LeftLion Magazine - December 2005 - Issue 8

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue8

credits LeftLion Magazine Issue 8 December 05 - January 06 Editor Jared Wilson Deputy Editor Al Needham Sub Editors Alan Gilby Nathan Miller Cristina Chapman David Bowen Dom Henry Distribution Big G Tim Evans Design David Blenkey design@skip-intro.co.uk Cover Design Simon Dunn simon@seismik.co.uk Photographers David Bowen Kevin Lake Florence G Illustration Rob White Contributors Contributors Alasdair Catton Amir Bazrafshan Felicity Goddard Guy Gooberman Jenny Hill Jesse Keene Kate Symons Roger Mean Sadie Rees Hales Shedfixman Just got back...

Yemi Akinpelumi “Life ‘s a bus, and if you can guess which stop is yours then you sit pretty, only you’ve got a thousand stops to guess from and from the bus they all look identical.”

Tom Hathaway LeftLion 349a Mansfield Road Nottingham, NG5 2DA info@leftlion.co.uk For advertising enquiries please contact: advertising@leftlion.co.uk office/fax: 0115 9123782 mobile: 07867 801019 8,000 copies distributed in over 50 venues around Nottingham

contents . . .

editorial

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The first snog I ever had was sat upon the left lion one New Years Eve in the year nineteenlongtime.

I didn’t know who she was, but as we went at it like two trout after the same bit o’ bread, I felt like I had finally made the transition from Boy to Man. Sadly, she pulled me too close, I fell on top of her, and the last time I saw her she was being stretchered into an ambulance.

Local News for Local People Market Square Makeover Punters Guide to Nottingham 2005 The Great Dame No More Mr Dizzie Rascal Playing It By Ear Smear Campaign Turkey Time Driving, Not Drinking Rock City Interview The Return Of The Prodigy Out and About Listings featuring Enjoy The Ride Nottsword Rocky Horrorscopes Vs The Fun Cave

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The second snog I ever had was at Rock City on a Thursday night, whilst having to listen to James’ Sit Down or some other student wank. But there’s no funny story to that one, so I’ll cut to the chase and say how chuffed I am that two landmarks in my sexual progression have finally made it onto the pages of LeftLion, which you are now holding in your hand. Ta very much for picking us out from the other free chaff that clutters up pubs these days, especially the syndicated glossy shit (although having said that, the covers make better roach material than us).

As always, big tings a gwan in the city that never sobers up. By the time you read this, the new licensing laws will have kicked in, so I’d like to dedicate this issue to all of you who are reading this in a bar at 4am, wondering how the fuck you’re going to get home and go out to work again.

As always, there is much going on in LeftLion World. We’re currently experimenting with a regular Podcast, - and, as always, we’re looking for advertisers. In case you don’t know, no fucker is earning Penny One from LeftLion. We rely on ad revenue, so if you can help us to publicise your business/event/sexual favours, get in touch.

On behalf of the good people who put this paper together, I’d like to thank everyone who has blessed the keyboard and Photoshop document with their skills in the name of LeftLion in the oh-five. There are some truly gifted people in this town. Oh, and have yoursen a good doss off work for Jesus, and we’ll see y’all in 2006.

Word to your Nana!

Al Needham nishlord@leftlion.co.uk

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Nottingham Voices things people have said on the leftlion forum Best things that happened in Notts in 2005 KRS-One coming to Notts and doing an instore, a show and a lecture and the show was the only one you had to pay for.

Dirty Joe

local news for local people with Guy Gooberman, our correspondent back safe and well.

Please note that Guy Gooberman is a fictional character and therefore only as real as the news he writes for more painful laughs visit www.lunch-break.co.uk

Kangaroo tickets dropped in price by £1, limited access to cars in Nottingham at certain hours of the day. The demolition of that awful building near Trinity Square.

Sara

AUDIT MY FACE! Auditors are everywhere like ants on beer. One Notts businessman, Gary Spittles, decided enough was enough and got medieval on their fiscal minds. The next time an auditor asked him eight questions too many, Spittles lost his rag and gouged the inquisitor’s eyes out.

Victim, Simon Klopz only survived thanks to a passing boy scout who used the mystical and ancient art of ‘first aid’ to ease his pain. Realising afterwards what he had done, Mr Spittles shot himself in the foot and bled to death. Our thoughts go out to his wife and 2.4 children.

Have you seen what that building is going to be replaced with? You’ll soon be yearning for the old one and now there are lots of taxis getting in the way of the buses on Mansfield Rd. BigFatBadger A Drop in the Ocean Ash D The welcome return of the German Christmas Market. Oh yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It’s true. Just a few more days and there will be sausages, gingerbread and hot wine for all!

Fossy PWEI played at Rock City. I got abducted by aliens.

Pisces J Roots Manuva’s last minute gig at the Rescue Rooms. Absolutely brilliant. Nothing like it before or since. Amazing.

Hal Jordan My baby arriving.

Hipster K T K Maxx.

WARNING TO NOTTS KIDS ABOUT GLASS

WU-TANG CLAN TO RELOCATE TO NEW BASFORD?

Barnze

Worst things that happened in Notts in 2005 All the clubland trouble. No more the Bomb, the addition of Oceana. The continuous migration into the bars.

ChrisCV

World famous Hiphop act “The WuTang Clan” have flown in from New Yawk to check out opportunities to relocate to just off Nottingham Road.

Their man on point, the head when they form like Voltron, the GZA said “Word is bond! We want to move from our Shaolin East Coast stomping ground to a new Midlands hood to spread our seeds. Word is bond!”

Clint Panel, a spokesman for New Basford, assured locals that there would be no gang banging if they did relocate. “They’re a lovely bunch of lads with a lot of ideas and smashing outfits. Hopefully with them on board, New Basford will become the true home of UK Rap. Peace my nigga.”

Children have been warned by Health and Safety crusader Dirk Tall about the dangers of interacting with glass during the Christmas holidays. Mr Tall said: “Kids get excited and when they get excited they start messing about with glass. Whether that be eating it or rolling around naked in it; cutting up their skin or whatever”. He continued: “I’ve seen kids throw themselves at windows looking for cheap kicks. It’s a real worry. My advice is to stay in with some white cider and a packet of Lambert and Butler.”

Pulling down every building, especially to build horrible new ones that’ll look dated in ten years time and will get pulled down again.

BigFatBadger The changing positions of the counter in Fopp. Confuses me every time I walk in there!

Stodge When did those ridiculous Community Officers appear?

Was that 2005 or earlier? Either way that’s got to be near the top of the all-time list.

Nick Forest being so bad it’s soon gonna be embarrassing to talk to County and Mansfield fans. megamanX The slanty N. Angry Beaver The Great Sherwood Dog Invasion.

Soldierboy

make your voice heard

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WHAT’S THAT IN ME DRIVE?

Car lover, Mozzy Limits, was shocked when he saw a giant lazy lizard prostrate on his drive... naked! The lizard, who would only give the nom de plume ‘Basil’, said: “I’m tired, I need a rest and I weigh more than a grown man so sue me”.

Mr Limits tried to move the beast several times, but failed. As he did so, the creature mocked him by saying: “You can’t move me can you? What are you some kind of woman?” Basil stayed in the drive for another three days before wandering off in search of a kebab and an iced bun.

The Jeebs show a display of post flesh-eating defiance. Photo: Rick Street

IT’S COMING HOME, IT’S COMING HOME! Lambley got into the World Cup spirit early by setting up a game of football between local rival farming gangs The Jeebs and The Flaming Roasties.

“It was in an effort to ease tensions in the local community and wet people’s appetites for the approaching sporting event” said Troll Thunders

“but instead they ended up feasting on each others flesh in a rather disturbing cannibalistic manner”.

When challenged that this was a PR nightmare for Fleckney, Mr Thunders said: “If you don’t get that microphone out of my face, I’ll smash your head in!”

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Market Square Makeover From the busy businessmen to the hungry homeless, thousands of people pass through the Old Market Square every day.

OK, so it’s probably just a convenient meeting place for most people, but Slab Square has more significance than you might expect. People have been honoured with the freedom of the city in special services in the Council House, including Torvill and Dean, Brian Clough and Sir Paul Smith. It’s not just a place to celebrate - In recent years people have come together in the Square for a moment’s silence for Danielle Beccan and the Hillsbrough disaster, along with the Make Poverty History human circle.

In the days of merry men and compulsory archery practice on Sundays, the Market Square was home to St Matthew’s fair, host to the Sheriff’s archery competitions that were attended by Robin Hood himself. This gradually evolved into the infamous Goose Fair, which was held in the Square until 1924. Back then it wasn’t a place for eager kids and pissed-up teens, but a market to enable people to get their goose ready for Christmas. The candyfloss and chaos of the fair expanded and relocated to Forest Fields a long time ago, but the hustle and bustle atmosphere of the market remains central to the Square.

In the days of merry men and archery practice on Sundays, the Market Square was home to St Matthew’s fair. Legend tells us that this paid host to the Sheriff’s archery competitions, which by legend were attended by Robin Hood himself.

Nottingham’s Market Square is the biggest of its kind in Europe (It’s actually the second biggest after Trafalgar Square, but London doesn’t really count).

It’s an impressive 15.5 acres and was built as a central meeting place. The pigeons are probably the only group who could never leave the Square.

Despite attempts to eradicate town’s dirtiest residents the rats with wings remain, although we are no longer allowed to ‘feed the birds’ and encourage them.

The current layout of the Old Market Square has been in place for about 75 years, but this is set to change. The new town centre will be ‘classy and classic and not something too trendy that won’t stand the test of time’ according to Councillor Jon Collins, Leader of Nottingham City Council. So no buildings that were once so hip but now look like blocks of concrete for us, then. Water terraces, trees and lights will help achieve this timeless look, and water channels, fountains and jets will be a major feature of

the Square, that can be turned off for events and if the weather gets too cold to prevent them turning into ice statues. So all you original pranksters will have even more places to fill with washing up liquid making the water hilariously bubbly. Plus those of you who can’t quite make it to the toilets will have more than just the old fountains to piss in! Alternatively we could always try and make the new Market Square stay nice…

The new Market Square will have practical benefits too. Most bus routes have already been diverted away form the Square, much to the inconvenience of tired grannies and lovers of Debenhams, but with the intention of creating a safer area. Other features will include coloured lights guiding the people of Nottingham to different areas of town. It is anticipated that the Square could be a safe haven for everyone at any time and will never have to be avoided. This comes as a relief to me, as when I was a bright eyed and bushy haired young girl my dad used to

tell me what the Square was like after dark. I’d listen enthralled as he described how on the stroke of midnight the lions stretched and yawned before prowling round the perimeter of the Square biting the heads of anyone who dared walk past…

So do we actually need a new Market Square? Well the design will allow for safety, fun and beauty but were any of these things and actual problem in the past? There will be more room for the popular market stalls to bring back the original aim of the place, to enable people to meet and trade. There is also more chance for events to be held in the Square. The Christmas turning on of the lights should be bigger and better in future years. If you see destruction and building being done over the next few months just be patient and I’m sure it’ll be worth it. As long as I can still meet my mates by the left lion I’m happy.

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words: Jenny Hill photos: Florence G

Forum Crew on the makeover I reckon it’s all a ploy to get rid of the skaters, drinkers and the alleged unsightly characters.

Sara Spent a good ten years skating the slabs, that what I’ll miss the most for sure. I wonder how many miles I did on there? I am a little worried about the purple wall feature and I don’t know why we need bright yellow zip wires over our heads.

Ash D I just hope that it doesn’t look stupid or tacky. Knowing NCC though, it’ll be a brightly coloured, over-designed devastation to our great city with pretentious written all over it.

In massive slanty letters.

Jamie More seating will provide something for everyone. It will also combine to provide a larger facility for special events and performances,.

Ro I think the waterfall feature and the trees will look amazing, but I don’t know what the fuck is going on with the tinkywinky-esque purple blob.

Silo I’d like bars and cafes with seating going onto the square and I think it’d be pretty sweet if they had an ice rink at Christmas.

Rish1

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Punters Guide To Nottingham in 2005 words: Al Needham

January

April

The city starts the year as it means to go on by turning itself into a building site. The Turning Point is a scheme to cut the dangerously over-high air pollution over the city centre, although it’s key development so far is those pedestrian lights that you have to crane your neck to look at, risking decapitation by twats in white vans.

The news story of the year; Andrew Vanderahe is fined for running a Filipina sexline in Sherwood, employing 40 local women to chat filth in Oriental accents. “You thought you were talking to a Filipino girl and some had the accent just right,” said one masturbator. “But when you heard the girl say ‘Cheers me duck’ you knew it was a con.”

The month ends with A Drop In The Ocean, a city-wide musical binge featuring 25 venues and over 200 acts, with everyone from bands to bar staff chipping in for tsunami relief. If you weren’t there, you missed out. There will be another though…

Double-barrelled arse-licker Sir Sherard Cowper-Coles tells a delegation of business parasites in Riydah that Nottingham is more dangerous than Saudi Arabia. He has a point, though: as soon as we start beheading women in Slab Square and it’s proven that the 9/11 lads came from Sneinton and Bestwood, we’ll let you know, you brownnosed tw*t.

The dullest General Election in history ends with no change whatsoever in Notts and the council get arsey about litter. Not only do they not collect rubbish for a day to demonstrate how chatty certain people are, they start fining people £50 for dropping fags in the street and threaten a £1,000 fine for people who leave their wheelie bins out.

On a more positive note, the council release plans for a £13m Arts Centre. On a horrific note, Forest get relegated to Division 3. This follows a huge furore in the local paper after players go on a piss-up on the Waterfront.

February A grim month, all considered. Two homeless women are found murdered in a warehouse in town, and Allders, the simulated gem in the crown of the Broad Marsh Centre, shuts down. Meanwhile, Forest get involved in the campaign for a Brian Clough statue, possibly in an attempt to distract people’s attention from the fact that they’re having their crappest season in over 50 years.

Still, it’s not all bad. Nottingham is introduced to the most reviled letter in the entire alphabet…the Slanty ‘N’.

US rapper Snoop Dogg makes an appearance at the Ice Arena, but his gig is ended abruptly by the intrusion of a plastic bottle into his face. There is no encore…

March An even grimmer month. Council Tax goes up by 4.7%, for a kick-off. Steve Green announces that Notts Constabulary is “unable to cope” with the murder rate, and is having to farm out cases to rival constabularies (in one case, ScoobyDoo got called in).

With a depressing predictability, a father of two is shot dead outside a pub in Hyson Green a few days later, and a jug-eared mouth-breather is given life for the murder of Marian Bates. And all we could talk about that month was that fucking ‘N’.

May Nothing much happens, really. Des Walker gets pissed up at his testimonial and spends a night in the cells, as well he might. But that’s his business. If thousands of people turned out for me at the City Ground, you’d get mashed up an’ all. Well you would, wouldn’t you?

June Another comfort blanket for Forest fans who can’t look at next season’s fixture list without screaming: the Playhouse premiere Old Big ‘Ead, The Spirit Of The Man. It’s not too bad, actually. Meanwhile, the Ice Arena melts. Not the building, obviously, because that’d be stupid.

US rapper and Temple of Hiphop founder KRS-One comes to town and plays a storming set at Rock City, followed the day after by a talk to local kids at the Broadway cinema about how to live a good life. Nottingham rockers Six By Seven release their fifth studio album Artists Cannibals Poets Thieves on 7 June and then decide to split up the day after.

July The council start a crackdown on those mini-bikes that mongs ride around on, handing out £1000 fines and

putting said spack-bikes through the crusher. Message to Chavs; nobody has ever looked intimidating and hard with their knees round their ears. Oh, and London explodes.

Funny how you don’t hear so much about Nottingham being dangerous and violent these days, isn’t it?

August Nottingham experiences a double invasion of pissed-off Aussies for the Test match and teeny bible-bashers for a rally at Meadow Lane. The Square is full of them, but sadly they don’t have a sectarian war with the local Goths and there is no nailing each other to bits of wood or anything.

September Two lazy presenters off Channel 4 claim that Nottingham is the worst city to live in, thus doing us all a favour by keeping the kind of twat who watches shit like that firmly away. In another survey, it is revealed that Nottingham sells the cheapest Ketamine in the UK (half as cheap as the national average). Makes you feel proud, doesn’t it?

October Goose Fair is rubbish and expensive. Again. In a crushing blow to the city’s fare-skankers, the trams finally get pass scanners. Bah. The Danielle Beccan trial comes to an end with two members of the Waterfront Gang sent down for life. Fancy naming your gang after a load of chain pubs by the canal?

November Forest and County are still wallowing in a quagmire of mediocrity, the Market Square is ripped up, meaning the traditional New Years Eve pursuit of watching a pissedup bell-end climbing the tree and being shouted at by the coppers will be denied us this year. On a happier note, 24-hour licensing is introduced. Yessss! Legendary US songwriter Bob Dylan plays at the Ice Arena.

December Dunno, as it’s still November as we write this. Erm…it’s dead cold, Xmas happens and the January sales start far too early. Or summat like that.

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“They’re odd in Nottingham.

They’re not midlanders, they’re not northerners, they’re very much ‘Nottingham’, aren’t they? But I’ve never found them a difficult crowd.

I just love ‘em.”

Although he was originally born in London and spends most of the year living near Oldham, Kenneth Alan Taylor is a true giant of Nottingham culture. He ran the Nottingham Playhouse for a period during the 1980’s and has written and directed every one of their pantomimes for the last twenty-two years (as well as playing the Dame in most of them). We caught up with him during rehearsals for this year’s production Jack and The Beanstalk for a chat about writing, celebrities and dressing up as a lady....

How did the first of your pantomimes come about?

They’d never done traditional pantomime here and when I applied for the job as Artistic Director in 1984 I told them I would do traditional pantomime.

They were very nervous about it. They said “We’ve never done pantomime, the Theatre Royal does pantomime,” and I said “this will be traditional, no names, no stars, really family orientated.”

Strangely enough Jack and the Beanstalk was the first one I did here, we had a very small budget and we broke even.

Gradually it’s built and built and it’s become like a Frankenstein’s Monster. When I left in 1990 that was the end of it as far as I was concerned, I was moving on to something else, but they kept asking me to stay on. In fact, I’ve just been asked to agree to another three years…

You say it’s a ‘traditional panto’.

What is it about that approach that you like?

We have a full rehearsal period (most commercial pantomimes have perhaps one or two weeks) and I’ve got the most amazing

back-up team. All the costumes, the sets and the props are built here. So the production values are very important to this theatre, that’s part of its success. I also think it’s successful because it’s very family orientated. I’m absolutely adamant that it’s squeaky clean. There’s nothing that kids don’t understand, there’s nothing that will offend anybody. I always say it’s like an old friend coming back. The year before last I got letters of complaint saying that we’d taken out all the old gags. I said “you know all the old corny jokes“ but they said “that’s what we come for.” So last year I deliberately put tons of old jokes back in.

What is it that makes you keep coming back?

You have freedom in panto that you don’t get in any other form of theatre. It stays fresh because it changes, it evolves. It’s anarchy, really. Which is what I love.

Also, I’m a frustrated stand-up comic, I’ve never had the nerve to do it and probably wouldn’t be any good but panto gives you a chance to do all that. It’s a strange British thing that audiences love to be insulted, if you’re rude to somebody they love it. Barry Humphries as Edna Everage is horrible to people (and I’m rude, but I’m not horrible), but he said, “If you go to a theatre and there’s 800 people and you’re picked out, you’re special.” That’s why they like it.

Do you have a particular favourite pantomime?

Because I play the Dame, Mother Goose is my favourite. She is the Hamlet of panto, because the story is about her. She’s not just funny, she has pathos and turns nasty, she’s got everything.

She’s a fully rounded character, whereas most Dames are literally just there for the comedy.

Who do you think is the best Dame in the business?

I don’t know about now, but for me the best ever was Arthur Askey. I saw him when I was about six or seven doing Dame and that was what hooked me. I didn’t like anything else because in those days you had Principal Boy and Principal Girl singing about six love songs and I hated that but I absolutely loved him.

In the time that you’ve been performing here, have you noticed Nottingham changing?

The thing that puzzles me about Nottingham is I’ve never seen any city with so many coffee bars.

There’s two opened since last year. Every time I come I think “how much coffee can people consume?” It’s wonderful for men’s shops, though. It’s better than Manchester.

Something that’s been said about people from Nottingham is that they’re hard to impress…

I’ve not found that actually.

They’re very warm and friendly audiences. They’re odd in Nottingham. They’re not midlanders, they’re not northerners, they’re very much ‘Nottingham’, aren’t they? But I’ve never found them a difficult crowd. I just love ‘em.

Pantomime is a particularly English art form...

Absolutely. This tradition of cross-dressing is bizarre. It’s only English… nowhere else.

Do you think that’s just because the British love a man in a dress, or is there anything else?

We moan nowadays, or at least I do, about footballers or cricketers or people from Neighbours coming into panto who don’t know what they’re doing. But I honestly think the Dame probably started as a commercial thing.

They took a famous comic like Dan Leno and stuck him in for purely commercial reasons. Why they made the Dame a man noone seems to know. Or why the Principal Boy is played by a girl.

My theory is it’s just to keep the

dads awake. With the dame, the other characters can be rude and get into much more physical slapstick with a man dressed as a woman than they could with a real woman. It wouldn’t seem right.

Do you have anything else you’d like to say to LeftLion readers?

What can I say to them?

What about ‘come and see the panto’?

I can’t be that blatantly commercial… Yes, come and see the pantomime. Actually we do have a lot of students in and they’re wonderful to play to. You can always tell when they’re in by the noise…

Jack and The Beanstalk is showing at the Nottingham Playhouse until 21 January.

Kenneth then returns to Nottingham in April 2006, performing Krapp’s Last Tape at the Lakeside Theatre. www.nottinghamplayhouse.co.uk

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words: Jesse Keene photos: Kevin Lake

Welcome to the world of Hiphop soldier 45 (formerly know as ‘Mr’ 45). His rhymes deal with truelife hardship that he observes on the streets of Nottingham. Born into a musical family during the late ‘70s, music has always been a big part of his life. It was no surprise then that he hooked up with local production heavyweights like Joe Buhdha, Big Trev and Black Viking while working alongside emcees such as Cappo, Tempa and Lee Ramsey among others.

A long line of releases including his biggest release to date ‘Radford Ya Get Me’ received critical acclaim and set his name in stone (at least in the Nottingham scene). He even received praise from US rap mogul Jay Z, who proclaimed live on radio “Big up 45 that cat is tight” after hearing his single ‘Funky’ on the Tim Westwood show. So please take up your positions as we speak to one of Nottingham Hiphop’s most infamous characters….

Tell us about musical influences and how they affect your style of rapping?

I have many things that influence my music. The biggest is Jah. My family is another. My life, from

something as simple as when I get up in the morning and hear the sound of birds and hustle and flow of the day, to me laying my head to rest at night. Musical influences include the Juice Crew, EPMD, LL Cool J, BDP, Big Daddy Kane and Slick Rick. All these influences puts me at an advantage because I have the best of the old-school style mixed with the new, which makes my own style so unique.

How do you feel the Hiphop scene in Nottingham has evolved since you started rhyming here?

When I started there was only a few people doing their thing and less facilities or industry support.

The game has evolved to the point that there are now more artists, producers, studios, independent labels and much more industry support. It has changed for the better in Notts for sure.

What has been your most memorable show over the years?

My personal favourite show was with Tony Touch in Manchester.

The most memorable show was in London with Busta Rhymes, the place got totally trashed, tills, bar, our sound system all gone or smashed up. It got heavy!

Who do you rate on the Nottingham and UK scene?

Joe Buhdha, Mista Jam, Shortie Blitz, One Step Ahead, Smokes and Bluntz, Matic, Wariko, Tower Hemp, Shotz Movements Fort Knottz, Willis Rose, Denzie, Lee Ramsey, Streetbeats, C-Mone, Nick Stez, P-brothers, Cappo, Scorze, Oh My Gosh records, Virgo. They’re all doing their thing and making waves.

Do you have any new stuff in the pipeline?

At the moment just finishing a few projects. I have a mixtape I’m doing, a few singles coming out, and an album to drop. The two latter are already done. I’m finalising the tour schedule for next year, local, national and abroad. Also just finished the video for My Lover (Baby girl) featuring myself and Denise, another Streetbeats banger!!

Went to Atlanta to hook-up with a label over there so we working on a few projects together. We’re off to LA to do some label and film business and I’m going to do another music video out there, so all in all we’re just keeping it moving. The music just gets better and better.

Any shoutouts or words of wisdom that you would like to share with LeftLion readers?

Big shouts: Jah, big up Jah! Bless massive, nuff love to all them that love me and all them haters suck a dizzle. A quitter never wins and a winner never quits. Big up all the mans them in ATL for making things happen. Peace.

For future 45 releases keep an eye open for new Nottingham-based label Hustlers Flow Records.

A few standout moments in the career of 45...

1.

Radford ya get me, Freestyle frenzy and dozens more tracks with Joe Buddha (Nottingham)

2.

6 by 12 with East Flatbush Kids (New York)

3.

Chronic Irresponsibility with EL Fudge (New York)

4.

Hoggish with Rodney P and Skinnyman (London).

5.

Showstopper, 3 Kings and more with P Brothers (Nottingham)

6.

Getaway with feat Denzee (Nottingham)

7.

Willie Murda with Slar Hussain (London)

8.

Resilience EP with Cappo (Nottingham)

9.

Whatcha Gonna Do? with Klashnekoff (London)

10. Opening for DJ Premier at Rock City, Nottingham 11. Notts Life with Smokes and Bluntz 12. Ya Get Me with Tempa (Notts)

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words: Jared Wilson photos: Jamie Allan Many would believe that Dizzee Rascal was an overnight success. His first album Boy In Da Corner was well received by grime fans and critics alike, so much so that it beat Coldplay and Radiohead to win the 2003 Mercury music prize. This was followed by an appearance on last years Christmas number one Band Aid 20, sandwiched together with the likes of The Darkness, Will Young and The Sugababes for ‘charidee’.

But despite his forays into the world of pop, Dizzee is a serious and highly motivated artist. Still just 21, he’s been playing live gigs in clubs for the best part of a decade and his second album Showtime cemented him at the heart of a new grime scene. Those who witnessed his appearance at the Rescue Rooms in November will know that there is plenty left yet to come…

Tell us about your Dirtee Stank label?

Basically I’ve had the label from before I was signed to XL. I was putting out tracks like I love you and a couple of instrumentals,

which were around on pirate radio and the underground scene.

Now, finally, I’ve been lucky enough to come across some groups that make good music and bring them along. Dirtee Stank is about showcasing and giving people across the country the chance to hear it. I’m a fan of music so it’s another side of me.

It’s a blessing.

Tell us about Class A from Leicester They actually signed to XL before I did. I don’t know what their situation was, but I heard their music and I was feeling it. It touched me and around that time I just had this feeling, like this hunger. So from there I just knew that something has to come from outside London and then one day it was just there. It was always there, but I had to grab hold of it and bring it through Dirtee stank.

I read that you recorded your first album at home, before you were signed and it went out on general release unchanged. That’s mad when you listen to it…

Yeah fo’real. I was going for it…I ain’t stopped either. I don’t stop.

At first it was just learning how to make music then, when I actually got a chance to get it out on radio and that, the hunger came even more, ‘cause I knew this could go somewhere.

How do you think Showtime was a progression from Boy In Da Corner?

I think I tried to go a bit deeper, technically as far as verses and stuff like that. I wanted to show, deeper skills. The first one was a lot more hook orientated and simple, but I wanted to make something different for the second. There was a lot of speculation as to whether I could do it again, the curse of the mercury prize and all sorts. Now I’m in the middle of the third.

I’ve done a lot of it and if I do say myself it’s banging! Quote me on that please...

Do you know what it’ll be called?

It’s called Maths and English because that’s what I do.

Producing is all numbers, it’s Maths. And English, obviously, the writing, and where I’m from England. It says it all man. I’ve

done a few tracks on it with D Double E and Footsie, for some production that’s on more that grimey take. I’ve also done a thing with ShyFX, so I’m branching out man, all over the place, but there definitely is a vibe about it.

I heard you recorded your skit for Band Aid in 15 minutes?

I went there and they told me what they wanted. So when I wrote it, it was nothing. I did a recording of it, and I got shown afterwards that it was too short.

So I just went upstairs quickly and wrote the rest of it, then came down. It’s no big story really, it was just a good thing to do.

What was the shoe you designed for Nike like?

It was the Airmax 180. I put the logo on it and chose the colours.

It was good to be venturing out into that. Nike was always one of my favourite shoes, so naturally to get to do that was a treat. I also put the docklands light railway on the innersole.

Tell us about working with Semtex…

He’s just the best DJ in the country. It’s a blessing for me. He was an A&R and he was going to sign me to Def Jam and had me supporting Jay-Z when I was 17. When I didn’t end up signing with Def Jam, he was still around, know what I mean? He’s just a part of what I do. It’s how we’ll continue to be as well.

I hear you’re working on a film soundtrack?

Yeah. I’ve done a few tunes for the film Rolling with the nuns that’s coming out early or middle of next year. It’s the first British black gangster film, like the black equivalent to Snatch or something.

Anything else you want to say to LeftLion readers?

Yo’ man, anything you want in life, reach out for it man… it’s nothing.

Try and choose something that you love doing. It’s easy to give up after a setback, but just keep pressing on with desire and love for what you do. www.dirteestank.com

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words: Alasdair Catton Photos: Kevin Lake Digby Pearson dropped out of Nottingham University after just one term and was working as a roadie and promoter when, in 1986, he founded Earache Records from his bedroom in Hyson Green. Already a huge fan of independent music, Pearson had noticed the beginnings of a crossover of the Hardcore Punk and Thrash Metal scenes and became one of the first to release records by extreme Heavy Metal bands.

His third release, Napalm Death’s Scum, epitomised this new sound (dubbed by the Birminghamband as Grindcore) which was soon picked up by the legendary John Peel. In 1988 the band crashed into the mainstream, their second album debuted at No.1 in the UK Indie charts, giving Pearson a platform from which to release a succession of new and extreme records to a rapidly growing fan base.

Earache quickly built up a catalogue of the biggest names in extreme Metal including Godflesh, Morbid Angel, Entombed, Pitchshifter, Linea 77, Mortiis and their biggest selling artist this year, Adema. 17 years

on and 8 million record sales later we caught up with Digby to reflect on the astounding success of this Nottingham-based label.

At what point did you realize Earache was becoming quite big?

After Napalm Death exploded really, John Peel was playing loads of their stuff, it was a really bizarre period and this happened to loads of bands. You send the stuff to Peel and he played it all the time on his show. Not just one play and “that was Napalm Death” he’d invite them down for a session, spin like three or four tracks and rave about them on the radio. One year at the Brit Awards he spent about ten minutes just showing off my releases because Earache was the first label that kind of epitomized extreme metal.

Why does Nottingham have such a low output of new bands?

That’s the mythical Nottingham question! My theory is because it’s a town of students, I grew up here and I’ve lived all my life here, I’ve seen the summers when everyone disappears. I’m still here, we’re still here, but all the bars are empty. Everyone that was in a band it seems was at

University here, then they bugger off and get a job elsewhere.

It’s almost like they’ve got three years to make it. That might be why the only bands to really break out of Nottingham are rock bands of people who live here.

Who’s the biggest band now?

Bent probably I don’t know, they’re Nottingham born and bred, they’ve got their deal and they do well.

It’s great to have an institution like Earache in Nottingham it seems many people however are unaware of your presence.

I really like the fact that we’re in a Nottingham magazine. We’ve been invisible in the city for many years, which is kind of cool in a way. We see metallers walking past the office everyday, going to Rock City wearing our bands shirts. None of them know that the place where it comes from is above a cob shop and a futon shop in the city centre.

How have you avoided moving to London?

I like being slightly provincial.

We’ve got a London promo office in Camden which is how we got around that one. I’d already

resisted the temptation to move the whole thing to London because that’s were it’s at in the music industry. I really like the fact that we’re in Nottingham.

We’ve got a big fanbase in America and some of our bands get in the Billboard charts now and again, so we’ve got a New York office as well. It’s right in the middle of Manhattan, as central as you can get. I don’t really like it when I go there though. I live in Ruddington and twenty minutes on a bus and you’re in the countryside. That’s what I really like about Nottingham, you can get the best of both worlds and if you need to go to London it’s only an hour and a half on the train.

What is the most grief that any of your bands have caused you?

Well we had a police raid here once when we did this extreme death metal band Carcass in the very early days. It was about ten in the morning when we opened and about ten coppers barged in the doors with crowbars and proceeded to ransack the office looking for stuff they deemed obscene. They found these Carcass CD’s, which were on open sale and we also had a band

called Cadaver which also had a similar sleeve. We were going to get sued and I was going to be prosecuted under the Obscene Publications Act. They took away ten bags of evidence away and that was it, my lawyer said don’t worry the last person to get prosecuted under that act was probably Lady Chatterley’s Lover in the 60’s.

We rang up the NME at the time and they ran a big story on it and luckily we got a lot of support from the industry.

Censorship should never be applied to music even when it’s strong stuff like that. It was really helpful to get the support from other labels because I thought I’d just get sued and literally go to prison. I was looking at a prison sentence for putting out death metal records, it’s fucking insane! We went to the Director of Prosecutions and had a few interviews and gave evidence.

Eventually it fizzled out as my lawyer showed them the absurdity of it all... www.earache.com

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The Smears (l-r): Natalie, Emma and Colette

The Smears are an upcoming tour de force in the Nottingham music scene. For some, being an all-girl punk group would perhaps be enough to make them stand out. With The Smears, however, add to this the fact that all three are highly attractive ladies who know how to rock and you start to understand why they regularly leave Notts crowds whooping and screaming for more.

The band members are Emma O’Neil (guitar/vocals), Colette Hutton (drums) and Natalie Caulton (bass). After a few years of regular appearances at Junktion 7 and The Old Angel, they’re starting to branch out to other cities. We caught up with them to find out what the fuss is about…

Describe your music to people who haven’t seen you gig yet.. .

Emma: Like climbing over antivandal grease and getting a little bit on your clothes.

Colette: Punk with a bit of grunge.

Natalie: I’d scream until it’s clean, but I’d stop breathing.

What are your biggest achievements since you started playing together?

Emma: Playing gigs with hangovers! That’s an achievement in itself. Apart from that, I think another is getting to meet Jennifer Finch (from L7), because we were meant to support her band.

Colette: Playing with the UK Subs.

Natalie: Being Demo of the Week in Organ magazine in London.

What is your favourite Nottingham venue to gig at?

Emma: Junction 7 or the Old Angel.

Natalie: The Old Angel. the punk vibe there is cool.

Colette: I agree with Nat, the Old Angel.

What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you at a gig?

Colette: Breaking my toe, just after we played.

Emma: Breaking someone’s toe just after we played.

Natalie: Watching someone break someone’s toe just after we played.

Do you feel sexism is still prevalent in the music industry?

Emma: Yes there is sexism in the

music scene and industry, but it is discriminatory to ask us that.

I can only be myself and if that helps, so be it. I get mistaken for a feminist all the time, but I grew up in a matriarchal family and have always been surrounded by strong women.

I didn’t know anything about feminism until I was about twenty, and I still don’t have my head round it. I’m never going to answer this question again!

Despite all that’s going on in the world, many ‘punk’ bands no longer have a political opinion or message. What’s gone wrong?

Emma: With punk or politics?

Colette: Every individual has their own political views and opinions.

It doesn’t mean we want to write about it all the time.

Emma: Are you referring to the new ‘punk’ bands that sing about looking up people’s skirts? They are just a joke, an embarrassing joke that has gone on way too long. Those bands are just puppets, like Take That with guitars.

Natalie: Real punks would not write about getting a ticket out of ‘loserville’. I feel dirty wearing a wrist sweatband nowadays!

You did a gig with UK Subs. How nerve-wracking was that?

Colette: It wasn’t too bad. It was our first gig after having a couple of months off and we were so happy to be playing again. We loved every minute of it.

Emma: It was brilliant! It was nerve-wracking playing so far away from ‘home’ but the crowd were so appreciative. I didn’t say more than two words to Charlie Harper though. I couldn’t think of anything to say. To be honest, I wasn’t that nervous… I get nervous at the smallest of gigs.

I think we are supporting them again in January at Junktion 7.

Natalie: We had such a good time with The Subs, they’re brilliant fun. I had jawache from laughing!

Emma, you were the assistant director of The Diary Of Anne Frank at the Notts Arts Theatre.

Which is more of a creative release, directing or music?

Emma: It was my first experience of directing and it was so good!

I worked with a really good director, Nicola Curzon, who I’m hoping to work with again.

We put so much into it. It was really great to be able to create something and then stand right

back and watch it and see people’s reactions to it.

There’s another band called The Smears in America. Ever heard of them?

Emma: I hadn’t even heard of them until we started this band.

I did try and discuss the use of the name with them but I only got one email telling me to talk to such and such. They never got back to me so that’s why we put UK at the end of our name. But of course, we’re better!

Any words of wisdom for people thinking about starting a band?

Colette: Steer clear from egos and don’t be afraid to do what you want.

Natalie: Find the right people.

These two girls are too cool!

Emma: Do what you think you should, not what other people tell you to do. Do your research, don’t forget to write set lists and do a checklist for your equipment before you leave the house.

Return calls and always bite off more than you can chew.

www.uksmears.com

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TURKEY TIME Words: The Shedfixman Image: Rob White There’s a bloke works at our factory looks forward to this time of year. He never calls it Christmas, he always calls it ‘Turkey Time’.

He’s not the brightest of blokes, to be generous to him. Youthful mid-thirties; slow talker, slow mover. Andy Weatherall tattoo.

Bald as a coot, colourblind as a cow. He puts mint sauce on everything he eats. Radical dentistry required. If you ask him to guess who you saw in The Spread Eagle in Wandsworth last night, he’ll stand and think, then start throwing the names of the entire United Kingdom back at you, usually beginning with Mick Walsh - the World’s number

fourteen at darts. I once sat in his Portakabin, secretly recording him as he banged on and on about the crap weekend he’d had. When I played it all back to him, he asked who it was. Then there was the time someone stood talking to him whilst craftily filling his front jeans pocket with two inch woodscrews. He never noticed until he stuck ‘em in the wash and it sounded like a gunfight.

And the marijuana years haven’t been kind; last week, he came over to speak to me and the lads and his head jammed. All he could do was stand with his mouth wide open and his thumb hitch-hiking over his shoulder.

When Turkey Time arrives on the Thursday before Christmas, his

housemates will have hogged up the freezer with their own stuff, so he’ll pick up his free company turkey and place it in a bucket of water in the boot of his car until Boxing Day, which is also his birthday – when he’ll drive up to his parents’ house in Great Yarmouth to hand it to his mum to cook. We’ll probably be standing there as he opens the bootlid, squeaking out the customary “I’m gnot going in that gucket in the goot, you gig gastard!” from the sides of our mouths.

But the point of this tale isn’t to celebrate the man’s dimness.

Because strapped into the seat beside him will be his seven year old son. The boy is hyperactive and has acute behavioural problems. He’s the only fruit of a broken relationship which culminated in his free-shagging, alcopop-swigging mum booting his dad out onto the streets a long while ago. But he never bore any grudges and more than anything he loves his little boy and sees him when whenever he can.

It’ll probably be the only turkey going back to Norfolk this Christmas.

This trip will be the highlight of the year for both them and the eagerly waiting grandparents, who’ll see their grandson grown another year.

The real point is: if such a simple man can give and do so much for his troubled young son, why are so many others among us who are variously far better acquitted in life content to do far less for their kids?

Have a great Christmas; and make sure everyone around you does too.

Full Bacon Jacket by Tom Hathaway is available in bookshops now.

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Driving not drinking…

Words: Amir Bazrafshan Photos: David Bowen

When you speak to Rupert Proctor, you get the distinct feeling he has an interesting past. He played the lead as an alcoholic in Chris Cooke’s cinema debut One For The Road, alongside a crew of Nottinghambased actors and the bloke from Shelley. This was a brave move considering he is a reformed drug and booze addict himself.

Rupert also starred as a sleazy journalist in Notting Hill and now has a host of TV roles behind him (from Peak Practice to Ruth Rendall), but spends much of his time in Hood Town these days. We caught up with him to chat about staying on the wagon and his interesting evening work…

What do you think to the filmmaking scene in Nottingham?

There’s nowhere else like it outside of London. The whole community has a real family feel.

There is so much talent in the region, it’s an artistic hub. There are obviously the likes of Shane Meadows and Chris Cooke who are already successful, but there’s also a lot of emerging talent to back them up. I especially like Simon Ellis and see him achieving great things in the not so distant future.

How did you get into acting?

I lost my father when I was twelve and it sent shockwaves through my life until my late twenties. I lost touch with everything positive in my life due to drug and alcohol abuse. During that time it was simply a matter of survival. In January 1990 I had a physical and mental breakdown and was taken to a clinic where they helped me deal with the sadness and grief.

Through talking to my doctor I realised just how blessed my childhood was. Acting was at the root of it all and I was encouraged to rediscover that part of me. I ended up getting an unconditional offer from the Bristol Old Victoria acting school.

It felt like I was supposed to be there and was very cathartic.

My tutor, Rudi Shelley (who also taught Daniel Day Lewis and Peter O’Toole) knew I didn’t have the means to pay the tuition fees and helped organise a consortium to fund my acting. Sixty four people helped me get through acting school, one of which was Sir Anthony Hopkins, who paid one term’s tuition a year for three years. I got to thank him in person at Rudi’s 85th birthday and told him I’d buy him lunch to show my appreciation. I’m still yet to do that!

How do you approach a role and get into character?

I read the script as a whole piece and see what it does to my imagination. Hopefully it will make sense and I will believe I

can bring the character to life.

When this happens I get excited, it’s like an instinct; if it’s present then I’m interested. Then, I’ll think very deeply about the character, especially their voice.

I think of it as their soul and once you find it, they inhabit you.

After this it’s discovering their behaviour and then physical traits such as how they walk and other mannerisms they may have.

Which character has provided you with the most fulfilling and personal experience?

I find every role I play to be fulfilling in a certain way. That said there are roles that are harder to play than others. One for the Road really brought up ghosts of my past. The scariest thing was that I had been capable of it all earlier in my life. It made me appreciate the fact that I was sober and gave me perspective on the error of my ways.

I am very proud of that film and of Chris Cooke for his tenacity. He brought a group together for the first time and it became an artistic family. He had to take several

knockbacks, so when it was finally given the green light there was a tremendous sense of anticipation.

It was an extraordinary experience.

I had the chance to work with some very talented actors. Mark Davenport and Greg Chisholm are both Nottingham-based and were awesome. Hywel Bennett (Eastenders and Shelley) was the other lead actor. He was brilliant and I learned lots from him on and around set.

What aspirations do you have for the future?

Mark Devenport (who also starred in ‘One For The Road’) and I are writing a sitcom together. It’s very exciting and challenging as I’m normally just faced with one aspect of a script (i.e. my character) and getting a performance. But now I have to consider every element. We’re trying to produce a pilot and make six episodes after that.

Tell me about your ‘day job’ I work nights in a mental health ward, so it doesn’t conflict with acting jobs. As I’ve been through trauma, I really wanted to help others in a similar situation. When I started this job, I realised I cared about other people and wanted to develop that element of myself.

A key part of my job is to observe the behaviour of the patients, and write a report about their physical and mental state, which is much like studying a character for a film or theatre. I believe I have a lot to offer the patients I work with.

What are you favourite places in Nottingham?

The homes of Mark Davenport, Dena Smiles, Intermedia and Broadway. Plus a café called Tramwiches. Mark and I have had many productive discussions over the excellent breakfasts in there!

Finally, do you have anything to say to aspiring actors?

Dare to believe in yourself. If anyone tells you that dreams don’t come true you can tell them “Fuck off. Love, Rupert.”

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The House of Rock

If you’re under fifty-five, live in Nottingham and worship at the altar of Rock’n’Roll, you’ll have spent more than a bit of time in Rock City. Over the years it has played host to everyone from U2 to Nirvana, to Oasis to Robbie Williams, as well as putting on some of the best loved club nights in the city. The place celebrates its Silver Jubilee this month, so we made a tablecloth out of old New Model Army T-shirts, laid on the sausage rolls and jelly and had a proper oldschool street party with The Management George Akins and Andy MacDonald…

George, do you remember Rock City when you were a kid?

George: Yeah, I remember it really early on. My brother was working here in 1981, but I didn’t really know anything about it until I was 13 or 14.

And then you took over at the age of 19…

George: Yeah, that was weird. I was on holiday in Australia, and my old man rang me up to tell me that some of managament had left and could I come back to look after it. I’d worked here over the summer before on the bar and in the cloakroom and I planned to come back for a bit and then go away again, as it was a kind of gap year. I’ve been here ever since. At the time I was more a Saturday night Rock City person than a Friday night one. I liked some of the bands in that scene but there was a lot of shit which is why it didn’t last…

Are the any big bands you’ve turned down and wished you hadn’t?

Andy: Tin Machine is a legendary one. In the interim of one booker taking over from another we had someone who knew nothing about music at the time holding the diary, and one of the agents rang up asking if we had a date for Tin Machine and she said “send me a demo tape.” Of course, he didn’t bother.

George: Luckily we got Bowie later on a club tour which was awesome – and a fucking nightmare, because we were trying to put another bar in on the day, and his agent was having a paddy attack about it. He’d demanded two sitting rooms, and he brought four couches and Persian carpets and stuff, just to make the clubs look respectable.

Even the food area had a Persian carpet down there.

Awesome show, though…

So what’s the biggest bath you’ve ever taken on a gig?

George: The second Ministry concert was expensive.

They hadn’t toured for a while, and we just presumed that they were going to sell out and the agent was being really gung-ho about it all. You get about one of them a year. It’s kind of strange when you get bands that were kind of credible like Ministry, Patti Smith and Spiritualized, and you still can’t sell them. They suddenly go from being sell-out acts to nothing in the space of a year. You see that public backlash to a band that people are not that bothered about, but have been caught up in the hype.

Who are the most temperamental rock stars you’ve had to deal with?

Andy: Glenn Danzig had a big thing about not having the support band backstage. No-one was allowed to look him in his eyes or something. Pretty hard to stop that when you’re playing to over 1000 people…

George: The Others are a nightmare. The singer is talented, but he’s just really over the top. He gives the whole of the crowd his mobile number to ring him afterwards for where the party is and they have like 100 people on the guest list for every show.

Andy: Last time they played, we had Fozzy (WWE wrestler Chris Jericho’s band) playing next door, so we sent someone in to say “…by the way, the band in the next dressing room has a six-foot-five wrestler who doesn’t like your band and says if he sees you he’ll fucking kill you.”

We made that up because he’s a pain in the arse, and it worked for us.

George: No-one’s as big a nightmare as Yngwie Malmsteen. He wanted a full-length mirror on the stage so he could look at himself when he was playing. He turned up with special strings for his guitar and he sent his runner out to buy some more. It turned into a real panic.

We’d been to all the guitar shops in Nottingham. Not only do they not do them, they’ve never even heard of them.

Eventually we find a shop in Derby that has heard of them, but can’t get hold of them for weeks and weeks. And he’s like “Well I can’t do the show”. Does he not think he should have bought some spares on tour with him?

Andy: He’d also sent the runner out to buy him a very specific type of microphone. Then one of the crew went up to and said “one two” into it. He saw it, went mad and said “I’m not using that microphone now, it’s been used by someone else.” So we pretended to send the runner back out, but he actually just went downstairs, blew on the microphone and then stuck it back on.

George: Shane McGowan, played here and was so fucked, like he always is. I had to go and get him from the station, and he missed his train, so straight away we’re running really late. The support have already played, people are throwing shit on the stage and some start to leave. I’m walking up and down the platform and he got off the train 15 minutes after it arrived with his pint of vodka or whatever, taking baby steps and stopping every ten feet or so. It took 25 minutes to get him from train to the car.

The locals have a bit of a reputation in the music scene, don’t they?

George: We’ve had our moments. The Ozzy riot (after fabled brummie rock-god couldn’t be arsed to get out of bed for the gig) and the Pearl Jam gig (with Eddie Vedder cound cowering behind the fridge in the food bar after over-enthusiastic crowd-surfing) stick out. The Macc Lads gigs were the worst, though. Security used to have to draw straws for who was working in the Pit. Andy: The crowd used to throw piss at them. And the drummer would be like, “Piss? What’s that? Throw some shit at me.” So someone would crap in their hand and throw it at the drummer. No doorman ever wanted to work in the pit for their gigs. It was just mayhem.

Have you ever had grief between rival rock bands?

Andy: We had Killing Joke playing one night and Motorhead on the next day. They were staying in the same hotel (the Welbeck) and met up in the bar. A few words were exchanged and Jaz from the Joke and the drummer from Motorhead went head-to-head. The police ended up involved in it and everything!

George: There was also the Reef incident with Hells Angels.

The band were skating in the car park, and a member of the press else stuck a Reef sticker on one of the Angels’ motorbikes for a photo. They couldn’t get it off without leaving a sticker mark. That nearly ended up very ugly…

What are the most bizarre rider requests you’ve had?

Andy: Electric six had a Colt 45 gun, six rounds of ammunition and poodle on their rider. We got them a toy gun and a toy dog. Hell is for Heroes asked for a broadsword and a lance. Goldie Lookin’ Chain asked for an ounce of skunk on theirs.

George: Reef put a skateboard on their rider. The Deftones wanted 17 pairs of white pop-socks. I mean pop-socks?

Andy: The Polyphonic Spree. They’re not just vegans, but fruitarians. You had to make their food on a natural fire, you couldn’t use a stove and you had to use fruit that naturally fell from the bush. We gave them some vegan cheese. That was a weird little band. They had two buses as well, a family bus and a singles one.

What’s the best rumour you have heard about Rock City?

George: I heard a rumour that I’ve stolen several police cars. I hide them in the caves below Rock City and I have strippers snorting coke off them. I like that one.

What about the rumour that Rock City supports and gives money to the BNP, NF, the Ku Klux Klan, Hitler, etc?

George: Basically, some fucker at another venue in the 80’s spread a rumour because they didn’t like us, and it carried on because we were successful. That’s all there is to it. I remember trying to deal with someone in town who said that they wouldn’t take our flyers unless we took a full page ad out in The Times saying we were not racist. You get people who hear a rumour, and then in their eyes you’re tarnished forever. We haven’t got links with any political parties.

Oh, and the one about all your bouncers being in Combat 18…

George: It’s possible that we may have employed a bouncer who was in Combat 18 once, but if they brought it to work we wouldn’t have it.

Have you ever found problems booking acts because of that?

George: We’ve had a couple like Rage Against the Machine and Fugazi who asked questions, but its because of kids emailing their websites with rumours they’ve heard. Agents then just call us up and check it out and find out that it’s a long way from the truth.

Then they’re happy. If we’re gonna give money away we’d rather give it to a charity like A Drop In The Ocean.

You helped raise a shitload for that.

George: Yeah, and it was great to see local bands up there. We were close to getting Kasabian, who were well up for it, but couldn’t get out of a prior engagement. Everyone chipped in for that, bands, bar staff, bouncers, the lot. They’re talking about doing it again soon, and we’d be happy to help again…

Rock City celebrates its 25th birthday in December. www.rock-city.co.uk

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‘When that whole hysteria was happening, we definitely rose to the occasion and took the piss.

We thought ‘okay, now we’re up here don’t think we’re going to be responsible.’

If you’re interested in music then you probably already know a bit about The Prodigy. Towards the end of the last millennium, they pretty much revolutionised popular and alternative music and topped the charts across the world.

With 1994’s Music for the Jilted Generation and 1997’s Fat of the Land (and to some extent 1992’s Experience) they crossed boundaries between dance, rock and rap and made friends of them all. At one point after Firestarter came out as a single, they appeared on the covers of the NME, Mixmag and Kerrang magazines within a few months of each other.

There’s no other band quite like the strange brew of Liam Howlett, Keith Flint and Maxim. Whilst many new acts usher in whole scenes behind them, there has been no-one since that compares to the Prodigy in either style or content. So it’s a good job that they’re back on it and playing out live, including a Nottingham date on December 7 at the Ice Arena. We caught up with Liam to find out more…

I’ve been looking at some of your latest press photos and you seem to have had another change of image. Keith’s looking a bit like a member of the Smiths…

Keith’s got a bizarre kind of eccentric English gentleman gone wrong look at the moment… where it comes from I’ve got no idea. But it’s all him.

I take it you guys totally control your image then…?

Yeah, of course. We control everything you see. It’s down to us right through from the website design, to all the artwork. We don’t think about it too hard, it’s just the way we look. Keith doesn’t sit down and work out any kind of image, he just dresses like that all the time. He didn’t want to just spike his hair up again and go off to some nostalgic tip. Much as it helped the band, it felt like it’s a bit of a noose around his neck and we’re trying to move on from it.

Did you ever think that Firestarter would break as big as it did?

I always knew we had a killer tune. I’d done the instrumental and called up Keith and Maxim. Whoever got there first would get to claim it as their song. Keith came round, and I played him the record. He was like: “if there’s ever a track I’m going to do vocals on, this is it”. I was listening to the vocal sessions the other day. There’s a lot on there that we didn’t use. We had loads of lyrics originally and stripped it down.

We used the demo I’d recorded in my bedroom as the finished tune and put the vocals on top after. I remember coming back from London with Keith at 2am, playing it over and over and we knew it had to be the next single.

That was a good moment between two mates. Then when it came out it exploded.

It must have been fun at the time…

When that whole hysteria was happening, we definitely rose to the occasion and took the piss. We thought ‘okay, now we’re up here don’t think we’re going to be responsible’. Smack My Bitch Up was just us acting like angry little teenagers. Now we feel like the band is big enough for us to experiment musically and do more interesting things. Personally I’m more comfortable with the way things are now, than ever.

words: Jared Wilson photo: Chris Davison

The dance music or rave music scene has evolved quite a lot since you started out. How do you think The Prodigy has evolved with that?

I got into the original party scene in the summer of 89, and 90. Those were my party years and that’s what shaped the early band. Then about late 92-93 it began to get really monotonous and I began to really hate it. Before that we were writing music for DJ’s to play at parties, but because our records were getting in the charts, the DJ’s didn’t want to play them. That made me turn against the scene at the time and every record I wrote after then was to try and destroy it. Poison was the reverse of what was going on with Drum’n’Bass, Voodoo People was bringing guitars into it, all twisted opposite ends of what of what was going on.

I’ve had some great nights out but with the music I was into at the beginning of the nineties, you’d hear an array of styles next to each other. There are good tunes in all genres of music, but I don’t really see the different types, I just see the sounds.

Do you think it has all become too segregated then?

I’m sure kids that go out now will have the best time of their lives, but personally it just made me lose interest in it.

I was blown away by Rage Against The Machine when I went to America and I came back from there thinking that the Prodigy were finished. We had to either call it a day or turn it around and that’s when I went back into the studio with a new angle. That’s when the band took a different shape and moved forward and became what we are now.

It must be amazing to look back at what you’ve achieved…

It’s good to do the singles album because it’s like a history of the band in music and pictures. We had to gather all these photos together and talk about the old times. We never had the time to do it before, but it was good to reminisce together…

What was it like working with Juliette Lewis?

I think she’s fucking great. Our original idea was to challenge people, I like a bit of confrontation. It would have been easy for me to choose an established female rock star, but when I met her and we talked about it we were really buzzing about making music together. She was into the band and it was just the right collaboration to do for me. People didn’t get it, when we came out, but I think now people can understand it as she’s a bit more established with her own band The Licks.

On the same note, neither Maxim or Keith were involved on the Always Outnumbered Never Outgunned album.

Was there any friction in the band after that?

We never really fell out, but we went through very bad stages in late 2001 and 2002 and we didn’t speak for some time, we didn’t really have anything to say to each other. Music is the common link between us and we don’t really hang out with each others friends or anything. It’s basically down to me to write the music and pull the band back together to record it. But I wasn’t really interested in making Firestarter part 2, or another Fat of the Land. I just wanted to try something different and I wasn’t really bothered if it was commercially successful.

To be honest, the album was more of a personal record to me, but I think one mistake is that we didn’t get a chance to play it live while we were making it and I think that affected it quite a bit. Playing live with new songs is really important. It helps you grade whether something needs to be shorter, longer, louder or faster. I can tell it all by the first minute of a song onstage.

I’ve seen you guys live loads of times and I think you’re awesome. One of the best acts I’ve ever seen…

Nice one man, cool. We love it and I think it shows. People make me laugh. They’re like ‘ahh, you’re 38 years old’, but there’s no excuse. As long as Primal Scream are still going we will be, you know what I mean? They’re much older than us and they’ve still got it.

Are you still in touch with Leeroy Thornhill (former Prodigy member)?

Yeah man, yeah. He’s one of my best friends. He’s DJing at one of the gigs on our tour and doing his own thing. I’ve not seen him in a while, but I usually speak to him once a week. He’s basically doing lots of gigs as a DJ. He’s also joined this band with this DJ Hyper guy. I think he’s done some vocals on his album and they’ll be doing a live thing.

Are you good mates with Noel and Liam Gallagher these days?

I’m good friends with Liam. He’s a close friend of mine, with the family connections and all that. We never talk about music when we go out, because everyone always talks to us about it all the time. We talk about the weather and other shit.

Liam’s a funny guy. I don’t know Noel that well, but he really helped me out on the last record. He lent me his studio for weeks to record it and we jammed. He came down while we were there to hang out and got his guitar out a couple of times.

You’ve changed your image a lot over the years. Do you ever look back at the photos and think, what the hell were we wearing?

I believe I’d say that was true of the green and white costumes we wore early on. I do definitely look back at those photos now and go “what the fuck?” I think we were all young and a bit naïve at that point… I must have been on drugs! I used to dress cooler when I was at school. I was really into The Specials and looking sharp, but when the rave thing came in it all went tits up for me.

Is there anything else you’d like to say to LeftLion readers?

Just respect to everyone that stayed with this band. We’ve got a lot of music to give and we’re still really into it. It’s fucking great to be here. That sounds a bit John Lennon for me, but respect to the people that follow us.

And respect to all the young producers out there, because that’s where the real future of music is. People in their bedrooms that haven’t got any cash but have ideas. It ain’t about money, it’s about people putting back into it and being creative, so respect to all those out there doing it.

The Prodigy play at Nottingham Ice Arena on 7 December 2005 with the Audio Bullys in support.

Their Law, The Prodigy greatest hits, is on general release.

www.theprodigy.com

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www.leftlion.co.uk/issue8

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue8

Out&About

BARS/GYMS/RESTAURANTS/SHOPS GYM: ROKO When you’re looking at shelling out £300 a year for a gym it’s important that every aspect is spot on. On our first visit to Roko there were two things that put us off. The music in the workout area was so loud that we wanted to escape as quick as we could and we also had concerns about their ‘family atmosphere’. After all, the last thing you want when you’re doing laps is to be overtaken by swim club captain Lucy (aged 10) and her competitive mum.

In fact, Roko is a really friendly place to work out, with excellent equipment, motivating staff and a great system to make sure you keep your fitness regime going. Each member is given a personal code which logs each of your training sessions so you can monitor how well you are doing and so they can pick up when you may be struggling to attend.

They’ll give you a friendly nudge to get you back on track.

There is a full complement of excellent classes and a running club if you like exercising outside but don’t want to go on your own. The key thing about this gym is that it is supportive and

In what is now becoming an established feature, LeftLion whips out the credit card and wallows in the retail wonderland that is Nottingham. Our correspondent, looking nervously at the unopened bill on the mantlepiece, is Cristina Chapman.

Notts Going ON

COMING TO A CITY CENTRE NEAR YOU...

The Plank Store, 14 Heathcote Street, Hockley, NG1 01159 243555 www. plankstore.co.uk

BARS: THE ROPEWALK - COMFORT IN A PUB

unpretentious. The staff genuinely seem to want to help you to achieve your goals and run a range of technique lessons if you want to improve your running style or swim stroke. We also love the communal spa and relaxation area, so that you can socialise with friends of either gender after your workout.

Roko, Wilford Lane, West Bridgford, NG2 7RL 0115 982 7799 www.roko.co.uk

Suspend all preconceptions.

The Ropewalk is no longer a screaming vat of sickly yellow where students get bladdered after Wednesday team sports. Having undergone a total revamp, without coming out the other end as another theme pub, it is now the local you’ve always dreamed of.

Funky wallpaper, curved leather and chenille sofas, velvet cushions, retro chairs and tables, subtle lighting and curtain partitions have turned a voluminous void into cosy lounges where you can crack open a bottle of wine, sink a few beers and indulge in some great value nosh.

The food is just like you’d want to make at home too, if you had the time, ingredients and organisation. We shared a lamb kofta to start and chose a bean cassoulet with cous cous and classic fish and chips to follow. The kebabs were delicious. Really meaty and minty and perfectly teamed with a minted crème fraiche. The spinach and radicchio was drizzled with a basil and parsley dressing which worked really

Kooky selection

Topshop

well with the lamb. The bean cassoulet could have been bland but it was spiced and flavoured just enough to make a hearty mid-week winter supper. And the vegetable cous cous was cooked to a tee. If those dishes don’t take your fancy, there are burgers, chicken dishes, hot sandwiches, sharing platters and other goodies to be had. The menu changes every three to four weeks too, so you’ll never get bored of the food.

The Ropewalk, 107 Derby Road, NG1 5EF 0115 9596181

Topshop and Topman are changing.

Gone are the days of offering cheap women’s blouses and men’s suits to wear in court and in come a new range from upcoming designers like Kim Jones and Ziad Ghanem. They’ve even gone a bit rock’n’roll with stalls at Summer festivals, a local launch party at The Social and by dressing bands like The Paddingtons and The Futureheads for their live gigs.

If you fancy yourself as an indie mogul, then a trip to their new store in Victoria centre could sort you right out. You’re always guaranteed a good range of clobber and probably a bit of change to spend in the pub afterwards.

Topshop and Topman, 1-5 Lister Gate and 122 Victoria Centre, NG1 0115 948 3026 www.topshop.co.uk

Plank Store

SHOPPING: INDEPENDENT RECORD STORES You’ll already know about the major record stores in Nottingham like Virgin, HMV, MVC and Fopp. If you’re looking for Elton John’s back catalogue or a cheap copy of the latest Coldplay album, then that’s the destination of choice. However, music discerning fans will be expectantly digging the crates in less obvious parts of Nottingham this Christmas.

The most respected and established store in the city is Selectadisc on Market Street. This is a place for serious music fans, the kind of person who spent every night of their youth listening to John Peel. They offer a wide range of CD’s and vinyl and some nifty book and DVD bargains to be had, as well as probably the best range of local music produce in the city.

A few doors down the road is Was. This second-hand store is honey pot if you’re looking to learn from other peoples’ discarded collections and stumble across that CD you’ve been seeking for ten years. Funky Monkey, on Heathcote Street, is a hive of house, techno and beat-based vinyl. Not only that, but they’ve also started a sister-website called Auction Monkey, which will flog your old records for a decent price. Mushi Mushi on Thurland Street prides itself on offering hard to find underground grooves and their selection has proved immensely popular at their Evasion club nights. Over in Hurts Yard are two more essential stops. Oh My Gosh is a hive of hard to find independent hiphop and drum and bass, run by the ever-helpful Squigley (he might even make you a cup of tea if you’re lucky). Two doors down, Robs Record shop is a veritable

19

As the Plank Store proudly state: “We are a shop selling good stuff!” In particular there are two floors of different ‘good stuff’. There’s some furniture for you to rest on, a mini-library of cool and interesting books and a wall of art in the basement.

Of most interest, however, is the range of independent clothing on offer.

If you’re looking for garments to make you truly stand out from the crowd, then check out the threads on offer from a range of independent designers. These also come with an environmentally friendly guarantee, which reflects the thoughtful nature of those in charge. So thoughtful in fact that they also offer biscuits to waiting customers. Even more reason to take your time mulling over your festive purchases…

Call us old fashioned, but we love this time of year when you get to refresh winter wardrobes with new gloves (we can’t get through a season without losing at least one hand), scarves, hats and jumpers. And Kookai is just the place to do it right now.

They have crammed in as many chunky woollen things, beanies and fleece-lined leather gloves as they possibly can amid their bulging displays of sequins, crochet, ballet tops and summer collection leftovers.

And yes we did say fleece-lined. These babies are so cosy you want to team them with an all-in-one and curl up in a cot.

Or, you could accessorise your beautiful new teal velvet coat with them and head off to a swanky bar – whatever you feel most comfortable with. Get in there quick though as there’s a fiver off the twenty quid asking price.

Kookai, 11, Exchange Arcade, NG1 0115 947 5321 www.kookai.co.uk

Sassoon Studio Short of splicing this article with a headful of hair-related puns and splitting ends in search of idioms about hairdressing in the

best local paper stylee that we can evoke, we don’t have much to say about Sassoon.

Apart from that Sassoon Studio looks nice and posh, it seems dead professional and it’s new. Is it a cut above the rest? We wouldn’t know unless they offered us a free chop coz we’re happy with our current hairdresser thank you very much.

Sassoon Studio 11 St. Peters Gate, NG1 0115 950 3778 www.sassoonstudio.com

TK Maxx What a wait. How could we have gone for so long without this cacophony of handbags, clothes and household goods?

They say every cloud has a silver lining and this is a case in point. The sad demise of Allders has given rise to the wonderful opportunity to spend, spend, spend on catwalk-inspired designs so that you too can look like Jodie Marsh on a mum’s gone to Iceland diet.

Not that we miss the fancy perfumery displays, swish shoe selection and high street ranges of Allders. No, we’re pleased that this end of town is looking more and more like Hemel Hempstead. In all fairness though, there are some really good and stylish bargains to be had in TK Maxx if

you’re willing to put the time and effort into trawling through the racks. It’s just that being so busy being out and about, we like having a window dresser do the hard work for us. A 10-foot poster of models in autumnal woodland doesn’t work for us. It just suggests that you can’t see the wood for the trees.

TK Maxx, Victoria Centre, NG1 www. tkmaxx.co.uk

Notts gone Well, only from Pelham Street. Funky All Saints has opened a bigger and better store on Thurland Street leaving its roots behind. Great news for Thurland Street and even better for Pelham, as the space can only be filled by yet another great place to shop. Not dissimilar to a U-bend, we often wonder how places down the Flying Horse Arcade survive. The openings are easy to see into but you have no idea what’s going on in the curve. So it seems to be the shops in the middle that see the greatest turnover of retailers. Since the last issue, Tableworks has taken flight in quite a spectacular fashion we understand. This national company has gone bankrupt, attracting no end of creditors and bailiffs to the delights of Nottingham’s second-poshest arcade.

Our guess is that they haven’t come to get a whiff of what’s on offer at the Cheese Shop. Just goes to show that selling £300 bathroom mirrors, fancy gift wrap and fairy lights isn’t always the way to the top.

Notts Landing #5: jumble-sale of old vinyl, that looks utterly chaotic, but has more bargains to be had than Wilko.

Selectadisc, 19-21 Market Street, NG1 0115 947 5420 www.selectadisc.co.uk Was, 5 Market St, NG1 0115 958 4842 Funky Monkey, 14 Goose Gate, Hockley, NG1 1FF www.funkymonkey.co.uk Oh My Gosh, 2, Hurts Yard, NG1 0115 924 3888 www.ohmygosh.co.uk Robs Record Mart, Hurts Yard, NG1 Mushi Mushi, 4 Thurland St, NG1 0115 951 0000

There’s a place in every city where you just want to be.

Whether you want to people-watch or think about the good times, everyone’s place is different. Each issue, a member of the LeftLion crew explains the spot they like best…

Newstead Abbey words: Kate Symons If you want to impress your significant other, take them to Newstead Abbey. It’s the most romantic place. Lead your lover through the dark stone tunnel in the heart of the rock garden. Marvel at the exotic shrubs in the Japanese garden. Jump the stepping stones over the pond. Steal a secret kiss by the huge lake. Ancient, poetic and beautiful. Exploring the grounds provides inspiration. It’s an environment where you can reflect, ponder life’s complexities. Find hope. But ladies, there is quite a bit of peacock poo scattered about, so wear good walking shoes.

At the back of the house is a large sunken pond, or maybe it was a swimming pool in finer times? Beyond this stand two strange, stone, half-man, half-beast statues. The presence of these mean-faced mortals contributes to the dark, eerie ambience that permeates Newstead. Famous for its connections with poet Lord Byron, people travel to Newstead Abbey from all over the world. Visiting brings them closer to Byron, Britain’s cherished hedonist who lived at the house from 1808 to 1814.

As the main driveway sweeps round, your eyes will scan across the majestic, medieval-style building and feast upon the church ruin. At more than 700 years old, time has taken its toll on the West Front. I love staring at this wall. It dates from 1274 and is decorated with carvings of birds, animals and foliage. If only the wall could talk. It would tell tales about turbulent historical times. Impressively, it contains holes made by musket balls fired during the Civil War.

A visit to Newstead Abbey offers a retreat from a mad world. As supermarkets swallow up scarce open space from my local suburb, I feel anger rising. But when I see red, I think of Newstead to calm my mood.

The place fills me with a sense of wonder.

Nottingham Voices Things People have said

listings...

live music/comedy/exhibition/club nights/weeklies

on the leftlion forum The best gig you ever saw at Rock City

Public Enemy, Eric B and Rakim and LL Cool J in ‘87. I went on me own and shit myself that I was going to be one of the few white lads there. Ha. PE were godlike. As they went off, Flavor Flav shouted “Public Enemy Number One in Naddingham! Public Enemy Number One in Leicester! Public Enemy Number One in Derby! Public Enemy Number One in Mansfield! “ Lord of the Nish Took my Aunty Hil to Bowie, she’d never been rock city before. She was sick on the balcony. Does everyone automatically vomit first time in? I did, on my French teacher’s shoes. Soz duck.

Floydy The Seahorses in ‘97. They walked on-stage and Squire proceeded to solo his way through an entire album’s worth of storming new material, then told the crowd the new record would be out in a fortnight. He split the band up the next week, leaving some of us muttering about the album that never was.

Bass Rooster Leftfield, April 1996. The stage was full of kit and musicians performing the best live PA I have ever heard/seen. For over an hour the music rattled my ribs. I would move mountains to see this band perform again.

Kate Hood Black Grape was shit hot, and would’ve been better if I’d not got too excited, smoked 10 embos, and almost whiteyed.

Steve McDonald Rancid were so good it’s untrue. The place was sold out, full of sweating, moshing punks. Tim Armstrong was a full-on posturing punk rock god, sneering into the crowd before ripping into another balls-out tune. He’s just been diagnosed with MS so I don’t think I will get to see them again.

Cash Mark Gotta be Green Day on their Nimrod tour the nite before my GCSE results. Still got a broken plectrum and a T-shirt from that gig. I was well jealous that my mate got a drumstick.

Not that just one is much use unless you like Def Leppard.

Jacquestar It has to be the Roots last year. Brilliant gig, but the main reason I am choosing that is it is the only gig I have seen at Rock City.

Denz Gravediggaz, easily the best gig I ever saw at City, the night after they performed ‘Bang Yo head’ on The Word..

Megaman X Supergrass did a pre-tour gig in either 96 or 97. Wicked atmosphere and tickets were only a quid!

Kofi Agibbo For me it has to be Leftfield in April 1996. The best live PA I have ever heard/seen. For over an hour the music rattled my ribs. I saw them at other times on that tour, but the first Rock City gig was best by far.

Kate Hood Blackalicious supporting the streets was dope too, until my mate Dave fainted, from smoking too much dope. Needless to say his missus was not best pleased.

Quasimodo Basement Jaxx supported by Audio Bullys was hella good! mattboyslim Iron Maiden rocked! I only went to that gig because I wanted to see how hardcore the moshpit was…

Jared

Riding High!

Pete Bradley started Enjoy The Ride at the Malt Cross in February 2004. The aim of the night was to offer a platform to local musicians and performers in a city centre setting. After getting over a hundred through the door at their first event it has moved on with gusto ever since. We caught up with Pete to pick his brain about bands, Butlins and biscuits…

What is the ethos behind Enjoy The Ride?

I was so fed up hearing myself moaning about the state of our city’s nightlife that I decided to do something about it. I wanted to provide a platform for Nottingham’s creativity to express itself and for people to have a wicked night out.

What do you do outside of Enjoy The Ride?

This summer I took a flavour of Enjoy The Ride to different festivals. Through collaboration with Broadway Cinema, Bang and Brit Films I showed a selection of the best films Nottingham had to offer at Glastonbury, Womad and Burning Man (in Nevada).

How many events have you done now?

22 and counting…

Who are your favourite Nottingham bands or musicians?

As I mentioned before, Skinny Sumo really do it for me. I can’t believe they haven’t been picked-up yet. I saw them do an amazing set at Glastonbury a couple of years ago. They smashed it! Ed Bannard’s acoustic sets are also well worth catching.

I believe Andy and Matt (Kids in Tracksuits) are destined for success. They’re both way too cool for school and ooze attitude without a hint of arrogance. Big up the Eastwood massive!

What can people expect from a night at Enjoy The Ride?

It’s an audio-visual celebration of Music, Art, Poetry and Performance. Pretty much anything goes. Enjoy The Ride attracts all walks of life looking for an alternative. Many of Nottingham’s creative types hang out and plot their next projects with like-minded souls.

Who are your regular performers?

We try to keep things fresh by having different performances and to give others the chance to play.

However, we’ve had Skinny Sumo on three times now, they just know how to press the right buttons with the crowd. I’ll definitely be inviting James Leong (magician by night) back to do his thing.

Tell us about this Pete Finch dude with the funny eyes…

Pete Finch had been wooing crowds for years on the holiday camp circuit. In 1982, at the height of his career he was appointed head Red-Coat (his proudest moment). Unfortunately things took a turn for the worst when a nasty mono-rail accident left him paralysed from the funny bone up. We found him singing Ob La De Ob La Da at a local Karaoke pub and just had to get him back on the stage where he belongs.

What’s your most favourite ride at Goose Fair?

Your mum! Sorry, couldn’t resist…I used to love watching the pikey boxing. Proper working class entertainment. If I could get away with it I’d set up a ring at Enjoy The Ride!

make your voice heard

www.leftlion.co.uk/forum

www.enjoytheride.tv

What are your favourite places to go out in Nottingham?

I practically live in Broadway but spend the rest of my time between Malt Cross, Wax and the Dragon for beers. I tend to go to Stealth, Rock City or Blueprint for a boogie. I love partying outdoors best though. I’m a hippy at heart.

What have you got planned for the next year?

Enjoy The Ride’s going weekly (every Saturday) from December, so I’ll be busy searching the country for the best talent. We’re going to be meeting some of Pete Finch’s family members in the New Year and I’ll be off to Burning Man again in August for my annual dose of craziness.

We’re buying an old yellow school bus, ripping the seats out and taking the Nottingham crew on a journey to the Black Rock Desert via Vegas and the Grand Canyon. If anyone reading this wants to jump on board, get in touch…and visit www.burningman.com Is there anything else that you want to say to LeftLion readers?

It’s all about the bourbon biscuit.

Enjoy the ride is now running every Saturday at The Malt Cross

listings...

live music/comedy/exhibitions/clubs nights/weeklies/theatre

Live Music Lamb of God Venue: Rock City Price: £10 adv

thu 01/12

Shamus O’Blivion and The Megadeath Morrismen Venue: Bell Inn Times: 8.30 pm Tift Merritt Venue: The Rescue Rooms Price: £13 Junktion7 Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £12 / £10 Times: 8.30pm - 12am Slaughter & The Dogs, Gods Chosen Dealers (Nottingham), Coney Island Jesus (TBC) Parnassian Ensemble Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: £10/£7 (NUS) Times: 7.30pm This innovative ensemble perform a programme exploring beautiful and unusual European recorder repertory from the 17th and 18th centuries including music by Purcell, Telemann, Vivaldi, Couperin and Bach.

Status Quo Venue: Royal Centre Price: £28.50 Times: 7.30pm

fri 02/12

Punksoc Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £4 Featuring The Big, an Energetic blend of thumping trad Ska, driving 2-Tone and soulful Reggae eith Weeble a Punk and ska influenced nine piece from Nottingham. Plus Jimmy The Squirrel, London ska punkers relocated to Nottingham

tue 06/12

St Petersburg Ballet Venue: Royal Centre Price: £12 - £28.50 Times: 7.30pm Sleeping Beauty, La Bayadere, The Nutcracker Runs until: 10/12

fri 09/12 A-Ha Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £25 - £32.50 Eighties heart-throbs A-ha are bringing their biggest hits to Nottingham Arena Hot Renault Traffic Clubnight Venue: Cabaret Price: £4 / £3 (NUS) Times: 8pm - 2am The Fakers, The Crimson Roadmap, Captain Dangerous, The Starlings.

WCWJAGA Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £4 Times: 9pm - 1am The Christmas Covers Party, Sweet Briar Saint Joan, The Hellest Orchestra, Seachange, The Escapologists and DJ Rainbotix vs. Rusty James.

Funking Cuct Venue: Wax Cafe Price: nuttin Times: 9.30pm - 1am Dirty Joe and Furious P serving up a fortnightly dose of Hip-hop, funk & soul.

With thinly-vieled offensiveness and turntablism.

Mastodon Venue: Rock City Price: £10 adv Times: 7.30pm Broxtowe College Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: tbc (NUS) Times: 8.30pm - 12am Solis, Lo Fi Jack, Urban Artists Live, DJS and a Variety of vocalists

wed 07/12

Lunchtime Concert Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: Free Times: 1.15pm Blue Shift

David Gray Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £25

sat 10/12

Levellers Venue: Rock City Price: £16 adv Times: 7.30pm Everyones favourite band of crusty rockers return to Rock City to play hits such as One Way of Life, Hope Street, Julie and This Garden. Lock up your aunties and watch out for dogs on strings and white lightening mayhem!

Hot Renault Traffic Clubnight Venue: Cabaret Price: £4 / £3 (NUS) Times: 8pm - 2am kingsize, The Crimson Roadmap, Captain Dangerous Static Party Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £4 Times: 9pm - 1am Demons Claws (Montreal), Asia Carrera, Los Raw Gospels (London) Lunchtime Concert Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: Free Times: 1.15pm Let the University’s second year music students entertain you at lunchtime.

sat 03/12 Notts Harmonic Society Chorus Venue: Royal Centre Price: £5 - £16.50 Handel’s Messiah Wildside xmas party Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £8 / £7 / £3 Times: 9pm - 1am A night dedicated to sleazey glam rock and hair metal!

Paul Weller Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £28.50 Human Venue: Price: Times:

sun 04/12

League Rock City £19.50 adv 7.30pm

Madness mon 05/12 Venue: Rock City Price: £25 Times: 7.30pm Featuring The Dangermen Sessions

Viking Skull Venue: Rock City Price: £6 adv With support from Mcqueen Ermajello Plankton Venue: Malt Cross Cafe Bar Price: £3.50/£2.50 Times: 8.00pm A performance of new music and audio-reactive video as part of the Radiator Festival.

Bleached Press Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: tbc Times: 8pm - 12am Hard-Fi Venue: Rock City Price: £12.50 adv Check out an interview with these indie-rockers on www.leftlion.co.uk.

thu 08/12

Open Mic Night Venue: The Orange Tree Price: Free entry Times: 8pm - 12am Not only a great open mic night but also the almighty Old Basford are headlining for free... and it’s happy hour all night.

Appreciate it by coming on down and having a whale of a time. If you want to play, get there early.

Bandsoc Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: tbc Times: 8.30pm - 12am Coopes, Boyes and Simpson Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: £10/£7 (NUS) Times: 7.30pm Hella Venue: Horn in Hand Price: £6/£5 With Quack Quack and You Slut!

Cradle Of Filth Venue: Rock City Price: £14 adv Times: 7pm

tue 13/12 Static Party xmas party Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £3 Times: 8.30pm - 12am Sneinton Stooges, The Spazzmatics, Fix It Kid Lunchtime Concert Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: Free Times: 1.15pm Nottingham University’s contemporary music group in a lunchtime concert.

wed 14/12

New Model Army Venue: Rock City Price: £15 Asia Carrera Venue: Junktion 7 Asia Carrera live with the Woggles and Chip Johnson and the Unforgiven.

thu 15/12 Ouintron & Miss Pussycat Venue: The Social Price: £4 adv Junktion7 Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £7 / £6 Times: 8.30pm - 12am Skindred - Devil Sold His Soul, Skud

Cult Venue: Wax Cafe Price: Free Times: 9pm - 2am Film: City Of God, Music: Brazilian Beats.

Reference (Repercussion), Xs.If (Cult), Mouse (Cult), Reason (Cult) Sat Nap Show Venue: Rock City Price: £11 adv Times: 7pm With support from Engerica Junktion7 Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £6 / £7 Times: 9pm - 1am Buried Inside (Canada), Legion of Doom, Lazarus Blackstar, Atakku

sun 11/12 The Sensational Alex Harvey Band Venue: The Rescue Rooms Price: None Times: £12.50 adv Nottingham Hospitals Choir Venue: Royal Centre Price: £7 - £12 DropKick Murphys Venue: Rock City Price: £14.50adv Times: 7.30pm 14yrs + Bombshell 50s (ex King Adora) Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £5 Times: 8.30pm Plus New Generation Superstars, Evil Scarecrow, Disarm Blondie Venue: Royal Centre Price: £30 Times: 7.30pm

mon 12/12

LeftLion Live Venue: The Orange Tree Price: Free Times: 8pm - 12am Seretone and Kids in Tracksuits are going to rock our Xmas party!

Joglaresa Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: £12/£9 (NUS) Times: 7.30pm A medieval Italian Christmas Aled Jones Venue: Royal Centre Price: £21.50

fri 16/12

Krebster Records Presents Venue: Junktion 7

sat 17/12

CBeebies Live!

Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £12.50 - £19.50 Andy Pandy, Bill and Ben, Bob The Builder, Boom! Fireman Sam and loads more! Hosted by Sarah-Jane Honeywell and Justin Fletcher Swimming Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £4 Times: 9pm - 1am Support from ASA and We Show Up On Radar The Undertones Venue: Rock City Price: £6adv (NUS) Times: 3.30pm - 6am 25th Birthday All-Night Party, featuring the return of the first band ever to play Rock City. More bands tbc.

listings...

live music/comedy/exhibitions/clubs nights/weeklies/theatre

sun 18/12 The Longest Day Venue: Rock City Price: £25 adv Times: 2pm - late The Stranglers, Stiff Little Fingers, The Beat, Anti Nowhere League, Neville Staples, UK Subs, Newtown Neurotics, Gold Blade, Vice Squad, 999, Vibrators, Lurkers, Abrasive Wheels, Resistence 77 and Certified mon 19/12 Notts Harmonic Society Chorus Venue: Royal Centre Price: £5 - £16.50 Runs Until: 21/12

The Juliana Theory Venue: Rock City Price: £11.75 inc p+p With Haste The Day

thu 12/01

My Morning jacket Venue: The Rescue Rooms Price: £10adv

wed 18/01

Thunder Christmas Show Venue: Rock City Price: £28.25 inc p+p Times: 7.30pm Plus Special Guests Ape Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £4 Times: 8.30pm - 12am Ape, Weeble, Bud

Johann Strauss Gala Venue: Royal Centre Price: £16 - £22

thu 22/12 Ordeas & The Stan Sulzmann / John Parricelli Quint Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: £12/£9 (NUS) Times: 8pm World renowned trumpeter Kenny Wheeler is joined by Stan Sulzmann’s and John Parricelli. Ordesa is joined in the second half by Dave Whitford on bass and Ian Thomas on drums Stretch Arm Strong Venue: Rock City Price: £7.35 Times: 7.30pm Over 14’s night

thu 19/01

fri 23/12

Junktion7 Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Times: 9pm - 1am The Varukers, Certified, Poundaflesh Funking Cuct Venue: Wax Cafe Price: nuttin Times: 9.30pm - 1am Dirty Joe and Furious P serving up a fortnightly dose of Hiphop, funk and soul.

sat 31/12 Sinfonia ViVA New Years eve party Venue: Royal Centre Price: £6 - £18 New Years Eve Venue: Junktion 7 Price: Free Times: 9pm - 3am Four Bands, three DJS, both Floors New Years Eve Party Style: Rock, Indy, Alternative Venue: Rock City Price: £10 adv (NUS) Times: 9pm - 2.30am Bullet for My Valentine, Capdown, Mike Davies and more...

Saturday Night Fever Venue: Royal Centre Price: £10 - £28 Runs Until: 3/7

Bob Mould Venue: The Rescue Rooms Price: £12.50adv Solo acoustic show The Research Venue: The Social Price: £6 adv Times: 7pm - 10pm

Christmas Carol Singalong Venue: Royal Centre Price: £16 - £22 Presented by Jonathan Cohen

tue 03/01

mon 30/01

thu 26/01

Christmas Concert Venue: Nottingham Arts Theatre Price: £6 Times: 7pm

Tarpot Venue: Junktion 7 Price: tbc Times: 8.30pm - 12am Tarpot, Pollowtalk and Support

sun 29/01

tue 17/01

wed 21/12

Notts Rock Special Venue: The Rescue Rooms The Magic Heroes, The Hellset Orchestra and Left Of The Dealer

Dragonforce Venue: Rock City Price: £11adv Times: 7.30pm doors

wed 25/01

Trio Con Brio Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: £12/£9 (NUS) Times: 7.30pm Music from Haydn and Mendelssohn Hot Renault Traffic Club Venue: The Social The Harrisons

mon 23/01

LeftLion Live Venue: The Orange Tree Price: Free Times: 8pm - 12am The best live music Nottingham has to offer all for free at the Tree!

Kings Of Swing Venue: Royal Centre Price: £14 - £15

fri 20/01

Funking Cuct Venue: Wax Cafe Price: nuttin Times: 9.30pm - 1am Dirty Joe and Furious P Hot Renault Traffic Club Venue: Cabaret The Favours, Quartershade, Kalena, Threadbear

sat 21/01

Robyn Hitchcock Venue: The Rescue Rooms Price: £12 adv Times: 7pm - 10.15pm Robyn Hitchcock and The Minus 5 Featuring Peter Buck, Scott McCaughey and Bill Reiflin, plus guests.

The Beautiful New Born Children Venue: The Social Price: £5 adv

Katie Melua Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £24.50 / £27.50

thu 26/01

Kopelman String Quartet Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: £12/£9 Times: 7.30pm

sat 28/01 Radio Nottingham Family Concert Venue: Royal Centre Price: £5 - £17 Presented by the legendary Brian Blessed T’ang Qaurtet Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: £12/£9 (NUS) Times: 7.30pm

Kooks Venue: The Social Price: £6 adv Times: 8pm

tue 31/01

To get your events included here and on LeftLion.co.uk please use our new online form which can be found here: www.LeftLion.co.uk/add Alternatively email them to: listings@leftlion.co.uk LeftLion tries to ensure that all event listings are correct. However we cannot be held responsible for any incorrect or missing listings.

.co.uk /shop Attention: Artists of Nottingham. we want to sell your soul stuff! the leftlion online shop will soon be relaunched. we currently sell cd’s, books, photos and t-shirts, but we may be interested in other things too. We’re looking to gather a variety of local artwork, music, craft, clothing and other local creative produce. we offer sale or return and a decent commison rate (as good as we’ve found in the city so far).

If you’re interested email us on shop@leftlion.co.uk with a few sample images or tracks and the kind of price you are looking to sell at and we’ll let you know whether we’re interested.

listings...

live music/comedy/exhibitions/club nights/weeklies/theatre mon 26/12

Period of December / January

Exhibitions War, Women & Survival

thu 01/12

Comedy Jongleurs Venue: Jongleurs Price: £30/£25/£10 Runs Until:3/12 Mike Milligan, Ian Edwards, Colin Cole, Helen Austin

thu 01/12

Angela Kingston Venue: Angel Row Gallery Price: Free Times: 1pm - 2pm

sun 04/12

Just The Tonic Venue: Cabaret Price: £7 / £4.50 Times: 7pm doors Reginald D Hunter, Morris the Morris Dancer, Josie Long, Guest tbc

sat 10/12

Ken Dodd Venue: Royal Centre Price: £14.50 - £17.50 Christmas Happiness Show B*llocks to John Lennon. If you want proper Scouse surrealism, you go to the source – and that’s Ken Dodd, longtime King of Stand-Up who just so happens to be hitting up town.

sat 31/12 Lee Mack Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: £14/£12 (NUS) Times: 8pm BAFTA award winning star of BBC Radio 2’s The Lee Mack Show (and new host of BBC1’s They Think It’s All Over) is back on the road again with another tour of the UK.

Jongleurs Venue: Jongleurs Price: £25 / £20 / £15 Runs Until: 15/12 Drew Barr, Steve Harris, Tom Stade, Helen Austin Jongleurs Venue: Jongleurs Price: £25 / £20 / £15 Runs Until: 17/12 Stu Who?, Ian Edwards, Dom Carroll, Tony Gerrard

Venue: Lakeside Price: Free Times: All day Runs Until: 15/12 This exhibition aims to highlight the role of women in wars in the past and, in particular, the plight of women in modern conflicts.

Graham Sutherland Venue: Lakeside Price: Free Times: All day Runs Until: 11/12 An exhibition re-examining one of the most exciting and compelling voices in contemporary British painting during the 1930s and 1940s.

sun 11/12

mon 12/12

thu 15/12

Just The Tonic Venue: Cabaret Price: £25 Times: 7pm New Year’s Eve - Main Room Nige, Howard Read, Stephen Carlin, Darrell Martin

sun 18/12

Jongleurs Venue: Jongleurs Price: £35 Brendhan Lovegrove, Ronnie Edwards, Adam Crow, Dom Carroll

Jongleurs Venue: Jongleurs Price: £13 Runs Until: 1/1 Adam Crow, Jeff Innocent, Christian Reilly, Ian Moore

fri 06/01

fri 13/01

Just The Tonic Venue: Cabaret Price: £8 / £6 (NUS) Ed Byrne, Darrell Martin Christmas Special - full line TBA

wed 21/12

Jongleurs Venue: Jongleurs Price: £15/ £13 Runs Until: 14/1 Janey Godley, Pommy Johnson, Rudi Lickwood, Addy Borgh

fri 20/01

Jongleurs Venue: Jongleurs Price: £15 / £13 Runs Until: 21/1 Kevin McCarthy, Alex Boardman, Pierre Hollins, Simon B Cotter

fri 27/01

Venue: Jongleurs Price: £15 / £10 Runs Until: 23/12 Johnny Candon, Paul Chowdry, Martin Bigpig, Wil

wed 07/12

wed 07/12

How good is this man? So good that Johnny Vegas spent an hour outside his dressing room for an autograph…

Just The Tonic Venue: Cabaret Price: £7 / £4.50 (NUS) Seymour Mace, Al Pitcher

sat 03/12 Present Venue: Angel Row Gallery Price: Free Runs Until: 4/2 Present is a contemporary craft showcase featuring a unique selection of interesting and desirable jewellery, ceramics, accessories, housewares and objets d’arts.

Jongleurs Venue: Jongleurs Price: £15 / £13 Runs Until: 28/1 John Mann, Steve Hughes, Jamie Mathieson, Ricky Grover

Sub/merg/ency Venue: Angel Row Gallery Price: Free Runs Until: 4/12 Part of Radiator 2005. As global cities continue to become increasingly more homogeneous, is it possible for anyone to carve out a space of one’s own? What evolves when imagination is allowed to reclaim and influence an increasingly privatized landscape?

sat 03/12 The Animators Venue: Angel Row Gallery Price: Free Times: Gallery Open Mon - Sat 10am -5pm Runs Until: 4/2 The Animators picks up on the current surge of interest in animation. In recent years, the term animation has widened considerably, the artists in this exhibition use a wide range of techniques.

The Battle of Forest Hill Venue: Moot Gallery Price: Free Times: Thurs - Sat: 12pm - 6pm Sun: 12pm - 4pm Gordon Dalton V S Mark Gubb Runs Until: 261 The Fine Art Partnership Venue: Lakeside Price: Free Times: Fri:6pm 8.30pm Sat: 11am 5pm Sun: 11am Runs Until: 18/12

fri 16/12

sat 07/01 The Khoan and Michael Sulliva Venue: Lakeside Price: Free Times: All day Runs Until: 4/2 An insight into the story of twentiethcentury Chinese art and artists. Including works ranging in style from traditional Chinese ink and brush drawings and calligraphy, to work that has been clearly influenced by the west.

Ming-Hui Chen - Recent Work Venue: Lakeside Price: Free Times: All day Runs Until: 19/2

thu 01/12

Building for Life and Leisure Venue: Lakeside Price: Free Times: All day Runs Until: 1/5 Based on the wealth of building plans and architectural drawings held in Nottinghamshire collections. Featuring a rich resource of detailed building plans and architectural drawings plus private records from family papers and archives.

listings...

live music/comedy/exhibitions/club nights/weeklies/theatre sat DJ Format Style: Hiphop Venue: The Rescue Rooms Price: £10adv Times: 7pm - 10.15pm Feat Abdominal and D-Sisive

Club Nights

thu 01/12

Dogma Thursdays Style: Funky, Fresh Beats Venue: Dogma Price: Free Times: 9pm - 2am Pete Jordan and Guests tbc LiquidFunkt Style: Drum and Bass Venue: Image Bar Price: Free Times: 9pm - late

tue 06/12

fri 02/12

VinylJacks Style: Sixties Psych, Mod, Alternative Venue: Junktion 7 Price: Free Downstairs in the bar

Pure Filth sat 03/12 Style: Techno, DnB, Deep House Venue: BluePrint Price: £tbc Times: 10pm - late Infectious Style: House, Electronica, Breaks Venue: The Edge Price: 7/8/9 (NUS) Times: 2200-0400 After a couple unforgettable closing parties at the bomb with Yousef and Justin.

Infectious returns for an ealry Xmas dose of debauchery and who-haa.

wed 07/12 Soul Of Man (finger lickin) Venue: Evasion Price: £3 / motd The Prodigy Style: Dance Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £25 With Audio Bullys in support Spectrum Style: Breaks, Hiphop Venue: Stealth Price: £12 / £11 / £10 Times: 10pm - 5am Room One – Finger Lickin Records: Plump DJs, Krafty Kuts feat. TC Izlam Pete Jordan, Foe. Room Two: Sound Alliance and Hexadecimal

thu 08/12 Liars Club Venue: The Social Price: £3 adv Times: 9pm - 2am The Sunshine Underground plus guests and Liars Club DJs. Dogma Style: Venue: Price: Times: DJ Food

Thursdays Funky, Fresh Beats Dogma Free 9pm - 2am (Solid Steel)

fri 09/12 Firefly Style: Techno, Breaks, House Venue: Stealth Price: £10 motd Times: 10pm - 4am A Soma Records special with label head honchos and party rockers, SLAM! out to whip up a storm and Alex Smoke Live.

OhMyGosh! Records Presents Style: Hiphop, Beats and Breaks Venue: The Park (Arboretum) Times: 8pm - 1.30am Let The Beat Drop: The Jump off Christmas Special Feat: Squigley, The Elementz, T-Cutt, Dirty Joe & Furious P, Lukie C, Hosted by Logic. Also Notts BBoy crew.

Reggae Style: Venue: Price: Times:

/ R&B Party Deep House, House The Edge tbc 10pm

sat 10/12

Cult Style: Film, World Music Venue: Wax Bar Price: Free Times: 9pm - 2am Brazilian Beats special, film is City of God, DJ’s Reference (Repercussion), XS: iF, Mouse and Reason (Cult)

wed 14/12 Xmas Special - Mushi Mushi Records Style: Hiphop, Funk Venue: Evasion Price: £6 Jazzanova, final leg of UK tour

fri 16/12

Funky House, Soul, Jazz Coco Lounge £3 9pm - late

thu 15/12

fri 16/12

Product Style: Drum and Bass Venue: Stealth Price: £10 / £8 Times: 10pm - 4am Winter All Nighter: Nic Fanciulli (Radio 1), Paolo Mojo, Si Begg, Nathan Fake LIVE, Sound Alliance, Max Cooper, Rez, Makai and Mr38.

Belle & Sebastian Style: Funk, Breaks, Jazz Venue: The Social Price: £6adv Times: 10pm - 4am DJ Set (After Damo Suzuki Show), plus Bent DJ’s

Reggae Style: Venue: Price: Times:

/ RnB party Reggae, RnB The Edge £7/£5 10pm - 3.30am

Diverse:City Style: Art, World Music Venue: Bluu Price: £6 / £5 Times: 7.30pm - 11pm

sun 18/12

mon 19/12 Hot Renault Traffic Club Style: Indy, Rock, Alt Venue: The Rescue Rooms Price: Free Xmas Party - bring some tunes and DJ!

Liars Club Xmas Special Venue: The Social Price: 1p adv (seriously!)

Times: 9pm - 2am Secret special guests, plus A Million Voices and Liars Club DJ’s

Basement Boogaloo Style: Soul, Disco, Funk, Broken Beats Venue: Old Angel The Price: £5 Times: 10pm - 3am Guest DJ: Winston Hazel (Afroart Records, Chocolate City, Sheffield) Residents: Nick Shaw & Ed Cotton

Dogma Thursdays Style: Funky, Fresh Beats Venue: Dogma Price: Free Times: 9pm - 2am Pete Jordan (5hr Set)

VinylJacks Style: Sixties Psyche, Mod, Alternative Venue: The Rescue Rooms Price: Free before 10.15pm Times: 10:30pm - 2am In the Red Room

thu 22/12

Superfly Style: Breaks Venue: The Social Price: Free Times: 10pm - 2am Dave Boultbee

Alive Style: Venue: Price: Times:

17/12

Percussion Style: House, Funk Venue: The Edge Price: £5 Times: 10pm - 3.30am The Percussion crew are back with their monthly night at Edge. Eclectic house, funk and live percussion.

fri 23/12

Detonate XMAS Special Venue: Stealth Price: £10 Times: 10pm - late With Grooverider (Radio 1), Bassline Smith, Transit Mafia, Paul F & Maestro.

More to be confirmed.

sat 24/12 Fasit’s, Hion In Action Style: Reggae, Bashment, RnB Venue: The Edge Price: £10 Times: 10pm - late Special guest DJs from London & Leeds Skool of Beatz Style: Hiphop, Funk, Breakz Venue: Moog Price: Free until 11pm Bring your own CDR beatz and tracks.

DJ’S on rotation: Zoutr, Squigley, Liati, Hashasin, Dunkie and more. MC’s welcome.

Reggae Style: Venue: Price: Times:

/ RnB party Reggae, RnB The Edge £7 / £5 10pm - 3.30am

Date 31/12

fri 30/12

nye 2005 Spectrum NYE Party Style: Breaks Venue: Synergy Price: £10/£7 before Dec 17th Times: 10pm - 5am Room One: DJ Hal (10 Kilo / Intec Records), Hexadecimal (VA Breaks/Spectrum), Pete Jordan (Spectrum), Freeman.

Room Two: Secret Line Up. Basement Boogaloo NYE Style: Soul, Disco, Funk, House Venue: Saltwater Price: £10 adv Times: 9pm - late Email: info@face-the-music.co.uk Phone: 07899 954813 After the huge success of their first live gig in nearly two years at the bank holiday party in August, Basement Boogaloo are again proud to present Schmoov! live. Schmoov!, who supported Groove Armada on their UK tour, are once again establishing themselves as one of the UKs finest live house music acts.

Plus residents Nick Shaw and Ed Cotton.

Firefly New Year Extravaganza Style: Techno, Breaks, House Venue: Ballroom (The) Price: £10 motd Times: 8pm - 7am For the first time in living memory, Firefly are hosting a New Year’s Eve party at the Garvey! Or The Ballroom. Or Nottingham Festival Hall. You know the place and you love it.

Detonate Style: Drum and Bass, Hiphop Venue: The Golden Fleece Line up and details to be announce, check detonate1.co.uk for more info.

DiY NYE Party Style: Deep House Venue: The Edge Price: £tbc Times: 10pm - late With Digs & Woosh, DK & very special guests tba

sun 01/01

Funktion Style: Drum and Bass Venue: BluePrint Price: Free Times: 9pm - late Free party LiquidFunkt Style: Drum and Bass Venue: Image Bar Price: Free Times: 9pm - late

thu 05/01

fri 06/01

VinylJacks Style: Sixties Psyche, Mod, Alternative Venue: Junktion 7 Price: Free In the downstairs bar.

wed 11/01

nye 2005

Doodle Style: Anything goes Venue: Bar Schnapps Price: tbc Times: 9pm - 4am Doodle is the Bar Schnapps flagship night held on the last saturday of every month and is always packed to the rafters. With a great mix of people, music and now a 4am license. What more could you ask for on a new years eve?

Alive Style: Funky House, Soul, Jazz Venue: Coco Lounge Price: £3 Times: 9pm - late Fortnightly haven for connoisseurs of good music, bringing together some fine musicians and funky beats

sat 14/01

Superfly Style: Breaks Venue: The Social Price: Free Times: 10pm - 2am It’s back to the old skool, with funk and soul classics, early Hiphop and funky breaks. In fact anything that gets the heads nodding and rumps shaking.

Residents Pete Jordan and Dave Boultbee from Spectrum join up with infrequent guests.

listings...

Diverse:City Style: Art, World Music Venue: Bluu Price: £6 / £5 Times: 7.30pm - 11pm

live music/comedy/exhibitions/club nights/weeklies/theatre sun 15/01

tuesdays Tuesdays Style: Disco, RnB Venue: Market Bar (The) Price: £4 (NUS) Times: 9pm - 2.30am With residents Matt Tolfrey and DJ Ellis

fri 20/01

wednesday

Product Style: House, Breaks, Funk Venue: Stealth Price: tbc Times: til 6am General Midi, Splitloop Live, The MFA Live

sat 21/01

VinylJacks Style: Sixties Mod, Psyche, Alternative Venue: The Rescue Rooms Price: Free before 10.15pm Times: 10:30pm - 2am In the Red Room

tue 24/01

Dance Dating Style: Dance Venue: Canalhouse Price: £20 Times: 7.30pm - 12am Tues: 20-35 years Wed: 35-55 years Male and Female places available. “Dance Dating has exclusive use of the top floor of The Canalhouse. You will be dating and dancing with up to thirty others.

Runs until: 25/1

thu 26/01

Skool of Beatz Style: Hiphop, Funk, Breakz Venue: Moog Price: Free until 11pm Fresh production from local producers and beatmakers, bring your own CDR beatz and tracks. DJ’S on rotation: Zoutr, Squigley, Liati, Hashasin, Dunkie + more. MC’s welcome.

Spectrum Boxing Day Bingo Style: Breaks Venue: Stone Price: Free Times: 9pm - 2am With Pete Jordon on the decks and Tony Tone running th bingo!

Detonate fri 27/01 Venue: Stealth Price: £tbc Times: tbc Times: 10pm - late 10 Years of Hospital Records: Bryan Gee, High Contrast, Cyantific, Transit Mafia, DJ Lynkx, MC’s SP, Ruthless, P-Fine. Room 2: DJ JS1 (Rahzel’s DJ), Santero, Detail, More TBC. Room3: High Contrast (House Set), Landslide, Chris Goss

sun 29/01

Doodle Style: Anything goes Venue: Bar Schnapps Price: tbc Times: 9pm - 4am Doodle is the Bar Schnapps flagship night held on the last saturday of every month and is always packed to the rafters. With a great mix of people, music and now with a 4am license.

Weekly Events

mondays

Out To Lunch Style: Jazz Venue: Dogma Price: Free Times: Afternoon Less of a club night and more of an experience - Sunday jazz and beats to ease away the night before.

Motherfunker Venue: Cookie Club (The) Price: £1 b4 11pm Times: 10.30 - 2am Anything goes music wise on this night.

LeftLion Pub Quiz Style: Quiz!

Venue: The Golden Fleece Price: a few quid to enter Times: 9pm start Think you’re clever do ya!? well come and test your skills in the new LeftLion Pub Quiz - prizes, league and japes...

Wednesdays Style: Breaks, Jazz, Hiphop Venue: Stone Price: free (NUS) Times: 9pm - 12am Meaty Beats, Beefy Breaks n Hiphop Shiznit every wednesday at brb stone Ritmo With Leon Moran Style: Funky House, Disco, Breaks Venue: Bar Humbug Price: Free Times: 8pm - 1am The bar night for the radio show: soulful house, brazilian beats, up tempo latin, chilled disco, funk, neo-soul, nu-jazz all up in this piece. Tasty.

The Big Wednesday Style: Alternative, Rock, Pop Venue: Cookie Club (The) Price: £2.50 (NUS) Times: 10.30 - 2am A good mix of music for a comedy drunken nite. Upstairs plays current Indie and downstairs is nothing but Rock/Metal/Punk & Ska all evening.

thursdays

Club NME Style: Rock, Indy, Alternative Venue: Stealth Price: £2 - £4 (NUS) Times: 10pm - late

Nu World Style: Hiphop, Funk Venue: Malt Cross Cafe Bar Price: Free Times: 7pm - 11pm “Every dawn is a new day and every thursday is a brand new world. Danny Berman takes us on an eclectic voyage of funk, hip-hop, broken beats, re-edits, disco...”

Funktion Style: Drum and Bass Venue: Synergy Price: Free Times: 8.30 - late With Residents: Random Guy, Rema D Timmy Hands, Rah, Weazal Man, Groove Distortion Mirrorball Style: RnB, Disco, Funk Venue: Snug Price: £3 - £4 (NUS) Times: 10pm - 3am “an eclectic mix of R&B, disco, funk and dancefloor club classics...”

Tuned Style: Venue: Price: Times:

Indy, Alternative, Pop Rock City £3.50 / £4 (NUS) 8.30pm - 2am

Thursdays Style: Funk, Hiphop Venue: Market Bar (The) Price: £4 Times: 9pm - 2.30am With Resident DJ Santero

fridays

Tiger Style Style: Breaks Venue: Stone Price: Free Times: 9pm - 1am Pete Jordan, Future Proof, Pizza and drinks offers available Love Shack Style: Eighties Venue: Rock City Price: £4 adv £5 otd Times: 9.30pm - 2am “Love Shack uses all three rooms in Rock City: The main room is host to “Love Shack” an 80s night, playing pop tunes from throughout the 80’s; “Le Freak”is in The Rig keeping all those Disco Diva’s out there happy with a whole night dedicated to 70s Disco; In The Basement there’s “Shagadelic” playing Classic 60s tracks.

You can also expect to see some outrageous costumes and party props.

Soul Buggin with DJ Beane Style: Folk, Soul Venue: Bar Humbug Price: Free Times: 8pm - 1am Each and every friday DJ Beane mixes up a hotpot of funky flavours. From Neo Soul, Broken Boogie, Wonky Hip Hop to disjointed house - if it feels right it goes in!

Fridays Style: Breaks, House, Disco Venue: Market Bar (The) Price: £4 (NUS) Times: 9pm - 3am With Residents: Santero and Lorrie, Ian Tatham Salt Style: Hiphop, House, Breaks Venue: Dogma Price: Free Times: til 2am “Funky Breakbeat for the dancefloor laced with Hiphop, House and Latin flavours.”

Sabotage Style: Eighties, Nineties Venue: Cookie Club (The) Price: £4 (NUS) Times: 10.30pm - 2am Anything from Acid House to Brit-Pop. Atomic Style: Eighties, Nineties Venue: Cookie Club (The) Price: £4 (NUS) Times: 10.30pm - 2am “Friday night at The Cookie Club is Retro night featuring two decades of music.”

Shmoov Style: House Venue: The Edge Price: £5 Times: 10pm - 3.30am

Lovezoo Style: House, Funky House Venue: Lost Weekend (The) Price: £5 Times: 10pm - 3am Rise and Shine Style: Indy, Alternative Venue: Cookie Club (The) Price: £5 (NUS) Times: 10.30pm - 2am The Clubs long running indie night continues with access to Funk U in the price.

Stylus Style: Funk, Funky House Venue: Snug Price: £3 - £6 Times: 10pm - 3am ‘Expect an eclectic mix spanning soulful house, hip hop, RnB, soul/funk, Drum & Bass, peppered with old school and party classics’ Saturdays Style: Funky House Venue: Market Bar (The) Price: £5 Times: 9pm - 2.30am With Residents: Dean Marriott, Matt Tolfrey, Griff, Damian Wells

Stealth vs Rescued Style: Indy, Altenative, Various Venue: Stealth Price: Free b4 10.15pm £5 after Times: 5pm - 4am 2 Clubs, 3 Bars, 2 Patios, 1 Cinema - 1 Price! Bonza Funk U Style: Funk, Soul, Disco Venue: Cookie Club (The) Price: £5 Times: 10.30pm - 2am With access to Rise and Shine downstairs included in the price.

Sunday Style: Venue: Price: Times:

sundays

Bounce Reggae, Bashment, Soul The Edge £3 10pm - late

Crash Style: Indy, Alternative Venue: Rig (The) Price: £2 / £3 (NUS) Times: 9.30pm - 2am The Basement features live bands most weeks, followed by My City Is For Pimps.

Emo, Hardcore, Hiphop and Metalcore.

saturdays

Enjoy The Ride Style: Price: £5 (£4 NUS) Times: 8.30pm - 1am Distortion Style: Rock, Indy, Alternative Venue: Rock City Price: £5 (NUS) Times: 9pm - 2.30am An audio-visual celebration of Art, Music, Film and Performance hosted by the legendary Pete Finch. For Line-up go to: www.enjoytheride.tv

To get your events included here and on LeftLion.co.uk please use our new online form which can be found here: www.LeftLion.co.uk/add Alternatively email them to: listings@leftlion.co.uk LeftLion tries to ensure that all event listings are correct. However we cannot be held responsible for incorrect or missing listings.

listings...

live music/comedy/exhibitions/clubs nights/weeklies/theatre

LeftLion tries to ensure all listings are correct, however please check with the venue to avoid dissapointment

Theatre

fri 25/11

tue 06/12

Aesop’s Fables Venue: Playhouse Price: £5/£4 Times: 10am & 1pm Runs Until: 17/12 Meet Wolfie, Harriet, Syd and Barrie; they are the story-tellers, and their stories must be told. Aesop’s famous fables are buffed up to a glittering sheen with new takes on the Tortoise and the Hare, The Boy Who Cried Wolf and many more. Rip that PSP out of your mithering nephew’s hands and show the little get some proper culture.

Clowns, Jokes & Girls Venue: Royal Centre Times: 12/30pm

sat 07/01

tue 10/01

Intelligent G&S for that ass, Iolanthe is the groundbreaking tale of human-fairy interaction peformed by Bridgfordshire’s finest.

fri 09/12

Jack and The Beanstalk Venue: Playhouse Price: £14/£12/£10 (NUS) Times: 7.30pm / 2.30pm Runs Until: 21/1 You all know this one. Jack is your typical mong-boy who gets skanked down when he trades in his cow for some manky beans - until said beans go off on one and they grow like one-o...

Beanz meanz magic in the 22nd seasonal spectacular from Kenneth Alan Taylor.

If you’re looking for Z-list celebs, don’t bother. If you’re after a proper Christmassy romp, look no further.

mon 28/11 A Man for All Seasons Venue: Royal Centre Price: £8 - £23.50 Runs Until: 3/12 Robert Bolt play starring Martin Shaw wed 30/11

Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs Venue: Royal Centre Price: £18/£16/£14/£10/£8 Times: 5.30pm / 7.15pm Runs Until: 22/1 As they say in the undersized-acting trade; ‘Porno in Summer, Panto in Winter’.

It’s not officially Christmas until you see seven diminuative lads working shitty jobs down the pit and having their pants ironed by some bird who’s stepmam wants to murder. Expect full-on apple-poisoning and Prince-snogging.

sun 11/12

Dick Whittington Venue: Nottingham Arts Theatre Price: £7.30 - £9 Times: 7.30 + Matinees Runs Until: 18/12

By Malcolm Sircom Treat yourself to some Dick this Christmas, in this true(ish) story about some runaway who becomes Lord Mayor of London, but cops grief off a massive rat with a crown.

mon 12/12 The Importance of Being Earnest Venue: Lace Market Theatre Price: £8/£7 (NUS) Times: 7:30pm Runs Until: 17/12 The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde. A classic comedy, as brittle and polished as an icicle, where every obstacle is surmounted by wit.

thu 15/12 The Best of the West End Venue: Royal Centre Price: £15 - £19.50

sat 17/12

Clowns, Jokes & Girls Venue: Royal Centre Times: 12/30pm A 50 minute performance piece that is suitable for children of all ages. Set in a forgotten, yet magical dressing room, two comical characters take the audience on a journey through the history of Pantomime.

Great Expectations Venue: Lace Market Theatre Price: £7/£5 (NUS) Times: 8pm Runs Until: 3/12 New Theatre Presents: Reflections of an inverted Cinderella in the murky waters of London...fairytales Dickens never forgot lurk behind this classic story full of colourful characters. A mysterious fortune bestowed on an orphan; the snobbish rejection of true friends for the cold affections of a shadow of a girl; rich comedy juxtaposed with the violent and heartless side of human nature - this is the classic tale of Pip’s haunted path to true maturity.

That’ll Be The Day Venue: Royal Centre Price: £18/£15.50/£12.50 Times: 7.30pm If you’re looking for a decent Xmas present for an old ‘un, this is it. A full-on romp devoted to the union of Mr Rock and Mrs Roll and all things 50s, 60s and 70s, it’s even got its own Carry On-style panto.

Guaranteed to get your old man Ted-dancing in the aisles like a prat...

thu 22/12

New Theatre is the University of Nottingham’s student-run drama society.

In association with state-of-the-art productions.

Glenn Miller Orchestra UK Venue: Royal Centre Price: £12 - £16

tue 24/01

Iolanthe Venue: Nottingham Arts Theatre Price: £7.50/£10 Runs Until: 28/1 A Gilbert & Sullivan Opera performed by the West Bridgford Operatic Society.

Michael Flatley’s Lord Of The Dance Venue: Royal Centre Price: £32.50/£28.50/£25 Times: 8pm / 2.30pm Runs Until: 15/1 Two words, people; ‘Fiddley’ and ‘Diddley’.

The all-consuming Irish juggernaut of a show returns again to Notts, having ravaged the rest of the world like a tippety-tappety behemoth.

fri 20/01

The Kings of Swing Venue: Royal Centre Price: £15/£14 Times: 7.30pm The Kings of Swing recreates a musical era when everyone fell in love to songs like ‘Come Fly With Me’, ‘I Get a Kick Out of You’ and ‘Mack the Knife’, to name but a few. Featuring the music of Frank Sinatra, Bobby Darin, Nat King Cole, Peggy Lee, Ella Fitzgerald and many more, four fabulous swing vocalists are accompanied by the talented Kings of Swing 15-piece Orchestra. This show is a celebration of the swing era.

sat 21/01

Clownderella Venue: Playhouse Price: £5/£4 Times: 2.30pm / 7.30pm The classic tale about some scabby bird who gets larged up by an old woman with wings, interpreted through the language of Clown, with a bit of opera, puppetry and all that good stuff.

The show features fully integrated British Sign Language (S.S.E.) and is designed for 4-8 year olds and their families.

tue 24/01

Horrible Histories Venue: Royal Centre Price: £7.50 - £14 Runs Until: 28/1 The Terrible Tudors, The Vile Victorians

The Nightingale Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: £4 Times: Tues 24, Fri 27 & Sat 2 8 -7pm Weds 25 - 1.30pm Thurs 26 - 10.30am & 1.30pm Sat 28 & Sun 29 - 2pm Runs Until: 29/1 A visually exciting production of The Nightingale for family audiences using dance, music and video. A wonderful uplifting story about love, loyalty and freedom.

wed 25/01 Madame Bovary - Breakfast with Emma Venue: Lace Market Theatre Price: £7 (NUS) Times: 7:30pm Runs Until: 28/1 When Emma comes down to breakfast, she doesn’t know that her life is about to fall apart. An argument with her husband over scalded milk rapidly turns into a shattering confession.

tue 31/01 TAG - Me versus the City Venue: Playhouse Price: £16/£14 (NUS) Times: 7.45pm Runs Until: 4/2 A fusion of hip hop dance and theatre, TAG follows the life of a brilliant but obsessive graffiti writer, desperate to challenge authority in the only way he knows how.

Directed and choreographed by the inimitable Jonzi D, this ground-breaking new show explores the physicality of graffiti art lettering through a collage of breakdancing and body-popping.

Romeo and Juliet Venue: Royal Centre Price: various Runs Until: 4/2 The latest in a series of highly regarded collaborations between Birmingham Rep and The Touring Consortium. Previous productions include The Crucible, A Doll’s House and Of Mice and Men.

To get your events included here and on LeftLion.co.uk please use our new online form which can be found here: www.LeftLion.co.uk/add Alternatively email them to: listings@leftlion.co.uk.

LeftLion tries to ensure that all event listings are correct. However we cannot be held responsible for incorrect or missing listings.

28

words: Fliss Goddard illustration: Rob White

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue8

Christmas comes but once a year.

It’s the time when your great Aunt Maud kisses you on the lips and Uncle Bernie pinches your derriere.

You know it’s arrived because, instead of bleaching out your mouth and vowing never to wear that skirt again, you offer them another mince pie and brandy. Christmas, it seems, is the time of festive cheer.

At this time of year you cheer all sorts of bad things. When really appalling weather hits the tram route to the station, you think only of snowball fights in Wollaton Park.

When Royal Mail announces last post, it doesn’t bother you as you’ve already written your Christmas cards! It’s only the next day you remember you never sent them.

And who cares if there’s a rush at Sainsbury’s, as you’ve been stocking up on Christmas goodies all year! Trouble is you’ve already eaten them at the impromptu Halloween party and those

countless Saturday nights in.

Great things happen at Christmas … and it’s not just the presents.

You get a whole chocolate calendar to eat and you spend ridiculous amounts of money at the brand spanking new TopShop, because you can get gifts for your mum, sister and Grandma with the reward points. You can even drink mulled wine and dance to ‘Step into Christmas’ at your work do in Oceana without feeling ashamed.

For boys, the girl you’ve been dribbling over all year is more likely to say yes! Red roses and a large box of Thornton’s wrapped in holly paper always go down well. If that fails, you can always try grabbing her at the office do and snogging her under the mistletoe. Did you know that men are 75%(ish) more likely to propose at Christmas?

Although in my case I’ll be full of botox, collagen and cryogenically frozen before this happens. But

still, don’t give up hope. That little box wrapped in fat Santa’s may not have a key ring in it again. I can see you now, sat in your snug dressing gowns with messy hair and a hopeful heart, covered in remnants of your chocolate coin breakfast (or is that just me?).

Maybe this year he’ll have done it, maybe this year there will be a new car or a Louis Vuitton suitcase or a massive diamond ring from Berry’s.

You ignore the fact that there are no boxes of corresponding sizes, but your hope stays high when you spot the box at the back. Isn’t there always a box at the back? The thing is, you have to be careful. It can contain the key to your dreams (see above) or just another pair of Debenhams slipper socks. Tip: this all depends on whether you’ve already opened the sock one.

My biggest fear at Christmas is getting something truly awful

off someone you care about. By this time, you’re used to your grandparents eccentricities, but you always hold out hope for the other half. Despite having watched mine buy me £20 worth of HMV vouchers on every special occasion thus far, my heart still flutters come present opening time. I think “Please, please not vouchers for me, I promise I’ll be good, I won’t nag, I’ll remember to leave the seat up for you and I’ll cook properly every night instead of relying on what’s left in the Vicky Centre Tesco at 6.59pm. Please let there be something nice in that box. It doesn’t even have to be big. It can be small! Ok then, not too small…”

No matter what the presents under the tree are, however, I am always guaranteed some sure-fire winners from my mum. Every year she puts a stocking at the end of bed (I say stocking, but it ranges from one of dads old socks to a Sainsbury’s

carrier bag). This always contains: a tangerine, monkey nuts, make-up, a quiz book, a fancy pen, earrings and gold chocolate coins (she’s recently upgraded from Woolworths to Thorntons). I remember trying to return the favour one year by leaving chocolate Santa’s under her pillow. They were discovered three months later down the back of the bed, soft, squishy and resembling green baby poo.

Christmas is a great time! It doesn’t matter if you’re broke, single or really ugly. Get out of bed, put on some trainers and head into town!

It’s a time of guaranteed parties!

Go out and celebrate, eat too much, drink yourself silly, dance on the bars in the Lace Market and grind up against imaginary Forest players wearing paper hats. But most of all, hope beyond hope that the box at the back contains something other than socks or HMV vouchers...

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue8

This months answers are all the names of bands or artists who have reached the heady heights of Christmas Number one in the British single charts. Answers on a pukka pie to nottsword@leftlion.co.uk or by post to the address on page 3.The first person to guess all the answers correct wins all our unwanted Christmas presents, which are likely to include: A jumper, cheap aftershave, a novelty golf set and this years festive number one.

Across:

01. Group of children who love their grandma (2, 9, 6, 5) 05. Reet petite singer who made xmas no. 1 two years after he died (6, 6) 08. Children’s favourite who can usually fix it (3, 3, 7) 10. Californian songwriter, who lives in a mad world (4, 5) 11. Sheffield band who battle their species for position (3, 5, 6) 12. Four Irish sons who do not rise in the East (8) 13. What Americans put on their finger when it bleeds (4,3) 15. Young men who may be asked for a goldfish or a gerbil (3, 3, 4, 4) 18. Paul McCartney has been drinking Red Bull (5) 20. Group of insects who made the xmas no. 1 spot their own in the sixties (3, 7) 21. Bad singer who has a baby son called Prince Michael II 22. Noel Edmonds’ annoying pink sidekick (2, 6) 23. Former leader of the Rat Pack and film star, who made xmas number one in 1946 (5, 7) 24. Noddy Holder-fronted band who always let you know “It’s Christmas!!” (5) 25. Effeminate coloured prog rock giants (4,5)

Down:

02. Airborne band go on strike (3, 6, 7) 03. Type of bird, who reached the top at Christmas in 1955, not on February 14th (6,9) 04. Welsh crooner and actor with a permanent tan (3, 5) 06. Skinny funk band who know Ma Baker and Rasputin (5, 1) 07. Noisy reality TV band of females 09. 1974 Christmas number one band who are made from soggy soil (3) 14. Mrs Bobby Brown will always love you… (7, 7) 16. Young women who like dry ginger and turmeric (5, 5) 17. Famous tennis fan, whom likes mistletoe and wine (5, 7) 19. Bohemian four-piece who namecheck Elizabeth II (5)

29

30

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue8

Aries (March 20 - April 20)

Libra (September 23 - October 23)

Christmas is a time to spend with your loved ones. Unfortunately for those who have alienated family and friends, through decades of gross indecency and not-sosuppressed hate, it can also be a time to be sad and alone. Make the most of the time whatever chico. Forget the day and live for the moment.

As always you’ll be tempted to eat and drink too much this Christmas, but if you were one of those skinny starving kids in Ethiopia then it’d all be different. This is a time to remember those less fortunate than yourself. Then you can forget about them for the rest of the year…

Taurus (April 20 - May 21)

Scorpio (October 23 - November 23)

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history… no purpose or place. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars. But we won’t and we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21) Ever wondered what is going on with Déjà vu? This particular phenomenon has been firmly associated with temporal-lobe epilepsy and can occur just prior to a massive attack. Some sufferers experience this during the actual seizure or in the moments between convulsions. Others just repeat the same shit again and again…

Cancer (June 21 - July 23) Make effort readily regarding yourself. Come here, read it so the many answers surface.

My omnipotent thought has ever really found underlying carnal knowledge eerily revealing.

Leo (July 23 - August 23)

Everybody who is single wants to find their partner under the mistletoe at this time of year. It might happen, it might not. The one thing you can guarantee, however, is that you’re not alone in being alone. If all else fails do what I did and go speed-dating. It was all going okay until I started to come up…

Sagittarius (22 - December 22) As my great grandfather Augustus Mean III taught me as a child “Children should be obscene and not heard.” With this in mind, the festive season might be a good opportunity to brush up on your sign language, in particular your range of offensive hand-signals. Fuck ‘em and their paw!

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) Your pet’s affectionate (and sometimes annoying) actions are demands for attention.

Give them more loving than usual. The strong smell of Vicks VapoRub ointment may help keep roaming males away from your bitches. Rub a little in the fur of the tail (on females) and above the nose (on males) and you will totally ruin the moment.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 19)

We’re starting the New Year sales early at Rocky Horrorscopes. Buy this one and get a third off Pisces. Believe any two of them together and get a free Capricorn. Buy this now and get a whole new solar system which you can use as a crutch to live by for the rest of your life. Special ‘offer’…

They always say round Christmas time you get the highest number of suicides. C’mon now, if you want to be that melodramatic, why follow the herd? At least wait for a less predictable season. At best, you’ll think of some stupid reason not to do it. At worst you’ll have more time to come up a really memorable method.

Virgo (August 23 - September 23)

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

The world can be a horrible place. Despite your best efforts, your plans will only come to fruition if others can get their arses in gear and back you up. If they don’t then all your effort will go to waste and you may as well spend the rest of your life in bed ignoring them. Get over it. You’re not in a position to bargain any further.

You are a bright and shining star. A true wonder of the universe. But you’re not in the least bit memorable and really just like all the rest. No-one will ever show you anything that hasn’t been thought about a thousand times before and that’s just something you’ll have to get used to. But enjoy it while it lasts. Sometimes the crowd can be fun…

Nottingh amshire Police v Yardie D s rug Lords

Grate Misstakes in Cultural Histroy

Nottinghamshire Police

Street value of drugs seized in 2005 (£millio n)

44

d in Street value of drugs seize

Amount of the city under control (%)

40

control Amount of the city under

(%)

a call (minutes) 15

to Average length of time taken

act on a call (minutes)

Average length of time taken to act on

Respect given to them by the Notts public (%) Willingness to appear on crap TV (out of 10)

#08: The Original Christmas – 0000AD The Three wise men visit the baby Jesus, baring gifts of gold, frankincense and Merman.

Yardie Drug Lords

65 9

2005 (£million)

the Notts Respect given to them by

public (%)

crap TV (out of 10) Willingness to appear on

25 60 5 35 1