The Loafer 123

NOTE

Volume 03 Issue 123 Publisher Lisa Durbin Creative Director Jon Bill Forrester Managing Editor Peggy Gale Distribution Herbie Durbin Jon Bill Forrester Entertainment Coordinator Andreax Jarre Public Relations Correspondent Lee Lee Williams Contributing Staff Andy Ross

your week’s line-up

04 Spotlight 06 Tennessee Tourism Invites and Byways With New Statewide

PUBLISHER

Road Cycling Program: Bike Tennessee 06 Beezwax 07 Tri-Cities Nightlife 08 Puzzle Page 09 Pets of the Week 10 45th Season of Liberty! to Open Friday, June 7nd 11 Things To Do 12 Tri-Cities Faces and Places 14

Biker Events

18 Lakeside Concert Series

Ken Silvers

FROM THE

Travelers to Hit the Back Roads

16 Sycamore Shoals June Events

Kathie Scalf Wendy Hayden

Line-Up Announced

Ann Hartley

22 WQUT Concert Schedule

The Loafer Po Box 39

Hello Friends!

Happy June!!! Summer is upon us but so is lots of rain. We are so pleased to feature Theatre Bristol as they present “The Little Mermaid”. I am so excited to take all of my granddaughters to this play. What a great way to send an evening than to have a meal on State Street and see a play at Theatre Bristol! I encourage you to attend and support this wonderful theatre.

Don’t forget Liberty is still going on at Sycamore Shoals in Elizabethton and that is also a great way to spend some time with your family this summer.

Thank you so much for supporting The Loafer! It isn’t easy keeping this paper alive after 37 years but J.B. and I are doing our best. If you need to advertising anything, please let us know.

Have a great week!

Telford, Tn 37690 423-930-7319 www.theloafer.net theloaferonlineprint@gmail.com All advertisements are accepted and published by the publisher upon the representation that the agency and/or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof. The agency and/or advertiser will indemnify and save the publisher harmless from any lossof expense resulting from claims or suits based upon contents of any advertisement, including claims or suits for defamation, libel, right of privacy, plagiarism, and copyright infringement.

Founder: Bill Williams

LBD FAMILY MEDIA Let’s Get Social!

Have a great week!

columns & reviews

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

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15 Beanz Biker Corner The Blue Plum 17

Social Sentiments:

Your Different World 19 Tea Time with Appalachian Barbie:

On the Road but Falling Off the Track 21 Pop Life Wonka 23 Batteries Not Included: The Bench Warmer

Love,

Lisa Durbin

Publisher

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theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

Presented by

June 4-5, 2024 ETSU Martin Center ETSUMartinCenter.org

Spotlight

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Cardinal Folk 7:00pm at Cascade Draft House

Julie Williams & The Hired Guns 9:00pm at Tulip”s Grub & Pub

W Albert Edwards 8:00pm at The Corner

Elderbug | DreamkilleR 276 | Ol’ Jim 10:00pm at Capone’s

Coal Camp 10:00pm at Bristol Casino Bar

SUNDAY Jun 9th

Night Train 10:00pm at O’Mainnin’s Pub

Bristol, TN/VA Bristol TN/Va

MONDAY Jun 10th

WEDNESDAY June 5th

Anthony Childress 7:00pm at Cascade Draft House

Mick Kyte 7:00pm at Cascade Draft House THURSDAY June 6th

TUESDAY June 11th

Shake it Like a Caveman 7:00pm at Bristol Casino Bar Sounds of Summer: Coal Camp 7:00pm at Downtown Center FRIDAY June 7th Border Bash: Dangermuffin with Andrew Scotchie 6:00pm at Downtown Center Gunslinger 7:00pm at Bristol Casino Bar Servility and Hannah Rae 7:00pm at Cascade Draft House Cody Fair 8:00pm at The Corner Craig Street Ramblers 10:00pm at Bristol Casino Bar

Gypsy Moon Coalition 7:00pm at High Voltage House Warmer 7:00pm at Gypsy Circus Cider Company Dead Set On Life Band 7:00pm at Lakeview Marina Full Sirkle 9:00pm at CJ’s Sports Bar

TUESDAY June 11th

SUNDAY June 9th

Old Time Jam 5:00pm at Yee-Haw Brewing Company

Jason Lloyd 7:00pm at Lakeview Marina

Brim & Marci Leal 6:30pm at Rocks Wood Fired Pizza

Elizabethton, TN Elizabethton

Johnson City, TN Johnson City

Kingsport, TN Kingsport

WEDNESDAY June 5th Rheva & Keegan’s Irish Fiddle Tunes 5:30pm at Mulligan’s Gaming Pub

The Bosses 7:00pm at Jiggy Ray’s

THURSDAY June 6th

SATURDAY Jun 8th

The Salty Moondogs 7:00pm at Lakeview Marina

Florencia & The Feeling 8:00pm at Jiggy Ray’s

HB Beverly 6:30pm at Rocks Wood Fired Pizza

FRIDAY June 7th

Abingdon, VA Abingdon, VA

Sounds of Summer: Dan Carly Bluegrass Band 7:00pm at Downtown Center

Jason Lloyd 6:00pm at Delta Blues BBQ

Rheva & Keegan’s Irish Fiddle Tunes 5:30pm at Mulligan’s Gaming Pub

SATURDAY June 8th

THURSDAY June 6th Justin Mychaels 6:30pm at Rocks Wood FIred Pizza FRIDAY June 7th Jeff Lane 6:30pm at Rocks Wood FIred Pizza

Kayla McKinney 7:00pm at Lakeview Marina E.C. FraZier 7:00pm at Model City Tap House Dead Set On Life & Retroville 9:00pm at CJ’s Sports Bar

FRIDAY June 7th

FRIDAY June 7th Kevin Duggan 5:00pm at Nicewonder Vineyards SUNDAY Jun 9th Josh Bowles & Tom Zeske III 2:00pm at Abingdon Vineyards

Ali Randolph Band 8:00pm at Tulip’s Grub & Pub

The Honey Badgers 10:00pm at O’Mainnin’s Pub

1134 | Vexus | Sick Beyond 10:00pm at Capone’s

SATURDAY Jun 8th Annabelle’s Curse 7:00pm at Bristol Casino Bar

SATURDAY Jun 8th Stone Fire Band 8:00pm at Wild Wing Cafe

Submit Your Live Shows to: theloaferonlineprint@gmail.com or call 423-930-7319 to be Featured in the Loafer Spotlight

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theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

OPENING NIGHT CONCERT

Jeff Little Trio

FRIDAY JUNE 7TH 2024

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

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Tennessee Tourism Invites Travelers to Hit the Back Roads and Byways with New Statewide Road Cycling Program: Bike Tennessee Tennessee Partners with Popular Cycling App “Ride with GPS” to Make Routes Easily Accessible The Tennessee Department of Tourist Development (TDTD) is inviting cyclists to experience Tennessee on 52 new curated road cycling routes that wind their way through the state’s picturesque landscapes. The new program, Bike Tennessee, launched today at BikeTN.com and allows cyclists to engage with the routes using the app Ride with GPS. “From our music to our makers, Tennessee is a state full of storytellers and our beauty is unmatched,” said Commissioner Mark Ezell, TDTD. “As travelers increasingly seek sustainable and authentic experiences, we invite them to explore our scenic routes and discover the charm of our small towns.

We are pleased to partner with Ride with GPS and showcase the hidden gems and breathtaking landscapes that define our state.”

Tennessee has been named an Ambassador for popular cycling app Ride with GPS, making all 52 routes easily accessible across the platform. Each Bike Tennessee route was meticulously mapped, ensuring cyclists have access to detailed navigation and route information. Ride descriptions provide valuable information about the terrain, waypoints and hidden gems along the way, as well as modifications to tailor each ride to the individual.

The routes were created in collaboration with professional cycling guide Shannon Burke of Velo View Bike Tours, who brings more than a decade of experience leading cycling tours. Routes were selected with safety and scenery in mind, with 1,739 miles of routes mapped and 51 Tennessee counties included in the Bike Tennessee program. They offer seasoned cyclists mostly rural, low-traffic experiences in some of Tennessee’s most scenic and historic landscapes, including 14 routes in Tennessee State Parks.

“Tennessee has all the right ingredients to be one of the premier cycling destinations in the country— low-traffic backroads, welcoming communities and stunning scenery,” said Shannon Burke. “It’s an amazing place to ride!”

The outdoor recreation economy generates $11.9 billion for Tennessee, according to the Outdoor Industry Association. Bike Tennessee aims to leverage the growing cycling community to increase visitation and economic impact throughout Tennessee.

Cyclists can learn more about Bike Tennessee and explore the available road cycling routes by visiting www.BikeTN.com. Join the conversation on social media using hashtag #BikeTN.

About Tennessee Department of Tourist Development The Tennessee Department of Tourist Development (TDTD) is dedicated to driving economic growth and tourism in all 95 counties. TDTD’s global marketing efforts increase visitation to Tennessee, which boosts tax revenue, creates jobs and attracts new investment across the state. Tennessee is a global destination of choice offering visitors world-class music, live entertainment, family-friendly experiences, charming communities, innovative and classic culinary creations, renowned scenic beauty and outdoor adventure—all centered at the crossroads of rich history and unrivaled hospitality. Vacations “sound perfect” in Tennessee. Visit TNvacation.com and follow @TNvacation on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram for travel inspiration.

NIGHTLIFE

WEDNESDAY Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at The Pub Out Back (The Italian Pizza Pub) - Johnson City 7pm Karaoke w/ Eric Huskins VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City, TN 8pm Karaoke Night at Wonderland Lounge and Bar - Johnson City, TN 9pm Karaoke with Ron at Kingsport Moose Lodge 6:30pm Loudmouth Karaoke at Michael Waltrip Brewing Company - Bristol, VA on Wednesday, April 5th at 7pm THURSDAY Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment at Tulips Grub & Pub - Johnson City, TN 8pm Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at Wild Wings Cafe - Johnson City, TN 9pm Karaoke at Numan’s - Johnson City, TN 10pm Karaoke at Jiggy Rays Pizzeria - Johnson City, TN Karaoke at Tipsy Toad Tavern - Jonesborough, TN FRIDAY Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at Rainbow Asian Cuisine - Johnson City, TN 9pm Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at The Sports Mill - Kingsport, TN 8pm Karaoke w/ Eric Huskins VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City, TN 8pm Karaoke at Numan’s – Johnson City, TN 10pm Karaoke with Handsome Hodge Entertainment at O’Mainnin’s Pub and Grille - Bristol, TN 10pm SATURDAY Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at Tulips Grub & Pub Johnson City, TN 8pm Karaoke at Numan’s – Johnson City, TN 10pm Karaoke w/ Eric Huskins VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City, TN 8pm Karaoke at Numan’s – Johnson City, TN 10pm Karaoke with DJ Clyde and Prestige Entertainment at Macado’s -Kingsport, TN 9pm Karaoke with Handsome Hodge Entertainment at O’Mainnin’s Pub and Grille - Bristol, TN 10pm

TRIVIA

TUESDAY Team Trivia at Wild Wing Café Johnson City TN DJ Trivia at Union Street Taproom Erwin, TN 5pm Trivia at The Corner Bar Bristol, VA 8pm Trivia at Aubrey’s Johnson City 7pm WEDNESDAY Trivia at Tipsy Toad Jonesborough, TN 7pm Trivia Night Mellow Mushroom Bristol, VA 7pm Trivia at Aubrey’s Bristol 7pm THURSDAY Mellow Trivia at Mellow Mushroom Johnson City, TN- 7pm Trivia at Riverside Taphouse at South Fork Bluff City, TN 7pm

BINGO

TUESDAY Singo at Riverside Taphouse at South Fork Bluff City, TN 6:30pm

DJ NIGHT THURSDAY DJ B-Digital at O’Mainnin’s Pub and Grille Bristol, TN 10pm

WEDNESDAY Bingo at Tipton Street Pub Johnson City, TN 9pm Singo at Holy Taco & Cantina Boones Creek, TN 8pm Blazin’ Bingo at Mellow Mushroom Johnson City, TN 6pm

FRIDAY Handsome Hodge Entertainment at O’Mainnin’s Pub - Bristol, TN 10pm

THURSDAY Bingo at Mellow Mushroom Bristol VA 6pm Singo at Aubrey’s Bristol 7:00 PM

SUNDAY DJ B-Digital at O’Mainnin’s Pub and Grille Bristol, TN 10pm

SATURDAY Handsome Hodge Entertainment at O’Mainnin’s Pub - Bristol, TN 10pm

To have your events added to this list email: theloaferonlineprint@gmail.com or call: 423-930-7319

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

TRI-CITIES

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8

SODOKU

CROSSWORD

DROP QUOTE

C RYPTO G RAM NZP WIYP WJU WPRTNJNPL QVIU FIIR NZIQFZNL, NZP KPNNPY OTDD KP ZTL OIYDR JUR NZP OIYDR JN DJYFP. — Confucius

ACROSS 1. William of Hopalong Cassidy fame 5. Unfamiliar with 10. Profit's opposite 14. Home furnishings chain 15. Turgenev heroine 16. Passage out 17. Part of CD-ROM 18. Greek salad ingredient 20. Eve's youngest 21. Home healthcare worker (abbr.)

22. Rutabaga, for one 23. " ___ Was a Lady" (1930s tune) 25. Publicize 26. High-____ (on edge) 28. Special praise 33. "The Thin Man" co-star 34. Empire, to Germans 36. U.S.-Canada mil. acronym 37. Brought into play

39. Come in 41. 1,901, to Caesar 42. "Totally cool!"

44. Flogged 46. Cooperstown bldg.

47. "Oh, Lady, Be Good" writer 49. Like some sheets 51. Texas school initials 52. Kind of friend 53. Account of events 57. Saloon 58. Mae of film 61. Teenager 63. Dame of comedy 64. Like much fine wine 65. Legally old enough 66. Shakespearean king 67. Storage unit 68. One who roams about 69. Fort Bliss VIP

Answers to last week’s puzzles can be found on page 09.

Down 1. Auction offers 2. Tom Joad, for example 3. Time not long past 4. Infamous site near Munich 5. Nightgown 6. Marry in a hurry 7. Accustom to solid food, e.g.

8. Tiny colonist 9. Maneuver 10. Lascivious look 11. Plow-pullers 12. Acapulco affirmative 13. Short distance 19. Another name for the Wyandot 24. Patient request (abbr.)

25. Was sore 26. Threw 27. "The better ____ you with, my dear!"

28. Be a part of, as a play 29. Herbert of the "Pink Panther" movies 30. Early calculator of pi 31. Pythias's pal 32. Impart knowledge to 35. "I didn't know he had it ___!"

38. The shakes (abbr.)

40. Turned (to) 43. Frequent site for flight layovers 45. "___ Rheingold" (Wagner opera) 48. Golfer Tom 50. Bathroom hangers 52. "___ Gong (Get It On)" 53. Broccoli ___ 54. Innovative and daring 55. Keats, for one 56. Like some shoppes 57. Ceiling support 59. Stumbling block 60. Sour 62. Corp. exec

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

PETS

OF THE WEEK

9

JA

There are

SP

Five Mermaids

E

hidden in this issue

R

of The Loafer.

This is 2 yr old Jasper. He is good with other cats, playful, loves treats, feather wands, people & belly rubs, doesn’t

Can you find

mind being held and just a happy go lucky boy.

Neutered, current on vaccinations and microchipped.

them all?

R

Last Week's Puzzle Answers

O X

Crossword

Cryptogram:

Dropquote:

"There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate - when he can't afford it, and when he can.."

"I never travel without my diary.

One should always have something sensational to read in the train."

Y

Sudoku

been spayed, current on vaccinations and microchipped. She needs an active She is a beautiful Rottweiler/Lab mix family who can give her the exercise that is friendly, well behaved, house trained, leash trained and loves to go on she needs that shelter life can’t give walks. Roxy would prefer to be an only her consistently . Roxy has been at the Rescue for 1277 days and would love animal because she doesn’t like other to be a part of YOUR family - please dogs getting in her face. If you have a chilled out dog, it could be a possibility. consider giving her the life she deserves She would not be good with small kids because shelter life is making her sad. due to her size/strength and No cats or She and her puppy were surrendered together and he got adopted right away. chickens. She would love to be a part Please come and meet this sweet girl of your family. Bday 5/27/19. Roxy has Happy 5th bday sweet Roxy

If you are interested in adopting : The Bridge Home No Kill Animal Shelter 423-239-5237 • 2061 Highway 75 Blountville, TN Facebook: bridgehome

bridgehome.org

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024 10

JOHNSON CITY SATURDAYS ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) 1:30-3:00pm.

Call for info Bill 423-444-6107 or Cheryl 423-262-6149 THURSDAY JUN 6TH Tri-Cities Turtles Run Club 12:45pm at Yee-Haw Brewing Co. Cow in Bloom Canvas Class 6:00pm at Into the FIre FRIDAY JUN 7TH Johnson City Love & Hiking Date For Couples (Self-Guided) 7:00am at Willow Springs Park SATURDAY JUN 8TH Johnson City Love & Hiking Date For Couples (Self-Guided) 7:00am at Willow Springs Park Johnson City Farmers Market 8:00am at the Pavilion in Downtown Johnson City Feast & Flower 10:00am at 112 Belmeade Drive, JC Boomtown Improv 8:00pm at Wallace Theatre

BRISTOL THURSDAY JUN 6TH “Cutest Dog” Canvas Class 6:00 PM at Kil'n Time Contemporary Ceramics FRIDAY JUN 7TH “Cozy Camp” Canvas Class 6:00 PM at Kil'n Time Contemporary Ceramics

Goodbye State Street! 7:30pm at Blue Ridge Comedy Club SATURDAY JUN 8TH Board Game Night 5:00pm at Bristol Public Library Goodbye State Street! 7:30pm at Blue Ridge Comedy Club

KINGSPORT SATURDAY JUN 8TH Farmer's Market 7:00am at Kingsport Farmers Market Nature: Wolf Howling 10:00am at Bays Mountain Park & Planetarium Smoky Mountain Terror 10:00am at MeadowView Convention Center Brunch 11:30am at Gypsy Circus Cider Company SUNDAY JUN 9TH Smoky Mountain Terror 10:00am at MeadowView Convention Center

Jonesborough Farmers Market 8:00am at Downtown Jonesborough

SUNDAY JUN 9TH Bingo 5:00pm at Abingdon Community Center

Historic Jonesborough ELIZABETHTON Town Tour 1:00pm at Chester Inn THURSDAY JUN 6TH State Historic Site Shop Late Thursdays ABINGDON, VA 5:00 PM at Downtown Elizabethton WEDNESDAY JUNE 5TH FRIDAY JUN 7TH Game Night 5:00pm at Abingdon Commons First Friday: Artsy Vibes 5:00 PM Bingo 5:00pm at Abingdon at Downtown Elizabethton Community Center FRIDAY JUN 7TH Movies for Adults 2:00pm at Washington County Public Library

JONESBOROUGH TUESDAYS Jonesborough Storytelling Guild “Stories n’More” Show 7:00pm at The Intl. Storytelling Center WEDNESDAY JUNE 5TH IBN Biz Lunch 11:30am at The Black Olive SATURDAY JUN 8TH To be featured in The Loafer's Things to Do email us at: theloaferonlineprint@gmail.com or call 423-930-7319

BLUFF CITY

SATURDAY JUN 8TH Bluff City Farmers Market 9:00pm at Bluff City Ball Field

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

THINGS TO DO

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Bike Nights sponsored by biker wear Local Events: 1. Thunder Valley National Drags June 7th – 9th 2. Blue Plum Festival downtown Johnson City, TN June 7th – 9th 3. Twilight Alive June 14th Kingsport, TN 7pm 4. Bike, Car Truck Show at Black Wolf June 15th 5. 3rd Annual Fiddler’s Convention June 21st – 23rd Washington County VA Fairgrounds 6. Twilight Alive June 21st Kingsport, TN 7pm 7. Twilight Alive June 28th Kingsport, TN 8. Country Thunder at Bristol Motor Speedway June 28th & 29th 9. Hillbilly & Vet Pre-Party and Bike show 3pm -7pm July 20th at Wild Wings Café 10. Hillbilly & Vets Show & Shine July 26th – 27th

WOOD FIRED PIZZA. BURGERS. DRINKS. & FUN. TUES. June 3rd, 10th, 17th & 24th

HB BEVERLY

THUR. June 5th 12th, 19th & 26th

JUSTIN MYCHALS

HAPPY HOUR Visit Our Website for Daily Specials and Events

3119 BRISTOL HWY, JOHNSON CITY, TN (423) 262-0444

Wednesday: 19E Pit Stop Wednesday: Jonesborough VFW Thursday: Darrell Waltrip Thursday: Old Town Tavern Friday: Tulips June 22nd Biker Wear Bike Night at Wild Wings Café 7pm

Rides:

BRIM & MARCI LEAL

WED. June 4th, 11th, 18th & 25th

Bike Nights:

PIG OUT MENU Available for a Limited Time

HONEY SMOKIN’ PORK TACOS ULTIMATE FRIED PORK TENDERLOIN SANDWICH PIG OUT SANDWICH PIG OUT NACHOS PIG OUT SALAD

1. 4th Annual Bryan K. Loan June 1st 9am KSU 10am at Botetourt Funeral Home 2. Hillbilly & Vets Ride to Maggie Valley July 27th meet at Jonesborough VFW 8am KSU 8:30am

Bike Rallies: 1. Ultimate Rally Back of the Dragon June 7th – 9th 2. 22nd June bug Boogie Bike Rally June 20th – 23rd Telco, TN 3. Thunder in the Smokies June 28th – 30th

Rides & Rallies

sponsored by biker wear

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Hello friends, how are you today?

The Blue Plum Festival in Johnson City is coming up, so I thought it would be nice to share a little history about the city and its festival. Since 1999, the familyfriendly music festival has brought the community together for local music in downtown Johnson City. This year, they celebrate the 25th anniversary of the Blue Plum Festival! We’ve heard it over and over: Blue Plum Festival is where summer begins. Why "Blue Plum?"

The history of the organization’s name. Before Johnson City was a city, this little village was home to a post office in the 19th century called the Blue Plum Post Office. The post office — along with the rest of “Johnson’s Depot” in the village — was founded by entrepreneur Henry Johnson. The Blue Plum Post Office was located near the train stop at what’s now the corner of Buffalo Street and West State of Franklin Road. Johnson was postmaster and would later become the founder and namesake of modern-day Johnson City with its incorporation by the state in 1869. The Blue Plum Gives Back program began in 2020 as the organization was seeking ways to support the arts in Downtown Johnson City. When they were unable to have the festival in 2021

Beanz Biker Corner

By Anne Hartley 423-297-5675

due to COVID-19, they set aside $20,000 to support public programs, events and initiatives that stimulate art, music, and culture in the area. The first Blue Plum Gives Back project was to co-sponsor a mural with Johnson City Public Art, which was completed in late 2022.

They also provided funding toward the Downtown Square Breezeway project through this program in 2020. Below are other projects Blue Plum Give Back has sponsored or partnered on!

William Bean, traditionally recognized as Tennessee's first white settler, built his cabin along Boone's Creek near Johnson City in 1769. In the 1780s, Colonel John Tipton (1730–1813) established a farm (now the TiptonHaynes State Historic Site) just outside what is now Johnson City. During the State of Franklin movement, Tipton was a leader of the loyalist faction, residents of the region who wanted to remain part of North Carolina rather than form a separate state. In February 1788, an armed engagement took place at Tipton's farm between Tipton and his men, and the forces led by John Sevier, the leader of the Franklin faction. Founded in 1856 by Henry Johnson as a railroad station called "Johnson's Depot", Johnson City became a major rail hub for the Southeast, as three railway lines crossed in the downtown area. During the 1920s and the Prohibition era, Johnson City's ties to the bootlegging activity of the Appalachian Mountains earned the city the nickname of "Little Chicago". Stories persist that the town was one of several distribution centers for Chicago gang boss Al Capone during Prohibition. Capone had a wellorganized distribution network within the southern United States for alcohol smuggling; it shipped his products from the mountain distillers to northern cities. Capone was, according to local lore, a part-time resident of Montrose Court, a luxury apartment complex now listed on the National Register of Historic Places.

There is a lot of history in our area. It’s always nice to look back into the past and get a better understanding. Never too old to learn something.

116 Buffalo Street Johnson City, TN • www.bikerweartn.com • (423) 631-0542

Useless Facts: 1. Cotton Candy Was Invented in TN Almost 120 Years Ago 2. The First Moon Pie Was Made in Tennessee as A Lunchtime Snack 3. Tennessee Is the Birth Place of Mountain Dew 4. Tennessee Is Landlocked by Eight States 5. The First-Ever Tow Trucks Were Made in TN

Full Moons of 2024 1. Strawberry Moon on Friday, June 21 - 9:10 pm 2. Buck Moon on Sunday, July 21 - 6:19 am 3. Sturgeon Moon on Monday, August 19 - 2:28 pm 4. Harvest Moon on Wednesday September 18 - 10:36 pm 5. Hunters Moon on Thursday October 17 -7:27 am 6. Beaver Moon on Friday November 15 - 4:29 pm 7. Cold Moon on Sunday December 15 - 4:02 am

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

Beanz Biker Corner

Sponsored By Biker Wear

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

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Sycamore Shoals State Historic Park JUNE 2024 EVENTS

Spring Knap-In at Fort Watauga Saturday, June 1 10:00 AM – 4:00 PM Knapping – with a “K”– has nothing to do with sleep! Knapping is the art of making stone tools. Watch skilled craftspeople make arrowpoints, spear points and other early survival tools. There will also be demonstrations of bow and arrow and atlatl throughout the day. Free Admission!

National Trails Day Hike Saturday, June 1 10:00 PM Admission: Free! Max: 12 Registration required www.tnstateparks.com/parks/ events/sycamore-shoals Join us as we celebrate National Trails Day with a hike! Please dress accordingly for weather and bring a water bottle. This hike will begin in the picnic area beside the Visitors Center. Program is subject to cancellation due to inclement weather. Portions of the walk will include ground that may not be flat or solid for people with mobility challenges. Meet in the picnic area beside the Visitor Center.

English Country Dancing with the Sabine Hill Social Society Sunday, June 2 1:30 PM – 4:00 PM Dancing was a very popular social pastime in early America. Beginners

and seasoned dancers alike are all welcome to learn early 19th century dances. Open to anyone, with or without experience or a partner. Free admission! Meet in the Visitor Center Gathering Room.

Carter Mansion Guided Tours Tuesday – Saturday, June 4-8, 18-22 10:00 AM Tuesday – Saturday, June 11-15, 25-29 1:30 PM Cost: Adults - $10.00; Seniors: 65 & up, Veterans, & Active Duty - $8.00; Ages 17 & under - $5.00 Tax included Max:12 per tour Registration required www.tnstateparks.com/parks/ events/sycamore-shoals Join Seasonal Interpreter Miguel Parrilla for a tour of Tennessee’s oldest frame house! Enjoy the beauty of this elegant frontier home and learn the history of the Carter family who built it between 1775 and 1780.

The John and Landon Carter Mansion is located at 1031 Broad Street, Elizabethton, TN 37643.

Accessibility to the home includes steps and an interior staircase.

Sabine Hill Guided Tours Tuesday – Saturday, June 4-8, 18-22 1:30 PM Tuesday – Saturday, June 11-15, 25-29 10:00 AM Cost: Adults - $10.00; Seniors: 65 & up, Veterans, & Active Duty - $8.00; Ages 17 & under - $5.00 Tax included Max: 12 per tour

Registration required www.tnstateparks.com/parks/ events/sycamore-shoals Join Seasonal Interpreter Abby Hikade for a guided tour of this stately home built by Mary Patton Taylor, widow of Brigadier General Nathaniel Taylor. The site has been described as one of the finest examples of Federal architecture in the State of Tennessee. During your tour you will have the opportunity to take in the colorful and architecturally detailed interior while learning about the influential Taylor family who called Sabine Hill home in the early 19th century.

independent government, made treaties with the Cherokee, defended their homes, and fought the epic battle of King’s Mountain. Presented in the Fort Watauga Amphitheater, bleacher style seating. Sponsored by Friends of Sycamore Shoals State Historic Park.

Admission Charge. Purchase tickets online at friendsofsycamoreshoals.org/Liberty

Artisan in Residence Series: Hooked Rugs with Karen Keyworth Saturday, June 15 1:00 PM – 4:00 PM

Sabine Hill is located at 2328 West G Street, Elizabethton, TN 37643.

Hooked rugs were introduced to America by early colonists and are Accessibility to the home includes created by pulling loops of fabric or steps and an interior staircase. Please yarn through a firm woven base such note, only portable toilet facilities are as linen or burlap. It was a popular available. home craft for many and provided a use for fabric scraps and usable bits Liberty: The Saga of of worn-out clothing. Designs ranged Sycamore Shoals from uncomplicated geometric shapes Our 45th Year! to intricate bird and tree motifs. Join Friday & Saturday - June 7-8; 14-15 Karen Keyworth in the Visitor Center 8:00 PM lobby to learn more about this early Thursday, Friday, & Saturday American tradition. Free Admission!

June 20-22; 27-29 Old Time Music Jam 8:00 PM Tennessee’s official outdoor drama presented by local performers against the backdrop of Fort Watauga. See the Revolution through the eyes of the Overmountain Men: colonists who defied British law and settled west of the blue ridge. These settlers formed an

Visitors Center Hours:

Sunday, June 23 1:30 PM – 4:00 PM Enjoy the rich musical traditions of our region. Old time musicians of all levels are welcome. Don’t play an instrument?

Come on over, kick back, and enjoy the tunes. Free Admission!

9:00 AM – 4:00 PM Monday through Saturday (closed 11:00 -12:00 for lunch & cleaning) 1:00 PM – 4:30 PM Sunday Our Visitors Center is closed on most State holidays. Park grounds are open from dawn until dusk.

In the event of extremely inclement winter weather, contact the park about program cancelations and park office closings.

1651 W. Elk Avenue- Elizabethton, TN 37643 423-543-5808 sycamoreshoalstn.wordpress.com • facebook.com/sycamoreshoals • tnstateparks.com/parks/sycamore-shoals • friendsofsycamoreshoals.org

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Have you ever stopped to notice that your social media feed has a whole different feel than the people around you?

media advertising is targeted based on web browsing patterns. The websites you visit and the products you search for are all collected in a database Your feed reflects the world as that creates relevant social you choose to see it. You have media ads targeted specifically control over which sources to your tastes. Traditional you receive content from, advertising may show you which may vary greatly from irrelevant products or services anyone else in your circle. You based on your area, whereas can choose from a variety of social media advertising is news sources and see different targeted specifically to your life updates from friends. You interests and needs. may see news first or hear Social media algorithms about it from others who provide the ability to change have chosen different news the look and feel of your sources. You may see positive feed as your world changes. or negative updates, but your Periodically assess your news feed reflects the current state sources, friends lists, and of your world. advertising preferences to Unlike traditional advertising ensure that your feed that shows a specific ad to accurately depicts the world you wish to see. a whole viewing area, social

Social Sentiments

By Wendy Hayden socialsentiments @outlook.com

socialsentiments.net

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

Your Different World

Lakeside Concert Series Lineup Announced

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

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The 2024 Lakeside Concert Series will feature a lineup showcasing some of the area’s top talent.

These annual concerts bring together the community for free family-friendly entertainment in one of Johnson City’s most scenic parks.

“The Lakeside Concert Series is all about community fun, bringing people together to enjoy great music in a warm, welcoming atmosphere by the water,” said Parks and Recreation Community Engagement Manager Tayler Dixon.

chairs for relaxing on the grassy hillsides. The venue offers easy access, free parking, concessions, and a playground.

In addition to music, the series includes a kid zone, food trucks, theme nights, games, giveaways and more.

This year’s concert schedule is as follows: Thurs, June 6 — From the Edge Thurs, June 13 — Charlie Maples

The concerts will be held 6:308:30 p.m. each Thursday in June at Winged Deer Park’s Goulding Amphitheatre, 199 Carroll Creek Road, Johnson City. The first concert kicks off with the band From the Edge on June 6.

Thurs, June 20 — Mixtape 80s Tribute band

Attendees are encouraged to bring blankets or folding

For more information call 423-283-5827.

Thurs, June 27 — Nu-Blu These events are free and open to all ages.

ge!

Live on sta

Adapted for stage by David Birney Directed by Chris McVey

Saturday May 11 7:30 PM Saturday June 22 7:30 PM

Bring ! hair lawnc

Presented at

The Sessions Hotel

Lauderdale Stage and Lawn 833 State Street, Bristol, VA

TICKETS AT THE DOOR AND AT THEATREBRISTOL.ORG a Theatre Bristol

ARTScene Production

Follow ARTScene for Weekly Nights out

by Kathie Scalf

Having spent a great deal of my life in the service industry, a lot of the clientele I serviced were traveling for business. Spending my evenings grinding away behind a bar, ankle deep in spilled drinks and growing increasingly numb to the theatrics of under-socialized and over-served patrons, I would daydream about how glamorous the lives and jobs of these on-the-go folks must be; working in a different city every day, meeting new and exciting people along the way from all over the world and bedding down every evening to the turn-down service and freshly fluffed pillows of fancy hotels. It seemed like the perfect opposite to the monotony of my own hum-drum existence, slinging the same drinks to the same faces in the same town I’d woken up in every day of my life. But the old adage of “careful what you wish for” is ringing quite true in my ears these days, as I’ve finally achieved my goal of a career in motion and it’s not exactly the globe-trotting, fast paced existence of glitz and glamour that I’d imagined. In fact, the more I’m on the road, the more I seem to be falling off track.

While I’ve never been more satisfied or motivated career-wise, I unfortunately feel like I’ve not been this physically unhealthy in almost a decade. When it comes to matters of diet and fitness, I definitely thrive in monotony, only maintaining consistency in routine. It’s far easier to get in daily workouts when I’m waking up and going to sleep at the same time every day, just as it’s far less stressful to meal plan and prep when my weekly schedule never changes. And it’s always easiest to

manage life from the comfort and convenience of your own home.

in my usual morning cardio, I lie there hitting snooze until the last possible moment. I’m eaten up with heartburn and indigestion and trapped in a seated position the majority of the day which makes my hips, neck and lower back ache. The stress of nonstop communication with my team while simultaneously executing tastings and events keeps me in a constant elevated state of anxiety and now that is causing me to experience panic attacks. High stress increases cortisol production which leads to fat retention, making the weight thing practically impossible to combat.

These days I’m lucky if I’m home in Franklin for more than 6 days at a time. My territory covers the entirety of Kentucky and 2/3 of the state of Tennesse (basically everything east of Jackson), which keeps me on the road at least half the month. And the reality is, instead of visiting famous landmarks and seeing the best each city has to offer, I take in a lot of ugly evergreens dotting the side of the interstate while I try not to be killed by 18 wheelers or pulled over for responding to emails But even as I’m typing all this, at the while speeding. And the only siteseeing I’m doing mainly consists of end of the day I know regardless of how busy I am it’s still just excuses. observing local wildlife browsing the shelves of various liquor stores The fact of the matter is, I’m not making my health a priority and it in their natural habitats across the should be the top one. I already South. Those “fancy” hotels are actually the best money can buy at a know how chaotic the scheduling corporate rate that fits my company on the road is and should prepare accordingly. Instead of worrying budget while still featuring a bar, and the “new and exciting people to about whether or not the hotel meet” are few and far between. For features a bar and restaurant, I the most part once I make it to a bar should check to see if there are inat the end of the day, famished and room refrigerators and microwaves exhausted from 8-12 hours of selling and pre-pack as many portioned meals as I can fit in a cooler. That and managing a team of 5 across way I’m able to eat on the go during a 500+ mile radius, the last thing I the day and not starve myself until want to do is make small talk with 7pm. And instead of ending my a stranger, and even if I wanted to, they usually have their eyes glued to evenings with a cocktail, I need to their cell phone scrolling on social be moving my body and getting my blood flowing after a long day media which makes it impossible. of sitting in the car. Every hotel So instead I have a drink on an has a gym, so there’s no excuse for empty stomach, which instantly missing cardio at the very least. And drops my inhibitions regarding most of all, if I’m lonely at the end of dietary discipline or sticking to the day and really feel desperate for “just 1 cocktail,” order way too human connection, I have to remind much greasy, carby food, and immediately hit the bed after, giving myself that the chances of meeting someone new and exciting are just my body no opportunity to burn even a single calorie I just took in. I as good on my days off or while I’m working events and opt for a good have to wake up entirely too early night’s sleep instead. due to maximizing my time in the market, so instead of being able to set my alarm an hour early to get

Life on the road isn’t all bad. It’s definitely never boring and I

work for an amazing company representing a product I love that practically sells itself. The connections and experiences I’m making within the industry will last a lifetime and at the end of the day, I’m selling booze not curing cancer; it’s not that serious. It’s a fun job where we reward working hard with playing even harder. I just need to ensure I’m managing myself as much as I am other people, and holding myself to the same high standards and no BS excuses.

Money is great, but it means nothing when you run your health into the ground.

Here’s to looking toward a better few weeks ahead, as I’ll be trying out my new healthier road life from the 6th-16th everywhere from Louisville to Lawrenceberg to Loudon and beyond. Hope you have a healthy, happy, productive week guys!

XO - Kathie

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

On the Road but Falling off Track

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theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

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3518 Bristol Hwy, Johnson City, TN (423) 283-0422 www.wreckingcrewhd.com

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The character of Willy Wonka has appeared on the big screen in two films, one released in 1971 and the other in 2005. The character is back in "Wonka", starring the actor who has taken the box office by storm, Timothee Chalamet.

The new film is described as a musical/fantasy/comedy, and it certainly fits the bill. The film is the story of Wonka's early days before his chocolate factory, and he is presented as an aspiring inventor, chocolatier and musician. Wonka arrives at the Galeries Gourmet, full of businesses selling chocolate, with the desire to start his own house of chocolate. After he arrives, Wonka and his small savings soon depart, and he is taken to Mrs. Scrubitt's (Olivia Colman) boarding house by a henchman. As he is signing a contract to stay at the boarding house, Wonka is warned by an orphan named Noodle (Calah Lane) that he should read the fine print on the papers. Wonka signs on without reading the contract, and will pay the price. When he is able to leave

Pop Life

By Ken Silvers theloaferonlineprint @gmail.com

the boarding house, he goes to the area of city where the chocolate store are to introduce "hoverchocs", a chocolate that causes people to float. After the demonstration, Wonka sells out of the magical chocolate, but has his earnings taken by rival chocolatiers Slugworthn (Paterson Joseph), Prodnose (Matt Lucas) and Fickelgruber (Mathew Baynton). The rival chocolatiers are so jealous and threatened by Wonka they have the corrupt Chief of Police (Keagan-Michael Key) aid in the confiscation of Wonka's earnings. After all his earnings are taken, Wonka is unable to pay the high fees of staying at the boarding house, and is forced to work in Scrubbitt's laundry with Noodles and several other captives. While working in the laundry, Wonka reveals his late mother was the inspiration for his chocolate, and believes his creations are being stolen by a mysterious little orange man, which is discovered to be Lofty (Hugh Grant), an Oompa Loompa, mischievous small humans who love cocoa beans and love to play practical jokes. Meanwhile, the city's "chocolate cartel", threatened

by Wonka's more affordable and better chocolate, uses the chocolate loving Chief of Police to intimidate Wonka.

While in the boarding house, Noodles has been teaching the illiterate Wonka to read, and the two devise a plan to take down the cartel and the corrupt police chief. Of course the plan is successful and Wonka and his friends open the chocolate store he has always dreamed

of. However, unable to use the police to continue to intimidate Wonka, the cartel sabotages Wonka's chocolate, resulting in the destruction of Wonka's store, and his forced departure from the city. Despite being forced out of the city, Wonka and his boarding house friends devise a plan to take down the crooked cartel, which proved successful, even resulting in a reunion between Noodles and her long lost mother. After his success, Wonka is able to turn an abandoned castle into his soon to be famous chocolate factory, with Lofty as

his tasting chef. While the film does contain musical numbers, they are not overused, and add to the colorfulness of the film.

The film is magical, has plenty of humor and heart in revealing Wonka's origin. While Chalamet isn't the best singer in the world, he is fine in his vocal efforts and makes the film flow with his charm and charisma.

"Wonka" is a blast of eye candy the entire family can enjoy.

(Rated PG)

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

WONKA

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

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P

CONCERT SCHEDULE Bristol

GREENVILLE

Oct 10 Oct 26

PARAMOUNT Jun 1 Mac McAnally (sold out) Jun 20 Steve Earle Jul 18 The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Aug 2 Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band Aug 17 Ozark Mountain Daredevils Sep 28 Dusty Slay (two shows) Oct 4 Destination Soultown featuring the Sensational Soul Cruisers

NISWONGER PERFORMING ARTS CENTER Jul 19 Dugger Band

KNOXVILLE CIVIC COLISEUM: Jul 25 Jordan Davis Oct 3 Brantley Gilbert

BRISTOL TN/VA

COUNTRY THUNDER MUSIC FESTIVAL Jun 28-29 Cody Johnson, Hardy, Bailey Zimmerman, Lonestar, Trace Adkins, Priscilla Block, Shenandoah, Travis Denning, Jake Worthington, Josh Ross, Emily Ann Roberts.

BRISTOL RHYTHM & ROOTS REUNION Sep 13-15 Ashley McBryde, The Wallflowers, The Red Clay Strays, Sam Bush, Molly Tuttle & Golden Highway, The Steeldrivers, 49 Winchester and more.

JOHNSON CITY TN

JOHNSON CITY

GREENEVILLE TN

MARION VA THE LINCOLN THEATRE Jun 15 Mark Lowry & Friends with Endless Highway and The Sound Jun 21 Zach Rushing with Cletus T. Judd Jun 22 The Piano Men Tribute to Billy Joel & Elton John Aug 24 Landslide: A Tribute to Fleetwood Mac Oct 19 & 20 Gene Watson Nov 8 Killer Beaz Nov 16 Rhonda Vincent & The Rage

KNOXVILLE TN

Knoxville

BIJOU THEATRE Jun 14 Kevin Smith Jun 21 Lucinda Williams Jul 13 Rob Schneider Jul 14 Tab Benoit & Anders Osborne Aug 9 Sister Hazel Aug 16 Kimberly Perry & Tanner Adell Oct 26 Henry Cho Oct 27 Robin Trower Nov 8 Gaelic Storm

MARTIN CENTER FOR THE ARTS Aug 17 The Concert: A Tribute to ABBA Spp 28 Black Jacket Symphony will perform will perform Elton John’s TENNESSEE THEATRE Jun 8 Brad Williams Madman Across The Water Jul 9 Brit Floyd: P.U.L.S.E. Oct 7 Ben Folds Jul 13 1964 The Tribute Jul 18 Ben Folds FREEDOM HALL Aug 16 Jamey Johnson THOMPSON BOWLING ARENA Oct 20 Whiskey Myers July 14 The Doobie Brothers with Robert Cray Kingsport Aug 24 Heart and Cheap Trick Sept 12 Hootie and the Blowfish with RED WHITE AND BOOM Collective Soul and Edwin McCain Jul 6 The Marshall Tucker Band and Oct 5 Aerosmith and The Cleverlys The Black Crowes FUN FEST AT J. FRED JOHNSON STADIUM Oct 25 Jelly Roll Nov 19 Justin Timberlake Jul 25 Crowder

KINGSPORT TN

Jul 26 Jul 27

Tyler Hubbard, Emily Ann Roberts & Carson Peters Goo Goo Dolls with Phillip Phillips

KNOXVILLE CIVIC AUDITORIUM: Jun 12 Josh Gates Jun 13 Matt Rife Jun 29 David Spade

Air Supply Dusty Slay

GATLINBURG TN

GATLINBURG

THE MOUNTAIN MUSIC FESTIVAL AT GATLINBURG CONVENTION CENTER Aug 23-25 Joan Jett, Tesla, Night Ranger, Foghat, Aldo Nova, Slaughter, Quiet Riot, Lynch Mob, Great White, Dangerous Toys, Vixen and many more.

NASHVILLE TN

Nashville

RYMAN AUDITORIUM Jun 13 The Del McCoury Band Jun 15 Hauser Jun 21 & 22 Blackberry Smoke Jun 30 The Alan Parsons Live Project Jul 10 Dave Barnes Jul 17 Asia Jul 20 Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox Jul 24 Jon Anderson & The Band Geeks with special guests The Return o Emerson, Lake & Palmer Jul 25 Ricky Scaggs & Kentucky Thunder Jul 29 Donnie Osmond Aug 9 America Aug 16 Ozark Mountain Daredevils Aug 18 Joe Bonamassa Aug 22 The Turtles, The Cowsills, The Association and others Aug 28 Steve Earle Aug 29 Terri Clark Aug 30 Passenger Sep 4-6 The Red Clay Strays Sep 23 The Beach Boys

Aug 6 Future & Metro Bloomin Aug 9 & 10 Chris Stapleton Aug 14 Five Finger Death Punch with Marilyn Manson and Slaughter To Prevail Aug 20 Earth Wind & Fire with Chicago Aug 27 Glass Animals Aug 28 Sammy Hagar and Loverboy BROOKLYN BOWL June 16 Kings X Aug 6 10CC NASHVILLE MUNICIPAL AUDITORIUM Aug 9 Bush with Jerry Cantrell and Candlebox Sep 28 Megadeth with Mudvayne and All That Remains Oct 26 Judah & The Lion ASCEND AMPHITHEATRE Jun 6-8 2024 CMA Fest Jun 22 Cypress Hill Jun 29 Sarah McLachlan Jul 12 Styx, Foreigner and John Waite Jul 13 Lake Street Dive Aug 2 Boys II Men Aug 3 Thirty Seconds to Mars Aug 6 Tate McRae Aug 13 Creed with Tonic and Finger Eleven Aug 20 Wallows Aug 31 King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard GEODIS PARK IN NASHVILLE: Aug 30 Green Day, Smashing Pumpkins, Rancid & the Linda Lindas

BROWN COUNTY MUSIC CENTER Jun 2 John Anderson acoustic Jun 16 Bachman Turner Overdrive Jun 22 Mike Campbell & The Dirty Knobs BRIDGESTONE ARENA Jul 27 Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band Jun 14 Luis Miguel Jun 23 Alanis Morissette, Joan Jett & Aug 1 Night Ranger Morgan Wade Aug 2 Taylor Hicks Jul 19 Alabama Aug 22 Cinderella’s Tom Keiger Band Jul 21 Sebastian Maniscalco Aug 24 & 25 Aaron Lewis Acoustic Jul 27 Hootie and the Blowfish with Collective Soul and Edwin McCain Aug 30 Crowder

CALL WQUT @ 477-1015 FOR MORE CONCERT INFORMATION OR VISIT WWW.WQUT.COM

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I went to a wedding recently. People do invite me to such things from time to time, it’s always nice as it gives me a chance to pick from the somewhat large number of bow ties I own. Though there was that one awkward time when I accidentally out-dressed the groom, that’s a risk you take when you invite Andy Ross to your nuptials. The wedding was at a wedding venue. I’m sure you can picture it in your mind without my having to describe it to you.

and generally having a body that is breaking down on the regular, this did not improve morale. I sat on a bench, near the aisle. I needed this as I’m tall and my long legs sometimes need room. I regretted it almost immediately.

The bench was hard and uncomfortable, with no support of any kind. I don’t know who thought it was a good idea. Was it supposed to be a sort of “rustic charm?” The view was very pretty from the bench, It was once farmland, now it’s rolling but having arrived there early to hills and grassy fields. There’s a man- get good parking, I spent almost 45 made lake/pond, or if it wasn’t man- minutes on it before the wedding made they added water features to began. It began in my knees, a slowthe existing one. There were two building aching. That soon moved to areas for the wedding to occur, with my feet, causing me to shift my legs a pre-fab, metal barn-like structure a lot. that served as the reception hall.

As someone in a polo shirt with the The pain then moved into my lower name of the venue on it directed me back. There was still 15 minutes to go before the wedding began. towards which of the two “Hitchin’ I started to squirm, it was awful.

Arenas” where the wedding was going to occur, I saw something that filled me with dread.

Benches. Thick planks that were bought from Lowe’s, painted black, and screwed into two stumpy tree logs. No back. No back at all. Having just come off of a three-week run of performances, being tired as hell,

Batteries Not Included

By Andy Ross theloaferonlineprint @gmail.com

“If I can just make it through this wedding surely there will be some better chairs in the metal barn,” I told myself. The prayers that took place during the ceremony were sweet, but they went on a little too long for a man who was suffering on a terrible bench.

The happy couple kissed, everyone walked away, and I shot up off of that bench like I had just been struck by lightning. My body ached and creaked as I made my way into the reception hall. I was so happy at the thought of a chair with a real back on it. I walked into the pre-fab barn with thoughts of food and lumbar support. The joy dissipated when I saw the seats in the hall. They had back, but they were cheap-looking. It was hard to tell if they were made from highly varnished wood or plastic.

The chairs were packed in around

long tables, it was cramped, and though my back had some relief, I was still sore and ready to go home. I stayed for the food, it was fine. I greeted the people I needed to greet. I didn’t stay to dance, as I reached a point where my body and brain said “We are done, time to go.” I slowly stood, I felt the sound of my body needing WD-40, like a carousel that needs to be badly serviced or retired.

I took myself home, drew a hot bath, and got in. I almost fell asleep in the tub. I was tired and sore, and I hope to never go to a wedding at a place that doesn’t have decent seating ever again. Reader, if you’re looking for a place to have a wedding, make sure the chairs have backs. Your guests will thank you.

See you next week.

theloafer.net | June 4th, 2024

The Bench Warmer

Presented by

June 4-5, 2024 ETSU Martin Center ETSUMartinCenter.org