JOHN BAILIE GUEST HOUSE

f you are looking for a true treat while staying in East

London, then look no further than the John Bailie Guest Lodge, set within a spacious and beautifully maintained garden –ideal for both holidays and short stays for business or those just traveling through this iconic Eastern Cape paradise.

East London is a city that still manages to retain some of its old fashioned values blended with a dollop of laidback charm –the gateway to the wild coast and the sunshine coast and the only river port in South Africa –one of the most appealing cities on the coast.

This coastal gem is all about its long, white stretches of sandy beaches that appeal to swimmers and sun worshippers alike that are some of the finest in the world and a few, like Nahoon Reef, are a surfer’s paradise and host to international surfing competitions. I

The Lodge boasts magnificent ocean views, close proximity to the East London Gold Course with the esplanade and Eastern Beach only minutes away. The city centre is just three kilometers from the Lodge with a wonderful bouquet of shops and restaurants.

An eclectic mix of accommodation is available to suit every requirement –even for families needing that extra space –two of the suites have beautiful sea and golf course views.

Breakfast is served in a large dining room with an amazing panoramic vision of the sea and harbour.

Guests can take in an afternoon round of golf then return to the Lodge for a swim in the large sparkling pool followed by a braai (barbecue) next to the pool.

Relaxing in these tranquil garden surrounds will re-vitalize, refresh and eradicate those tensions acquired normal daily working chores. John Bailie Guest Lodge is owner run and they are always available to assist and advise about the local area and facilities.

John Bailie Guest Lodge

9 John Bailie Road Bunkers Hill East London Mobile: 082 445 7818 Mobile: 076 495 0299 johnbailieguestlodge@gmail.com www.johnbailieguestlodge.co.za

Dumb & Dumber

For those who may not have seen this quirky list, we are pleased to put it out there again. Legend has it that this was posted on a South African Tourism Website and answered by the website owner. Enjoy!

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town –can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden) A: So, it’s true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATMs in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in Johannesburg, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA) A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not… oh forget it Sure; the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get there, and we’ll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France) A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA) A: Anywhere, significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France) A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany) A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan huntergatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.