Hosting lifetogether

A Six-Session DVD Training Series for Those Starting or Leading a Group

together

Small

Group University

TM

BUILDING LEADERS FOR LIFE

EVERYTHING SMALL GROUPS

FROM THE BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF THE PURPOSE DRIVEN GROUP SERIES DOING LIFETOGETHER WITH OVER 3,000,000 SOLD

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

ENDORSEMENTS How have you benefitted from the Lifetogether coaching programs and materials found in Small Group University?

“Brett’s enthusiasm, encouragement, and expertise is helping us get a strong foundation for this new venture in the life of our church.

- Earl Wheatley, Senior Pastor, North Park Church, MS “The program has become THE driving force in developing a successful pathway for significant spiritual growth.”

- Mike Womble, Associate Pastor, Winter Park Baptist Church, NC As a Small Group Pastor, this has helped me think more strategically about “… our small group ministry in relation to the mission and vision of our church. It has also challenged me personally to grow as a leader.”

-Todd Cullen, Life Group Pastor, North Star Church “Created a burning desire… to connect 100% of our church in discipleship groups.”

- Randy Smyre, Associate Pastor, Crossroads Church of the Nazarene, PA “Awesome ideas and insight as to the next step in moving our congregation towards 100% participation in community life.”

- Rhonda Schroder, Small Group Director, Cornerstone Church, MI “Will focus the vision for your small group ministry by giving you tested ideas and tools as well as new and fresh ideas from those who are in the trenches with you.”

-Rob Warnel “Within the first month has stimulated my thoughts, motivated my actions, filled me with new insights and challenged me to reach higher while depending more on God.” -Scott Roderick, Discipleship Pastor, First Christian, CA “Took us to a whole new level of joyful terror by showing us how to implement “blow-it-up” Small Group strategies.”

- Bruce Southerland, Pastor of Membership, Manchester Christian Church, NH “Caused me to think outside the box of my personal paradigm. The strategies and interaction with peers is invaluable.”

-Rex Raines, Pastor of Spiritual Formation, Crossroads Church, IL

2

3

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

HOSTING LIFETOGETHER Creating Your Own Community

- BRETT EASTMAN President and Founder, Lifetogether

HELLO MY NAME IS

Lifetogether Minstries 29801 Santa Margarita Pkwy. Ste 100 Rancho Santa Margarita, CA 92688 Brett@lifetogether.com http://twitter.com/bretteastman1 Facebook.com/DoingLifeTogether

4

5

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

Hosting Lifetogether Copyright © 2002, 2005, 2011 by Brett Eastman Requests for information should be addressed to Lifetogether 29801 Santa Margarita Pkwy, Suite 100 RSM, CA, 92688 ISBN 978-0-9827022-6-0 Scripture quotations unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright 1973, 1978, and 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations noted (NLT) are from HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW LIVING TRANSLATION®. Copyright 1996.

Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture references marked The Message are taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © 1993,1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2005. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Company.

Book Design by Tommy Owen, Zoobuzz Media Multiple photos by Tanya Kay Photography, TanyaKayPhoto.com

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

DEDICATION In Loving Memory of

Darla Martineau 1958

-

2008

Never Abandon - Strength in Family - Unconditional Love When I call on God in the day of trouble, He will deliver me, and I will honor and glorify him - Psalm 50:15

6

7

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Endorsements Dedication Introduction How to Create Your Own Community Outline of Each Session A 40 Day Journey into Small Group Leadership

SESSIONS

1 5 8 9 12 13

SESSION 1: Create Your Own Community

Day 1: Be Available, Be Obedient

Day 2: Step Out in Faith

Day 3: Why get Involved in Groups?

Day 4: To Lead or to Follow?

Day 5: Bad Days Are Sometimes the Best Days

Tips: One: Mission Possible

Two: 10 Tips On Hosting Your Group Three: Ten Ways To Kill A Group Four: The Prepared And Prayerful Leader Five: How To Build A Healthy Small Group

SESSION 2: Connect Your Group With One Another

Day 6: Open Door Policy

Day 7: People want to Know You Care

Day 8: Bearing One Another’s Burdens

Day 9: A Match Made In Heaven

Day 10: Touched by Strangers

Tips: One: How To Get Your Group To Open Up Two: The Secret To Sharing Your Story Three: The Authentic And Patient Leader

14 18 19 20 21 22 25 26 28 28 29

SESSION 3: Cultivate Your Spiritual Journey

Day 11: Loving the Unlovable

Day 12: Loving Sinners is Messy but Necessary

Day 13: Relationship, Not Religion

Day 14: Even Small, Small Groups can Make a Difference

Day 15: The Human Touch

Tips: One: Becoming Like Your Hero Father Two: Scripture That Comes To Life Three: 7 Tips To Modeling Prayer For Your Group

SESSION 4: Champion Your Gifts Together

Day 16: Small Group to the Rescue

Day 17: The Hands and Feet of Christ

Day 18: Servant’s Hearts Together

Day 19: Brothers and Sisters in Christ

Day 20: Out of the Mouths of Babes

Tips: One: Make Summer Your Group’s Ally

42 45 47 49 51 53 54 55 57

31 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41

58 61 62 64 65 66 68

8

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER Two: Stretch Your Faith Through Service Three: Creating Team Players Four: Developing People Five: Share The Load!

SESSION 5: Coach Your Group to Shepherd Another

Day 21: Tap on the Shoulder

Day 22: Old but not Worthless

Day 23: Persistence Pays Off

Day 24: It’s not About Me

Day 25: Look Inside

Tips: One: Coaching Jitters Two: Small-Scale Evangelism Three: Give Your Servant’s Heart A Workout Four: Recruiting A Co-Leader

70 70 71 72 74 77 79 80 81 82 83 85 86 87

SESSION 6: Celebrate Your Life Together

Day 26: Know Yourself

Day 27: What Tomorrow Brings

Day 28: Sticking It Out

Day 29: Life Support

Day 30: What a Rush

Tips: One: Building Community Through Communion

88 91 92 93 94 96 97

APPENDIX

99

Answer Key Frequently Asked Questions Small Group Covenant Small Group Calendar Your First Meeting Great Conversation Starters Hosting an Open House Small Group Leader Memory Verse (make 2 pages) Building Shared Ownership Personal Life Health Assessment Personal Life Health Plan Small Group Health Assessment Small Group Health Plan Spiritual Gift Assesstment Small Group Gift Assesstment Small Group Leadership 101 Small Group Leadership Lessons Spiritual Partners Circles of Life Small Group Roster Prayer and Praise Report Doing Lifetogether Forward – Rick Warren Doing Lifetogether Series Small Group University About the Author

100 101 103 105 106 107 108 109 110 112 113 114 115 117 118 119 122 127 128 129 130 132 133 134 135

9

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

Welcome to Small Group University, You are about ready to follow the simple path that the twelve disciples took some two thousand years ago that ultimately transformed the world. Your simple step of faith may seem small now, but one day it could represent a link in the chain that will not only transform you life, your group and your church, but is sure to make a kingdom difference far greater than you could imagine.

Small Group University provides you and your leaders a plug and play system to start and sustain healthy small groups based on the five biblical purposes. It is a breakthrough DVD and Companion 30-day study that helps “Build Leaders for Life.” Whether you are a new small group host, an existing group leader, a coach of a few leaders or a small group ministry leader, you have come to the right place.

Small Group University is composed of four unique training series: Hosting Lifetogether, Coaching Lifetogether, and Building Lifetogether and Creating Lifetogether. Hosting Lifetogether trains new leaders in gathering and leading their first group. Coaching Lifetogether gives practical training to your existing leaders and their groups. Building Lifetogether gives practical and proven support to pastors and small group directors in building and growing their small group ministry. Creating Lifetogether is a ten session series on how to host your own 40-Day campaign in your church. Best of all, it provides pastors with everything they need to launch and lead a healthy small group ministry in their churches in less than 90 days.

Hosting, Coaching and Building Lifetogether include a 30-day reading plan as a companion to the six-session DVD training series. The series can be viewed in a classroom setting all at once, followed by brief discussion times, studied over a period of time with a few leaders or even on your own as on online study. Either way you chose, a downloadable certificate of completion is available to anyone who completes each of the series. Simply go to Lifetogether.com when you’re done and click “Small Group University,” where you will also find many other downloadable small group resources.

As you begin, simply pray as Paul did to see God accomplish what is exceedingly, abundantly beyond whatever you would ask or think.

Blessings,

Brett Eastman Founder and President, Lifetogether

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

10

HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN COMMUNITY

by Brett Eastman

Some of you have been leading groups for six years -- hosting is old hat for you. Some of you have been doing it for six months and may be looking to become a better host. And some of you just completed your first six-week study and, frankly, are still recovering from the experience.

Some of you may have stories like mine: John, who was a leader of a college group I was in for six weeks, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Brett, I think you’re ready to lead a group with a few other guys.”

I immediately said, “you have got to be kidding. I don’t even know where my Bible is, let alone what’s in it.”

He said, “Brett you’ve been very faithful to attend our group, do the homework and, frankly, we are desperate. We have people in our ministry that want to get in a group and we need you to lead.” I said, “Thanks for your honesty, but I’m a little scared, and I don’t think I can do it.”

Over time he persuaded me to host my first group, despite my insecurities.

All I had to do was call and connect with a few friends. That seemed simple enough, and honestly, though I was a bit hesitant, it went pretty well.

11

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER Over the next couple of years, I experienced community unlike anything I had ever experienced with guys. I was given the awesome opportunity to witness Jesus’ ability to shepherd my heart, as well as the hearts of others.

Jesus wants every sheep -- even the one stray from the flock of 100 - to have a faithful shepherd. Small groups help fulfill His desire.

Small groups follow the biblical model in Acts 2. The early church gave themselves to study, teaching, fellowship, the breaking of bread, and prayer.

And they gave to one another as they had need. Because of this commitment, they added to their numbers daily. It’s clear that God blesses us when we meet together, fellowship together, study together - - share life together. We need to meet in places like our neighborhoods, where we can include people who want to be known and need to know Christ.

But if you are like me (like most good leaders), the response, or at least the feeling is, “I don’t have what it takes.” But here are five simple principles to help you create your own community. They are the foundation for Hosting Lifetogether—six sessions to help you create your own community.

1. CONNECT your group with one another. It’s your job to create a circle of friends, so ask the Lord who He wants you to bring together for at least six weeks.

2. CULTIVATE your spiritual journey. The dream is that you spur your group on toward love and good deeds. But this only happens by hearing the Word of God. Get into God’s Word like you’ve never done before, because this is how you’ll grow and be able to encourage others in their journeys.

3. CHAMPION your gifts together. Bring them in, build them up, and train them for ministry. Help people discover their unique God-given gifts. Celebrate and cheer on each other.

4. COACH your group to shepherd one another. Not all of us are called to be leaders and teachers. But all of us are called to disciple - or shepherd - one another. Our job is to send them out, not just bring them in and build them up.

We need to send them out for the purpose of evangelism. All of us are called to one day have the name of someone we are shepherding.

5. CELEBRATE your lives together. The big idea here is to gather people and mark life’s milestones as a group. Don’t miss birthdays, anniversaries, or lifechanging events.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

12

Where do you begin?

Now you know you have what it takes, but you may be wondering where to begin. It’s as simple as ABC. All you must do is:

Ask God who to invite. That’s what Jesus did when He sought His disciples.

Go through your email and phone lists, and ask God to reveal to you who to invite to a six- week study, and be open to the unexpected person he might reveal.

Begin inviting them right away. Don’t hesitate, but pick up the phone and call them.

Check out material to use for your six-week study. There are lots of series: a Doing Lifetogether series, 40 Days of Purpose; 40 Days of Community, an Experiencing God series, etc. The key is to use a DVD driven study to begin your first study and begin propping right away.

Some of you are saying, “How did I get here?” You’re not alone –God will entrust you with a little flock. Watch over it willingly, not begrudgingly, because there’s no one else to do it. And remember, your reward will be an unfading crown of glory in honor and praise of God himself.

1 Peter 5:2-3 (NIV) urges believers to “be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers — not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be.”

13

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

OUTLINE OF EACH SESSION The basic outline of each leadership session is broken down by the five biblical purposes of connecting with one another in fellowship, growing together through discipleship, developing together through ministry, sharing together through evangelism, and surrendering your hearts together through worship.

Connecting

with God’s Family (Fellowship) The foundation for spiritual growth is an intimate connection with God and his family. The questions in this section will help you get to know the other small group leaders so that you’ll begin to feel a sense of belonging. This section is designed to open your time together and provide a fun way to share your personal stories with one another.

GROWING

to Be Like Christ (Discipleship) This is the most exciting portion of each lesson. Each session you will learn about a new theme that will help you grow as a leader. The companion DVD sessions taught by Brett Eastman will help you understand each principle better.

Developing

Your Shape to Serve Others (Ministry) Most people want to know how God has uniquely shaped them for ministry and where they can serve in the center of His will. This section will help make that desire a reality. As you understand this more in your life, your group will believe it as well.

Sharing

Your Life Mission Every Day (Evangelism) Many people skip over this aspect of spiritually investing into the lives of others and ultimately shepherding them over time because it’s scary, relationally awkward, or simply too much work for their busy schedules. We understand, because we have these thoughts as well. But God calls all of us to reach out a hand to people who don’t know Him.

Surrendering

Your Life For God’s Pleasure (Worship).

A surrendered heart is what pleases God most. Each session will give you a chance to surrender your heart to God and one another in prayer. This will draw you close together as leaders and model exercises for your group.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

14

A 30 DAY JOURNEY INTO SMALL GROUP LEADERSHIP Henry Nouwen speaks to spiritual leaders and challenges them to consider a path to ministry that first starts in solitude with God. He says that effective and lasting ministry for God comes from a quiet place alone with God. This is why this 30-day journey is so important.

The “Great Adventure” of all our lives is simply found in the daily pursuit of knowing, growing, serving, sharing, and worshiping Christ forever. This is the essence of a purposeful life, to see all five biblical purposes fully formed and balanced in our lives. It’s in the balance that we achieve health which ultimately leads us to the spiritual growth we all long for as believers. It’s the simple focus on Paul’s words to the early church when he said “to present every man and woman complete in Christ” we need to be clear about seeing all five Biblical purposes fully formed in our lives.

You and I both know this doesn’t just happen. It takes a clear sense of purpose, planning, and encouragement from others. This journal is designed to give you and your group a tool to help in the process of forming Christ deep within your heart and the hearts of your people.

David poured his heart out to God in writing what we know today as the book of Psalms. That book contains his honest conversations with God in written form. They included every imaginable emotion, and integration of Old Testament scriptures and simple reflections on every aspect of his life.

I want to encourage you to carve out a few minutes to pray and plan the first steps in this journal. You can begin by reading the first story, reflection and leadership lesson, and then write down your thoughts, questions, or heart felt response to God. Don’t be afraid to connect with Him and listen for those things He will place on your heart. He is your maker, and knows your every thought!

This devotional Journal is designed to apply the basic habits of reading God’s word and responding to it, to create a more intimate walk with Christ. A few simple suggestions as you begin . . . as David did, select a source or strategy to integrate God’s Word into your devotional time. Some helpful resources are: The Bible, The One Year Bible, New Testament Bible Challenge Reading Plan, Devotional Book, and Topical Bible Study plan.

Enjoy . . .

15

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

SESSION 1

CREATE YOUR OWN COMMUNITY

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

16

CONNECTING WITH GOD’S FAMILY:

What has been your small group experience?

Take 60 seconds each to answer this in groups of 2-4 people.

GROWING TO BE LIKE CHRIST:

1 Small groups help fulfill the Father’s ___________________.

“And seeing the multitudes, He felt compassion for them because they were distressed and downcast like sheep without a shepherd”. Matthew 9:36

2 You experience the ______________________________________ of the Church.

“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Matthew 28:16-20

3 Small Groups are the ________________________________ of the early church.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

Acts 2:42

4 Small Groups are an __________________________________ of Christ himself.

17

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

DEVELOPING YOUR GIFTS TO SERVE OTHERS:

5

What does it take to ___________________ a small group?

• Purpose of a Host: Create your own community by creating a healthy group that produces healthy lives over time.

• 5 Primary Responsibilities of a Host: ______________your group with one another. (fellowship) Who knows your name?

______________your spiritual journey. (discipleship) What’s your next step?

______________your gifts together. (ministry) Where are you serving?

______________your group to shepherd another. (evangelism) When are you shepherding? ______________your life together. (worship)

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

18

How are you celebrating?

Therefore, I exhort the elders among you, as [your] fellow elder and witness of the sufferings of Christ, and a partaker also of the glory that is to be revealed, shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to [the will of] God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but proving to be examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory.

1 Peter 5

SHARING

YOUR LIFE MISSION EVERY DAY:

6 How do you begin a small group?

Ask God who? (See Circles of Life in Appendix) Begin calling them right away Check out a curriculum series

SURRENDERING

YOUR LIFE FOR GOD’S PLEASURE

Prayerfully think of one personal application or practical next step to put your new information into action.

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the day approaching (Hebrews 10-25-NIV)

19

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

LEADERSHIP LIFTER: DAY 1 BE AVAILABLE, BE OBEDIENT

Read a Story

Emotions ran high for that first meeting of my small group. Who would show up? Would the personalities mesh? Would everyone be friendly, or would I have a member that would require “extra care?” And what if I’m asked a question that I can’t answer? Would God bless the group with immediate spiritual growth and spiritual fruit? “Dear Lord,” I prayed, “I have to admit I’m scared!”

And then I stopped, reevaluating why I had agreed to lead this group. I really felt it was something God wanted me to do. He had put the burden on my heart for others. “Lord, I’m available. I want to be used for the purpose you have for me through this group.” God was in charge. My responsibility was obedience. I could trust Him for both the strength and the outcome.

Reflection on God’s Word

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.

Hebrews 11:8 (NIV)

It’s impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that He exists and that He cares enough to respond to those who seek Him.

Hebrews 11:6 (The Message)

Leadership Lesson

God asks you to be obedient and available . . . trust Him for the outcome.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

20

LEADERSHIP LIFTER: DAY 2 STEP OUT IN FAITH

Read a Story

Just over a year ago we joined this community church near our home, hoping

to find Christ-centered worship, a committed group of friends and a place to serve. The church had just begun meeting in a new building, and was about to start a 40 Days of Purpose campaign. We volunteered to lead one of the 40 Days small groups, and found ourselves hooked up with 12 virtual strangers.

One year later we are leading two small groups, both of which provide us with committed friends and an outlet for service. We are really learning how to love one another and serve the community! Our church has nearly 100 small groups going, with nearly 700 of the 900 members and attendees signed up for small groups. My wife and I are now community leaders/coaches for other small group leaders. Our first group has now gone through three of the six Doing Lifetogether small group studies. And two new groups have been spawned from the original group.

Our second group is reaching out to unconnected people in and around our neighborhood. The whole experience has allowed us to feel more connected with others, and in turn more connected with God, than we have ever felt in a church setting. We are committed small group leaders now, because that is where the Christian life is lived . . . where the rubber meets the road so to speak. We encourage anyone who is wavering about becoming committed to small groups to take the leap. You won’t regret it.

Reflection on God’s Word

My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all men may be one, Father, just as You are in me and I am in You. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that You have sent me.

John 17:20-21 (NIV)

Leadership Lesson

God wants to connect with you in every aspect of your life.

21

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

leadership lifter: day 3 WHY GET INVOLVED IN GROUPS?

Read a Story

We have many promises in the Bible. Matthew 18:20 says, “For where two or three have gathered in my name, there I am in the midst.” Yes, God Himself would also like to be in your group, all you have to do is invite Him. We have a Father who loves us very much and wants us to spend eternity in fellowship with Him. He does awesome work through His people and has a plan for each and every one of us—we just need to be available.

About a year ago we opened our home to seven couples for a home fellowship/Bible study. The first thing that came to my mind when I was asked to host a small group was reluctance. This turned out to be a good thing, because my reluctance forced me to step forward in faith and rely on God. It reminded me that He is leading me—that He embraces me, and walks hand-in-hand with me.

As new believers we were way out of our comfort zone when we were called upon to host. We prayed and left it in His hands. I could write a book about everything that has happened since then! God’s hand has touched each and every person in our group. Unsaved family and friends have come to know Jesus Christ, prayers have been answered, there have been acts of service, divine appointments, etc. etc. We are a family in Christ, and home fellowship will always be a part of our lives.

Want to see God? Want to feel God moving in your life? Be available. Lives will be changed, and He will bless you.

Reflection on God’s Word

And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there.

Matthew 18:20 (The Message)

Leadership Lesson

Getting people involved in growing to love and serve God is building up your eternal treasure.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

22

leadership lifter: day 4 TO LEAD OR TO FOLLOW?

Read a Story

I’ve been involved in small group leadership off and on in different capacities for about ten years. At first, I faced some obstacles as I thought about becoming a leader. I was young, and I felt like, “Who’s going to want to follow somebody like me?” I thought being a leader meant I had to lead and they would follow.

I was nervous that maybe I didn’t know enough about the Bible, or that I didn’t have the educational background.

Just about any worry you could think of was in front of me.

I think that shepherding people is humbling. The more you know, the more you know that you don’t know. So, on the one hand I feel like I still have so much to learn, but on the other hand, something I was told that has stuck with me is that God doesn’t call the equipped—He equips the called. I learned that I didn’t have to wait until I was right there and then God would call me. It was that God would call me, and then He would equip me for the job.

Reflection on God’s Word

“I am the Lord! Give Pharaoh the message I have given you.” This is the same Moses who had argued with the Lord, saying, “I can’t do it! I’m no orator. Why should Pharaoh listen to me?”

Exodus 6:29-31 (NLT) How thankful I am to Christ Jesus our Lord for considering me trustworthy and appointing me to serve him.

I Timothy 1:12 (NLT)

Leadership Lesson

God doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called.

23

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

LEADERSHIP LIFTER: DAY 5 BAD DAYS ARE SOMETIMES THE BEST DAYS

Read a Story

Two years ago when I met with my new small group for the first time, I was so reluctant. I didn’t know if I could ever find the sense of belonging and spiritual family I had enjoyed with my previous group. But they welcomed my wife and me into their lives with arms wide open, and we soon became family. This group has not replaced my other group (nothing ever will), but it has become another circle of life, love, and learning. I’ve learned a lot from them this past year. Here are a few things I think are well worth sharing: 1.

Laughter is the fuel of life. I can’t tell you how many times I was going through a hard time with my wife, my kids or work, and I came to my small group with tanks empty. There were times when I was tired, sad, or pressured at work, and they just made me laugh—knee slapping, tearproducing laughter. From practical jokes to the ironies of life, I just love how we can take what we do seriously, but not take ourselves so seriously. There were so many times I drove home saying “I needed that!”

2.

I long to belong. I love being “in.” I love being “a part.” I love being “included.” My group has consistently reminded me that this isn’t only the needy, group-happy Brett, but a God-given desire, a divine calling, a pathway to a healthy, balanced and, yes, even a Purpose Driven™ Life.

3.

Pain is universal. It’s just not always visible. When I’ve seen my group share their pain (as in hurts, struggles, temptations, etc.), it makes me want to share on a whole other level. We have had cancer, parent health problems, marital issues, teenager chaos, emotional brokenness, job transitions, children leaving home, surgeries, heart scares, financial fears, etc. And when we go below the water level of our hearts, there has been gold there for me. Why? Because it makes me feel I’m not alone.

4.

I am a beginner when it comes to listening. I am realizing anew how much I talk—many times out of insecurity—wanting to fill the space with words. My group has helped me see this and is showing me how I can learn and grow as I simply listen more. The best part about this reminder is that I can hear more of what God is saying through them.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

24

5.

Sometimes the best curriculum is the curriculum of life. I used to feel guilty about not doing a big, long Bible study each week, especially with all the teachers and Bible scholars in the group. But I have discovered again that as the Word became flesh in Christ, so it does in them— through their hands, feet, hearts and hope poured out for Christ to me.

6.

Confession is the primary pathway to community. As John Powell once said in his classic book, Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?, “If I tell you who I am and you don’t like me, I will be alone!” But my group has not done this to either my wife or me. When we told them we were struggling with going to church this past year, they accepted us. When we said we didn’t want to come to group one evening, we’re having marriage problems, or we were hurting beyond reason, or we didn’t want to read the Bible (the list goes on and on), they embraced us, making it safer to show up more and more. What a gift! The Bible verse, “Confess your sins to one another and you will be healed,” became real to us.

7.

Everyone has something to teach me. The childhood loss of one serves as comfort for me and others today. Cancer in one serves to support cancer in another. Intimacy of one grew intimacy in another. Now I just look to see who and where I am “triggered” today in order to see the potential of a “teacher” tomorrow. Sometimes one person in the group has made me mad, another sad, and both have grown to be gifts to me.

8.

Bad days are sometimes the best days. This truth has taken me from days of not wanting to go to small group to anticipating what I will learn when I do. I am most proud of my own wife, who takes more risks than I ever do. I just watch the group love on her and breathe life in her like few things I have ever seen. I’ve come to realize that it’s not a question of whether they care but will I let them care. I’ve learned that if I am going to try and live my life alone I can, but I don’t have to, and if I do it’s my fault. I make myself alone by not making myself known.

9.

It feels cruel for God to allow pain in my life for someone else’s comfort until I am comforted by someone else’s pain. Honestly, I’m tired of the pain that results from sin and circumstances I cannot control. However, the profound lesson in all of this is when I said to my group, “This feels crazy and nothing short of insane,” they didn’t try to fix me. They didn’t say I know your pain (because no one fully can). But several of them had a look of understanding. They didn’t and needn’t say more. But oh how big, how deep that was to me.

25

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER 10. Yes I am crazy. Yes I am overly passionate. But there is something sacred in the circle, and it’s my place, my path and my purpose in life! They have helped authenticate my calling in life. You know how sometimes you wonder? Well, I don’t wonder anymore. In fact, I dream more and more. I am honored and privileged by what He has given through my group and what I sense He will give in the future. I look forward to what God has in store!

Reflection on God’s Word

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Colossians 3:13 (NLT)

Leadership Lesson Trust God during bad days and know He makes no mistakes

TIPS Mission Possible

Why leading a small group is not impossible with an extraordinary God. When you think of “mission,” do you envision taking God’s Word to people in remote places, like Africa or Asia? Do you imagine living a Spartan lifestyle, stripped of all the comforts of home? Do you think of abandoning friends, family, a successful career—giving up everything?

Most of us will never experience this type of mission, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have one. Our mission field begins where we live—in our families, on the job, with our neighbors, and, yes, even in our church.

Over the past year, our church, Saddleback, saw an incredible outpouring of God’s Spirit. Thousands of people were connected under the care of a shepherd. More than 400 small groups were launched in a 13-week period. Yet 50 percent of our church family still needs the care of a shepherd.

Maybe your church needs shepherds, too. God may be calling you to care for a circle of friends and help them fulfill God’s dream for their lives. When you touch the lives of others through an authentic relationship, you’re fulfilling Christ’s dream: that a shepherd would care for each of his sheep.

God’s not asking you to go to China for the rest of your life; he’s asking you to shepherd a group of friends for a few weeks. Small group leaders are people like you—burdened by busyness, unschooled in theology and the Bible, uncomfortable in the spotlight, and fearful of leading. You don’t have to be a spiritual giant, a Bible scholar, or even a great orator. All you need is a willing heart.

Scripture teaches that the Father looks across the earth and seeks those whose hearts are fully His. Ultimately, ordinary people are used by an extraordinary God to make difference for his purpose. Perhaps you are this ordinary person called to shepherd a few. As the acrostic HEART explains, to be a shepherd, all

you need is a shepherd’s heart.

Hands. When your hands are open before God, He can use them. Are your hands open as you say, “Father, these are ordinary hands, but I want you to use them in this life to touch the life of another”?

Experience. As you experience life together in the context of community, God can show you how he’s designed you for ministry. Through community, you can discover your life mission, as well as how to reproduce your life in another. Have you had others point out abilities or gifts that would help you shepherd?

Availability. Are you willing to be used by God in a way you never thought you could be? You’ve been blessed in order to be a blessing in the lives of others. That’s the ultimate purpose and path of life. Are you willing to be available?

Reluctant. You’ll probably be reluctant on some level. Think about Moses. He had five reasons why he didn’t think he would be God’s man for the mome nt, but God said, “You are.” Also, remember Peter. Jesus reminded him three times to shepherd his sheep. People who are hesitant are sometimes the best candidates.

Teachable. Are you willing to listen to the still small voice of Jesus in your life—to move away from sin and move toward others? God wants people who are responsive to him.

Jesus looked over the multitude and saw that a shepherd was necessary for every sheep. His own small group is a model—not only for caring for sheep, but for cultivating an unlimited harvest of shepherds. Matthew 9:31 says, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.”

Are you willing to be sent out into the field?

10 Tips on Hosting Your Group 1.

YOU decide more than you know about your small group. If you feel

that it’s “better together”, you may want to partner with someone else.

2.

YOU decide “WHO” to invite to your group!

3.

YOU can get started right now with folks you are considering inviting to be part of your group. Cultivate those relationships by HOSTing a barbeque, tea, chocolate dessert night, or whatever! and see who might be interested! Remember…RELAX and have FUN – people really DO want to belong to something. Over 50% of people invited to something will actually say YES! Even if they can’t come or just don’t want to, you have planted a seed and you can continue to nurture that relationship.

4.

YOU determine WHEN (day and time) and WHERE (your house, apartment, office, favorite dining establishment – as long as it has a DVD player) to HOST your group!

5.

YOU decide when to launch your group. Your seventh week should be a fun time for your group! This will correspond with our six week sermons series on that are aligned with the study.

6.

YOU determine if you want to rotate locations or stick to one place.

7.

YOU decide if you want to serve coffee, or include dessert or snacks.

NO need to serve a 7-course meal with the sorbet provided between the salad and the entrée. (Or is the sorbet served between the salad and the soup du jour…or…) Again…relax.

8.

YOU make sure your group has a great time without alcohol! This may sound silly to some, but while you are having a great time building relationships you are also representing Church.

People checking out the groups need to feel “safe,” and probably they would have never even thought about having alcohol at a small group, unless they saw it served! Yikes! : - ) 9. YOU as HOST have ALL authority to have FUN! You ARE a CHAMPION, so THANKS! Remember, we’re defining success as just taking the initiative to invite a few “friends” and see what happens with these relationships! You WILL be blessed, and maybe even a bit surprised! So…RELAX!

10. YOU make it happen!

TEN WAYS TO KILL A GROUP 1.

Don’t meet regularly.

2.

Have too few members.

3. Have too many members and don’t subgroup.

4. Don’t ever use a covenant/agreement.

5. Don’t deal with problem people.

The dominator

The terminator

The exterminator

The lacerator

The iterator 6. Allow prayer request time to become story telling time.

7. Don’t follow a curriculum.

8. Allow members to bring guests without clearing it with other members (except Sunday morning groups – always open groups)

9.

Ignore the personal needs of group members.

10. Never multiply to form a new group.

The Prepared and Prayerful Leader How the right approach to your sessions can make your meetings more meaningful Being an effective leader demands a planning and a prayerful heart.

When you go to prepare for each small group meeting, review the session and the leader’s notes, and write down your responses to each question. Pay special

attention to exercises that ask group members to do something other than engage in discussion. These exercises will help your group live what the Bible teaches, not just talk about it. Be sure you understand how an exercise works, and bring any necessary supplies (such as paper or pens) to your meeting.

Also, as you prepare, pray for your group members by name. Before you begin your session, go around the room in your mind and pray for each member. You may want to review the prayer list at least once a week. Ask God to use your time together to touch the heart of every person. Expect God to lead you to whomever he wants you to encourage or challenge in a special way.

If you listen, God will surely lead!

One final challenge (especially for new or first-time leaders): Before your first opportunity to lead, look up each of the five passages listed below. Read each one as a devotional exercise to help prepare yourself with a shepherd’s heart: 1. Matthew 9:36 2. 1 Peter 5:2-4 3. Psalm 23 4. Ezekiel 34:11-16 5. 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8, 11-12

How To Build A Healthy Small Group Build the Group and people around God’s Purposes: 1. Connect them in authentic community (Fellowship)

A. Identify new people using the Circles of Life (Appendix)

Family Friends Acquaintances Fun Factory/Firm

B. Begin light with an icebreaker and end light.

C. Fill out the group agreement and roster

Action Item: Invite people to your group.

2. Grow them to be like Christ (Discipleship)

A. Use the life health assessment and health plan

B. Choose spiritual partners to work through next steps

C. Practice spiritual habits: memorize verses, devotions, ect.

Action Item: Get a coach and grow personally 3. Develop their S.H.A.P.E. to minister (service)

A. Identify purpose champions to carry out group roles and

responsibilities

B. Rotate group facilitation

Action item: Give everyone in the group a role, task, or job 4. Share their life mission daily (Evangelism)

The mission is multiplication so‌

A. Enlist a co-HOST/coleader or apprentice early in the

life of your group.

B. Keep an open chair in the group.

Action item: Enlist a coleader or co-host 5. Surrender their lives for God’s pleasure (Worship).

A. Keep a prayer and praise list and add other elements over time.

B. Plan on attending a worship service together, if possible

Action item: Pray for your people.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

SESSION 2

CONNECT YOUR GROUP WITH ONE ANOTHER

Fellowship

32

33

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

Connecting with God’s Family

“Everyone longs to belong.”

Think about a time when you went someplace for the very first time and met with people you didn’t know yet, and you felt welcomed and valued immediately. What did they do to make you feel so appreciated?

GROWING TO BE LIKE CHRIST

C______________ a “one another community.” There are over 50 New Testament references to “one another.”

O

______________ your heart to them.

Make it safe, model transparency and authenticity.

N

_______________ group them for deeper discussion. Draw them out by praying in pairs, or sub-grouping during share time.

N

_______________run from conflict. Periodically facilitate discussion and evaluation of the group.

DEVELOPING

YOUR GIFTS TO SERVE OTHERS

E

_______________ them, through shared ownership in the group. Rotate hosting/facilitation roles and responsibilities.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

SHARING

YOUR LIFE MISSION EVERY DAY

C _______________ an ACT 2 circle of friends. Who are you adding to your group?

SURRENDERING

YOUR LIFE FOR GOD’S PLEASURE

T________________ the time to do life together meals, celebrations and fun!

Prayerfully think of one personal application or practical next step to put your new information into action.

___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.”

(Mark 12:30-31)

34

35

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

LEADERSHIP LIFTER: DAY 6 OPEN DOOR POLICY

Read a Story

I’m really glad that our hosts were bold enough to take that step forward to open their home for small group study.

My cousin and her fiancé had just moved into town, so I asked her if they would like to join the small group that my husband and I were going to be in. They agreed to come with us, but then I had to ask our hosts if it was okay that I had invited two more people into their home! But our hosts immediately responded with, “Of course. We don’t want to turn anyone away!”

Well, that night during our first group, my cousin’s fiancé dedicated his life to Jesus for the first time. I was so excited and grateful I could hardly sleep that night! I have had a feeling of overwhelming joy in my heart since then.

Reflection on God’s Word

Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!

Hebrews 13:2 (NLT) Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”

Luke 14:12-14 (NIV)

Leadership Lesson

Keep an open-door policy with your group . . . you never know whom God has planned to join you.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

36

leadership lifteR: day 7 PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW YOU CARE

Read a Story

One of the dangers of being authentic and serving in authentic ministry where you talk about real-life stuff—where you rip off some scabs and open some closet doors—is that all of a sudden reality can come in and run headlong into your faith. Sometimes I try to keep those two things separate, but God wants them to be together—and that can be scary, and it can be really heard. So when people in the group start talking about life and marriage problems and divorce and depression and dysfunctional families—all the things that are really real—it can be difficult to merge reality with faith.

As a group leader, at first I thought I was supposed to have all of the answers, but I have learned that people aren’t really looking for answers. They are just looking for someone who understands what they’re going through. That’s what ministry is: telling someone they’re not alone. When they can look across the room and find that you’re struggling in your marriage, too, they know they’re not alone. When Jesus says to us, “You’re not alone,” that’s what most people are looking for. They’re not looking to learn five ways to make my marriage better, or three steps to raising perfect kids—what they’re looking for is to hear: “You don’t have to go through this by yourself.”

Reflection on God’s Word

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Deuteronomy 31:8

Leadership Lesson

We were made for each other. God made us for a family.

37

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

leadership lifteR: day 8 BEARING ONE ANOTHER’S BURDENS

Read a Story

It happened so suddenly. Two moms traveling together with their children seated in the back of the van. A child starts to fuss. One mom unbuckles her seat belt to help the crying child, and the other mom looks back to help. The mother behind the wheel loses control, the van hits the median and flips. The accident is a bad one, with suffering and broken bones, and the ultimate price is paid. A child is killed.

When this happened to our friend Joyce, our small group was devastated and nearly paralyzed with grief.

It was clear the families involved were going to need a lot of support as they grieved for the loss of this child, and tried to heal body and spirit. We knew they would need help. So, for the next six months our group wrapped these families in love and support. Meal schedules were set up with neighbors and friends. We took the children to after-school sport practices, birthday parties, and church—whatever else was needed to support the parents of both families as they dealt with their grief.

Sometimes just a regular schedule seems like too much so you may think the added work was a burden, but it felt effortless. Even our own children were better behaved during this time. God’s hand was truly present as we all worked together, giving us the strength to lift up our friends in need.

Reflection on God’s Word

May our Lord Jesus Christ and God our Father, who loved us and in his special favor gave us everlasting comfort and hope, comfort your hearts and give you strength in every good thing you do and say.

II Thessalonians 2:16-17 (NLT)

Leadership Lesson

Sometimes the greatest connections in a church or group happen around a tragedy. Don’t be afraid to be there for each other.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

38

leadership lifter: day 9 A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN

Read a Story

On the very first evening of our group, I became really excited about the amount of sharing and transparency that was taking place. But there was one man who was sitting off to the side, kind of quiet. He had come to our group form a different church, and I didn’t know him. Near the end of the meeting, he look up and said, “There is just one thing that I want to share with you.

This is the very first church activity I’ve been to in over four years.” When I asked him why, he said, “Over four years ago, I got mad at God because my son was killed.” Silence filled the room. All of a sudden, another man looked up at the first man with tears in his eyes and said, “The reason you were brought to this group is because six years ago, my son was killed. Maybe we’re here just to share our experiences with each other.” These two men have now bonded and become friends, and they meet together and pray together regularly. It’s been an amazing thing.

Reflection on God’s Word

Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2 NLT Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Matthew 5:4 NIV

Leadership Lesson

There are no coincidences in a committed life. God has a purpose behind ever circumstance.

39

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

leadership lifter: day 10 TOUCHED BY STRANGERS

Read a Story

My wife and I founded the church that I pastor presently. When we started the church, there were about five families who joined us, so we were a small group among ourselves. By God’s grace, this young church began to grow pretty quickly. It grew from about 25 people to 150 people in two years. Unfortunately, right in the middle of this amazing move of God, my family experienced a great tragedy. Our youngest daughter died in her sleep one night. We were devastated. Here we were, responsible for this brand new church and surrounded by all these people that we barely knew—and we were going through the biggest crisis of our lives. But because we had started the church with small groups, the community—the giving, the loving, the sharing—had already been built into the DNA of our young church. And although most of our new church family did not come from a religious background, they gathered around us, and they loved us. They loved us back to health over a period of time—and they did it in a way that was unlike anything that I had ever experienced in my whole life. I had grown up in the church, and I had never before felt such love. I really believe that the reason we pulled through this great tragedy was because we had developed community in our small groups. And we enjoy that to this day.

Reflection on God’s Word

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

1 John 4:12 NIV Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

John 13:34-35 NIV

Leadership Lesson

A group’s maturity has more to do with their availability to

God’s purpose than the amount of time they’ve been together.

TIPS How to Get Your Group to Open Up One great way to get your group to open up

One concern of nearly every small group leader is how to get everyone to open up. This is especially problematic in larger groups. If your group has more than seven people, here’s a great technique for encouraging sharing: Separate your group into discussion circles of three or four people. With a greater opportunity to talk in a small circle, people will connect more with the study, apply more quickly what they’re learning and ultimately get more out of it.

A small circle also encourages a quiet person to participate and tends to minimize the effects of a more vocal or dominant member. And it can help people feel more loved in your group.

When you gather again at the end of the section, you can have one person summarize the highlights from each circle.

Small circles are also helpful during prayer time. People who are unaccustomed to praying aloud feel more comfortable trying it with just two or three others. Also, prayer requests won’t take as much time, so circles will have more time to actually pray.

When you gather back with the whole group, have one person from each circle briefly update everyone on the prayer requests.

People are more willing to pray in small circles if they know that the whole group will hear all the prayer requests.

The Secret to Sharing Your Story One skill every small group leader should have is the ability to talk with unbelievers about your experience of God in ordinary language that an unbeliever will understand. In the church we use some specialized words like “repentance” and “being saved.” Of course, the average person who hasn’t been to church very often has no clue what these words mean.

But everybody in your group speaks English—at least a little—and every one of them has a story. They may not think their story is all that interesting, but unbelievers are interested in our experience of God—if we talk in ordinary language and if we give them brief pieces of our story that fit into an ordinary conversation.

A good way to do this is by shaping ahead of time how you would tell your story. Having your story prepared in your mind before an opportunity to share it arises, helps you makes the most of that sharing opportunity. Here are some guidelines on what you might include in your story: 1.

2.

3.

4.

What my life was like before I met Jesus. What substitutes for God I used find meaning in life.

How I realized I needed Jesus.

How I committed my life to Jesus.

The difference this choice has made in my life.

For each of these categories, you should come up with a one-minute story to weave together—or to be individually popped into a conversation. If each part of your story goes on longer than one minute you will lose people’s interest.

Anyway, that’s just one way to tell your story. If you’ve been a believer since you were a child, you might tell a story about how you realized you were substituting something for God in your life, and how or why you stopped doing that. I’m sure you’ve been at least tempted to substitute something for God sometime in your Christian life. For many people, this can be work. For other, this may be money or success or the perfect family.

And these are all things an unbeliever can relate

to. Your story will pack its biggest punch when you then tell the unbeliever why Jesus is batter than these things.

Being asked to tell your story may make you feel like Moses when God told him to speak in front of others, and he said, “Oh Lord, I can’t do it! I am slow of speech and tongue!” And the Lord said, “I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” If you’re nervous about how you’ll tell your story, remember that God will help you as you write your story and as you share it with the group. This will be a powerful experience for everyone.

The Authentic and Patient Leader Mastering these two qualities will make all the difference in your group’s participation Few traits describe a good group leader as effectively as “authentic” and “patient.”

When you lead a group, just be yourself. God wants to use your unique gifts and temperament. Don’t try to do things exactly like another leader; do them in a way that fits you! Admit it when you don’t have an answer and apologize when you make a mistake. Your group will love you for it.

You can show patience when you ask a question. This is often difficult for leaders because they fear awkward silences, but someone will eventually respond. Sometimes people need a moment or two of silence to think about the question, and if silence doesn’t bother you, it won’t bother anyone else.

After someone responds, affirm the response with a simple “Thanks” or “Good job.” Then ask, “How about somebody else?” or “Would someone who hasn’t shared like to add anything?” Be sensitive to new people or reluctant members who aren’t ready to say, pray, or do anything. If you give them a safe setting, they will blossom over time. Again, patience will serve your whole group well here.

A good way to decrease response time is to provide transitions between questions. When guiding the discussion, always read aloud the transitional paragraphs and the questions. Ask the group if anyone would like to read the paragraph or Bible passage. Don’t call on anyone, but ask for a volunteer, and then be patient until someone begins. Be sure to thank the person who reads aloud.

43

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

SESSION 3

CULTIVATE YOUR SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

Discipleship

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

44

Connecting with God’s Family

What is it that helps you grow, or has helped you grow most in the last couple of years?

GROWING TO BE LIKE CHRIST

And we proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, that we may present every man complete in Christ.

Colossians 1:28

C ______________ the pathway of life. Begin with the end in mind, developmental steps.

U ______________their spiritual goals and dreams. What is one thing? Use the Health Assessment and Health Plan. What is the God given dream for their life?

L ______________ for God’s heart for each person. Look for those “God moments.” Hear their real needs and God’s Word.

T ______________happens best through group discussion. As they share their goals, expect them to achieve them.

45

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

DEVELOPING

YOUR GIFTS TO SERVE OTHERS

I _______________that which you expect. Seek to keep balanced lives. Have them talk about praises, problems and plans.

V ______________ every step. Affirm progress on plans. Capitalize on success as motivation.

A ______________ who is mentoring them?

T _______________you can accomplish more. Sharing goals out loud can make all the difference.

SHARING

YOUR LIFE MISSION EVERY DAY

E _______________them to “pass it on.” You don’t get it until you give it away.

SURRENDERING

YOUR LIFE FOR GOD’S PLEASURE

Prayerfully think of one personal application or practical next step to put your new information into action.

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.

(Colossians 1:28 NIV)

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

46

leadership lifteR: day 11 LOVING THE UNLOVABLE

Read a Story

“Can you love God if you don’t love your neighbor?” Jenny asked her small group.

It seemed like a simple question, but the lengthy pause suggested otherwise.

Martha, a new believer, broke the silence. “I suppose the ‘right’ answer is we can’t love God; but right now I feel like I love God, but I can’t love my dad.

He’s hurt me too deeply.”

Martha was daddy’s little girl growing up. She could do no wrong in his eyes.

And when her mother struggled with mental illnesses, her dad was her stability.

But after college graduation everything changed.

While Martha was away at college, her dad lost his job. Money was tight. Martha considered returning a portion of the money her father had loaned her for tuition. But she couldn’t imagine maintaining a job while she studied. While her father insinuated he needed the money, Martha clung to it and said she’d pay him back as soon as she graduated.

But Martha was unable to immediately pay back her father after she graduated, and her dad steamrolled her with a lawsuit. Though Martha told her dad she would pay him back once she found a secure job, he was unsatisfied. She never thought money could divide them, but it had. Ten years later, she felt no love for him and couldn’t imagine ever loving him.

As Martha pondered whether or not her disdain for her father was prohibiting her from totally loving God, other group members shared their struggles to forgive and love stepmothers, sisters, co-workers, and best friends. Evidently, everyone had trouble loving their neighbors.

Jenny urged Martha to pray for a softened heart and for wisdom of how to love her father. The group prayed for Martha, and Martha prayed persistently for the duration of the six-week study. The week following the last small group meeting, Martha called her father. Though the conversation was difficult—full of anger, hurt, and frustration—Martha was given strength to begin to forgive her father, and her father admitted his wrong.

47

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

Reflection on God’s Word

Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister [b] is still in the darkness. 10 Anyone who loves their brother and sister [c] lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble.

John 2:9, 10

Leadership Lesson

When we forgive, we allow God to heal our hearts.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

48

leadership lifteR: day 12 Loving Sinners is Messy But Necessary

Read a Story

When Allen first met Steve, they were in high school gym together. Steve was quiet and insecure, with few friends. Then Allen began to include Steve in his social life. At first their mutual love for partying drew them together. But as Allen started to grow spiritually, he lost interest in drinking and wild parties. In college, they drifted apart.

When Allen reconnected with Steve after college, Steve’s life was a mess. He was drinking heavily and was addicted to sexually graphic literature. Allen stepped in to help. With few resources of his own and a new wife to attend to, Allen drove Steve out of state to a rehab center.

Months passed and Steve continued to struggle with sin, but slowly Allen got through to him. He helped Steve establish a fully committed relationship with Christ and stuck with him through years of ups and downs. Steve often called Allen when desperate to return to his old life. Patiently, Allen continued to give his friend time and energy.

Today Steve is free from his addictive behaviors and growing stronger in Christ.

Allen’s commitment to love Steve, despite his persistent sin, has been worth the effort.

A common instruction in Christian circles is “Hate the sin but love the sinner.”

This is easier said than done. It’s difficult to treat someone with robust and compassionate love while hating something they habitually do. More often we tepidly tolerate someone whose behavior repels us, or we ignore the harmful behavior of someone we love.

We may be coolly civil to our immoral neighbor, but is that what Jesus would call love? And what about ignoring a Christian friend’s compulsive shopping or explosive temper—is that love?

Loving sinners is messy. Easy answers often elude us. Trouble is, we’re all sinners, so if we’re going to be the family of God together, we’re going have to confront sin.

The first step is to recognize the sin in your own life. Consider journaling about

49

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER how God has loved you despite your sin. Write some of your most recent sins, and express gratitude for God’s forgiveness. He doesn’t condone your faults, but He offers you forgiveness and a chance to become who you were meant to be.

Then tell a spiritual partner. Tell him or her about the sin you wrote about.

Ask your partner to support you in prayer about this issue. This may be a scary step, but if your partner is trustworthy, telling someone about your struggle will launch you out of the cycle of sin-and-remorse.

And if you get a call like this from your partner, look to Jesus’ example.

Reflection on God’s Word

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.

Galatians 6:1

Leadership Lesson

Jesus lived a pure and holy life, and was a friend of prostitutes and sinners.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

50

leadership lifteR: day 13 RELATIONSHIP, NOT RELIGION

Read a Story

My dad had been out of church for years. When I was growing up, our family went to a good church with good people, but it had a definite slant toward legalism. This caused feelings of never being able to measure up in me, my brother and my dad. Eventually, everyone except my mom turned away from God. The reasons for turning away were many, but since we had earlier in our lives accepted Jesus, it all boiled down to disobedience on our part to our Savior. Yet he is faithful when we are unfaithful, and that has proven true over the years. I came back to a healthier relationship with Him 10 years ago.

My dad is fully aware of God’s love for him and is making his way back, but he still struggles when it comes to being part of the organized body—as do I, sometimes, and my brother as well.

My wife Allison and I joined a small group thinking we were only going to stick with it for one six-week study, but when my dad joined us one night toward the fourth or fifth week, it turned out to be a place where my dad felt comfortable. We realized God was using this safe environment for my dad in order to woo him back with His love. That is one of the big reasons we have decided to continue. My dad just went on a new shift at his shop which causes him to miss the first half of our small group meeting, but we are excited nonetheless that he has said he will continue to come.

You don’t have to hit a home run every time up to bat . . . sometimes a simple bunt will get you on base.

Reflection on God’s Word

Jesus replied, “And you experts in the law, woe to you because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.”

Luke 11:46 (NIV)

51

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.

Luke 6:37 (NIV)

Leadership Lesson

Don’t let the laws pull you away from the love of Christ.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

52

leadership lifter: day 14 EVEN SMALL, SMALL GROUPS CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Read a Story

“Pastor, have you seen this month’s issue of our local magazine?” Pam asked anxiously. I told her that I hadn’t. I was actually kind of surprised that our town had a magazine.

“You’ve got to get a copy and see what our small group is doing,” she insisted.

I drove over to the bookstore that afternoon and picked up a copy. What I discovered was an entire feature article on how this group along with a group of court appointed advocates was supplying small rolling suitcases to foster children. Standard procedure in our state’s foster care system was to place a child’s belongings in a black plastic garbage bag and send them off to the next home. You can just imagine how these children must feel as they lug all of their earthly possessions in a garbage bag.

Pam and her group had committed to providing a children’s Bible for every tote that was given to a child. Inside the Bibles, the group stamped, “You are special and loved.” The article didn’t say that the Bibles were provided by a small group, but by our whole church. The efforts of this one group reflected the heart of our entire body.

This group not only identified a need, but they did something about it, then they let the church know what they were up to. Healthy groups don’t just spot needs, they let God use them to meet needs.

Did I mention that this group has only five members?

Reflection on God’s Word

If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Romans 12:7 NIV

53

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER Christ! No more, no less. That’s what I’m working so hard at day after day, year after year, doing my best with the energy God so generously gives me.

Colossians 1:28-29 The Message

Leadership Lesson

Group health has very little to do with group size.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

54

leadership lifter: day 15 THE HUMAN TOUCH

Read a Story

“Get a job” was the response that my friend used to make or at least think when he was approached by a homeless person. After all, he had started from nothing, worked hard and created a successful business. Why couldn’t the man begging for money do the same? This is America, the land of opportunity.

People who can’t make it here must be lazy or drug addicts or something.

Then my friend went with his small group to the local homeless shelter on a Friday night and served a hot meal to the homeless. This time he wasn’t observing from his air conditioned truck. He was face to face, eye to eye with people he hadn’t understood before.

As the evening progressed, he went from looking to talking. What he discovered was that despite the disparity in accomplishment and material possessions, these folks were not so different from him. In fact, given a different set of circumstances, he wondered what his life might have been like.

Eight months later my friend was given the opportunity to help renovate an old building in the worst section of San Francisco to serve the homeless. He made trip after trip to the city by the bay, driving to a neighborhood where most of us either wouldn’t drive or at least would lock our doors, and began applying his skills to serve people he didn’t know and might never meet.

Reflection on God’s Word

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”

Matthew 9:36-38

Leadership Lesson

The group that serves together, grows together. Small group grow is not just in the head, it’s also in the heart.

TIPS Becoming Like Your Hero Father The novel Across the Nightingale Floor is a classic hero tale set in a fictional ancient Japan. Cut off by tragedy from his childhood world, teenage Takeo forges a new life as the adopted son of Lord Shigeru. Shigeru is nothing like the villagers among whom Takeo was raised, but the boy quickly decides he wants to be just like Shigeru when he becomes a man. It’s not just that Shigeru saved his life. Shigeru also has qualities that Takeo wants: wisdom, patience, kindness, and the skills and honor of a warrior. Takeo commits his life to emulating his adopted father/ master and fulfilling Shigeru’s goals.

Like Takeo, we too were born to be heroes—people who serve God and bring about significant good in the world. But who can save our lives and then show us how to live them? Jesus can.

When Simon, Andrew, James, and John first met Jesus, they were already looking for something more in their lives than just fishing. Jesus was a rabbi seeking students. In those days a rabbi wasn’t just an academic lecturer, and a student or “disciple” wasn’t interested in mere information. Simon and his friends wanted someone to teach them truth to base their lives on. They were

also seeking a personal relationship with a teacher. They found both in Jesus.

Here was someone whose life they could imitate and whose words they could live by. Jesus was not someone who made them think, “I want to know what he knows”; he was someone who made them think, “I want to be like him.”

Christ is a hero whose qualities are worth following. Here are the first steps for becoming more like him: 1.

Pray. Set aside some time to pray about this idea of letting Jesus train you in how to live. If you’re new to prayer, you might try just five minutes a day when you get up in the morning or when you arrive at work. You could pray, “Jesus, train me to live today. Train me to think your thoughts.

Train me to feel toward people what you feel. Train me to do what you would do.” Then review your day with him. You may find it helpful to write your prayer in a journal.

2. Spend time at the Master’s feet. Take time to read the four gospels. Bask in these Bible chapters each week. We recommend that you jot down your thoughts about these readings in a journal.

3. Meditate. If you’ve read the gospels before, try meditation as a way of internalizing God’s word more deeply. Copy a portion of Scripture onto a card, and tape it somewhere in your line of sight, such as on your car’s dashboard. Think about it when you sit at red lights, or when you’re getting dressed in the morning. Ask what God is saying to you, here and now, through these words? Again, record your thoughts in a journal.

Scripture that Comes to Life

By Ben Irwin, Nashville, TN I grew up in a Christian home surrounded by Bibles—all 400-year-old King James Versions. One day, someone gave me one in a language I could understand, and it transformed my life. I went to seminary, worked as a youth pastor for little while, and then worked for Christ Bible Publishers, where I edited Christian literature—which I love. Because of my experience, I’m

passionate about helping people engage the Bible—for the first time or all over again in a fresh way.

Many small groups members want to go deeper, but after looking at shelves upon shelves of Bibles, are unsure of what translation to choose.

Unlike a paraphrase Bible, which is written by one or a few, a translation is edited by a committee of scholars. Both have tremendous value to the church.

Several translations are available today, which include fantastic resources. The New International Version is clear and accurate, while the New Living is readable, using language similar to ours today. The New American Standard provides detailed word study, while the New King James is an updated version of the cadence and tradition people love.

Eugene Peterson wrote a paraphrase, called the Message, which is greatly popular because it speaks in our everyday language. The Good News Bible is a version that’s between a translation and paraphrase, and is great for ESL students.

To choose the one that’s right for you, ask your pastors what they use, look into small group members’ Bibles, or go to the bookstore and leaf through as many versions as possible to see which resonates with you. Be sure to choose a Bible that helps you understand life, explains meaning, and makes you want to go for more.

Once you have your Bible, let it come to life. Live in the text and talk about it, especially the difficult parts. Ask what makes sense and what doesn’t.

Remember, comparing different translations in the context of community makes Scripture come to life.

7 Tips to Modeling Prayer for Your Group One of the most powerful aspects of small groups is the opportunity to offer prayer requests, to pray together, and then to see how God follows through on those prayers. It’s amazing to see how God works over three months or six months or a year. Prayers gets answered, situations change, hearts change— your group sees God work in mighty ways.

Just as powerful as the group dynamic of prayer is the impact that a praying leader can have on his or her group. A praying leader ministers to the group not only by showing how much he or she cares about their needs but also by modeling a life of prayer.

As with most things, becoming a small group centered on prayer doesn’t just happen. Here are 7 tips on how you can minister to your small group through prayer: •

Dedicate the last half hour of each bible study to “personal prayer needs” time.

•

Write each member’s prayer requests down on 3x5 cards. Bring the cards to every study so you can check back on their requests.

•

After the requests are given, pray immediately with your group.

•

Set up a prayer-partner system where each member has another member praying for him or her, and vice versa.

•

As a leader, continue to pray for each specific prayer request of each of your members (use your cards as reminders) daily.

•

Call mid-week (or mid-session) to see how things are going.

•

Call or e-mail whenever the Holy Spirit prompts you. God may use you to help answer a member’s prayer. If you feel the Holy Spirit giving you wisdom that could help a member in a quandary, let that person know.

59

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

SESSION 4

CHAMPION YOUR SPIRITUAL GIFTS TOGETHER

Ministry

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

60

Connecting with God’s Family:

Share one experience where you saw your gifts being used—and when they were used, people recognized them and affirmed those gifts in your life

GROWING TO BE LIKE CHRIST

C ________________ every member’s spiritual gifts. Everyone is a “10” somewhere!

H

________________ every member take a simple baby step towards using their gifts. A crawling step could be hosting the next session!

A

________________ every gift, and every step in the ministry. Spiritual gifts are given for the common good of the Body of Christ.

Developing

Your Gifts to Serve Others

M

_______________ every member to develop their shape for life.

Discovering their gifts in life may happen overnight, but developing their gifts needs to be done over time.

61

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

Sharing

Your Life Mission Everyday

P

________________them into teams in order to mobilize everyone. Rotate roles and responsibilities. Jesus sent the disciples out in pairs.

I _________________your members with your own examples and stories.

O

________________ open discussion about serving together. Don’t ask them, just plan it. It’s the “pay it forward” principle.

SURRENDERING

YOUR LIFE FOR GOD’S PLEASURE

N ________________ give up. The body of Christ needs you.

Prayerfully think of one personal application or practical next step to put your new information into action.

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________

So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

(Ephesians 4:11-13 NIV)

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

62

LEADERSHIP LIFTER: DAY 16 SMALL GROUP TO THE RESCUE

Read a Story

Up to this point in our lives, my wife and I had not been part of a small group.

Then, not too long after the second diagnosis of cancer for my wife, our friends invited us to be a part of their group. What we didn’t know was that we were about to embark on an incredible journey, filled with encouragement, patience, support and love.

When people heard about Margaret’s cancer, a common response was, “We’ll pray for you,” and we appreciated that very much. But not only did our small group pray diligently—their actions exemplified their faith. They went beyond the superficial and well into the sacrificial. Their acts of extreme love were nothing short of awesome.

When money was tight, they would bless us with money. Meals were taken care of. At a time during the very warm summer when we only had fans, we were given an air conditioner. When rides were required for Margaret’s appointments or for our kids, these were provided. When they noticed I was overwhelmed, they took shifts to relieve me of my duties. And in the later stages of Margaret’s illness when she was too weak to travel, our small group would hold the meetings in our bedroom so she could be a part of it.

They all truly sacrificed for us and we will never be the same for their participation in our lives.

Reflection on God’s Word

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you truly love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

John 21:16 (NIV) Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.

Proverbs 17:17 (The Message)

Leadership Lesson

Sometimes we are called to serve beyond our own abilities. That is when God gets the glory.

63

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

leadership lifter: day 17 THE HANDS AND FEET OF CHRIST

Read a Story

Tracy stared into the empty refrigerator. Even with two incomes, money was tight for her family of three. “Darryl, if we are going to eat this weekend, I’m going to need about $80 by then,” she told her husband.

Although they’d recently joined a small group with friends from Tracy’s office, they told the group nothing about their financial struggles, feeling the other group members had enough struggles of their own. One couple had just learned their baby would be born with birth defects. Another couple had a son going through legal problems. So Tracy and Darryl stayed silent.

Days later, it was their turn to host the group for a potluck barbeque at their house. As the group prepared the food they’d brought, one of the members, Susan, opened Tracy and Darryl’s refrigerator to get something. Empty. No milk.

No bread.

Susan had never seen a refrigerator that empty! It brought back memories of a lean time in her own family, and how friends would just show up at the house with things like laundry detergent and groceries. Susan believed God wanted their group to do the same thing for Tracy and Darryl; so six of the members went together to the store to buy food.

They had a blast choosing what to get, and laughed their way through the store. And Tracy was stunned when they arrived at her house with all the groceries! But ultimately it wasn’t just Tracy and Darryl who benefited from the group’s generosity. The whole group grew closer as they experienced the privilege of being the hands and feet of Christ, and they haven’t been the same small group since.

Reflection on God’s Word

Who comforts us in all our trouble, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. II Corinthians 1:4 (NIV)

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

64

Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

I Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)

Leadership Lesson

It is a privilege to be used by God to show others His love and compassion.

65

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

leadership lifteR: day 18 SERVANT’S HEARTS TOGETHER

Read a Story

Our small group wanted to step out and do ministry together, so we decided to do a food drive unlike any food drive ever done. We prayed and asked God to use us, our talents and minds, in a way that would be pleasing to Him. One person came up with the idea of doing it at a grocery store as people were already at the store shopping. Another had the idea of a flyer, and designed and printed it so people would know what items to buy. Another person coordinated the pick-up and deliveries to the local food bank, and another talked with the grocery stores to get their approval for the project. Each of us used our talents in a way that was helpful to the project.

We handed out red bags in front of the stores, and asked people to fill them up with items from the flyer they were handed. We felt people wanted to help others in need, they just needed to know how, and to take the time to do so.

When the day was over, we knew God heard our prayers! The local food bank said the average food drives collect about 300 pounds of food in a day. Our food drive collected two and a half tons of food—enough for 116,000 meals— and that was just from one day of service!

Reflection on God’s Word

“Impossible!” they exclaimed. “We have only five loaves of bread and two fish!” “Bring them here,” he said.

Matthew 14: 17-18 (NLT)

Leadership Lesson

God doesn’t ask us to do the miracle, only to bring Him what we have.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

66

leadership lifter: day 19 BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST

Read a Story

Our community group is made up of church members that live in our small town and in the surrounding community about 25 miles from our church.

Because of the large geographic area we draw from, we have a larger than normal community group, with members ranging in age from 25 to 65. We have several singles, young married couples with children, and experienced adults.

We have businessmen, homemakers, secretaries, and a retired minister and his wife.

Our group has taken on ministry projects, such as building a wheel chair ramp for the brother of our host family. That was a joint effort between several community groups. We have also gone Christmas caroling to our shut-ins, thrown a Christmas party for children of inmates, collected blankets for a mission center, and assembled shoeboxes full of small gifts for distribution by our local associational office. What happened as we worked side-by-side, is that our group became closer. Age, affinity, etc no longer mattered when we worked together for the Lord!

Reflection on God’s Word

They joined with the other believers and devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, sharing in the Lord’s Supper and in prayer. A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders.

Acts 2:42-43 (NLT) The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up only one body. So it is with the body of Christ. Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into Christ’s body by one Spirit, and we have all received the same Spirit.

I Corinthians 12:12-13 (NLT)

Leadership Lesson Serving together joins you in the family of God.

67

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

leadership lifter: day 20 OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

Read a Story

We have an annual neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt on our street on the Saturday before Easter. It is a tradition on our street, to get us all outside and connect with each other after the long winter months. We also use it as a time to witness to the neighborhood children, by reading a children’s version of the Easter story while the parents hide the eggs, so they will know what we are really celebrating.

When we finish the story, the children tear outside to search for the Easter eggs.

One little boy whose family didn’t attend church, went running up to his parents as he came out of the house. After tugging on his dad’s shirt long enough, his dad finally asked, “Sid, what is it that you want? Don’t you want to look for your eggs?” “I’ll look for them in a minute Dad. But what I want to do is look around for Jesus! He’s alive, and we need to find him. The story book said He’s there if we look for Him! I need to find Him Daddy—will you help me?” The dad was astounded, and speechless. Finally, collecting himself, he said, “Yes son, yes I will. Who told you where could find Him?” “She did when she read us the story.”

The dad approached my wife, who talked about the story with them both. The next day the boy and his family joined us at the Easter service, and gave their lives to Christ.

Reflection on God’s Word

At that, Jesus rejoiced, exuberant in the Holy Spirit. “I thank you, father, Master of heaven and earth, that you hid these things from the know-it-alls and showed them to these innocent newcomers. Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way.

Luke 10:21 (The Message)

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

68

And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18: 3-4 (NIV)

Leadership Lesson God’s plan is simple, if we’d just look at it through the eyes of a child.

TIPS Make Summer Your Group’s Ally Everyone seems to look forward to the summer, except for small group leaders.

Leaders dread watching everything they’ve built over the course of the year quickly evaporate with the heat of Summer. Most launch into those long, lazy days with the distant thought of how to rebuild or restart the whole group again in the Fall. But, summer doesn’t necessarily signal the demise of your group.

What everyone likes about summer is the change of pace. The evenings are longer. Kids are out of school. Days are a little more relaxed. And, vacations are on everyone’s minds. Why not use this change of pace to build into your small group?

While many people travel during the summer, your group members won’t be gone for the entire three months. In your first May meeting, why not ask everyone to bring their calendars? Then, find six dates where your group can get together and possibly do a Bible study. You don’t even need six weeks in a row. Just locate six dates out of three months and focus your group on Experiencing Christ Together this summer.

Some groups may not be up for another study during the summer. Our school

days trained us to study for nine months and play for three. That’s not a bad strategy for your group either. Why not spend the summer months playing together? Have a picnic or a lake day. Go camping together. Spend a day at the beach or in the mountains. Find a family-friendly theme park or zoo. Even a backyard barbecue, a golf outing, a shopping trip or a fishing trip can really bond your group together even more. Summer is a great time to enjoy the relationships that you have diligently built over the year.

In addition to fun and social times, why not serve together? You don’t necessarily need a grand strategy from headquarters. Just sit down with your group and talk about what needs they have observed in your community. How could your group reach out and serve this summer?

Is there an elderly person with an overgrown yard? Your group could adopt them for the summer and work on the yard together. Is there a Sunday school teacher who could use a well deserved break? Your group could rotate leading the class and give the teacher a rest. As your group looks around, you will be amazed at the number of ways you can use a little summer down time to make a difference in a life.

Another place to look is the neighborhood you meet in. Summer is the one season when everyone seems to emerge from their houses (and not just zipping in and out of the garage). Why not have a block party and invite the neighbors to join you? Make it a big event. Rent a bounce house for the kids. Barbecue some hot dogs. Then, set everything up in your front yard. The neighborhood kids won’t be able to resist. The parents will soon be following behind.

Maybe your group helped to start some other groups this past year. Why not have a reunion? Get everyone together from all of the groups that started out of your group. Have some food. Play some games. Then, look at the number of people who are there. This will really give your group a great reward for stepping out to connect others into groups. Plus, it’s just great to get your original group back together.

Summer may not be the best stretch for an every week Bible study, but the change of pace could be great for your group. Sit down with your group in the next few weeks and make some plans. Then, do whatever 100 percent of your

group agrees on. Fall will be here before you know it.

Stretch Your Faith Through Service As Christ’s disciples, we grow by doing something that stretches our faith: taking time alone with God, giving, and serving. As leaders, you need to nudge each person in you group to take on a small service role to help them grow as Christ’s disciples.

Some group members will be scared, so you need to cast vision for them. Let them know you believe in them and that they won’t let you down. Also, follow Jesus’ model when he sent out his disciples to serve. Pair them up on a task.

Ask for two volunteers to plan a social event, and another couple to plan a group service or missions project.

If you’ve been leading the Bible study by yourself, identify one or two people with whom you could rotate leadership. Let them know you’re available to consult if they have questions. They’ll be terrified, but this will be the single biggest catalyst for their growth in the entire study.

Sometimes the best time to ask people to take on a service role is right after a great meeting. You close in prayer and then say, “Here’s the [task]. Who will do this and where do we want to go with it? Will you take this on?”

Nine out of ten people will say yes if you ask them, especially if it’s a one-time deal or for a short duration. Phrases like “test drive” and “for a few weeks” take the pressure off.

Then ask, “Who’d be willing to join Susan in doing this?” That way you have them in pairs. As people agree to roles, write down their names and their tasks.

The following week, check in at the end of the meeting to find out if they’ve made any plans. Ask when exactly the social event or service project will transpire. People need to be reminded, so bring it up each week.

Creating Team Players

5 ways to get everyone committed to contributing to your group When it comes to getting everyone to participate in your small group, it’s important that you—their leader—know your level of openness is the primary factor in setting the tone for the group’s involvement and openness.

Along with that, here are 5 ways to get your small group members to

participate in group life: 1.

When you ask the first question, you should answer it first. When you’re done, simply ask, “How about somebody else?”

2.

Don’t rush responses, but learn to enjoy silence. Wait patiently with roaming eye contact. You might count to 7 or say, “I can wait longer than you!”

3.

As soon as someone says anything, affirm their response, whether it is a great answer or a one-word response. Make it safe for people to share their thoughts.

4.

Ask for volunteers to read the Bible passage or a paragraph from a book. But don’t put anyone on the spot unless you know they don’t mind reading.

5.

Pass the baton to another member to host the group next time. This will scare his or her socks off but grow his or her faith as a result.

Remember, God’s dream for each of your group members really is that over time each will grow to shepherd other people. The start they often need is simply reading in the group; then down the road they might facilitate a circle of three or four people for prayer. Eventually, Lord willing, some of them will go on to leading a group or mentoring a new believer.

Developing People

3 ways to encourage your group members to serve As a leader, you are actually in the people development business. Your role as leader is to motivate your group members to discover and start using their gifts and abilities to develop their own unique ministry design. There are three key ways you can help develop your group members: 1.

Start by doing a gift-discovery exercise as a group. If you’ve never done this and would like to, click here for more details.

2.

Model service yourself. A lot of your group members may not want to serve—yet. But if you show up with your own journey of discovering

and use your gifts for service, they’ll be inspired to follow your example.

They need to see that you too are developing. Your model is more important in this group than anything else that will be said or done in your meeting.

So why not tell them the story of how you ended up leading this group? Tell them what it means to you to have an opportunity to serve God in this way. If you were reluctant to try it or you needed to develop your abilities over time, let them know that. And if you’re committed to serving God in some particular way right now, other than leading your group, let them in on that too. Don’t tell your story so it sounds like you’re a superhero. Let them see your human flesh, and God’s divine power.

3.

Affirm the strengths you see in your group members. If your group has been together for six weeks or more, they are already starting to notice each other’s strengths. Now let them hear from you—and each other— what those strengths are. So many people see all their weaknesses and none of their strengths. They need to hear what others see in them. So whatever you do, affirm. One good way to do this is by writing down their strengths on index cards or greeting cards and giving them to your members. Then ask other group members to do the same for each other.

Thanks for your faithfulness to enter the people development business. May God bless you in it.

Share the Load!

Dividing responsibilities not only eases your leadership burden, it helps your group members grow First Corinthians 12:7 says that God gives every believer spiritual gifts for the common good of the body. But if your small group is like most, it’s led by just one person—you! Not that you’re probably complaining, but that’s a huge burden. Aside from that, it’s also keeping everyone else from growing in their gifts.

The load usually falls on one person because many leaders feel like the only way to get things done is to do it themselves. And it doesn’t occur to group members to volunteer because they don’t know that taking on a responsibility is part of being a full member of God’s family. This contributes to group members thinking they don’t have any spiritual gifts because they’ve never had a chance to experiment.

So tactically, how do you motivate people to step up to the plate and discover their gifts in the process?

1.

Read through Acts 2 as a group and talk about that community’s demonstration of all five purposes of the church (for more information on the purposes, click here). Just as that community brought the purposes into their homes—not just into the temple—so should all five purposes be going on in your group. And this requires group “load sharing.”

2.

Deal with shared ownership in a developmental way. Take into account people’s spiritual age. If they’re seekers—not even sure if they believe in Christ—don’t ask them to do anything. Just welcome them in the group.

If they’re new believers, give them a small role. Don’t overwhelm them. If you’ve got mature believers, you can dump the truck on them. They can certainly handle it.

Also take into account your small group stage. If your group is brand new, give people baby-step responsibilities. Perhaps you can have a potluck and let everyone bring something. The balance here is that you don’t want people afraid to show up next week because they feel overwhelmed with responsibility. If your group has been together for a while, you can nudge people a little more to take on something bigger. A good first step would be to pass out a sign-up sheet for helping with the group’s worship time.

3.

Don’t expect people to go it alone. Jesus sent the disciples out in pairs. You can ask a couple of people to team up to host a social evening for your group. Or ask two people to share the job of coordinating the prayer list.

Teaming up makes it much less scary for people.

The best time to ask people to take on a role is right after a great group meeting.

Nine out of ten will say yes to a responsibility if you ask them then. Ask them to do it for the next three weeks—not forever. Or ask people to coordinate one project. If you ask members for help and the room goes quiet, don’t just drop it.

Follow up with people after the meeting.

If you’re nervous to ask for help, remember the Holy Spirit will be right there with you every step of the way.

75

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

SESSION 5:

COACH YOUR GROUP TO SHEPHERD ONE ANOTHER

Evangelism

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

76

Connecting with God’s Family:

Who was it that tapped you on the shoulder? Or who played a role in shepherding you?

GROWING TO BE LIKE CHRIST

C ____________ God’s vision for the harvest. Jesus gave his life for the world.

DEVELOPING

YOUR GIFTS TO SERVE OTHERS

O ____________ simple ways for them to grow as a shepherd. Grow them into going for it.

A ____________ pray together. Pray to the Lord of the Harvest.

SHARING

YOUR LIFE MISSION EVERYDAY C _____________ them to follow God’s call. Even Paul took time to grow Timothy and Titus.

Matthew 9:38

77

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

SURRENDERING

YOUR LIFE FOR GOD’S PLEASURE

H _____________ them as they step out in faith. Some will be reluctant, unwilling, afraid.

Prayerfully think of one personal application or practical next step to put your new information into action.

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________

CIRCLES OF LIFE

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in a the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

(Matthew 28:19-20)

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

78

LEADERSHIP LIFTER: DAY 21 TAP ON THE SHOULDER

Read a Story

One thing led to another, and he invited me to join him and a few other guys to study the Bible. At that time, I would have called myself a believer. I attended church, though infrequently. But at the first meeting, the guys actually opened their Bibles (I had never really done much of that) and they began talking about God’s Word in a way that drew me to both them and God. Six months into that journey, I was growing and God was doing all sorts of things in my life. One of the guys in the study said, “Sometime, I’d like you to help me go to your campus and share Christ with some people.” I agreed, and not long after one day, while we were on the campus, he stood up on some steps and said, “Look at this: Jesus had a picture sort of like this where he looked over the city of Jerusalem, and he said they looked like sheep without a shepherd, and they looked downcast and distressed. Do you see that?”

“Not only do I see that,” I said. “I was that.”

Together we then walked down and began sharing Christ with different people.

About a month later, he asked me to help lead a group of young men who had just become followers of Christ and were anxious to grow. He handed me a little booklet and said, “Just do what we do in our group. I know you can do this.”

“Okay,” I said. I called the new believers, and they showed up at my house a few weeks later.

Remember this: this was only six weeks into my journey with Christ. So six weeks after coming to faith, I led my first Bible study.

And so, a few months later, I took one of the guys in my Bible study, Sean, to some steps on our college campus. I said, “Jesus had a picture like this, where he looked over the city of Jerusalem, and he said the harvest was plentiful and the workers were few. They need a shepherd. Do you see that?”

“Yes, I do,” Sean said.

Six months later, Sean ended up leading his own group of guys that we led to Christ. Sean kept growing. After I graduated, Sean took over my spot, and today, many years later, Sean is a pastor in San Diego, California.

Now, fast forward to just last year: While at a church in California, I saw someone approaching me across the patio. I thought, “That guy looks familiar.”

I excused myself from a conversation to follow this fellow. I walked up to him and asked, “John, is that you?”

79

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER He looked at me and said, “Man, you’ve gotten ugly as you got older.”

I smiled, “John, it is you!”

John was the guy who had tapped my shoulder so many years ago and asked me if I wanted to grow, if I’d be willing to journey with him. I thank God I said yes. He had pulled me under his wing, and believed in me.

Reflection on God’s Word

Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone.

Ephesians 2:19-20

Leadership Lesson

We each leave a legacy… What will yours be?

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

80

LEADERSHIP LIFTER: DAY 22 OLD BUT NOT WORTHLESS

Read a Story

An elderly woman is used by God despite her age.

Edith, recently widowed, was depressed. After her husband’s death, she experienced a stroke and was partially paralyzed. Against Edith’s will, her daughters urged her to move to a nursing home. Nursing homes, Edith thought, were for Alzheimer octogenarians in Depends—not for the youthful in spirit like herself.

For the first few months, Edith refused to mingle with the residents, despite numerous kind invitations. The only community she experienced was on Sunday mornings, when a bus shuttled her to a local church for an hour.

One Sunday, the pastor spoke about the need for hosts to launch new small groups in the church. Edith’s heart twitched with excitement; perhaps she would be able to join one of these emerging small groups. But she wasn’t able to get into a home-based small group because none of the homes were handicap accessible. The small group minister urged her to start up one in her retirement community.

Edith first refused, but she decided to pray about it. God revealed to her she had a choice to contribute to the kingdom or sit back and complain. A week later, Edith began shoulder-tapping people she previously shunned. Over 20 people showed up for the study, hungry for fellowship. In fact, a 93-old man from outside the nursing home heard about the study and asked his son to drive him to the nursing home once a week for the study.

Edith quickly learned elderly people need to be encouraged by God’s Word and each other. In the process, focusing on others had taken away the resentment she had toward being in the nursing home.

Reflection on God’s Word

And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she [b] considered him faithful who had made the promise.

Hebrews 11:11

Leadership Lesson

What has held you back from doing what God asks?

81

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

leadership lifter: day 23 PERSISTENCE PAYS OFF

Read a Story

Years ago, I was in business in Scottsdale, Arizona: I was an alcoholic who owned a bar. My wife had grown up in church, but had never accepted Christ as her personal Savior. We ended up buying a house in Phoenix—right next door to a “Jesus freak.” This woman kept evangelizing and witnessing to my wife, until finally my wife received Christ—and then the two of them began dropping gospel pamphlets around the house. Around that time, life started getting bad for me. I didn’t like who I’d become, and I didn’t like what I was doing for a living.

Finally, one Christmas eve, I asked my wife, “You really believe this stuff you’ve been leaving around the house?” When she said yes, I knew I needed a change, and so I prayed the prayer of salvation. Jesus Christ came into my heart, and my life began to change. God began to intervene, and my wife and I started serving him. We ended up with a small Bible study in our home on Sunday evenings. I wondered at times why people would listen to me—only three years ago I was a drunk. But because of a nosy neighbor who wouldn’t give up, our lives were radically changed. Even now, as the pastor of this church, I just try to stay out of the way of God and let Him more on people’s hearts. That’s what evangelism really is: sharing who Jesus is, not giving up, and allowing God to move on the hearts of the people around you.

Reflection on God’s Word

Jesus said, “Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

John 4:14 Jesus said, “The Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”

Luke 19:10

Leadership Lesson

God makes patience pay off even when no success is evident. Your persistence can make a difference in someone’s eternity.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

82

LEADERSHIP LIFTER: DAY 24 IT’S NOT ABOUT ME

Read a Story

I have always considered myself a follower not a leader, and I never had any desire what so ever to be a group leader. When I was asked to host a small group, I really didn’t feel that I had the time. But somehow something happened, and here I am hosting a small group of women, which just keeps growing!

The women that I’ve been praying for and have been deeply concerned about are part of this group. Over the last year I definitely feel God molding, shaping and stretching me. I’m doing things and thinking about things that I never dreamed I would or could do—because that just wasn’t how I saw myself. It’s not me . . . or so I thought.

But I’m finding out it’s not about me. I fall to my knees every day because I see all the prayers that are being answered. And to think, two years ago I was going to drop my membership at church and let my faith decline because of a trauma in the family! It’s awesome to see God at work, and how He works through others.

Reflection on God’s Word

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Ephesians 6: 19, 20 (NIV) That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” But we know these things because God has revealed them to us by His Spirit, and His Spirit searches out everything and shows us even God’s deep secrets.

II Corinthians 2:9-10 (NLT)

Leadership Lesson

God’s plans are always bigger, and rewards greater, than we could ever imagine.

83

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

leadership lifter: day 25 LOOK INSIDE

Read a Story

A friend of mine invited me to her small group Bible study. I really had had no idea what to expect, but as I looked around the room I felt I had nothing in common with these pretty, stylish women. I thought of myself as neither pretty nor well-dressed, and was really feeling uncomfortable and out of place. I wanted to get out of there, if I could just sneak out the door.

Then the Bible study began, and we opened in prayer. It was as though the leader knew exactly how I felt. She asked God to take off our veils today, to open our eyes in new ways and to see each other the way only He could.

Where I felt I was sticking out like a sore thumb, instead we bonded immediately. We found common ground in our lives, our hurts and most of all in our desire to love and grow in God’s ways.

When I judged them from the outside, I had nothing in common with these women. I was totally wrong—I am so thankful I couldn’t find that door! I have grown deeper in my walk with these ladies, and I can’t wait to see what God does with us as a group!

Reflection on God’s Word

I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.

I Corinthians 4:3-4 (NIV)

Leadership Lesson

God knows our every thought. He made us unique, and we honor each other’s differences.

TIPS Coaching Jitters

From reluctant member to confident shepherd.

I’ve coached just about every baseball, soccer, football, and hockey team my kids have been part of. When I was tapped on the shoulder to coach my 12-year-old daughter’s soccer team, I knew very little about soccer. Though I felt unqualified, I committed to coach for the season. And as I coached, I learned more about the game because I had to teach others. Coaching my daughter and her friends was great fun. Often I forgot about my uneasiness associated with being a first-time soccer coach.

It’s the same when we coach people in our small groups to become shepherds-- something we’re still learning ourselves. We might be hesitant at first, but when we jump in, we become caught up in the excitement of the process. But in order to be this type of coach, we need to recognize that if somebody hadn’t tapped us the shoulder to lead, we wouldn’t be leading.

It’s our turn now to tap others on the shoulder to become leaders.

The acrostic COACH outlines how we should train others to become shepherds.

1.

CAST God’s vision for the harvest. Jesus stood up on a hill overlooking the city of Jerusalem and saw the people were like sheep without a shepherd. They were distressed and downcast, and he had compassion for them.

He wept that there were not enough shepherds for his sheep.

He then said, “Pray to the Lord for the harvest to send forth workers.”

Notice, he prayed for workers, not leaders or teachers. Your job is to cast the vision that God calls all of us to work for His harvest.

One of the best ways to do this is to have your group take a health assessment. It brings a natural sense of conviction and clarity of God’s purposes, especially evangelism. Then have them set a goal of reaching one person. Your job is to emphasize we’re not only called to do life together, but we’re also called to evangelize together.

2.

OFFER simple ways for people to grow as shepherds. To “show up” as their leader weekly is the number one training instrument. That means you earnestly care about them, call them when they are absent, send them an encouraging note. You don’t act like a Bible-thumping theologian—you demonstrate what a functional shepherd is. They see your heart. They realize they can do it too.

Another way to grow shepherds in your circle is to rotate leadership each week. That allows others to experience how easy it is to host a small group. It not only takes a load of responsibility off of you, it’ll also be more enjoyable for everyone. Also, after the teaching session, break people down into smaller discussion groups. From these groups natural leaders will emerge. Make sure you give these individuals feedback, to grow their confidence and guide them in areas where they need to grow.

3.

ACTIVELY pray together. The Bible says, “Pray to the Lord of the Harvest.”

Regularly pray with your group about who to connect with and invite to the group and church. When you pray for unconnected and un-churched friends, God will reveal whom you should reach. Make sure you share those God brings to mind and how you plant to connect with these people. Always encourage them to be thinking and praying about their circle of life.

4.

CHALLENGE them to follow God’s call, just as you did. Say, “Follow me as I follow Christ.” It’s easier that way because you’ve already moved through seeker to student in Christ, to servant of Christ, to shepherd for Christ.

Then ask individuals to identify individuals they feel God wants them to do life together with for a short season. Challenge them to invite these individuals to a short 6-week starter study. If members aren’t ready to do this alone, urge them to follow Jesus’ model and pair up. Remind them

that the twelve disciples didn’t stay in the upper room, and we can’t stay in our living room. The rest of the world needs to be reached.

5.

HELP them as they step out in faith. Emphasize to your group that we intentionally need to choose to evangelize, because it doesn’t come as easily as fellowship, ministry, and discipleship. Because of the reluctance to evangelize, you need to help them reach out.

When Jesus told the disciples he would be leaving, the disciples didn’t understand what their role would be.

At first, your group members will respond the same way. They’ll say, “We are connected, and now you’re trying to split us up?” In response say, “No, we’re enlarging your circle.” Don’t threaten them or scare them, but remind them God calls us to do this, and it’s healthy.

Best-selling Christian writer Chuck Swindoll said, “If you want to grow in your walk with Christ, then put yourself in a responsibility to shepherd one or two.” It doesn’t have to be a few hundred. And do it together. Hard things are done better together. Remember those men that went to great lengths to lower their paralyzed friend through the roof to sit at the Master’s feet. His life was changed, and we want you to see changed lives as well.

Small-Scale Evangelism

How to show your group that being a light in the world isn’t so scary Does the very thought of sharing your faith with an unbeliever make you sweat? If so, as a leader you understand exactly what the rest of your group feels regarding evangelism. There’s nothing more important for a leader than empathy.

Because you know how they feel, a principle you need to pass on to your

group is how simple and natural it can be to offer Christ’s love to people.

As a leader, your role is to help your group understand Jesus’ heart for the lost.

Matthew 9 says Jesus looked out on the crowds and felt compassion for them because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without shepherds. Jesus has a vision that there will be a shepherd for every sheep. That’s the heart of being a light in the world.

Once people really hear Jesus’ heart, their fear doesn’t seem like such a big deal. Being a light in the world doesn’t mean preaching to thousands of people. Your group can start being lights in smaller ways, even if they don’t know the Bible very well.

If everybody in your group thinks of one or two unbelievers they know, then together you should be able to come up with ten names. Maybe it’s the mom of another kid on your kid’s soccer team or somebody you know from work. Over the next couple of weeks, your group will pray for these individuals. Some may think praying for these people won’t have any affect, but God answers prayers like these.

If your group is feeling adventurous, why not have a barbeque or a Christmas party and have everybody in your group invite one or two unbelievers? You don’t have to talk about Jesus the first time you meet them. Just let them see how you love one another. Jesus said that unbelievers know who he is by seeing how Christians love each other. Be honest that you know each other because you’re in a group that studies the Bible together. Let the wheels start turning in their minds.

When fear does surface, remember that even the apostle Paul said that he ministered not out of his strength but out of his weakness so that people’s faith would rest on God’s power. The Holy Spirit will go with you in power. All you have to do is be open.

Give Your Servant’s Heart a Workout If you lead a small group study, you have a servant’s heart. As a group leader, your desire is to develop this same heart in the members of your group.

How do you build a muscle? You build it by using it. Similarly, you need to build the servant’s heart by working it.

One way to do this is by rotating leadership. Think about the gifts and abilities of your group members. At the end of your meeting, ask him or her if they’d be

willing to facilitate your next meeting. Point them to all the leader helps and reassure them that it’s just for one meeting.

Another thing you can do to develop a servant’s heart in each group member is to take on a group service project. Your pastor is probably up to his eyeballs in responsibilities. Your group can exercise a servant heart by volunteering to do something to help out the church. Just phone the church office and find out if there’s something you can do for him for a couple of hours on a Saturday. You’ll have a great time, it will draw your group together, and your heart muscles will be a little stronger.

Remember, the more your group sees you relate to them out of a servant’s heart, the more they’ll want to do the same. Don’t worry about being the perfect leader this week. Just look for ways you can serve and love your people, and believe that they can grow as servants of God. The Bible says God gives grace to the humble; as you go before him in humility and seek his guidance for this meeting, you can be confident of receiving his grace.

Recruiting a Co-Leader How help from God and group members takes the worry out of leading

There are few other tasks in the family of God that surpass shepherding Jesus’ flock—which is what you as a leader are doing. As you prepare to lead— whether it is one session or an entire series—keep in mind that you are not alone. God knows everything about you, and he knew that you would be asked to lead your group.

It is common for all good leaders to feel unready to lead. Moses, Solomon, Jeremiah and Timothy were all reluctant to lead. But as he did for them, God promises to us, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).

Remember, you don’t have to try to do this alone. Pray right now for God to help you build a healthy leadership team. If you can enlist a co-leader, your experience will be much richer.

This is your chance to involve as many people as you can in building a healthy group. All you have to do is call and ask people to help—you’ll be surprised at the response.

89

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

SESSION 6:

CELEBRATE LIFE TOGETHER

Worship

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

90

Connecting with God’s Family

Describe a time in your life when you felt the power and presence of God the most. It might have been with a small group or in a larger group setting but it was a time when you gathered with a few others to celebrate life together.

GROWING TO BE LIKE CHRIST

C __________to gathering together for worship. “If we don’t praise Him the rocks will shout his name!”

E __________times of prayer in both large and small groups.

L __________ is better when we celebrate the moments together.

E __________God through music and praise.

DEVELOPING

YOUR GIFTS TO SERVE OTHERS

B __________ a community that shows up during the hard times.

R __________ a person or team to champion prayer and praise.

91

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

SHARING

YOUR LIFE MISSION EVERY DAY

A _____________ one another’s life in community.

SURRENDERING

YOUR LIFE FOR GOD’S PLEASURE

T _____________ them new forms of worship together.

E

_____________ your progress and renew your plans.

Prayerfully think of one personal application or practical next step to put your new information into action.

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. (Romans

12:1-NIV)

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

92

LEADERSHIP LIFTER: DAY 26 KNOW YOURSELF

Read a Story

When the New Year begins everyone has a plan for a fresh start, a new lease on life. Calendars will be bought, Day-timers made ready—maybe a new Blackberry to keep track of our schedules, and a few self-help books thrown in too, to guide us in the right direction.

Sue, while at the office supply store, decided that instead of wasting time and energy on the outside, she’d start looking on the inside. Our society, through very effective marketing, gets us to believe that we need to live for “me,” and, “I need to do it right here and now!” She put down her self-help books and went over to the Christian book store instead, where she was amazed to see all the self-help and time management strategies listed, but from a Christian perspective!

As Sue spent time reading God’s Word each day, she found she could prioritize her schedule in a way she had never done before. Sue realized she didn’t need to do more, she actually needed to do less! She still did the urgent, yet stayed focused on the eternal. As she changed her focus, she changed her life . . . and you can too!

Reflection on God’s Word

Study this Book of the Law continually. Meditate on it day and night so you may be sure to obey all that is written in it. Only then will you succeed.

Joshua 1:8 (NIV) “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:41-43 (NIV)

Leadership Lesson If you don’t have time to read God’s Word, you are too busy. Take the time!

93

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

LEADERSHIP: DAY 27 WHAT TOMORROW BRINGS

Read a Story

Have you ever been around someone who is so worried about the “what ifs” in life that they don’t enjoy the present? My friend Sandy was like that. She was constantly fretting about a hundred different scenarios that never came to pass, all the while wondering why she always felt so tired and drained!

One day Sandy told me she felt trapped by her constant worry. She said she was even worried about stopping her worry, because what would happen if she did?! As she said those words, a light bulb went off in her head and God touched her heart. What if she did stop worrying and just paid attention to today . . . how would she feel?

Months later Sandy was a new person, brimming with joy, peace and energy.

When she planned for the future, she left her worry and concern for the things out of her control to God. She was so glad she did.

Reflection on God’s Word

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT) O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying ‘What shall we eat? Or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given toto you as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Matthew 6:30-34 (NLT)

Leadership Lesson

Worry is like a rocking chair, it may be moving, but it isn’t taking you anywhere!

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

94

leadership lifter: day 28 STICKING IT OUT

Read a Story

When I first started attending my group, I felt really uncomfortable. Actually, I shouldn’t even call it a “group.” It was just a couple and myself, and I found that extremely awkward. It just felt way too small for me. I really wanted to quit the group.

But thankfully, I didn’t. Instead, I talked with the other couple about inviting others into our group. They were enthusiastic about the idea. And so I invited several people to join us. The other couple did the same. And since then, our group has continued to grow. Right now we have ten couples and 21 kids. We also have a couple of babysitters that come each week, so no one has to worry about childcare. Everyone just brings their children with them. That way the adults are able to study the Bible and fellowship together while the kids play in another part of the house.

Our small group is so awesome. I’m so thankful I stuck with it and that I ventured out and invited other people. The group has been a great support for my family and me. Just recently we’ve been through some pretty hard times, and the group has helped us so much. It’s so encouraging to me to have this kind of community, to know I have people who care about me and want to walk alongside me, no matter what happens.

Maybe you’re feeling uncomfortable in your group right now, just like I did in the beginning. Perhaps it’s not because your group is too small, but because you don’t know anyone. I want to encourage you to not be afraid. God can and will use this group to change your life. But it may mean you have to step out of your comfort zone. That’s what it meant for me. Persevere. And don’t forget to invite someone else along. God could use you to change someone else’s life, too.

Reflection on God’s Word

His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’

Matthew 25:21

Leadership Lesson

When we are faithful with what is small, God rewards us with more.

95

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

leadership lifter: day 29 LIFE SUPPORT

Read a Story

Five years ago, my wife, Margaret, was diagnosed with lung cancer. Like everyone who hears this news, we were traumatized, but we trusted God for a miracle.

After the doctor operated, he said they were able to get all the cancer and there was no need for follow-up treatment. We thanked God, rejoiced in her healing and got back to our “normal” life.

That life would be short-lived, however. A year-and-a-half later, the doctors told us that the cancer had spread to her bones. This time they were not going to be able to operate. Her treatment of chemotherapy and radiation was going to be intensive.

Up to this point in our lives, we had not been a part of a small group. But not too long after the second diagnosis, our friends invited us to be a part of their group.

What we didn’t know was that we were about to embark on an incredible journey that was to be filled with encouragement, patience, support and love.

Through the course of Margaret’s treatment, not only did our group pray diligently for us, but their actions exemplified their faith. They went beyond the superficial and well into the sacrificial. Their acts of extreme love were nothing short of awesome. They helped in so many ways: • • • • • •

On occasions when money was tight, they would bless us with money.

When rides were required for Margaret’s appointments or for our kids, they drove.

They cooked us meals.

In the middle of a hot summer, when we only had fans, someone gave us an air-conditioner.

When they noticed I was overwhelmed, they would relieve me of my duties in shifts.

In the later stage of Margaret’s illness, when she was too weak to travel, they would hold group in our bedroom just so she could be a part of it.

And all these deeds were done on their own accord. Neither Margaret nor I had to ask for anything. They anticipated what our needs were going to be. Through all this, their prayers stayed constant.

I cannot imagine how we would’ve gone through this time without God and our small group on our side. I now know full well what the Bible means by having “friends closer than brothers.” I am eternally grateful for them.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

96

As I write this, I’m reminded of the great reunion we’re going to have in heaven.

I can only imagine how Margaret will be able to thank each one in our group for their unselfish acts … What a glorious day that will be!

Reflection on God’s Word

By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:35

Leadership Lesson

We represent Christ to the world when we love others sacrificially.

97

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

leadership lifter: day 30 WHAT A RUSH

Read a Story

I would love to stride into church on Sunday morning with the joy of surrender welling up from my inner being. It rarely happens. More often than not, I’ve been driving a car full of kids while combing their hair and insisting that they wolf down some breakfast. I am frequently late, so I rush, slightly sweating, into the worship service. The first song helps me begin to corral my thoughts and aim them in the general direction of God. I have to decide to put everything else aside and make this time be about Him. The song lyrics remind me what my life is about—life together with my magnificent Lord. By the third song, I’m aware that God is doing something in my heart. Peace fills me. God’s majesty transcends my life’s chaotic details. I have become a worshiper.

Reflection on God’s Word

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

Mark 6:31

Leadership Lesson

Hurry and worry are the opposite of surrender and worship. Chose to slow down and hear God’s voice.

TIPS BUILDING COMMUNITY THROUGH COMMUNION Looking for a wonderful means of worshipping as a group? Why not lead your group in sharing the Lord’s Supper? If you’ve never done this before, the idea certainly seems daunting, but here is a simple form by which your small group can share this sacrament. Of course, churches vary in their treatment of Communion so you may need to adapt these suggestions to your church’s beliefs.

Steps in Serving Communion 1.

Out of the context of your own experience, say something brief about God’s love, forgiveness, grace, mercy, commitment, tenderheartedness or faithfulness. Connect your words with the personal stories of the group.

For example, “These past few weeks I’ve experienced God’s mercy in the way he untangled the situation with my son. And I’ve seen God show mercy to others of us here too, especially to Jean and Roger.” If you prefer, you can write down ahead of time what you want to say.

2.

Read 1 Corinithians 11:23-26*: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For whenever you eat this break and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

3.

Pray silently, and pass the bread around the circle. While the bread is being passed, you may want to reflect quietly, sing a simple praise song, or listen to a worship tape.

4.

When everyone has received the bread, remind them that this represents Jesus’ broken body on their behalf. Simply state, “Jesus said, ‘Do this in remembrance of me.’ Let us eat together,” and eat the break as a group.

5.

Pray silently, and serve the cup. You may pass a small tray, serve people

individually, or have them pick up a cup from the table.

6.

When everyone has been served, remind them that the cup represents Jesus’ blood shed for them. Simply state, “The cup of the new covenant is Jesus Christ’s blood shed for you. Jesus said, ‘Do this in remembrance of me.’ Let us drink together.” Then drink the juice in a group.

7.

Conclude by singing a simple song, listening to a praise song, or having a time of prayer in thanks to God.

Practical Tips in Serving Communion 1.

Prepare the elements simply, sacredly, and symbolically.

2.

Be sensitive to timing in your meeting.

3.

Break up pieces of cracker or soft bread on a small plate or tray. Don’t use large servings of bread or grape juice. You should think about using grape juice—and not wine—because wine can cause some people to stumble.

4.

Have all of the elements prepared beforehand, and just bring them into the room or to the table when you are ready.

*Here are some other good Communion passages: Matthew 26:26-29, Mark 14:22-25, Luke 22:14-20, 1 Corinthians 10:16-21 or 1 Corinthians 11:17-34.

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

100

HOSTING LIFETOGETHER

How to create your own community APPENDIX

ANSWER KEY 101

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

SESSION 1

CREATE YOUR OWN COMMUNITY (1) Heart (2) The Five Purposes (3) Model (4) Example (5) Host THE FIVE PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITIES OF A HOST:

Connect • Cultivate • Champion • Coach • Celebrate

SESSION 2

CONNECT YOUR GROUP WITH ONE ANOTHER Create • Open • Naturally • Never • Encourage Cultivate • Take

SESSION 3

CULTIVATE YOUR SPIRITUAL JOURNEY Clarify • Understand • Listen • Transformation • Inspect Validate • Ask • Together • Expect

SESSION 4 CHAMPION YOUR SPIRITUAL GIFTS TOGEGTHER Champion • Have • Affirm • Motivate • Put • Inspire Offer • Never

SESSION 5

COACH YOUR GROUP TO SHEPHERD ANOTHER Cast • Offer • Actively • Challenge • Help

SESSION 6

CELEBRATE LIFE TOGETHER Commit • Experience • Life • Experience • Build Recruit • Affirm • Teach • Evaluate

Y

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

102

FAQ Who may attend this group?

Anybody you feel would benefit. As you begin, we encourage each attendee to invite at least one other friend to join. Take some time at your first meeting to share a few names so you can pray as a group that they might be open to attend. The best time to have people join the group is in the first or second week of a new study.

How long will this group meet?

This series is six weeks long, but we encourage groups to add one additional week for a celebration. At the end of this study, each group member makes the decision whether to stay on for another six-week study. In your final session, take time to discuss your Group Agreement, and what study you plan to do next.

Who is the leader?

Most groups have a leader. If you do not have a leader, take a few minutes to talk about who might fill this role in your group. We encourage you to select one or more discussion leaders, and recommend that you rotate the job of facilitator to create the opportunity for everyone to develop this skill. Several other responsibilities can be rotated, including refreshments, prayer requests, worship, and keeping up with those who miss a meeting. Shared ownership in the group helps everybody grow.

Where do we find new group members for our group?

This can be an issue for groups, especially new groups starting with just a few people, or existing groups that have lost a few members along the way. Brainstorm a list of people from your work, church, neighborhood,

103

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

children’s school, family, the gym, and so on. Then pray for the people on each member’s list. Have each group member invite several people on their list. No matter how you find members, it is important to continue actively looking for new people to join your group. All groups go through some healthy attrition as a result of people moving, releasing new leaders, ministry opportunities, and so forth. If the group gets too small, it runs the risk of shutting down. You never know—the next person you add might just become a friend for eternity.

How do we handle the childcare needs in our group?

This is a sensitive issue in groups. We suggest that you seek creative solutions as a group. One common solution is for the adults to meet in the living room while the kids gather in another part of the house. You can share the cost of a babysitter (or two) to be with the kids if necessary. Another popular option is to have one home for the kids and a second home (close by) for the adults. The adults might rotate the responsibility of providing a lesson for the kids. This last option is great with school age kids, and can be a huge blessing to families.

What if we cannot get through all the content each week?

The curriculum is provided to serve you as a group and as a leader. Do not feel obligated to get through all the content in this study guide. Be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit during your group meeting. Some items will be more applicable for your group than others. Choose those items that best fit your group life. However, if an item stretches you as a group, don’t ignore it. New experiences will breathe new growth and community into your small group!

Many groups are able to complete these study guides in the suggested six weeks, while others take several extra weeks. Please feel free to adjust your pace according to the needs of your group. If the need arises to take a week and give attention to needs in your group, do so—then come back to the study guide the following week. We encourage you to periodically meet together specifically for the purpose of building relationships within your group.

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

104

SMALL GROUP HOST COVENANT

Father, trusting in the leading and power of your spirit, I will do my best to...

Connect my group to one another—Fellowship Cultivate their spiritual journey—Discipleship Champion their gifts together—Ministry Coach them to shepherd another and—Evangelism Celebrate our lives together—Worship

________________________________ (signature)

________________________________ (name of your Pastor, Coach, Fellow Leader or Spiritual Partner)

________________________________ (date)

105

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

SMALL GROUP COVENANT To be reviewed quarterly, or as needed.

Group Purpose: _______________________ _______________________

As a group, we agree to the following disciplines:

WHAT WE WANT TO DO ABOUT: Refreshments/Mealtimes _______________________ _______________________

Childcare

Attendance

To give priority to the group meeting.

Call when absent or late.

Safety

To help create a safe place where people can be heard. No quick answers or judgments.

Confidentiality

To keep anything that is shared strictly confidential. What’s said in group, stays in group.

Accountability

To give permission to group members to hold you accountable to the goals you set for yourself.

Assimilation

To keep the door open to others in our church (unconnected and unchurched people) who need what we have.

Rotation

To rotate hosting responsibilities for the meeting.

Responsibility To take an active role in the responsibilities of this small group.

_______________________ _______________________

When we will meet (day of the week) _______________________ _______________________

Where we will meet (place) _______________________ _______________________

We will begin at___________ , and close at___________

We will study _______________________ _______________________

We will do our best (some or all of us) to attend the following service together: _______________________ _______________________

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

106

SMALL GROUP CALENDAR Healthy purpose-driven groups share responsibilities and group ownership.

This usually doesn’t happen overnight but progressively over time. Sharing responsibilities and ownership ensures that no one person carries the group alone. The calendar below can help you in this area. You can also add a social event, mission project, birthdays, and days off to your calendar. This should be completed after your first or second meeting. Planning ahead will facilitate better attendance and greater involvement from others.

DATE

LESSON

LOCATION

DESSERT/ FACILITATOR MEAL

107

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

YOUR FIRST MEETING If your group is new, or even if you haven’t been together for a few weeks, we recommend that you plan a kick-off meeting where you will pray, hand out study guides, spend some time getting to know each other, and discuss each person’s expectations for the group. A meeting like this is a great way to start a group or step up people’s commitments.

Most groups, if reconvened after a short break, will be renewed in seeing each other and open to increasing their commitment as much as 25 percent. We have seen some naturally move to a weekly format, begin doing homework, and commit to daily devotions simply because the leader shared his or her heart. What do you sense God wants from you and your group?

However, if your group is brand new, a simple meal, potluck, or even good desserts make a kick-off meeting more fun. After dessert, have everyone respond to an icebreaker question, such as, “How did you hear of this church, and what’s one thing you love about it?” Or, “Tell us three things about your life growing up that most people here don’t know.”

Then ask everyone to tell what he or she hopes to get out of this study. You might want to review the Small Group Covenant (see page 131) and talk about each person’s expectations and priorities. You could discuss whether you want to do Bible study homework before each meeting—homework covering the questions under the Growing and/or the For Deeper Study sections. Review the Small Group Calendar and talk about who else is willing to open their home or facilitate a meeting.

Finally, cast the vision, as Jesus did, to be inclusive not exclusive. Ask everyone to think of people who would enjoy or benefit from a group like this. The beginning of a new study is a great time to welcome a few people into your circle. Have each person share a name or two and either make phone calls the coming week or handwrite invitations or postcards that very night. This will make it fun and also make it happen. At www.lifetogether.com we have a free email invitation you may send to every potential member. Don’t worry about ending up with too many people—you can always have one discussion circle in the living room and another in the dining room.

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

108

GREAT CONVERSATION STARTERS Good questions draw people in and keep a conversation flowing.

Be on the lookout for good questions. Below are some suggestions: 1.

What’s your preferred ice cream flavor? Where do you usually enjoy it?

2. How many brothers and sisters do you have? What is your birth order?

3.

Which do you prefer: the hustle and bustle of city life or the quiet and serenity of country life? Why?

4.

What’s your all-time favorite meal, and how often do you enjoy it?

5.

What’s one of your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called?

6.

As a child, what was your idea of fun?

7.

What’s a phrase your parents often said to you as a child that you prom- ised yourself you’d never say, but now you catch yourself saying all the time?

8.

As a kid, what did you want to grow up to be?

9.

What’s one of your hobbies?

10. What books have made a big impact on you?

11. What was the most recent compliment that surprised and delighted you?

12. What’s something about yourself that you hope will never change?

13. Are you more of a rule breaker or a rule keeper? Why? 14. Would you describe yourself as an extrovert or an introvert? Explain.

15. What’s your dream job?

16. What’s one of your greatest achievements?

17. What one word sums up your high school experience? Why? 18. What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word “fun”?

19. What are you a “natural” at doing? What skills have you just always had?

20. How often do you leisurely eat a meal with friends?

109

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

HOSTING AN OPEN HOUSE If you’re starting a new group, try planning an “open house” before your first formal group meeting. Even if you only have two to four core members, it’s a great way to break the ice and to consider prayerfully who else might be open to join you over the next few weeks. You can also use this kick-off meeting to hand out study guides, spend some time getting to know each other, discuss each person’s expectations for the group and briefly pray for each other.

A simple meal or good desserts always make a kick-off meeting more fun.

After people introduce themselves and share how they ended up being at the meeting (you can play a game to see who has the wildest story!), have everyone respond to a few icebreaker questions: “What is your favorite family vacation?” or “What is one thing you love about your church/our community?” or “What are three things about your life growing up that most people here don’t know?” Next, ask everyone to tell what he or she hopes to get out of the study. You might want to review the Small Group Agreement and talk about each person’s expectations and priorities.

Finally, set an open chair (maybe two) in the center of your group and explain that it represents someone who would enjoy or benefit from this group but who isn’t here yet. Ask people to pray about whom they could invite to join the group over the next few weeks. Hand out postcards and have everyone write an invitation or two. Don’t worry about ending up with too many people; you can always have one discussion circle in the living room and another in the dining room after you watch the lesson.

Each group could then report prayer requests and progress at the end of the session.

You can skip this kick-off meeting if your time is limited, but you’ll experience a huge benefit if you take the time to connect with each other in this way.

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

110

MEMORY VERSES Below you will find a suggested memory verse for each of the six sessions in Hosting Lifetogether. The practice of memorizing and meditating on God’s Word has been proven through the centuries to provide those who do it with a continual source of guidance, inspiration, wisdom, and intimacy with God. God loves it when we intentionally think his thoughts. Feel free to cut out the memory verses and place them in your wallet or purse to review over the few months.

Session One

Session Two

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching (Hebrews 10-25-NIV)

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’g There is no commandment greater than these.”

(Mark 12:30-31)

Session Three

Session Four

He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.

(Colossians 1:28 NIV)

So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. (Ephesians 4:11-13 NIV)

Doing Lifetogether

Present Everyman Complete

The Great Commandment

Equipped for Ministry

Session Five

Session Six

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them ina the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

(Matthew 28:19-20)

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. (Romans 12:1 NIV)

The Great Commission

A Living Sacrifice

111

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

BUILDING SHARED OWNERSHIP 1.

It’s important to understand the Biblical principles behind mobilizing every group member into a role or responsibility to help cultivate group ownership and champion the 5 purposes. There are three principles behind this idea. a.

The priesthood of all believers is the first principle — “Every member is a minister”. The challenge here is not that a few should minister in the body, but that everyone should be in ministry, no matter how small or large the role.

b.

Second, the Biblical principle of spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12:7).

We all have them and they need to be discovered and developed.

They could develop naturally within the small group you lead.

c.

Third, we believe in balancing the 5 Biblical purposes, not only as a church but as a small group as well. This balance leads to health and health leads to growth.

2.

Initially, you and/or your host will champion each purpose and all the responsibilities. Over time passing them to your members is the true goal.

Some get all 5 bases covered in the first meeting and others roll them in over time. This is totally up to you, but don’t underestimate what your people can do or limit their growth by waiting too long.

3.

From a matter of perspective, you don’t need them to help, but they need a role to grow and develop. This helps to build ownership and spiritual maturity in your people over time. Don’t be hesitant because they will grow because of it.

4.

Give people “bite-size” roles to begin with. Let the roles match their spiritual maturity. Have them bring meals, plan an event or help another Purpose Champion, but grow them into more responsibility over time.

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

112

5.

Don’t expect perfection and be ready with lots of affirmation. This will be messy at first but it’s the path of personal and spiritual development.

Be ready to support new steps. People will need loads of attention after accepting new responsibilities.

6.

In terms of process, some people will be overwhelmed with the “formal” titles versus the “functional” roles. Don’t sweat it! Just ask them to champion a simple role, activity or function and bring the titles in later. The bottom line is to help them grow and become participants, not spectators, in your group.

7.

There are several ways to identify and select the Purpose Champions or Purpose Team Members in your group: a.

The most effective comes out of a discussion in every member’s personal GIFTS and personal goals (See GIFTS Profile Worksheet).

Have everyone fill out that worksheet and share it with the group.

This naturally lends to clarification on which role best suits them.

b.

The second method is for you and your apprentice to pray over who you think would be best in which role and simply ask them to “test drive it” for a few weeks.

c.

The final method is to ask the group to share who they think would be well-suited to champion that base and why. This builds ownership, a sense of being called and chosen as a valued contributor and affirms them in the small group community. Then ask them to give it a “test drive” for 3-6 months.

8. You intentionally want to rotate roles over time so that people can grow and develop in new and necessary areas of their life. Some will be selected for certain roles but desire to experiment in another. You can team up on a base or share the covering of several bases. It’s totally flexible. Have fun and remember the goal is growth and not just getting a job done.

9. Begin praying for God’s leading today on “who” is in your group and “where” He wants to take them.

10.

Just do it this week…there is a whole new dimension to your people and your group ahead. The best is yet to come.

113

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

PERSONAL LIFE HEALTH ASSESSMENT CONNECTING with God’s family

I am intentionally cultivating my relationships with Christian friends & spiritual mentors I am cultivating authentic community by speaking truth in love and creating healthy boundaries

I am more loving, grace giving & forgiving to others than I was a year ago I am resolving conflict with others in a Biblical manner, and supporting the leadership of this church family

I am willing to share my real needs for prayer and support with others

1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5

Connecting Total ________________

GROWING to be like Christ I have an intimate relationship with God, growing spiritually through regular quiet time in God’s Word & prayer. (Spiritual Habits)

I respond to challenges with peace and faith to protect me from pain rather than anxiety and fear

I see myself more through God’s eyes than my own I avoid using addictive behaviors (food, television, busyness, etc.)

I am honoring God with my finances & my personal giving (budget) to God

1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5

Growing Total ________________

DEVELOPING your SHAPE to serve others I am expressing my gifts (S.H.A.P.E.) as a way of life at work and at home I’ve attended the 301 CLASS, discovered my SHAPE & completed the SHAPE interview I am serving in a regular (monthly or better) ministry to the church body I am sharing responsibility within my small group by serving in a role I am praying, discipling, or mentoring another person in the group or community

1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5

Developing Total ________________

SHARING your life mission every day I am actively praying for & cultivating relationships with unchurched friends & family I am inviting seekers to church and sharing my spiritual story with them I am participating in cross-cultural missions by discovering needs and praying for them I am praying and considering where God can use my cross-culturally in the future I am reproducing my life spiritually and/or praying for when this will happen

1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5

Sharing Total ________________

SURRENDERING your life for God’s pleasure I am faithfully attending church worship services on the weekends I have created a life mission statement and am seeking to fulfill it I am growing in my personal worship to God through music & praise I am surrendering my whole life by improving my exercise and nutrition I am honoring God with every dimension of my life by balancing His purposes in my life

1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5

Surrendering Total ________________

Just Beginning 0-5

FAIR 5-10

Getting Going 10-15

VERY GOOD 15-20

Well Developed 20-30

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

114

PERSONAL LIFE HEALTH PLAN PURPOSES (Primary Questions)

POSSIBILITIES (Sample Plans)

CONNECTING

• Attend my group more faithfully.

Who am I connecting with spiritually?

• Schedule lunch with a group member.

WITH GOD’S FAMILY

(Purpose of Fellowship) Hebrews 10:24-25; Ephesians 2:19

GROWING

TO BE LIKE CHRIST What is my next step for growth?

(Purpose of Discipleship) Colossians 1:28; Ephesians 4:15

DEVELOPING

YOUR SHAPE TO SERVE OTHERS

• Begin praying for a spiritual partner • Commit to personal time with God three days a week.

• Ask a friend for devotional accountability • Begin journaling my prayers

• Begin praying for a personal ministry

Where am I serving in ministry?

• Attend a gift discovery class

(Purpose of Serving)

• Serve together at a church event or in the community

Ephesians 4:11-13; 1 Corinthians 12:7; 1 Peter 3:10

SHARING

YOUR LIFE MISSION EVERYDAY How am I shepherding another in Christ?

(Purpose of Evangelism)

• Start meeting for lunch with a seeker friend • Invite a non- Christian relative to church

Matthew 28:19-20; Acts 20:24

• Pray for and support an overseas missionary

SURRENDERING

• Submit one area to God

YOUR HEART AS WORSHIP

How am I surrendering my heart today?

(Purpose of Worship) Romans 12:1&2; Psalm 27:6b

• Be honest about my struggles and hurt • Buy a music CD for worship my car and in the group

PLANS (NEXT STEP) Monthly Review

115

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

SMALL GROUP HEALTH ASSESSMENT CONNECTING with God’s family

We are intentionally cultivating our relationships with Christian friends & spiritual mentors We are cultivating authentic community by speaking truth in love and creating healthy boundaries

We are more loving, grace giving & forgiving to others than we were a year ago

We are resolving conflict with others in a Biblical manner, and supporting the leadership of this church family

We are willing to share our real needs for prayer and support with others

1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5

Connecting Total ________________

GROWING to be like Christ We have an intimate relationship with God, growing spiritually through regular quiet time in God’s Word & prayer. (Spiritual Habits)

We respond to challenges with peace and faith to protect us from pain rather than anxiety and fear

We see ourselves more through God’s eyes than our own

We avoid using addictive behaviors (food, television, busyness, etc.)

We are honoring God with our finances & our personal giving (budget) to God

1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5

Growing Total ________________

DEVELOPING your SHAPE to serve others We are expressing our gifts (S.H.A.P.E.) as a way of life at work and at home

We’ve attended the 301 CLASS, discovered our SHAPE & completed the SHAPE interview We are serving in a regular (monthly or better) ministry to the church body

We are sharing responsibility within our small group by serving in a role

We are praying, discipling, or mentoring another person in the group or community

1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5

Developing Total ________________

SHARING your life mission every day We are actively praying for & cultivating relationships with unchurched friends & family We are inviting seekers to church and sharing our spiritual story with them

We are participating in cross-cultural missions by discovering needs and praying for them We are praying and considering on where God can use our cross-culturally in the future We are reproducing our life spiritually and/or praying for when this will happen

1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5

Sharing Total ________________

SURRENDERING your life for God’s pleasure We are faithfully attending church worship services on the weekends

We have created a life mission statement and are seeking to fulfill it

We are growing in our personal worship to God through music & praise

We are surrendering our whole life by improving our exercise and nutrition

We are honoring God with every dimension of our life by balancing His purposes in our life

1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5

Surrendering Total ________________

Just Beginning 0-5

FAIR 5-10

Getting Going 10-15

VERY GOOD 15-20

Well Developed 20-30

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

116

SMALL GROUP HEALTH PLAN

PURPOSES

POSSIBILITIES

PLANS (OUR NEXT STEP)

(Primary Questions)

(Sample Plans)

Monthly Review

CONNECTING

• Host a family barbeque

WITH GOD’S FAMILY

(Purpose of Fellowship) Hebrews 10:24-25; Ephesians 2:19 Who are we connecting deeper with relationally?

GROWING

TO BE LIKE CHRIST (Purpose of Discipleship) Colossians 1:28; Ephesians 4:15 What is our next step for spiritual growth?

DEVELOPING

• Pass around the CLASS sign-up sheet • Share our extended life stories

• Commit as a group to regular quiet times • Memorize one verse a month • Read a book on spiritual growth

• Share ministry involvement

YOUR SHAPE TO SERVE stories and plans OTHERS • Pray for everyone to find a (Purpose of Serving) Ephesians 4:11-13; 1 Corinthians 12:7; 1 Peter 3:10

ministry by the fall season

Where are we serving together?

Serve together at Easter

SHARING

• Pray for your family and

friends YOUR LIFE MISSION EVERYDAY • Share plans and progress for (Purpose of Evangelism) inviting people to Easter

Matthew 28:19-20; Acts 20:24 How can we share Christ and fulfill our Life Mission in the world?

SURRENDERING

• Pray for the African mission team

OUR LIFE AS WORSHIP

• Faithfully use the prayer/ praise list

(Purpose of Worship)

• Experiment with group worship

Romans 12:1&2; Psalm 27:6b

• Host a communion service this quarter

How can I surrender my life today?

117

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

PURPOSES

PROGRESS

PROGRESS

(Renew & Revise) 2-Month Review Date _____

(Renew & Revise) 3-Month Review Date _____

(Renew & Revise) 6-Month Review Date _____

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

118

SPIRITUAL GIFT ASSESSMENT Sharing Your Life Mission Everyday Gifts

      

Preaching (1 Cor. 14:3)

    

Design/Develop

      

Spiritual

        

Entertaining

Evangelism (Acts 8:26-40) Discernment (I John 4:1) Apostle (Romans 15:20) Teaching (Eph. 4:12-13) Encouragement (Acts 14:22) Wisdom (I Cor. 2:1, 6-16)

Operate/Maintain Excel Repair Follow the Rules

      

Missions (I Cor. 9:19-23, Acts 13:2-3)

    

Pioneer

     

Pioneer

        

Recruiting

Service (Acts 6:1-7, I Cor. 12:28) Mercy (Romans 12:8) Hospitality (I Peter 4:9-10) Pastoring (I Peter 5:2-4) Giving (II Cor. 8:1-7) Intercession (Col. 1:9-12)

Interests Serve/Help Perform Lead/Be in Charge Prevail

      

Music (Psalm 150)

    

Organize

     

Organize

       

Planning

Arts & Crafts (Exodus 31:3-11) Healing (James 5:14-16) Miracles (Mark 11:23-24) Hosting (Heb. 13:7, 17) Administration (I Cor. 14:40) Faith (Romans 4:18-21)

Acquire/Possess Improve Persevere Influence

Experiences Operate/Maintain Excel Repair Follow the Rules Painful Ministry

Serve/Help Perform Lead/Be in Charge Prevail Educational

Acquire/Possess Improve Persevere Influence VocationaL

Strengths

Evaluating Artistic/Graphics Teaching Repairing Mechanical Operating Public Relations Landscaping Musical

Managing Interviewing Writing/Editing Feeding Resourceful Welcoming Arts & Crafts Ministry

TEMPERAMENT

Researching Counseling Promoting Recall Counting/Classifying Composing Decorating

119

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

SMALL GROUP GIFT ASSESSMENT SMALL GROUP GIFTS GUIDE

YOUR SHAPE

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

WHAT DO OTHERS SEE?

WHAT COULD BE NEXT?

Gifts (Spiritual)

Interests (Passion)

Familiar Experiences

Temperment (Personality)

Strengths (Talents)

Distribute a copy of the worksheet to each member in your group. Have them fill it out & then share it, with the group affirming or adding. Then assign base roles or empower the member for ministry outside the group.

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

120

SMALL GROUP LEADERSHIP 101 Congratulations! You have responded to the call to help shepherd Jesus’ flock.

There are few other tasks in the family of God that surpass the contribution you will be making. As you prepare to lead—whether it is for one session or the entire series—here are a few thoughts to keep in mind. We encourage you to read these and review them with each new discussion leader before he or she leads.

1. First of all, remember that you are not alone. God knows everything about you, and He knew that you would be asked to lead your group even though you may not feel ready to lead. This is common for all good leaders. Moses, Solomon, Jeremiah, and Timothy—they were all reluctant to lead. God promises, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5) Whether you are leading for one evening, for several weeks, or for a lifetime, you will be blessed as you serve.

2. Don’t try to do it alone. Pray right now to prepare yourself for this sacred task. Also, if you can enlist a co-leader to help you lead the group, you will find your experience to be much richer.

This is your chance to involve as many people as you can in planning your group time. All you have to do is call and ask someone to assist—you’ll be surprised at the response.

3. Just be yourself. If you won’t be you, who will? God wants to use your unique gifts and temperament. Don’t try to do things exactly like another leader; do them in a way that fits you! Your group will appreciate the variety, and you will have a lot more fun.

4. Prepare for your meeting ahead of time. Review the session, and write down your responses to each of the questions. Pay special attention to exercises that ask group members to do something other than engage in discussion.

These exercises will help your group live what the Bible teaches, not just talk about it. Be sure you understand how an exercise works, and bring any necessary supplies (such as paper or pens) to your meeting. If the exercise employs one of the items in the appendix (such as the Life Health Assess-

121

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

ment), be sure to look over that item so you’ll know how it works.

5. Before you begin your session, take a moment to go around the room in your mind and pray for each member by name. Ask God to use your time together to touch the heart of every person uniquely.

6. When you ask a question, be patient. Sometimes people need a moment or two of silence to think about the question, and if silence doesn’t bother you, it won’t bother anyone else. Someone will eventually respond! And when they do, affirm the response with a simple “thanks” or “good job.” Then ask, “How about somebody else?” or, “Would someone who hasn’t shared like to add anything?” Be sensitive to new people or reluctant members who aren’t ready to say, pray, or do anything. If you give them a safe setting, they will blossom over time.

7. When guiding the discussion, always read the transitional paragraphs and the questions out loud. Ask the group if anyone would like to read the paragraph or Bible passage. Don’t single anyone out, but ask for a volunteer—and then be patient until someone begins. Thank the person who reads aloud.

8. If your group has more than seven people, we strongly encourage you to have the group gather in discussion circles of three or four people during the discussion time. With a greater opportunity to talk in a small circle, people will connect more with the study and ultimately get more out of it. A small circle also encourages a quiet person to participate, and tends to minimize the effects of a more vocal or dominant member. When you gather again at the end of the discussion time, you can have one person summarize the highlights from each circle.

Small circles can also be helpful during prayer time. People who are unaccustomed to praying aloud will feel more comfortable trying it with just two or three others. Also, prayer requests won’t take as much time, so circles will have more time to actually pray. When you gather back with the whole group, you can have one person from each circle briefly update everyone on the prayer requests. People are more willing to pray in small circles if they know that the whole group will hear all the prayer requests.

9. At the end of your meeting, ask the group which person should lead the following week. Let the group help select your weekly facilitator. You may be perfectly capable of leading each time, but you will help others grow in their faith and gifts if you give them opportunities to lead. You can

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

122

use the Small Group Calendar to fill in the names of all six meeting leaders at once if you prefer. Treat it like a snack list for a sports team—everybody participates.

10. One final challenge, especially for new or first-time leaders: Before your first opportunity to lead, look up each of the five passages listed on the next page. Read each one as a devotional exercise to help prepare yourself with a shepherd’s heart. Trust us on this one. If you do this, you will be more than ready for your first meeting.

Matthew 9:36 __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

1 Peter 5:2-4 __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

Psalm 23 __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

Ezekiel 34:11-16 __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

1 Thessalonians 2:7-8, 11-12 __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

123

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

SMALL GROUP LEADER LESSONS WEEKLY LEADERSHIP TIPS (Review each lesson and regularly share them with your group, apprentice or co-leader) And David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands he led them.

Psalm 78:73 David provides us with a model of a leader who has a heart for God, a desire to shepherd God’s people, and a willingness to develop the skills of a leader.

The following is a series of practical tips for new and existing small group leaders. These principles and practices have cultivated thousands of examples of healthy, balanced groups over time.

1. Don’t Leave Home without it: A Leader’s Prayer “The prayer of a righteous man [or woman] is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16) From the very beginning of this study, why not commit to a simple prayer of renewal in your heart and in the hearts of your members? Take a moment right now and write a simple prayer as you begin: Father, help me

_____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ 2.

Pay it Now or Pay it Later: Group Conflict Most leaders and groups avoid conflict, but healthy groups are willing to do what it takes to learn and grow through conflict. Much group conflict can be avoided if the leader lets the group openly discuss and decide its direction using the Small Group Agreement. Healthy groups are alive.

Conflict is a sign of maturity, not mistakes. Sometimes you may need to get outside counsel, but don’t be afraid. Look at conflict as an opportunity to grow, and always confront it so it doesn’t create a cancer that can

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

124

kill the group over time. (Matthew 18:15-20) 3.

Lead from Weakness The apostle Paul said that God’s power was made perfect in Paul’s weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). This is clearly the opposite of what most leaders think, but it provides the most powerful model of humility, authority, and spiritual power. It was Jesus’ way at the cross. So share your struggles along with your successes, confess your sins to one another along with your celebrations, and ask for prayer for yourself along with praying for others.

God will be pleased, and your group will grow deeper. If you humble yourself under God’s mighty hand, He will exalt you at the proper time (Matthew 23:12).

4.

What Made Jesus Cry: A Leader’s Focus In Matthew 9:35-38, Jesus looked at the crowds following him and saw them as sheep without a shepherd. He was moved with compassion, because they were “distressed and downcast” (NASB); the NIV says they were “harassed and helpless.” The Greek text implies that he was moved to the point of tears.

Never forget that you were once one of those sheep yourself. We urge you to keep yourself and your group focused, not just inwardly on each other, but also outwardly to people beyond your group. Jesus said, “Follow me . . . and I will make you fishers of men.” (Matthew 4:19) We assume that you and your group are following him. So how is your fishing going? As leader, you can ignite in your group Jesus’ compassion for outsiders. For his sake, keep the fire burning!

5.

Prayer Triplets Prayer triplets can provide a rich blessing to you and many others. At the beginning or end of your group meeting, you can gather people into prayer triplets to share and pray about three non-Christian friends.

This single strategy will increase your group’s evangelistic effectiveness considerably. Be sure to get an update on the plans and progress from each of the circles. You need only ten minutes at every other meeting—or at least once a month. At first, some of your members may feel overwhelmed at the thought of praying for non-Christians. We’ve been there! But you can be confident that over time they will be renewed in their heart for lost people and experience the blessing of giving birth to triplets.

125

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

6.

Race against the Clock When your group grows in size or your members begin to feel more comfortable talking, you will inevitably feel as though you’re racing against the clock. You may already know the feeling well. The good news is that there are several simple things that can help your group stick to your agreed schedule. The time crunch is actually a sign of relational and spiritual health, so pat yourselves on the back. Check in with the group to problem-solve, because they feel the tension as well. You could begin your meeting a little early or ask for a later ending time.

If you split up weekly into circles of three to four people for discussion, you will double the amount of time any one person can share. Appoint a timekeeper to keep the group on schedule. Remind everyone to give brief answers. Be selective in the number of questions you try to discuss.

Finally, planning the time breaks in your booklet before the group meeting begins can really keep you on track.

7.

All for One and One for All: Building a Leadership Team The statement, “Together Everybody Accomplishes More,” (TEAM) is especially true in small groups. The Bible clearly teaches that every member is a minister. Be sure to empower the group to share weekly facilitation as well as other responsibilities, and seek to move every player onto a team over time. Don’t wait for people to volunteer, because that probably won’t happen! From the outset, try to get everybody involved.

The best way to get people in the game is to have the group suggest who would serve best on what team and in what role. See the Healthy Small Group Team feature on for several practical suggestions. You could also talk to people individually ask for volunteers in the group, but don’t miss this opportunity to develop every group member and build a healthy and balanced group over time.

8.

Healthy Groups Produce Healthy Lives: A Leader’s Goal As you undertake this new curriculum, especially if this is your first time as a leader, make sure you begin with the end in mind. You may have heard the phrase, “If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.” It’s vital for your group members to review their spiritual health by using the Personal Health Assessment and Personal Health Plan. You’ll do part of the Health Assessment with your group in Session 2, and share your results with spiritual partners for support and accountability.

Each member will also set one goal for thirty days. The goal will be tied to the purpose you are studying in this particular guide. We strongly encourage you to go even further and do the entire Health Assessment

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

126

together. Then during another group session (or on their own), members can set a goal for each of the other four purposes.

Pairing up with spiritual partners will offer invaluable support for that area of personal growth. Encourage partners to pray for one another in the area of their goals. Have partners gather at least three times during the series to share their progress and plans. This will give you and the group the best results. In order for people to follow through with their goals, you’ll need to lead with vision and modeling. Take the entire Health Assessment yourself, and give some serious thought to realistic goals that God would have you reach. Share your goals with the group, and update them on how the steps you’re taking have been affecting your spiritual life. If you share your progress and plans, others will follow in your footsteps.

9.

Discover the Power of Pairs The best resolutions get swept aside by busyness and forgetfulness, which is why it’s important for group members to have support as they pursue a spiritual goal. Have them pair up with spiritual partners in Session 2, or encourage them to seek out a Christian coworker or personal mentor.

If they do this, they will grow like never before. This simple prescription can increase everyone’s success rate by a factor of ten. You can promise that they’ll never be the same if they simply commit to supporting each other with prayer and encouragement on a weekly basis.

It’s best to start with one goal in the area of greatest need. Most of the time that area will be either evangelism, or consistent time with the Father in prayer and in reading the scriptures. Cultivating time with God is the place to start; if group members are already doing this, they can move on to a second and third area of growth.

You just need a few victories in the beginning. Have spiritual partners check in together at the beginning or end of each group meeting. Ask them to support each other with phone calls, coffee times and email messages during the week. Trust us on this one, you’ll see them grow like never before.

10. Don’t Lose Heart: A Leader’s Vision

You are a strategic player in the heavenly realm. Helping a few others grow in Christ could put you squarely in the sights of Satan himself.

I Corinthians 15:58 (NASB) says, “Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord.” Leading a group is not always going to be easy.

127

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

Here are the keys to longevity and lasting joy as a leader: a.

Be sure to refuel your soul as you give of yourself to others. We recommend that you ask a person to meet with you for personal coaching and encouragement. When asked (over coffee or lunch) to support someone in leadership, nine out of ten people say, “I’d love to!” So why not ask?

b.

Delegate responsibilities after the first meeting. Doing so will help group members grow, and it will give you a break as well.

c.

Most importantly, cultivating your own walk with God puts you on the offensive against Satan and increases the joy zone for everyone in your life. Make a renewed decision right now to make this happen. Don’t give Satan a foothold in your heart; there is simply too much at stake.

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

128

SPIRITUAL PARTNERS CHECK-IN My Name:

Spiritual Partner’s Name:

Our Progress

Week 12 Week 11 Week 10 Week 9

Week 8

Week 7

Week 6

Week 5

Week 4

Week 3

Week 2 Week 1

Our Plans

Briefly check in each week and write down your personal plans and progress for the next week (or even for the next few weeks). This could be done (before or after the meeting) on the phone, through an e-mail message or even in person from time to time.

129

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

CIRCLES OF LIFE When starting a new group or renewing an existing group, it’s helpful to have each member, starting with the group leader, prayerfully reflect on who they might invite to the group.

Take a moment to write down as many names as you can in each one of the circles in your life. Then call several this week to see if they would like to join you.

Brett Eastman

NAME

29801 Santa Margarita Pkwy.

Ste. 100

ADDRESS

949-609-8709

PHONE brett@ lifetogether.com

EMAIL

Childrens

MINISTRY

5 Kids

OTHER

APPENDIX HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

SMALL GROUP LEADER ROSTER

130

131

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

PRAYER AND PRAISE REPORT PRAYER REQUEST

PRIASE REPORT

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

132

PRAYER AND PRAISE REPORT PRAYER REQUEST

PRIASE REPORT

133

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

RICK WARREN’S FOREWORD

For Doing life together curriculum series A PURPOSE DRIVEN® GROUP RESOURCE

Doing Life Together is a groundbreaking study in several ways. It is the first small group curriculum built completely on the purpose-driven paradigm. This is not just another study to be used in your church; it is a study on the church to help strengthenyour church.

Many small group curricula today are quite self-focused and individualistic. They generally do not address the importance of the local church and our role in it as believers. Another unique feature of this curriculum is its balance. In every session, the five purposes of God are stressed in some way.

But the greatest reason I am excited about releasing this Doing Life Together curriculum is that I’ve seen the dramatic changes it produces in the lives of those who study it. These small group studies were not developed in some detached ivory tower or academic setting but in the day-today ministry of Saddleback Church, where thousands of people meet weekly in small groups that are committed to fulfilling God’s purposes. This curriculum has been tested and retested, and the results have been absolutely amazing.

Lives have been changed, marriages saved, and families strengthened. And our church has grown-in the past seven years we’ve seen over 9,100 new believers baptized at Saddleback. I attribute these results to the fact that so many of our members are serious about living healthy, balanced, purpose-driven lives.

It is with great joy and expectation that I introduce this resource to you. I am so proud of our development team on this project: Brett and Dee Eastman, Todd and Denise Wendorff, and Karen Lee-Thorp. They have committed hundreds of hours to write, teach, develop, and refine these lessons - with much feedback along the way. This has been a labor of love, as they have shared our dream of helping you serve God’s purpose in your own generation. The church will be enriched for eternity as a result.

Get ready for a life-changing journey. God bless! - Pastor Rick Warren

APPENDIX

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

134

DOING LIFETOGETHER SERIES Lifetogether Small Group Curriculum Series

Doing Lifetogether—Purpose Driven Group Series * Student Edition of all 6 studies also available

• • • • • •

Beginning Lifetogether (God’s Purpose for Your Life) Connecting with God’s Family (Fellowship) Growing to Be Like Christ (Discipleship) Developing Your SHAPE to Serve Others (Ministry) Sharing Your Life Mission Every Day (Evangelism) Surrendering Your Life to God’s Pleasure (Worship)

Experiencing Christ Together * Student Edition of all 6 also available

• • • • • •

Beginning in Christ Together (Life of Jesus) Connecting in Christ Together (Fellowship) Growing in Christ Together (Discipleship) Serving Like Christ Together (Ministry) Sharing Christ Together (Evangelism) Surrendering to Christ Together (Worship)

Deepening Lifetogether (8 Individual Studies) Building Character Together (6 Individual Studies)

135

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

SMALL GROUP UNIVERSITY This breakthrough small group training course is a DVD-based training system designed by Brett Eastman, the creator of the award winning Purpose-Driven™ Small Group Resource, Doing Lifetogether.

Small Group University provides a proven pathway to train new and existing small group leaders in any size church at any stage of their small group ministry. Hosting Lifetogether helps anyone “create their own community” with a few of their friends and family. Coaching Lifetogether gives practical training to your experienced leaders and coaches. Building Lifetogether gives practical and proven support to pastors and small group directors in building and growing a small group ministry.

Best of all, it provides pastors with everything they need to launch and lead a healthy small group ministry in their church in less than 90 days.

Hosting Lifetogether - Creating Your Own Community This 6-session DVD and companion study guide will provide the initial or in service small group leader/host training based on the 5 purposes. This series is perfect for new hosts training either in a classroom, coaching huddle or self paced online study. The package includes six video teaching sessions on DVD based on the five purposes, personal testimonies, and inspirational stories for your leaders to study on a daily basis.

Coaching Lifetogether - Creating Healthy Leaders and Their Members The Coaching Lifetogether Training Series is the first DVD training series of its kind designed for experienced leaders and emerging small group coaches and community leaders in your church. This series will help recruit, train, and develop your leaders of leaders! This series shares proven strategies and transforming principles straight from the front lines of ministry. You can develop a group of welltrained coaches who cultivate healthy groups that produce purpose driven lives over time. You will learn timely methods to apply timeless truths of coaching your new and existing small group leaders and their small groups. The 6 lesson series comes complete on DVD and CD and includes a 150 page comprehensive training handbooks.

Building Lifetogether - Creating a Healthy Small Group Ministry at Your Church The Building Lifetogether Training Series is designed for a senior pastor, church leader, or volunteer small group champion helping to launch and lead a healthy small group ministry in your church. This 6-lesson series provides practical howto’s for starting and sustaining your small groups. Whether you are trying to sustain the new groups you have recently begun or trying to multiply your existing small groups, Building Lifetogether will become your personal coach on how to get there.

The 6 lessons come on both DVD and CD with 170-page training handbook.

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

136

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Brett Eastman served as the Small Group Champion at Saddleback Church and Willow Creek Community Church for over a decade. Brett has produced and either authored or co-authored over 200 small group curriculum series including the bestselling Purpose Driven Small Group curriculum, Doing Lifetogether published by Zondervan, which has sold over 3,000,000 copies. He also was the primary designer behind the 40 Days of Purpose Campaigns that fueled over 25,000 churches around the world. He also wrote and produced the first Purpose Driven small group series for Rick Warren that influenced the development of over 50 small group series to date.

Brett received a B.A. in Marketing from San Diego State University. He then worked in technology and training in the Silicon Valley, partnering with companies like Apple, Xerox and Novell. He later earned his Masters of Divinity degree from the graduate school of Biola University, Talbot School of Theology and received a Management Certificate from Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University in Chicago, Illinois.

In 1989 Brett founded Lifetogether, a ministry committed to championing the small group movement around the world. Brett has produced award-winning resources for the top 100 Churches and Christian Ministries Today. Some of the publishing partners include Zondervan, Tyndale, Baker Books, Thomas Nelson, Focus on the Family, Christianity Today, Serendipity, Purpose Driven Ministries, David C. Cook, just to name a few.

Dee Eastman is the real hero in the family, who, after giving birth to Joshua and Breanna, gave birth to identical triplet girls—Meagan, Melody, and Michelle.

Dee is the Director of the Daniel Plan at Saddleback Church and co-leader “The Journey” a women’s Bible Study at Saddleback Church. The Eastman’s live in Las Flores, California.

137

HOSTINGLIFETOGETHER

APPENDIX

Hosting Lifetogether is a breakthrough DVD Training Series designed to help anyone “Create Their Own Community” with a few of their friends, family, neighbors and coworkers. Uniquely designed to help a new or experienced small group host or leader launch and lead a healthy, balanced small group built on the five Biblical purposes.

Hosting Lifetogether is a six session training series that will coach you on how to start a new group or take your existing group to the next level. Whether you meet in your home, Church, Sunday School class, workplace, or even a local Starbucks you will learn exactly what to do each step of the way.

You can watch the series in one setting, over the course of a few weeks as a church, or at group meets, or at your own pace online. Hosting Lifetogether provides a 30-day reading plan to both equip and inspire your leaders, with over 60 articles, inspirational stories and small group leader lifters.

The six 10-15 minute training sessions are: Session 1: Session 2: Session 3: Session 4: Session 5: Session 6:

CREATE CONNECT CULTIVATE CHAMPION COACH CELEBRATE

30 DAYS OF HOSTING

Daily Reading Plan

Your Own Community—Overview Your Group With One Another—Fellowship Your Spiritual Journey—Discipleship Your Gifts Together—Ministry Your Group to Shepherd One Another—Evangelism Their Life Together as Worship—Worship

Small Group University is a comprehensive DVD driven small group ministry training series designed for every level of leader in any size church. The four part series can be rolled out individually or as a complete package for your church.

Brett Eastman, The President and Founder of Lifetogether served as the Small Group Champion for Saddleback Church with Rick Warren and Willow Creek Community Church with Bill Hybels. He has consulted with and produced custom curriculum for hundreds of churches, leading publishers and bestselling authors like Max Lucado, John Ortberg, and Bruce Wilkenson. His resources have sold over 4,000,000 copies to date.