CALLUM SKEFFINGTON

I’M NOT YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND!

EVERY STRAIGHT GIRL

WANTS A gay best friend, right? Us gays are considered to be sassy shopaholics, style gurus and insightful advisers to help our straight sisters overcome their man-troubles. On the surface maybe I’m a stereotypical gay; I like drag, I’m sassy and, not to suck my own dick, but I think I am quite stylish. But no offence love, if the only way that you are going to class me as your friend is to categorise me by my sexuality, you’re no friend of mine.

Over the years I have heard many girls referring to their friend, who just so happens to be gay, as their ‘gay best friend’. Back in my first year of university, at a pre-drinks party in the students halls, a girl I barely knew walked in with her friend, loudly and abruptly announcing him as her ‘gay best friend’. I sat there wondering why she needed to alert us to his sexuality the moment he walked through the door, before he even had a chance to open his mouth, or his bottle of vodka. This was before I had even come out myself, and even then the phrase made my blood boil. What is the obsession with straight girls wanting a ‘gay best friend’? This obsession seems to stem from the media, where, in the past, the LGBT+ community are usually only represented on screen as side characters to the overall plot. TV shows like ‘Sex and the City’ or ‘Will and Grace’ may have given us a place in the public eye, but were quick to stereotype us in the role of gay best friend to the lead female, categorising us all as simply bitchy bystanders to the straight girl and all her love life drama. It’s bad enough that the movie industry gave us this role, without y’all making it our reality. Nowadays the LGBT+ community has gained a surplus of representation in larger roles on screen, with movies like Love, Simon and Call Me By Your Name paving the way for gay men to be at the centre of the storyline. Tv shows like Orange is the New Black, Sex Education and Euphoria have portrayed many sexualities and gender identities to the general public. Yet still, oftentimes it is straight actors cast in these roles. This year, James Corden has been nominated for an Oscar for his performance as an overused stereotype in The Prom. Am I mad that he played a camp gay guy in a highschool musical? No. It was fitting for the movie genre. Am I annoyed that a straight man played the role. Yes. Although he good in the role he had, there are many great gay actors who could have been equally as good if not better. Was her performance Oscar worthy? Hell no! But I guess this just shows how stuck for nominations the Academy was after the movie-less year of 2020.

Anyway, why do people need a ‘gay best friend? Some say “gays are the best in terms of giving advice.” Are we? I mean maybe I’m a little biased, but I do think that I am pretty good when it comes to advice. In saying that we gay people, like everyone else and myself included, are known to be somewhat melodramatic at times, so aren’t we just as likely to hype you up to clap back at your boyfriend rather than help you understand his point of view. Yes, we can be very straight-to-the-point, so we may not beat about the bush when telling you that your outfit isn’t flattering in a way that lacks the delicate nature you would expect from your other gal pals; maybe ask them next time if all you’re after is my fashion advice.

By no means am I reluctant to provide my advice to any of my friends, but then again none of my friends would categorise me as their ‘gay best friend’. Partially because they know how much I dislike this term, mostly because there is literally no need for it; I am their friend, regardless of my sexuality. They don’t have to alert others to the fact that they have a gay best friend to show off how diverse their friend group is, and they put me in higher regard than to use such a patronising and degrading phrase that portrays me as nothing more than an accessory, like a handbag or a scarf. Clearly the entirety of the gay male population is not rightfully represented, never mind the rest of LGBT+ community. What about the fashionbackward gays, the dishonest, disloyal queer men, the ones that have no sense of humour whatsoever? Gay men, like every other human being, have a diverse array of personality traits that can’t be neatly summed up in one “type.” The real thing to think about here is: would you introduce you friend of a different race in the same way as you are introducing your ‘gay best friend’. Absolutely not! Why? Simply put, because it would be racist, so by that logic this is homophobic, right? I’m not saying that I believe these girls’ intentions to be a form of homophobia, but still, just stop! And if you are one of these people who is being referred to as someones ‘gay best friend,’ tell them to stop. Setting your boundaries counts for the big things, and the small, and personally I don’t like to think of any gay person being an accessory to the straight female lead. Or male lead, but straight white cis-men are a topic for another day.

Most of us are proud of who we are and make no attempts to hide it, so people are more than likely going to work it out for themselves without your help, and some may not be as loud and proud, and definitely wouldn’t appreciate you outing them to strangers.

If you are a gay person who doesn’t see a problem with this, fair enough. You’re entitled to your opinion just as much as I am, but I hate this phrase almost, but not quite, as much as I hate the F word. It’s a losey label, and an unnecessary one at that. It sends out the wrong message about the quality of our friendship, and in a time when equality is at the forefront of a lot of our minds, this dated and reductive stereotype ultimately does more harm than good; how about you replace the phrase “Gay Best Friend” with a more accurate term: friend.

Follow me online: Instagram: @catchingupwithcallum

This is an opinion piece from the columnist/contributor and not the opinion of GNI MAG / Romeo & Julian Publications Ltd.