Lavender Magazine 775

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CONTENTS ISSUE 775 February 6-19, 2025

Spring Love & Marriage

18 Be Blown Away by the Beauty of Culture, Art, Community and Sacred Spaces: Glass House’s Agility towards Inclusivity in Minneapolis 22 To Thine Own Selves Be True - MNPoly Insists That When Keeping Multiple Romantic Partners, Honesty Is The Best 24 Their Eternal Love Story: A Memorial for Gabe Harvey

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18 OUR LAVENDER

8 Love In Its Entirety 9 Come On-a My House!

OUR SCENE

10 Duck, Duck, Black Duck 14 Getting To Know The 2024-2025 MN Opera Resident Artists 16 Twin Cities Pride’s Pride Cultural Arts Center to Expand Possibilities for Pride Programming

OUR AFFAIRS

26 QUEERSPACE Collective Lets the Youth Lead 28 Edith Guffey Assumes the Helm as PFLAG National's Board Chair 29 Books

OUR HOMES

30 Just Call It An Outback

OUR RESOURCES

32 Community Connection 33 The Network

OUR VOICES

34 Episode 13

ON THE COVER

Denzel Flowers. Photo by Mike Hnida 18: Photo by Ellen Gustafson, 10: Photo by Mike Hnida, 26: Photo by Brooke Ross, 30: Photo by Randy Stern

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LAVENDER FEBRUARY 6-19, 2025

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Volume 30, Issue 775 • February 6-19, 2025

EDITORIAL Managing Editor Noah Mitchell 612-461-8723 Editorial Assistant Linda Raines 612-436-4660 Editor Emeritus Ethan Boatner Contributors Layla Amar, Lakey Bridge, E.B. Boatner, Buer Carlie, Natasha DeLion, Arthur Diggins, Alyssa Homeier, Terrance Griep, Elise Maren, Jen Peeples-Hampton, Linda Raines, Alexander Reed, Gregg Shapiro, Randy Stern, Susan Swavely, Carla Waldemar, Todd P. Walker, Emma Walytka, Spencer White

ADVERTISING Vice President of Sales & Advertising Barry Leavitt 612-436-4690 Account Executives Nathan Johnson 612-436-4695 Richard Kranz 612-436-4675 Ad Listings Representative Mackenzie Shaw 612-436-4672 Sales & Event Administration Linda Raines 612-436-4660 National Sales Representatives Rivendell Media 212-242-6863

CREATIVE Creative/Digital Director Mike Hnida 612-436-4679

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Publisher Lavender Media, Inc. President & CEO Stephen Rocheford 612-436-4665 Chief Financial Officer Doug Starkebaum 612-436-4664 Administrative Assistant Michael Winikoff 612-436-4660 Distribution Metro Periodical Partners 612-281-3249 Founders George Holdgrafer, Stephen Rocheford Inspiration Steven W. Anderson (1954-1994), Timothy J. Lee (1968-2002), Russell Berg (1957-2005), Kathryn Rocheford (1914-2006), Jonathan Halverson (1974-2010), Adam Houghtaling (1984-2012), Walker Pearce (1946-2013), Tim Campbell (1939-2015), John Townsend (1959-2019), George Holdgrafer (1951-2024) Letters are subject to editing for grammar, punctuation, space, and libel.

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Priority will be given to letters that refer to material previously published in Lavender Magazine. Submit letters to Lavender Magazine, Letters to the Editor, 5100 Eden Ave, Suite 107, Edina, MN 55436 or e-mail editor@lavendermagazine.com.

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Entire contents copyright 2025. All rights reserved. Publication of the name or photograph of any person, organization, or business in this magazine does not reflect upon one’s sexual orientation whatsoever. Lavender® Magazine reserves the right to refuse any advertising. This issue of Lavender® Magazine is available free of charge during the time period published on the cover. Pickup at one of our distribution sites is limited to one copy per person.

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OUR LAVENDER | FROM THE EDITOR

BY NOAH MITCHELL

Love In Its Entirety

Love is a complicated thing. For all its beauty, wonder and joy, it can be equally ugly, painful and devastating.

Lavender usually focuses on the positive side of love. Rightfully so, I think. There’s enough bad news out there already, especially for the LGBTQ+ community. Who wants to pick up a Love & Marriage issue, hoping for a break from the doom and gloom of the news cycle, to read about breakups or unrequited love?

Our cover story for this issue is not a rom-comworthy tale that starts with a meet-cute and ends happily ever after. It is not, however, a purely sad story, either. It is a celebration of an incredible love story, tragically cut short, that will live on forever — in the hearts of Denzel Flowers, the family and friends of Gabe Harvey, and, I hope, those who read it.

While Denzel and Gabe’s story is tragic, it is also beautiful and wonderful and joyous. The cherished moments that Denzel shared with us, and the many more he didn’t, will remain in his memory. Nothing, not even something as cruel as the crash that killed Gabe, can take them away.

All of it, from their first phone call to Gabe’s death and all of the ups and downs in between, are part of their story. This story, unlike a Hallmark holiday romance, reflects the whole nature of love.

It is a reminder of why, despite the risks of making yourself vulnerable and sharing your whole self with another person and the depression and misery it can bring, we continue to love.

Photo courtesy of BigStock/Subbotina Anna

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Love is the most beautiful, terrible, awesome thing in the world. It is the gift and the curse of the human condition. To truly appreciate it, we must understand it for all it is — not just the fun parts.

I am incredibly grateful to Denzel for sharing his story with us and with you. I hope that it touches you in the same way it touched me. 

OUR LAVENDER | A WORD IN EDGEWISE

BY E.B. BOATNER

Come On-a My House!

This issue’s “Books” offers a slender but thought-provoking monograph by Cait McKinney, currently assistant professor of communications at Simon Fraser University, formerly a queer first-grader and fan of “Pee-wee’s Playhouse.” She’s still a fan and offers insights on how the show was “a portal for a lot of queer kids of my generation who grew up in the 1980s.”

Pee-wee Herman was, as you may remember, the nom-de-jeu of Paul Reubens, but in public, even when not in his Playhouse he presented as Pee-Wee; not-man, not-boy, smartly clad in an immaculate (two sizes too small) gray suit, crisp white shirt and red bow tie, with a stick-your-tongue-out and scream the day’s “secret” word hyperactivity.

Pee-wee’s 1950s-era house contained talking furniture and cobbled-together robotic gadgets, not of his present (1980s), but with intimations of today’s smart houses bound by monitoring devices and total connectivity. Peewee’s house offered random fun; none of his antics aimed to “groom” or change children — or adult viewers — but rather offered a spot that wasn’t adult-overseen. One could be silly,

talk back to the armchair and feel, especially if you were a queer kid on the fringes, that there was a place you could go and be you, or that a door would be open on those Saturday mornings.

As AIDS rolled in, Pee-wee, McKinney notes, was “wacky, wild, and unapologetically himself” in his Playhouse. Until July 26, 1991, when Paul Reubens was arrested in a Florida porn house during a police sting, and once his identity was determined the media grabbed the news. They ran with it, often implying the character Pee-wee Herman had been nabbed in flagrante in a Cineplex. No. Reubens wasn’t Pee-wee that evening, and he was doing much what the other clients present were doing, in a place of business created for those activities. It of course had a devastating effect on the show and the performer’s livelihood.

Pee-wee did return later, made films and carried on before his death from acute myelogenous leukemia on July 30, 2023.

Pee-wee’s Playhouse may have been closed, but the need for Play and a safe House to Play in has always existed long before Pee-wee’s television gem. Marie Antoinette had her Pe-

tit Trianon; whether she actually dressed as a shepherdess or not, life in Versailles could be overwhelming. They’ve existed closer to home, as well.

Take Casa Susanna for one example. Years ago, flea-market aficionados Michel Hurst and Robert Swope bought a huge trove of snapshots, from the mid-‘50s to mid-‘60s. The images in their book, “Casa Susanna,” depict cis-gendered, cross-dressing men in a rented Victorian home in the Catskills who gathered to exist — play — as middle-aged women might, frolicking on a gals’ weekend away.

Simply quotidian; photos of card games and cooking, sewing, dress-up, modeling new outfits, tea parties and Christmas gaiety. Tips on makeup and hair from house owner Susanne Valenti who owned a wig shop in town. These were cis-gender men, it was later learned, many married, from all walks of life, who had other sides to their lives they needed to express.

Life is not — never has been — rigidly binary. That’s the way it is, and no declaration, fiat or ukase has the power to gainsay Nature. 

Photo courtesy of BigStock/prometeus LAVENDERMAGAZINE.COM

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OUR SCENE | EAT THE MENU

BY CARLA WALDEMAR

Duck, Duck, Black Duck “Oh, no,” I fretted when a fire truck flashed by us as we drove home from dinner: Not Black Duck!

Not to worry. Chef/owner/head Vulcan Jason Sawicki, of Black Duck Spirits & Heath, had the open-hearth flames of his new (and already destination-worthy) restaurant well under control. As was every aspect of his long-awaited dream.

Continued on page 12

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OUR SCENE | EAT THE MENU

He’s the carnivore behind the Fare Game food truck that got him through the pandemic as he secured financing and fine-tuned the menu of his long-awaited brick-and-mortar, a worthy addition to this cozy Northeast neighborhood.

It has a neighborhood feel, indeed — and that includes the ‘hoods of Warsaw, thanks to more than a few delightfully young Polish émigrés serving the front of the house, who cheerily enhance the dining experience. But it’s duck that takes center stage, including a spin on the cocktail menu.

The bar’s old fashioned includes duck fat in its list of ingredients, along with walnut, corn liqueur and burnt agave (which my tastebuds couldn’t discern, but oh well — it hit the spot nonetheless).

My companion’s choice — the “Try It, It’s Sexy” cocktail — was built, says the list, upon “Supergay Vodka.” He already was, but who could resist?

The bright, cozy setting — once a gas station, according to our server — hummed with a convivial murmur that allowed us to chat without sign language at our corner table while scanning the five sections of the Minnesota-forward menu. Leaving the Cold Fare list for a warmer day (beef tartare with smoked bone marrow aioli will bring me back), we inaugurated our meal with an order of pierogi. (How much more Polish can you get?) The quartet of ripple-skirted pasta bundles held a comfort-food filling of mashed potato, onion and white farmers’ cheese, augmented by a side dish of chive-brightened sour cream ($18.50). Winter winds, take that! Off to a good start.

Next, we summoned the pork belly app ($18.50), which celebrated this key member of the Forbidden Food Group (says my doc): yours to enjoy for its meaty, fatty profile, brilliantly enhanced with a snappy harissa glaze; bright, herbal chermoula; and a sweet wisp of carrot purée. Another winner.

On to the main attraction: hearth fare. And the main attraction of this main attraction is — duh!

— duck ($37). The tender, ruddy slices of breast meat, flavorful as all get-out, fairly flew off our plate.

But we weren’t thrilled by this evening’s accompaniment — a red mole sauce of faint character abutted by a pile of lentils and beets. Bland and blah. (Previous menus on the web had promised better, so this combo may change.)

Can’t get enough of duck? Me neither. So, we proceeded to split the menu’s duck burger ($15.50), too— and relished every last bite. The handsome patty is presented on a plump milk bun, with onion accompaniments, along with sweet-tart mustard pickle rounds, a swipe of Dijonnaise to cleanse the richness, and a veil of Havarti cheese — just because, and most welcome. To carry the theme to extremes, add duck bacon ($6) and/or duck egg ($4) if you choose.

Beef Tartare, Herb Your Enthusiasm cocktail. Photos by Mike Hnida

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LAVENDER FEBRUARY 6-19, 2025

A quintet of veggie accompaniments ($16) stands ready to complete one’s meal, ranging from Delicata squash with agrodolce, mint pesto and walnuts to roasted carrots with yogurt, sunflower dukkah and mint, and our choice, smoked cauliflower.

The overflowing serving brought us a mountain of florets overwhelmed by a guajillo pepper marinade, along with pickled carrots and a pecan cream sauce that might have carried the day if presented sans those other helpers. A Caesar salad draped with smoked whitefish might be our choice next visit. Should you succumb (and why not?) to a side of waffle fries, do order them with the optional white BBQ sauce with its welcome little punch of heat.

There’s dessert, too — but alas, we didn’t make it. For those of better pacing, choose among four house-made sweets: a puddingy chocolate budino; Basque cheesecake with salted caramel ice cream; paczi — doughnuts (for bypassing an order, I’m weeping as I type: What was I thinking?). They’re filled with raspberry or pumpkin, then glazed. But, exploring further, here’s a sip on the dessert list I’d really crave: a Black Manhattan, born of Eagle Rare, Averna, Angostura bitters and orange, $16.

So, go. It’s a warm, welcoming ultra-local experience. But not all y’all at once, or there goes the neighborhood. 

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OUR SCENE | ARTS

BY BUER CARLIE

Getting to Know the 2024-2025 MN Opera Resident Artists The Resident Artist Program has been integral to Minnesota Opera for many years. First introduced in 1997, the program offers young artists invaluable experience both on and off the stage through its dedicated coaching, professional opportunities and support, and more.

(Top to Bottom) David Wolfe, John Mburu, Kara Morgan, Fumiyasu Kawase, Ángel Vargas. Photos courtesy of MN Opera

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LAVENDER FEBRUARY 6-19, 2025

This year there are five Resident Artists at the MN Opera. Ángel Vargas, a tenor from San Juan, Puerto Rico; David Wolfe, a baritone from Shamokin, Penn.; Fumiyasu Kawase, a pianist and coach from Chiba, Japan; John Mburu, a bass from Warwick, R.I.; and Kara Morgan, a mezzo-soprano from our very own Andover, Minn.

The Resident Artists began their work with the MN Opera at the start of the 2024-2025 season with Mario Antonio Marra. Marra is both Head of Music at Minnesota Opera and the Director of the Resident Artist Program. His many years of experience at the Lyric Opera of Chicago, San Francisco Opera, Oper Frankfurt and more have made him a treasured resource for the MN Opera Resident Artists.

The competition to become a Resident Artist at MN Opera is steep, though this year’s participants were quick to correct my misconception that the process itself is emotionally fraught.

“It’s actually not really that intense,” Mburu explains. “We applied through this website … and then get an email if you got selected for a live audition. You’re not looking at all of the other people you’re competing against.”

That said, every artist had a vivid recollection of when they found out they had been chosen for this season — all of their memories started with a phone call from an unrecognized number and concluded with the absolute thrill of joining this prestigious program.

Responses varied from person to person: a celebratory night out, getting a little tearyeyed and even unintentionally playing hard to get while navigating existing obligations.

Kawase summarized it best when he said, “That’s kind of, you know, the artist life.”

There are resident artist programs across the country, but the current cohort has noticed a few unique things about how MN Opera runs its program. There were three main points the artists kept coming back to: the depth of attention from Marra, the way the program finds healthy ways to challenge them and the way MN Opera treats its artists.

Having so much dedicated time with Marra was a pleasant surprise for many of the artists.

“I was really happy … finding out how available Mario was going to be for us,” Mburu says. “You can work … as much as you want.”

Vargas continues: “They challenge us,” he says. “[There are pieces that] I didn’t think I was going to be able to do and now I have the opportunity to perform them. It’s a challenge for me, both technically and as an artist.”

Kawase agrees, having found the program helpful in developing his craft. “It is a good opportunity to polish my skill and build my artistic form,” he says.

Outreach is often a significant part of Resident Artist programs — and although the artists recognize the importance and impact of outreach — they agreed that when it is the bulk of a Resident Artist program it can be taxing without the discernible professional and artistic payoff that they have gained from the coaching and time on stage provided by MN Opera.

“I’ve always thought of these artist programs [as] similar to paid internships, [but] this one is almost more like an apprenticeship,” Wolfe says. “It feels like I work for the company. I get my training and I’m learning how to do this, but I’m actually getting to do it.”

Mburu takes it one step further. “Being a resident at Minnesota Opera just feels like you’re on a professional contract. You get to sing principal roles,” he explains. “In terms of outreach stuff, we have [only done a couple] since we got here in August.”

The growth this year’s Resident Artists have experienced extends to their internal lives.

“I’ve had a lot of personal growth since being here,” Wolfe piggybacks.

“I’ve learned a lot about my boundaries. I’ve learned a lot about pushing myself healthily, and that has helped me sing better … I think it’s just helped me be a better artist and colleague.”

The culture of inclusion and respect at MN Opera is something the Resident Artists noticed and appreciated. “[At MN Opera] we’re very diligent about making sure names are said correctly, about making sure pronouns are correct and that everyone’s boundaries are respected,” Morgan explains. “This is the first place I’ve been where that’s at the forefront … Everyone in the company is very diligent about that.”

“This is the first company that puts the correct accent on my name,” Vargas affirms, referring to the spelling of his first name, “Ángel,” “It makes a difference, you know? It’s like, people call you ‘Angel,’” Vargas Americanizes his pronunciation, “and you go with it, but it’s not my name … [MN Opera does] take this seriously.”

Although the Resident Artists are still wrapped up in the season, this career requires always thinking about the next chapter. “I know for a lot of us it’s already spawned into opportunities for next year,” Wolfe says, “They are very enthusiastic about putting us out there and making us visible.”

MN Opera allocates resources to building the future careers of its Resident Artists.

“The company budgets out money for us to be able to travel to do auditions and to travel for other gigs,” Mburu explains. “The company [has an]

overall interest in our professional development beyond just working here.”

Those financial resources are helpful, but leaving the program with newly robust resumes is just as impactful.

“Having the trust of a company backing you — to have that on your resume [showing that] these people trusted me for a year, two years, with this many roles,” Morgan says. “You have Minnesota’s reputation behind you, which means a lot in this industry.”

Of course, I could not let the artists leave without telling me what they think about Minnesota as a whole, and I am pleased to report that they have dug deep into the Minnesota experience. They specifically shouted out Hmong food as a favorite new-to-them cuisine, Pryes as a favorite brewery and Little Tijuana as a favorite restaurant (Mburu says he’s been there at least twelve times.)

Wolfe described watching a recent Vikings game with Vargas in a way that evoked every longsuffering Vikings fan I know: “It was sad. It was very sad.”

Kawase hit me with the familiar one-two punch of both loving our arts scene and speculating that it is probably so robust because we’re all hiding from the cold.

Mburu appreciated the novelty of walking on a frozen lake. “I spent a lot of my life in Georgia, and lakes just aren’t really freezing in Georgia,” he says.

This year’s Resident Artists will be around through the end of the season — and possibly beyond. It has been a pleasure to have them on our stages and in our communities. Don’t miss your opportunity to see the artists as they wrap up the season with operas “The Snowy Day” (February 8-16) and “The Barber of Seville” (May 3-18) in addition to recitals “Notte Napulitano” (February 27) and the Warren Jones Recital (March 8). 

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OUR SCENE | ARTS

BY NOAH MITCHELL

Twin Cities Pride’s Pride Cultural Arts Center to Expand Possibilities for Pride Programming Twin Cities Pride will host the grand opening of their new Pride Cultural Arts Center (PCAC), located just blocks away from Loring Park, on February 15.

PCAC will host a variety of Twin Cities Pride programming, including their Artist and Junior Artist in Residence programs, their Rainbow Wardrobe and American Sign Language classes from Minnesota Deaf Queers, according to Twin Cities Pride Director of Programming Kelsey Alto.

The idea for PCAC came about as a result of limitations in Twin Cities Pride’s existing office space, according to Alto. Those included the cost of having to host events too large for their office off-site, accessibility difficulties due to the Rainbow Wardrobe’s basement location and their inability to offer the physical space typical of an artist-in-residence program. PCAC solves all those problems in addition to providing many new programming opportunities for Twin Cities Pride and the Twin Cities LGBTQ+ community.

Twin Cities Pride’s Artist in Residence and Junior Artist in Residence programs will move to PCAC once it opens, Alto says. The adult program feaPhotos by Noah Mitchell

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LAVENDER FEBRUARY 6-19, 2025

tures five artists in its 2025 cohort, all of whom will put on a solo exhibition at PCAC. The junior artists will have the opportunity to shadow the older artists while joining them for a joint exhibition in December.

“I am really excited to see the Artist in Residence program come together in this space,” Alto says. “Specifically, we have one artist who has never even displayed art before, and so I’m so excited to see the opportunity for them, but also the joint exhibition that they’re working on in December, it’s gonna have a cohesive throughline amongst all of their art and they’re all such unique artists that I’m really excited to see how they work together to come up with something.”

Like the Artist in Residence programs, Twin Cities Pride’s Rainbow Wardrobe will also have a new home at PCAC. The much larger and more accessible space will allow for improved changing and try-on areas, according to Alto. The Rainbow Wardrobe will also able to be open evenings and weekends in the new space.

In March, the Rainbow Wardrobe will host an upcycling event to give new life to items that aren’t being used.

“We had a ton of prom dresses and other dresses donated to us, but we just could never go through that many prom dresses,” Alto says. “So it’s a way for drag artists or any other textile artist to come and get free fabric to be able to upcycle those dresses.”

In addition to PCAC enhancing Twin Cities Pride’s current programming, Alto says it will help them expand programming aimed at people new to Minnesota.

“We talk to people every single day who are planning to move to Minnesota or already have, and one of the big things that they’re looking for is community,” Alto says. ”So we’re really hoping to create programming here that will create community for those who are seeking to meet people.”

The Rainbow Wardrobe is a significant part of community building for Twin Cities Pride as well, according to Alto.

“That’s where we mainly see people and talk to people on a daily basis,” Alto says. “They move here from other states, they spend everything that they have to get here to safety, and then they hear about the wardrobe. They come in and they’re able to get clothes and especially outfitted for the winter months.”

Beyond Twin Cities Pride’s programming, PCAC will also provide space for other local LGBTQ+ organizations, according to Alto. In addition to the previously mentioned ASL classes through Minnesota Deaf Queers, PCAC will host offices for Transforming Families and be available as an event space for other organizations.

“A big component of this is allowing other organizations to host events here for free,” Alto says.

PCAC is funded in part by the City of Minneapolis Arts & Cultural Affairs Department through its Vibrant Storefronts initiative. Although it hasn’t yet opened, PCAC is already starting to bring some vibrancy to the Harmon Place Historic District, according to Alto.

“We’ve already had neighbors walking by and knocking on the door and asking, ‘When are you gonna open?’” Alto says.

PCAC’s grand opening will be its Open House event on February 15 from 12-4 p.m. The event will feature tours, staff on hand to answer questions and light refreshments, according to Twin Cities Pride’s website.  Pride Cultural Arts Center 1201 Harmon Pl., Ste. 104, Minneapolis Twin Citiespride.org/pride-cultural-arts-center/

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OUR LIVES | SPRING LOVE & MARRIAGE

BY JEN PEEPLES-HAMPTON

Be Blown Away by the Beauty of Culture, Art, Community and Sacred Spaces: Glass House’s Agility towards Inclusivity in Minneapolis

Lavender Magazine had the incredible opportunity to sit down with Alyssa Lundberg, the managing director of the highly acclaimed Glass House; a glassblowing factory and event space that supports the wholeness of their artists, clients, culture, and co-located community partners, Hennepin Main.

“Glass House provides a diverse venue that caters to not only the art community of glassblowers to make a career out of their art, but special events, and cultural engagements/ happenings,” Lundberg says.

More specifically, The Great Northern Festival is hosted and curated by Glass House with the intention of networking a fellowship toward the movement of sustainability. The owners of Glass House, Joe and Jax, have a deep and sincere passion for community and have made significant efforts to create a space where all are welcome. The Great Northern Festival is a 10-day winter event in the Twin Cities that aims to bring insight into environmental concerns such as climate change through awareness and encourage shared responsibility.

Continued on page 20

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OUR LIVES | SPRING LOVE & MARRIAGE

We know that Minnesota’s winters can be grueling and expect harsh cold. However, Glass House emphasizes that the resilience of the North is a stepping stone in staying present and action-oriented in continued community during such conditions. For example, the food collective K’óoben has a pop-up on February 2. This event aims to highlight and spotlight Latinx chefs and mixologists to share their culture with the Glass House community.

In a gesture to uphold sustainability, Glass House has partnered with local food banks to donate excess food from the events. Even further, the chefs partaking in the event are also sustainability enthusiasts who’ve made significant efforts to adhere to this shared initiative: “So we’re really trying to make sure we are kind of mitigating our impact and lessening that as much as we can,” Lundberg says. It goes to show that although cultures may range from A to Z, there is a unified heartbeat at the center to coexist through shared awareness.

Glass House’s history stands firm in the theme of glass as it can be an allegory of the sustained light in each and every one of us.

“When you think about glass, there’s just that element of purpose where so many things that we use in our day-to-day are glass,” Lundberg explains. “But then there’s this beauty behind it too — It just brings, you know, this beauty to light. And for so many people, we don’t think about that kind of art behind glass.”

Photo by Ellen Gustafson

20 LAVENDER FEBRUARY 6-19, 2025

Speaking of themes, Glass House’s spaces, The Holden Room and Glenwood Lounge, have been motivated by their historical locations. This is just genius.

Light is a type of energy, and Glass House embodies this lively energy when they adapt their spaces to welcome inclusivity on purpose.

“We’ve been very fortunate to attract and host a variety of different cultural weddings, Lundberg explains. “And it’s so beautiful to see those come to life because each has their own dynamic, you know, elements, and it’s just beautiful to see.”

To maintain their community, Glass House has important aspects they’ve incorporated to be consistent, special and reciprocal through mastering the art of presentation while preserving their authenticity through having varied social events throughout the year called “Happenings.” The themes vary monthly/bi-monthly from lectures to live performances, encouraging guests to come back each time.

The demand of Glass House requires them to be extremely resourceful and cohesive. When COVID-19 forced them to shut down for a year, their operational resiliency stood firm to intentionally preserve their staffing to ensure those coming in shared the same sincerity in providing excellent customer service and excitement for events.

“You never know what’s gonna go wrong, and we don’t plan for it — took us a while, but we’re really in a spot where we have phenomenal staff,” Lundberg says.

To have staff trained in their specialty along with knowledge that supports this industry is just a bonus!

Glass House has intentionally provided safe spaces for members of the LGBTQIA+ community and has made sure to be mindful of their preferences while hosting.

“Talking with the team, we asked how we can ensure that we are continuing to see more of these couples to be excited and welcomed in our space,” Lundberg says. “We want to have an awareness of the type of language we are using. How are we representing our space through photos and imagery to convey that they are just as welcomed.”

There was a 10% increase in LGBTQIA+ weddings at Glass House, and they are seeing even more LGBTQIA+ members becoming a part of the Glass House community through other events as well. A mission to expand on how they intentionally utilize inclusive language in marketing has been a pillar for them.

If you would like to know more about Glass House and become a part of their network as a glassblowing artist, community events member and/or patron, please visit their website at www. glasshousemn.com. 

The Ultimate Winery Wedding

For more wedding information visit DDWinery.com or email wedding@dancingdragonflywinery.com 2013 120th Ave | St. Croix Falls, WI 54024 | 715.483.WINE

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OUR LIVES | SPRING LOVE & MARRIAGE

BY TERRANCE GRIEP

To Thine Own Selves Be True – MNPoly Insists That When Keeping Multiple Romantic Partners, Honesty is the Best

The key to success, of course, is honesty. The field of endeavor where such success is, of course, keyed?

Polyamory, of course. Polyamory is defined as “the belief in — or practice of — sustaining multiple concurrent romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved.”

That unanimous consent necessarily creates an environment where one vital element dominates and defines. “There is a lot more honesty required between partners [in a non-monogamous relationship] and a lot more being vulnerable,” affirms Wendy (a pseudonym).

And if that observation sounds like the voice of experience at work (or at play), that’s because it is. Adds she, “I have considered myself polyamorous for eight-plus years now, and I have had multiple partners at a time.”

Such unrelenting forthrightness doesn’t necessarily preempt inconclusive conclusions drawn by an ignorant outside world, though.

Photo courtesy of MNPoly

22 LAVENDER FEBRUARY 6-19, 2025

“The biggest misconception would be that everyone that is polyamorous just does it to have more sex or people call it ‘okay cheating,’” Wendy notes.

“It is, of course, neither of those things.”

If unchecked, these misconceptions coagulate into stereotypes. Wendy can all-too-easily catalog the most common of these: “People who are polyamorous will want to steal your partner or you have to have a ‘trouple’ to be polyamorous.”

Wendy’s lived experience, however, contradicts this unfounded generalization. “All the people I date are non-monogamous, and I date each of my partners individually,” she reports.

Trouble bubbles up within polyamorous relationships whenever this standard is not met. “Non-monogamy is unethical when you aren’t honest about your intentions,” Wendy insists. “I would recommend focusing on informed consent, where your partner or partners agree to you being romantic and/or sexual with other people and those other people also agree to you being romantic and sexual with other people.”

The most personal of personal boundaries must, in this context, be drawn with the precision of a Wile E. Coyote blueprint — otherwise, unmerry mix-

ups are sure to assert themselves. Elaborates Wendy, “Obviously, there can be a lot of nuances within the relationship and what each person considers ‘cheating,’ but that is why you communicate with each other.”

It’s a lesson for everyone, for anyone, but a lesson that too often goes unlearned … or untaught. “I feel monogamous relationships should have the same level of communication as polyamorous people do, but often fall short due to societal expectations,” asserts Wendy.

Those expectations aren’t the only obstacles to many-headed, manyhearted amoré … but overcoming those obstacles provides its own unique rewards. Wendy diagnoses: “What usually distinguishes polyamory is that one may fall in love with multiple people and have long-lasting, romantic, and loving relationships.”

Such relationships are more common than most people might think, so much so that a formalized organization, MNPoly, exists to aid their furtherance. MNPoly’s Meetup page explains: “First, we strive to create a supportive environment that encourages the discussion of responsible, intimate, caring, multi-partnered relationships and related issues.”

That support environment might foster relationships larger than couplings, or triplings, or however-many-lings. “Second, we encourage our members to participate in the collaborative process of community building,” the Meetup page continues. “This can be through online discussion on our forums or offline through member-facilitated social gatherings.”

MNPoly serves a tertiary purpose, as well. “Third, we provide opportunities for members to participate in activities that can benefit the polyamory community at large,” the Meetup page concludes. “For those members that are able and wanting, we provide resources to help them educate the public about polyamory and relationship choices, as well as advertise our group’s existence in a public way so as to encourage additional members.”

All of this intention coagulates into a specific form once a year. “MN-

PolyCon is a one-day annual event that aims to inspire curiosity, challenge conventional beliefs, and cultivate a better understanding of non-monogamy and related topics,” Wendy announces. And Wendy would know: she’s not just a member of MNPoly — she’s also MNPolyCon’s event chair.

“The event is open to everyone interested in Minnesota’s non-monogamous communities and broader communities,” Wendy assures. People not part of the non-monogamous community could learn a thing or three while attending. The website aspires, “MNPolyCon hopes to promote non-monogamy education by fostering a more open-minded culture that accepts diverse relationship frameworks and encourages positive societal changes.”

Such education might take forms as rangy as polyamory itself. Honestyfortifying panel discussions include themes that vary from the theoretical to the practical to the deliberately impractical, as indicated by a sampling of titles: “Overcoming loneliness & finding your own purpose,” “Intersection of queer spirituality, queer theology, and non-monogamy,” “Understanding attachment and trauma, and their impact on relationships,” “Customizing dynamics using the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord,” and the ever-popular “Affirming my true self through collage journaling.”

Of course, love is, when done right, a year-round interaction, one whose north star is untwinkling honesty, as MNPoly professes.

“You can also join our social media groups on our website,” Wendy declares. “We have an active Facebook, Discord, and Meetup group where we discuss all things non-monogamy, local events, and more! Join the group, and check us out!”  MNPolyCon 2025 Mounds View Event Center Saturday, April 5, 2025 www.mnpolycon.org

i’d rather be listening to radio k real college radio FIND YOUR FREQUENCY: 770 AM 100.7 & 104.5 FM

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23

TheirA Memorial Eternal Love Story: for Gabe Harvey OUR LIVES | SPRING LOVE & MARRIAGE

BY EMMA WALYTKA

“Alright, I love you, bye,” was what slipped out of Gabe Harvey’s mouth the first time he spoke with Denzel Flowers over the phone.

“He completely caught himself, because who says ‘I love you’ to the person that you just started talking to over the phone,” Flowers says. “I thought it was so funny, so endearing.”

It was the summer of 2017, and Flowers, working in aquatic risk management, often visited facilities nationwide to ensure standards were met.

One of the locations was a smaller city in Ontario County, N.Y., called Canandaigua: Harvey’s hometown.

Matching through a dating app, Flowers and Harvey only had a couple of days to get to know one another, and it all started with that phone call.

On July 25, 2017, the two went on a date in Niagara Falls, the spot where Flowers asked Harvey to be his boyfriend. “And the rest is kind of history from there,” Flowers says.

“I like to characterize that we were two people that were in love with life, that met each other and were able to enjoy that love together,” Flowers says.

After spending nearly seven and a half years together with Flowers as partners, Gabriel (Gabe) Harvey died on Sept. 1, 2024, after a drunk driver drove onto the patio of Park Tavern in St. Louis Park.

“Gabe was always a fiery person, he is a fiery person,” Flowers says.

“He’s a Leo and I’m a Taurus, and those two definitely butt heads, but he was so full of life.”

All The Things He Is: What Gabe Harvey Loved

As a self-proclaimed foodie, Harvey’s favorite meals included something as simple as a cheeseburger and fries or something more complex like rolls of sushi, according to Flowers.

“I am very protective over Gabe, and my love language, my way of caring for him was to always make sure things were all right, all held together,” Flowers says. “He was the dreamer, and I was the planner.”

So, when Harvey would come home from work, Flowers would always make sure there was a warm meal on the table. Whether it was homemade or takeout, it was ready around midnight when Harvey got home from 16hour work shifts at the hospital.

Not only was Harvey a connoisseur of food, but he wore both hats and loved to cook anything from a simple box of macaroni and cheese to extravagant cuisine, according to Flowers.

“He was beyond independent, he was motivated and fiercely independent,” Flowers says. “When it came to how he saw his life going and what he wanted out of it, it was so fun and fulfilling to be able to contribute to that.”

When it came to Harvey’s personality, Flowers says he always had a child-like glow, a view of the world where it didn’t matter what the situation was, he woke up early in the morning and chose positivity.

“He quite literally skipped down the halls when he worked in the ICU at Methodist,” Flowers says. “Regardless of what hospital or what co-worker, whatever person you speak to, they all give the same answer about Gabe — that he was a lover of life.”

Both enjoying an eclectic range of music, Flowers says Harvey would often steal his music, the two seeing artists from Nicki Minaj to Billie Eilish to Dua Lipa and more.

“It didn’t really matter what the vibe was, the type of music or what was going on, if it was a fun time, that’s where Gabriel wanted to be,” Flowers says.

Let The Memories Live On

Whether it was a swim and dive meet at Flowers’ school, Genesee Community College, social events for the athletic department, or a travel trip for work, Harvey, an extrovert at heart, was always down to accompany Flowers, an introvert.

Harvey’s school at the time was Mercy College in White Plains, N.Y., where he got his bachelor’s in human biology, working in hospital settings as a nursing assistant and healthcare specialist at Park Nicollet Methodist Hospital.

“After I met him, he was my partner in crime, and it didn’t necessarily matter what we were doing, but we knew that when we were together, we could find some fun,” Flowers says.

And fun it was, from traveling to California, Las Vegas, Texas, Colorado, Wyoming and Florida. They lived together in New Jersey through the pandemic, and eventually in 2021 settled down in Minneapolis.

Where Harvey had always loved the idea of downtown city life, Flowers adored the countryside, expressing initial doubt over moving to Minneapolis — but eventually found beauty in the hustle and bustle.

Though Flowers admits the couple went into it blindly, he says they quickly learned that though they may see differences in opinion or execution, they were always working toward the same common goal.

“It makes me so sad, because I grew up as a little boy, knowing that life was going to be a little bit more tough, and understanding that it wasn’t, you know, necessarily a life that anyone would pick to not necessarily align with social norms and heterosexual tendencies,” Flowers says. “It was always a passion of mine, or, I guess, a goal of mine, or something deep in me to find somebody that I could show the world to, and I finally found that person.”

Though Flowers and Harvey went on many adventures together, one of Flowers’s most cherished memories was born from a trip to Florida.

Visiting friends and family members, Flowers came down with a tonsil infection, making it difficult to talk, eat and eventually walk, after it affected his whole body.

“Gabe took such good care of me so well, even though both of us were sick as dogs,” Flowers says. “I missed that so much about him, because regardless of what we were doing, he always had my back, and I always had him.”

When Flowers wakes up, he walks over to a mantle that holds pictures of the two, along with Harvey’s urn, and greets him.

“I give him kisses every morning, and every time I go anywhere, I typically tell him where I am going, tell him that I will be back,” Flowers says.

The two also shared a furry friend, a dog named Piper, together, and according to Flowers, post-dinner walks were Harvey’s love language; a language that Flowers sustains through going on walks around the park while talking to Harvey aloud.

“Oftentimes I find myself talking to the moon, always looking up at the stars and wondering which ones are him,” Flowers says.

As a child, Harvey’s favorite color was orange, and according to Flowers he serendipitously sees the color out of nowhere, even as orange mums at the St. Paul cathedral or seasonal arrangements at his workplace for decoration.

“One thing I’ve learned, and that I’m still learning, is how to navigate that just because he’s no longer physically here doesn’t necessarily mean that my relationship with him has to change,” Flowers says. “I frame things now as even though it’s not the way that either of us expected our lives to go, I still get to have a relationship with him.” 

Photos courtesy of Denzel Flowers LAVENDERMAGAZINE.COM

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OUR AFFAIRS | CAUSES

BY SPENCER WHITE

QUEERSPACE Collective Lets the Youth Lead Since opening the doors to its new youth center by Mortimer’s in Minneapolis last November, QUEERSPACE Collective has focused on slowand-steady recruitment while fostering inclusivity and community.

The collective, founded in 2021, is a mentorship program for LGBTQ+ youth in the Twin Cities. One of the ways the collective makes its attendees feel safe and empowered (a cause noted prominently on its website) is through the youth leadership committee.

The committee is made up of four members, all of whom are young people who attend programs and hangouts at the center. Program director Jess Pierce says it’s important for the young people actually using the center to have a say in how it operates, whether through making sure the food doesn’t suck or deciding on six-month-long projects to work on as a committee.

“It’s nice to have young people pick it apart,” Pierce says. “It was also nice to see strangers, a.k.a. young people, from completely different walks of life come into our space, and they’re building solid friendships.”

Senior Program Manager Sam Stahlmann says the collective wanted to make sure the committee built itself from the ground up and set its own parameters.

Photo by Brooke Ross

26 LAVENDER FEBRUARY 6-19, 2025

“It is really important for us to ask them, like, ‘What do you want this group to be? What’s important to you?’” Stahlmann says. “So, the group decided it was really important for them to have a project they’re working on.”

The committee is currently working on a trans, non-binary and genderexpansive resource fair. Stahlmann says the committee plans to connect with salons and barbers to provide gender-affirming haircuts as well as other gender-affirming resources like a clothing swap.

“I’ve been so impressed and inspired by this next generation of young folks,” Stahlmann says. “They really want to help their communities and help each other.”

The day-to-day schedule of the center usually starts with a chill activity before starting some more planned programming, and they always provide the center-goers with a hot meal, Stahlmann says. She was worried that the center would open and they would be overwhelmed by an influx of young people, but the center has only averaged four to six attendants a day.

“We’re focusing on recruitment and engagement and making sure that every young person in every LGBTQIA+ young person in our region knows that we’re there and we’re a resource for them,” Stahlmann says.

While center attendance has grown modestly, Pierce says the slow and steady growth means they’ve been able to recruit safely without drawing attention from people who might want to cause issues or safety concerns at the center.

Most of the youth at the center have supportive caregivers or parental figures, Pierce says. Parents and caregivers have reached out to the collective directly to share what their kids are looking for from the center. She added that it is important that the young people at the center feel they have ownership of the space.

“We are so committed to being a safer space as well as really ensuring that the youth that come into the space feel a sense of belonging and a sense of community,” Pierce says.

While most of the young people utilizing the center have supportive caregivers, Pierce says they still want to make sure they are providing support for those who don’t. The collective is preparing to roll out its age 18-24 programming, which will largely focus on helping unhoused young people and providing resources for those who need somewhere to go when shelters close during the day.

“We would like to provide a space where there’s employment readiness,” Pierce says. “Getting community members to come into the space and talk about healthy relationships and just providing really solid programming that will set our young people up for success.”

The collective collaborates with organizations like Youth Link and Oasis to help the unhoused in their community, but both Pierce and Stahlmann say they don’t want to step on any toes or reinvent the wheel when it comes to helping unhoused youth.

“We’re not calling ourselves a quote-unquote drop-in center,” Pierce says. “We really wanna have hangout spaces, educational spaces.”

The collective will be hosting its first monthly family hangout on Feb. 22. Pierce says it is a time for families to come together, break bread and be with one another.“Families who have kids 0 to 12 can come, and we have drag readers and queer grandparents reading,” Pierce says.The center’s open hours are on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 3-6 p.m. for youth ages 13-17. Stahlmann says kids do not need caregiver permission to visit the center.

“If they maybe aren’t coming from a supportive family or have supportive caregivers, they’re still welcome,” Stahlmann says. “We’re not a drop-in center. We’re not a crisis center. We’re really a place to connect with resources, to connect with community, to connect with joy.” 

Photo courtesy of QUEERSPACE Collective

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OUR AFFAIRS | CAUSES

BY LINDA RAINES

Edith Guffey Assumes the Helm as PFLAG National’s Board Chair Edith Guffey, MSW, has worn many hats in her life and career: wife, mother, grandmother, activist, a leader in her church and Conference Minister of the Kansas-Oklahoma Conference for the United Church of Christ, providing support for sixty churches spanning over two states. Now, she takes on the role of Board Chair for PFLAG National, leading a 22-member board as the first Black woman to be selected for this distinguished position.

Guffey brings nearly thirty years of expertise in leadership, advocacy and organizational development to this role, along with a wealth of experience in such crucial areas as conflict mediation, fundraising, and facilitating much-needed conversations on race and white privilege. As a Midwestern woman of color who has been active in the faith community for most of her professional life, she is well aware of the challenges that face marginalized communities and also understands the unique intersectionality of LGBTQ+ and race concerns.

Lavender had the privilege of speaking with Guffey and talking to her about how her upbringing and her time spent working with the United Church of Christ prepared her to take on this new chapter of her life.

Guffey was born in Kansas City, Kan., but moved to Kansas City, Mo. at the age of four, where she soon embarked upon her school career in an all-white school when she started kindergarten. Cognizant of their daughter being the only Black child in the school, her parents instilled in her the message that, to the other children, parents and teachers, she was representing the entirety of the Black community and thus needed to both be on her best behavior and to excel academically on top of that. Quite the burden to place upon such small shoulders, but Guffey noted that it was not an unusual way of thinking at that time.

She also remarked that her parents’ high expectations for her stemmed largely from the fact that the highest level of schooling her mother achieved was a high school diploma while her father had only a thirdPhoto by Ruth Annan for PFLAG National

28 LAVENDER FEBRUARY 6-19, 2025

grade education. Therefore, they instilled in her a drive to see education as a vital part of life and something to be pursued with zeal.

After navigating her way through elementary and high school during the era of integration, Guffey was accepted into a small Methodist-affiliated college, Baker University, in Baldwin, Kan. She commented that her matriculation there was an eye-opening experience for a young woman who had been raised to see a person’s skin color as being something that should not matter; a view that certainly ran against the general attitude of the 1950s in a predominately white university. It was at Baker that she got involved in a religious drama group that, as she says, “was challenging questions about the environment, about race, about niceness,” and that was extremely formative for her. Not only did she meet her husband in this group, but she also made lifelong friends that she is still close to even now.

It was during this time that Guffey said that she began to question some of the beliefs of the Baptist church that had been the bedrock of her life until that point. She began to wonder why there were certain almost unconscious biases against LGBTQ+ people in the denomination and began to feel uncomfortable with knowing that her “fundamental belief that everyone should be treated well and equally, and not be discriminated against because of who they were” was not shared by everyone in the church.

A visit to a nearby United Church of Christ while she was working at the University of Kansas opened her eyes to how things could be different when she saw a woman in the pulpit. And, in her words, she “was stunned” because “not only was it a woman, it was a Black woman.” She reveals that the United Church of Christ bucked social norms early on, ordaining a woman in the 1860s and its first openly gay man in 1977.

It was then that she felt like she had found her true church home, and was eventually elected secretary which necessitated a move to Cleveland where the national offices were located. Here she saw a veritable rainbow of people in regards to sexual orientation and skin color.

During that tenure, Guffey began to see how she could use her position as a mover and shaker within the church to also tackle the problem of many churches not always being willing to treat their neighbor as they themselves wished to be treated, which was especially prevalent in regards to their views toward the LGBTQ+ community.

As the mother of an adult transgender child, she understands the vital importance of supporting the families of the LGBTQ+ community, educating allies and advocating for equitable treatment for all.

She spoke of the time when her son was in college and they told her that their LGBTQ+ men’s fraternity was going to be hosting a Thanksgiving dinner for students who were not welcome in their homes because of their sexuality. She recalls being

OUR AFFAIRS | BOOKS

BY E.B. BOATNER

absolutely livid about this because, as she says, “Who turns their back on their kid? I mean, who does that?”

With retirement from the UCC looming on the horizon, Guffey recalled that a woman from Oklahoma who was on one of the committees requested to speak to her and that she asked if Guffey would be interested in being on the board of PFLAG. She says that she “knew that I wanted to be involved in something that was as important to me as the United Church of Christ again because I figured if I’m going to be involved in something, I want to be passionate about it.”

Guffey told Lavender that she feels that, initially, she was reluctant to tell fellow board members that she had worked in the faith community because she was “aware of the damage that many of the faith communities have done to the LGBT+ community” and that she understands the distrust that they often have of church and faith community members because of it. However, she also recounted that many in the community spoke of finding comfort in the United Church of Christ family because there was finally a denomination that welcomed, supported and accepted them for who they were. This, she says, is why she has found PFLAG to be “a good fit” and why she is “grateful for the opportunity to serve”.

As she takes the reins of PFLAG National, Guffey looks forward to the challenges ahead, and says that PFLAG will not only continue to offer support to LGBTQ+ families and their allies, but will also stand strong in the quest for advocacy for the community across the board in “creating a caring, just, and affirming world for LGBTQ+ people and those who love them.” She stresses the importance of increasing the diversity in PFLAG chapters around the nation in order to survive and thrive as an organization, as well as opening new chapters in both rural and urban areas. Guffey also encourages people to support PFLAG with monetary donations so that the nonprofit can continue to make a difference for LGBTQ+ people of all colors of the rainbow well into the future and beyond.  Arthur Diggins contributed reporting to this article.

MINNESOTA CURRENTLY HAS FOUR ACTIVE PFLAG CHAPTERS: PFLAG Marshall / Buffalo Ridge 102 Shoreview Dr. Cottonwood, MN 56229 (507) 476-8335 pflagmarshallbuffaloridge@gmail.com PFLAG Mora Area 404 Cypress Street North Cambridge, MN 55008 (320) 272-0069 pschroeder54@gmail.com www.ecmnpflag.org PFLAG New Prague Area New Prague, MN 56071 (507) 837-9218 pflagnewpraguemn@gmail.com www.pflagnewpraguemn.org PFLAG Plainview / Wabasha County Plainview, MN 55964 pflag.plainview.wabasha@gmail.com To find a chapter near you or to join a virtual community meeting, visit PFLAG.org/Get-Support.

To start a chapter in your community, fill out the interest form at PFLAG.org/Start-a-Chapter.

Books

“I Know Who You Are, but What Am I?: On Pee-wee Herman”

McKinney shares how queer folk children in the 1980s embraced PeeWee’s TV show then and how it affects them now, when hysteria about sexuality (any) and gender (being the “wrong” one) is once again rampant.

Debuting as AIDS spread together with homophobia, Pee-Wee remained untrammeled, a spinning sparkler with retro talking furniture and appliances that heralded today’s smart house. His 1991 arrest in an adultporn theater, doing what adults do there; media’s ultimate spin into something it was not made headlines and stalled a career, incidentally highlighting bullies doing as they always do­— because they can. Continued sales today of broken, once-talking Pee-Wee dolls allow further explorations of the past to nudge the future as green shoots emerged on the slopes of Mount St. Helens.

“Until the End is Known: A Bisexual Odyssey”

While McCormack shares his bisexuality, alcohol addiction and search for a father lost too soon, a reader looking through a single lens would read the memoirs of a diligent young student who, after succeeding in his Navy career, held positions at Rockefeller Center and others, met famous people and traveled widely. Imagine cooking dinner for James Beard, to name just one incident. Through both eyes, clearly, the picture becomes the portrait of a child grieving his father’s early death, confused he’s physically drawn to men andwomen, that the “medicinal” alcohol he applies has taken control.

AA and a spiritual path led to a life of executive recruiting, helping fit promising LGBTQ+ individuals into community-based organizations and mentoring promising students. A powerful and sensitive read.

“On Call: A Doctor’s Journey in Public Service”

Like his persona, Fauci’s writing is direct and sometimes mundane, chronicling a long and distinctive career, including director of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), until his retirement in 2022 as director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID). During the 1980s, he tirelessly sought some cure or remission for HIV/AIDS, writing now, “I was trained for many years to be a healer, and during this period I was healing no one.” He relates his childhood and extensive medical training and gives generous praise and credit to co-workers. Fauci assessed and changed as needed; at first denying AIDS sufferers’ input, he realized what was needed, causing ACT UP cofounder Larry Kramer to change his mind from “incompetent idiot” to trusted friend and ally.

“The Lost House”

Responding to crime podcaster Nora Carver’s invitation, Agnes Glin leaves California for Bifröst, Iceland, where her grandfather Einar was accused of murdering his wife and infant decades ago. Agnes, who adored her grandfather, travels against her father’s wishes. Larsen’s pace seems leisurely, but is, rather, inexorable. Agnes is recovering from a major injury and is far too dependent on her bottles of pain meds. But another young woman has just disappeared. Agnes meets the boy, now man, who found the bodies, and other townsfolk who all believe Einar to be the killer. The weather, the mood and Agnes’s struggle with pain deepen. Larsen tightens by inches until we’re caught in the suspense. Not even a local love interest lightens — and where is Ása, now nine days missing? 

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OUR HOMES | OUR RIDES

BY RANDY STERN

Just Call It An Outback We love Subarus. LGBTQ+ customers have helped the growth of this brand by embracing its charms, as they embrace us. It is a mutual “love promise.”

Whenever I talk to our Subaru owners, there seems to be a shared appreciation for its three volumesellers in the lineup — the Forester, the Crosstrek and the Outback. In 2024, all three models have led Subaru’s sales success, accounting for 78% of all Subaru sales in the U.S. In addition, customer loyalty is strong — especially amongst our community.

This is a story that is worth repeating. It is rooted in that combination of all-wheel drive, nimble sizing, interior space and utilization and the horizontally opposed BOXER engine that still does the job for us.

At its essence, it used to be that Subaru was different enough for us to embrace its charms. Nowadays, it seems that everyone else has caught up to us. Or, that more people are discovering how versatile a Subaru can be.

If there is one vehicle in the Subaru lineup that has defined the trajectory of this brand — it would be the Outback.

Since 1994, the Outback has become an invitation to adventure lovers of all kinds to find what’s out there beyond the highway. It began as a version of the Legacy station wagon. From there, it became its own mix of wagon design, overall practicality and SUV capability.

For 2025, the Outback continues to be one of the go-to models for those who would rather have something that is not an SUV but acts like one. While the popular Wilderness model fills that bill perfectly, not everyone wants the ruggedness of one. Sometimes, being refined while extolling its capabilities is just the right move.

Photos by Randy Stern

30 LAVENDER FEBRUARY 6-19, 2025

What I have here is the top-of-the-line Touring XT model. Certainly, it is a few cuts above your average Subaru Outback, but it still does the job, rather nicely.

It starts with a shape that is very familiar to us.

The current generation model was updated back in 2023 and continues to look the part. The large grille has an aggressive design that fits within the bolder front fascia, extending onward to the rest of the exterior. This profile is augmented by its

The driveline is complete with Subaru’s Lineartronic continuously variable transmission, along with its Symmetrical all-wheel drive system. In all, this is a wonderful combination. The power delivery was smooth, as was highway cruising. There was no hesitation when it came to lane changes and on-ramp climbs.

For fuel consumption, the Environmental Protection Agency rated the Outback with the turbocharged engine at 22 mpg in the city, 26 mpg on the highway.

There are plenty of expectations that were met when it came to the Outback’s driving experience. For starters, the ride quality was very smooth, helped by the 8.7-inch ground clearance. Handling is good and responsive, and cornering is very smooth. The brakes are solid with an equally solid pedal feel. The Outback stopped very well in normal and panic situations.

8.7-inch ground clearance. It is a tall vehicle that is not as tall as, say, a typical SUV. This is what attracts people to the Outback.

The 18-inch alloy wheels give the Outback Touring XT a perfect mix of an upgraded look with a purpose. Ages ago, it used to be that 60-series tires were considered “low profile.” On the Outback, there is more than enough sidewall to protect it from curbs while giving more flexibility when it heads onto a rough trail.

Stepping inside, you are greeted with touches of luxury. Nappa leather upholstery is wrapped across two rows. The front seats have solid bolstering and provide overall comfort up front. The rear seat room is also quite good.

The driver has a clear and informative digital information screen set in between two large analog dials. Everything else is what you expect in a Subaru with plenty of tactile controls on the steering wheel and throughout the cabin.

That includes the “short throw” automatic transmission shifter. Materials are of good quality throughout the cabin.

In the middle of the dashboard is the 11.6-inch STARLINK infotainment screen. This is the hub for many functions, including smartphone integration, navigation and so forth. The screen is responsive and quick. A 12-speaker Harmon Kardon premium audio system keeps the sound flowing throughout the cabin.

Before you fold down the rear seats, you still have 35.7 cubic feet of cargo space as soon as you open the liftgate. Fold down those rear seatbacks, and you have up to 75.6 cubic feet of cargo space.

If there is one thing that makes this Outback very enjoyable to drive, it is what’s underneath this tester’s hood. That would be the 260-horsepower turbocharged 2.4-liter horizontally opposed BOXER four-cylinder engine. If you think that’s a mouthful, get it and take it for a drive. You’ll love the extra power this turbocharged engine gives the Outback — in particular, its 277 pound-feet of torque.

The steering system starts with a thick-rimmed wheel for the driver to work with. The turning radius is very good, although it tends to feel light on-center. There is a button on the steering wheel that helps hold the wheel within the lane when the Adaptive Cruise Control is on. In regard to safety, the EyeSight Driver Assistance Technology and the DriverFocus Distraction Mitigation system do a very good protecting you from harm.

You are certainly pipped for choice when it comes to trim levels available for the 2025 Subaru Outback. There are ten trim levels to choose from, with four of them powered by the turbocharged engine. Pricing for this model starts at $29,010. Our Touring XT tester came with a sticker price of $44,358.

The Outback is one of the most important models in the Subaru lineup. It continues to be one of our favorite vehicles. Although you have choices, pick the right Subaru — rather, the right Outback — and you’ll win the hearts of everyone year-round. 

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COMMUNITY CONNECTION Community Connection brings visibility to local LGBTQ-friendly non-profit organizations.

To reserve your listing in Community Connection, email advertising@lavendermagazine. com.

1919 University Ave. W., Ste. 400

ANIMAL RESCUE

(651) 645-2948

Second Chance Animal Rescue

Dedicated to rescuing, fostering, caring for, and adopting out dogs and cats into forever homes.

P.O. Box 10533 White Bear Lake, MN 55110 (651) 771-5662 www.secondchancerescue.org

BUSINESS ASSOCIATIONS

Quorum

NAMI Minnesota

Guthrie Theater

Plymouth Congregational Church

(National Alliance on Mental Illness)

Open to the public year-round,

Many Hearts, One Song; Many Hands, One

Providing free classes and peer support

the Guthrie produces classic and

Church. Find us on Facebook and Twitter.

groups for people affected by mental

contemporary plays on three stages.

1900 Nicollet Ave.

illnesses.

St. Paul, MN 55104 www.namimn.org

Red Door Clinic HIV and STI screening, treatment, education, and referrals. Doxy PEP, nPEP, PrEP, and Reproductive Health.

525 Portland Ave., 4th Fl. Minneapolis, MN 55415 (612) 543-5555 reddoor@hennepin.us www.reddoorclinic.org

Minnesota's LGBTQ+ and Allied Chamber of Commerce working to build, connect, and strengthen for a diverse business community.

2446 University Ave. W., Ste 112 St. Paul, MN 55114 (612) 460-8153 www.twincitiesquorum.com

1220 E. Lake St.

ENVIRONMENT

(612) 729-2543

The Nature Conservancy

TNC is an environmental nonprofit working to create a world where people and nature thrive.

1101 W. River Pkwy., Ste. 200 Minneapolis, MN 55415-1291 (612) 331-0700 minnesota@tnc.org www.nature.org/minnesota

EVENT VENUES

Landmark Center

A classic venue, with a grand cortile and beautiful courtrooms, accommodates celebrations of all sizes.

75 W. 5th St. St. Paul, MN 55102 (651) 292-3228 www.landmarkcenter.org

LIBRARIES

Quatrefoil Library Your LGBTQ+ library and community center. Free membership, events, and e-books/audiobooks. Check us out!

Minneapolis, MN 55407

Family Tree Clinic We're a sliding fee sexual health clinic and education center, now in Minneapolis.

1919 Nicollet Ave. Minneapolis MN 55403 (612) 473-0800 www.familytreeclinic.org

32 LAVENDER FEBRUARY 6-19, 2025

synthesis of beauty; breathtaking music, stunning costumes & extraordinary sets.

Performances at the Ordway Music Theater - 345 Washington St. St. Paul, MN 55102 (612) 333-6669 www.mnopera.org

Minnesota Orchestra Led by Music Director Designate Thomas Søndergård, the Minnesota Orchestra, one of America’s leading symphony orchestras.

1111 Nicollet Mall Minneapolis, MN 55403 (612) 371-5656, (800) 292-4141

Ordway Center for the Performing Arts

Radio K is the award-winning student-

stages presenting Broadway musicals,

Leading performing arts center with two

run radio station of the University of

concerts & educational programs that

Minnesota.

enrich diverse audiences.

330 21st. Ave. S.

345 Washington St.

Minneapolis, MN 55455 (612) 625-3500 www.radiok.org

MUSEUM

Minnesota Historical Society Create your own adventure at MNHS historic sites and museums around Minnesota. www.mnhs.org

PFund is the LGBTQ+ community foundation that provides grants to students and grants to non-profits.

PO Box 3640 Minneapolis, MN 55403 (612) 870-1806 www.pfundfoundation.org

Community Center for individuals living with HIV/AIDS – on-site meals, food shelf, and supportive service.

3808 Nicollet Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN 55102 (612) 824-LIFE (5433) www.aliveness.org

Minnesota Opera World-class opera draws you into a

MEDIA & COMMUNICATIONS

Radio K

world & every period of human history.

Aliveness Project

www.guthrietheater.org

www.minnesotaorchestra.org

Minneapolis Institute of Art

HEALTH & WELLNESS

(612) 377-2224

www.qlibrary.org

GRANTMAKERS/FUNDERS PFund Foundation

818 S. 2nd St. Minneapolis, MN 55415

Enjoy masterpieces from all over the Free admission daily!

St. Paul, MN 55102 (651) 224-4222 info@ordway.org www.ordway.org

Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus An award-winning chorus building community through music and offers entertainment worth coming out for!

1430 W. 28th St., Ste. B Minneapolis, MN 55408 (612) 339-SONG (7664) chorus@tcgmc.org www.tcgmc.org

2400 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN 55404 (612) 870-3000 www.artsmia.org

PERFORMING ARTS

Chanhassen Dinner Theatres The nation's largest professional dinner theater and Minnesota's own entertainment destination.

RELIGIOUS & SPIRITUAL

All God’s Children Metropolitan Community Church A welcoming, inclusive, safe place to explore and discover God’s love for ALL God’s children.

3100 Park Ave. Minneapolis, MN 55407

501 W. 78th St.

(612) 824-2673

Chanhassen, MN 55317

www.agcmcc.org

(952) 934-1525 www.ChanhassenDT.com

Children’s Theatre Company

Children’s Theatre Company excites the imagination with world-class family-friendly theatre for kids, teens, and adults.

2400 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN 55404 (612) 874-0400 www.childrenstheatre.org

Hennepin Avenue United Methodist Church Everyone is welcome at Hennepin Church! Vibrant Worship. Authentic Community. Bold Outreach.

511 Groveland Ave. Minneapolis, MN 55403 (612) 871-5303 www.hennepinchurch.org

Minneapolis, MN 55403 (612) 871-7400 www.plymouth.org

St. Philip's Lutheran Church

We invite and welcome those of every spiritual background, ethnicity, gender orientation, or economic situation.

6180 Hwy 65 Fridley, MN 55432 (763) 571-1500 www.splcmn.org

University Baptist Church

Creating safe and inclusive spaces for 175 years, UBC stands proudly with our LGBTQ+ family.

1219 University Ave. SE Minneapolis, MN 55414 (612) 331-1768 www.ubcmn.org

Westminster Presbyterian Church

An open and affirming congregation, welcoming persons of all sexual orientations, gender expressions and identities.

1200 Marquette Ave. Minneapolis, MN 55403 (612) 332-3421 www.westminstermpls.org

SENIOR LIVING

Lyngblomsten Community Services

Empowering older adults to live well at home through caregiver support, memory-loss enrichment, & wellness education.

1415 Almond Ave. St. Paul, MN 55108 (651) 632-5330 www.Lyngblomsten.org/CServices

Senior Community Services

Providing non-medical services that meet the changing needs of older adults & support their caregivers.

10201 Wayzata Blvd., Ste. 335 Minnetonka, MN 55305 (952) 541-1019 www.seniorcommunity.org/lav

SOCIAL SERVICES Friends & Co

Fostering meaningful connections for older adults for 50+ years. Offering quick drop-in chat line, phone & visiting companionship services.

2550 University Ave. W., Ste. 260-S St. Paul, MN 55114 (612) 721-1400 www.friendsco.org

Lutheran Social Service of Minnesota

Serving all Minnesotans with personcentered services that promote full and abundant lives. lssmn.org | (651) 642-5990 | (800) 582-5260 Employment Opportunities | lssmn.org/careers PICS (Partners in Community Supports) | picsmn.org Pooled Trust | (888) 806-6844 Supported Decision-Making | (888) 806-6844

TRAVEL DESTINATIONS Westopolis

Minnesota’s Sweet Spot! St. Louis Park & Golden Valley offer exceptional dining, attractions, shopping, hotels and event space.

1660 Hwy 100 S., Ste. 501 St. Louis Park, MN 55416 (952) 426-4047 www.westopolis.org

THE NETWORK Locally Owned & Operated Since 1950

Estimates 7am-4:30pm

B I L L ’ S GUN SHOP & RANGE

More Guns - More Lanes MORE FUN

BILLSGS.COM

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33

OUR VOICES | BAD GAY

BY LAKEY BRIDGE

Episode 13 I didn’t think much about marriage when I was a kid — it was just a fact of life. Almost all the parents I knew then were married. Only two of my friends had divorced parents. Their moms were always going on dates, which I found wildly exotic but the married moms regarded with pity. I’d overhear them clucking about it as they guzzled wine spritzers and needle-pointed.

These were the same women who spent considerable energy launching a daily fusillade of insults at their husbands and seemed mildly depressed. It was the 1970s, when none of the moms worked or had much else to do but ruminate on why their husbands had all the fun.

My childhood played out like a Cheever novel — all perfect, posh suburban comfort scented with freshly mowed lawns, chlorine and gin. The dads disappeared in the mornings and left us with our authoritarian mothers, who ruled through forced naps and threats to reduce TV time.

As a kid, it seemed like my parents had things under control. But they did fight. A lot. When I was an adult, I asked my mom if she remembered what they fought about. “Easy,” my mom said, “kids and money.”

They were worthy adversaries, and their fights could be terrifying. Equally terrifying was the fear that the fury would end their marriage, my mom would have to start dating and everyone would feel sorry for her. But that didn’t happen. They stayed married for 50 years and their marriage improved considerably once their kids were out of the house.

Photo courtesy of BigStock/E-Furor Production

34 LAVENDER FEBRUARY 6-19, 2025

At the time, I thought my parents were the only married couple who fought. But then, when I was a teen in the early 1980s, the divorces started. It was like a marital version of the Berlin Wall — a heavily guarded fortress that kept people prisoner for decades until, suddenly, the oppressed stormed it en masse and tore it down.

The moms — most of whom had degrees from fancy colleges and no work experience — took jobs in florist shops or became interior decorators. The dads continued working at their mysterious jobs and picked up their kids every other weekend. Many of them married again within a year, which made no sense to me. If marriage was so hellish, why would you choose to march back into it?

Like many women of my generation, I blindly assumed I’d get married one day. Your choices were well-defined: get married and have kids or live a sad, lonely life. My mother used to use my dad’s best friend George as a cautionary tale of what life would become if we didn’t get married.

“Do you want to end up like George?” she’d say. “Lead a completely selfish, unfulfilling life?” It wasn’t a compelling argument because George’s life seemed a lot of fun.

George was a handsome scamp. He was forever bringing women who looked like showgirls to our house for dinner. He had loads of disposable income and a bachelor pad in a luxury highrise overlooking the lake. And, sure, he was obsessed with ridiculous things, but it was because he had no one else to consider in his life. But even his obsessions were fun — cars, gambling, women.

Still, I never considered not marrying until I realized I was gay in the 1990s. Back then, the thought that gay marriage would ever be sanctified was laughable. Suddenly, not being married was the only option. And it came as a surprise that it was such a relief. I was off the hook! I could live like George! I could date showgirls! It was society’s choice that I live a “selfish” (read: fun) life, not mine.

But then, surprise! Gay marriage became legal in 2015, and everyone started marrying, including me. I still didn’t understand what marriage was, but I knew I was in love. And, according to all the movies and musicals I’d seen, that seemed to be enough.

Ten years later, I’m still in love and still married. But we fight. A lot. Mainly about kids and money. Some days I’d like to trade it all in for a couple of showgirls. But most days I’m content to bicker over what to have for dinner and cluck over the sad, lonely (read: fun) lives of our single friends. 

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your full potential, to realize your goals and

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dreams, to reach your summit——no matter what

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that summit may be. It is this understanding that drives us to provide the highest standard of excellence through every injury or aching joint and muscle that may stand in your way.