Family matters - Jerry McQuay - Christian Life Center

CONTENTS Endorsements 4 Foreword by Tim Ross

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Introduction by Jerry McQuay

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Using This Workbook (Read This First)

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Outline for Each Session

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Session One: Building a Life

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Session Two: Laying the Foundation

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ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Session Three: Making It Strong

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Copyright and use of the curriculum template is retained by Brett Eastman.

Session Four: Building with Words

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Session Five: Strategic Parenting

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Copyright © 2016 by Christian Life Center

Unless otherwise noted, all scripture quotes are taken from the Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Session Six: We Are Family

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APPENDICES 122 Frequently Asked Questions

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Small Group Agreement

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ISBN: 9781945589102

Small Group Calendar

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Printed in the United States of America

Spiritual Partners’ Check-in

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Memory Verse Cards (Clip and Review)

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Prayer and Praise Report

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SMALL GROUP LEADERS

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Hosting an Open House

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Leading for the First Time

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Leadership Training 101

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Small Group Roster

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endorsements The Heavenly Father’s preeminent desire, from the very beginning was to have a family in heaven and on earth.

Paul’s prayer in Ephesians was to the Father “…from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name” (Ephesians 3:15 ESV). Pastors Jerry and Chris McQuay are tested and seasoned leaders who have spent decades understanding the challenges of leading their own family and the family of God. Their years of leading in a vibrant multicultural ministry have produced insights, and tools that will equip anyone desiring to have a fruitful and successful family life. Their practical, down-to-earth teaching style will enable anyone to grasp truths that will bring transformation.

Joseph L. Garlington, Sr., Presiding Bishop Reconciliation! Ministries International www.ccop.org “Getting a chance to receive instructions from a seasoned and emotionally healthy married couple is priceless.

Through their vulnerability and insight Pastors Chris and Jerry McQuay allow us to draw nuggets of wisdom from their lives. I highly recommend Family Matters.”

David D. Ireland, Ph.D. Senior Pastor & Author, Raising a Child Who Prays • www.

DavidIreland.org My friends, Jerry & Chris McQuay, have provided all of us a valuable resource in their new curriculum series, Family Matters. As a pastor, I know that my church will only be as strong as the families who are part of it. I recommend this series to anyone who wants to build a strong family!

Mark Batterson, Lead Pastor and New York Times best-selling author of The Circle Maker • National Community Church www.markbatterson.com

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I am excited to endorse Family Matters, a video curriculum taught by veteran pastoral team, Jerry McQuay and his wife Chris. As co-pastors of Christian Life Center in the Chicago area since 1990, they have ministered faithfully and effectively to traditional and non-traditional families.

The Biblical principles they teach are urgently needed by every family.

Mark Cole, CEO The John Maxwell Co. www.johnmaxwell.com Pastors Jerry and Chris McQuay are known for their balanced approach to Bible teaching. Family Matters is filled with practical nuggets of wisdom that will strengthen families at every stage of development. I strongly recommend this series!

Dan Johnson, Lead Pastor Restoration Christian Church www.rcctoday.org

Practical and powerful, Family Matters is an invaluable resource for every marriage and family ministry. Your church will be blessed!

Tony Gilmore, Senior Pastor/Director St. Louis Dream Center www.stldreamcenter.org

Ever see what you consider a model family and wish for it in your own life? Here’s a hint —it doesn’t just happen.

The difference is in the preparation—strong, healthy families make the necessary investment to learn & apply wise principles. Family Matters by Pastors Jerry & Chris McQuay gives every one of us the chance to succeed in our relationships and enjoy the blessings of God on our families.

Jason Bentley, Lead Pastor HighPoint Church www.thehpchurch.com

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This brand-new and very exciting video series, Family Matters, is a must view for all serious Christians. Pastors Jerry and Chris McQuay have done an outstanding job and I highly recommend both them and their teaching.

Family Matters will change your life at a maximum, or significantly improve it at a minimum. Watching, listening, and walking out the lessons presented will be, for you and yours, a significant key to a better life and future. Engage and grow!

Dennis Cramer, Founder/President Dennis Cramer ministries denniscramer.com

Dale Van Steenis, Founder/President Leadership Strategies www.leadershipstrategies.org

In this new Family Matters curriculum, Pastors Jerry and Chris McQuay remind us that every family member in every family situation is valuable. No matter what family situation you might live in, you’ll find this curriculum to be a much-needed redemptive effort in restoring the irreplaceable value of family done God’s way.

As never before, families are under intense pressure. The cultural tides are negatively bombarding family life from every direction. The new Family Matters video curriculum by Jerry McQuay and his wife Chris is most timely. The Biblical principles they teach are urgently needed.

Doug Neal, Senior Pastor Christian Life Center www.clcsb.org

Doug Carter, Senior Vice President EQUIP Leadership, Inc. www.iequip.org

Family matters: do they really matter? Family is the bedrock of everything positive in our world. From personal financial success to our marriages, and from the church to society at large, it all starts with family! I know you’ll enjoy this video curriculum from Pastors Jerry & Chris McQuay!

I had the privilege to serve under the leadership of Pastors Jerry & Chris McQuay for six years and still look to them as spiritual parents today. I know that you will be blessed by their teachings from God’s word as they give practical application to every lesson and make it relevant regardless of your background.

Dr. Richard Heard, Senior Pastor Christian Tabernacle www.ctab.org

Ed Marroquin III, Campus Pastor theChurch on 53 www.thechurchonstrayer.com

With the family under so much pressure in our society I believe there are few things more important than making sure we get it right. I am excited to see what Pastors Jerry and Chris are doing to help so many to have the best family ever.

Finally, a great tool for small groups on Family Matters. I’m excited to use this in our church.

Herley Montes, Bishop Christian Life Center Davao City, Philippines

Eddie Cupples, Founder/Lead Pastor Love and Truth Ministries www.loveandtruthchurch.com

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I’ve known the McQuays for decades and seen the fruit of their ministry and marriage up close and it’s good. I know you will be blessed and inspired to make your marriage and family all it can be as you glean new truths through Family Matters.

Andrew Wommack, President & Founder Andrew Wommack Ministries/Charis Bible College • www.awmi.net

“The Bible says, ‘God sets the solitary in families’ (Psalm 68:6). Jerry and Chris McQuay are superbly qualified to tackle the full gamut of family life in their excellent series, Family Matters. The insights they share literally can set you and your family on a course of blessing for the next 100 years. You will want to drink in every observation in every session of Family Matters.”

David Shibley, Founder/World Representative • Global Advance www.globaladvance.org

“Pastors Jerry and Chris McQuay are legends when it comes to leading exemplary lives—in family, marriage and ministry. Their years’ of experience in building successful families and marriages and their gifting in communicating both life ‘essentials’ and ‘hidden keys’ give them both wisdom and authority that is much needed for all of us. *Family Matters* will be an encouraging, equipping and enjoyable journey for all who embark on it.”

Jesse McCaul, Senior Pastor New Life Fellowship of Churches www.cambodiaoutreach.org “Family Matters is a witty, informative and inspirational look into how to make life work. Jerry and Chris’ teachings are the perfect blend of practical application mixed with godly intrigue. You will find yourself laughing as you absorb great wisdom from two of life’s premier sage’s. I highly recommend it for everyone.”

Gordon Banks, Senior Pastor Overcomer Covenant Church www.overcomercc.org

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foreword

BY TIM ROSS

I grew up watching a lot of sitcoms. Being part of Generation X has afforded me the opportunity to be what I have affectionately termed “a hybrid�. I have been able to see the best (and worst) of the Boomer generation while simultaneously watching the advent of The Millennials. One thing that has changed more than anything else in the sitcoms I have watched over three generations is the depiction of family.

Donna Reed. Leave It to Beaver. I Love Lucy. All In The Family.

Different Strokes. The Jeffersons. Good Times. Family Ties. The Cosby Show. Martin. Friends. Will and Grace. Modern Family. Things have changed A LOT through the years.

I grew up in a home where love, transparency, authenticity, and communication abounded. The foundation of our home was the catalyst of my outlook on life, love, trust, and relationships. I am so grateful for the family God gave me. God gave us family. He created it. Why? Because we came from His. He is Father. We are all His sons and daughters.

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I believe having a healthy family is the single most important aspect of spiritual and relational formation. Let that sink in for a moment.

If we believe that statement is true, then what we are saying is that no other entity has such a dynamic effect on relationships as family does. Family truly matters.

I am happy you have invested the time to go through this curriculum. What you will find is a biblical foundation with practical solutions to all things pertaining to family life. I have had the opportunity to see Pastors Jerry and Chris up close and personal. Their interaction with their kids and extended church family is something that has always been a blessing to me.

Perfect families do not exist, but healthy ones do. Thank you for making the choice to build a healthy family. Your great grandkids appreciate it.

Tim Ross, Senior Pastor Embassy City Church www.timross.org

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of our three children, so we’ve been rewarded with five of the most adorable grandchildren you’d ever want to see. (And if you do want to see, we’ll gladly show you pictures!)

introduction

BY JERRY MCQUAY Have you ever known a time when the family is under attack as it is today?

Whether we consider recent movements that question the very foundation of marriage as an institution, or the whole gender issue that now makes even choosing a restroom an awkward decision for our children, there seems to be no doubt that families are under pressure today.

And to be honest, making relationships work is already a difficult job. You may be single, trying to navigate the whole dating scene, wondering how

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you’ll meet your ‘soul-mate’.

Or the honeymoon phase of your marriage may seem like a distant memory because of the challenges with your spouse that you didn’t foresee when you said, “I do”. For others reading this, perhaps your biggest challenge comes from those toddlers or teens that have you pulling your hair—face it: family life can be hazardous to your health!

My wife and I have been married for almost 44 years, and I think we’ve dealt with most of the challenges that come with marriage. During those years we did manage to not strangle any

This does not mean that we have all the answers for your family.

But we have learned where the answers to all of your family challenges can be found—in God’s Word. So, whether you’re single, married, divorced, widowed—with kids or without— God has the answers you need, and they’re found in the pages of your Bible.

In the six lessons ahead, we’ll look at some of those Biblical answers, but before we do, let me challenge you with the most important key to the answers you need (straight from the lips of Jesus): “These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner i m p r ov e m e n t s t o y o u r standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on.

If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock.

Rain poured down, the river

flooded, a tornado hit—but nothing moved that house.

It was fixed to the rock.

“But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.”

Matthew 7:24-27 MSG Over these last four decades of marriage and parenting (and now grand parenting), I have often known more than I’ve practiced. In fact, I think every failure I’ve had as a husband and father has come about because I failed to ‘work His words into my life’, and every success I’ve had has resulted from applying the Bible to my marriage and family life.

I hope you’ll not only read this Study Guide and watch the video teachings; I pray that you will work HIS Word into your life and then enjoy the many benefits it will bring to you and your family.

Jerry McQuay Founder/Senior Pastor Christian Life Center www.clc.tv

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Using This Workbook TOOLS TO HELP YOU HAVE A GREAT SMALL GROUP EXPERIENCE!

1. Notice in the Table of Contents there are three sections: (1) Sessions; (2) Appendices; and (3) Small Group Leaders. Familiarize yourself with the Appendices. Some of them will be used in the sessions themselves.

2. If you are facilitating/leading or co-leading a small group, the section Small Group Leaders will give you some experiences of others that will encourage you and help you avoid many common obstacles to effective small group leadership.

3. Use this workbook as a guide, not a straightjacket. If the group responds to the lesson in an unexpected but honest way, go with that. If you think of a better question than the next one in the lesson, ask it. Take to heart the insights included in the Frequently Asked Questions pages and the Small Group Leaders section.

4. Enjoy your Small Group experience.

5. Pray before each session—for your group members, for your time together, or wisdom and insights.

6. Read the Outline for Each Session on the next pages so that you understand how the sessions will flow.

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section includes some simple questions to get you talking—letting you share as much or as little of your story as you feel comfortable doing. Each session typically offers you two options. You can get to know your whole group by using the icebreaker question(s), or you can check in with one or two group members, your spiritual partner(s), for a deeper connection and encouragement in your spiritual journey.

Outline of Each Session A typical group session for the Family Matters study will include the following sections. Read through this to get a clear idea of how each group meeting will be structured: WEEKLY MEMORY VERSES Each session opens with a Memory Verse that emphasizes an important truth from the session. This is an optional exercise, but we believe that memorizing scripture can be a vital part of filling our minds with God’s will for our lives. We encourage you to give this important habit a try. The verses for our five sessions are also listed in the appendix.

INTRODUCTION Each lesson opens with a brief thought that will help you prepare for the session and get you thinking about the particular subject you will explore with your group. Make it a practice to read these before the session. You may want to have the group read them aloud.

SHARE YOUR STORY The foundation for spiritual growth is an intimate connection with God and His family. You build that connection by sharing your story with a few people who really know you and who earn your trust. This

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HEAR GOD’S STORY In this section, you’ll read the Bible and listen to teaching, in order to hear God’s story—and begin to see how His story aligns with yours. When the study directs you to, you’ll pop in the DVD and watch a short teaching segment. You’ll then have an opportunity to read a passage of scripture, and discuss both the teaching and the text. You won’t focus on accumulating information but on how you should live in light of the Word of God. We want to help you apply the insights from scripture practically and creatively, from your heart as well as your head. At the end of the day, allowing the timeless truths from God’s Word to transform our lives in Christ should be your greatest aim.

STUDY NOTES This brief section provides additional commentary, background or insights on the passage you’ll study in the Hear God’s Story section.

CREATE A NEW STORY God wants you to be a part of His Kingdom—to weave your story into His. That will mean change. It will require you to go His way rather than your own. This won’t happen overnight, but it should happen steadily. By making small, simple choices, we can begin to change our direction. This is where the Bible’s instructions to “be doers of the Word, not just hearers” (James 1:22) comes into play.

Many people skip over this aspect of the Christian life because it’s scary, relationally awkward, or simply too much work for their busy schedules. But Jesus wanted all of His disciples to know Him personally, carry out His commands, and help outsiders connect with Him. This doesn’t necessarily mean preaching on street corners. It could mean welcoming newcomers, hosting a short-term group in your home, or walking through this study with a friend.

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In this study, you’ll have an opportunity to go beyond Bible study to biblical living.

This section will also have a question or two that will challenge you to live out your faith by serving others, sharing your faith, and worshiping God. FOR ADDITIONAL STUDY If you have time and want to dig deeper into more Bible passages about the topic at hand, we’ve provided additional passages and questions, which you can use either during the meeting, or as homework. Your group may choose to read and prepare before each meeting in order to cover more biblical material. Or, group members can use the additional study section during the week after the meeting. If you prefer not to do study homework, this section will provide you with plenty to discuss within the group. These options allow individuals or the whole group to expand their study while still accommodating those who can’t do homework or are new to your group.

DAILY DEVOTIONS Each week on the Daily Devotions pages, we provide scriptures to read and reflect on between sessions. This provides you with a chance to slow down, read just a small portion of scripture each day, and reflect and pray through it. You’ll then have a chance to journal your response to what you’ve read. Use this section to seek God on your own throughout the week. This time at home should begin and end with prayer. Don’t get in a hurry; take enough time to hear God’s direction.

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SESSION 1:

Building a Life YET TRUE GODLINESS WITH CONTENTMENT IS ITSELF GREAT WEALTH. 1 TIMOTHY 6:6

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We live in a culture focused on couples. Chances are, if you’ve been a single adult you’ve faced your share of well-meaning questions (“Would you like to meet my nephew? He’s just wonderful”), advice (“You’ve just got to put yourself out there!”), and “encouragement” (“Are you being too picky?”). It’s assumed that you’re in a relationship, and if you’re not, that you desperately want to be and just can’t be happy without a significant other.

However, one is a whole number. Paul was single, Jesus was single, and it’s okay if you are, too. In fact, whether you’ve never married, you’re divorced, or you’re widowed, God can use this life stage to do great things in you and through you. This week we’ll learn more about how to live life to the full as a single adult, and how the rest of us can be an encouragement to the singles in our church.

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Share your story Each of us has a story. The events of our life—good, bad, wonderful or challenging—have shaped who we are. God knows your story, and He intends to redeem it—to use every struggle and every joy to ultimately bring you to Himself. When we share our stories with others, we give them the opportunity to see God at work.

When we share our stories, we also realize we are not alone—that we have common experiences and thoughts, and that others can understand what we are going through. Your story can encourage someone else, and telling it can lead to a path of freedom for you and for those you share it with.

Open your group with prayer. This should be a brief, simple prayer, in which you invite God to give you insight as you study. You can pray for specific requests at the end of the meeting, or stop momentarily to pray if a particular situation comes up during your discussion.

Before you start this first meeting, get contact information for every participant. Take time to pass around a copy of the Small Group Roster on page 142, a sheet of paper, or one of you pass your Study Guide, opened to the Small Group Roster.

Ask someone to make copies or type up a list with everyone’s information and email it to the group during the week.

Then, begin your time together by using the following questions and activities to get people talking.

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ll Share your life stage and marital status with the others in the group, especially if there are people in the group you don’t know well yet. ll What brought you here? What do you hope to get out of this group? ll Whether your group is new or ongoing, it’s always important to reflect on and review your values together. On page 126 is a Small Group Agreement with the values we’ve found most useful in sustaining healthy, balanced groups.

We recommend that you choose one or two values—ones you haven’t previously focused on or have room to grow in—to emphasize during this study. Choose ones that will take your group to the next stage of intimacy and spiritual health. ll If your group is new, welcome newcomers.

Introduce everyone—you may even want to have name tags for your first meeting. ll We recommend you rotate host homes on a regular basis and let the hosts lead the meeting.

Studies show that healthy groups rotate leadership. This helps to develop every member’s ability to shepherd a few people in a safe environment. Even Jesus gave others the opportunity to serve alongside Him (Mark 6:30-44).

Look at the FAQs in the Appendix for additional information about hosting or leading the group. ll The Small Group Calendar on page 128 is a tool for planning who will host and lead each meeting. Take a few minutes to plan hosts and leaders for your remaining meetings. Don’t skip this important step! It will revolutionize your group.

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watch the dvd USE THE NOTES SPACE BELOW TO RECORD KEY THOUGHTS, QUESTIONS AND THINGS YOU WANT TO REMEMBER OR FOLLOW UP ON. AFTER WATCHING THE VIDEO, HAVE SOMEONE READ THE DISCUSSION QUESTIONS IN THE HEAR GOD’S STORY SECTION AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION AMONG THE GROUP. AS YOU GO THROUGH EACH OF THE SUBSEQUENT SECTIONS, ASK SOMEONE ELSE TO READ THE QUESTIONS AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION.

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Hear God’s Story READ 1 CORINTHIANS 7:25-28, 32-35.

Now regarding your question about the young women who are not yet married. I do not have a command from the Lord for them.

But the Lord in his mercy has given me wisdom that can be trusted, and I will share it with you. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain as you are. 27 If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married.

28 But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.

ll What do you think Paul is referring to in verse 28?

What troubles are unique to marriage?

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I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34 His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.

ll Why is a married person less concerned about the Lord’s affairs?

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ll Some scholars believe verse 26 refers to a famine or persecution that was spreading throughout the region. Does this awareness of the historical context affect your understanding of Paul’s advice in this passage?

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ll This passage teaches that single people have more time, money, and energy to devote to the Lord. Other passages, such as the creation of Eve in Genesis 2 that we studied today, teach that value of marriage and that God sees it as good.

How do you reconcile these two ideas?

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Study notes IT IS LIKELY THAT PAUL, THE AUTHOR OF 1 CORINTHIANS, WAS MARRIED AT ONE POINT. BEFORE HIS DRAMATIC CONVERSION TO CHRISTIANITY, HE HAD BEEN A HIGH-RANKING MEMBER OF THE PHARISEES, THE SECT OF EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS JEWS WHO WERE THE “ELITE” AMONG THE JEWISH PEOPLE. ACCORDING TO SOME SCHOLARS, JEWS OF THAT DAY WOULD HAVE BEEN REQUIRED TO MARRY, AND UNMARRIED MEN WERE SOMETIMES CONSIDERED EXCLUDED FROM THE FAITH. IN ADDITION, IT’S LIKELY THAT PAUL WAS A MEMBER OF THE SANHEDRIN, AND ONLY MARRIED MEN COULD BE PART OF THAT GROUP. WE DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO PAUL’S WIFE, BUT THE FACT THAT HE MOST LIKELY EXPERIENCED BOTH MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS GIVES CREDIBILITY TO HIS TEACHING IN 1 CORINTHIANS 7.

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Create a new story

GOD WANTS YOU TO BE PART OF HIS KINGDOM—TO WEAVE YOUR STORY INTO HIS. THAT WILL MEAN CHANGE—TO GO HIS WAY RATHER THAN YOUR OWN. THIS WON’T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT, BUT IT SHOULD HAPPEN STEADILY. BY STARTING WITH SMALL, SIMPLE CHOICES, WE BEGIN TO CHANGE OUR DIRECTION. THE HOLY SPIRIT HELPS US ALONG THE WAY—GIVING US GIFTS TO SERVE THE BODY, OFFERING US INSIGHTS INTO SCRIPTURE, AND CHALLENGING US TO LOVE NOT ONLY THOSE AROUND US BUT THOSE FAR FROM GOD.

ll If you’re married, can you see how God used experiences from your single years to prepare you for marriage? If you’re single, how do you think God is working now to prepare you for the future?

ll Take a look at the Circles of Life diagram below and write the names of two or three people you know who need to know Christ. Commit to praying for God’s guidance and an opportunity to share with each of them. Perhaps they would be open to joining the group? Share your lists with the group so you can all be praying for the people you’ve identified.

In this section, talk about how you will apply the wisdom you’ve learned from the teaching and Bible study. Then think about practical steps you can take in the coming week to live out what you’ve learned. ll Do you ever wish you “were someplace else or with someone else” as we read in 1 Corinthians 7:17? In what areas of life do you need to accept God’s place for you instead of longing for something else?

FAMILY

(immediate or extended)

FAMILIAR

(neighbors, kids, sports teams, school, and so forth)

FRIENDS

ll What does it mean to trust God with your heart? How does He guide and how does He guard?

FUN

(gym, hobbies, hangouts)

FIRM (work)

ll Does it surprise you to know that premarital sex can lead to a greater chance of extramarital sex?

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ll Also consider someone—in this group or outside it—that you can begin going deeper with in an intentional way. This might be your mom or dad, a cousin, an aunt or uncle, a roommate, a college buddy, or a neighbor.

Choose someone who might be open to “doing life” with you at a deeper level and pray about that opportunity. ll This week how will you interact with the Bible? Can you commit to spending time in daily prayer or study of God’s Word (use the Daily Devotions section to guide you)? Tell the group how you plan to follow Jesus this week, and then, at your next meeting, talk about your progress and challenges. ll Stack your hands just a sports team does in the huddle and commit to taking a risk and going deeper in your group and in your relationships with each other. ll Ask, “How can we pray for you this week?” Invite everyone to share, but don’t force the issue.

Be sure to write prayer requests on your Prayer and Praise Report on page 132. ll Close your meeting with prayer.

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For additional study

IF YOU FEEL GOD NUDGING YOU TO GO DEEPER, TAKE SOME TIME BEFORE THE NEXT MEETING TO DIG INTO HIS WORD. EXPLORE THE BIBLE PASSAGES RELATED TO THIS SESSION’S THEME ON YOUR OWN AND JOT YOUR REFLECTIONS IN A JOURNAL OR IN THIS STUDY GUIDE. A GREAT WAY TO GAIN INSIGHT ON A PASSAGE IS TO READ IT IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT TRANSLATIONS. YOU MAY WANT TO USE A BIBLE APP OR WEBSITE TO COMPARE TRANSLATIONS.

READ ISAIAH 55:8-11. ll What are some “ways” of God that are higher and better than our own?

ll How does God accomplish his purposes? Will this process always be quick and understandable to us?

READ PSALM 32:8-10 ll How does God guide us? (verse 8) Is he frustrated with our weaknesses?

ll How do a bit and a bridle control a horse? What does it mean to follow God with understanding?

ll How does this passage reinforce the teaching that we must trust God for our future?

ll Why can we trust God to guard our hearts? What must we do to experience that peace?

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Daily Devotionals

DAY 1 • READ ISAIAH 54:5.

For your Creator will be your husband; the LORD of Heaven’s Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth.

Respond: There’s nothing wrong with wanting a husband or wife, but remember that you don’t need a spouse to be complete. God can provide everything you need.

DAY 2 • READ PROVERBS 18:22.

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD. Respond: If you are married, take time to thank God for your spouse and his or her good qualities. If you are not and would like to be, pray that God might bring you a spouse, and ask for guidance in choosing that person.

DAY 3 • READ 1 TIMOTHY 5:1-2.

Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as you would to your own father. Talk to younger men as you would to your own brothers. Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters.

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Respond: Because most churches are multigenerational, it’s important that we remember how to treat each other in ways that honor the married and don’t tempt the single. How can you put this into practice with the people you connect with at our church?

DAY 6 Use the following space to write any thoughts God has put in your heart and mind about the things we have looked at in this session and during your Daily Devotions time this week.

DAY 4 • READ JAMES 1:5.

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

Respond: The theme for this entire study is building our homes and our lives on God’s wisdom. Take some time today to ask Him for wisdom as we study and learn together.

DAY 5 • READ ISAIAH 30:18.

So the LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion.

For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help.

Respond: If you are hoping to be married someday, or you are struggling to be content in any part of your life, remember that God hears you, He loves you, and He will be gracious to you!

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SESSION 2:

Laying the Foundation THEN THE LORD GOD SAID, “IT IS NOT GOOD FOR THE MAN TO BE ALONE. I WILL MAKE A HELPER WHO IS JUST RIGHT FOR HIM.” GENESIS 2:18

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If you’re married, you made that decision because you wanted more in your life—more love, more support, even more fun. You got married because you thought it would improve your life. No one gets married because they want life to be harder!

However, a great marriage doesn’t just happen; marriages that honor God and bless families require a strong foundation in order to stand the test of time. In this session, we’ll talk about why God’s wisdom is so important and some changes we can make so that our marriages become more than we ever dreamed possible.

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Share your story As we said last week, when we share our stories with others, we give them the opportunity to see God at work. Your story is being shaped, even in this moment, by being part of this group. In fact, few things can shape us more than community.

When we share our stories, we can encourage someone else, and learn. We experience the presence of God as He helps us be brave enough to reveal our thoughts and feelings.

Open your group with prayer. This should be a brief, simple prayer in which you invite God to be with you as you meet. You can pray for specific requests at the end of the meeting, or stop momentarily to pray if a particular situation comes up during your discussion.

Begin your time together by using the following questions and activities to get people talking: ll Have a few people share with the group the story of how they met their spouse. ll What’s one thing you really appreciate about your spouse?

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ll In the last session we asked you to write some names in the Circles of Life diagram. Who did you identify as the people in your life who need to meet Jesus? Go back to the Circles of Life diagram on page 33 to help you think of various people you come in contact with on a regular basis; people who need to know Jesus more deeply. Consider ideas for action and make a plan to follow through on one of them this week. ll Pair up with someone in your group. (We suggest that men partner with men and women with women.) This person will be your spiritual partner for the rest of this study. He or she doesn’t have to be your best friend. Instead, this person will simply encourage you to complete the goals you set for yourself during this study. Following through on a resolution is tough when you’re on your own; it makes all the difference to have a partner to cheer you on.

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watch the dvd USE THE NOTES SPACE BELOW TO RECORD KEY THOUGHTS, QUESTIONS AND THINGS YOU WANT TO REMEMBER OR FOLLOW UP ON. AFTER WATCHING THE VIDEO, HAVE SOMEONE READ THE DISCUSSION QUESTIONS IN THE HEAR GOD’S STORY SECTION AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION AMONG THE GROUP. AS YOU GO THROUGH EACH OF THE SUBSEQUENT SECTIONS, ASK SOMEONE ELSE TO READ THE QUESTIONS AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION.

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Hear God’s Story

ll How does love bind together all the other ways we can treat each other?

READ COLOSSIANS 3:12-15 12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. ll These verses outline a fairly extensive list of ways you could put your spouse first and a number of qualities that you can develop that will lead to a healthier marriage. What is the reason given in verse 12 for why we should choose to love others this way?

ll What does it mean to let peace rule in our hearts?

Wh at a re s o m e ste p s you can take to become a couple or a family of peace?

ll How do we forgive as God has forgiven us?

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Study notes

BY ITSELF, GOLD IS FAIRLY SOFT AND FRAGILE. IN FACT, PURE GOLD IS ACTUALLY VERY MALLEABLE AND EASILY CRUSHED OR SCRATCHED. THIS IS WHY JEWELERS ADD COPPER, SILVER, AND OTHER METALS TO GOLD WHEN CREATING JEWELRY. IN FACT, EVEN YOUR HIGHEST-QUALITY GOLD PIECES LIKE A WEDDING RING ARE ACTUALLY ALLOYS OF SEVERAL DIFFERENT METALS. YOU SEE WHERE THIS ANALOGY IS GOING—BY ITSELF, GOLD IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO FULFILL ITS PURPOSE. IT CAN BE USED DECORATIVELY, BUT TO BE USED IN DAILY LIFE IT MUST BE COMBINED WITH SOMETHING ELSE. SIMILARLY, ALL OF US HAVE WEAKNESSES WHEN WE’RE ON OUR OWN. ALTHOUGH THE “COMBINING” PROCESS OF MARRIAGE MAY AT TIMES BE DIFFICULT, YOU ARE ABLE TO DO MORE AND BE MORE WHEN GOD JOINS YOU WITH A SPOUSE WHO IS DIFFERENT THAN YOU ARE—AND WHEN YOU LEARN TO MAKE THE MOST OF THOSE DIFFERENCES!

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Create a new story

IN THIS SECTION, TALK ABOUT HOW YOU WILL APPLY THE WISDOM YOU’VE LEARNED FROM THE TEACHING AND BIBLE STUDY. THEN THINK ABOUT PRACTICAL STEPS YOU CAN TAKE IN THE COMING WEEK TO LIVE OUT WHAT YOU’VE LEARNED.

ll Why is “bowing down to God” the first step in gaining wisdom?

How can we take this step?

ll In what areas do you need to change your focus?

ll Here are some simple ways to connect with God. Tell the group which ones you plan to try this week, and talk about your progress and challenges when you meet next time. ll Prayer. Commit to personal prayer and daily connection with God. You may find it helpful to write your prayers in a journal.

ll If you are married, how can you be a helper to your spouse? How do you complement your spouse emotionally? Intellectually?

Spiritually?

ll How do your spouse’s differences make you stronger than you would be on your own?

ll Daily Devotions. The Daily Devotions provided in each session offer an opportunity to read a short Bible passage five days a week during the course of our study. In our hurry-up world, we often move too quickly through everything—even reading God’s Word! Slow down. Don’t just skim, but take time to read carefully and reflect on the passage. Write down your insights on what you read each day. Copy a portion of scripture on a card and tape it somewhere in your line of sight, such as your car’s dashboard or the bathroom mirror. Or text it to yourself! Think about it when you sit at red lights or while you’re eating a meal. Reflect on what God is saying to you through these words. On the sixth day summarize what God has shown you throughout the week. ll Ask, “How can we pray for you this week?” Invite everyone to share, but don’t force the issue. Be sure to write prayer requests on your Prayer and Praise Report on page 132. ll Close your meeting with prayer.

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For additional study

IF YOU FEEL GOD IS NUDGING YOU TO GO DEEPER, TAKE SOME TIME BETWEEN NOW AND OUR NEXT MEETING TO DIG INTO HIS WORD. EXPLORE THE BIBLE PASSAGES RELATED TO THIS SESSION’S THEME ON YOUR OWN, JOTTING YOUR REFLECTIONS IN A JOURNAL OR IN THIS STUDY GUIDE. WANT TO GO DEEPER? SELECT A FEW VERSES AND TRY PARAPHRASING THEM: WRITING THEM IN YOUR OWN WORDS. IF YOU LIKE, SHARE THEM WITH THE GROUP THE NEXT TIME YOU MEET.

READ PHILIPPIANS 2:1-4. ll What does it mean to be “like-minded”? How does the rest of the verse help explain this?

READ ECCLESIASTES 4:9-12. ll A saying from the Talmud, the Jewish scriptures, s ays , “A m a n w i t h o u t companions is like the left hand without the right.” Similarly, these verses extol the benefits of partnership with someone else. How does this passage apply to marriage?

ll How does this passage re i n f o rce t h e i d e a o f this week’s teaching about being helpers for each other?

ll Why should we be motivated to treat each other this way? (verse 1) ll Who or what is the third strand in verse 12? ll What happens in a relationship if both people follow these instructions?

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Daily Devotionals

DAY 1 • READ PROVERBS 16:16.

How much better to get wisdom than gold, and good judgment than silver!

Respond: God promises to give us wisdom and understanding if we ask him. Take some time today to pray for wisdom about your marriage and other close relationships.

DAY 2 • READ ROMANS 8:28.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Respond: God can use differences with your spouse to help you grow spiritually. How can the situations of your life right now work for your spiritual good?

DAY 3 • READ ROMANS 15:5-6.

May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

DAY 4 • READ EPHESIANS 4:2.

Always be humble and gentle.

Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.

Respond: The differences in our marriage can lead to closeness or to conflict. A good marriage doesn’t mean you always agree with each other (that’s codependency!). But if you practice humility, patience, and gentleness, your differences can make you stronger.

DAY 6 Use the following space to write any thoughts God has put in your heart and mind about the things we have looked at in this session and during your Daily Devotions time this week.

DAY 5 • READ PROVERBS 12:18.

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.

Respond: We’ve been talking t h e l a st t wo we e k s a b o u t needing God’s wisdom, and we definitely need to be wise when it comes to using our words. Ask God to help you speak with wisdom and love to your spouse and to others in your life.

Respond: Why is unity so important in a Christian marriage?

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SESSION 3:

Making It Strong SINCE THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE, LET NO ONE SPLIT APART WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER.” MATTHEW 19:6

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Let’s start with the bad news: about half of all marriages will end in divorce, and even the couples who make it to their golden anniversaries will struggle at points throughout their relationship.

Choosing to live with and sacrificially love one other person for a lifetime is hard work.

But now for the good news: it’s hard work that’s worth it. God created marriage and beginning with the very first one—Adam and Eve in Genesis—said that “it was good.” His Word gives us principles that can help us build “divorce-proof” relationships by growing in our own character and learning to love like He does. Whether you’re a newlywed or a marriage veteran, married or re-married, there is help and hope for building the marriage you always wanted.

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Share your story Open your group with prayer. This should be a brief, simple prayer in which you invite God to be with you as you meet. You can pray for specific requests at the end of the meeting, or stop momentarily to pray if a particular situation comes up during your discussion.

Sharing personal stories builds deeper connections among group members. Begin your time together by using the following questions and activities to get people talking. ll Think about a couple whose marriage you really respect. What is it about their relationship that you admire? ll What interests do you share with your spouse? ll Sit with your spiritual partner. If your partner is absent or you are new to the group, join with another pair or someone who doesn’t yet have a partner. If you haven’t established your spiritual partnership yet, do it now. (See Share Your Story in Session Two on page 42.)

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watch the dvd USE THE NOTES SPACE BELOW TO RECORD KEY THOUGHTS, QUESTIONS AND THINGS YOU WANT TO REMEMBER OR FOLLOW UP ON. AFTER WATCHING THE VIDEO, HAVE SOMEONE READ THE DISCUSSION QUESTIONS IN THE HEAR GOD’S STORY SECTION AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION AMONG THE GROUP. AS YOU GO THROUGH EACH OF THE SUBSEQUENT SECTIONS, ASK SOMEONE ELSE TO READ THE QUESTIONS AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION.

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Hear God’s Story Use the following questions to guide your discussion of the teaching and stories you just experienced on the DVD and the Bible passage below.

READ EPHESIANS 5:25-30, 33.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

ll Paul uses the Greek word “agape” for love in this passage, which is a kind of love that has less to do with feeling “in love” and more with self-sacrifice and deciding to be loving. How does this fit with the actions he is calling both spouses to in these verses?

So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

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ll How did Christ cleanse us and make us holy? Husbands can’t make their wives spiritually blameless, so what action is this passage calling men to do?

ll Why is the wife commanded to respect instead of love?

ll How does Christ “feed and care” for his body, the church? What parallels can husbands draw in caring for their wives?

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Study notes THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE, WORLDRENOWNED FOR THEIR SCIENTIFIC STUDIES OF WHAT MAKES RELATIONSHIPS WORK, OFFERS BOOKS, RESEARCH STUDIES, TRAINING, AND MORE TO HELP COUPLES AND FAMILIES CREATE STRONGER RELATIONSHIPS. THEY’VE IDENTIFIED FOUR BEHAVIORS THAT PREDICT RELATIONSHIP FAILURE WITH MORE THAN 90% ACCURACY (!!!). THE FOUR NEGATIVE PATTERNS, OR AS THEY CALL THEM, “THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE,” ARE CRITICISM, CONTEMPT, DEFENSIVENESS, AND STONEWALLING. THE INSTITUTE HAS IDENTIFIED “ANTIDOTES” THAT CAN DEFUSE THESE BEHAVIORS AND LEAD TO HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIPS. THESE INCLUDE RESPECT, ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY, AND APPRECIATING EACH OTHER’S EFFORTS. TAKE A MINUTE TO CONSIDER WHETHER YOU’RE DOING ANY OF THE “FOUR HORSEMEN” IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, AND RE-READ 1 CORINTHIANS 13 AS A REMINDER OF THE LOVING BEHAVIOR YOU COULD CHOOSE INSTEAD.

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GOD WANTS YOU TO BE PART OF HIS KINGDOM—TO WEAVE YOUR STORY INTO HIS. THAT WILL MEAN CHANGE. IT WILL REQUIRE YOU TO GO HIS WAY RATHER THAN YOUR OWN. THIS WON’T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT, BUT IT SHOULD HAPPEN STEADILY. BY MAKING SMALL, SIMPLE CHOICES, WE CAN BEGIN TO CHANGE OUR DIRECTION. THE HOLY SPIRIT HELPS US ALONG THE WAY, BY GIVING US GIFTS TO SERVE THE BODY, OFFERING US INSIGHTS INTO SCRIPTURE, AND CHALLENGING US TO LOVE NOT ONLY THOSE AROUND US BUT THOSE FAR FROM GOD.

ll Have you experienced the truth that emotions follow actions?

What does it mean that love is an action?

ll How are you at apologizing? How are you at forgiving? In what ways do you need to grow in asking and extending forgiveness?

IN THIS SECTION, TALK ABOUT HOW YOU WILL APPLY THE WISDOM YOU’VE LEARNED IN THIS SESSION.

ll React to Jerry and Chris’s “rule number one.” Is that a rule you’ve already adopted in your marriage? If not, is it one you’d like to try?

ll What steps will you take this week to grow in your relationship with God? If you’ve focused on prayer in past weeks, maybe you’ll want to direct your attention to scripture this week. If you’ve been reading God’s Word consistently, perhaps you’ll want to take it deeper and try memorizing a verse. Tell the group which one you plan to try this week, and talk about your progress and challenges when you meet next time.

ll Why does it take work to keep from drifting apart? Why are date nights and spending time together so important?

ll How can you “rejoice” in your spouse?

ll Ask, “How can we pray for you this week?” Invite everyone to share, but don’t force the issue. Be sure to write prayer requests on your Prayer and Praise Report on page 132. ll Close your meeting with prayer.

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For additional study

TAKE SOME TIME BETWEEN NOW AND OUR NEXT MEETING TO DIG INTO GOD’S WORD. EXPLORE THE BIBLE PASSAGES RELATED TO THIS SESSION’S THEME. JOT DOWN YOUR REFLECTIONS IN A JOURNAL OR IN THIS STUDY GUIDE. YOU MAY EVENT WANT TO USE A BIBLE WEBSITE OR APP TO LOOK UP COMMENTARY ON THESE PASSAGES. IF YOU LIKE, SHARE WHAT YOU LEARN WITH THE GROUP THE NEXT TIME YOU MEET.

READ 1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-13. ll What does it mean to delight in evil? Why is that contrasted with rejoicing with the truth?

ll In verses 11 and 12, why does the focus shift from describing love to describing our understanding of it?

READ EPHESIANS 4:25-27;29-32. ll Which of the commands in this passage do you find most difficult to put into practice in your marriage?

ll We may not always be able to resolve a conflict on the same day it happens—before the sun goes down—but the idea is that we should not let things fester and get worse. How could this give the devil a foothold?

ll What does it mean to forgive the way Christ forgave us?

ll How is love greater than faith and hope?

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Daily Devotionals

DAY 1 • READ 1 JOHN 3:1.

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him.

Respond: Our love and respect for each other is rooted in our experience of God’s love for us. Spend some time considering the ways God has lavished you with his love, and how that can affect the way you love others.

DAY 2 • READ 1 PETER 3:1-2.

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands.

Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.

Respond: Perhaps you are a believer but you’re married to someone who is not. What wisdom does this passage give you about how to love your non-Christian spouse? How can we witness to Christ’s love without words?

DAY 3 • READ PROVERBS 3:3.

Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart.

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Respond: What is the significance of loyalty and kindness being connected so strongly here? Can you have one without the other?

DAY 4 • READ 1 SAMUEL 12:24.

But be sure to fear the LORD and faithfully serve him. Think of all the wonderful things he has done for you.

DAY 6 Use the following space to write any thoughts God has put in your heart and mind about the things we have looked at in this session and during your Daily Devotions time this week.

Respond: Our faithfulness to our marriage vows is one way of being like God, who is always faithful to us. Ask Him for help in staying committed to your spouse today and in the years ahead.

DAY 5 • READ 1 PETER 4:8.

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

Respond: We will not always love perfectly, but we are called to continue learning how to love. Ask for God’s wisdom in loving the people close to you in the days ahead.

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SESSION 4:

Building with Words WORDS KILL, WORDS GIVE LIFE; THEY’RE EITHER POISON OR FRUIT—YOU CHOOSE. PROVERBS 18:21 (MSG)

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The old rhyme, recited by school children for decades, tells us, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” In reality, of course, we know nothing could be further from the truth. Words have huge power to not only hurt us in the moment, but to cause long-term rifts in our relationships.

However, the opposite is also true. Just as we can use our words to hurt others, we can also use them to heal and help the people we love. This is especially true for our children, who are looking to us for encouragement, guidance, comfort, and even discipline. In this session we’ll look at several key ways we can bless our children, including how we can use life-giving words to help our children grow.

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Share your story Open your group with prayer. This should be a brief, simple prayer, in which you invite God to be with you as you meet. You can pray for specific requests at the end of the meeting or stop momentarily to pray if a particular situation comes up during your discussion.

As we have said in previous lessons, sharing our personal stories builds deeper connections among group members. Your story may be exactly what another person needs to hear, and your listening to others’ stories is an act of love and kindness to them—and could very well help them to grow spiritually. Begin your time together by using the following questions and activities to get people talking. ll Share a time when a parent, aunt or uncle, grandparent, or other adult blessed you with words of praise or kindness. ll Was your family a “hugging family” or more reserved? ll Sit with your spiritual partner. If your partner is absent or if you are new to the group, join with another pair or someone who doesn’t yet have a partner. If you haven’t established your spiritual partnership yet, do it now. Share one prayer request and one thing you want to thank God for. Spend some time praying about what you’ve shared. (See Share Your Story in Session Two on page 42.) ll Take some time for each person to share about how they’re doing on the challenge of inviting the people on the Circles of Life to church or your small group. What specific conversations are you praying about for the weeks to come?

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watch the dvd USE THE NOTES SPACE BELOW TO RECORD KEY THOUGHTS, QUESTIONS AND THINGS YOU WANT TO REMEMBER OR FOLLOW UP ON. AFTER WATCHING THE VIDEO, HAVE SOMEONE READ THE DISCUSSION QUESTIONS IN THE HEAR GOD’S STORY SECTION AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION AMONG THE GROUP. AS YOU GO THROUGH EACH OF THE SUBSEQUENT SECTIONS, ASK SOMEONE ELSE TO READ THE QUESTIONS AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION.

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Hear God’s Story READ JAMES 3:2-8

ll Verse 8 says no human can tame the tongue. Who can? How can we access His power in this area?

Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

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We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

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But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6 And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.

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ll Why does James say the ability to control the tongue means a person has the ability to control himself completely?

ll This passage focuses on some negative uses of the tongue, but consider how the inverse is also true. If our words can spark a fire, how can our words also multiply into great results?

ll What does it mean that the tongue “makes grand speeches”?

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Study notes James is known for being quite plainspoken, even blunt, in the biblical book that bears his name, but he’s also good at using real-life examples to explain his ideas. In the passage we studied today, he used two objects—the bit in the mouth of a horse and the rudder of a boat—as metaphors for the way our small tongues (and the way we use them) can direct the course of our entire lives.

The bit in a horse’s mouth is attached to the bridle and reins and allows the rider to communicate with the animal (ironically, by pressing against its tongue). When used correctly, the bit does not hurt the horse but the rider can skillfully use just a small bit of pressure to change the horse’s direction.

Likewise, the rudder of a ship is very small compared to the bulk of the entire vessel, but when someone turns the rudder it changes the water pressure on both sides of the boat and causes it to turn.

This passage is full of harsh warnings about how we speak, but it’s also full of hope—if our words can cause damage comparable to fire and poison, they also have great power to do good. Just as we can use the bit of a horse or the rudder of a ship to cause a big change, the challenge is to use our tongues to change our lives and the lives of others for the better.

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Create a new story

ll Are you better at touch or words? Or do you need to grow in both areas? What is one step you could take this week?

ll Why are words so powerful?

ll What is the difference between disciplining a child with words and wounding him with words?

ll Why is meaningful touch so important to our kids?

ll How can words of blessing cast vision for our children? How can they bring healing?

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ll Each of you in the group has different gifts and abilities. And every small group has tasks and roles that need to be done.

How could you serve this group—perhaps with hospitality or prayer, by organizing an event, research or study of a topic, by worshipping or inviting new people?

ll Spend some time praying about those you know who might respond to a simple invitation: to come to a church service, to join your small group, or even to just have coffee and talk about spiritual matters. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind people you can pray for. ll Groups grow closer when they serve together. How could your group serve someone in need? You may want to visit a shutin from your church, provide a meal for a family who is going through difficulty, or give some other practical help to someone in need. If nothing comes to mind, spend some group time praying and asking God to show you who needs your help. Have two or three group members organize a serving project for the group, and then do it!

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For additional study

TAKE SOME TIME BETWEEN NOW AND OUR NEXT MEETING TO DIG INTO GOD’S WORD. EXPLORE THE BIBLE PASSAGES RELATED TO THIS SESSION’S THEME ON YOUR OWN. JOT DOWN YOUR REFLECTIONS IN A JOURNAL OR IN THIS STUDY GUIDE. YOU MAY EVEN WANT TO USE A BIBLE WEBSITE OR APP TO LOOK UP COMMENTARY ON THESE PASSAGES. IF YOU LIKE, SHARE WHAT YOU LEARN WITH THE GROUP THE NEXT TIME YOU MEET.

READ MATTHEW 12:34-37.

READ PROVERBS 15:23; 16:24; 29:20 ll What is a “timely” word?

How does that connect to this week’s teaching on how to bless our children?

ll Consider a time when someone else’s words h e a l e d yo u r s p i r i t i n some way. What did they say? How did they say it?

Why was it so meaningful to you?

ll What does it mean that we speak from the overflow of our hearts? Have you found this to be true in your own life?

ll What kind of good things should we be storing up? How do we do that?

ll Why does hasty speech make us more hopeless than a fool?

ll In verses 36 and 37, an “empty” word is a word spoken without thought. Why is God so concerned about every word we speak?

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Daily Devotionals

DAY 1 • READ ECCLESIASTES 5:2.

Don’t make rash promises, and don’t be hasty in bringing matters before God. After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few.

Respond: We again see the connection here between our heart and our speech. Ask God to help you “let your words be few” and to think before you speak.

DAY 2 • READ EPHESIANS 4:15.

But then everyone rushes to the side of yet another youth who replaces him.

Respond: What is the connection between how we speak and how we grow? How can your words of love help your child grow in Christ?

DAY 3 • READ COLOSSIANS 3:17.

And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

Respond: This is a great way to evaluate our words—would they be words that Jesus would speak to your children? Can you really speak them in his name?

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DAY 4 • READ EPHESIANS 1:3.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.

DAY 6 Use the following space to write any thoughts God has put in your heart and mind about the things we have looked at in this session and during your Daily Devotions time this week.

Respond: We can bless our children out of the overflow of the ways our heavenly Father has blessed us. Consider how God loves you, and ask him to help you love your child this way.

DAY 5 • READ EPHESIANS 5:1-2.

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. 2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Respond: Again, we can look to our Father and his love for us as we make choices about how to parent our children. How can you “walk in the way of love” as a parent?

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SESSION 5:

parenting god’s way DIRECT YOUR CHILDREN ONTO THE RIGHT PATH, AND WHEN THEY ARE OLDER, THEY WILL NOT LEAVE IT. PROVERBS 22:6

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“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage….”

For many of us, this old rhyme is pretty true to our experience. But there’s nothing in it about what to do next! How do we parent these children in ways that help them to flourish, prepare them for adulthood, and hopefully lead them to Christ?

Although many of us choose to have children, it’s easy to feel alone as a parent.

But God designed families, and he has lots to say about raising our kids and parenting them well.

This week we’ll look more closely at some specific instructions God has for us as parents, and how we can please our Heavenly Father by growing as moms and dads.

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Share your story ll Open your group with prayer. This should be a brief, simple prayer, in which you invite God to be with you as you meet. You can pray for specific requests at the end of the meeting or stop momentarily to pray if a particular situation comes up during your discussion. ll Telling our personal stories builds deeper connections among group members. Begin your time together by using the following questions and activities to get people talking. Sharing our stories requires us to be honest. We can help one another be honest and open by creating a safe place; be sure that your group is one where confidentiality is respected, where there is no such thing as “stupid questions,” where you listen without criticizing one another. ll How would you describe your mom or dad’s parenting style? ll What one character trait or value was most important in your home growing up? ll Sit with your spiritual partner. If your partner is absent or if you are new to the group, join with another pair or someone who doesn’t yet have a partner. If you haven’t established your spiritual partnership yet, do it now. Answer this question: how has being in this group impacted your personal relationship with God? (See Share Your Story in Session Two on page 42.)

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watch the dvd USE THE NOTES SPACE BELOW TO RECORD KEY THOUGHTS, QUESTIONS AND THINGS YOU WANT TO REMEMBER OR FOLLOW UP ON. AFTER WATCHING THE VIDEO, HAVE SOMEONE READ THE DISCUSSION QUESTIONS IN THE HEAR GOD’S STORY SECTION AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION AMONG THE GROUP. AS YOU GO THROUGH EACH OF THE SUBSEQUENT SECTIONS, ASK SOMEONE ELSE TO READ THE QUESTIONS AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION.

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ll Why is it important to be “wholehearted” in parenting our kids this way?

READ DEUTERONOMY 6:1-9.

“These are the commands, decrees, and regulations that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you. You must obey them in the land you are about to enter and occupy, 2 and you and your children and grandchildren must fear the LORD your God as long as you live.

If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life. 3 Listen closely, Israel, and be careful to obey. Then all will go well with you, and you will have many children in the land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your ancestors, promised you.

“Listen, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. 5 And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. 6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. 7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.8 Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

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ll I n M a t t h ew 2 2 , J e s u s quotes from this passage and says it is part of “the greatest commandment.”

Why would elevate it so highly?

ll This is part of a series of instructions God gave the Israelites before they entered the promised land. What does God promise (verses 2-3) if they obey these commands?

ll What do verses 7-9 teach us about the approach we should take in talking about God with our kids?

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Study notes As Chris and Jerry mention in this week’s video, it’s important that we teach our kids the major lessons of life before they’re 18 years old. In our culture, that’s the legal age of adulthood, so it’s definitely important that we’ve parented our kids to be completely responsible for their actions and to understand consequences before they reach this milestone.

However, recent research by human development psychologists, neurologists, and other specialists shows that while our culture considers kids “grown” at age 18, the human brain actually continues to mature and develop until age 25. Here’s a quote from an article on the subject by National Geographic: The first full series of scans of the developing adolescent brain—a National Institutes of Health (NIH) project that studied over a hundred young people as they grew up during the 1990s—showed that our brains undergo a massive reorganization between our 12th and 25th years. The brain doesn’t actually grow very much during this period. It has already reached 90 percent of its full size by the time a person is six, and a thickening skull accounts for most head growth afterward. But as we move through adolescence, the brain undergoes extensive remodeling, resembling a network and wiring upgrade…… When this development proceeds normally, we get better at balancing impulse, desire, goals, self-interest, rules, ethics, and even altruism, generating behavior that is more complex and, sometimes at least, more sensible. But at times, and especially at first, the brain does this work clumsily. It’s hard to get all those new cogs to mesh.

So while our society will still treat kids as adults at age 18, they’re still growing in their ability to delay gratification, set goals, and behave responsibly. This might not be great news for those of us really wanting our grown children to behave like grown-ups, but perhaps it can give all of us some patience as we nurture them one step at a time.

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Create a new story

GOD WANTS YOU TO BE PART OF HIS KINGDOM—TO WEAVE YOUR STORY INTO HIS. THAT WILL MEAN CHANGE. IT WILL REQUIRE YOU TO GO HIS WAY RATHER THAN YOUR OWN. THIS WON’T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT, BUT IT SHOULD HAPPEN STEADILY. BY MAKING SMALL, SIMPLE CHOICES, WE CAN BEGIN TO CHANGE OUR DIRECTION. THE HOLY SPIRIT HELPS US ALONG THE WAY—GIVING US GIFTS TO SERVE THE BODY, OFFERING US INSIGHTS INTO SCRIPTURE, AND CHALLENGING US TO LOVE NOT ONLY THOSE AROUND US BUT THOSE FAR FROM GOD. IN THIS SECTION, TALK ABOUT HOW YOU WILL APPLY THE WISDOM YOU’VE LEARNED IN THIS LESSON.

ll If you’re a parent, are you parenting mostly out of past models, the way others are parenting now, or the way God teaches us?

ll What is the difference between an engaged parent and a strategic parent?

ll What do you want your children to know before they’re grown?

How does that need to change the way you’re parenting now?

ll Whose responsibility is it to teach your kids about God?

ll How can you be more intentional about teaching God’s commandments and your values to your kids?

ll Spend some time praying about those you know who might respond to a simple invitation: to come to a church service, to join your small group, or even just to have coffee and talk about spiritual matters. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind people you can pray for. ll A strong group is made up of people who are all being filled up by God, so that they are empowered to love one another.

What specific steps will you take this week to connect with God privately, so He can “fill you up?” If you’ve focused on prayer in past weeks, maybe you’ll want to direct your attention to Scripture this week. If you’ve been reading God’s Word consistently, perhaps you’ll want to take it deeper and try memorizing a verse. Tell the group which one you plan to try this week. Then, at your next meeting, talk about your progress and challenges. ll Ask “How can we pray for you this week?” Invite everyone to share, but don’t force the issue. Be sure to write prayer requests on your Prayer and Praise Report on page 132. ll

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Close your meeting with prayer.

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For additional study

TAKE SOME TIME BETWEEN NOW AND OUR NEXT MEETING TO DIG INTO GOD’S WORD. EXPLORE THE BIBLE PASSAGES RELATED TO THIS SESSION’S THEME ON YOUR OWN. JOT DOWN YOUR REFLECTIONS IN A JOURNAL OR IN THIS STUDY GUIDE. YOU MAY EVEN WANT TO USE A BIBLE WEBSITE OR APP TO LOOK UP COMMENTARY ON THESE PASSAGES. IF YOU LIKE, SHARE WHAT YOU LEARN WITH THE GROUP THE NEXT TIME YOU MEET.

READ PSALM 127. ll What does it mean for the Lord to build the house?

ll Why are children called a reward from God? What does this passage teach you about God’s value for families?

READ EPHESIANS 6:1-4. ll

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What does it mean to obey “in the Lord”?

Why do you think God attached a promise of blessing to this particular commandment? (And why not others?)

ll In this psalm, there is reference to both God building and to us building. What does that tell you about raising your children—is it solely your work to do?

ll Some versions translate verse four as “do not provoke your children to anger.” The Greek word for anger signifies not minor irritation, but major rebellion. How does this affect your understanding of the passage?

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Daily Devotionals

DAY 1 • READ 1 JOHN 4:11-12.

Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

Respond: As a parent, you are one of the biggest ways your child will see God. It’s a huge responsibility but also a huge opportunity. How can you show God and His love to your child today?

DAY 2 • READ MATTHEW 19:13-15.

One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could lay his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him.

But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.” And he placed his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left.

Respond: What does Jesus mean when he says the kingdom of heaven belongs to people who are like children? What can we learn about our faith from parenting?

DAY 3 • READ PSALM 103:17.

But the love of the LORD remains forever with those who fear him. His salvation extends to the children’s children.

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Respond: Spend some time praying about how your life can be more honoring to God, and asking for his blessing on your children and grandchildren.

DAY 4 • READ PROVERBS 29:17.

Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad.

DAY 6 Use the following space to write any thoughts God has put in your heart and mind about the things we have looked at in this session and during your Daily Devotions time this week.

Respond: What a beautiful, hopeful promise this is. Ask God for help in disciplining your children and ask him to bless your home with peace.

DAY 5 • READ PROVERBS 1:8-9.

My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction.

9 What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck.

Respond: This is a poetic way of describing the value of a parent’s guidance. Does it describe the legacy you are leaving to your children? Ask God for help in consistently providing an example that will enhance your kids’ lives as they grow.

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SESSION 6:

We are Family GOD PLACES THE LONELY IN FAMILIES. PSALM 68:6

You know that God describes himself as your Father, and you’ve probably heard other Christians referred to as your “brothers and sisters.” Several places in the New Testament Jesus is even called our “older brother.” God designed his church to be a family where we share each other’s burdens, celebrate each other’s victories, and live under His leadership.

Yet so often we try to do life by ourselves, living as “Lone Ranger” Christians and isolating ourselves from the very family God wants for us. But when we live this way, we leave ourselves open to temptation and miss out on the relationships, encouragement, and growth that come from journeying through life together.

God created us to need each other, and we’re stronger when we’re not alone. As we close this study, we’ll look at what it means to be part of the family of God and why it matters.

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Share your story ll Open your group with prayer. This should be a brief, simple prayer, in which you invite God to be with you as you meet. You can pray for specific requests at the end of the meeting, or stop momentarily to pray if a particular situation comes up during your discussion. ll As we have said in previous lessons, sharing our personal stories builds deeper connections among group members. Your story may be exactly what another person needs to hear to encourage or strengthen them. And your listening to others’ stories is an act of love and kindness to them—and could very well help them to grow spiritually. Begin your time together by using the following questions and activities to get people talking. ll What has surprised you most about this group? Where did God meet you over the last six weeks? ll What are some good things about being part of a family? ll Take time in this final session to connect with your spiritual partner. What has God been showing you through these sessions? What positive changes has your partner noticed in you? Check in with each other about the progress you have made in your spiritual growth during this study. Make plans about whether you will continue your relationship after the group has concluded. ll Take some time for each person to share about how they’ve done with inviting the people on the Circles of Life to church or your small group. What specific conversations are you praying about for the weeks to come?

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watch the dvd USE THE NOTES SPACE BELOW TO RECORD KEY THOUGHTS, QUESTIONS AND THINGS YOU WANT TO REMEMBER OR FOLLOW UP ON. AFTER WATCHING THE VIDEO, HAVE SOMEONE READ THE DISCUSSION QUESTIONS IN THE HEAR GOD’S STORY SECTION AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION AMONG THE GROUP. AS YOU GO THROUGH EACH OF THE SUBSEQUENT SECTIONS, ASK SOMEONE ELSE TO READ THE QUESTIONS AND DIRECT THE DISCUSSION.

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Hear God’s Story READ 1 CORINTHIANS 12:12-26 The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. 13 Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit.

Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. 15 If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? 17 If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything?

ll Verse 13 is a revolutionary statement; Paul is saying that groups of people who are culturally, socioeconomically, and religiously divided are actually united in deep ways—whether they like it or not! What does this have to teach us about being the family of God?

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But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. 19 How strange a body would be if it had only one part!20 Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. 21 The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.”

ll Do you get to decide whether or not you want to be part of the family?

Do you get to decide if others are part of it?

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In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. 23 And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, 24 while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. 25 This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. 26 If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.

ll React to verse 18. Does this encourage you?

Challenge you?

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ll Should we be envious of others’ gifts or their role in the family? Why or why not?

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Study notes The Bible mentions a number of spiritual gifts that God gives His people when they choose to follow Him. Here are some of these gifts.

Do you recognize any of them in yourself?

Do you see any of them in your spouse, your children, or your friends? How can you use them to bless others?

(See Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12 and Ephesians 4 for more)

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• EXHORTATION

• LEADERSHIP

• PROPHECY

• TEACHING

• GIVING

• MERCY

• SERVICE

• ADMINISTRATION

• DISCERNMENT

• FAITH

• EVANGELISM

• HOSPITALITY

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Create a new story

HOW HAS GOD CHANGED YOUR STORY DURING THIS SIX-WEEK STUDY? WHAT NEW THINGS IS HE ASKING YOU TO DO? WHAT TRUTH HAS TRANSFORMED YOUR HEART? THINK ABOUT SPECIFIC STEPS YOU WANT TO TAKE TO LIVE A NEW STORY, TO WALK MORE CLOSELY WITH GOD SO YOU CAN BE PART OF HIS STORY, ENGAGED IN HIS KINGDOM.

ll What are some of the benefits of being part of an earthly family?

For example, you might say a feeling of closeness to others, or sharing a name and identity. How do we experience those things as part of God’s family?

ll Are you planted in a local church or are you just hanging out on the fringes? What changes would you need to make to root yourself in fellowship here?

ll Why is it so important to experience celebration and sorrow with others?

ll How could you use your gifts and talents to help our family grow?

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ll As this is the last meeting in this study, take some time to celebrate the work God has done in the lives of group members. Have each person in the group share some step of growth they have noticed in another member. (In other words, no one will talk about themselves. Instead, affirm others in the group.) Make sure each person gets affirmed and noticed and celebrated—whether the steps they’ve made are large or small. ll If your group still needs to make decisions about continuing to meet after this session, have that discussion now. Talk about what you will study, who will lead, and when you will meet. ll Review your Small Group Agreement on page 126 and evaluate how well you met your goals. Discuss any changes you want to make as you move forward. If you plan to continue to meeting, and your group starts a new study, this is a great time to take on a new role or change roles of service in your group. What new role will you take on? If you are uncertain, maybe your group members have some ideas for you. Remember you aren’t making a lifetime commitment to the new role; it will only be for a few weeks.

Maybe someone would like to share a role with you if you don’t feel ready to serve solo. ll Close by praying for your prayer requests and take a couple of minutes to review the praises you have recorded over the past five weeks on the Prayer and Praise Report on page 132. Spend some time thanking God for all He’s done in your group during this study.

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For additional study

EXPLORE THE BIBLE PASSAGES RELATED TO THIS SESSION’S THEME ON YOUR OWN, JOTTING YOUR REFLECTIONS IN A JOURNAL OR IN THIS STUDY GUIDE. YOU MAY EVEN WANT TO USE A BIBLE WEBSITE OR APP TO LOOK UP COMMENTARY ON THESE PASSAGES.

READ ROMANS 12:3-8 ll Paul begins by encouraging his readers to be humble and honest when considering their gifts.

Why is this so important?

ll

READ GALATIANS 6:2-5. ll How does carrying each other’s burdens fulfill the law of Christ?

ll This passage says to both carry other’s burdens and carry our own load. The word for burdens means a weight, something heavy that’s beyond our ability to handle alone, and the word for load means the responsibility of one person. How does that clarify this passage? What is the difference between the two commands?

How does the analogy of a body with many parts illustrate the importance of each gift?

ll What does it mean that “each member belongs to all the others”?

ll Why does God gift us so differently?

ll Why would verses about pride and humility be sandwiched in the middle of this teaching?

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Daily Devotionals

DAY 1 • READ 1 JOHN 3:1.

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him.

Respond: As we begin this final week of devotions, take some time to reflect on how amazing it is that God calls us his children. Not his servants or even just his people, but his family! Thank him for including you in his family.

DAY 2 • READ ROMANS 15:7.

Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.

Respond: What are some ways Christ accepted you? How can you show that same acceptance to others at CLC? DAY 3 • READ GALATIANS 6:10 Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.

Respond: What are some ways you can do good to those in our family this week?

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DAY 4 • READ PROVERBS 13:20.

Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.

Respond: How do we grow in wisdom just by associating with other wise people?

How can being rooted in our church family help us to grow in wisdom?

DAY 6 Use the following space to write any thoughts God has put in your heart and mind about the things we have looked at in this session and during your Daily Devotions time this week.

DAY 5 • PHILIPPIANS 2:1-2.

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit?

Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

Respond: What does it mean to be “like-minded”? How would it transform our church if we were united in spirit and purpose as a family?

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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS WHAT DO WE DO ON THE FIRST NIGHT OF OUR GROUP?

APPENDICES RESOURCES TO MAKE YOUR SMALL GROUP EXPERIENCE EVEN BETTER!

Like all fun things in life—have a party! A “get to know you” coffee, dinner, or dessert is a great way to launch a new study.

You may want to review the Small Group Agreement (page 126-127) and share the names of a few friends you can invite to join you. But most importantly, have fun before your study time begins.

WHERE DO WE FIND NEW MEMBERS FOR OUR GROUP? This can be troubling, especially for new groups that have only a few people or for existing groups that lose a few people along the way. We encourage you to pray with your group and then brainstorm a list of people from work, church, your neighborhood, your children’s school, family, the gym, and so forth. Then have each group member invite several of the people on his or her list. Another good strategy is to ask church leaders to make an announcement or allow a bulletin insert.

No matter how you find members, it’s vital that you stay on the lookout for new people to join your group. All groups tend to go through healthy attrition—the result of moves, releasing new leaders, ministry opportunities, and so forth—and if the group gets too small, it could be at risk of shutting down. If you and your group stay open, you’ll be amazed at the people God sends your way. The next person just might become a friend for life.

You never know!

HOW LONG WILL THIS GROUP MEET? Most groups meet weekly for at least their first six weeks, but every other week can work as well. We strongly recommend that the group meet for the first six months on a weekly basis if at all possible. This allows for continuity, and if people miss a meeting they aren’t gone for a whole month.

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At the end of this study, each group member may decide if he or she wants to continue on for another study. Some groups launch relationships for years to come, and others are stepping-stones into another group experience. Either way, enjoy the journey.

CAN WE DO THIS STUDY ON OUR OWN? Absolutely! This may sound crazy, but one of the best ways to do this study is not with a full house but with a few friends. You may choose to gather with another couple who would enjoy some relational time (perhaps going to the movies or having a quiet dinner) and then walking through this study. Jesus will be with you even if there are only two of you (Matthew 18:20).

WHAT IF THIS GROUP IS NOT WORKING FOR US? You’re not alone! This could be the result of a personality conflict, life stage difference, geographical distance, level of spiritual maturity, or any number of things. Relax. Pray for God’s direction, and at the end of this six-week study, decide whether to continue with this group or find another. You don’t typically buy the first car you look at or marry the first person you date, and the same goes with a group. However, don’t bail out before the six weeks are up—God might have something to teach you. Also, don’t run from conflict or prejudge people before you have given them a chance. God is still working in your life, too!

WHO IS THE LEADER? Most groups have an official leader. But ideally, the group will mature and members will rotate the leadership of meetings. We

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have discovered that healthy groups rotate hosts/leaders and homes on a regular basis. This model ensures that all members grow, give their unique contribution, and develop their gifts. This study guide and the Holy Spirit can keep things on track even when you rotate leaders. Christ has promised to be in your midst as you gather. Ultimately, God is your leader each step of the way.

HOW DO WE HANDLE THE CHILDCARE NEEDS IN OUR GROUP? Very carefully. Seriously, this can be a sensitive issue. We suggest that you empower the group to openly brainstorm solutions. You may try one option that works for a while and then adjust over time. Our favorite approach is for adults to meet in the living room or dining room and to share the cost of a babysitter (or two) who can watch the kids in a different part of the house. This way, parents don’t have to be away from their children all evening when their children are too young to be left at home. A second option is to use one home for the kids and a second home (close by or a phone call away) for the adults. A third idea is to rotate the responsibility of providing a lesson or care for the children either in the same home or in another home nearby. This can be an incredible blessing for kids. Finally, the most common solution is to decide that you need to have a night to invest in your spiritual lives individually or as a couple and to make your own arrangements for childcare. No matter what decision the group makes, the best approach is to dialogue openly about both the problem and the solution.

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SMALL GROUP AGREEMENT

OUR EXPECTATIONS ll Refreshments/mealtimes

OUR PURPOSE

To provide a predictable environment where participants experience authentic community and spiritual growth.

OUR VALUES

ll Group Attendance To give priority to the group meeting. We will call or email if we will be late or absent. (Completing the Group Calendar on page 128 will minimize this issue.) ll Safe Environment To help create a safe place where people can be heard and feel loved. (Please, no quick answers, snap judgments, or simple fixes.)

ll When we will meet (day of week)

ll Where we will meet (place)

ll Respect Differences To be gentle and gracious to fellow group members with different spiritual maturity, personal opinions, temperaments, or “imperfections.� We are all works in progress.

ll We will begin at (time) and end at

ll Confidentiality To keep anything that is shared strictly confidential and within the group, and to avoid sharing improper information about those outside the group.

ll We will do our best to attend a worship service together. Our primary worship service time will be

ll Encouragement for Growth To be not just takers but givers of life. We want to spiritually multiply our life by serving others with our God-given gifts. ll Shared Ownership To remember that every member is a minister and to ensure that each attender will share a small team role or responsibility over time. ll Rotating Hosts/Leaders and Homes To encourage different people to host the group in their homes and to rotate the responsibility of facilitating each meeting. (See the Group Calendar on page 128.)

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ll Childcare

ll Date of this agreement

ll Date we will review this agreement again

ll Who (other than the leader) will review this agreement at the end of this study

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small GROUp CALENDAR

SPIRITUAL PARTNERS’ CHECK-IN

Planning and calendaring can help ensure the greatest participation at every meeting. At the end of each meeting, review this calendar. Be sure to include a regular rotation of host homes and leaders, and don’t forget birthdays, socials, church events, holidays, and mission/ministry projects.

Briefly check in each week and write down your personal plans and progress targets for the next week (or even for the next few weeks). This could be done before or after the meeting, on the phone, through an e-mail message, or even in person from time to time.

DATE

January 11

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SESSION

1

HOST HOME

Steve and Laura’s

DESSERT/MEAL

LEADER

Joe

Bill

MY NAME: PARTNER’S NAME: OUR PLANS: OUR PROGRESS:

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Memory Verse Cards SESSION ONE

SESSION FOUR

YET TRUE GODLINESS WITH CONTENTMENT IS ITSELF GREAT WEALTH.

WORDS KILL, WORDS GIVE LIFE; THEY’RE EITHER POISON OR FRUIT—YOU CHOOSE.

1 TIMOTHY 6:6

PROVERBS 18:21

SESSION TWO

SESSION FIVE

THEN THE LORD GOD SAID, “IT IS NOT GOOD FOR THE MAN TO BE ALONE. I WILL MAKE A HELPER WHO IS JUST RIGHT FOR HIM.”

DIRECT YOUR CHILDREN ONTO THE RIGHT PATH, AND WHEN THEY ARE OLDER, THEY WILL NOT LEAVE IT.

GENESIS 2:18

PROVERBS 22:6

SESSION THREE SINCE THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE, LET NO ONE SPLIT APART WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER.”

SESSION SIX GOD PLACES THE LONELY IN FAMILIES. PSALM 68:6

MATTHEW 19:6

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SESSION 6

SESSION 5

SESSION 4

SESSION 3

SESSION 2

SESSION 1

Prayer Requests

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Praise Reports

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HOSTING AN OPEN HOUSE

Small Group Leaders KEY RESOURCES TO HELP YOUR LEADERSHIP EXPERIENCE BE THE BEST IT CAN BE.

If you’re starting a new group, try planning an “open house” before your first formal group meeting. Even if you have only two to four core members, it’s a great way to break the ice and to consider prayerfully who else might be open to joining you over the next few weeks. You can also use this kick-off meeting to hand out study guides, spend some time getting to know each other, discuss each person’s expectations for the group and briefly pray for each other. A simple meal or good desserts always make a kick-off meeting more fun.

After people introduce themselves and share how they ended up being at the meeting (you can play a game to see who has the wildest story!), have everyone respond to a few icebreaker questions: ll What is your favorite family vacation? ll What is one thing you love about your church/our community? ll What are three things about your life growing up that most people here don’t know?

Next, ask everyone to tell what he or she hopes to get out of the study. You might want to review the Small Group Agreement and talk about each person’s expectations and priorities.

Finally, set an open chair (maybe two) in the center of your group and explain that it represents someone who would enjoy or benefit from this group but who isn’t here yet. Ask people to pray about inviting someone to join the group over the next few weeks. Hand out postcards and have everyone write an invitation or two. Don’t worry about ending up with too many people; you can always have one discussion circle in the living room and another in the dining room after you watch the lesson. Each group could then report prayer requests and progress at the end of the session.

You can skip this kick-off meeting if your time is limited, but you’ll experience a huge benefit if you take the time to connect with each other in this way.

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LEADING FOR THE FIRST TIME ll Sweaty palms are a healthy sign.

The Bible says God is gracious to the humble. Remember who is in control; the time to worry is when you’re not worried. Those who are soft in heart (and sweaty palmed) are those whom God is sure to speak through.

ll Ask for feedback so you can grow.

Perhaps in an email or on cards handed out at the study, have everyone write down three things you did well and one thing you could improve on. Don’t get defensive. Instead, show an openness to learn and grow.

ll Seek support.

Ask your leader, co-leader, or close friend to pray for you and prepare with you before the session. Walking through the study will help you anticipate potentially difficult questions and discussion topics.

ll Prayerfully consider launching a new group.

This doesn’t need to happen overnight, but God’s heart is for this to take place over time. Not all Christians are called to be leaders or teachers, but we are all called to be “shepherds” of a few someday.

ll Bring your uniqueness to the study.

Lean into who you are and how God wants you to uniquely lead the study. ll Prepare. Prepare. Prepare.

Go through the session several times. If you are using the DVD, listen to the teaching segment and Leadership Lifter.

Consider writing in a journal or fasting for a day to prepare yourself for what God wants to do. Don’t wait until the last minute to prepare.

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ll Share with your group what God is doing in your heart.

God is searching for those whose hearts are fully his. Share your trials and victories. We promise that people will relate.

Prayerfully consider whom you would like to pass the baton to next week. It’s only fair. God is ready for the next member of your group to go on the faith journey you just traveled.

Make it fun, and expect God to do the rest.

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LEADERSHIP TRAINING 101 CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE RESPONDED TO THE CALL TO HELP SHEPHERD JESUS’ FLOCK. THERE ARE FEW OTHER TASKS IN THE FAMILY OF GOD THAT SURPASS THE CONTRIBUTION YOU WILL BE MAKING. AS YOU PREPARE TO LEAD, WHETHER IT IS ONE SESSION OR THE ENTIRE SERIES, HERE ARE A FEW THOUGHTS TO KEEP IN MIND. WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO READ THESE AND REVIEW THEM WITH EACH NEW DISCUSSION LEADER BEFORE HE OR SHE LEADS. 1. Remember that you are not alone.

God knows everything about you, and He knew that you would be asked to lead your group. Remember that it is common for all good leaders to feel that they are not ready to lead. Moses, Solomon, Jeremiah and Timothy were all reluctant to lead. God promises, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Whether you are leading for one evening, for several weeks, or for a lifetime, you will be blessed as you serve.

2. Don’t try to do it alone.

Pray right now for God to help you build a healthy leadership team. If you can enlist a co-leader to help you lead the group, you will find your experience to be much richer. This is your chance to involve as many people as you can in building a healthy group. All you have to do is call and ask people to help. You’ll probably be surprised at the response.

3. Just be yourself.

If you won’t be you, who will? God wants you to use your unique gifts and temperament. Don’t try to do things exactly like another leader; do them in a way that fits you! Just admit it when you don’t have an answer, and apologize when you make a mistake. Your group will love you for it, and you’ll sleep better at night!

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4. Prepare for your meeting ahead of time.

Review the session and the leader’s notes, and write down your responses to each question. Pay special attention to exercises that ask group members to do something other than engage in discussion. These exercises will help your group live what the Bible teaches, not just talk about it. Be sure you understand how an exercise works, and bring any necessary supplies (such as paper and pens) to your meeting.

If the exercise employs one of the items in the appendix, be sure to look over that item so you’ll know how it works.

Finally, review “Outline for Each Session” so you’ll remember the purpose of each section in the study.

5. Pray for your group members by name.

Before you begin your session, go around the room in your mind and pray for each member by name. You may want to review the prayer list at least once a week. Ask God to use your time together to touch the heart of every person uniquely. Expect God to lead you to whomever He wants you to encourage or challenge in a special way. If you listen, God will surely lead!

6. When you ask a question, be patient.

Someone will eventually respond. Sometimes people need a moment or two of silence to think about the question.

Keep in mind, if silence doesn’t bother you, it won’t bother anyone else. After someone responds, affirm the response with a simple “thanks” or “good job.” Then ask, “How about somebody else?” or “Would someone who hasn’t shared like to add anything?” Be sensitive to new people or reluctant members who aren’t ready to say, pray or do anything. If you give them a safe setting, they will blossom over time.

7. Provide transitions between questions.

When guiding the discussion, always read aloud the transitional paragraphs and the questions. Ask the group if anyone would like to read the paragraph or Bible passage.

Don’t call on anyone, but ask for a volunteer, and then be patient until someone begins. Be sure to thank the person who reads aloud.

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8. Break up into smaller groups each week or they won’t stay.

If your group has more than seven people, we strongly encourage you to have the group gather sometimes in discussion circles of three or four people during the Hear God’s Story or Change Your Story sections of the study.

With a greater opportunity to talk in a small circle, people will connect more with the study, apply more quickly what they’re learning and ultimately get more out of it. A small circle also encourages a quiet person to participate and tends to minimize the effects of a more vocal or dominant member.

It can also help people feel more loved in your group. When you gather again at the end of the section, you can have one person summarize the highlights from each circle. Small circles are also helpful during prayer time. People who are unaccustomed to praying aloud will feel more comfortable trying it with just two or three others. Also, prayer requests won’t take as much time, so circles will have more time to actually pray. When you gather back with the whole group, you can have one person from each circle briefly update everyone on the prayer requests. People are more willing to pray in small circles if they know that the whole group will hear all the prayer requests.

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9. Rotate facilitators weekly.

At the end of each meeting, ask the group who should lead the following week. Let the group help select your weekly facilitator. You may be perfectly capable of leading each time, but you will help others grow in their faith and gifts if you give them opportunities to lead. You can use the Small Group Calendar to fill in the names of all meeting leaders at once if you prefer.

10. One final challenge (for new or first-time leaders): Before your first opportunity to lead, look up each of the five passages listed below. Read each one as a devotional exercise to help yourself develop a shepherd’s heart. Trust us on this one. If you do this, you will be more than ready for your first meeting.

MATTHEW 9:36 1 PETER 5:2-4 PSALM 23 EZEKIEL 34:11-16 1 THESSALONIANS 2:7-11-12

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small Group Roster NAME PHONE EMAIL

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