The Loafer 09

The Nashville Sound wants to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

Volume 03 Issue 09 Publisher Lisa Durbin Creative DIrector Jon Bill Forrester Managing Editor Peggy Gale DIstribution Elizabeth Armstrong Entertainment Coordinator Andreax Jarre

your week’s line-up

03 Kingsport Ballet's Nutcracker Returns to Live Audiences at Wellmont Performing Arts Center 05 Theater Bristol Announces Perfectly Matched Christmas Classics

Andy Ross

ETSU Announces New Minor 07 Theatre-at-Tusculum Holding Auditions for Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons, Lemons 08 Spotlight 11 Karaoke

13 Things To Do

Kathie Scalf

14 Puzzle Page

Ken Silvers

15 Pets of the Week

Wendy Hayden Tim SImpson

18 Tis the Season for Nutcrackers

The Loafer

19 WQUT Concert Schedule

Po Box 39

22 ‘The Nutcracker’ Brings Magic to

Telford, Tn 37690

the Holidays for the 50th Year

423-930-7319 www.theloaferonline.com theloaferonlineprint@gmail.com All advertisements are accepted and published by the publisher upon the representation that the agency and/or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof. The agency and/or advertiser will indemnify and save the publisher harmless from any lossof expense resulting from claims or suits based upon contents of any advertisement, including claims or suits for defamation, libel, right of privacy, plagiarism, and copyright infringement.

Founder: Bill Williams

LBD FAMILY MEDIA Let’s Get Social!

NOTE

FROM THE

PUBLISHER

06 Calling Aspiring Craft Brewers:

11 Trivia

Contributing Staff

columns & reviews

theloaferonline.com November 23, 2021

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19 Ponderings to Ponder Who Am I? 21 Social Sentiments: Give Away Advice 23 Tea Time with Appalachian Barbie: Tough Love 25 Pop Life: The Claus Family 27 Batteries Not Included: A Metaphorical Thanksgiving

Hello Loafer Readers!

How has November been for you and your family? Are you feeling thankful? I am thankful for my awesome husband of 30 years this month, Bobby. I am thankful for our 11 kids and 8 grandkids even though the teens can sure make things stressful at times! We are blessed with an amazing daughter in law and 2 wonderful sons in law. I am thankful for the home we have, the food we are able to bring into our home, the clothes, cars, animals and definitely our extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I can’t forget the friends that have remained by our side the last 10 years. Not everyone is willing to walk with you during a journey of fostering and adoption but luckily our family and a few loyal friends have stuck it out with us through the good and the bad.

I love all of them dearly! Our large family was not really planned and one day I will tell that crazy story.

If your blessed to have a warm home and a hot meal on Thanksgiving, consider extending an invitation to someone that would enjoy the food and company.

I am thankful for every single person advertising or reading The Loafer. We appreciate your support more than you know. Love to all and Happy Thanksgiving!

Love, Lisa Durbin Publisher

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Kingsport Ballet returns to the stage with full-capacity audiences for Nutcracker 2021, scheduled for December 17th, 18th and 19th at Wellmont Performing Arts Center.

The classical production based on the traditional Russian version has been staged in our region by Kingsport Ballet under the direction of Valeria Sinyavskaya for the past 20 years. Ms Sinyavskaya first staged the production with Kingsport Ballet just months after her arrival in Kingsport in 2002. That year, through Ms Sinyavskaya’s connections with her former colleagues in Russia, the company commissioned several sets of professional tutus, which are still in use today following several restorations and reconstructions.

“We were very proud and happy to have livestreamed The Nutcracker to over 4800 school children last year, free of charge.

But we are also really excited to have full audiences back in the theater this December!” said Ms Sinyavskaya. The company still plans to livestream the production to schools in the region, in addition to hosting live audiences for its public performances. Kingsport Ballet staged The Nutcracker at NPAC in December 2020 mid-pandemic, to limited capacity and distanced audiences, after having grown its shows from 3 to 5 at Wellmont Performing Arts Center in 2019 and years prior.

Since 2019 Ms Sinyavskaya has worked closely with Master Ballet Artist Leonid Flegmatov, who has also performed lead roles in productions, in addition to rehearsing and teaching company dancers. Mr. Flegmatov is a former principal dancer with New Jersey Ballet and a graduate of the Bolshoi Academy of Ballet in Russia.

This year’s production will feature some familiar faces. Mr. Flegmatov will once again perfom the role of Herr Drosselmeyer, the kindly and eccentric uncle. The company will be collaborating with Artistic Motion of Greensboro, North Carolina, under the direction of Natalya Davison. Some of Kingsport Ballet’s production solos will be performed by Kingsport Ballet dancers as well as those with Artistic Motion, who will be returning after previous performances of The Nutcracker and The Sleeping Beauty with Kingsport Ballet. In addition, Kingsport Ballet will be sending several dancers from its own Company to join Artistic Motion’s production of The Nutcracker in Greensboro.

Tickets are sold online through Kingsport Ballet’s Facebook page and website: kingsportballet. org or by calling 423-378-3967.

The Kingsport Ballet is funded in part by the Tennessee Arts Commission under an agreement with the General Assembly and the National Endowment for the Arts. Outreach programs are supported in part by the City of Kingsport. For a full roster of business and individual sponsors visit: kingsportballet. org. Kingsport Ballet encourages the purchase of specialty license plates in order to support funding for the arts in the state of Tennessee. Visit: tn4arts.org

theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

Kingsport Ballet’s Nutcracker Returns to Live Audiences at Wellmont Performing Arts Center

theloaferonline.com November 23, 2021

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Count Your Blessings Turkey Dinner Giveaway

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2021 AT 8 AM – 6 PM We are offering Thanksgiving dinners for families that may be going through hard times.

Each meal will feed 4-6 people. Pick-up times will be delegated before the event date.

DONATE We are accepting donations: Money, Frozen Turkeys, Large Cans of Green Beans, Potatoes, Etc. Donations can be dropped off at Biker Wear (3515 Bristol Hwy Ste 101 Johnson City, TN 37601) or Shady Valley Country Store (110 TN-133, Shady Valley, TN 37688)

NOMINATE To nominate a family in need, please leave name, contact info and number of family members on web site. Bigoyspopup.com or e-mail BigBoyspopup@gmail.com

Sponsored by:

Theatre Bristol presents “Christmas Classics: O. Henry’s “The Gift of the Magi” and Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Little Match Girl” Coming December 3-19 to the Theatre Bristol ARTspace Tickets on sale now for these heartfelt holiday stories from classic literature

in the world, kindle compassion in us that serves year round in “The Little Match Girl” short story by Hans Christian Anderson. Adapted by Dottie Havlik for the stage, the little match girl draws closer with each strike to the warmth she once knew.

Peggy Russell, long-time Theatre Bristol veteran and director, leads the pair Theatre Bristol announces a couple of of productions. “The Gift of the Magi” perfectly matched Christmas Classics: features Faith Vance as Della, Mason O. Henry’s The Gift of the Magi and Hans White as Jim, Amy Reid as Fran, and Tony Christian Andersen’s The Little Match DeVault as Peter. The cast of “The Little Girl.” These beloved Christmas stories Match Girl” includes Chloe Campbell as come to the ARTspace Stage December the Match Girl, Cooper Knapp as a Street 3-19. Performances are Fridays at 7:30 Boy, Amy Reid as the Grandmother, and PM, Saturdays at 5:30 PM, and Sundays at Dan Gray as the Father.

2:30 PM. Please visit Opening December 3 at 7:30 pm, the www.TheatreBristol.org production runs for three weekends, for tickets and to learn more.

Fridays at 7:30 pm, Saturdays at 5:30 In the timeless O. Henry story of Della pm, and Sundays at 2:30 pm, closing on and Jim adapted by Mindy Starns Clark, December 19. Tickets are $12 for adults “The Gift of the Magi,” a struggling young and $10 for students and seniors, with couple seeks to give one another the processing fees, and can be purchased ideal Christmas gift. Each endeavoring at TheatreBristol.org. Tickets can also to express their love with thoughtful be purchased at the door, subject to surprises results in a Christmas with gifts availability. Performances are at the more valuable than treasure.

ARTspace Theare, at 506 State Street, The Christmas visions of a young girl Bristol, Tennessee. COVID-19 guidelines who encounters coldness at home and are subject to change based on current

ARTSPACE THEATRE TICKETS: ADULTS | $12 SENIORS | $10 STUDENTS | $10 PLUS PROCESSING FEES

information so please follow www.

TheatreBristol.org and Facebook for updates. At this time, distancing will be practiced, vaccinations are encouraged, and masks are available to stem the spread of COVID-19.

Theatre Bristol’s “The Little Match Girl” and “The Gift of the Magi” is sponsored by Stephanie Snelson, DDS, with additional support by The Optimist Club, as well as the Tennessee Arts Commission, The United Company, HVAC, Inc., Summit BSR Roofing, Leticia Peltzer and ANT & Allergy Consultants, Celebrate Rentals, Citizens Bank, The Loafer, and WCYB. Founded in 1965 by Cathy DeCaterina, Theatre Bristol is a community theatre

serving all ages that also has the distinction as the oldest continually running children’s theatre in northeast Tennessee. Located on historic State Street in Bristol, it also serves southwest Virginia. Its Main Stage season consists of drama, comedy, and musical productions that take place in the ARTspace, a multi-purpose, black box theatre which seats up to 120, and at the Paramount Center for the Arts. Theatre Bristol is a volunteer-operated community organization and we invite you to get involved.

For more information, visit the Theatre Bristol’s website or Facebook page, contact Theatre Bristol at 423-212-3625, or email info@theatrebristol.org.

WITH STEPHANIE SNELSON, D.D.S. PRESENTS

Christmas Classics

O. HENRY'S

THE GIFT OF THE MAGI ADAPTED BY MINDY STARNS CLARK

HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN'S

THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL ADAPTED BY DOTTIE HAVLIK

FRIDAYS, SATURDAYS, SUNDAYS

DECEMBER 3-19 THEATREBRISTOL.ORG

DIRECTED BY

PEGGY RUSSELL

5

theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

Theatre Bristol Announces Perfectly Matched Christmas Classics

Calling Aspiring Craft Brewers: ETSU Launches New Minor

theloaferonline.com November 23, 2021

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Wondering just how popular breweries have become?

In 2020, taprooms alone produced over 1.8 million barrels – that’s more than 55 million gallons – of beer, the Brewer’s Association reported.

Over the summer, Tennessee Hills Brewing and Distilling opened a new location on West Walnut Street, the site of a $33 million investment project by the City of Johnson City aimed at revitalizing the space that connects downtown with East Tennessee State University.

And now at ETSU, students have the opportunity to minor in Brewing and Distillation Studies. ETSU and Tennessee Hills officials announced the creation of this new minor during a news conference earlier today.

“This exciting minor will enable our students to find success in the craft beverage industry,” said Dr. Sharon James McGee, dean of the College of Graduate and Continuing Studies at ETSU. “There is so much science and business training that students need to be successful in this field, and ETSU is providing it. The Division of CrossDisciplinary Studies is proud to be the

home for this undergraduate minor that draws from courses across the university to provide students a grounding in all aspects of brewing and distillation.”

Students choosing this minor must complete 21 credits. The first required course in the major, “Introduction to Brewing and Distillation Studies,” will be offered in the Spring 2022 semester.

The courses are wide-ranging. In the minor, students will study fermentation science, business, marketing, entrepreneurship, and the cultural and historical aspects of brewing and distillation in this region and beyond.

In addition, students will work through the legal, ethical and social aspects of alcohol consumption, as well as the effects on both communities and economies.

At ETSU, learning goes beyond the classroom. Students will get hands-on experience thanks to the university’s relationship with Tennessee Hills, where some students are already interning.

“Tennessee Hills is humbled yet very proud to help a great university like ETSU provide its students with worldclass experiential learning opportunities

in the rapidly growing distillation and fermentation sciences fields,” CEO of Tennessee Hills Scott Andrew and President and founder Stephen Callahan said in a joint statement. “Northeast Tennessee has been a cultured home to these craft sciences for over 200 years and there is no better place than ETSU and these great ‘Tennessee Hills’ to make something like this happen.”

ETSU Provost and Senior Vice President for Academics Dr. Kimberly D. McCorkle said the new minor is a key workforce development initiative.

“This is a unique educational program

that we developed through listening to the needs of regional industries,” McCorkle said. “People are not necessarily training for this in northeast Tennessee, so we are helping to fill that void. Meeting the workforce needs of the Appalachian Highlands goes directly to the core of what this institution has been doing for more than 100 years, and we are grateful to Tennessee Hills for partnering with us on this venture and for investing in the future of our students.”

Have questions about this minor?

Visit https://bit.ly/3oE5f9P for additional information.

7

presents

the n u t c r ac k e r VA L E R I A S I N YAV S K AYA , A R T I S T I C D I R E C TO R

THEATRE-AT-TUSCULUM HOLDING AUDITIONS

FOR “LEMONS LEMONS LEMONS LEMONS LEMONS” Theatre-at-Tusculum is preparing for its next highquality production with auditions at Tusculum University for the play “Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons,” Auditions will take place from 5:30 -8 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 30, and Wednesday, Dec. 1, in the Behan Arena Theatre on the lower level of Annie Hogan Byrd Fine Arts Center.

The play by Sam Steiner features two characters.

Bernadette is an ambitious attorney, and Oliver is a laidback musician. A new law interrupts their love story by limiting the amount of words a citizen can speak to 140 per day.

The play considers a world in which people must say less.

It contemplates what people say and how they say it. This

DECEMBER 17-19, 2021

Wellmont Performing Arts Center IN COLL ABORATION WITH ARTISTIC MOTION, GREENSBORO, NC

T I C K E T S : K I N G S P O R T B A L L E T.O R G CORPOR A TE SPON SOR S

S E E A L L O U R G E N E R O U S S P O N S O R S AT K I N G S P O R T B A L L E T. O R G !

production also touches on activism, eye contact and what people can hear in silence.

“This production should make for fulfilling work for two talented actors,” said Wayne Thomas, dean of the College of Civic and Liberal Arts and the play’s director. “It is a new script, so it’ll be a fresh, exciting adventure for the cast, production crew and audiences.”

Thomas is considering all age groups for the characters. Actors do not need to prepare audition pieces because they will be asked to perform cold readings from the script.

Rehearsals will begin the week of January 24. The production will open March 11 and run for two weeks in the Behan.

Anyone with questions should email Thomas a: wthomas@tusculum.edu.

theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

K ingsport Ballet

Spotlight

theloaferonline.com November 23, 2021

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Abingdon, VA Abingdon, VA

SATURDAY NOV 28th

SATURDAY NOV 27th

Highway 3 TwentyOne7:00pm at Cascade Draft House

Makenzie Phipps 3:00pm at Abingdon Vineyards Damascus, VA Damascus, VA SATURDAY NOV 27th Johnson City, Tn Johnson City, TN TUESDAY NOV 23rd Brim & Marci Leal 6:30pm at Rocks Wood Fired Pizza FRIDAY NOV 26th The Rewind - Classic Hits with Modern Twist LIVE 10:00pm at Capones SATURDAY NOV 27th Robinella 8:00pm at The Down Home Lilith Czar 8:00pm at Capones

Big Son 7:00pm at Damascus Brewery Bristol Bristol, TN/Va TN/VA

Midnight Gypsys 9:00 PM at Sidetracks Kingsport Kingsport, TN WEDNESDAY NOV 24th

Elizabethton Elizabethton, TN TUESDAY NOV 23rd

Asylum Suite 8:00pm at CJs Sports Bar

Downtown Country

The Guido Awesome Show 10:00pm at O’Mainnin’s Pub

FRIDAY NOV 26th

6:30pm at Jiggy Ray’s

WEDNESDAY NOV 24th

Jet Black Audio 9:00pm at CJs Sports Bar

Rogersville, TN Rogersville, TN

TUESDAY NOV 23rd

James Denton 7:00pm at Cascade Draft House Ricky Gunter 8:00pm at Sidetracks

SATURDAY NOV 28th

FRIDAY NOV 27th

Gypsy Queens Drag Show 8:00pm at Gypsy Circus Cider Company

T. Willie 7:00pm at Cascade Draft House

Quarter Bounce 9:00pm at CJ’s Sports Bar

FRIDAY NOV 27th Broken Busted 8:30pm at Mel’s Riverside SATURDAY NOV 28th Nancy Bonifest 6:00pm at Mel’s Riverside

Submit Your Live Shows to: theloaferonlineprint@gmail.com or call 423-930-7319 to be Featured in the Loafer Spotlight

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703 State Street Bristol, VA Historic Downtown Bristol thecameotheater.com

The Fab Four 12.7.21

The Wizards of Winter

The Milk Carton Kids

12.3.21

11.27.21

12.4.21

Come Experience Epic Entertainment at the newly renovated Cameo Theater!

Christone "KINGFISH" Ingram Lilly Hiatt 1.13.22

1.14.22

Robert Earl Keen Night Ranger 1.26.22

1.28.22

Gin Blossoms 2.22.22

Last Week's Puzzle Answers Sudoku

Crossword

Cryptogram:

Dropquote:

"Art lives where absolute freedom is because when it is not, there can be no creativity."

" No ear can hear nor tongue can tell the tortures of the inward hell!"

There are Five Turkeys Hidden in this issue of The Loafer.

Can you find them all?

3636 Fort Henry Dr. Kingsport, TN 37660 423-246-6801 www.bandbpackage.com

theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

Christmas with

The Nelsons

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theloaferonline.com November 23, 2021

Every Thursday Night

3080 West State Street Bristol, TN

Line dancing lessons 7-9 pm karaoke 9-11 pm no cover charge

Friday November 26th - DJ and Pool Tournament $2 Drafts all night.

Midnight Gypsys Saturday, November 27th

Ricky Gunter Wednesday, November 24th

Bristol’s Hottest New Club Doors Open Thursday-Friday-Saturday at 7pm Happy Hour and 1/2 price Appetizers 7-8pm Follow us on Facebook and Instagram

TUESDAY

Karaoke at Numan’s - Johnson City Karaoke with Bert & L.A. at Kingsport Moose Lodge 7pm

WEDNESDAY

Turn the Page Karaoke at VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City Karaoke Night at Wonderland Lounge and Bar Karaoke at Quaker Steak and Lube (Bristol, VA) 7pm Karaoke at Kingsport Moose Lodge 6pm Karaoke at Thunder Valley Tavern 8pm

THURSDAY

Karaoke at Zachary’s Steakhouse Michael’s Krazy Karaoke at Stateline Bar & Grill Karaoke w/ DJ Marquez Top Shelf Entertainment at Wild Wings Café JC Karaoke at Numan’s - Johnson City Karaoke at Jiggy Rays Pizzeria Karaoke w/Tony & Rod at CJ’s Sports Bar 8pm Karaoke at Tipsy Toad (Jonesborough) Open Mic & Karaoke at Wonderland Lounge/Bar N Grill Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment at Tulips Grub & Pub 7-10 Karaoke at Midnight Oasis - Brtistol, TN Karaoke at Sonny's Marina/The French Quarter Restaurant

FRIDAY

Karaoke w/ Shane Rouse at Bear’s Bar Karaoke at Kingsport Moose Lodge Karaoke w/ Reverb Karaoke at The Cottage 8:30pm Turn the Page Karaoke at VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City Karaoke at Elizabethton VFW Karaoke w/ Michael Hawkins at Holiday Inn (Exit 7) – Bristol, VA Karaoke at Numan’s – Johnson City Karaoke at 27 Lions (Marion, VA) 9:00pm Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at Rainbow Asian Cuisine 9pm Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at Laurel Marina on South Holsten 9pm

Trivia TUESDAY

Wild Wing Café JC- Team Trivia Tuesdays 8:30pm Johnson City Brewing Company- Trivia Tuesdays 7pm Aubrey’s Johnson City- Trivia Night 7pm 27 Lions - Trivia Night 7pm Union Street Taproom - DJ Trivia 6pm

WEDNESDAY

Tipton Street Pub- Trivia Wednesdays 9pm Aubrey’s Bristol- Trivia Night 7pm Johnson City Moose Lodge 1831 - DJ Trivia 7pm Tipsy Toad (Jonesborough) - Trivia 7pm

THURSDAY

Holy Taco & Cantina Trivia Night 9pm JRH Brewing - Trivia Night 7pm Mellow Mushroom Johnson City - Mellow Trivia 7pm Gypsy Circus Cider Company - Trivia 6:30pm

MONDAY

Barley Waters- Trivia Night 7pm Yee-Haw Brewing- Trivia Mondays 7pm Woodstone Deli - DJ Trivia 7pm Model City Tap House - Live Team Trivia Night 7pm

SATURDAY

Karaoke at Kingsport Moose Lodge Turn the Page Karaoke at VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment at Tulips Grub & Pub 8-11 Karaoke at Numan’s – Johnson City Karaoke w/ Tony & Rod at CJ’s Sports Bar

SUNDAY 7pm Open Mic with Karaoke at Go Burrito Johnson City Karaoke at Kingsport Moose Lodge 6pm

MONDAY

Karaoke at Thunder Valley Tavern 8pm

**The schedule is subject to change due to the request for social distancing at this time.**

theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

Kara ke

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theloaferonline.com November 23, 2021 12

JOHNSON CITY

KINGSPORT

BRISTOL

ELIZABETHTON

SATURDAYS

FRIDAY NOV 26TH

SATURDAY NOV 27TH

WEDNESDAY NOV 28TH

Shakin with Santa 10:00am and 12:00pm at C&K Sweet Treats & Smoked Meats

Old Time Music Jam 1:30pm at Sycamore Shoals State Historic Park

After Thanksgiving Sinking ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) 1:30-3:00pm.

Waters Hike 9:30am at Call for info Bill 423-444-6107 Warrior's Path State Park or Cheryl 423-262-6149 Nature: Dining With The WEDNESDAY NOV 24TH Wolves 2:00pm at Bays Mountain Park Thanksgiving Break Kids Canvas 10:00am SATURDAY NOV 27TH at Into the Fire Holiday Window Walk & Coca-Cola Holiday Caravan Small Business Saturday Tour 12:00pm at Food City 11:00am at Downtown State of Franklin Kingsport Association Pinochle 1:00pm at Memorial Nature: What Does the Park Community Center Fox Say? 2:00pm at Bays THURSDAY NOV 25TH Mountain Park

Holiday Craft & Vendor Market 10:00am at Hilton Garden Inn SUNDAY NOV 28TH Holiday Open House at the Museum 2:00am at Birthplace of Country Music Museum

COMEDY SHOWCASE WEDNESDAY NOV 24TH Comedy Open Mic 7:30pm at Blue Ridge Comedy Club

ABINGDON, VA

FRIDAY NOV 26TH

WEDNESDAY NOV 24TH

Stand-Up - 2 Shows 8:00pm and 10:00pm at LOL Comedy Corner

Thanksgiving Potluck 6:00pm Nature: The Wonder of Wolves Bingo 5:00pm at Abingdon Community Center at The Warrior's Canvas & 4:00pm at Bays Mountain Park Veterans Art Center SATURDAY NOV 27TH DECEMBER 11 SUNDAY NOV 28TH SATURDAY NOV 27TH Disguise a Gingerbread Man Nature: Bobcat Tales 1:00pm Contest at Washington The Tri-Cities Christmas County Public Libary at Bays Mountain Park Market 10:00am at Appalachian Fairgrounds SUNDAY NOV 28TH Nature: Coyote Friendly Vintage Christmas Tree Party Communities 3:00pm Bingo 5:00pm at Abingdon at Bays Mountain Park Community Center 7:00pm at Into the Fire

SATURDAY NOV 27TH Stand-Up - 2 Shows 8:00pm and 10:00pm at LOL Comedy Corner Comedy Showcase 8:00pm at Wallace Theater SUNDAY NOV 28TH Stand-Up 7:00pm at LOL Comedy Corner

To be featured in The Loafer's Things to Do email us at: theloaferonlineprint@gmail.com or call 423-930-7319

theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

THINGS TO DO

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theloaferonline.com November 23, 2021

14

SUDOKU

PUZZLE

CROSSWORD

Down

1. Farm equipment 2. Greek goddess of youth 3. Biblical verb 4. Takes a chair 5. Stonehenge worshiper 6. Make right 7. Deed 8. Billiards rod 9. Parking reg., e.g.

10. Spring songsters 11. Newspaper page, for short 12. "Desperate Housewives" role 13. Antarctic explorer Richard 18. Really sorry 21. Editorial mark for "not graceful" 23. "In Cold Blood" writer, to pals 24. Cal. ender 25. Shade trees 26. Schnozzola 27. On tenterhooks ACROSS 42. Hattiesburg campus, briefly 28. Throat-clearing sounds 1. Academics' degs.

29. Monk's title 43. Big British refs.

5. Malfoy at Hogwarts 31. ___ couture 10. Lynda Bird's married name 47. Quotes 32. Again and again 48. Experimental flyer 14. Pope after Sixtus III 33. Seize forcibly 15. Happen again 51. Happening 38. "It's noon, ____ having some 16. Country music venue, 52. Small pets lunch" for short 54. "It's Oh So Quiet" singer 40. Scores 100 on a test 17. Got in the way of 41. Roman 54 57. Very slender 19. Ginger or root follower 44. Chicago transports 62. ____ Star State 20. Scuba diver's need 45. Part of an ellipsis 63. Site of the Alamo 21. Provided assistance 46. Jon or Jimmy 22. Shorten a sentence, say 66. Emotional emanation, 49. ___ Company (70s sitcom) 26. Hiking aid informally 50. Neighbor of Afg. 30. Carnival attraction 67. Strain 53. ____ and raves 34. Jawaharlal of India 68. Bus. school entrance exam 54. Like Sunset, abbr.

35. "That's gross!"

69. Past Tunisian VIPs 55. Merriment in Marseilles 36. Liberia's cont.

70. IOUs 56. Dionne Warwick's "Walk ____" 37. Tatum and Shaq 58. Fictional circumnavigator 71. Fitness centers 39. Greet, as a soldier Phileas 59. The Beatles' "____ Life" E VBICZX'W KSAT WIJXTZ BIW WKT VSM E VSQ EN E 60. Renamed country Answers to last week’s ZEZX'W KSAT SCC WKBQT BCZ-NSQKEBXTZ ASCITQ WB 61. With "the," a crush puzzles can be found JTLTC SPSEXQW. 63. But, to Virgil on page 9.

— Madonna 64. Cut from the staff 65. Corn Belt st.

DROPQUOTE QUOTE DROP

C RY PTOG RAM

CRYPTOGRAM

theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

PETS

OF THE WEEK

15

Li

423-239-5237 • 2061 Highway 75 Blountville, TN Facebook: bridgehome bridgehome.org

v

Holiday Open House and Raffle Holiday Open House and Raffle Saturday December 4th - 12 Noon to 4:00pm

This pretty little Tabby is Rose.

She might seem a bit shy but enjoys some love and is easy to handle when needed. She has a super soft coat. Rose loves

playing with feathers. She was born 3/3/2021.

Rose has been spayed and is up to date on shots.

Buy your raffle tickets now! 1 Ticket for $5 or 3 for $10 Tickets on sale at The Bridge Home Rescue or though PayPal on our Facebook Page.

Drawings will be held at the Open House on Dec 4.

Winners need not be present.

Refreshments • Tours • Raffle • Pet Angel Tree

S

Holiday Pet Angel Tree Program

on

November 22 through Dec 15th

Help a needy pet in our community or from Bridge Home.

ny

The locations include:

B

The Bridge Home, 2061 Highway 75 Blountville, TN Bullpit Fitness Center, 3008 Bristol Highway, Johnson City, TN The Outpost, 701 W. Market Street Suite 2, Johnson City, TN Military Outdoor Supply, 3102 Bristol Highway C, Johnson City, TN PetSmart, 16760 Highlands Center Blvd, Bristol, VA BlackBird Bakery, 56 Piedmont Ave, Bristol, VA Pike House Coffee, 2203 McKinley Rd, Johnson City, TN

oy Sunny Boy is a pure bred AKC registered Labrador Retriever. He is a large dog, weighing over 100 lbs. Sunny Boy is all about love, loyalty, and playing ball. He loves the water and would love for a new family to bring him home. Sunny Boy is very sweet and playful. Because of his size,

he might be better with kids ages 10 and up. He does not seem to care too much for our other dogs, but Sunny Boy has so much love to give to humans, so come by and see him. Bday 12-18-13. He’s been neutered and is up to date on shots.

If you are interested in adopting : The Bridge Home No Kill Animal Shelter 423-239-5237 • 2061 Highway 75 Blountville, TN Facebook: bridgehome

bridgehome.org

theloaferonline.com November 23, 2021

16

Mandolins, Violins, Keyboards, Dr um S ets, G ui ta r s, A m p s

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(423) 797-1954 (423) 202-7788 Check out our great low prices online or in store!

Gibson, Epiphone, Guild, Boucher, Bourgeois, Larrivee, Charvel Jackson, Breedlove, AMI, Blue Ridge Guitars, And Many More in Stock

Check out The Music Retail Show’s interview with Honeycutt Music on

honeycuttmusic

honeycuttmusicstore.com choneycuttdrums@yahoo.com

Hand Selected & Custom 525 W Oakland Ave, Ste 3 Johnson City, TN Shop Guitars In Stock

Over 1000 Instruments in Stock

Layaway and Financing Available

17

KNOXVILLE TN

Bristol

Knoxville

PARAMOUNT Nov 16 The Robert Cray Band Dec 2 Jefferson Starship Dec 5 Sara Evans Dec 12 Ronnie Milsap Jan 7 Dailey & Vincent Jan 8 Black Jacket Symphony will perform The Beatles White Album Jan 21 Leo Kottke Jan 30 Bill Engvall Feb 6 Rodney Atkins

TENNESSEE THEATRE Nov 2 TobyMac Nov 4 Kip Moore Nov 10 Watchhouse Dec 1 Robert Earl Keen’s Christmas Show Dec 2 Home Free Dec 4 Manheim Steamroller Dec 8 The Beach Boys Dec 9 Midland Dec 28 Old Crow Medicine Show Jan 8/9 Jason Isbell Feb 19 Drew & Ellie Holcomb Feb 20 Punch Brothers

BRISTOL TN/VA

Dec 7 Jim Brickman Dec 12 Dave Barnes Dec 15 Anderson East Dec 18 Marty Stuart Mar 11 Marc Broussard Apr 6/7 The Wood Brothers Nashville NASHVILLE NASHVILLE MUNICIPAL AUDITORIUM Nov 6 Erykah Badu

TN

THOMAS WOLFE AUDITORIUM Nov 6 TobyMac Nov 21 Jason Bonham’s Led Zeppelin Evening Dec 3 Watchhouse Dec 4 Midland Jan 19 Little Feat Feb 8 Pat Metheny Cherokee, N.C.: CHEROKEE

NC

HARRAH’S CASINO Nov 5 Straight No Chaser RYMAN AUDITORIUM Nov 13 In This Moment and Black Nov 10 Crowder Veil Brides with DED and CAMEO THEATER Nov 19/20 Garth Brooks Raven Black Nov 5 Gaelic Storm Nov 24 Three Dog Night Nov 27 Christmas with the Nelsons THOMPSON BOWLING ARENA Dec 11 Dionne Warwick Nov 5 Lynyrd Skynyrd and Tesla Nov 24 ZZ Top (at the Opry House) Jan 15 Dwight Yoakam Dec 3 The Wizards of Winter Nov 11 Lil Baby & Friends w/ Lil Durk Nov 29 Billy Idol and Steve Stevens Dec 4 The Milk Carton Kids Dec 3/ 4 The Mavericks Nov 12 Eric Church Dec 7 The Fab Four CHARLOTTE NC Charlotte Dec 7 Home Free Dec 5 Chris Stapleton Dec 10 Lilly Hiatt Dec 11 Sarah Brightman Jan 29 Reba McEntire Jan 26 Robert Earl Keen Dec 13/14 Amy Grant and Vince Gill SPECTRUM CENTER Nov 20 Genesis KNOXVILLE CIVIC AUDITORIUM Dec 15 Chicago (Opry House) Johnson City JOHNSON CITY TN Nov 2 Gojira Dec 4 Kane Brown Dec 19 For King & Country Nov 10 Bob Dylan Dec 11 Trans-Siberian Orchestra (at the Opry House) FREEDOM HALL Dec 21 Josh Turner Feb 6 Billie Eilish Dec 31 Old Crow Medicine Show Dec 5 Aaron Tippin Jan 13 Jo Koy Feb 15 The Weeknd Feb 23 Dancing With The Stars Feb 26 Eric Church BRIDGESTONE ARENA Greenville GREENVILLE TN Nov 14 MercyMe KNOXVILLE CIVIC COLISEUM THE FILLMORE Nov 17 Jeff Dunham NISWONGER PERFORMING ARTS Oct 27 Kevin Gates Nov 9 Tesla Nov 19 Lauren Daigle & Johnny Swim CENTER Nov 18 Brantley Gilbert Feb 19 Steve Vai Dec 1 Trans-Siberian Orchestra Nov 6 Crowder (sold out) Dec 2 Gaither Vocal Band Feb 14 Dua Lipa Nov 13 Brian Culbertson Jan 13 Riley Green Feb 16 The Weeknd Nov 14 Tracy Byrd Feb 12 Josh Dunham GREENVILLE SC Greenville, SC Dec 5 Preacher Lawson Asheville Dec 10 The Texas Tenors BIJOU THEATRE ASHEVILLE NC BON SECOURS WELLNESS ARENA Jan 7 Russell Moore and IIIrd Nov 5 The Dirty Guvnah’s Nov 10 Foreigner THE ORANGE PEEL Tyme Out Nov 6 & 7 Leanne Morgan Nov 20 Brantley Gilbert Jan 22 Little River Band Nov 9 Crowder Nov 19 James Gregory Dec 3 Nelly Feb 4 Brass Transit-The Musical Nov 10 GWAR Dec 2 Paul Thorn Dec 10 Trans-Siberian Orchestra Legacy of Chicago Dec 3 Acoustic Syndicate Dec 3 Larkin Poe Feb 19 Home Free Dec 17 Eric Church Dec 4 Larkin Poe Dec 14 Anderson East

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theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

CONCERT SCHEDULE

‘Tis the Season for Nutcrackers!

theloaferonline.com November 23, 2021

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Celebrate the season with a classic. The Wortham Center is once again home to delightful and popular productions of The Nutcracker, presented annually by regional dance companies: The Academy at Terpsicorps, Asheville Contemporary Dance Theatre, The Asheville Ballet, and Ballet Conservatory of Asheville.

There’s something for everyone in these beautifully festive performances — make plans now to attend!

The Academy at Terpsicorps presents The Nutcracker November 26 & 27 A new production by Terpsicorps telling the story of young person Clara, who receives a special present for Christmas, and how the gift of the Nutcracker inspires a series of magical adventures.

Asheville Contemporary Dance Theatre and New Studio of Dance present The

Nutcracker and the Mouse King December 3 & 4 Expect the brilliantly unexpected from ACDT’s 10th annual performance of this surprising version, based on the original story by E.T.A. Hoffmann.

The Asheville Ballet presents The Nutcracker December 10-12 North Carolina’s oldest professional non-profit ballet company presents the full-length classical holiday tradition with stars, story and sugarplums.

Ballet Conservatory of Asheville presents The Nutcracker December 16-18 A magically festive, fulllength Nutcracker, featuring professional classical dancers and the Ballet Conservatory’s celebrated preprofessional company.

To Learn more or get tickets visit: worthamarts.org

Beginning in 1842, his father was employed to work on a railroad in Russia.

drawing sea serpents, mermaids, and whales on the margins of the maps, he was transferred to the etching division of the U. S. Coast Survey.

the time.

What the journey did produce was his first three nocturnal paintings—which he termed "moonlights" and later retitled as "nocturnes".

He arrived in Paris in 1855, rented a studio in the Latin Quarter, and quickly By 1871, he returned to portraits adopted the life of a bohemian artist. and soon produced his most famous After moving to St. Petersburg to be He studied traditional art methods for painting, the nearly monochromatic with his father a year later, he took full-length figure entitled Arrangement a short time at the Ecole Impériale private art lessons, and then enrolled and at the atelier of Marc-Charlesin Grey and Black No.1. in the Imperial Academy of Fine Arts at Gabriel Gleyre.

He also produced numerous age eleven. etchings, lithographs, and dryIn 1861, after returning to Paris for a He was sent to Christ Church Hall time, he painted his first famous work, points. His lithographs, some drawn School with his mother in hopes that on stone, others drawn directly on Symphony in White, No. 1: The he would become a minister. "lithographie" paper, are perhaps half White Girl.

It was evident that religion was not In 1866, he decided to visit Valparaíso, as numerous as his etchings. his calling after some time; he then In 1877 he sued the critic John Ruskin Chile, a journey that has puzzled applied to the United States Military for libel after the critic condemned his scholars even to this day, although Academy at West Point, where his painting Nocturne in Black and Gold: he stated that he did it for political father had taught drawing. reasons. Chile was at war with Spain at the Falling Rocket.

However, during his three years there, his grades were barely satisfactory.

He quickly began to rack up demerits for his lack of respect for authority figures.

Colonel Robert E Lee was the West Point Superintendent at the time and after considerable tolerance he had no choice but to dismiss the young cadet.

After West Point, he worked as draftsman mapping the entire U.S. coast for military and maritime purposes.

After it was discovered that he was

Ponderings to Ponder

By Tim Simpson timsimpson2008 @gmail.com

The cost of courts and other expenses bankrupted him even after winning the Jury trial.

After the trial, he received a commission to do twelve etchings in Venice. He eagerly accepted the assignment.

He died on July 17, 1903 at the age of sixty nine most people remember him by his most famous painting titled Whistler's Mother, his name was James Abbott McNeill Whistler.

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He was an American-born in Lowell, Massachusetts. However he was British-based most of his life he was born on July 11, 1834.

Who Am I?

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It sounds crazy to give away your knowledge for free, right?

Your customers are looking for an expert.

Providing your knowledge positions Giving away advice you as the expert your does not deter from your sales. In fact, it audience needs. Spread can strengthen them. your knowledge and Sharing your knowledge answer questions to without the fear of bring your brand to the paywalls builds a forefront of the mind of relationship between you and your audience. your audience.

It helps your audience Skyrocketing your brand understand that you is free through just are truly capable of spreading advice and understanding their knowledge on your social point of view when media accounts. Which looking into your piece of knowledge will products and services. you start with?

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theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

Give Away Advice!

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State Line Wind Symphony Christmas Concert The State Line Wind Symphony began in 2013 and performed its first concert on the Paramount Stage in Bristol, Tenn, and is a traditional community concert band consisting of wind, brass and percussion instruments.

The membership has grown too large for the Paramount Stage and now all concerts are held at the Higher Ed Center in Abingdon, Va. The philosophy of the organization is that being part of a concert band does not have to end after high school.

Today’s membership has reached 250 with members ranging in age

from 18 to 83 and from all backgrounds. When reading the programs at each performance it is very interesting to see the names of the performers and their occupations. The State Line Wind Symphony performs two concerts each year – one at Christmas and one in the spring.

Co-conductors are Scott Lambert and Mark Collins.

The website statelinewinds.org has current information.

Musicians 18 and older are welcome to be a part of this organization.

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Yesterday I was having my daily discussion with Mom on the way to work. As I was filling her in on my shift the evening before, I mentioned we had a pretty big celebrity in house and she said something along the lines of how she hopes I get discovered by a celebrity one day. I laughed and said “discovered for what? I have no talent.” “You have talent,” she replied. “You’re funny, you’re smart, you’re a great singer, you can act…” While those first two qualities can only loosely be attributed to me on my best days, her list of my alleged skills quickly became so outrageous I thought she clearly had me confused with someone else. Then I realized there truly is nothing like a mother’s love and, like a religious zealot, she believes these things to the point of delusion, regardless of all evidence to the contrary.

The truth of the matter is- while I have plenty of good qualities, I also can’t carry a tune in a bucket, I’m crippled with stage fright in any instance where I have several eyes on me, my decision making skills are questionable and I am a ninja-level self-sabotager. I am nowhere close to “perfect the way I am” and that mentality is just as dangerous as low self-esteem. It’s the new trend of toxic positivity.

While I do think it’s wonderful to love yourself, it’s also necessary and healthy to be self-aware of your own flaws. We now live in a culture of being told by mass media, social media pages and self-help gurus that we’re all just

perfect as we are; to “go easy on yourself, you’re doing the best you can.” Am I though? Are you really?

Are we all doing the most we can with what we’ve been given and have absolutely no room for improvement? I know I’m not and I think this trend of complacency is setting a dangerous precedent for us as a society. There is an extremely small percentage of people who are reaching their max potential, and even they have areas of their life that could use a little work.

Due to my evening work schedule, I have fallen into a very bad habit of staying up late and staying in bed far too long the next day.

Every night I set my alarm for 7-8am, and each morning I turn it off, drift back to sleep until 10, then lay there another 30 minutes to an hour scrolling on social media. By the time I walk my dogs and have my coffee it’s now noon and I have approximately 2 ½ hours to get anything done before I have to go to work. I’ve literally lost a solid 4 hours of productivity and opportunity to my own laziness and procrastination and it’s detrimental to my personal growth. If I listened to the culture of toxic positivity however, I would have excuses for myself. Maybe I need that time in bed for my “mental health.” Maybe lying there thumbing my phone screen is my version of “self-care.” It’s ok, I’m “doing the best I can.” This is ridiculous and unhealthy.

This country- make that modern civilization- was founded by overachieving go-getters. People that had fight and grit and clawed their way to success, using whatever talents they possessed to the best of their ability to achieve

The grown-up addict who has a lifetime of being enabled by a well-intentioned mother who is ultimately loving them literally to death. We need to stop handling ourselves with white gloves and dole out a little tough self-love sometimes because it’s needed.

It’s wonderful to love yourself at every size, but if your acceptance of your physical appearance comes with diabetes and heart disease it’s unhealthy, bottom line.

I’m not necessarily applauding the John Wayne man’s man of yesteryear for how they handled their mental health, but I fear we’ve swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction and are now becoming whiny, snotnosed victims of circumstance and emotion looking for success because we feel it’s owed to us. The world is a tough place The truth of the matter is, you and nothing good comes easily.

CAN’T do anything you put your mind to. I would love to be an NFL Sometimes the person we need to football player with a multi-million be hardest on is ourselves- stop making excuses, put our big girl dollar contract. But based on the laws of physics and logistics, panties on and put in the work. that is an unrealistic waste of my time. Sure I could take a bunch of supplements, workout hours each day, practice with other athletes, and even join an allfemale league. But I’m never, as a gangly, uncoordinated, 35 year old woman, going to be an NFL football player and it would be silly to put all of my valuable time and effort into trying to do that when I could figure out something I’m naturally good at and succeed.

While that is an extreme example, my point is that you need to be willing to accept defeat on the occasional battle in order to win the whole war. great things and leave a mark on the world. When my grandfather was battling in the trenches during WWII, do you think anyone patted him on the head and told him he could take the day off for a “mental health day?” What if Albert Einstein had stopped with only the required reading in school because it was good enough? Would Madonna have become the international megaicon she is based on her mediocre vocal talent alone? To achieve great things, it takes motivation, drive and perseverance. It also takes a lot of self-awareness; discovering where your personal talents lie and exploiting the hell out of them, as well as identifying your flaws and improving them to the best of your ability. And you also have to know when something is a lost cause and walk away.

XO - Kathie

We all know a person who wasn’t hugged enough as a child, but just as detrimental is the person who was hugged too much. The adult who has no social skills because their parents never let them tussle with other kids on the playground.

theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

Tough Love

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As Christmas is rapidly approaching I decided to take in a viewing of a holiday film currently playing on Netflix entitled "The Claus Family." The film is a DutchBelgain production and features a different take on Santa Claus. The story involves a family, headed by mom Suzanne (Bracha van Doesburgh), who move from The Netherlands to Belgium after the tragic death of her husband. Suzanne's children, Jules (Mo Bakker) and Noor (Amber Metdepenningen) have very different feelings about moving and the approaching holiday. Due to the death of his father on the previous year's Christmas Eve, Jules now has a loathing for Christmas and anything holiday related while Noor is excited about all the holiday trappings.

While dealing with the move and her children adapting to their new home and lives, Suzanne begins working at a local biscuit (cookies in the US) factory and has her father in law Noel Claus (Jan Decleir) watch after Jules and Noor while she is at work.

Pop Life

By Ken Silvers ksilvers@ theloaferonline.com

Suzanne's father in law owns a toy shop in town and the kids get to stay there during the day, which leads to an unexpected discovery by Jules. Jules finds a magical snow globe which can transfer a person to any place in the world. When he has the globe Jules is transported to various locations in the world eventually finding himself at Santa's workshop. With this unexpected stop, Jules discovers his grandfather is Santa Claus. Even this surprising fact still doesn't warm Jules to the Christmas holiday, but he eventually has a change of heart after he discovers his grandfather has health issues which may prevent him from delivering toys to the children of the world. Thus, Jules is forced to prepare to take over for his grandfather in the role of Santa Claus. While Jules is going through life changing events, his mom Suzanne is dealing with harsh working conditions at the biscuit factory as the factory's biscuits are falling out of favor for the holiday season and bankruptcy is a real possibility. The factory's harsh manager has even overruled Suzanne's idea to make the biscuits more colorful and tasty, until a Christmas miracle occurs (of course there must be one, or maybe two) making for a happy holiday for all involved.

As Jules is preparing for his Christmas Eve adventure, he discovers he comes (*spoiler alert*) from a long line of family members who have taken on the role of Santa Claus, including his later father. After the aforementioned revelation, Jules decides to take on the

role of the latest Santa Claus and is once more able to find the joy and magic of Christmas.

I really enjoyed how this film takes a completely different take on Santa other than the one we, as Americans, are accustomed to. There is not a reindeer or sleigh in sight, but there are elves on hand to help the latest Santa in his yearly effort. It was also fun to see Christmas in a different country, of course with the expected snow storm, which I believe would have a greater probability of occuring in

Belgium than in most places in the United States, even though we had snow last Christmas Eve. The actors are all wonderful, and the script is touching without being schmaltzy. I suggest you take a chance on Christmas in Belgium with "The Claus Family" for a real holiday treat.

Now showing on Netflix.

(Rated TV-PG)

theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

The Claus Family

theloaferonline.com November 23, 2021

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When November 2020 rolled around I was worn out. This year I find myself feeling burnt out. They are two different feelings. Worn out is more of exhaustion, whereas burnout is exhaustion times ten with a strong lack of optimism attached to it. So what of Thanksgiving 2020? Not many family members would be over, maybe one or two, it wasn’t going to be a big deal, and this is where I thought I could turn it to my advantage and boost my spirits.

laser-focused. I’m also a perfectionist and have to contend with that. Yet sometimes I let my more lofty food desires go to make things better for everyone else.

Being that “stand out” gourmand is another one of those things that have always made me feel a bit alone in my interests. Those cries of “he’s so particular” just adds to a certain hyper self-awareness about it all. But it was 2020, a year that was a nightmare that I like to get a little fancy in the kitchen we are still dealing with. I decided all from time to time, I’m something of bets were off. I was going to have my a gourmand. The rest of my family over-the-top, self-indulgent, perfect sometimes thinks my particular quirks Thanksgiving. I was going to brine a about making large meals for gatherings turkey. I haven’t brined a turkey in years. are a bit much. “Oh, he’s so particular!”

I’ve missed it. Most of my family likes I’ve heard people say. I don’t think it’s all ham more, so we rarely even do the that weird to go all out on Thanksgiving. turkey on turkey day.

I’ll wear myself out to the edges of That’s fine. I get it. Turkey can be a bit exhaustion and anxiety for an amazing played out. But when I apply my dry meal on Turkey Day. brine to a turkey and let it sit overnight in I am very particular, and that’s OK. When my fridge, magic happens. I smile, I feel I’m in the kitchen doing Thanksgiving intoxicated by life once again as I indulge prep work I go into another world and in dressing, freshly baked rolls, mashed get into the zone. If you hear ‘70s soul potatoes, roasted Brussel sprouts, and funk playing loudly from my Kitchen and turkey and ham living together in on these days and nights it means I am peace and harmony on a plate with an working and do not disturb. To some, it illustration of a turkey on it I use only may look like manic chaos, but I know once a year. Reader, this is the one time I what I’m doing and work best when I’m will allow you to say “He’s so particular!”

Intentions made clear, I laid out my menu. It got changed as the few family members that were coming wanted things a bit less…complicated…than I liked to get. I didn’t care though. I was going to have my brined turkey. I put all my focus and energy into this brined turkey. This was to be my moment in the sun in a year that was darkness and woe.

Batteries Not Included

By Andy Ross aross@ theloaferonline.com

I walked into the grocery store and headed right to the frozen turkeys, “Eye of the Tiger” playing in my head.

Some people fantasize about their 1980s movie montage moment, mine involves preparing food. I am a kitchen warrior, when people ask me what I’m doing in the kitchen and where I find my motivation, I look them in the eye and say “The North remembers.” Since I was going to be the only one having turkey, I went with a turkey breast over a fullsized bird.

I took the turkey breast home and placed it in my fridge so it could thaw. I went to my bedroom, sat down in a chair,

and began to make a game plan on the calendar app on my iPad. I needed to have a roadmap so I would have precise plans for knowing exactly when what thing would go into the oven or on the stovetop. The Turkey breast I didn’t have to worry about, I would put the dry brine on the night before, then the day of I’d rinse it off and let it sit with a digital roasting thermometer inside one of the breasts.

Game plan set, I began to get ready.

Tuesday I made the pies and readied the cornbread that I would let get stale overnight for my dressing. Wednesday was the big day. I was prepping things left and right, the sounds of James Brown floating all over the kitchen. I got my turkey breast out and it was thawed. I rinsed it off, patted it dry, and placed the dry brine mix all over and inside as well.

I wasn’t going to let this go to waste. I had waited too long for this moment.

I put it in the fridge overnight and said “Tomorrow you will taste victory.” OK, fine. Maybe “he’s so particular” is really “he’s borderline insane on Thanksgiving.”

with preparing the other foods.

It had been three hours and almost everything was done, but my thermometer hadn’t made a sound. I went over and looked. It showed the temp of the bird was 150. I thought this was odd, so I turned up the heat and on with it. I checked a half-hour later and it was only 153. I left it alone and began to prep things on the table, which is when I smelled smoke. I opened the oven door and saw that skin I thought would be golden brown and delicious was jet black.

Surprised, I took the turkey breast out and saw that the thermometer still said 153. I grabbed my trust instant-read thermometer and plunged it into the other breast to see what was going on.

It hit 165, then 175, and finally settled on 190. Looking around I found that the inserted thermometer went through the side of the breast and was hanging out in the cavity. Reading the air inside it, instead of the meat.

Therein was a metaphor for Thanksgiving in the year 2020. Even the The next day I rinsed the brine off the bird and patted it dry with paper towels. damn turkey was ruined. I sat down and ate my weight in mashed potatoes and I rubbed a small amount of canola oil onto the skin to help it crisp, placed the dressing. I tried a piece of the turkey.

It was rubber. I went to bed that night thermometer inside one of the breasts, and put it in a hot oven. I figured it would feeling defeated. I didn’t even try to roast one for Christmas. I can only hope this be two to three hours. I had the digital year is not a repeat of that. I hope we all brain box of the thermometer set to go off at 160, with carry-over heat to coast have better turkeys this year, and in the me to 165 as the bird rested. I went on year to come. Happy Thanksgiving.

theloaferonline.com | November 23, 2021

A Metaphorical Thanksgiving

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