Get Griefy Magazine | Q1 2024

GET GRIEFY Q1 - 2024

A MAGAZINE FOR THOSE LIVING WITH LOSS AND ACTUALLY LIVING

Celebrating the power of Grief Girlies (and some Kens too)

O

RST I SS

C

THE SISTERHOOD OF THE GRIEF COMMUNITY IMPACTFUL WOMEN WHO ARE CHANGING THE GRIEF NARRATIVE

T I VE A R

FI

QUARTERLY FEATURE:

MM E MO

Plus: Rebecca Feinglos of Grieve Leave

UE

BY: KERA SANCHEZ OF LEGACY LETTERS JOURNALS

MAGAZINE

GET GRIEFY MAGAZINE

Editor-in-chief, Writer, CEO and Founder Kera Sanchez Contributors for Q1 Lindsey Boetsch Emily Jones Susan Koursaris Maggie Merriday Vanessa Turner Elizabeth Quinn

If you are a subject area expert on “griefy niches”, have a pitch for the next issue or have an interest in interviewing someone for a feature, please reach out to Kera Sanchez to get involved!

GET GRIEFY Disclaimer:

MAGAZINE

The content presented in this magazine is intended for informational and educational purposes only. The topics discussed, including death and dying, are sensitive and subjective in nature. The information provided is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Readers are encouraged to seek the guidance of qualified professionals in relevant fields for personalized assistance.

The views expressed in individual articles are those of the respective authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the magazine or its editorial team. While we strive to present accurate and upto-date information, the dynamic nature of topics related to death and dying may lead to changes in understanding over time.

Readers are urged to exercise their own discretion and judgment when applying the information provided in this magazine to their specific circumstances. The magazine and its contributors disclaim any responsibility for any adverse effects or consequences resulting from the use of information presented herein.

Inclusion of any specific product, service, or organization in our content does not imply endorsement or recommendation. Readers should independently verify and evaluate the suitability of such entities for their individual needs.

By accessing and reading this magazine, readers acknowledge and agree to the terms of this disclaimer. If you are in need of professional assistance or experiencing a crisis, please seek help from qualified professionals or emergency services.

Links to Amazon products are affiliated links to Get Griefy Associate Storefront.

Copyright Statement: All stories in Get Griefy Magazine are protected by copyright and are the intellectual property of Get Griefy, or the respective copyright holders, as indicated. Reproduction, distribution, or any form of unauthorized use of the content without the explicit written permission of Get Griefy is strictly prohibited.

Readers may download, print, or share content from Get Griefy for personal, non-commercial use only.

Any use beyond personal use, including but not limited to commercial purposes, distribution, reproduction, or modification, requires prior written consent from Get Griefy.

GETGRIEFY

CONTENTS FIRST COMMEMORATIVE ISSUE

06 EDITOR'S NOTE

An introduction from the creator of Get Griefy and a welcome to the community!

09 HEIRLOOM EATS

Nurishing memories from our loved ones

10 GRIEVERS AND READERS BOOK CLUB

Top griefy book picks from Vanessa Turner

13 ROLLING WITH THE PUNCHES Behind the scenes with Gloves for Grief

16 SHINE DOWN ON ME with Nina Daoutakis, Children’s author

42

18 EXCLUSIVE!

THE SISTERHOOD OF THE GRIEF COMMUNITY Impactful women who are changing the grief narrative

30 MOTHERLOVE PROJECT with Janet Gwilliam-Wright

32 A STROKE OF GENIUS Artist Spotlight with Steffi Pieters

13

16

34 I USED TO HATE BEING CALLED A WIDOW...

Narrative by Emily Jones

37 POSTAL SERVICE FOR THE DEAD w/ founder Janelle Ketcher

40 BEHIND THE LYRICS

with Justin Wheeler of Modern Daybreak

42 GRIEF YOGA

with Traveled & Balanced

46 BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE with Melissa Bright

34

40

49 GRIEF AND YOUR GUT wuth Susan Koursaris

51 NINA RODRIGUEZ of Grief and Light

54 A TOUCH OF TEDDY Non-profit spotlight

GETGRIEFY

CONTENTS 56 RESET WITH K.

Friend loss and reflection with K. LaFleur-Anders

58 THE HEART OF HOSPICE Celebrating 8 seasons with Helen Bauer

60 RUMMAGING THROUGH LIFE with Darnell Lamont Walker

THERAPY 63 RETAIL This issue’s curated pick from the Editor-in-chief

64 WILD CONFIDENCE Talking Grief with Ainsley Britian

60

66 COMMUNITY BLOG Grief Community Submissions

84 BITTERSWEET CONFECTIONS Turning Grief into Edible Artistry with Venetta Cox-Mlynczyk

87 DYING TO A DREAM Country Music’s Chandler Stephens

66

90 DEAR GRIEF GUIDE Shelby Forsythia’s newest pod

91 IT’S A BLUE, BLUE WORLD

79 BONUS!

Channeling Grief into poetry with Colby Flade

THE GRIEF CHEERLEADER WE DIDN’T KNOW WE NEEDED Rebecca Feinglos of Grieve Leave

93 DEAD GOOD LEGACIES

The sister duo changing the end of life narrative

97 THREADS OF SOLACE

A Journey of Healing and Hope Through the Art of Quilting

99 HOW I TOLD MY TODDLER ABOUT MY DAD’S DEATH with Year Thirty One’s Maggie Merriday

102 LETTERS TO HEAVEN Get Griefy Fundraiser

103 THANK YOU FOR READING From Kera Sanchez

93

97

104 PARTICIPATE! Ways to get involved and review the mag!

Hello

I’M KERA SANCHEZ The creator of this publication

LEMONS TO LEGACIES Growing up watching rom-coms, every protagonist had a fancy job at a magazine, living a fast-paced, sexy and glamorous life in the big city, surrounded by fashion, beautiful people, and sipping on lemon martinis at the bar during happy hour. For a while, that's what I thought I wanted for myself, and then reality hit. Those types of lifestyles don't actually exist. There are no Andie Andersons of the world, eating cheeseburgers at their desk while concocting a plan to ruin a man's love life, all while rocking a sleek and silky yellow dress so effortlessly in the evening.

Unlike Jenna Rink, I will not be taking a limo to a publication event, and dancing to "Thriller" for a career, living in an extravagant apartment in New York City with closet space for days.

I actually like my reality much better.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

I am happily married, to the love of my life, I am a mom to two beautiful children.

We purchased our dream starter home, living in the suburbs far enough away from the hustle and bustle, but close enough to touch it if we still craved a change of pace. We still dream about the things to come, what we want out of our next chapter, yet are still grateful for what we have.

I have a career I am passionate about, as I teach High School Spanish, and interacting with students, staff and language and culture is something that keeps me on my toes. (And I still get to dress up for events like Prom and spirit week.)

Everything worked out just fine, except for one thing.

The unexpected and untimely death of my mom in June of 2022. At the age of 57, my mom died on her second day of a group vacation that she planned for 30 of her friends in Italy. This also occurred just days after I had given birth to my youngest daughter, while we were still staying in the NICU. This changed everything for me.

How can this happen when everything about our life has changed? The support system we once had, the traditions we maintained? The pictures we now will take, will continue to express a void of someone so special to us, and we are living through pain, change, but also, rebirth and rediscovery.

Grief, like an onion, forces us to peal back layers and decide how we want our life to look like after loss.

While I can’t speak for everyone’s departed loved loves, I know my mom would want me to continue to live, full of zest, just as she she did, and just as she taught me. That’s not to say I didn’t mourn, or that I don’t still, but my focus now is how to make the most of my experience here, as I am now acutely aware of our mortality, and the sand in the hour glass.

Beyond the initial part of my painful grief journey, I started to ponder on life, and how often we as a society wrap up grief into a box, and expect the grievers of the world to move on once we say they should. After the funeral, life is suppose to go back to “normal”, and the tears we spill should be done in private.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

This past year, I’ve sat in my grief, and allowed it to work through me. Creating Legacy Letters guided journal, an Instagram online platform and content for the grief community, and most recently, No Legacies Lost, a grief and memory journal. All have been creative scythes, essential tools in my healing journey, and I’m not alone in this sentiment.

I’ve also encountered dozens of other grievers, channeling their pain into purpose, and I believe it is so important to pay it forward, highlighting these enduring spirits, living with loss, emphasis on living. I hope to shed light on what it is like to live life with grief, inspire those who are in the pits of despair looking for a way out, and to normalize what grieving looks like in 2024.

It’s not all black, sad and tears.

There is still joy, there is still happiness, and there is still so much to live for.

With Get Griefy Magazine, I hope to braid these elements together, while highlighting others who are working to destigmatize grief and giving our community a place to showcase the excellent work and resources everyone needs to plan life, and death.

So in the end, it looks like I am full-filling a childhood dream after all. Here I am, working for a magazine of my creation, sipping on my lemon garnished drink during happy hour, making the most of the cards I’ve been dealt.

Let’s get Griefy.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

GET GRIEFY - COMMUNITY RECIPES

Heirloom Eats: NOURISHING MEMORIES FROM OUR LOVED ONES recipe From the n: book of: Submissio ci k Marian Vin Katie Mac asicsBirth aka @BacktoB Kitty Grandma Dessert: e Lamb Cak

It br ing know s a sen se o ing t fp hat her I can eace, in a sm h yea r. It m all way onor ever akes fam y ily s m y m e n ile a joyfu nd o tire l con pen v rem s emb ersatio ns o up ranc f e.

“She really made the notion stick that there is beauty in imperfection...”

This lamb cake Easter tradition comes A few instructions: from my Grandma, affectionately -Put the lamb cake mold face down on a sheet known as Grandma Kitty. I cannot pan -Fill front half of mold with cake batter picture an Easter without this lamb -Place toothpicks in ear section to give better cake and my Grandma, they are hold synonymous. My Grandma was a force -Place back half of mold on the top in our family. With 6 kids and too many -Follow cake mix box cooking instructions grand- and great-grandchildren to -Let cake fully cool, then add generous amount count, she was the glue that kept of vanilla frosting in a swirl type motion everyone together. She was vivacious, -Can decorate with jelly bean eyes and nose, a loving, glamorous, and witty. Her warmth was felt by everyone but it was ribbon with a bell around the neck, and colored her humor that had me attached to eggs and jelly beans on the plate. her hip - she would always have me “it was a running joke of rolling in laughter. She was another sorts, that my Grandma mother figure to me, and left a huge would often have a lamb imprint on my heart. Soon before my cake "emergency" that required minor surgery Grandma's passing, she gave me her ears falling off, overly lamb cake mold which I delightfully cooked outside, or just accepted. Truthfully speaking, there is completely falling apart, no elaborate recipe.. the magic is in but it was nothing that a her lamb cake mold, some boxed few toothpicks and globs of frosting couldn't fix!” pound cake mix, and an entire jar of vanilla frosting.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Vanessa (Center) with Trevor and her sister, Sarah

Grievers & Readers Book Club

Note from your Editor in chief: As the mom to two toddlers, 3 and under, I can’t even pretend to say I am a griefy reader, so I searched the ‘Gram far and wide to seek help from a trusted expert. This is where I found Vanessa, the face

BY: VANESSA TURNER

behind ”Grievers & Readers Book Club”. I asked her to curate some books for the mag, and this is what she has to say.

My name is Vanessa and I’m the person behind Grievers &

As an avid reader it took me months and months to pick up a

Readers Book Club! As you can assume, I started my page

book and when I finally did, I couldn’t stop. I needed to know

after I lost someone I love deeply. In May of 2022 my

everything there was to know about grief and I needed to

younger brother, Trevor was murdered in my hometown

connect. To know that I was not alone and that yes, people

on a night out at the age of 22. This loss was, and still is

have survived grief before. Not easily, but they have survived.

earth shattering. There is little I prided myself more on in

So, I started Grievers & Readers! I wanted to have a page

this world than being an older sister and best friend to my

that operated as a resource for others and built community.

younger siblings, immediately I felt like I had lost a limb

I’m still new to the social media of it all, but I am proud of

when I lost my brother. My grief completely took over and

what I’m building and think if you’re ready to pick up a book,

rearranged my life.I had been in the field of mental health

knowing how it helped or didn’t help a fellow griever can be

and addictions as a counsellor for almost two years while

useful! Or, maybe you’re just interested in learning more

receiving my graduate diploma. I thought I knew grief,

about grief and want to expand your library or you want to

that I knew hardship and hurt but nothing could have

support someone you love who is grieving. There really is a

prepared me for this level of devastation. I left my dream

book for almost everything, so let me be your guide!

job and am still on the path of “re-discovery”. Finding refuge felt impossible and often it still does.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

New to Grief Recommendation Every new griever should pick up a copy of Megan Devine’s “It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand”. This book was tremendously helpful for myself and my grief. Nobody really does the whole grief talk like Megan Devine. Reading her words made me feel validated in my pain and my reactions and assured me that however I was doing this “grief” thing was the right way for me and yes, this is as bad as I think it is. Speaking from her own experience of losing her partner, she lets us know that grief is an integral part of loss and the human condition and guides us to take away the shame from grief. Our culture can be cruel when we lose someone we love, not enough bereavement days, isolation and the expectation that our healing will be linear. But Devine encourages us to take a step back and acknowledge our grief and recognize that we’re not supposed to just return to normal. Our path after grief is far from linear and Devine helps us find that path in a way that is gentle and affirming.

Needs to be on every Grievers bookshelf: The next book I’d recommend to any griever experiencing any type of loss is The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss by MaryFrances O’Connor. Now, I feel like this one may come as a surprise to some due to its science heavy text and the amount of information this book has but, I found it to be incredibly helpful in understanding what exactly was going on within myself and my brain when my brother died. When I read this book I felt like I could begin to make the connection between the experience of grief and why I could not believe my own reality, even if I knew deep down it was true. O’Connor uses her research in neuro-science and psychology to help us understand why so many emotions come up, why we grieve for “so long” and what actually happens neurologically when we lose somebody we love. I recommend this book for many different types of loss because it can help us better understand why we may act or react in certain ways and how we can help ourselves understand that the brain is rewiring itself to its new reality. If reading science heavy material is too much, I’d suggest listening to this one in order to make it a little more digestible!

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Inspirational Grief book: One book that I really found helpful and inspiring was Love Notes to Grievers: Tending to Grief After Loss by Angela E. Morris. There are so many reasons why I loved this book but one of the main reasons it stuck with me is the way Morris wrote about the secondary losses in grief. Lots of books touch on this subject but reading Morris’s book at the time I did, felt like permission to grieve the friendships that didn’t survive the storm and to grieve the person I was before the death of my brother. It also gave me the space to understand that we actually need to grieve these losses too.

Even though the loss of our loved one may feel like the only thing we can or should tend to, losing friendships, ourselves, our careers etc. after a death can be extremely heartbreaking and tending to that grief too, is important.

Like a lot of grief books, this book is also short and digestible which I always appreciate. Morris also has some wonderful poems and notes sprinkled throughout that affirmed my grief experience. Definitely pick this book up if you get the chance!

“Grieving the death of a loved one is excavating your old self” - Angela E. Morris.

Honorable mentions: It was incredibly hard to narrow down the previous books I had mentioned and maybe those books might not work for you - or you’re looking for something more specific.

Grief Ally: Helping People You Love Cope with Death, Loss and Grief by Aly Bird is a must read for anyone out there who is supporting someone they love who is navigating a loss. The book is broken down into nine easy chapters for the reader to follow. She shares what support systems need to know most in order to be there for loved ones from what not to say and how to recover - she covers it all!

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner I love, love, love this book, so I had to squeeze it in. This is a memoir about the loss of Zauner’s mother to cancer. It is heart wrenching, poetic, and a true depiction of how complicated family relationships are, and what that looks like in grief.

@grieversnreadersbookclub GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

ASHLEY TERRA

ROLLING WITH THE PUNCHES

THE STORY BEHIND GLOVES FOR GRIEF By: Kera Sanchez and Terra Pickett

Terra Pickett, Co-Founder and Executive director of the Faith-Based 501C3 Non-profit called Gloves 4 Grief talks to Get Griefy about the inspiration behind the organization and how rolling with the punches took on a whole new meaning when it came to dealing with her grief.

Shortly after Terra’s first job in New York, she found herself returning back to her home state of California, where she met and fell in love with her soon-to-be husband, a tale she describes as “buy one get two free special”. Their love story as a blended family began, when she met her stepchildren at the ages 9 and 11, becoming a full-time stepmom in her early twenties. When they married in 2017, they were blessed with a honeymoon baby named Wyatt in 2018.

In July 2021, she was delighted with the second pregnancy they so very much desired, and eagerly and happily planned every detail of her future as a double boy mom. She recalls having an uneventful pregnancy, with each scan and check-up indicating the arrival of a perfectly healthy baby boy. Everything was fine until it wasn’t. At 39 weeks pregnant, and just 4 days shy of her due date, she stopped feeling Weston move. A few hours later, an ultrasound confirmed their worst nightmare. Weston’s heart had stopped beating.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

He was later born still, at 7 lbs 1 oz with brown curly hair and eyes she will never know the color of.

“Those first 3 months after my loss, my body was in survival mode. The pain was so acute, so physical, so debilitating. I wanted to get rid of my grief and go back to my older lighter self. I sought after an understanding that never came. I began feeling God stirring and planting dreams in my heart and mind around 9 months after my loss. My questioning of why me, why this, why Weston began evolving to what. What was He trying to teach me about myself and others through these heartbreaking circumstances.”

Desperate to find answers, Terra’s focus shifted to what she learned from the experience, her own growth, and her purpose here on Earth. It was then, at Empty Arms Ministry at Saddleback that Terra met her partner in loss and crime, Ashley, who also lost her son. They quickly connected over their pain, and their shared hope to help others.

Together they joined forces to create a nonprofit called Gloves for Grief. The product of two women’s pain, but also their purpose. Their community provides a pathway of resources for grief healing.

A focus on the Mind, Body, and Soul.

“The boxing gloves are an element of our fitness program, however, it also represents the fight it takes to work through your grief. Fighting for your life, and fighting for your comeback. Grief knocked us down, but through the Grace of God, we got back up. We desire to help and support as many grievers as possible, no matter the circumstances surrounding your loss.”

Terra explains.

Terra also shares that getting to this point and squaring up with her grief took lots of work and self-care. “After 18 months of intensive grief work, support groups, therapy, and self-care my grief has progressed. Progress is the word. I have not “gotten over” my grief. Instead, I have gotten to know my grief. It’s part of who I am, and unfortunately, I cannot go back to the person I was without it.”

She acknowledges that although painful, her grief is the direct connection that she still has with her son, and she welcomes it to follow her along on her journey forward, “I am progressing by choosing to honor Weston every chance I can.”

Gloves for Grief received their 501C3 approval in 1 week, and Terra also received the Resilience award from the Mission Viejo Chamber of Commerce in 2023.

Gloves 4 Grief creates a safe space for people to come as they are and to release grief in a healthy way. Sometimes there are no words, and they invite everyone to join them to find an outlet to channel all painful feelings. Their goal is to bring about H.O.P.E. in others.

Helping.

Others.

Process.

Emotions.

To learn more about Gloves for Grief, visit: www.gloves4grief.com @glovesforgrief

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

t

th

S p e

Bar

d Grief

ri Le

ie

in

r

ant - Ce r r G

if

e

ADVERTISMENT

ci

ali

st

W

i

getting your grief on, just got a whole lot easier

| LIVING WITH LOSS: GRIEF SUPPORT | FOR A FREE CONSULTATION,VISIT: THEMEMORYCIRCLE.COM @thememorycircle GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Illustrations from Nina’s book by Sanna Sjöström

SHINE DOWN ON ME

Grief. It’s a five letter word but holds so much more than those simple letters. It’s something no one wants to experience, but it’s part of being a human being. Dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, grandmas, grandpas, moms, dads, brothers, sisters, everything. Everything that lives dies. It’s an emotion we all will face one day in life, more often as we get older. But how do we expect children to cope with grief, when we ourselves as adults struggle with the same concept? How can we explain to them the passing of a loved one? Nina Daoutakis thought the same thing. So, she wrote a book.

NINA DAOUTAKIS, CHILDREN’S AUTHOR

“Kids may find it difficult to name and discuss their feelings related to grief. My book makes connections to the weather and the emotions experienced with grief, in order to support children with processing their own feelings,” said children’s book author Nina Daoutakis.

By: Lindsey Boetsch

She’s a mom and teacher who says books are a huge part of her daily life.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

I’ve always wanted to write a book. The idea of publishing a children's book specifically about grief comes from my own experiences of losing someone very close to me,” said Daoutakis.

The book “Shine Down on Me” aims to help children through that. The character in the book shows all of the conflicting emotions of grief as she moves through her daily life.

“There are messages of hope in the story as well, once she learns how to understand her grief. She is able to remember her loved one and keep their memory alive. This story is very much about missing someone who is emotionally present, even if they are physically absent,” said Daoutakis.

Right now she says the book is in the process of being illustrated by Sanna Sjöström, a Swedish artist, who will bring this story to life.

“I’m really excited about the illustrations because the use of colours and symbols throughout the story add another dimension of storytelling through visual literacy,” said Daoutakis.

She hopes to have the book ready for purchase this year and is working on a website with free downloadable, coloring pages, and activities to help support grieving children and their families.

The Toronto native, now living in Australia, says this was a healing process for herself and a way to help others who have had similar experiences.

Daoutakis says she lost someone close to her while pregnant with her daughter, 2.5.

Daoutakis said, “I really want to convey the message that you are not alone in your grief. To be able to read a resource such as 'Shine Down On Me', is a way to make connections and build that understanding that we are not actually alone, there is a whole community of grievers out there!”

And the book is not just for kids. While it’s written for children, it’s also meant to help parents and caregivers understand their emotions through reading it to their children.

“I hope that both parents and kids will learn that it is natural and completely okay to feel conflicting emotions associated with grieving a loss. Grief and hope are always intertwined as we try to navigate through the joys of everyday life in the absence of someone who we've lost. The waves of grief can be so sudden and startling,” said Daoutakis.

TO CONNECT WITH NINA, VISIT:

INSTAGRAM - LITTLE.RAINBOW.READS

FACEBOOK - LITTLE RAINBOW READS EMAIL - LITTLERAINBOWREADS@GMAIL.COM

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

The Sisterhood of the Grief Community By: Kera Sanchez

Impactful women who are changing the grief narrative If someone told me that a big part of my grief journey would be the connections I was able to create on Instagram, I would have thought they were crazy.

Since creating Legacy Letters Journal on the ‘gram, I’ve created bonds with inspiring women who have all experienced different forms of grief and loss.

Parent loss, spouse loss, child loss, friend loss, all of the above.

The most inspiring part of their stories is not only their ability to pivot, but their ability to create with their grief in mind.

Using their pain, they have created purpose, and have also embraced me, and others, while guiding us all on this journey of life after loss.

lute powerhouse so b a re a en m o w e Thes ef community, ri g e th in es ti li a person and making , in a p r ei th m o fr creating a result. Get s a ce la p r te et b a the world glance here: a t a em th w o n k to GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

grief girlies you should be following...

Tara Accardo, Losses Become Gains 1:1 coaching, a membership, blog, podcast, and community

Angie Hanson, Butterflies + Halos providing cards that help friends in the toughest times.

@lossesbecomegains @lossesbecomegainspodcast

@butterfliesandhalos

@mycomfortjourney

Gracelyn Bateman, Co-founder of Luna Peak Publishing.

Creating books and print resources that enhance life through storytelling.

@snapshotsoflifeafterloss @lunapeakfoundation @hopefullykimberly @myemptychair

Natalie Weedman, My Comfort Journey Hope after loss.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Kimberly Koland, My Empty Chair Suicide prevention and mental health.

Kimberly Koland (Partner Loss) Suicide Prevention and Mental Health Advocate Months after marrying her husband, Brian, Kimberly should have been in newlywed bliss, not planning a funeral.

Now she’s fighting the stigma of suicide and acting as a merchant of hope, serving as a mental health advocate, specifically for those in the field of education.

As a public school special education teacher just outside of the Twin Cities, Kimberly Koland met her late husband Brian through school. He served as a principal, resulting in a lot of common ground between the two. They often discussed the invisible weight educators carry. The mental health of the students was something that was constantly addressed, but the mental health of staff, educators, and administration often goes unnoticed. This held true in Kimberly’s situation. Much of the inner turmoil her husband, Brian experienced was suffered in silence and without Kimberly’s knowledge. She now knows the stigma was to blame.

“When we were dating and decided to get married, no one from Brian’s family mentioned the previous attempts to take his own life or the suicidal thoughts he was experiencing.”

What happened next, is what she describes as whiplash. “Going from a fiancé, to a married lady, to a caretaker, to a widow, within 4 1/2 months. And I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with my life in that space, but I knew that not speaking about it was going to only feed the stigma and I’m here to fight the stigma instead.”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Since her husband’s death, she took to social media to help others feel like they are not alone. “Being part of the (online) grief community helps me to normalize my own grief and then to share hope with others. Grief is a myriad of complex emotions and dynamics. Practicing gentleness toward yourself in your healing and giving yourself the grace that you wish others would give you has really helped me, and then I can help others. I’ve learned that through the grief community and by being connected. Grief is really isolating, but if you push into it, you will become connected with others.”

Much of her content is a perfect mixture of relatable, comedic, and educational, which invites followers into her healing journey while also navigating their own.

Kimberly currently resides in Minnesota, and works part time as a special education teacher.

Her daughter is a freshman at Northwestern University.

She available for speaking engagements to help stop the stigma of suicide and mental heath struggles.

“My hope is that people who follow me are looking for hope in their own dark spaces, whatever that dark space might be, and my little page might be a spark of hope.”

And spark hope she does. In addition to the content she creates, she volunteers and works on a regular basis with several suicide and mental health organizations. “I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this. But I have been given my husband’s story to help others and that is what I will do.”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

She is also dabbling with creative expression after loss, and has created multiple resources to help with mental health.

To learn more about Kimberly, visit her on Instagram @hopefullykimberly

Angie Hanson (Partner, Child and Sibling Loss) Helping friends in the toughest times.

Suffering this many losses in a lifetime should be prohibited, yet Angie is here, teaching us all how to show up for grief.

Angie Hanson, the creator of Butterflies and Halos, grief- specific greeting cards that outlast the first initial weeks of grief and encourages us to show up for friends long after the initial shock wears off, knows a thing or two about this process.

“I lost my son Garret (age 1, June 2006) losing my one year old son was the most difficult loss I sustained. The beginning of our loss was horrible and life seemed to stop completely.”

Just years later, she would receive another blow from grief, a terminal cancer diagnosis for her husband Jack, and his passing in February of 2009.

And two months later, she lost her brother, Seth.

“The loneliness and loss of a spouse is hard and after my brother died 2 months after my husband, I honestly was in a very very dark place.

Sibling loss is so uneducated and unrecognized by the grief community and that is one thing I want to change and evolve for all other siblings.”

"As time went on, Angie remarried and continued to care for her daughter, trying to instill in her the lessons her daddy and uncle would have wanted her to know.

“I can honestly say that my focus was always on surviving and thriving for our daughter, who was 6 at the time of her daddy's death. As time has moved forward, I can feel the life lessons Jack taught me and the love he gave me to carry on for the future.”

The birth of her grief support cards didn’t just come from her experience, but from what she witnessed with her sister-in-law, Brooke.

“Jack's sister (Angie’s first husband) dealt with grief by drinking. This is a prime example of how coping and recognizing grievers is so very important. I wasn't able to be her support, nor were her parents. This is why sibling support is so needed.

Brooke was left alone in her grief as her entire family, we were all grieving the same people but in different aspects.”

“this has really taught me the difference between good and bad coping skills. It also shows us the choices we have when we are grieving.”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

She knows grievers are just trying to find their path, and with the help of the grief community, we can change the narrative and offer hope, inspiration and acknowledgement.

Thus, Butterflies and Halos, Angie’s thriving grief support card business was born. The cards have a way of providing the gentleness grievers need, while also poking fun and the ridiculousness of the reality that grievers face, like the abundance of casseroles that get sent our way.

Angie also works with “Loss to light” podcast, offers a weekly blog, and has a book in the works. “I want people to read my story and know that they are NOT alone and there are other grievers out there. I know there are other's who have lost just as much as I have or more and surviving is the hardest.”

Angie is happily remarried to her husband, Chantz. They live in Valley, Nebraska, and her daughter, Graci is a Senior at the University of Alabama.

To learn more about her cards and other Griefy goods, visit www.butterfliesandhalos.com

From Loss to Light Podcast is on most platforms, co-hosted by Michelle Cowan GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Natalie Weedman (Child loss) Inspiring Creative Comfort and Hope after Loss As a fellow Journal creator after loss, Natalie could have viewed me as competition, instead, she lifted me up.

"Natalie Weedman, a midwestern gal turned Nashville resident, is one of those people who provides a calming comfort through her presence. This makes sense because that is what she is offering through her guided journals, “Journey to Comfort”.

Natalie was on a business trip when she received the phone call no parent ever wants to pick up: her one-year-old son, Graham, had died during the night in his sleep."

“Grief was very sharp at first. I felt like I was constantly remembering -oh yeah, my son isn’t here anymore.-”

Like many grievers, she was given a blank journal that she used to express her pain and talk to God about her grief.

She quickly realized that there needed to be a change in how our society views and accepts grief and death.

“I think if anything, it’s rediscovering the ancient path of how to grieve with faith.

It’s not about putting on a happy face to show God our faith, it’s about being real with him and inviting him into the ugliness and hurt - into the “how could this happen” - and not being afraid to sit in that discomfort and awkwardness knowing that he’s not going to leave you there. It’s what the Psalms are all about.”

With that realization, came the journals and her instagram community, My Comfort Journey. “I wanted to create a place for the bereaved to talk about grief in the context of faith. How do we navigate faith questions that arise post loss? How do we fully mourn our loved ones while experiencing God’s comfort as promised in Matthew 5:4?”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Being part of the grief community has been so encouraging to me personally.

It truly is the worst club with the best people.

"I want to do all that I can to be transparent about my own journey so that people can feel less crazy in theirs and also feel more connected to their faith.”

Natalie notices that most of her following is other women experiencing loss of a spouse or child, but regardless of who is behind the screen, she hopes to provide support and encouragement, as well as spark curiosity and creativity.

“Grief absolutely shakes up your world, but so many questions we deal with are foundational life questions that become more prominent after loss.”

Her book, “Creative Comfort: Where Grief Meets God,” is set to be published in the new year, in which she will talk about how God wants to show up in our grief stories in ways that surprise us and give us purpose in our journeys.

Natalie currently resides in Nashville with her husband, Jesse.

Her Journals are available on Etsy and her book, Creative ComfortWhere Grief Meets God is available on Amazon.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Gracelyn Bateman (Parent loss) Enhancing life and sharing grief through storytelling Nothing is more inspiring than a person who experiences loss, and wants to show others they are not alone in their grief.

That is exactly what Gracelyn Bateman (and her aunt Melody) aim to do with their non-Profit, Luna Peak Foundation.

They invite grievers, as well as those diagnosed with cancer to sit with them at their table, to share their stories. (wearing pink on Wednesday is optional.)

“We aimed to bring more diversity to the space, and to share multicultural, authentic stories from our large-scale photography project "Beyond Grief: Snapshots of Life After Loss". When we started to share our participant stories, we found that others wanted to share their story too.”

To backtrack, Bateman’s father, (Melody’s Brother-in-law) died in 2016.

“My dad died very suddenly so the initial shock lasted quite a while for me. In the first two years, it was very difficult for me to picture the rest of my life and I struggled to look forward. It was only until I started my grief interviews and grief work that I heard hundreds of stories from other grievers that I began to look ahead for myself too.”

The Luna Peak foundation has published many resources and print materials, such as multicultural photography books, children's books, and workbooks for adults and children. Each book published is associated with a donation program.

“I still have my hard days and I know there will be more hard days to come, but I have been able to make space within my grief to rebuild and connect and fill my days with joy. I hope to live a life my dad would be proud of.”

They began asking their “Grief-stagram” community the same types of questions from their photography book, and were amazed by the participation, and everyone’s willingness to learn and contribute to the conversation.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

There is no doubt about the pride that shines down on her. With the community she has created, she has also given grievers permission to laugh. Her grief memes and Reels are painfully hilarious, and her dark humor was one of the reasons I was initially drawn to Gracelyn, and I know she agrees, “I have seen strangers become online friends and "IRL" in-real-life friends across the years and I think that is truly special and unique to the grief community.”

Gracelyn goes on to highlight how her work with Luna Peak contributes to the broader understanding and acceptance of grief.

“Our work pushes forward with inclusion amidst the grief community.

Our photography and books and online community involves grievers of all different backgrounds, ages, genders, types of relationships lost, and cultural backgrounds. Sometimes we need to see ourselves in someone else's story to believe it for ourselves too. We hope everyone can see themselves in the stories we share.

Luna Peak has donated over 2,200 books to hospitals, therapist offices, schools, and universities, in hopes that each book spreads more hope and understanding about the grief process.

To purchase and find out more, visit www.lunapeakpublishing.com @lunapeakpublishing GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Tara Accardo (Parent loss) Accepting our losses and finding our gains through community Tara was one of the first “Grief-stagramers” I followed.

I desperately needed to see myself in someone who had experienced devastating loss, and she experienced it double; yet was still reminding us all of how much life there is left to live.

Tara Accardo, of Losses Become Gains is a Jack Jill of all trades. She dabbles into all things grief with her brand, offering grief coaching, a blog, grief content, a podcast, journals, and a new offering, 1:1 Transformational Life and Soul Purpose Coaching, all with a sleek style and refreshing sense of humor.

Tara is no novice to loss, finding herself with no immediate family of origin when cancer took her mom and her dad within 6 months of each other. A year later, her family dog of 19 years passed, reigniting unhealed wounds.

“I think the biggest trials and tribulations I faced with all of this was being an only child and feeling highly alone, really in a deep level of shock, overwhelmed, and very lost.

I felt like no one could understand me or my pain, and it has been a journey of a true rediscovery of self, trying to figure out who I am and what I want now that I am, by definition, an orphan (I kind of hate that word, but here we are).”

This is where her new life motto started to come to fruition.

“This idea I began to realize over the years that, while I'll never be "okay" with losing my immediate family, my grief and despair didn't have to overcome me, either. My grief has evolved to be more of an understanding that I don't have to be comfortable with their deaths, but it's about so much more than that. I could raise my energy and evolve along with my grief to create something beautiful and impactful that serves the greater collective. And that is really empowering!”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Her idea of helping those experiencing loss and who may feel hopeless drives Tara daily. Her focus, normalizing this experience of loss in a way that is approachable, while also spreading a greater understanding of how to cope with it, both as a griever and as a supporter.

“If you look at any of my content, I’d like to think there’s an uplifting element to a lot of it. Uplifting and brightening the lives of those going through a difficult time brings me and incredible amount of joy, I really can’t describe it.”

I can sign off on that. Tara’s approach is relatable, digestible, and incredibly fresh, in spite of the people who still struggle to get it.

“The insensitivity around grieving truly knows no bounds—that’s what I want to help change. Grief can be so complex and complicated. The best way I can say it is I just want to take some of the suffering and complication out of it, while also being very understanding and realistic about the pain that comes along with it and holding space for that, too That grief and joy can coexist, if we let it.”

Tara goes on to gush about the grief community, ‘it’s filled with the most kind, empathetic, genuinely AWESOME grief educators and people on the planet.

We're collectively raising the consciousness of grief and freeing people from the constraints of feeling like they can't acknowledge or talk about it, and that's so beautiful. And, it's just really fun despite how heavy it can be sometimes.”

It’s incredible to look back on the growth and change that Tara has gone through during these 3 short years. “It's funny, when I first started it really was just more because I was busting at the seams to not only share my story in hopes it could help someone, but it was to share the tools and knowledge with others who are struggling to help them navigate their grief and get to a better place it To learn more about Tara and Losses life.”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Become Gains visit her website, lossesbecomegains.com

The Losses Become Gains Podcast is available on most streaming platforms.

Her Losses Become Gains Daily Journal is available on Amazon! @lossesbecomegains @lossesbecomegainspodcast

MOT H E R L O V E P R OJ E C T Janet Gwilliam-Wright, an Ottawa woman, executive, champion for grief awareness, and the mom of two, wanted to build something that taught her daughters that grief doesn’t live on a timeline, nor should it be something we hide.

Twenty-five years after her mom, Cass, died when Janet was just 18 years old, she created a space for other women who have lost their moms: The Mother Love Project.

“The Project is a place for motherless daughters to share their memories and grief. It is a living memorial to our mothers. It’s a love letter to our resilience and strength as women, leaders, partners, mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends. Since launching it, over 130 women from around the world have shared their stories.”

Janet reflects on her journey with the project and her grief, acknowledging that this outlet has helped her continuously process, even if it’s a quarter of a century later.

Janet Gwilliam-Wright launched The Mother Love Project on June 17, 2020- the 25th anniversary her mom's death.

By: Kera Sanchez

“Through the creation of the project, I have found a new meaning in my grief. I am able to share 27 years of wisdom and hard-learned lessons. I struggled with my grief for so many years, unable to process the trauma of my mom's death and its aftermath. I've worked really hard on improving my mental health, which started with really facing my grief after so many years of not dealing with it.”

She adds, “Grief doesn't have to be something we 'get over.' By resisting the destructive narratives others force on us during our grief, we can reclaim our stories and ultimately, find a new path to ourselves through our grief.”

Janet resides in Canada with her partner, Meg. She is openly accepting submissions.

To learn more, visit MotherLoveProject.com

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

@motherloveproject

ADVERTISMENT

Salim’s Shining Light, LLC www.salimsshininglight.com Salimsshininglight@gmail.com

SHOP NOW

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

artist spotlight - Steffi Pieters

A stroke of genius

written by: Kera Sanchez

Steffi Pieters, a transplant living in Peru, is an intuitive artist and holistic psychologist (with a Master's degree in clinical psychology) who offers offer art therapy and holistic therapy that includes the wellbeing of mind, emotions, body and spirit.

She confesses she has lived a variety of loss in her life, but the most significant is her twin brother that died in the womb. “When finding out about this through therapy, a lot of the symptoms I had had since childhood made a lot of sense. This loss has inspired me to connect more with myself, others and also with the spiritual world. I have developed more compassion and a deeper understanding of life through it.” She shares this experience, believing that a big part of healing process is through expression.

“Art also helps me guide me through different emotions. Since grief is such a deep feeling, doing art is a beautiful way for me to make sense of life experiences and give meaning to them transforming pain and difficulty in something that feels more harmonious, peaceful, grounded and beautiful.”

Steffi’s figurines, (created by Susan Lordi) honors her twin brother she never had the privilege to grow up with.

@inessence.art GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

artist spotlight - Steffi Pieters

'Held within love' - oils on canvas

Custom painting for a couple that was 7 months pregnant, using organic pigments from the Andes on canvas

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

‘Papillon” - oils on canvas

“We think your husband is brain dead.”

The words that changed my life forever.

We’d both been sick and bedridden for a couple of weeks with COVID-turned-pneumonia, and he ended up in ICU. But… brain dead? He was in the hospital. He was supposed to be safe. Hospitals are where people go to get better.

I’d worked in healthcare for 20 years and had breathed a sigh of relief when he was admitted. But… now?

We were married one month shy of 20 years when he was pronounced dead 11 days into his hospital stay. The day I heard these terrible words. At the age of 37 (he was 40), the question that kept spinning through my mind on the way home was, “How is this possible?”.

Nathan was a bigger guy, but he was healthy. His routine tests always came back exceptionally well. We have four beautiful children. What was I going to say to them?

I blared the song, “Praise You in This Storm” in my car on the way home. A phrase kept popping up in my mind saying, “You’re not alone.” I knew God didn’t abandon me. But this really hurt. And I didn’t understand how this death was possible.

I USED TO HATE BEING CALLED A WIDOW,

BUT NOW I EMBRACE IT A reflective narrative By: Emily Jones GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

The next few weeks are a blur. I went through all the motions… ordered the books, got everyone signed up for counseling, talked to other widows…I wanted to know the fastest way possible to navigate this pain. I wanted to get to the finish line of grief efficiently.

I didn’t know much about grief back then.

I hated the fact that I had a label now - widow. I really hated it.

Widows were old. Widows were sad. Widows were helpless.

At least, that’s what I thought.

I didn’t think anyone would understand the challenges of being a young widow. Of working long hours, traveling for work, juggling four kids, taking on new responsibilities, and trying to be everything to everyone.

I was wrong.

Over the past 2.5 years I have had the privilege of meeting, connecting with, and now serving hundreds of widows. And now… I couldn’t be more proud to be called a widow. Not because of what I went through, but because I know what being a widow represents.Widows are resilient; they have endured an unimaginable pain and loss of their identity and their own planned future. Widows are generous; they give, encourage, and inspire like no group I have ever met. They tell their story and quickly want to help the person who’s hurting. Widows are resourceful; they’ve taken on new tasks quickly, know how to find an answer, and don’t hesitate to say they don’t know. Widows are understanding; they don’t judge and don’t pretend to understand what someone else is going through. They know the power of listening and simply showing up. Widows have a new perspective; they are no longer naive to death. They appreciate every moment and know when they see someone it may be the last time. They are more patient with little things that might have once irritated them.

I can now gratefully say that I live a life full of joy and hope for the future. I didn’t know in the beginning how it would be possible to get there, but it is. If you feel isolated and misunderstood, that’s not uncommon. We don’t grow up knowing how to support someone. We don’t know how to ask for help.

And sometimes we’re prone to decline help that’s offered.

Just one month shy of their 20th wedding anniversary, Emily was widowed unexpectedly at the age of 37. She and Nathan have 4 children who were ages 10 - 19 at the time. She founded Brave Widow and the membership community to help other young widows navigate grief, heal their heart, find hope, and dream again for their future.

People want to help but don’t know how.

Widows want help but don’t know how to ask.

My goal is to help bridge that gap.

She is certified as a life coach from the accredited Faith-Based Coaching Academy and as a grief recovery specialist from the Grief Recovery Method Institute.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

@brave_widow www.bravewidow.com

ADVERTISMENT WWW.GRIEF-BOX.COM | @SHOPGRIEFBOX

GRIEFBOX Care Packages

Designed by a mother-daughter duo navigating grief. Made for grievers, by grievers.

The Story Behind GriefBox When we lost Jacob, our beloved son and brother in a tragic motorcycle accident at the age of 22, we found ourselves face-to-face with the ugly reality of grief. We know firsthand how difficult and lonely the grieving process can be. We also know how hard it is for close friends and family to know what to do or say in an attempt to comfort us. That’s why we created GriefBox Care Packages.

GriefBox Care Package

Kids Care Package

Each GriefBox Care Package is packed full of items that have helped comfort our family and assisted us in processing our loss. Some items close to our heart are memory cards, a journal full of blank pages, and the picture frame. A loved one may be gone, but they are never forgotten.

Curated by a grieving child, GriefBox’s Kids Care Package is designed for children experiencing grief. Our Kids Care Package includes items that helped Isaac (our 11-yearold) while he was grieving the loss of his older brother. The glow-in-the-dark blanket and light-up star pillow helped comfort him through lonely nights, and the journal helped him process the loss of the older brother he so looked up to.

Available on the GriefBox Website, Amazon, and Etsy

Available on the GriefBox Website, Amazon, and Etsy

Be there when it matters most.

BRITTANY & KERI YOUNG

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

W R I T T E N B Y : K E R A S A N C H E Z

Postal Service For the Dead & J A N E L L E K E T C H E R

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Janelle Ketcher, an Iowa transplant living in Los Angeles, solved a problem that many of us living with loss face, a way to continue communication with our dead loved ones. Janelle is an artist and facilitator, who holds a BFA in Painting, Art History, and Social Practice from The Kansas City Art Institute, and a Certification in Social Emotional Arts from Arts & Healing Initiative. To boot she completed the End-of-Life Training Program at Going with Grace. It’s safe to say all of this experience and training comes in handy with her passion project that she launched in December of 2022, Postal Service for the Dead. She reflects,

“A week before my mom’s 67th birthday I woke up yearning to send her a birthday card. She died in 2019 so there was no address for me to mail a card to.

Thus an idea was sparked! What if there was a PO BOX where we could send letters to people who have died?”

As an arts professional, her main focus is to encourage creative expression throughout the entire lifespan-from youth programming to end of life projects. As an emerging library science professional, she enjoys the intersections of creativity, information and resource access, archiving, and public service. Janelle has certainly found a cush spot in the Venn diagram between those two intersections to create an incredible project that allows the grieving to exercise their creativity and also archive a legacy of love.

Since the start of this project, Postal Service for the Dead has received over 70 cards which have ranged from handwritten letters, typed letters, postcards, and even some created on a typewriter. I asked Janelle if she noticed any patterns among the received correspondence, and she said “I’ve noticed that people use the letter as we normally would – to share life updates. We have received a couple of series of letters from folks who come back to this resource during holidays, death anniversaries, and birthdays.”

Continuing to reflect on the popularity of her project, Janelle shares, “Starting this project was an experiment that I threw out into the world, not knowing if it would seem interesting or helpful to other folks. Now one year later, I know that this is a resource that some people find helpful. With that in mind, this next year we are focusing on maintaining our process of archiving and sharing letters.”

Janelle and Postal Service for the Dead have certainly begun to scratch the surface of that goal, as they had an exhibition called “Postal Service for the Dead: The First Year” that opened at Studio Death Doula LA in December 2023 and will now be showing at The Altadena Library from January to February in 2024. They hope to continue touring this exhibit in Southern California as the year marches on.

She additionally wishes to continue to offer free creative letter writing workshops as they did during their first year. Specifically, they are looking to collaborate with artists, mental health practitioners, and community organizers to offer workshops with specific communities to address their unique grief whether that be age, identity, culture, or type of loss.

Janelle closes out the interview with a message to readers, “There are so many resources available not only for grief but mental health. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek out help and try speaking openly with trusted friends and community. You are not alone.”

To participate, mail letters to:

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Sleepy Sue Studio PO BOX 31412 Los Angeles, CA 90031

Get to know the privacy system for mailing your cards:

Option 1 – Blank: Do not read. If you do not want their team to read your letter, please leave the backside of the envelope blank.

Option 2 – Heart: Read my letter but do not share. If you would like their team to read your letter but do not want the contents shared publicly, please mark the back of your envelope with a heart.

Option 3 – Star: You can open my letter and share. If you agree to share your letter publicly, which includes digital platforms such as Instagram, please include a star on the backside of your envelope. They invite you to write freely and any mentioned names will be censored for anonymity before sharing.

By sharing the letters, they hope to normalize the full range of emotions and experiences that go alongside death, dying, and grieving.

To learn more about Postal Service for the Dead, and their recommendations on how host a letter writing party, please visit: www.sleepysue.studio/words/letterwriting-party

@postalserviceforthedead

Letters from the project on exhibit GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

BEHIND THE LYRICS WITH JUSTIN WHEELER OF

MODERN DAYBREAK

BY: KERA SANCHEZ

While listening to Modern Daybreak’s set at Homegrown music fest this past summer, an up and coming band from Chicago, a particular song caught my attention, and became an instantaneous earworm. That day I went to Spotify to leave a heart, saving it to my favorites, as it struck me in my bones. The lyrics paint a beautiful tribute to life after loss, and I immediately gravitated to the the message behind the song.

Today, Get Griefy is getting real with Justin Wheeler, the lead vocalist, guitarist, and songwriter behind the melodies of Modern Daybreak, a self-described “powerpop” group from the Chicagoland area, to discuss the band’s music, and the inspiration behind the song.

Wheeler recognized music and song writing was in his blood by the age of 14. “I knew I wanted to sing and write songs. I was not very confident in my voice at the time, but any time I was listening to music, I was trying to add my own harmonies.”

Reflecting today, he realizes that habit helped create the strong foundation he carries today for music creation. The band itself is growing into its own, their voice, and in popularity daily.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

“THE MAGIC COMES IN WITH THE DIVERSE MUSICAL BACKGROUNDS OF THE BAND MEMBERS.” The group of 4 is comprised of Wheeler (Lyrics, music, lead vocals, and guitar), as well as Matthew Morsovillo (Bass and backup vocals), Arthur Wolff (lead guitar and backup vocals) and Mike Jacobson (drums). “We aim to write inspiring, relatable lyrics.

Modern Daybreak’s core value is growth, so a lot of our songs center on that idea.”

Growth. This is where the grief ties in. As much as the pain we experience with loss is excruciating, it is a catalyst for change, development, and self reflection. That journey is evident in their song, “More Than I Used To” Wheeler confesses the song was inspired by his divorce in 2019, who was originally hesitant to call what he was going through grief. I reminded him just because it is disenfranchised, doesn’t mean it isn’t grief.

Pictured left to right: Mike, Justin, Matt and Arthur Picture by: Brian Christian Adam

“I had been married a day short of two years when we had that conversation. It felt unreal, but also it made sense after reflecting. That didn’t make it hurt less. I was racking my brain trying to think of all the things I did wrong, or could have done to prevent the separation. “More Than I Used To” was a promise to myself that I would grow from this experience. I did not want this loss of relationship to bring me down and destroy me, as it very easily could have. The chorus is purposefully repetitive: “I’ll love, I’ll love, I’ll love even more than I used to.” It serves as a mantra for growth.”

A mantra for growth while grieving. BINGO. That was exactly what I felt while jamming to the song.

“Even though I was writing about a very specific event in my life, the general message can resonate with a ton of people. There’s another lyric right before the chorus that stands out: “Now that you’re gone, I think I’ll love even more, even more than I used to.” This line means that in spite of the hardship and loss you have experienced, you can still make a conscious decision to live a life of love.

People may leave your life for a variety of reasons.

When they are loved ones, you are left to wonder what’s next. How does one move on from here? For me, the first step was deciding to move in a positive direction, to better myself in hopes of inspiring others to do the same.”

After talking with Justin, he also concluded that other members of the band all have a different interpretation of the song, based on their life experience lens, specifically my own brother, Mike Jacobson, on the drums. (Hello, nepotism)

Mike confesses his relationship with the song is complicated. Prior to our mother’s death, he didn’t think much of the song, but the day that he found out she had passed, he was practicing with the band for a show, and just pushed through. “I didn’t even tell the rest of the band what happened yet, I just trucked through and pretended it wasn’t real. I didn’t want to be unreliable. I didn’t think much of that song until that day. It definitely hit me hard when we got to that one on the set list, and even harder when we played the actual show.”

Matt sees the song as a guide to finding a better tomorrow while still sifting through pieces of yesterday. “Give yourself space to process and grieve, but also a clear path toward growing.”

Justin concludes, “Throughout my life, love has been my main driving force.” Anyone who listens to his music could see that. Justin currently resides in Lombard, Illinois with his loving and supportive girlfriend Gia. The band is currently working on a full length album of entirely new music, written by the current current iteration of the band.

Their latest release, “Wake up” hits platforms 2/9/24.

“WE ARE READY TO EXPAND OUR MUSICAL LIBRARY AND BREAK FREE OF GENRE LIMITATIONS. WE ARE WRITING MUSIC THAT WE ENJOY, AND THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR US!”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Website: www.moderndaybreak.com Instagram: @moderndaybreakband Listen and Download wherever you find your music!

INHALE, EXHALE, HEAL THE BENEFITS OF GRIEF YOGA WITH KIM BERNARDO Written by: Liz Quinn

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

In the digital world of emails, where stories can be told and unfold through typed expressions, I connected with Kim Bernardo, a Grief Yoga Teacher residing in Rhode Island. Her story, filled with strength and self-discovery, slowly unfolded as we chatted online. Kim's warmth and openness, conveyed through the text on my screen, invited me into the personal corners of her grief journey, revealing the profound impact on her life and the lives she touches through her unique approach to healing.

Kim, a seasoned yoga instructor with over seven years of experience, embarked on her journey into Grief Yoga following the loss of both parents within three months in 2021.

"MY YOGA MAT WAS WHAT SAVED ME DURING MY ANTICIPATORY GRIEF AND MY CURRENT GRIEF," Kim shared, her words carrying a mix of vulnerability and strength even in the digital space. This revelation led her to pursue Grief Yoga teacher training, shaping not just her healing process but also her mission to guide others toward peace through yoga and meditation.

As we explored the nuances of Kim's relationship with grief, she emphasized the importance of being kind and gentle with oneself. "I faced it head-on immediately after the loss of my last parent," she said. Kim's approach involved immersing herself in grief support groups, literature, and online communities—a proactive choice that allowed her to navigate the challenging terrain of loss with an open heart.

The transformative aspects of Kim's grief journey unfolded as she embraced self-compassion, leaving her waitressing job six months after her parent's passing. "Leaving that job was the best thing I did for myself," she shared.

This pivotal decision allowed Kim the time and space needed to focus on her yoga career, nurturing both her personal and professional growth. In a society that often rushes the grieving process, Kim stressed the importance of acknowledging and addressing grief.

"Avoiding grief doesn't make it go away," she emphasized. Her words echoed the societal discomfort surrounding grief, which, she believes, inhibits individuals from granting themselves the necessary space to heal. Kim spoke passionately about the transformative power that arises when we give ourselves permission to grieve at our own pace.

Reflecting on her own journey, Kim expressed contentment with how she navigated her grief.

"Finding resources to help me feel less alone and reaching out to others who understand it allowed me to move forward peacefully and on my own timeline," she shared. Moving into the realm of grief yoga, Kim illuminated the essence of her healing modality. Grief Yoga, she explained, employs yoga, movement, breath, and sound to release pain and suffering, ultimately reconnecting individuals back to love.

This gentle practice focuses on emotional liberation rather than physical flexibility, making it accessible to everyone, regardless of their yoga experience.

Kim's personal experience with grief and trauma influenced her approach to incorporating yoga into her healing journey.

"Having the tools from what I've learned over the years in yoga has transformed my grief," she said, her digital presence resonating with the impact of those transformative tools. The practice provided a safe space for Kim to release emotions, with breathing techniques and meditation proving instrumental in her healing.

Differentiating grief yoga from traditional yoga, Kim highlighted specific techniques designed to address emotional pain stored in the body.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Techniques such as Flowing Breath, Throwing Out the Struggle, and Punching Out offer practitioners avenues for expression and release.

In Kim's classes, these techniques empower students to physically express their grief, creating breakthroughs and facilitating forward movement, all conveyed through the descriptive sentences typed into our email exchange.

Inspired by her own transformative experience, Kim pursued specialization in grief yoga to share the tools and knowledge she gained. "Knowing how yoga and meditation saved me during my anticipatory grief, I wanted to share these tools with my yoga students," she shared. Kim's background in grief and trauma has equipped her with compassion and empathy, allowing her to create a safe space for students to release heavy emotions.

For those new to grief yoga, Kim offered some wonderful advice: take breaks when needed, customize the practice to individual comfort levels, and understand that this is a personal journey.

Each technique, she believes, can be beneficial regardless of the stage of grief, providing solace and healing on any given day.

Kim Bernardo's journey is not just a story of personal triumph over grief; it is an invitation for others to embark on their paths of healing.

Through Grief Yoga, she extends a compassionate hand, guiding grievers toward peace, one typed word at a time. As Kim continues to share her story and expertise, she reminds us all that acknowledging and embracing grief is a courageous step toward profound transformation —even within the boundaries of our digital world.

To learn more about Kim, and Traveled and Balanced Yoga & Meditation follow her on Instagram. @traveledandbalanced And check out her free youtube channel!

Photography by: Shelynne Raposo

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

ADVERTISMENT

Work with me!

Nearly 8 years ago, my husband suddenly passed away and our family’s world was shattered.

At that point I also needed a career pivot to accommodate my new role as a single mom and provide for my children.

Coupled with my experience as a property manager/investor, along with corporate finance, it was easy for me to begin helping families find their dream homes in the Chicagoland area.

I carry a unique perspective as a flipper, and have experience with contractors and other renovation experts, and my 15+ years of experience in corporate finance and accounting gives me an edge when it comes to negotiating on behalf of my clients. I'm known for going above and beyond and I really put myself in my clients shoes and take their best interest at heart. So if you are considering a move or thinking of investing in Real Estate. I be more then happy to answer any questions you may have.

I am a call or text away.

Grace Castillo @properties Christie’s International Real Estate The Jeanine Wheeler Group 773-456-4968 gracecastillo@atproperties.com www.atproperties.com/site/GraceCastillo @grace_castillo_realtor

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Hi the re, I’m G race!

Abou t me: -Born and r aised in Ch icago -mom of 3 -love r of tr avel and p ilates

THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE WITH MELISSA BRIGHT Written by Kera Sanchez

Upon embarking on my journey of sharing my grief story online, I was on the hunt to secure my first podcast appearance. I was shamelessly plugging myself to anything and anyone. I remember Googling one day after school, “feel-good podcasts”, and watching the results populate. Melissa’s showed up on a list with glowing reviews, so I sent her an email, along with about 20 others that day. I will honestly admit that I truly paid no attention to the art or images attached to any of the hosts or shows, I was simply hungry to share my story. Shortly thereafter, she responded, stating she was excited to hear my story, and also sharing how she lost her mom, among other losses.

Excited to investigate more about the person who gave me my first “yes”, and went to jump on her website and listen to some sample episodes. I was completely in awe when I clicked on her website. Every ounce of her pages was covered in yellow and sunflowers. Melissa radiated positivity and all the things I associated with my mom.

Before loss, I don’t know if I would have believed this idea, but now, after surviving one of the worst things that could have happened to me, I am confident that certain people, and situations get put on our path for a reason, and Melissa was no exception. It was the ultimate validation and sign of alignment for me, and the episode we recorded together was life-changing for me. She helped me reframe my loss.

Today, Get Griefy will search for the brighter side of life, and talk to Melissa Bright, podcast host, and self-worth coach to talk about her journey with grief, and how she is still able to dance through the field of sunflowers, despite the grief and trauma she carries.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

When Melissa was 25, she lost her mom at the age of 53. She shares her grief story, among other things, in hopes of helping others. “While I thought I knew everything at 25 years old, losing your Mom at that young of an age will show you how much you still need them in your life.” Melissa had her daughter when she was 16, reflecting that her journey to motherhood only brought her and her mom closer, and emphasized that void more, “not only did I lose my Mom, I lost my best friend, my support system, and my navigation throughout this world as a single Mom of a 10-year-old daughter.

Something I was sure to have help with until my daughter was full-grown with a family of her own.

Life had other plans.”

It took her some time to come full circle on this trek, “My relationship with grief has been subtle in my mind, bold in my body. For so long I thought I was ok. That I had handled losing my Mom about as well as anyone could have done so. My body told me otherwise. Somewhere after a couple of months of my Mom's passing, I felt something in my body that I was not familiar with.”

That year, along with the World event that must not be named, Melissa started therapy to treat this feeling, and truly face the loss she was experiencing. “I started therapy because I needed to talk to someone about my anxiety and the loss of my Mom. And once the therapist started describing what was really happening in my body, it all made sense. My body and nervous system had basically been in fight or flight mode for ten years after losing my Mom. Once I understood what I could do to calm my nervous system down, everything changed. I was able to get my anxiety under control 99% of the time. Anxiety ruled my life for ten years. I feel like my relationship was with anxiety more than it was with grief. But they were deeply connected. And not just for me, for anyone. The body keeps the score with trauma.

That's why I tell my story of grief and anxiety.”

While also turning for help, Melissa also turned to the mic. In just 3 years, she has recorded almost 150 episodes of her highly reviewed podcast, “The Bright Side of Life”.

“My podcast then led me to talk to some Melissa had come to the realization, like many of us post-loss, was suffering from the big A, anxiety. of the most incredible people about “From that point forward, my mind and my body their own personal stories of pains, were never the same for a very long time. For ten long years, I would live with debilitating anxiety. struggles and grief. With each person, I And since everyone's symptoms are different, I'll learned something new. I learned explain mine as this, -Imagine you're sitting in a chair and someone comes up behind you and something that they did on their scares you, and your stomach drops.- That feeling stays in my body for hours. Accompanied by journey to help them. I also started nausea. Just getting to this point of being able to having experts on my podcast. The describe what was happening in my body took years to figure out.” She goes on to detail her experts ranged from trauma experts, course, “I realized that my anxiety happens when grief experts, to alcohol and addiction life is so great because I am scared that someone else is going to be taken away again just like my experts. Over the last three years I have Mom was. That I must prepare myself for the worst-case scenario. This same scenario happened learned so much about all of these more times than I can remember for ten years. In topics and hopefully my listeners have ten years I figured out the two big things that were happening, but it wasn't until 2020 that everything learned just as much.” came together.”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Melissa goes on to talk about the importance of acknowledging the grief we have in our bodies, sooner than later. “I think it's important to acknowledge grief because of the effects that trapped emotions have on your body. Trauma stays in your body and you change. Sometimes to the extreme of just being a shell of a person. And I know people wouldn't choose that. But grief is powerful. I think when we can learn ways to be with the grief instead of running away or suppressing it, we can release it.”

To learn more about Melissa please visit www.thebrightsideoflifepodcast.com @melissabright_ @brightsideoflifepod The Bright Side of Life Podcast is available on most streaming platforms

Her biggest message to readers and listeners alike?

“Find ways to remove the trapped emotions.

Movement of some sort. Writing. Getting those feelings and emotions out. Be mad. Be angry. Be sad. It's OK to feel those. Guilt, shame, or perhaps you are even happy today because a movie made you laugh. You have a right to be happy.”

Melissa Bright was voted one of the Top 50 Moms in podcasting by Podcast Magazine in 2021. Melissa and her podcast, The Bright Side of Life was featured in Podcast Magazine in the August 2022 issue and was voted Top 10 Mental Health Podcast for Women to listen to by Westbury Media in 2021. She was featured on her local news station in St. Louis in May of 2022 to talk about her podcast during Mental Health Awareness Month.

Melissa has conducted interviews with prominent experts in various fields, aiming to provide insights into subjects such as trauma, grief, self-care, selflove, and numerous other topics. Melissa has served as a co-host for major online summits within the realm of health and well-being.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Grief and your gut!

When we’re in a parasympathetic state, we are calm, relaxed, heart rate decreases, and our digestive tract gets ready to receive nutrition. It’s a great state to be in! Problem is, when we’re stressed, depressed, sad, negatively impacted by emotional trauma, we can’t fool our gut into this state because our digestive tract will always compensate for our situation. The sympathetic mode (stress response) kicks into overdrive and “shuts down” digestion, so to speak, so that even if we do force some food down, we aren’t going to be digesting anything very well. And this can lead to a cascade of negative effects.

By: Susan Koursaris NTP, BCHN® You know the feeling of “butterflies” in your stomach? We usually relate that sensation to public speaking, or first dates- you know, things that are nerve-wracking but can also be exciting in a positive way! Oddly enough, I discovered that during my grief experiences, especially those that hit particularly hard, this feeling was here to stay... And NOTHING about it was positive or exciting.

Good digestion is so critical to overall health.

There is simply no major system in our bodies that digestion does not impact, somehow. So, when we can’t get back into that critical parasympathetic state, especially on a chronic basis, things can turn south, real quick.

I don’t know about you, but after traumatic loss in my life, I went into numb mode.

Existing only. Getting through the day. Eating whatever, whenever I could and that was only IF I felt like eating.

This “feeling” we get in our gut is thanks to a complicated network of neurons that make up the Enteric Nervous System (ENS).

It’s been dubbed our “second brain” because it’s amazing capabilities rival only that of the brain. This system is normally regulated by the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, but it does have the capability to operate all by itself. These two systems are responsible to put our bodies either into a fight-or-flight, or a rest-and-digest mode, respectively.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Same went for sleeping. Absorbing nutrients from good food and getting proper sleep are two critical activities our bodies need to rest and repair to stay healthy.

So… as the dominoes fell, I started getting sick and tired… over and over. And it didn’t seem to be getting better. I felt like crap. All the time.

I was aware of the things that were making and keeping me sick. Fast food, processed snacks, high sugar intake were the usual suspects. But they seemed to be giving me SOME comfort. It was later I realized, they actually weren’t; I was just mistakenly using them as my “pacifier” when I was feeling sad, lonely, or depressed at the loss I had experienced.

So, I thought I’d try something different.

Maybe I would sip on some bone broth instead of crush that bag of white cheddar popcorn I was so fond of. I knew I'd be more successful if I 'replaced' instead of 'punish' by omission. I made tiny tweaks along the way, finding better alternatives to my guilty pleasures and made sleep a priority. This took a long time (and I still battle being a night-owl). I simply wasn’t ready to give everything up yet. Yet, after a while, my body did start to crave that nutrient-dense food and it got disgusted by my old stand-bys. This, along with purposeful activities like exercising, deep breathing, and prayer, really helped me get back into that state of calm and finally get that desperately needed rest.

Meditation, prayer, stretching, and taking time to purposely SLOW DOWN are all activities that can really help in calming that second brain of ours to bring the body back into that parasympathetic state we want to be in. The sympathetic (fight-orflight) state works well short-term and is meant to protect us and give us that extra push to escape a difficult situation. However, remaining in overdrive only leads to burn-out and inflammatory processes that drive chronic conditions and disease.

Grief is hard. There is no rulebook on how to handle it the correct way. You can only try to listen to your body’s messages. Make it easy on yourself.

Cut yourself some slack during this time. Prioritize sleep, try to avoid things that bring you more worry (like everything on a screen), read more, journal your thoughts, pray, stretch, go for a walk in God’s nature, and take time to eat healthy, nutrient-dense food in a relaxed manner. Your physical body needs this support, especially during this time of emotional turmoil.

Susan Koursaris is a holistic nutritional therapy practitioner in the Chicagoland area.

To learn more about her practice, visit whollyheartnutrition.com

@whollyheartnutrition GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

GRIEF AND LIGHT WITH NINA RODRIGUEZ By: Kera Sanchez

highlighting stories of loss, grief, hope and life thereafter...

In the initial stages of grief, I assume, we all feel like a ship, lost out at sea.

The shoreline and civilization feel so detached from where you are, and you are out in the open, floating aimlessly, confused about your path in life, or treading to stay afloat. Isolated, afraid of what’s to come, and just wishing you had the person you lost still with you. It is like you lost your first mate, someone who you once navigated life with.

So it is quite symbolic that Nina chose to include a lighthouse in the cover art for her new and successful, hit podcast, “Grief and Light”, which she started after the unexpected loss of her only sibling, her brother Yosef in 2019. She has since forged a path to address the silence surrounding sudden loss and the reality of life as a griever. The Grief and Light Podcast has evolved into a powerful platform, highlighting stories of loss, grief, hope and life thereafter, as well as amplifying the voices of those making meaningful impacts within their communities.

Like many of us learning to live with loss, Nina expresses what she wishes she could change about the grief narrative in our society.

Grief & Light is available on most streaming platforms @griefandlight griefandlight.com

“I wish it didn't take losing our person to learn these lessons. I also wish our society at large would stop pathologizing grief. It is not an illness.“

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Pictured: Yosef hugging Nina on her wedding day.

She continues, “There's nothing wrong with you. You are a human having a human experience.

Grief is a human experience.The pain of loss will always be that, but the unnecessary suffering would be significantly reduced if we approached grief as a normal human experience, not a problem to be fixed.”

With her podcast, she is working against this narrative, meeting grievers where they are, and allowing them to authentically show up as they are, grieving.

“I'm giving a voice to an experience that has been shunned by a grief-averse, griefilliterate, grief-avoidant culture. In a world that mutes our reality, I am providing a public platform for grievers to speak their truth, openly and authentically. Through my podcast and one-on-one grief support, I am helping grievers feel less alone during a very difficult time in life, and normalizing that what they're experiencing is okay. I want to remove the shame, fear, and stigma around talking about loss and life in the "after" as a griever.

I am working to normalize this experience so it stops being a "boogey man" that everyone fears and avoids. I want people to see it for what it is, in all of its variations.

Nina explains that in her first episode of the podcast, she goes into detail for her “why” and how she wanted to become the person she needed after the loss of her brother, but also expressing that this is how she gets to love and honor him now.

She is confident that this creative outlet has also aided her healing journey.

"Grief is not this OR that; it's this AND that.

Our capacity to hold space for joy and happiness is directly correlated to our capacity to hold space for grief. Grief is nuanced. There's a notable difference between early grief, bereavement, and mourning, and the wholistic experience of grief. Understanding those nuances is key to navigating the long-term grief experience. Grief can be expansive, an opportunity to fully experience our humanity across the spectrum, from the pleasurable and the painful.”

Nina reflects that getting to this radical acceptance takes time, “It would have sounded like gibberish in the early days. In fact, I would have resented someone saying this back then. But it has shifted over the the course of four years and three months into this version. I honor that as well. Grief invites us to slow down, a lot, and that slow down invites reflection, which in turn invites internal change, that ripples outwardly. It's crucial to show yourself and others grace every step of the way.”

The Grief and Light Podcast began on March 30, 2023. Since then, she has been invited as a guest speaker at the University of Miami (August 2023), and as co-host of REimagine's "Gathering of Grief" on November 28th, 2023.

She co-hosts monthly virtual meetups (first Tuesday of the month), and is fully booked with guests until early 2024. She was also featured on the Holistic Career Change Podcast. More importantly, people are getting to know her brother through this beautiful work, as well as learning to honor their own grief experience, and that is what “fills my heart with gratitude.”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Do you own a small business?

GET GRIEFY MAGAZINE

advertisements for next issue are available for as little as $15!

Reach out today!

“...will help children process loss and help parents understand that grief comes in many forms.” - Reader’s Favorite

Guiding little hearts after pregnancy loss A CHILD’S GRIEVING PROCESS AFTER MISCARRIAGE, STILLBIRTH, OR INFANT LOSS FOR AGES 2-8

IrmaProsser.com Order your copy today!

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Teddy

NON-PROFIT SPOTLIGHT

A Touch of Written by Kera Sanchez

Elizabeth Michalski of Cleveland, Ohio, is a happily married, stayat-home mom of two in her arm babies, and to Theodore Russell (Teddy), who tragically passed away at 22 weeks. She has since turned that physical void of her sweet Teddy into a gift for other families, also living this nightmare of infant loss. A Touch of Teddy, is a 501 (c) Non-profit that supports pregnancy/infant loss families and provides them with free teddy bear ornaments during October (and year-round at a small cost). Elizabeth admits that as dark and difficult her grief journey has been, she also allows it to fuel her, adding that she created this organization to honor his memory, and that she gets up every day to care for Teddy’s siblings, which he undoubtedly watches over, smiling.

Elizabeth tells us the inspiration for this project resulted from the emptiness she experienced during the holidays. “It was really important to me to have a piece of Teddy on my tree for the holidays, because I will never truly get to celebrate them with him.

And that’s where the idea stemmed from. Giving families something they can also remember their babies with during the holidays.”

Also adding, “I hope families feel a sense of comfort receiving one of our bears, and I hope everyone listening to the stories we tell from loss families gives them the knowledge they aren’t alone. A sense of community in the worst club with the best people. “

A Touch of Teddy has sent over 1,000 total Teddy ornaments to 48 states (and Canada and France!)

To learn more about “A Touch of Teddy” or to donate visit: atouchofteddy.org Follow their journey on Instagram @atouchofteddy

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

ADVERTISMENT

LONELY. GUILTY. HOPELESS. ANXIOUS. MISUNDERSTOOD.

WIDOWS, LET’S CREATE A LIFE YOU LOVE

JOIN THE TRIBE BRAVEWIDOW.COM/JOIN GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

K. LaFleur-Anders, coach, author, creative leader and the powerhouse behind Chestnut publishing house, is here to talk about her grief journey and the healing power of written words.

Reset with K.

Written by: Kera Sanchez

In July 2023, I was jumping on to Zoom to join someone I knew I needed to talk to.

I was greeted by her warm smile, haloed by a beautiful piece of abstract art.

Although this was my first conversation with K. LaFleur-Anders, I felt an instantaneous draw to her energy, a connection to her story, and I knew this chat wouldn’t be the last. She had such a delicate way to describe her journey, and how much grief, death and loss had inspired her to press reset on her own life, and how she now wants to highlight that for others. Just months prior, she had suddenly lost one of her best friends, Monique, and grief hit her in her bones. The painting, hanging behind her was a constant reminder to make the most out of her time here on earth. Beyond the initial loss of someone so special, she also saw herself in Monique’s death. Seeing how her best friend left the world too soon, K. realized her short lease on life, and how important the little things are.

Today we reflect and reset with K. to look back on her grief journey and how she moves forward with her goals and with Monique in her heart forever.

K., a southern girl through and through, originally from Louisiana, now resides in Austin, TX. She loves the foodie scene, the seasonal weather, and the relaxed denim vibe that the south has to offer. As a wellness coach and publisher, she aims to create experiences and content to promote healing, growth, and creativity. Little did she know how much she needed to lean into those skills, following the loss of her best friend, and “supermom”, Monique in 2022. She goes on to explain how she encourages her clients to write for wellness and she attributes that component to her personal growth and mending.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

“Monique’s passing has had such a monumental impact on my life and business.”

“I believe there's a healing component to writing because you're letting things go or getting things out. Writing is a great way to release how you feel in an honest, sacred, and transparent way. For example, if you're feeling anger because your loved one passed away, you can release it in your journal without the fear of judgment.” K. also emphasizes the importance of acknowledging our grief, not suppressing what we are feeling, and slowing down in life. “We are so used to putting ourselves in this box and we need to hurry up and get over this”, she acknowledges that although this is our societal view, it’s not doing us any favors.

She attributes her experience with loss with designed change, “It's helped me slow down honestly. I've slowed down to focus on being more intentional about how I spend my time and with whom.”

K. also endorses the importance of writing to help remember, and maintain our connection with our loved ones. “Writing keeps me connected to those I love that are no longer here. Monique is the most recent loss but losing my grandparents was devastating to me years ago. Writing is what brings me closer to them as my publishing company is dedicated to them.”

The successful Chestnut Publishing house is home to a team of incredible women, and soon to be a multimedia company. Her goal is to share her life experiences and lessons, while also offering love, hope, and a message of healing with others.

To work with K., find out more about Chestnut and more information please visit: www.klafleuranders.com

“My hope is that they feel inspired to move through the grief they feel and use writing for those moments when they need to let go of what may be too heavy for them in the moment.”

This inherited piece of art is what hangs in K.’s office.

A constant reminder to slow down, and be intentional with her day.

Follow on Instagram: @klafleuranders @ChestnutReads @Chestnutleaps GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

The Heart of Hospice

With Helen Bauer -Written by: Kera Sanchez-

The Heart of Hospice Podcast, is celebrating it’s 8th season, and Helen Bauer, the hostess with the mostest, is reflecting on her successful journey with the podcast and her career in Hospice.

With 30 years of nursing experience, 14 of them in Hospice care, she describes it as an accidental entry into the field. “I was simply looking for a full-time job after working part-time and staying home with my kids. I was captivated by the work from the very beginning.” It was then that she also realized there was a large information gap among those on hospice, their families, and society at large.

“I started The Heart of Hospice to fill the gap in information that was available and easy to access. A podcast was the best form for The Heart of Hospice to take free, accessible 24/7, available on multiple platforms. It was something a listener could pick up for an hour or for 15 minutes. I wanted it to be a resource for people who were overwhelmed and overworked, providing care for someone they loved, and grieving at the same time.”

Now, after nearly 200 episodes, it’s safe to say she achieved that goal.

Her own experience with Hospice also inspired her to discuss the things families and caregivers need to know regarding this type of care.

“A friend of mine died on hospice a few years ago. Although we had been friends for a long time, our friendship wasn’t very deep. She chose me to be her Medical Power of Attorney without talking to me about her end-of-life wishes.

It was a difficult situation, and I experienced a lot of emotions along with anticipatory grief. I learned a lot about myself and about the grief that caregivers feel.”

That experience has no doubt put an inquisitive lens on Helen’s interviews for the podcast, aiming to better equip those dealing with the hospice experience.

“I’m hearing some really strong voices talking about death and dying. The death positive movement is alive and well, and nudging our Western culture towards a healthier relationship with death.”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Helen admits that it’s the medical industry that needs to lead this growth and dialogue.

“Conversations about end-of-life planning need to happen upstream in our lifespan and in our healthcare. Those conversations need to be deeper and broader - and more compassionate.

They need to factor in our personhood and really support who we are as humans throughout our entire lives, not just at the brief moment of death.

We do a lot of living before we get to our season of dying. How our deaths are managed should reflect our whole lives.”

Continuing her walk down memory lane, Helen sees many common lessons and themes from the episodes she has recorded throughout the years. “I’ve learned there’s a unique connection between people who’ve experienced death. It’s a bond that comes from seeing the loss and the beauty in end-of-life experiences. There’s room for both of those things in death and grief. I think it takes practice and reflection to see it. Death can have great beauty, but it’s still a loss of someone we love, a loss of relationship and identity, a loss of so many things.” Also adding,

“I’ve learned that reflecting on death and grief can help us to create meaning around the losses.”

With all of this deep diving with other hospice professionals and those in the grief work space, Helen insists that it’s truly impossible to pick a favorite episode or interview.

I asked Helen for advice for families who are thinking about entering a loved one into Hospice or are simply faced with no other choice, as the circle of life will touch us all. This is what she suggests, “Ask all the questions, and then ask again if you need to. The amount of new information is like drinking from a fire hose overwhelming in a flood that’s hard to handle.

Write the answers down, and have someone with you to hear the information and process it. There’s strength in a caregiving community that helps make the hospice journey easier. I’d also tell families to use the hard words, the ones that feel very grief-y. Identifying and naming those things that make us aware of our loss helps to reduce our fear. It robs the bad things of their power over us. And be gentle with yourself - you’re doing a hard thing. It can have great beauty if you’re able to allow space for it.”

The Heart of Hospice is entering its ninth season in Summer 2024, with lots of exciting guests.

Helen has also launched “Hospice Navigation Services,” a support service for anyone who needs information about hospice and end-of-life care.

The Heart of Hospice Podcasts is available on most streaming platforms.

To learn more about Helen and the Podcast, visit theheartofhospice.com and keep up on Instagram @theheartofhospice

“Each week, I say I have a new favorite episode.

With so many fantastic guests, it’s easy to love all the conversations. My favorite episodes are always the ones that take a really deep dive into Hospice end-of-life care experiences, where my guest is Navigation really vulnerable and real. Those heartfelt stories Services connect us in an intimate way. I’m humbled every can be found at: time a guest shares a personal story. The best interviews happen when someone cries - a lot of www.theheartofhospice.com/services GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024 times it’s me!”

RUMMAGING THROUGH WITH

LIFE

DARNELL

LAMONT

WALKER

If Dos Equis is looking to rebrand their most interesting man in the world, I have a recommendation.

Darnell Lamont Walker.

He is a collector of experiences, and his life résumé is quite expansive. I wanted to hear it directly from him, so I began by asking Darnell what is it exactly he does, and his answer hooked me even more.

“It’s funny, I get asked this often, and I never know how to answer it, so I just say “I do all the things that make me happy.” But here’s my attempt to answer it for you: I’m a writer above many things because I’m good at it and I don’t know what I’d do if I could no longer write. I’ve been doing that since I was 7 and getting paid for it since I was 16. I am a filmmaker, a baker, and an aspiring candlestick maker.

Every so often, I find myself in classrooms and the seated people call me a teacher. I like that.”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Written by: Kera Sanchez

Then this is where the really interesting, and griefy part comes into play, “And I’m a death doula, helping people transition, understand grief, find closure, and find joy. In all of these things, my goal is to be a bridge. I hope to get people from where they are to where they want to be.”

I was blown away by this answer. I have never heard of someone refer to themselves as a bridge before, but isn’t that what we would all aspire to be in life? Someone who helps others get from point A to point B, while also improving their experiences, knowledge, and insights? As an educator myself, this hits home because this idea of a bridge is all about providing the route to get to the destination, where one aspires to be, but that individual still has to walk over it to get there. They still have to do the work. It is such a beautiful metaphor for our purpose here on Earth and a beautiful collaboration of two individuals, both bettering themselves in the process.

The death doula part was why I reached out to Darnell in the first place. I had stumbled across him in my stories, talking about the book, “Beyond Grief: Snapshots of Life After Loss”, published by LunaPeak, and it was incredibly refreshing to see a multicultural and male point of view on grief and loss.

It appears that Darnell has made peace, and even friends with the hooded man and the scythe. When I asked him about his relationship with loss, death and grief, he again, has an interesting perspective: “Being the person who handles most deaths well, I’m often the first called when someone dies. Usually in hopes that I’ll do the tough part and spread the word.

Death, to me, has always been a beautiful unknown. It’s a mystery, and I walk toward it like ditzy characters in horror films. When I get the news of a death, the first thing I think is,

-GOOD FOR THEM. WHAT AN INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE.That doesn’t eliminate the grief I’ll feel from time to time, however, but it does make it easier and less frequent. I still think about the things I’d love to do with those I’ve lost and the things they could still be giving the world, but they did what they could in the time they had, and I smile at that.”

I was curious to know more about his work as a death doula. I wanted to know his insights, things he notices, and witnesses when it comes to the final stages of human life.

“I simply don’t want anyone being alone at the end of their life if they truly don’t want to be. That’s why my work is important and that’s why I step in when I can and where I can. We didn’t enter this place alone and we shouldn’t leave it alone either. There are stories left to be told, closure some will need, answers others will want, and I want to help them get everything out there that’s for them. I also find myself advocating for patients often, making sure the medical care is top tier, no matter the hospital, and making sure the families continue respecting the patients’ wishes. I feel we’re in a time where the attitudes toward Death Doulas are open and fantastic. I’ve never gotten any pushback from families, doctors, and certainly not from those at the end of their life.”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

I go on to ask Darnell more about his filmmaking and workshops. I wanted to understand how he braids all of these elements of his life so beautifully in one package.

Darnell states: “The films I’ve made deal in grief indirectly and with loss, but I do plan to make a film that directly deals with the end of life and grief and the many moving parts of both. As for the writing workshops, I will often do assignments where I bring the writers face to face with their own mortality, but it’s not often. I’ve had many students write their own obituaries.”

Those who are familiar with grief, accept this face off with mortality daily, and those who are not, it would serve them well to lean into an activity like this. Our lives are enriched when we accept that it’s a gift, on loan from father time.

Since. I found him reviewing a book, I asked Darnell if he has any other books that touch on grief that he recommends.

“Absolutely. Eddie’s Brave Journey: How One Little Elephant Learned All About Grief is incredible and lends a hand to those interested in teaching kids about grief, death, and dying, a topic many are afraid to approach with their little ones.”

What’s next for Darnell? He is currently writing a book around death and dying, and his work in the space. He also hopes to use his skills and experience from writing children’s shows, to include the topic in an age appropriate manner into more household screens,

“BECAUSE IT’S TIME WE START TALKING ABOUT THIS MORE OPENLY.” GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

To learn more about Darnell, visit darnellwalker.com Instagram: @hello.darnell

retail therapy

The impulse purchase won’t bring them back, but you’ll get a good endorphin hit...

$30.00

it’s the dark humor for us.

From the creator of “Terrible, Thanks for asking” Podcast, Nora McInerny.

These t-shirts will remind you you got ripped off in this transaction.

More options on feelingsand.co website GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Wild Confidence

Talking Grief with Ainsley Britain Interview with Kera Sanchez

Ainsley Britain, author, enneagram coach, podcast host and speaker is known for her bright personality, humor and authenticity. She encourages others to grow into the best version of themselves, through dating advice, spiritual connection and self worth, but when a series of losses knocked on her door, she knew she had to acknowledge grief for the sake of her community.

Get Griefy: Ainsley, Your podcast, feed, and newsletter all typically encourage us to step into our own power, providing faith-based words of empowerment and purpose but as of recently, you have been very open about your grief journey. Why do you think this is important to talk about?

Ainsley: “Oh man I think it's cathartic for me in general to talk about my loved ones, but it also connects us to those who have also been grieving or understand the grief process. It's such a relief to feel less alone when someone says that they have been through a similar loss, even though we hate for everyone to experience it”.

Get Griefy: Can you tell our readers about your grief journey? Who have you lost? How do you try to honor them in your daily life?

Ainsley: “Over the course of the last eight years, I've lost six family members. The funeral home knows our family well, unfortunately. Most recently, though, I lost my cousin and my uncle just one week apart.

When I listen to 80's rock music I think of my uncle and every time I put my daughter in a band tee I remember him and text my aunt about a fun memory or something. As far as my cousin goes, we loved to dance at weddings and cut up so every time I hear "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," I think of him and know that we will be dancing in heaven together one day!”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Get Griefy: How did your perspective on grief change? What have you learned about yourself and life through grief? Do you feel a shift or change in your regularly scheduled content after these losses?

Ainsley: “My relationship with grief has been a rollercoaster, but at the end of the day I know it's always a process that should never be rushed. I firmly believe that time does not heal all wounds and I hate that phrase because I miss my Poppa just as much now as I did eight years ago when he suddenly passed. I still get nervous when my phone rings or my mom texts me, "call me." But, I do think of each person often and imagine them with us during every birthday, holiday and wonder what they would be saying around the table. Oh if only they could come back for one meal to tell us about heaven! My content is definitely not as cheery every day as it normally was. I'll get back to that I'm sure, but I don't want to rush it. I don't want people to think grief doesn't last a long time. I want people to know it's okay to still be devastated when you lose someone you love and that it has long term effects so you don't have to pretend to be happy or "over it" any time soon.”

Get Griefy: Any advice for your listeners or followers who are new to grief and don't know what to do/how to react?

Ainsley: “I would immediately get a counselor to be able to process everything with because they are the best people to give you a permission slip to feel however you're feeling. Don't rush it, think of them often, cry in public because WHO CARES and talk about your people often. Tell those with you what they mean to you and be at peace with your love for everyone around you.”

Ainsley’s podcast, Wild Confidence is available on Apple Podcasts Follow her on Instagram @ainsleyb Her book, “Don’t Date a BooBoo Dude” is available on Amazon.

Check out her website to work with her and learn more: www.ainsleybritain.com GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

GET GRIEFY

Get Griefy Community Blog is a space for the grief community to share their grief experiences, art, writing and more.

The inspiring, heartbreaking, and everything in between.

Julia Morin - Poetry @girl_meets_grief Julia Morin is a writer and a grief specialist, educator and advocate, as well as the face behind the IG account @girl_meets_grief which she launched over Mother’s Day weekend in 2021. Julia is a childhood grief survivor who lost her mother suddenly 28 years ago shortly after she turned eight years old — and less than one week after Mother’s Day — and she has experienced a number of other losses in her life.

Julia is fiercely passionate about normalizing conversations and ending the stigma around grief, as she continues to navigate the various manifestations of this significant early loss in her own life.

She is especially passionate about work around mother loss and childhood loss, as a result of her lived experiences.

Her approach to grief support is rooted in the belief that grief, like love, lasts forever — and while we never “get over” it or “move on,” over time we can learn to move forward with it, live alongside it, and integrate it into our lives.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

The Visitor when grief settles into your bones heavy like an iron cloak — remember that love resides there too when all you can feel is the suffocating weight heavy in your chest submerging your heart — let air into your lungs don’t forget to breathe when sadness creeps in a silent visitor in the night unannounced and uninvited and you can’t will it away — sit with it awhile until it feels like a friend when you wake one day and realize grief is here to stay it has not packed its bags — remember that love is here to stay too

Julie Wilson - Blog Post @juliewilson_111 https://linktr.ee/juliewilson111 Julie Wilson is a multidimensional energy healer and facilitator. She began her healing journey 14 years ago when fertility issues came up. She knew she was destined to be a mom and that began her quest to understand energy work. Some of her specialties include helping people identify and expand spiritual gifts, connecting with multidimensional aspects, clearing and healing past lives and timeline work, DNA repair, and supporting others to step back into their power. She also works with inner child healing ranging from womb work to parent-child relationship cultivation. Julie is a homeschooling mom to a 10year-old daughter and a dog mom, as well as a wife, who likes to travel and spend time in nature.

Growth it comes in waves. It is usually messy and uncomfortable. If we keep doing the same thing, we get the same results. If we push the current level, we hit discomfort. If we challenge what we fear, there will always be another fear behind it, but we didn’t come to stay comfortable. We could have done that in the higher dimension.

This message has been coming in from spirit for a while. When we morph to fit spaces we know are not meant for us, we allow cracks in the foundation, which can often bring some unpleasant experiences. Be you, my beautiful friends; the connections we are intended to make may shift out of our fields if we are too busy trying to fit into spaces we know are not in alignment.

Show me someone who got messy and tried even when the odds and opinions were stacked against them but followed their heart anyway, and I’ll show you someone with the keys to unlocking the matrix. The secret to understanding energy is standing firm in your foundation when chaos is all around and your world seems to be crumbling.

In that crumble comes the most magical freedom we will ever experience. It reminds me of birds. A feeling comes over me when all the birds fly south. Their energy weaving and dancing and making the most magical ripples. We also make ripples, all moving separately but together.

Circles change, and people shift, but we are still weaving the calculations for where we are heading, just rotating up or down.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Jennifer Mullins - Blog Post @the_bittersweet_journey www.beautifulbittersweetlife.com Jennifer Mullins (Phoenix, AZ) owns a tutoring and a photography business and the parent of three adult children. She enjoys nature, live music, doing photography for the Phoenix Film Festival, and meeting new people. Her husband, Mike died of an accidental opioid overdose on March 13, 2012. Her mom died January 23, 2022, and her dad died six months later on July 24, 2022. Her 19-year-old cat, who her husband brought home as a kitten died in October of this year, severing one more connection to Mike. She shares her grief experience to help others who are walking this painful journey, just like she found helpful when her husband died.

Life seems solid until the death of someone you love shows how fragile it is.

March 13, 2012, was the day that my world changed forever. I had dealt with death before, my maternal grandmother and, paternal grandparents, family friends, but nothing could ever prepare me for the sudden death of my husband, Mike, from an accidental opioid overdose.

Mike had struggled with addiction for many years because of chronic pain, physical and emotional. Before his death, he had a period when he was sober, but the addiction was stronger. I received a call from the doctor’s office the day before his death, asking me to pick him up. I knew he had taken something, but not the extent of what was in his system.

When I arrived at the doctor’s office, she came to the check-out window and told me that he was too tired to drive. She was more worried about liability than his health because she didn’t tell me about the lab slip that she had given him to test what was in his system.

After years of dealing with Mike’s addiction and the stress on the family, I gave him three options: go to the hospital, rehab, or a hotel.

He chose a hotel and packed a suitcase. As we drove by the hospital, I gave him the option again, but he chose the hotel.

Unfortunately, what Mike had in his system was enough to kill him. When neither my daughter “S.” nor I could reach him by phone, I called the hotel to ask for a welfare check.

“S.”, who lived out of state, asked me to drive down to the hotel. When I arrived, the manager was standing outside the door. In my heart, I already knew he was dead, but having the manager tell me I would have to wait for the police to arrive made it real.

The world, which had seemed so solid before, was split in two: before and after.

I have never experienced such searing pain as that moment when the reality that I would never see Mike alive again hit me. The deep ache in my chest, the unstoppable tears, and the fear of how I was supposed to live without Mike were overwhelming.

I called some friends to be with me. I answered the police questions about Mike, asking the officer sitting next to me if I could hold his hand. I needed something to ground me because none of this seemed real.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

The fire department had two women to provide support and ask what funeral home I wanted to use.

I was fifty years old!

I had never made plans to bury my husband. One of my friends suggested a place that she had used when her husband died of cancer. Finally, they let me into the room to see Mike. It looked like he had just sat on the bed, laid back, and fallen to sleep. Even as I write these words nine years later, I can see him at peace as I sat on a chair next to the bed, holding his hand, sobbing, and just saying, “I’m sorry” over and over.

Mike’s death was the beginning of my journey through grief, which does not have five stages but is more of a spiral that lengthens with time. You don’t get over the death of someone you love. Instead, it becomes a part of you that you learn to live with, and over time, you learn not to fear the feelings of grief.

Written July 24, 2021

More from Jennifer...

Intuitive Sketch

Intuitive art is a way to freely express your feelings through the arts, by creating whatever comes to you. Letting your intuition guide you and freely expressing yourself without a plan.

I was listening to a book on estranged adult children, and the author talked about using a geometric shape to describe how when one lesson leaves, there is an open space. The imagery I thought of was a circle that represents me.

I like a circle because you can expand or shrink it as the people come and go in my life. In the center are the hearts of those who have died who I carry with me. The hearts connected to the circle are the people you love but may not be in a relationship with right now.

However, they are always connected.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Carolina (Lena) Ayala - Narrative @healing_while_hurting Carolina, also known as Lena, is a mom of 4 + (Including their pup!) She is a wife, living in Alameda, California. She holds many titles, but some of the things she does: a space holder (this year she intentionally held spaces for grief), a crossing guard, a self-published author, a former and forever teacher, A virtual assistant/community connector, a health and wellness coach and homeschool mama to their. She is always choosing to share her journey with grief because, “I believe in normalizing and accepting our whole-selves.” She lost her father to cancer 1/21/14 and her mother-in-law due to cancer 10/24/22. She has experienced the loss of cousins, an uncle, friends, pets and others. Although some of her losses have taken place years ago, she expresses some days it feels as if it was that day. She likes to lead by transparency and being her honest self- in hopes to empower others to do the same.

“I believe that gratitude saves me, and it continues to serve me in partnership with grief.”

My relationship with grief is an on-going journey. My grief has helped me lean into gratitude more while being open and real with the hard parts that are true. My relationship with grief is a partnership, it is the eyes into parts of me that are hurt or coping , the parts of me that are healing and teaching some valuable insights. This journey seems to have many endings and beginnings, it's like a path that has no destination but many stops and turns and twists. It makes room for smiles and tears, sometimes in the same breathe. I am constantly working on this relationship by allowing it to be what it is and while allowing me space to create from it.

My grief journey taught me that I can be on my timeline and that it is ok, it has taught me that I will never know it all because each loss comes with it's own experiences and lessons for me. It has made me become more intentional with the way I live, the way I honor those living, the way I interact with those here and how I am present.

As a person, I have developed in many ways thanks to grief. I have tapped into life-long dreams such as becoming an author. I have tapped into my creativity buy expressing and healing myself through writing and sharing. I lead from a different place as a parent because I want to be intentional when handling grief and the many ways it can present itself. I take my time with the feeling the feelings and am aware more about how my story is not just mine but resonates with others as well.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Nalda Seidman Landry - Blog Post @squashf20 www.naldafatimalandry.substack.com Nalda Seidman Landry recently lost her son, Josh, in March of 2023.

In August of 2023, her husband and Nalda moved to Costa Rica so they can focus on healing from this devastating loss. She used to teach English as a Second language full time and knew that she didn’t want to continue working after she lost Josh. She now devotes her time to writing about grief, painting, volunteering, and supporting and receiving support from the amazing grief community she’s found through Instagram and David Kessler’s support group, Tender Hearts.

My heart ached. At times it felt like it had skipped a beat or had stopped for a tenth of a second. I felt dizzy and nauseated. My palms were sweaty. Other times my heart raced as if I had been sprinting at full speed, when I was merely lying in bed.

Grief had taken a huge toll on my body. Aside from the literal heartache, I also experienced intense anxiety, frighteningly elevated blood pressure, insomnia, and severe brain fog from lack of sleep. These physical symptoms were debilitating and made getting out of bed nearly impossible. Showering and brushing my teeth were monumental tasks.

I wouldn’t have made it out of bed, never mind my house, if it weren’t for my ailing health. I had a ridiculous number of doctor appointments in the weeks following Josh’s passing, and couldn't put my grief on hold.

So I wept in waiting rooms and exam rooms, in hallways and elevators. Once, while drawing blood, the phlebotomist said gently, “It’s gonna be ok”. I fell apart, my body draped over the little table, as I wept uncontrollably. She grabbed me and scooped me into the best and most comforting embrace I think I’ve ever experienced.

She instinctively knew that I needed to be held. As hard as it was, it turned out that having to tend to my health was an actual boon - it gave me a reason to get up and do all the things that I didn’t want to do, the basic self-care I had previously handled without any effort.

These were my weekly appointments: my General Practitioner who was treating the blood pressure and insomnia, my physical therapist (for a previous injury), the cardiologist for my heart issue, my mental health therapist for my depression, and the gynecologist - because, oh yeah, I was also bleeding profusely for weeks and for no apparent reason, and my uterus felt like it was in a vice grip.

I couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps my uterus was mourning Josh’s loss. After all, it had housed the tiny ball of cells that grew day by day, month by month into a robust, full grown baby, so enormous he had to be cut out of me, who came into this world with a shrill that both stunned and delighted me.

And now he was gone. My uterus as much as my heart were expressing the sorrow they felt over the beautiful baby boy they had once sustained and bore. My body, no longer in homeostasis, sensed that an incredible void had disturbed its balance.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

It would be weeks before I made it out for a walk around the block, then a few more to get to the gym. I eventually made it out for a date with my husband and dinner with close friends, all the while attending grief support groups and therapy, processing the guilt, shame, remorse, and self-blame that plagued me. The feelings were unbearable at times.

When I’d cry, it felt as if I’d never stop. I couldn’t avoid the feelings; or rather, I chose not to. There was simply no way around this behemoth of a beast called grief. I had to hack my way through it. I had made a decision to live, and I held myself to that decision, firmly. I realized I could just exist and float through life like a ghost of my former self, as anguished with guilt as Lady Macbeth was over goading her husband to kill King Duncan. If I let myself, I would have considered myself complicit in my son’s death for a myriad reasons that were irrational, untrue and destructive (more about guilt in a separate post). I had to voice those reasons and get challenged time and time again by my therapist and grief groups.

My husband told me once that life is for the living, and I chose to live.

Yet leaving the comfort and safety of my house was challenging. I had never needed so much time alone as I did in those first months. Everything was a trigger. There was nowhere I could go where Josh and I hadn’t been. But, also, nothing interested me. I no longer cared to do anything. In my former life, I couldn’t stay home. I was always out for a hike, a bike ride, on my kayak, at the pool, or with friends. I soon realized that what I needed was an entirely new place, new surroundings that didn’t have all of the reminders.

I’m just a few months shy of a year since I lost Josh, and to my own utter astonishment, I have made it all the way to Costa Rica, some 3,500 miles from the little cocoon of a home in North Carolina that enveloped me while I mourned, wept, despaired, and agonized over the most profound loss I have ever experienced. Out of that darkness and the gooey mess of emotions, I have emerged a much different version of myself. It’s not better, but it is different, both spiritually and emotionally.

I’m reminded of a post from an unknown author on Instagram about healing: “The most beautiful mosaics are created from broken pieces. In the midst of grief, embrace the fragments, the cracks, and the pain. They are the canvas on which you’ll create a masterpiece of healing and transformation.

Let your shattered heart become a work of breathtaking beauty.”

My heart is healthier. It still aches occasionally, like when I get into the story of my loss, but it has improved. There is a term for what I experienced, and it’s aptly named Broken Heart Syndrome, which you can read about here if you’d like more information. It’s basically the body’s response to intense stress, and it’s completely treatable and reversible.

The physical pain is gone. I exercise and take care of myself, I walk on the beach, I want to explore my new surroundings. I still attend groups and have a great therapist, and I’m learning to hold the emotional pain and sadness while simultaneously feeling joy and contentment. It’s a balancing act I work on every day. The more I heal, the more natural it becomes. I no longer feel broken, and my heart continues to mend.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Kelila Green Siciliano - Blog Post @oursandyrs www.kelilagreenspeaker.com In 2017 Kelila and her husband decided together that she would apply to become a surrogate. She had very easy pregnancies and felt that it would be her honor to help a couple create the family for which they longed. Through a series of events (in what felt like messages from above), they were matched with a couple and she gave birth to their child in December of 2019. They all knew that a sibling journey was the next step but when COVID changed the world, it also changed their trajectory. It wasn’t until January 2022 that she was given the go ahead to begin the sibling journey. After a successful first IVF transfer, things were going well— until they weren’t. At 16 weeks and 5 days, at what she thought was going to be a normal checkup, they found out that the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. In that moment, her life changed completely. She created OursAndYRS: A Pregnancy Loss Survival Toolkit as well as the podcast Pushing Through Loss following her own loss to help others who had become pregnancy loss survivors. This is an extremely difficult topic and there aren’t enough resources out there for survivors. Her hope is that by being open and available for others to share their experiences, pregnancy loss (and loss in general) won't feel so lonely. Together, we will all be able to find support and learn how to I've on the other side of grief.

We all come to the table with baggage. Me? My baggage is wrapped up in loss. Most recently, pregnancy loss as a surrogate.

Previously, I had 4 perfect pregnancies and births; completely by the book (3 of my own and one surrobaby). On my second journey as a surrogate, I went in for a normal 16 week check up and discovered the baby didn't have a heartbeat.

I was sent to labor and delivery where the doctor induced labor. I delivered the baby the next day and had to be rushed in for an emergency surgery to remove the placenta that had stayed attached to my uterine wall.

After 2 days in the hospital, and coming very close to needing a blood transfusion, I came home lost. I had to teach myself how to live on the other side of grief. What I learned is what I said before. We all come to the table with baggage. It is how we carry that baggage (and not what we carry) that defines who we are. We cannot change the past; we can change our outlook.

I am still here-as you, dear reader, are as well. I will forever carry that baby with me but I also have live my life. I know that is what he would have wanted. And maybe it's just coincidence, but whenever I am feeling happy nowadays I see a butterfly. I like to think that is his sign to me that everything is alright.

If you or someone you know has become a pregnancy loss survivor, I am sorry. Please don't hesitate to reach out for help; you can find my pregnancy loss toolkit on my website and you can also listen to other survivor stories on my podcast, Pushing Through Loss.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Kelly Graham Tick - Blog Post @kellygrahamtick Kelly Graham Tick is a Registered Massage Therapist, educator, storyteller, lover of life, people, animals, and the planet, duchess of nurturing touch, hugger of peeps and talking trees, wisdom seeker, soul doula, cuddler of babies, hand holder of the elders, resounder of respite, dame of human dignity, dweller in the realm of sunbeams, marauder in moonlight magic, queen of cathartic crying, proud mama of amazing humans, plants and fur babies, compassionate extraordinaire, founder of One Caring Human Initiative. She is author of 365 Days of Compassion - Integrating Compassionate Presence Into Your Daily Life. She lives in Langley, British Columbia, Canada. Her mother passed in December of 2022 at the age of 81,.

IShe’s hoping her words can be of comfort to anyone who is grieving for any reason.

Transitions can lead to Transformation: The first several years of a dragonfly's life is spent underwater, taking in nutrients, getting strong, growing in ways that will later sustain them they multiple iterations of being. Humans like to feel prepared to face all that life presents, and like dragonflies, draw on experiences, lessons, beliefs, support systems and community, physical, psychological, and emotional nurturing, to fare in the best ways we know how. Though we have others holding us, feeling through the potency of heartbreak is a very personal endeavor.

At times, it seems impossible to find balance between the expression of the heart and the mind, as the dragonfly so fluently integrates the language of the water and the air. The human spirit is the magical binding force that allows us to hold the beautiful tension of bliss and pain simultaneously.

We can recognize the wisdom of the dragonfly as it ascends to the surface of the pond that it's known as its entire world, then intuitively transforms the materials that built its life into the tools that make the remaining journey meaningful and whole.

The enigmatic creature transfigures itself by pulsing the water in its body from the pond it grew in, to shape, frame, and unfurl delicate, sturdy, and powerful wings in order to fly and live into its purpose.

This resonates when noticing the person I've grown to be because of my mother and others in my community, and by allowing my heart and intuition to guide the journey I must take without her physical presence in my life.

We experience cycles of birth, life, and death, not only in the length of a lifetime, but everyday and in every breath. Every exhale makes room for the next intake of life-giving air. This is the nature of our lives.

Ebb and flow, highs and lows. Ecstacy and sorrow intertwined.

My Mum was magical. She was loved by many and made friends literally everywhere she went. She had a beautiful way of looking directly into the hearts of others.

Connection and quality time were her dearest values and her love language. She wanted to make those she knew feel special, loved, and seen.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Mum passed December 9th, 2022. She was only with us for a few short months after her colon cancer diagnosis. She was in a palliative hospital for her last couple of weeks. I could not have hoped for more beautiful care or have more gratitude than for the brave souls that are palliative nurses.

Helping hands are attached to human hearts. They are so full of love, and when love is your intention, people feel safe in your presence. The world needs more compassion in action. These nurses have it in abundance. Being a soft place to land for others' vulnerability is how our souls want to connect.

We all need community, especially in these times of great loss.

Though very challenging, these moments have a rare beauty to them. Most of us have lives full of busyness, often rushing from activity to activity. When a loved one nears the end of their life, we have the opportunity to slow down, reflect, be with family, and share love, hugs, and stories. It is an honour to witness someone's truth, tears, joy, and grief, be it theirs or our own. To hold them through it is great love. The blessedness of this moment is awe-inspiring, unsettling, a little scary, and still miraculous.

When nature gives us a gift that whelms the senses, surrendering to the experience is freeing. We can feel relief, immense gratitude, and extreme heartbreak. What a privilege it is to notice the coexistent sacredness within and the abundance surrounding us. We have capacity for cavernous depth and loving connection.

During times of transition, we are sublimely in the moment, can drop all pretense, ask the hard and meaningful questions, and forget the small talk.

I accept that I am a deeply emotional being.

Emotion is a touchstone for the physical body to understand what the soul is experiencing. What I need changes by the minute. Sometimes, I fall apart and seek nurturing in my support cocoons. Some days, I can hold someone else up. There are moments I feel reflective, curious, and humble, and other times I'm angry and feel lost.

Often, I just need to pause everything and breathe while the sun rises again. When listening to the millions of thoughts in my head, and a million more feelings in my heart since my Mum transitioned, I find that focusing on the one that brings me the most relief and peace is so very helpful.

Transitions are important and profound to the soul, can lead to transformation, and hopefully a lot more love.

Through the perspective of transitional times, I feel clarity in my ability to hold space in the now and in the ageless, all at once, and understand how to honour my heart and mind together. Almost like sacred chaos is the catalyst to filling our hearts with love and innocence. The dragonfly is lucky to live out its senior years flying over its former home, seeing everything from a new perspective.

When all is said and done, I hope love is what we all remember. Love to you all, and may you find peace in the transitions.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Dr Heather Browne, PsyD, LMFT- Poetry @dr.heatherbrowne www.drheatherbrowne.com Heather is a widow, a Mom, grief specialist, a TedX speaker, a writer, and someone who loves deeply. She’s been a psychotherapist for 27 years. She loves nature, adventure, and the healing journey! Her book, Speaking With the Heart is out as of January, 2024.

Waist Deep People say grief is climbing over some massive mountain.

And it is not, or tiredly dragging yourself up the tallest flight of stairs.

Grief is standing waist deep in the river with the current pressing upon you.

It would be so much easier to let go, let yourself be carried away with it, collapse and drown.

It takes extreme effort, just to stand where you are, without losing.

And when you've found and reclaimed your breath, when you can plead and will your body to plow forward, there is no certainty below this water, whether you will trip on a rock or stumble into another ditch.

There are many.

Each step is determined.

Without any idea of where, or how you will recover.

And even when you take every precaution, all the moments you need to be solid, a branch can slam into you right out of nowhere, taking you and all you have done, so carefully and intentionally down.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Laurel Hope Hart - Blog Post @laurelhopehart www.laurelhope.com Laurel Hope Hart is a New York City based nutrition coach, business coach, and teacher.

After losing her brother she created a substack called, My Brother's Griever to navigate the complexities of grief.

I belong to the exclusive club of “forgotten mourners”. Before this club, I was unaware that exclusive could be a synonym for awful. It is an awful club.

The term “forgotten mourners” refers to people that have lost a sibling. It is a dark, but accurate term.

I lost my 33-year-old brother Justin in a hiking accident in September of 2022.

When people find out, their face changes and they say three things: “I’m so sorry!”, “were you close?”, and “how’s your mom?” Then I spend the next three minutes comforting them, because we’re all so uncomfortable with death.

Were we close? Yes. We were best friends. It’s been over a year, and I still pick up my phone to text him, because it's a habit. It’s impossible for me to get this point across to people. It seems trivial to say, “he was my best friend”, because those are just words. No one can understand it unless you saw us together. Something that will never happen again. Perhaps it’s because people project their own complicated relationships with family onto our relationship. Or perhaps I am vain and think we were in some way special. But I am angry at not being able to fully explain just how close we were. I am unable to explain that I live every day with a gaping hole in my chest.

Everyone that meets me from this day on will not know the “real” me.

They’ll know a shell of me.

Without Justin I can never be whole.

Instead of shaking them and yelling about how much he meant to me, I politely say he was my best friend then I watch their face change again and they ask about my mom. “No parent should have to bury a child.” I nod my head in agreement.

And I certainly do agree, but there’s a weird grief hierarchy at play. As if asking about my mother somehow makes my grief less intense. I take this bizarre interaction as them saying I couldn’t possibly be as sad as my mother. What they don’t understand is that it’s just different. It’s a different sadness. I will never know the pain my parents feel. But I know the pain I feel, and it’s rarely acknowledged in the same way.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

CON’T ON NEXT PAGE

Justin was supposed to be my forever friend. Eventually I will lose my parents, a thought that paralyzes me from time to time, and he won’t be there. He won’t be there to help me go through the boxes of Christmas decorations my mother hoards or plan which poetry my dad would like to be read at the service. Eventually I hope to have children and they will never know Uncle Justin. He is one of the only people to know me since my birth. He has seen me through every part of my childhood and into adulthood. We had a level of intimacy that is impossible to create with anyone else.

I have another brother, whom I am very close to, and I can sense people feel an “at least” about our relationship. “At least you have each other.” People love to say “at least” to grievers. At least he didn’t suffer, at least he knew you loved him, at least he was doing what he loved, at least you had him for those years. Again, I agree… and it pisses me off. Grievers don’t want “at leasts”! We want our person back. We want to be able to sleep through the night, to make it through a shower without sobbing, to get through the day without needing six cups of coffee, because we’re so damn tired all the time. We don’t want you to fix it, we want you to acknowledge it.

y Get Grief ! needs you

Press releases and announcements welcomed!

e in t a p i c i t r a To p ’s e u s s i t x e n y communit ill f e s a e l p blog, ! out a form

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

THE GRIEF CHEERLEADER WE DIDN’T KNOW WE NEEDED

Rebecca Feinglos T, YES R I SP

E DO SH

’S GO E H S T

of Grieve Leave

but she’s also got grief, like we do, too!!

-And that is exactly what makes Rebecca Feinglos so refreshingly relatable and powerful in this grief space.

She takes grief, in all its forms and shows grievers that it is okay to allow their “baggage” to show up in all of its glory. Rebecca is an *equal opportunity* grief spectrum aficionado, that has created a community through this journey of loss, and that doesn’t only mean for death. In fact, Rebecca has had to face more types of grief than should be allowed in one lifetime, yet she’s still on the sidelines, showing grievers everywhere that a zesty life after loss is possible, one peppermint ice cream cone at a time. Get Griefy is getting into it with Rebecca Feinglos, the founder of Grieve Leave, to discuss her series of losses, what she has learned along the way, and how she hopes to help others navigate the long road of life after loss.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Interview with Kera Sanchez

ay s e w n e h W VE E I R G E! V A E yL a s u o y

Get Griefy: Rebecca, are you able to give us an overview of your grief journey?

My life has been punctuated by grief, even before I had a word for it. Both of my parents were dead by the time I was 30: my mother, of brain cancer, when I was a child, and my father very suddenly on the first day of the Covid lockdown. My father was my best friend and his death completely rocked my world (as did Covid, of course). A year after my dad died, I decided to end my marriage – which was the hardest and best decision I’ve ever made. At 31, I embarked on a yearlong sabbatical I decided to call Grieve Leave, where I committed to learning about grief and grieving every single day (and, of course, my last living grandparent died, too). This introspective journey allowed me to recognize the overwhelming nature of my unresolved grief, acknowledging it as a privilege to take the time needed for self-discovery. It inspired me to establish Grieve Leave as an organization dedicated to supporting people worldwide as they experience losses of all kinds – death and nondeath– and advocating for a more grief-informed and compassionate world.

Get Griefy: What has been the most difficult part of living life with loss? How does the grief you carry differ based on the type of loss?

Our society rewards the people who don’t acknowledge that they’re grieving. I didn’t realize this until so much later in my life: I didn’t really grieve for my mother’s death until my father died, too– when my grief became insurmountable. Our society pushes people back to work after just a couple of days of bereavement leave (if any, at all), and there’s no such thing as bereavement leave for divorce proceedings. So, the message I got loud and clear was that as long as I kept hustling, whether that was at school or at work, or I was seen going out and traveling and having a good time, then I was perceived as doing well. But inside? I was a mess.

That, for me (and now post Grieve Leave I know for so many others) was the hardest part: feeling like I was the only person in the world who’d ever felt this profound sense of loss; that I was crazy for not being able to go back to my old self, again. There was also an acute difference, at first, between my grief around my divorce versus the grief I felt for the deaths of my parents: shame. It was my choice to get divorced, so I felt like I had absolutely no permission to grieve that decision. Nonetheless, I found myself grieving the future I had envisioned but didn't get to have: the perfect marriage, a gaggle of children, building a home together. That grief initially showed up as anger and frustration with myself for staying as long as I did. In time and through building community through Grieve Leave first in my year off, and then as a company, I have continued to break out of that shame that clouded over my already cloudy divorce grief.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

CONTINUED: Overall, each loss left me feeling a profound loneliness. My grief differs in how it manifests based on the loss, but those feelings of isolation connect it all. To this day, I still struggle. But, I recognize now that grieving is a lifelong process.

I'm grateful I can now recognize when I need to create space for grief, even if that's just walking around the block with my dogs.

Get Griefy: Why did you decide to start Grieve Leave?

What does it offer the grief community?

When I left my job for a yearlong exploration of grief, I would not have believed you if you told me that I’d eventually found a company to support others through their grief. But, that’s exactly what happened! As I wrote about my own grief journey on GrieveLeave.com, it became clear over time that my experiences were resonating with people all over the world. It also became clear to me that grief supports for young adults, particularly those falling between 18 and 40, are incredibly sparse: we’re not “supposed” to be grieving the losses of loved ones yet, or non-death grief doesn’t have any existing support infrastructure. So, I decided to start my own! Grieve Leave, as an organization, offers our global community a supportive and inclusive space. We provide resources and educational materials on our website, host online and in-person support groups, share stories of grief and loss, and offer training and talks to companies and organizations on creating more grief-informed environments– and we even serve up some incredible memes on our social media. Grieve Leave aims to normalize conversations around grief, fostering a worldwide community where individuals can find solace, understanding, and shared experiences. Through our collective journey, we strive to advocate for a more compassionate and grief-aware world.

Get Griefy: Why do you think community is important while grieving?

Our grief needs to be seen. We can’t do anything at all about the loss, itself: our person has died, our divorce has happened, or whatever the loss is. The only thing we can do is hold space for the feelings that come with loss – our grief– and that space is so much easier to hold in community. Having a supportive grief community helps you feel understood when you feel at your most vulnerable. Being part of a community provides a safe space to express your feelings and share your journey. It's remarkable how opening up about your emotions and memories can be so transformative.

Additionally, being around people who've experienced similar situations helps break down societal taboos around grief.

The empathy and encouragement within a community act as a source of comfort.

Sharing the weight of grief collectively makes the burden a bit lighter. This sense of belonging becomes a crucial support system as individuals navigate the difficult terrain of loss.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Get Griefy: You are very open about your divorce grief journey, and often host support for others going through this experience. Can you tell us about why it’s important to loop divorce into grief?

First and foremost: grief isn’t just about death.

When we think about grief, losing a loved one comes to mind almost immediately– but let’s challenge that assumption. We grieve all kinds of losses all the time, from diagnoses that change our bodies to moving across the country and losing a sense of community, to the end of a job, whether we left or were fired. And over time, all of those losses can add up and really weigh us down. Grief is heavy and can be destabilizing for all of us, especially when we don’t have a name for it. Divorce is a particularly stigmatized type of loss, and yet it’s so incredibly normal. The end of a marriage, whether you wanted it to end or you didn’t, means losing out on a future that you and your once-partner planned together. But the stigma of getting divorced can make anyone question their own grief. When the world around you labels you as a “failure” for not staying together, it’s hard to value your own feelings. Speaking openly and honestly about my divorce and the grief that comes with it is essential: we need more stories from all sides of divorce, those who left, and those who wanted to stay, to normalize the many ways grief can look as a marriage ends.

At Grieve Leave, we often share content related to divorce and break-up-related grief, as well as host support groups focused on this topic; these have been among our most highly attended groups, so far. It’s clear that people all over the world are seeking out more support for their grief as relationships come to an end, and it’s an honor to provide outlets for that support.

Get Griefy: Your feed is a perfect mix of relatability, informational content, honesty, and humor. You are very authentic in your journey. Why do you think showing all aspects of your life is important to other grievers and your following?

I’ve spent so much of my life trying to perform as if my grief didn’t exist, that I finally reached a saturation point. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I want to live every day as authentically as I can, and my hope is that people see Grieve Leave as a place where they can be exactly who they are: grief and all. Grief has so many facets—some days the sadness feels suffocating, other days a silly memory has me chuckling through tears.

Navigating it is complicated. I share the full spectrum of this journey because grief isn't onedimensional. My intention is for others to feel less alone and find solace knowing that what they’re experiencing is valid. If that honesty helps even one person have an “aha” moment or feel understood, it’s served its purpose.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

CONTINUED: If my openness offers insight into the nonlinear grieving process for someone totally unfamiliar with that idea, I’m happy. There’s also so much power in humor. When I share a funny story or a meme that perfectly captures my emotions, it gives others permission to laugh and embrace lighter moments too. We have to hold space for joy and levity amidst the heaviness of grief. Letting those small breaths of fresh air in is survival. I’m trying to mirror back to people the full spectrum of emotions that come with grief and loss. I pour my unfiltered truth out not for pity or sympathy, but in the hope that it resonates with others walking this road, themselves, or who are side by side with someone they love who is grieving. By being open and transparent, I hope to play a part in cultivating a world where grief is destigmatized - where our feelings and experiences with loss are as normal as any other part of being a human.

Get Griefy: If you could give one piece of advice to someone new to grief, what would it be?

Give yourself some damn grace! Stop beating yourself up for not being on a particular timeline, for not looking or acting a certain way by now, or for not bouncing back.

Grieving is a personal journey, and there's no universal timeline or "right way" to navigate it. So, be nice to yourself! You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got at this exact moment in time.

Get Griefy: What’s Next for Grieve Leave? How do you hope to grow in 2024?

To learn more about Grieve Leave and Rebecca, visit, www.grieveleave.com

@grieveleave

Our Grieve Leave community has already grown beyond what I thought we would become in our first year, so the sky is the limit for us– because our grief is here to stay. In 2024, I aim to expand the reach of Grieve Leave's Meet & Grieve grief support groups, keeping a careful balance of authenticity in our connections with each other, and valuing a wider reach of online groups. Additionally, I plan to extend our impact by providing training sessions for organizations, creating more grief-informed workplaces. As we keep growing, my vision is for Grieve Leave to become an even more influential resource, offering support, education, and a sense of community to those navigating the complexities of grief. Grieve Leave will keep amplifying awareness and tools around grief through our online presence, sharing stories, and collaborating with thought leaders in the field of grief and mental health. More than anything, though, I know Grieve Leave can’t change our society, alone. We love partnering with peer organizations, and we know that it will take every single one of us (that means you, reader!) to keep speaking up about grief and grieving.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Bittersweet Confections:

Turning Grief into Edible Artistry Kera Sanchez Written by

Venetta Cox-Mlynczyk opens her eyes each morning to a painful reality. That 11 years ago, her world completely shattered. Her two adolescent children, Devon and Brandon, died suddenly, just 6 months apart. Like most anyone who deals with grief, she confesses how hard it was to get up and out of bed, when you wake up to every parent’s worst nightmare.

“My life was unrecognizable. A huge part of me died. I couldn't function. I was completely consumed with grief, suffering excruciating pain, grappling with complicated grief, guilt and anger, plunging me into the dark abyss.

Contemplating suicide became my everyday thoughts. How does a mother go on without her children? I really didn't think I'd survive.”

In the midst of her harrowing journey, she discovered an untapped passion, something sweet to push her through to the next day. A friend of hers introduced her to the culinary world of cake baking and confectioning. She realizes now, she was channeling her grief into creativity, and purpose. Baking over 70 elaborately decorated cakes for family and friends gave her purpose again.

“Bringing a smile, and observing the excitement when I presented my cake, continued to encourage me to keep going. I've learned that grief is a lifelong journey, but along the way, we can find GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024 ways to cope.”

Venetta Cox-Mlynczyk , author and pâtissier

Venetta’s sons, Devon and Brandon through the years

Years out, she offers incredible reflections on her grief journey, understanding now that grief is something that must be acknowledged.

“We need to embrace the pain and explore and work through the many messy emotions. When we acknowledge grief, we allow ourselves the space needed to sit with and process our grief, as we ever so slowly accept our new reality, as difficult as that is to do, learning along the way, that grief and joy will now co-exist on our journey.”

Venetta has also published an award winning, and best selling book, “The Worst Life Has to Offer, A Mother's Grief Journey to the Other Side of Sadness After the Death of Her Two Sons.” She resides in Canada, and is a retired college instructor, having taught hundreds of dental assistants. Ironic. An inspiring grief story centered around sweets, ending in a dentist chair. Don’t forget to floss.

Venetta’s book is available on Amazon Instagram: @mothersgriefjourney mothersgriefjourney.com GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

ADVERTISMENT

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

DYING TO A DREAM Country singer and songwriter, Chandler Stephens By: Kera Sanchez

Nashville’s Chandler Stephens knows a thing or two about songwriting and has had success with songs like “Can’t Stop Love,” a duet with Kane Brown and “This Is My Life” both of which she co-wrote. Yet, her most impactful pen to paper moment to date, a song she wrote about the grief she experiences from missing one of the biggest pieces of her life, her dad.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

N’T HAVE IT I O N D M “I

Y

O T T AR HE PU

T

IT

You could say the art of singing and songwriting developed in the heart of Chandler Stephens. At age 4, she began singing at church, and she new it was something special. There’s also the love she shared with her larger than life family growing up, which only allowed her heart and compassion for others to expand.

Chandler attributes her career shift from studying psychology to focusing on music to her childhood and growing up in a house of 16 children. “...my parents started adopting when I was around 9 years old. Having so many siblings with so many different backgrounds made me very interested in psychology and helping people, that’s why I originally had decided to study that field, but I realized I could do the same thing through my music, which is my true passion.”

Chandler also shares the deep bond she has with her late father, “My dad was one of the greatest people I have ever known.

He was giving, caring, and hard working.

He taught me to be strong and to care about others...”

IN

A SENTENCE

U IN PAST TE O Y NS T U E” P

“He had so many things going on but he was present and I know how much work it takes to be both now that I’m a parent, and especially with that many kids. He would make us breakfast, take us to school, make dinner, and show up to every game we had. He was always there.”

Calling him one of her biggest supporters, it makes sense that she has several songs dedicated to him, “Raised by a working man” where she attributes all of her best, and hard working qualities to her father, and “Dying to a dream” where she expresses the immense grief she felt and still feels now that he is physically gone.

Missing him daily, she also remembers that her father instilled in her the idea of never giving up, which applies to many things in her life now that she has been pursuing music, and having to face day to day with out her biggest fan.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

“Losing someone so close to me and to my heart, someone who shaped the very person that I am literally hit me like a ton of bricks. It took me down to the depths and I didn’t know if I would ever come up for air again.”

Using her songwriting skills is what has allowed her to cope, and ultimately bloom. “Music is powerful. It’s a form of how we can express ourselves and our emotions when they feel too big. It’s a form of therapy for me and I needed to let out how I was feeling, and I knew there were probably people out there who felt the same way. So I wrote down exactly how I was feeling and took it into a writing room with my friends Kyrsten and Kourtney Roseman, where we wrote ‘Dying to a Dream’.

The sadness is still there and some days even a little anger, but what helps me get through and what helped me bring myself out of the depths is I know my dad and I know he would want me to be happy and to continue to live and thrive.”

Chandler also touches the platitudes we all face from people who simply don’t know any better. “I wish everyone knew that when someone is grieving the best things to say aren’t that ‘time heals all wounds’ or ‘they’re in a better place’; things people say to be helpful. It is appreciated because I know they mean well, but it doesn’t help with the pain, at least for me it didn’t.”

An even better gift from the song is the community of listeners who it has helped. “I have heard from so many people how this song has helped them through. I get comments and messages all the time about people’s stories and how this song is exactly how they are feeling. To see how many people connect with this song and how it’s helping them process their grief fills my heart.” Chandler goes on to close with words of encouragement, “Keep going! I know you are in pain, and my heart goes out to you more than you will ever know.

It’s okay to feel everything you are feeling and it’s okay to take as much time as you need, but what would want you to do?

They would want you to keep going, keep living, and keep loving. And know thier love is in your heart and with you, every step of the way.”

Chandler is currently writing more songs, and a video for ‘Dying to a Dream’ coming out soon.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

As an independent artist, Stephens has had over 400,000 streams just on Spotify alone.

Her biggest song to date, ‘Can’t Stop Love’ a duet featuring Kane Brown has 4.9 million streams on Spotify.

Two of her videos premiered on CMT, one this past year for ‘Speed Limit’.

“My dream is to one day be on the big stage opening up for the greats but since the beginning what I’ve always said is if my music can reach one person and have an impact on their life in a positive way, I will have accomplished what I set out to do.”

To keep up with Chandler, visit www.chandlerstephens.com and follow her on Instagram, @chandlerstephensmusic Her music is available for listening on most streaming platforms.

W POD E N

Shelby Forsythia

LA

UNCHING

@Shelbyforsythia, the grief coach behind the popular Instagram handle and grief community “Life After Loss Academy” is launching something exciting, “Dear Grief Guide” a weekly show where she answers one anonymous letter from a grieving person feeling lost, heartbroken, stuck, or overwhelmed in the midst of loss.

Shelby, who unexpectedly lost her mother in 2013, is humbled to share this journey with the clients of her coaching business and more! Ten years into her journey, she has published four podcasts, written two books, and supported hundreds of grievers through online courses and 1:1 coaching. She tells Get Griefy, “I'm looking forward to learning what grieving people are struggling with.” as she doesn’t want to assume anything any more. “I want listeners to feel like someone out there genuinely cares about their grief.”

New episodes are released every Wednesday.

You can find out more about the show here: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/dear-grief-guide-podcast GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

@SHELBYFORSYTHIA

IT’S A BLUE, BLUE

WORLD FOR COLBY FLADE By: Kera Sanchez

Grief is a conduit to creativity, and Colby Flade, a Chicagoland author, artist, educator, and editor couldn’t agree more. He cites Andy Warhol when describing the relationship between his grief, trauma and his creative endeavors. "Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art." Flade goes on to explain, “I write for myself. Creating art is a form of therapy for me; I never write with the intent to publish.

I write to heal parts of myself, and then make the decision of whether or not I would like to share certain pieces or projects with the world. I have many compilations of writings that I keep to myself and will probably never share. Publishing my work and having readers relate to my words is a bonus. But yes, I write and create for myself - to heal and process. I do not write to help others. I do not feel comfortable telling someone how they should feel or process their own grief/traumas. I do not feel l have enough life experience to make that sort of judgment.”

So instead of judging or preaching to others how to heal, he simply created a platform for others to share their stories. On top of his many publications of short stories and poetry centered around his grief and journey with trauma, he himself has started a literary journal for the world of writers, looking for exposure and a place to place their pain and passion.

In November of 2023, he founded his very own digital literary magazine, Blue World Literary Journal. Issue One of Blue World Lit was published last month and since November, he has received dozens of submissions from writers all over the world.

“At my very core, I am an artist. I enjoy creating; turning my own hardships and traumas into something healthy and imaginative that promote healing and understanding within myself and potentially others who ingest my work.”

His poems, stories, and photographs have been featured in over a dozen international literary journals over the last few years. He attended DePaul University, where he studied Writing, Rhetoric & Discourse, and aside from teaching and writing creatively, he also serves on the Editorial Board for Beyond Words Literary Magazine. His work can be found online and in a handful of bookshops across the Midwest.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

More about the Author:

Son of Red Earth; Salvation — By: Colby Flade Buried, my face Dirt up past my shoulders Been a struggle just to breathe as of late But then your name percolates through mud And into my line of sight The skin of my face Welcomes you home With open arms You rescue me I tell you this Swipe me up Into your arms Love me Care for me Change me for the better Show me there is good left in this world I see it as you yank my limbs Unsticking my body from the grub: A home A child Our future I release into your arms Say your name as you drag me through Teasing me with respite Only to leave me where I know Good does not exist When will I learn That you want me only when you want me?

That I am mere material for you To use?

I thought you sweet And tender Shame. Rubber.

I bury myself again and pray for death.

Colby Flade is a queer writer, artist, educator, and editor based in Chicago. He is the author of The Smell of the Light Blue House in Summertime (2021), Menthol (2022), Short Sweet Simple: Love Poems (Bottlecap Press, 2022), The Fly & Odor (Beyond Words Literary, 2023), and It's a Blue, Blue World (2024).

His sophomore collection of poetry, “Menthol” (2022), became an instant Amazon bestseller in the New Releases Contemporary Poetry category, where it lived for over a week.

His fourth collection of poetry and stories, “It’s a Blue, Blue World” (2024), was released globally on January 23rd.

He was was also recently invited by Roosevelt University to speak of his work at the American Writers Museum in downtown Chicago.

To learn more about Colby, his works and Literary Journal visit, www.theflade.com www.blueworldliterary.weebly.com

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

@blueworldliterary @theflade

e end of life na h t g rra in g n tiv cha

e...

DEAD GOOD LEGACIES

The sis ter duo

THEY’RE BRINGING ANCIENT PRACTICES BACK (YEAH)

at

im e

.

Written by: Kera Sanchez

... o n GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

e a lt e r n a ti v e f u n e

t a l ra

MEET KATY AND LINDSEY VIGURS: (LIKE TIGERS) These sisters are the founding directors of DEAD GOOD, a not-for-profit, arts-based death education company based in the UK that aims to end taboos around death, dying, and grief. They believe that it is not morbid to speak openly about death and they see honest conversations about death, dying, and grief as the foundation of a healthy society.

Before the start of DEAD GOOD, Katy dedicated herself to academia, as a professor and social researcher with expertise in social justice & education, with emphasis on creative approaches to research and public engagement. Katy's counterpart, Lindsey has spent most of her life working as an artist and commercial illustrator for clients such as the BBC. Both talents played a vital role, when in 2018 they began their journey with death education, stroking curiosity around the topic. Holding workshops and activities, getting people to broach death conversations was their humble beginning, but a few years later, the sisters received a tough pill to swallow.

Their father, Peter Vigurs was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died one year later in February 2022.

She goes on to describe all of the interesting ways they honored his life, and death, while Peter’s heart was still beating.

In fact, Peter took part in his funeral planning, curating the music, poetry, and even commissioned the weaving of a willow coffin by a local artist. The family also took part in numerous legacy projects, such as a memory jar, the creation of a Facebook group to reconnect and reminisce with long lost friends, and recorded interviews to keep the stories alive forever. Another notable project was the ceramic casting and mold of their father‘s hand, so they could continue to high-five after his departure.

During that year, the family worked hard to confront “THIS DEATHWORK WE UNDERTOOK death in the face and make the most of the time that WITH DAD, BEFORE AND AFTER HE was left. Katy recalls, “In many ways, it was an DIED, CONTINUES TO INSPIRE OUR example of a privileged death, in that his death was WORK AT DEAD GOOD EVERY DAY. both expected, supported, and relatively comfortable.

WE WANT TO SUPPORT OTHERS TO DO THIS KIND OF DEATH WORK We remain grateful that we had time to talk, plan, WITH THEIR FAMILY AND FRIENDS“ and prepare as a family, which we know is not possible for everyone.”

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

And that is exactly what they are doing. Presently, DEAD GOOD offers an array of services, specializing in supporting people to plan eco-friendly funerals, living funerals, and home funerals. Outside of their funeral work, people commission DEAD GOOD to design DIY acts of remembrance, personal grief rituals, and creative legacy projects. To add, Katy and Lindsey deliver inventive death education to schools, community groups, the third sector and businesses.

Oh, and they also have their own line of eco-death merch, all designed by Lindsey. (Her artistic talents do not go unnoticed.)

KV

LV

I asked them why they think people are breaking from the societal expectation of death and dying, and Katy responded with this,

Vigurs family during their childhood

“We just find that conventional approaches are starting to feel more limited and limiting to many people. When people realize that there are many more options to choose from, and that they can design and conduct grieving rituals for themselves, they tend to want to take more ownership over the process. We think of it more as a -taking backrather than a -breaking from tradition-” Also adding, “We hope people feel supported, understood, and empowered through their work with us. We hope that they feel less afraid of death and dying. We hope that they will enjoy taking ownership of death work with their family and friends - which after all is really life work! We hope they feel part of a curious, creative community.”

DEAD GOOD merch

The ladies share there is a lot to look out for in 2024,

“MUCH MORE TO COME, WE PROMISE YOU THAT!” @deadgoodlegacies TO LEARN MORE, SHOP OR WORK WITH KATY AND LINDSEY, VISIT: WWW.DEADGOOD.ORG SHOOT THEM AN EMAIL: HELLO@DEADGOOD.ORG GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

PV

Peter’s custom willow coffin

ADVERTISMENT

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Threads of of Healing Solace AandJourney Hope Through the Written by: Kera Sanchez

Art of Quilting

Dana Keller, of Colt & Lamb is a talented quilter, who is reinventing the antique art of quilting and stitching together fabric to match the modern esthetic of modern times.

It’s hard to believe this is a skill she recently acquired, and learned in result of one of the darkest moments in her life. In February of 2020, Dana and her husband found out they were expecting and were thrilled to be first time parents, but that was stripped away in early July of 2020, when they received a terminal diagnosis around 24 weeks into her pregnancy. Their son would not survive. That next week, they held their son for the first and last time, leaving the hospital with empty arms and shattered hearts.

That is when Dana’s quilting journey began.

“I was so lost and broken, and desperately needed a form of beauty in my life. Quilting, I found was the way that I could constructively keep my mind busy and create a tangible beauty that I desperately needed. Sewing and quilting became a therapeutic experience and helped me not only heal my mind but mend my heart and soul as well.” She then started Colt & Lamb to share and offer quilt patterns to those seeking an outlet in difficult times in the form of sewing and quilting.

MAKER: DANA KELLER FROM COLT & LAMB PATTERN BY: MEMIS LEMONS FROM COTTON & JOY

MAKER: DANA KELLER FROM COLT & LAMB PATTERN BY: HOWARD MARCUS & 3 SISTERS

Keep up with Dana on Instagram to learn more about her projects and the launch of her pattern.

Colt_and_Lamb GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Dana shares with Get Griefy that although she is just getting started on this grief journey and evolution, she understands the importance of acknowledging her feelings while stitching. “The power of the of the emotions found in sadness, numbness, denial, intense mental anguish, and even confusion, can unlock new passions, intensities, and even have the intensity to break through barriers that have hindered you in your life prior to experiencing grief.

These intense emotions can be put forth to forge a new outlook on life, a new skill set or even spark the courage to peruse new opportunities.“ She also hopes to change the taboo narrative around infant loss and miscarriage. “Women are left to grieve alone because you are taught in society not to discuss these topics even though its sadly very common in the world. “

MAKER: DANA KELLER FROM COLT & LAMB PATTERN BY: ABBY MAED

“Creating a quilt, I truly believe is therapeutic.” Dana expresses, continuing to explain, “I truly do believe that sewing and quilting have therapeutic values that can help not only mend fabrics but can mend your mental and spiritual health as well. This is why I started Colt and Lamb. The company is named after my two sons, my son I have beside me and the son I have watching over me from heaven. Sewing and quilting offers one’s mind the ability to focus on a project that will create a beautiful form of emotional expression.

Thus, providing a person that is suffering and grieving a constructive means to create a tangible piece depicting their mindset journey in various forms such as quilts, clothes, wall hangings, and event gifts that can help that person begin to heal. In 2024, Dana will be releasing her first pattern inspired by grief, and heavenly stars.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

How I told my Toddler about my Dad’s Death Written by: Maggie Merriday One of the most gut-wrenching realities of my dad’s passing, was the overwhelming realization that my daughter won’t know him. Don’t get me wrong – my dad very much knew my daughter. In her two-and-a-half years of life, he spent as much time as he could with her.

My daughter definitely knew (and still knows) her “Pop.” She talked to him and about him often, and brought him up in conversation even when he wasn’t around.

Thinking about their relationship now, a very distinct memory comes to mind.

In the first few weeks that I went back to work after maternity leave, my mom would pick my daughter up from daycare early, come over to my house, and cook us dinner. Often, my dad would meet us at my house after work, and we’d all have dinner together. One afternoon after work, I came home to find my mom cooking at the stove, and my dad sitting on the couch holding my daughter. It seems like she must have been at least able to support her head, because they were looking at the TV. I was a little annoyed because I was trying to avoid showing her screens, but I stopped myself from interrupting. They had the sweetest moment together there on the couch – my daughter watching her nursery rhyme songs, and my dad singing every single word. It’s a core memory.

Even when he was very sick and couldn’t pick her up or even hold her in his lap, my dad still enjoyed watching her dance and sing around the living room, or hearing her yell, “Night Night, Pop!” as she climbed up the stairs to go to bed. She was truly his pride and joy, and he fought to stay with her as long as he could. One of the last conversations I had with my dad was about how he wanted to be here to watch her grow up.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Planning the Conversation The day my dad passed, I got a phone call at 2:30 a.m. that Dad wasn’t doing well. I drove to the hospital alone, and left my sleeping child and husband at home. That day, a family friend was kind enough to keep my daughter for a couple of nights so that we could wrap our heads around what had just happened. I knew that I wanted to be very thoughtful about how I would tell her what happened, but to be honest, I was dreading the conversation.

This is the part of the story where I tell you that I am not a child psychologist, nor am I a therapist, or any sort of professional on grief or children at all. If you are struggling with loss, or your child is struggling with loss, please seek professional help. If you are local, I can certainly recommend The Bethany Center as a great resource for children and families navigating grief. I am simply sharing what worked for me, my daughter, and my family.

Approaching this conversation, I considered that my daughter is only two-and-a-half, and there is only so much that she is going to understand about the finality of death. However, I also considered that she probably understands more than I might think, and it would be unfair to be dishonest and pretend that nothing is wrong, or make up some story about my dad going on a long trip or something like that. I wanted to treat her with the respect that she deserves.

Starting the Conversation When I picked her up from school that day, I went over the conversation over and over again. When my daughter’s teacher opened the door, she ran to me and gave me a big hug. We hadn’t seen each other in a couple of days. I wiped tears from my eyes, and her teacher did, too – we have the very best support system at my daughter’s school. As I started loading her up in the car, I gave her a fidget toy to play with, and then this is what I said:

01

02

03

04

05

Pop has gone to Heaven to be with Jesus.

We will not see Pop again.

We are going to Mimi and Pop’s house. Pop will not be there.

Mama, Daddy, Mimi, and Bebe are sad. You may see us crying.

It’s ok if you feel sad, or want to cry too.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Continuing the Conversation She looked up at me and made a pouty “sad” face, to indicate she understood that it was sad, and then continued to play with her toy. It was an uneventful reaction, which was okay. When we got to my mom’s house, though, she didn’t ask about Pop. In fact, she didn’t ask about Pop for several days. This was unusual, as she normally would talk about him, even if he wasn’t there. So, that was my sign that she understood our conversation.

My dad has been gone for about a month now. It feels much more fresh than that. My daughter has started to talk about him again. She will point to an older gentleman and ask if that’s Pop. I just calmly remind her that Pop is with Jesus in Heaven. She’ll say, “that’s not Pop,” and we move on. If she talks about Pop’s House, or Pop’s Chair, or Pop’s Blanket, I let her. Those are all still his things, and they always will be. I don’t ever want to stop her from talking just to save myself the heartache.

Dear reader – if you ever have to go through something like this, I hope that this was helpful for you. In the end, I believe it made the bond between me and my daughter stronger. written: 6/16/23

Maggie Merryday is a higher education professional, blogger, and mom based in Lakeland, Florida. This blog details her journey through loss, love, and lessons learned during the most transformative year of her life.

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

yearthirtyone.com @year.thirtyone

IEFY R G T GEAZINE MAG

LETTERS TO HEAVEN

As a way to fund this publication, starting at $5 you can submit a 200 word message to your loved one to publish in the mag!

To purchase click here!

TO: MOM

D EDEN N A L E H C LOVE: RA D ANGEL E T A L E B M. XOXO O M HAPPY U O ARY TO Y S R E V I N AN

Birthda y m es s a g es I miss y ous Life upd a te s e tc .

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Thank you for reading!

Lemons to Legacies

GET GRIEFY MAGAZINE

If you enjoyed this issue, please consider donating, participating and sharing with those who would appreciate our content!

GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024

Making the most out of the curveballs life throws our way

GET GRIEFY MAGAZINE

PRINTED COPIES ARE AVAILABLE FOR $28!

Ways to participate: Community Blog submissions blog, poetry, narratives, opinion pieces, art, photography, sign stories Heirloom eats Book and podcast recommendations Press releases/announcements Advertising ($15-$45) Letters to heaven ($5) Survey for ideas and review us on Trustpilot!

Follow us on Instagram!

See you next issue!

LET’S GET GRIEFY GET GRIEFY - ISSUE 1 - 2024