Coaching To Impact #2 (Mar 2022)

Impact COACHING TO

INSPIRING AND ENABLING BIG LEADERS

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SPECIAL EDITION • ISSUE 02• MARCH 2022

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Editor-in-Chief Ismail Said Managing Editor Mai S Ishak Editors Mai S Ishak Helena Ului Maureen Jono Noor Salmi Hussaini Assistant Editor Shahira Johan Transformation Via Conversations SPECIAL EDITION • ISSUE 02 • MAC 2022 Copyright © 2022 by Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, at coaching@leadinstitute.com.my

Art Director Dr Mastika Lamat Consultant Copywriter Farida Abdul Halim Lead Graphic Designer Noorhaslina Senin Photography & Graphic Designer Abdul Rani Haji Adenan Awang Ismail Awang Hambali

Printed in Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia.

ISSN Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service KM20, Jalan Kuching-Serian, Semenggok, 93250 Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia. https://www.leadinstitute.com.my/

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SCAN to download digital copy of this magazine

Table of

CONTENTS 4

Editorial Desk: Transformation via Conversations

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Editor-in-Chief

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SCS Leaders Build Leaders: from Research Lab to Coaching Room The Scientist-Practitioner Approach to Impactful Coaching Initiative Dzurina Radzuan, Hasriq Hadil, Yvonne Lee Research & Development Centre Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service

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The Power of Inner Works in Enabling Big Leaders Mai S Ishak, Helena Ului, Maureen Jono, Noor Salmi Hussaini, Shahira Johan Department of Coaching Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service

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The Magic of Coaching Dr Marcia Reynolds, MCC, PsyD

How to Use a Conversation to Change Someone’s Mind: The transformational power of coaching Dr Marcia Reynolds, MCC, PsyD

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Self-Coaching with Leadership Energy Dr Rajeev Peshawaria President, Leadership Energy Consulting & CEO, Stewardship Asia Centre

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Inspiring Bigger Life : Breaking Limiting Beliefs & Unleashing Best Potentials Dr Frances Penafort, MCC

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Upcoming Event

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The Joy of Togetherness

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Coaching to IMPACT Launch Issue August 2021

Inspiring Big Leaders Executive Talkshow “Accelerate Your Success” With Dr Marcia Reynolds, MCC, PsyD

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Coaching has been the success secret of many world’s big names. Pandelela, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey; just to mention few big names who have openly contributed their tremendous success to their coaches. Leadership coaching, or Executive Coaching, has been the ‘’road-to-success culture’’ in many 500 Fortune companies. Coaching has been making headlines in major world leadership magazines – such as Harvard Business Review and Forbes.

Editorial Desk Transformation via Conversations

by Ismail Said, Editor-in-Chief

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his world is shaped by evolution and change.

History has proven that while survival belongs to species that thrive on changes; civilization and advancement belong to those who drive and lead the change.

To be able to inspire others to change; a leader must first be able to invite himself or herself to realize essential changes that should occur in the self. Outer change occurs from inner change.

Outer success is a result of inner success.

Coaching is a maverick way to building leaders who create Impact. It speeds growth and success by combining thinking strategy and speed. The whole coaching methodology parachutes transformation in a person’s capability and capacity, by making the person aware of the abundantly hidden potentials within, strategically utilise the potentials to the person’s best advantage in the eco-system, therefore realizing best potentials. It is this invisible realization of the abundance within, that manifests visible success; both material and immaterial – such as work performance, career growth, wealth, greater characters, or even as intimate as a matter of inner peace. It is this power of inner work that has made coaching distinctively impactful.

Convinced by these evidences, leadership coaching is introduced to the Sarawak Civil Service, to accelerate leadership performance and transformation, to achieve the developed Sarawak 2030 aspiration. Via ‘’SCS Leaders Build Leaders’’ initiative, coaching is implemented in seamless integration with training, mentoring and counselling, to provide a wholesome and powerful leadership development intervention; to build the required leadership capabilities and capacity.

“The lion who breaks the enemies ranks is but a minor hero compared to the lion who overcomes himself” – Rumi

The imperative is obvious; SCS Leadership development must reap the benefits of coaching that is integrated into the broader talent development processes to unleash all potentials to achieve highperformance service delivery to our Rakyat premised on an aggressive well-being platform for both “employee & organisation.”

How does coaching inspire transformation? What is so powerful in the coaching conversations, that it has transformed many?

This issue aims to inspire leaders to get to know coaching, invite themselves to taste coaching, and experience the impact themselves.

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‘‘Leadership is a burning desire to create a better future. Leaders are better future creators’’ Rajeev Peshawaria

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YAB Datuk Patinggi Tan Sri (Dr) Abang Haji Abdul Rahman Zohari bin Tun Datuk Abang Haji Openg, Premier of Sarawak, officiating the Launch of coaching to IMPACT, August 2021

‘‘As Sarawak advances towards high-income economy and quality of life by 2030, the State Civil Service (SCS) needs to be capable of performing fast and efficient enough to accelerate the state’s development…’’

YAB Datuk Patinggi Tan Sri (Dr) Abang Haji Abdul Rahman Zohari bin Tun Datuk Abang Haji Openg Premier of Sarawak

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“Through SCS Leaders Build Leaders’ multi-pronged leadership development model crafted by the Leadership Institute and State Human Resource Unit, leadership coaching programmes of global standards are offered in integration with mentoring, training, and counselling; to strengthen the leadership capacity of our Sarawak civil service towards the talent needs of the PCDS 2030 vision’’

The Honourable State Secretary of Sarawak in his Inaugural Speech at the Hari Perkhidmatan Awam Negeri Sarawak celebration, unveling the Sarawak Civil Service “Leaders Build Leaders” multiple-powered leadership development strategy to help build the required leadership capabilities, capacity and transformation.

YB Datuk Amar Jaul Samion The State Secretary of Sarawak

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The first series of Inspiring Big Leaders Executive Talk show, an executive talk show deliberating on Sarawak Civil Service integrated approach to leadership development, launched by the special appearance of YBhg Datu Dr Sabariah Putit, Deputy State Secretary, Performance and Service Delivery Transformation on 8 February 2022

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“Mentoring and Coaching for Leadership Transformation and Intervention” YBhg Datu Dr Sabariah Putit Deputy State Secretary [Performance & Service Delivery Transformation]

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‘‘A good coach will make his clients see what they can be rather than what they are’’ Ara Parashegian

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SCS Leaders Build Leaders From Research Lab to Coaching Room The Scientist-Practitioner Approach to Impactful Coaching Initiative

by Dzurina Radzuan, Hasriq Hadil, Yvonne Lee Research & Development Centre Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service Biodata The Research and Development (R&D) Centre aspires to be a leadership research database with a rich body of evidence-based science used to accelerate leadership performance. The centre’s purpose is to promote impactful research that will provide value to the state in the areas of learning and development, performance management, recruitment and selection, and continuity planning in a structured, organised, and professional approach

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artnering with clients in a thoughtprovoking and creative process that inspires them to maximise their personal and professional potential” is The International Coaching Federation’s definition of coaching. This rationale is the backbone of the Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service’s (Institute) coaching programmes to nurture the Sarawak Civil Service (SCS) leaders’ potential to perform at their highest performance guided by the relevant competencies and size of leadership role in an organization.

individual performance, thus leading to increase in productivity for the organisations.

Training and development as well as other human resources intervention programs have always been dodged with the issue of returns on investment. Coaching has not been spared this scourge. This is the debate that the State needs to consider seriously before investing into coaching – what are the returns on investment into coaching? Practitioner papers have reported on many well-known private organisations in the measurement of the return on investment (ROI) for coaching on leadership development. Most of the studies find that the investment improved

Making this difference to the State and society assumes that skills acquisition, application assessment and coaching for success ensures SCS leaders achieve their personal best through sustained performance. The challenges in delivering the State’s agendas in volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous (VUCA) environments mean that conventional development approaches such as courses and training would not be able to meet all the learning needs. Therefore, a more integrated learning approach and action-based intervention have been deemed the way forward,

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SCS can apply the same approach but in a simpler way through assessing the performance, not only at the end of the performance period but to begin fine-tuning the performance at an earlier stage. In order to do that, coaching is a necessary component in aligning the leaders’ performance to the organisational goals and state aspirations.

This way ensures the investment made contribute towards building impactful leaders for the State and society.

harnessing limited resources to achieve optimum results.

Within this context, the Institute’s Research and Development (R&D) Centre had taken the initiative to study and strengthen the SCS Leadership Development Process for the State.

This was done through incorporating the 70:20:10 learning and development model and introducing ctoaching as part of experiential learning components. This would enable SCS leaders to translate learning theories into day-to-day activities and to focus on improvement over time.

As a result of the study initiated by the R&D Centre, this coaching approach in SCS are driven by the four main coaching trajectories: Offering Coaching in integration with Training and Mentoring in a seamless “SCS Leaders Build Leaders” Leadership Transformation and Intervention For the purpose of meeting the wholesome development needs of leaders in 2022 and beyond, coaching is offered together with training and mentoring. This ensures a seamless leadership intervention that enables leaders in the capabilities and capacities required for the Sarawak Civil Service to be aligned with the developed, innovative and quality life of Sarawak’s Vision 2030.

Accessing coaching culture within SCS Key to developing a strong coaching culture is inculcating the idea of coaching as part of daily conversations among SCS leaders. This enables the development of an ecosystem surrounding the leaders-build-leaders mindset. The Institute offers coaching initiatives to SCS as action-based interventions to foster an environment

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of full engagement, personal development and mutual support by addressing the following areas:

i.

Coaching for development – for developing the necessary core functional and/or leadership competencies ready for the next level of leadership. ii. Coaching for performance – for closing the gap between required core functional and/or leadership competencies to perform at the current leadership role. iii. Coaching for effective teamwork – to enable SCS to work together in delivering common goals, driven by positive motivation to achieve excellent performance.

Driving team coaching to strengthen teamwork – within and cross – functionally Team coaching focuses on coaching for specific groups in the SCS to develop their leadership roles in managing self, team as well as functioning at local levels of government. It ensures effective alignment between leadership styles and organisational challenges, develops leadership skills consistent with the culture and strategy of the organisation.

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Integrating coaching modules into the broad leadership programmes Coaching is integrated into leadership programmes such as enhanced High-Performing Leaders (HPL) and On-boarding (OB). This would enable SCS leaders to translate the learning into their day-to-day activities so as to manifest the desired behaviour towards achieving the intended performance. It helps to boost SCS engagement, enhance team performance and improve leader productivity in various levels of management within the organisation.

Executive coaching for critical positions Executive coaching through a panel of coaches is a one-on-one coaching for the SCS executives develop their leadership role in managing a quality State. It develops and maintains leadership bench-strengths and prepares leaders for the next leadership roles.

Moving forward, coaching offers Sarawak an excellent way to support their ‘leadership investment’ made in potential and new SCS leaders. It is a privilege that not many leaders would get; a unique hands-on experience into various leadership roles and professional development. Hence, it is crucial for every leader to embrace coaching not just as a development tool but as self-realisation of the needs to guide oneself and others in becoming world-class leaders.

‘‘Leadership is lifting a person’s vision to high sights, the raising of a person’s performance to a higher standard, the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations’’ Warren Bennis

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The Power Of Inner Works In Enabling Big Leaders

by Mai S Ishak, Helena Ului, Maureen Jono, Noor Salmi Hussaini, Shahira Johan Department of Coaching Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service Biodata The Department of Coaching, Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service aspires to serve the Sarawak Civil Service with coaching programs of global standards to support the World-class Sarawak Civil Service Aspiration 2030. The Department seeks to do so via the SCS Leaders Build Leaders multi-pronged leadership development and transformation initiative; by inspiring leaders realise their best potentials, sustain high performance, and create transformation

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hen observing the worlds famous and their success, it would be easy to think that they reached there because they have hit the big luck jack pot. That Mark Zuckerberg is successful because he creates Facebook in the right millennium. Or Warren Buffet is rich because he invested big in the right decade, playing the bull and bear markets right.

But, are they really just being lucky?

There are several commonalities in people who have hit big success, whether they are the rich and famous, top leaders in the Fortune 500 corporations, or the influential thought leaders who live humble by the foot of the mountains.

They pull off effective sets of thinking, strategies and actions, and they pull it off at the right time.

These, definitely are not just about luck.

Success is about strategies, style, time and speed combined together. To be able to see the right combination of strategies, style, time and speed to be 14

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utilised to achieve what is desired, requires one to have a crysta clear clarity on the resources within oneself, and the resources outside and around.

Hence, success starts from skilfully done inner works. Tapping into the wisdom within - as to what we are best at, what we could best do; and negotiating that with the resources and ecosystem outside – what works and how it could work; is the secret behind many successes.

Many successful people find their powerful inner works via their coaches, trainers and mentors.

While they seek trainers to systematically teach them what they need to know more, and mentors for an outer wisdom and guidance from those who have done it all, they partner with their coaches to tap into the abundance within, to realise the biggest success they can achieve.

How exactly does coaching work wonders; to parachute transformation in a person’s capability and capacity, elevate performance and speed up the journey to success?

Coaching is about tapping into the abundance within a person. Coaches use a specific “inspiring and deep-reflection methodology” that evokes a person’s deep awareness on the abundance within and utilise them to create a bigger life 1. A coach skilfully partner with the client in an adult conversation, that evoke deep reflections and awareness as to the heavenly abundance of talents, potentials and strengths beyond what the client has realised it before 2. The conversations inspire one to see far forward, as to how these abundances can be tapped to create a bigger life, a bigger mission.

3. The process also revisits the mindset, emotional and action blocks that could have prevented these abundances from being effectively utilised to strike the desired goal. The ‘’What is stopping you’’ magical conversations.

4. The final stage of coaching eventually invites the client to examine the richness of the outside eco-system, and how the abundance inside could be strategically used in a way that works in the given eco-system. The ‘’what can be

done differently’’ magical ponder. This is powerful because client will able to push forward success agenda differently or in the way it could work greater.

Big inner works make us a powerful agent of success. Knowing ourselves deeply and realise we can do so much, could aspire us to reach to others, connect to them, and make an offer, as to how the abundance within us can assist and help others raise theirs. When we all could work together productively, many abundances are combined, and together we create big impact.

Big success comes from big inner works. The bigger the inner works we do with ourselves; the bigger success it would manifest in our life. Such could have been the experiences of many big leaders that have made their profound marks.

As philosopher Plutarch has appropriately put it “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.”

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“Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality.”

Warren Bennis

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The Magic of Coaching Dr Marcia Reynolds, MCC, PsyD

How to Use a Conversation to Change Someone’s Mind: The transformational power of coaching Dr Marcia Reynolds, MCC, PsyD

Dr Marcia Reynolds Dr. Marcia Reynolds has 40 years’ experience developing effective leaders world-wide. She understands organizational cultures, what blocks communication and innovation, and what is needed to bring people together for better results. She has coached leaders, delivered leadership and emotional intelligence programs, and spoken at conferences for clients in 43 countries. She was the 5th president of the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and is one of 20 coaches recognized by the ICF in their Circle of Distinction. Marcia’s doctoral degree is in organizational psychology with a research emphasis on the challenges of female leaders. She also holds two master’s degrees in education and communications.

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The Magic of Coaching

by Dr Marcia Reynolds, MCC, PsyD

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oaching is not a therapeutic approach to helping people. Coaching is a learning technology. It’s the best way we have to help people learn and grow that is available to us today, but it was identified over 100 years ago.

In 1910, psychologist and educational reformer John Dewey defined the practice of reflective inquiry in his classic book, How We Think.1 Dewey felt that when we combine tools that provoke critical thinking with Socratic questioning, we could prompt people to look inward and give their thoughts serious consideration. They would then be able to distinguish what they know from what they don’t know, to confirm or negate stated beliefs, and substantiate the value of a fear or doubt. Dewey said metaphorically, when someone addresses us using reflective inquiry, they enable us to climb a tree in our minds. We gain a wider view to see connections and faults in our thinking to better assess what to do next.

As an educational reformer, Dewey desired to improve learning in the classroom, to make the experience more interactive and inquisitive.

He wasn’t just advocating for teachers to ask

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more questions. He defined methods of inquiry that would prompt students to doubt what they thought they knew so they were open to expansive learning.

He didn’t know it, but John Dewey was the father of coaching. His definition of reflective inquiry is the foundation coaches use to change people’s mind and create long-term behavioral change.

What is the difference between questions and inquiry?

Inquiry may include statements that hold up a mirror to our thoughts and beliefs to provoke insight formation. The practice includes summarizing and repeating back key phrases clients say, plus paraphrasing, offering metaphors, and sharing what emotions and gestures they expressed. (see the sidebar on examples of these statements). Clients then expand on the meaning of their words with explanations or corrections.

When coaches use reflective statements, people hear their words, see how their beliefs form their perceptions, and face the emotions they are expressing. Then, when coaches follow up with a confirming question (is this what you believe?) or

an exploratory question (what is causing your hesitation?), clients are prompted to stop and examine their thinking. They can see the gaps in their logic, the assumptions they imagine about the future with no evidence, the fears that are keeping them from moving forward, and the shoulds that are blocking their dreams.

We use reflective statements plus questions to trigger people to reflect on how they think.

The goal of offering reflective statements is not to lead the client in a specific direction but to assist the client to clarify and articulate an expanded or new awareness so they can see possible paths to their desired outcomes on their own. The coach accepts client responses, even if the client disagrees or gets defensive. Giving the client a judgment-free space to process the coaching observations is critical to their progress.

John Dewey may not have been successful at transforming educational systems, but his gift of defining how to grow people’s minds can be seen today in the actions of trained coaches.

Examples of reflective statements include: 1. Noticing energy shifts, tone of voice, pace of speech, inflection, and gestures.

2. Playing back clients’ beliefs and assumptions to examine perceived truth and limitations.

3. Summarizing complex problems and desires, offering the statements to clients to accept or alter.

4. Paraphrasing and offering metaphors to help clients examine their thinking in a different light.

5. Asking the meaning of key words and repeated phrases to clarify their desires, needs, and conflicts.

6. Offering observations when clients deflect, hesitate, or show resistance.

How to coach with reflective inquiry.

Sometime in the last 20 years, the powerful question was given priority in coaching. Now, coaches spend more time trying to remember the questions they’re supposed to ask than paying attention to the person they are coaching.

They end up check-list coaching to ensure their questions follow the model they were taught in coaching school or a leadership workshop, which is more frustrating for the client than helpful.

The Cult of the Powerful Question has made coaching more complex than it should be. Coaching should include reflections, not just a series of questions. Using reflective statements can be more powerful – and easier – than seeking the magical question. When the coach asks a question after providing a reflection, the question is more likely to arise out of curiosity, not memory.

Reflective statements + questions = reflective inquiry.

The intent of inquiry is not to find solutions but to provoke critical thinking about our own thoughts. Inquiry helps the person being coached discern gaps in their logic, evaluate their beliefs, and clarify fears and desires affecting their choices. Solutions emerge when thoughts are rearranged and expanded.

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Questions seek answers, inquiry provokes insight.

Adding reflective statements to questions makes coaching feel more natural and effortless.

You don’t have to worry about formulating the breakthrough question.

Pairing reflective statements with questions frees the coach of the weight of finding the perfect powerful question.

Political philosopher Hannah Arendt, said, “The need of reason is not inspired by the quest for truth but by the quest for meaning. And truth and meaning are not the same.”2 Reflecting key words and asking what the words mean to your clients and how this meaning relates to what they want to create gives them a greater understanding of themselves. They can then determine what they most want and what they need to do to achieve this.

Instead of trying to remember or frame your questions correctly, exhale, observe your client with compassionate curiosity, and then share what you hear and notice to help them think more broadly for themselves. You then become their thinking partner, not an expert or healer. We have John Dewey to thank for contributing the practice of Reflective Inquiry to expand people’s minds and possibilities.

If you agree to coach, don’t do something else Many coaches say they do hybrid coaching that blend mentoring into the conversation. They say people pay for their opinions and their experiences.

There is no such thing as hybrid coaching. You are either coaching or you’re doing something else.

Something else might be exactly what someone needs. Ask if they would like some advice or suggestions. If you do this, be sure to tell them you’ve taken off your coaching hat so they know the difference between coaching and giving advice.

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There are also well-known people who call themselves coaches who declare just asking questions wastes people’s time. They staunchly defend their reasons for giving advice.

I agree – only asking questions is a waste of time.

As I have described, coaching includes many other conversational practices, including summarizing, noticing emotional shifts, and acknowledging courageous decisions. Coaching is a reflective inquiry process, not a question-asking activity.

This notion of hybrid coaching dilutes the value of coaching. When you mix mentoring, advice giving, and leading people to what is best for them into what you call coaching, people come to expect the easy way out. They look forward to you telling them what to do. This might be helpful, but they miss experiencing the best technology we have for facilitating long-term behavioral change. And when you tell them what to do, they may try but the changes won’t last if they feel awkward when trying.

Sometimes the person lacks experience and knowledge to draw on to formulate a new perspective; teaching and mentoring might be more helpful. You need to determine with them what they need right now. Then call what you are doing what it is – coaching or something else.

The #1 Key to Effective Coaching: Psychologically Safe Partnering The goal of coaching isn’t to make someone feel better. We coach to help them see better.

Neuroscientist Michael Gazzaniga says we get stuck in our automatic thought-processing and fool ourselves into thinking we are acting consciously and willfully.3 Humans are master rationalizers in an effort to protect themselves from feeling challenged and afraid. When we coach, we might trigger their fears. The success of coaching depends on the coach’s ability to quickly make others feel safe enough to partner in their mental exploration.

In his book, Thinking, Fast and Slow, Kahneman, Daniel said we provide value when we provoke critical thinking about our own thoughts because humans won’t, and often can’t do, on their own.4 Yet expanding awareness is often uncomfortable.

The reaction to bringing outdated beliefs and fear-based speculations to light will register somewhere between slight discomfort and an emotional outpour. The truth can hurt or at least surprise you before it sets you free.5 Emotions expressed in coaching can be a good sign. When confronting rationalizations or seeing blind spots, the brain is restructuring thoughts, creating a new awareness. People may react to their insights with embarrassment, anger, confusion, or sadness. These reactions signal the brain is opening up to the possibility of learning. A clearer and broader understanding of the situation can emerge.6 Giving clients a judgment-free, safe space to observe their thinking is critical to their progress.

Good coaching requires psychologically safe partnering. Clients must feel safe enough to say what is on their minds. They must feel they won’t be judged for how they react and what they share. When coaching, the person must trust the intention of the interaction is for their development, not to say what is expected.

The effectiveness of coaching then depends more on the quality of the coach’s presence than the perfection of their skills. The safe relational field between the coach and the client is palpable and powerful.

With a caring and judgment-free presence, the need to protect and defend oneself is regulated down in both client and coach, creating optimal conditions for exploration and change. A compassionate yet curious presence creates a neuro-physiological state of trust and safety.

People feel seen, heard, and valued no matter how they show up.

whole, not broken or inadequate, people who just need to think more broadly for themselves. They are able to use their creativity and resources to solve their own problems through a conversation that helps them see beyond their blocks .

When I teach coaching skills to leaders, I ask, “Are you willing to give up being the one who knows best to be the coach?” You must step out of being the expert, the fixer, or the healer in order to coach.

References: 1 John Dewey, How We Think. D.C. Heath & Co., 1910.

2

Hannah Arendt, The Life of the Mind, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich; 1st edition, 1978, page 15.

3

Michael Gazzaniga. Who’s in Charge: Free Will and the Science of the Brain. Ecco, 2011, page 43.

4

Kahneman, Daniel, Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2011. Kahneman describes what happens when thinking is disrupted and new perception forms on pages 24, 33, 51, 89, 174.

5

Tori Rodriguez. “Taking the Bad with the Good,” Scientific American Mind. May/June 2013, pages 26–27.

6

Nessa Victoria Bryce, “The Aha! Moment: A Stepby-step guide to your next creative breakthrough.”

Scientific American Mind, July/August 2014, pages 36-43.

7

Marcia Reynolds, Coach the Person, Not the Problem. Berrett-Koehler, 2020. Page 185.

The magic is in the partnership Being a thinking partner differentiates coaching from consulting and providing therapy. 7 We do not see our clients as clueless and needing to be shown the way (consulting). We do not see our clients as needing to be healed (therapy).

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How to Use a Conversation to Change Someone’s Mind: The Transformational Power of Coaching

by Dr Marcia Reynolds, MCC, PsyD

M

ost coaches and leaders know they need to be supportive, encouraging and nonjudgmental in their conversations. These actions are useful but not enough to change someone’s mind. Once trust and rapport is established, using a coaching approach instead of suggesting and directing can transform a person’s thinking and decisions.

What makes using a coaching approach so powerful?

In order to define who we are and make sense of the world around us, our brains form beliefs and rules we strongly protect without much thought.

These patterns of thinking were established to protect our self-concept – how we define ourselves – and how we interpret the world so we have a sense of certainty about life. We don’t challenge our thinking because it feels safe, even when we know our mental habits don’t serve our higher selves.

The brain’s desire to keep us safe blocks out attempts to challenge our beliefs and decisions on our own. We rationalize our choices instead of questioning them. Albert Einstein said, “Reality is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”

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In his book, Who’s in Charge?: Free Will and the Science of the Brain1, neuroscientist Michael Gazzaniga says we get stuck in our automatic thought-processing and fool ourselves into thinking we are right. When someone asks us why we did something, we immediately come up with an answer even if the response doesn’t make sense. We instantly concoct a brilliant reason for procrastinating on a task, for prioritizing reading email over a project deadline, or for making life decisions based on how we will feel in the future when, in truth, we can never be sure how we will feel.

We also resist when others try to convince us we should think differently.

You can’t just tell someone to think differently. When you make suggestions or give advice, people often feel you are making them wrong. This triggers their anger or shame. Their reactions block them from hearing you even if your intention is to help them grow.

Instead, if you summarize what you hear them saying and ask what they think when they hear

their thoughts out loud, you disturb this automatic processing. Then if you ask them to further explain to you what their key words or opinions are so you understand their thinking, you may further prompt them to question their beliefs and perspective.

When you use the coaching techniques of reflecting and asking questions, they might see the holes in their logic, how their fears are limiting their choices, and how the shoulds they are obeying are controlling their actions. Reflections and questions crack the force field that protects their sense of reality, facilitating their mental exploration and transforming strongly held beliefs, leading to a change in behavior.

Coaching is a transformational conversation because it transforms thinking. New thoughts are formed which direct new actions.

However, when people become aware of the faults in their thinking, they may react emotionally. These reactions could range from nervous laughter to crying or deep embarrassment. If you breathe and give the person a quiet space to process their experience, their emotions will subside. Then you can ask with curiosity and care, “Would you be willing to share what you just experienced?” or “Would you tell me what you are aware of now?”

interested in their perspective, not trying to manipulate their judgment.

With care and genuine curiosity, ask openended questions such as, “Help me understand how you see this situation” or “Say more about what you think is needed” or “What about this situation is important to you?” or “What matters to you most that others see this situation the same way you do?”

2. Ask what outcome they would like to have instead of what they have now. Explore what is in their control to overcome the barriers to moving forward. Ask what they see is possible to change. Ask how they want their story to end, and what they are willing to do now or in the future to make this happen. Explore what the first step would look like.

3. Listen for key words, such as fear, want, and should, and ask what these words mean to them. Explore the likelihood of their worries coming true. Share with them what they said when they state their aspirations and passions.

Help them see if the shoulds from others, from society, or from their past experiences are constraining their views and possibilities. Don’t judge their choices or push them to change; just share what you hear and accept their responses knowing they will continue to think about the conversation after it ends.

Nessa Victoria Bryce wrote in Scientific American Mind2, “This pause in certainty as the brain rushes to reinterpret information is necessary for a clearer and broader understanding of the situation to emerge.” In researching how coaching works in the brain for my book, The Discomfort Zone3, I found this moment of uncertainty and the emotional reactions that follow necessary for learning to occur. They create an opening to see things differently, which prompts people to act in new ways.

4. Use silence to allow people to form new thoughts and perspectives. Silence is often an indication that your reflections and questions have penetrated their protective barrier. A new sense of self and reality is trying to emerge. It may take some time before they can articulate what they now understand. Be quiet while the brain is working.

How do you know what to say to trigger learning?

Here are four tips for using a coaching approach in your conversations: 1. Start by genuinely seeking to understand the person’s perspective. They must feel you are

If you go into the conversation feeling care and respect for the person, and then remain calm throughout the interaction, your chances to influence their thinking rise. Frequently stop and take a breath to stay emotionally centered.

The key to influence a change in thinking is to remain calm and caring

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You can find ways to regulate your emotions on this blog post, How to Manage Your Emotional Reactions 4 Notice when you begin to feel irritated and want to interrupt to defend your point of view. Exhale. Let your tension subside, and remember you are hoping for a chance to influence, not coerce their thinking.

Does the person’s defensiveness shut you down or elevate your anger? Remember they are protecting their point of view and self-concept, which feel challenged in the moment. If you stay calm, their emotions might subside. If their defensiveness increases, calmly state you don’t feel like you will come to a mutual understanding and would like to move on.

You can’t convince a closed mind, but you can transform their thinking by using a coaching approach in your conversations.

Further Reading Books 1 Who’s in Charge?: Free Will and the Science of the Brain, by Michael S. Gazzaniga (Ecco, 2011) 3 The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn Difficult Conversations into Breakthroughs, by Marcia Reynolds (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2014).

Articles 2 “The Aha! Moment: A Step-by-Step Guide to Your Next Creative Breakthrough,’ by Nessa Victoria Bryce (in Scientific American Mind, July/August 2014, pages 36 -43) 4 “How to Manage Your Emotional Reaction,” by Marcia Reynolds (in Psychology Today, January 2022, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wanderwoman/202201/how-manage-your-emotional-reactions)

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Self-Coaching with Leadership Energy Dr Rajeev Peshawaria President, Leadership Energy Consulting & CEO, Stewardship Asia Centre

Dr Rajeev Peshawaria Rajeev is CEO of Stewardship Asia Centre based in Singapore, and Founder President of Leadership Energy Consulting based in Seattle, USA. An out-of-the-box thought leader on leadership, management, and corporate governance; he has extensive global experience in executive education and organizational consulting. Previously he has been CEO of the Iclif Leadership and Governance Centre, Chief Learning Officer of The Coca-Cola Company and Morgan Stanley, and has held various senior positions at American Express, HSBC and Goldman Sachs.

At Goldman, he helped found Pine Street — the firm’s acclaimed leadership academy — and headed the initiative for Europe and Asia.

Rajeev is the author of the Wall Street Journal and Amazon best seller “Open Source Leadership” (McGraw Hill), “Too Many Bosses, Too Few Leaders” (Simon & Schuster), and co-author of “Be the Change” (McGraw Hill). A sought-after international speaker, consultant, and coach; he was named one of Top 100 Global Thought Leaders for Trustworthy Business by ‘Trust Across America’ in 2014 and 2017.

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Self-Coaching With Leadership Energy

by Dr Rajeev Peshawaria President, Leadership Energy Consulting & CEO, Stewardship Asia Centre

J

ohn and Mary, both highly successful doctors, were proud parents. Sitting amongst other parents to witness their son Josh’s graduation from Stanford, they had every reason to be.

Josh was graduating with full honors as the valedictorian of his class. Months earlier, Josh had accepted an amazing job offer from a major technology company. As they listened to Josh giving his valedictorian speech, tears of joy and relief rolled down John and Mary’s eyes. Years of hard work as parents had paid off, they thought.

They took comfort in the fact that Josh had grown into a fine young man with a great education that would ensure his success for the rest of his life. He was now ready for the world, they concluded.

Unfortunately, the story did not pan out as John and Mary had imagined. A few years into his working life, Josh ran into trouble. First it was a couple of unsuccessful relationships. His most recent girlfriend had left him feeling betrayed and in a depression that lasted over a year. Later, it was work. He could not understand why he was not promoted when he thought he should have been, and changed a few jobs, only to run into similar trouble each time. At 33 and in his 4th job, Josh was single and lonely.

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What went wrong? And why?

Thanks to his parents, teachers, and others around him as a young person, Josh had become physically and cognitively able as he grew up. But was he as “ready for the world” as his parents had imagined on graduation day? Clearly not.

Independence, a key element in the three stages of emotional development, was lacking. This aspect of development is often overlooked both by parents as well as individuals themselves, and can be the key to leadership, happiness, and success throughout life.

1. Dependence The first stage is Dependence, where one’s wellbeing - success, happiness, and sense of self-worth - depends on others. Initially people are physically dependent on parents for basic needs. Later, they become emotionally dependent on friends, teachers, peers, and partners. How they feel depends on their perception of how all these relationships treat them. In this sense, their wellbeing is outsourced to others. Often without realizing it, they become overly centered on their own needs expecting from others more than they give.

In the dependence stage not only is wellbeing outsourced to others, it is also linked to external factors such as wealth, position and property. The self-talk here is “Once I am promoted to the next level, I will be happy,” or “Once I have a big house, life will be great.” Emotionally dependent people thus routinely postpone their own feeling of happiness and wellbeing.

The problem is a lot of people like Josh get stuck in this first stage, and often end up feeling betrayed by someone or the other in their life.

2. Inter-dependence Many people eventually get to this second stage, where they realize that one’s own sense of well-being is intertwined with that of others. One must give in order to get, but it is not about instant gratification or perfect matching. Rather, one must care for others and give for the joy of giving itself; and hope that over time, others treat him the way he treats them.

Inter-dependence is reached when people realise that life is an opportunity to create a better future for others. They ask themselves: What better future can I create, and for whom? Once the answer becomes clear, they make that the purpose of their life, and pursue it relentlessly. They never give up because now they are empowered by a strong sense of purpose in life. When faced with formidable resistance or obstacles, they visualise the achievement of their purpose, thereby energising themselves to go on.

But before they can develop a strong sense of purpose, they must understand their most deeply held values with full honesty. Only when one is fully clear about what is

important to them can they find purpose in life. While they think they do, most people do not have honest clarity about personal values.

Together, the values and purpose clarity form one’s leadership energy – the powerful personal compass that guides one through thick and thin.

Empowered with this clarity, one can now self-coach oneself. Each time a problem or crisis occurs, one asks oneself two questions: 1. Is this issue critically important to my purpose?

2. If I acted according to my true values, what would I do?

If the answer to the first question is No, they let it go. If it is Yes, they ask themselves the second question to gain clarity on how to move forward. If values and purpose are based on full self-honesty, it will provide clarity and conviction even through the most formidable of life’s challenges.

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3. Independence Fewer people make it to the third stage, which is independence. Here, one realizes that how one feels depends entirely on oneself. Now, one fully understands that she has a choice to respond to life’s situations in whichever way she likes. No one can hurt or insult her unless she allows herself to be hurt or insulted, because she chooses how to feel. No one else can make her feel good or bad. She now develops a relationship with herself; and is at peace. She still cares for others as in the inter-dependence stage; but does not depend on others’ behavior for her own happiness.

So how does one go about achieving the final stage of independence? By adding six magical ideas to their values and purpose as shown in the figure below:

1. Acceptance True emotional independence is about accepting life’s ups and downs with equanimity. Knowing that they can choose and control their own reaction (but not much else), they do not get carried away by excessive pride upon winning, or extreme sorrow upon losing. Acceptance begins with first truly understanding, then fully accepting who we are in terms of our strengths, weaknesses, wants and desires. Only from this base of deep and honest self-awareness can we imagine what we want to be; and build towards that new self.

2. Forgiveness Emotionally independent people know that the chemical reaction of anger or resentment happens inside one’s own brain, and no other person can enter one’s brain. If one forgives the offender, he rids himself of negative feelings. Instead of “how dare you do this to me, let me show you,” the self-talk becomes, “I forgive you for losing control and saying/doing what you do. I do not feel the need to settle scores with you. It is up to you to recognize your behavior or not. I will not allow your behavior to trouble me” 3. Gratitude A truly independent person knows that if you fill your brain with gratitude for life’s blessings, it is hard if not impossible to feel sorrow or pain at the same time. So, such people make gratitude a habit, and can lift themselves out of emotional

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lows much easier than others. For them, every day is Thanksgiving Day. 4. Emotional Integrity None of the above is possible without Emotional Integrity, which is the courage to look in the mirror and honestly admit what one wants in life. If your wants and desires are self-centric, so be it. If your self-ambition does not hurt society, it is perfectly OK. Deceiving oneself or suppressing one’s true desires is not OK. There is a lot of emphasis on Emotional Intelligence or EQ these days. For the inner strength of leadership energy described above, one needs Emotional Integrity before Intelligence.

Note: Readers interested in exploring the idea of Emotional Integrity further may visit: https:// www.forbes.com/sites/rajeevpeshawaria/ 2014/11/17/emotional-integrity/

5. Make choices, not sacrifices Fully independent people know that in life there are no sacrifices. There are only choices. By reframing their mindset from sacrifice to choice, they empower themselves with inner strength to make difficult decisions. If one’s purpose is based on sacrifice, deep down, one feels a sense of loss and is never intrinsically happy.

In such a situation, one cannot lead oneself or others effectively. Do it because you want to, not because you have to.

At first glance, accepting everything, forgiving everyone, and being grateful all the time might sound like a weakness and a lack of ambition.

However, only the wisest know that accepting reality is an important pre-condition for changing it. And only the strongest can forgive. Instead of seething in anger or lamenting forever, acceptance and forgiveness frees them from negative energy, and enables them to focus exclusively on creating the better future they are ambitious about. The same is true about focusing on life’s blessings rather than sorrows. Visualize a ball falling from the 10th floor of a building. For it to bounce back, it must hit the ground first. It cannot bounce back mid-air. Similarly, without acceptance, forgiveness and gratitude, there can be no resilience.

Truly independent people try to master the six ideas above, thereby managing their own sense of wellbeing better than others. Over time, the brain rewires itself around them, and makes one selfempowered.

Fortunately for Josh, an executive coach eventually helped him learn the six ideas and turn his life around. He is now both successful and happy.

More than anything else, he is in charge of his own life.

Are you?

6. Chase life-worth, not net-worth Most people spend a lifetime chasing net-worth. However, fully independent people know that if they chase lifeworth instead, life will be much richer.

Chasing life-worth means uncovering one’s leadership energy to create a better future for others as explained earlier. For most people who focus on life worth, their net-worth needs get taken care of automatically. As one pursues a values-based purpose, one realizes that the reward is in the journey itself, because now life is worth living.

They don’t need material wealth, power or the admiration and love of others to feel happy and successful.

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‘’A good Coach Can Change a Game, a Great coach can change a life’’ John Wooden

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Inspiring Bigger Life Breaking Limiting Beliefs & Unleashing Best Potentials Dr Frances Penafort, MCC

Dr Frances Penafort, MCC Frances works as an Executive Leadership Coach, Coach Mentor as well as a Coach Supervisor. She holds a coaching philosophy of “Partnering with leaders in their journey of discovering themselves, unlocking their potential and transforming to become the leader they are meant to be.” Armed with her MCC coaching credentials, Frances is passionate about supporting leaders in a wide range of issues such as Executive Leadership, Executive Presence, Team Empowerment, Disruptive Mindset, Behavioral Skills and CrossCultural Diversity. Frances is an active contributor to ICF – being the First elected President of ICF Malaysia Chapter. She is currently a Board Director of the ICF Global Thought Leadership Institute, was a Board Director of the ICF Global Enterprise Board, a Board Director of the ICF Global Ethics Board, a Member of the ICF Global Nominating Committee and a Member of the ICF Core Competency Review Team.

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Inspiring Bigger Life : Breaking Limiting Beliefs & Unleashing Best Potentials

by Dr Frances Penafort, MCC

T

oday, many organisations are compelled to cope and survive in a Volatile Uncertain Complex and Ambiguous business environment, also known as the VUCA environment.

One of my clients was experiencing this and saw a need to engage a team coach to support their senior leadership team. The organisation wanted this team to disrupt and break their current belief system, embrace and accept these VUCA changes. They wanted this team to adopt certain new behaviours and strategies so that they are able to unleash the best potentials in their own respective teams to take advantage of the changing business environment.

As their coach, I had several conversations to understand what the outcome was to be at the end of the coaching engagement. After gaining clarity and ensuring both of us understood the timeline as well as the success measure of the engagement, I did a reflective practice on myself to see where my energy was with respect to this topic. I gained certain insights and I crafted a plan of action to undertake this project.

Firstly, I worked on my energy level. I explored how I could build a bigger life for myself and expand my capacity of disruptive energy by breaking some

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of my own limiting beliefs. I strongly believed that only then would I be able to inspire and influence the senior leadership team to do likewise. I crafted a plan of action with different levels of difficulty according to my limiting beliefs. I identified some of the activities that I enjoyed doing. Then I decided to stretch those activities even further such that I disrupted the current difficulty and belief level.

Level 1 Limiting belief: Cooking. Since I loved cooking, I noticed that I frequently cooked dishes that I have become very familiar with and I can cook them with nearly no mistakes. I kept those dishes in my comfort zone. To undertake this challenge, I needed to break my limiting belief and I did that around baking pastries, as I believed that it was impossible for me. I experimented by pancakes first, and once that was successful, I slowly progressed to baking an apple tart using puff pastry, I then progressed to a tuna quiche, then to making cinnamon swiss roll with puff pastry and finally making the grand fruit cake.

What a big achievement for me. I moved out of my comfort zone and broke my limiting beliefs and expanded my potential that was latent all this while. What a surge of confidence and esteem I created for myself, within myself.

Level 2 Limiting belief: Painting. Since I loved painting, I noticed that I had expanded my painting skills and progressed it from using gouache medium to pastel medium and then to acrylic medium. The next level up in terms of difficulty would be to attempt using watercolour medium. An art teacher or guide shared that watercolour medium would be the hardest because any mistake you make, is totally unforgiveable. That means that there is no way to rescue yourself out of the mistake or correct that mistake. Hence it was considered the toughest. To undertake this challenge, I needed to break my limiting belief around watercolour painting. I started with painting one leaf of basil, then slowly progressed to painting one stalk of a rose, and then progressed to painting one spray of a gladioli flower.

I looked at my work and felt pleased at the outcome. I could feel my energy slowly but surely shifting out of my comfort zone. I raised my challenge to start painting portraits, which is considered very difficult. I started with Mother Teresa, then Malala, then moved to Mahatma Ghandi, progressing to the Dalai Lama and finally to a picture despicting Mother Mary and child. When I shared these pictures with others they were amazed. And so was I. I felt a surge of confidence and self-belief rising within me that helped me to believe that I had unleashed potential within me that was hiding. What a big achievement for me.

Having overcome my self-belief in these two areas of what I loved doing, stretching them out of my comfort zone and unleashing my hidden potential, I felt something was still missing. This question emerged, “What about an area that you did not love

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doing, could you stretch in that area?”. Wow! That would be considered the biggest challenge of my breaking my limiting belief. As I reflected, there was one area – my fear of animals.

Hence Level 3 Limiting belief: Fear of animals emerged. On a trip to Phuket, I challenged myself to feed some food to the tigers in the Tiger Kingdom. I was so amazed that I could do that!! Next I visited a family who had a rottweiler and I challenged myself to comb its hair. What an experience it was for me. I was amazed at myself. I was frightened and yet I calmed myself and encouraged myself to do it … and I did it!!

As I reflected on my three areas of unleashing my potential through breaking my limiting beliefs, I felt a surge of renewed energy within me that was absent or hidden or latent. I realised that I had actually expanded my life and made it so much bigger. I had expanded my capacilty to hold that Disruptive Mindset program for the senior leaders in my client organisation. I felt confident, capable and had the right level of energy to support them through their three-month team coaching program, which ended on such a high note. All the 6 leaders embraced the new mindset that was required of them. They felt empowered by my examples of how I stretched my limiting beliefs and how I unleashed my hidden potential!

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Upcoming Event

“ACCELERATE YOUR

SUCCESS” DR MARCIA REYNOLDS, MCC, PsyD

Coaches CEOs globally Executive coaching engagement in 43 countries Top 5 Best Coach in the World by Global Gurus Clients include Duke Clinical Research Medtronic, Hershey, Sanofi, Maersk, American Express, AT&T, Ernst & Young, Harvard Kennedy School, Cornell University, and the Moscow School of Management

No.5 Best Coach in The World

5th Global President International Coach Federation ICF Circle of Distinction 2019

RECORDING

Author of Best-sellers: • Coach the Person, Not the Problem • Outsmart Your Brain • The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn Difficult Conversations into Breakthrough • Wonder Woman: How High Achieving Woman Find Contentment and Direction

17 MARCH ‘22 10 AM UPCOMING SERIES

INSPIRING BIG LEADERS EXECUTIVE TALK SHOW

Appearance in Harvard Management Review, Fast Company, CEO World, Forbes.com, CNN.com, Psychology Today, The Wall Street Journal and ABC World News

REGISTER NOW SCAN QR Code to register or http://bit.ly/InspiringBigLeaders_17Mar2022

PhD in Organizational Psychology President, Covisioning LLC, USA

ENQUIRIES Senorita Senong | 082-313951 / 010-9676767 | senorita@sarawak.gov.my Keagan Kimura | 016-8960894 | keakim@leadinstitute.com.my

Senior positions in Microchip Technology, Learning Edge Inc, ITT Alcatel Career

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“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”

Helen Keller

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The Joy of Togetherness The new faces of the Editorial Team behind coaching to IMPACT is a combination of beautiful souls from the Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service and Universiti Malaysia Sarawak

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The Joy of Working Together Crews of the Inspiring Big Leaders Executive Talk Show Launch Series ‘’Unleash Your Leadership Energy’’, with Honorable Speaker, YBhg Datu Dr Sabariah Putit, Deputy State Secretary, Performance and Service Delivery Transformation, during the recording session on 8th February 2022. The Talk Show was broadcasted on air, on 25 February 2022 The show can be viewed at TVS YouTube https://www.youtube.com/playlist? list=PLPuACEqdN1IuW80Kv8bh80 qnxYZr1o9mo

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“Leadership is a burning desire to create a better future. This talk-show intends to introduce leadership energy and how to self-coach to harness this inner power, so that we leaders could create impact that lasts for years”

Coaching to Impact Launch Issue Special Thanks to our Launch Issue Editorial Team EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ismail Said EDITOR Diana Marie Capel

CONTENT CONTRIBUTORS Mai Sumiyati Ishak Helena Ului Maureen Jono Noor Salmi binti Hussaini ICF Malaysia Charter Chapter IAC International Association of Coaching

GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Awang Ismail bin Awang Hambali Abdul Rani bin Haji Adenan

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COACHING@SCS LEADERS BUILD LEADERS Making Coaching Impactful in Sarawak Civil Service - Ismail Said CEO Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service

ISSN Number & Barcode

Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service KM20 Jalan Kuching Serian Semenggok 93250 Kuching Sarawak Telephone : +6082-625166 Fax : +6082-625966 E-mail : info@leadinstitute.com.my Website: www.leadinstitute.com.my leadershipinstitute_scs

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SCSleadershipinstitute

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Leadership_scs