i have always wanted to write like you., Poem by Ashley Bell

i have always wanted to write like you.

Poem by Ashley Bell

oh, bukowski typical, classic, common known by all, loved by most but ever so significant to a young poet a young, sick kid with a head full of words and pain and love

a large chair in a capitalistic chain store never seemed so welcoming after spotting that yellow cover that seemed to just cry to be read

“you get so alone at times that it just makes sense” made so much sense it nearly made me sick and i felt my stomach flip as i made my fingers flip through the pages and i got lost inside of you, buk

the world faded away as i read words screaming of pain and raw emotion and loss and i nearly forgot about the beautiful girl sharing the chair with me resting her head on my shoulder

reading reading reading

but she didn’t know that i wasn’t just reading i was drowning swallowing every letter and i was burning you into my brain, buk because i didn’t have $17 for your book but i wanted to keep those words inside of me forever

i’ve always written poetry but i never read it i never ached for it i never craved it but buk, you made me feel something i didn’t know i could feel and i’ve never stopped seeing the world through your words and your wisdom

and i’ve never stopped proclaiming my love for the beautiful girl from the chair through tiring retellings of poems you’ve tirelessly written and i have never stopped trying to write like you, buk

and although i love everything you’ve written i don’t think i ever learned how to love anything i’ve written

and i don’t think i will ever learn how to stop trying to write like buk and start learning to try to write like me