Menopause Mayhem

Today I almost stole a turkey.

Iknew that one day, as a woman, I’d have to deal with the menopause, or “The Change” as it’s more often referred to. (Even the word menopause seems to embarrass some people) but I really wasn’t prepared for the complete upheaval that was in store for me. I thought that periods were bad. You have the week before where you get spots, turn into an emotional wreck and have a burning desire to clear out and organise the whole house. God help anyone that gets in your way. Then your actual period arrives and with it comes the stomach cramps and yet more mood swings and a certainty that only chocolate can make the world a nicer place again. Week three, the after week. A day or two of uncertainty as to whether it’s actually finished or not, followed by the need to diet because of all the chocolate you just had to eat to ensure you weren’t abandoned by all friends and family for acting like something from the exorcist. Finally it’s over and you have a whole week of being yourself before it all starts again. I’m not going to lie, the thought of no more periods was very appealing, if that cost me some hot flushes during the night then it would be worth it. I thought, bring it on!! How wrong was I, how very wrong.

It’s hard to tell when the menopause started or peri menopause, even that I’d never heard of until it happened, but I’m guessing it was about three years ago. The first thing that happened was suddenly, I started to get migraines. I’d never had one before but after a few weeks of wondering if I had a brain tumour, I phoned the doctor. He reckoned I was suffering from stress. It seems that until you also have the irregular periods, menopause isn’t a consideration in a lot of the symptoms. I still had regular periods but I started getting the hot flushes and insomnia along with the delights of PMS. My periods became erratic soon after that and common sense told me that it was menopause but there was that doubt at the back of my mind, was I pregnant at this age!! The shame of buying a pregnancy test in the supermarket was something I got used to over the months.

As if menopause symptoms aren’t confusing enough and each day thinking, oh is this dementia, is that how I go, or yep, it’s not stress, I’m sure I have a tumour, that’s how I go, along came Covid and lockdown. It was at that time I started to get palpitations, ah heart attack, that’s what’s going to take me or oh, is this Covid was my brain’s thinking at four am. FOUR AM is the time my brain now decides it’s time to wake up and solve all my problems and have some pretty genius work ideas. If only it would remember all those ideas when I wake up again, after finally getting back to sleep about half five. Every morning, I wake up feeling like I’ve had a night out clubbing and have a hangover from hell and with the aching joints it feels like

I climbed a mountain on the way home. If only! Firstly, anxiety would stop me going. The stress of having nothing to wear because none of my clothes fit now that I have a real meno belly going on (yep, that’s a thing now), would leave me feeling depressed. Secondly, I developed a fear of going out alone. That’s the biggest change that has affected me. I used to take photos for a band and once things opened up again they asked me to tag along to their first gig. I couldn’t get out the door, I sat at home in tears because I was letting them down and myself. I used to love gigs and meeting new people but instead I’d sit and binge watch the same series over and over again. I knew the ending, it was safe, that’s all I wanted. I found meetings got harder, if the sudden outburst of tears or anger didn’t make me want to run to Netflix then the inability to focus did.

It’s been months now since I’ve had a period and I’m hopeful that the end to this is in sight. I may not look like the old me but that’s because I’m not! I have a new confidence emerging, one that doesn’t care what others think, although I still often have days where I think I’m useless. I’ve sold all the clothes that no longer fit and treated myself to some new things. I’ve researched the symptoms of menopause and what eases them, giving up alcohol and caffeine seems popular with the experts but hey, I don’t fancy doing jail time. I might need to give this HRT a try if things don’t improve.

Oh aye, the turkey. I saw turkeys in the supermarket today and thought I’d be organised for Christmas for a change and get one for the freezer. I forgot to scan it before I put it the trolley though and typical, I had my trolley checked. I was mortified. I had to try and explain that I’m just at that age where I forget stuff and not a turkey thief. Just a normal day in the life of a menopausal woman.