THE GRACE TO LET GO Ashley C. Thomas, Ph.D.

One early morning in August 2023, I was involved in a car accident, which required replacing the rear quarter of my car. The body shop gave me a cost estimate and my insurance company said I’d have a rental car for about three weeks. I trusted their word, as it was the only accident, I’d ever been in.

I’d had my car for almost 10 years, and it held sentimental value. It was the first car I ever owned, and it had been through so many life changes with me. It never broke down or caused any major issues. Nevertheless, I started feeling ready for something new with less rust and damage. I planned to get another car within a year or two, alongside my current one, and expected the funds for that to come through my working hard and saving up or ideally my coming into a lump sum of money. However, I was surprised when the insurance company informed me that my car was totaled. In fact, I told the lady from the insurance company that the damage cost twice as much as the original estimate. She kindly informed me that these things happen because the body shop didn’t know how much actual damage happened until they dismantled the car; hence, it being called an “estimate.” I would now have to return the rental car earlier than expected.

Initially, I was confused because my timeline was way off. I had made up my mind that I was going to drop my car off, have it fixed in about two weeks and when I got my car back, I would pay my deductible and move on about my business. Because I had never been in an accident before, I didn’t really have the framework to consider this possibility ahead of time – but this situation turned out to be an even better, unexpected blessing. The insurance payout was substantial, enough to buy a used car and have money left over. However, when I went to pick up the few remaining items from my car, and saw it taken apart, I teared up. In that moment I realized how attached I had become to a vehicle that wasn’t even my dream car.

The only way I could get the funds I needed was to let go of my attachment to my Honda Civic. I could have chosen to dwell on all the memories I had with my faithful car, think about all the dreams I had for its future use – but ultimately that would leave me stuck with an undriveable car and little hope for another vehicle. At some point, I simply had to let go –not just naturally but emotionally as well. The sooner I let go, or released, the old, the sooner I could embrace new possibilities.

Oxford Languages defines release as “allow or enable to escape from confinement; set free,” and “allow (something) to move, act, or flow freely.” When you’re going through a challenging time, the phrase “Let it go” can sound like one of the most dismissive things to hear, and it definitely sounds easier said than done. At the same time, it can be beneficial to tap into what is causing the resistance to that phrase. What barriers are truly keeping us from letting go? Once we’ve acknowledged that we need to let go, where is the grace to actually follow through and just do it?

Be Still and Know God’s Character

Psalm 46:10 reminds us to “Be still and know that I am God.” Many times, we focus only on the first part of that scripture. We want to be still in meditation, a hot bath, a calm and quiet drive, even sleep. Yet God commands us to take it a step further and acknowledge who He is and His place in our life. Know – as in be sure – that He is God of the Universe. What can we say about His character? Isn’t it a blessing to know that in an ever-changing world, God’s character never switches up on us? We can rest (or be still) in knowing that He is good, all-knowing, all-powerful, loving, honest, dependable, gracious, powerful, and so much more. Because of this, we can trust His Word when He tells us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28, NIV). Even if the situation never changes the way we want, He is still good. By knowing that God is good and who He says He is, we can let go of our will and allow things to flow in the way He desires them to. The verse continues with “I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth.” Ultimately, the things that are happening in our lives are to bring God glory.

Psalm 84:11 states, “No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly.”

Some versions say, “…from them that walk with integrity.” If God is asking you to let go of something, it means that it is no longer good for you to hold on to. Furthermore, sometimes He will not give us something until we release something else to Him first, because even though He wants to give us a good thing, He will have us wait until the timing is good for us to have it.

Challenge: Self-Sufficiency and the Desire to be Active or Productive

Many times, we want to show God how active or productive we can be in a given situation. What do I need to say or do to get this process going? Therefore, the concept of letting go can feel counterintuitive. You mean to tell me that letting go of the hurt a loved one caused me (forgiveness), rather than trying to plead my case and get them to see how they wronged me can place me in a better position to receive love, live in peace, and experience reconciliation? You mean that receiving God’s love and forgiveness and letting go over years of perfectionism to people please and control other’s views of me can free me to be joyful as my authentic self and not walk on eggshells? Notice how letting go requires receiving rather than striving. That is directly at odds with our prideful nature. Hence, why humility is key.

Humility

According to Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” In this scripture, not only is God highlighting how His ways are different from our ways, but He is also making it clear that His ways are infinitely better than ours. We have such a limited view of how things function in the world. We only know what we think and can directly sense and sometimes we struggle to even identify those things; however, God knows every aspect of every single thing on this earth and above, as well as how it all comes together. Letting go of how we think He should do things allows us to witness Him completely blow our minds.

Challenge: Pride

Pride especially comes into play with timelines. We tell God we know better, if not in our words, then through our actions. In our minds, it should take a year of therapy and analyzing the situation for me to be healed of this, when God says He wants to bring you wholeness right now. My dream [insert your desire here] should be here by now, but God knows it needs to take a while longer for us to be mature to handle that thing. Letting go involves not getting attached to any timeline of how quickly or slowly something should take, but rather walking in step with God. This is why, taking each day one at a time is so important.

Take Each Day One at a Time

Taking each day one at a time allows us to do what we can do so God can do what only He can do. In other words, we do the possible so that God can do the impossible. Matthew 6:33-34 says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” We must let go of the illusion of control. Yes, it is good to reflect on the past to take the lessons learned and see how we can apply them in the future, and of course God honors careful planning (e.g., saving, studying, preparing). Nevertheless, the past has happened, and tomorrow isn’t even promised. Therefore, to think we can control anyone but ourselves or worry ourselves into a new past or certain future is self-deception.

According to Oxford Languages, the definition of worry is to “give way to anxiety or unease; allow one’s mind to dwell (live in) on difficulty or troubles.” This sounds like a negative form of letting go – letting go of our peace and joy in exchange for the sorrow that comes from taking matters into our own hands. We must commit daily to an Isaiah 26:3 mindset: “You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character], Because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation]” (Amplified Bible). Taking each day one at a time allows us to be kind to ourselves and gives God space to move in new ways we never imagined.

Challenge: Impatience

Sometimes we start to compare ourselves to other’s situations and get upset, angry, annoyed, or restless (anxiety or boredom). Sometimes we are waiting but we’re not waiting well. We say we’ve let go but we’re distracted or still monitoring that “thing” to see if God is really taking care of it. We’re so focused on whether God will do what He said He’ll do that we aren’t even doing the very things God told us to do. This ties back to how we view God’s character.

It’s hard to trust or wait for someone you don’t know that well. Imagine waiting on someone who you’re not sure is reliable or giving your money and time to someone who you’re not sure has your best interest at heart. Of course, that’s going to be hard! It’s hard to let go when we don’t view Him as a God who sees us (Genesis 16:13b). If our minds tell us the lie that God doesn’t see us, then we can easily feel like we have no choice but to rely on ourselves and hold on to that thing for dear life. But when we know God, and as we continue to get to know Him, it becomes easier to praise Him and show gratitude for Him giving us the option to let go. Gratitude helps us to wake up and go to bed thanking and praising God for those things related to our letting go. When we reflect on the goodness of God each day it bolsters our faith for what is to come, especially since we often don’t know what comes next after letting go. Here’s an example of thanking God while letting go:

God, I thank you for seeing me. I thank you that I don’t have to hold on to [insert whatever God desires for you to let go] any longer. Thank you for the strength to let go of that and hold on to you and your promises. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Ultimately, we must release our expectations and put our hope in God - not in things and people who are bound to disappoint us. We can release the expectations shaped by our past, family, environment, hurt, society, lies of the enemy, etc., welcome God to renew our minds, and receive His best: “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” (Ephesians 3:20-21). Here are some areas we need to let go of so that God can do a new thing:

• Let go of trying to prove ourselves.

• Let the old version of people (including ourselves) go so we can see them clearly and the way God sees them.

• Let go of the confining labels that we have taken on and that others have given us (e.g., personality type, attachment style, past sins, mistakes).

• Let go of shame so that you can receive God’s love and forgiveness.

• Let go of unrealistic expectations of self and others.

• Let go of the who, what, when, where, why and how. (“When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen” - Isaiah 60:22).

Going back to my story at the beginning about my totaled car: Even though the insurance company and I had a thorough conversation about my needing to give my car and title in exchange for the funds, they called back and told me that the body shop needed a Verbal Release from me. How many of us have done everything else but let go through prayer? We’ve thought about it, gossiped about it with friends, analyzed it and researched it. But now is the time to tell God “I surrender. I release this to you and let go. I trust you. I trust that you are good, and your plans are good for me.”

So, if the title is “The Grace to Let Go,” then where is the grace in all of this? Pastor John Piper describes grace well: “It is incredibly encouraging that God’s grace is both the inclination of the divine heart to treat us better than we deserve and is the extension of that inclination in practical help.” In other words, we experience God’s grace to let go by knowing His character (He is a good God, so if He tells us to let go then it’s for our good, even when we can’t see how) and receiving His power to be still, humble ourselves, take each day one day at a time, express gratitude; fight self-sufficiency, pride, and impatience; and ultimately let go through prayer and praise - even when we don’t think we have the strength to do so.

Reflection Questions:

1. What is God telling me to release? (Is it a person, routine, mindset, habit, mistake, belief, emotion, idols, etc.?)

2. From what do you need to release yourself?

3. In what ways can I see the grace of God to let go?

4. What does my choice to not let go say about how I view God? Be honest about these thoughts. Study scriptures that remind you of the truth of who God is.

5. How does my letting go give God glory?

Sources:

• Oxford University Press. (n.d.) Release. Oxford Languages dictionary. Retrieved September 30, 2023.

• Oxford University Press. (n.d.) Worry. Oxford Languages dictionary. Retrieved September 30, 2023.

• Piper, John. (Host). (2020, May 8). What is Grade? (Episode 1470). [Audio podcast episode]. In Ask Pastor John. Desiring God. https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/what-is-grace