Yo, Bucko, Window Hog – vacate my space!

by DAVID CRICHTON

My mood was cantankerous. Cranky. Crotchety. Quarrelsome, even. I was walking down Bayview trying to find a café or restaurant to sit down, secure my coffee fix and get to work. I had urgent, important things to do, don’t you know.

I was on my second pass of the street and becoming increasingly frustrated. Had it been summer, there would be no issue. I’d plunk myself down in Rahier’s patio. Done. Not today, though. Today was an uncooperative winter’s day. I had to be inside. But one thing stood in the way of me un-crotchetyfying myself: The Window Hog. Yeah, we all know the type. The ones who grab the best seat in the joint – the front window. Then they order one coffee and nurse it for three hours while they “work” or “create.” Seeing them spread out, you’d think they were either a captain of industry or writing the sequel to The Great Gatsby. There are the special pens and special coloured pencils and special note- books. Sometimes, if they’re really important, they have a laptop AND a tablet…with a keyboard.

And so it was on this day that the Window Hogs were out in full force.

Starbucks: Window Hog. Pâtisserie La Cigogne: Window Hog. Sophie’s: Two tables, twin Window Hogs. I’d finally had enough. I decided to take matters into my own hands. Yep, time to get passive aggressive. I made my way to Millwood and stood right outside my favourite –Lit Coffee. Just three feet and a sheet of glass between me and their Window Hog. This one was a young guy. A Hipster Dude, with big overthe-ear headphones perched on his head over a knit cap. He had the nice note pads. Japanese-made ones. And a fountain pen. With a leather case, no less. All the cool stuff. Probably writing a blog about all the wisdom he’s gained in 27 years of life. Or worse, a poem. Pfft.

I could write a poem. It starts with, “Get out of my window seat, before I bleep bleep bleep.…” Wait. On his screen…that’s no poem. A Late

The Leaside Observer

Night show video clip? Kimmel? You gotta be kidding me. Kimmel isn’t even that funny. By this point, I’m lost in the moment and practically pressed against the glass like a kid at a donut shop window begging for free Day-Olds.

Hipster Dude becomes aware of me and looks over his shoulder, slowly turning his laptop away. Easy, Buddy. It’s just Kimmel. Your secret’s safe with me. He gives his head a little shake as if to say “What are you doing?” I break out my usual go-to: the trusty squinty smile. Then tap my imaginary watch and give a little shrug. This is universally understood communication. It needs no translation and works in any language. If this action were to be verbalized, it would be heard as, “Oh hey there, pal, how much longer are you going to be?” But everyone also knows, there’s the subtitled version: “Yo, Bucko, tick-tock, time to beat it, skedaddle, get lost already.”

Hipster Dude could obviously understand subtitles, because he begins packing up his junk. Of course, he has to take his time and make the point that it was his idea to leave. Hey, we all have to win in our little ways. And he milked it good, too. It took at least 30 seconds just to put away the damned fountain pen. By this point, I’m inside and doing the “hover” – hanging by the table to mark my territory. I cheerily say, “Thanks!” He says nothing and leaves his empty coffee mug on the table. Yep, you won, pal. I put my coat on the chair so no one gets any ideas. Then I order my coffee and oatmeal cookie and sit down.

Finally. I crack my laptop and take a sip of my Flat White as the screen comes to life.

Ahhh. Much better. Time to get serious now. No poems or goofy clips or fluff for me. The keyboard clacks, as I get down to business.… I was feeling cantankerous. Cranky. Crotchety. Quarrelsome, even. n

Community Environment Days are back!

The 2023 Community Environment Days are just around the corner and I am pleased to announce the dates and locations for this year’s Ward 15 events, which are often among the best-attended in all of Toronto. This year, our local events will be held on Sun., April 30th from 10:00 a.m.-2:00 p.m. at York Mills Collegiate Institute (490 York Mills Rd.) and right in Leaside on Thurs., June 8th from 4:00-8:00p.m. at the Leaside Memorial Community Gardens (1073 Millwood Rd.).

Environment Days are a great opportunity to clear out items found during spring cleaning such as used electronics, paints, solvents and glue, batteries, household hazardous waste, and fluorescent bulbs. Loose compost will also be available for pick-up, while supplies last. In addition to properly disposing of non-landfill items, the City will also be collecting donations of:

• Sporting goods

• Books (excluding textbooks)

• Cameras, CDs, DVDs, and Blu-rays

Bayview’s

Jaye Robinson Councillor, Ward 15, Don Valley West

• Dress-up clothing and costume jewelry

• Clothing, footwear, accessories, and linens

• Small household items

• Musical instruments and board games

• Eyeglasses, walking aids, and hearing aids, and

• Non-perishable food. You can find more information on the items that will be accepted for drop-off or donation at my Community Environment Days by visiting www.toronto.ca/environment_days. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact my office at councillor_robinson@toronto.ca. I look forward to seeing you there! n

April Events

LEASIDE BRANCH PUBLIC LIBRARY

165 McRae Drive, 416-396-3835.

LEASIDE REPAIR CAFE

Sat., April 1st – 12:00-3:00 p.m.

Bring in your broken household items and Repair Café will fix them for free and teach you how to do it yourself! Drop in to speak to a fixer from Repair Café.

ADULT BOARD GAMES

Tuesdays, April 4, 11, 18 & 25 - 6:00-7:30 p.m.

Come and join us for a night of fun at the Leaside branch! Bring your friends or come make some new ones as you battle it out over board games. No registration required.

NEEDLEWORK (KNITTING & CROCHETING)

Thursdays, 10:00-11:30 a.m.

Bring your own knitting or crocheting project, or start something new while learning about different library programs, services and resources. All are welcome.

MONTHLY ART EXHIBITS

We are pleased to feature free monthly art exhibits in our community room. Each exhibit is by a different artist and reflects the cultural diversity of Leaside and Toronto as a whole. Please visit www.tpl.ca/leaside and view “All Branch Programs and Events” for more information on the current exhibit.

For more details on current and future Leaside branch programs and activities, including Baby Time, Toddler Time, Needleworx Knitting and Crocheting Group, visit www. tpl.ca/leaside.

CFUW LEASIDE-EAST YORK

AN INTRODUCTION TO HOME SHARING

IN PERSON Speaker: Dorothy Mazeau, Founder Golden Home Sharing Connections

April 20, 7:30 p.m. Northlea United Church

Leaside Garden Society

Speaker series via Zoom meetings – April 13. Our special guest is Ingrid Janssen. The topic is Peonies and Friends: The Stars of the June Garden. Meeting begins at 7 p.m. Leaside Garden Society always welcomes guests and new members to join the Society. Visit our website: www.leasidegardensociety.org or email: leaside@gardenontario.org.

ART & STYLE MARKET

Mother’s Day Edition Curated by Eliza Perry and Rueneau Showcasing a network of artisans in the midtown artisanal market experience.

Thursday May 4, 11:00 a.m. - 7:00 p.m.

The Amsterdam Brewhall, 45 Esandar Dr. www.instagram.com/elizaperryjewellery www.rueneau.com.

ST. CUTHBERT’S, LEASIDE

1399 Bayview Ave. 416 485 0329 www.stcuthbertsleaside.com stcuthbertleaside@toronto.anglican.ca

TAI CHI

Tuesdays 1:30 – 2:30 p.m. Donation: $4

LEASIDE UNITED CHURCH

IN-PERSON VARIETY SHOW

(Our first in three years!) Encouraging participants of all ages

Fri., April 28, 8 p.m. 822 Millwood Rd. varietyshow312023@gmail.com

TRINITY GRACE CHURCH

EASTER SERVICE

Sun., April 9th, 10:30 a.m. 826 Eglinton Ave. East

THE DON VALLEY ART CLUB

SPRING AWARDS SHOW & SALE

Celebration of 75th Anniversary!

See 100+ artworks in the gallery and 300+ online, in a variety of mediums, subject matter and style. Special Events on SUPER SUNDAYSSee art in the making!

April 13 – May 7

Papermill Gallery: Todmorden Mills, 67 Pottery Rd. Hours: 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. (closed Mon and Tues) Online: www.donvalleyartclub.com/artshowandsale.

FOR EASTER SERVICES see ads on pages 16-19. n