Staying In Edition II: June 2020
Contents RETURN TO HIGHSCHOOL............................................................................................................................4 QUARANTIPORTRAITS..................................................................................................................................4 POWER STRUGGLES.....................................................................................................................................7 PRIDE, PANDEMICS, POLICING....................................................................................................................8 WRITE YOU......NARRATIVE..........................................................................................................................9 PIECE BY ALDAWOUDI................................................................................................................................12 PIECES BY MIR............................................................................................................................................14 RECREATION OF LOOKING FOR LANGSTON (1989) DIR. ISAAC JULIEN...................................................17 SUPERPOWER...........................................................................................................................................18 WHITE BOY ASKS.......................................................................................................................................19 THE THICK OF IT........................................................................................................................................20 PIECES BY HAQUE.....................................................................................................................................23 LORENA BORJAS.......................................................................................................................................24 L................................................................................................................................................................26 PARALELL PREMONITIONS......................................................................................................................27 CUTE IN QUARANTINE.............................................................................................................................28 THE EXTREMELY DETAILED HEALTH AND SAFETY PLAN DID NOT PREPARE ME FOR THIS...................30 BREAKTHROUGH.....................................................................................................................................30 BUT I JUST CAN’T STOP THINKING OF YOU...........................................................................................34 TWENTY FOUR HOUR NEWS CYCLE.......................................................................................................35 LONG DISTANCE LONELY........................................................................................................................37 MAKE ME THINK ONCE BEFORE IT HAPPENS........................................................................................38 QUARANTINE KNITTING.........................................................................................................................39 SASSY......................................................................................................................................................40 TRANSIENCE...........................................................................................................................................42 COME ON, GET MOVIN’...........................................................................................................................42 PIECE BY GRAY.......................................................................................................................................44 QUARANTINE DREAMS..........................................................................................................................45 ESCAPE..................................................................................................................................................46 QUARANTINE INSTAGRAM TO MAKE YOU SMILE!................................................................................47 COUNTING IT FORWARDS....................................................................................................................48 WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD GIRLS GONE?........................................................................................49 FULL LIST OF CREDITS..........................................................................................................................50 Kemi King
Lisbet Maclean with help from Breana Dudemaine Sam Hiemstra
A Note From the Editors June is a special month for much of our editorial team and participants. June is pride month, and while this is not a LGBTQ issue we want our readers and our participants to be proud of their identities and the histories they come from. The purpose of the zine is to create greater connection and community between diverse groups of people as part of a fun activity for us all to engage with and consume during the pandemic. “Staying In” is a reflection of the current world around us. Considering how 2020 has been unfolding, it is not surprising to say the global pandemic was on the back of people’s minds as more urgent and pressing matters arose. May 25th, 2020 George Floyd was murdered by the police. His murder re-ignited the march for Black lives; Black Lives Matter has been a social movement fighting against police brutality since 2013. June is known as Pride month because of the stonewall riots. The reason we have pride is because of Black queer people such as Marsha p. Johnson, Stormé DeLarverie, and Sylvia Rivera. We must remember that protesting, and having public demonstrations is one of the most effective ways to be listened to by a system that actively oppresses you and your community. The editorial team recognizes the ways in which white supremacy is upheld in the arts industry. Black culture is always being used to influence art, music, and fashion, while Black creators rarely get credit for their work especially as it is used by non-Black artists. We recognize that this is a small gesture but we want to highlight the work of our Black artists. We want Black artists to be proud of the work they put out and to know that they are valid. We want our queer artists to be proud of their identities and know their art is valid. We ask our white, heterosexal, cisgender readers and artists to help amplify the voices and art of Queer, and BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Colour) creatives. We welcome, and invite you to: Riot. Kemi King
Lisbet Maclean
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RETURN TO HIGHSCHOOL TE N B T I R
LUND EK
TILD A M A Y:
W COVER ART AND QUARANTINE PORTRAITS BY BLAIR MACMILLAN
Like a lot of people, I’m back at home for the first time since I was 18. I have it better than most people I think. The days of screaming matches and tight finances are behind us. My parents think of me as almost a grown up now, though I guess in a way they had since I was about 14. But now I have the respect as well as the responsibility, which adds something. But even though the circumstances are radically different than high school for many, obvious reasons, there’s something about this that makes me feel like a teenager again.
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This isn’t my first time not being allowed to leave the house, although this time I can’t really feel hard done by like I could when I was 16. But bigger than the feeling of being a cooped up angst ridden kid again, there’s something unsettling about spending all your time with your family. From the comfortable distance of my house in Kingston, I only saw glimpses of how things were back here. I’d get occasional teary phone calls from my sister, or have a weekend visit every once in a while, but I was free to fill in the blanks of day to day life at home with whatever delusions I chose. It was
drinking was on special occasions instead of every day at 2pm. I could pretend that my brother just wasn’t eating enough when I visited because everything was too hectic with us all back together. I don’t get to pretend that anymore. I already felt like I abandoned them by moving away, now it’s harder to ignore that feeling. But quarantine isn’t as hard on us. My brother plays video games all day
“I keep telling her to make plans even if they might fall through. Disappointment is better than hopelessness.” comforting, even if I knew it probably wasn’t real. Now I’m back home, there’s no blanks to fill in. I know what life is like for my little brother everyday. Don’t get me wrong, people have it worse. In some ways I probably even had it worse. Now I know that the house is clean all the time now, not just when we visit. I used to not have people over because they’d make fun of the hoarder’s den I lived in. He doesn’t have to do that. I know that money isn’t tight the way it used to be, which especially now is not a given. But before I could pretend the
with his friends like usual, only difference is now they’re on the phone instead of in the living room. My dad finally has time at home, even if it’s not as sober as we’d like it to be. I can tell he’s happy to have us all back. I really think things are
Continued...
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getting better, which even after trying to convince myself for years, I don’t think I’d really believed. It’s harder on my sister. She’d just moved out, and was still nursing wounds that I’d had time to heal. She misses her life before this, she misses her freedom, although that sounds melodramatic. She’s starting to lose faith in things going back to normal, the normal she’d started getting used to before all this, not the one she resigned herself to when we were kids. I keep telling her to make plans even if they might fall through. Disappointment is better than hopelessness. The benefit of feeling like you’re living through a struggle you thought you were
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“Uncertain times” are certainly nothing knew. Not to sound too poetic, but
Quarantine Portraits by: Blair MacMillan
done with is you know you can handle it. Or manage it at least. Obviously none of us have lived through something exactly like this before, but I think if we break it down to parts we can find something we’ve survived for each element of it.
neither is isolation. Part of what everyone’s agreed is hard is being thrown back to a time when you were lonely, scared, and stuck at home when you felt like you’d worked so hard to get out of that. But the benefit of old pain is it’s pain you know you can handle. At least for a while. It feels like we’ve been here before, but it feels like we got out of here before too.
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JUNE 2020
Power Struggles: Written by Nathan Richards I imagined a perfect ending.
A seamless transition into a new chapter.
We are the characters- will we ever know who’s writing the story.
They stopped writing for us. For all we know- stopped writing entirely.
Yet I turn the page, not knowing what comes next.
I write my own story.
Quarantine Portraits by: Blair MacMillan
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Pride, Pandemics, Policing: Igniting a Radical, Liberatory Politic of Queer Liberation for All Written By: Brooke Dewhurst and Noah Chalifoux
It’s that time of year. Rainbows are being flexed on just about every corporate logo. For Queer folks, Pride is a celebration of Queer experiences, Queer love, Queer creativity, Queer bodies, and so on. Pride is about partying, Pride is about fucking. But Pride is more than this, Pride is political. It began as resistance. It seems that increasingly, however, this resistance is fading or being forgotten. Much of the Queer community has found relative comfort and have, on many levels, stopped fighting. As COVID leads to Pride events across Turtle Island being cancelled, postponed or moved online, we think this moment presents an opportunity for the reignition of Pride as resistance. Pride as an event that works to defend Queer life and to forge new space for Queer experiences. After all, Queer resistance knows pandemics. Governments watched as many Queer communities suffered in the AIDS pandemic. Today, we see how some members of our communities continue to be left underprotected, from both HIV and COVID-19. This article is a reflection by two white, cisgender, Queers on Pride in 2020; on how Queer histories shape our present, how we need to honour that, be accountable and celebrate Pride.
From Stonewall to Pride as we know it today, there has always been elements of resistance and celebration interacting. Black trans women rioting at Stonewall was a key catalyst of the gay liberation movement, and just one example of countless BIPOC contributions to the freedom that many queer folk experiences today. This said, race and class privileged Queers easily forget that many marginalized Queer folks, despite spearheading Queer movements throughout history, have not yet felt that freedom. Freedoms like living comfortably with my same-sex partner without fear of legal persecution or violence. Too often, the voices of white, cisgender and class-privileged Queers have come to dominate Queer liberation movements. Marginalized Queer needs, values and contributions are left undervalued. How can we consider anything a liberatory politic if it continues to marginalize/ exclude members of our communities? Did Black trans women riot at Stonewall so that just a few decades later, Queer folks could march with police with rainbow bank logos everywhere (knowing that these institutions continue to exploit/ oppress large groups of our communities)?
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JUNE 2020
Write Your Own Narrative: Piece by Alyssa Vernon
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THE LAST QUEER KICKBACK: PIECE BY ALYSSA VERNON
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JUNE 2020
The murder of George Floyd and ongoing police brutality have led to another wave of protests in the Black Lives Matter movement. These actions continue to be met with state violence, ignorance, and silence, from Queer and straight folks alike. It’s okay to be bummed about many in-person Pride events being cancelled, postponed or moved online, but Black communities cannot postpone racial justice. We know Pride can create safe spaces for folks, a moment where a sense of liberation can be held, but it can also be a reminder of the marginalization present in Queer spaces. The pandemic has undoubtedly exacerbated existing systems of oppression, moving many already struggling communities into a state of precarity. From mass unemployment and inaccessible healthcare, to a rise in the global wealth gap and increased surveillance, many working-class folks have been pushed further into the margins. Black communities know this, this has been their reality long before the pandemic. This really makes us think, what constitutes a global health crisis? From the AIDS pandemic, police brutality and systemic racism to COVID, it seems as though mass mobilization across class and race privileges only happens when the white middle-class and the elite can be affected (or their bank accounts). Police brutality, systemic racism and
colonial violence have been ongoing health crises, taking the lives of many every year. Know that the actions taken in response to these structures are a life or death matter on the scale of COVID. For white Queers celebrating pride on Turtle Island, we also need to find ways to be accountable to the fact that we are celebrating on stolen land. This involves supporting two-spirit and Queer Indigenous folks who continue to be targeted by colonial violence and dispossessed of their land. Generally, white and class privileged Queers need to find ways to be accountable to the ways we continue to marginalize other members of our community. So what does this mean for Pride? How can we celebrate when BIPOC folks are still fighting for their lives, and fighting for self-determination outside of prescribed white ideals of “freedom.” There is no true “pride” without Black liberation, without the liberation for all marginalized folks in and outside of the Queer community. Pride must account for this. This does not mean we cannot celebrate, that we can’t fuck and party and take our love into the streets, we just can’t forget about the resistance inherent to all of this. Let’s ask ourselves: How am I working towards a radical, liberatory politic of Queer liberation, for all?
A guided reflection for white Queers: STAYING IN: RIOT
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t mo
How have I responded to the BLM uprisings and ongoing movement? Have I ignored the connection between Black liberation and Queer liberation in the past?
Have I thought about ways I can engage in direct action? What do I use my platform for, both on social media and in my circles of influence? Have I thought about in-person action (if possible), and my place in these rebellions? Have I done my research about these direct actions and make sure they aren’t merely performative?
How have I been coping wit How do I redemic? Have I been feelin act when confrontor disconnected from ed by racist behaviour? community(ies)? Have I taken the time to unpack and (un)learn my prejudices and privileges? In what ways might I have ignored this behaviour in the past?
How have I been responding 13 to the changes made to Pride onth? Have sathave with myresponding disâ—? I How I been to the appointment? Have I taken changes made to Pride month? Have I sat the time need to re-Have I taken the with myI disappointment? flect? time I need to reflect?
JUNE 2020
Piece by Mustafa Aldawoudi
Have I thought about how race and class have always been part of Queer movements? Have I reflected on how I celebrate Pride, who Pride is for and who Do I work to create spaces for is often marginalized in Queer spaces? learning? Do I work on doing the educational work that BIPOC folks have been burdened with for centuries?
th the panng isolated m my
How am I working towards a radical, liberatory politic of Queer liberation?
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Pieces by: MIR
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JUNE 2020
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“Black people don’t follow the rules. We make them.” -MIR
MIR is a multidisciplinary zine artist, collage maker and poet. They are fond of plant life, mysteriously shaped lamps and the cosmos. Xoxo. MIR
This proclamatory phrase expresses (almost) everything I’ve been trying to externalize for probably the past 10 years. Black people (of all different backgrounds!!!) have been coming up with cool shit since the beginning of time. Sometimes our cool shit gets appreciated. Most often, though, our shit gets stolen, appropriated and then somehow we are still punished for it. The phrase I came up with puts a spin on the whole slave-master mentality of how Black people are considered disobedient. Simultaneously, it sheds light on the fact that many aspects of various Black cultures make up our global popular culture. From colloquial phrases to entire genres of music…Black folks of the diaspora have invented so much dope shit! How can So-Called-Canada “appreciate” Black cultures, yet turn away when it comes to actual Black lives? How can So-Called-Canada monetize and capitalize off our cultures, yet continue to systematically and structurally abuse Black people? That’s nasty. Yuck.
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Recreation of Looking for Langston (1989) dir. Isaac Julien Created By: Sabrina Forteau
JUNE 2020
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Superpower Created by Emma Duchense
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JUNE 2020
I remember when a white boy followed me out of my lecture hall He had plenty of questions about me About my people My land My ancestors Questions I was tired of answering Tired of being asked He called me an Eskimo He called me an Indian I wanted him to choke on his tongue I wanted him to know what it felt like to be voiceless Instead I told him I am not an Eskimo. I am Inuk. I am not an Indian. I am Mi’kmaw. I had to explain to this white boy 500 years of colonial oppression I had to explain that I cannot speak my language That nobody can “look” like an Indian and what does that even mean, white boy? I look like my grandmothers. I look like their strength I look like their resilience I look in the mirror and they stare back So maybe, white boy, I do not look like your perception of “Indian” Like your perception of “Eskimo” Maybe I do not speak my language I speak the language of survival You may have silenced my grandmothers But you will not silence me I will speak because they could not I will be Inuit I will be Mi’kmaw Whether you see it Or not Or hear it Or not
White Boy Asks Written by: Amy Nikki House
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he t h n e b t t y i : r s w reyick of it a roy
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“thick” in Bangla. used as a derogatory term. except here. in the meantime, i’ll be floating , ‘in the thick of it.’
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JUNE 2020
on may 19, 2020, approximately 139 days after major news outlets suggest the U.S. Government first found out about the outbreak of the novel coronavirus in America, the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, referred to Donald Trump as “morbidly obese.” Pelosi said this in response to reports that Trump is taking hydroxychloroquine, a drug used to prevent malaria, to prevent catching COVID-19. on numerous occasions, we can see Trump’s physique being used to signify his unfitness, so to speak, to be a just and ethical head of state (if such a thing exists). the way comedians playing Trump on TV characterize his demeanour makes immediate associations between slurred patterns of speaking and intelligence. it’s as though his racism, documented acts of sexual assault, and anti-poor rhetoric would be better received if they came from someone whose gut didn’t protrude from the waistband of his pants, and whose shirt size was a single digit. if his fatness is what makes him a violent and dictatorial person, what then, does my fatness, paired with my brown and (these days) hairy skin, make me? fat folks know the struggle of being perceived as both requiring burdensome levels of care and resources, but also decaying and dying from unknown ailments. these oscillating tensions, paired with the heightened hyper-visibility that midfats, superfats, and infinifats face regularly, means abandonment under COVID-19. you see, the perception of fatness as a self-inflicted wound is what inhibits our liberation and marks us as carriers of pathogen or ailments that make us susceptible to them. at the advent of the latest threat to human vitality, fat folks are in the thick of it. left to my own devices under isolation, i’m desperately trying not to keep track of people and what they’re choosing to show me. as i see the ever-casual fatphobia espoused by people with whom i’d shared meals and
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care spaces, i’m reminded that my fat body isn’t their ideal choice for someone they’d want to break bread with. it’s entirely circumstantial that they’re stuck interacting with a fat person. after all, they’re soooo naughty for gaining what’s being called the “COVID 19” after a few too many Dalgona coffees and homemade focaccias. i’m hyperaware of being the figurative garbage that someone might be sleeping next to. it’s mostly incidental, and seldom deliberate that someone is looking to be intimate with a fat person. experiencing radically fat queer joy at various times in my life was and continues to be liberating. if you’re privileged enough to experience us, you’ll get in on the secret that we’ve always known:fat people have really great sex. how does a fat person then conceptualize how to desire and be desired? how do you see yourself as a worthy recipient of care and accommodation? how do you reckon with being excluded from trends, buildings, relationships of care, and life plans? what happens when access, a process that is paramount to your survival and joy, is conditional? 158 days later, we see varying responses to abandonment exercised by fat people. we can’t enumerate our lives, and wouldn’t begin to anyway because the data simply is not adequate. the misreported numbers of our deaths is especially harrowing because we’re insisting there are more of us gone than you say. lumping us into homogenous data sets is akin to shoving us into an ill-fitting coffin. ironic. it’s not all fat dread out here, though. our economies of survival are flourishing. fat liberated sex workers, femmes, non-binary folks, and disabled folks are scheming and dreaming of a future that exists as long as our imaginations allow it to. i’ll get to see it in this lifetime, and the seats will be big enough for us all.
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JUNE 2020
PIECES BY: SABAH HAQUE
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LORENA BORJAS Created By: Shea
So why hadn’t I heard of her prior to her death? Why did I only learn the name LORENA BORJAS in memorium?
I wrote this because I am tired of learning about exceptional people after they have passed. And I am tired of them being forgotten. When this pandemic began I did not think my exploration of my gender identity would coincide with it. But in my self isolation (which I am very privileged to have) it has floated around my mind more than once. And in my journey to educate myself on the queer community I had long felt seperate from, I came across corona virus that I did not anticipate affecting me as much as it did. Her name was Lorena Borjas. Lorena was a latina trans rights activist who spent years of her life advocating for queer people, as well as immigrants, sex workers, and those impacted by sex trafficking (she herself had been a victim of sex-trafficking in prior years). She was truly exceptional in her willingness to give everything
she had for the sake of people like her and people who were not. I was truly interested in her life, her advocacy and her story. So why hadn’t I heard of her prior to her death? Why did I only learn the name LORENA BORJAS in memorium? Race and queer idenitity interact within intersectionality, and unfortunately that is exactly why I had never heard of her. History has always been written with the intent to extinguish the experience of those considered unfavourable; those unfavourable being queer people of colour. As a white queer person, I will never know the discrimination felt by those in my community, but that is no excuse to extinguish their experience with my complacency. Queer people are being hit hard by this pandemic. Those with HIV/AIDS are immuno-compromised.
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Trans people’s journey in transitioning is pushed to the side in light of a global crisis. And our elders who have long survived face risk. Not to mention black, and indigenous queer people face the continued threat of police brutality, and continued aggressions from outside and within the community white queer people like me can thrive in. I wrote this because I am tired of learning about exceptional people after they have passed. And I am tired of them being forgotten. We must demand this information, and we must seek it out (but not at the expense of our BIPOC community members). Otherwise, they are just another name that we have decided to forget. Please take a moment to read about Lorena; Know her name, her face. No one will ever know Lorena again, especially not me, and a tiny painting won’t amount to the activism she committed her entire life to. But it is a small piece of appreciation for someone so selfless lost to a disease that could take so many of us.
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i know my life did not begin the moment you walked into it, but the rush of air that followed you opening that door fanned a flame in me i’d given up on; wrought havoc on recollections of what it was to be before i knew you. before there was a star burning my back pocket, i thought the sky was black but you brought strokes of light, and made the sky a painting once again
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JUNE 2020
Parallel Premonitions Piece by Scotia Sharpe
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Cute in Q Created By: Harsimran Skhon
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JUNE 2020
Quarantine Created By: Harsimran Skhon
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The Extremely Detailed Health and Safety Plan I Spent Hours Filling Out for Exchange Did Not Prepare Me For This Corresponding Artwork by: Hannah Joubert
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JUNE 2020
This past winter semester, I went on exchange to Scotland, where I ended up having to come back early due to the spread of Coronavirus. I remember hearing about its first initial presence in the media when I was in Spain around the end of January. At that time it was mainly contained to China and not much of a concern for travelling or any of my day to day life. Gradually signs began to appear around campus and in the residence halls asking anyone who had been to Wuhan or China recently to report if they had symptoms. Once again, this was not concerning as it did not apply to myself or those around me. After the initial media coverage, it lingered in the back of my thoughts but I continued to live normally without worrying too much for most of my time in Scotland. I was under the ignorant assumption that coronavirus, like many other global phenomenons, would soon dissipate to the occasional Twitter joke. It was not until around early March when it really started to become more serious. People were urged to wash their hands and stay home if they felt unwell. A friend of mine got strep throat and was tested for the virus and at the time it was almost comical. Still, I was able to travel to Glasgow with other friends on exchange, and it was there things really started getting intense. Some Americans we were friends with just got notice that the United States was closing their borders and not long after, in the middle of dinner, my friend from Norway learned Norway
was closing its borders in a matter of days. Within the span of only a couple hours, she, as well as our friend from Finland realized they had to leave Aberdeen and quickly before they were unable to return home.The Norwegian girl had one day to pack everything up and fly out, the Finnish guy left the following morning. Not long after, our friends from Sweden and Germany got flights for later that week. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to my American friends as they also left within a matter of hours. I was lucky to have had ten days between when my repatriation flight was booked and the day I flew home. To Left. Breakthrough by Hannah Joubert Art on Page 30. Raw by Hannah Joubert
This was when I began to get word of the drastic measures being implemented in Canada. My friends working at the local movie theatre were the first to become a part of the unemployed, followed by another friend working at a local ice cream shop. This soon became almost everyone I knew, including myself, banking on returning to my job at a
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hotel. Social distancing became the buzzword everywhere as people were urged to stay away from places that housed over fifty people, classes
soon made the switch to online and the residences which echoed with cheery conversations soon became eerily silent as more and more people left for home. Mere days before I was planning to leave myself, the United Kingdom had declared a lockdown. My phone began to blow up as every friend and family member I had was asking if I was stuck in the United Kingdom and I really did not know. I was grateful to have had this experience to study in a country I’d never been to before but simultaneously living in fear of change and restrictions for two weeks was exhausting. After the UK declared lockdown, everything closed except essential shops and I
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spent the whole day before departing for Glasgow contacting the Canadian embassy to ensure that myself and
The Glasgow Aiport experience was a doomsday-like one, or what I imagined one to be like.
my friend who offered to drive me there would be able to, as police began to patrol the streets for nonessential travellers. On top of this, the hotel I had booked by the airport closed the night before I was planning on staying there, so other plans had to be arranged. The Glasgow Airport experience was a doomsday-like one or what I would imagine one to be like. The flight I was on was the only one flying during that time, so the airport was nearly empty, all the shops were closed except for one and everyone was wearing an assortment
of protective gear-- gloves, masks, etc. We were instructed to stand away from each other in ques and to scan our own tickets to limit human to human contact. On the plane itself, the flight attendants ensured everyone sat two to a row to ensure as
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much space between people as possible. We received lunch bags as opposed to hot meals and nothing else was served throughout the flight. Upon our arrival in Canada, we were greeted by security handing out instructions for our mandatory self isolation, which had been implemented the very day of my arrival. We were asked on multiple occasions to alert someone if we were experiencing any symptoms. The Toronto Airport as well was nearly empty, we were once again the only arrival as far as I could tell. Relief swept my friends and family as I could let them know I successfully made it home and straight to my basement where I had to live out my two weeks in self isolation. I would say I did a lot of self reflection in isolation but that is simply untrue, but I will say I was grateful for the opportunity to study overseas and I’m very grateful I could safely flee and be able to tell the story of it now.
JUNE 2020
Pictured Above. Under the Mask by Hannah Joubert Art on Page 32 Left. Dazed by Hannah Joubert Art on Page 32 Right. Uncovered by Hannah Joubert
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But I Just Can’t Stop Thinking of you Poetry by: Kemi King
I wish you did not matter as much as And as the state of the word crumyou did, but you were the calm before bled, as my soul emancipated itself from my body. the storm. You were momentary happiness. You The day day we stopped breathing; were a love I knew was coming to an Out of sync, our bodies unsettled, end. spirits wrestled - they still wanted to You were peace and chaos, necessary, be together. but not evil. And I want to not give a damn I don’t want you to take up more space but you held my heart in your hands, I want you erased from my body, Guided by my tongue, mouth wide open
I want to throw up everything you put into me
Reached your hand down, so I could not scream.
But I know the purge will set me back.
Fingers tight, but you did not squeeze, I know your hands broke the cage, I was comfortable as you held me,
I know that I am better,
Only interested in the breath you put Though fingerprints on my heart remain. into me.
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JUNE 2020
Twenty Four Hour News Cycle
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Created By: Harsimran Skhon
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JUNE 2020
Long Distance Lonely Written By: Michelle Paunov
My tongue often feels foreign in my mouth My voice, a welcome stranger Been isolated for so long that conversations with myself begin to feel like company And there’s a longing to be close but I fear I now only long for ghosts Memories of what was and what could’ve been Fragments of my heart are simply fragments of my imagination How many ways can you love from afar How long before it all slips out the window trying to go the distance I have conversations with the wind, I tell him all the words I could never tell you He’s a better secret keeper than I’d hoped I’d hoped my words would get to you Instead I just look the fool, and start my bad habits anew. I’ve learned to not scream your name to the heavens anymore The moon is a much better listener She’s been with me through all my phases, and I do the same for her She cradles me in her cradles, all my stories seep through And I’m rocked into a lull, haunted by dreams of you She watches over me as I sleep, waiting for the safety of the sun to wake me with a kiss before she departs And the cycle circles back to my voice, being a stranger How I lack the vocabulary to speak on matters of the heart Perhaps I should bite my tongue and release my breath
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JUNE 2020
Quarantine Knitting Created By: Maddie Katz
Sassy Sassy Sassy STAYING IN: RIOT
Sassy
S Sas
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Won’t apologize for being honest and black, won’t apologize for having truth so deeply ingrained in my skin out to the curls and sy it cries kinks on my head Sass To the fact that I can and will call you out on some basic shit, educate your ignorance and implore you to google “ Sas ghana not Guyana” with English as my tongue of choice, a WEAPON to pull apart and assy realign your privilege Sassy Don’t contrive what you can’t comprehend, don’t diminish my passionate soliloquies and melding of melodic tones to sassiness. Sassy
Sassy
Sassy Written By: Rachael Quarcoo
Sassy
Sassy
Sassy Sassy Sassy ssy
Sassy
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JUNE 2020
Sassy
Honest black, won’t let the truth crack for the comfort Sa of your fragility to remain intact. I’m an intelligent black woman of African origin I come across a sea and sy didn’t a street for your comfort, so excuse me as I... Dust off years of silencing, and tell you that I do have ssysomething to say a couple of things actually. Grab a seat and a coffee why don’t you y As a matter of fact, can we Sas start by adding a little less confusion to your mind as it stumbles and malfunctions
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Sassy Sa Sassy Sassy Sassy Sassy Sassy Written By: Rachael Quarcoo
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Transience
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: Charl y B
Come on, Get Movin’ Glasswork Piece By: Campbell Aitken
In the midst of confinement, my only queer outlet has been through social media. I fell in love with non-binary people talking and living on social media. However, it’s become apparent that I have gained more and more insecurities around my gender identity than I initially did when first coming out to my close friends.
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There are difficult debates within the trans community on who constitutes as trans, and I find myself caught in the middle, as I often do as a pansexual, biracial (Latinx and white), genderfluid person. On one hand, I know I am transitioning through the gender spectrum, and I experience dysphoria because of my body and gender. On the other hand, I do sometimes feel comfortable in my body when I feel very feminine. Do these instances cancel out my transness?
Pride remains as long as we exist, take up space, and revolt. We are pride.
On social media I see people in and out of the trans community who promote the idea that non-binary people are not trans because trans is switching from one gender to the other. Logically, I am aware, with myself and the LGBTQ+ community to prove it, that gender is not a rigid binary forced onto us by the colonial society we live in, but a spectrum that we should be able to explore and express freely, but I am also incredibly nervous to be rejected by my trans peers who fit within the binary. Furthermore, the demand for non-binary people to look androgynous is deafening, and when I find myself swept up in that notion, I only hate my body more for not being able to look comply with this demand. Throughout quarantine, I have become fixated on what is wrong with my body. My breasts bother me the most. Bras and binders are both
painful for my back and breathing, so I have stopped wearing them because I rarely leave the house but it’s still painful. Painful to see two large almost foreign lumps on my chest. Why are they there? Why do they follow me? Every time I see them, I’m reminded that I will never have a body that satisfies my everchanging gender. Internal rejection and hate have made quarantine harder than it could have been, and every time I’m deadnamed by my family that internalized rejection is reinforced. This would have been my first pride as an out non-binary person. I was
hoping that this year’s pride would have given me that push that I needed to come out to my family. As June begins I am still waiting for that moment. For all I have said, I still Continued...
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think it may come. I have moved out of a toxic household with the help and support of my close friends. They are the reason I was able to first come out. They have helped me, especially in quarantine, to learn how to be kind with myself.
This WILL be my first pride as an out non-binary person, with or without the parade. Pride is not a parade, but a resistance against strict gender, sex, and sexuality norms. Pride remains as long as we exist, take up space, and revolt. We are pride. We always will be. Piece By: Sara Gray
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Quarantine Dreams
Piece By: Seymour Irons
STAYING IN: RIOT
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To Left: Escape by Stephen Levac To Right: Nostalgia by Stephen Levac
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Quarantine Instagram to Make You Smile! WRITTEN BY: EMILY BELL
Social media, Instagram in particular, can be a difficult thing for many people to manage. The photosharing app gives us a glimpse into the best and brightest parts of the lives of other people – frequently propping up deceptive visions of others’ happiness, and generally making us feel that we fall short in comparison. On the opposite hand, some users are conscious of avoiding that lack of realism. With extra time on our hands in quarantine (frequently spent on social media), these people are even more important to highlight as you go about your scrolling. So, I’ve compiled a short list of a variety of Instagram personalities and pages who I find honest, interesting and keeping me upbeat during this time – perhaps you’ll find someone here who will make you smile too! • jessicaoutofthecloset – perhaps the sweetest and most vintage English woman on the internet. Jessica KellgrenFozard lives in Brighton, UK with her wife and two dogs. Bright, bubbly, and friendly, and a well-spoken deaf and disabled activist. • maryscupofteaa – a wonderful woman speaking up from Arizona, USA. Mary Jelkovsky clearly and eloquently talks about self-love and body confidence, her ED recovery, and her wonderful little sister and partner.
• noorrasoull – a talented artist with a gift for poignant comic strips. Noor Rasoul is a story artist living in LA, USA, who draws touching and emotional comics on her life in the US, loneliness and depression, family and friends, and a multi-cultural existence.
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mariah.x.o.x – a relatable sort of Instagram personality not afraid to speak her mind. Mariah, from the UK, mixes acne-positivity and her Accutane experience with the sort of daily life and comments you’d see on a friend’s personal page. • bindisueirwin – an incredibly kind and animal-loving young woman out of Queensland, Australia. Bindi Irwin is a conservationist, and the daughter of the late Steve Irwin. She focuses on beloved animals and her beautiful relationships with her family and new husband.
STAYING IN: RIOT
Counting it Forward Written By: Kass Coolen
When we were young, We read novels On dystopian societies, On corrupt governments, On terror filling the streets Controlled by those in charge. We ached for the characters The one’s fighting for what they believed in, We hoped to never live in such a society. But we were young. We did not understand, That the society we live in Is just as it was In those fictional novels We stayed up until dawn reading. Never knowing that years from then We would be doing the same. Only in our early adulthood We ache for the lives lost before their time was up. We read news articles We hear speeches condemning those who only want peace We see violence covering every screen Committed by the exact people who’ve taken an oath To serve and protect. Followed by announcements of how many have died
Tens Hundreds Thousands Millions. By the hands of a virus By the hands of brutality Teaching us the latter has lasted longer. Taking lives That never deserved the outcome waiting. Today we try to understand, We are no longer reading The dystopia thousands of years away. We are seeing it. We are hearing it. So we will learn, To bring the change And teach those to follow in the steps we take. To understand the privilege carried by fair skin So that children years from now Will read The history But never fear The corruption.
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Piece By: McKenzie Holbrook
STAYING IN: RIOT
Many Thanks to Our Many Writers! HIGHLIGHTED NAMES ARE NAMES OF BLACK CONTRIBUTORS CHARLIE ATKINSON EMILY BELL KASS COOLEN NOAH CHALIFOUX HANNAH DECKER BROOKE DEWHURST ECHO EFFECT MATILDA EKLUND EMILY GUINDON SABAH HAQUE MCKENZIE HOLBROOK AMY NIKKI HOUSE KEMI KING MICHELLE PAUNOV RACHAEL QUARCOO NATHAN RICHARDS SREYA ROY SHEA
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Many Thanks to Our Many Artists! HIGHLIGHTED NAMES ARE NAMES OF BLACK CONTRIBUTORS CAMPBELL AITKEN MUSTAFA ALDAWOUDI EMMA DUCHENSE SABRINA FORTEAU SARA GRAY SABAH HAQUE SEYMOUR IRONS HANNAH JOUBERT MADDIE KATZ STEPHEN LEVAC BLAIR MACMILLAN ASHLYN MALONE MIR SREYA ROY HARSIMRAN SEKHON SCOTIA SHARPE SHEA ALYSSA VERNON
JUNE 2020
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STAYING IN: RIOT 2020
LISBET MACLEAN &KEMI KING