Organized Chaos, Artwork by Macy Hoeing…………..……Cover “Watching,” Poem by Carissa Palazzolo

Watching

Poem by Carissa Palazzolo

i am sitting on my balcony watching. watching what, i couldn't tell you, but i am watching. watching and searching. there are children shouting somewhere in the distance and the muffled sound of cars reverberates around the enclosed space of my unfurnished balcony. the crickets are loud, each playing their own song so it comes together and sounds like they're each a different instrument in the same orchestra. mosquitoes buzz through the air, every so often settling on my exposed skin and biting me. uncomfortably itchy, i am left with a choice.

i could go back inside and face the empty couch, the quiet television, the silent hall. i could lay in the too-big bed staring at a clock that does not pass time fast enough. Or i could stay and let the bugs slowly eat at me. thinking that i ever had a choice to begin with is laughable. i know i'll stay out here, letting my physical essence be consumed by pests far before i'll be consumed by the pain of being alone.

i am sitting on my balcony watching. watching what, i couldn't tell you, but i am watching. watching and searching.