should like to see is some of our good Manchu people go, as then they would see what we really are.” She afterwards told me she had been reading a history of the different countries, which had been translated into Chinese, and she seemed to be very well informed. After the Audience was over, Her Majesty called us out from behind the screen and told us to go with her to see the theatre. She said, as it was such a beautiful day, she preferred to walk, so we started, walking a little behind her, as is the custom. Along the way she pointed out from time to time different places and things that were her particular favorites, and as she had to keep turning around all the time, she finally told us to come and walk alongside of her. This, as I afterwards found out, was a great condescension on her part and a thing that she very seldom ever did. She, like everybody else, had her pets and hobbies, such as flowers, trees, plants, dogs, horses, etc., and there was one dog in particular that was her favorite pet. This dog was with Her Majesty always and followed her wherever she went, and a more homely dog I never saw.

ing money to return home for a visit, but I decided to stay with my uncle instead. He was very sad about his daughter. I

moved into her bedroom and slept in her bed and tried my best to bring some comfort to him. He took me to Tianjin where

I loved Beijing. It was completely different from the world I had known.

“Is there a king in England? I had thought that our Empress Dowager was Queen of the world.”

孝欽顯皇后

crowded that I had to stand up all the way for three were all different colors, different patterns and differhours. My cousin was near death, #3 Uncle had had a ent styles. #1 Uncle noticed whenever I put on a new nervous breakdown and my grandmother suffered dress and when he saw me, he would give me a title from old age. I was the only one well enough to take taken from Chinese historical beauties. If the dress made me look fuller, he called me “Yang yu huan,” one care of all three of them. When we stayed in the friend’s house, my of the beautiful wives of the emperor of the Tang cousin and I shared one room. I took good care of her. dynasty who was known to be plump. If I looked She did not see a doctor and was not given a special thinner, he would call me “Chao fei yen” a beautiful diet. She ate the same rich food as we did, but her sys- wife of the emperor of the Song dynasty known to be tem could not take it. One morning she could not very slim. Sometimes he would give me suggestions make it to the toilet and made a big mess on the floor. on what to wear for different occasions. Our glances She felt so embarrassed and apologized a lot. I would frequently meet throughout the evening and cleaned it up and told her not to worry. I felt very we felt we were exchanging our thoughts. I truly sorry for her. After that, she felt very close to me. She admired him so much. I loved Beijing. It was completely different told me that when she got well, we should do a lot of from the world I had known. In Yichang, my life was things together. I agreed. centerednothing inside our We stayed in Tianjin for three weeks. ItDuring had absolutely tocompound recommendwith it my in parents. Outside there wasn’t anything interesting. that time, the situation with Japan calmed down and Her any way. Majesty thought it beautiful, and Most of the people knewOtter). smoked opium. They slept late and we returned to Beijing. My cousin becamecalled weaker it Shui Ta I(Sea and weaker. I was always coming and going around would while away the time playing mahjong and eatA short the Audience we ing andfrom gossiping. My only Hall stimulation came from her, and she told me, “You know, you are just like andistance came to a large courtyard. On each side of electric light and will burn forever.” She said, “I’m just my father, who in the midst of what could have been thisoilcourtyard were two time immense baskets boring in my life, gave me the greatest like a little light in that oil lamp. When the is a very fifteen feet in height, built of natural logs for myself. burned up, I will be gone.” It was very sad. She died gift, by teaching me to think and literally covered with purple wisteria. three months later in April shortly before she was to were turn 18 years old. She died of tuberculosis;They it was a simply gorgeous and great favorites of Her Majesty. She was always very proud of miracle that I did not get her TB. them when in bloom and took great delight in After my first year of school, when showing them to the people. summer came, my parents sent me travel

ing money to return home for a visit, but From this courtyard we entered a sort of I decided to stay with my uncle instead. passageway which ran along the sides of a big He was very sad about his daughter. I

hill and led directly to the theatre, where moved into her bedroom and slept in her we soon arrived. This theatre is quite unlike bed and tried my best to bring some com- anything that you can imagine. It is built fort to him. He took me to Tianjin where

around the four sides of an open courtyard, we stayed in a friend’s home for the sum- each side being separate and distinct. The mer. His friend was an attorney and building has five stories. It is entirely although he wasn’t married, his sister open on the front and has two stages, one lived with him so it was acceptable for me above the other. The three top stories are to stay too. The house was large and comfortable. used for holding the drops and for store After we settled in, my life became quite glamorous rooms. The stage on the first floor is of the because my uncle would take me to all his social ordinary kind; but that on the second floor engagements. He was invited to parties every night is built to represent a temple and used when where sometimes we would play mahjong or go out playing religious plays, of which Her Majesty to restaurants. His friends knew I was with him and was very fond. always invited me too. I spent some of my traveling money for a few beautiful dresses for myself. They

I loved Beijing. It was completely different from the world I had known.

On the two sides were long, low buildings with large verandas running their entire length, where the Princes and Ministers sat when invited by Her Majesty to witness the play. Directly opposite this stage was a spacious building, containing three large rooms, which was used exclusively by Her Majesty. The floor was raised about ten feet above the ground, which brought it on a level with the stage. Large glass windows ran along in front, so made that they could be removed in the summer and replaced with pale blue gauze screens. Two of these rooms were used as sitting rooms and the third, the one on the right, she used as a bedroom, and it had a long couch running across the front, on which she used to sit or lie according to her mood. This day she invited us to go to this room with her. Later I was told that she would very often come to this room, look at the play for a while and then take her siesta. She could certainly sleep soundly, for the din and noise did not disturb her in the least. If any of my readers have ever been to a Chinese theatre, they can well imagine how difficult it would be to woo the God of Sleep in such a pandemonium.

ing money to return home for a visit, but I decided to stay with my uncle instead. He was very sad about his daughter. I

moved into her bedroom and slept in her bed and tried my best to bring some comfort to him. He took me to Tianjin where

I loved Beijing. It was completely different from the world I had known.

crowded that I had to stand up all the way for three were all different colors, different patterns and differhours. My cousin was near death, #3 Uncle had had a ent styles. #1 Uncle noticed whenever I put on a new nervous breakdown and my grandmother suffered dress and when he saw me, he would give me a title from old age. I was the only one well enough to take taken from Chinese historical beauties. If the dress made me look fuller, he called me “Yang yu huan,” one care of all three of them. When we stayed in the friend’s house, my of the beautiful wives of the emperor of the Tang cousin and I shared one room. I took good care of her. dynasty who was known to be plump. If I looked She did not see a doctor and was not given a special thinner, he would call me “Chao fei yen” a beautiful diet. She ate the same rich food as we did, but her sys- wife of the emperor of the Song dynasty known to be tem could not take it. One morning she could not very slim. Sometimes he would give me suggestions make it to the toilet and made a big mess on the floor. on what to wear for different occasions. Our glances She felt so embarrassed and apologized a lot. I would frequently meet throughout the evening and cleaned it up and told her not to worry. I felt very we felt we were exchanging our thoughts. I truly sorry for her. After that, she felt very close to me. She admired him so much. I loved Beijing. It was completely different told me that when she got well, we should do a lot of from the world I had known. In Yichang, my life was things together. I agreed. ourbedroom compound We stayed in Tianjin for three weeks. AsDuring soon as centered we were inside in this thewith playmy parents. Outthere wasn’t anything interesting. that time, the situation with Japan calmed down and side commenced. It was a religious play called “The Most of the I knew opium. They we returned to Beijing. My cousin becameEmpress weakerof people Heaven’s Partysmoked or Feast to all theslept late and would while away time playing and eatand weaker. I was always coming and going around Priests Buddhist to eat herthe famous peachesmahjong and ing and gossiping. My only came from her, and she told me, “You know, you are just like an drink her best wine.” This party or stimulation feast is mythird father,day who the midst what electric light and will burn forever.” She said,given “I’m just on the ofinthe third of moon ofcould have been like a little light in that oil lamp. When the is a very boring time in my life, gave me the greatest eachoilyear. burned up, I will be gone.” It was very sad. She died gift, by teaching me to think for myself. …This the play, which was very three months later in April shortly before she was finished to interesting, and I enjoyed it from beginning turn 18 years old. She died of tuberculosis; it was a to end. It was acted very cleverly and quite miracle that I did not get her TB. realistic, and I was very much surprised to After my first year of school, when know that the eunuchs could act so well. Her summer came, my parents sent me travel

Majesty told us that the scenery was all ing money to return home for a visit, but painted by the eunuchs and that she had taught I decided to stay with my uncle instead. them about all they knew. Unlike most theatres He was very sad about his daughter. I

in China, it had a curtain which was closed moved into her bedroom and slept in her between the acts, also wing slides and drop bed and tried my best to bring some com- scenes. Her Majesty had never seen a foreign fort to him. He took me to Tianjin where

and I could not understand where she we stayed in a friend’s home for the sum- theatre got all her ideas from. She was very fond of mer. His friend was an attorney and reading religious books and fairy tales, and although he wasn’t married, his sister wrote them into plays and staged them herself, lived with him so it was acceptable for me and was extremely proud of her achievement. to stay too. The house was large and comfortable. After we settled in, my life became quite glamorous Her Majesty sat talking, we standing, for some because my uncle would take me to all his social little time and she asked me if I understood engagements. He was invited to parties every night the play, and I told her that I did and she where sometimes we would play mahjong or go out seemed quite pleased. Then she said in such to restaurants. His friends knew I was with him and a charming way: “Oh! I am so interested in always invited me too. I spent some of my traveling talking with you that I have forgotten to order money for a few beautiful dresses for myself. They

I loved Beijing. It was completely different from the world I had known.

my lunch. Are you hungry? Could you get Chinese food when you were abroad, and were you homesick? I know I would be if I left my own country for so long a time; but the reason why you were abroad so long was not your fault. It was my order that sent Yu Keng to Paris and I am not a bit sorry, for you see how much you can help me now, and I am proud of you and will show you to the foreigners that they may see our Manchu ladies can speak other languages than their own.” While she was talking I noticed that the eunuchs were laying three large tables with nice white table cloths, and I could see a number of other eunuchs standing in the courtyard with boxes of food. These boxes or trays are made of wood painted yellow and are large enough to hold four small and two large bowls of food. After the tables were laid ready, the eunuchs outside formed themselves into a double line from the courtyard to a little gate running into another courtyard and passed these trays from one to the other up to the entrance of the room, where they were taken by four nicely dressed eunuchs and placed on the tables. It seems that it was a habit of Her Majesty to take her meals wherever she happened to be, so that there was no particular place that she used as a dining room. I should also mention

crowded that I had to stand up all the way for three were all different colors, different patterns and differhours. My cousin was near death, #3 Uncle had had a ent styles. #1 Uncle noticed whenever I put on a new nervous breakdown and my grandmother suffered dress and when he saw me, he would give me a title from old age. I was the only one well enough to take taken from Chinese historical beauties. If the dress made me look fuller, he called me “Yang yu huan,” one care of all three of them. When we stayed in the friend’s house, my of the beautiful wives of the emperor of the Tang cousin and I shared one room. I took good care of her. dynasty who was known to be plump. If I looked She did not see a doctor and was not given a special thinner, he would call me “Chao fei yen” a beautiful diet. She ate the same rich food as we did, but her sys- wife of the emperor of the Song dynasty known to be tem could not take it. One morning she could not very slim. Sometimes he would give me suggestions make it to the toilet and made a big mess on the floor. on what to wear for different occasions. Our glances She felt so embarrassed and apologized a lot. I would frequently meet throughout the evening and cleaned it up and told her not to worry. I felt very we felt we were exchanging our thoughts. I truly sorry for her. After that, she felt very close to me. She admired him so much. I loved Beijing. It was completely different told me that when she got well, we should do a lot of from the world I had known. In Yichang, my life was things together. I agreed. inside compound with my parents. OutWe stayed in Tianjin for three weeks. During that these centered bowls were of our Imperial yellow with side there wasn’t anything interesting. that time, the situation with Japan calmed down and silver covers. Some were ornamented with green Most of the I knew They slept late and we returned to Beijing. My cousin becamedragons weakerandpeople some with thesmoked Chineseopium. character and weaker. I was always coming and going around Shou (Long would Life).while away the time playing mahjong and eather, and she told me, “You know, you are just like an ing and gossiping. My only stimulation came from were my about one who hundred fifty differfather, in theand midst of what could have been electric light and will burn forever.” She said,There “I’m just ent kinds of food, for I counted them. They like a little light in that oil lamp. When the oil is a very boring time in my life, gave me the greatest placedgift, in by long rows, me onetorow offor large teaching think myself. burned up, I will be gone.” It was very sad. were She died bowls and one row of small plates, and then three months later in April shortly before she was to turn 18 years old. She died of tuberculosis;another it was arow of small bowls, and so on. As the setting of the tables was going on, two Court miracle that I did not get her TB. ladies came into the bedroom, each carrying After my first year of school, when a large yellow box. I was very much surprised summer came, my parents sent me travel

to see Court ladies doing this kind of work ing money to return home for a visit, but and I said to myself, if I come here will I I decided to stay with my uncle instead. have to do this sort of thing? Although these He was very sad about his daughter. I

boxes appeared to be quite heavy, they brought moved into her bedroom and slept in her them in very gracefully. Two small tables bed and tried my best to bring some com- were placed in front of Her Majesty, fort to him. He took me to Tianjin where

then opened the boxes and placed a number of we stayed in a friend’s home for the sum- they very cute plates containing all sorts of mer. His friend was an attorney and sweets, lotus flower seeds, dried and cooked although he wasn’t married, his sister with sugar, watermelon seeds, walnuts cooked lived with him so it was acceptable for me in different ways, and fruits of the season to stay too. The house was large and comfortable. cut and sliced. As these plates were being After we settled in, my life became quite glamorous placed on the tables Her Majesty said that she because my uncle would take me to all his social liked these dainties better than meat and gave engagements. He was invited to parties every night us some and told us to make ourselves at home. where sometimes we would play mahjong or go out We thanked her for her kindness and enjoyed to restaurants. His friends knew I was with him and them very much. I noticed that she ate quite a always invited me too. I spent some of my traveling quantity from the different plates and wondered money for a few beautiful dresses for myself. They

I loved Beijing. It was completely different from the world I had known.

how she would be able to eat her lunch. When she had finished, two of the Court ladies came and took the plates away and Her Majesty told us that she always gave what was left to the Court ladies after she had finished eating. After this a eunuch came in carrying a cup of tea. This tea cup was made of pure white jade and the saucer and cover was of solid gold. Then another eunuch came in carrying a silver tray on which were two jade cups similar to the others, one containing honeysuckle flowers and the other rose petals. He also brought a pair of gold chopsticks. They both knelt on the floor in front of Her Majesty and held the trays up so that she could reach them. She took the golden cover off of the cup containing tea and took some of the honeysuckle flowers and placed them in the tea. While she was doing this and sipping the tea, she was telling how fond she was of flowers and what a delicate flavor they gave to the tea. Then she said: “I will let you taste some of my tea and see if you like it,” and ordered one of the eunuchs to bring us some tea, the same as she was drinking. When it came, she put some of the honeysuckle flowers in the cup for us and watched us drink it. It was the most delicious tea I had ever tasted and the putting of flowers in it gave it an extremely delicate flavor.

ing money to return home for a visit, but I decided to stay with my uncle instead. He was very sad about his daughter. I

moved into her bedroom and slept in her bed and tried my best to bring some comfort to him. He took me to Tianjin where

I loved Beijing. It was completely different from the world I had known.

玉峰塔玉峰塔玉峰塔

¡ª§

£ ¯

£ ¦¤

When the next summer came again, I was 18 years old and had been in Beijing for almost two years. This time I decided to go home to Yichang. It would be the first time I traveled alone, but I missed my mother and father and was so homesick that I was willing to brave the danger and the heat of such a long journey. I remember it took me nine days. I took a train to Wuhan which took two days and two nights. It was very dusty and I was train sick the whole time. When I arrived in Wuhan, I stayed in a small inn for three days until I could book passage on the steamboat from Wuhan to Yichang. During the summer in China the Yangtze River was always swollen and flooded. In the winter months, it would only take three days from Wuhan to Yichang, but in the summer months it took five or six days. The steamboat would stop at night because the captain was so afraid of hitting something because whole cities and villages were under water. There were steep banks on both sides and you could only see the rooftops. Sometimes we would see people on the rooftops yelling for help or a corpse floating by. We couldn’t reach them because our large steamboat could not go close to shore and there was nothing we could do. Some of the stranded people tried to swim to the boat, and the boat slowed down and took some of them, but others would drown. There were no government relief efforts. The people took the floods as a disaster from heaven. There was nobody to be blamed and they accepted it as fate. When I arrived at Yichang, the steamboat could not dock at the shore because the water was too high. Small sampans came out to the steamer to fetch us. Moving people from the steamboat to the sampan was very dangerous because the current was very swift. Some people were just dropped in the river and drowned. I remember one student, who like myself, was coming home from a distant city. He was too anxious to get into the small boat and accidentally stepped on the edge, overturning it. We never saw him again. My mother was worried to death. She knew I was coming, but there was no fixed schedule to say that such-and-such boat would arrive at a certain time. She had been sending people to hire a sampan to be at the shore watching day and night for two or

three days before my steamboat finally arrived nine days later. She said she could not sleep the entire time. Our reunion was joyous. I was so glad to see my parents. But while I loved being with them, as the summer wore on, I began to grow restless. It was a very hot summer and I felt very closed in. Most of my classmates had married and moved away. A few had also left to seek a higher education. I felt sharply the differences between the two cities, Beijing and Yichang, and the people in them. For one thing, In Beijing, you didn’t see the wild, dirty dogs running around everywhere. By summer’s end, I yearned to return to Beijing. During this time, the Japanese intruders were picking fights with the Chinese in the Northeast. The tension was very high. My father said to me, “You know nowadays women have to learn a skill to make a living. I can see the time is coming. We cannot just have the leisure to enjoy literature and develop our mind. We have to learn some skill to make a living. No one knows what the future will hold.” I told him, “Well, I will see to it when I return to Beijing.” I made the journey back to Beijing by retracing the same arduous route that I had made before. No one accompanied me and I did not speak to a single person the whole time. It was not the custom to talk to strangers. I was very lonely. I went to see my friend, Lily as soon as I returned and told her what my father had said. She wanted to change schools too. After some investigation, we found the American Academy of Commerce and Finance. It was a private school, operated by the American Church, with a very high level of secretarial skills such as shorthand, typing and accounting. Its graduates had no trouble finding a job. In fact, before they graduated, students were recruited for jobs by foreign firms and embassies. The school only offered two years at the college level, but they started the specialized training at the high school level, so we were able to simply transfer from our high school. We liked the College of Commerce and Finance very much. English was emphasized more and although my English foundation was not very good, I was still able to keep up my top grades. The classes were very small. There were only six female and ten males in our graduating class. We were all very compatible and would go on hiking trips together.

As the Japanese exerted more and more pressure on China, student demonstrations increased in Beijing. I knew Chinese history well and was very angry about the stupidities of the Ching dynasty and the carving up of China by the foreign powers. We were all particu-

larly angry at Japan which invaded and took over parts of China without any agreements. I joined the student demon strations. We marched in the streets,

chanted slogans and raised our fists. But Chiang Kai-shek did not want to fight the £ Japanese because he knew China was not ready. He was still trying to unite China

and get rid of the warlords. He was also ¦ ¦

trying to quell the communist uprising.

¤ §

¨ §

How did communism start in China? That was a question many people asked because China traditionally operated according to Confucian principles and was under the imperial dynasty’s control. What happened was that when Sun Yat-sen started the revolution he did not have an army and did not have anybody to help him to organize. He came £ to the Western countries for help but no country lent him a hand. I think the

reason was that, at the time, China was a trouble spot and very confusing to a lot of Western countries. Plus the British wanted China with its profitable opium ¯ trade to stay as it was. If China became

£ strong and organized, they could not so easily take advantage of its people. In 1921, Sun Yat-sen turned to Russia

for help. This was shortly after the Rus- sian revolution in 1917 when the Czar was deposed and the Communists took over.

In 1923, Russia sent Mikhail Borodin to China. Borodin, was a good Communist party leader and built the Nationalist Party (Kuomintang) into a highly central ized Leninist-style organization and

helped the Chinese Nationalists develop

their army. Thus, Mao Tse Dong, Chou ¦ En-lai and a group of old Chinese leaders were trained in the communist theory by Borodin. But Chiang Kai-shek was dead

set against communism and knew very early on that if he didn’t purge the country of the Communists, China would ¦ ¦ become a communist country. He secretly built up his forces and had a showdown with the Communists in Shanghai. Sur- prisingly he killed thousands of Commu- nist party members, including the wife of Mao Zedong. This was the famous Shanghai Massacre. Still, many Communist leaders escaped. China became split between the Kuomintang and the Communists with Chiang the head of the Kuomintang and Mao Tse Dong, the Communist leader.

Initially, Chiang had the upper hand and had his forces start to circle the communist army for battle. That’s when the Communists went on the “long march.” They ultimately reached Yenan, in the Shaanxi province, to hide in the mountains and try to hold their small army together. Chiang wanted to wipe them out. Meanwhile, Japanese leaders recog- ¦ ¦ nized that Chiang was becoming stronger and gaining the support of the Chinese

people. They invaded Manchuria and

kept pushing further into China. Reports reached us in Beijing that they were doing ¯ unspeakable things to the Chinese that they captured. They ruined the Chinese economy with the “21 Unequal Treaty”

which allowed them to pour their goods into China without any duty at all. There were many humiliating incidents. It was during this period when we students became so angry and were demonstrating ¦ in the streets. We wanted Chiang to fight the Japanese. In April, 1927, Chiang moved the capital from Beijing, which meant North Capital to Nanjing. When that happened, Beijing was renamed Beiping. (jing [京] means capital) and Nanjing became known as the South Capital. All the treasures were shipped from the royal palaces to Nanjing for storage because the Japanese were approaching closer to the north every day. Chiang was really in a dilemma. The country was boiling over, students were demonstrating, everyone wanted him to fight the Japanese. But if he did, he would not be able to destroy the Communist stronghold. £ £

李善葆李善葆李善葆

During my second year in the College of Commerce and Finance I got to know one of the boys in the class. Dating was acceptable in society, as long as good behavior was observed. The only physical contact permissible was holding hands. When I was 18, a fellow student asked me and another female classmate to be the manager of their soccer team. There were no cheerleaders as it wasn’t proper for girls to jump and shout. One of the soccer players, named Lee San Pao [李善葆], SP for short, took an interest in me. The only thing I had to do as manager was to show up when they had matches. Once when it was very cold and windy, SP put his jacket on me and I blushed and felt very warm inside! The others teased us. From then on whenever our eyes met, I would quickly look away. Then he asked his friend’s fiancée to invite me for dinner. Of course he was invited too. That was the first time we were officially introduced and met and talked with each other. At the end of the dinner, his friend asked him to take me home. When we arrived, he asked me to go out with him that weekend. But before we could do that, he had to come to my uncle’s house and greet my grandmother and meet everyone else. Then he had to ask permission to take me out. From then on, we went out almost every weekend. I was very pleased. Sometimes we would go to a movie and in the winter we would go ice-skating. Ice-skating was a big sport in Beijing because it was very, very cold and all the small lakes were frozen. A ticket for the whole season cost about $3.00 just about any student could easily afford it. SP was a much better skater than I and helped me become a good skater too. In the spring or summer we would rowboat in one of the beautiful, formerly royal parks in the lake. That was very enjoyable. I learned how to row. Then we would have dinner and sometimes we would do homework together. My grades were much better than his and I used to help him. At the time, I thought he would make an ideal husband because he would fit right into my plan. We never thought of marriage in terms of romantic feelings or compatibility. Instead we thought of family background, education and finances. My plans went beyond even that. I didn’t want to assume the life of a traditional Chinese woman. Most girls got married, raised children and tended to their domestic duties. It was common to live with the husband’s family. I

just could not think of having that kind of life. It would bore me to death. So I talked to my mother, I said, “Well, maybe I’ll find a husband who can live with our family, somebody who doesn’t have a mother, who is good-natured and will do whatever I like to do.” My mother said, “Yes, you can stay with us after you’re married. I’ll take care of your children, and you can still be free.” We laughed about it. SP was so easygoing, always did what I wanted, seemed to have a great deal of patience, and didn’t seem to have strong likes or dislikes. He had quite a lot of money to spend in school. His schoolmates often took advantage of him. He always wound up paying the bills for the other people. But he didn’t mind as he was very good-natured. His mother had died when he was young, and his father had remarried, so there would be no reason why he could not live with my family and fit right in. I had tried to do all kinds of things to test his patience. For instance, when we had a date I would purposely arrive late, perhaps half an hour late. If we were going to a movie, I would arrive when the movie was half finished. He would still be waiting at the entrance. He never lost his temper or even mentioned it. He was so glad to see me and we would just go into the theatre. Sometimes when we had a date to go to the park to rowboat, he would sit in the restaurant near the boats, and eat watermelon seeds while waiting for me. I always observed the pile of the shells of the watermelon seeds to see how long he had been waiting. This was all very immature of me. Unfortunately, while my father taught me so much history and literature, he never taught me anything about the relationships between men and women. Three months short of graduation, my good friend Lily announced she was going to wed. Her husband was from a prominent family. His grandfather had been prime minister during the Chin Dynasty. And Lily’s fiance had recently returned from America where he had gotten his Ph.D. Their wedding was a big event. Shortly afterwards, they moved from Beijing because he was taking on a very important new job out of the city. Although I was happy for Lily, I felt a great loss. Before she left, she said, “You should get married too.” At that time, girls over 20 were considered to be old maids. Women were usually married by 16 or 17. I felt kind of lost.

Women were usually married by 16 or 17. I felt kind of lost.

When I graduated from the College of Commerce and Finance, my #1 Uncle became ill. He had been elected as the representative of northern China to participate at the National Legal Conference in Nanjing. The trip took about one month. He came back home exhausted with a little cold and a cough. Three months passed and the cold lingered, but he still went to work as usual, taking business trips to Tianjin. The cold continued to linger. His cough grew worse and sometimes it seemed it would never stop. In the meantime, he was getting thinner and thinner. At first when he started getting feverish, he would take Chinese herbal medicine which helped break the fever by sweating. But when he became very weak, he finally visited a western doctor. His x-ray confirmed that he had tuberculosis and was in the final stage. I was very close to him. Even when he was coughing up blood, he would offer me food he couldn’t finish. I did not have the heart to refuse him. I ate everything he gave me even though I knew he was contagious. Finally, he just collapsed and died a few months later. I was with him the day before his death. I felt so sad. When he died, the whole family fell apart. It was like a pillar in the house had fallen and then the whole house collapsed. My happy youthful life was gone forever. My grandmother would have to move back to Yichang to live with my father. My uncle’s wife (who had been his second wife) remarried. I had no family to stay with.

It was like a pillar in the house had fallen and then the whole house collapsed.

After my uncle’s death, my father came to take my grandmother and the young sister back to Yichang. I had to make a decision. I wanted to continue my education but had no home in which to stay in Beijing and the political situation was very uncertain at that time. China was at the brink of war with Japan. It was very dangerous for a single girl to stay there by herself with no family. I didn’t want to return to Yichang. There was no future there for me and besides, Beijing had spoiled me for Yichang. SP proposed again. So I agreed, yes, let’s get married, but you have to agree to two things, one, you will not stop me from going to college and two, that we will get married in my hometown, Yichang. He agreed to both. After we were married, we stayed in Yichang for one month. Then we returned to Beijing and rented a little place for ourselves and one maid. I was completely unequipped to carry on a household by myself. I had never had any experience doing that. I was also very lonely. There were no families we associated with. No one came to visit and I didn’t go out to visit anyone. We had no social activities. SP went to college, but we could not afford college for both of us. His older sister married a very wealthy man was supporting us because SP was not earning any money. I still remember that she sent 80 Chinese dollars a month which covered all our expenses. I tried to find a job but the situation was so bad that I couldn’t find one. I was very bored and unhappy. Meanwhile, I was also having some physical problems. When SP and I married, we were both sexually inexperienced. In addition, I did not feel romantic towards him. For one thing, he could not breathe through his nose and had even had surgery for it, but it didn’t help. So we never kissed. Though he was very meek in his mannerisms, he was rough and jerky in bed. Somehow I was injured and got infected. It was so painful that I dared not to drink water because it hurt too much to urinate. And I was too shy and too ashamed to talk to anybody about it. Meanwhile, we gave up our apartment and moved in with SP’s schoolmate, the Manchu’s, so we could share the rent. The wife had just had a baby at the French convent and finally, I got up the nerve to tell her my problems. She told me that the nuns at the French convent were very nice. So I went there for an

examination. When the nun first looked at my wound, she thought I had venereal disease because it was so badly swollen. But after the lab test, they realized that was not the case. After they found out we were newly married, they gave me some medicinal ointment and a little booklet for newlyweds. It took me quite a few months to recover. It was a very unfortunate experience for me as it really turned me off sex with SP. On July 7th, 1937, war broke out with Japan over a small incident at the Waterloo Bridge, north of Beijing. Thus began the Sino-Japanese war, the longest Asian war in history which lasted until 1945. Eventually even Beijing was threatened. SP’s sister lived in Tianjin and wanted us to come live with her. Tianjin was a seaport like Shanghai. There were nine foreign concessions there, including the Japanese and British. His sister had a very big house in the British concession. Her husband was a wealthy banker who worked in Beijing, but who would go to Tianjin to spend a weekend or a week with her there because it was safer. I was very relieved as I didn’t want to be alone in Beijing anymore. In 1937 when I was 22 years old, we moved to Tianjin. Unfortunately, the change did not help our relationship. SP got a small job in the branch of his brother-in-law’s bank in Tianjin. During that summer, his sister and a group of her friends went to a beautiful resort called Bei-Di-Ho where foreigners and wealthy Chinese spent summer vacations. I had heard of this place but had never had the chance to go. But instead of inviting both of us, she only invited SP. I was very hurt and hoped he would say, “If Chinfang is not going, I will stay home with her.” But he didn’t. He just departed with his sister and left me alone for two weeks.

I could see tears rolling down their cheeks and I started crying too.

SP became obsessed with getting a motorcycle which was very popular with young people. But he didn’t have the money to buy one and it was out of the question to ask his sister because she was supplementing his meager income and that motorcycle was not a necessity. But there was no end to SP’s nagging. Due to my father’s training, I had never been materialistic. I thought I could sell the jewelry from my mother and also a few things from SP’s family. His sister kept our jewelry so I asked her to give it back to me. I sold the pieces to a jewelry store cheaply and bought the motorcycle for SP. After I did that he was happy, but his sister told her friends in front of him, “Chin-fang cannot be trusted to keep anything.” I expected SP to defend me and explain why I had sold the jewelry, but he never even opened his mouth. I came to realize that SP was so weak, he would never stand up for anything, even if he thought it was unfair. That lack of courage irritated me to death. He was not even direct with me. If he was unhappy with something, he would not dare object, but later would make a negative remark. Then I realized, oh, you are unhappy about something. Why didn’t you tell me, and now that it’s too late, you say something. It was so frustrating. Of course, I was very immature too, and instead of being tactful, I lashed out at him. He would stand there crushed, but wouldn’t say anything. I didn’t realize how much I hurt his feelings too. These kinds of things really damaged our relationship.

Shortly after the Japanese forces took over Beijing, they occupied Tianjin. We were not in danger because the British protected their concession and we felt safe. The boundary between the British concession and the Chinese territory was marked off by huge iron gates. They were tall and strong, bounded on each side by concrete walls, and would only open from the British side. They could be pushed open to the Chinese side, but the Chinese could not push the gates open into the British side. One day, a few months after we arrived, I heard gunshots and shouting coming from the Chinese territory. I ran to the gates. When I arrived, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Actually, I couldn’t see the gates. I could only see a sea of humanity; men, women and children, all pressed against an unmovable barrier. Pain stabbed my heart when I was close enough to see their anguished faces. Women were trying to push their wailing babies though the bars of the gates. I could hear people screaming, “Open the gates, please open the gates, please save us, please let us come in, the Japanese soldiers are behind us.” Another screamed, “My home has been burned, my husband is killed, my mother is killed, my children are dead. Please, please open the gate!” I could see tears rolling down their cheeks and I started crying too. People were being crushed against the gate as the ones behind them pushed harder and harder. I saw old men and women collapse and fall at the base of the iron gates. But no matter how hard they pushed, the gates would not open, could not open from their side. I couldn’t stand it

anymore. I ran to one of the British guards in uniform posted at the gates. “Why don’t you open the gates and let them in?” “We can’t,” I was told. “This side is controlled by the British government and we have been given orders not to open the gates.” Then he walked toward the wall of people at the gates and said, “Go away. Go away. We cannot open the gates. This is British territory. You cannot come in here.” I sobbed along with the people on the other side, but at last I could do nothing, could stand it no longer and turned around and walked home, crying all the way. The faces I saw would not disappear. They stayed with me for days. Even today, I can still see them. Mr. Wong, the husband of SP’s sister lived like a king. He was very arrogant. I didn’t think I spoke more than three words to him the whole time I was in Tianjin. He had another wife in Beijing. SP’s sister was his second wife, like a concubine. She bore him a son, but the son was not allowed to stay with her in Tianjin. He lived in the first wife’s household because the first wife also had children and Mr. Wong wanted all his children to grow up together. The first wife did not treat her husband’s other son as well as her own children and, of course, SP’s sister was unhappy because she was not allowed to raise her own child. Most of the time, she lived alone in Tianjin as her husband only came on weekends and occasionally stayed a little longer. She was very beautiful and dainty. Her nickname was “little beauty.” Many of her friends were also concubines supported by rich husbands. Many had troubled marriages. They took

turns entertaining one another in different restaurants and nightclubs, eating, drinking, dancing, playing mahjong and gossiping. Sometimes they included me, but I had nothing in common with them and was like a fish out of water. When I was out with them, I was always reminded of my early experiences representing my mother at banquets when I sat there and said almost nothing. All the housework was done by servants. There were nine of them, one chauffeur, one to clean the car, one chief cook, one assistant cook, two maids, one gardener, one errand boy, and one head servant who was in charge of all the servants. You can see there was nothing left for me to do. I began taking an English course with an American lady in the evenings, but I was too restless and lonely to really work at it. I was just very homesick. Meanwhile, Japan was bombing China every day as the war became more intense. We could see the refugees just beyond the iron gate, but we had no idea how the war was going. There were no Chinese newspapers in the British colony since the Japanese had occupied Tianjin. Chinese programs were also not broadcast on the radio. The only thing we could receive was propaganda from the Japanese. They boasted that they would completely take over the whole country of China within one year. Japanese soldiers were reputed to be cruel and murderous. They always celebrated every time they had won a battle. We would hear their shouting and fireworks every time they occupied another Chinese

We could not close our ears to their wild celebrations which were also blasted on loudspeakers from radios.

city. In August 1937, Japanese forces attacked Shanghai. It fell on November 13th, 1937. On December 8th, they bombed Nanjing. I’ll never forget the day on December 13, 1937 when Nanjing fell to the Japanese. They laughed and shouted and shot guns all night in the Japanese concession which was close to the British concession. We could not close our ears to their wild celebrations which were also blasted on loudspeakers from radios. I was very angry at first. Then I became depressed. Every sound of the fireworks made my heart sink a little lower and finally I couldn’t help it, I burst into tears and sobbed myself to sleep. SP was very tender, but he could not share my feelings. I felt like I was on a desert island. After the Japanese occupied Nanjing, they tried to scare China into surrendering so that they could concentrate their war effort against the Western countries. Japanese commanders let the soldiers go wild and kill as many civilians as they could. They killed more than a quarter of a million people in what became known as the “Nanjing Massacre.” Today there is a museum in Nanjing documenting the event with many photos. ¦ I think I could consider this period ¦ as the “dark ages” of my life. I had never £ felt so completely inactive and isolated. Even though I was not in danger, pro £ tected by the British, there was nothing to ¦ ¦ do all day long, no work outside, no infor mation, and nobody I could talk to. I was also so frustrated and angry over Japan occupying China and slaughtering the Chinese people. I felt I could not stay in ¦ Tianjin any longer. We Chinese have a saying, “One rather dies with honor than live with shame.” I talked to SP. I said, “Let’s go out. Let’s escape. It will just drive me crazy to stay here.” But SP was too scared. He didn’t want to go. Life was secure and comfortable with his sister. He wouldn’t dream of letting all that go and entering a new and uncertain future. So finally I said, “Well if you don’t want to go, I will go alone.” Not only did I want to escape from occupied China, I also thought I might be able to help with the war effort in some small way.

Every sound of the fireworks made my heart sink a little lower and finally I couldn’t help it, I burst into tears and sobbed myself to sleep.

£ ¦ £

When it approached the dock, the people just poured onto the beach and no amount of whipping could keep them back.

The Japanese were everywhere. They bombed Chinese trains and boats every day. Thousands of Chinese were killed. The only safe places were Shanghai and Hong Kong. The only way I could get out was to go through this little sea port called Da-Gou. But I had to go through the Chinese section, which was occupied by the Japanese, in order to get on a small boat to go to Shanghai and then perhaps I could change to a big boat from Shanghai to Hong Kong. From there, I planned to go to Yichang to see my mother and father. The Japanese did not allow students to travel because they thought students were too patriotic and wanted to escape from the occupied territories to any part of free China to help the Chinese government. I disguised myself as a village girl and did not dare bring anything to show that I could read or write, not even a fountain pen. I dressed very plainly and did not carry much money. At that time, if you traveled in occupied territories, the Japanese did not allow you to take any silver, gold or jewelry, nor did they allow you to take more than 50 Chinese dollars with you. But I thought that if I could just get to Shanghai, I could borrow some money from SP’s father who was there and could continue my journey. SP’s sister did not try to persuade me not to go. SP and I had stayed with her for almost one year and I think she realized that I was very unhappy and I did not fit in. Actually, she was a good-hearted person. She did not have a chance to have an education, but tried to help her own family. That morning, there was one servant who went with me. I took a rickshaw. I just had a little bundle of my clothes and went to Da-Gou to get on the steamboat. SP accompanied me to the small port. When we arrived we were completely unprepared for the sight that met our eyes. There was no boat but instead a sea of people. We arrived on a small hill and the beach was down below. The dock area swarmed with people. Men, women and children sat on bundles that were all their possessions. I said to myself, “My gosh! I don’t see how all these people can get on the one boat.” In the meantime there were soldiers. I couldn’t make out whether they were Japanese or Chinese. They tried to maintain order and prevent people from getting too close to the gangplank, but the people did not heed them and kept pushing. The soldiers

used sticks and whips to drive them back from the beach. So we waited on the hill. SP was there on his motorcycle. Finally, we saw the small boat, about 2,000 tons. When it approached the dock, the people just poured onto the beach and no amount of whipping could keep them back. They swarmed the boat and started climbing up the side. The boat started tipping. Those already on the boat shouted to the ones on the dock to stop coming, but no one listened. The boat tipped more and more and finally the captain gave an emergency order to pull away from the shore before the boat sank. There were a lot of people hanging onto the side of the boat. Many fell into the water and drowned. Others successfully climbed aboard, but their luggage was left on shore. And some threw their luggage on board, but could not make it themselves. The boat sailed away. I turned back and told myself that maybe after a little while the situation would calm down. Maybe there would be more boats. I stayed in Tianjin for another few months and finally I heard that the situation was better so I planned to make a second attempt. Unfortunately, just about the time I was going, I became pregnant and was ill from the beginning. I was vomiting all day long and felt homesick and longed for the food I used to have in my childhood. SP tried to ease my pain a little by trying to cook some dishes for me himself, but everyone laughed at him because they thought he was henpecked. The pregnancy made me even more determined to leave because I felt if I had a baby with me, it would be more difficult for me to make the journey, and I really didn’t want to be stranded in Tianjin. I felt it was a very bad place to raise a child. So I was very determined to leave in a hurry. The second time I tried, I succeeded. We went to the same place, but the situation had completely changed. I didn’t know if the Japanese had more control of the people, or whether the people who wanted to leave had already left, but anyway I had no trouble taking a small boat. Again, I pretended I was an ignorant village girl—no books, no fountain pen, no paper—and only $50 Chinese dollars. I had to pass the Japanese check point to get to the pier. SP saw me off, and was very sad and sentimental, but did not have the courage to go with me. It left a big scar on my heart and a big hurt between us.

While I was waiting, I saw two male students apprehended. They were scared to death but nobody dared to say anything to defend them.

I shared a cabin with another girl. We never talked much; only a few phrases for convenience. The moment I got on board I started vomiting. I was both seasick and baby-sick. I couldn’t eat or drink anything at all, not even water. During the four days it took the boat to travel to Shanghai, it was tossed in the big ocean like a small leaf. Two days out, while I was lying in bed, all of a sudden we heard the steamboat engine grind to a stop and then heard the puttputt of a little motor boat coming from a distance. We were told that this was the Japanese soldiers’ check point. Fierce-looking Japanese soldiers came to the boat, all in uniforms, and ordered everybody from the cabins to come to the dining area which was a large hall. I was so sick, but had to force myself to get up, take my luggage to the dining room and wait in turn to be searched. While I was waiting, I saw two male students apprehended. They were scared to death but nobody dared to say anything to defend them. I don’t know what was found in their luggage, but they were taken off the boat and we never saw them again. When it was my turn to be searched, I was a mess. I was so sick, I didn’t care what happened. I had no fear because I was concentrating so hard on not vomiting, but deep inside I was outraged and humiliated by the search. I was not questioned too much because it was obvious I was ill. My hair was uncombed and dirty and I was very pale. The soldiers dumped all the contents from my suitcase to the floor so they could look at everything. Then they measured the suitcase to see if there was a hidden bottom to hide some secret. When the soldiers found nothing, I was told to take my things away. I hurriedly gathered my things and rushed back to my cabin just in time to vomit. We were searched four times in this manner by the Japanese security guards in our journey from Da-Gou to Shanghai. I was counting the minutes to get off that boat. Finally we docked at Shanghai and a servant from SP’s brother-in-law’s branch bank was there to meet me. He took me to meet SP’s father. We had never met before. He was a kindly gentleman, tall and erect, with pleasant if undistinguished features. Since his first wife had died, he had taken a concubine. We didn’t have too much conversation but were very cordial to each other. He knew I wanted to

continue the next leg of my trip to Hong Kong. In order to arrive at my final destination, Yichang, I would have to take a ship from Shanghai to Hong Kong where I would take a train to Guangzhou, then from there another train to Wuhan and from Wuhan to Yichang by boat. It was a long arduous journey. But I was so homesick. I hadn’t heard from my parents for a long time. I didn’t know whether or not I would make it, but that was my plan. My second sister, Ar-Je, now lived in Hong Kong. When I had gone to Beijing when I was 16, she had married General Li Hanhun. She was 20 and moved to Guangzhou where he lived. Her husband was the commanding general of the famous Iron Army fighting the Japanese at the front. When I was in Tianjin we dared not communicate with each other. If we had, I certainly would not have been able to escape and might even have been arrested by the Japanese. I didn’t know whether she, herself, was in Hong Kong or not, but I knew their address because I had corresponded with her before. I got $200 from SP’s brother-in-law and booked passage on a large ship, the Empress Canada, from Shanghai to Hong Kong. I wrote to my second sister that I was coming and when the ship would arrive. I just hoped she would receive the letter. I could only afford third class and while it only took us two days to reach Hong Kong and the passage was very smooth, I was still sick, still vomiting and still couldn’t eat anything. I shared my room with a young, charming girl who was having a gay time going to parties on board. She tried hard to get me out of bed to join her, but I was too sick. Years later, I ran into her at a cabaret where she was a dancing girl. She was so embarrassed, she pretended she didn’t see me. In May, 1938, we finally arrived at Hong Kong at 5:00 am and I dared not get off the boat because I did not speak a word of Cantonese which was the dialect spoken in Hong Kong. At the time, Cantonese sounded more foreign to me than English. Also I didn’t know what kind of transportation to take and how to find the address of my second sister. So finally I talked to the purser who spoke Mandarin and showed him the address. He said “If you can wait until 8:00 o’clock, I will take you to the shore and hire a taxi to that address.” But unknown to me, my second sister had received my letter and while I was waiting for the

° ± £ ° ±

I could hardly believe that I had arrived in Hong Kong and had found Ar-Je after so many years and so many miles.

purser, she was searching the whole ship trying to find me. We only saw each other when the purser had finally come to the cabin to get me after a three-hour wait. My second sister had been about to give me up. I was overjoyed to see her. I could hardly believe that I had arrived in Hong Kong and had found Ar-Je after so many years and so many miles. Finally I felt safe. Ar-Je and her husband had a comfortable and well-constructed three-story brick house with six apartments. They occupied one of them and rented out the rest. For the first time in many months, I began to relax. I settled down in the little room she had prepared for me and bathed and had dinner. It was the first time in many days that I had eaten something. Ar-Je was so eager to know everything that was happening that even though I was tired, we kept talking for hours. I learned then how busy she was helping her husband. They had formed a communications center in Hong Kong and it became the contact point not only for the Chinese in China, but also with the outside world. Her husband, the general, was fighting on the front lines. The center relayed messages and strategic moves between the home base and the front. Wives of the military officers would come to her to get messages from their husbands. Also, she sent a lot of supplies from the four or five volunteer relief organizations in Hong Kong to the front. After the year of inactivity, frustration and isolation in Tianjin, I was so excited by the endless opportunities before me to serve my country and help my second sister at the

same time. She was also very pleased to have me as there were many confidential things she could trust me to do. Hong Kong was so beautiful with all the conveniences of a modern city. The population then was only about 360,000, so it was not crowded like it is now. The city seemed to open up to me and I felt like a bird out of a cage. I went to bed feeling like I was floating on a cloud. I woke up in the middle of the night in a wet bed. I thought, my goodness, what happened? I turned the light on and saw that the sheets were full of blood. Although there was no pain, I thought I probably had a miscarriage. I woke up Ar-Je who immediately sent for her personal family physician, Dr. Ho, who made house calls. Dr. Ho came right away, examined me and gave me a shot and some other medicines. He told me that I might lose the baby, but if I stayed in bed for at least 10 days, I might avoid a miscarriage. So that’s what I did. My second sister and her household took very good care of me. The doctor came to see me almost every day, and finally pronounced me out of danger. I didn’t lose the baby. I sent a telegram to my parents telling them my travel plans. Communication from Hong Kong to Yichang was good. I received a telegram back right away. They said, “Do not move. Please stay in Hong Kong. A letter will follow.” When their letter arrived, I was very excited, but then my heart sank when I read that the journey from Hong Kong to Guangzhou was very dangerous, as was the journey from Guangzhou to Yichang because the railroads and

steamboats were bombed by the Japanese day and night. Many, many people died. Yichang was also being bombed and the people had no dugouts in which to hide so life was not easy at all. They felt that Hong Kong was safe and I should just stay there until the war was over. I started working with my second sister and found the work engrossing and satisfying. I wrote letters for her, acting as her personal secretary and taking care of all her confidential correspondence. I was also able to help her when she traveled back and forth from Hong Kong to the front lines to be with her husband. I would stay with her children in Hong Kong and manage her home and business affairs. She had three children and four maids. There was a maid for each child and one cook. I was interested in and enthusiastic about everything she and her husband were doing. Quite a few of the wives of the officers who fought against the Japanese would come to get the war news from the front lines. I hated to give it to them when their husbands were killed or wounded, especially the ones who had no way to make a living. The survivors’ benefits under the Chinese military system were inadequate. They faced an emotional crisis as well as an economic one. Although we tried to comfort them and tell them that their husbands were heroes and had died for a good cause, we could offer no help for their immediate problems. I also joined an organization called Women’s Association for War Effort and Refugee Relief. They sent a lot of supplies to the soldiers in the front line, and helped the refugees who had escaped from the occupied area. They also received donations from the Chinese in Hong Kong and overseas Chinese abroad. Many of the volunteers were the wives and daughters of Chinese generals and high officials, the most famous of whom was Hu Moo Lan, daughter of Hu Han Min. The headquarters was a large rented space downtown and I went as a volunteer, sometimes working from morning to night. I took the bus. The public transportation in Hong Kong was one of the best in the world. You didn’t have to wait for a minute before another bus or tramcar would come and they were very inexpensive. As I rode the bus back and forth, my spirits were lifted as I felt that finally I was doing something constructive for my country.

I had written to SP as soon as I had arrived in Hong Kong to give him my address. He wrote back immediately a very long letter telling me repeatedly how much he missed me. But the longer we were apart, the fewer and farther between were his letters. At the time the baby was born, I didn’t hear from him at all. During my pregnancy, I did not have any prenatal care. Since my second sister was supporting me, I spent as little money as possible. On December 12, 1938, after I came home from volunteer work, I had labor pains. I went to a local middle-class hospital with a prearranged maid. She was a refugee. We just took a taxi, the maid and I; there was nobody else with us. I felt very sad and very lonely at that moment because my second sister was away, SP was not there, and my parents were not there. This was my first child and I was a little scared. When I arrived at the hospital, my labor pains got worse but they didn’t take me to the delivery room right away. They put me in a room and I was just lying there, waiting in pain. A nurse came around now and then, but waited until the labor pains were very intense before taking me to the delivery room. Once there, I had to wait for the doctor whom I had never met before. Finally she came and delivered a little baby girl without complications. She wasn’t very big, just about six pounds or less. I stayed in the hospital for a week, but did not receive very good care. I felt they just did the necessary things. I was glad to go home. My baby, Kuo Yin [幗英] (Lorna) was born in an atmosphere that lacked her parent’s love and affection. I didn’t know a thing about babies or how to take care of one. In China, especially at that time, and among all my wealthy friends, they always had one nursemaid for each child. The mothers did very little to take care of the baby until the baby could talk and could associate with the parents and other members of the family. We thought that when the children were small they didn’t know anything. The only thing they needed was food and clean diapers and someone to take care of them so they didn’t fall down and get hurt. I hired a nursemaid and Lorna was left completely in her hands. Looking back, I now realize I neglected her. I’m sorry I didn’t understand that children needed cuddling and lots of affection.

天壇大佛天壇大佛天壇大佛

I went back to my busy life. I was very occupied by my worries about the war, my family in Yichang, making a living and fulfilling all my duties. A month later, in January 1939, Ar-Je’s husband was made the governor of Guangdong province but there was very little area of Guangdong province left for him to govern. The Japanese occupied most of it. My second sister and her husband stayed in a small city in the interior of Guangdong province called Shaoguan. By that time, she had come for her children and had moved them there. One of the good things my second sister did at that time was to rescue children from the war-torn areas and put them in camps where schools were set up to educate them. Tens of thousands of children were rescued. Many of them were orphans. Many became successful in later life. After the war, they kept in contact with each other and had reunions to which they invited Ar-Je to attend. Those were emotion-packed occasions. I thought I should get a paying job because I had to support a baby and the maid and myself. I couldn’t just stay there and live off Ar-Je even though she didn’t want me to pay rent. Through my second sister’s husband’s influence I got a job in the Guangdong Provincial Bank, Hong Kong branch, as a clerk for 30 Hong Kong dollars a month. With my training in accounting typing and correspondence, I was equipped to work. I was surprised to find out that I was the only woman in that bank and they did not even have a ladies room. I remember I was so shy of asking people about the ladies room that I did not go to the bathroom from 9:00 a.m. until noon when I went home for lunch. We had two hours for lunch which would be prepared for us by the cooks. What was I doing in the bank? They didn’t give me anything to do so I was just sitting there. In those days they had a term for female employees. They called them “flower vases,” just for decoration. After the first three days, I went to see the manager of the bank. I said, “I don’t like to be a “flower vase” in your bank. I’m equipped to work. How come there is no job given to me?” So the manager was very polite to me and immediately rang the bell and called the head of the accounting department to come to his office. He told him, “Give Miss Wu some work.” The accounting

department head was very polite and said, “Yes, yes” to the manager. When we came out, he gave me some small items to add. I felt pretty insulted—thinking that work could be done by any school kid, and besides, 10 minutes later I was out of work again. I still didn’t have anything to do. I didn’t want to go back to see the manager again and embarrass the accounting department head. Next day I went to see the manager again. The manager did the same thing and said to the head of accounting, “Give Miss Wu more work to do.” So the man came out and gave me another list to add. This time, it took me 20 minutes. So after 20 minutes I was still out of things to do. Finally the department head asked another clerk to talk to me. He told me that I was not supposed to come to work. There were many relatives of the manager or relatives of high officials, who were on the payroll and drew a salary every month. They didn’t have to come to work. I felt really bad. I realized I was creating a problem by coming to work. I decided I should look for another job.

花瓶 ¤

Just at that time, I got to know a very interesting young woman, Sylvia Wu. She became a very successful businesswoman in the United States, owning the Madame Wu restaurants in Santa Monica and Los Angeles. But when I met her she was a young unmarried pregnant woman. She never told us whose child it was, but the rumor was that the father was the Provincial Minister of Finance in Guangxi. Guangxi province is next to Guangdong. The minister was married. He sent her to Hong Kong to have the baby, and also promised her a job in the Guongshi Provincial Bank in Hong Kong after the baby was born. I was introduced to her by a mutual friend, Shun de Shaoi, my schoolmate from Yichang. Silvia was looking for a nursemaid for her child after the baby was born, and at the time I happened to just have had Lorna. I had successfully gotten a very good nursemaid from the Refugee Women’s Association which was in charge of the refugees and tried to place them into families. They were pretty well educated and were good for taking care of babies. This woman, who was one of the volunteers helping the refugees, came from a well-known family. Her father, Wu Tin-fang, had been ambassador to the United States, but he had died. She was one of the volunteers of the refugee association that I associated with and everybody called her “Big Sister” because she was the #1 daughter in her family. Big Sister helped me to find the nursemaid for Lorna so I introduced Sylvia to her. Many years later Big Sister became Sylvia’s sister-in-law. Sylvia was very

beautiful and charming. When people met her they immediately became very good friends. Later on I realized she was very persuasive and she was also very manipulative, but I was naive and innocent, and very inexperienced when it came to men. I had been very sheltered by my family and I really didn’t have much experience associating with other people. But, anyway, I admired her and I was very much drawn to her as a personal friend. We immediately became very close. I was unaware that she was influencing me a lot at that time. She was very glamorous in the social circle, and pretty soon after childbirth she started working at the Guangxi Provincial Bank in Hong Kong. At that time she was supporting her grandmother and a younger sister in Hong Kong. The grandmother and younger sister lived with her and helped take care of the baby. At the bank she became friends with a colleague, Lo-Bin to whom she introduced me. Lo-Bin, Sylvia and I became very close friends. The three of us were like sisters; friends called us Three-in-One and always invited us out together. The Guangxi Provincial Bank, where they worked, and the Guangdong Provincial Bank where I worked were overseen by the same banking association—and we also attended many association functions together. At that time, the British were in control of Hong Kong. British customs and living styles were commonly observed. It was a paradise for the wealthy Chinese. A lot of influential Chinese government officials and wealthy retired people had escaped from

新女性新女性新女性

³新女性´ ¦«

¦«

occupied China into Hong Kong. There was cheap labor, good transportation, good weather and good entertainment. A lot of people in Hong Kong did not seem to care that there was a war going on with many people suffering. I enjoyed the Hong Kong lifestyle. When I was growing up, women were very much second class citizens. It felt good to be respected and treated as a lady. In addition, at that time women were scarce in Hong Kong because the foreign women and children were all called back to their own countries. Hong Kong was considered a dangerous place. There were only foreign technicians and businessmen who stayed there. In the bank, the working hours were from 9:00 to 12:00 and then from 2:00 to 5:00 in the afternoon. After 5:00 nobody went home right away. Employees of banks and business firms went to tea dances after work. Tea dances were conducted in the big hotels. There were two famous hotels in Hong Kong; one was the Hong Kong Hotel and the other was called the Gloucester. And on the Kowloon side there was one big hotel called the Peninsula. The Peninsula Hotel is still in operation. These three hotels had beautiful ballrooms, especially the Peninsula. I

remember that the ballroom was so big

that sometimes they had two orchestras with excellent musicians, one on each end

of the ballroom. The orchestras played at the afternoon tea dance from 5:00 to 6:30 p.m. You could have a cup of tea and some very tasty pastry for 50 HK cents, and then you could dance for an hour and a half. Women workers were very scarce in this situation, and that’s when I started dancing. We did not have any time to sit down. The men had to wait and take turns to dance with us. The dancing standard was quite high, also an influence from the British. They had dancing schools and classes everywhere and they were very reasonably priced. The music they played was the early American and British tunes and jazz. They were very good to listen to and very good to dance to. The custom was that if you came with several women, you would invite two extra men to sit at your table, so the women never had to sit alone. Manners were formal.

香港

£ £ £

¦§

If a woman stood up, the whole group of men would all stand up until the woman sat down. If you went to the powder room, an escort would take you to the powder room. There was a little parlor for them to wait. Then when the woman came out from the powder room she was escorted back to the table. The whole group of men would stand up again until the woman sat down. In the Hong Kong Hotel they had ¯ ¡中山裝¢ different elevators. In the evening, it

didn’t matter if it was a weekday or week

¯ end the men had to wear a tuxedo and the women wore evening gowns when they

went to the elevators, otherwise you had to go to a different elevator. There was one

instance that was very funny. One time

§ we were invited to a dinner dance in the Hong Kong Hotel. The honorary guest was a high official from China. He came ¯ from Chongqing. In China, at that time, high officials in the government wore what they called a “Sun Yet-Sen” suit. It had a short collar and looked almost like a priest’s jacket. The suit looked like a captain’s uniform of a restaurant and also the chauffeur’s uniform. This man could not speak Cantonese or English. When he arrived at the hotel, the people at the elevator thought he was a chauffeur for the guests so they ¡青帮¢ pointed to the other elevator. He went up

£ in the other elevator and when it stopped,

he was the waiting room for the servants. He was told to sit down and wait. He

thought that was the place he should wait for the host to come, but he waited and waited and nothing happened. In the

meantime, we were waiting for him in the big dining hall. He was finally found and brought down to the dining hall, but the dinner was delayed for an hour and a half. At one tea dance, I was surprised to see BigEared Tu with Sylvia. He was the powerful head of the Green Gang [青帮] in Shanghai which engaged in mafia activities. Nobody could touch him; he murdered people right and left, did kidnapping, extortion and all kinds of bad things. I couldn’t believe BigEared Tu was at a tea dance. I had heard that he was harsh and fierce looking, but when Sylvia introduced

£ ¤

Nobody could touch him; he murdered people right and left, did kidnapping, extortion and all kinds of bad things. I couldn’t believe Big-Eared Tu was at a tea dance.

me to him, I was surprised to find that he almost looked like a scholar. He was dressed in a plain Chinese gown and was very civilized and soft spoken, and although he said very little, he was very polite to all of us. I even had a few dances with him. He was not a particularly good dancer, but could do the foxtrot well. And he looked well because he stood very straight in a suave kind of way. As I got to know him, my fears went away and I came to think of him as a man who just had a bad reputation, but perhaps really wasn’t that bad. Big-Eared Tu along with fat Mr. Wang, who was also very powerful in Shanghai, was the head of the Chinese Red Cross, a big war relief organization in Hong Kong. Since the bank told me I didn’t have to report for work, and I was bored with nothing to do, Sylvia got me a job in the Chinese Red Cross. In the morning I would go to the bank which was near the ferry on the Hong Kong side, sign in and then take the ferry to the Kowloon side to work at the Chinese Red Cross. My starting salary of 90 HK dollars was three times what I received from the bank. While my job at the Red Cross was not high-pressured, at least I wasn’t sitting there doing nothing. I did a lot of clerical work including writing letters and accounting. I met Wai-Kou Chang, one of the staff members. She had a Master’s Degree from America and came from a well-known Chinese family. We were good friends and she helped make me feel at home and comfortable at the Chinese Red Cross. Every evening it seemed we had social engagements. Big-Eared Tu and Mr. Wang always had big parties to which they would invite us. Although they were not good dancers, some of their guests were. Sylvia, Lo-Bin and I, usually danced all evening without stopping and we enjoyed it very much.

¦¤

ª«

As much as I was enjoying some of the glamour of this life, I also felt it lacked substance. There was also gossip because of my association with Sylvia who was known as a “social butterfly.” I talked to my cousin about getting SP to come to Hong Kong. We thought he might be able to work with her husband in the interior of China. I could not tell SP much about my situation because he was still in the occupied area, so I just sent him a cable telling him that I was severely sick and needed him to come see me. He got the message and understood that I wasn’t really sick because we had agreed before I left that was to be our secret code—if I said I was sick, that meant he should come. He could take that cable to apply for an exit through the Japanese checkpoint. He came almost immediately, arriving without money or extra clothing. He only had the suit he was wearing, that’s all. We met him at the dock. He was glad to see us, but didn’t make much of a fuss and he seemed to just take Lorna for granted. He looked the same as the last time I saw him. We lived in my second sister’s house where he had difficulty understanding the servants who spoke Cantonese. In Hong Kong everyone spoke either English or Cantonese. SP spoke neither. By then I spoke fluent Cantonese. Shortly after SP arrived, I suggested, “Why don’t you go to the interior where Ar-Je and her husband are stationed to see if there’s any opportunity for you to get a good job and then we will all move there and work.” I had heard the war news that China was losing more and more cities to

Japan and that they were approaching my hometown of Yichang. But SP would have none of it; he didn’t like the idea of the hardship. Finally, he got a job in the Hong Kong branch of his brother-in-law’s bank, the Chinese Central South Bank. His salary hardly amounted to enough for his own pocket money—about 40HK dollars a month. My total earnings from my two jobs came to about 120 HK dollars a month. Since I was still managing my second sister’s affairs, we continued to live in her house and use her servants. Lorna was with us, of course, but SP remained distant with her. In China, the father and children were usually not close until the children were grown so I didn’t think that was unusual. He was quite wrapped up in himself. I had saved some money and paid to have some good clothes made for SP. I included him in all my social activities. At that time my second sister’s affairs brought me into the social circle of high officials and people in the upper economic class. But I could see that SP felt very inferior and just couldn’t fit in. In time, it became apparent that our social life was not at all compatible. SP liked to play mahjong and often went to the homes of his co-workers after work. I went with him once or twice, but he became so engrossed in the game, he was hardly aware of my existence. He never asked me to play. I just sat and watched and was terribly bored. On the other hand, he was very uncomfortable with my friends and associates. I was outgoing and enjoyed myself. SP was jealous of my social ease, but didn’t complain or

quarrel; he just suffered quietly. I was not nearly sensitive enough to understand him. Most of the time, I was puzzled or annoyed and thought he was a wet blanket. If he ever did spill some of his bitterness, it was always indirect and made me feel exasperated rather than sympathetic. He was also very rude to Sylvia. As time went on, our activities gradually grew farther and farther apart. In Hong Kong there were numerous beautiful beaches which were almost at your doorstep. Some of the banks had their own private beaches. The Guangdong Provincial Bank had its own beach bungalows which were fully equipped for the use of its employees at a beach called Repulse Bay, about a half hour away from the city. All the bank employees in Hong Kong were members of the Bankers Employees Association which sponsored business and social activities for its members. Sometimes the Association would put on plays and performances. At one of the plays at Repulse Bay, I had the role of the female lead. Of course, it wasn’t much of a play, but my friends came to watch. Big-eared Tu had sent me a large basket of flowers with my name on it which were given to me on stage at the end the play. After the play, he and Mr. Wang gave a banquet for us in the Peninsula Hotel. Suddenly we couldn’t find SP. He had disappeared. He had been watching the play with all my friends, but never arrived at the hotel. He hadn’t seemed at all unhappy, so we worried that he might have had a car accident. By then it was late evening

so we were all very concerned and checked with the police station and hospitals, but couldn’t find him. There was nothing more I could do. I went home. Finally around 2:00 or 3:00 o’clock in the morning, he came home. I was furious and jumped on him. “Where have you been? You worried us to death.” He was not shouting or angry or anything but just said “I didn’t feel I was needed there.” Even then I didn’t think it was serious; I thought that those things could be patched up. News came that my mother was at home when a Japanese bomb dropped on the house, hitting the kitchen and destroying part of the mansion. Fortunately she was in her bedroom. Before that she did not want to go to the village to hide where our tenant farmers lived because her physical condition was very delicate and she couldn’t get medical care there. But after this happened, she was so frightened that she and the whole family moved to the nearby village. While there, she contracted dysentery from the dirty water. I’ve always thought that my father did not get dysentery too because he was smoking opium. My mother died six months after they moved. I was so sad and angry when I received the news. I had never imagined that my wedding in Yichang would be the last time I would ever see her. I remember when we had said farewell, we were already longing for a reunion. When I learned she was ill, I could not even travel to her bedside because of the bombing. I hated the Japanese intruders even more. I wrote to my father asking him to get out, but he didn’t want to.

He said, “How would I live if I moved?” At that time, he still had some money at home and could stay there as well as in a farmer’s house. Without any medical help, mother died in 1938. I had very mixed feelings at the time. Life was so uncertain and the fate of friends and relatives showed me that calamity or death could happen at any time. On one hand, I enjoyed the kind of dream life in Hong Kong which helped me forget my problems and fears. But on the other, I felt that I was becoming morally corrupted, like the heartless, wealthy Chinese who stayed in Hong Kong and did nothing to help China or the Chinese people who were suffering. I again suggested to SP to go to my second sister’s place to see if he could find a good job there and he went, but after seeing the conditions there, he did not want to move. In addition, he became suspicious that I was sending him away so I could enjoy myself without him. When he returned, he did so unannounced in the middle of the night. I was in bed asleep. He was reassured after that, but we still were not close. Finally SP announced that he didn’t want to come to parties with me anymore. He would go play mahjong with his colleagues and if I wanted to go to the parties, I could go by myself. But I always told him where I was going and if he would like to join me, he could. I was still inexperienced and naive especially where it concerned men. I had been so sheltered and protected growing up and only knew what was acceptable in polite society. Perhaps that’s why I was drawn to Sylvia and admired her so much. She was beautiful, flirtatious and popular and didn’t seem to operate according to any rules. I was drawn in and we had become close friends. One night Sylvia, Lo-Bin and I were guests at a dinner given by Dr. Sun Fo, the son of Sun Yet-Sen. It was after midnight when I was accompanied home by Sylvia and Lo-Bin. Sylvia often spent the night with me when we came home late because our apartment was on the Hong Kong side where we often had a dinner party and she lived on the Kowloon side. Lo-Bin was very independent and always took the ferry home to the Kowloon side by herself. To my surprise, the bedroom door was locked from the inside. SP pretended he didn’t hear my knocking. I decided to sleep in the outside room, but

Life was so uncertain and the fate of friends and relatives showed me that calamity or death could happen at any time.

£ ¦

¦¤

¡麻将¢

needed a few toiletries. We had one particularly clever servant who was really a military man employed by my second sister in her household. He could do anything. We woke him up and told him the problem. He made a key out of wire and unlocked the door. I quietly opened it and began getting a few things. To everyone’s amazement, SP jumped out of bed and started shouting, “Thief! Thief!” Then he began rolling around on the floor and knocking furniture down. He broke off the leg of a chair and waved it in the air crying, “Everybody get out!” We rushed out and closed the door. The three of us pushed on the door to keep him inside. He was like a wild beast, beating the upper part of the door with the chair leg until he finally knocked a big hole in it. Sylvia shouted to me, “Duck your head! Duck your head!” I wasn’t frightened or angry. The first thought that came to my mind was “How could I best handle the situation? Should I call the police? No I couldn’t do that. The story would get in the papers. I had to protect my second sister’s name.” But in a few minutes, SP was exhausted from his physical violence. Also, since I did not have an emotional reaction, he stopped beating the door and quieted down. After that incident, I didn’t want to stay in my cousin’s house anymore. For one thing, I was embarrassed SP had broken the door and I felt I had lost face in front of all the servants because of our fight. I also felt if we moved SP might feel like he had his own home and would take some responsibility and would contribute to the expenses of our household.

At that time, the housing in Hong Kong had been very tight. But then orders came for Europeans and Americans to move their wives and children out of Hong Kong, out of harm’s way. So we were able to rent a nice apartment on the Kowloon side very near the Star Ferry which was extremely convenient. For the first month I canceled all my social engagements and stayed home. I was so lonely, but I was trying not to be with my friends that he didn’t like. Sometimes I would just go out on the veranda and watch the moon and feel sorry for myself. But SP never came home after work. For the entire month, he went to play mahjong with his colleagues and did not contribute to any expenses. So we went back to our usual routines. On weekends, he would tell me, “I’m going to play mahjong.” And I would say, “Well, I’m going swimming” or something else. But I always told him, “We will be at such and such place in case you would like to come.” But he always said, “No, I don’t want to come; I will go play mahjong.” That would be the end of it and we would go our separate ways. One Saturday afternoon at lunchtime, after coming home from work, I said to SP, “We are going to Repulse Bay to swim this afternoon, would you like to come?” As usual, he said, “No, I don’t want to come. I will go play mahjong with my friends.” I left to meet Sylvia and Lo-Bin. I was surprised to see them accompanied by Big-eared Tu’s friend, Mr. Wong. Mr. Wong had a wife and five concubines, but never went out with any of them. He had so many children, he lost

track of them. One day he was invited to visit a boy’s primary school to which he had donated money. One cute, chubby little boy caught his attention and Mr. Wong asked him, “Who is your father?” “Wong ShaoLai,” the boy replied. That was Mr. Wong’s name! The little boy was his own son! Mr. Wong was always in the company of other young women. This was one of the things SP didn’t like about him, and indeed it wasn’t proper for a married woman to accompany him. I should have just gone home and let them go, but I didn’t want to offend Sylvia and Lo-Bin. Besides I was so mad, I didn’t care what people might think. Today, I thought, we will be the other young women—it would serve SP right! Sylvia playfully called him Wong Ba-Ba which means Uncle Wong. He was 20 or 30 years older than we and was short, fat and ugly. Repulse Bay was a very beautiful and popular beach in Hong Kong, but when we got there it was so crowded we couldn’t swim. Wong Ba-Ba said, “Let’s move to another beach nearby.” He knew of a more secluded small beach called Southern Beach where there were private bungalows. It was about 10 or 15 minutes away, an easy ride by bus. When we got there we found a little beach house stocked with amenities where we could change. It was very pleasant and there were only a few other people there. I had just started to learn how to swim. I couldn’t tread water, but I could swim in deep water with the breast stroke. A little ways from the beach was a floating platform and I was able to swim out to it, rest a while and then swim back. Sylvia always stayed in shallow water because she was not a good swimmer, but Lo-Bin was and she suggested that she and I and Wong Ba-Ba should swim to the platform together. She would go first since she was the best swimmer, then Wong Ba-Ba and then me. She told Wong Ba-Ba to keep an eye on me since I was a beginner. So the three of us set out like ducks in a row. What fun! It was a beautiful day, the water was warm and I was swimming so well, plowing my hands forward to make the wide sweeps of the breast stroke. When we were almost at the platform, I suddenly felt my long fingernails accidentally brush the back of Wong Ba-Ba. He thought I was in trouble. He grabbed my hand and we both sank like a stone. The more I struggled to get free, the more he thought I was

drowning and wouldn’t let go. I did manage to break loose for a moment, but then he grabbed my feet and we went down again. Later people who had been watching us from the shore told us they thought we were playing. I was fighting for my life. I thought, “This is how it feels to die by drowning. You can’t breathe, you can’t call out, you just keep swallowing water.” I was terrified and remember thinking, “This is the worst way to die.” Finally, Wong Ba-Ba must have swallowed too much water too and let me go to save himself. The moment he did, I rose swiftly to the surface, gasping for air and swam back to shore faster than he did. I was breathless and panting. Once I recovered, I shouted at Wong Ba-Ba, “Are you crazy, you almost killed me!” “Oh, I am so sorry,” Wong Ba-Ba said, “I thought you were drowning. I’ve never tried to save a drowning person before.” It wasn’t his fault, but still I was mad and felt sorry for myself, thinking if SP had joined us this never would have happened because he was a good swimmer. I thought we never did anything together; he never accompanied me, I had to go out with this fat, stupid person and almost drown. At the time, I didn’t realize that my own reputation was already beginning to be tarnished by my flaunting the codes of society. As I was feeling sorrier and sorrier for myself, Lo-Bin and Sylvia decided to take me to a movie to take my mind off things. We saw “Waterloo Bridge,” a very sad movie, but I felt better afterwards. Lo-Bin left us, but Sylvia accompanied me home. When we got there, we found out that while we had been gone all afternoon and part of the evening, SP had gone to play mahjong, but it just so happened that his regular partners couldn’t play and he couldn’t find anyone else, so he had thought, “Since I never go swimming with them and can’t play mahjong now, I might as well go look for them.” He bought some fruit and went to Repulse Bay to look for us. Of course, we were not there. As he waited and walked around, he became angrier and angrier and started having all sorts of suspicions. By the time he returned home, he was furious. The moment we came in, he was really raging. He shouted, “Where have you been? You two are liars. Two prostitutes! You probably went to a hotel room and slept with men!” He was very insulting and did not give us a chance to say anything. I felt that if

淺水灣淺水灣淺水灣

Now, for the first time, I was thinking seriously about a divorce.

he had just insulted me, it would have been bad enough, but I could not stand him insulting my friends. I said, “I thought moving to our own place could repair the relationship, but after a whole month, you stayed out every night and did not come with us today and I almost drowned. And now I come home and you accuse me!” He said, “You drown! You deserve it!” That made me mad. I rushed to a closet and pulled out a small suitcase. I started throwing in clothes and toiletries and things I probably didn’t even need--I was just furious! But he started throwing a tantrum again, rolling on the floor and yelling, “Liars, you’re liars!” I shouted back, “I’m leaving and you can do that all day long if you want!” He jumped up, red-faced and shouted, “You don’t have to go out. I will go!” Then he was the one rushing around throwing things into a suitcase. He ran to the door, saying as he left, “Whoever comes back is Wong-Ba-Dan!” Won-Ba-Dan means a turtle’s egg which is a big insult, sort of like a son-of-a-bitch. He was gone. I felt terrible. Sylvia talked to me, “Any little thing happens and he will throw a tantrum like that, just like a child. How can you spend your life with him?” I had felt for a while that our marriage was doomed, but I had wanted to keep it together because I had Lorna, and a child with a divorced woman in China was looked down upon. But my loneliness and discontent had increased as our relationship had deteriorated. Now, for the first time, I was thinking seriously about a divorce. The next morning, SP came back. I didn’t know it at the time, but he was coming back to try to make up, but as an excuse he brought the jewelry I had put in a safe deposit box at his bank. He said, “I don’t want you to think I want your jewelry, so I’m returning it for you to keep.” I thought, “He sounds determined to separate our property.” So I said, “OK, but you can’t move out without getting things settled.” We decided to follow the Chinese method of divorce whereby you simply signed a paper before two witnesses saying you agreed to a divorce. This was difficult to do in Hong Kong, however, because Hong Kong was a British territory and to have a divorce by the British law, you had to appear in court and the divorce could only be based on infidelity.

We did not want to go to the Chinese territory to get a divorce because it was dangerous so we just had two witnesses sign a piece of paper and we were separated. After that was done, a few days later he regretted it. He was almost stalking me. He had keys to come to the house anytime he wanted to. He was waiting for me after work at the ferry station because he knew that I had to go through the ferry to go home and sometimes he would follow me home and he would say that our divorce was not legal and that he wanted to come back. I just refused. Also he said that he wanted to have Lorna if I didn’t want to go back to him. I knew that he was not a very responsible person so I didn’t like the idea that he wanted to take Lorna. I knew he had the key and could take Lorna away during the day when I was at work, and if he did that I had no legal ground to get Lorna back. I talked to #2 Sister about sending Lorna to her and she agreed, but her friend, Mrs. Tzou, who had agreed to take Lorna to Sowguan, where she and the General were living, backed out at the last minute. I found a French nursery which had a good reputation with taking care of children for a certain amount of money. I heard about it from a friend who had put her child there. I decided to put Lorna there temporarily. When SP couldn’t find Lorna, he became very angry and we had many arguments. Lorna was about two years old. I wrote to my father and told him about the situation. That was the first time I had told him about my problems because I felt he had enough troubles of his own and I didn’t want him to worry about me. Also I suspected that he would object to my divorce. At that time in China, divorce was almost unheard of and if a woman got a divorce, it was very hard for her to remarry. Her reputation would be tarnished. It didn’t matter whose fault it was. I was surprised, therefore, to receive a letter from him telling me that from the very beginning when I went home to Yichang to get married, he could see that I did not have any intimate or romantic feelings towards SP. Also he said that if SP wanted Lorna I should let him have her. In China if a woman was a divorcee and then remarried with a child, everyone looked down on the child and called it toi yoi ping (dragging along an oil bottle which would pick up dirt). He or she would have a very tough future. So I brought Lorna

home from the nursery and SP came to get her. It was a very sad occasion when SP took her away. SP told me that he put Lorna under the care of his friend’s wife where he stayed after he moved out of our apartment. This friend was also his colleague. A month later, I told SP that I wanted to see Lorna. He was very agreeable. In fact, he was happy that Lorna provided a connection between us. I remember we met at Hong Kong’s famous Dairy Farm Restaurant. I brought half a dozen tailor-made cute little dresses for her. I was very glad to see her. She was very active and talkative. She enjoyed being the center of attention. I remember she said:” I am Miss Shanghai.” She was only about two and a half years old. I did not see her again until she was 14 when she came to the United States. Now, when I think about my marriage to SP, I feel I was responsible for the failure because I had those funny ideas of how to pick a husband and have him come to live with my family. That idea never materialized because of the war. However, I was the one who chose him, and married him for convenience and not for love. But I think that he loved me in his way and he was very attached to me. When we were in Hong Kong, he was very jealous and frustrated and he disliked Sylvia immensely, but he was powerless to change the situation. His biggest fault was weakness. He dared not stand up for anybody, but I knew that before I married him. As a result, we both suffered and Lorna became a victim. When she was about four, I found out when I was in Chongqing during wartime that she had been taken to Shanghai to stay with SP’s sister. But when his sister immigrated to the U. S., she couldn’t take Lorna with her and gave her back to SP who was in Hong Kong. SP remarried and had three more children, but his new wife did not treat Lorna well, and SP never stood up for her.

At that time in China, divorce was almost unheard of and if a woman got a divorce, it was very hard for her to remarry. Her reputation would be tarnished.

STORIES FROM THE BATTLE OF HONG KONG BARBARA ANSLOW, KWONG CHI-MAN, COLIN M C EWAN, PAUL LETTERS (SCMP) DECEMBER 8-25, 1941

Barbara Anslow (née Redwood), then a young stenographer for Hong Kong’s colonial government, interviewed in November 2016 – “It was 6:30 in the morning. I was in bed when there came a ring at my doorbell. A Chinese messenger brought a note from my boss at ARP HQ [Air Raid Precautions Headquarters], where I’d worked for two years, saying, ‘Get to work by 7:00.’ He didn’t say why. I had some breakfast and rushed over. The deputy director of ARP, Mr [Michael Lee] Bevan, said that Japan had attacked Pearl Harbour. Well, we didn’t know where Pearl Harbour was. All I could think of was the Pearl River [...] But as the morning wore on we discovered that the Japanese had attacked the Americans and war was expected to come to us. Just after 8 o’clock, air-raid sirens sounded.” Kwong Chi-man, assistant professor of history at Baptist University, interviewed in November 2016 – “Fighting Chinese guerillas in Guangdong had forged Japan’s 38th Division and 1st Heavy Artillery Brigade into experienced units, with specific training in attacking pillboxes and defensive positions. In addition, the Japanese had a significant advantage in firepower. The Japanese infantry could expect support from grenade launchers, mortars and artillery pieces of all sizes from infan

£ try guns to heavy siege guns.”

Extract from Z Force operative Colin McEwan’s diary for December 9-10, 1941, when he was attached to the Royal Scots, provided by McEwan’s son-in-law, historian Tim Luard – “It was dark and windy and as the battle continued with almost continuous M. G. [machine-gun] fire and explosions of grenades, shouts of men and sharp orders came across. Although only gunfire and torches could be seen, one could easily envisage the actual scene. Visible too were the Japanese officers, leading up among the barbed wire entanglements (by the platoon on our right), using torches and waving swords in feudal manner. Shortly after this, orders came to withdraw. “It was miserably cold. Tea had not been served out although it was available and for the first time among the troops I noticed decided ‘lack of morale’.” The Christmas Day massacre at St Stephen’s College, Stanley, during which nurses were raped and killed and injured soldiers were bayoneted in their hospital beds, is only the most infamous of a number of instances in which injured combatants, newly taken prisoners of war and groups of Chinese civilians were murdered during the Battle of Hong Kong.

Although only gunfire and torches could be seen, one could easily envisage the actual scene.

战争

On Blue Pool Road – running from Happy Valley to Wong Nai Chung Gap – 30 Chinese civilians were found bayoneted in and around their homes on December 23, for example. One bugbear of historian Tony Banham “is how little the civilian experience has been studied. A conservative estimate of the number who had perished by the end of the war is probably 250,000, but that’s merely an approximation”. It has been estimated that 10,000 women were raped and 4,000 civilians were killed during the battle itself, but we will never know the true figures. On the military side, about 1,550 of Hong Kong’s defenders were killed, as were a similar (but unconfirmed) number of Japanese.

about all my valuables in Hong Kong, my job was in Hong Kong, and my father depended on me. Anyway the plane finally landed at the airfield in Chongqing. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I got out of the airplane. When we descended by ladder to the ground, my high heels sank in the mud and I could not get out. I didn’t see any city in front of me. When I looked up there was the city on top of the mountain. That was the city of Chongqing. The Yangtse River would rise in the summertime and in the wintertime the water level would drop down. The airfield was almost at the level of the beach. The only transportation one could get from the airfield up to the ·city was by a sedan chair and was carried by two men who would climb up hundreds of steps. The steps were narrow and steep and broken because of bombings. The sedan chairs were made with bamboo and tied to a long bamboo pole on each side. There was no protection whatsoever. I was very scared to get on it but I had no choice. My first cousin, Chi-Fang, was there to meet me. I called him brother because my parents adopted him when his mother died from childbirth. He graduated from Chongqing University and was working there with a business firm. When we got up to the city, I was not prepared for what I saw. The whole city was completely destroyed and smelled of death and disease. Wild dogs and rats as big as cats running around everywhere. I wanted to cry and vomit. It took us a long time before we finally arrived at a hotel which was half bombed. The windows were broken and there were holes in the wall and the plaster was hanging from the ceiling. Chongqing was not very cold in Winter but it was very damp and uncomfortable. That was the best they could do for me.

µ £

° ± £

¦ £

My great-grandmother’s story continues on. While this book might seem to end on a cliffhanger, my great-grandmother’s original text goes on to see her join the Red Cross, meet her second husband, Henry, and eventually obtain a passport and visa (through somewhat sketchy means) to come to America in 1947 when she was 32 years old. It was here in America that she would eventually reunite with my grandmother, Lorna. I didn’t know my great-grandmother that well. She lived to the astounding age of 100, and I visited my great-grandmother only a few times when I was young. She spoke mostly Chinese and I was very shy and didn’t talk much. My biggest connection with her was that she loved to dance and I even watched some videos of her ballroom competitions, while she saw videos of my own dance performances. Mei-Lee had given my family a version of the book in 1994 and I first read it when I was about 14 years old, and hadn’t read it again until this past year. This book is my edit of that version, combined with a more recent version by Mei-Lee, and interspliced with basic historical information.

In her book you can really get a sense of the character that she was—maybe a little self-absorbed, adventurous, outspoken, but a very passionate person in life. She was born during a time of unrest in post-Imperial China and lived through both war, pandemic, and political upheaval. With this book I wanted to highlight the interwar period in China and the stories of people’s lives during this tumultuous time. In school, I was never taught about the era of the warlords or the jazz age of China and Hong Kong in the 1920s and 30s. I learned about those periods through this book and hoped to share it with others. These stories passed to my family by Mei-Lee have helped me recognize my heritage and become proud of the people in my family. History is a fascinating subject that can often feel disconnected from the lives of actual people. I hope that the readers of this book learned a history they can connect to. A history that continues to this day. Thank you for reading!

¤ ¦

¨ © ¨

ª ª ª

¡ ¢

¶ ¶ ª

« ¬