The Blue Pages by Libby Dean

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Table of Contents

Welcome

to the 2020 edition of the Blue Pages, AKA the way phone books should have always been.

But first, what even is this?

Visible 101 .......................................... 2

The very first phone book that’s actually about phones, because you love phones, we love phones, your grandma loves phones, everybody loves phones. And let’s face it, you’re probably looking at or wondering where your phone is right now. So sit back, relax, and enjoy reading about phones, looking at phones, and all things phones. Phones!

20 Reasons Why ................................ 8

No this is not a joke, it’s a real book in your hands right now. And our book is here to remind you that you could be paying just $40/mo for unlimited data on Verizon’s 4G LTE Network with Visible. Hey, just being honest!

Aerodynamic Alley ........................... 24

Breakup Survival Guide .................... 6 Business Directory ............................ 9 Ancient History ................................. 10 Party Pay Classifieds ........................ 12 Quiz Corner ....................................... 16 Emoji Etiquette.................................. 18 Parental Guidance ............................ 20 Business Directory............................. 22 Visible Presents................................. 26 Resource Management ...................... 28 Mobile Mishaps ................................. 32 Business Directory............................. 34 Smartphone Playmate of the Year ......................................... 36 Party Pay Coloring Book ................... 38 Party All the Time ............................... 54 Astrology Attack ............................... 56 Wheel of Fortune .............................. 60 Business Directory............................. 63 Can't-miss Holidays........................... 64

The Blue Pages. A New Way To Phone Book.

Party Together................................... 66

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Security ............................................. 80

$40 Warehouse ................................. 68

Visible 101

Hi, we’re Visible.

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We’re a new kind of phone service, the kind that doesn’t believe in stuff like annual contracts, hidden fees or annoying salespeople. Oh, and all stores. So we ditched everything you don’t want and kept everything you do, like unlimited data and messages and Verizon’s 4G LTE Network. And it’s all in an app.

We put the SIM in simple. (But really, it’s super easy to get started.)

“Just switched to @Visible, easy set up and good speeds! Phone number ported instantly.” - @landymoon13

“We’ve had ours 1 week and it’s working great so far! We rely on our phones for streaming movies to our TV because we have terrible cable service where we live. Our service with Visible has been great!” - Tara Rohrer Audette

“Just ported into @Visible! Super easy and super fast. Everything was working within minutes. Can’t wait to start using the service :)“ - @hartmank48

“Just switched from Sprint to Visible and I can finally make calls in my home again happy tears!! Seriously I am paying half the price and can now use my WiFi during a phone call.” - Brigid Sanchez

Visible 101

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The limit does not exist! @glencoco switched to Visible because she wanted more data for streaming.

YOU GO, GLEN COCO!

Visit us now at visible.com

No Annual Contracts! Our phone service is 100% commitment-phobe certified.

tch i w S ! Now

Visible 101

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404 Store Not Found Our store is on your phone. (How meta.)

y Onl o! /m $40

No Hidden Fees

A match made in phone service heaven...

Visible + Verizon’s 4G LTE Network

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Visible 101

Get weird with strangers, lower your phone bill. Join up with others and pay as little as $25/mo, all on separate phone bills with Party Pay.

L e t ’s Par ty!

Breakup Sur vival Guide

So, you fell in love with a certain phone service named Visible… we get it.

Seriously. We too were instantly enamoured by its tantalizing $40/ mo price tag and heart made out of unlimited data. But now, you must face

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“The Talk”. “The Talk” as in breaking up with your old, toxic, and definitely-not-Visible phone service— because you (and your phone) deserve better.

Anxious? Confused? Emotional? Aroused?! Have no fear! This scientifically-tested 3-step process is guaranteed to ensure a smooth, drama-free breakup. Soon, you’ll be able to discard your ex-phone service in hell (where they belong) and reunite with your one true heavenly soulmate: Visible.

The Ultimate Survival Guide to Breaking Up With Your Old Phone Service

Breakup Sur vival Guide

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Have you or someone you know ever been a victim of the

STEP 1:

Acceptance Admit that you love Visible. Repeat this mantra to yourself in the mirror at least 40,000+ times for best results.

Ghosting Epidemic?

STEP 2:

Abruptly Cut Off Contact With Your Old Phone Service Leave them on read. Then, adopt a new identity, undergo facial reconstruction and begin life in a new city.

STEP 3:

Switch to Visible Yes, it’s that easy.

Visit

noghost.co

for a free consultation.

STEP 4:

Romantic Dinner with Visible

To celebrate your newfound relationship, we recommend intimately sharing a single spaghetti noodle with Visible à la Lady & The Tramp.

20 Reasons Why

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20 Reasons Why A Wi-Fi Hotspot Is Better Than A Boyfriend 1. Will go anywhere with you. 2. Fits into any carry-on case. 3. Works hard to create a great connection. 4. Unlimited cat content. 5. Saturday is *not* for the boys. 6. Doesn’t lie about his height. 7. Doesn’t talk back. 8. Lives to serve. 9. No mommy issues. 10. Doesn’t judge your browser history. 11. Turns on when you want it to. 12. Not allergic to your cat. 13. Can be reset. 14. Will never watch your shows without you. 15. Is never gonna give you up. 16. Is never gonna let you down. 17. Never gonna run around and desert you. 18. Never gonna make you cry. 19. Never gonna say goodbye. 20. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

Business Director y

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WI-FI IN A CAN

99¢/ea

the Internet is just one spray away

YOUR ad could be here!

DANGER: FLAMMABLE

Forget the flowers and chocolates.

Claim your space at Mad4Ads.net.

UNIFACE Forget your passcode yet again? Facial recognition just not picking you up?

Give them $40 phone service instead.

Introducing UNIFACE: the one-face-fits-all, phone-unlocking device designed to get you back to the things that matter most: Instagram, texting people you shouldn’t and Candy Crush.

Ancient Histor y

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Your Life Before Unlimited Data

BOOKS

REME MBERI N G TH I NGS

Before the days of endlessly scrolling through infinite social media feeds without any cap on your data, books were totally a thing! Look at you, you retro-bookworm you!

F RIE N DS H IP B RA C E L E T S

Directions, song lyrics from high school, the name of that restaurant you’re meeting your friends at in 5 minutes... before the days of unlimited data on Verizon’s 4G LTE Network, you totally knew this stuff. Woah!

C H AD ’S PI C K-UP L I N ES

Today, friendship means posting photos of you and your friends for everyone to see, but at one time your friendship was devoted entirely to a band of beaded plastic. Retro-cool!

BOARD GAMES Before we had endless entertainment at our fingertips with lightning fast Verizon 4G LTE, we had cardboard, dice, fake money and even tiny metallic shoes to help you bankrupt your entire family. No cheating, Mom!

Thankfully, this is over. Swiping left on Chad is so much easier than awkwardly avoiding him at the bar. Later, Chad!

Ancient Histor y

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Your Life Before Unlimited Data

COMPUTERS

FAI R TRI VI A N I G HT S With unlimited data on Verizon’s 4G LTE you can look up any answer to any mindless trivia question in seconds. Can you believe you actually used to not cheat on Trivia Night? Who were you?

Remember these hunky things? Have you ever tried to fit one in your pocket? Thanks to unlimited data you’ll never have to go through that trauma again.

Your future self called. They say thanks for switching to Visible.

Get off your parent’s data plan.

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SAY NO TO TRIPLE TEXTING

Party Pay Classifieds

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Classifieds Find your perfect Party Pay party today.

n00bs, Casuals, Tryhards and Late Night Warriors! With Party Pay you can officially join forces and lower your phone bill. Team up with your best IRL gamer buds or get together with your whole online crew, wherever they are. Consider it...

GGEZ Because you don’t need to be in one place to save money (or the world) together with Party Pay. Gamers of all guilds, clans, missions, quests, and groups unite at...

visible . com/ par ty-pay

RANDO RANDO HOUSE HOUSE PARTY PARTY

CALLING ALL:

QUIC RESU K LT S !

There’s no party like a RANDO RANDO RANDO HOUSE PARTY, because a rando house party HOUSE HOUSE SAVES YOU CASH. PARTY PARTY Ever walk into the wrong party with that potluck casserole you spent two days working on where you know no one and everyone knows each other and none of it makes any sense?

GOOD NEWS! You can totally lower your phone bill with those randos, like as low as $25/mo when you team up with three of them with Party Pay. In fact, you could even form a Party Pay party with the strangers now at visible.com/party-pay, like right now. *hint* *hint*

Proofread before sending.

JOIN MY PARTY PAY

ON E F RE E TICKET T O S AV E

HIT UP CLAY AT ClaysAwesomeParty.com

Par ty Pay Classifieds

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Can you say

SHAKE THAT MONEY-SAVER!

CHA-CHA-CHING? Ladies, who’s ready to sculpt, tone and trim your phone bill down? With Visible Party Pay, you and your Wednesday night Zumba buddies can cha-cha your way right into $25/mo phone bills! Simply shimmy on up to your two favorite dancing partners and ask them to join your Zumba Party Pay party.

Party more, pay less: visible.com/party-pay

Recommended pairings: You plus three friends

Fellow Millennials: We all know there’s no better way to prove to your friends and followers that you’re the most #adult than by living your #blessed life with locally sourced, artisan, soft-ripened cheese and Chianti at the next dinner party you attend. Join us, and lower your #phonebill to just $25/mo by teaming up with three other fellow foodies, and start spending the savings on more important things, like your next Chilean Malbec.

Get the deets at the link below!

visible.com/party-pay

Party Pay Classifieds

Who invited

MOM to the party? So, you’re Maid of Honor at your BFF’s bachelorette party and you're here to support her in every capacity. But now Mom’s on her third Long Island Iced Tea…oops!

. 9 9 9 1 s ' it e ik l g in ty Par

visible.com/party-pay

Grab your brother with the annoying snort-laugh, call up your mom who won’t stop calling you and link up with those weirdly close cousins from Florida. Invite them to Party Pay to lower those phone bills. Everyone pays separately, so you don’t have to like, talk to them. Ew. Not to mention, it’ll give you a way to break the awkward silence at those dreaded family reunions. Party Pay with your fam at visible.com/party-pay

n’t commen t

PSA

a like .•

R.S.V.P. at

Finally, partying with the fam has its perks!!!

ut tho wi

And she definitely just grabbed the mic— and a stranger—and they’re heading to the stage. Confirmed: they are now very much on stage and taking 80’s song requests. This is your moment: you must use your bridesmaid wizardry to entice her down. But how? Easy: invite her and the crew to your Party Pay party. Because even though no one will remember any of this tomorrow (looking at you, Mom) you can still make *some* good decisions tonight by saving together.

Saving money on phone bills isn’t just a phase, Mom and Dad.

ut a like .• tho wi

Dark mode is a lifestyle.

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n’t commen t Do

Par ty Pay Classifieds

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—— EVER BEEN IN A ——

ATTN:

Ménage à Trois? No, not *that* kind–the kind where you’re accidentally third wheeling on your roommate’s steamy date while engraving “forever alone” on your tombstone. Since things are getting intimate anyway...it’s time to invite those lovebirds to Party Pay and all three of you can get $10 off your phone bills.

visible.com/party-pay

4 ever alone

presents

P.Y.O.B. Off-Campus Party

THIS FRIDAY Bring your roomates, bring your friends, bring that guy that’s sleeping on your couch–because we’re about to throw down to 'til the phone bills go down. Seriously, you and three friends can get together and pay as little as $25/mo on your phone bills. Plus this party is strictly P.Y.O.B., that’s Pay Your Own Bills. No sharesies. Does it get any more epic than that? Start sending invites RIGHT NOW at...

RECENT

and not-so-recent

GRADUATES The Class of 2003 wants YOU to save cash on your phone bill! Chad (AKA Mr. Homecoming King) and Peter from Biology invite you to the biggest high school reunion in YEARS, sponsored by Visible’s Party Pay! While you’re navigating the drunken awkwardness that is the reunion, you can break the ice with people you haven’t seen in years by inviting them to your Party Pay party! You save money, they save money, and you won’t EVER have to see them again—because everyone gets their own bill. Get started at visible.com/party-pay

my llo

is:

n Joh H e l l o m y n a

visible.com/party-pay name H e ll o m y

Peter

C i s : had

is:

Quiz Corner

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What Texting Type Are You? Take the quiz to find out! 1.

4. In a group chat, you are most likely to: A. B.

Send five-paragraph essays Reply between the hours of 11:00 PM-3:30 AM

Silently creep in the shadows

Oh no! You just realized that you forgot to respond to a text from last night. Your go-to response: A. “Sorry for my late reply! I saw your message and was gonna respond ASAP but then I got this like totally insane craving for unlimited salad and

breadsticks so I decided to drive 5 hours to my nearest American-Italian casual restaurant chain that happens

On a Friday night, you are: A.

Livestreaming your escapades on

13+ different social media platforms Catching up with the 1,000+

to begin with 'Olive' and end with 'Garden'. You have NO idea how much traffic there was on the way back…

notifications that you received because you were sleeping all day C.

Stalking aforementioned social media livestreams from the comforts of your bed

3. A text you NEVER want to receive: A. B.

“Can you like summarize that plz?” “WAKE. UP. RIGHT. NOW.” C. “I know you’re seeing this and ignoring me hahahahhah.”

oh and also my phone died on the way home because it was literally on 10% battery so I’m SO sorry! Anyways..." "What’s up?”

C. “Sorry, just saw this!” (Even though you saw the text 24 hours ago)

omg hey! hellooooo!

Quiz Corner

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Smile. It’s $40/mo phone ser vice on Verizon’s 4G LTE Network.

Proofread before sending. The non-GMO Kitty Salami Co.

“Because cats can have a little salami... as a treat!”

WHAT TEXTING TYPE ARE YOU? RESULTS Mostly A's:

Mostly B's:

Mostly C's:

S GHO

TH E

TER

You are the

NOVELIST

NOCTURNAL ANIMAL

LURKER

There’s a reason why your selfies always seem to have this mysterious LED blue light filter on them. Your hours of operation are restricted to after dark, so good luck getting a response at 2:03 PM. *hisses at sunlight*

In your past life, you were a sharply dressed double agent with a penchant for shaken martinis. Today, you are stealthily surveying 1:1 convos and group chats but rarely respond. Only when you are truly ready will you strike.

Your enemies know not to provoke you…because you’ll emotionally and physically destroy them via a single, dangerously-worded text. After all, you’ve won a Nobel Peace Prize in SMS Literature.

Emoji Etiquette

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s i j o EmFOR S E I M M U D

of each e g a s u r e the prop g n i l i ot some a g n e o ’v s e ) ! w ! ! ( n’t worry, 8 emojis o 7 d ,1 t 3 u e B r . a y There be trick n a c e n o ishaps. and every common emoji m our tips for y

TIP #1: Do not confuse crying laughing with just plain crying.

TIP #2: Think of all possible interpretations. ALL of them.

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Emoji Etiquette

TIP #4: Know your audience. Act accordingly.

YOUR AD HERE!

TIP #3: Look carefully. Really carefully.

Parental Guidance

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Parents... Conversations that make you wish your parents didn’t have unlimited texting. (We’re sorr y...) DAD

[phone rings] ME: Hello MOM: It’s your mom. ME: I know, I have caller IDMOM: I was just calling to let you know that I texted you.

MOM

Your great aunt just passed away. LOL

What does IDK, LY, and TTYL mean? SON

DAUGHTER

Why is that funny?

I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

DAD MOM

It’s not funny! What do Something embarrasing you mean?

OK, I'll ask your brother. SON

LOL means laughing out loud. DAD Uh oh. I sent that to everyone. I thought it meant lots of love

Keep your finger off the camera lens.

Parental Guidance

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Amirite?! Turn your phone off at the movies.

DAD When are you coming home? WTF? REPLY uhh...what? DAD

MOM I made a new face! REPLY

We need to know so we can buy stuff for dinner. Wednesday, thursday or Friday? REPLY

...okay? MOM

That’s not what that means. DAD

8==D

WTF?! REPLY Please never do that again.

MOM What! He’s smilling! Do you want to see another? REPLY Absolutely not.

Don’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Business Director y

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Thumb Fitness Center Abs? Psh. Biceps? Meh. Traps? Lame. Come stretch, bend and burn those thumbs into tip-top texting shape.

www.thumbfitness.com

TLDR TEXT TRIMMING

PHONE CASES

Whoever said phone cases are one-size-fits-all?

Do all of your texts look like novellas?

Type so many words that your fingers are about to fall off and at no point in your rambling, incoherent text were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought and you’ve used so many words that aren’t necessary that you’ve left your reader bored and confused and wondering WTF is going on?

Get a case as unique as you are with...

Custom

Try the Text Trimmer and zap those unnecessary words right out!

DIEGO’S CUSTOM MOLDED CLAY DESIGNS

www.trimmytext.com

Business Director y

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P HON E

PA L M I S T RY 1 0 1 Your digital destiny in YOUR own hands. CON TACT

P HO N EPALM ISTRY1 0 1 . CO M FOR A PERSON ALIZ ED PHON E/PALM READIN G THAT WILL CHAN GE YOUR LIFE.

YOUR

AD HERE

S&S SERGIO & SERGIO PASSCODE LOCKSMITH SERV I C E Uh oh, locked out of your phone again? Sergio’s #1 passion is your security! (He’s so nice and professional that he named himself twice!) 24/7 SERV ICE!

WWW.SERGIO SERGIO .CO M

Aerodynamic Alley

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How to Make a Phone Contract Paper Airplane Hooray! Did you *finally* switch over to

phone contracts because we don’t *do*

Visible? (Yes!) Are you *finally* ready to build

contracts. That’s why we invented a

a paper airplane? (Wait, what?!)

sustainable way to recycle your old,

Because you’re now officially team Visible

outdated phone contracts into THE

(yay!) there’s no need for those outdated

ultimate DIY aircraft.

Folding Directions:

Get your old (non-Visible) phone contract.

Fold in half.

Well done!

Unfold.

Fold corners.

Fold corners towards center again.

Halfway there!

Flip it.

Fold in half.

Fold wing down.

Flip and repeat.

Ready to take flight!

Aerodynamic Alley

visible.com

This is a good time for us to remind you again that unlike some *other* phone service companies, Visible is a $40/mo phone service that will never subject you to complicated, never-ending phone contracts.

AERODYNAMIC!

STEALTHY!

RECYCLABLE!

Faster than the speed of light!

Ambushing enemies has never been easier!

Approved by Mother Nature!

This’ll be the ad that makes you switch to $40/mo phone ser vice. We can just feel it.

10 28

Resource Management

Alternate Uses For Your Phone Book

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1. USE AS A BOOSTER SEAT

Ever find yourself wondering what to do with your old phone books? Reading isn’t your thing? We don’t blame you - books are basically historical artifacts from 342 B.C. If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, boy do we have some tips for you!

2. KILL SPIDERS WITH IT

3. USE AS A DOORMAT

4. Collect a bunch of phone books, douse them in water and place on your front door to trick your nosy neighbors into thinking that you moved.

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Resource Management

ON E FIT -SIZE S-A LL!

5. USE AS BODY ARMOR

Resource Management

INN

TI O VA

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VE!

6. Hide Stuff Inside!

TIV

7. It’s a Coloring Book!

Resource Management

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8. Make your own

WEIGHTED BLANKET

9. BULLETPROOF YOUR HOUSE

10. BUILD A FIRE FOR SURVIVAL

Did you charge your phone today?

H LY HIG ABLE! MM FLA Contact me today at MrSmoothSlider.com!

Mobile Mishaps

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Our readers share their totally true tales that are so shameful, scandalous and smartphone-centric, even we were shocked!

PHO

NFE

N O I S S

12 .......... @sadieladyhaynes I was on the toliet trying to prank call someone... it was an old lady that answered... 13 .......... @braun.brady Sent a picture of a husky class mate in glittery spandex to wrong person, still laughed 14 .......... @saikosi Someone called me and I talked ot them for long time pretending as if I am that person 15 .......... @leahclare89 I got a text apologizing for a dick pic that was about to be sent. Drunk+random#=fun?

01 .......... @kevinlowder_ I accidentally called my dad when I was on a date 02 ......... @53mdr Never, as I always lock my phone prior to placing it in my pocket with a lock code :-) 03 ......... @sadieladyhaynes I was telling on my mom to my friends and it dialed her... she heard the whole thing. 04 ......... @aaron_tenderlee_soria Guy needed help buying a bike and called me by mistake. I got him a better bike 05 ......... @kevinlowder_ I got a girls number and it was some old lady named Ethel Butts instead. Rip 06 ......... @mojave.hybrid Accident call my ex date not fun!

07 .......... @lostincircles I had a guy from jail repeatedly call me because he swore my number was his sister’s! 08 ....... @elmangopapa I sent an apology to the wrong phone number. Boy did they take me for a ride. 09 ......... @tolu_overscore I was texting a friend to offer my condolences to his mother’s death... wrong # 10 .......... @feherque Pranked dialed my coach in a hotel and woke him up. I sat out the whole day the day after... 11 ........... @moderndayemmy The King of England supposedly called my phone and my sis lost her mind because she hung up on

16 .......... @kaciidon Dialed x-bf’s best friend, he answered and my phone wouldn’t let me hang up... awk 17 .......... @Whtevenangelo Almost sent a to my mother. I had to turn on airplane mode for 10 mins for the iMessage to fail 18 .......... @brisparkles I once dropped my phone into a port-a-potty at. The worst part was when I had a friend call it… 19 .......... @kelly_dorsey Lying on the beach a monster wave appeared and covered the entire beach. 20 ......... @laurelshada Dropped it in the toliet while I was rushing to get to work.

Mobile Mishaps

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21 .......... @benjaminlmoe Spent about 30 minutes in a pool before realizing my phone was in my pocket 22 ......... @springavalon Left it on top of my car then ran it over 23 ......... @finn.dresen Drove over it with my care. 24 ......... @dlucero423 I have two. The first was sitting in a chair in the mall and my phone fell in more the three feet and the battery popped out and the screen shattered was barely usable and got it replaced. The second one I was walking in the hallways hit a wall and my phone shattered again and put a big hole in the screen. 25 ......... @michaelaatencio Dropped the attic, from my pocket. The screen didn’t even shatter. It was heartbreaking.

my phone slipped out of my pocket and cracked 30 ......... @okaymame Dropped it over the railing at a mall and I was at the very top floor 31 .......... @angel.jinxdallas Ran across the street and saw the same phone as mine on the road. It got ran over by a truck. Then I realized that was my phone… 32 ......... @georgeandrewhenry I crashed my bike into a river and my phone fell out of my pocket :( 33 ......... @sadieladyhaynes I sat on it... Flat. On. Its. Face 34 ......... @kaciidon Falling out of a car and proceeding to land on my phone

35 ......... @bakedgoddess666 I’ve dropped 2 of my phones in toilets and both got ruined. My first phone when I was like 13, 26 ......... @skeelardaye and another when I was Completely destroyed the 18. I will never ever keep lcd in my screen when I my phone in my back sat down pocket again. 27 ......... @aprilhez On ice it snowed on December in Santa FE, NM. 28 ......... @aaron_tenderlee_soria Playing drums and it fell off the stand and I smacked it across the studio into pieces 29 ......... @feherque Dunking on a mini hoop

36 ......... @mommacartersclan Dropped in a dirty toilet 37 ......... @beyond_nkself Tried to take it apart to see what’s inside 38 ......... @rileyydaniel I left my phone on my dryer and the vibration made it fall off...onto TILE FLOOR!

39 ......... @nico.verkade I went to put my phone in my pocket and missed. I broke both sides of my phone. 40 ......... @dva77 Letting a 10 year old dropped my phone by running away from me 41 .......... @rebekahspears1201 Slipped off the metal trash can in the stall, hit the bottom of the stall door, shattered screen 42 ......... @goido_yt Phone slid off of my pockets because the car was parked slanted on a hill...

The 100 se sub %o mis r from ganica sions a ll re T Y P our folloy source OS d wer s, AN

D A LL!

43 ......... @saikosi I lost my phone when I was riding my bike. That’s the only phone I lost and one more is stolen from my backpack 44 ......... @brianklee Lost my phone tubing in Golden, CO when I flipped through a rapid. Good story though cause the phone was returned to me by some divers that found it! Now I’m on @visiblemobile

Business Director y

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The Legend of U Up?

THE FEED CLEANERZ

OUT NOW!

Get rid of the people you haven’t talked to in 12+ years. • Don’t care about their baby photos? • Unbothered by their wedding? • Annoyed at their vacay thirst traps?

Declutter your social feed today!

YO U R A D COULD BE HERE UN F R I EN D ER S . N E T

Business Director y

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N W E N R LLIN G! EMOJI AS A SECOND LANGUAGE CLASS • 2 - W EEK IN T EN S IV E COURS E • S TU DY IN A COZY KIT CHEN ET T E • S ATI S FACT ION GUARAN T EED HE AR FRO M ONE OF OUR SATISFIED GRADUATES: “DR. PAUL BARRY’S CLASS CHANGED MY LIFE. NO W I FINALLY KNOW WHAT

REALLY MEANS.

THANKS, DR. PAUL BARRY! - BRIAN NAUJELIS

S PA M C A L L P E S T C

NTR

Time to put those pesty spam calls to REST. Free pest inspections for first-time customers! Protect your loved ones TODAY!

SPAM CA L L P ES TCO N T R OL. C OM

that, e k a T llers! a c o b ro

1-833-SXY-FONE 1-833-SXY-FONE 1-833-SXY-FONE 1-833-SXY-FONE 1-833-SXY-FONE 1-833-SXY-FONE 1-833-SXY-FONE 1-833-SXY-FONE 36

Smartphone Playmate of the Year

For a good time, visit

$40/mo for unlimited everything*

*DISCLAIMER: This hotline is actually free. Call it. We dare you.

S T L U D A O N LY

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Smar tphone Playmate of the Year

Coloring Book

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Coloring Book

Party Pay Coloring Book You’re invited!

It’s always party time with Visible Party Pay! Color in these money-saving friends and start saving yourself by starting your own Party Pay party today. Because if these kooky characters can team up and pay as little as $25/mo on their phone bills, you can too!

Coloring Book

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Coloring Book

SHAKE THAT MONEY SAVER! Why are these ladies and their less-thangraceful friend dancing? We’re not sure, but it’s probably because they’re only paying $25/ mo phone bills with Party Pay.

Coloring Book

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Coloring Book

THIRD WHEEL YOUR WAY TO LOWER PHONE BILLS Third-wheeling finally has its perks when you’re saving together with Party Pay.

Coloring Book

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Coloring Book

THE FAMILY THAT SAVES TOGETHER, STAYS TOGETHER No matter how awkward the family reunion gets, you can always still save money together.

Coloring Book

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Coloring Book

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE PHONES Moms, bridesmaids, even total strangers– anyone can save together with Party Pay.

Coloring Book

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Coloring Book

N00BS CAN SAVE TOO The cheat code of phone plans has arrived, and it’s called Visible Party Pay.

Coloring Book

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Coloring Book

TIME FLIES WHEN WE’RE SAVING TOGETHER Even if you peaked in high school, you can still save money with Party Pay.

Coloring Book

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Kappa No Data

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Coloring Book

THROW DOWN ‘TIL THE PHONE BILLS GO DOWN This party is strictly P.Y.O.B. (that’s Pay Your Own Bills)!

Party All the Time

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10 Absolutely Awkward Ways To Invite Someone to Par ty Pay With You

006

Create a Wikipedia page for them and list them as a part of your plan. 007 Invite them...via a long, rambling voicemail.

001 .............. Ask them for their autograph and promise it’s only to help them lower their phone bill. 002 .............

Run up to them and say, “MOM?! Is that really you?!”

003 ............. As someone walks by, stand and salute and tell them to pledge allegiance to your Party Pay party. 004 ............. Wear a hand puppet and invite them to Party Pay in your sock-puppet voice. 005 ............. Sneak into your crush's room at midnight and write your Party Pay party name in lipstick on their bathroom mirror.

008 Inyay igpay atinlay (Translation: In pig latin. See? It’s weird.) 009 Advertise your Party Pay party on a sandwich board. 010 Whisper ask them to join your phone plan and save $$$.

Par ty All the Time

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10 Extremely NOT Awkward Ways To Invite Someone To Par ty Pay With You

001 Give them $5. Then ask for it back. Then, seductively tell them if they liked having an extra $5, they should join your Party Pay party. 002

Slide into their DMs with the subject: Wanna Party? 003 Find a vintage boombox, stand outside your crush’s window and play smooth jazz. With a megaphone, sensually repeat your Party Pay name.

005 ................ Write your Party Pay info on a $5 bill, hang it on a fishing rod and lure your victims. 006 ................ Send an AirDrop of your Party Pay group on the bus with zero context. 007 ................ Invite them with a handwritten note. So retro! 008 ................ Go to your crush’s house and ring the doorbell. Instead of speaking, show your proclamation via giant cue cards, Love Actually style.

Create a dating profile for your Party Pay party. 004

009 ................

Get a carrier pigeon.

010 ................. Still looking for that perfect person to party with? Find uber-eligible partiers in our official Party Pay Facebook Group.

Astrology Attack

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2020 Horoscopes Aries

Taurus

(March 21 – April 19)

(April 20 – May 20)

This year's horoscopes are IN! Here’s how much you’ll pay for phone service based on your zodiac sign.

Gemini

(May 21 – June 21)

You’re a feisty fire sign who’s

As someone who likes to keep

This will be a BIG year for you,

always ready for whatever

things routine, you’ve been a

because it’ll be when you meet

challenges life brings. When

little too stuck in those ways

and fall for Visible. Finally, a

you set your mind to something,

lately. Oatmeal for breakfast

phone plan that can keep up

there’s simply no stopping you!

for the 286th day in a row?!

with your ever-changing brilliant

This year, your Second House

COME ON. Life is happening

little Mercury-ruled mind! And

of Value is all lit up, thanks to

all around you, and now’s your

tbh, a zero-commitment plan

its harmonious placement with

time to go against your usual

with unlimited data, messages

Visible phone service.

routine. Live a little and treat

and minutes is any Gemini’s

Our forecast: $40/mo.

yourself to new $40/mo phone

personal heaven.

service.

Our forecast: $40/mo.

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Leo

(July 23 – Aug 22)

Virgo

(Aug 23 – Sept 22)

There’s a reason why Cancer is symbolized by the Crab—you

Yes, you’re known for being

Recently, your eagle eyes

seek security and stability

a little ~extra~ But who can

spotted some sketchy charges

from the creature comforts

blame you when your ruler is

on your phone bill, and

of your shell. You might be a

the literal sun?! And thanks to

now you’re dealing with the

little (read: VERY) resistant

lucky Jupiter lighting up your

aftermath of this bombshell.

to change, but remember:

First House of Self, this month,

Who can blame you for feeling

when you let go of the past,

you’ll realize you’re too good

a little jaded? Your attention

you make room for the future.

for your current phone service

to detail brings out the best in

Fortunately, you will find solace

provider and switch to Visible.

yourself and everyone around

this month with a $40/mo

Get excited: Visible’s unlimited

you, but don’t let it drain you.

phone service that will nurture

data plan for $40 will keep you

Trust in the universe and rest

you 24/7.

big cats purring all year long.

easy knowing that you’ll find the best phone service at the best price ($40!) with Visible.

Astrology Attack

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Libra

(Sept 23 – Oct 22)

Scorpio

(Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Ah, everyone’s favorite social

You have a reputation for

No matter how many

butterfly. We have good news:

being a bit of an enigma,

adventures you embark on,

2020 will be a great year for

dear Scorpio. But you’re just

they’re never enough. You are

socializing (and yes, flirting).

misunderstood. You’re not

the Archer after all, and you

Expect a jam-packed social

intimidating or distant—you

were certainly born to roam

calendar that’ll keep you busy.

simply don’t want to waste your

wild! This year, try slowing

And lucky for you, Visible’s $40

time on superficial fluff. You’ve

down and setting a pace that

phone service will leave you

been burned before by ex

your not-so-audacious loved

with some extra cash to spurge

lovers and past phone service

ones can keep up with. They’ll

on the Perfect Outfit™.️

providers, but we come bearing

feel more free to call and text

good news. This month, you’ll

you on your oh-so-simple

meet Visible. Finally, you can

$40/mo phone plan.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

expect total transparency and honesty, which will make your heart sing.

Oh Capricorn, you don’t

Our forecast: $40/mo.

Pisces

(Feb 19 – March 20)

need a horoscope to tell you what to expect this year, you driven, over-caffeinated gods and goddesses. In fact,

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Oh, dear sensitive and imaginative Pisces. To you, life is but a dream. You swim with the current of life, following

you probably don’t believe in astrology at all (and tbh we

Your creativity is at an all-time

wherever your spiritual intuition

love you for it). As the cool

high. Ideas are flowing and

takes you. Right now, your

older sister of the Zodiac, you

you’re inspired to take on the

psyche is telling you to stop

already discovered Visible

projects you’ve been neglecting

overthinking and instead start

and are enjoying the no-frills

for months. Jump on this

feeling the celestial harmony

contracts and the impossible-

newfound motivation and get

of $40/mo phone bills. Cue the

to-beat price of $40/mo.

‘er done! Including upgrading

happy tears.

to a $40/mo phone service that aligns with your values.

SAY YOU FOUND IT IN THE BLUE PAGES

Astrology Attack

Texting Zodiac

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The stars know all. Including how you text. Read on and see how your zodiac sign influences your texting style.

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

Question Mark Texter

You didn’t get a reply and you need one NOW!

Taurus

Plan Texter

Not conversations. Plans. And you better stick to them.

Triple Texter

You have a lot to say and no patience with which to say it.

Cancer

Drunk Texter

U ma BFFF. I looooiivveeww uuu stooi much! <3

Leo

GIF Texter

We get it, you’re funny.

Virgo

Detail Texter

Nothing is too minute for you!

(April 20 – May 20)

Gemini

(May 21 – June 21)

(June 21 – July 22)

(July 23 – Aug 22)

(Aug 23 – Sept 22)

Astrology Attack

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Libra

Wishy-Washy Texter

Sure, yeah, whatever you say!

Scorpio

Group Chat Texter

Heaven forbid you leave someone out.

Sagittarius

U up? Texter

’Cause you’re always ready for an adventure— anytime, day or night.

Capricorn

Grammatically Correct Texter

Don’t you dare mix up their, there and they’re.

Aquarius

Random Texter

Three in a row that have nothing to do with each other? Yup, that’s you.

Pisces

Just wants to say “hi” Texter

Hey! How are ya?!

(Sept 23 – Oct 22)

(Oct 23 – Nov 21)

(Nov 22 – Dec 21)

(Dec 22 – Jan 19)

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

(Feb 19 – March 20)

Wheel of Fortune

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How To Make Your Own Paper Fortune Teller We’re Visible, the future of phone service,

Well, come play along with our fortune teller

which means we can also predict ~*your*~

and let’s see what the cellular stars have in

phone future. Don’t believe us?

store for you…

Folding Directions:

Cut from Blue Pages.

Fold in half diagonally.

Fold again diagonally.

Admire your progress.

Unfold.

Fold corner towards center.

Repeat 3 more times.

Flip paper over.

Fold corner towards center.

Repeat 3 more times.

Fold in half.

Ready to reveal your fortune!

Wheel of For tune

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Forgot how to play? (Don’t worr y, we did too.) Here’s a refresher: Pick another number and open the flap to reveal your phone fortune!

Someone will lend you a phone charger.

You will receive an ominous voicemail.

Your boss will butt dial you.

EH M

5 ED

R SU

You will save money with $40/mo phone bills.

Your phone will survive on 2% battery.

You will switch to Visible.

Your soulmate will swipe right for you.

Mom will call you for the 10th time.

Cut out our fortune teller and fold it using the handy diagram on the left page!

AY FU L

Pick a number and move the fortune teller the corresponding number of times.

H A P PY

Pick an emoticon on the top flaps and spell out the corresponding letters (ex: H-A-P-P-Y) using an alternating pinching/pulling motion.

Wheel of Fortune

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THIS IS AN AD FOR VISIBLE’S PAPER FORTUNE TELLER THAT YOU JUST SAW ON THE PREVIOUS PAGE! It’s free! It’s psychic! It’s life-changing!

This side up for initial folding directions.

What are you still doing here? Flip back now and craft your very own paper fortune teller!

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FOLLOWERS 4 YOU:

Business Director y

YOUR AD HERE Phone Separation Anxiety Therapy:

Can’t spend a second away from your phone without feeling sad?

Boost your social media presence in seconds. Our team of followers and influencers are ready to smash that like button FOR YOU!!! Get a quote at www.followers4u.net Our experts are here to help. Find your support group at PhoneLoversAnonymous.com!

Can't-miss Holidays

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2020 JANUARY

MARCH

MAY

National Technology Day

Day of Unplugging

National Lumpy Rug Day

National Thesaurus Day

Squirrel Appreciation Day

International Find a Pay Phone Booth Day

National Roast Leg of Lamb Day

Visible’s Birthday

FEBRUARY

APRIL 1

JUNE

Shower with a Friend Day

April Fool’s Day

Laugh and Get Rich Day

Battery Day

National Walk Around Things Day

National Making Life Beautiful Day

National Selfie Day

Chili Day

National Waffle Iron Day

Social Media Day

National Glazed Spiral Ham Day

Lima Bean Respect Day

National Telephone Day

Can't-miss Holidays

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at a glance JULY

SEPTEMBER

NOVEMBER

World Emoji Day

Toss Away the “Could Haves” and “Should Haves” Day

National Ghost Hunting Day

International Podcast Day

National Pizza with the Works Except Anchovies Day

Push Button Phone Day

National Whistleblower Day

AUGUST

OCTOBER 1

DECEMBER

National Work Like a Dog Day

Moldy Cheese Day

Pick a Pathologist Pal Day

Internet Day

National Sneak Some Zucchini into Your Neighbor’s Porch Day

National Text Your Ex Day

Answer the Telephone Like Buddy The Elf Day

National Download Day

National Tell a Joke Day

National I LOVE My Feet Day!

Party together. Pay less. Get together with up to 3 friends and each of you could pay as little as $25/mo on your phone bill.

Part y Pay

$40 Warehouse

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The $40 Warehouse Now that you’re saving tons of cold hard cash by using Visible’s $40/mo phone ser vice, you have extra money to spend on, well, other things that cost $40. See all the ways you can save at

REPLACEMENT BROWS

Are you one of the millions of Americans who suffered from the 1990’s uber-thin eyebrow trend? Our moms warned us about how long eyebrows take to grow back, and yet we still overplucked. Thankfully, the scientists over at browz4daze formulated a solution. Simply stick a replacement eyebrow over your existing one and say hello to power brows. 21298A......................$40.00

40DollarWarehouse.com! POTTYFRIDGE

Say the name once and you’ll never forget it. Our Pottyfridge meets two basic needs at once and all in one stylish design. 000002A......................$40.00

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$40 Warehouse

PROFESSIONAL SLIP’N’SLIDE

BLAM-O Including Handrails

278600A........................................$40.00

Varsity Edition

278600B........................................$40.00

LIFE-SIZE COCOON

We’ve all heard about the magic of metamorphosis. A caterpillar enters its cocoon and after a few weeks, it emerges as a beautiful butterfly. The phenomenon has intrigued scientists for decades, and now we’re pleased to announce that we created our own version with the world’s first human cocoon. This monthly kit comes with gorgeous iridescent fabric for you to create your own cocoon. Simply start at your feet and wrap this stretchy, breathable fabric all the way up until you’re completely encased.

1 Month Plan

19992A.....................................................$40.00

Want to burn calories while en route…to anywhere? Meet the Slip’n’Slide—a heartpumping, dynamic mode of transportation that gets you from point A to B in the fastest way possible. Not only will you feel as if you’re vacationing at a children’s water park, but you’ll also be training towards the Olympic gold medal for professional slipping and sliding (coming soon, we’re sure). Swimsuit not included.

$40 Warehouse

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KAREN FROM MARKETING COSTUME Your seasonal work party will come to a standstill when you arrive dressed like Karen—that temptress who always serves up account manager realness. With this très chic sneakersblack-pants-collared-shirt combo, you can capture Karen’s essence and make it your own. 99022A...................$40.00

FASHION FORWARD TURTLEFACE SWEATER

Baby, it’s cold outside and sometimes a turtleneck sweater just won’t cut it. Because let’s face it: (pun intended) necks are great and all, but you actually lose more body heat through your head. So we took the concept of a turtleneck and took it to the next (neck) level. Enter the Turtleface sweater. Each Turtleface is designed to keep you both cozy *and* incognito. 209890A...............$40.00

$40 Warehouse

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SPIRITUAL ELDER UNIFORM

How does one achieve enlightenment and a group of devoted followers? Charms? An understanding of human psychology and knowing how to exploit it? An approachable monochrome outfit? It’s probably a mix of all three. But today we’re focusing on the latter: how to look part of a spiritual leader. Simply adorn this enlightened elderinspired tunic and pants set and your followers are sure to follow!

Full Set

66719A-B.......................$40.00

CELERY BOTTOM HEELS

Get a look at those stems! In this case, we’re referring to both your gorgeous gams in this 3-inch kitten heel and the freshly cut celery stems inside. Celery Bottom Heels, or as we lovingly refer to them, CBH, are a musthave for any hangry fashionista in your life. These babies come fully stocked with fresh, locally sourced celery sticks, protected in our patented refrigerated heel. Each heel is removable and see-through, giving onlookers a chance to see what a healthy lifestyle you must live. 092223A.................................$40.00

$40 Warehouse

ART DIRECTOR

He rejects project proposals. Gives nonsensical creative feedback. Spews artistically pretentious phrases like “Needs more legs.” Most likely sports a man bun, is vegan, has an unhealthy obsession with bowties and wears horn-rimmed glasses. He’s an…art director. Hire this artisanallycrafted individual for your next freelance project. Gratuity not included. Results may vary. 100289C.......$40/hr.

REJECTS PROPOSALS!

BOX O’ SNAKES

First, there were snakes on a plane. Now, here’s a Box of Snakes—a delightful cardboard concoction of totally non-venomous snakes for your recreational and professional pleasure. All snakes are 100% organic and humanely sourced from Mother Nature. Cardboard boxes are 100% recyclable.

Cobras

560002A........................................$40.00

Pythons

560002B...........................................$40.00

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$40 Warehouse

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FANCY ANCIENT VASE

Oops! Running away from a hockey-masked killer again?

56000A...................$40.00

ergonomically designed to fit the day-to-day life in style. The patented ill-fitting design allows you to feign “surprise” and “annoyance” publicly—when privately you’re excited to show them off at every fumble (at least once every 5 minutes).

Have no fear—our LED tactical fanlight is designed It’s called culture, specifically for those moments when you’re not only running ever heard of it? from a murderer but also—even worse!—it’s kind of muggy. With this totally Equipped with four modes (High/Medium/Low/Strobe), this multi-purpose fanlight is your ultimate (read: only) ticket to authentic ancient survival. vase in your FANLIGHT home, nobody will 26767A ever doubt your $40.00 taste in expensive wine or worldly cultural knowledge. This one-of-akind, exquisite masterpiece is crafted from porcelain and is a Ugh! INEXPLICABLY LOOSE EARBUDS legendary artifact* With today’s tiny minimalist earbud designs, nobody even knows if you’ve spent a lot of money buying a pair. from 69 BC. That’s where Ugh Earbuds come in. These beauts are non-

Earbuds That Just Fall Out

82762A.........$40.00

*DISCLAIMER: IT’S NOT.

$40 Warehouse

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No more “Dead Zones”! WI-FI IN A CAN

Now in a crisp floral scent, Wi-Fi In A Can is your ticket to a connected world. Brought to you exclusively by Visible phone service; it may create a temporary hotspot wherever you spray it. Also repels bugs. 99101A......$40.00/mo

CONNECT ANYWHERE NOW!

ONLY

4000/mo

REFILLABLE BOTTLE

$40 Warehouse

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Turn heads and wag tails. PupStunt SNEAKERS FOR FASHIONABLE DOGS

Time to break up with your neighborhood phone thief. Theftproof PRE-CRACKED PHONE CASE

With our exclusive Theftproof Pre-Cracked Phone Case, your phone will instantly repel opportunistic pickpockets. It replicates the look of a smartphone that’s seen its fair share of abuse, turning even the newest model into a total eyesore. And because this product is 100% authentic, you’ll find bits of real broken glass on the cover.

Cracked Case

45009A.......$40.00

Your Instagram pet account won’t reach 10,000 followers without these sweet pup sneaks. Poodle heads will turn as your four-legged hypebeast strolls down the sidewalk in these hip kicks. This will transform the dog park into a runway, but you better remember your wet wipes to keep these shoes shining. Designed only for the most fashionable dog breeds (trendy mixes are so hot right now) these athleisure-meetsstreetwear sneakers are what every fuzzy IG diva needs. PupStunt™ Thicc Shoes

213895A....................$40.00

$40 Warehouse

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Ciao!

#EuroTrip

Lose yourself in these genuine European treasures to show the world how cultured you really are! AUTHENTIC BASKET OF COOKED PASTA

Pasta? From a box? No thanks. Now you can host an Italian dinner party with an authentic wicker basket of cooked angel hair pasta. Our angel hair pasta is locally sourced from cage-free angels—perfect for any heaven-to-table feast! Simply toss with Satan’s Olive Oil (freshly imported from the ninth circle of hell), serve and enjoy. 12786C......................................................$40.00

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$40 Warehouse

“I Don’t Understand” in 500 LANGUAGES

Say goodbye to translation apps and hello to THE ultimate pocketsized language book. Instead of frantically conjugating verbs and butchering simple phrases, you can now speak English to locals, whether they like it or not—it’s 100% for YOUR comfort and convenience! After all, who has time to “learn a new foreign language” and “experience the culture” when you’re sipping Pinot Grigio in a vineyard and swapping trade secrets about sexy Karen from marketing?”

Translation Guide 1761710D..........$40.00

FAKE PASSPORT

Nothing says “I’m cultured” like a passport filled to the brim with stamps. But if your passport is looking a little –ahem– bare, we’ve got the perfect solution. This Instagram-ready, prestamped passport is the ideal finishing touch to your fake “travel blogger”online persona. 99101A.....................$40.00

Now with Esperanto! CUSTOM SIGNED MAGELLAN PORTRAIT

In collaboration with an extremely legal top secret science division, we’ve resurrected Ferdinand Magellan to hand-sign this limited edition batch of portraits. Comes fully certified with a Certificate of Authenticity and tamperevident hologram. Size 8x10, framed. 99101A.............€36.27

VE! EXCLUSI

Security

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Phone Protection Technology

TITANIUM GRADE

(Patent Pending)

Protects your phone from:

No more losing your phone to… •

• •

• • • • • •

•

The fridge Throwing it in the trash instead of your actual trash Your dog burying it in the grass Pesky trick-or-treaters Con artists who seem oh-so-innocent Bathroom stalls Airplane seat back compartments Cougars emerging from the wilderness and deciding it looks like a nice snack Phone Rat (the cousin of Pizza Rat) Aggressive pigeons Unexpected shark attacks

SAF

G UA R A N EE

• •

PATENTED

Introducing Visible’s

• • • • • •

• • •

Falling out of your pocket while fighting crime Being dropped in the toilet Being sat on–by both you and your pet Falling off the roof of your car Being baked into your mac and cheese Getting stepped on while taking your pants off Dropping from an airplane when you try to take pictures while skydiving Telemarketers Yourself after you've had one too many Appletinis Accidentally being chucked at the window while you try to swat a fly Being dropped right in front of a moving bike/car The wall–when you feel like throwing it at the wall Oncoming traffic

UL PremTRA ium

WOW! WOW! WOW!

Stop these terrible things before they happen! • • • • •

Automatic software updates Answering the phone when your ex calls at 2 AM Your cat peeing on it Butt dialing your mom while on a date Your grandma getting into it and snooping on all your hot drama!

•

• •

Accidentally liking an Instagram post from your boss from November 2014 Taking a video when it was meant to be a photo Attempting to take a photo and realizing it’s on selfie mode (YIKES!)

Security

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Phone Goes Here

Safe Keeping Starts Here Keep your phone safe and secure with our patented phone storage technology. It’s basically a vault!