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Etiquette expert Catherine Newman solves your social conundrums
We make service a part of our vacation
By Jennifer Wolff
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LAST YEAR my friend Marcy, a flight attendantwho had been donating clothes and time to charities in Ecuador for severalyears, invited our family to go along on an upcoming trip to Quito. But there wasacaveat:Anyone who joined her had tovolunteerwith a group of disadvantagedchildren in one of the city’s poorest neighborhoods.
And that’s how Zoë ended up in front of several dozenwide-eyed Ecuadorean schoolchildren at Comedor San Bonifacio, a free or reduced lunch program in Quito. Without speaking aword of Spanish, she taught them how to make stuffed puppets from socks, pillow filling, rubber bands, and googly eyes, which wehadpurchased online and packed in our suitcases.
Zoë held a sock above her head, spun around so everyone could see, stuffed it, made arms and legs by tying off the cornerswith rubber bands, and formed a head and tail by tying off the top and bottom of the sock. “See,” she said to the children. “A puppy. Ruff, ruff.”
They laughed. But still no one knewwhat to do. Zoë satwith each child and showed, step by step, how to construct their new toy. One boy used the entire sock to make a snake.A girl fashioned a bunny. Soon thewhole room got the hang of it and started sticking googly eyes and glitter gems not just on their sock puppets but all over their smiling faces.
Later,wevisited the home of one of the children. Zoë has a natural instinct for giving back. She sells lemonade every summer to raise money for a local animal shelter and contributes her own money tovarious causes at our temple. But she had never come face-to-facewith true poverty.
At first, this family’s home
TO GIVE BACK WHEN YOU TRAVEL BRING DONATIONS in your suitcase. Packforapurpose.org compiles lists of what items are most needed in the country you’re visiting. SET ASIDE ONE DAY of a larger trip for volunteering instead of hitting a tourist attraction. Giveadayglobal.org pairs families with local charities and communities in need in many countries. SUPPORT LOCAL ARTISTS with your souvenir shopping. Ask your hotel’s concierge for ideas on where your dollars will help the most. didn’t seem that bad—they had a TV and a toilet, albeitwithout a seat. But thenwewalked into the kitchen,with damp dirt floors and a ceiling that dripped dirtywater. Torn clothes hung from rusted water pipes. Light from a single exposed bulb lit the entire house, whichwas just two small rooms.
Zoë didn’t say much after that. Iwondered if she had really absorbedwhat she’d seen, if she’d appreciated the difference between her life and those of these impoverished children. She never spoke of how little they had, how hungry they’d beenwhen she helped ladle their soup and pour their drinks at lunch.
But then a fewweeks ago, I cleaned out Zoë’s closets and dresser—so many clothes that no longer fit, so many toys she had outgrown. “What shouldwe do with all this stuff?” I asked her.
We both are holding on to the idea that it’s important to give backwhenwe travel, even if it’s just for a day or a few hours. Sowhenwe go on our next trip, wewill find someone like Marcy to guide us toward the need.
Wewalk for a cause that’s close to home
By Erin Zammett Ruddy
WHEN I WAS 23, I wasdiagnosed with leukemia, and my lifewas saved by a brand-new drug that raised the survival rate for my form of the disease from 50 percent to nearly 95 percent. Iwas beyond lucky and remember thinking, “Well, I knowwhere my millionswill go someday: to cancer research.” Helping to find cures for other patients seemed like the least I could do.
Fast-forward 16years: I don’t have those millions to donate (damn!), but I do have the ability to give my time and rally my troops.And thanks to that drug, my troops now include three healthy children, ages 10, 7, and 4. They’ve always known about my cancer, and they’ve always known that our family helps otherswith cancer because not everyone is as lucky as I am.We raise money, we raise awareness, and once a yearwe raise lanterns into the NewYork City sky as part of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Light the NightWalk.
These fundraisingwalks are held all over the country. Survivors and patients carrywhite lanterns, loved ones and supporters carry red lanterns, and those walking in memory of someone carry gold lanterns. I use the lanterns to show the kidswhat the fight against cancer looks like. We’ve come a longway, but there is stillwork to be done.We look for the people carryingwhite survivor lanterns. Butwe also talk about the gold lanterns.There are still too many of those. I choke up easily at Light the Night, but I also laugh and cheer andwatch my kids get their faces painted—right over the cotton candy plastered on their cheeks.Any nightwe can be together that doesn’t endwith a heap of sweaty shin guards and math homework is always awin. The fact thatwe’re doing good at the same time? Inserthallelujahhands emoji.
Of course,when I asked my 10-year-old sonwhat he remembered most about lastyear’swalk, he said itwas a tie between the taco truck and the guy shouting cursewords outside the subway. But I know the night impacts the kids in more importantways, too. They’re growing up understanding that people get cancer, it isn’t always fair, and it’s up to people like us to give researchers the means to find more miracle drugs. They know that showing up, even at their age, matters.When a lot of people each give a little and you add it all together, liveswill be saved. I’m still holding out hope that I’ll have my own millions to give someday, but in case that doesn’t pan out, I’m raising three childrenwhowill carry the torch—and the lanterns.
TO DO A WALK TOGETHER BRING A STROLLER or scooter—even if your little one doesn’t think she needs it. Also, dole out water carefully and you’ll have fewer potty stops.
SEND PERSONALIZED EMAILS asking friends to sponsor you. You’ll get a better response than if you sent out a group email or posted on Facebook.
KIDS AREN’T UP FOR the entire walk? Station them (with an adult) along the way with signs to cheer everyone on.
