Get Griefy Magazine | Q3 2024

GET GRIEFY MAGAZINE

Q3 - 2024

A MAGAZINE FOR THOSE LIVING WITH LOSS AND ACTUALLY LIVING

RIEF T G F

AITS O R T

BY: KERA SANCHEZ OF LEMONS TO LEGACIES

ILBLAZ RA

Beth Go show Barri Lei ner Gran t Julia Mo rin Chelsea Ohemille r Randi Pe arlan W olfson Dr. Julie Shaw

S POR ER

QUARTERLY FEATURE:

Reggie Brown The Founder of Outsmart Racism and Hollywood’s go-to Obama impersonator

GET GRIEFY MAGAZINE

Editor-In-Chief, Writer, CEO and Founder Kera Sanchez Contributors for Q3

Lindsey Boetsch Annah Elizabeth Angie Hanson Moira Khan Kimberly Koland Susan Koursaris Amanda McKoy Flanagan Nina Rodriguez Emily Tanner Liz Quinn

GET GRIEFY Disclaimer:

MAGAZINE

The content presented in this magazine is intended for informational and educational purposes only. The topics discussed, including death and dying, are sensitive and subjective in nature. The information provided is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Readers are encouraged to seek the guidance of qualified professionals in relevant fields for personalized assistance.

The views expressed in individual articles are those of the respective authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the magazine or its editorial team. While we strive to present accurate and upto-date information, the dynamic nature of topics related to death and dying may lead to changes in understanding over time.

Readers are urged to exercise their own discretion and judgment when applying the information provided in this magazine to their specific circumstances. The magazine and its contributors disclaim any responsibility for any adverse effects or consequences resulting from the use of information presented herein.

Inclusion of any specific product, service, or organization in our content does not imply endorsement or recommendation. Readers should independently verify and evaluate the suitability of such entities for their individual needs.

The articles presented on this platform are primarily created by human writers. However, they have been edited and enhanced with the assistance of artificial intelligence (AI) technology. While every effort has been made to maintain accuracy, relevance, and quality, please note that AI tools were utilized in the editing process.

By accessing and reading this magazine, readers acknowledge and agree to the terms of this disclaimer. If you are in need of professional assistance or experiencing a crisis, please seek help from qualified professionals or emergency services.

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GET GRIEFY MAGAZINE

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Your commitment ensures we can share stories and offer solace to those in need. Thank you for being the heart and soul of "Get Griefy."

ANGIE N HANSO

BETH GOSHO W

DR. HEATHER TAYLOR

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GETGRIEFY

CONTENTS Q 3 - 2 0 2 4 07 EDITOR’S NOTE

15

with Kera Sanchez

09 FIND STRENGTH IN GRIEF

27 RIE

A Mother’s Love is Endless with Angela Croop

12 GRIEF SUCKS

AITS O TR

15 GRIEF IS THE NEW NORMAL

FT

ILBLAZ RA

FG Beth G

The latest online platform by Experience Camps

ashow Barri Lein er Grant Julia Mo rin Chelsea Ohemille r Randi Pe arlan W olfson Dr. Julie Shaw

with Dr. Heather Taylor

20 LINDA’S LEGACY

Patti LaFleur’s Impact on Dementia Advocacy

S POR ER

22 RETAIL THERAPY

Get Griefy’s Merch Collab with One Decision Clothing Co.

23 DATING, LOVE AND MENTAL HEALTH Thoughts on juggling romance and struggling with mental health issues from contributor Kimberly Koland

24 HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE THIS? 5 truths to help you live your best life, even in the face of adversity from contributor Annah Elizabeth

22

27 COVER FEATURE:BLAZING THE TRAIL Portraits of Grief Trail Blazers

47 WHEN IT’S NOT ALL SMILES with Dentist Parul Dua Makkar

54

51 ARE YOU A GOOD GRIEVER?

A life-changing coping skill for loving and letting go from contributor Amanda McKoy Flanagan, LMSW

54 GRIEF ON THE BIG SCREEN With Director of Meet Me Where I Am, Grant Garry

57 PUTTING PEN TO PAPER

62

With contributor Angie Hanson and her unexpected journey to authorship

59 GRIEF IS GHETTO With Charniah Wilson

60 BEST LIFE BEST DEATH Diane Hullet’s thoughts on both

62 PURSES OF PURPOSE Rebecca Guerrero’s Journey to style the world with support

59

GETGRIEFY

CONTENTS Q 3 - 2 0 2 4 65 FUR-EVER REMEMBERED Compassionate Guide to Pet Loss With Lauren Seeley and Melinda Ramos

80

70 BREATHING NEW LIFE

Laing Rikkers’ Path from Loss to Legacy

72 A JOURNEY THROUGH GRIEF Rediscovery after loss with contributor Liz Quinn

74 DEAD-MIN LEGACY TOOLS With Legado and The Dead Book

80 COVER FEATURE: REGGIE BROWN Navigating Grief, Acting and Activism

87 COMMUNITY BLOG Reader submissions

96 CLAIMING IT with Kate McKay

87

99 GRIEF GOT YOU LOSING YOUR SPARK?

Key Minerals that Grief and Stress Depletes from contributor Susan Koursaris

74

100 EXPLORING NATURAL REMEDIES FOR GRIEF

With Alaska Rhodiola’s Dr. Petra Illig

102 I WAS AN EXPAT ORPHAN AT 43 With contributor Moira Khan

100

106 RIDING THE WAVES OF GRIEF With Grief Box’s Co-Founder Brittany Young

109 FELICITREZA IN GRIEF

Contributor Nina Rodriguez’s thoughts on duality

113 BUILD BACK BETTER Contributor and Brave Widow’s Emily Tanner shares how to create more self confidence after loss

106

109

116 LETTERS TO HEAVEN Magazine Fundraiser

Editor’s Note GET GRIEFY MAGAZINE As a full-time high school teacher, wife, and mother of two— as well as a part-time grief advocate and wheeler-dealer, I've decided to keep my contribution brief this issue. This summer, I want to make the most of my time off, enjoying precious moments with my beautiful family while allowing the amazing work of my fellow grief light workers to take center stage.

In just three issues over nine months, we've already made significant strides in changing the conversation around grief and loss.

For that, I am deeply grateful.

Thank you for being here.

z e h c n a Kera S

xoxo,

Kera is the founder of Lemons to Legacies, a Grief advocacy brand that included her guided journals, as well as Get Griefy Magazine. She hopes to open up conversations around grief and loss and make the topic approachable, and dare we say, “cool”. Check her out on Instagram @legacylettersjournal GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

Photography by: Megan Hochhauser

Editor-in-Chief

m o r f g n i r e f A new of ! e n i z a g a M G e t G rie fy Welcome to Get Griefy’s Small Business Collective – your gateway to a thriving community of small business owners and creatives dedicated to making a meaningful impact in the grief space. Our collective offers a unique platform for connection, collaboration, and growth, tailored specifically for those who understand the power of compassion in business.

Why Join the Get Griefy Business Collective?

Exclusive Networking Opportunities: Group Chat and Discussion Board with Mighty Network Monthly Check-ins Unmatched Advertising and Discounts: 20% discount on Get Griefy Ad Space Reposts on Get Griefy Magazine's Instagram Ability to share news and events on Get Griefy's Newsletter sent out to email subscribers and on social media Ability to collaborate with Get Griefy on niche content Valuable Resources and Insights: Genius Hours Your business is listed as a resource on GetGriefyMagazine.com and on Magazine resource pages Insider access to Get Griefy Magazine Priority access to contribution space in Get Griefy Magazine Input on future features and articles

Visit www.getgriefymagazine.com/get-griefy-small-business-collective to learn more GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

Find Strength in

GRIEF

A MOTHER’S LOVE IS ENDLESS BY: LIZ QUINN

Losing a child is an indescribable journey of grief that significantly impacts the human experience. Angela, a fellow loss mama and friend I connected with through the grief community, shares her emotional journey following the loss of her daughter, Avianna Elizabeth.

Initially, Angela couldn’t even process her emotions. It felt as if she was living in an alternate universe, her brain numb and unable to process any emotions. She did everything possible to avoid facing her new reality during the first 24 hours. But after the initial shock, the numbness gave way to an overwhelming sense of sadness and longing. Every corner of her life seemed haunted by the absence of her sweet daughter, an ache residing in her heart as a constant reminder of what once was and what will never be again.

About a week after losing Avianna, Angela started questioning the world around her.

Questions of "why?" and "what if?" echoed relentlessly as her mind continuously sought understanding in a situation that defied reason. Amidst this emotional tempest, there were moments of profound emptiness and despair. It felt like she was drowning in an ocean of grief, alone and struggling to find the surface but always pulled deeper into the abyss. The future appeared bleak, and Angela felt powerless to change her feelings or the tragic reality she faced.

Over time, however, acceptance began to take root. It was not a surrender to the pain, but a recognition that life must go on, although forever changed. Angela started to recognize that the wounds of loss may never fully heal, but they would become a part of who she is, shaping her perspective and deepening her capacity for empathy and understanding.

There were several pivotal moments that profoundly shaped Angela's perspective on grief. The first occurred when she was walking into Target with a good friend. She let the door slam in a stranger's face, not acknowledging them. Her friend disclosed how embarrassing the situation was. Initially upset and frustrated, Angela quickly realized that something needed to change—she needed to change. She couldn’t continue to live in a state of mere existence.

The second pivotal moment came during a conversation with a customer at a craft show. Angela had channeled her grief into making items with her hands and displaying them at craft events. When a customer read her story and spoke about how magical it was that Angela had transformed her grief into something beautiful, asking her to speak with a friend who was still struggling, Angela knew she needed to find her own path in this space.

Angela's background as a speech and language pathologist brought a unique lens to her approach in navigating grief. Her professional expertise, particularly her refined active listening skills and empathetic counseling, significantly influenced the way she coped with her own loss. As a speech pathologist, she supported patients experiencing loss of function or identity due to various conditions or injuries. By applying the same care and self-listening skills to her own grief, Angela was able to attend to her emotional needs more effectively.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

Navigating the world around her while grieving intensely proved to be one of the biggest challenges Angela faced. Amidst her own emotions, she found herself surrounded by well-meaning but often overwhelming voices of others, each offering their own perspectives on how she should grieve and what she needed to heal. Angela yearned for understanding and support, yet often felt misunderstood and suffocated by the expectations of those around her.

She struggled to find her own grieving path, one shaped by the unique contours of her grief and the enduring bond she shared with her daughter.

For those struggling with the loss of a loved one, particularly in the case of infant loss, Angela offers the following advice: Accept everything you’re feeling without judgment or shame. Understand that grief is a deeply personal experience, and what works for someone else may not work for you.

Recognize that grief isn’t something to be fixed or overcome; it’s about learning to live with the loss and integrate it into your life. Start with small tasks that bring a sense of comfort or accomplishment, and lean into the infant/pregnancy loss community for support and understanding.

Angela's strength in turning her grief into a passion project is remarkable. After Avianna died, she grappled with overwhelming grief and a sense of helplessness. She sought solace in learning something entirely new: sewing. It became a therapeutic outlet, allowing her to channel her emotions into creative expression. As she crafted garments and accessories, Angela found a sense of purpose and a tangible reminder of the love she held for her daughter. Others began to take notice of her creations, expressing interest in purchasing the items. Inspired by their support and driven by a desire to give back, Angela embarked on a journey to turn her newfound passion into a meaningful initiative addressing infant and baby loss.

Angela’s journey through grief and healing serves as a testament to the strength and resilience that can emerge from profound loss. Her story inspires others to find their own path to healing, transforming pain into purpose and creating a legacy of love and support for those navigating the difficult journey of grief.

na

Angela’s future plans include expanding infant loss retreats internationally, ensuring services are accessible to all, regardless of socioeconomic status.

She is committed to offering a range of retreat options, from luxurious to affordable, to ensure inclusivity and diversity. Additionally, Angela aims to further develop the mentorship program and community, creating more avenues for bereaved parents to connect and support each other.

i

an

Currently, Angela is deeply involved in managing her retail store, where she crafts a variety of handmade items and offers a platform for other creators to showcase their goods. A portion of the proceeds supports organizations assisting families dealing with infant loss. Her most significant project at the moment is developing a grief mentor program and community specifically tailored for parents who have experienced loss. This initiative aims to provide a supportive environment where bereaved parents can share their experiences, find solace in each other's stories, and navigate the complexities of grief with compassion and understanding.

Av

ge An To learn more about Angela’s Support services for loss parents, visit stan.store/strengthforrecovery and to shop her handmade crafts visit, flyavifly.com Follow Angela on Instagram @strength_for_recovery

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la

ADVERTISMENT

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Grief

Sucks

FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU EXPERIENCE CAMPS, WELCOME TO THE VIRTUAL GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP FOR ADOLESCENTS THAT MAKES GRIEF SUCK A LITTLE LESS. BY: KERA SANCHEZ Get Griefy recently sat down with Michelle Cove, Director of Communications for the non-profit, and talked about the magic that can occur for grieving kids when you mix in s’mores, bunk beds, campfires, nature and compassion.

The organization dates back to 2009, and is a no-cost program for grieving children who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling or primary caregiver. Their one-week, overnight summer grief camps, year-round programs, and content help to reframe the experience of grief, and empower kids with the necessary coping skills to move forward with their lives. Yet, she admits, the organization is facing a very large problem.

Approximately 6.3 million children under the age of 18 will experience this type of grief, and it’s systematically impossible for Experience Camps to provide services for that many grieving kids.

Meet Grief Sucks, an online platform dedicated to making grief suck a little less, and reach all of those kids who might not receive a bunk at one of the camps located across the country.

The organization is headed by Experience Camps Youth Advisory Board (YAB), preteens and teens who care deeply about helping the public understand how to better support grieving children.

The content is from them, for them, and talks about things that the target audience wants to see on their feed, grief humor, relatable interviews with peers, grief in pop culture, and more.

Michelle was excited to share with the magazine some incredible reflections from the Youth Advisory Board about what they love about their organization and why they think the work they are doing is important, and their responses did not disappoint—

Michelle expressed how much this fact simply didn’t sit well with her and other team members of the organization. They decided to take to social media to address the growing concern and fill in the gaps.

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OW IT E WHEN I SEE H HERE G A P S K C SU F IE R RTFELT VIDEOS W ROUD OF THE G “I FEEL MOST P FORTING REFUGE THROUGH HEA H GRIEF. THE USERIT PROVIDES A COM SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCES W SURING THAT ANYONE EN LY E, EN T I'M NAVIGA PEOPLE OP KES IT EASY TO EY NEED. EACH TIME I VISIT, F A M N IG ES D LY D T TH RELIE FRIEN H IS TRULY A ND THE CONTEN CAN QUICKLY FI E SUPPORT AVAILABLE, WHIC N STANDS OUT TO ME, H REMINDED OF T TIMES. THE "GREVIEWS" SECTIO E WITH MY OWN T LT DURING DIFFICU MMENDATIONS THAT RESONA ONTRIBUTE FEEDBACK C ECT OFFERING RECO A TEENAGER, BEING ABLE TO TIVE AND CONN EC S A SP .

ER P ES C Y N M IE E ER R A EXP ING, AS I CAN SH R CHALLENGES.” FEELS EMPOWER O ARE GOING THROUGH SIMILA H WITH OTHERS W

“I THINK IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT THAT GRIEF SUCKS WAS MADE WITH TEENS FROM THE START. THE WEBSITE IS VERY YOUTHFUL AND IT REFLECTS THE INTERESTS OF MANY TEENS. I ALSO THINK THE INVOLVEMENT OF TEENS IN THE CREATION OF THE CITE HAS ALLOWED MANY TYPES OF TEENS TO BE REPRESENTED.”

WAS CRUCIAL “YES, I BELIEVE IT TO INVOLVE FOR GRIEF SUCKS E BEGINNING. TEENS FROM TH PERIENCE, I EX FROM PERSONAL TEENS OFTEN Y AN M KNOW THAT IN UNIQUE EXPERIENCE GRIEF THEIR INPUT WAYS, AND HAVING E PLATFORM ENSURES THAT TH ECIFIC NEEDS ADDRESSES THEIR SP INVOLVING AND CONCERNS. BY VELOPMENT DE TEENS IN THE CKS OFFERS PROCESS, GRIEF SU URES THAT AT CONTENT AND FE S, MAKING IT EN TE RESONATE WITH AND RELATABLE MORE ADDITIONALLY, ACCESSIBLE. FROM THE INCLUDING TEENS SENSE OF START FOSTERS A POWERMENT, OWNERSHIP AND EM SEE THEIR CAN THEY AS ECTED IN THE PERSPECTIVES REFL GN AND DESI PLATFORM'S INVOLVEMENT CONTENT. THIS SUPPORTIVE ALSO CREATES A TEENS FEEL COMMUNITY WHERE OD, WHICH TO HEARD AND UNDERS NAVIGATING N HE W IS ESSENTIAL F GRIEF.” THE COMPLEXITIES O GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

“I'M PROUD THAT I CAN CONTRIBUTE TO A W NEEDED DIGITAL RESO ELLURCE FOR GRIEVING KIDS, BECAUSE I THINK IT NECESSARY THING. TH 'S A A LOT OF MISLE ERE'S ADING CONTENT ABOUT GRIEF OUT THERE, CONTRIBUTING TO AND THE WEBSITE AND ITS RESOURCES HELPS COMBAT THAT, SOMET TO I'M VERY PROUD OF.” HING

“I THINK TH IS IS IMPORT BECAUSE TEEN A S CAN OFTEN NT FEEL ISOLATED IN GR IE IS MUCH MORE F. FOR ADULTS, IT A PARENT AND COMMON TO LOSE CAN BE MORE THEREFORE THERE S OPEN TO THEM UPPORT SYSTEMS . FOR TEENS, TH MAY BE SOME S ERE LOVED ONE AN HAME IN LOSING A KNOW ANYBOD D THEY MAY NOT Y HAS HAD SUCH THEIR AGE WHO FEEL TOO UN A LOSS, OR MAY C BRING IT U OMFORTABLE TO P. GRIEF SU PROVIDES A S CKS P A C E FO R T H TEENS TO FE ESE EL A SENSE COMMUNITY OF B DESIGNED FOR ECAUSE IT IS THEM.”

GET GRIEFY WANTED TO KNOW MORE, SO MICHELLE PUT US IN CONTACT WITH ONE OF THE YOUTH ADVISORY BOARD MEMBERS, TINA LAROSA. TINA IS 17, LIVES IN NEW JERSEY AND WILL BE ATTENDING CAMP FOR THE FOURTH TIME IN PENNSYLVANIA THIS SUMMER. SHE HAS BEEN SERVING ON THE YAB FOR 3 YEARS. THIS IS HER STORY:

I’ve noticed more and more in the years following my mom’s passing just how much my emotional intelligence has spiked. The way I pulled myself from the trenches of initial grief, the hurricane that is anxiety, has changed the way I handle every problem going forward. However, there is a (not so) quiet loneliness in this newfound maturity.

Every day, I sit beside kids who have yet to experience great loss in their lives–kids who truly believe that a failed assessment or a teenage breakup is the end of the world. I don’t blame them; ignorance is bliss. Frankly, I’m actually glad they don’t understand.

I’ve learned a lot in the four years of my grief journey. Two greatest discoveries were songwriting and Experience Camps. Writing music became my outlet through every whirlwind of emotions that came my way. For every moment I felt hurt or helpless, there was a song that could come from it. It was my way of processing. (If you’re interested in listening, you can go to tinalarosa.com). Attending Experience Camps for grieving kids allowed me to see there is this whole community of young people just like me, where I’m allowed to FEEL everything I feel.

I love the camp so much that I applied to be on the Youth Advisory Board, where I get to be a part of public discussions of grief that can help other teens going through the same thing. Most recently I was lucky enough to be a part of the building of a new platform called GRIEF SUCKS (www.griefsucks.com).” This online space gives teens community, resources and relatable content. My hope is that we will continue to reach as many grieving teens as possible and give them the chance to connect with people who truly know their pain.

That said, the worst part of grief is how much I crave deep connections. This more than anything is what makes high school feel so isolating. They say you can only meet others as deeply as you have met yourself and, unfortunately, when you’ve been forced to grow up quickly, it’s much harder for your friends to meet you where you are. And that’s how it should be. Which is probably the most frustrating part of all. Kids like me are living in unusual circumstances no kid should have to experience. And in this time of adolescence, where we are discovering who we are, there is nothing we want more than to be understood.

That’s why there is so much value in finding places where there are people who “get it.”

TO LEARN MORE ABOUT EXPERIENCE CAMPS, GRIEF SUCKS AND FIND WAYS TO HELP, VISIT EXPERIENCECAMPS.ORG/GET-INVOLVED & GRIEFSUCKS.COM AND FOLLOW THEIR ACCOUNTS ON SOCIAL @EXPERIENCECAMPS AND @GRIEFSUCKSDOTCOM

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LEARN MORE ABOUT TINA AND HER MUSIC AT WWW.TINALAROSA.COM

To be honest, sometimes I forget I’m only 17.

When I was 12, my mom died from a heart attack. And what people don’t tell you about losing someone at such a young age is how, in an instant, your childhood slams the breaks.

Life slaps you in the face, forces you to grow up, and completely changes the person you are for the rest of your life. While this has been a constant daily struggle, it’s also been a blessing in disguise.

grief is the new normal

by: kera sanchez and dr. heather taylor Grief became Dr. Heather Taylor's new normal in 2009 when her younger brother Garrett died suddenly at the age of 22.

Yet, the way the world addressed the loss didn’t feel “normal” to her. Heather recalls the acute grief as profoundly painful, expressing the closeness she shared with her brother and the void his absence left in her heart. She tackled her pain with a two-fold plan: investing in herself— making time to achieve goals, and seeking therapy to learn how to cope with her loss.

While training for a marathon, she also explored

various

grief

therapies

that

often felt disconnected. Disappointed by experiences where practitioners merely played VHS tapes instead of engaging with her, Heather recognized the need for

alternative

options

and

compelled to be part of the solution.

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felt

She admits now, that maybe this passion

just

needed

to

be

unearthed, noting that before this loss and utter need for better grief care, she jumped from job to job, not truly feeling a connection with her work. The prior barista turned Microsoft Barnes

coordinator, and

turned

Nobles'

district

assistant, finally found the work that resonated with her soul. Grief work. She enrolled in a Psychology Doctoral program and has worked tirelessly with grief and loss since.

Now, as a licensed psychologist specializing in grief, Heather has embraced

social

media

platform

to

reach

audience

grappling

a

as

a

broader

with

loss,

offering relatable content and a podcast. Her podcast, “Grief is the

There are no stages. That’s right, I said it. We are throwing those stages of grief out the window. Grief isn’t something linear, predictable or concrete. It ebbs and flows over time. It changes.

Different dates and experiences can bring up different emotions from anniversaries to shopping at the grocery store to our own birthdays. There are different emotional states or themes that we experience when in grief, but we can’t predict which state we are going to be in on what day. Or moving back and forth between different grief-related emotional states. We need to move away from this belief that they occur in a predictable order.

Loss is unpredictable and thinking that we can have a concrete process to move through our own grief is giving a false sense of control over a situation, a lived experience where we have no control.

New Normal” provides foundational grief

knowledge,

language,

and

resources to help support people in different seasons of grief. She acknowledges

the

landscape,

noting

platforms

like

providing

spaces

evolving

the

role

of

Instagram

in

for

to

people

grieve and share the legacies of their loved ones.

After twelve years of clinical grief work,

Heather

shares

with

Get

Griefy her top 4 important things to know as you navigate your own grief journey or help support those around you.

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Grief doesn’t go away. This didn’t happen for a reason.

This isn’t something that can be fixed. This isn’t something to “get over”. There is not a magic phrase that’s going to suddenly make it okay. And THAT’S OKAY. It’s learning how over time and intentionality to move through the grief into something different. Nothing we experience will replace our person or people. We just learn to carry those memories differently.

I think when we see someone suffering or grieving, we want to try to make it better, to “fix it”.

That’s why there are so many cliche phrases people throw around when there is a death. Grief can be painful, hard, overwhelming, confusing and just sad. To support our people who are in seasons of grief, we need to accept our own discomfort with not being able to change the situation and learn how to still show up, bring the foods/emotional support beverages, be safe, affirming, normalizing and comforting to our people.

Grief can feel so isolating that it’s really important that we keep showing up, reaching out and leaning into those griefy spaces.

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Grief is on a spectrum. This reinforces the belief that there is no one right way to grieve.

Understanding the different ends of the spectrum is important because it helps to normalize and validate the unique grief experiences, especially within a family system. On one end of the spectrum, we find intuitive grief. This is marked by externalized expressions of grief, such as crying, talking openly about the loss, and seeking comfort from others..

People experiencing intuitive grief are more likely to wear their emotions on their sleeves, openly expressing their pain and potentially more willing to seek out support from others to cope with their pain.

On the other end of the spectrum, we have what is called instrumental grief. This is characterized by internalized emotions, a quieter or more stoic presentation and reserved processing of loss. Those experiencing instrumental grief may not exhibit big emotions outwardly, but that doesn't mean they're not deeply affected by the loss. Instead, they tend to think and feel deeply, processing their emotions internally. They are reflecting on memories, maybe watching shows or listening to music that reminds them of their loved one. They are thinking about, reflecting on, rebuilding their internal world to take into effect these outward changes. What’s challenging with this end of the spectrum, is that there can be assumptions that instrumental grievers are not “as sad” or “feeling it as much” or “didn’t love the deceased” as much because it’s a quieter style of grieving than the emotive end of the spectrum. It's important to recognize that neither form of grief is better or worse than the other. They are simply different ways of processing loss, and individuals may move along the spectrum depending on the day, the week, the hour. It’s important to not make assumptions about how someone is feeling in their grief because of their level of external processing. The internal world is just as rich and important as the external one.

Looking

There is no final goodbye.

It’s learning how to say hello again in a new way. Old school grief therapy was all about endings, final farewells and we’ve learned that finding meaningful and creative ways to integrate our lost person into our new normal is healthier and leads to more mental resilience.

ahead,

Heather

aims

to

launch

a

Grief

companion journal in the upcoming months and hopes to spearhead impactful initiatives and grief retreats alongside her colleague and partner in grief advocacy, Jen Reisinger, LMHC. Together, they have established

“The

Mourning

Movement,”

providing

educational workshops, webinars, and forthcoming intensives tailored for both everyday grievers and clinicians seeking to enhance their grief support skills. Heather concludes with a vision: “We want to initiate a movement that fosters more safe spaces and opportunities for people to connect during seasons of grief. I’m truly excited about speaking, training, and advancing grief awareness.”

Check out more resources from Heather, including her podcast by following her on Instagram @grief_is_the_new_normal and visiting her website, www.griefisthenewnormal.com

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Linda’s Legacy Patti LaFleur’s Impact on Dementia Advocacy Patti LaFleur’s story is a testament to love, resilience, and advocacy in the face of dementia. As the former primary caregiver for her mother, Linda, who battled younger-onset mixed dementia, Patti has turned her personal experiences into a passionate mission to support others in similar situations.

With a background in teaching, volunteering, and community education, she now spearheads youth initiatives at Lorenzo's House, a nonprofit dedicated to families affected by younger-onset dementia.

Patti’s journey began with her role as a care partner to her mother, Linda.

Patti recalls, “My Mama illuminated every room she entered.” Yet, behind her radiant exterior, brain changes began to appear when Patti was in her early twenties. For over a decade, Patti walked alongside her mother through the challenges and heartache of dementia, finding moments of profound connection and joy along the way.

Two significant moments stand out in Patti’s caregiving journey. The first was when her father was hospitalized, and Patti transitioned from supporting her dad to becoming her mom’s full-time caregiver overnight. Linda moved in with Patti and her husband, marking the start of a new chapter filled with laughter, adventures, and daily joy. This period allowed Patti to reciprocate the love her mother had given her, transforming her role from daughter to primary caregiver.

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The second pivotal moment was when Linda fell and broke her hip. This incident accelerated her dementia's progression and drastically increased her care needs. Patti had to quickly adapt, becoming her mother’s occupational therapist, physical therapist, and skilled nurse. “I needed support, so I also needed to get out of my own way and ask others to support me in various ways,” Patti explains. She built a supportive “tribe” around her, delegating tasks and seeking help, which was crucial for managing the increased demands of caregiving.

Patti’s decision to share her caregiving journey on social media was driven by a desire to dismantle the stigma surrounding dementia. “By sharing our stories, we empower others and work to dismantle stigma,” Patti says. Through social media, she found a community of individuals on similar paths, alleviating the isolation she initially felt. This virtual support network became a source of strength and solidarity.

Joining Lorenzo's House was a natural extension of Patti's advocacy work. Lorenzo's House is a nonprofit organization that supports individuals with younger-onset dementia and their families.

Patti describes it as the “biggest gift” on her grief journey. The organization aims to cure isolation, build community and drive dementia justice by connecting families and providing essential resources.

“Loving like Linda every day” encapsulates Patti’s mission to carry forward her mother's legacy of love and care. “My Mom loved everyone with her whole heart, and it is my honor to be able to love like she did,” Patti reflects. This legacy of love inspires Patti's work and her commitment to supporting others walking the dementia journey.

Lorenzo's House offers three pillar programs: MATCH, Clubs, and the Youth Summit. The MATCH program provides personalized one-on-one connections for families, ensuring they never walk alone. The Clubs offer virtual spaces for youth and care partners to connect, share stories, and build a supportive community. The Youth Summit is an annual event designed to inspire advocacy and foster a sense of belonging among young people affected by younger-onset dementia.

Individuals with younger-onset dementia and their families face unique challenges, including delayed diagnosis, misunderstandings about the condition, and limited access to benefits like Social Security or Medicare. Caregivers often juggle their responsibilities while raising young children and managing careers. Anticipatory grief, a profound sense of loss before the actual passing of a loved one, is another significant challenge with few available resources.

For Patti, sharing her grief journey on social media has been a cathartic experience. “It’s a way of navigating through my emotions and connecting with others who might be experiencing similar struggles,” she says. This openness has allowed Patti to honor her mother's memory while receiving and offering support within a community that understands the complexities of grief.

Looking ahead, the goals for Lorenzo's House include expanding support for families affected by younger-onset dementia. “Our goal at Lorenzo’s House is to reach every family affected by younger-onset dementia by building connection, community, and resources,” Patti emphasizes.

This includes developing cohorts of youth leaders to advocate for dementia justice and informing experts and policymakers about the unique challenges faced by these families.

Learn more about Patti and her advocacy work for caretakers by following her on Instagram @misspatticake Check out how you can support Lorenzo’s house by visiting, lorenzoshouse.org

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Their clothing serves as a daily prompt to continually aspire to become the finest version of ourselves. It reassures us that regardless of the challenges we encounter, we are constantly just One Decision Away from a radically different life!

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Dating, Love and Mental Health thoughts on juggling romance and struggling with mental health issues

By: Kimberly Koland

Diving into the dating world with mental health on board? Buckle up for a wild ride of challenges and chances to level up! Balancing mental health and romance means mastering the art of understanding yourself, your partner, and having an epic toolbox of strategies to nurture those butterflies in your tummy connections.

Anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder - these mental health giants can throw some serious curveballs at your self-esteem, communication skills, and love vibe. Picture this: anxiety might trigger a fear of rejection, putting the brakes on dating altogether. Depression, on the other hand, might dim the spark for romantic adventures. These hurdles not only impact you but can create some serious relationship ripples if left unaddressed.

Ever wondered if knowing your partner's past struggles would change the course of your relationship?

The 'what ifs' can drive you bananas! But instead of dwelling in the 'could haves,' focus on the now and let the healing vibes flow. Moving forward after a tough loss due to mental health issues calls for a game plan.

Open, honest chats about mental health can sprinkle trust and empathy into your love mix. Transparency is key - no hiding behind stigma! When both partners are on the same page about mental health battles, they can team up to create a safe and supportive bubble. Boundaries, coping tricks, and pro help can be the magic recipe for a healthy partnership.

Daily honesty about your mental health journey isn't just crucial for dating or marriage - it's the secret sauce for all relationships. Remember, your value isn't tied to your mental health status. It's all about growth, learning, and having a toolkit ready for when the going gets tough. Supporting a partner through their mental health struggles requires a mix of compassion, patience, and a dash of self-education. It's a bumpy road, but with honesty, communication, and oodles of love, you can turn those dating hurdles into relationship goldmines!

Kimberly is a mother of adult children, an educator, and a suicide widow. She spends her time as creatively as possible through writing, speaking and pointing people to hope. From Costa Rica, she lives in the Twin Cities, Minnesota and you can often find her with a good book in her hand, learning to garden and being courageously creative.

You can find her on Instagram @hopefully_kimberly GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3- 2024

HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE THIS? 5 TRUTHS TO HELP YOU LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE, EVEN IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY BY: ANNAH ELIZABETH

When you ask, ‘how am I going to survive this?’ the question you are really asking is ‘How am I going to heal?’

T

here is a universal question that echoes out, billowing forth from the minds and hearts of people from all over the world, those who are

suddenly faced with a situation they do not want to be in or may not know how to navigate. Seven words have the power to bring you to your knees.

How am I going to survive this?

You, Neighbor, may have spoken those exact words after experiencing the loss event(s) that brought you here to Get Griefy Magazine. Or maybe your plea was more along the lines of “I don’t think I can do this!” or “What am I going to do?” The first time I recall shouting that plea to the Heavens--one that would later find me sitting in a stupor as it rattled around in the confines of my skull--was the day I gave birth to my first child who subsequently died, twenty-six minutes later, following unexpected delivery complications.

Hours after I heard the words, “I’m sorry, he didn’t make it,” I remember having one distinct thought:

I did not want to spend a lifetime mourning my son. I did not know what that meant, what it looked like on the other side of it, or how the (bleep) I was going to get there, but I knew what I did not want, and I went from there.

Over the next seven years, I would go on to experience two, secondtrimester miscarriages; two, complicated but successful pregnancies; a six-week psychiatric stay for severe depression; and one final pregnancy in which I discovered —six weeks before that child was born—that my husband and my best friend were having an affair. During that stretch of losses, one question drove me forward: How is it that some people go on to live happy, fulfilled lives following tragedy, mishap or mayhem while others succumb to drugs, despair, a life of void, or suicide?

That single question spawned thousands more questions and I relentlessly pursued the answers. I read countless stories and spoke with thousands of people. The culmination of my research is vast; yet the complexity of the data I compiled is equally simple.

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Loss, Grief, autonomous.

and

Healing

are

We tend to use expressions like “loss and grief,” “grief and healing,” or “loss and healing.” When you do this, you deny one of the elements of your experience. One of the first things I discovered is that we need to redefine each part.

The definitions I established are: Loss is an event where someone or something— tangible or abstract—goes missing from your life. Grief is your individual response to your loss event(s).

Healing is the resolution of the conflict(s) that comprises your grief.

The reason this is important is that, identifying each aspect of what you are going through makes you better able to manage and navigate the impact of each on your day-to-day movement.

Grief is not about love.

Your grief is not about your love for the What or Who that has gone missing from your life and is about your attachment to it. If you believe your greatest role in life is to be a Mother and your identity is wrapped up in that “job,” your grief response may be more complex if your child dies. A high-level athlete who experiences a career-ending injury could experience a grief prolonged and seemingly greater than others who face similar situations.

See yourself as a “bread-winner” for your family? A job loss could feel tragic. Rather than compare types of losses, I encourage you to remember that if the loss event feels significant to you, then it is. As much as possible, I use the term, Significant Life Loss Event, to help you understand what you are experiencing and to help create compassion for others, as well.

Healing is destination.

a

process,

not

a

Much like happiness, we tend to have a subconscious belief that we will be “healed” when x-y-z happens. The truth is, happiness and healing happen in micro-moments. A smile in sadness. Calm in the chaos. Clarity amid confusion. A feeling of ease in a stressful situation. These are all healing moments. Acknowledging these moments—choosing to witness them—will keep you buoyed and moving forward in hope.

You are born with everything you need to heal.

Truth be told, loss and grief are discouraging because you seldom have a say in how those two circumstances are going to play out, but healing is empowering, Neighbor, because you choose it. Throughout your life, you have navigated all forms of loss: disappointments, heartbreak, unrealized goals and dreams, and have likely experienced the death of a loved one, either personally, or through someone in your social circle.

You have survived them all. How? My research revealed that those who had triumphed over tragedy, mishap, or mayhem seemed to be tapping into something innate within them. Further exploration led me to those somethings.”

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Each of us is born with five, universal facets: the Academic, Emotional, Physical, Social, and Spiritual sides of the self.

These Facets exist in a hierarchy that is unique to each of us. At the top of your hierarchy is the Facet which is the lens from which you see and experience all Life; it drives the proverbial bus of You, and is at the center of all your suffering and your success. As you move down your hierarchy, the Facets, though no less important, begin to have a lesser impact and influence on your day-today decisions and how you relate to your experiences, which means you must be more intentional in supporting those aspects of your Self.

All those losses you have navigated to date? Without even realizing it, you were instinctively culling from these facets your strengths and striving to heal the conflict or grief within them.

Each time you experience a loss event, you gain a greater understanding of your own gifts— even if you are not cognizant of it.

This awareness and growth are the foundation that will propel you into living your greatest personal, professional, and philanthropic life, even in the face of adversity.

ANNAH WRITES, SPEAKS, AND COACHES ON THE POWER TO TRIUMPH OVER TRAGEDY.

@annahelizabethheals

NO ONE IS EXEMPT FROM GRIEF, BUT EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO HEALING. NO MATTER WHAT A SOCIAL HIGHLIGHT REEL LOOKS LIKE, THE LIKELIHOOD THAT A PERSON IS STRUGGLING WITH SOME CONFLICT OR GRIEF IS HIGH.

JOIN HER AT WWW.ANNAHELIZABETH.COM

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In every journey through grief, there are those remarkable individuals who light the way for others, navigating the difficult terrain with courage, vulnerability, and resilience. These women, who Get Griefy affectionately calls "grief trailblazers," have left an unforgettable mark on the grief community through their unwavering openness and profound gifts. Whether it be through community, humor, writing, discussions or other forms of expressive grief, these groundbreaking grievers have shared their own experiences of loss and heartache, and have not only found solace, but have also embraced their calling of guiding others through the darkness.

These six individuals, with their authenticity and compassion, have shattered the silence surrounding grief, inviting others to share in their journeys and find healing amidst the pain.

Their stories serve as beacons of hope, illuminating the path for those who find themselves engulfed by the darkness of loss.

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PORTRAITS OF GRIEF TRAIL BLAZERS R A N D I P E A R L M A N W O L F S O N

Grief & Grits

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Randi Pearlman Wolfson Randi Pearlman Wolfson is undoubtedly a trailblazer in the realm of online grief, and she has also proved that it's never too-late to start over.

This therapist-turned "griefstagramer" didn't launch her social media pages until 2017, 50 years after her father's death.

Randi was at the tender age of 10 when her dad died, and she believes now that this circumstance has profoundly shaped her life’s trajectory. She shares with the magazine, “Most of my life has been informed by my grief. Every step I took was based on missing, honoring, and finding the ways to live in a world without my dad.” And honor him she has. When she embarked on her social media journey, she made a pact with herself: if 50 people followed her within 5 months, she'd continue sharing her insights on grief and loss. Now, with over 19,000 followers, it's clear why she kept going.

Her platform, Grief and Grits, aims to remind her audience that grief doesn't adhere to a schedule. “I knew that I wanted to share from the point of view of being a very long-term griever, to offer to others the ways that grief joins us for a lifetime. But when we understand this, we can learn the ways to integrate grief between the cracks of our hearts, rather than lock it away.”

Pearlman Wolfson also wears the hat of a children’s author. Her book, “Eddie’s Brave Journey, How One Little Elephant Learned All About Grief”, tells the tale of a little purple elephant and his grief journey after the death of his grandpa. She penned the book to assure young mourners everywhere that their feelings are valid, no matter their size.

In a way, it seems as if Randi wrote the book for her inner child, the one who was left to grow up without her dad, and not knowing how to step forward.

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Today, Randi expresses how her passion projects have aided her in processing and comprehending her grief, “Writing about my dad, children’s grief, and adult grief each day, helps me have a deeper understanding of my own grief and has connected me to my dad in a way I had not expected. When you’ve been grieving someone for 58 years, it can be difficult to remember just about anything. Writing about him helps me access memories and feelings that I might not have otherwise.”

Regardless of age, Randi's goal is simple: to spark conversations about grief and emphasize that missing our dead loved ones is an enduring journey.

Looking ahead, she hopes to continue on this path, reveling in the emergence of new voices in the grief community.

Witnessing others follow her lead fills her heart with joy. Additionally, she dreams of turning her thoughts into action, aspiring to create a grief documentary she envisions becoming a reality soon.

Wrapping up the interview, we ask Randi to share something she's proud of, to which she replies with enthusiasm, "I've always known that I could hold space for others' grief. It doesn't intimidate me. Meeting people where they are in their grief is the greatest honor I can imagine."

Randi’s book, “Eddie’s Brave Journey” is available on her website, www.griefandgrits.com Follow her on Instagram @griefandgrits

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PORTRAITS OF GRIEF TRAIL BLAZERS J U L I A

M O R I N

Girl Meets Grief

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Julia Morin The word “influencer” makes Julia Morin cringe.

However, with over 13k followers on Instagram, where she has openly shared her lifelong grief journey for the past three years, it seems fitting to label her as such—or at the very least, by the alternate term she jokingly coined, "grief-fluencer." But jokes aside, she refers to herself as a grief specialist, educator, and advocate.

Julia started her Instagram community ‘Girl Meets Grief’ after a difficult visit to her mom’s grave one Mother’s Day, feeling exceptionally lonely in her grief. Julia reflects, “I launched my Instagram community @girl_meets_grief over Mother’s Day weekend in 2021. I have spent nearly 30 years feeling not only sad but also isolated on this day/weekend, knowing logically that I am not the only one missing their mom on Mother’s Day, but also feeling like I didn’t have a community or many people in my life who understood the feeling of being ‘motherless’ on a day that is all about celebrating your mom.”

Julia lost her mom when she was just 8 years old and aims to cater to this crowd of grievers who lost a parent at a young age, yet she welcomes anyone carrying grief with open arms. Julia shares, “I am fiercely passionate about normalizing conversations and ending the stigma around grief as I continue to navigate the various manifestations of this significant early loss in my own life. I am especially passionate about mother loss and childhood loss, as a result of my lived experiences.”

Julia advocates for discarding the misconception of a set timeline for grief, reiterating, “My approach to grief support is rooted in the belief that grief, like love, lasts forever—and while we never ‘get over’ it or ‘move on,’ we can learn to move forward with it, live alongside it, and integrate it into our lives.”

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Even now, Julia finds it surreal to lead a substantial community of fellow grievers while grappling with her own sense of being "motherless." She has dedicated herself to educating and supporting her followers, holding qualifications as a Grief Support Specialist, a Certified Grief Educator, and a Grief Resource Directory Certified Provider, having undergone training with both David Kessler and Claire Bidwell Smith as well as completing a certificate program.

She admits that her successes are tinged with the shadow of her greatest loss, and confesses, “Sometimes it feels weird and wrong to ‘celebrate’ or be happy about the growth of an account that is centered around death/loss and grief because the reality is that it means so many people have experienced loss themselves or need that kind of content. And truthfully I wish nobody had to know the pain of loss, but that’s just not the way life works.”

Three years into her journey on Instagram, Julia continues to craft and curate content inspired by her grief, thereby imbuing her loss with new significance. Quoting David Kessler, she expresses, “Loss is what happens to you in life.

Meaning is what you make happen.” The meaning lies not in the loss itself but in the actions we undertake thereafter. For Julia, this entails sharing her story, writing, and openly discussing grief in its various forms.

When Get Griefy asked Julia what’s next for her, she shared “I want to write a book if I can ever overcome the sheer overwhelm of that undertaking and I have some podcast interviews on the horizon. I just want to keep sharing and writing and talking openly about grief in whatever forms that may take.”

As of date of publication, her work has been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul, The Mighty, The Manifest-Station, and many local publications. She has been featured in many podcasts, and most recently, had a profile piece written about her in Bold Journey Magazine.

To learn more about Julia and her work, visit her Instagram @girl_meets_grief or check out her website linktr.ee/girl_meets_grief.

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PORTRAITS OF GRIEF TRAIL BLAZERS D R .

J U L I E

Hello I’m Grieving

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S H A W

Dr. Julie Shaw Dr. Julie Shaw is a woman of many hats, passions, and pursuits. Her journey began as a college and professional basketball player, and she continued her athletics career by coaching at the collegiate level for nearly 15 years. She shares that education and sports have been central to her endeavors. Subsequently, she worked as the director of education for tennis legend Billie Jean King's organization, The Women’s Sports Foundation. Alongside her various roles, she has served as a professor and currently ventures as an entrepreneur, co-founding Lead Different Consulting. In this capacity, she coaches and aids leaders globally across various industries in leadership development, DEI, wellness, and grief education.

However, it was the mental gymnastics of grief and loss that led her to her most recent and impactful pursuit: 'Hello, I’m Grieving.' This outlet encompasses grief education events, a podcast, and a social community online. The catalyst for this initiative was the death of her best friend and sister in 2020 to lupus.

Julie shares that the commonly used phrase, “speak even though your voice shakes,” is what propels her to advocate for the grief community.

She elaborates, “I wanted to transfer all the skills I developed in my athletics and professional career into the grief space and offer unique voices and perspectives. Also, identifying as a Black and Filipino woman who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I understand the importance of representation.”

And important she is—her voice resonates with over 6,000 Instagram followers and podcast listeners. She reflects that initially, she found it challenging to write about her sister’s death, let alone speak about it. However, after undergoing grief educator training under the guidance of David Kessler, she gradually gained confidence.

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Reflecting on her social media journey, she says, “When I started my account, I didn't tell anyone about it and noticed how it began to grow. Most importantly, I saw the influx of messages and how comfortable people were in sharing their stories with me.”

This experience emboldened her to share more about her grief journey through captions, and posts, and eventually laid the foundation for creating “Hello, I’m Grieving” and the podcast.

When asked about her goals for the podcast and community, Julie expresses her desire for people to learn, resonate, and become curious about their grief. “I hope they also share these lessons and ideas. Sharing with others is an act of courage to not only share what you are learning about grief but also invite people into your world so they can learn how to best support you.”

Julie is seen as a trailblazer, yet she emphasizes that not everyone needs to embark on a similar path. “You don’t have to transform your grief into a project! I want people to know that sometimes this can add more stress and pressure, delaying the processing of grief.” She advocates for ditching comparisons and focusing on activities that bring joy and aid in healing.

Looking ahead, Julie reflects, “If grief and death have taught me anything, it is that nothing is permanent, and life takes its course.” Today, she is currently transitioning into her role as a full-time grief coach (specializing in working with high performers and athletes), with plans to host an annual signature event. Additionally, she feels compelled to address the grief of infertility, especially within the LGBTQ+ community, drawing from her own unique experiences. Julie ends with this, “it's been amazing to think about where my grief has taken me and humbling to envision where it will take me.”

Julie’s Podcast is available whereever you listen to your podcasts.

Her merch is available on her website, helloimgrieving.com Follow her on Instagram @helloimgrieving

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PORTRAITS OF GRIEF TRAIL BLAZERS B A R R I L E I N E R G R A N T

The Memory Circle

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Barri Leiner Grant What unfolds when you blend the energy and charisma of a style icon, the empathy of a compassionate friend, the wisdom of a shaman, and the sorrow of a grieving daughter? The answer is Barri Leiner Grant, the driving force behind The Memory Circle. Transitioning from her roles as a publicist, journalist, and media personality to a grief guide, Barri transcends the conventional perception of grief. Her journey began in the heart of New York City, where the frenzy of Fashion Week reigned supreme, (a sentiment understood by fellow fashion enthusiasts) where Barri spearheaded her own boutique fashion and beauty firm. Later, after a move to Chicago, Barri jumped into the quintessential media landscape of the windy city, with stints at renowned institutions like the Chicago Tribune, Chicago Magazine, and WGN. The trajectory of Barri's life shifted dramatically in 1993 when her mother, Ellen, passed away suddenly from a brain aneurysm while enjoying a day at the beach with her bag of Santa Rosa plums.

Recalling the intense waves of grief that followed this profound loss, Barri felt compelled to carry on, returning to work within weeks. In a culture that often prioritizes busyness and the illusion of normalcy over the depths of grief, she initially internalized the belief that defining herself by her mother's death would only disappoint her mother’s legacy.

Yet, as Barri would later discover, the truth about grief is multifaceted. In 1994, she stumbled upon Hope Edelman's iconic work, "Motherless Daughters," a revelation that shattered her sense of isolation and validated her need to mourn.

Edelman's words served as both a lifeline and a roadmap, guiding Barri through the labyrinth of her grief and connecting her with a community of kindred spirits. Inspired by this newfound sense of belonging, Barri embarked on a journey of selfdiscovery, seeking solace in yoga, meditation, and the transformative power of communal healing. little Barri and her mom, Ellen

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After obtaining certifications in yoga and meditation, Barri started leading peer grief groups and motherless circles, providing a safe space for individuals going through similar experiences of loss. Building on this foundation, she expanded her expertise by acquiring certifications and insights from prominent figures in the field of grief, ultimately becoming a fully qualified Grief Educator and Coach. Her training included participation in courses by Dora Carpenter, David Kessler’s inaugural Grief Educator cohort, completion of Claire Bidwell Smith’s Conscious Grieving Certification, and collaborative training on a Motherless Daughters with Claire and Hope Edelman.

Driven by the collective need for healing, she expanded her offerings, ultimately birthing her grief baby: The Memory Circle. Through grief support groups, one-on-one coaching sessions, Write to Heal workshops and retreats, Barri cultivates a nurturing space for individuals to honor their grief, embrace their stories, and find solace in shared experiences.

She attributes her griefy success with social media to the pandemic and the audio app The Clubhouse. Reflecting on the experience, she recalls, "Over 5k people became part of a group that responded to my very first room and query 'How Is Your Grief Today?”. Being seen and heard in grief is essential for processing. The community support and conversations underscored the loneliness and the great need for connection. And that's how The Memory Circle grew." Now, she can also be found on Instagram and Facebook, where she spills the truth about grief and shares the most up-to-minute resources and inspiration.

We asked Barri how it feels to be considered a trailblazer, and she reflected with us, "I've always been the girl who opens doors when I find them. From experiencing miscarriage and mother loss to navigating divorce, dating in my 40s, dealing with menopause, and emptynesting – my writing and vulnerability have sparked curiosity and fostered community. I always say, I am a hope dealer!"

As a hope dealer, Barri reflects on finding meaning as one of the most profound aspects of processing her grief, emphasizing that it can take various forms, including memory-making and envisioning a future where loved ones are still present. For Barri, ‘dealing hope’ also means collaboration. She advises, "If you're looking to learn and grow in this space, collaborate! I've recently teamed up with Kelsey Sawyer, a movement therapist, to combine somatics and writing. I also proudly work with and for author and grief therapist, Claire Bidwell Smith and collaborate with other therapists and leaders in the grief space, including Hope Edelman and Megan Riordan Jarvis, and Gina Moffa, who have helped me and inspired me to do this work full-time."

Closing the discussion with thoughts on what her late mother, Ellen, would think of her career change as a grief guide, coach, and community builder, Barri shares an encounter with a medium, Cindy Luffred of Revealing Soul. She recounts her mother's wholehearted support for The Memory Circle, believing that all the PR, reporting, and writing were in service of this work. Barri recalls her mother's parting words during the reading: "Don't make it sad." True to her mother's advice from beyond, Barri's work is bittersweet, carrying a joyful and hopeful promise of a better tomorrow for all who grieve. With every ladybug, and angel number “444” appearing across her path, she knows her mom is beaming with joy. Barri ends with this simple sentiment, “Being seen and heard in grief allows for the witnessing we all deserve.”

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To learn more about Barri’s offerings, visit her website thememorycircle.com and follow her on instagram @thememorycircle

PORTRAITS OF GRIEF TRAIL BLAZERS C H E L S E A O H L E M I L L E R

Hope and Harsh Realities

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Chelsea Ohlemiller Chelsea Ohlemiller (pronounced Chel-suh) is like many young moms in America—she loves coffee, enjoys romance, collects books, and cheers for America's team, Roll Tide! However, there's something about her that sets her apart. Chelsea embodies bravery by wearing her heart on her sleeve, especially when discussing grief and loss, with an authenticity that shines through.

She stands among others as a pillar of mother-loss support in the grief community, using her platform, @hopeandharshrealities. This journey began for her in 2017 when her mom died and when Chelsea finally acted on her mother's long-standing encouragement to share her writing with the world.

Chelsea confesses, “I never listened until she passed.

Suddenly I felt an urge to write and make her proud.

Taking her advice is one of the best decisions I’ve made. I only wish I’d have listened sooner.”

Now, seven years later, Chelsea's work has been published on various platforms, blogs, and books.

Aside from her personal blog, you can find her narratives in “Her View from Home”, “Love What Matters”, and “Scary Mommy”, and she has essays featured in two “Chicken Soup for the Soul” collections, as well as the national bestseller “So God Made a Mother.” As of August 2024, her story will be on bookshelves nationwide in her first book, "Now That She’s Gone: A Daughter’s Reflections of Loss, Love & a Mother’s Legacy."

We asked Chelsea about her hopes and what she wanted to accomplish with this journey, and she shared, “My only original goal was to express my emotions, my pain, and try to move forward to heal and honor my mother’s legacy.” Adding, “This process has helped me feel less alone. It’s helped me process my grief while having a community that shares the experience. It has helped me provide myself with the grace and patience to understand this is a lifelong pursuit and not something I’ll win or fully overcome.”

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As Chelsea lays the groundwork for others beginning this grief journey, she reflects that while some may find inspiration in her work, she does not see herself as a “leader.” “I see it as we all walk together. We all hold pain, grief, trauma, and more, and while we hold a specific and unique experience, we hold it together, knowing others are right beside us, holding their own struggle, but still surviving.” She views this experience as a group effort, and we use our stories to empower others to tell theirs.

When asked what advice she would give to those who want to tell their story, Chelsea encourages them to write from the heart without fear. “ The more vulnerable and real they are, the more others will relate.” She advises. "Their raw honesty and truth-telling about grief, though it feels like sandpaper on their soul sometimes, will eventually become the salve that helps them and so many others heal."

Our interview concluded with Chelsea's final thoughts, “The more we talk about grief and loss, the more we empower others to do the same. The more we say the names of those taken too soon, the more we honor their legacies and keep their memory alive.“

To learn more about Chelsea and her new book visit her website hopeandharshrealities.com

Follow her on instagram @hopeandharshrealities

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PORTRAITS OF GRIEF TRAIL BLAZERS B E T H

G O S H O W

Daughters Without Moms

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Beth Goshow In the early months of 2020, just before the world shut down, Beth Goshow found herself as the sole survivor of her family of origin. Her mother had passed away when Beth was just 13 years old. Later in life, she experienced a double loss with the death of her father when she was 48, followed by the death of her only sibling, her sister, at the age of 49. As the world retreated to their homes, Beth also withdrew, taking time to reflect on life, death, and grief.

“It left me with more time to think and process my own grief. I realized I’d never truly grieved my mom. I took an online course to help determine my purpose, and the podcast emerged from these reflections. I wanted people to feel comfortable sharing their grief instead of bottling it up,” Beth shared with the magazine.

With this passion project written in the stars, Beth, a wife, event coordinator, and mother of three, embarked on her journey to open up the world of Mother loss to hundreds, and now thousands in her community, providing a space for them to share their stories of losing their moms and how it has affected them. She knew she wasn’t the only one feeling this loss, and knew it was something that needed to be discussed with the mass of those living with mother loss, and other losses as well. Reflecting on her goals, she expressed, “It’s funny to look back at the beginning. I think my biggest goal was to give people a chance to share their stories. So many times, we're unable to talk about our experiences and our loss because it makes people uncomfortable. Or our families choose not to talk about it. Or our culture prevents us from discussing it. I realized how cathartic it was for me to simply talk about it.

People always thank me for this community, but I’ve realized how important it has been to my own grief journey and healing. I wanted to provide that opportunity for others as well.”

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We asked Beth if she noticed any commonalities between the over 150 motherless daughters she has interviewed, and she shared this, “Many times if the daughter is the only female in the remaining family, she will feel the need to take on the maternal role and be the “glue” that holds everything together. Many women who experienced early mother loss became very high-functioning since they were thrown into an adult-type situation. I’ve also heard many share feelings of guilt and regret about things they “should have” done while their mother was alive.”

Now into her 4th season of the hit, 5-star-rated show, Beth expressed how important talking about grief is. We asked her what she would tell her early self, and she revealed this, “Initially, I think I felt very isolated (literally and figuratively) and alone, even though I had a great support system around me. I would tell her that it’s okay to not have everything figured out and that showing up messy is better than not showing up at all. I’m so glad I didn’t let my type A personality get in the way of starting the podcast scared and not completely planned out.”

We couldn’t agree more; her resource and calming presence have touched countless lives, and it is what the world needs more than ever: a safe place to share stories of human commonalities and supportive care for life’s hardest trials and tribulations. We end with her advice for the grief community who seek to apply their pain to purpose, and she expressed this beautiful sentiment, “To those who have decided to transform their grief into a project, don’t get overwhelmed by the number of people already in the grief space! I realized that each person brings different perspectives and gifts, and there is room for everyone. Keep showing up; the world needs what you have to offer!”

To learn more about Beth and her Podcast, visit her website yourgriefjourney.com and follow her on Instagram @daughterswithoutmoms Her Podcast is available wherever you listen to your podcasts!

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WHEN IT’S NOT ALL SMILES DENTIST PARUL DUA MAKKAR’S

TALE OF FAMILY, CANCER, AND RESILIENCE

BY KIMBERLY KOLAND

As a dentist, Dr. Parul Dua Makkar dedicated her life to caring for others' oral health, striving to bring smiles and comfort to patients. However, behind her reassuring demeanor and steady hands lies a personal story of profound loss. She experienced the heart-wrenching pain of losing her brother, Dr. Manu Dua to cancer, a battle that consumed the family. Life got suddenly interrupted.

Growing up with a younger sibling, it was unexpected for both to become dentists. For many years, with thriving practices, they lived out their dreams serving their patients. However, just shy of his 33rd birthday, Dr. Manu Dua noticed a lesion on his tongue. The lesion turned out to be cancer, not caused by tobacco use. A delayed biopsy revealed the extent of the disease, resulting in the loss of half of his tongue and a graft to remove lymph nodes to check for cancer spread. He chose not to undergo chemotherapy initially. By April 2020, a growth appeared on his neck. This time, he opted for chemotherapy and radiation. As Dr. Dua's health declined, he sold his practice to focus on healing. The COVID-19 pandemic compounded the family's challenges, making travel nearly impossible and isolating him from friends and his sister, Dr. Makkar. Thankfully, their parents retired to care for him and take him to appointments.

All this was occurring during the time of COVID precautions which resulted in closed borders making traveling near impossible and creating for him a cancer journey void of friends, soul restoration, and travel. Additionally, not allowing Dr. Dua Makkar, his sister easy access to visitation. Gratefully, his parents were able to take full retirement to help out Dr. Dua and take him to appointments.

Dr. Dua now knew time wasn’t promised. He knew that death was imminent, and although he was doing well with chemo, during his second surgery in April, they saw a mass on his lung, and seven months later, scans showed that it grew 4 times the size. He went into a failure to breathe in December of 2020, they found fluid in his lungs, and the cancer had spread to his lung lining, making lung removal impossible.

It was tough on the whole family and for Dr. Dua Makkar, the need to visit her brother across the border in Canada became paramount. To make this grave trip, she had to wear a mask, take as many precautions as possible, and ask for a compassion release document which was a long process that needed to be signed off by doctors. She was able to be with her bother, a formerly active healthy male who now couldn’t walk, who was a shell of his former self. They both knew death was knocking on the door and they didn’t want to open it. When he was admitted to isolation for two weeks, doctors advised him to make end-of-life decisions.

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Dr. Manu Dua had tried his best since his initial diagnosis to shield his family from pain by not sharing so much information about his health. He did share with his sister, Dr. Dua Makkar that the blogs he had been working on were something that he wanted published after his death.

In February of 2021, she had found a publisher for his blogs and though her brother wanted to keep writing, the cancer was spreading throughout his body. He had swelling

in

his

leg

and

had

trouble

breathing. Dr. Parul wanted to return to Canada to visit in March, but it would require the ghastly process of entering Canada

during

COVID

restrictions.

Nevertheless, it was vital to return and by the time her mother told her she needed to come, a PCR test was needed to fly out. She let her brother lovingly know that she was trying to come, but if he had to leave this world, she would understand.

By Sunday March 14th, his organs were shutting

down.

Dr.

Dua

Makkar

was

constantly on the phone trying to get to Canada. She got an expedited PCR test and booked a flight for the next day. She was hopeful she would be able to see him but, he passed Sunday night.

As she looked around her brother's home, she noticed the dental magazine he was featured in. She opened up his laptop and with all the love in her heart, she set her compass toward publishing his writing. She created

a

book

with

his

writing,

Life

Interrupted: Dr. Dua’s Survival Guide. The book

has

gone

on

to

recieve

notable

accolades including, the 2024 American Legacy Book Awards in Health-Cancer, the 2024

International

Impact

Book

Awards

Winner in Death and Dying Grief (Grief and Bereavement),

the

2023

Distinguished

Favorite by NYC Big Book Award and 2022 CIPA

EVVY

Gold

Award

Winner

in

Motivational/Inspirational, Bronze Memoir.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

Since the loss of her brother and his celebration of life which was put on hold due to COVID, Dr. Dua Makkar has been working hard to fight the stereotype and cultural norms in grief as well as make meaning out of the mess that grief spaces create. It has been challenging to live in a world that continues on and on when you feel like your world has fallen apart.

This

is

why

she

created

the

“Life

Interrupted Podcast”. There she was able to talk with his closest friends as well as medical

staff

to

have

an

informed

discussion. She is also the thought leader behind “Dua Good Job” symposium on oral cancer. She became an advocate for oral

cancer

bringing

education

and

awareness to others as cancer knows no boundaries. Men are higher at risk. She also has become an advocate for men’s health as so many studies show that the male gender does not practice routine visits for medical or dental reasons.

Her hopes and dreams for others are that they would be well aware of the signs and symptoms of cancer. Cancer has no bar. It affects everybody and anybody.

She also hopes that people fight for themselves. If something is wrong with you, find answers. She recommends that you go and get your regular check-ups done.

Learning

to

self-advocate

and

keeping dental appointments is crucial to screenings and early detection.

This tragedy has deepened her empathy and

commitment

to

her

patients,

reminding her daily of the fragility of life and

the

importance

of

compassion.

While she continues to navigate the complexities

of

grief,

her

brother's

memory fuels her passion for making a positive impact on those she serves.

Learn more about Parul, her symposium, the book and her advocacy work by visiting www.parulduamakkar.com and follow her on Instagram @duagoodjob

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Are You a Good Griever?

A life-changing coping skill for loving and letting go.

By Amanda McKoy Flanagan, LMSW 2018. The year I unconsciously set out on the most transformative period of my life. It was the same year I lost my brother, Jeremy, to the ruthless disease of drug addiction. Ironically and unknowingly, I scheduled an appointment with a grief therapist a week before Jeremy died. A friend had suggested I call Tracy because I was unhappy in my life and felt like it was time to embark on another round of therapy. When I called to cancel my appointment because I would be across the country attending my brothers funeral, she told me she is also a grief counselor.

Uncanny, right?

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The year after my brother’s

Tracy taught me how to embrace people, places, and

death was quite the blur. I’m

events

not sure who said what to

connection, and then release them with a level of

me

few

comfort and ease I had never before been able to do. I

nuggets of wisdom seeped

always held on too tightly to everything: friends, family,

through the heavy blanket of

towns where I lived, memories—these were the basis of

darkness

or

when,

I

but

was

a

in

my

life

with

wholehearted

love

and

suffocating

my identity, so letting them go felt like a core piece of

under, and when I emerged

me was going with them. Interestingly, I kept my

from

of

emotional connection to those people and places at a

hold,

distance, so when they left or that period of time

the

those

deep,

gems

becoming greatest Good

some

took

some

of

my

ended, I would not be crushed. As conflicting at this

skills.

The

tug-o-war of the heart appears, it makes perfect sense

concept

was

when

coping

Griever

one of those nuggets, but

investigating

the

root

cause:

emotional

abandonment experienced in childhood.

unlike the tidbits of wisdom I picked

up

almost

osmosis

during

grief,

know

through

To a child, emotional abandonment from a parent or

my

acute

caretaker equates to death since the caretaker is

exactly

who

responsible for the child’s physical life. Without the

imparted this logical tool to

proper emotional support in place, severe self-doubt

me and when and how it was

about

delivered. It was Tracy, and

Uncertainty about my worth lead to deep emotional

this

life-changing

insecurity. I was also uncomfortable with vulnerability,

for

healing

I

mindset

grief

who

I

am

became

my

guiding

emotion.

was

yet I desperately yearned for a level of emotional

parceled out to me over the

intimacy I would not allow myself to reach. I recreated

span of a year and conveyed

emotional abandonment from childhood even though

with

it was the thing I was most afraid of.

loving-kindness

and

compassion.

I had no idea I was living this way until five months The

basic

the

after my brother died and I attempted to push my

Good Griever idea is similar

husband away. Over months of individual and couples

to

the

essence

Buddhist

of

of

therapy, Tracy carefully revealed the brutal reality of

impermanence which states

the mindset I had cultivated and nurtured for the first

that

38 years of my life. She explained that the reason I

nothing

belief

is

forever,

therefore

we

should

not

become

too

attached

convinced

myself

I

didn’t

love

my

husband

was

to

because the pain of the emotional abandonment from

anything material, including

my brother’s death kicked up feelings of abandonment

people. Instead, we should

from childhood and I felt like I was experiencing my

focus on soul growth. Tracy’s

own death. My husband is older than me and ill from

radical

seemed

his service as a first responder in 9/11, and my beautiful

radical at the time) notion of

(or

what

but very overprotective brain convinced me that he

how to heal my grief closely

was next to die. I went into self-preservation mode; I

resembles

ancient

wanted to remove the unconscious threat to my

philosophy, and it catapulted

physical existence should my husband pass before me.

me into the next dimension

(Oh, psychology…you are just wild!)

this

of spiritual existence.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

Once I was able to comprehend what Tracy was

Life is a cycle of receiving and

telling

toward

letting go. People are going to

unconditional self-worth, self-love, and emotional

come into my life and depart,

security. These were the vital elements needed to

often without my express consent

embrace the love my husband was offering with

—this is a fact. I must become

the assurance that if he does pass before me, I will

proficient

survive because I have a strong sense of who I am.

releasing all beings with a peak

I trust my ability to take care of myself. (I will

level of comfort and confidence

definitely hit the floor like I did when Jeremy died,

or I will find myself back under

but I will eventually get back up and seek the

the

proper help.)

time after time. I’m not saying the

me,

we

began

working

in

heavy

blanket

is

welcoming

blanket folded

of

and

darkness

up

neatly,

Loving, honoring, and nurturing the essence of

relegated to my linen closet for

who I am leads to a deep level of self-trust, and

the remainder of my days. But the

this trust is unshakable; it will always be there no

next time I pull it out it may feel

matter who stays or who leaves. My inseverable

like

connection to Self and to my unfailing spirit is the

comforter.

touchstone

for

trusting

myself

to

never

a

throw

instead

of

a

self-

abandon.

Grief will always be a part of me as I am human with a range of

The

Good

Griever

concept

of

embracing

natural

emotions,

but

I

trust

wholeheartedly with love and releasing with peace

myself enough today to know that

and ease is imprinted on my heart. I practice it

no

almost

leaves, I will always have me. And

daily

in

meditation

while

grieving

relationships, wishes of how I want things to be and

never

will

be,

my

children’s

life

a circle of warm, healing, light energy. The light emanates from the universe and moves into my being as I welcome the person or situation into my I

consciously

create

loving

who

stays

or

who

me is all I need.

stages,

disappointments, the list goes on. First, I envision

heart.

matter

feelings

for

whatever the focus is, merging my loving heart with the focus. We sit together for short while.

Once I feel like I am connected on an intimate level, I start to release. I set the intention that I am okay without the person, place, or situation; I am still secure, whole, and loved. Making sure these feelings are firmly cemented into place, I then imagine a bunch of balloons. I place whoever or whatever inside the balloons and watch them float out to the universe while consciously releasing the people or situation. I conjure up the faith that if they are meant to come back to me, they will, and trust that wherever they need to be, either with me or somewhere else, is for their highest good.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

AMANDA'S AWARD-WINNING BOOK, TRUST YOURSELF TO BE ALL IN: SAFE TO LOVE AND LET GO IS AVAILABLE ON AMAZON AND ON HER WEBSITE, AMANDAMCKOYFLANAGAN.COM. SHE IS AVAILABLE FOR BOOK CLUB ON ZOOM OR IN-PERSON IN THE DENVER METRO AREA. YOU CAN FIND HER ON SOCIALS @AMANDAMCKOYFLANAGAN. CHECK OUT HER PODCAST SOL RISING: ALL IN ON LOVE, LOSS AND CONNECTION EVERYWHERE YOU LISTEN!

Grief on the Big Screen GRANT GARRY OF MEET ME WHERE I AM By: Kera Sanchez However, a part of him recognized the necessity of delving deeper. Following a Grief Coaching certification and enduring a profoundly personal loss at the onset of the pandemic, Grant digests with the magazine the intense anguish that was previously unfamiliar to him. It was this very pain that propelled him towards the creation of the documentary.

Meet the Director behind the highly acclaimed new Grief documentary, out now.

"Meet Me Where I Am" prompts viewers to recognize and embrace the fact that on any given day, over 50% of the population faces a reality where life encompasses both beauty and profound pain.

Directed by Grant Garry, the grief documentary shines light on various aspects of life affected by grief, unfolding perspectives of individuals navigating grief in a society that often lacks understanding.

In today's Get Griefy feature, we delve deeper into the filmmaker's insights and explore the behind-the-scenes tales of this impactful documentary that deserves widespread viewing.

Reflecting on the catalyst for the film, Grant remembers, “I was approached by the NK Foundation. The founder’s son, Nick, tragically died in 2018, and they understood the importance of raising awareness about grief and connected us with many of the folks whose stories appear in the film.” Together the NK Foundation and Grant realized that this subject deserved a film. He explains that although he had explored grief to some extent during college, he had always been intrigued by the human experience of it and maintained an interest in the topic. Grant then reached out to his friend and fellow filmmaker James Slaven, and from that moment, they were committed.

Garry is a multifaceted director who not only excels behind the camera but also thrives on stage and in front of it. He pursued theater arts and earned a degree from Loyola Marymount University.

Furthermore, he has expanded his skill set by studying improv at The Groundlings School and honing his acting craft under the mentorship of renowned figures such as Jason Alexander, Mindy Sterling, and John Rubinstein.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

When asked how they curated such a diverse range of experiences to feature in the film, Grant emphasized the significance of deep connections within the grief community. He shares, “During interviews, individuals would mention others who had influenced their grief journey. I’d inquire, ‘Could you connect us with them for an interview as well?’ This allowed us to delve deeper into these stories.” We agree; the way these stories connected and built off each other added a profound dimension to the film.

We ask Grant what’s next for him, and he closes with this, “I plan to continue making documentaries. Ones where I can sit down with people and have long-form discussions about life, purpose, hope, and meaning.”

AT THE TIME THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN, GRANT WAS STARRING AS “BEAST” IN THE SAN LUIS OBISPO OPERA’S PRODUCTION OF BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.

Soon, they found themselves with over 40 hours of footage, and Grant had his work cut out for him. “Our first cut was nearly 3 hours. People would speak on a subject, and we’d build out a story in that direction. Ultimately, we knew we needed to trim down for the final cut. We wanted the piece to be easily digestible. As a filmmaker, that was a grief of its own because there were stories I very much wanted to include, and due to the runtime, we just couldn't include everything.”

Now, the film is available for public viewing after much anticipation and it has received acknowledgments from critics and film festival viewers alike. Grant attributes the hard work of everyone involved to “The Audience Award for Best Documentary” after the film’s premiere at Dances with Films LA. We ask Grant about his advice for aspiring filmmakers, or for those who are called to express their grief through a creative project, and he shares this, “If you have an idea, move forward with it! It will never come out how you initially envisioned it and that’s okay. It might actually be better. If you work really hard and treat it as if you are changing the world for the better, beautiful things can happen.”

Stream the film now!

To learn more about Grant, his films, or to get in contact with him, please visit: www.grantgarry.com Grant with those involved with the film on the red carpet.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

Follow him on Instagram @grant_garry

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PUTTING PEN TO PAPER

Angie Hanson’s unexpected journey to authorship

Growing up, my parents did not emphasize the importance of reading or encourage me to excel in English or writing classes.

After high school, I became a travel agent, with geography as my top subject. As I married and started a family, my love for books continued to grow. I now have a vast collection that many of my friends borrow from.

But then, tragedy struck. On June 27, 2006, we received the devastating news that our son Garret had died suddenly at the age of one year and six days. My life was turned upside down, and I struggled to navigate my grief. The nights were long and tearfilled, and I turned to journaling. I would write until my tears dried, allowing me to close the journal and fall asleep. Sometimes it was only a paragraph; other times, it was several pages, but it was always healing. Over six months, a year, and the years that followed, my writing became a cathartic process.

During this time, I joined a support group for grieving moms, which included a book study. This group provided the best therapy I could have asked for; we focused on the words of others who had walked our path.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

@butterfliesandhalos

When I was young, I loved to read books. My favorite author was Judy Blume, especially her book "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." I read endlessly, visiting the library each week and selecting a few favorite books from the dark, dusty corners of our small-town library.

Then, another major event occurred: my husband was diagnosed with cancer. We documented his journey on a CaringBridge page to keep our family and friends updated. Both Jack and I wrote entries. After sixteen months, Jack lost his battle, and I continued writing for seven months after his death because it was therapeutic. I received numerous comments suggesting I should write a book. Me? Write a book? I thought they were just being kind to a widow. Then, another tragedy struck: my brother died two months after my husband. I wrote, journaled, and read every book on grief, loss, hope, and faith I could find. I realized I was searching for answers and reasons for my losses, but the answers were within the journals and writings I had created.

I understood that I had been writing a book all along. It was my story, our story, their story. It was a story of resilience, hope, and love. I knew then that I was going to write a book because our stories matter.

The books I read often tried to tell me how to grieve, offering advice that wasn’t always needed or correct. We all grieve differently. I decided my book would focus on the lives of the people who lived, how they died, and how we survived. In my book, you will get to know and love these people as much as I did, and you will grieve their losses just as I did. You will also learn about resilience, hope, dating and remarrying, and how we honor our loved ones. This is my story. My book is not a self-help guide but a narrative of what I did and what worked for me.

When I closed my laptop for the last time after finishing my book, I cried. I cried hard because I had healed a part of myself that I didn’t realize needed healing. I had achieved something I never thought possible, remembering that little girl who loved a good book but never dreamed of writing one. But I did it because I understood the power of words and stories. I understood what Judy Blume did: she shared stories we could see ourselves in.

I would never wish my losses on anyone, but by writing my story, I hope to convey that such a life could happen to anyone. Perhaps you will pick up my book, remember my words, and understand that your story matters and there is healing in the journey. If you are grieving, struggling in life, or feeling lost, start writing your story. It doesn’t have to become a book, but writing your thoughts and feelings is very healing and makes the journey more hopeful.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

About Angie’s Book, Chapters of a Resilient Heart: In life, we all face chapters that test our strength and resilience. Moments of loss and grief can make us feel broken, but it is in these times that we discover our true inner strength and the power of our hearts to endure.

Chapters of a Resilient Heart tells the poignant story of a woman who has endured unimaginable loss. Within three years, she faced the deaths of her son, husband, and brother. Each chapter of her life has been marked by profound pain and sorrow, yet she has found the courage and resilience to keep going.

As we follow her journey, we are reminded of the incredible power of the human spirit to rise above adversity and find hope in even the darkest moments. Her story serves as a testament to the strength within all of us, waiting to be uncovered in times of trial.

Through her resilience and determination, she shows us that even in our darkest days, there is light to be found. May her story inspire you to find strength within your own heart, turn the pages of your own story with grace and fortitude, and emerge from the shadows with a resilient heart.

Visit Angie’s Website to Purchase: butterfliesandhalos.com/products/bookchapters-of-a-resilient-heart or check it out on Amazon!

Grief is Ghetto With Charniah Wilson

By: Kera Sanchez

While doom-scrolling through the curated perfection that is Instagram and TikTok, swiping past videos filled with perfectly timed dances, fashion hauls, and beautifully planned and picturesque vacation vlogs, there is one voice that refuses to be glossed over: that of Charniah Wilson, the creator behind Grief is Ghetto.

Charniah, a visionary, creator, and entertainer, is the founder of the brand Grief is Ghetto, born after her boyfriend Ken Warren passed away on February 12, 2021. Reflecting on the initial shock of losing her partner, Charniah found herself engulfed in a whirlwind of overwhelming grief and sadness, emotions she had never before encountered, yet she knew she wasn’t going to let it keep her down. She shares, “But Ken always believed in my talent and my creativity. He always pushed me to share my art with the world, so I channeled that grief into something positive; helping you find your way out too. We’re all in this together, because this shit is GHETTO!” Her way of coping with grief involves creating videos and content that blend raw emotion with humor. In doing so, she not only navigates her own journey but also aims to inspire and uplift others.

Wilson admits, “My followers are searching for someone to understand their grief and articulate what they are unable to say. Most of them tell me that my content makes them feel ‘seen’, which is the ultimate goal for the brand.”

Check out Cha’s content on Insta @cwilson_06 and @charniahwilson on TikTok Delving deeper into this concept, we ask Cha why she believes it's necessary to show up with authenticity, and she expresses, “My content needs to portray grief in its raw, unfiltered state so my followers know that my grief is genuine. I don't just speak about grief, I am grieving. My content is an extension of my own grief. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable to record myself and have to pause to cry or have a panic attack, but at the end of the day, the work must continue!”

Wilson’s creative outlet extends beyond grief videos and reflections on random thoughts about life; she also offers a line of merchandise that she releases in waves. Sharing her future plans with Get Griefy, she says, “I do plan to expand so merchandise can be available all year long. I'm also working on a book.”

As Wilson continues to weave her artistry through the tangled threads of grief, she stands as a testament to resilience, creativity, and the unyielding power of love. So, let us embrace the rawness, find solace in shared experiences, and remember that, undeniably, "this shit is GHETTO"—but together, we can find beauty even in the grittiest corners of our grief-stricken hearts.

“There are people in this world who will try to put your grief on a time limit or minimize your grief...both are trash!”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

BEST LIFE Best Death

Diane Hullet’s thoughts on both By: Kera Sanchez

Diane Hullet believes the key to living your best life is embracing the fact that it will eventually end. As a death doula, creative, and podcaster, she shares with Get Griefy what it means to live her best life with the end in mind, incorporating lessons from her conscious understanding of our finite time here.

Originally from Michigan and now residing in Boulder, Diane is a Midwest gal at heart. She holds a Master’s in Education and several certificates, including Conscious Dying Coach and Educator from the Conscious Dying Collective, with additional training from the Centre for Sacred Deathcare.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

Diane reflects on her unconventional career path, stating, “I have always felt a call towards endof-life work, but never knew what that might exactly mean. My training and background are in education, so finding that I could combine a love of teaching with my open relationship with traditionally ‘heavy’ topics such as death and loss has been a natural midlife career change.”

She credits Dr. Sarah Kerr, a Canadian death doula and end-of-life educator, for inspiring her with the concept of the “Archetype of the Deathwalker.” Diane explains, “The moment I heard that terminology, it resonated with me as the right description of my purpose.” Kerr describes this archetype as someone who feels a subtle but persistent sense that death is part of their life’s work, drawn to the spiritual and energetic aspects of death rather than the medical and logistical, and interested in transformation rather than information.

With this new understanding, Diane pivoted from her career in education to the art of ending well.

Armed with her training and certifications, she felt prepared but overwhelmed about where to start. Her brother suggested starting a podcast. Intrigued, Diane explored the idea, and now, after over 150 episodes, her podcast has been a success. Diane shares, “The Best Life Best Death podcast combines so many things that I enjoy: having meaningful conversations, putting key information out into the world, synthesizing the things that guests have to say, and amplifying the message that conversations about death make a difference.”

Diane also offers a newly launched online course titled “What Truly Matters.” She describes the syllabus as both a practical planning tool and a reflective, transformative experience. The selfpaced coursework provides a step-by-step approach to understanding mortality, impacting not only participants’ understanding of death but also—perhaps more importantly—how they perceive their lives.

In embracing the finite nature of our existence, Diane teaches us that the end is not something to fear, but a powerful reminder to cherish every moment. Her work is a testament to the engaging power of facing our mortality with openness and courage, ultimately leading us to live our best lives, right until the end.

To learn more about Diane, her courses, podcast and offerings visit her website, www.bestlifebestdeath.com and keep up with her on Instagram @bestlifebestdeath GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

PURSES OF PURPOSE: A bereaved mother’s journey to style the world with support WRITTEN BY: KERA SANCHEZ

Kindness, compassion, and support never go out of style, and for Rebecca Guerrero, neither does the legacy of her son, Ollie that she carries close to her heart. The Cuban-American, social butterfly and fitness enthusiast has also seamlessly integrated her passion for fashion with her commitment to philanthropy.

In March of 2020, Rebecca experienced every parent's worst nightmare—the tragic drowning of her toddler son, Ollie. Reflecting on the profound impact Ollie had on her life, she recalls, "I never felt stronger and more loved as a woman than when I became a mom to Ollie." This strength, cultivated through motherhood, fortified her to endure the loss: "I believe my journey as a mother made me more resilient and better equipped to face his passing."

Though she longs for Ollie's embrace and his endearing calls of "Mama," Rebecca has chosen to focus on what she can do rather than dwell on what she cannot.

"The day after we returned home from the hospital without Ollie, I went for a walk and made a promise to him that I would honor his memory through service to others," she recalls. "I vowed to alleviate the suffering of families in similar circumstances, sparing them the anguish we endured." True to her word, Rebecca founded Ollie’s Footprint, a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting families with children in intensive pediatric care. By offering financial assistance, Ollie’s Footprint enables families to prioritize their child's well-being without the burden of overwhelming medical expenses. Rebecca explains, "Through strategic financial aid, we aim to transform lives by granting access to essential medical treatments and resources, instilling hope, and empowering families to navigate their journey with confidence."

Driven by her commitment to this cause, Rebecca has found a creative outlet to fulfill her promise with flair. In addition to leading Ollie’s Footprint, she heads Stella + Luna, a boutique offering beautifully crafted handbags from Colombia. Rebecca's fondness for Colombian culture, cultivated during her time living there with family and Ollie, inspired her to bring these vibrant pieces to the United States.

Proceeds from the sale of these handbags contribute to Ollie’s Footprint, furthering its mission of support.

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Reflecting on her journey of grief and the role of social media, Rebecca acknowledges its dual nature. "I recognize social media as a double-edged sword, having experienced its pitfalls of comparison and distraction," she shares. "However, I strive to leverage it as a tool for connection, offering inspiration and hope through our story." Through this platform, Rebecca has found solace in connecting with other mothers and fostering a supportive community.

As we close our discussion, Rebecca emphasizes the power of choice in navigating the aftermath of losing a child. "Losing a child alters the fabric of who you are," she reflects. "Yet, amidst the pain, there is a choice—to allow the loss to define you negatively or to seek meaning and blessings within it." Choosing to honor her son's life and embrace joy, Rebecca exemplifies resilience and purpose, demonstrating that love transcends physical boundaries, enduring eternally even in the absence of its physical manifestation.

To learn more about Rebecca, Ollie’s Footprint and Stella + Luna Boutique Visit www.stellaandlunaboutique.com and follow her on Instagram @rebeccaelenag @stellaandlunaboutique

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r e v e r u F d e r e b m Remmepassionate a co t lo s s e p o t e d i gu

By: Kera Sanchez

Losing a beloved pet can indeed be incredibly challenging, and it's something many pet owners will inevitably face. Get Griefy is learning from the “pets-perts”— Lauren Seeley and Melinda Ramos and getting an inside scoop on their valuable insights and advice on navigating the grief that comes with losing a furry, feathered, or scaly friend.

LAU RE N Lauren Seeley is a certified Death Doula and an aqua cremation specialist. She collaborates with Paws-At-Peace, a home euthanasia service. In this role, she focuses on creatively soothing the grief process for pet owners and fostering spiritual connections with their pets.

Additionally, she serves as the facilitator for the Silent Book Club of Death in Brooklyn.

Melinda Ramos is a California Licensed Embalmer, Funeral Director, Crematory Manager, Pet Death Doula and Griever. She the also the founder of The Mourning Pug, small store where she sells her art in the form of stickers, totes, pins, keychains and prints.

She is also the founder of “The Pet Griever’s Club” a community of folks who are grieving the loss of their beloved pets.

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A IND L E M

WHAT ARE SOME HEALTHY WAYS TO MEMORIALIZE AND HONOR A DEPARTED PET'S MEMORY? Melinda and Juelz

MELINDA’S THOUGHTS: “If you know your pet is going to die, hold a Living Funeral or early birthday celebration for them so family and friends can come to say goodbye and celebrate a life well lived.

If your beloved pet has died, plan a Funeral Service at your home or park. I created a DVD, memorial folders, funeral playlist, portrait, floral arrangements and invited folks over to celebrate Eli (her late Pug). We had food, drinks and music.

Donate to your local animal rescue. Eli was rescued from Pug Nation Rescue of Los Angeles and I make sure to donate every year in his honor or hold fundraisers.”

Melinda’s late Pug, Eli GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR PET OWNERS WHO ARE STRUGGLING WITH FEELINGS OF GUILT OR REGRET SURROUNDING THEIR PET'S PASSING?

LAUREN’S SENTIMENTS: “I think the fact that we have these feelings shows us both that we are human, and that we felt such a great love for our pet. It is very normal to feel guilt or regret but what should be reiterated throughout the healing process is the most important fact: You loved them deeply. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t feel grief. You wouldn’t be questioning what more you could have done, or what you could have done differently. You did what you believed was best for them, and that will never change.

They know that, and they can feel that love and sadness you feel for them even on the other side. But we also know that animals love us unconditionally, and they meet us where we are and without judgment. They wouldn't want us to feel like we didn’t do our best by them. They know that you did, and they would want you to feel that love you had for them instead of feeling like you didn’t do enough.”

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HOW CAN PET OWNERS COPE WITH THE OVERWHELMING GRIEF AND SENSE OF LOSS AFTER THE PASSING OF THEIR BELOVED COMPANION?

LAUREN’S SUGGESTIONS: “The only way out is through. We cannot take away grief, but we can find ways of meeting it with love and intention. I recommend many different ways of doing this, of connecting to our pets spiritually after loss. Journaling our feelings, writing poems of love to them, sitting in a place they loved to share with you and speaking to them, telling your loved ones stories about them that make you smile. Sometimes it can feel hard or painful to talk or think about them, but it's important to do. We will always miss them of course, but they are never far if they are alive and present in our hearts. They live on through our memories of them. “

MELINDAS’S IDEAS: “My coping mechanisms were writing a letter to Eli since I felt so much pain and guilt from ending his life. It really helped me pour my feelings into that piece of paper. I felt like a weight was lifted from my chest. Drawing, collaging and painting helped me stay grounded which is how I would describe how Eli made me feel when he was alive. “

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ONCE PER K CLUB MEETS PICS OF O BO ’S EN UR LA NG ON THE TO MONTH READI RTALITY. SHE LOVES TO O UGHTFUL DEATH/GRIEF/M EFUL AND THO RECOMMEND USP GUIDE PEOPLE THROUGH EL BOOKS THAT HR GRIEF JOURNEY. THEI

AS ART. I HAD MECHANISM W OM, ELI AND G N PI O C Y “M YM RES, MELINDA SHA BACK-TO-BACK DEATHS (MY PUG) AND MY M ED I, C EL EN ER RI FT PE BE A EX D 6 MONTHS S MY WAY TO GRANDMA; DIE TAKE IT ALL. DRAWING WAY FEELINGS INTO N’T AN HEART COULD T MOMENT AND RELEASE EVER’S CLUB WERE RI EN G ES T D THE PE IN THE PR COPE” RNING PUG AN MY ART. MOU FROM MY GRIEF AS WAY TO RN BO

Learn more about Lauren, her doula services, and her bookclub by visiting her on Instagram: @ahhsweetdeath @silentbookclubofdeathbrooklyn

LAUREN SHARES TH FROM A PET IS ONE AT “THE LOVE MOST UNCONDITIOOF THE PUREST, LOVE”— WHICH IS NAL FORMS OF WHY TO HELP PEOPLE HO SHE WANTS COMMEMORATE TH NOR AND EIR PETS .

A PET GRIEVER ’S C GET TOGETHERLUB

Learn more about Melinda, her products and services, and Pet Griever’s club by visiting her on Instagram: @mourningpug

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Breathing New Life

Laing Rikkers' Path from Loss to Legacy in OSA Awareness and Healing Arts By: Kera Sanchez

Laing Rikkers is a NYC transplant now settled in the serene landscapes of Southern California. She is a devoted wife and mother of two college-bound children and has dedicated two decades of her life to the medical device sector.

However, beyond the confines of corporate endeavors, lie the passions that fuel her soul, and tend to her grief.

After the death of her younger sister from OSA (Obstructive Sleep Apnea), a preventable medical condition that affects breathing in sleep, Laing moves forward by finding solace in the simple pleasures of life and raising awareness for the silent adversary that took her sister too soon.

She shares with the magazine what she misses most about her relationship with her sister, “I miss so many things. She was quick-witted and had a dry sense of humor. Her cleverness and insightfulness were fun to be around. I also really miss having someone who just knows. Who knows about family stories, who knows my flaws, who knows how I see the World. That relationship is really hard, maybe impossible, to replace. I still catch myself wanting to call her all the time.”

Laing has also published a book "Morning Leaves." Braiding together the strands of poetry and art, crafting a beautiful tapestry of healing and remembrance. Inspired by the mantra of "Talk It, Walk It, Write It," she invites readers on a journey of introspection and expression, offering a sanctuary for the grieving soul.

Reflecting on this transformative journey, Laing offers counsel to her former self, urging a relinquishment of self-doubt. We acknowledge how hard it must have been for her to put herself and her work out into the world, and she shares, “I think it is important to stay open and vulnerable because in doing so you can continue to learn and also connect deeply with others. It is scary at times, but the benefits are tremendous.”

For Laing, the act of creation serves as a beacon of growth, and healing, illuminating the path towards catharsis and renewal.

Through the mixture of creativity, she transcends the bounds of grief, forging connections for all who know this journey all too well.

Amidst the accolades and triumphs, Laing remains grounded in the memories of her sister, a cherished presence in the fabric of her existence. In her absence, Laing finds solace in the enduring legacy of love and laughter her sister bestowed upon her life. Through her advocacy and artistic endeavors, she hopes to alleviate the burdens of grief and illness, leaving behind a beautiful legacy of hope for generations to come.

Laing’s poetic words and actions invite others to embrace the transformative journey of healing, echoing the refrain of vulnerability and connection that defines the essence of the human experience.

So instead of making a phone call that would never get answered, she dived further into her co-founded business, dedicated to crafting medical devices for OSA treatment, and continued to illuminate the path toward better health for countless individuals. Drawing from her profound personal experience, Laing endeavors to prevent similar heartaches from befalling other families.

To learn more about Laing and her book, please visit www.laingrikkers.com Follow her on Instagram @morning_leaves_and_poetry

PURCHASE HERE:

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

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By: Liz Quinn A Journey Through Grief: Rediscovering Myself After Loss

My dad had been diagnosed with esophageal cancer in October 2017. He underwent chemotherapy and went into remission in March 2018. To my surprise, he handled the chemo well and stayed active. But that summer, everything changed.

We were preparing for our annual trip to Wisconsin when Dad called with bad news.

During a check-up, they found marks in his lungs.

He admitted to feeling exhausted lately. When I arrived in July, I found him curled up on his bed, the house in disarray. Seeing him like that was heart-wrenching.

The next few days were filled with doctor appointments and a biopsy. During the biopsy, his lung collapsed, and he was hospitalized. We started discussing palliative care, and my dad, through tears, admitted he felt like he was dying.

Those moments will forever haunt me. We decided to move him to the same nursing home as my mom, so they could be together.

Heading back to Pittsburgh was agonizing because leaving him made me feel defeated, but also relieved knowing he was safe. Little did I know, that was the last time I’d see him.

On August 6th, the nursing home kept me updated throughout the day. By 6 p.m., his breathing had become shallow, and his fever worsened. Just 20 minutes later, I received the call that shattered my world: my dad had passed away. I felt numb and broken. Informing my brother and sister was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Their grief still echoes in my heart.

Losing my dad felt like losing pieces of myself.

He was a hardworking man who provided for us, even if it meant working long hours and not being home much during my childhood. He loved us deeply. As he aged, he wore his heart on his sleeve and shared his pride with us.

After his death, life felt empty. I was physically present with my family but emotionally distant.

Nights were spent in tears or emotional eating, unable to move forward. My mom, who had Alzheimer's and was in a nursing home, barely remembered much. With Dad gone, updates about her decreased, adding to my sense of loss.

In August 2020, two years after my dad passed, my mom's health declined. The nurses kept us updated but urged us to visit. My brother visited her first. After his visit, he called immediately, urging us to come sooner. My sister and I arrived the next day.

Liz ’s

On August 6th, 2018, at 8 a.m., my phone rang.

The nursing home where my parents lived was calling to inform me that my dad had a fever and was in pain. They assured me they would call the doctor and keep me updated. Initially, I didn’t think much of it, but I appreciated being informed.

ts ren a p

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Mom was in bed, peaceful and still. My sister and I shared stories, memories, and tears with her, hugging her and expressing our love and gratitude. One moment I will never forget is when she tried to hug us back. My mom gave the best hugs. She passed on August 31, 2020, after seeing her children one last time. I truly believe she needed that before she left.

Here are a few steps that helped me rediscover myself:

Losing my mom shattered me in ways I can't explain. Returning home from her death, I felt broken and lost my sense of identity. Without my parents, who were such a significant part of my life, I became unrecognizable, merely going through the motions. Consumed by grief, I struggled to be a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, and even a stranger. The sadness felt safe because it kept their memory alive. I didn't know who I was without them and felt isolated, even with family and friends around. Alone and panicked, I questioned who I could relate to in a world where I was no longer a daughter.

Engage in Meaningful Activities: Continuing activities that brought me joy, like hobbies or volunteer work, gave me a sense of purpose.

Grief became a defining part of me, shaping my identity and forcing me to confront my deepest fears and vulnerabilities. Instead of letting it consume me, I allowed myself to grieve, creating space to acknowledge my feelings, even when painful. This process led to self-reflection, causing shifts in my self-perception. I saw myself as an orphan, a label that bore witness to my pain but overshadowed other aspects of my identity.

Reflect on Values and Passions: I asked myself what I loved doing before my loss and what values were most important to me. Reconnecting with these helped me see beyond my grief.

Find a Community and Seek Support: I found a supportive group of women on a similar wellness journey. Sharing our experiences reminded me I was more than my grief.

Give Yourself Grace: I learned it's okay to identify with my loss while exploring other facets of myself.

Find Strength in Faith: My relationship with God offered comfort and a sense of identity, reminding me of a higher purpose and hope beyond earthly pain.

Grief is not linear, and rediscovering oneself after loss is a complex process that unfolds over time.

Each day brings growth, healing, and a deeper understanding that love and loss are intertwined, and honoring both is essential for healing.

Understanding that this shift was normal in the grieving process helped me honor my feelings while recognizing that my identity was multifaceted. Taking control of one aspect of my life, I embarked on a wellness journey. This decision wasn't about weight loss or health but about reclaiming a sense of self beyond my grief.

It allowed me to see myself as more than someone who had lost her parents, honoring and embracing my emotions.

Liz Quinn is a regular contributor to Get Griefy, and the host behind Healing Hearts Podcast.

You can find her on Instagram @healing_hearts_wellness.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

Dead-min

Legacy tools By: Kera Sanchez

Explore the administrative tasks associated with death and dying, and discover the thought leaders who are creating innovative tools to ease the pain during these difficult times.

Meet Noelle Kimble McEntee and Ciara Lister, Esq. from Legado & Tripp and Jess Tillery from The DeadBook

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Legado

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The convenience of online estate planning with the personalized support of an attorney.

In 2022, Noelle’s uncle unexpectedly died without an estate plan. As she watched her family struggle with the administrative tasks that accompany a death, she quickly realized they were not alone in this difficult situation, which often leads to disagreements and familiar conflicts. Noelle learned that 59% of men and 72% of women lack an estate plan, with even lower rates in BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ communities.

Noelle shared with the magazine, “I was heartbroken to know that on the worst day of someone’s life, when they should be focusing on grieving, they’re frequently handed a part-time job of settling an estate.” Shortly thereafter, she met her business partner, Ciara Lister, an estate planning attorney.

In early 2023, the two women combined forces to tackle this enormous problem together.

The duo created Legado, a virtual tool that combines the advantages of a law firm with the convenience of an online legal service. Their current offerings include a comprehensive revocable living trust-based estate plan with a pour-over will. This setup helps protect assets from probate, better provides for dependents, and ensures greater control and privacy. Legado’s current package costs $2,500 and includes a full set of documents and resources to put a plan in place, in addition to a virtual meeting with an attorney.

We asked Noelle for a piece of advice about legacy planning that everyone should know.

She shared, “This is the greatest last gift you can give your family.

People procrastinate because it doesn’t feel urgent, but without an estate plan, you’ll make things so much worse for your loved ones.”

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Noelle also mentioned that most wills likely end up in probate, costing dependents between 2% and 10% of the total estate and typically taking a year and a half to settle. Hello Legado’s services allow legacy planners to create a trust for their loved ones, ensuring that everything is smoothly passed on, with titles and deeds rolling over to the desired family members and next of kin.

Legado aims to provide an empowering experience that helps users feel confident in their choices by guiding them through topics most don’t understand or think about. Noelle shared, “At the end of the day, if we can help more people grieve in peace and avoid probate, then we’ll have done something right.”

In the short time since co-founding Legado, Get Griefy asked Noelle what she has learned. She concluded with this insight: “Everyone desires to leave a legacy, yet most of us don’t think about it because we feel that we have to be ‘uber rich.’ I challenge everyone to ask the next person they meet what they want their legacy to be and see if that changes the conversation.”

Legado was developed to help their customers explore and protect their legacy, both emotionally and legally, stating, “we’re so much more than just our assets.”

You can get an idea of what they mean by taking their Legacy Quiz.

Learn more about Legado by visiting their Website, hellolegado.com and follow them on social @hellolegado

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The Deadbook T rip p a n d J es

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Estate Planning For The Next Generation CEO and Co-founder Tripp Tillery's mother was a planner.

After spending months sorting through documents and settling her own mother's estate in 2012, she knew it was an experience she didn't want her own son to inevitably go through. She pieced together her lived experience and knowledge, creating a prototype for what would be Jess and Tripp Tillery's brainchild, The Deadbook.

Tripp explains how he learned about the binder stored in his mother's house, "She asked me to stop by the house one day following her mom's death. She took out a standard black one-inch binder and said, 'This is my Deadbook. If anything ever happens to me, this has everything you'll need.' As an only child with divorced parents, I was to be the executor of her estate. We went through the book, and she explained everything. She told me where she was going to keep her Deadbook in the house and would call from time to time to update me on items she changed."

Tripp assumed this wasn't a book he would need for 30-40 years.

Yet, tragically, just days shy of her 63rd birthday, Tripp found his mother collapsed in her kitchen in 2022. Tripp recalls the devastation he felt and how difficult it was to navigate even the simplest tasks during this time of acute grief. The little binder alleviated stress he was bound to feel during this difficult time. "She created it for me out of love, in hopes of making an incredibly difficult time a little bit easier to navigate. It inspired Jess and me to launch The Deadbook to the world and continue that legacy of love by helping others navigate the difficult period after losing a loved one."

Now, the husband and wife duo have fully launched a beautiful and affordable version of the original Deadbook that Tripp's mother had left, hoping to help others organize their affairs for their loved ones.

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The Deadbook provides a framework and guides for people to gather and store all relevant information for the administration of their estate once they're gone and guides users and receivers through the burdensome process of estate administration.

The pair hope to facilitate more conversations about death, what it means for their loved ones, and help guide people on how to best prepare for that day by providing a resource. They also aim to build an online community where they can host conversations around this taboo subject and provide everyone - young and old - with relatable content that also acts as guidance and a resource. "We want to provide our consumers and community with a voice to ask questions, voice their own stories, and tackle this topic head-on with us."

Jessica also shares, "Working together as a husband-and-wife duo is more challenging than people tell you, but it's allowed us to grow immensely and support each other in new ways. It's taught me that people crave, desire, and want connection when talking about death and grief. As the CMO, I will always strive to focus on creating that connection and community for others, no matter where The Deadbook takes us."

When asked what they think everyone should know about legacy planning, the co-founders provide this insight, "The number one reason people don't plan is because 'they'll do it later.' Don't wait. None of us have a crystal ball. By any measure, my mother was due another 20 years on earth, at the least. Luckily, being as organized as she was, she had already completed her legacy planning. Despite the gloomy thought, tomorrow is never guaranteed, and we hear too many stories of families 'breaking up' over an estate."

With The Deadbook in its infancy stage, the pair exclaim that it's just the beginning for them. They would love to learn more from others about how estate planning and settling have occurred for others in the past. "We always welcome feedback, ideas, or personal stories at hello@thedeadbook.co. After all, our community is the backbone of our business, and we want to take their thoughts to heart when creating content or improving our product."

e about Learn mor ook by The Deadb heir visiting t Website, ok.co and o b d a e d e th m on follow the social book.co @Thedead

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HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

GET GRIEFY MAGAZINE

Submit your Product/service today!

Embrace the spirit of healing and self-care this holiday season with Get Griefy's Holiday Gift Guide! We're on the hunt for products that bring joy and comfort—whether you're treating yourself or someone special. Nominate your favorite pick today and be part of our curated collection of goodies that make coping a little sweeter. Let's sprinkle some cheer and positivity with gifts that lift spirits and warm hearts!

One product/service per submission (Only 20 spots available!)

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NAVIGATING GRIEF, ACTING, AND ACTIVISM WITH

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

Reggie Brown pretends to be someone else for a living. Yet, this doesn’t stop him from being one of the most authentic personalities in Hollywood. For years he has spent his time morphing into someone else, and not just anyone, the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama. Reggie has traveled with his comedic Obama act to over 25 countries and has won numerous awards and recognitions. Before he became Obama, he received an Emmy for Outstanding Achievement in Alternate Media/New Media Interactivity as part of Chicago’s NBC5 Street Team in 2008. The year after he took office, he was named Suit Magazine’s Entertainer of the Year in 2010, and in 2012, he became the first presidential impersonator to have a viral video. (Obama Gangnam Style) Reggie has amassed over 1.5 billion online views and has starred in movies, TV shows, international commercial campaigns, and viral videos.

Beyond his presidential look, Reggie’s success is underpinned by his intellect. He has spoken on TEDx stages and founded “Outsmart Racism,” a non-profit organization advocating for the idea that we are all one race: the human race. The group raises funds and awareness through social media and an active online campaign.

Yet, Reggie’s journey to success includes overcoming dark times and sorrow. He sits down with Get Griefy today to discuss the grief he suffered as a child and a racial hate crime he endured at 21, which resulted in his face being broken in three places and requiring reconstructive surgery. We connect the dots between his lingering grief and what makes him so relatable and utterly unstoppable.

Reggie Brown comes from a working-class family in the Chicagoland suburbs. The family consists of the matriarch, Jane; Reggie; his older brother, Lawrence; and his younger siblings, Lewis, Jonathan, and Janeen. A key member of their family, Reggie's stepdad, also named Lawrence, resides in heaven.

They affectionately call themselves "Team Brown" because they function as a team, wholeheartedly supporting and loving each other, fully aware of how delicate life can be.

Reggie reflects with us his earliest memories, “My mom left my biological father when I was 5 years old. As tough as it was for her to do that and raise my older brother Lawrence and me on her own, I know that she made the right decision for all of us at that time. While I didn’t feel the trauma of all that back then, it showed up later in life. I can only imagine what my mom was going through and what she still may carry with her.”

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He confesses he only has a few scattered memories of his biological father, but what he does remember was wanting so badly a father figure to look up to, like his peers. “I always saw my friends with their dads and wanted that same connection.”

Reggie’s wish came true when Jane found the love of her life and introduced her boys to Lawrence Brown. Gradually, Reggie transitioned from calling him Lawrence to Dad. “A good step-parent is very underrated. They take on a lot of responsibility for the love they have for their partner and inevitably grow into a nurturing love for their stepchildren.

He treated us like his own, the good and the bad.”

Reggie reflects with a chuckle on his stepfather’s parenting style, recalling how he got caught by his D.A.R.E. officer in the 4th grade for stealing baseball cards from the local grocery store.

Despite the spanking and punishment, Reggie knew he was loved, and he loved his stepfather in return.

Shortly after Lewis was born, during a family dinner the devastating news was broken to the boys that Lawrence Sr. was diagnosed with Leukemia. Reggie was nine, and would soon witness the father figure he so desperately dreamed of deteriorate.

“He started chemotherapy and we all witnessed him lose his hair, drop weight, have a catheter implanted into the left side of his chest, and go through all the challenges the disease and treatment brought our way.”

Reggie reflects that he didn't realize how difficult things were for everyone in Team Brown until he was older. To him, it was just "normal" life. Now, he appreciates the unparalleled strength his parents demonstrated to keep the family unit running.

The years passed, and Lawrence Sr. went in and out of remission while two more members of the family were born: Jonathan and Janeen. Eight months after his baby sister was born, Reggie received a call to get to the hospital immediately.

Team Brown throughout the years.

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When Reggie and his older brother arrived, he recalls the scene unfolding like a movie. Doctors and nurses rushed in and out of the room while their dad lay in the hospital bed. Reggie heard Mariah Carey’s “Hero” playing and took it as a sign that everything would be okay.

Sadly, it was not. “When they realized he had passed, a nurse took Lawrence and me to a room where they gave us some Fannie Mae candy and pop while my mom stayed crying by the bed.”

Reggie admits that the gravity of his situation didn't hit him until he experienced it with all his senses. "It wasn't until I saw my dad lying in the casket that the weight of everything started to sink in. I hated the way the funeral home smelled—a combination of all the flowers mixed with the haunting scent of embalming fluids. He was buried on the coldest day of the year in January 1994. As the casket lowered into the ground, I remember our family crying and hugging each other to stay warm."

Reggie also lost two childhood friends that same year. Now, as an adult, he reflects on all that he went through. While the support of family, friends, and teachers was valuable, he recognizes that he could have used more qualified help to process the trauma.

“There’s a saying, 'You cannot fix what you will not face,' and by first acknowledging the traumas I went through, I was able to take action to heal myself as an adult.” I always urge my friends to feel and process their feelings and let them flow. Don’t try to hide and cover them up, they don’t just go away. “

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Reggie in action with fellow impersonators.

Reggie shares a significant moment of unearthing grief in his adult life that made him realize he still had much to work through. “One of the most memorable resurfacing of my grief happened when I was preparing to deliver my keynote, 'How I Became the President of The United States,' in Belgium about nine years ago. I was up late in my hotel, La Butte au Bois, going over my slides for the next morning. It was the first time I was going to deliver this keynote, and my audience consisted of very esteemed individuals, including generals, ambassadors, and media members. No pressure, right? When I got to the slide of my dad smiling at the Chicago Auto Show, I broke down. I was sobbing uncontrollably, overwhelmed by thoughts: 'How much was he suffering? What was he thinking as he lost all his hair and watched his body deteriorate? How did my mom raise all five of us on her own after all the hospital visits, while maintaining a full-time job?' It all hit me hard.”

Reggie thought that moment was fleeting, but the next day, while on stage, he got “stuck” at the same spot.

He confesses, “The wave of emotions started pouring over me as I looked up at the screen at my dad’s smile.

I tried to control my breathing, but it didn’t work. I cried in front of the audience for about 30 seconds—it seemed like forever. I remember looking at my agent Maurice Van der Kant’s face in the front row, and he said, 'It’s OK, just breathe.' I got through the rest of my keynote, all the time thinking I had failed.”

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What he actually did was authentically show up for his viewers. At the end of the presentation, he was greeted by a standing ovation and dozens of audience members praising him, saying it was one of the best presentations they had ever witnessed. Reggie quickly realized that authenticity drives human connection.

Watching his performance back, he saw his audience crying with him. “We all have so much more in common than we think in regards to love and loss.”

Reggie now believes in the power of breathwork after attending a breakout session in California led by Chris Keener. Reggie recalls this experience: “Our body holds on to stress and trauma even if our mind forgets or buries it deep. People say breathwork can be like 10 years of intense therapy in one session, and I think they hit the nail on the head. It was so clearing—I was sobbing, laughing, and sweeping out old trauma cobwebs that I didn’t even know were there.”

Reggie is so enamored with the transformative power of breathwork that he plans to become certified in it. His goal is to host his own sessions and guide others to discover the profound benefits he has experienced firsthand.

Beyond his work as "Obama," Reggie wears a variety of other hats. Joking and channeling his best Liam Neeson, Reggie quips, “I have a certain set of skills.” He earned the nickname “The Clipping Crusader” for his renegade-style trimming of overgrown trees and bushes in his Sherman Oaks community and beyond.

Reggie takes ownership of the people and things around him, evident in his passion project, "Outsmart Racism," which is deeply meaningful to him.

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More about Reggie Pictured: Recovery after Reggie’s racial attack on his college campus at the age of 21.

Since 2008, Reggie has been traveling the globe with his multimedia comedy show performed for the worlds top corporations and businesses.

He has been featured in films, commercials, and music videos, most recently in Lil Nas X’s video for J Christ.

To keep up with Reggie and all he is up to, check him out on Instagram @iamreggiebrown

Reggie shares his motivation: “I’ve experienced racism throughout my life—from name-calling and exclusion to enduring a racial hate crime in Champaign at 21, where my face was broken. Ignorance isn’t bliss; it’s infuriating when it comes to this topic. I don’t want anyone to feel what I’ve felt, and I recognize that my experiences were milder than some.

With the abundance of information available today, there's no excuse for clinging to such antiquated and nonsensical mindsets of racism and prejudice.”

To learn more about his nonprofit, Outsmart Racism, visit outsmartracism.com and follow the organization on the ‘gram @outsmartracism

Today, Reggie keeps his dad's memory alive through activism, family bonds, community outreach, and authenticity. He concludes our conversation with a poignant message: “People need to be open and willing to learn. No one lives a fulfilling life as a racist. The world is rich with beautiful people, diverse cultures, and timeless wisdom just waiting to be embraced and explored.” reggiebrownobamaimpersonator.com

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Get Griefy Community Blog is a space for the grief community to share their grief experiences, art, writing and more.

The inspiring, heartbreaking, and everything in between.

A Father’s Grief

Jason Tuttle- Poetry instagram.com/letters2Zachary Jason Tuttle, residing in Newnan, Georgia, a suburb of Atlanta, works in elementary education. He was previously a stay-athome father and medical caregiver for his two children with cognitive and physical disabilities. His 15-year-old son, Zachary, passed away unexpectedly on January 28, 2022, due to complications from his medical conditions. Jason had left his teaching career after nine years to care for his children for 12 years until his son's passing.

His daughter remains medically fragile, though less severely than her brother.

Since Zachary's death, Jason has created an online grief community through his "Letters To Zachary" Facebook page and the "@letters2zachary" accounts on Twitter/X, Instagram, and TikTok. These platforms offer a space for men to express their emotions about loss and for women to understand men's grief. Jason shares his grief journey to help others and encourage men to open up and be vulnerable about their emotions.

A father’s grief.

It must be held inside or it must be brief.

During his great tragedy, society wants him stoic and emotionless.

It would have rather him bury, hide, and divert his feelings… I must confess.

What good is a man who’s meek? What value does a man show being vulnerable and weak?

So, he hides how he truly feels. Won’t tell anyone no matter how hurts or the life from him it steals.

Only will he open up after drowning his feelings in alcohol or beer.

To only his closest and loyal peers, will the secret be let out or will they hear.

They will be sworn to a secret oath under lock and key. Suppress and hide the real me because vulnerability is such a distraction to the family… you see.

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Back to being the foundation on which the family leans when hardship presses.

He must remain cool, calm, and collected when life ramps up the unbelievable stresses.

He gets no outlet to the world for his suffering and pain. Inside him it will always remain.

Bottled up…it starts the process that tears him down. He hides his feelings with a smile because no one wants to see his frown.

So how, to the father, is this fair?

As long as he plays his role and does what he’s told, no one really cares.

Because, let’s face it, society tells us that father’s feelings mean less. It’s sad, but true…I must confess.

Vallen Webb- Blog Post @vallenwebb Vallen Webb lives in Island Lake, Illinois. She is a Perinatal Bereavement Expert, Podcaster, Postpartum and Bereavement Doula and Pregnancy Loss Educator. She shares because it is part of what helps her heal and allows other moms to unapologetically share their stories as well!

She lost her daughter Evelyn, on July 20, 2019 at 40 weeks and 5 days after a perfect pregnancy, while her husband was on a 7 month deployment. July celebrates her 5th birthday!

She also has 4 living children, a kick ass husband, Jon. The couple celebrates 11 years of marriage this summer.

Living in Duality: Embracing Life and Grief After So then what do I do next?

Stillbirth Stillbirth & miscarriage open up this black hole and it devastatingly sucks in everything that was before. Our old life, old beliefs, relationships that can’t withstand the blast, and most debilitating is our identity before we lost our child.

Everything I knew and everything I was, was stripped away. I was blank. An angry, sad blank human. That had this postpartum body that carried my daughter past the 40-week mark and she died anyway.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Who am I now? What do I do? How do I live? How can I parent my other kids? What is going to And all I could do was get up each morning, live happen to my marriage? Why do I feel so alone? through the moment of “she’s dead” and keep going.

This experience breaks everything down to its most basic forms. Everything seems so confusing If I am being honest, ever since becoming a mom, and so hard. Waking up to the realization that our my identity has changed over every season and wombs are empty, yet our babies are gone. (In the every child. That is one of the coolest things about beginning of our journey). Our faces are swollen being a mom and parent. To be a better version of half the time from the buckets of tears that have myself and the next version mother, I have to grow streamed down our faces. We are bare, we are and change with the seasons. exposed, vulnerable, and split wide open. We realize how cruel it can be to be human while at I think this alone helped me to realize that I had to the same time being so insanely grateful to be keep going. For me, I had 2 little girls that alive. Losing a baby creates this duality that we will depended on me. And so I focused on them and be living for the rest of our lives. the house. We spent so much time cuddling, we Everything we do we may do with a little extra caution, anxiety, indecisiveness. I noticed I didn’t like to make plans anymore, I didn’t want to be social for a time and I just worried about being stuck. I worried that I would never smile again, laugh again, or find the teeniest bit of joy. I didn’t know what to do next. I slapped a fake smile on whenever anyone spoke to me, pretending I had it all together because most of the time I didn’t have the energy to break down and cry again. Isn’t there a limit on how many tears we can lose?!

adopted a puppy that was born the same day Evelyn was. ( Synchronicities.) He brought so much love and joy and gave us a break from our grief.

The girls had a focus and so did I. It became a soft place for us. For me.

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Vallen Webb- Blog Post (Continued) @vallenwebb I slowed down with everything and just tried to be. I had some of my best friends moving within months of my loss so my community became smaller and smaller and I became more reclusive. ( Military life problems) I couldn’t stand the trite problems of everyone around me, the surface issues that cause everyday irritations that people just get stuck in.

There were 2 things I knew…

I could not be around stagnant or stuck people- you know the type I am talking about. These are the same people who would allow me to sit in my grief and victimhood for the rest of my life if I wanted to.

Complaining for the rest of my life. I needed to do SOMETHING. I needed to HELP someone. I needed to give all this love to someone. ( Besides my girls, believe me, they probably got tired of my hugs haha).

Before I lost Evelyn I took my Postpartum Doula workshop so that I could be a doula! I started jumping into the work as soon as I could. As soon as Jon got home from his deployment.

I got my first family- my twin family. They are some of the most special people in the world to me. They trusted me and allowed me to help them in such a vulnerable and raw time.

I loved it. It was HARD, but I loved it. I was also pregnant with my rainbow baby so I got to spend my nights with my twins and Emmett.

This gave me a sense of purpose. Of fulfillment. It also threw me into a million ideas about who I wanted to help and what I could do in this space. I was hooked on this field. I was right where I needed to be. And it was only the beginning of my journey. Almost 5 years later, I am chasing so many dreams and trying to create spaces for doulas and moms and help loss moms turn their pain into a purpose.

If you feel as if you can’t seem to “move on”. Just know there is no moving on from our babies… like why would we even want to do anything that suggests moving away from our babies? They will always be with us. The grief will hit us throughout our lifetime in unexpected times and we will be triggered but that doesn’t stop this life. We can grieve and find purpose. We can grieve and feel love and joy. We can grieve and still spend our days with a smile on our faces. We are Bereaved MOMS.

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Andrea Johnson Beck- Personal Narrative @Andrea_Johnson_Beck Andrea is a quirky Scandinavian herbalist, death doula, and grief activist who moved back to her hometown in South Dakota to care for her terminally ill dad while navigating her newly diagnosed chronic illness. On July 7, 2023, she joined the Dead Dad's Club. She wants to educate those on death and dying and remove the stigma that surrounds it. Her unique perspective allows people to ask those uncomfortable questions without judgment.

"The oncologist said he only has 12 to 15 months!"

In the end, there is the beginning.

Daughter. Death Doula.

The two co-existed. I was able to create space for both during Dad's illness. At times, I wasn't clear how, but I did. There was no other way. My dad would not die with fear in his heart.

When I began my death doula education, it was before my dad's terminal cancer diagnosis. On a spiritual level, death has accompanied me since I was a child. Our pastor called it spiritual sensitivity. He said it was God's gift to me.

If that were the case, why would it sometimes feel like a curse? I did not fear the unknown. I was curious. The odd one. My parents never scolded me for what I saw or heard. They didn't pass it off as an overactive imagination. My mom approached it from a Christian stance, and my dad from a scientific one. I've studied both and all aspects for 30+ years.

I had not known what a death doula was until 2022. I experienced a significant health crisis in August 2021, one where many specialists didn't know what was happening to me. My body was shutting down, and we didn't know why. It was frightening.

Once a diagnosis was affirmed, which was in March of 2022, of pernicious anemia and small fiber and trigeminal neuropathy, I began to research how I could help those going through what I had. Interestingly enough, I came across an article about death/end-of-life doulas.

I'd never heard of the term. I knew about hospice nurses but not anything beyond the medical field. With my health issues, I decided to close my apothecary business, but I wanted to know more about death doulas.

It felt right in my soul, a connection.

There were concerns among my husband and Dad, the main one being my strong empathic nature. What would it do to my nervous system, which was recovering from trauma? Would I absorb the loss as my own?

But I continued my education, not knowing how valuable it would be in the coming months. The call that changed everything was from my mom. I could hardly distinguish her words in between cries, "The oncologist said he only has 12 to 15 months."

I screamed but quickly gathered my composure as my husband and son rushed to my side. We were aware of my dad's cancer at that point, but we did not know it was terminal. We thought we had years, not months. He didn't want to tell me, but my mom insisted. It was something that could not be kept from me. Without hesitation, I said, "We are coming home." We didn't know how it would work, but we would figure it out. Within four months, we sold our home, packed up, and moved back to South Dakota from South Carolina.

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Andrea Johnson Beck- Personal Narrative (Continued) @Andrea_Johnson_Beck In the beginning, my dad responded positively to chemotherapy treatments. We were cautiously optimistic as his blood work and scans showed improvement, but they were short-lived. He had two types of cancer, and though the chemotherapy reduced the tumors in some areas, the small-cell lung cancer began to spread like wildfire.

I continued my death doula certification.

Throughout the years, I was involved in legacy projects and wrote and read eulogies and poetry for my family and friends. It always came naturally to me.

To have the words.

As my dad's cancer progressed aggressively, time wasn't on our side. As his daughter and death doula, my presence at every appointment was essential, especially once Palliative Care entered the picture. The doctors noted my position regarding his care. I could answer my parent's questions if they didn't make sense at the appointments. His Palliative Care doctor praised my death doula position, "I wish we had more of you in Sioux Falls, really in the midwest."

I'd heard that often over the past months, especially from the hospital nurses.

Many are confused as to what a death doula does. There are various facets. Some work directly with patients, others teach about death and dying, and some work strictly on legacy projects. The spectrum is vast.

When I was in my early 20s, working at a nursing home, I sat with dying patients who didn't have family when I wasn't answering the phones or filing paperwork. I hated seeing them alone and never wanted that for anyone I cared about. It was one of the reasons my dad chose in-home hospice care and not a facility. He wanted to be with his family, surrounded by familiarity. The awful stories about hospice care terrified him, but I promised him I wouldn't allow anything to happen that caused him discomfort or anxiety.

In the final weeks, my Dad and I talked about what life would be like after he was gone.

Some mornings, he wanted to talk about his anger and sadness; others, he was silent and would occasionally wipe away a stray tear.

The most important thing I learned was to meet him where he was at that moment. I never pressured him to talk or ask questions; I was able to navigate his moods, which were dictated by varied aspects such as medication, grief, and the cancer in his brain, but I was always aware.

Five days before his passing, he was in his Last Hurrah, as they call it. It's a phenomenon we don't understand clearly, but it occurs when the dying person is alert, eats, drinks, and talks; the theory is that the person is trying to comfort their loved one before they die. It can last minutes, hours, or sometimes days. My dad's lasted roughly 48 hours.

He asked more questions about what was happening to his body. Me and his hospice nurse were honest with him; he was beginning to transition. My grandma and aunt came to see him one last time. He fought me on that, but I told him he couldn't make that decision for them. He can't take that goodbye away from them. He agreed.

"I'm sorry I got cancer." He said to my grandma and me. Tears streamed down his face, and I instantly wrapped my arms around him. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You did nothing wrong." He looked at my grandma, "I don't fear this anymore. Andrea has shown me that hospice doesn't have to be scary." That's all I wanted. To eliminate that fear. His last days were difficult. They were met with restlessness, confusion, and pain. He was on various medications around the clock. He'd speak of things not visible to my eyes, but I never told him he was wrong or mistaken. I knew he was seeing beyond this world. I'd listen, and then he would rest. I never left the room without kissing his forehead and telling him I loved him.

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Andrea Johnson Beck- Personal Narrative (Continued) @Andrea_Johnson_Beck I helped his hospice nurse change and clean him, reposition him on the bed, and discuss a change or increase in medications. His hospice nurse turned to me after we had finished changing him. "I know you are his death doula, but why don't you be his daughter now? Let me handle everything else. I want to take that weight from you." It was a lovely sentiment, and I adored her for it, but I couldn't do that. Not even in his final hours. In my death doula classes, we were taught that the body knows how to die, and it does. I know this; I've seen it before, but to witness it with my dad was an entirely different experience. He couldn't speak, but he tried. I rubbed his knee. "You're going to be okay, you know you will be okay, right?" He nodded.

My dad was awake until an hour before his passing. He was restless if he detected I was in the room. I could tell his vision was failing. His eyes darted about the room; he couldn't see me but could hear me. I sat silently next to him, watching him, begging God and my ancestors to come to him. I tried to hold his hand, but he pulled it away. I wasn't upset. He never wanted us to see him that way and was thinking about us, not him, even at the end. I walked over to the window and opened it. Dawn painted the skies in red, orange, and yellow streaks, and the birds' melodic song drifted through the air. The daughter and death doula merged at that moment. It was a bittersweet intertwining.

"Listen to them, Daddy," I whispered. I wanted him to follow the song; I wanted his soul to find the sunrise. And he did. July 7, 2023 7:21 AM Dad was at rest.

I memorized every inch of his face. I folded his glasses and put them away inside his side table drawer, packed away his hospice supplies, and gathered his medication to dispose of it. I kissed him one last time on the top of his head. "I love you, Daddy." In the end, there is a beginning. A beginning we didn't ask for, but here we are. I'm slowly returning to my death work but not rushing and listening to my grief and body. People tell me they could never do what I did with my dad. They couldn't handle in-home hospice. I understand that.

Everyone grieves differently.

It was challenging and, at times, awful.

However, I wouldn't have had it any other way, even with my chronic illness on the attack. Society dictates we care for the dying outside of the home. We don't spend time with the body after the soul departs. Our grief should be fleeting, and we should return to the people we once were. That is when death workers push back against those cultural norms. When it comes to death and dying, we approach it at arm's length, which increases the fear and disconnect. Grief cannot be quickened or forced aside; that leads to unhealthy coping.

We need to do better. I'm honored my dad trusted me with his death, and I hope I can continue to educate and assist more in my community because grief is truly love.

I was relieved his suffering was no more while my mom and I cried and hugged in the kitchen.

I called his hospice nurse, then returned to the bedroom and cleaned him up. Sang to him. I took his hands, kissed each one, and tucked them beneath the covers. It was the first in weeks that I could touch him and not be in horrid pain. I kissed his forehead. I sat next to him in the stillness. It was the worst and the most beautiful moment. It was just him and I. Dad and daughter.

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Nalda Seidman Landry- Sign Story @josh.s_f20 Nalda Seidman Landry recently lost her son, Josh, in March of 2023. In August of 2023, her husband and Nalda moved to Costa Rica so they can focus on healing from this devastating loss. She used to teach English as a Second language full time and knew that she didn’t want to continue working after she lost Josh. She now devotes her time to writing about grief, painting, volunteering, and supporting and receiving support from the amazing grief community she’s found through Instagram and David Kessler’s support group, Tender Hearts.

"Our loved ones are not gone. They haven't left our side. They are powerful guides for us on the other side. They are always sending us signs that we are connected through love."

On the day I received the worst news a mother could get, I was blissfully unaware that anything was amiss, despite the fact that my son had been missing for 12 agonizing days.

Josh, my 20 year old son, suffered from Bipolar Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder from the time he turned 18. These disorders short circuited his brain and led him to self destruct whenever he experienced a relapse. Medication had been a temporary fix, because the long-term effects of the medicine had devastating effects on his mood and dampened his creativity, so he’d get off them as soon as he could.

I’d seen him come back from the darkest of places, countless emergency room visits and hospitalizations. He’d gone missing before, although never for that long. But I held out hope.

I prayed God would protect him as he had done in the past.

On Monday, March 20 I woke at 5:30AM and stumbled clumsily to the bathroom for an early morning shower. I prayed, as I did every morning, for the courage to face another day and for Josh’s safety and well-being.

While I dressed the lights flickered. That hadn’t happened before. I paid no mind to it. I simply noticed it and continued dressing.

On my drive in to work, I was listening to a podcast when the volume suddenly rose to a deafening roar in my ears. I quickly turned it down, my heart beating frantically from the scare. Then it happened again, louder this time.

I nearly swerved off the road, and, once again, turned down the volume. As if telling me, “you’re not listening to me, mom!”, the music from the radio came blaring through the speakers. My hands shaking, I turned off the radio.

It stayed off. My mind was blank as I drove on in silence.

Message not received.

I got to school and went to my morning duty post to wait for parents to arrive in the car line.

It was a cold and dreary day. The sky was gray.

My silent prayers continued.

Children began pouring out of their cars, and I cheerfully greeted each child as I grinned broadly, shivering as the cold wind whipped right through my coat. I looked up during a lull in the car line and saw six black vultures staring down at me.

The wind picked up. I wrapped my arms around myself as more kids arrived.

The vultures, perched on poles in front of the school, looked down at me grimly as if urging me to wake from my reverie.

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Nalda Seidman Landry- Sign Story (Continued) @josh.s_f20 “Good morning!” I screeched as I yanked open another door.

At 10:30PM that evening I got the call that would forever alter my life. It shattered my heart and all of my hopes and wishes that Josh would be found safe and sound.

“He didn’t make it”, said the police office on the other end of the phone.

I screamed and screamed and screamed some more, my stomach lurched. I almost threw up.

Later that evening as I lay frozen in shock, waiting for the wailing that was sure to come, I finally realized what had been happening all through the day: Josh, my sweet boy, now an angel, was saying goodbye.

As I reflected on the way the lights had flickered so hurriedly and urgently, desperate to get my attention, the boom of the radio, and the unyielding stares of the vultures, it all made sense. But how could I not get the message?

I felt there was more meaning in the crisscross way Josh positioned the straw, so I continued searching when I came across an image of a Caim, a Celtic symbol that represents “sanctuary”, “An invincible circle of protection, drawn around the body with the hand, that represents that you are safe and loved, even in the darkest of times.

The warmth and peace that I felt in the dream returned, though it didn’t last very long.

I closed my eyes and thanked my beautiful son for the deepest and most meaningful message he could have given me at that moment.

Since then, I have found countless feathers when I feel sad. I’ve seen bright red cardinals on special days like Mother’s Day, and a beautiful heart-shaped stone this past Valentine’s Day. Each time I find something, I smile and thank my son, for even though I don’t see him he is still very much with me, in another dimension, free of pain and sorrow, eternally happy and at peace, and I thank him.

Message received, Josh.

I think the mind doesn’t see what it doesn’t want to see.

A few days later, Josh came to me in a dream. We were on a beach on a cloudless, sunny day, and I watched as he quietly and methodically placed honey colored straw on the sand in a crisscross pattern until it formed a complete circle. When he was done, he stopped and looked at me. Our eyes locked, and a calmness washed over me. Just as I was going to ask what he was doing, I woke up.

I quickly looked up the meaning of circles and found this, “Circles symbolize cycles of life, eternity, and the infinite nature of the universe.”

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CLAIMING With Kate

McKay's

life,

Kate

marked

McKay

by

profound losses and moments of joy, illustrates that embracing grief can lead to incredible personal growth and resilience. Her story is one of grit, overcoming

adversity

and

transforming pain into purpose.

Growing up as the sixth of nine children in a bustling household, Kate

was

laughter

surrounded

and

the

by

both

challenges

of

addiction and stress. Despite the chaos, her role was to bring joy and laughter,

especially

to

IT

her

overwhelmed mother.

From an early age, Kate was full of energy and enthusiasm, traits that sometimes got her into trouble at school. Despite being well-loved at home, she struggled with self-doubt and feelings of not fitting in. Even with successes in performing arts school and a full college scholarship, the internal battle with self-doubt persisted.

After her divorce, she struggled with losing the ability to fully protect her children. Her eldest son, William, was an exceptional soul who deeply touched everyone he met.

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When he decided to become a monk, Kate

This inspiration came from a dream where her son told

was not entirely surprised. However, his

her he had been claimed by Spirit, assuring her he was

return from the monastery was marked by a

okay. To claim something—love, health, abundance,

profound change, as he became peaceful yet

peace, or healing—means to own it fully and make it

detached. At the core of Kate’s soul, she saw

one's own. Additionally, writing "The Inner Warrior" was a

her son’s brilliance, yet she was perplexed by

crucial step in her journey. It stemmed from an article

the evolution of she saw unfolding before her

she wrote about how men express grief and loss. She

eyes.

realized her calling was to create a safe space for men to speak about their pain, potentially saving lives. If

On October 14, 2017, thirty years after her

someone had talked to her brother Matt or her son Will,

brother's murder, Kate found her history

perhaps they would be alive today.

repeating, living a reality her mother once endured. Tragically, William took his own life.

Looking ahead, Kate aims to grow her coaching business

This loss shattered Kate's heart, yet it also

to serve more high-performing individuals, building a

brought a profound realization— William was

community of support. As a coach, her motivating spirit

her teacher, here to show her a new way to

shines, and her grit gained from lived experiences leads

live, breathe, and grieve. She always knew

her clients through darkness, and inspire them claim

that her son was going to teach her about

their own gifts, healing. and step into their power.

the complexities of life, but it didn’t occur to her that he would be teaching her from the

Kate McKay, CEO of Siena Strategy Partners, is

other side of the veil. His life and death

a transformational speaker, certified human

taught her about the sacredness of grief and

performance coach, international best-selling

the necessity of embracing it openly.

author, athlete, and multi-million dollar business owner.

Her way of dealing with grief, speaking openly about it, seemed to open old wounds within her family. Despite being treated as a outsider, Kate knew that to honor her son's legacy, she had to do life differently. She

With over thirty years of success in coaching, health and wellness, business development, and

embraced the grief, and saw it as an

performance-based

opportunity to face her fears, and embrace

training, Kate

her unique gifts and personal power.

continues to inspire others with her story

Now, Kate believes grief and grace are

of resilience and

mysteries with no set timelines or clear paths.

transformation.

Redefining oneself through loss is complex, yet Kate knows her purpose is to be a light of

To learn more about

transformation for others. It is her mission to

Kate, follow her on

help others release pain and bring joy and

Instagram

laughter

@iamkatemckay

into

the

world,

despite

their

tragedies.

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Her journey led her to write three books, each

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call!

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Metabolism shift That good-old "fight or flight" mode, causes metabolism to increase, producing energy to deal with the perceived threat.

This increase in metabolic rate can deplete certain nutrients like vitamins B1, B5, C, and magnesium, which are essential for energy production.

Digestive dysfunction

GRIEF GOT YOU LOSING YOUR SPARK? KEY MINERALS THAT STRESS DEPLETES By: Susan Koursaris NTP, BCHN®

Minerals are known as the “spark plugs” of the body. They are vitamins and minerals that help our cells facilitate hundreds of daily functions, including those needed for energy, mood regulation, hormone balance and sleep. These “magic minerals” have many roles in the body such as: catalysts (or cofactors for other functions to occur), regulators, cell transporters, facilitate nerve conduction / muscle contraction, and maintain pH. The stress of grief can have various effects on the body, including mineral depletion. How does this happen? Several ways.

Taxed Immune System We’ve already talked about how stress can suppress the immune system and make the body more vulnerable to illness and infection.

Nutrients such as vitamins C, D, and zinc play crucial roles in immune function, so their depletion can further compromise immunity during stressful times.

Losing minerals Cortisol (one of the main stress hormones) can affect the excretion of certain nutrients through urine.

High levels of cortisol have been associated with increased urinary excretion of magnesium, potassium, and calcium.

To learn more about Wholly Heart Nutrition and to work with Susan, please visit www.whollyheartnutrition.com and follow her on Instagram @whollyheartnutrition GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

Stress alters digestion by reducing blood flow to digestive organs and halting gut motility. This can negatively impact nutrient absorption, especially micronutrients such as vitamins and minerals. Chronic stress can also lead to conditions such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), further affecting the ability to absorb nutrients.

Stress Eating Some people may eat less when stressed, leading to reduced nutrient intake, overall.

Conversely, others may take solace in unhealthy foods or by opting for convenient, nutrient-poor snacks high in sugar, salt, and fat. This can quickly lead to a deficiency of essential nutrients needed for overall health.

Cashing out your nutrient bank Prolonged stress can lead to the depletion of nutrient stores, as the body needs to consume them at a higher rate to fulfill the higher energy demands of a stress response.

Grief can leave you in a state of chronic stress. And that can lead to a vicious cycle of nutrient depletion and a decline in health.

Now, more than ever, it's essential to effectively manage the stress grief brings. Don’t let grief steal your “spark!” Fight back with strategies such as daily movement, relaxation techniques, getting enough sleep, and eating a diet rich in nutrients to support overall health to keep your mineral and nutrient banks full!

Exploring Natural

Remedies for Grief:

Dr. Petra Illig's Rhodiola Rosea Project in Alaska As grievers, we often wonder what will make it better? What, if anything, will take the pain away? The standard answer is time. "Time heals all wounds." Heals yes... but never fully back to normal. Like the scar on my late father's face.

He got it from jumping off a garage when he was a child. Nail right in the face. It was a part of him. Just like the loss of our loved ones is a part of us.

But one medical doctor in Anchorage, Alaska is looking into a natural plant that could have healing effects, not necessarily with grief, but with the stress that can often coincide. Dr. Petra Illig says she stumbled on an article detailing the health benefits of Rhodiola rosea.

By: Lindsey Boetsch

"This subarctic medicinal plant has been used for generations for improving mental focus and physical stamina, but in modern times has also been effectively used for combating depression and anxiety, and to counteract the negative effects of stress," said Dr. Illig.

After reading that it only grows in cold harsh places and is close to being extinct because of over harvesting in the wild she began to ponder more on the idea.

"I started thinking about Alaskan farmers and wondered if perhaps they could do something with this, since the best seems to grow naturally in a similar environment in Siberian mountains," said Dr. Illig.

She was able to start 100,000 plants in her front yard but then had to wait 5 years for them to grow to maturity. Dr. Illig says the plant has been used for many generations by northern indigenous people for its ability to improve mental focus and physical stamina. It's an adaptogen, which helps body systems adapt to stress. She also says it's now being used by holistic therapists and psychologists for treatment of depression and anxiety.

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According to the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health, preliminary research is being done on rhodiola and its components, but there have been few rigorous studies of the herb. And while there aren't any large studies done on grief, there has been on anti-stress.

A Randomized Controlled Trial was published in 2015 on the National Institutes of Health website. It states, 80 participants were broken into two groups. Selfreport measures and cognitive tests were done over a period of two weeks. The trial says, "relative to the controls, the experimental group demonstrated a significant reduction in self-reported anxiety, stress, anger, confusion and depression at 14 days and a significant improvement in total mood."

Dr. Illig says the plants she's growing are being made into tincture but is looking into additional extraction equipment to develop other products such as capsules.

"To date, there have been 10 annual harvests from various growers, each with their unique challenges and successes. There has been a slow but steady increase in annual harvest volume with about 25 acres involved at this time. My business partner and I built a root processing facility (washing, slicing, dehydrating, bagging, storing) for growers to use in Anchor Point.

We also built and scaled up a tincture manufacturing facility there and can produce 400 bottles per day," said Dr. Illig.

For more information about Dr. Illig and her project, you can visit her website www.akroseroot.com and follow her Instagram @alaska_rhodiola907

Dr. Petra Illig Dr. Petra Illig graduated from the University of Washington School of Medicine in Seattle and also obtained her private pilot license in 1981. Board certified in Emergency Medicine, she worked in that field for 15 years. As a pilot, she became interested in aerospace medicine, and went on to become an FAA Aviation Medical Examiner in 1984. Petra has extensive aerospace medicine experience with the FAA, airline and commercial space companies, and works every day to keep pilots healthy and flying safely. She is a Fellow of the Aerospace Medicine Association and the Civil Aviation Medicine Association.

Medical Disclaimer The information provided in this article about Rhodiola is for informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. The use of any information provided in this article is solely at your own risk.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

I WAS AN EXPAT ORPHAN AT 43

Certified Grief Educator, Moira Khan Shares her road from Grief to helping others

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In 2014 I lost my mother when I was 6 weeks pregnant. In 2017 my only brother died suddenly at 47 from a massive coronary, I was 6 weeks postpartum. And Christmas Eve 2019 my dad died, 2 weeks after I had major foot surgery, which meant I couldn’t get to him.

All of this whilst living in the United Kingdom and Spain, a 25–30-hour journey from New Zealand.

I left New Zealand in 2007, set out on adventures to work and travel in Europe and settle in London. I was fortunate to have a British passport, so my time overseas wasn’t limited. I met my husband in London in 2009, we married in 2011 and had two little ones between 2015 and 2017. When we leave our family in another country, we don’t know what the future will hold of course, so during my time in the UK, I had made several trips backwards and forwards to NZ. Some for vacations, but others because my parents were not well and on the 11th of September 2014, the trip home was the worst trip of my life. With early pregnancy sickness, my mother deteriorating as I was mid-flight into a 30-hour journey, only to reach her just in time 2 days before she passed.

I couldn’t fly home for my brother’s funeral, being 6 weeks post c-section. And I had to tell my ailing father over the phone, his son had died.

In April 2019 I had flown to NZ with my 3year-old and 16-month-old on my own, to move my dad from his apartment in the retirement home, into palliative care. Yet another traumatic and stressful event, knowing full well this may be the last time I´d see my dad, and his only time with his grandchildren. After he died in the December, I made plans to travel when I was able, to have his funeral, but I was stopped by COVID and lockdowns. It would be May 2021 before I was able to get a flight home to NZ, with 2 weeks in managed isolation, and arrange his service and finally say goodbye.

“I was an orphan at 43. And being so far away only added elements to my grief, no-one could have prepared me for.”

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The compounding grief, of one loss after the other was too much to handle. Being a new mum, we moved to Spain in 2018, another culture shock (but I absolutely love it, and it has been the most amazing experience). I also suffer from Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a hypermobility, connective tissue disorder. During all of this, I had a hip replacement, and major foot surgery, whilst managing chronic pain on a daily basis, and navigating a health system in another language, all whilst learning Spanish.

It’s a lot, right? Did I have therapy? YES, and lots of it. Did I feel lonely? At times yes, but what I didn’t do was lock myself away. I had two choices: to isolate myself, not make new friends and feel even worse. Or take my grief, and face it head on. Admittedly, I am a very social person anyway, I like bringing people together. So, when it came to meeting new neighbours, going to mum meet ups, or joining groups, I did it all. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of times I had to force myself, but looking back now, I’m glad I did all that I did.

We now have a family and support network here that some only dream of. These wonderful people will come to our aid at the drop of a hat and get a little annoyed if we don’t tell them what happened until after the event (just like family right?).

Grief and expat living comes with its own territory to navigate and adds another dimension to life. My home will always be New Zealand, but we also make our home now wherever we are. My mum, dad and brother are with me and my family always. I see signs all the time, and them letting me know they are watching over us.

Now as a Certified Grief Educator, I help others, in 1:1 sessions or groups. The empathy and kindness of strangers has been so heartwarming. Watching people from all over the world unite and connect is astonishing.

If there is one piece of advice I could pass onto fellow expats going through grief, is keep your door open to strangers or others you may encounter in expat groups. You never know who may cross your path that is also on a grief journey, and needs you just as much as you need them.

Moira’s Instagram Community has grown to almost 40K strong since starting in February 2024. Follow her @griefspaneducation and learn more about her grief education offerings, sessions and groups on her website www.griefspan.com GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

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Riding the Waves of Grief with GriefBox Co-Founder Brittany Young By: Kera Sanchez

Brittany Young’s story is one of resilience, compassion, and a relentless pursuit of healing.

Brittany's upbringing in Germany left her with a perpetual wanderlust that has laid the foundation for what drives her today, honoring the memory of her Brother Jacob, who died in a motorcycle accident in the spring of 2022. The San Diego resident now works tirelessly to not only provide material comforts for those living with grief, but she is now expanding to offer emotional support as well.

Brittany and her mom, Keri

Her initial project, Grief Box was born out of the observations that Brittany and her mother made while grappling with Jacob’s untimely death, “After losing Jacob, the cards and gifts from friends were very meaningful, but after a few months, my mom and I talked to each other and asked ‘what would have been helpful to have received as a care package instead of flowers or chocolates or nuts?’ and we came up with a list of items that were helpful for us.” Not only were their boxes curated from this life experience and knowing, but they were also infused with the spirit of Jacob.

From the logo of a surfboard and waves to the colors chosen for their project, Jacob was honored and remembered with every step.

Today the boxes provide care package items that help preserve the memory of the person that has died, including items like memory cards, picture frames, and more. Their goal was to remind fellow grievers that it’s okay to share about loss and encourage support for grieving friends.

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Brittany and Jacob

As Brittany embarks on her next chapter, she's poised to revolutionize grief support once again with the upcoming launch of the GriefBox app. A culmination of her personal healing journey, the app promises to make tools and resources for those who are navigating grief accessible, ensuring no one feels alone in their pain.

We also talked to Brittany about the importance of vulnerability on social media, and she admits that “griefstgram” can be an unexpected supportive and healing place. She reflects, “Sharing has been therapeutic. I’ve made lifelong friends that I know I can talk to about any aspect of my own grief journey.”

She shares with us today one of those less-thanacknowledged aspects, what she calls her grief rage. “When I lost my brother I was sent into a very angry place. I was upset that he died, that whoever killed him wasn’t caught”, and that is what has inspired Brittany to seek a grief coaching certification, where she hopes to pay the support forward to other grievers now that the initial intensity of her grief has calmed.

Reflecting on her life before the loss of her brother, Brittany fondly recalls the laughter-filled moments with Jacob, a source of joy in her family's dynamic. While his absence leaves a void, Brittany's unwavering dedication to honoring his memory ensures his spirit lives on in the laughter and solace that Grief Box provides.

All three of the Young sibblings goofing off

Brittany continues to ride the waves and stays true to her mission of lifting others, while also rocking a vibe of resilience and compassion that defines her journey. With the GriefBox app gearing up for launch and her heart bursting with empathy, Brittany Young is the ultimate proof that turning pain into purpose is possible.

To purchase a grief box and learn more about their offerings, please visit www.grief-box.com and follow on Instagram @griefboxsupport

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

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By: Nina Rodriguez

FELIZ FELICITREZA IN GRIEF

TRISTE GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

E MB R AC I N G D UAL I T Y AFTER LOSS

One seemingly ordinary day about two years into my grieving process, I vividly remember feeling unexpectedly overwhelmed by a powerful surge of joy and sadness, a complex emotion for which I had no words.

I paused to attune my senses and find the words, much like a sommelier sorting out the aroma compounds of a Pinot Noir being sampled for the first time. I closed my eyes and inhaled the notes to distinguish each flavor from the bouquet.

The initial surge of emotions was a profound mixture of joy, happiness, and gratitude for my brother’s life.

Even though his time with us was heartbreakingly brief (he passed away the day after his 32nd birthday), I felt immense gratitude for the privilege of being his sister. I was truly blessed to have shared my life with such a remarkable soul.

The second 'flavor' was a deep, gutwrenching sorrow over the sheer unfairness of it all, and the harsh reality of his permanent absence — a truth I still grapple with nearly five years later.

Is there a word for this feeling?

At that moment, my mind conjured the word felicitreza — a fusion of the Spanish words 'felicidad' (happiness) and 'tristeza' (sadness) to describe the bittersweet emotions that often accompany grief.

The Dual Nature of Felicitreza Felicitreza is the potent mix of joy and sorrow, where happiness and sadness intertwine and surprise us when we least expect it. This delicate dance of emotions — joy tinged with an undercurrent of sorrow in moments of happiness, and vice versa — becomes a new normal for many of us after a loss.

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It’s the signs from Spirit that make us pause and believe there’s so much more to life than we may comprehend, followed by the sinking feeling in the pit of our stomach as we remind ourselves, yet again, this actually happened.

It’s the loudness of the empty chair at Thanksgiving, wishing they were here to celebrate with us.

It’s the sense of gratitude for the time we had, and sorrow for the moments we never will.

It’s every moment we can’t help but think, "They would have loved this," or "I wish they were here to see this."

HAPPY

It's the unexpected smile that escapes our lips when we reminisce about our person’s infectious laughter, sprinkled with the tears of longing, knowing that laughter has become a memory.

Don’t Fight the Feeling

SAD

Embracing felicitreza means allowing ourselves to feel opposite emotions, like happiness and sadness, exactly as they show up. No judgment. No fixing them or trying to sway ourselves one way or another.

It’s about acknowledging the joy in the memories and the sadness in the absence, without attempting to diminish either.

This balanced acceptance can be a powerful tool in navigating grief, honoring the full spectrum of our emotions and the complexity of our relationships.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

To embrace felicitreza (and other ‘hyphenated’ emotions), we must expand our capacity to hold opposing feelings simultaneously.

Here are three starting points: SHOW YOURSELF GRACE Navigating life after loss is difficult enough. Release the ‘shoulds’ and the ‘should haves’. They don’t serve you in the context of grief, and only add to the unnecessary suffering. Understand this may very well be the first time you’re meeting this version of yourself. Be gentle as you get to know who you are becoming.

EMBRACE THE ROLLERCOASTER Don’t fight the feelings that arise, even if they are uncomfortable.

They’re a normal, human response to life-altering loss. Allow yourself to feel the agony of their absence, and any moments of joy that peek through the ‘grief clouds’. Relax into the emotions, breathe intentionally through the difficult ones, and use your body’s ability to set energy in motion to help move them through.

Remember, no feeling is permanent.

Grief evolves as our lives evolve.

EXPRESS YOUR GRIEF Share your feelings of felicitreza with others who understand. Sometimes, simply knowing you’re not alone in your feelings can be immensely comforting. Vulnerability and honesty about our lived experiences are powerful medicine.

The Healing Power of Felicitreza Ultimately, felicitreza is a testament to the enduring bond we share with our loved ones. It’s a reminder that even in their absence, their presence continues to shape our lives, bringing both joy and sorrow. By embracing this bittersweet emotion, we honor the full spectrum of our grief and our love, allowing both to coexist.

This duality is at the heart of the human condition, especially in the grieving process.

NINA RODRIGUEZ IS FOUNDER AND HOST OF THE GRIEF AND LIGHT PODCAST, CREATED AFTER THE UNEXPECTED LOSS OF HER ONLY SIBLING, YOSEF, AS AN AUTHENTIC EXPLORATION OF GRIEF AND LIFE AFTER LOSS. THROUGH EACH CONVERSATION, SHE AIMS TO GIVE A VOICE TO THE GRIEVER’S EXPERIENCE, AND FOSTER A MORE GRIEF-INFORMED, HOPEFUL WORLD. BEYOND THE PODCAST, NINA EXTENDS HER HEART-CENTERED SUPPORT THROUGH MONTHLY CIRCLES, ONE-ONONE GRIEF GUIDANCE, SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS, ACTIVE PRESENCE ON SOCIAL MEDIA, AND FORTHCOMING INPERSON RETREATS. ​SHE EARNED THE GRIEF CARE PROFESSIONAL CERTIFICATE UNDER RENOWNED PSYCHOTHERAPIST AND BEST-SELLING AUTHOR, MEGAN DEVINE OF REFUGE IN GRIEF. ​CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION AT IG @GRIEFANDLIGHT.

(Bonus: Openly share your moments of and thoughts about #felicitreza and tag @griefandlight and @getgriefymagazine)

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BUILD BACK BETTER BRAVE WIDOW’S EMILY TANNER SHARES HOW TO CREATE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF AFTER LOSS When your person dies, your perception of reality shifts. What you thought was safe and true no longer feels that way. Life is fragile, short, and unpredictable. As widows we lose not only our spouse but our thinking partner. The person we’d naturally turn to and ask, “what do you think about…?” is now gone.

We question everything.

Something as simple as a leaky faucet now feels overwhelming. Who should we call? Who can we trust? Are we safe to be there alone when they come?

Rebuilding confidence is a key area to building a life that you can love post loss.The trick with building confidence is that it requires action first, but as humans we want to have the confidence first to then take the action.

I like to teach the Be Do Have model, which essentially helps widows reverse engineer their results.

For example, let’s say you want to HAVE confidence in traveling solo. You think, “If I HAVE confidence, I would DO the travel activities, and I would BE confident.”

Your thought process is HAVE -> DO -> BE. I teach widows to reverse this. The thought process you want to follow is BE -> DO -> HAVE. Think about the future version of you. The version of you who travels confidently and BE that person.

Embody the qualities that you want (this is more than a simple fake-it-’til-you-make-it approach).

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The more you DO, the more action you take, the more confidence you will HAVE. Another way to think about this is learning a new skill.

When I first started learning how to mow with a zero turn, I was pretty terrible. I had no idea how to operate the mower, I would often scalp the yard, hit the mower blades against tree roots, and at times the engine would just stop for what seemed like no reason (never mind the fact I left the choke in the incorrect position).

But I kept mowing.

Over time, I learned more about what I was doing, and my mowing skills improved greatly. Only then did I start to become more confident. Once I took action, even though it felt overwhelming, I grew more confident with each repetition.

If I had waited to become confident before taking action, my yard would soon be overgrown with grass and weeds!

JUST ONE MONTH SHY OF THEIR 20TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, EMILY WAS WIDOWED UNEXPECTEDLY AT THE AGE OF 37. SHE AND NATHAN HAVE 4 CHILDREN WHO WERE AGES 10 - 19 AT THE TIME. SHE FOUNDED BRAVE WIDOW AND THE MEMBERSHIP COMMUNITY TO HELP OTHER YOUNG WIDOWS FIND HOPE, HEAL THEIR HEART, AND DREAM AGAIN FOR THEIR FUTURE. SHE IS CERTIFIED AS A LIFE COACH FROM THE ACCREDITED FAITH-BASED COACHING ACADEMY AND AS A GRIEF RECOVERY SPECIALIST FROM THE GRIEF RECOVERY METHOD INSTITUTE. PRIOR TO BRAVE WIDOW, EMILY SERVED AS SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF REVENUE CYCLE IN THE HEALTHCARE INDUSTRY LEADING TEAMS OF ~4,000 ASSOCIATES IN 100+ HOSPITALS ACROSS THE U.S. SHE EARNED AN MBA FROM JOHN BROWN UNIVERSITY WITH AN EMPHASIS IN LEADERSHIP AND ETHICS. HER PASSION FOR SERVANT LEADERSHIP, COLLABORATION, HELPING PEOPLE, AND BRIDGING GAPS IS THE DRIVING FORCE BEHIND WHY BRAVE WIDOW EXISTS TODAY.

@brave _w id o

To become the confident traveler you must DO. You must book the travel, make arrangements, take the trip, and go through the motions of the Confident You.

What are you waiting to build confidence for? Remember it starts with action!

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IEFY R G T GEAZINE MAG

LETTERS TO HEAVEN

As a way to fund this publication, starting at $5 you can submit a 200 word message to your loved one to publish in the mag!

To purchase click here!

K ND COO A N A G NDMA LO TO: GRA EGAN LOVE: M

ANDMA R G T E E U, SW K! I MISS YO MA COO D N A R THESE G H & IT N W A G G O IN L RE LAUGH A U MUCH AS O S Y A E S P IE O B H A I GRAND B T A E BOTH IN R U G O Y Y Z F A R O C ITTLE BITS L E E S CH. KEEP I U !

E M R O A S E IT W & I LOVE M E H T F VE YOU! O L .

L ALL 3 O L A S G OVER U IN H C T A W

Birthda y m es s a g es I miss y ous Life upd a te s e tc .

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024

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GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 3 - 2024